F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 155 - Drake is a Garbage Human

Episode Date: September 20, 2021

I'll say it here, so that there is both written and recorded evidence, but I would fight Drake in the ring for the honour of all of Toronto.  Topics include when you're not invited to your girlfriend's cool parties, missing the clues that you may not be dating anymore, accidentally calling your partner the wrong name in bed, informing your date about unusual physical features, why Drake (and Kanye) are the biggest douchebags, choosing between safety and morality and the most important dating question of our time thanks to a Hinge profile.

I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and when I'm trusting, I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spine. God damn. And we're your fuck buddies.

Man, let me tell you, I forgot that you did that when I was editing last week's episode. And if you don't know what we're talking about, that's your own damn fault. You should go listen to last week's episode. And it really did break me. It was a long weekend. And when I finished it late Sunday night before uploading it for Monday, I had a good old laugh. And I think it was what I needed. I wish I could say it was on purpose.

Yeah, see, I wasn't sure if it was or not until I asked you and you continued to die. Yeah, just the fact it immediately killed me. Because I was just like, well, I'm an idiot. Hi, guys. Hello. We're a dating and sex advice podcast Where we take your sticky sexy situations Turn them into sexy sticky situations Simply put we're a sex dating advice podcast

That answers questions either found online Or sent in from our wonderful listeners That might be the smoothest one of those I've done Yeah it's not bad We're getting good at something we should have been doing From day one on our show Before we get into it We just want to thank everyone who's been joining our Patreon

If you would like to support the show Or if you'd like to get a question on our show. Before we get into it, we just want to thank everyone who's been joining our Patreon. If you would like to support the show, or if you'd like to get a question on the show, you can head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com, or we haven't mentioned in a while, plentyofbeef.ca, and you can either click on the Patreon link, and that'll bring you over to the Patreon page in which you can sign up, or you can hit the contact form and send us a question. You get to choose your own agent name. We keep completely anonymous and we will answer your question as soon as possible. Or you could do both. I think that's the best option, really. Well, you know what?

For the price of a beer, you get a brand new episode every month. And on top of that, you get to support your two lovely boys. So if we've ever made you giggle on a Monday morning, or if we've ever helped you with your sex and dating advice quandaries, then, maybe give it a little consideration if you've ever received oral sex thanks to our advice oh then you have to that's actually in the contract i think you legally have to support the show all right you ready yeah uh i have like legitimately 25 tabs open so i think maybe i'll just do you want to just pick numbers and i'll fucking read that question and we'll have a note? It's always seven.

Okay. Did she try to lie? Oh, sorry. Damn it. That was a bad start. This is by Jeff Greens. Did she lie to try and save our relationship? In brackets, girlfriend kissed another guy. Hey guys, just broke up with my first girlfriend.

This girl had a great body, goes to school for nursing, kind, and cared for people. Well, one day, while we were already in a committed relationship, she decided to throw a party without me. She didn't want me to come. Apparently, she invited another guy that clearly tries to hit on her, and another couple. I've told her I'm not comfortable with her hanging out with that one guy, but yet, she still decided to invite him. Anyway, long story short, after asking what happened at the party, she said she never did anything with the guy she invited. I agreed,

as her friends also told me she didn't do anything at this party. Felt like they were covering for her though, since they were friends, but I agreed and moved on. Three weeks later, the couple had an argument with my girlfriend and wanted to get back at her. So the couple told me the girl made out, kissed, with the guy during the party. I've seen other signs showing she's interested in the other guy, staring at him, hanging out without me being there, bringing him iced coffee once or twice. Her explanation was she didn't do anything, and the couple lied. She said she didn't do anything, and now I'm confused. I spoke with the couple, and they said they're 100% not lying about what happened that night. Was she just lying because

she doesn't want to lose me? She wants to talk to me in person and text me to meet up so she can talk about it, but I've already broken up with her. I feel like she's going to try and convince me she didn't do anything. But I have evidence that she did. Did I get played? Need help, sad face. I will say that this is a tricky situation

because if you do notice that like your girlfriend is flirty with another guy and then all of a sudden, you know, if there's something rumbling in your stomach of being like, don't really trust this whole situation. other guy and then all of a sudden you know if there's something rumbling in your stomach of being like don't don't really trust this whole situation and then you know someone is like oh they did in fact make out with them but like to know that also these people are just trying to get back at your girlfriend or your ex now i suppose because they're mad at her also adds

another layer of like you know obfuscation is that the word i'm looking for yeah a little a little fog you know a little mystery murky yeah um but here's here's where i'm gonna stand on the situation if i if if let's say i was out of town and amanda threw a party at our place and there was a guy there that i was like not sure about this fella and i was like i got home and i was like hey babe how was your party she's like i didn't do anything that was my favorite part of the whole question if that's the answer i would be i think all of a sudden slightly more suspicious well let's let's jump even further back imagine if she was throwing a party she was like hey don't come i mean yes this is also in my scenario there's a reason why i'm not there i'm out of town in this situation she's

specifically barred you from attending a party that she's throwing this is the person you're in a committed relationship with and she said uh hey uh mark no no no thanks not tonight yeah not you other people but you know we've we've had a great time we we i love date night date night's great but this is not this is a mark free party sorry there's a sign that says no marks allowed now what i would love is that like is this the poster being a little dramatic like was it like hey we're doing like a nurse's night out you know or like was it a work party or was it like there was there some reason why he wasn't invited because if so we need to know that mark and if not this this is a big red flag already at the end of the day it doesn't

sound like you're going to be trusting her moving forward you know what i mean like there's always going to be that suspicion about this guy so unless you can absolutely 100 clear that from your conscience then like yeah unfortunately this relationship is doomed because there will always be that nagging voice at the back of your head being like did she make out with this guy at the party and is she going to pursue something else with him in even sneakier fashions yeah and you know what dan makes a great point it's like even if nothing happened if you're not able to get past it then this is a dead relationship anyway because you need to be able to trust each other we've said that a million times and it's still

