F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 156 - Lunchroom Romeo

Episode Date: September 27, 2021

Imagine the world we could live in if you used your statistics powers for good instead of evil.  Fearing we haven't been answering a whole lot of questions lately, we bring another rapid-fire session to clear Niall's question backlog.  Topics include a romance born in blackout, a hiking adventure with an ex, break-up responsibilities, crunching the cafeteria romance numbers, suspicious step-sister sports bra, an anti-vax ultimatum and, as usual, a new batch of Tinders.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Spang. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and we turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or have them sent in by our wonderful listeners on the topics of sex and dating, and we answer them. So, again, I apologize. Oliver's coming in with some loud power. Oh, Jesus. Okay. Beat that energy. That's, we got some powerful energy today. Oliver's purring very loudly, but you guys don't hear this a lot because I usually edit out of the podcast because he says it literally every week. But Niall says every week, I have so many questions. Oh, do you have so many questions. Oh, do you have so many questions? No. Today, we're doing only your questions, and we're going to try to clear out some of this backlog.

Also, we haven't done it in a while. We've done it once. Let's try to do a rapid fire session. Oh, you know what? I tried to not get that many questions up today. I only have 13. Well, perfect. Let's see if we can get through all 13.

Is this just an excuse for you not doing any work? Hey hey this is an excuse of me forgetting that we were recording a podcast because we've recorded like seven this week i was trying to save more for our next recording but okay you know what fuck it let's go uh picking over to 113 uh let's start with seven uh friend came over drunk and asked me to be his girlfriend But in the morning he had no memory of it This is by Desperate Metal 8008 So I, 24 year old female, have known him, 27 year old male For 6 years

We go to college together, we've been friends from the start From November 2020 we started hooking up In a friends with benefits deal And it's been awesome We don't go on dates, there's never been any space for romance Only last time we kind of had some deep talk about our love lives he asked me why we're single and said anyone would be lucky to have me as a partner so sunday night suddenly he messaged me saying he's coming over got here super drunk and just spilled it word vomit said he loved me and would forever and that he wanted to be my

boyfriend and take care of me he was super serious about it and i said yes with my heart racing and he blacked out on my couch next morning i could tell he wouldn't remember a thing he seemed confused as to why he was in my apartment he talked briefly over breakfast but i didn't know what to say so i didn't mention anything about the feelings he confessed so what do i do i said yes but that wasn't binding no legally it is binding unfortunately it is binding i'm scared that he'll regret what he said if he remembers it okay i think you have two options here one you carry on as if nothing happened i think this is a bad option two the guy was probably very nervous about confessing this to you he probably had every intention of doing it that night got a little too drunk and made a whoopsie oh wait he shit himself yep damn no wonder he's pretending he can't remember i don't think there's any harm in being like hey so the other night you came over

to my place and you spilled your guts and you asked me to be your girlfriend i just want to say that i said yes and i would like to do that and and then flip the tables and ask him out yeah well okay so you said there's two options and you were in fact wrong because the third option is you get blackout drunk go over to his place and ask him out yeah yes you could do that yeah 100 that's the way to do it ball his court they should meet you're introducing them because then you're just in the same situation where you're gonna black because then you're just in the same situation where you're gonna black out he wakes up or you wake up at his place and he's gonna be like oh no she came over and was super drunk and then what and then and then he messages us and he says hey

boys what do i do we say you have to get blackout drunk at her place and eventually the strain of this just alcoholic toll uh either they're gonna build up their tolerance so much that one of them will say it when they can remember, or they'll just get so sick of doing it that someone will bring it up. Yeah, this is true. Or on their deathbed from alcohol poisoning, they'll be like, man, I wish this wasn't happening right now because I really could have seen a future. And then we pop out of a cake and we say, you've both dated this whole time because it was legally binding the first time for a second there i thought you were calling them cuz cuz like i thought you were like you were dating them the whole time cuz that would have been a lot funnier actually and i was like okay this is a this is an interesting turn in your vernacular but okay it's part now you've just

slotted it into my vernacular cuz hell yeah cuz um i think yeah you know what you're like i'm worried that he won't whatever you know what fuck it bravery that's what we're gonna promote today i think i don't know if the rest of the questions promote that but be brave fucking come at him hard real hard run at him as fast as you can and you say you asked me out i said yes and then slam into him maybe a little bit you know not full i don't know maybe just knock him over sit on him don't let him up when he talks about it it would be different if you said no and you were worried that he would remember and didn't know you know what i mean like if you didn't want to date this man and was like oh no i don't know how to bring it up i don't you know what i mean that's a far

worse situation or if you had asked him well he was blackout and he said yes because then maybe you can address that yes but i feel like your deepest desires come out sometimes i feel like this isn't a casual thing you know what i mean mean? Like this, the thing he asked you, it came from a place, you know what I mean? It came from somewhere real. I imagine. Um, and I assume that,

you know, it's real. So fucking mention it to him, especially if you met the, yes, that's the thing. It's like you said, yes.

So you have feelings for this guy too. So then ask him out. Yeah. It doesn't have to be the guy asking you out. So ask out be like hey the other night when you came over we had a talk you said you wanted to be exclusive with me or whatever you guys want to consider boyfriend and girlfriend uh i would like that what do you think and there's also no harm in going slow just being like hey how about we give it a trial you know let's go on the date let's fucking like you don't have to jump straight into exclusivity because as you said there's never been any space for romance right so give yourself some space you don't have to dive in

yeah all right hit me with five right five i i fucked up i only had nine this is by night chris 12 i found out the guy i've been dating for three months went on a hiking trip with his ex over the weekend he's not aware that i that i even know about her i have to confront him about this but don't know how i met this guy online three months ago and we've been going on dates and getting to know each other since then we haven't met each other's friends or family but have been hanging out consistently having sex and getting to know each other about a month ago he began being busy every single weekend. He does have a busy job and family that lives far away, but it starts sounding like an excuse to me.

