F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 196 - Don’t Change Your Guns

Episode Date: July 4, 2022

Head on over to http://lovehoney.co/Fbuddies and use our limited time code: FUCKBUDDIES20 I don't want to spoil too much, but this week we have a very famous guest stop by or maybe Dain's just working on his cool Kermit impression.  Topics include Roe v Wade protest pick-up strategies, taking time or making moves after a break up, Niall's hard stance of sitting beside your date, worrying about how your sex looks, catching your partner in a social media lie, Ted Mosby in real life, making requests that suit your sexual requirements and, of course, more Tinders.

Hey listeners, before we get to the episode, we want to take a moment to address the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. This decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans and others should other countries do this too. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, go to choice.crd.co. We encourage you to speak up, take care, and when I'm trusting, I love. I put my trust in you. I put my trust in love. Hello, friends.

My name is Dave Miller. And I am Niall Spain, and we're your fuck buddies. We're a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations, turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners and we answer them on this here podcast for your ears on the topics of sex and dating. Now, we recorded

last week in our closet, in my closet, and then Niall did a powerful move and gave everyone COVID. Might have been Dane, we don't know, but we both got COVID from the closet. It certainly wasn't our trip to Boston in packed karaoke bars. Definitely wasn't that golfing asshole who kept complaining about wearing a mask and proudly proclaiming that he was unmasked with 10,000 people every day for the past week at some golf tournament.

Couldn't have been him. No way. No way. It wasn't sitting on a recycled air airplane for way too long no for hours but we came through pretty all right like yeah i would say i'm i still have to do that that last test to see that i'm out of the woods but i feel i feel pretty good i like it i never would have even known if you hadn't told me i would have been at work fucking slinging drinks you're welcome this is your second tour this is my first visit i know but is it more embarrassing that you got it in

june of 2022 i've seen a lot of memes of people being like i can't get covid now not now i don't know i just think it's very impressive that you made it this far i am yeah i think we in our friend group i think we still have two friends who haven't gotten it. It's true. It's true. It's crazy. Crazy. But they're also the two that get to work from home and don't have to. Exactly.

Not have to deal with hundreds of people a day like we do. Yeah. So, yeah, that was us. We kicked COVID's ass this week. And now we're here to kick the ass of your sex and dating quandaries. You ready to go? Yeah, I'm ready to go yeah i'm ready to go now unfortunately we're gonna have to start off by checking in on seduction because i feel

like it's been a while okay we can do these as quickly as possible which is kind of my goal i'm gonna hit you with a twofer this is the first one this is by television many 3819 anyone of success approaching at the roe v. Wade protest? Tried this today with no sex. Obviously, there's a solid female to male ratio with girls who are probably DTF. Anyone have any luck? What makes you think, with everything that has happened, that

women are DTF right now? What could get you in the mood more than having your rights stripped away and having fear for your future? Yeah, and the one thing that could lead to all sorts of bullshit, which is sex. Like, I can't think of a less sound plan to get laid than to go to a Roe v. Wade protest and be like, Hey, I know you all are really pissed, but how would you like to maybe have sex with a stranger?

Yeah. People in seduction, very smart uh this is another one this is jelly eye three when girls call you out on negging what do you say sometimes girls call out the negging how do you respond uh you have to go into pausing which is which is just like really obnoxious compliments my answer just be just be, don't go fucking negging. What are you doing? No, that's a bad, it's a bad answer because you,

you got to remember seduction is a rollercoaster, right? True. I don't remember who said it, but someone said it. It was, it was a journey and a rollercoaster. You got to bring them on the emotional rollercoaster.

They can never know why you're going to do next. So if, if they're like, Oh wow, did you just neg me by saying my shoes are ugly is that and then you're like yeah but your eyes are beautiful like wait what they don't know what's going on it's true that's my answer the old eye shoes swap around okay how about a real one um yes let's uh you know maybe answer a question that someone sent in all right this is from agent

palm tree hey dana nile just started listening to your podcast i appreciate how real and honest answer a question that someone sent in. Alright, this is from Agent Palmtree. Hey, Dana and Niall. Just started listening to your podcast. I appreciate how real and honest you guys are with all the questions. I'm in an interesting situation and hope you can help me out. Thank you, Agent Palmtree. Yeah, thanks. Six weeks ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. We've been dating since high school, living together for two years, and it got to the point

where I just wasn't feeling into it anymore. My brain said everything was perfect, but my heart said otherwise and I had concerns about our future together. To avoid wasting any more of her time or mine, I broke things off. It's been challenging, but overall it went better than I envisioned. I'm single now,

and I think it would be best for me to be single for some time to focus on things I enjoy doing, such as connecting with old friends, traveling, golfing, working out, etc. Although I have this recurring thought about this girl I met two years ago. We worked a summer job together and really hit it off.

Both her and I were in different relationships at the time, so nothing happened. However, we keep in touch. Planning to work the same summer job this year, and it turns out she'll be there as well. I'm torn because she's stunning. We share a connection, and I would like to ask her out eventually now that we're both single, but given I'm freshly out of a long-term relationship, I think I need time to myself. I have an irrational fear if I don't ask her out soon, she will snap up in another relationship, and I could lose my chance. What do you guys think? Do I try to be friends with her for a while before making any dating slash relationship moves? Are my fears logical?

Cheers. Okay. One, there's a lot here that I want to congratulate you on. And I feel like that's a rare thing we get to do when people ask us questions. One, you realize that there was something wrong in your relationship. You didn't go into details and that's fine. We don't need to know all the details, but it takes a pretty strong person to break out of the comfort zone and be

like, Hey, this isn't what I want anymore. And I think we should end. And I, I really want to commend you on that. That's, that's a very difficult thing to do.

And it takes, it takes a lot of, a lot of gumption to get that done. So good for you for doing that. You seem great. I love it. Yeah. Second, you also realize that this is an opportunity to reconnect with old friends, to get into the things you like, to sort of work on yourself. And that's kind of what we want to do after a breakup.

