F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 198 - The Rummage Technique

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

I like to get both hands in there and really get the lay of the land.  Topics include escort confessions, coming to terms with your ugly genes, a coked out second date, girlfriend getaway insecurities, TikTok penis ridicule and more Tindies to finish us off. 

Hey listeners, before we get to the episode, we want to take a moment to address the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. This decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans and others should other countries do this too. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, go to choice.crd.co. We encourage you to speak up, take care, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love roll that off your table too i did also yeah yeah very good uh you should check out no quest for the week a powerful intro to our flagship podcast do you want to introduce the show uh i was kind of waiting on you to uh to be really happy about me rolling dice okay i mean i can get my dice out

here if you want i got a whole... You know what? That's good audio. We are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sexy sticky situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations. I have to lay dice now. Oh god. I made a real mess. I don't know why

I decided to dump my entire dice kit. Yeah, that was a terrible idea. I don't know why I decided to dump my entire dice kit. Yeah, that was a terrible idea. I wanted to pick it up and rattle it, and then the lid of it kind of fell off. I don't know, because you did say you sounded like you chose to do it a second ago. Well, no, I was picking up my whole thing, and I was going to rattle them so you could hear all my dice. But you said, I don't know why I did it. And then when I pressed you, you said that you did know how you did it, and how you did it was your lid coming off. Oh, I see what

you're saying. You know, that sounds like your revisionist history right here. History is written by the victors. And you lost. You're covered in dice. I am covered in dice. Man, there are so many everywhere. Holy shit. Man, are we doing a new intro, or are we keeping this? I think we have to keep

this. Alright, well, now you do do my part because I did your part. We're a podcast where we find questions online or from you guys and we answer them on the topics of sex and dating. Nailed it. Fuck yeah. Ready for a spicy question? Yeah. This is by deleted user. When or if to tell a person you're dating about your red flag of sexual history.

29 male here. Really giving it a try with this dating thing. Gone out twice with this woman. I want to keep seeing. We're on the same page about a lot of things. Limited romantic experience for both of us, but want to date. Sexually, we've had fun once. I want to keep doing that, but also the whole learning about each other thing.

Aligned goals, home ownership, kids a few years down the line. Aligned values as well, which is a big deal to me. She's told her family, and when she's told me that, I did the same. Doesn't feel like something you do for someone you just like having sex with. Feels a little early, but I've literally never had a third date in my life, so what do I know? Now here come the red flags. This isn't a brag. I've had many partners. All of them have been professionals, except one now, I suppose. Escort, service providers, sex workers, pick your descriptor. I feel like I'd be being dishonest if I didn't tell her it was part of my past. Hell, it's only been a few weeks since my last trip to the city to see a provider. I've got time scheduled to see one now that I want to cancel. I'm in therapy, and my

therapist knows about that part of my life, and that I want to put it behind me forever. I can't see her, therapist, for another two weeks. But I also think it's an enormous red flag. Do I bring it up? I don't want to scare her off. I've sunk many thousands of dollars into being more than a little pathetic. In fact, it's the sole reason I'm so broke to this day. But I am on the road to financial well-being. Cash advance on massive credit limit, horny, and lonely is a hard combination.

I've seen her tonight, so I don't have super long to overthink the hell out of this. I could also maybe ask her about immediate deal breakers and if it's one of them or Jason, fess up and get out of the way so as not to lie and hurt her down the line when it inevitably comes out. One, sex workers are a valued part of our society. Plenty of people utilize their services and sex work is real work, as we say every chance we get.

It's not a red flag to use sex services. The only red flag would be is like, then I hit them. You know what I mean? Like, I'm horrible to my sex workers. Like, that's the red flag. But like, just using sex services and escort services and stuff like that. Absolutely not a red flag. Also, I don't think you need to disclose that to your partner at all i think like if you have been doing it in a positive and safe

manner who fucking cares right yeah on top of that like i like i know you don't have to to worry about that what i will say is a red flag here is you going into financial debt to sustain that habit like that's the problem. And like the worry that that is an issue, but like that's also an issue in every relationship if someone's terrible with money. And it also seems like you are dealing with that. So it's like, it's not really a red flag

if you're dealing with it with therapy and you seem to be well on your way to like he says he's like on the road to financial stability so it's like those aren't red flags anymore my man like if you if you've clocked them and you're working on them and presumably you will stop seeing sex workers if you get in a relationship with this person then what does it matter like now said like i don't at the start of a new relationship i don't sit my partner down it's like hey just so you know here are all the people that i've had sex with and my relationship to them is starting you know alphabetically and just like listing off like you

don't need to disclose that kind of stuff especially not third date you know like if you were saying if you were lying and being like i've never had sex with anyone before then sure i get it but like if you as long as you haven't said anything that is categorically untrue, you have nothing to quote unquote confess. If it comes up, be like, yeah, I slept with other people. Why, how, or if money was exchanged or not plays absolutely no factor into it. Yeah. And also third date is really early to start dropping super heavy stuff on people as well.

Like, I know you're excited about this person and this relationship, but like, I do think take a breath, you know, third date is nothing. Especially when like what you're dropping is also, in my opinion, nothing like it. Yeah. Well, I mean, in general, like they're, they go pretty heavy. Like that. We talk to our families. Like I, you know, we want to have kids.

It's like, okay, third date though. And I will say say if you want to disclose this by all means go for it because i think there's two parts there's should i have to or do i have to and then there's can i if i want to if you want to sure by all means if it'll make you feel better i guess go for it but like i would look at why you're doing that because it feels like you feel no small amount of shame about it. You do say you're pathetic at one point, which again, I don't think is very fair. So it's like, are you filtering stuff through kind of your own self-shame? Or do you legitimately think this is something that you want to say? I think that's a good thing too.