Out of curiosity, I looked him up on social media a few weeks ago. He doesn't seem to use it a lot, so I never really thought to add him on anything. Now, the profile of a woman with his dog also came up. I went down the rabbit hole of looking at her socials and saw they got their dog together a few years back and used to date. He never mentioned her, and their last pictures together were from 2018, so I tried not to overthink it. I even shared with him I'm not seeing anyone else last weekend and he said he's not either. I also shared with him that when he goes days without texting me, always on the weekends, it makes me feel like

he's not interested. I even told him it's okay if he's not interested and I'd like to know the truth and would totally understand. This is all last weekend. He said he is interested, wants to keep seeing me, and felt bad I felt this way. I literally gave him an easy out. Fast forward to this weekend. He didn't tell me until Friday he's going on a backpacking trip with two of his buddies. He stopped replying to my texts on Friday night, hasn't opened a Snapchat from me two days ago. I went to this girl's Instagram to see she posted pictures of a backpacking trip this weekend with only one tent in the pictures. She posted the same picture of a cliff he posted on the Snapchat story. I pretty much caught him in this lie, but don't know how to bring it up to him that I know this.

Any and all advice to how I should approach this is appreciated. I absolutely plan to end this, but I think I need to tell him I know all of this. What lie did she catch him in? Yeah, there's no lie as far as I can tell. He might not have said, hey, I'm going on a backpacking trip with my ex. 2018 was three years ago. Yeah. And hey, they've been a long fucking three years.

Yeah. And they share a dog. So it's massively possible they are, in fact, friends. Yeah. they are in fact friends yeah so it's like it's definitely easier to say oh i'm going on a hiking trip with my friends if the ex is in fact a friend i'd like the whole like oh only one tent it's like when you go on a camping trip you usually only bring one tent do you know what fucking big tents are like you don't have your own tents and maybe if it's like a big trip like if there's like four couples then yeah you probably bring a couple tents But like three people is enough for one tent.

Yeah. Also, if you're taking a picture, you're not going to be like, cool, let me get the whole campsite, which is usually a mess. It's probably like an Instagram, like look at my pretty tent and this pretty sun. There could very well be a second tent. There is no lie. And also, you're not exclusive, right? Yeah. I mean, you know, he, right? Yeah, I mean...

He said he's not seeing anybody, and it's like, he could have just been like, oh, I am seeing people, you know what I mean? And you probably still would have been cool. Like, I don't see why he would need to lie like that. So, like, you can assume, like, you can assume, if you want, that because he's spending time with his ex,

he's also having sex with her i feel like we all get over this shit i love how people are like oh like he's texting this girl that's fine wait he's texting his ex you know it's like some people are actually friends with their exes especially if you share a fucking dog yeah and especially like if enough times pass you're friends with your ex yeah i. I'm friends with your ex. One of them at least. Um, well,

yeah, but it's like, yeah, we dated fucking 11 years ago. Like it doesn't even make sense to me. So I don't know. It's there's, in my opinion, this man has not lied unless he is sleeping with his ex.

And then at which point he probably should have disclosed, been like, yes, I am seeing other people regardless of like who those people are and like you know i understand that there might be a little bit more weight of being like well with you sleeping with your ex like maybe you guys are angling to get back together who knows but if he says and you trust him at you know i mean like if he says oh i'm not seeing anyone going on a hiking trip with someone that you used to sleep with doesn't immediately indicate that they are still sleeping with that person.

Like you are able to do that without fucking them. Also, for all we know, the third friend is her boyfriend. Yeah, no, 100%. We don't know if there's a third person or, you know, whatever. Now, my only because, again, I do think this is massively overblown. I feel like it's the danger like we had something i think last week or the week before of like finding people's ex i think it was the guy who we weren't sure was even in the relationship anymore yeah it's like don't don't stalk your partner's exes especially like i don't know i think it's just weird like get over

it um the only thing that gives me any kind of red flag vibes is that if you're saying like, oh, you know, I feel that like, if you're not interested, blah, blah, blah, when you don't text me, you know, if that's a concern of yours and you talked about it and he said he wouldn't do it and then starts ignoring you for the following weekend. But at the same time, when he told you he was going on a backpacking trip like was that almost a or was it explicitly stated that he would be out of touch because i feel like most backpacking trips especially if you're hiking you wouldn't be on your phone the whole time because that would suck although he did say he was using snapchat and shit right um yeah he posted

like a cliff on a you know but again it's not like they're even dating. Right. Or like exclusive. And that's the thing. Like, you're right. Like if I was seeing someone casually and I was like, yeah,

I'm going to go fuck off in the woods for a while. That would be a clear indication that like probably not going to be on my phone. Like the whole point is to kind of get away from it all. Yeah. It might just have been bad timing that you had just had this conversation of being like hey when you ignore me on the weekends so yes that's correct i agree with you there that does have a little bit of a something that might need to be ironed out

it sounds like this person's already made up their mind but i think it is completely overblown i don't think he's lied uh and we need to be a little more chill with our expectations of people and what it means for like to have persisting relationships with people that we've already dated now are you ready to dive into the comments no because i know what it is absolutely dump this man anybody who doesn't respect you bottle you know what i mean just a text we're We're done. Take a hike. Next one. Before you do this, send his ex screenshots of you and him flirting, making plans, and or a pic of you so she's aware he's cheating. Like, why confront him? It's a gift. He showed you who he is.