I know there's usually like two paths that we go down like for me every time i get into a relationship ended i'd be like cool it's workout time and i work i like get very fit after every breakout um and there are other people who are just sort of like they they spiral so i think it's i think it's really great that you are taking this as an opportunity to reconnect with old friends and reignite some of your passions that maybe you didn't have enough time to do. That's awesome.

Good for you. No, I love it. And finally, I think it's pretty good foresight to be like, hey, as much as I have a thing for this woman, maybe getting into a relationship right off the bat isn't the best idea. And I would have to agree with you.

I don't think rushing into something that or with someone that you have a connection with or you feel you have a connection with right off the bat is a good idea. Because at least at least not until you process it. And I don't know how long you take the process, you know. And the good thing is you also seem to know that, which again, it's all positive so far. So here's my suggestion to you. You say you stay in contact with them. Great. That means that you're not going to be coming out of left field with a like, hello there.

How are you? Out of nowhere. And you're working this summer job together, which is like primo situation because you can organically kind of bring up that when you if you haven't seen her in a while and she's like hey how you've been you'd be like oh great really good um you know you can casually bring up the the fact that you're single again in you know a fun playful way or just like as a toss way just be like yeah i'm like you know i've recently been single and and i'm you know getting my life together whatever you want to say i even feel like the fact you guys were living together probably gives you a pretty good innocent segue into this because you'd be like oh i moved recently

yeah me and my girlfriend broke up so like just got my own new place or whatever yeah or even just like oh i just got brand new roommate like my girlfriend moved out depending on you know how it went it's it's an easy way to slip it in without just being like, I am single. Exactly. And then you can use this time that you spend together at work, seeing if what you felt was actually a thing and not just rose tinted glasses. Because I think a lot of us, when we're in relationships, find someone we have like kind of a crush on and we kind of romanticize that a little bit. Because there's no possibility of it because it never happens. It could be whatever you want.

The possibilities are endless. Right. So I think this is a great opportunity to sort of like dip your toes in the water and see if, if the temperature is still right. And if it is a great way to sort of, especially if this is just a seasonal thing, dating or coworkers can be difficult.

So once the season is done, once the summer is over, you now have the door open to be like, hey, look, I had a really great time hanging out with you again. And I would love to go on a date with you once you guys are done work. And if it doesn't go well, there's enough time. There's a whole year that'll pass to help cool down the awkwardness of it if you guys decide to work together again. And you don't have to worry about complicating work right off the bat by dating someone you work with. It also gives you what?

Another three, four months buffer, which is, you know, not insignificant. Who knows how you'll feel after that? Now, the interesting thing for me is that like if you only see each other when you work this summer job, how close are you guys in normal life in terms of geographically? Because if this person moves in for this job or – you know what I mean? Is the relationship even viable outside of this kind of summer time? Because if not, it could be great to just have a summer fling. Yep, absolutely. Because then you'll have your fun time with this person.

If it's not viable in real life anyway, you don't have to worry about that not happening. And then it's always a great way to get over someone else and you'll have a great time. So that's a possibility. And I'm not completely against the idea of this still just being a summer fling, or at least like having a summer fling,

because as we've talked about before relationships don't need to be like you are not relationship you are rebound you are sex and then boop boop boop like oh relationship detected i'm going to date this person now like it's not like that so if if it leads casually and naturally and organically to like, you know, a sexual relationship with this person while you guys are working together. Great. Make sure you're clear and up front with where you are in terms of like what your expectations are. If like if you're very clear being like, hey, so like, you know, as I mentioned, I'm just at a relationship. I am sort of, you know, I'm still processing things.

And but like, I don't want to by all means, like I'm happy to pursue things with you. I just want you to know where my head, you know what I mean? Like be clear and don't lead them on, especially if if this is something you would like to see progress to something in the future. Because my partner and I started as, you know, secret work fuck buddies. And we've been together for like almost seven years now, six years. Yeah. Well, even like me and my partner, when we met, like I had, we were both out of long-term relationships that we also needed space out of. And we were together casually for like a year and then it clicked and it was great. And it's like, if we hadn't spent

that time, like who knows how close we would have's like, if we hadn't spent that time, like who knows how close we would have been, or if we would have broken it off or bitten the bullet too soon or whatever, but like the time worked for us both. And it's like, I saw something during the week that I love and it was being with someone or casual sex doesn't mean treating someone casually. You could still have a wholesome, great relationship with somebody. You're just not dating them. And in fact, that's how it should be. If you're treating someone casually, just because you're fucking them casually, you probably suck. You can still have very fulfilling things that aren't a relationship, like hard and fast in terms of like being exclusive or like boyfriend, girlfriend,

et cetera. You know, there's no harm with that. Now, the irrational fear that if they don't ask her out soon, they will be snapped up in another relationship and they can lose your chance. What do you think about that, Dan? I get it. Like, I 100% understand where you're coming from, for sure. And that's why I kind of like I'm not going to dissuade you too powerfully from engaging in a little summer fling while you guys are working together. Because, like, even if you're not ready to date them, still being able to, to like hook up with them might be a great thing um and you don't want to get that FOMO so like I understand that but I will say don't let that fear

influence you one way or another you know what I mean if that's the only reason you're making moves you shouldn't be making moves like if you're not ready but that fear is kind of tickling the back of your throat I think a fucked up try is worse than no try at all in this situation. Because for all you know, next summer, she's single again and you also are when you're ready, as opposed to doing something with this kind of like imaginary foe being the only thing kind of propelling you forward.

