F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 18 - Quit Horsin' Around!

Episode Date: January 21, 2019

It's the coldest day, probably ever, and we're here to keep you warm with our hottest sex advice.  Coming off the howling wolf blood moon last night, we've got a collection of wild questions and we talk about the very topical Gillette commercial.  Topics include the move-in transition, sibling blowjob interruption, what to do with a woman in your bed, the best a man can be, surviving horseplay, the metaphysical virgin, and a bloody surprise.

I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller, oh you son of a bitch And I'm Niles Spann, and we're your funk buddies That's what you get! We're a dating and sex advice podcast where you take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Oh, fuck you. Hey, so guys, how are you doing this week? Oh, finally an answer. That's... oh, that's really interesting. Can you believe that? I mean, I don't... it's a little vulgar but well thanks for sharing i think we oh but that's interesting that's sexy okay i i can see where you're coming from the first thing um you're gonna have to shut up now because this is our show though so yeah like seriously it was meant to be a rhetorical question yeah no no no seriously like you're we're the funny ones here shut shut up

security can we get this guy out of here fuck's sake yeah all right you're done now you're done okay fucking well sorry guys well how are you dang this fucker shut up oh really so interesting uh how's your week going? I don't know. I can't believe it's Wednesday already. I mean, Monday. Monday. Wink.

I thought it was going to be pretty hungover today because it was my company staff party. Yeah, I'm surprised. And I got pretty toasted, but I woke up, chugged like four liters of water, and I'm ready to go. Yeah, you seem fresh. You seem feisty. Yeah. Even. You're wearing a bright shirt.

And real pants. We're both wearing real pants today. It's weird. I can't stretch my legs to straddle this thing. It's like I'm being pushed away from the mic. But yeah. Here we are. Here we are. Just for you guys.

Yeah. You got a question? Man, I have so many questions. I don are. Just for you guys. Yeah. You got a question? Man, I have so many questions. I don't even know where to go. There was such a resounding call for the soundboard to come back. I don't think that was ever true. No, it wasn't.

Girlfriend, 30-year-old female, will be moving into my, 25-year-old male, house in a month. How can I make her feel like it's her home too? As the title says, my girlfriend will girlfriend moving into my mortgage property in january she's already been staying with me most days each week for a number of months now but i just want to make her feel more at home when she moves in permanently i've already suggested we put some money together and go shopping for some house decorations etc and i've completely cleared out a wardrobe and some drawers in the bedroom for her to keep her clothes in what else can I do to make her feel as comfortable as possible? Here's an idea. Stop stressing that it's your house. Yeah, fucking

asshole. Jesus. My mortgage property? Yeah. Swillis 93? Disappointing. Oops. Hit the table. Yeah, fuck, this is how mad I am. See, I don't know. I've never had anyone... Like, I've lived with

two of my girlfriends you guys moved in together but yeah every time we did it would be like like the first time we were in college residence and then got a place together and then uh like with me and amanda now we had our separate places we're dating and then moved in so it's like we've always gone in on neutral ground that's fair um yeah my like i lived with my ex at her place really briefly but it was so briefly that we didn't really make any effort to make it feel like a home for both of us i just was you know and then we moved into a place together like pretty quickly after that um and again it was a place we moved into together and not only that but the people who we moved in

after just kind of were like hey you want like really nice couches and really good like like they basically furnished the whole place for us it's fucking great so yeah it was we didn't even need to buy stuff necessarily ourselves apart from you know some stuff but uh it was great so yeah i don't know i feel like this guy's already off to a really good start like setting aside specific spaces for them and buying things together yeah seems i would i would say like the big thing here would be uh unteaching language like like stop referring it to as your house i mean like it's gonna be hard because like it is your house and you've also been calling it that forever however long you've been living there um and like if she's ever like oh where's where's this be like oh it's in my kitchen cupboard you know what i mean like

yeah trying to avoid that kind of thing because even like subconsciously that's going to make you feel less like it's your place yeah and like it's going to be hard to do the way that like you try to retrain any sort of like pattern or speech so i, like it might be worth it if it does like, you know, try to try to, I know it got really hot. Why am I wearing this? Um,

if, if you notice you were doing it, maybe just like bring it up. Oh shit. The lean's back and be like, Hey, I'm really sorry. I like,

I'm, I'm trying to break that pattern. This is your house. Uh, if I ever say anything, it's her house, like possessive, uh,

just ignore it. And that's me. So it's hers now. Wow. Yeah. yeah you he has to sign over the mortgage no that that's really true and i think it's the kind of thing that you won't necessarily know you're doing unless you take the time think about it i also think like you need to make sure that because everyone has their own habits in their own houses like things go here and this goes there and like dishes go here and like everyone has their own routine their own habit but like when you're living together that's not the rule necessarily you know what i mean because it's also her place so she has an equal

say in what happens so like you can't be like that's not where that goes you can be like hey are we gonna you know like you can re-establish new things but you can't just be like no because it isn't your place anymore right yep and i think that that's the most important thing is to step out of like that ownership role and that you know yeah i would also say like take some take some time and let her do her own thing like i know it's really fun to be living with someone and like like i love being able to sit on the couch and watch TV with Amanda, but, um, it's also kind of nice if like,

if I'm on my computer and like doing some writing or whatever, and she's in her room doing whatever, or our room and doing whatever, or like if she's on the couch and watching TV or whatever, you know what I mean? It's like, it's good to be like, Oh,

this is our space so that we can independently do things elsewhere. Like, you know what I mean? It'd be different. Like, like if, if you guys weren't living together and she came over, it would be rude for you to go. It'd be rude if your friends were like, hey, play Fallout 76. She can do her own thing. Yeah.

Um, exactly. Like you, you're not going to, if your girlfriend's over and you don't live together, you're not going to be like, hey, I'm just going to watch YouTube videos without you. Bye. Entertain yourself now. Yeah. But living together, you got to have that freedom. So I would give her that opportunity to, if she wants to fucking marathon fucking friends for the eighth time, just let her and go do your own thing.

Yeah. I feel like that's the kind of thing that will happen naturally. Yeah. I feel like when you move in together it's really exciting you probably won't get that for a few days but don't be afraid of it when it does

yeah it's more like encourage her to do her own you know what I mean like cause she might still feel like she's a guest

and therefore has to sort of you know be entertained by you or be you know like with you at all times

just because that's usually how it works when you don't live together. I think we nailed it. I think we solved it. Just fucking pinned it to the wall. Yep. Sex wall. You ready for a more challenging question? This one comes from Reddit user TerribleDebate,

and she asks... About to have one? My boyfriend and I were alone at my family's home. Things got heated up between us and I started

giving him a blowjob. I was kneeling. He was standing. I was topless and he had his pants down. Then my nine-year-old brother suddenly walked in on us. Apparently,

his school day ended earlier. He wanted to say hello to me. Unfortunately, my boyfriend and I didn't hear him now i'm scared that we traumatized him i also don't want him to tell our parents they know i have a boyfriend and they probably suspect that i'm sexually active with him but it would be so embarrassing if he told them should i talk to my brother and if so what should i say. You know, first blowjob I ever got, my brother almost walked in on it.

Like, literally, I, like, last minute, I heard him, because we were in the attic, I heard him just kind of, like, coming up the last spot of stairs, like, shoved her aside, put a pillow over myself, and just kind of, like, chilled. Pants still just below the butt, dick out, pillow. You couldn't see, but God damn it, if I'd been a few seconds too slow, I might have had this very same dilemma. Okay, well, that's great. No, it's not. Well, it is great that it never happened.