true today as it was two weeks ago or whenever we last said it however actually no however i just i want to know what the argument is that turned this couple because like if it's something big they have more reason to lie but if it's something small maybe they were just like you know what we're done covering with your shit here yeah there's a lot of like pieces like we have i would say we've got like the corners of the puzzle we spent the time getting you know the corners and the borders of the puzzle but the middle of the puzzle is still a jumbled mess and i feel like personally that there are some pieces that are put together incorrectly like you know what i mean it's like that's an eyeball and you've put this into what is clearly like a leaf you've so like you swap

the eyeballs and buttholes again god damn it mark you're so bad at puzzles so bad at puzzles and eyeball butthole recognition the shitty thing is that sometimes there is no way to get the truth like sometimes people don't own up to their shit and sometimes you're just kind of left and that's a very awful feeling to be and i think the only way to get past that is to realize that knowing the truth doesn't necessarily matter if you are not trusting her in this situation then that is the important thing you know if you don't trust her you can not trusting her in this situation, then that is the important thing. You know, if you don't trust her,

you can't date her. I will say bringing someone a nice coffee is not a crime, especially if you work with them. Yeah. So maybe like, maybe examine your jealousy and make sure that a lot of this isn't coming from you, but you know what? You've already done and done and did it.

You did the breakup. And I think that's good. I like that you have your own self-respect when she crossed a line of yours and you broke up with her. And I think it's rarely a good idea to go back on breaking up with someone. So move forward,

keep on trucking and like, you know, in your next relationship, try to make sure you're not bringing any latent jealousy or distrust from this relationship into it. Also attend every party your partner throws.

If she's having a party, you're there, regardless of whether or not you're invited. Yeah, the next time you dress up as... You need to start cultivating an alter ego who's very friendly with your partners, and it just isn't you. But what happens if it breaks your psyche and all of a sudden you start getting jealous of your alter ego?

Yeah, you're cheating on you with you. Or with you, damn you damn with them i would say i also think there's no harm in meeting up with their your ex and just like hearing them out but again if like unless they completely you know have you know video proof that nothing happened or something that completely puts this to bed for you i don't think there's also any harm in just being like hey look i you know i have to take care of myself and respect myself unfortunately i don't like there's always going to be some part of me that feels uncomfortable about this and unfortunately until i can get over that i can't be with you and you know what i mean and just let them know that

like it's not coming from a place of like i don't know just sort of like oh i was told that you're a bad person so i believe it's like no there's more to it it's like i know, just sort of like, oh, I was told that you're a bad person. So I believe it's like, no, there's more to it. It's like, I've always had sort of an icky feeling about this guy. And now this coming to light has now also sort of compounded that feeling. And now I just feel like I don't 100% trust everything that happened that night. And that makes it impossible for me to trust you. And therefore, I can't be in a relationship with you. I'm sorry. You know, best of luck to you but i have to move on also maybe just like i'm not down for this kind of like bullshit drama like you've got friends telling

me you've cheated you've got you know you're not inviting me to parties like i don't want to live in an episode of gossip girl unless i'm also going to be as wealthy as the people from Gossip Girl and I don't believe you've bought me an Upper East Side flat in Manhattan so I'm out I'm not going to eat yogurt on the steps of the Met anymore alright I haven't seen Gossip Girl but they do a lot? All the time

is it just regular yogurt or frozen yogurt? It's just regular yogurt my brother went to New York and he took a picture eating yogurt on the steps because me and him are very cool that's fucked up is that really a big part of gossip girls just not not a huge part just slamming down yogurt slamming down yogurt the mean girls have yogurt on the steps of what i believe is the map i could be wrong about that all right next question um i gotta keep the this vibe rolling this is from mr gossip girl vibe no god no this is from mr squid Squid King. No, God, no.

This is from Mr. Squid King 101. Is this suspicious or am I crazy? Long story short, my girlfriend just moved out of state for a new job and told me that she needs some space for me. But also at the same time, her ex just said that he's going to Exact City for a quote unquote job meeting. When I confronted her about about it her only response was well i hope i see him that's a power move right there that is now mr squid king are you sure this is still your girlfriend because someone who leaves the state

and then says i need space from you and then says something so inflammatory did you guys break up and you just don't know like did you just or you didn't realize because like to ask someone about this i get that response that also seems like a bitter like we're done fuck you kind of like oh i hope i see him yeah you know like that doesn't sound like something you'd say in a relationship no at least not a good one like the the two options here is you don't have a relationship like this this person has broken up with you and it has flown so above your head it's like you've missed it you just missed it alternatively the other option i think of is this person you shouldn't be in a relationship with them because they seem terrible.

I would love to know, like, how this person found out about the ex's job thing. And is it just because they were like, because if they're just independently scouring this ex's Facebook feed for any, like, suspicious activity and sees this and is like, you know, got the board on the wall that we used to have in your closet with all the string and the thumbtacks, then like you also might be the problem. Yeah. I mean like this whole situation, I think there's a, there's definitely, I think I can say, yes, it is suspicious, but I think also Mr. Squid King can also say you might be a little crazy yeah i think first off you should probably we've talked about this before but like when anyone talks about a break or space you should probably make sure you're on the same page with regards to like what that exclusivity right like you know because some people it's like cool we won't talk for five days and then we'll be good and for other people it's i can go fuck dean and accounting you you should be on the same page one

two you should probably make sure you're on the same page as per your relationship because i worry it has in fact ceased to exist yeah and that you are maybe stalking this lady now um i love the idea of like it seems like she's tried to make it very clear of being like hey i'm leaving the state and i would like some space from you she's gone he's like i just found out that your ex is gonna yeah i hope i see him i've invited him there like we're not seeing each other anymore and i mean feel like this is just him just not getting it. I don't know. It does wildly seem like that could be the case.