Like you don't want to be in a situation you're not ready for or not happy with because it's going to bleed into your interactions, right? You want to do it want to you want to do it genuinely you want to do it honestly while i can understand that fear i don't think that fear should have any bearing in your decision process we've said a thousand times it should be a fuck yes or no and if if it's not a yeah i'm absolutely 100 ready to commit to this person without any reservations or you know little sneaky whatever is in the back of my head like the the

person i was dating prior to amanda i got into a relationship with them because i was given like kind of an ultimatum and i was worried like i i like them enough to be bummed out at the thought of not still being able to like hang out with them and like hook up with them so i i started dating them and it was a terrible idea because i wasn't ready so if i had chilled like who knows how that would have gone if i had been like no actually here's my position blah blah blah and maybe it would have been like okay cool i don't want to see you anymore i feel like i'm wasting time you know that would have sucked probably would have hurt but like the way the relationship crumbled also fucking sucked so you know it's it's something

you've got to be aware of and and you seem to have very very good foresight in this kind of stuff so i think you you just need to keep trusting your gut because your gut seems to have a pretty strong sense of like what's best for you and unfortunately now and i can't guess what that is. But you've been doing, you've been making some very good calls. So I believe in you to make the right call. I would say, yeah, just try your hardest not to let that fear influence where you're at. Because again, if it's the deciding factor, I don't think things are going to go well. And like, fuck it. If they do get in a relationship, like good for them.

And who knows what the future holds? You know what I mean? If they're in one, it's probably for a reason. And again, it probably also didn't come out of nowhere either. So it's like if you made your move, but they were almost at relationship status with this other person, it probably wouldn't work out anyway. I don't think it's going to happen that quickly. And let's address sort of the and again, I'm not saying that you're a bad person but there is a root of toxic masculinity in the idea of being like women can be removed from your chess

board by other men you know what i mean like i i think that that's not a great way to view women or people as sort of like things that could options that could be removed from you despite the fact that like yes you might not have the chance to hook up with someone because they start dating someone else but like that's not the purpose that they exist that's not why they're there is like people aren't opportunities for you and i don't think that's how you view them or what you think, especially with the rest of the question. But I want to, I just want to address that because I think that can lead to some problematic thinking and some, and some, you know, ingrained toxicity that could

manifest itself in bad ways later on down the road. And for people who don't seem to have as good a head to shoulder or head on their shoulders as you do, I think it's a slippery slope for a lot of people. So I just wanted to address that sort of mentality. And just by all means, there are opportunities. The person isn't the opportunity. Yeah. Now, the last question is, do I try to be friends with her for a while before making any dating slash relationship moves? And unfortunately, I don't think we can answer that without knowing more about how you feel and how they feel and how you guys reconnect, right? Because it could be you guys reconnect and it's like, oh, who are you again? Oh, yeah, that guy. Or it could be like back to how it was instantly and it could be great. But even then you could

feel like you need more time or you could feel like, no, fuck it. I actually really like this person. I'm willing to give it a shot. And I think these are all things you're going to have to feel when you get there, because unfortunately there isn't like a playbook, right? There's not like, oh, in this situation you have to do two weeks of friends and then, you know, that's not how it works. I think you're going to have to use your best judgment when you guys reconnect about how you feel, how you guys interact, and like just the general kind of sense of like the job and what you guys are talking about, etc. And again, you have a good head on your shoulders. I don't have much fear that you'll do a good job, but I don't think we can really answer that one, right? You just got to do what's best. I will also posit this. Why wouldn't you want to be friends with the person

you want to date? Well, yes, that's the thing. I don't think there is also a delineation between the two. I think even while you're fucking someone, you're still friends with them, right? And I think that's kind of where it has to be. I think you do need to be friends with this person. And I think you need to be aware of like the fact that they are potential romantic partner and sexual partner as to not sort of cut like, you know, firmly entrench yourself in. I'm not interested mode. Exactly. Like you're not interested. Exactly.

Yeah. of entering into like this this pattern of that you're not a potential partner or that like as now said that you're not interested that could be jarring for them to then hit be hit with the like you want to go grab a drink with me tonight uh if they're like oh wait hold on what um so yeah just you know maintain a flirty atmosphere and stuff like that but uh i think you definitely should make sure that the friendship is still there because as now said if you haven't seen them in a while and haven't like actually hung out with them if if you start to like try to rekindle a friendship and you're like oh this actually this actually kind of sucks it will definitely color your path towards a romantic

encounter for sure yeah so i don't think the friendship aspect of that is optional i think as for when you want to make dating relationship moves again it's on you and it's on how you're feeling because it turns out you you might get there and not be into it right or she might already have a partner or you guys might not just like jive the way you used to etc right so you just feel it out and again you do seem to have a good head on your shoulders so i believe in you let us know how it goes and the pandemic did a lot of weird shit to a lot of people for all you know you get in there and she's like full the government's trying to inject us with nano machines like happen to a lot of people yeah so you do want to, like I said, dip your toes in the water before you jump in.

Yeah. All right. Well, I hope that helped. This is by OKControl9284. My first date seemed platonic. Is it weird to ask a date to sit next to me? I've been on five first dates lately

and all but one felt really platonic. Normally for the first date, I do drinks by the harbor where we sit across from each other talking for an hour or three, then leave, give each other a hug and call it a night. However, after the the first five dates i'm starting to think they're coming off as way too platonic i don't go for the kiss on first dates because after spending hours

sitting across from each other not touching it feels weird to go for a kiss i want to do something to build chemistry or at least test it first thought is to ask them to sit beside me does it seem weird to ask for two people to sit next to each other in a booth on a first date? I'm not sure how to work around this. I mean, the harbor is a great spot. Sounds very romantic, I'm sure. But if this is your issue, don't go there. Go to a bar and sit beside each other at the bar.