What would you say to him? See, I think it's different because I'm a guy and he's a guy. Yeah. Like, I don't, like, I think he'd be like and I'd be like well and it would just be like weird but like he wouldn't have told my parents also he was a little older he would have been about like 12 maybe okay you know like 12 and 9 very different yeah um I I want to know what the kid's reaction was like did he come in just like oh hey and they were like hey and he like walked off or did he go like and like run away like because yeah that's very important because he's nine he might not really know what's going on i don't

know he probably does but like his reaction plays into this i feel like nine isn't as young as we think it is yeah maybe he's seen like 78 blowjobs by now he's like whatever yeah like he's just he sensed that he was probably just like bad technique he's like thisensitized. He was probably just, like, bad technique. He's like, this isn't Overwatch. I don't know. What do nine-year-olds do? Minecraft? Fortnite? That's the one.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Like, that's the thing. I think his reaction really factors in. And also, like, how close they are. Because, like, you know the way sometimes you've got that little, like, shit fucking scene where it's like, fuck you, I'm telling mom.

And other times you're, like, super close. And if you were like, I don't want to get in trouble he'd be like oh that's cool yeah yeah i know that i feel like yeah there are missing pieces now that i think about it um i think you gotta broach it like you you gotta broach it one way or another and just be like oh hey like sorry i didn't know you were home the other day and like see if he goes oh yeah no worries or if he's like yeah and then you can be like, like, you kind of got to base it off their reaction,

I think. And like, because if they don't know how big of a deal it is yet, you don't want to make it a super big deal. Yeah. But if they think. You should know, like,

just by looking, like, if you guys lock eyes, you will know immediately how he feels about this. Yeah. You should, you know what I mean? Especially if you're locking eyes with your mouth around. Yeah yeah like it would be like if he's avoided you for the past couple days

then like yeah he's weirded out by it yeah but like did you not talk immediately after this i feel like unless you literally like he walked in walked out and dick still a mouth you type this question like surely you have a better indicator at this point did you not talk to him about this at all i mean did you just be like oh well we got to keep going and then we'll watch a movie and then later on you're like oh he's in bed now oh well like surely you would have been like it'll come around hey sorry like anything right i need more but i think you really gotta gauge his his reaction. Just be like, oh, I'm really sorry. Like, we didn't realize, like, ha ha, I guess you walked in while we were, like, doing grown-up stuff. Yeah.

And then. Like, Nine's old enough to sort of, like, start introducing just, like, sexual concepts to people. Like, even just, like, if it's just something as simple as, like, hey hey, so like, you know, we care about each other. We're in a relationship together. And sometimes we do things. It's very similar to kissing. But like for adults or for like, you know, more mature people, you know what I mean? Sort of like that way he doesn't equate, you know, kissing and blowjobs as like the same level of intimacy.

And like, yeah, kind of go from there and see like if he has more questions, answer them. Yeah. Honestly. And like like you know what i mean and i think yeah if you're making a big deal it's gonna be a bigger deal but if you're just kind of like oh you know like sorry i walked in didn't didn't hear you but like you know obviously we're just doing some adult stuff whatever and like again yeah if he's questioning his follow-up whatever and at one point be like look i think i'd appreciate like just don't tell mom and dad i think they'd be weird about but like and then be like don't worry i'll pay the favor back like one day when you have a girl friend or a boyfriend and like yeah make it like a bonding moment between you

guys and like uh i got your back i appreciate if you have mom you know like yeah and like i feel like getting a sex talk from your sibling it would be more enjoyable than getting one from your parents you know what i mean like you guys are sort of like like, on the same sort of, like, power level, even though you're older. Like, there's a much different gap between, like, sibling and parents. Yeah. And, like, having that awkward, like, and, like, how many parents talk about blowjobs? Yeah.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, for me, it was always just, like, you know, be safe. Here's a condom. I got awkwardly handed a book once. It was, like, there we go. It was a sex book. It was, like, cool. How to sex book it was like cool how to sex basically dummies yeah it was but it was like this really like it was probably one day got handed i

think it was published in like the 40s it was so bad it was really funny uh and now i'm doing the podcast about sex yeah but i still think you can't get pregnant if you stand up and have sex yeah it's fucking gravity man they can't swim upstream they invented gravity like 50 years ago um and like i also think it could be like when you're a kid you want to be seen as grown up and like if your sibling is like treating you as a grown-up and kind of like letting you like giving you the respect and like giving you this like grown-up kind of like one-on-one like actually like bringing them up to your level me and like look we're gonna talk about this like yeah i think

you'll probably feel pretty cool as a nine-year-old you know what i mean i think that's gonna be a lot better than just being like yeah so i feel like they're always analysts uh depending on how long it's been since the incident and this question and this question and listening to us solve it uh you could be fucked but yeah i imagine depending on how long ago this was it's like it's already come to a head yeah no pun intended pick one or two i'll take a one please okay i don't know oh this fucker deleted it i remember most of it i don't know what to do once i bring a girl to my room long story short he was at a party met a girl uh they were chatting things aren't really like things were going really well at one point they went up to his room to continue the

conversation she she sat in the bed he sat on like at his desk and like they chatted at one point she was like hey come join me on the bed. And he did. And they chatted. And it kept going. And it kept going. And then she was like, well, I think I have to go now. And he was like, why didn't I do anything? Yeah. So I don't know what to do once I bring a girl to my room.

Easy. You sit her down on the bed. Dick her into the mattress. You just fucking drop your pants and go, what do you think about that? Like my nine-year-old brother's on his way. Took a look at it. Steven, get in here! Quick.

Your brother's got something to show you. I think, like, first fucking point, they sit down on the bed. Sit down on the bed with them. Don't sit at the fucking desk. What are you doing? I get it in the sense that, like, everyone's a little more aware of consent now and everyone's a little more like on edge,

um, about stuff like that and like not misconstruing. Yeah. Uh, and so like, you know what? I'm not even upset that this guy went and sat at his desk. Um,

but when she invites you to join her on the bed, yeah, like that's a pretty standard. Let's be fair. Sitting on a bed beside someone is not a bad thing to do. Yeah, no, for sure. But if people who are inexperienced with the stupid bullshit, which I think we're probably going to talk about later, if you don't know all the bullshit about consent. And when I say bullshit about consent, I mean like people talking about like,

you, you can't do it. Like guys can't do anything anymore without being, you know what I mean? Like if that's in the back of your head as well, like I get it. Especially like when you, if you're just completely inexperienced and this is like sort of the first

thing, I assume this person is fairly young, um, based on the question or like, you know what I mean? Like, or fairly inexperienced. Yes, that's true. Um, so where you're coming from is basically like, young um based on the question or like you know what i mean like or fairly inexperienced yes

that's true um so where you're coming from is basically like you think it's good that they're at least like worried about yeah yeah for sure i i honestly read it more like they were nervous and they just sat on the desk but either way yeah cool like be nervous it makes sense be aware of people's consent obviously um we can't say that enough but apparently we have to uh fucking world but um what you know what what do you do here so the first thing i would do is uh and i'm gonna play this from the part where she invites him to the bed yeah um like i wouldn't sit there like arms on the lap kind of thing i would because one that's actually unnatural i would put my arm sort of like behind her but not touching her yeah you what I mean? To sort of create the illusion of closeness.