Move on. Say something like, I gave thought over the weekend. I'm going to break up with you. Don't let him know. Make him confused. Why bother confront him? What's the benefit? Move on. save yourself the hassle ghost him send a vague final text ghost him everyone's so saying you know stops the lies like it just this is wild there's like there's nothing here that

condemns this person at all maybe like again we're not it's nothing that proves he's innocent either but at the same time it's like it's circumstantial at best and even then you're not exclusive like i said the only thing that could like he could still be fucking his ex yeah there's a possibility and the only thing he the only time it could have been a lie is if he said no i'm not seeing anyone else that's really the only chance the only opportunity he has to have lied yeah and if you don't believe him that's fine you're welcome to not believe him you know i mean we've said it a million times trust is the most important thing in a relationship so if you can't trust this man right off the bat to you know believe that he's

not having sex with his ex despite the fact that the only reason that you think he might be having sex with his with her is that he's on a camping trip with her then maybe this isn't the one for you and that's fine and at this point it might seem like it's more in his favor than yours like again there could be things we don't know but this seems like you've spiraled i feel like if there was more if there was more for her case she would have put it on the table oh i i'm assuming she's reaching as far as she can to make her case because she's gone pretty far which makes me believe that like this is a stretch if anything everything she's put down and it's not enough i'm sorry it feels like your insecurities are overwhelming you we spent too long on this question you're overreacting yeah next question number three three uh girlfriend wants me to come

to her house to break up with her after we broke up by messages by lw7sh we've been dating for almost four years and broke up a week ago we were angry at each other and didn't talk for a couple of days now that we're talking she wants me to come to her house to break up properly because Don't go. Next question, number two. I disagree. Okay. You honestly think he shouldn't go? If he doesn't want to, no.

But he only doesn't want to because of her family so meet at a coffee shop i feel like if you've been dating for four years unless something horrendous happened or you feel like you're in danger like the least you can do is have a fucking conversation with somebody you know what i mean i guess but also like you guys were so mad at each other that you broke up and if you don't want to persist with the relationship i i say this out of the the idea that like we need to get over the fact of like expecting that every relationship is going to end with a nightly nice like neat bow on it and you get closure and everyone gets to move it but it's like that's not how it works unfortunately no it isn't but at the same time i i feel like we do still need to have like like not politeness but

like give it at least a fair shake you know i do think like a a face-to-face is not too much to ask once things didn't go like if they cheated on you and they fucked you over whatever you owe them nothing if they're threatening you or you feel unsafe or whatever you owe them nothing if you just had an argument and you broke up and they just want something like i think you know if it's one meeting it sucks but it all sucks give them that but like make it on your terms so if you honestly don't want to go and be in her home with her family and all that added pressure meet up at a park or you know at a coffee shop or something like you don't always have to give them everything but i really don't think there's any harm in just trying. I understand your point.

My concern is that this is a ploy to lure someone to your home with the specific intention of breaking up with me properly. To me, if the deed is done, I would not be super keen on doing this either. I wouldn't be like, yeah, let me head on over so that I can experience a breakup the second time because you want me to. You know what I mean? Yeah. Why do I have to put myself through emotional hell or emotional turmoil for the sake of you because you feel like you haven't gotten something yeah that's fair again like i'm trying to like picture what happened right and it's like for me if something really bad happened i wouldn't care and maybe something really bad did like i don't know what this argument was true but if it just happened and you're like you know what i'm done with it

i don't know like when i broke up with someone it was after a long time it was a long time fucking coming i should have done it a long time beforehand and it's funny because i think she felt the moment she fucked up and she literally like fled like i was at work and we were like we're having a big argument i had to leave to go to work and then we were like texting back and forth. And I don't know if she realized seeing it written down in black and white, but I definitely did. And like seeing it on a fucking text chain was just like different than having it in person. And I was like,

this is absolute insanity and I can't live like this. I don't know whether it was like how I changed my response to it or, or not, but I think she knew I was going to break up with her. So I came home, she wasn't there and she didn't come home for like three or four days and i was like where are you like are you coming home she was like why you have to say something just text me just call me and like i didn't want to break up with her over the phone but i did uh because she just wouldn't

come home um and then she was like i'm coming home like we need to talk and i was like fine whatever like i wanted to do it this way anyway but i'll give you the you know satisfaction of doing it now but i think there's a difference between because like this all happened in the night right this was like over four days no i mean like when you called like when you called to break up with her she came home home then? No, the next day. Okay. Because like it sounded like they said it was like a week or a couple days or whatever for this one where they broke up. Yeah, I broke up a week ago. Yeah, you know what?

Like I will just say, I do get where you're coming from. And you made a really good point where it's like, why should you have to break up with them on their terms? And I do think there's a lot of arguments to support you in terms of like how you broke up yeah i also do think you know if you've been dating for four years and you've ended in any way amicably you know what i mean obviously you had an argument obviously you broke up it's never particularly amicable amicable i i agree with what you're saying as well like i i get your side i get what you're saying i think it's a very nice thing to do. If someone wants to talk, I don't think there is,

you know, we've talked about this before. I don't think there is that perfect closure, right? No, but you can help maybe give some, you know what I mean? I you're right.

I think it all depends on how it ends. Right. And how much of a, like how much weight you put on the time you spent with this person. It's a pro-con situation if you think it's going to cause you more pain to do this again a second time then it would do benefit for you or her to deliver like closure then no don't do it if that makes sense you know what i mean like there's no point shooting yourself in the foot just to use a band-aid yeah but i'm also one of those people that will definitely put myself out to make somebody else feel better so maybe that's just where i'm coming from yeah i and like i the thing

is is like i understand exactly what you're saying through my breakups i have learned that like my suffering doesn't doesn't necessarily like i shouldn't have to suffer in order for someone else's comfort. And, and there's, there's a fine line to be walked there because I also think that like as someone who is empathetic and preaches empathy, I think there's a fine line of,

you know what I mean? Being able to take that attitude and that mentality and putting your nose up and being like, well, you know, telling the truth would be very difficult for me right now so i'm just gonna lie and that's not what i'm i'm suggesting to move forward but i think and specifically when it comes to breakups i think that like if you guys have broken up and someone then wants to do it again or wants a specific type of breakup. If that's not something that you want to do or that will be painful for you to do, then don't do it. Okay.

