F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 200 - Dick Bong

Episode Date: August 1, 2022

Vote for us as People's Choice in the Canadian Podcast Awards: https://canpodawards.ca/vote/peoples-choice/ We done did it for real this time, y'all. 200 episodes. 200 hours. 200 jokes about genitalia and slandering celebrities. Topics include a retrospective on Episode 1, Dain's famous bits, a terrible safe sex option, collecting digits in the 6ix and a relationship saboteur. 

Hey listeners, before we get to the episode, we want to take a moment to address the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. This decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans and others should other countries do this too. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, go to choice.crd.co. We encourage you to speak up, take care, and when I'm trusting, I love. I put my trust in you. I put my trust in love. Hello, friends.

My name is Dave Miller. And I am Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. And we are back in the closet. One more time. We're Dating and Sex Advice Podcast, where we take your sticky, sexy situations, turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast that either finds questions

online or from our wonderful listeners and we've been doing it for 200 episodes straight that's 200 hours 200 hours of us talking about dick jokes accusing james mcavoy of storing cum in the box under his sink. Accusing. Who's the other one that we constantly harass? There's one more. Someone. I'm sure. They probably deserved it. Implying and or revealing that cap aware is a means of time travel. Waging a war on boys.

What's the name of the guy, Dan? Oh, Dan. Yeah. You know, laying Dan into non-existence I'll tell you I did listen to our first episode again, and he he was the end He was before we had bad sex writing. We had bad bad advice writing bad Dan bad Dan Can I just say we've never missed an episode not once 200 weeks. That's insane couldn't Secular yeah, so the word I'm looking for. Yeah, that's insane. That's a long time. There's been a pandemic.

There's been holidays. There's been work. There's been illnesses. There's been sponsors who dropped the ball a little bit, but we still did it. And I'm pretty proud of us for that. I'm pretty proud of us too. I'm even more proud of you because you're the one doing the editing. Well, I'm proud of you for doing

all the Twitter stuff because I wouldn't. Well, you know what?'s it's weird i know i've got like a little fire in my belly thinking about this week now it's 200 episodes this is technically if we're going by what we've done before season three start of season three because you did declare if i remember correctly that episode 101 was season two no sorry this is season four because season one was one to a hundred then you declared 101 was the season finale of season two for whatever reason i'm pretty sure one one of the first season one of the first episodes of post 100 this is the end this is season 101 oh we just every episode since season one has been an entire season.

Obviously. Longest running podcast. Oh, shit. Yeah. We could just say it. Why not? Well, hey, guess what? Add it to the rest of our fucking nominations.

Because in case you haven't heard, how many podcast award nominations were we put up for the Canadian Podcast Awards? That is a sweet five. Yeah. Count them. Five nominations from the Canadian Podcast Award, including People a sweet five. Count them. Five nominations from the Canadian Podcast Award, including People's Choice. People's Choice, which everyone can vote for.

For the first time, yes. Yeah, if you're listening to this and you are not a Canadian podcaster, or if you are, you can head on over to canpodawards.ca slash vote. And I don't think you can vote for the other categories unless you are a member of the Academy.

Yeah, unless you're a Canadian podcaster who has an account with them. And if you are a Canadian podcaster, by all means, go set up an account. Again, we'd love for you to vote for us. But if you're just a regular Joe, please go vote for us, and you could be in any country,

and we would appreciate the fuck out of it. Yeah, the link will be in the episode description of this episode so by all means i think the voting ends august 11th um so you have until then to vote for us it would be a fucking boss this is really the only award we have any control over yeah it's all out of our hands after this the the nominations are done uh so we are on the table for them but we can't really do anything about them they will win or we won't uh but people's choice is uh based entirely on listener uh votes so we would like to be what the people choose yeah because then we can finally challenge the rock for people's champion yeah exactly um that's step one i listened to episode one earlier okay and i realized a few things okay we have not changed you know what it was it was

decent the quality is good uh the advice is good i thought i was i would be a lot more nervous or at least sound more nervous because i was very nervous when we did it yeah and like nah this comes off pretty well it's well edited it sounds good. I will say I left a bag of meat cubes and butterflies in here. And I just want to double check. You did take them out, right? No, man. Fuck. Yeah, that's what that smell is.

Okay. Yeah. Well, I remember this. The name. I don't remember. I remember was was meat cute. I think. No, it wasn't.

Meat cube came after meat cubes was its own thing. Really? We were talking about when people had relationship deadlines you're trying to like fit you were like you're trying to put like the square in the circle hole and I was and you were like you might be able to get fit eventually but by then I was like yeah you've lost your corners and that's bleeding you were like why are the cubes bleeding I was like they're meat cubes and then you made a joke and then later on you tried to say meat cubes and I thought you said meat cutes and then you made a joke and then later on you tried to say meat cubes and i thought you said meet cute and then it became the episode title okay so meet cute did have a role yes okay okay

um i also find it really funny that there's a weirdly audible part where our joints click really loudly at the start of the episode and that's i don't think been a thing in any episode since i probably edited it out since then. Maybe. You left it in, and we laughed about it. And there's also a segment called Dane Facts, which I don't think we ever... I know. I think we did do a couple more Dane Facts. Not every episode.

No, absolutely not. Give me one Dane Fact right now. Favorite color is blue. Okay. Don't give me a fucking second one. I don't think... Or I think that might have actually already been one of them. I'm pretty sure I do have a doc somewhere about like, because did I number them?

I think I numbered them. I don't know either. Do you have something for this episode? We've been rambling. Oh, baby, do I? I figured since. You fingered? Mm-hmm.

Excellent. Since this was episode 200. 200. And. 200 where? I like to think I brought a lot to the show. 200. And 200 where? I like to think I brought a lot to the show. 200 too furious? So I'm going to revisit all of my favorite bits, starting with man quotes.

Okay. If you don't know man quotes, it is very similar to a game on another podcast that has nothing to do with us um but for there was a period of time where i was getting bombarded with black and white images of handsome male celebrities with quotes that had nothing to do with them and were uh bad and the game is i read the quote nile has to to guess which male celebrity is attributed to this quote incorrectly. Or sorry, he has to guess correctly who the male celebrity is. It's just the quotes aren't necessarily ever said by them. You never know. There was one that did have, I didn't choose it.

It had like a time and date beside that? Well, it was in quotes and then it said like the actor at the bottom and I was like it probably still isn't I don't know let me hit you with this first quote some people will only love you as much as they can use you their loyalty ends where the benefits stop

I hate this so much now I think looking at a list of male celebrities is cheating I wouldn't be able to come up with one. Also, this isn't helpful. I'm going to say Liam Neeson. This is our dearly departed Marvel superhero, RDJ. It's Robert Downey Jr.