And that way, if she... If she starts backing up, then you're getting a pretty good idea of that. If she wants to reciprocate that closeness, she can either move closer to you. She can like put her hand closer to you. You know what I mean? Lean into your arm. There's a bunch of things that you can then watch her body language for, for for signals and like if you sit down beside her and like kind of have that arm back and over and like you're near and she shuffles off a bit yeah then like pay attention you need to

start paying attention to people's body language body language is so key how they act to how you act and like if she doesn't move or if she gets a little closer that's probably a good sign yeah and like there's no harm in literally asking and being like hey do you mind if i kiss you yeah absolutely like no one no one in the world has ever been like oh they fucking did that like no no one cares cinematic it's not scripted by fucking aaron sorkin but yeah but it's it's nice and it's it's good for you because you like all you need to do is make that choice to say that and if they say i don't want to boom you're done if you say that and they say yes then you know there's no like leaning in and awkwardly like shit shit shit however if you want to do that like you can tell or hopefully you'll be able to tell like if you're like if you have a hand touching them or like on their arm or like

whatever again be natural don't be fucking creepy and like they let you continue that touch or like they're not shying away they're probably pretty cool what you're trying to kiss them yeah um i'm gonna i'm gonna let you in a little dane miller secret um the best way to see if someone wants to kiss you when you're looking at them make eye contact to them and then spend a little like a second or two seconds look at their lips and like make sure they see you look at their lips and look back up at them if they want to kiss you almost nine times out of ten they're going to do the same thing um and that's like and that's your opening you know what i mean like if you it's like i've never missed on that yeah same for me like if i and it's

it's it's almost like a non-bal ask. You know what I mean? Yeah. You're looking at them, you make connection. Even if it's like one of those things where like, maybe you should have said something, but you haven't, you know what I mean? Like an awkward silence there is kind of, it builds that nervous energy, which is almost always like necessary for a really good first kiss. Yeah.

Um, and also like, if you're not literally lunging at them, if you're coming in and you're tilting your head, they should have time to be like, Oh, sorry, no, or whatever. So again,

even if you don't go like, Hey, do you mind if I kiss you? And you're not literally pouncing on them. If you start going in for a kiss, they have the time to say no. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And like there, there are other things that you can put your hand on the back of their neck. Or the front of their neck and choke them. Don't do that. And it there are other things that you can put your hand on the back of their neck. Or the front of their neck and fucking choke them. Don't do that. And it's, you know, it's a signal that, oh, you're going to come in. And they're like, again, watch her. If there's no sort of pull away from that, then you're probably good. Yeah. And I will say that like two things are really key. Like you do need to go for it at some point, whether it's asking, whether it's like getting that like touch,

that sounds creepy, but you know what I mean? Or like, you know, leaning in for the kiss. Like those are things that they're scary. You need to be able to do that and you need to be able to, to build up the courage and know that you got to do it. Right.

But secondly, you also need to be cool if it doesn't work out yeah like if you misread the signals and you go in for a kiss and they're like oh sorry don't be a fucking shit about it don't be a weirdo just be like oh sorry i guess i misconstrued that like laugh it off like be cool and like fuck it there's plenty of fish in the sea You actually went out there and you put yourself out and you weren't. And most importantly, you weren't shit about it afterwards. Yeah. That's the important part. Like that is so important.

It's the most important part. And the other thing is like, again, it's, it sucks that I have to, uh, even say this, but like, just because she's let you kiss you or kiss her, uh, doesn't mean that's leading anywhere else. You know what I mean? It could very well just be a kiss. It could be a make-out session. You could maybe get naked. And at no point in time is that a signal that sex is going to happen or that she is consented to sex.

All sort of the next step up still requires another level of consent. Yeah. So she might have been cool with you kissing and that might be you know as far as she wants to take it yeah she might not even want another kiss yeah and that's fine like she doesn't owe you shit or he yeah if you know you're swapping around um or they yeah it's uh it's one of those things where like uh the first yes... It's not like, well, do what you want. Yeah, it isn't like a checkmark on all the categories. No, it's a yes to that specific thing in that specific moment.

I feel like we could do a whole episode on breaking it down into getting all the way to sex. Yeah. But just be aware and don't be a fucking asshole. Yeah. And... And have fun. And just, yeah, be cool with each other and and and communicate with each other and if you ever feel like they're getting uncomfortable it's not a bad thing to ask them

be like is that okay yeah i mean like if you're going up their shirt and you see you can tell like maybe the arm is coming across their chest to like kind of stop you from going further you know be like oh i'm sorry is that not all right and she and she's like no it's fine i was just itchy you're like okay cool great um because like there's been a ton of times where i've um i've been with a woman and and something would happen and i would have read that signal as like them stopping me from doing something uh and then like later on you know either on another date or whatever they'd be like i don't know why you stopped i was like well because you put your hand over your shirt and she was like oh yeah no i was just like fixing my belt or like or i was just itchy or and it was

like oh okay well i thought it was like a no thanks kind of thing and i um so there's there's a ton of things that can be misconstrued so So communicating is the best. And things are going really well. I pretty much thought we were going to continue forward. And at one point, went to unbutton their trousers, and she stopped me. I was like, OK, cool. So we continued to make out, whatever. Next time we hung out, same thing in that we were, again, getting pretty hot and heavy. This time I didn't because I was like, OK, she didn't want to last time.

If she does, I'm sure she'll take the reins. And she didn't. So I was like, yeah, cool sure she'll take the reins yeah and she didn't so i was like yeah cool had a lot of fun next time same thing and at one point she was kind of like hey are we gonna like i was like oh sorry like you stopped me before and like you know obviously at any point you could have tried to she was like oh man i just had like this massive pimple on like my like where my tie meets my like groin area she was like i was just super self-conscious about it like it was just that one thing i was like okay cool yeah it was great again like yeah i guess she didn't want to say that in the heat of the moment which is fine but you know the next two times she was wondering why i wasn't doing anything but she also wasn't so like again don't feel afraid to try

and take things in your own hands ladies but yeah that's the thing it's like if you if you want something to happen and you're waiting on someone else to do it it's like it's you're allowed to either ask for it or make the attempt yourself yeah again cool about not being creepy and fucking weird be kind people be good yeah go for it uh oh yeah it's my turn you know what i'm this is kind of a good segue uh this was like a last minute question. And I'm going to... Agent Auburn. And she asks, What's our take on the new Gillette ad?

And more so the reaction to it. Well, firstly, I think your Facebook post sums it up pretty well. It's so annoying, yeah. So I made a post just being like, it's funny, and this happened with the fucking Nike Colin Kirkpatrick ad, where it was like, the people, that's his name, right?

Kaepernick? Whatever. What did I call him? Kirkpatrick? I don't know what you said. You are not cutting that out. I'm not, no. I'm a basketball boy. No, I'm not. Well, we use all our analogies are basketball. Don't be afraid to cutting that out. I'm not, no. I'm a basketball boy. No, I'm not. Well, we use all our analogies are basketball. Yeah.

Don't be afraid to make that dunk. Get them oops. Make explosive dunks when she's sitting in your court. Yep. Your quarter court. What the fuck? I don't know. She's in your three-point zone, bro.