No. No, no, no, don't sit beside each other. Ever, you fucking weirdo. What are you doing? I hate, I hate when I've got a table on a date and they sit beside each other no i'm talking about sitting at a bar you have to sit beside each other okay i thought you meant a bar not the bar at the bar i thought you meant no no at the bar okay yes that's great sitting at the bar is the best place to have a date hands down i'm not just saying that

because i'm a bartender but you get usually the best service you get way better service at the bar nine times out of ten in my opinion and if you're cool and like have a good conversation the bartender will almost always pick up on that and if you're not being a douchebag they will probably wingman the shit out of you for sure um i think that's a good idea but unless you're sitting at a bar do not sit beside each other you fucking weirdo I mean it's one thing it's one thing if like you guys are like dating and dating and dating and like you know whatever if you then because like

if you're on a date with your partner you should be able to fucking go an hour sitting across from each other if you have to be sitting side by side on the booth fucking touching each other and being weird and annoying I'm just saying it's like if you're at the harbor and one one table has a much better view of the water yeah i would like i have no problem sitting beside my my date or my partner no again

as long as you're not like mounting each other and all over they always are there's never a table that sits beside each other and are cool i've never seen it they're always fucking weirdos it's i mean yeah that's that's true like for real um i i will say like dane raised a really good point if you're down at the fucking harbor and you're having drinks and after an hour and a half it's the sunset be like oh get over here and we can both watch sunset amazing like that's that's good that's natural that's fine you've talked for a while and then you kind of get closer or if this is really your issue break up your fucking date go from one place to another you know what i mean as after the sunset maybe be like oh we'll hit a bar nearby because then you guys get to talk and stand and

walk and maybe hold hands or put an arm around each other and it at least makes it a little bit more dynamic than just sitting there almost like an interview for three hours that's that was going to be my next thing is being like look the harbor is actually a fucking badass spot to go it's i'm sure it's a gorgeous place the weather is nice you know i mean hey it might be shit we didn't think about this it could be a fishy oily harbor with like angry dock workers everywhere there's just like old-timey like 19 a like 1800 london dock workers just brawling and fucking there's there's a guy from fucking uh oh what is that guy from boston i could have been a contender

just fighting the british for three days straight yeah um so yes i mean maybe do a quick vibe check or like bring a friend to the harbor and be like hey is this a cool place to bring a date friends like i don't go down by the harbor not at night wait man you're going to the harbor the fuck's wrong with you it's got those bad seagulls i think what nil said i i think like look go to the harbor enjoy the enjoy the view whatever and be like hey i know a really cool bar nearby and go to a cool bar nearby and that way one as i said i think that's a great time to if if you guys are like flirting and vibing and feeling it i don't there's nothing wrong with going for a handhold i think it is it is like the most harmless thing that like you know even if they're not really feeling it it's such a small imposition to like hold someone's hand

for like 10 minutes before you get to another bar and if they're if they're not into it it'll be very obvious you know but i think i think like going for a handhold it's so cute it's so harmless it's but it's a great way to be like hello i'm i'm physically want to touch you in such a if they don't want to touch you at all that's a pretty good sign that you shouldn't go for the kiss or the things aren't going well yeah and like some people are weird about specific types of touch so it could be a hand thing blah blah but they'll probably explain that you know what i mean if they're like look sorry i just don't like to hold hands my hands are sweaty and i'm whatever like if they really kind of make excuses for it it's

probably okay you could probably try again with something else later maybe but like it's a pretty good gauge but honestly i don't like i think it's a very uncomfortable thing to ask a girl you just met to come sit beside you in a booth because like they don't know you yet right you know it's very like it's it's so whatever but it seems very controlling yeah and on top of that it's like it's very hard, but it seems very controlling. Yeah. And on top of that, it's like, it's very hard for them to say no. So they kind of have to do it if they want to or not. Right. And it's just like, I don't think it's a comfortable thing to ask. I think if it happens naturally, great.

If there's a reason like, oh, come over here. We can check out the sunset or like something like that. Sure. Go to, again, dang, go to a bar, like sit at the bar. That's a great fucking way to do it naturally no one's gonna be weirded out by that right and like i said i you're if you're not going on a date and sitting at the bar you're you're doing it wrong you're making a very big mistake because it's like you can as as the date goes on and you get more comfortable and you you pick up

vibes and you and you get a feeling for them like their leg is right there you can touch their leg you can touch their hands like they're right there you know what i mean like a hand on the shoulder whatever there's there's so many opportunities to engage in in sort of like a physical touch and it's so much easier than like reaching across the table or you know coming back from the bathroom and sitting on their side of the table like it's it's so easy easy to be sitting right beside someone. And like I said, the likelihood that the bartender is going to be like, you guys are cool. Here's a shot. Blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? You're going to be in good hands if you go to a cool place. Also, there's more kind of happening at the bar. You'll hear them talk to people. Maybe you'll talk to people. But usually people are kind of brief or stick to themselves at the bar. But there's bottles to look at there's drinks he's gonna make and you can be like oh shit what's that that looks cool like it's kind of more energetic so it's not just you

two staring at each other across the table um there's there's more to it it's a little bit more dynamic so i would say don't just go to one place and sit there like an interview definitely do not sit at the same side on a booth randomly. Cause you're going to be a fucking weirdo. I'm sorry. I hate it so much. And everyone hates it. Everyone I work with are like,

look at them. I know they're going to be shit. Cause they both sat on the same side. I guess what? They always are. So don't do that. Stay at a bar, turn into a pub crawl,

have a reasonable excuse to sit on the same side, like a sunset or a fucking movie on the TV or something. There. Boom. Yeah. Here's something we talk about a lot, but, you know, always good to talk about things. This is Educator Quirky in 1933. Do guys actually care how it looks during sex?

I, female 18, am still a virgin. Although I don't have a boyfriend or anything, I think about losing my virginity a lot. The thing I always think about is how everything would look. I get compliments about my body, but no one ever actually sees me completely naked, legs spread, etc. Do guys care about how weird natural boobs look when they're laying on your back? Do guys care if it's not pink or doesn't look how women in porn do? Do guys care about how the moon sounds? What about the faces women make? Is it aoff uh unless they're shit pretty much no to all the above now i'm concerned about the pink question well i think it's like the porn pink okay i'm

just saying like if if there's a color not pink adjacent or or skin adjacent perhaps get that looked at well okay you don't know this person's ethnicity so i'm saying skin adjacent yes okay good i i'm glad you clarified that um but like i think it's just like the very like porny porn pink vagina is what they're talking about yeah i know what they're saying but i'm just, but I just want to... If it's green, sure. If you've got something that isn't close to your skin color... If you don't have human colors, go get it checked out. Yeah.