I think this isn't something that needs to be disclosed immediately. I think you can go several more dates before it comes up. So wait until you see your therapist and talk about why you think this is so important before you feel like it's important to reveal. Because I feel like that's going to open up a whole discussion about insecurities, about the usage of them and guilt and shame is now mentioned and stuff that, you know, I am not medically qualified to talk about and would be in a much better hands with a trained specialist expert. So I think, yeah, I think put this on the back burner. Think about why it's important for you to reveal it and then talk to your therapist about it and see what kind of sort of analysis they can give you and then make the decision whether or not it's still an important thing to reveal or not. Yeah. This comes from a Reddit throwaway account.

Me, 38-year-old male, wife of two years, 35-year-old female, asked me to consider getting a sperm donor for our children. My wife and I were talking about having kids for quite a long time, even before our marriage, actually. When we talked about it last, however, I noticed she was somewhat hesitant, just different than before. I asked her what was up, and after a lot of beating around the bush, she finally admitted that she was thinking about it might be better for our children if we get a sperm donor. Naturally, I was taken aback and felt deeply hurt. She said she was thinking about how I was bullied for my looks in my youth, and she didn't want to risk having our children enjoy the same style or the same thing. If I try to abstract from my person,

I can somewhat see where she's coming from. Objectively, I'm not very good looking, Indian, quite dark skin, and my facial features are not what is considered conventionally attractive. My wife, on the other hand, is beautiful. In brackets, she is white. Our talk was about a week ago, and I'm still very confused, and I don't know what to do.

I talked to my father, and he said if she wasn't willing to bear my children, but that of a sperm donor, I should divorce her. Many of my friends have said the same. Only one female friend suggested to not dismiss the sperm donor thing right away. Maybe they are right, but it is very hard to leave the love of my life. I'm in a real predicament here. I don't want my children to get bullied like i was on the other hand i feel very uneasy about the children not being mine my wife was also quite adamant that she would prefer a white man as the donor so they would not even be mixed race and everybody would know they are biologically not mine am i too selfish about a narcissistic here to put my uneasiness above the well-being of my potential children any sensible advice is welcome This wife sounds racist as shit.

Right? Like, what the fuck? I hate this. It's one thing to be like, you're too ugly for me to want to have kids with. It's like, why did you marry this person? Yeah. Like, bullying can happen for anything.

You know what I mean? At the end of the day, yes. Literally anything. Also, who's to know what children of the future will bully maybe being attractive won't be cool in the future uh being white is certainly going ass style so um like that oh this whole thing is agonizing especially because it's like ugly people can have hot kids and like also if you're saying she's attractive and you're not apparently which again why the fuck is she dating you if she she's attractive and you're not apparently which

again why the fuck is she dating you if she finds you this ugly you'll still get a good a good decent mix out of that uh i i hate this whole thing and i think what she's saying is absurd i think it's wild you're even beginning to entertain it but like your kids could definitely still be bullied in fact maybe it's Hey, you got fucking adopted kid. Like that's a thing people get bullied about. So it's like, they see you come pick them up and they're like, well,

yeah. I mean like that's, that's my first thing is like, I remember having, um, there was a very light skinned black kid in my class and his, uh, parents were both quite dark and,

uh, or dark skinned. and like everyone made fun of him being like that's not your real dad your mom cheated on your dad like blah blah blah and like that was a thing from the like from like grade six to high school that was a thing this kid had to fucking deal with and it fucking sucked he was like one of my like closest friends going through high school and it just like i watched how much this fucked this guy up so much so like trying to circumvent one potential bullying thing only to open you know eight other doors for potential like kids are fucking mean they'll find like life they will find a way yeah i think what you're really gonna do is preemptively raise your child as a bully that's it that's the perfect solution to this you're gonna be really shit to your kids so he's insecure enough to bully your wife is

gonna be really good at it i think at the end of the day you need to sit down with your wife and be like hey here are the things that make me uneasy one the fact that you seem to want to erase my ethnicity from our you know family tree it's kind of fucked up like that's it's super problematic at best yeah at best are we just straight up eugenics? You know, like it's fucking bad. So that is something that you need to talk about. And then being like, let her know how you're feeling. Because it seems like you just kind of let her tell you this and was like, oh, I see her point.

Like, well, not even that more just like she told me this better go you know ask 18 people see what they think it's like what do you think dude yeah if for some reason you want this sure but like if you wanted it i don't think you would have asked 18 people and then gone to reddit right and at the end of the day we say it all the time it's gonna be a fuck yes this has got to be like a okay this can't be okay all right i guess we'll do it because that is going to be a kid that you're going to look at for the rest of your life and if you regret your decision you're going to regret that kid and that's going to fuck that kid up so bad now they're gonna be bullied at school and at home yeah uh no like again this obviously isn't a fuck yes because look look at

the question look where we are uh and i can't imagine that you hear this request and feel good about it for a variety of reasons and unfortunately it seems like maybe your self-esteem so tuck such a knock in school that you're willing to let this one just happen to you you're allowed be upset and you can definitely talk to your wife and hey maybe maybe something happened that makes this less shit that is somewhat understandable i'm at a loss to even try to fill in those blanks. But like, if she isn't just gargantuanly shit, you know, talk it out. See where she's coming from. But again, kids will find a way to fucking bully people. You can't preemptively make them unbullyable just by making them white.

That's insane. You also can't make them unbullyable by making them attractive. Because one, one person's attractive isn't the next person's. Two, kids will find a fucking way. And three, you don't really know what the kid's gonna look like some people grow into their bodies some people just look fucking weird all the time some people pull that off you know what i mean like it's it's insanity so that's not the route to go and if the only reason she wants to do is to stop your kids being bullied then it that's not going to achieve it yeah and like i think we can both agree that it i don't think the bully i think the bully thing is a

pretty thin veil she's throwing on what her real concerns are and that i think is coming down to a healthy smattering of racism yes and i think evenles my mind considering they are married to you. Yeah. But it's kind of sad as well because I feel like this guy is almost swayed by her point as well. Because he's like, I'm not very attractive and I'm brown. She's beautiful, in brackets, she's white. Almost like they go together.