He died in the movie. He's not alive. He's still going. Robert Downey Jr. As far as I know, still very much alive. Okay. The next one is the best revenge is to show them that your life is getting better after they're gone. This is what I'm worried about because I think out of all the quotes,

this one is the most loaded. If I, I've already mentioned, if, if not guesses correctly, I do have to post this on the Instagram with no context. I'm thinking Ryan Gosling. Oh,

Ryan Reynolds. It was Ryan Reynolds. You scared the shit out no context. I'm thinking Ryan Gosling. Ryan Reynolds? It was Ryan Reynolds. Fuck! You scared the shit out of me. Damn it! My heart, I actually got that ball whiplash of fear when you said Ryan. Shit! Can you post half the quote?

I'll post just this very nice picture of Ryan Reynolds. I'll take it. Damn it. Now, this one is tough because it could, I'm not entirely sure which celebrity this is. It could be one of two people and I will accept both. Okay.

I'll show you the picture after. Well, you gotta give me the quote um if someone treats you badly just remember that there is something wrong with them not you normal people don't go around destroying other human beings yeah let's say it's the least incorrect quote i guess uh fuck now i'm trying to think of two people that look the same is it like chris pine it's not chris pine i'll show you the picture after it's either michael fastbender or henry cavill they are pretty much the same person or it could be a third person that well can you isolate it so i can see it now because yes it's henry cavill right okay that's that's what i thought man these are not good quality photos as well it's like a weird filter and it's black and white on the when i found it

on the computer it looked i was like oh it's's black and white on the when i found it on the computer it looked i was like oh it's henry cavill but now when i'm looking i was like he's got a weird filter on um no this is my favorite photo out of all of them and i can't wait to share it with you breaking someone's trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper you can smooth it over but it's never going to be the same again. Is it an action shot? Are they crumpling up paper? They're not crumpling up paper.

And I, it's tough to say if this is an action shot or not. There is, there is an action happening. I guess. I want you to think, I want you to think really hard. I want you to mind meld with me.

We, I have an idea and they came to me pretty strong and I don't know if it's correct. Okay. Right. And it's i don't know if it's okay correct okay right and it's probably won't because he's not he's not the average one they use in my head okay am i already wrong i don't know it's probably he would never be an action superstar okay i'm gonna tell you right now i and like again i shouldn't give you but i'm it's episode 200 i'm feeling i'm feeling good i will tell you this is. I am like, again, I shouldn't give you, but I'm it's episode 200. I'm feeling, I'm feeling good. I will tell you,

this is an action star. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Cause I was going to go with, I was going to go with Jim Carrey. So that's, Ooh,

okay. Um, it's not Gerard Butler. It is family man himself. Vin Diesel. I was going to fuck. Oh, okay. Damn. It is like a very low angle shot, sort of like from as if he's teabagging you and he's standing over you giving the finger to the mouth.

Don't talk about my paper crumples. Damn it. I'm not good at this game. It, uh, that was the one I, I think I would have been most comfortable with. Cause the other ones are all seem to really imply that I am. I'm struggling. Yeah. Yeah.

This one, I feel like there's a little bit of neutrality. Yeah. You're just, you're just a bit of an idiot. Yeah. The other ones I feel like would warrant someone to be like, you good.

Cause like, look at this RDJ photo. Like that's. Yeah, that's not good. He looks so sad. All right, we got to stop talking about visual things. No one can understand. What do you got next? You're taking reigns of two underwear.

Well, let's do a question. Unless you want to do something else. I don't know, man. I want to just do a retrospective okay i want to talk about the show and just like let's talk about the show then you know like favorite moments oh okay what was the most you ever laughed because i think i know the most oh the cookie monster cookie monster thing got you so hard uh the the sons of anarchy fan fiction with sesame street yeah absolutely fucking broke me yeah that was that

was good favorite episode i know that's insane because it's so hard to remember them in it's very tough because after editing it it all i like i literally couldn't tell you what happened in what episode because it all just blends together in one big one big mess i really enjoy the episodes where kyle came in for sure. Yeah. Those are always really fun. The episode with the spite, which were Sid joined us.

That was also a lot of fun, but no, I think, I think it would be the guest episodes. Like I really like being able to get people that we, we know and love in the closet with us. Cause we would never bring like a professional contract or contact in here. I would love to, but I don't think they would, even if we would have.

No, it's like if this was if my apartment was air conditioned and this was a comfortable room to be in. Even then, the sheer size makes it. Yeah. Like almost impossible. Yeah. Like we need to be close to someone because you're basically mushed up against them. Yeah.

Kyle episodes are always wonderful. And the good thing about that is he's refused to ever do online stuff. So yes, we've got to get them. Well, he did one. He did. He did,

which honestly worked out pretty well considering it was like speakerphone. Yeah. That was like earbuds or whatever. Yeah. That was wild, but it worked. I don't know why I have very fond memories of the war on boys. I don't know if I'm just attributing it to how much you yeah absolutely hate boys come the raven or quote the raven never come or something

yeah that one was i think again like it's so hard to divorce also james mcavoy come box i don't know why that name sticks in my head i mean i i feel like if i looked at the episode list i'd be able to jog my memory a little bit. I would probably be able to pick a favorite title. Okay, go for it. Or you mean, if you looked? Yeah, if I went through, I'd be like, okay, yeah, that's a good one. Okay, worst episode. That one's easy.

Is it? Yeah. Oh, the one where we used the wrong fucking microphone? Record the wrong mic and are nigh inaudible. Yeah, yeah, definitely. And that's good, because now we don't have to criticize ourselves it's a freak accident and uh no no shame on us really everyone gets one yeah yeah i mean that yeah that was that was a rough one that was a there was also one where we recorded oh and it got deleted the episode like five fucking times and we answered we tried to like keep the energy fresh and change our

answer but like you also don't like want you can't change the answer in a way yeah because it's a stance it's a it's a position it's an opinion you know what i mean if you're saying like oh this person is doing something harmful to their partner it's not like oh we lost the first recording we gotta go fresh so i guess i'm all for this toxicity now yeah that was that was a tough one that one sucked a lot um that felt like it took three hours it probably did well because i'm pretty sure that was a pillow talk session too we're recording two episodes yeah and it ended up being because i remember having to record a bunch of the shit for that and then it's also the episode where we lost the back half of the first

time i did main quotes i think oh where we lost you winning oh yeah that sucks because i'm usually losing yeah yeah that was that was a rough one for me because it was just like trying to edit it together and you could i think i at least for me i could tell i could hear the frustration and the like lack of enthusiasm like i felt it when we did it i don't know if it came through i hope it didn't for you guys no one ever messaged us like hey this one sucks shit so yeah if there's if there's an episode that you remember throughout the episode us sounding progressively more like we aged an hour every 10 minutes yeah probably because we did it's yeah It's probably that episode where I was,