Well, how about we settle on this? Not that we need to ever agree, but you don't have to. Flat out, do not have to. You owe no one anything ever, let alone when you're not in a relationship anymore. And it's like, if you don't want to, you cannot. You don't have to go and do it. And if you want to, you can. And it's as simple as that, I guess.

I think if you can find... If you think this will also help give you closure too, if you can find some closure in you know knowing that you ended this with by by giving her closure like if that helps put a nice bow on it for you as well right i i like but we don't have enough information like i'd love to know why they broke up yeah and that would really help inform my position on this but i think as a general rule i think it's i would like to sort of stress the like closure is kind of a made-up thing. And closure is something that you have to secure on your own. Relying on someone else, especially in a relationship, in order to get closure is a fool's errand and will only result in pain.

Yeah. Like, I don't, again, closure doesn't really exist. Not in the way we want it to. No. You can kind of get like, you know, balms effectively. You know what I mean? Like a little soothing gel, possibly for the big wound. But even then, it's not closure.

You know, you have to heal on your own. So that's the thing. It's like closure is a made up like idea that your recovery is the onus of someone else so you're there's no requirement that you do it you know you do what's best for you if you have the energy or the pain tolerance to try to do something that's good for them by all means go you know but it's not going to magically make them better anyway. And depending on how old you are, if they have older brothers, maybe just skip it for your own sake. Also, yeah, like, fuck going to their family.

That's awkward. You don't want to get, like, a breakup between the two of you, getting other people involved when it's, you know, within the realms of amicability is awkward. So maybe try to negotiate for somewhere

that's less you know charged all right pick a number um you know six now one okay uh buckle in this is uh throwaway974101064 how to do well in college when i have confidence but worry about, in quotes, reputation? I have a lot of confidence developed from this summer when I did a bunch of cold approaching. I'm not afraid to hit on random girls, but I worry about my reputation in college. I did stats. You can look here, and he has a link I'm terrified to click on. I calculated that if I hit on 80 different girls in the dining hall, there would be 8 girls that would have heard of me from one of their friends by the time I approached them. It's a simple model where if I approach a girl, she tells six friends, and they have a chance of telling their friends

and so on, and about 100 common links, which means when two girls have heard of me, they talk to me, they talk about me to each other. So I'm not sure what to do. I could approach a ton of girls in the dining hall, but I'd develop a reputation that would be bad, especially since I'm Asian, and not many Asians call to approach. Not sure what I should do here. Should I be more low-key about approaching in the dining hall, just strike up chats in the lunch line, and only ask to sit with them if we're vibing very well? For context, I go to a large state school with 30k people. Also, approaching means having a very chill conversation, and if we're vibing, getting her number. Christ, my dude.

Hey, if you think that romance and statistics and like creating some sort of wild statistic model or like number model. The lunchroom. Go together? Yeah, like the whole thing

just reeks of the fact that you have been brainwashed by like the pickup community that this this mentality of approaching women en masse is the key to sexual success. And it's not. And I will say the one thing you did get correct is, yes, people will know you as that creepy guy who hits on them while they're trying to eat yeah but i love how in his mind it's like damn this could only be a problem here right because it's enclosed it's gonna be the same people but like if i do this anywhere else i'll be fine yeah also like the idea that women are gonna talk about you hey my dude if they're

talking about you chances are you've done it wrong women aren't going to be like oh i met a really cool guy at the lunch line today probably not what they will say or what they will tell their friends to be like hey has that weirdo fucking hit on you while you're getting mashed potatoes and they'd be like yeah he he talks to 80 people a fucking day. To be fair, he never necessarily says he's developing a good reputation. It may actually have been what he meant. I don't know. I read it as him developing a bad reputation.

Well, yeah, that's what I mean. It's like the I think he's afraid that that people will look at him and be like, oh, there's the there's the lunchroom Romeo. The lunchroom creeper. Yeah, which is a more accurate description. I don't think, even at the bars we used to go to where we knew that there was one or two dudes who frequented, the people who also went to those bars knew them and stayed away from them. And the people who didn't protected the ones who didn't know them like you know what i mean like it was and yes yeah he's entirely right and it's like dude this is not the way you do it you shouldn't approach eight girls a day every day in

university at lunch and just like damn that's it that's a numbers game and like here's like you've clued in on something so important and have focused on the wrong like conclusion you've clued in that women don't like this yeah right just worried that people will be around long enough to tell other people yeah like you've you've specifically noted and been like hey eventually people will like enough women will hate that i've done this to the point where all the women that i can try to do this to will have already heard about me that's your move that's your fucking cool tactic dude i also love that the takeaway isn't like oh women hate this so maybe i shouldn't do this it's like damn women hate this but it's the same pool of women so

they'll all hate it yeah like dude it's it's very troubling and like my my suggestion my advice to you would be stop doing this and should you come across a woman that you find attractive and have a natural means to strike up a conversation, as per you say, in the lunch line, a line is a great time to talk to someone. As long as it's a mutual, like as long as there's a reason to. If she has her fucking headphones, like her iPods in or ear pods, whatever the fuck they're called. If she has her headphones in and is on her phone or reading she doesn't want to talk to you and it doesn't matter how cool you are whether you you know you turn your fucking chair around backwards when you sit down wait wait wait if he turns his chair around backwards it's a whole different story no it's

not man it's not the 80s anymore damn you're right i guess the early 90s was a big thing for that too like just drop it have normal natural organic conversations with people instead of these manufactured i'm sorry you're telling the stack the statistics lunchroom mad to have natural non-fabricated conversations i know but no i i'm just joking because making statistics is itself very unnatural and very fabricated but the thing is i bet if he came up with some cool statistics would be a great a great icebreaker 100 and that's the thing he could use his evil powers for good yes like come up with like crunch some numbers and come up with, like, you know, a funny statistic of being like, oh, chances are, like, 90% of the people in here

are gonna get this, you know what I mean? Like, come up with a lunch statistic and be like, join the fucking math club and meet some other statistics nerds who will be, like, who will actually be down for the shit you're spouting, as opposed to everyone else, like myself myself who thinks it's very weird.