You got to alley-oop for that explosive dunk. I don't think anyone's ever called a dunk explosive. I mean i'm sure someone has what the hell's his name kaepernick right okay um kaepernick uh and it's like one of those things where it's like the people who are the most aggressive about people getting upset and like snowflakes liberal snowflakes liberal whatever people who get the most upset about things. So like upset about the stupidest shit. And be like, oh, we're boycotting Gillette because, you know, Gillette doesn't want us to be assholes anymore. But like, okay, that's the bit that fucking gets me is like, can you imagine like anything else in the world?

Like imagine if Gillette were like, you know what? I don't think we should murder people. Would anyone be like, whoa, like get the fuck? Or it's like, you know what i don't think we should murder people would anyone be like whoa like get the fuck or it's like you know what people 100 would and here's the thing it's not not to the same extent because they wouldn't be allowed it's not societally acceptable for them to be like wait murder's bad now yeah but like that's the thing if they were like i don't think we should like as men i don't think we should shoplift anymore no one would be like whoa if it was like as men i don't think we should like do animal abuse no we still would it would it would be some people would be the hashtag not all men again but this is just such bullshit

my my problem is uh is the people who are there's there's obviously the fucking idiots who are like i'm mailing all my gillette razors back to gillette to protest it's like fuck those guys they're already idiots and there's you know more or less no saving them yeah my problem is the people who agree with the message and are complaining about the delivery or the medium and people being like this is all just a publicity stunt it's like fucking yeah of course it is it's an advertisement yeah but also a company that is trying to make a profit i get it at the same time they're also getting massive backlash for it which like i'm sure they did not take into account you know what i mean but it's one of those things like you know i mean this ad was calculated you know what i mean like they but at the same time i'd rather them calculate a good ad and still make

money off it than just be assholes that's the point it's like i don't give a shit what the company is yeah um and it's like great if it was something like you know i mean a company that uses slave labor again with the nike thing it's like if you have their problems with it have your problems with that's fine it's not don't try to diminish the message you know i mean like i one guy was like who's gonna wash that head and like change his life what's the what's the point who's this benefiting i'm like okay cool but like what what what is your rhetoric who is that benefiting like you are currently just throwing your voice into the outrage against this yeah and people are just going to see that as you

being against men being good not being fucking assholes so like if if you have a problem with the way it's delivered or the medium in which it's delivered yeah fucking fine that's like i get it you know i mean like obviously i'm not like yeah but that's the best company i'm not gonna go and buy fucking gillette razors now i have no fucking brand loyalty to them now yeah but i can't sit back as you know i mean like a third party and someone who's removed from the situation and be like, I agree with this message and I hope that other people see it and it inspires them. Yeah. Well, hopefully even if like this just starts a trend of advertising in this vein and then that just becomes the norm. Fucking great.

But like, it's a bold move and it's good. You know what I mean? And it's like, but again, I think where this hinges on like, and I think it's the very first thing I sent you from a listener about this show and it wasn't even a listener i don't know if he ever listened but when i had talked about my podcast or our podcast and we posted up asking for questions remember a guy i knew fucking who's a lovely guy who's you know a good person uh messaged me and was like what the fuck like i honestly like thought better of you blah blah blah blah like you're gonna buy into this toxic masculinity shit and i was like what and

he's like oh like blah blah blah like man are the worst man are the problem with everything and i was like dude like do you know what the term like refers to and he was like and he didn't even know it was a term necessarily and he just thought that like toxic masculinity was like man are the worst yeah i was like no like and i started giving examples of like you know pickup artists for example i'm like do you agree with that and he's like no those guys are assholes i'm like yeah that's toxic masculinity he's like well no and i'm like no but yes like it's an actual term he's like oh and i like listen all these things he's like i agree with all these things they should all be stopped and but then he was like yeah but then why are you attacking men i'm like i'm not attacking men it's just a terminology of how like bullshit like masculinity is being used to like promote these shitty ideals and all this stuff and it

was really awful because this person who agrees with the message but just because of the name yeah the buzzword the yeah like i posted on twitter today just being like we just need a new name for this like if we change the name it's the same thing with like why people get mad about feminism you know what i mean like it's they think oh it's all for women it's like no you stop someone to be like hey do you believe in equal rights and equal pay and equal every you know what i mean like if you do you believe in just equality between the sexes and and you know the spectrum that it encompasses most people are going to say yes and if they don't they're fucking assholes and stop talking to them anyway because you're not going to change their mind but like nine times out of ten but then you switch the question you ask the same

person a different person has the same person be like hey are you a feminist they'll be absolutely not no way i'm with that shit and it's it's literally the the terminology and the connotations the shitty connections people make because they think feminine, feminine, women. I'm not a woman. This is against me. Yeah. And you're like, no, like, it's not an us and them bullshit. Yeah.

You take that very small vocal minority of like, yes, there are shitty feminists out there. You know what I mean? There are women out there who think that all men should be castrated. Yeah. Don't get me started on that bullshit. But that's, again, that's not feminism. Yeah, exactly. Like at all. The worst thing is the people shouting the loudest are the people who are the

biggest assholes so it's like that gives every good movement bad names because you have those fucking people and like it's easy to share this batshit like everyone should be castrated thing yeah much more so than it is to be like oh look at this thing that's common sense like we should you know treat people equally. No one's going to share a moderate feminist post. Yeah. You know, no one, no. Because it's not groundbreaking.

It should be just common sense. Yeah. You know. And that was the thing. It's like, one of the other things was, I saw a lot of people talking about with this ad. It was like, oh, now they're demonizing men. Now they're demonizing strong masculine men. I was no point i was like yeah i was like every person who said that i was just like point to me yeah the strong masculine men in this commercial who

are being demonized yeah is it the guy who's like sexually harassing his co-worker is it the six kids beating up the one kid or is it the people who literally were strong enough to stand up and be like, Hey, don't bully that kid. And then it's like promoting people to be better. Yeah. I was like, if anything,

this is an ad like complimenting the men who are willing to stand up for their ideals. Because like, I'm not going to say like, there's a lot of guys who will agree with this message, but when given the opportunity won't do anything about it. You know what I mean? Because like, either they don't want to embarrass their friend for calling them out for

being like an asshole shouting shit to women you know what i mean like i know a ton of guys i like i bartend i sit at the bar and i will watch like two friends sit there and one of them will be a fucking asshole and would like constantly try to like talk to the girl next to him talk to the girl next to him and the buddy is so embarrassed the embarrassed face, but they don't do shit? But they don't say shit. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's like,

that is kind of who this ad, I think, is targeting. People being like, you're in, you have the opportunity. If you just turn to your buddy and be like,

hey, fucking chill. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, if you want to talk to her, that's fine, but she doesn't want to talk to you,

so take your loss. That happens five times. That guy's probably going to stop doing it. Yeah. And that's the thing. doesn't want to talk to you so like and take your loss that happens five times that guy's probably gonna stop doing it like yeah and this is the thing it's like i was again i i told you this the other day there was a guy uh who was at my bar and he was like he was saying like really toxic shit about a woman he was either in an i don't know relationship but he was texting or calling or something and this guy who had no relation to him whatsoever beside him on the bar just turned him when he was just like hey man you uh seem to have a lot of pent-up aggression and it seems to be directed strictly towards women and that uh that behavior is really toxic and then proceeded to talk to this guy for like almost like an hour and a half two hours

that's the best whoever he is i hope he's listening and just tore this guy apart and in a very like respectful very sort of calm. Yeah. So like anytime the guy would be like, yeah, but this bitch. And he's like, well, let's not call her a bitch first. He's like, regardless of what she's done to you, regardless of her demeanor, let's call her a woman. And let's address her aggression. Because right now, anything you're doing right now could be described as being an asshole.