I was not a happy person. I was. No, it's so hard to, to keep the energy when you're kind of saying the same thing again, but like it feels unoriginal and shit because you already said it. Yeah. And then you're trying to remember what you said and what the other person

said, which means when they say it, it's not that exciting. And when you say it, it's not that exciting. And you're just distracted with what you said and what the other person said which means when they say it it's not that exciting and when you say it it's not that exciting and you're just distracted with what you're gonna say next so you can try remember to hit all the points and also like out of it trying to find a logical place to edit into the conversation like we would have to find where the recording stopped and then be like okay well we had just said that so i'm gonna pick up that last line and go in and it's just, it's bad. It was really bad.

And it happened to us in our other show, No Quest as well. And I had to record almost like 15 minutes of me guessing what you guys were reacting to. And it was because like I had no, there was no audio for me to remember what I said. So a lot of it is me listening to what you guys said and filling in the blanks. And like,

I think I did a good job. I don't think anyone would ever, I don't know. I, unless, yeah, I, I've never picked up,

but it, uh, fuck it sucks. And I'm glad I've, I think I've sorted out the problem as to what it was. Fucking better. I'll tell you, if this episode goes down,

I'm not doing it again. Um, I was going to suggest for this week, do our our special thing could be we just don't release an episode take a take a week off take a week off you know i feel like i will cash in that chip like towards the end of our season of no quest because i feel like that will i will i will be like i'm taking a fuck buddy we've done you 200 and whatever episodes, maybe 300 at that point. That's fair. What was the most I've laughed?

Was it also the, probably the cookie monster. It was just so fucking good. I feel like there was one thing where we, where we also broke, but again, like, yeah,

it's hard to almost four years of doing this, which is again, fucking crazy. I had some really cool sponsors, which is awesome. Yeah. I have some really cool patreon followers right now so thank you we have pillow talk which is itself a whole thing and and going well which

is and we're going to record a second one right after this so this energy is only going to keep going baby that's pretty fun we for the first time we're not losing money yes doing the show which is nice uh thanks i mean like small part you know to our sponsors and stuff like that but mostly our patreon our patreon oh yeah which which is you guys you guys have have kept us we can actually you know we we pay off all the stuff uh all of our hosting and everything is now covered yeah it cost us money for three years to do this yeah pretty much yeah um you know so thank you really appreciate that if you're on the fence we got to 200 because the people on the patreon so yeah get us to 400 then see what we do then see what we fucking try us uh yeah retrospectiveness is wow wow do you remember what this is at porn quotes

porn reviews reviews oh now i can't i don't remember which ones i've done and i don't remember which ones i haven't done i think this was i think i had given up on it at this point so and if we haven't if i have done this one it's uh this will be my my sentimental look back at at the glory days the glory hole days this is cum drippers number one. You know what? It's not ringing the bell and I feel like it would. This production was the brainchild of Vince Voyeur. Vince has a very dirty side to him.

But for the most part... Vince Voyeur has a dirty side? Who would have thought? But for the most part, he takes care of the women in his videos. Now that phrasing, for the most part... Yeah, not great.

Not good. I don't love that one. That shines through as the women seem happy to be doing their jobs, even though they are committing some of the dirtiest acts that Vince can fathom. The second I hear Vince, all I think of is Vince McMahon. Yeah. Also, Vince, like, I'm sorry if you're Vince listening. It's such a sleazy name.

Yeah. Which is funny because Vincent, very nerdy name. Yeah. In the beginning of the video vince claims finally volume two has arrived which is strange because this is called come drippers number one so i don't know is that one of the actresses names come drippers no volume two hey volume two get it oh finally you arrived yeah that is that's where he doesn't treat his women well he only knows the maths.

Volume 1, 2, 3, and 4. Finally, volume 2 has arrived, hotter and nastier than before. Six cum-drenched pussies and a few anal cream pies, not to mention three 2-in-1s, two black dicks and one white chick, anal DP, and lots of cream filling. Dear God, I don't like any of that. Now, the wild thing here is, this is a quote, presumably from the movie, but the punctuation in this is all whoever wrote this this review.

And it is a nightmare. But just in that quote. So I don't know if he's trying to like try to capture Vince's is like cadence. I was going to say, I really want to like see the delivery for this because for some reason in my head, it's playing out like the room. You know what I mean? I see. Again again i'm just thinking like a wrestling promo i feel like he's backstage somewhere exactly volume two is here and he's like pausing for applause and that's why there's like five spaces exactly the next one i'm just amazed that i can own a video with such hot women committing acts of such filth around twenty20. Heck, even in Detroit, you can't get a toothless crack whore to suck you off for less than 30.

They're very different things. Very cool. Very, very cool. That's it. This is definitely Vince writing this review, right? Probably.

So you ask if Vince for your delivered? Well, he did. This is a simply nasty movie. I thought this video would disappoint, but it didn't. The box cover claimed that every come shot why did you buy it if you thought it was gonna disappoint fix it up

this looks like shit don't mind about like 20 bucks is a lot for a porn especially when you probably find all this who the fuck buys porn is the real question the box cover claimed that every come shot was internal so i thought i'd be treated to a bunch of fake internal pop shots you know like the ones you get when you order an adult movie to watch in your hotel room well i am certain that every internal cum shot was real how do i know i know because the girls had come dripping out of their tight little snatches i mean yeah sure but like what makes you think they're not real surely the fake ones are doing the same thing yeah i guess that is a no-brainer for those who read the movie title but i guess we don't all pay attention what are you talking about here i don't

know of course the girls don't stop at just having cum dripping pussies all the babes before some sort of humiliating task with the cum one girl squeezes the cum out of her pussy and ass and drips it into a glass and then drinks it yum Yum. No. Now, why are you saying? Yeah. Hey, maybe he's getting a different kind of enjoyment. I'm not here to yuck anyone's quite literal yums, but it just seems a strange addition to that sentence. I think my favorite part of the DVD was behind the scenes footage.

Vince followed everyone around. Of course, he's a voyeur. With his handheld camera. He talked to the girls and he helped them prepare for their scenes. That was cool because you could really get to know a lot about each girl with this kind of footage. For example, Tabitha Stern is married and lives in Kentucky. Perfect, now it's a deeper narrative now. I'm so glad. Before I just couldn't connect with her when she was nothing but volume 2 to me.