And again, don't give them this weird statistic. Give them a normal, cool statistic that's not creepy. A couple number crunching cuties? Hell yeah, baby. Number crunching cuties. That's what you're looking for. That's what you want. That's what you need. That's what everyone wants. Maybe that's what you are. Because it sounds like you could be a number cruncher cutie but right now you're a lunchroom creeper and we don't want that we don't

want that all right hit me with uh whatever the last question is the last question oh five i guess okay this is by throw ra megan x i found a piece of my step sister's clothing in my husband's car struggling to find a reasonable explanation. Hi, going through a very stressful time right now and unable to vent to anyone in the family about it since it involves my stepsister. I appreciate that they said hi, not a lot of people greet us. I could use some outside perspective to see if I'm being paranoid or maybe I shouldn't ignore this good feeling I'm having difficulty ignoring. I, female 26, have been married to Joseph, male 31, for two years. Grew up with my stepfamily, have a 19-year-old stepsister. Relationship's always been okay,

we've never been close. Ever since my dad got sick, I started coming over to help around the house. This was four months ago. Joseph helps out sometimes due to his work as a police officer, doesn't have much free time. However, he tends to always offer to help my stepsister, giving her rides to places or bringing stuff for her or fixing stuff for her. Thought nothing of it, and my stepsister thought it was nice. I was glad he treats her as his sister, like he says, so I encouraged him to do all he can to help in these stressful times. Problem started days ago when I got inside his car and accidentally found my stepsister's sports bra in the glove compartment. He was with me inside the car when I discovered it.

I asked him about it, he said it belonged to me, and I left it in the glove compartment, but he knows I don't wear these kind of bras, but my stepsister does. Besides, I only have like three bras. He's pretty much familiar with them. He said, well, it must have belonged to your sister then. I asked if he gave her any rides recently, and he said no. Last time she got in his car was almost a month ago, and he said she was sitting in the back, but that got me even more confused,

because if she was sitting in the back, how did her sports bra end up in the glove compartment on its own? Also, he cleaned his car a week ago, and I'm sure he emptied the glove compartment at the time and would have seen it. My analysis got him pissed, asking what I was hinting at. I told him nothing, but it all seemed so weird to me. Not to mention my stepsister has a backpack where she carries her stuff, so how'd her bra end up outside her backpack and in his glove compartment? He lashed out, calling me crazy and paranoid for suggesting something was off, told me to go ask my stepsister about it or forget about it. He went on about how ridiculous and dumb I was, reacting this way and told me to drop it. I've said okay,

but couldn't drop it. Kept thinking about these questions. Couldn't help but feel there's something off. I want to talk to my stepsister, but I'm worried I'd go about the wrong way and she gets hurt, offended by my questions. I was willing to let this go, but the following aspects are making it hard. One, I noticed his special treatment of my stepsister by offering to do things for her specifically, rather than my dad and stepmom. 2. I remember him talking about her lux on several occasions, but those might be casual comments. 3. He was once involved in an emotional affair, but he ended it after showing remorse. 4. He always cleans his car regularly and leaves nothing

inside so he was puzzling that piece of clothing was sitting inside the glove compartment for this long and he hadn't noticed am i overreacting here or should i just leave this and should i just leave this behind okay so the best way in my opinion to deal with this would be to take the sports bra and be like hey is this yours yeah to the stepsister and see what she says if she's like oh fuck yeah that's where i went where's the sports like where is it right now yeah like that's the thing like did you get it and you had this argument and like do you just have it like what what's happening in what situation do you just go and not go and talk to her it's there's a lot of things too. It's like one,

this man is apparently a meticulous car cleaner. And just because you keep your car clean, like most people just shove shit in the glove compartment. Like when you're cleaning, you don't clean the glove compartment. No, it's a man who doesn't have a car, but you know,

but like, unless there is precedent that like that, like when he cleans his car, he like cleans everything. Like if you know, he cleans his glove compartment, then okay, great. But if you're just saying that, oh, he cleans his car a lot, he details the interior, there's also a good chance that what he did was she was in the backseat, took something out of her backpack, sports bra fell out while he was cleaning the car, found it, shoved it in the glove compartment thinking it was yours, completely forgot about it. Yeah, you say you have three bras. One, that seems weird.

But two, this guy probably doesn't know what they are. I don't know. Yeah, you say he's familiar with it, but like... I don't know how many bras my girlfriend has. Yeah, my partner doesn't have a whole lot of them either. But I could tell... There's a black one. There's an orange one.

There's an orange sportswear after sure that's that's the extent of mine i couldn't tell you i think i think there's a white and gray flowery one okay but uh again that i could be i don't know i don't know also i doubt she knows how many boxers i have apart from the one I tore off me while dancing the other day. Literally. And that's the thing. It's like, yes,

I understand that you think that like, you know, Oh, he's seen, but like, I look, we're not looking at the bra unless it's specifically a bra that's like meant to be looked at. Maybe like a favorite lingerie you might recognize.

Yeah. Or like a bra that, you know, you wear when you're going out and you're like, okay, all right. The girls, the girls are popping.

This one is, is tough because you're always going to be like in these situations, unless you get like photo or video evidence, there's no real way to like ever tell someone selling the truth. There is. Um, but I think my other thing is like hey friends if this happens and you are innocent do not accuse your partner of being crazy or being paranoid talk to them rationally

nothing makes you more guilty than being like you're being crazy you're being a crazy bitch and and like refusing to talk about it i understand that you might be offended i understand you might be insulted that they think that you would do this. Yeah. But to be that dismissive and that aggressive about it, nothing reeks of guilt

more than attacking them back. Yeah. That's the thing. Put yourself in their shoes and be like, yeah, this looks suspicious as fuck. This is almost TV levels of suspicious. You know what I mean? the thing put yourself in their shoes and be like yeah this looks suspicious as fuck like this is almost tv levels of suspicious you know what i mean yeah but here's the thing if this man is a meticulous car cleaner do you not think he would be like oh hey maybe i shouldn't keep the evidence of my affair in my car yeah because like the it's not even on his side of the car. You know what I mean?