Are you picking up that thunder? Yeah, I heard it. Hell yeah. You get a spooky episode today, guys. Yeah. I mean, last time there was thunder, there was the Spite Witch appeared. So is his relationship dead or not um so my man i think you need to just straight up ask your your partner and be like are we still

together because it seems like what like where where do we stand on the us being a thing thing because i'm confused yeah i also feel like if you move away it's usually like the opposite it's like okay like well you know we'll make an effort if we're doing long distance we'll like really try and invest that time at the start right and you miss each other and it's hard when you're in a new place it's like that's when you kind of need the closest and that's like as they develop their own life and you know you have to learn to live without that's when like kind of the problems emerge so it's like to just have the like almost honeymoon period of the long distance relationship just be like yeah i need space it's weirding me out that's suspicious so 100 yeah it's like you would think that physical space in this situation would be enough

if you guys were still in a relationship you have left the state granted i don't know if you guys are like right on state line and it's you know a 20 minute drive from state to state who knows but like at the same time if someone has left your city and they're still requiring more space in the in the means of like they don't want to talk to you or engage with you at all it's like even if you guys haven't broken up you should be guess what's not space stalking someone's ex and then like accosting them saying that you don't trust them like that's not space dude and like honestly maybe there's stuff we're missing. And maybe you've been reduced to this, you know what I mean? Maybe, but none of this sounds good.

I feel very uncomfortable with the idea. And now that you've mentioned, I didn't really think about it. But like, yes, if I, you know, for whatever reason, had to go to town for something. And my partner was like, Hey, so like, I just noticed that your ex is going to the same city as you for a job like all of those things like one it means you're like maybe you're friends with my ex i don't know but like it means that you have sort of a direct line of contact to them you've paid enough attention to clock and you know why they're going like and also you don't trust me yeah so like none of these things are good because it's showing that you're jealous and weird you're ignoring my request for space and you don't trust me so i hate all of that yeah this needs to no wonder she needs space dude

yeah i i really think you just gotta cut the ties and be like well we had a maybe good run well we had a confusing run we did run how that went debatable now did she run and you chased her because it kind of sounds like that that's also a very possible situation either way mr squeaking uh this one's gotta go i think unwrap all eight of your arms from this lady, please. It just popped up on the bottom of my screen saying, Heavy T-Storms. Damn. Alright, you ready? Pick a number.

We'll go with three. Okay. This one's good. This is ThrowRA97her. My 19-year-old male girlfriend, 21-year-old female, said her ex's name while... We've been dating for four months. She's my first girlfriend and has taught me everything sexually. I was giving her head and

she said her ex's name, which doesn't sound like mine at all. Not our real names, just an example. Say my name's Nathan. She said Ron. So I immediately stopped and got up because I kind of felt gross. Was she thinking about him? They broke up a year ago. All she said was she's sorry. She doesn't know why his name came out. La la la la la. This happened two days ago. She's tried to initiate stuff since, but I just can't. I don't want this to be our downfall, but I can't get it out of my head.

What if she was thinking of him? This is something I live in constant mortal fear of forever. And there's no rational reason as to why. I don't think I would ever do this. But I'm worried. Like, it's on my mind a lot. And, like, I know that might sound strange. But, like, I think this would be one of the most mortifying experiences of my life if I were to say the wrong name during a sexual encounter.

Yeah, I hear that. Because, like, again, we've talked about it a million times. When you're having sex, you're very Yeah. I hear that. Because like. Again. We've talked about a million times. When you're having sex. You're very. Bare. You're vulnerable. And in. Physically.

Emotionally. In all sorts of ways. Right. And it's like. To get someone the wrong way. During that. It's always going to go worse. Right.

And like. Yeah. So I get it. And like. I've actually never been. Very concerned about it. I don't regularly. Say people's names. During sex anyway. But you know been very concerned about it. I don't regularly say people's names during sex anyway,

but you know, it's, it's a tough thing to say because like, it really does come down to how you can process it. I think if you trust your partner, I like, I, you know,

Freudian slips and, you know, accidental slips, like depending on how long this person was with them as well. Like if this was like a four year relationship, like you kind of fall into reflex during sex especially if you're comfortable you know what i mean so it's like i i know why you're upset and i know how much of a fucking knife in the heart it could feel like and i totally understand that but at the same time we make mistakes damn damn yeah there we go um mistakes that's so ominous what mistakes have you made the world's trying to tell me something yeah um you know we we all

make mistakes and i think if you talk to your partner and she seems genuinely sorry i think you can realize like i don't know i highly doubt that she was, you know, had her eyes closed and while you were going down on her, she was thinking about her boyfriend. Yeah. Especially if his name was Ron. Sorry to all Ron's listening. Yeah. Ron.

I mean, you can legally change your name and it's up and it's, Hey, it's your fault that you haven't. So, and you know what? This guy, he probably did Ron's out out there a favor if she's

still saying his name it's true um the one true ron no so look if she had said any other name you wouldn't have taken it seriously you know what i mean like if she called you mom you wouldn't be like whoa was she thinking she was fucking her mom i would be more concerned i think in that scenario so like i think you should get over it i think you should get the fuck over it this happens i also think like it's got to be completely mortifying from her perspective yeah that's like look if she was thinking about someone else that's not fucking illegal sure it sucks but i also doubt she was it's like dane said if you had sex for four years and every time you had sex, you said, Ron,

it might just fucking come out. You know what I mean? Especially if it's tied to a feeling, right? You know what I mean? If there is one specific thing that he would do that would make her moan that name and you happen to stumble upon that same sensation, it's like we resort to our base instincts

when we're having sex especially again when we're comfortable so yeah also it could be that she was so worried about saying it that she was thinking about it a bunch and then just fucking said it was like ah but the thing is right my girlfriend has called me her ex's name and has called me mom literally not during sex but both of those times were very funny and like i know they just came out of nowhere i very much don't think she thought i was her mother ever uh we're very not similar it's just get over it you know what i mean i know that's annoying but it's like it's probably worse for her right now it's one of those things that i understand where it comes from