And I'm like, no. Not the case. So I don't know. This sounds pretty fucked up. And I don't really like your wife, to be fair. But again, if the reason is them being bullied, one, that's not going to solve it. Already, you've gotten rid of that. But two, you were bullied, right? For being, as you say, not that attractive.

But now you have a wife. You're about to have kids. You've presumably grown up and had a pretty fulfilling life. So worst case, you turned out pretty all right. You can also turn around and be like, hey, I feel like I was bullied as a kid. And now it kind of feels like you're replacing that bully in the sense that you are now saying I'm not attractive enough to have kids with,

which is a pretty absolute garbage thing to say to someone you supposedly love. Hey, I'll tell you now, hearing that would be worse than basically anything anyone could tell me because it's coming from your partner. And yeah, like a no bully, like a bully couldn't even begin

to deliver that pain to me. So you guys gotta have a fucking talk and you gotta make sure you didn't marry a big racist. Yeah, you need to lay it down on the table. And it's like, you know, I don't want to be like, divorce her immediately a big racist yeah you need to lay it down on the table and it's like you know i don't want to be like divorcer immediately but i think you do absolutely need to sit down have the talk be absolutely honest with how you feel and any reservations

you have about this and see what they say and if if it's like if if they keep pushing it and you're not comfortable then you might have to be like, this isn't for me. Sorry. I was about to say the world's getting better. I don't know if it is, but a lot of things are depending on where you grew up. Like if you grew up in fucking England or even parts of Canada, they were super racist back in the day and are now a lot better,

you know? So it's like optimistically, I'm hoping that any chance that racism is going to play into it in the future is gonna be so much more lessons than before i hope either way i just your wife seems to suck and you really need to fucking talk this through but this is not going to solve any of the problems and may well just introduce more along with the fact that you might just fucking hate your kid and your poor kid might be like what you're gonna have to explain that to them one day let's face it like at some point in time in their teenage years he's gonna yell you're

not even my real dad oh yeah like that it's gonna happen every like hey you know what from what i know of this wife she might even yell it yeah so you know good luck but you might have to make a hard decision here and uh i'm not gonna say i don't support you in it this is by okay landscape 1508 when is cocaine usage a red flag looking for advice with someone who has more experience in dating slash substance use i recently went out with a guy on the second date who i clicked very well with have loads of fun and can see a potential future however i noticed you have leaving to the restroom frequently which in questions as we're doing some bar hopping.

Well, bar hoping. I assume they mean hopping. Slash drinking. Brackets. Peeing becomes frequent. As the night progressed, I noticed he'd become aggressive, even at servers, for not getting his order correct. He was never rude slash hostile to me, which I found odd, but it was happening to those around us. Eventually, we ended up at one of my friend's events, which we had to leave because he became overly chatting and annoying.

Next day, my girlfriend called me to notify he was definitely on cocaine, which i didn't doubt because she's been around it and it's spot immediately me not so much my question is how would i know if he is just a social slash party user or if this is a substance he is dependent on or am i being overly dramatic i know people who do it occasionally at parties bars clubs etc i can control usage down to that so just looking some insight to say what what date number this was uh second date i mean i think the fact that this dude has is doing cocaine on a second date by himself yes is enough to to put a red flag and look i have a very complicated history with substances and substance abuse and uh personally, but like with with people who have been very close to me. I grew up with with a very close friend of mine getting kind of lost

in the sauce and really bad things happening to her. And so like I grew up very hesitant to be around people who used drugs, even recreationally and even things like weed. Like I've since, you know, worked on that and, and, you know, figured out that people can do drugs safely. And there are, there are some that are safer than others, but I think you need to ask yourself what your comfort level is with substances. Are you cool with the fact that like someone you might end up being very very attached to and creating a life with might get a bad batch of coke and die in a bathroom because fentanyl is a very huge risk right now and and probably will only get worse is that something you're willing to be a part of and like i tell people often that like that it's cocaine is one thing that i'm actually really uncomfortable

with and i usually the second it kind of gets bust out at parties i usually take my leave because i want to be around it well my ex over like the last year that we were together got into coke pretty heavily and it fucking sucked it was so awful because it's like, you just, you're not even like fun. You're having fun, I guess, but like, you're so in your own head and on your own fucking like vibe or whatever that like, you just kind of spit things out and you don't even care what you're saying or who you're talking to. Or like, it's just, you're like a steamroller and you just kind of steamroll through. And like, unless you're also also on coke i don't think anyone else has fun with you and she would do shit like she wouldn't tell me we'd be at the movies and she'd like go to the bathroom and do some coke and like

yell at the screen it'd be like a fucking seven o'clock on a tuesday it was hell it was so awful and even aside from all that like let's take the drug use out of it you have someone who's being aggressive to servers for the whole night. I mean, that's enough. That's more of a red flag than the cocaine used to be on. That's the thing, right? It's like, if you were on a date with someone who wasn't on coke and they were doing that,

fucking, we would tell you to dump their ass. You know what I mean? He wasn't rude, hostile to me, but it was happening to those around us. That sucks. He's making an exception for you, but he's being a piece of shit. And even later... Well sucks he's making an exception for you but he's being a piece of shit and even making an exception for now yes exactly and this is date two uh and later you went to a friend's event and had to leave because he was overly chatty and annoying date two your friends were so annoyed that the person you were with that you guys had to leave like these are not

good things regardless of the drug use and they shouldn't be waved over because of it. Yeah. I mean, like this person tipped their hand. And again, I try to be very, very careful because I don't want to alienate people who do use substances or a substance dependent. Like I understand everyone has their reasons and everyone makes their choices. So, you know, like it is what it is. But that's why I think it really comes down to the individual right so if you were uncomfortable during any part of this or looked and was like

hey you're actually acting really shitty or you're being really annoying it's not gonna get better right like this is you should be at like peak behavior towards the beginning of relationship date one date two if this is his behavior on date two he's only going to get more comfortable with you and less worried about how he's perceived and therefore is only going like it's only going to get worse yeah if this if you if you didn't like this if you're like are these flags, then give it a month and it'll be nothing but red flags. You know what I mean? It's like, you won't be able to go to your favorite local bars anymore because if he's

going to get fucking weird with the servers, no one's going to like you. They're going to be like, oh fuck, here comes these two. Like you're going to ruin so much of your life and so much. And your friends aren't going to be like, uh,

Oh actually you're still with Mark. Uh, sorry. Like don't, we don't really want him coming to one of our shows. Because he gets fucked up and does weird shit. So it's like, you're just going to alienate yourself. And hey, maybe that's what he wants. Because who knows what this guy is like.