It appears that she flies out to Hollywood every once in a while to make some bucks by filming porn. She does a couple sex slash nude scenes for movies and magazines and then goes home. In this movie, she appeared with her husband, Jonathan. Before I knew that, I thought she was really mean. What? Look at this bitch over here. What? Like, was she very mean to Jonathan?

Because him being her husband maybe doesn't make that better. She kept saying that she didn't like working with her partner because he never showers. Of course, she probably has the right to complain about the guy if he is her husband. Her husband never showers? What is happening here? She was also pretty funny when her sex scene was over. Cum dripped out of her snatch and into her hand. Then she used the most sarcastic voice she could and told the cameraman, Vince Voyeur,

how much she loved cum in her mouth. Yeah. And Superman likes kryptonite. What? What? Now, are you saying that cum- Is kryptonite to women. Is women's kryptonite?

Well, yeah, because the only place it should go is in his mouth, clearly. Yeah. Yum. This is a wild review, and Well, yeah, because the only place it should go is in his mouth, clearly. Yeah, because he wants it. Yum! This is a wild review, and how is it still going? And let me, like... Why is her husband so stinky? If it's kryptonite, it's getting inside of them. The whole point of this...

Yeah, they're so fucked. They're in serious trouble. That's why they usually fake them. Oh, boy. Nacho Vidal gets the award for nastiest dick in the business again are you saying like nasty or like it's it's not good or is it is there something wrong with his dick i'm it's worrying that it's more nasty than the unwashed husband yeah he cracks me up in the behind the scenes footage you can hear him complaining he's yelling to the girl

who he's about to fuck his broken English ramblings go something like this. Jesus. Come on, hurry up. You don't have to wash your ass for me. I don't care. I'll lick it anyways. Hell, I like smelly pussy. Aged pussy is the best pussy.

It takes at least a week of not showering until it has the best odor. I really think Nacho will fuck any pussy. I can imagine him yelling, all right, pussy, pussy, pussy. I'm a pussy lover. Now, okay. Hold on, let me finish this quote that this man is now imagining this man saying. A man

named Nacho. I don't like it. I can imagine him yelling, alright, pussy, pussy, pussy. I'm a pussy lover. Here on Cum Trippers, I'm fucking pussy in half. We've got the best selection of pussy. This is a pussy blowout. Alright, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy blowout all right we got white pussy black pussy spanish pussy yellow pussy we got hot pussy cold pussy we got wet pussy we got smelly pussy we got hairy pussy why is why is this here bloody pussy why we got snapping pussies

we got silk pussy velvet pussy nahalide pussy i feel like why why is this quote? Oh, wait, no, sorry. This continues. We've even got horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy. Come on, you want pussy? Come on in, pussy lovers. If we don't got it, you don't want it. Come on in, pussy lovers. This man watching this porn had to pause it.

I can imagine him saying this thing that has no bearing on anything, and I'm going to type it out at length in a review. What is happening? This man at no point in time said, hey, maybe this is a weird thing for me to imagine another man saying. And then post. And then write it up. Also, why are there animals? I assume there aren't

in this, considering there's no mention so far. I hope not. I don't like this person. Nacho's scene is pretty good, but I got to admit that the British chick that he fucked was pretty nasty. Don't get me wrong. She's a pretty girl. Now is this good nasty or bad nasty? You can't use them interchangeably.

She also had a good personality. However, she did a gaping anus bit at the end of her scene. It was totally gross. Like I want to see her hemorrhoid filled asshole. It was the gonzo shit that gets a lot of dudes off, but I just don't dig it. She was a good looking girl, but damn, that's a huge butthole. So all in all, it was a good movie. Everyone seemed to be happy to be getting fucked. And I would recommend this to any guy who's into hardcore sex with a lot of cum shots.

I feel like that's all you needed. That last line. What the fuck? I feel like I've aged terribly and like, I feel dirtier. I feel dirtier i feel nastier and it's up to you to decide which type after having heard that it really upsets me that the site that i used to pull these from is gone and now there's no personality in porn reviews every site that i found every porn review that i found is just here's you know this is the the movie here's the producer here's the director here's you know what what you're getting into and then there's like a scene by scene breakdown of being like this person and this person this is an anal scene they do this this this and this it's very fun here's the situation next so lame so at no point

in time do any of the reviewers imagine an internal monologue like a very long you know yeah long one no there's none of that anymore which is why i stopped doing it but i i don't think i've done that no you definitely haven't because i would have remembered being about to vomit my other option was there was one where a guy spent more time talking about how cool he thinks blu-rays are than the actual and i'm pretty sure i've done that one i'm pretty sure that was one that i did so i'm glad i did one that we haven't heard i would i would prefer the the blue way blu-ray one to this are you ready for one of niles past hits yeah what's some fucking sex news oh have you heard of the museum of failure yeah it's called a mirror but we're 200 episodes we're doing pretty well so it's in sweden and it highlights 150

plus i meant for me not for you i just want to clarify that for the audience that was a But we're at 200 episodes and we're doing pretty well. It's in Sweden and it highlights 150 plus. I meant for me, not for you. I just want to clarify that for the audience. That was a self-deprecating. No, Dane calls me a failure every morning when I wake up. It showcases failed products and failed fucking ideas and shit. Some of which are insane. There was a phone that only did Twitter, but it did Twitter very poorly.

And it was at a time when phones could go on Twitter and do Twitter properly. Okay. So anyway, but what they did have between 2006, 2008, it died at the age of two. It was a spray on condom. Okay. I think I've heard about this. Yeah. You'd put your junk in the spray apparatus.

You'd spray melted latex onto it wait three minutes for it to dry and then you're good to go presumably at no point in time during the drying process can you be stimulated i assume like you can't be i assume you have to just leave it i also assume you have to be erect the entire time yeah and like what could be more arousing than being like, hold on, I'll be right back. Yeah. And then just hold on. Count them down. Yeah.