but like i think collectively we need to get over it we've progressed far enough in society that we just need to get over it when this happens it's fine like get saved being upset and being insecure for other things that mean more there's you can also sit down with her and have the conversation of being like hey i kind of wigged out the other night when you did that and i like i believe she'll understand and and just kind of be like it made me really insecure and it made me feel like that maybe you were thinking of him and that really upset me you know i mean like this is an opportunity to be open and honest with your partner and be vulnerable and show them that you're willing to communicate your issues because you could very easily be like yeah no that's fine whatever and not talk about it and not resolve it whereas if you bring it to the table and put it

like lay it bare and kind of just be like here's where i'm at here's how i feel about the situation and let her sort of respond she can you know hopefully she'll take you know do her due diligence to kind of put those fears at bay and put them to rest and then you've now probably leveled up as a couple you guys have have dealt with a fairly stressful problem in a mature and healthy way and the thing is i very much think she's going to understand where you're coming from it would be it would be a great indicator if she was like you're you're being unreasonable you know what i mean if that's her answer to your situation then like probably not gonna be a great partner because that's the thing like we've seen this happen on tv shows and movies like no one is like this isn't a foreign idea it's like yeah we

get it this is one of those like hallmark things that just suck you know what i mean it's like this is in every fucking you know rom-com and every like romantic comedy show. And it's just, it's very common. We all understand the situation, especially from your perspective, but like, think of it from hers.

If she just fucking blurted this out by accident, she probably feels like absolute garbage, especially now that you're upset. And like, she's probably like, Oh, I fucking ruined everything. So like,

let her know your perspective, but think about it from hers too. You know what I mean? It's probably not malicious and if it is you'll probably have something later on to to give you an indication there's no harm in forgiving her for that right yeah so be the bigger person understand where she's coming from open up where you're coming from but get over it yeah 100 this comes from reddit user HelpPleaseMePlease. HelpPleaseMePlease. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Should I tell my date I have a lazy eye before meeting her? Okay, so I have a lazy eye. I've never gone on a date before with someone I've met online. And I don't know if I should tell her I have a lazy eye before we go out on our date or not. What should I do? Damn. I don't know.

I would say no i don't think it matters well yeah in my opinion unless it's like a wild wonky eye like if it's like a real severe case a heads up might be nice but i think that could be happen happen on the date because like letting people know i worked with in the kitchen uh with a guy who i he affectionately called himself one eye he had two eyes but his left eye was pretty much rolled back into his head like he you could see just a little bit of the eye like in the top left corner uh and everyone called him one eye and he was fine with it and like the second he met you firm handshake looked you're right in the eye and he said don't worry about my eye you can look at either one i don't care right and i was like cool

that removes so much of the social pressure of being like do i only look at one eye can i look at the other one you know what i mean like yeah you don't want to offend anyone you don't know what their insecurities are you don't know if it's from a trauma that happened that has caused this so you don't want to trigger anyone when it comes to this kind of stuff so i think on your date find a fun way to to joke about it or to bring it up and then don't worry about it yeah no 100 and the thing is it's like i feel like as danger said often the awkwardness or the whatever comes from you not really knowing what to do and being, like, way too, like, on the safe side, trying not to offend anybody. And then you're in your own head, you're not having a good time, etc. Whereas, like, if you just clear the fucking air immediately, it's like, one, it's sexy because you're confident.

You're owning it. You know what I mean? Like, that's kind of all you could ask for. And that's going to take away so much of it but two it's like it's the ice has been shattered presumably you've if you've said something like that they know they don't have to worry and and that's you know boom they can you know you can move on naturally that's like if they're gonna be weird they were always gonna be weird and fuck it but you've set yourself up for the best success that you can yeah i mean like especially if you

can open with a joke like if you can find a funny way like even if you're just something along the lines of like hey you know don't take it personally the left eye likes to wander but i promise you i am 100 100 committed to this conversation you know what i mean like even like just finding a fun way to bring it up and just being like don't worry about it you know what i mean like you can look at either one i can see you out of both it's not rude don't worry about it you know what i mean like like don't worry about it it's it's such a a powerful like you said it's confident and as everyone says and since the beginning of people giving dating advice confidence is sexy so if you can if you can own it and just sit in like the reality of it and just be like, yeah,

yeah, I have a lazy eye. Um, it doesn't bother me. It's cool. Because also, like you said, if you don't address it the whole time,

they're going to be thinking, don't look at the eye. Don't look at the eye. Don't look at the eye. And you're going to be thinking, have they noticed it? Are they looking at the eye? And like, so you guys have already put yourself at such a disadvantage for a first date because you're not listening to one another you're sitting in the back of your

heads trying to pretend like something that is so obviously apparent isn't there yeah 100 you gotta do it i also think on the flip side like bringing it up over messenger is like one a little unconfident like oh just warning you i have a lazy eye like that's not sexy and it also kind of like maybe like they don't know really what that means so they might be like oh like is it really bad is that what he's saying it it's a warning like should i not you know like maybe that gets in their head and they're weird about it or you just bring it up out of nowhere.

You know what I mean? It's like when you meet them, when it's staring them in the face or looking to the side of their face, it's apparent it's not coming out of nowhere. It's like you get, you get it. It's a proper time to be talking about it. You know what I mean?

I really don't think there's any harm in just waiting till the date and coming in strong clearing the air and being confident yeah i think if someone warned me about a physical feature prior to meeting i would assume it's much worse than it probably is 100 i would you know what i mean like i've had women message me and be like hey just so you know I, I am a little bit heavier, you know, I like, I'm not skinny.