So I think, like, in general, it's like, when it comes to substances and whatever, there's no moral judgment. You're not a bad person because you do coke. You're not a bad person because you drink. Everybody, like. I'm sure I drink too much for a lot of people out in the world, and I don't drink enough for some people. It is up to you, but if things are bothering you, if you see red flags, don't excuse them because of the substance. So if you could look at this and be like, oh, I went out, he was really rude to servers, and then we had to leave an event with my friends because he was so annoying that they were like, please go.

That should be enough kind of on day two. Yeah. Right. It shouldn't be like, oh, but he was on coke. So that's better. Right. Yeah. And like, again, it's we could guess that like if you're doing cocaine by yourself, like at no point in time was she like, oh, he kept offering or trying to get me to do it.

Like this dude is literally sneaking off to do cocaine by himself on a date like that that should be enough for you to kind of tell you where his head is and whether or not that is something that you want to be a part of and if it's not then yeah red flag also if i was sneaking off to the bathroom to do shots during a fucking date that would would be a gigantic red flag, I think. So again, it's like, yes, I think in general, this whole situation is a red flag. But it's like, you have to look at what you want in a relationship and what you're willing to put up with. And it's like, again, if people are rude to service staff around you and so annoyed your friends eject you from their fucking party like is that ever cool yeah so i mean that i like i think you know the answer to this question yeah so proceed as you will but

please take our filter it through our conversation here today um this is from another reddit throwaway account this is they're both 24 here uh my girlfriend of two years is going on a holiday with friends she went to college with, and one of the guys going has been saying to people that he's going to fuck her, and her reaction reassured me. That's the promising start. Yep. Like the title says, my girlfriend has just finished college this year,

and a group of them are going on holiday. One of the people from the group that I kind of know told me that this guy has been going around saying these things to a couple of people. Usually this kind of thing wouldn't bother me, but coupled with the fact that I'm of know, told me that this guy has been going around saying these things to a couple of people. Usually this kind of thing wouldn't bother me, but coupled with the fact that I'm not going to be there and there's probably going to be a lot of alcohol on the trip. When I mentioned it to her, she pretty much just brushed it off.

Now I understand that she's not responsible for what other people are saying, but she pretty much just said to ignore him and he's always full of crap and says stupid things. This didn't sit well with me and we got into an argument with her saying there's nothing she can do about it but i disagree the roles were reversed and a girl was saying those things about me to my friends i would definitely say something to her even if it was just out of respect to my partner i've met this

guy a couple times so he does so he does know that she has a boyfriend just wanted to know who said to me that he was saying these things which which is a bit of a red flag. Now, I should trust the fact that she would never cheat on me, but I just can't get why she doesn't nip this in the bud. This guy is inevitably going to try it with her, and she's just waiting for then to shut it down. It doesn't make sense to me. She leaves on Friday, and it's really going to get to me. I know this might be stupid, but it's also a a sun holiday so there's going to be bikinis and pools and stuff so my mind is all over the place with the thought of that i'm probably not going

to sleep at all for the five days she's gone i have right to be concerned right any advice would be appreciated thanks uh a lot to a lot to unpack here i will jump into the her asking who said it isn't a red flag to me like not at all at all. No, I don't think so either. Because, like, if it's one of, like, the people at the party, or, you know, like, maybe it's someone who doesn't like him, maybe it's whatever, like, there could be a history there that would lend this some credence. And for all you know, if you say, oh, yeah, it was Dave, like, oh, shit, Dave said it, I guess he must be saying something.

And that could change something. Or it's like, oh, it's's Greg Greg's a fucking dumbass like also like I think this guy underestimates how often women have to put up with people saying dumb fucking shit that like if they were to challenge everything that they heard of all the time it would be probably

combat stations forever and also would put them in a very uncomfortable position where they would be starting conflict with a guy who's apparently a shithead right before they go on a trip with them so i can kind of understand why she's not running up to him being like my boyfriend heard from someone that you said this you know like especially if this guy's just a dumbass like who does shit like this all the time i could understand why she's not marching off that second because what's it really gonna fucking achieve right yeah and thirdly it's like bikinis who fucking cares you know what i mean oh it's a

sun holiday oh yeah people are way more willing to cheat than on a winter holiday like your girlfriend is either gonna cheat or she's not some dude saying he's gonna fuck her isn't going to change that and it definitely isn't gonna change it for the better i think that's more like i i understand like you're absolutely correct. But I think more of, like, the sitting in your own head. I think it is, you know what I mean? Like, if I'm going to be more uncomfortable, like, if they were going to, like, a chalet,

thinking of my partner in her big snowsuit is less damaging to my psyche than thinking of her splashing about in a pool in a bikini you know what i mean like even though all the chalets have fucking hot tubs man i know like i said you are absolutely correct but i understand like and like i get where you're coming from and you're you are right but there is also that ring of like ownership in a way yeah you know what i mean where it's like oh no you can't wear a bikini or like victim blaming also in a way where it's like i don't know i i think it's so toxic adjacent that i wanted to just make like again you might feel differently but it doesn't mean that

anything is different and maybe you should examine the reasons for it you know yeah now i do think there is some cause for concern i think like if if there isn't any sort of not reassurance, but like even if she was just say like what I would want from my partner would be clarification of being like, I'll be careful around him because you know what I mean? Like if this guy's a fucking scumbag and everyone's getting trashed and he's like, I'm going to fuck her no matter what. I know she has a boyfriend, but no matter what, I'm going'm gonna fuck her like all that screams to me is roofie city right like that definitely not fucking good that's what like would concern me and i would 100 be concerned for the safety of my partner and like so i would just want reassurance that like her being like hey i understand your concern. I will be careful.