Count to 180. We can't go a second sooner than three minutes. Yeah. That's so needless to say, did not do well. Shocking. Yeah. I can't imagine just like sitting there and with all my willpower trying to remain erect. Especially because you're allergic to latex. Well, yes also be speaking of kryptonite my cum is kryptonite to me whoa you cum latex um yeah i just i don't know i don't really have much to say about that other

than that's the worst fucking idea my dick feels uncomfortable i also can't help but imagine it like somehow getting in my dick and then i've got latex just in my dick the spray apparatus would have to be presumably fairly large yeah it would be accommodate various penises everyone's size yeah because like you know but also like yeah and you'd have to have the dick space you presumably have to have latex storage yeah and then you'd have to have some dick space you presumably have to have latex storage yeah and then you'd have to have some kind of pump like it could be like a forearms size that's what i'm thinking yeah i'm thinking like at least at least like you know let's let's give the you know at least nine to ten inches for people who are rocking some absolute pipe and then like you said

sort of like a girth you know you but also the the radius you need to put the latex somewhere too so add a few inches on there for the latex tank at which point it's like you bring a backpack and the only thing in it is your weird junk spray machine yeah is your fucking like dick bong like what what the fuck who thought this was a good idea i like i thought it was going to be like oh 1940 they were just trying some shit out but like like 10 years ago yeah like it just blows my mind how like what conversation people are having being like so we tried it out and uh people are really bummed about the hot latex on their dick not to mention that they then just stand there for three minutes

and like people complain about condoms taking the like momentum out of sex or it's like hold on let me put this condom on you know that thing that takes five seconds if they're within arm's reach this is like hold on i'm gonna like get up a youtube video it's gonna be a while yeah and also like i'm assuming like like there there'd be no way to like manufacture a reservoir tip either no no like that's another thing it's like dipping it in wax yeah like just a mold over it which like potentially could get in your urethra yeah and when you ejaculate where does it go i don't know also like is it cold when it goes on not great is it hot when it goes on definitely

not great how do you get it off do you like scrape it off do you like does it dissolve how do you ensure you have full coverage you know what i mean like yeah it's like a pinhole in a condom is enough to put the whole situation in danger zone whether it's you know leakage and or breakage i'm not going to trust something like all i know like one of the nozzles might be clogged with fucking melted latex like there's so many things pre-cum because i'm shoving my dick in this fucking thing yeah there's so many things that go wrong with this it's such a bad idea my god but anyway you can purchase spray on condoms at our store we've been sponsored sponsored this week by Do we want to do questions?

People have been listening for half an hour now. They're probably like, well, I tried to start them. I heard they got five nominations. Oh, and they're not saying anything this entire episode. Look, people knew. I said last episode that this episode would not be a typical

episode. I warned you. And if you haven't listened to our entire back catalog before listening to this one, that's your fault. Not ours. You can't complain until you listen to all 200 episodes. Exactly. Do you want to do like one,

one quick question? Sure. You got one. I got one, but got deleted. So row, but we can do it. It's a pretty good one.

It's a classic. All I need is the title, which I have. Okay. So this was posted on ask to ask toronto for those not in the lingo the six yeah the six t dot is it creepy to ask for a stranger's number in toronto if that's all you're doing yes yes accurate yeah the same rules apply right which is what i find interesting about these questions where it's like people, you know, we all see in seduction where it's like,

if I go to this country, do I just get women? And it's like, sure. Some places have slightly different customs or societal blah, blah, blahs than others. Also depends on if you're on a sun vacation,

horny points up, horny points up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But in general, shit kind of just remains the same where it's like, if you being a big fucking creepy weirdo in inappropriate places doesn't work here, it's not going to work in Ireland.

It's not going to work in France. It's not going to work in India. Like, just fucking stop. So it's like if you're talking to someone and it's going well and you haven't grabbed them and made them take their headphones off so you can talk to them or cornered them in the fucking alley or you know hemming them into a bus then yeah if it's going well you can probably ask for their fucking number yeah yeah i mean yes that that that it's been a while since i've like met someone out in the wild and i can't remember the last time i got it's all like instagram now yeah everyone just wants to ask for your instagram that's weird to me it's very strange to me because i'm like so then do i do i dm you is that how i now contact you because like the point of getting a number

is so that i can message you and ask you out i feel like it's and like this might just be the fact that i'm an old man now i'm a grandpa don't let them in on this uh it like is it do you just slide into the old dms because that's that's okay i just i don't know i i like i like getting a number yeah i don't like i don't know you know what i say one thing for instagram it's like at least then you also have someone's profile and you can be like photo evidence of who you actually talk to yeah and like you know you don't have to then go through the rigmarole of like oh we should add each other on whatever or like oh send me me a picture so I can clarify that you look like X, Y, or Z. But on the flip side, and this is a weird kind of thing I've noticed from working with people where you see them every

day and they're somewhat attractive or whatever, and then leaving and being like only seeing their Instagram and being like, wait, are they super hot? And I forgot about it. And you're like, oh no, it's just a lot of filters and a lot of like carefully like curated pictures so you can only really judge people on instagram a certain amount i also think it's kind of dangerous to give your instagram out to like a complete stranger like you don't yeah you don't know who i am yeah i could literally like chances are you have pictures of bars you like to go to uh probably your work you know what i mean like friends tagged friend like your story of where you are so i can just show up there yeah yeah it's i feel like that's just in terms of practice like safety practices because like with a phone number it's like

i could call you a lot and then you could just block my number and then problem solved and you're not getting any additional info from the from the number really unless you're doing some mad shit yeah yeah whereas yeah i i don't know i i just i i worry about people who don't tailor their online footprint because like uh i i'm now on follow only or like request yeah like a private profile because uh during the convoy situation, I'm pretty sure people tried to dox me at my work. Yeah. People who are unhappy with my, my opinions. Well,

you hate freedom. So I do hate freedom. So I was like, you know what? It's just not worth it to be this open. And like, I don't want to, like,

I don't want random people. I'm not trying to amass a following. Like we, we have our, our show social media and like, that's kind of what we're trying to build. Our show-shul media. Our show-shul media. So I don't really care if my private account has 400 followers.

Yeah. I'm not trying to get 100K followers and be a cool guy. I'd like that for our show. Tell your friends. Yeah. For the show, all that kind of stuff. Go for it. Great.

But for me, meh. Yeah. That's fair. all that kind of stuff. Go for it. Great. But for me, meh. Yeah, that's fair. Let's do this one. This is Jesh4. My girlfriend's friend is trying to sabotage my relationship. About one year ago, me and some friends went out to a concert. There was a girl there that got my eye. This girl was with six of her girlfriends, but I still wanted to shoot my shot.