Like, that's exactly where a passenger would maybe go. There are better places to put it. Also, like, if he gets his car detailed, maybe they found it and put it in there for him. You know? Yeah. Look, let's get it out there. It's suspicious as fuck. Right?

I get it. There's no way you see this and you're not like, yeah, suspicious as all fuck one talk to your sister right because at the very least she can be like yeah that's mine or it's not if it's not hey that's a whole other fucking yeah there's a whole different games right a bag of spiders even because they're gonna be up in the corners of your roof making webs um but like talk to her and hey maybe she's in on it maybe she's lying whatever you need that step down so that later on if things get weird you can be like oh whatever right he's 19 she's or sorry she's 19 he's very like older so this could also be creepier or worse and it's like you need to talk to her no matter what whether she's telling the

truth lying in a bad situation anything like this you need to like make that contact because if you don't start that conversation you're never gonna get anywhere you know see what she says and just like i guess follow the fucking threads right because at this point like you can't prove anything so by all means suspicious, and by all means keep a fucking weather eye on the horizon, but there's nothing you can really do right now to get the absolute truth. But you definitely

have to start by talking to her. Yeah, 100%. So, good luck. Hopefully this doesn't suck. But, yeah, you gotta talk to the sister, and it gets to the bottom of this see what she says and work from there because like if she has a weird fucking answer or she has a you know because at this point if they were doing something i'm sure he's talked to her and they've constructed

an excuse right yeah see if it makes sense i don't know but you really need to be like you know just talk to her she's your fucking sister, stepsister or not. That's like, that should have been the first thing you did. And then see, see how those stories gel together and like, you know, work from there. But yeah, by all means, now that something weird has happened, you can keep an eye out. Maybe just try not to let it interact in your daily life. Like if this becomes a problem, like if you're so hung up on that, that you can't act normally,

like it's going to suck if this isn't the issue, right? Cause you could ruin your marriage. Yeah. Yeah. And, and my dude relax. Don't freak out.

If you're in this situation, look at it from their perspective. It's just so suspicious. All right. Yeah. One more. All right. Uh,

Ooh. Ooh. Oh, fuck. All four are really good i was gonna pick one but i'm gonna let you pick it one to four dude um okay how spicy how spicy do you want it how about the spiciest one you got all right this is by countless thoughts i 28 year old male my sorry i was it made me think of Careless Whisper. That's fair. My 28-year-old male girlfriend, 25-year-old female,

says she doesn't think she can be with me if I get vaccinated. This has been a stressful week for me, and I have consistent headaches, and just overall in a depressed state of being dealing with this. Two weeks ago, the school district, California, my company does contracting work for, announces it will be mandating COVID vaccines for all staff, including contractors to work within the district. Naturally, our company told us we all had to get required. Sorry.

Naturally, our company told us all employees, including myself, that we will be required to do it as well if we want to continue employment with them. I am not anti-vaccination, but I have not gotten out of fear of losing my relationship between my girlfriend and myself. I always planned on getting it. Just every time I mentioned it, she would bombard me with these facts and honest articles, which is just lies that these fake media companies post to attract people. Their stories for not getting it include microchip tracking, aborted fetus cells in the vaccine, having chimpanzee DNA in it, causing women to become infertile if near someone with a vaccine used to control our minds slash change us used to bind the soul to this world so we can't ascend and many other things i told her my company is mandating the vaccine and she told me she thinks

she can't be with me if i get it since it goes against her beliefs and what she stands for she's pressuring me to quit my job and look for another one that won't require them she does not have the financial means to support us and honestly if it wasn't for my job and look for another one that won't require them. She does not have the financial means to support us, and honestly, if it wasn't for my job, we wouldn't have a roof to sleep under. I make good money now, consistent work, and provide enough to support both of us while she isn't working to follow her dream of starting a small business making crafts. She has family to fall back on if I lose everything. I essentially don't, which means I'll be homeless again. Family I do have will think I'm stupid for throwing everything away and losing everything I worked hard for. I'm at the point i'm so over everything

i just want to sleep all the time um i think she's doing you a favor the anti-vax crowd has their has made their choice they've chosen to believe crazy things like you know i mean like you you can want to look at the vaccine be like like, hey, we don't know the long-term side effects of it. Okay. Sure. But to then be like every vaccine we've ever invented, the side effects have been very widely known within four weeks. So, you know, it's that. 100%.

And I agree. Like I am pro-vaccine. I'm pro-science. I'm pro-getting vaccinated too. And this nightmare time that we live in um but when someone says something along the lines of bind our mortal soul so that we can't ascend it's not a fact thing anymore yeah that's the thing it's like i understand the fear for me i fucking i'm terrified of needles you know what i mean like if i could have not

gotten the vaccine and gotten anything else that would help me that'd be great because i fucking hate syringes so much it's insane there isn't so i got it and that's fine and even if this person had like even even if it was something crazy and it was like the one crazy thing it would have a little bit more of like i know some sympathy for them but like when it's kind of just like throwing shit at the dartboard me like oh i guess microchips and also the vaccine is more powerful than god that steals a soul away from him like what you believe in god but you think this vaccine is more powerful than him damn worship the vaccine then she didn't say anything about god she said the soul and ascension yeah i assumed

it was a religion thing so maybe that sounds crazier than god that sounds like some fucking you know you know l ron hubbard hey maybe maybe but the thing is she's throwing everything out there and also let's be fair i was i wanted to like tiptoe through this question i don't understand how we've gotten to the point where like stating facts is like you know a thing we shouldn't do it's like the vaccine helps it is making is making people survive far more than they were beforehand and and that those are facts you know what i mean i can understand hesitancy i can understand fear some people can't get it, and that's fine. The fact that this person is trying to make you, like, if it was anything else as well, aside from this vaccine, and she was trying to make you quit your job, we'd be like, fucking leave her.