So unless you're cool with the term asshole, like, don't call her a bitch. And I was just like, you, I don't know where you're from. I don't know where you came from. But we need more of you. And he was like just a welder or something, wasn't he? He was like a steel worker. He wasn't even like a psychologist. Yeah, no.

He sounds like, you know, TV therapist. was he was he was super smart he was super articulate he was super patient um and he was he was uh he was like yeah i don't have any background in this he's like because it sounds like he's like trained in it right like yeah he handled the situation 100 would have thought he had some sort of degree in psychology yeah um but the way that he he talked and i was just like, fuck, my dude. Yeah, we need more people like that. Yeah. So, like, I think that would be, like, my take from this ad is, like,

it's just encouraging men who have the possibility to stop this from happening to, like, take that chance. To do that, to be better. Yeah. And also just being, like, you know, bullying someone and, like, sexually harassing someone, not so like get the like stop it's yeah it's outdated bullshit that's like if anyone at this point thinks that's cool like you're a dumbass if you think that the ad is spouting a bad bad message you're a dumbass like you could you don't have to pretend that it's

not to make gillette money like we're all aware that it's an advertisement. That's the point. Right. But at the same time, I'd rather they do that with a good message than not. It was like when everyone was. You know what I mean? Like, why the fuck would you, why would you be upset about this? A company is always going to try and make fucking money.

Like. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's stupid. It's like my bank always like almost year round has pride shit up always um and i can't remember what the fuck commercial was that had like got all that backlash years ago about uh the interracial couple and there was like the gay interracial couple like that had a kid and like people losing their shit and everyone was just like what the fuck is deal with it these

people exist in the world i don't care if you don't want to see it and i don't care if you have to explain to your kid like why this person has two dads because guess what that kid is probably at some point in time gonna come into contact with someone who is gay i dare say so um or someone who is dating someone that isn't the same color as them also they're probably not gonna be as shit as you so the the sooner you step up and like be a good parent to your kids the less often they're gonna be like oh fuck i don't want to go home for thanksgiving dinner yeah because my girlfriend is black yeah exactly right they lost their shit over the cheerios commercial yeah like don't be those dickheads it's not that fun this is

the fucking it's not that fucking hard it's not it's just not that fucking hard to take half a second and just not be a piece of shit like how does this ad negatively impact your life and that's and that's my thing i'm just like what i understand that like you're upset for something for some reason but just people just just tell me what bad this ad is going to do yeah and also if you're gonna get upset about things, be fucking specific. Don't just be like, Oh, it's the message. What message?

What makes you feel this way? What? Cause no one can answer this shit. Cause they have no valid fucking points. Anytime anyone was like, Oh, demonizes strong masculine men. Go for it.

Which bit? Please tell me. Yeah. Who? When? Where? Pick one guy. Yeah.

The poor male, just trying to yell about a girl's legs on the street. Like, come on. Where, where did the, what about the catcallers, man? Where do they fit into this new fucking society, man?

So, funny enough, when I was browsing for questions, the Seduction subreddit, of course, had a big problem with the beta cockblocking his friend trying to do approach on the street. I was like, I'm not even... I read the post, and I read the first three comments, and I was like, I'm not even, I like, I read the post and I read the first like three comments and I was like, I'm just,

I'm not, I can't handle, my blood pressure cannot deal with this bullshit today. Um, on this, on this note,

this guy posted up in the seduction subreddit, how I start conversations effortlessly, effortlessly and get numbers and other tips by Bruce Wayne 89.

Bruce Wayne? Yeah. Oh, that's like his username. I thought it was like his pickup name. One way to start a conversation with a girl is to walk up and say, who do you think was winning the fight? Me or your boyfriend?

Uh, just a quick side note. I once went on a date where her whole goal was for me to fight her boyfriend. That's like, it ended with her leading me to her boyfriend and being like this guy's gonna fight you and i was just like no i'm not he's like what the hell's going on like like he wasn't even a piece of shit it wasn't like this was like what they did he was just like what i was like i i met her on fucking i think it was ok cupid and he was like what and she was like,

what are you going to do about it? And we're like nothing. And then we both just left. I hope she got dumped like right there. I fucking hope so. Um, okay. You ready?

Yeah. So, you know, you know, a post is good when it has to start with in brackets. This is serious. Yes. Uh, I'm not even going to read you the title because i don't want to give away what happens okay so tiny bit of backstory

my girlfriend of six months love loves horses has all her life an additional seemingly relevant point is during sex she sometimes says stuff like fuck me with that horse cock i've never thought much of it i thought that was just a way of her saying it's big but she started to take it take it further and it's turned into a bit of a fetish that i'm not entirely comfortable with a few days ago she told me she wanted to role play and at first i was pretty on board but then she said that's horses i laughed thinking it was a joke and she took it the wrong way and said she was tired and went to sleep i said fuck it and trying to make her feel better she joke and she took it the wrong way and said she was tired and went to sleep. I said, fuck it. And trying to make her feel better, she said I'd do it the following day.

Honestly, it was okay, but very, very weird. She got so into it and said it was the best she ever had. And next time wanted to buy costumes. Yes. And maybe do it on some hay. I told her no and I didn't want to do it again. And she's back to being mad at me. Am I being a dick here?

I don't know what to do. Sorry. Just wanted a second opinion. The only costume you need are those fucking rubber horse masks. That's the thing. That's all I'm imagining that they have. Honestly, just walk into the bed with that fucking bad boy, and no one can take you seriously. This girl can. I will bet you fucking money because what the fuck else would she have in mind

that i'm also thinking like you know the two-person horse costumes for like the back legs they're gonna role play as a single horse single horse while fucking well that's actually that's a thing about nature is the back half of a horse is continuously fucking the front half yeah inside that's why they and that's how horses like that's how new horses are born they don't like get pregnant they just oh no split in half they do yeah and then find a new front horse and back horse yeah no it's it's uh it's. Firstly, how do you role play sex as horses? Do you just do doggy style? Do you get a breeder to introduce you to?

Like Dante comes in and he just like starts pushing you together. Like, do you... Yeah, I can't. I mean like... Do you fall asleep standing up? Do you walk around for a while and just like... Well, that's the thing. Is it just doggy style with

neighing i mean i guess like i've never seen a horse fuck but i imagine it's like like the the male is like upright almost like on its hind legs like that's how it's got to go right so like my my dude that's just doggy style i know like that's easy to do and if she wants to nay like sure i guess yeah this is kind of fucking weird your neighbors are gonna be like oh it's them oh god but like also the hey what I love is the amount of people in the comments are like don't do it on hey it's a bad call don't do it on hey hey israel bad so many people so many people don't do it on hay you'll get real itchy and you'll get also like how much fucking hay like are you gonna go to a stables i once had sex in stables but not on the

hay but seriously what the fuck you're just gonna pile hay on your bed in your room are you gonna go to it's like kind of like a bed for disease yeah and like dead animals and bugs and shit yeah rats like no you want wheels disease like what are you doing yeah you're literally gonna get like a turn of the century disease if you do this and also like i think the most important like it's obviously it's kind of bizarre um firstly beware of people who love horses that's being on it's gonna be a unpopular opinion but that's my truth i've lived it no i'm i'm semi-joking i think the issue here and it's easy to look over because of how some of it is funny it's like he's literally not comfortable with it and being browbeaten into doing it and he doesn't want to do it and she's getting pissy at him that's not okay yeah this is this ties back

to the fucking blueberry thing we're like it's sexual manipulation this is like pretty much abuse yeah like you just need to look at her and say nay you need to tell her to stop horsing around you need to bail out of there real hard you need to fetlock her out of her own room don't have enough horse knowledge to fetlock yourself in your room until you're safe you don't give one bit of it you need to main up rain her in or she just saddle up and do it. Yeah. Oh, boy. Okay, go for it. Okay. I actually responded to this post on Reddit,

and it wouldn't let me post, and it made me so mad because I feel like this guy just needed to hear this. Why wouldn't it let you post? I don't know. It just kept being like, something's wrong. Oh, that sucks.