When I went over and tried to talk to her and get her number, she got aggressive and asked me why I was even talking to her in the first place. Since she wasn't interested, I ended up asking one of her friends for their number, and she actually gave it to me. That girl is now my current girlfriend. After that concert, we actually went out to an amusement park the next day, and that was the start of our relationship. Things have been going so well that we were able to take a vacation to South Beach, Miami. But as my recent girlfriend's friend, the one that rejected me has been doing crazy things to

sabotage our relationship her friend has been saying flirty and inappropriate things to me at random i've told my girlfriend but she says she's her friend is just joking also her friend has been saying rude remarks like my girlfriend is desperate which is why she's dating me but yesterday during a car ride to a mini golf course she groped me in the back seat i'm really frustrated what can i do to stop this edit i had a long conversation with my girlfriend last night. Unfortunately, things didn't go too well. My girlfriend just got through having a talk with her friend and she said her friend told her that I was flirting with her for a while, that I asked for a threesome with my girlfriend. Obviously, this is false, but my girlfriend believes I did this. My girlfriend

wasn't against the idea of a threesome with her friend, although I never asked for one and don't want one. She even said that she didn't mind a threesome if that's what I wanted to do. But I keep telling her that it's all a lie and she doesn't believe me and believes her friend. Situation's gotten really worse now. I don't know what to do at all. That sucks. Also,

does the girlfriend just want a threesome and this is her roundabout way of doing it? Because usually, you know we say if it's not a fuck yes this sounds like the girlfriend's like but no fuck yes like i'm annoyed about this situation you're flirting you want a threesome you're like no it's like you i'll do a threesome it's like no i don't it's like you want to do a threesome the whole situation of like going up to me at someone and being like hey like trying to strike up a conversation why are you talking to me okay hello person right beside her how are you well i i maybe like i'm giving them a little bit more benefit of the

doubt that like maybe he was up and like talked to this one person they were like what the fuck and then yeah he ended up hanging around with the the friend group and one of them was chill yeah presumably which hey it happens but like it seems weird to me that the girlfriend is being told these things ignoring them and then like she's either super blasé about this or is okay with it he came to you way before yeah she had talked to the friend of being like hey your friend's doing this and she's like oh she's just kidding and then he sat her down and was like hey like i'm actually getting uncomfortable that she's touching me inappropriately. And then she's like,

well, I talked to my friend and actually this is how it's going down. It's like, and then let's have a threesome. If that's, if that's how it went down, like, why would he come to you in the first place?

Yeah. Like, Hey, like this is what's going on. And it's making me uncomfortable. If he was the one sending flirty texts, he probably would have kept his mouth shut. It makes,

it makes no sense to be like, Hey, your friend's flirting with me. Yeah, Lul. Let me put this on your radar. And like, okay, I think what you need to do moving forward is, one, if you don't want a threesome,

I think that's pretty good evidence that you didn't angle for this because if they're like, yeah, we'll do it, and you're like, no. Why would you do that if you did want that, right? So, you know, stay firm on that if that's what you feel like two next time she tries to grope you in the back seat just like hey can you stop touching me and everyone in the car will hear you know what i mean like that's a pretty easy one because it's it's not exactly aggressive but like it's pretty clear and if someone looks back and she's like retracting her hand hastily you

know what i mean like these are that's a pretty obvious one. I wonder like, did you just go like silently batter away? Like, yeah, I mean like, but it could also like, if it's,

if this is like a friend group and you're in a car with like three of the friends and you're like, Hey, can you stop touching me? She's like, what do you mean? You're the one who touched me. Yeah.

It can turn so quickly, especially if the girlfriend is like, yeah. Oh, Hey hey there's no reason for me to think that you're lying about being uncomfortable around my friend but i do believe her over you yeah that sets a precedent of like being in a in a real bad situation especially if this escalates to the point where like she wants to start making accusations well that's kind of my fear is that like something that happens. And with regards to that, I say either try to get a recording or proof of her doing it to you.

I don't want us to get out of there because... I do. Well, I do, but if you have a good relationship with this person, which that could be debated considering she doesn't believe you. It sucks to have to run away from that because of someone being a fucking lunatic. But it comes with the territory of dating people right like if it would be like if you got into a relationship and your partner's parents were absolutely fucking miserable and toxic right like you're not obligated to stay with someone and i'm not saying they're obligated no i know but i know they probably don't want to leave because they haven't right right but what i'm saying yeah yes but i think it is something

that you definitely should think about and be like look trust is the most important thing and she doesn't trust you she's choosing her friend over your word and her friend is being categorically terrible to you like horrendous i mean like she sexually assaulted you depending on like what we're talking about groping like if she tried to touch you inappropriately that's sexual assault yeah and people usually use groping for anything less than that too yeah so you went to your partner was like hey your friend essentially assaulted me and she's like no she didn't yeah i don't believe it that's fucked that's a terrible position to be in especially if this friend is going to escalate what she's doing because which it sounds like she has been doing

yeah so you go on this fucking miami vacation and you know your girlfriend goes out to get ice and you're left alone with this friend again i'm not i don't want to paint the picture that you know women are manipulative but like on a case-by-case basis yes there's a very likely chance that this could go poorly for you and you already have precedent that your partner will not believe you for such mundane things, such as she's sending me an appropriate text. She's touching me inappropriately. Your partner doesn't believe you on any of those things. Yeah.

And on the, on the flip side of that also believes that you are the one initiating these things. Yeah. Which also like part of me wonders, is this some kind of thing they've cooked up between them because i don't believe that this girl would again people are weird whatever would be like oh no i believe her that you're doing these terrible things but also i'm down for a three so like yeah like surely if you believe he's doing these bad things you just wouldn't want to date him or you'd be angry yeah and like i don't know the whole

situation is so messy and it's just like, it's like someone has packed a cannon of red flags and is shooting you in the face. And you're like, what should I do? And it's run in my opinion. They blindfolded you and set you loose in a forest of red flags and you're just smacking into the wall. Yeah. Um,

I, yeah, running is definitely a good, I'm a good option. I also think if at all possible amass evidence just to cover your own ass because like again we're not saying women or whatever but this person clearly is right so if they send you a text keep that text if they are being weird try to like get a recording app on your phone like there's no harm in protecting yourself as much

as possible. But also this doesn't sound like a fun situation. Cause again, do you want to be with someone that doesn't believe you? What if something worse happens? What if that's, I mean, that's the crux of it,

right? Like we say it a thousand times, you can't trust your partner. You shouldn't be with them. And if she can't, if she doesn't trust you, then you shouldn't be with her. Yeah.

And, and there's no, you have no safety net here. If this person decides to continue to accuse you. Yeah. So I would say, then you shouldn't be with her yeah and and there's no you have no safety net here if this person decides to continue to accuse you yeah so i i would say this is a relationship where you have to be like hey i'm not a fan of the dynamic that's happening between you and your friend i feel like i'm either going to get bullied into this threesome that seems to be on the table i don't want it and you guys keep pushing it i've told you i've been uncomfortable with your friend

and you've ignored it. I've told you, you know, she's assaulted me and you have actually turned around and accused me of doing it. This is not something, this is not a relationship I want to, I don't feel safe in it.