And it's like, yeah, I saw your pictures. Like, unless you're, but like, that makes me wonder being like, okay,

are these pictures really old? And do you not look like your pictures anymore? And then I met up with them and they looked exactly like the pictures. And I'm like, don't do this. Don't say these things. You know what I mean? Like if someone has agreed to go on a date with you,

unless your pictures are inaccurate, then they know what they're getting into. And it just kind of reeks of insecurity. And it makes people second guess themselves when you mention something that someone is already aware of. So like anytime, if you have something that you're uncomfortable with, unless it's super important,

like unless for some reason, like, uh, you know, say you're in a wheelchair or have some sort of like mobility disability if that's not apparent in your profile it might be worth bringing up because what happens if they are taking you to a bar that has stairs you know what i mean like you need to kind of give people a heads up on that kind of stuff

um because nothing would be shittier than being like i know the best place it's a cocktail bar in the basement of this bookstore yeah and you show up with uh not being able to go downstairs it's like okay those are the kind of things you need to bring up prior to but things that that really have no impact on your uh you know your ability to move around or anything like that like just just own it especially when it's something as as weird as like height or weight or like that kind of stuff. As long as your pictures and your profile reflect, you know, accurately who you are,

then people should know. Yeah. Do it. Confidence is key. Alright, hit me. Pick a number. Yeah, I'm gonna go with 17. 17, okay. You know what? Fuck it. Pick from 21. This was just like a weird... You know what? I'm gonna read from 21. This was just like a weird... You know what? I'm going to read out the title.

Certified lover boy? Even high status men can make a high quality woman uncomfortable if they give too much praise and put them on a pedestal. Example from Drake's speech about Rihanna and her reaction. This is seduction. Yeah, no, fuck that. And it's basically just them being like, Drake is like the biggest, like he has status and he's a high value male. So like by our logic, every woman in the world is in love with him because he's the best artist. But like, well, he once praised Rihanna too much and then she wasn't into him anymore.

So like minds blown. Even then you can fuck things up by being too nice to women, which is just a great take. Really? then you can fuck things up by being too nice to women, which is just a great take, really. You know what? I'm glad I picked 17, because I actually wanted to talk about this at the beginning of the episode as a little bit of an intro. But I just want to say a big fuck you to Drake. I don't care that he's a Toronto boy.

He is a dirtbag, because he willingly and intentionally sam sampled an r kelly song and i believe he has an r kelly or r kelly is a writer's credit on the song that that he sampled on it which if you followed the good for you olivia rodriguez or rodriga i don't remember her name um hayley from paramore story like she's making so much like Hayley, uh, is from Paramore is now making a ton of money based on the writer's credit from the good for you song, because they sound exactly like misery business. So my point here is Drake has willingly put a ton of money in the pockets

of someone. Everyone has now acknowledged is a sexual predator, a pedophile and a rapist. Well, to be fair, Drake doesn't exactly have the best history, considering he hounds after underage women constantly. Yes, no, and this is kind of my thing. And it extends to Kanye West as well, who has now sort of become best friends with the baby and Marilyn Manson. Also Trump. become best friends with the baby and marilyn manson to like also trump yeah like people who like marilyn manson has you know there's been a lot uh recently especially with like evan rachel

woods and and people like that being like oh yeah no he groomed us to be sexual objects and sexually assaulted and abused us for years and the baby is a homophobic transphobic piece of shit um and i'm sure there's a laundry list of things on top of that but like the only reason i know who the baby is is because of his stupid homophobic rant at one of his concerts um so like these rappers specifically kanye and drake who have now like made a bed with people who are intentionally shitty it's so sort of like yeah like you literally can't make apologies for it. No,

I mean, like, I don't understand how anyone can now stand here and be like, Drake, you know, Drake's a Toronto icon. It's like, no,

Drake has literally like funded R Kelly's trial. You know what I mean? Like he's currently paying for R Kelly to get out of prison for sexually assaulting children. And like, he has no need to, he doesn't need to do it. He's Drake.

Like he can literally pay anybody or find any other song. Like he's so successful that anything he does is going to be successful. Anyway, it's not like he really needed this one fucking R Kelly song. Exactly. Like, I'm sorry. There's no excuse.

You have infinite amount of money to source a sample one. You could have hired like anyone, any musician ever to make a beat for you. Also, you have, you know, an infinite catalog of music in which you could have sampled, except for one artist.

I mean, there are other artists that would have been problematic, but in this case specifically, someone as reprehensible as R. Kelly. Yeah. Especially like, not only is he just so clearly reprehensible, it's like, very recently, like, you know, it's not like it was old news even. It's very much in the limelight recently.

And there's not even, like, a small amount. There's just an overwhelming amount of shit. So it's like, there's just no excuse in any sense. So this is just my brief aside of saying, hey, Drake, go fuck yourself. You've released the same album for years. They're all boring. It's true.

And you are shit, and I don't like you. And if you want to fight me, let's do it in the ring, baby. I'll fight Drake. That's fair. I don't think Drake would fight you, but... It just goes to show he's a certified bitch. But back to the topic, I will say that this whole seduction, high status man bullshit needs to die. Just because Drake is wealthy and fucking successful doesn't mean...

Like, yes, a lot of people are going to like him because that's how celebrity works. But like the fact that they're like, Oh no, Rihanna doesn't like him. It's because he, they complimented or she complimented her. No,

it's probably because she knows him and doesn't like him. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's not that he was like, said something nice about her. She's like, damn,

he ruined his high value status for me. No, like him complimenting someone doesn't mean he's less successful as an artist you crazy people you also like have removed rihanna's entire agency from the situation of the fact that like you know checking off a bunch of boxes of being like you know successful quote-unquote talented you know blah blah blah all these things that like might drake might fall under the category of it's like like you said rihanna could just be like she's also rihanna

yeah exactly she could she could walk into pretty much any room and just be like i'm rihanna who wants to go home with me and also she's got to be more successful than drake right uh i would imagine she's probably i mean i don't know. I don't know how it all works, but I feel like she's been around longer than Drake. Yeah. More respected. Yeah. I think she's definitely... In my opinion, she's probably got more clout than him. At least I hope so.

But the music industry is fucked, as we just described and discussed, so who knows? Fair enough. Do you want me to get you a real question? Yeah, hit me with a real question, because that was kind of a... Number between and 21 let's go with just 21 21 all right cap it out baby uh okay this is by intrepid tip 8339 uh i 28 year old male recently learned i've been sleeping with a married woman 36 year old female uh title pretty much gives the way i'll explain some more six months ago i met a woman jane her real name, at a business networking event.