Unless you're not a human. Unless you're not a human, in which case, I'm sorry. Yeah, no one really cares. Again, you're going to have some asshole. My old landlord had a tenant who, if anybody came and wasn't shaved would literally banish them to the bathroom with a shaver until they came back like completely smooth that's crazy oh yeah and people like some people did it which is even worse uh so that guy's a piece of shit and

he exists uh but i think in general, no, no one cares. Everyone's so thrilled to have sex. And like, guys aren't fucking perfect by any measure of the imagination. You know what I mean? So it's like, they're also going to be making weird faces and doing weird sounds and like, rolls when they bend over.

And you know, like we're all in the same boat here. So it's like, unless you're sleeping with someone who sucks, I think you're good. I will say there are obviously outliers like if i've complained before about someone i slept with whose moans were like more like i've said it before porn for the hard of hearing it was very fake very loud very performative put me off and was also quite rude to everyone i was living with so like you know there are outliers. You know, if you're really putting on a moan or whatever, maybe it can be a bit of a turnoff. But like in general, you're good. That would be my caveat here.

As long as everything is natural or organic, like what the faces you're making, the noises you're making, as long as those are like the noises and faces you would normally make. But fine, whatever. long as those are like the noises and faces you would normally make but fine whatever because like the one thing that that freaks me out is when i feel like there should be a camera in the room or that like there's someone else in the room who needs to be appeased because i'm like i don't what are you doing why are you making those noises why why are you like pouting at me right now like it's the same can be said for if you are worried that like you know your rolls are gonna look weird or that like your leg muscle will flap and it's like you only want to like rigidly like tense your muscles and get in that

one position that you know looks good like that's gonna be far more of a turn off than you being natural and and bending over and and having a tummy fold or like having a loose leg calf when we're, you're fucking, you know what I mean? Like, again, that's not a performance. It's not going on camera,

presumably. So like this almost like working for an external gaze or your gaze. Cause assuming that that's what you're into it now, like naturalness is always going to be so much more attractive than this, constructed like posing you have to think about it this way it's like how would you rather be fucked with with passion and intensity and you know someone paying attention to you like all that kind of stuff or someone doing their best to look good because i'm telling you right now the sex if you wanted me to be flexing and making sure that I'm always looking the best that I possibly can, you are getting like 20% of my, my sexual

prowess because all of my attention and focus is going to be on, on that and not on you. And if I'm having sex, I want the attention to be on what we're doing. Yeah. A hundred percent. So I wouldn't worry about that shit, just worry about having fun? Yeah. Also, hey, let me tell you right now, I don't think there's, no one gives a shit about, like, natural boobs. Who cares? It's great. I want to see them bounce.

I want to see them all over the place. That's fine. Yeah. This is throwra199362. How do I end things without saying I know they're lying i 25 year old female have been dating this guy 25 year old male for one and a half months now and things have been going great it's been easy and fun yesterday as i was coming back from my vacation vacation abroad i missed my connecting flight due to a health incident and was feeling pretty terrible to which i messaged him about he's usually great at responding but didn't for seven hours which i

thought was strange but didn't question until later as i was on instagram i noticed he was active he messaged me at night apologizing so he didn't have his phone with him and he went biking and didn't see my messages this just feels like a blatant lie and i can't get past it am i overreacting how can i end things without saying i know you were active on your phone but not responding to me it was hurtful to me to know he saw my messages indicating a low point for me for the first time and chose to ignore it and then lie about it. Okay. There's, I guess a couple of things here. My Facebook messenger says I'm always online and I don't know why, but it does. I'm pretty sure it's hard to tech because like, you know, obviously I'm not on it, but like there have been times where people have sent me messages and been like, yeah, man, I was, I was at work.

Sorry. Like I was definitely not on my phone i was i was at work sorry like i was definitely not on my phone on a friday night at 9 p.m i was getting my ass absolutely beat so that could be a thing it could just be you know the fact that maybe if he was on a bike ride maybe he had his phone on and spotify running you know and that was what triggered the fact that it's like oh he's active there's that there's technology getting in the way two maybe he just didn't have the fucking the gumption to to fucking deal with what you're sending him right now and it's it's not on people's it's not on everyone to be able to drop everything and deal with what you're dealing with unfortunately like you have no idea what was going on his his side of things maybe he was exhausted maybe he was you know feeling kind of shitty himself like you don't know so to be like i was at a low point and he should she shouldn't ignored me and i

deserve a response immediately because i wanted one kind of sucks yeah also to just be like he's lying when like you have zero proof of that you have that he was active on instagram which as dane mentioned it's like apps are very often either on in your pocket, just saying you're on, even though you're not, or like he could have it open on like his fucking laptop at home. Right? Like there are so many ways that that could be happening that are far more realistic than him being like, I'm actively lying to you and didn't give a shit about your situation. And even then it's like, you've been dating for one and a half months and you already sound like a lot, no offense, but it's like, you don't know they're

lying. So that's already a thing. You can suspect they're lying. That's one thing. But to be like, I know they're lying. That's wrong too. Is it like, I don't know. People have lives. It's realistic for someone to have been busy for seven hours, especially when you're not there. If he's not expecting to be in contact with you because you're traveling all day or because you're abroad yeah fuck maybe he made plans to go out for the day this seems like a massive overreaction i think it's very unfair on your partner should you break up with them probably for their sake yeah i mean that's all it's always funny when the it's like yeah i think you should but not for the reason that you're you're suggesting many things could have happened, right?

They could have told the truth. If you don't trust them, don't date them. That's maybe a you thing, maybe a them thing. I feel like in this current situation, it's a you thing. Is it possible that they did this? Yes. Is it possible that their app was on when they weren't on it? Yes.