I will, I will tell a friend to, you know, keep an eye. You know what I mean? Like, like that kind of thing. And I know it sucks.

And I know that it's kind of like unfair to ask of someone who's like celebrating graduation and college and like having a good time or whatever. But like, I don't know if, if someone was aggressively going around. And telling people being like I'm going to fuck. I'm going to fuck Claire on this holiday. I'm going to fuck her.

This holiday Claire's mine. I would be really uneasy about that. Yeah and that's the thing. Whoever this person is fucking sucks. And it's like if you're listening to this. And you ever have a desire to say or do something like this. Just go ahead and don't because it's such a weirdly predatory creepy thing that also just has no mention of her

engagement or desire or consent it's like and that's that's what bothers me you know what i mean it's like again i could trust i i trust my partner 100 but if someone's running around being like i'm gonna fuck her i would be i wouldn't be like oh i really hope i really hope my partner doesn't fuck this guy i'd be like i really hope this guy doesn't do something to her yes i would be very concerned that she'd be traveling with this guy like for her safety but like not judging her for doing it because again it's like you're going on a trip with other people and it's like it would suck so hard to be like oh we've bucked it we've organized it this one guy out of a group is being shit i guess i'm not gonna go you know i mean that's not reasonable and i think what it boils down to is you have to trust her to be smart and faithful

um and the other people to also not be pieces of shit like this one dude and it sucks you know although i will say like you know you raise a good point if you're the partner in this situation i think the least you can say is one i will be careful i understand where you're coming from and two this guy fucking disgusts me don't worry because that's pretty disgusting behavior yeah the that's my thing it's like the nonchalance and i think like you raise a good point of being like women deal with the shit all the time so it could just be a you know another drop in the bucket that really doesn't mean much but i think you i think there is a little bit of an onus to understand that in in my lived experience like

it's it's you and you're the person i care about and i understand that you might have to go through this all the time but like i don't experience that and now i'm being sort of like directly inserted into that so i just i just want to make sure you're safe and i would like you to acknowledge that like that i'm not being an idiot for being concerned for you also like she has whatever she knows of this guy so if he is just like a dumbass but harmless and like just talk you know whatever and that's maybe why or he's just so gross that it's not even crossing her mind and that's why she's so calm that's fine but you don't know these things presumably if you don't know this person so like reassurance is never a bad thing right yeah and like i i think like i was gonna even say oh hey

the dude that you kind of know who kind of gave you the heads up about this maybe reach out to them and be like hey can you just you know make sure she's safe yeah but like it could easily come across as being like hey Hey, watch my girlfriend. So she doesn't cheat on me. Yeah. I mean, so I think if you do want to go that route, I think you have to be very clear of being like,

Hey, like I absolutely trust my partner, but I'm just worried that like, you know, so if you see him trying to like get her alone and she's really fucked up, can you just sort of intervene for me and like, make sure she's safe and make sure he's not going to try to take advantage of her when you guys are partying because like that's

really my only concern is that this idiot is going to yeah to overstep his bounds and assault her but it's a shitty situation because it's like you know i don't think forcing her to go confront him is necessarily the right answer i don't think confronting him yourself as much as i want to say do it is a good answer because i don't know who the fuck this person is i don't know if he's just saying shit to to get in some kind of conflict or whatever you know what i mean i they could be any sort of dangerous there are better ways as much as you might want to so i guess you know trust your partner have a chat about it and like try not to let this ruin their holiday for both of you like for you and for her it's like no matter what you should trust your partner have a chat about it and like try not to let this ruin their holiday for both of you like for you and for her it's like no matter what you should trust your partner right

this guy being a fucking asshole has no bearing on that so it's like if you start to be weird about the holiday it's gonna suck for her you know i mean so be supportive even if you're apprehensive yeah i think at the end of the day you do i think you have to be sort of the quote-unquote bigger man and just sit your partner down and be like, look, I'm not concerned that you're going to cheat on me. I'm not concerned that this guy is going to come in and flex, you know, and everyone's going to lose. I'm just concerned that with the fervor that he is declaring that he's going to do something to you, he's going to do it in by nefarious means. And I just want you to be safe so you know don't take drinks from him don't you know leave your drink unattended around him just you know just

be extra cautious around him because i would hate for anything to happen to you and the last thing i want to do is you know bury this guy's body in in our backyard and just in case maybe dig a hole for a few weeks while she's gone yeah Yeah. Maybe the whole guy might be able to help you with that. Yeah. We've got, like, at this point, we have the extended FBuds universe. We got a guy for everything. It's true. We got a cum box if you need it. So yeah, it sucks,

but trust your partner. Don't ruin the holiday. This is by Penguin Legos. If size doesn't matter, then why do all the TikTok slash Snapchat slap YouTube street interviews say otherwise? I'm not big on the platforms, or in general really, but I've recently downloaded the apps and I saw some videos of guys doing street interviews with random college women in college towns. Almost all the women have said size does matter and that 5 to 5.5 inches is actually too small.