We work in the same industry, but for different companies. I did not know she was married and she was not wearing a ring. We talked business for a while and exchanged numbers. For a month, we talked regularly in a professional way, but got flirty very quick. We met for a drink and slept together. It never occurred to me she might be married. We've been sleeping together for five months, the first half of which was purely physical, but I started developing feelings for her and it certainly seemed like she felt the same way.

We would meet after work for a drink or two and go to my place or sometimes a hotel. After a while, it seemed weird she never wanted to go back to her place, but she said she had a roommate and her place was more than an hour away. I offered to come over on a weekend, but she never wanted me to. I guess I got to the point where I wanted something more. She made it clear it was a physical thing when I told her I started dating someone else, and it was serious, she was very upset and jealous. I told Jane I was willing to end things

with the other woman I was seeing if she wanted to get more serious. Not too long after this, I got a friend's suggestion on Facebook and it was Jane, but with a different last name, her married name. She's married and has two kids, both under the age of 10.

Next time I saw her, I confronted her and I thought she was gonna have a heart attack. She begged me not to say anything to her husband, even tried to suggest she would accuse me of rape if I said something, but I reminded her of all the proof I had that was consensual, and that most of our meetings were initiated by her. It was a half-hearted threat. I'm not too worried about it. I would be.

That's a terrifying thing to suggest. That's fucked. But right back. Especially after I told her I'd been recording our conversation, I had the threat on tape. What should I do here? Should I contact her husband or walk away part of me wants to tell her husband but i'm worried about the aftermath and what i might be dragged into any thought and advice is helpful thanks i'm advanced i assume thanks in advance as much as i like a good comeuppance i think the fact the second anyone threatens to accuse you of rape, thankfully you recorded the conversation.

Bravo for that. I would walk so fast away from this situation. I would leave it behind. I would never look back. I would delete and block phone numbers and phone calls and I would, you know, wash my hands of this so fucking quickly. And I would also back

up everything you have about every moment of every text and I would also back up everything you have about every moment of every text. And I would put them in secure locations. I would. Yeah, I would definitely USB. I would put it up on a Google drive.

I would have copies and copies and copies. Give it to a trusted friend. Yeah. Maybe mail one to a, you know, a scrappy reporter at the local newspaper and say, if anything ever happens to me open this and you wouldn't tell the husband i know no no no i mean like i i morally would want to

but with someone who she's older than him right yeah yeah with with someone who's older than me who works in my same profession like things could go so sideways so fucking fast even if with all this proof to be accused of sexually assaulting her or raping her it you're fucked you know i mean like there's no coming back from that just the accusation regardless of what proof you have against it will probably cost you your job yeah and stick with you probably for the rest of your and yeah and we'll probably you know anytime you get fired or try to find a new job they're gonna look and be like oh why did you get fired you know what i mean like it's it's the the possibility of irreversibly fucking your life up just to sort

of let this dude know isn't worth it unfortunately and that's it's a hard call to make and i don't think it's the best call but i think think it's the only call you really have. I think your hands are tied. Yeah, you know what? I don't want to agree, but I do think you're right. If you weigh it up, it's like, yes, it would be good to tell this person. But at the same time, it's like you're opening up a giant fucking can of worms, and it's their relationship, not yours. I'm sure shit like this catches up up to people yeah it's very possible that

they will make their own bed anyway um i think it's best to just make sure you're safe block everything to do with this person keep evidence and you know yeah it's like i said i would walk i would run sprint as fast as i can away from this situation. There's no way I would, I wouldn't like ever talk to her again, like never even look at her direction. I would make sure that I filtered her on every social media platform. I was on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook,

like everything. I would make sure that she would never be able to contact me and I would never look back. And like I said, I, I strongly believe in a good comeuppance i think you know ruining this woman's life for being a terrible person and you know there's reasons to have affairs there's you know i mean like there there could be sob stories there could be you know i mean like any number of reasons why she might be pursuing other people outside of a marriage but to tip her hand of being

like i will accuse you of one of the most reprehensible crimes if you say anything means she's a terrible person regardless of the you know i mean like she could be in an abusive relationship with this man and she's doing this as a means to you know reclaim some sort of power and and like i would understand i would be empathetic and sympathetic about that case but to then turn around and be like also i'm a monster yeah that is pretty much one of the words like it's basically being like oh if you tell someone i will murder you yeah i mean it's not very far off in fact i would say it's worse when murder happens you're done yeah to to have a false like sexual assault or rape allegation against you is like that's not something you could ever escape now i wonder if it would be worth finding a lawyer

and you know getting ahead of this because hopefully nothing will happen but at the same time i i don't think it's there's any harm in seeking fucking legal advice no especially if you're like they work in the same industry but not the same company, right? Yeah. So you never know, right? I feel like covering your ass is the most important thing here. Definitely not a bad idea. Having all the

evidence is one thing, but like if you have already come forward to someone with the evidence before, you know what I mean? You're setting yourself up well, and I think there's no harm. Also, they might tell you to go to the cops right because if you have this evidence like and you have it recorded maybe that's the way to do it right i don't know either way i say seek legal counsel um and this person sucks so stay away from them sucks so hard every single comment says to tell the husband.

And I understand where that's coming from. But, you know, it's like if this were a woman being threatened by with violence from a man or any number of black male, we would, I think, advocate for their safety. First and foremost. One hundred percent. You know what I mean? And I don't think this is any different, you know? Yeah. Like if this was reversed, like you said, like if the threat was, if you tell my wife, I will kill you. Yeah. Would people be like, you got to tell the wife.

It's the right thing to... No. No, you wouldn't. It's crazy. Yeah. And like a threat is a threat is a threat. And we can argue the varying degrees of how dangerous it could be or how harmful they could be to your life and safety. It's not worth it.