God damn it. I wrote a big fucking thing, too. This comes from Massican00. do i even count as a virgin anymore if you gotta ask bruh so i'm a 28 male and i'm still a virgin this was mostly by choices i wanted to make sure i got my act together before i started going around you know school have money worked on my personality we'll get to to that. And during that time, despite me having no experience, I'm quite knowledgeable in regards to sex,

such as positions, what to do to pleasure a woman, as well as becoming open-minded about various sexual acts. A.K.A. I basically have the mentality of a man-slut. Well, then I got to thinking, do I even count as a virgin anymore? Just due to the fact that I would likely be viewed as a pervert.

I know. What? I don't understand that part. I know to many here this sounds like a stupid question, but it's been on my mind for a while. He then later on goes to clarify. He knows this sounds like a stupid question, but it's not. But I was thinking, under the mindset that you aren't clueless about what will happen and in some cases know more about sex

than one who is more experienced. Like, I wonder how many experienced people know about the 48 positions in the Kama Sutra. Oh, man. I can't wait till this person has sex for the first time and it just doesn't go very well. And he's like,

but all the reading but all those cosmo quizzes i did oh i bet you that's where he got it all he's gonna like bite her ear while like yeah humming a nursery rhyme he's just gonna finger his own asshole because that's like oh yeah that's everything cosmo tells you to do he's just gonna be like i know everything about his sex i just like just get up in there and then and like they're gonna be like no that's you're still a virgin. I think you're masturbating. Yeah.

You're just fingering your own asshole right now. Yeah. Um, he also like, there was just a bunch of comments where he would be like, um, someone was just like, man, you're 28 and you're still a virgin. Like, that's just the reality of things. Like that's, that doesn't change. And he's like, um, someone was's like i'm 18 and i'm still a virgin it's like whatever and the guy was like well tell me honestly would you fuck someone who

made under 20k a year and so like he's so like he sounds like he has the every like indicator of being a sociopath oh yeah i like ironically he sounds like he has no idea whatsoever. But also, okay, let's look at the positives. He's saying that, like, virginity, it doesn't really matter. That's true. It doesn't really matter. That's about the only positive.

Like, he's looking past virginity as being a big deal, although, ironically, he's making it even more of a big deal. He's not doing that, though. He's making it a very big deal. I was trying to make it a good thing. No, he's so desperate even more of a deal. He's not doing that though. He's making it a very big deal. I was trying to make it a good thing. No, he's like, he's so desperate to not

be a virgin that he's made up this crazy ass scenario in which because he knows the fundamentals of how sex works that he's not a virgin. It's like, I know how pianos work. I'm not a fucking piano player. I know the rules

for football. I'm not a fucking piano player. I know the rules for football. I'm not a fucking football player. Clearly we both know basketball. Yeah. I am a b-ball boy. We are the b-ball boys. And I'm not a baller. I wouldn't call myself a baller. Don't ever put yourself down like that

I'm just kidding I'm fucking I'm a baller you don't need that negativity in your life Dan you're a baller hold me yeah it's just like what man like chill first secondly money has no bearing on any of that shit yeah I mean like the most sex I ever had

was when I was so poor but also like what do you mean like oh hey like wow I'm getting on really well with you and what do you make what's your income give me that give me that let me see your log on to your fucking online banking right now and let me see the trend of your income how much sex you pay last year girl last week last week girl how much tax like what the fuck do you count her assets like is it just straight up cash well that's like what if she makes 20 grand what if she makes 20 grand but has a home and a car and two horses that dante is constantly introducing each other to

so there's probably a fall in the way that's two and a half horses it's a great show hey uh to the last question don't fall into our trap oh hey yeah it sounds like a nightmare um yeah no this guy like like it's she doesn't sound very stable nailed it um i mean like yeah you you nailed it when you like Yeah you nailed it When he Like he's gonna get Like his first Sexual experience Is gonna be a

Fucking train wreck Cause he's gonna be like I'm gonna do this position I'm gonna do this position I'm gonna do that position Then I'm gonna finish it off With my big trick And he's gonna get inside

And be like Yeah And be like Or she's gonna be like Dude like can we just Stay in one place Yeah Can you stop

You can't fit all 48 positions in To the 48 seconds You're gonna last like oh or she's gonna be like dude like can we just stay in one place yeah can you stop kind of fit all 48 positions in to the 48 seconds you're gonna last also a lot of those positions like don't you need to be like really trained for some of them like near yoga style positions also a lot of that's like tantric sex which is not sex yeah like the the funny thing is, is, like, the Kama Sutra is not, like, a sexual supplement. It literally is, like, a guide on, like, healthy well-being and, like, finding your soulmate and, like, nurturing your life through love and, therefore, through sex. You know what I mean? Like, it's not, like, a fucking, like, sex position.

Yeah, like, that's not what it is. So, like, he just has such a strange... He has no idea about anything. Yeah, he has such a strange, like, perspective on what sex is, what it means, and, like, how it works. Yeah. But also, like, if you feel this so strongly, yet are so, like, insecure about this that you have to go to the internet? Like, that's the thing. Because he feels

this so strongly but he also needs the validation yeah so strongly that like 100% those things are like internet differently like and then like that's how delusioned he is yeah i mean like or delusional he is is it like he thought he was gonna go on reddit and people are gonna be like yeah man you're oh shit boy you're i'm gonna just upgrade you to black belt sex black belt you're like a double anti-virgin. Yeah. Did you just erase virginity from existence? All hail our Lord and Savior, whatever the fuck his weird name was. I bet it's...

Daddy sex cool. Massacan zero zero. He's got that massacan. Yeah, no, it's just like just like firstly virginia doesn't matter man if you're a virgin if you're not like fucking chill secondly like money doesn't fucking matter chill thirdly like just go out and have fun man like yeah i i totally by all means like research and by all means care about someone's pleasure but don't make it into this weird superiority thing that you seem to have that's the thing is like especially when you're arrogant about it and you means care about someone's pleasure but don't make it into this weird superiority thing that

you seem to have that's the thing is like especially when you're so arrogant about it and you haven't accomplished anything yeah like i could i could literally like take a sport i could take anything take any sort of like pastime and i could dive into it we know quite a bit about podcasting so we're kind of the most popular podcasts in the world like technically i know all about how to grow an audience i know all about how to maintain an audience yeah satisfy an audience i know about how a microphone works we would never record an episode on our laptop like yeah right like because i know so much about how microphone works then technically that episode never was not great quality was it um it's like oh man i i don't think i've ever wanted to see a person

have sex before more than this guy's like i want to see that oh man it's gonna be so good it would look exactly like his face when he comes in 30 seconds i feel like he's gonna probably snap and kill himself or somebody after like i feel like this is only gonna get worse when the first one doesn't go that well. And that's why I really wanted to ground him. Oh my God, I realized why I couldn't post. Because we're banned from sex. God damn it.