Is it possible that they saw your message and didn't really know how to respond? Sure. Is that a crime? I wouldn't say so. Is it possible they saw it and didn't care? Sure. But out of all those things, there's so many possibilities and you've chosen, I know they're lying. I don't think that's- I mean, at the end of the day, if that's how you feel about this person, if you think they're going to lie to you, then you don't trust them. Therefore, as now said, you shouldn't date them. It's as simple as that. If you don't trust someone, or if you think they're gonna lie to you then you don't trust them therefore as now said you shouldn't date them it's it's as simple as that if you don't trust someone or if you think people are lying to you and have no problem lying to you then you shouldn't date them just flat out it's that fucking simple the second you don't trust someone is the second you shouldn't be with them

yep is it their fault not necessarily especially not in this case so i mean yeah like if that's the case if you don't trust i mean yeah like if that's the case if you don't trust them break up with them that's your answer but again don't say you know someone's lying when you don't this is uh by la dolor said i love you on first date is that normal this co-worker i started working with a month or two ago and i went on a dinner date upon the date in the midst of making out he said i love you and you. And I stopped and was like, I'm sorry, what? He said, I do. I love you. What am I supposed to say?

And how do I react to this? I told him I've never had a I love you come out this fast before. Yeah, I think that's something you need to address immediately and or run away from. Yep. That is very, very intense and potentially very manipulative. So I think what you need to do is be like, Hey, it's cool that you feel that way. Thanks for telling me,

I guess. But like, for me, I love you is a pretty serious thing and we don't know each other that well. And we haven't gotten to know each other like nearly long enough. So I feel like I'm going to need to put a pause on us because you might be attributing too much, too fast to, to what we are. A hundred percent and the thing is it's like i think this would be a different question if they said i love you and like maybe like blurted out or said it and then like it wasn't really like addressed because

it could be just a mistake right or it could be whatever or it could be like you know i love you like i almost fucking told a customer i love them the other day because i'm used to us chatting and being like all right love you bye and like i was just having a really casual chat about elden ring with them and it just i almost said it when i walked off that would have been funny but like the fact that you said what and they said no i do i love you yeah the doubling down is that's terrifying and that's not good and to clarify they do work together but apparently they work like different shifts so like they'll usually see each other five ten minutes as they cross over so they don't even work together very much

and don't know each other that well so it's even weirder than it possibly could have been they don't love you because they can't love you because they don't know you if you guys have been working together for like five years and there was a whole ross rachel will they won't they and like you guys were really close and you spent a lot of time together and you hung out a lot it's like okay and i love you might might sneak out there because you actually had time to get to know this person but the fact that he's only known you and from work for like a month or whatever you said and then you've gone on one date and he was like, I love you. No, that's too much too fast.

Sorry. You can't. They're trying to love bomb you. He's a psycho or he actually thinks he is. And I don't know which is the worst. Yeah. None of those are good situations. So like I said,

I think you do need to be like, Hey, we need to pump the brakes here and address this because you don't love me. And if you do think that you do, then we're going to have to call it quits because that is an unhealthy jump to attachment there. And it is not for me. Sorry. I would also fucking love to know how he reacts to that

because I'm going to guess not well. Probably tears. Or anger. Maybe both. Maybe anger. But I also think that would be a pretty good indication. If's like uh you know what that was really weird i get it then maybe after the break it is worth revisiting but if he's just like but i love you yeah if he job time triple downs on it and is like no from the moment i met you i knew i loved you i'd be like okay dude

like you gotta know this is bad. You got to know this isn't going to work. I just told you it's not working. But it's also just a very clearly known thing that that is super weird. Like how I met your mother makes fun of it all the time. You know what I mean? Back in the day, it was like Ted Mosby and someone saying that you love them on the first date. And it was ridiculed throughout the entire show.

We all know this isn't okay. We all know this isn't okay yeah there there's a lot of things that we know aren't okay that have been ridiculed in tv shows yeah i know i know but still it's like come on man yeah don't tell you don't tell people you love them on the first date yeah just i mean like look at how many questions we get where it's like we've known each other for one year and we're married with four kids it's like wait what yeah um so yeah people you're going too fast i know the world's ending but we can we could take our time a little bit um i've got a i've got a quick one here this is from goof kfb is it wrong to ask him

to wear a condom for oral sex i want to do things with him but i have a contamination ocd and a I don't think it's too much to ask at all. I do think if you have a problem like this, seeing someone and trying to get over it is a, or to deal with it or to manage it is a good practice. But like, if someone is that upset at that request, I don't think they're worth dating. So I think it goes both ways as well. I think if, if I was seeing someone and they were like, the only thing I can offer you is a condom blowjob. I don't think I would want to continue having a sexual relationship with that person. Yeah,

no, that's for sure. I mean, more like if they're like, no, do it anyway. Don't date them. If they aren't down for that,

that's fine. I think it's like in every, like in every situation we ever talk about, it's always like, you know, with kinks, you're definitely okay to say no and move on. You know what I mean? If you bring up a kink someone's not into, great, move on. It's when you start trying to pressure someone into stuff that that's an issue. Everyone's well within their rights to be like, okay, that's not what I want.

I'm going to walk away. Especially if they're doing that genuinely and not in a manipulative like way to somehow get you to still do it yeah so i honestly don't think i would love that but yeah yeah no i mean like i think i think you're going to be very hard pressed to find people who are like yes this is this is all i want out of a sexual relationship is a blow job with a condom on because it's i mean like i again i am not anti-condom i am not uh condom ruin sensation and everything but i think i i just i just do not think that i could mentally enjoy it knowing that the reason it's there is because everything you're doing grosses you out you know know what I mean? Well, that's another thing as well, right?

So, yeah. I think that would be a huge mental thing is being like, oh, okay, you are terrified that I'm going to give you a disease. Also, for some reason, you're also terrified that giving a blowjob will get you pregnant. Like, none of this sounds like you want to do it. Yeah, it wouldn't be nice having someone do something they don't want to do uh yeah look it it feels like a concession that you're doing because you know you need to do

something and and this is like the option that you've come up with which one doesn't sound like it's going to be pleasurable in terms of like actual sensation and to the mental aspect of it, of me being like, you probably fucking hate this. Yeah. Having you like reluctantly do something that you hate because you feel like you need to is not exactly hot to me at all. Cause like, I don't know if you've ever received a,

like a reluctant blow or like get a blow job and you're like, Oh, you're clearly not into this. Like you don't want to do this. And I'm like, like, that's the worst feeling in the world blow job and you're like, Oh, you're clearly not into this. Like you don't want to do this. And I'm like, like, that's the worst feeling in the world where you have to be like, okay.