Yeah. So I had an argument on Facebook the other day about the safety of the vaccine. So using numbers provided by Google and stuff like that, we know that like 5.5 billion people have gotten their first dose. Like one, at least one dose has been administered. I was then given from the people I was arguing with or debating with, they gave me a site that was, I think it was open verse or meta alerts or something like that.

And it is the system that we use to track adverse events from vaccines. So using the numbers, there was 1,000, sorry, 650,000 adverse events from the COVID vaccine. If we take that into consideration, I did all the math, there is a 0.000118 repeating chance of having an adverse event from the vaccine. Some of them are super super minor too right one of them includes um uh like sore shoulder well that's everyone yes okay um or or like shoulder injury or something so very vague and very broad if we want to talk about the people who have died as a result of COVID-19 vaccines. And this, again,

we have no, I have no reference as to what their current, like preexisting medical conditions, what their health state was when they got it. I don't have any of that, but people who have died and people and have then been linked medically through this reporting service to the COVID vaccine, you have a 0.000025% chance. I looked up on NASA.

You have a greater chance to be killed by a meteor than by the COVID-19 vaccine. And these are numbers used by the people who are saying that the vaccine is dangerous. These are the numbers that they will parrot to you. second you say oh the vaccine is safe and they're like but here are the here here's the number of people who have died yeah it's and these are also the people who would say oh covid has a 98 survivability chance why we i know why are we worried about two percent yeah it's all of a sudden they're very concerned wild and i honestly i believe it stems from like a lack of empathy in a sense where it's like you can't imagine or even imagination so you can't imagine these things happening to you whereas like going

and getting a vaccine is a thing you have to do so all of a sudden it's like damn i don't want to have to do a thing like it baffles me like 1700 people died this week in america from covid you know what i mean like that's gonna be more i imagine than everyone who's died or been injured by the vaccine worldwide like i don't know it's fucking batshit anyway you're gonna you're gonna lose your job and you're gonna be tied to this person who clearly doesn't give a shit about you those even if we want to boil it down to like the facts and not kind of the wider issues which there are definitely some and let's let's face it this is only gonna get worse you know what i mean like if you look at the the things that people have have latched onto and have then since spiraled downwards with like first it was 5g is

causing covid then it was covid was it's being used for the great reset now the vaccine is being used as a mass culling event for population control which like also there's like i'd love to even just like sit her down and be like cool pick one and explain it for like five minutes because why would anybody want to kill like for example i think in ontario we're like reaching about 90 percent of people vaccinated right now we're very why would you want to why would you want fucking kill 90 of the population especially the 90 that actually obeys the government you know what i mean and your military and your police force military and yeah medical support the the most important people you know which doesn't include me are being vaccinated first right it's like you want to kill them no like the government wants to reopen them you know continue

as things were make money those are the things like the economy is tanking because of lockdowns they want to get rid of them it's in their best anyway we could go on about this for yes so the dating and sex advice aspect of this is leave this person they're not good for you and are probably going to get the virus and make you sick yeah they don't care about you your like career is in jeopardy which obviously i assume you have worked hard for and are doing well and you're also looking after this person so the fucking wild balls of this person to be like hey fuck your job that you're looking after me with go get another one like just look after yourself both financially and health-wise and mentally because this person is bad news all around and go get your shot and, you know,

drink lots of water. Your arm's going to hurt. Yeah. And yeah, that's it. So that's going to do us for this, the question parts of this. But at the end of every episode, we'd like to peruse online dating such as Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and look through profiles and comb out red flags, talk about what works and what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience

a little more enjoyable. You ready? I am. Quote, a truly amazing girl, New York Times. Quote, funniest person I know, Louis C.K. Quote, one of this generation's most brilliant minds, Mensa International. Quote, this chick could kick my ass in a heartbeat,

Chuck Norris. Quote, by far could kick my ass in a heartbeat Chuck Norris Quote, by far my favorite grandkid My grandma Quote, Chewbacca Okay, I mean it's kind of cute I don't know if using Louis C.K. This is what we made a while ago I assume

But maybe using Louis C.K. There's plenty of funny people out there You could have done could have done any of them you know honestly that's the only thing that pinged me as well yeah maybe you know choose bo burnham update your profile to to update your your comedian choice and this will be a an eight i'll give it an eight as of right now i'm gonna give it an 8. As of right now, I'm going to give it a 5 because Louis C.K. Yeah, I get it. 100%. I actually agree. I think like a 6.

That hit me. This is Jalen. She's 18. Need someone to roll me a joint, boss me around, and carve their name in my thigh. I'm worried about that last bit because it seems too specific to be fake. Yeah, they're 18, so maybe that's a TikTok joke?

Are they joking about something on the TikTok? Is it something we said? Did something we said become a meme? I don't know. I feel like that's something we would say. Yeah, any jokes about self-harm or self-mutilation like that always skeeve me out because I'm like, I don't know if you're joking.

And I don't... It makes me uncomfortable,'re joking and i don't it makes me uncomfortable so i'm gonna give it a two i'm gonna give it a six because i'm assuming it's a joke i'm just worried that like the wrong person will be like yeah you know that's what that just makes me uncomfortable so for mine i realize i can't read this one out okay It's real bad Okay Then don't So I was gonna read my next one But I looked at it properly And like we can't No we can't do that

But I will move on to the next one which is Ethan The judge said 30 days on Tinder And he'll drop the charges So here I am It's funny But like inherently Kind of makes it sound like a sex criminal yeah yeah it's also like a new way of saying the like oh i don't want to be on here but my friends made me you know i mean it's like it's got that reluctancy it's got like a weird

like maybe i've done some shit but it is funny and I kind of appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to give it a seven. I'm giving it an eight. This is Kay. Full disclosure. I won't get attached to you.