Sex Reddit, this is what you did. When this goes south, this is on you. This is on you, moderator from Sex Reddit who wouldn't unban us. Yeah, fuck. Maybe I'll message him. Send him a private message yo please please i don't want to embarrass you but let me let me just school you because like i've had sex a lot wait

what you've had sex um i mean like i haven't but i've read about it so i'm pretty much not ever no we've been like this is how we've i'm so good good at, like, I haven't even had sex, but, like, I'm on the Sex and Dating Advice podcast. Like, I'm basically not a virgin, right? Um. Right? I still. Right? Right?

Right? Find things. You know what I mean? Like, I'm still learning things. And also, like, every single person's so different. Yeah. It's like, you might know where the clit is on a fucking pitcher. What? I'm clapping for him. Oh. I thought you were clapping for, because I the clit is on a fucking pitcher. What?

I'm clapping for him. Oh. I thought you were clapping because I said clit. I was like, oh, it's your trigger. No, I was just like, good job, man. Cool. Yeah, it's like, great. But like, the second it's just your tongue figuring out where it is on a woman that you've never met before.

Your tongue don't have eyes. Good luck. The hills might met before your tongue don't have eyes good luck the hills might but your tongue doesn't and it's like yeah you you can generally know what's up down there but like again like i've yeah i've i've gone down on my fair share of ladies and like everyone is different everyone's totally different every like it still takes a couple seconds to be like let me figure out where this is yeah Yeah, and how you like it as well. Some people are like, yeah, just get in there. Get forceful.

Some people are like, yo, super light. Don't even touch it directly. Just play with the hood. Yeah. Some people, it's like, fucking get down. Into it. Just go. Go to town.

And the thing is, he's going to go with a girl who's going to be like, I'm not really into getting oral. Sorry. It's just not my thing. Mm-hmm. Or like, even just the physical nature of it is like, your tongue is going to get tired as fuck because you've never done it before. You don't know. Maybe he's doing tongue articulation exercises. I fucking hope so.

Can you? I'm going to message him that. I'm going to ask him. I'm like, cool. I see you have the mental aspect down. But physically, like, have you been doing the sickest, most amazing ab workouts? Have you been crushing bare weights with your tongue? Have you?

Like, what can you lift with your tongue? Please get on your knees while your legs spread. And then, like, lie down. And thrust whilst, like, you know what I mean? Lie down on your front. Arch your neck up as much as you can to a painful angle crank your jaw and your tongue stick them out like try not to choke in your own saliva while going to town maybe she's a squirter get someone to spray water in the back of your throat while

you're trying to do that and then fight off multiple legs just in case she's a she's an unshaven lady just tickle them in your nose try not to fucking sneeze in that vagina dana's not good at that part right fight for she was shaving i just had to sneeze that's fair fight off some fucking bucking legs and hips get hit in the face with hips you know a hip bone is pretty hard get that to the face bro and see how well those tongue pull-ups are gonna fucking do you yeah you're fucked but not really because you're over no um like and it sucks because the researching and the caring about pleasure that that's positive yeah but the thinking that it makes you an export in the in a field that you have no experience in is crazy and the worst part is i feel like it's

gonna lead to more negativity is the worst part like i don't see him then having any kind of sexual interaction and being like oh i'm being humble instead of just being angry yeah that's the thing or like it's someone else's fault it's gonna be one of those things where like his his first sexual experience is probably going to be a disaster like yeah or even just like or just underwhelming there's no way it's not going to be a disaster, because even if it goes well, his fucking metric is out of this fucking, like, the realms of sense. Like, he thinks it's going to be like... Yeah, he thinks he's going to, like, last for, you know, the...

Yeah, her vagina's just going to, like, melt. She's going to just be, like, coming. He'll have solved that vagina. It'll cease to exist. And she'll be like, you finally did it. You did it. My liege. And it just, like, floats into the sky. he's single-handedly just gonna rapture the world

with his dick yeah um but it's like it's not gonna happen and like he's probably not gonna last very long probably not and he's gonna like both either he's not gonna last very long or he's just gonna not be able to get up because that's just like pretty common brah yeah like it's uh especially when you're this up in your head, man, we need to take this guy under our wing. Does he like, we need to fucking message him and just fuck him. It's one of those things where like, it's, you have to like, when it gets to a point where you just have to be humble and honest, like, I, about again i'm not a woman so i'm trying to

empathize here but like if if if i was a woman and this guy was like hey just so you know uh i'm a virgin um so like you know help me out or like i can we take it a little slow at start and and see what happens as opposed to being like hey i know I know 48 positions in the Kama Sutra, like fucking buckle up. I'm going to blow your God damn mind. Like, even if you were right, like even if you do those things,

most of them are going to be like, what the fuck? Yeah. I feel full bad for this guy. I know. And like, it's just one of those things where I'm just like, I just want to be like,

just chill. Yeah. Just like, this isn't your fucking personality and this isn't like the core of your being no just embrace who you are it's a fun thing you're a 28 year old virgin you're fucking breathe it doesn't matter yeah you're gonna find someone anyone who's gonna want to sleep with you is gonna be cool with the fact that like you're a virgin yeah and if they're not it's like fuck it oh well yeah you probably won't be a virgin the fact that like you're a virgin. Yeah. And if they're not, it's like, fuck it. Oh, well. Yeah. You probably won't be a virgin then afterwards.

Or like you'll find something like it'll be fine. And then like you'll get good or better. And like, hell, yeah, maybe you'll be better off the most at the start. But like you're not like fucking sex God. Yeah. Or maybe he is. Maybe he is. That's the thing, right?

We're saying this. Maybe he's just a fucking sex protege. Yeah. Like that's the thing right we're saying this thing maybe he's just a fucking sex protege yeah like that's the thing he's gonna like he's gonna message us in three days and be like hey and he's just gonna show us picture of like yeah cincinnati destroyed and not like just wave of euphoria of orgasms and he's like wow like i'm sorry guys i literally like i warned you this wasn't me being arrogant this was like a public safety announcement like i was telling you to clear the area like i'm just so sexy like we didn't even get to 38 we didn't even get to 38 it's 48 see this is the best thing i have i looked it up and there's actually 64 positions in the comments future and it's like please tell me that was your only comment uh no it was one of my burns um okay we need to

no we're we're gonna you ready for this yeah they have another question oh yeah oh okay i'm sorry it i don't know where we're gonna go with this maybe maybe i should save it i don't know guy so i'm a 25 year old female dating a 23-year-old guy. Found out he's kept his ex's used tampons. Okay, you're really going to have to go with me here. I still can't quite get my head around it. I was at this guy's apartment after we'd seen the movie. He went out to get us some condoms as he realized he didn't have any.

I know it's bad to snoop, but I felt like I wanted to get him to know him better. And you know what? Usually I'd say, don't do that. But after this, I'm like, shit, maybe it's a good thing you snooped. Maybe just snoop.

Snoop. Snoop right now. Snoop. Snoop. Snoop. Snoop dog. No, what the hell was that?