Yeah. Like I'm, I'm good. Thank you. I'm going to interrupt your blow job here because I'm, I am loving this probably less than you are. Yeah. Much like a lot of things.

If it's another fuck. Yes. Um, but is it too much to ask? No, not at all. Absolutely not. Everybody's personal. Some people may not mind that. Who knows?

Again, it is up to them if they're not into it. And once they're not trying to use that to manipulate you into doing stuff you don't want to do, then that's fine. If they want to move on, great. Yeah. I do want to double down and reiterate that I'm not saying that this is a bad move by any means i'm just saying that you need to be aware of the the the reaction and not take that as a means to or as a as indicative of like the fact that you should change or not do it like if someone is just like no thank you i'm gonna pass then don't change your guns

you know what i mean like stick to them stick to what you want it you are completely and 100 valid in wanting this um but as now said i think this is maybe something you should go and address and talk to a therapist about yeah i've never heard anyone say don't change your guns don't change your guns don't change them that's me fucking up the phrase stick to your guns i love it i love it i think it is time for tinders but before we do that potato baby is out in the world potato baby has been released it's uh it's over on our patreon because it was all spawned through a lovely addition to our Patreon. So thank you very much for giving me and Dan COVID. Yeah.

If you would like to see what I can only describe as the most adorable elder tour. Yeah. Like a starchy nightmare. I think you look for boy. I think you should probably go check him out. He is exclusively available currently on our Patreon. So if you want to join in and see what we've done,

see, see what horror we've wrought, um, head on over to F buddies, podcast.com and click the Patreon link or patreon.com slash F buddies. Uh, on top of that, if you're looking for 20% off on love,

honey, go to love, honey.co forward slash F buddies and use code. Fuck buddies, 20 all capitals, uh, for our limited time offer code, which will be expiring soon. Get in there and get your stuff while you still can. Yeah. All right, Tinder time.

Dindy time. So every week we go over Tinder profiles that we source out in the wild and just kind of comb them for red flags in the hopes of making your online experience a little bit better. This is Ding. Hello, my name is Arianne. I'm a food lover, smart and outgoing person. So I'm looking for someone to distract me. Someone who will play with me in bed, not my feelings. I don't know if people see this, but if you're one in a million guys who do, then MSSG, all capitals with spaces, me here on Inst Insturm or Snoopjit, and then there's their Snapchat, and say capital T-T-O-R to make it happen. That seems like a lot of effort. It does seem a little suspicious, too.

Why do I have to put a weird code in? Yeah, I don't know. I assume probably to, like, prove that you've read the message. I know that's,'s like a thing back in the old days the old the olden times you would have to like people would hide like things in their profile and be like you know make sure you mess or like do this so i know that you've read my profile weird that's that's a very like applying to literary agents thing where it's like if you didn't read this and get this specific code word,

you're going in the fucking pile, the bin pile. Yeah. And now I don't know if like the Instagram Snapchat thing, I don't know if Twitter or Tinder like scans that and like bans you for using outside platforms. I'm assuming there's something like that because like, there's no other reason to mangle the spelling so horribly,

but it's like, I've seen plenty of people be like, message me on Instagram. Yeah. So I don't know. I'm going to give this a three because I do like the phrase, play with me in bed and not my feelings or whatever. I think that's kind of cute. So I'm going to give it a three.

Everything else is kind of like, meh. Yeah. I'm with you on that one. Want me to keep going or you got more? I got none. Okay. This is Andrea. I'm looking for BFFs from my boyfriend or other couples to hang out with.

Not to date. For some reason, the BFF side only lets me chat with girls. So that's why I'm on this side of the app. Okay. That's interesting. I don't know how I feel about it. Like it's, I guess like kind of cool, but it's a little alarming that your boyfriend isn't capable of like, does he want friends?

Like what's the thing? It's like if he does, why isn't he doing it? Yeah, he could just go on the BFF side of Bumble and look for friends that way. If that's really what he wants to do. Yeah, but instead it's like her with this. Like, I don't know. It seems sus. Yeah.

To go on a dating app and be like i'm not looking to date fuck off get out of here it's a zero i guess because a bad dating profile it is it's a terrible dating profile my name is lee now this could be dane let's see i deleted social media a year ago not dane and it's been heavenly i love my son dane the occult spooky things dane halloween anything horror movies stories etc bdsms Rap, Playing Guitar, Piercings and Tattoos, Dark Humor, and Video Games. Dane. A smattering of things in there. You're pretty up on most of those.

Maybe not Piercings and Tattoos, but like movies. Or Metal or Horror. Stories. I do like enough Metal. Eh. I will force you to. Anyway, I'm not into cleaning this drugs or fooling around with you and your wife not sure what i'm looking for so i can't answer that my last tinder man said i was too old crying laughing uh and then just there's a cat two flags

and i guess a baby face p.s i suck at opening this app um it's i'm gonna give it a five because like it's an okay at or like profile in terms of like the information you've given me about what you're into but then there's a lot of stuff that undermines that with like you know the i don't know what i'm looking for yeah i don't know what i'm looking for someone said i was too old i suck at opening this app all pretty garbage yeah and it's like it's fine if you're not sure and you're just kind of browsing just don't say it then yeah right like just keep that to yourself i think a four for me okay uh lena things i like converse chucks humans with secure attachment styles men who speak to a therapist regularly doritos chicken nuggets and going to the gym things i dislike peter pan syndrome vegan cheese uncreative comments

about my pension for converse chucks i mean look some of us don't have an option when it comes to vegan cheese okay and sometimes vegan cheese can be okay as demonstrated by guy fieri yeah in flavor town they have good vegan cheese in flavor town and you know what guys i'll say it it was good yeah now it was very adamantant. He was very disappointed in me. But we had to get trash can nachos. And it was the only way that I was very supportive. Thank you very much. You were supportive, but you were hesitant.

Would I have preferred real cheese? Yes. Am I a boy? Am I your boy? Would I go to the depths of vegan hell to save you from tummy troubles? Yes. And then I gave myself tummy troubles with a very, very sweet drink. Different kind of tummy troubles.