It's just not worth it. Also, like, I love how blasé he is about this. It's like, I don't think she really meant it. It's like, what the fuck? Like, it's not a thing you just casually say. No, no, no, no, no. Absolutely not. Also, like, even before that the

red flags this person sucks she's like hey i won't like do anything more serious you can't even come over to mine but then i'm also gonna get upset if you date somebody else like come on you suck yeah i mean that's that's the thing it's like everything about this you gotta get away cut every tie and never look back yeah look after your personal safety first and foremost. You know, seek legal counsel. Make sure you're good, but cut contact. Don't give them anything. And if they call you, I would say don't answer.

I say, again, 100% cut contact. But if they call you, message you anything. Don't send anything that could be misconstrued. And always take a record of everything that they do because this person is bad news. Now, speaking of red flags, at the end of our episode, misconstrued and always take a record of everything that they do because this person is bad news. Now, speaking of red flags, at the end of our episode, we like to peruse online dating platforms such as Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and find profiles that either shine or fall flat. And we help to analyze it in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. I like that.

It was a good intro. Thanks. You ready? Yeah. This is Elena, and it's a Bumble snippet. I'll know I found the one when I take my final breath. This is some Romeo and Juliet shit. I don't even know.

It's like, I know I found the one when is like the prompt. And that's just, I take my final breath. Now, here's the thing. Maybe she's talking about in the grand scheme of things. Maybe there isn't the one. Maybe there's only the one at the end of your life. You can be like, yeah, Stephen, he was the one. Out of all of the ones, he was the one. And you only know that when you're dead.

Because while you still have life to live, there could always be a new introduction of the one. And while I do agree with that, that's kind of a weird thing to be like, oh, hey, I'm telling you now, you're gonna be gray area till I'm dying. Oh, hey, no.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this is good. No, you heard it here, guys. Dane said 10 out of 10. Conceptually, this could be what she's saying. I think it's a terrible thing to fucking put on your goddamn dating profile. Now, what if she worships The One? Oh. Right? Like, there's an eldritch being, and when she dies, he claims her.

I thought you meant Jet Li from The One. Hey, maybe that too. Just the DVD copy of The One starring Jet Li. Yeah, maybe she really, really likes the movie and misplaced it somewhere, but also spilled some anthrax into the DVD case right before she did it, so she knows if she finds The One, she will be taking her final breath because of all the anthrax. Yeah.

Like, I'll know I found my DVD when I get anthrax to death when i die um this i'm gonna give it a two i want to i want to save a little bit of room at the bottom but this is not something you say on a dating profile yeah i would say unless it's a joke discussing death is not okay okay um this is livia i'm from brazil in look for exchange language this is my first focus dating is second plan hey i love it she's being very open she just wants to exchange language if that doesn't work damn she's got a date. I guess I'll date you. Fuck. You're not going to teach me shit, but all right. Plan B, we will date. I love it. It's a 10 for me.

For energy, I'm going to give it a 10 as well. For actual functional dating profile, probably a 2. There's nothing stronger than being reluctant on a dating profile. Hey, I came here for recipes, but, like, fuck, if I don't find anything good to cook, I guess I'll date you. That should be my profile. Yeah. You ready? Yep.

This is Nameless. Their name is Bumble. The quickest way to my heart is if you make me laugh and horny simultaneously. Hell yeah, that's a 10, baby. That's me. I like it. And they also have a dog with like what looks like a goatee and it's perfect. Yeah. I'm, I'm all about this. What's your rating? Yeah. 10 is up. Perfect. Um, this is, I didn't get their name unfortunately. Oh, it just says

G at the top. Maybe their name is G. Dating me is like your house is on fire, but it's so beautiful. You let it burn all the passion all the pleasure all the pain always worth it i don't think your house being burned down is ever worth it especially not if it's just looks cool like oh no my life all my money the place i live my below it looks fucking cool though pretty cool though oh fuck that's that's some sick flames bro wait let me touch it. See if it... Oh, the pain. The pain was worth it.

But it feels so good. The pleasure. Also, I just hate when people... Like, if you know you're garbage, stop being garbage. Yeah, if you... If the best way to describe yourself is a house fire... Yeah, that's not... Like, I don't understand why people think that's sexy or attractive or like

acceptable even you know what i mean like it's not like quirky like oh dating me is difficult oh this sucks you know what i mean like you shouldn't be knowingly painful yeah you know what i mean like there is no worth it like you like you're aware that you are assumedly like abusive in some degree right like you're telling me in advance it's gonna suck quite a bit to to date you but there are good parts too like that's insane that's absolute insanity fix yourself then date don't like i hate that we're like people are allowed brush this off as like quirky or like oh it's the person like it's not a personality trait it's not a personality trait

it's not anything other than you being shit and it shouldn't be acceptable zero times 10 that's 10 zeros it's a lot of zeros and i agree i i it's probably my number one like red flag yeah and it's just i hate it so much i don't understand how anyone in the world ever was like, this is okay. All right, you got more for me? I got Christine for you. I'm so worked up. I can tell. Looking for a guy.

I shouldn't read it like that. I'm just angry. Hold on. Looking for a guy who can plan a date, knows his worth, is assertive, and not overly accommodating. I'm a romantic at heart. Courtship isn't dead.

Traditional values. Love should be one or love should be one of life's greatest adventures friends and family career aesthetics cars and motorsports fitness you know i don't i most of it okay kind of run in the mill kind of run like middle of the road whatever but the phrase shouldn't be that accommodating. Like you're specifically asking for someone to purposely make it difficult to date you. Yeah. That's the thing. Like everything else.

Sure. Great. Okay. Let's just say when people say traditional values and courtship isn't dead, I feel like they're giving you a hint that they're shit. Yeah, it's true. She's basically saying pay for everything like it's you're basically saying i'm okay with bullshit values that have like yeah very specific gender roles and that kind of stuff the kind of shit that causes so much problems

in the world you know that this podcast is trying to actively avoid you know toxic masculinity all the bullshit that women have to deal with you're saying i like it though yeah this is a core value of mine yeah that's fair i'm gonna give it a two also what does aesthetics mean just looking i guess like i like things that look good no shit we all do no one's like yeah i love things that look bad and guess what if they did that would be their aesthetic. It's true. So that doesn't mean anything. Hey, Nile, I'm going to calm you down with this, okay?