I'm not happy in it. So thank you. But you know, good luck. Thank you. Next. Thank you. Next.

Yeah. Uh, you want to do some tindies? Let's do some tindies. I feel like, you know, we got two questions out. You're welcome. You want to do some tindies? Let's do some tindies. I feel like, you know, we got two questions out. You're welcome. You're welcome.

One for every hundred episodes we've done. I don't know why, but someone who'd sent us in some stuff had also sent me a gif of The Rock and I thought you'd sent me

a man quote. Hell yeah. I'll start you off nice and slow with Crystal. Looking for my Prince Charming. Hard eyes. Must be 6'3 plus. If you're under 6'2 or under, I respect short kings, but I would never date you.

Between 200 and 230 pounds. Fit dad bod with defined leg muscles. None of those shredded juice heads. Major plus to guys who played college sports for at least two years. Intermural does not count. Must have a vehicle. 2020 or newer. No one clingy.

I need my space. You need your own apartment. No roommates. Bed frame. Matching sheet sets. And at least two pillows. I mean, I agree with the last thing. Give a bed with one pillow.

That's fucking crazy. You're not sleeping on a minion. Get two fucking pillows. I don't know. I'm just thinking a bed kind of looks like a minion. You're sleeping on two minions. You're good.

What? You think the whole bed, not just the pillow, looks like a minion? Well, I'm thinking like if you look at it and there's one pillow in the middle.

It's like the eye? Yeah, that's the eye. And then, you know, the sheets are yellow and the duvet is blue. You got yourself a fucking minion situation. So that's why they match.

It doesn't look like a minion. She's just terrified of minions. Fucking hates yourself a fucking minion situation. So that's why they match. It doesn't look like a minion. Yeah. She's just terrified of minions. Fucking hates minions. This person sucks. Zero. This is Julia. Mixed.

Two flags that I couldn't identify. I'm a viral meme in a foreign country. Guess which? Looking for someone unintelligent who hates travel and never eats. Swipe left if you're fun or attractive. Only message if you're an ongoing crisis like bankruptcy or desperately need a PR card or have a low Uber rating scammers only, please talk,

stand up to me to speak directly into my heart, say it in Russian or Spanish, just a Jian Yang looking for Ehrlich Bachman, ax murder for ax murder, rainbow emoji. I think it's pretty funny. I like the vibes. I think it goes on a little long.

It's a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like they could have cut it short earlier but like i did find it funny i think getting rid of the stand-up comedy bit like anything after that yeah you get out of that even the jian yang i don't know what that's a reference can i see you yeah i don't know what that is i don't also axe murderer for axe murderer like i don't know yeah axe murderer for axe murderer go i i'm fine with leaving the jian yang thing because like that's a very niche reference. Yeah, that's the thing.

Just because I don't get it doesn't mean it's not good. I did actually send this person a message. I matched with them and I sent them a thing saying that I was a Bosnian prince stuck at Pearson Airport and I needed $2,000 in return.

I'd buy them a modest house in Toronto. I think it's... Yeah, I thought it was a very funny profile. I really liked that having a low Uber rating was an ongoing crisis. And that's the one, their viral meme right i'm intrigued yeah i'm very intrigued uh giving that eight yeah this is krar i like to dress up as a tyrannosaurus rex checks out but that's it yeah i'll give it a five because i assume the pictures are also them in those big inflatable t-rex not even slightly oh okay and a five because I assume the pictures are also them in those big inflatable T-Rex. Not even slightly.

Oh, okay. And now I can show you the pictures because you're here. Yeah, I will still ignore the picture because I don't want that to taint my... Taint? Yeah. It's not a great profile, let's be fair. No, it's not. I actually think the picture makes it worse because it's just someone in like gym gear.

Yeah, I'm giving it a five because it's not anything to sway me one way or the other and the picture would be the deciding factor i think uh this is avani i'm five two by the way i'm hot-headed me being toxic is my love language i love deep voices and i love guys who can get attached really fast and needy clingy guys i'm a big star wars fan my favorite character is darth revan i play video games dead by daylight fortnite and minecraft xbox i like sleeping on my phone or i like sleeping on the phone and having movie dates also i work night shift discord is in their discord i don't know what sleeping on the phone means i don't know is it one of those things where like you

call each other and sleep yeah fucking weird i hate that i don't want to get so hot farts um i hate so much of this being toxic is my love language like is that joke because it doesn't sound like you're trying to be funny no especially when it's like oh i love deep voices and guys shouldn't get clingy yeah i just it's all bad it's all better to no thank you go away yeah that's gonna be a no for me dog i'm not even gonna rate it i'm reading it a no it'll get zero okay uh i don't know if i've done this one but this is casey tinder success met the sweetest girl here already her name is emily she is my world we got a pup together almost three years ago i love them both to death and spoil them as much as I can. You can't have me engaged. Hell yeah. That's a power move,

dude. It's just like, fuck you. I wonder if this guy is just too dumb to realize that you can, in fact, delete Tinder? Nope. Can't. It's an excellent profile for what he's trying to do. Which is flex. Repel. Flex on everybody? Yeah. And repel everyone who wants to

match with them yeah uh this is jen trivia mistress dates with me feel like quiz shows pros when i wake up my eyebrows are still there a plus back scratches dad jokes nurturing and affectionate cons i have a dad bod i will ignore you if animals are present busy af will cry every day you must be confident enough to be the second funniest person in the room and think feminism is cool or just neato black lives matter a cab land back support my neighbors intense triple dosed and ready to ghost it's pretty funny uh okay there were a few issues there um crying every day like no please i don't think anyone like just just no uh wake up my eyebrows are

still there it's kind of a little shamey to other women which is fine but it does kind of reek of that i'm not like other girls and there was one thing before that that fucking sucked oh dates make me feel like quiz shows i feel like they're going for i love trivia but it sounds like you're gonna be like grilled it doesn't sound very fun you know but it doesn but it sounds like you're going to be like grilled. It doesn't sound very fun, you know, but it doesn't even sound like you're going to be like grilled in terms of like what it sounds like. She's just going to be like,

what's in 1992, what capital city? And it's like, what do you have? It's happening. Yeah. So it's like, I think you need to tighten what you're going for there.

Cause it sounds off putting. Yeah. I mean, at the end of the day, I'm giving this a two because cries every day is oh my god something i do not want to deal with no and it's like i don't understand why you put that in it's not funny it's not cute it's not like even if you're joking it's like what do you what's the joke so you're either being serious and that's the fucking worst or you're not being serious and they don't know what you're getting at. So no. Yeah. Like never. You're a grown

person. Uh, yeah. I'm going to give it a two. This is Sarah. 5'10 but forever in platforms. I don't smoke or drink. Tinder can be overwhelming so you can mess me on Instagram. Body modification enthusiast. I think it's pretty amazing to modify your body like a video game skin. Collector of dead things. I even it's pretty amazing to modify your body like a video game skin.