I think that was just diabetes manifesting inside me. Give me a rating. I mean, I... I'm going to give it a six. Yeah. It's just the right side of good, but it's kind of bland. Yeah.

I mean, there are things in there that I think are cute, like the chicken nuggets. I think it's very cute that you like chicken nuggets. Well, who doesn't? Let's be fair. This person's nameless. I'm going to call them Bumble. Bumble says, we'll get along if you like listening to Jordan Peterson, have similar values,

complimentary lifestyles, date night every week, and not going to bed angry. I mean, a lot of that's okay, but the Jordan Peterson. Yeah. I mean, unless she says she likes listening to him because he has that funny Kermit voice and not what he's saying. Maybe she just really likes that. Like, oh, you see, this is my Jordan Peterson. Okay. I've actually never heard what he sounds like, but he sounds like this.

This is how he sounds. I kind of want to check him out. Let me pull up a video of Jordan Peterson. I'm going to find something that says Jordan Peterson. It doesn't strike me as a particularly just or empathic solution. Oh, man. He does sound like Kermit. Okay. It doesn't strike me as a just solution.

Maybe we should mock someone's voice. It's Jordan Peterson. I will mock that man until the day he's dead. That's fair. We're giving that one a zero? Yeah. I mean, the second you say anything in light of or in favor of Jordan Peterson, yeah, you're done to me. Last one?

Yeah. This is Esther. Don't fall in love with me, please. I'm back on this app because I'm tired of drama and looking for casual. I'm quite picky and interested in smart people only. CPO sexual, kiss face, probably losing my time, but giving this a shot.

Add me on Instagram. I travel for work. X. Again, anytime anyone says anything along the lines of like, this is probably a waste of my this is probably wasting my time probably gonna delete this app blah blah blah blah blah like i'm just like okay if you're you're already telling me how little effort you're going to put into this which makes me want to give you zero amounts of effort which is what i would give you in this rating zero and also a left swipe because i if if you're gonna tell me how uninvested you are already, sorry, not interested.

Don't fall in love with me, please. Fuck off with that. Tired of drama. I'm back on this app. Fuck off with that. Quite picky. There's nothing wrong with being picky, but I think there is something wrong with saying it. Be picky by all means.

But like, why are you saying it? Like, what does that change? Nothing. So get rid of it. I don't know. I think all of it's pretty shit yeah i don't like it i'm giving it a zero even the like interest in smart people only it's like then figure that out you know i mean like i don't know why you're front loading it

with that that just sounds to me like classist intelligence comes in a lot of different ways are you just going to be like sorry you don't have a phd not interest you're not a doctor not interest okay whatever like i would like to see a doctord not interest you're not a doctor not interest okay whatever like i would like to see a doctor whip up a mean fucking homebrew game like dane does not gonna happen but do you accept dnd intelligence woman okay does she does she i don't know probably not she wants someone smart like jordan peterson i just didn't want to repronounce Esther because there's a... Isn't it Esther? Not Esther?

There's a... I don't know. Esther has a TH. It's just... I don't know. I keep saying Esther and I don't like saying it. Oh, wow. Okay.

Well, we've immediately weeded you out. No intelligence. Can't even fucking read her name right. Whoa. I can read her. I just can't pronounce it right. It's Esther. Yeah, I know.

I can read it perfectly fine. Say it. Esther right. It's Esther. Yeah, I know. I can read it perfectly fine. Say it. Esther. There you go. Yeah. See? Wow. So smart.

I learned so quickly. You're damn. Okay. Jordan Peterson. I'm so impressed with you, Niall. That's going to do it with that incredible Jordan Peterson impression. Thank you very much for listening. As Niall mentioned, we have Potato Baby ready for you

to consume. Well, not consume. Please don't eat our Potato Baby. Don't you touch our child. Head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com Click the Patreon link. He is available for all levels. It doesn't matter what tier you pledge at. You will get to see Potato Baby. The higher pledges make him happier.

Yes, that is true. The higher the pledge, the more money we have to pay for nice things, maybe get him in a fancy school so that people on Tinder will be impressed by his intelligence. Yeah, he only has one outfit so far, but it is real baby clothes. So go us. If you have a question that you want to send us, please head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com Click the contact form. Fill it out. Give yourself an agent name. We'll keep you completely anonymous.

We'll get to your question as soon as we can. We apologize. Agent Palmtree, was it? They had sent their question in, but we had already done the Love Honey episodes and we recorded a bunch prior to our trip. So all those episodes were already recorded. We usually get you in in like a week

we get you in as quick as we can that's for sure uh we do have priority queue on the patreon just in case you do have emergency questions it's true and finally head on over to lovehoney.co slash f buddies and use our limited time promo code fuck buddies 20 that's all capitals and get yourself 20 off the entire store. Anything you want. And treat yourself to a little summer toy. Well, thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvesties for their song, Paper Stars.

Got some bad sex writing for us? Let's see if I do. This is Of Love and Shadows by Isabel Allende. Excuse me, senorita. Are you a whore? Francisco prepared to defend Irene and the justifiable eventuality that the brunette should hit Irene over the head with her pocketbook. But nothing like that happened. On the contrary, she further inflated her breasts like two balloons ready to explode and smiled, gladdening the knife with a gleam of gold teeth. I love, you know, we don't give women enough credit for the miracles that are their

bodies in the sense of being able to inflate and deflate their, their boobs at will. Maybe like a, a defensive mechanism as it seems to be sort of like in this situation. Yeah. It's incredible. And I'm, I'm so glad that male authors are willing to give women the time and the spotlight that they deserve. Hey, I would like to point out this was written by a lady named Isabel. Well, that's a pen name. Definitely a man who wrote this. I would fucking hope so. Yeah, man.

Like that intimidation check. It's like I can morph my breasts into whatever form I desire. I'm inflating them right now out of anger. You can't stop me. Yeah. Thank you very much for listening. I'm Jordan Peterson. Oh, God.

And I am Kermit. Hi, girl. We've been your fuck buddies. Music