I've been on Reddit for a while and the majority of the time I see that size doesn't matter, yet almost all street interviews have women saying the opposite. That size does matter and a good portion of all said 7 inches is the sweet spot. I'm torn because I don't really know how to feel. I'm below average in both length and girth and these videos are making me really rethink whether or not I should even bother

since I'll be disappointing to what seem to be the large majority of 20 to 30 something year olds. Okay. Look. It doesn't matter what your dick is you're going to be insecure about it so just put that in your back pocket a little bit of knowledge that like hey it doesn't matter what you got between your legs it's going to be a source of anxiety for you or insecurity um two i think there's a difference between people anonymously talking on reddit about their preferences and being on camera by someone who's probably quite boisterous being like hey girls you like big dicks you know what

i mean like there's a very good chance that these aren't calm conversations they're not you know introspective they're not they're not anything but looking for reactions. Also, they're edited. So you don't know how many people said what. They're probably just picking and choosing whatever they want. I could go talk to 100 women, and if seven of them say, oh, I like big dicks, I'll just put those seven in. Boom. And that seems like every woman loves big dicks. And what's the reason for that? Because it is an extreme opinion and it's inflammatory and people will get upset,

upset, offended. Whoa. We'll get upset or offended or absented. And like, you know, that gets clicks, that gets views,

that gets comments, that gets shares. And that's why they do this. What's the channel. What's the point of the channel? Is it to teach men how to pick up women? Is it to, is way to be like guys how to like re-up yourself how to make yourself a man because they will directly benefit from making you insecure yep right so if they come in and be like hey shit you you cracked it delete all the things you said we gotta stop saying mean things

we gotta start saying mean things to people fuck yeah we have to undo almost 200 episodes um but yeah i mean like that's it right like this is probably like a men's health thing or like a like how to be a bro boy and like whatever so the more insecure their audience is the more their audience needs them to teach them how to like you know talk to women or whatever so and like you said like it's all sensational. It's all clicks. It's all whatever. So the best way to put that on a thing being like women prefer bigger dicks. And people are going to click that.

That's it. That's kind of it. That's what you need to know about why these are saying these things. And it's done its purpose. It's upset you. It's made you feel bad. And now you've got to return to that channel and let them, you know, tell you this one trick to get any women,

no matter what. And you're like, shit, I need that now because I have a sad, disappointing penis. Ignore that feeling. Ignore what this video has done to you because it's meant to do that to you. And you say you will be disappointing to 20 to 30 something year olds.

That might be true if, and it probably will be true if you only think a dick is the only factor. If you literally walk in the room, pull out your dick and you're like, look at this. And they're like, oh, it's X size. And you're like, oh man. And you leave like, that's not how it works. Sex is so much more. And we've talked about it and you could have a big dick and still not know what to do with it or be a selfish lover or be, you know, any number of things.

You can be smelly, you know, you could be a bunch of shit. It's like if you make someone come, we've said it before. No one's gonna be like, oh, I only came this way. I didn't come this other way. You know what I mean? Most women don't come from penetration anyway so it's like if you listen to fucking the amount of times we've talked about like foreplay going down on people like all these techniques that will literally make people come they're not gonna be sad they're not give a shit about your dick and if you look at any of the reddit posts about this it's all

about how the people you know the best sex of their life wasn't with the fucking seven inch whatever. It was not the people with seven inch dicks can't have good sex, you know, but like you'll see kind of like genuine stories. And a lot of them are just like, yeah, they were incredible and bad. I felt so good. As opposed to these random snippets that are just like a drunk girl yelling like, yeah, big dicks, which is probably also just to make her friends laugh or right off camera. Yeah, exactly. And like, I think at the end of the day, it's the stories you'll hear on Reddit rarely reference dick size. You know what I mean?

It's usually like the guy was, you know, had a big dick, but he did this. The guy had a small penis, but he did this. You know what I mean? Like, it's always because like, like now said said if you're just relying on your dick to do all the heavy lifting chances are you're gonna leave a lot of women unhappy and that would be the same even if it was bigger regardless of size yeah 100 it doesn't matter what size your dick is chances are if all you're doing is penetrative sex penis vagina that's it you're probably leaving a lot of women unsatisfied just straight up and it doesn't matter the size of your penis because there is so much more and has now

said women's bodies are all different and all require different things thankfully a lot of dudes it's like penetrative sex is going to do it for most guys. It just, you know, we're lucky that way. But that's not the case for a lot of women for a number of reasons. And if that's what you're relying on, you're going to have a bad time. So you need to expand your sexual vocabulary, your sexual toolkit. And the best way to do that,

and hey, let me tell you, the worst, the biggest lock on that tool case right now is size and security. So you just fucking take a fucking sledgehammer, smash it off. Don't worry about the size. It's so arbitrary. And start rummaging around. Start figuring out fingering techniques and oral techniques.

Don't start rummaging around. I meant in the tool kit, not. No, I know. But you said that, and then we're like, it's our finger. Is that what you say? Is that what you call it, Dane? Maybe that's his special technique. The old rummage.

The old rummage. Robert Rummage, they call him. What are you doing? Did you find a corner? It's so good, but so thorough. But so random and rough i feel like you're just what what did you find in there god so yeah don't worry and that's and this is good as well because it's like the shit that matters you can control and work on and that's like that's amazing and that honestly that's it right like there's no reason to be insecure about your penis size because there's nothing we can do about it

it's not like being like oh i've put on a little bit of weight and i'm kind of insecure about that because like we can we can go for walks we can change our diet we can exercise there's there's things that you can do about that kind of stuff but like if you gotta if you have a small dick nothing you can do about it aside from pretty drastic plastic surgery and and cosmetic stuff which i assume doesn't work because like i don't know hey let me tell you i will take a i would have a smaller dick before i would let someone start chopping and screwing around down there and risk loss of sensitivity loss of use you know i hate all forms of of injections and needles and operations and shit it's like yeah for sure like i know yeah no thank you so i

it just like don't worry about it there's literally nothing you can do about it i think it's christopher walken actually i don't think it's christopher walken i don't know why it's distributed but someone says really talking right um but someone says like oh i worry about the things i can change and i i don't worry about the things i can't you know it's and like that's that's a great model to have for a lot of things i know that personally i'm not going to end racism but i cannot be racist you might not have the biggest dick but there's nothing you can do about it I'll let people's wives on a podcast that might be so it's like you can't magically

make your dick bigger but you can be a more attentive lover again you can be a more attentive lover very easily you don't even have to take our 12 week course pay a bunch of money you can literally listen to a few fucking episodes you can just change your money you literally listen to a few fucking episodes you can just

change your mindset you can go to fucking your tickle you know like you can talk to your partner you can do so many things that are like just so easy that like yeah unfortunately the state of male sexuality the bar is so fucking low that most people would be impressed if you just had a conversation about consent you know like if you just if you just kind of like before you had sex lay down sort of the things you're into and you know address and then like after sex talked about it see if there was anything you could do for them before actually calling it a night like it's very such a simple small things because they might be like hey Hey, I have a toy.