I don't know. We have only seen each other three and a half weeks. Long story short, I opened the bedside table drawer next to his bed, which had a clear jar in it with four used tampons in it. Obviously at this point I froze, trying to find a logical

explanation as to why they could be there. He gets back, I confront him about it. He really went off at me about snooping, but eventually said they were his ex's tampons and he's got a thing for periods. Worst part is she doesn't even know he used to fish them out of the bin to keep so we could look at them later. Obviously, I'm not seeing him again. But do I tell his ex what I found? I know who she is. I feel like I have some sort of responsibility to tell her. Yeah, I would.

That's kind of scary. Yeah. I don't know. Is that just me? No. Is that fair to say? That's terrifying. That's serial killer shit.

It would be no different than like if you were not. Use condoms or something. You know what I mean? Like if I looked at my bedside table and Amanda had her ex's used condoms, It'd be no different than like, if, like if you were not, you know what I mean? Like if I looked at my bedside table and Amanda had her ex's used condoms, I'd be like, what the fuck is that? Like that,

that's fucking crazy. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm, I'm not about this. It's terrifying. Do,

does she tell the ex? Yeah. Yeah? I think so. It's one of the, like, here's, yeah, I don't know. I mean i mean it's like part of me is like yeah warner because he might go eat her that's that's my thing it's like i think it's more of a safety message as opposed to her like being like yo your ex keeps your

bloody period it's it's more like this guy's like i feel yeah like it's weird again i every time i see something like this part of me is like yo don't kink shame but like i i don't know this just seems really off to me also like it'd be one thing if he was like hey i like them and can i have them and she was like sure that would be one thing yeah she's like he's like sniping them out the bin it's kind of creepy and also like how long ago did they break up how old is it uh it's been three and a half weeks of them hanging out so i'm assuming at least three and a half weeks which i'ma point out is maybe too long to have used tampons it's like who i don't know like who's like dating like right you know i mean so there's probably like yeah a gap but even if there wasn't three and a half weeks of old blood but what i'm saying is is like like is he like breaking in you know like how is he like how is he getting them

oh oh i didn't even think about that and like that's that's why i would be like yo just so you know like like again i don't know the decomposition period of period blood and, and tan bonds and shit like that. But like, I imagine if they're like, if there was a, a, a long enough period of time that they would mold or something. Right. It's fucking horrific. Um, I don't know.

So I, I, yeah, I don't know. I don't really know what, uh, sorry. I saw that one and I was just, I had to, but yeah, yeah, I don't know. I don't really know what... Yeah, I'm sorry. I saw that one and I was just... I had to. But, yeah, no, 100%, I would warn this poor ex and be like, Hey, just so you know, like, is he going through the fucking trash outside? I don't know. I thought it was, like, when she was over at his.

That's what I just assumed. Because that's the best case in this worst case scenario. And, like, I feel like this is one of the easiest things to satisfy and being like just have sex when she's on her period you know what i mean like if if you're into yeah period yeah and you know what i mean like most women tend to get more yeah they're like more sensitive yeah so it's like so it's like find someone who's cool with that because a lot of people are and like that's cool but like that's weird yeah like that and like again if it was with consent that would be okay at least at the top end but like to then keep them and they're in your bedside fucking like

they're not even like hidden they're just like right there yeah for ease of jerking it i'm sure like if you kept condoms would you not keep them in your bedside table it's not like they wouldn't have just like big a oh let me get one of these condoms maybe oh is that a jar of tampons yeah don't worry about it what if he kills people that's his token like his like little fucking power like his thing you know they're fucking trophies and she found it's creed instead of the white white feather it's the yeah just puts a tampon just like or he just kills people on the period but maybe that's his thing and he gets caught and he's like okay one way i get go down for murder another way it's like she thinks i'm a fucking weirdo yeah i'm just he's like oh i stole them goes talks to her ex

she's like we saw each other for three weeks none of which are on my period you fucking caught a serial killer what would his name be um bloody mike oh yeah bloody mike bloody gary bloody gary oh okay yeah okay we need to wrap okay we'll even do sex writing this week yeah we have to do sex writing i don't know which one to do it's like almost like we don't do this every week yeah but like all right you figured out i'm gonna get comfortable we had that one year that was like gold and then the next years aren't so good I'm already comfortable so I don't care what you're saying This is back from 2015

And it's List of the Lost by Morrissey Oh shit At this Eliza and Ezra rolled together Into the one giggling snowball Full figured copulation Screaming and shouting As they playfully bit and pulled

at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza's breast barrel rolled across Ezra's howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it whacked and smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza's body except for the otherwise central zone. I'm trying to... Do you want me to do it again? No.

It was one sentence. I'm trying to, like, get that mental image, and I just... All I'm seeing is someone just titty-slapping someone. But, like, he's also whacking and smacking his dick into every muscle of her body except for the otherwise central zone. Does that mean, like, he's also whacking and smacking his dick into every muscle of her body, except for the otherwise central zone. Does that mean, like, he's just not... This is exactly how that guy's first sexual experience is going to go.

He's like, he just fucked up, and instead of, like, kind of suture positions, he's got, like, nerves from, like, you know, martial arts. He's just going to hit you in the dick and, like, every one of your nerves, like, oh, my arm! Yeah, girl, she screamed all Yeah. He's just going to hit you in the dick and like every one of your nerves. Like, oh, my arm. Yeah, girl. She screamed all night. Or their pleasure points. That's why he's a virgin. He doesn't need to get inside you. He's just going to whack you with his dick in the right spot.

I'm going to beat your chakras with my bulbous salutation, progenitor. Oh, boy. I think that's going to do it for us today, guys. Yeah, guys. It's been a wild ride this week i don't know sure guys um we love you we do love you uh send in those questions keep them coming um if you could let a friend know let someone know post about us on facebook we're trying to you know get more people in we we have a fucking sick crew following us you guys are the best but uh we need we need to bring more people in. We need to stop people

from doing all this dumb shit we just talked about. Yeah. Also, if you see one of us out and about in the wild, feel free to come by and say hello. You creep. No, go say hi. We're always going to be cool about it. Yeah, it would literally make my day. Yeah. And we appreciate

each and every listen. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard City for songpapers and stars. Yeah. And we appreciate each and every listen. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard City for Song Paper Stars. Yeah. You did it. Thanks. He's actually going on tour. He's like moving to LA

or something like that. So if you're in his neighborhood, walk up to him and mispronounce his name. He loves it. That's why I always do it. It's our cute little thing. So yeah,

do go check him out if you can. I posted a thing on Twitter about his little tour. If you have a question, you can email us at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com. Yeah. Or you can find us on Twitter. At Facebook.

Nope. At fck underscore buddies. You can also find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. All right. Wrap this boy up with a Dan. Oh, okay, you ready? Just to round off, a pretty heavy episode with some pretty horrible things.

Oh, wait. Dan, where'd you go, you little slippery bastard? Oh, also, Dan hasn't posted at all this year. Do you think someone was like, hey, maybe listen to the last, like, 20 seconds of this podcast. And he was like, oh, shit. I fucking suck. Because...

I think he's charging up. I think this is going to be like a Dragon Ball Z situation where he's... We haven't met his final form. Yeah, he's just not going to do anything for, like, a couple weeks. And then he's just going to be like, spirit bomb of shit. Well, Dan has a blog post called, I choked my girlfriend out of anger and she dumped me. My name is Dan Miller. What the fuck?

My name is Niles. And we're your fuck buddies. And Dan should fucking... God damn it. Fuck. Okay, bye.