Nothing will calm me down. This is the sword bay. Sword bay? This is Lou. I'm less calm, but in a different way. Not sword bay. Sword bay. The palate cleanser. I'm cleansing your palate. I thought you said it was some kind of sword-wielding bay. No, no, no. I fucking wish.

I fucking wish. Now you've disappointed me, too. Hey, that's my M.O. This is Lou, and she says, this is from Hinge, and the prompt is, what if I told you that friendly? Hello? What if we just one day, and i sharing a drink maybe like let's let's flash back to in the canals of berlin we were sitting there drinking our weird children's beer

in a beautiful summer day watching older couple salsa dance boats going up and down the river and i just turned to you and i said friendly yeah it's beautiful honestly i can picture that exact moment very strongly which is great because that was just a really nice little sit down beer it was it literally is like probably something i'll remember like if i ever get dementia or something that's probably the the time i will revert to it's really weird because it was just such a random thing and like it was just such a random thing. And like, it was just such a great moment. We didn't do anything. We weren't doing anything. And we were drinking garbage beer meant for children.

Mine was pretty good. You got the garbage one. Well, yeah, that's beautiful. You calmed me down, mostly with the beautiful image of our wonderful trip. I'm giving it a, oh man, I want to vote high because it makes me laugh. But also, what is with people not understanding the prompts? I don't know, man. It's wild.

The things that people write on Hinge, it's, I don't know. Yeah, like, it's not hard. I'm giving it a zero because it's nothing. It doesn't make any sense. It's not even a complete thought or a sentence. Like, you're missing so many ideas in there that i couldn't even begin to guess what you're trying to say to me but that's the thing it's provocative like what if i told you no but it's not it's not provocative because i don't even want to engage in it if it was something

what if i told you nothing is friendly okay sure like i didn't get that would be worse for me because that's just weird yeah but at least it's a complete thought yeah but this is like trance it's like moved past thought is what i'm saying like they've evolved right i guess this is what this is fucking futurism at its best what if i told you friendly yeah what if man think about that do your own research i'm gonna give it both a zero and a ten oh man what if i told you i'm giving the blue oh i like that our first blue rating do you have more no that's it for me all right well i got i got a few more i'm gonna hit you with this is jay from tinder if you have a boat or on boats often don't talk to me can't believe i'm on here we'll probably delete my account in a couple days again you know what i love the energy and i love the boat hatred and i it's just it's a flat out zero

what the fuck i also love that it's like if you own a boat sure if you're on boats often and you know what i don't disagree because most people i know were on boats often they're not great yeah i like it checks out. Here's the thing. I would match with this person, or at least attempt to, just to be like, hey, what the fuck happened on boats? I'd probably match with them just to be like, I have a boat, motherfucker. And I'm going to park it near your house. I got a boat done for.

I'm going to put you on it. It's got to be like a one one because as a dating profile it is garbage but i do want to know the boat conundrum yeah same i'm gonna finish it off with katie i have a few more but i'll save them okay um katie's a special special something for me she says one time i wrestled a draft of the ground with my bare hands. Damn. Did she, though? I don't know. We'll never know. Unless she matches with me. Hey, you know what? It's a bold approach. 10 out of 10. Yeah. I'm giving it a 10.

It's one of those things where it's strange enough that it's not like, I'm so random. But it's also like, it's enough to be like, fuck yeah, okay. It is legitimately strange and funny, like in a way that it doesn't seem like they're trying you know they're not like look at my quirk i want to know

what the answer is like who knows maybe they literally worked on a fucking you know reserve one day and actually had to like restrain a giraffe that's or maybe they're just a big fucking weirdo and either way i'm here to hear about maybe they fucking hate giraffes yeah maybe that's it maybe there's just some kind of like you know giraffe vigilante you know how we're always like you know we shame those terrible white dudes who like go to the safari and like kill a lion and people are like you're cowards you're killing you know the most beautiful creatures in the, and you're using high-powered rifles? You're not tough. You're not... Maybe she was like, alright. Challenge accepted. I'll fuck this giraffe

off with my bare hands. Maybe she's just going to, like, you know, the savannah and fighting beautiful animals with her hands to prove us wrong. Us liberal snowflakes. I like it. That's gonna do us. That'll be our episode. We are done. We're finishing up. We're winding down

uh and it's been an honor and a pleb whoa whoa whoa what was that what happened there it sounded like a wasp flew into your mouth while you were doing that i was flew into my brain as i tried to say pleasure and privilege at the same time and it has been both a pleasure and a privilege yeah and we fucking love you guys if you have a question or you want to support the show on our patreon please head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com or plentybeef.ca and either click the patreon or the contact uh tab or both we would love if you did both uh and uh we would we would love to answer your questions as fast as humanly possible. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars.

Do you have some bad sex writing for me? I do. I really do. You ready? Yeah. When coming up your spine, you should know. This is actually a question posted in Ask Biology. Okay.

I'm not going to read out the person's name as much as I want to shame them. They ask, can you actually determine the blood of a virgin sorry if this question disturbs you a bit just an author not a murderer there are blood tests that can determine stds but can a blood test determine if one is a virgin or not since the hymen theory is unscientific and misogyny asking this question concerning all sexes of any species but a special emphasis on humans would be nice thank you okay damn i'm actually kind of curious now well first comment i don't think there can be a biological indicator of something that is a social construct to be honest hey got them pretty cool virginity doesn't exist guys it's not like oh you got fucked your blood changes instantly you don't know that i mean i guess yeah

you kind of do we do i do we do it is it is a thing yeah uh my name is d miller and i'm nile spain we've been your fuck buddies come i'm coming up my spine is that how we ended it i don't know it's ejaculate straight up your spine ejaculates straight up your spine. Ejaculates straight up your spine.