Do you mind using it on me? And that'll help me finish. Boom. You've just, and don't be worried about it. You've, you're in the now 90 or like the top 1% of, of like sexual partners.

I can almost guarantee you because you, you cared about making sure that they got there. You did what they asked them, what they've asked of you. And you weren't worried about it. Yeah. You didn't let your ego get in the way cause a fucking scene storm out and now we're gonna make the next 10 times you guys fuck stony and icy and awkward and then you're never gonna bring up the toy again they'll just remain dissatisfied or you just never have sex with them again because they don't want to deal with you but the thing is like

even if you look at the fucking orgasm gap right now it's insane like it's it's baffling so if you're even working to close that gap you're better than most men if you're actually closing that gap even fucking better but like it's just upsetting how easy it is for you to be a better lover right now that like do those things and just yeet your fucking all thoughts of dick size out the window and you'll be grand and look again like i said you're a man you're gonna have penis insecurities it just comes with the territory everyone does regardless of size 100 so it's like and also it's not easy to just get rid of an insecurity like that anyway put in the work and that's all you can do. One step at a time. All right.

I think it's the end. It is the end. At the end of the episode, before we wrap up and say farewell, we'd like to jump on to online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge and peruse them for red flags. See what works, what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. This is Moon. Very down to earth person. Nothing. Not high maintenance, lol. I am divorced. experience a little more enjoyable uh this is moon very down-to-earth person nothing not high maintenance lol i am divorced still looking for someone who will genuinely love me care about me

i will do the same no time for hookups so please don't waste your time okay this is every every profile that's on tinder right now i just what does it mean? Very down to earth person? Nothing. I don't know. But that's a great description of this profile. It's nothing. But also, they're not very down to earth if they are in fact moon. That's a good point. Very good point. So it's a one.

This is Kate. Always the one that got away. Looking for the one to make me stay. Don't wear 10 pounds of makeup so I look the same in the morning as I do the day slash night before i'm a human who burps farts and poops like any other human and who has pasts and baggage not turned on by money just a kind heart not a typical girl super independent built houses in my 20s and love power tools loves adventure spontaneity and crazy shit then their instagram their location frenchie mom f1 lover pr whiz small biz owner man i was gonna make a joke so hard that she's not like other girls and then

she went out and actually said it yep i i think the whole not like other girls thing is itself kind of a red flag and a little toxic for me i'm just like, the only reason you'd say that is you believe so hard in gender roles. Yeah, 100%. That like what you think like you you like everyone's special don't get me wrong but you think you're special because oh you like a power tool whoa you're so like dude like my partner does most of the diy here she's a killer with a fucking drill it's great yeah you know and it's like just say why does everyone care about f1 now oh man like formula one yeah i

was gonna say i think that's a red flag too that shit's so boring i don't i don't get it like all of a sudden everyone fucking loves formula one yeah i'm like you know what like it's like soccer a couple years ago when all of a sudden everyone like started loving soccer i i would love to go out on a date with someone who loves f1 and just have them explain it to me. Because either I would come out of that situation being like, oh, you know what? I get it. Or I'd be like, no, I'm correct. And this is boring.

It's like golf, right? Like, I understand it takes an incredible amount of talent to do it. And it's a very difficult thing to do. I would implode immediately if I got in an F1 car. You know what I mean? Like, it would just. Oh, yeah. For sure. I would implode immediately if I got in an F1 car. You know what I mean? Like, it would just... Oh, yeah, for sure. We'd crash it and die in a heartbeat.

So I get it. But at the same time, if you're not sliding really fast cars under, like, submarines and, you know, flipping trucks over or driving a bank vault down the streets... Well, that was F7. I don't care at all about how fast a streets. Well, that was F7. I don't care at all about how fast the car is going. That was F7. I get it, yes. Thank you. Really good. That was an incredibly

crafted joke. F7 was a lot more understated. Maybe that's what they're actually talking about. Maybe they're talking about Fast and Furious 1. I just love that scene where they blow the fucking floor off the car with nos hell yeah uh yeah it's it i'll give it a four i don't really give it an f1 oh yeah i i really do think there's a lot of toxic shit in there but like at least they gave me a bunch of details

about the personality so it's not the worst this is crystal my type is six foot and piece of shit at least the trauma made me funny uh i mean yeah i guess i think it's funny um not a great profile at all no but it does make me laugh so i'm just gonna put it right in the five i'm gonna give it a four because i feel like i can't go lower than the other one that That's fair. This is Celine. Aspiring muscle mommy, TM. LOL, I don't have kids. I just like the term. 5'5 Barisa, obsessed with fitness and looking for a strong spot. Seeking my swole mate in the long run, but I know a good thing

can't be rushed, so I'm down with going with the flow and seeing how things pan out. Non-intentive, label slash expectations, casual, etc. Let's meet, see how we feel, and move on from there. Swolemate, hilarious. Muscle mommy, great energy. Did she say she's not looking for tags like casual?