Hashtag emotionally unavailable. Ask about my tattoos since you can't see any of them. And then tongue out emoji. If you're looking for a casual hookup or just a bone sure the tattoo thing is is kind of fun i guess it's a little risque you can't see them like you know but it also it's like i want to learn more about you then i want to learn about the fact that you can't be emotionally fucking available yeah i don't i don't give a fuck that you're emotionally unavailable it's like you know if it's casual it's casual if it's not it's not it's like those are the things that are important not that you are

emotionally unavailable yeah even if it's casual you should still be emotionally engaged right and we'll we'll hash out the parameters of a relationship when it gets to it exactly if that's your defining thing, I'd rather know that you fucking, you know, make chain mail in your spare time or really like ginger ale. I don't know that that one's shit. Nevermind.

I'm going to give it a three. Yeah. And give it a five. You got more. I got one. And you know what? I can't tell if we've done it before. I don't think we have.

But I think we've done one that's almost word for word, which has me worrying that it's either a bot or the world should just die. But the person who sent it to me promised that they had not sent it in before. My personal hell is trying to find traditional husband material in this post-apocalyptic liberal cesspool of a city where everyone's a polyamorous communist bisexual. Yeah, no, we've 100% done that. That's why I thought so. Yeah. They promised it wasn't. They lied.

This is Sam. You could maybe do worse, shruggy emoji. Part of me loves the self-depreciation. Part of me loves the self-depreciation part of me hates it i don't know where it like is it like funny like lol i'm good or like oh i'm actually a miserable person i don't know it's a seven yeah i'm gonna give a seven as well uh this is paulina we can play mario kart while my cats watch then i inevitably beat you and my cats laugh at your embarrassing loss you know what she seems pretty cool but the cats seem rad as hell.

Yeah. I like these spike cats. Yeah, I would do it because one, Mario Kart. Yes, two, she confident. Three, cats. Four, cats will fuck you up too. It's a nine. I'm also going to give it a nine.

And this is my last one. Okay. Candles and wine. Looking for a date. Very simple. I don't smoke and drink but always craving cold beer gym addicts rowing running swimming bodybuilder not anymore but gaining my muscle back i love all the sports avid leafs fan and jay's fan marvel the office disney the hobbit the lord of the rings the truth is above our understanding sometimes i think i might need to have you

reread the whole thing okay candles and wine looking for a date very simple i don't smoke and drink but always craving cold beer oh gymnastics okay that was part of where it tripped me up because she said candles and wine and then say she doesn't drink confusing she says she's a bodybuilder but then so she isn't confusing there's a lot of contradictions here sorry keep going gym addicts rowing running swimming bodybuilder not anymore but gaining my muscle back love all the sports avid leafs fan jay's fan and then a bunch of like marvel the office disney the hobbit lord of the rings and then finishes with a quote the truth is above our understanding sometimes okay so the truth often isn't above our understanding in fact it's quite basic

that's worrying me it sounds like you're an anti-vaxxer yes too i love that you're letting us know your likes but you listed the most basic shit yeah whoa you love marvel you love lord of the rings you love you like disney like we all love those things they're like the most basic common denominator shit like again as a person who's a massive fan of all of those things uh it's not it's not illuminating that doesn't shine a light on any part of you you may as as well be like, likes, breathing, Netflix. Yeah. Hot drinks, cold drinks. This is a whole trip.

I don't like this profile. It's a three. Yeah, I'm going to do the same thing. Doesn't make any sense. There's a lot of contradictions. There's a lot of basicness. And then you kind of sound like you don't like the truth or facts. Yeah, then there's like that weird sort of anti-vax dog whistle at the end.

Yeah. Not for me. I don't know. There are a lot of things that are just true. So like we live in a post-truth world and it's terrifying. Thank you very much for listening, friends. That's going to do us for our episode. If you have a question or you would like to support the show,

you can head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com or plentyofbeef.ca and either click the contact or the Patreon form or both. Um, and Patreon will take you to where you can support the show, uh, for three or our fourth secret tier, uh, of options in which you can financially support the show. If you don't have the cash and you still want to support the show, recommend it to a friend. Give us a like on any of the various social media platforms or podcast apps that you listen to or use. And then if you

want to send in a question, all you have to do is hit the contact form, put in your name, and we'll keep it completely anonymous, and we'll get to your question as soon as possible. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars. And thank you to all our patrons, because you guys are fucking amazing. Thank you very much. the Harvest Cities for the song Paper Stars. And thank you to all our patrons because you guys are fucking amazing. Thank you very much.

You ready? Yep. So I saw this one in a screenshot and I didn't believe it. So I typed it in myself to Google and it's, is Lola Bunny a tomboy? And like, you know the way when you search things on Google, sometimes

like a a text thing pops up yeah like the predictive yeah well no not not the predictive but like you know when you like you know if you even like try to convert like mills to leaders it sometimes comes up as like the actual like in google thing oh yes it'll pop up with like a google quote before the links yeah so if you type in is lola bunny a tomboy it says lola bunny is a cartoon character from warner bros studios she's very attractive unbearably beautiful an insanely sexy female tomboy anthropomorphic rabbit has been established as having a romantic involvement with bugs bunny as well as being his main love interest and

girlfriend google gotta calm down okay but that's that's from the feature like characters and fandom but it's still like the the choice quote that they choose yeah well i mean it's probably the one yeah it's weird i thought you meant that google specific like this was like a google fact no but you know the way like you know what i mean i know right yes yeah people got chill on this rabbit, man. I thought we were done with Lola Bunny, but I think it's just beginning. We're post-truth. When you're on Lola Bunny,

it keeps rising. You can only keep a flaccid for so long. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Nell Spain. Come up your spine. We've been your fuck buddies. How do you have such a hard time with this? I don't want semen in your spine. We've been your fuck buddies. How do you have such a hard time with this?

I don't want semen in my spine.