I think she's saying she doesn't like... She's not specifying what she wants yet until she meets you? Yeah, she's... Okay, good. Because I like the other part where it's like, you know, I'm down for a relationship but you know these things take time so for now let's see what happens that's i think how dating literally should be i don't think there's any other way to do it unless you're

doing it wrong yeah no i i really like this profile i think it gives you enough like you you can tell she's being playful with the the like the the workout aspect obviously a big part of her life that's great she's being funny She's being funny. She's being upfront. She's being clear. She also seems to have emotional intelligence around relationships and like gets it. So yeah, it's like a nine for me.

Yeah. I'm giving it a nine as well. Uh, this is Felicia. I hate small talk. Tell me your darkest fantasy. You get bonus points for liking anime, soccer,

dogs, or being an absolute Dom Instagram to save you the trouble. I'm Japanese, Korean, Spanish, European, and RH alien. Whatever that means. I don't know what that is. Sometimes I wonder

about saying things. I'm like, did I just, you know... Is that a slur? Did I just say a slur? Yeah, did I say something bad? You know what? This gives me the cringe. I get the cringe off it, but at the same time, I don't hate it. I think the second line

takes some of the cringe from the first line you know that i hate small talk tell me or whatever that that generally sucks but then being like liking anime or being an absolute dom like it's it's kind of more playful so it like softens the blow a bit yeah i that's the thing it's like i think i think there's a lot of cringe and a lot of typical stuff that gives me sort of the ick if we're going to talk like the kids these days. But I think there's enough there that I get enough of a sense about who they are and what they're looking for and what they're down for that I'm not completely turned off from it. And I don't think the initial thing is necessarily a red flag. So I'm going to give it a six. Yeah, the the initial thing is necessarily a red flag um so i'm gonna give it a six yeah i'm gonna give it a five results you give it a six now i want to change it so we're not the same but it's getting a six you know what this one speaks to me this is anna

don't tell me i'm pretty tell me you have two tickets for ludovico and audi upside down smiley face don't drink plant emoji apple emoji some kind of yoga emoji some other shit i can't read and i think balloons just moved to toronto okay i don't know what the tickets are fucking ludovico and audi man oh the piano player of our generation okay oh so good i would fucking love to but also they're very expensive tickets anna so i cannot bring you nor shall i hey make it accessible. Say Harry Styles. Okay.

Yes, thank you. You know what? He's like the Harry Styles of piano. He's the, okay, fair enough. If you want to listen to some fucking great music, I will say throw up some Ludovico and Audi. It's like, sometimes you still listen to one. I couldn't sleep and it was just so good.

But then sometimes it was too powerful and I'd wake back up again. So, you know, I'm sure I don't think there's any red flags here at all. I don't love when people just put down a bunch of emojis. Yeah. I, you know, it's like, it's just say the shit.

It's again, it's kind of nothing for me. I'm going to be a five. Cause it doesn't upset me one way or the other. I zoomed in. And one of the, one of the things was rock climbing. So it's,

it's an immediate eight for me. Yeah, that's fair. Uh, that's fair. That's going to do it, friends. Thank you very much for coming in, swinging by, stopping in, saying hello. We appreciate you very much for hanging out. As I always say, life is busy and spending an hour with us means the world to us. If you enjoyed the show and you've been around for a while or just, you know, we blew your fucking mouth off this time, head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com.

Click the Patreon link and consider supporting the show. We have a bunch of accessible tiers, 3, 7, and 1350, I think, and another secret tier. $7 a month gets you a bonus episode called Pillow Talk that we release at the end of every month. It's a little loosey-goosey. We shoot shit. We're a little less structured. We still do questions. We still do all the stuff that you know and love.

But we're a little more laid back about it. Also, Potato Baby. Yes, also Potato Baby. And yeah, honestly, if you want to support us, we really would appreciate that. It's kind of the thing that lets us continue to do this. We're independent podcasters. We put a lot of work in, especially Dane, who does an incredible job with the editing and everything. And for the cost of like a beer a month, you can keep us doing it.

And I think that's pretty cool. You know, we've had a lot of people message us over the years and say, like, if you ever like travel to where we're from, like, we'll buy you a beer. And it's like, you could buy us a beer now and it'll make it even more possible. That was true. So just something to consider. We really appreciate everyone who's supporting us so far. And again, it's what keeps us going.

So thank you. Also, sorry, didn't mean to cut you off. I just got really excited because I remember this. We're still looking for a generous patron. All we need is one more to join our patron and we will go to Chili's in Niagara Falls, and we will...

And you know what? If anyone lives in the area, maybe we'll do a little meetup. Yeah, we'll buy you some Chili's. I mean, let's not go that far. We don't have that many Patreons. But yeah, we'll go to Chili's, as we talked about, I think, last week,

and we'll do a live Instagram Q&A. And then we are going to let you choose our gambling adventure and potentially lose it all. So just one patron. All we need is one more patron at any tier. And we will do this fun Niagara adventure with you guys. And you know what? If we hit 25, we'll still release that erotica we wrote. It's true.

Thank you. Josh Eagle and the harvest cities for their song paper stars. Are you ready for some pretty terrible bad sex writing? Oh, I can't wait. So our good friend, Stephen King back again, uh,

as he describes a young girl dying, he didn't tackle Bob brains while Bob brains was kicking his sister and stepping on her and crushing her fragile chest on which no breasts would ever appear. God damn it, Stephen King. Dude, that's where your mind went. Oh, fuck, she's dying. Those poor breasts. God damn it, Stephen King.

We killed her before she had titties, guys. It's like it baffles the fucking mind that, ugh. Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Can we dethrone him? i think he should just be like steven pauper at this point hey here's the thing that was a good joke i'll recognize that one thank you um you know he's a horror writer right and i don't think there's anything more horrific than talking about the underdeveloped breasts of small women. Ugh. You've done it again. You know what? It's rare I read something and get a fucking chill and feel ill, but I do now. Thanks, Mr.

Stephen. Thank you, Stephen. My name is Dave Miller. And I am Niles Bain. We've been your fuck buddies. you you you you you you you you