Collector of dead things. I even have some of my own organs. I have 500 plus VHS. My boobs are fake, but I'm not. New ass loading, dot, dot, dot. You know, this is tough for me because I don't think there's any, like, the dead organ thing. Interesting. A bit weird, but, like, I feel like there could be a story there. Like, maybe they had cancer. Maybe they dead organ thing. Interesting. A bit weird, but like,

I feel like there could be a story there. Like maybe they had cancer. Maybe they, you know? Yeah. You know what? I appreciate that for it being like, it's weird and a little creepy,

but like could be, as you said, a good story. It's like a conversation. And like body modification, like as long as it's not self mutilation, you know what I mean? Because I do know that some people consider like self, selfmutilation and self-harm as part of body modification if as long as that's not

part of it and you're just talking about like tattoos and piercings and you know fake boobs and fake ass that's your prerogative and i'm not here to you know tell someone that they can't do whatever they want that's like even if it's not your personal thing, it doesn't mean it's not a good profile for somebody else. Right. And I think they get it up in like pretty obviously and in a fun way. Yeah. So props to that. Yeah.

I don't think as much as this profile isn't for me, there's a lot here that I'm not, it's not my wheelhouse. I don't think it's a bad profile. I don't think that the way they've revealed this information is red flag. So I think it is, I think it is a pretty decent profile. I just recognize it's not for me. I don't think that the way they've revealed this information is red flag. So I think it is. I think it is a pretty decent profile. I just recognize it's not for me.

So I'm going to even Nate. Yeah, I completely agree. And this last one for me, this is Mel travel obsessed. She's enthusiast. Excellent. High fiver.

I'm the kind of girl you can take home to your family. I will then get closer to them than you are. We'll slowly phase you out. That's very funny. It also reminds me of that Malcolm in the middle episode where he does almost exactly that. Uh, yeah,

I like it. It's fun. Yes. Eight. Yeah. It's a, it is a enough for me to get a pretty healthy dose of who you are. Uh,

so yeah, I will, I will also give that an eight. I kind of want to finish with a terrible one, but well, if someone wants to hear this terrible one, they have to subscribe to our Patreon. It's true. I kind of want to finish with a terrible one, but... Well, if someone wants to hear this terrible one, they have to subscribe to our Patreon. It's true. I'll say it for that.

Hang on over to patreon.com slash fbuddies or fbuddiespodcast.com. Click the Patreon link and it'll take you right there. And for $7 a month, you get access to Pillow Talk, which is our monthly bonus episode, where we do whatever the fuck we want. You can't stop us. Otherwise known as, like, one Starbucks coffee a month. You support your boys. Is Starbucks coffee that expensive now?

It's like six something for sure. That's wild. If I get like, if I get lazy and there's like the Starbucks in the year's coffee shop, if I get like a fucking, unless you get like their basic drip coffee. Yeah. It's like five,

$6 easy. Wild. Yeah. We're better than that. We're definitely better than that. unless you get like their basic drip coffee yeah it's like five six dollars easy wild yeah we're better than that we're definitely better than that we'll hype you up four times a month as opposed to one time a day how about that well five times secondly well that's the thing if you're getting pillow talk yeah yeah and you'll get an extra we'll just like pump you full of 11 others or however many we have at this point we We have a lot. Go help us out. We'd love that. It's our 200th episode, by the way. Fucking thank you for being here. Please give us a little share.

Give us a little five-star review if you want. Pop on the Patreon. Do all these things. We'd love it. It's our fucking pod birthday. And more importantly, head on over to campodawards.com slash vote. Click the link in our description and vote for us for people's choice. We would love to be the people's choice and because you are our people and we

love you and we choose, we choose you. We've chosen every day. We choose you and I have a lot of choices and I still choose you. It's true. And we love you. So thank you very much for hanging out with us. Not only today,

but for 199 other episodes. If you're new and just hanging out and checking us out, uh, because of the nominations or, you know, for whatever reason you found yourself here. Uh, thanks for joining us.

I highly recommend going back a couple episodes to get a little bit more of a, a taste of what we normally do around here. Cause this is a, this is us just, this is a special episode. Yeah. We're, we're celebrating.

We're rolling around in our own success. Um, if you've been here since the start, damn, what do we say? We can't, we cannot thank. We're rolling around in our own success. If you've been here since the start, what do we say? We cannot thank you enough. You're incredible. If you joined us partway through or anywhere in between, still thank you. It really does mean the world to us that you guys hang out with us and support us the way that you do, whether it's Patreon or listing or whatever.

We do it for you, and we wouldn't be doing it without you and like there's a few people we have had here for a long time and we've interacted with you guys you know through instagram or through our emails and like they're you're like you know who you are you're our fucking people and we love you so much and every one of you who've been here for so long and interacted with us and all this like you guys are the best again you know who you are so personal special thanks to you guys shout out to the Philippines

you know we got a I was gonna say earlier favorite country and I don't know should I have thrown everyone else under the bus I did Philippines you rock are you ready for some bad text writing after I thank Josh Eagle and the Harvesties for the song Paper Stars? Yes. So thank you, Josh Eagle, now. Okay, get comfy?

Oh, I haven't. Yeah, I usually don't get comfy. I know. It looks like you're trying to buy a book. Christine Ackland doesn't need help with anything, so when the world's biggest technology company offers to fly her to a remote location to investigate an alien artifact all by herself, she's like, I'll do it. The artifact isn't what it seems. Now this overly

helpful giant living paperclip is getting the girl who doesn't need help with anything all bent out of shape. Conquered by Clippy is a 4,000 word short story featuring sexual situations with digital assistance. It's for super mature audiences only. The Digital Desires series tells an epic tale, but each story also stands on its own. And that's Conquered by Clippy. Hell yeah. I see you're writing erotica. Do you need any help?

Yeah. I wonder who the, remember the, remember that little purple ape? Do you think there's one of those? Probably. I want to know, because this is book two. So it's like. What other digital assistants

yeah alexa little little msn man little faceless msn guy little aol running man i still think it's that god it's it's better than i could have it's better it's better than i ever could have hoped are you ready there's three yeah you know? This is going to be my man quotes. You have to guess which, and I'll say it's not just digital assistants, but it's just vaguely tech related shit. I'll give you four guesses. You have to guess two distinct novels, novel one and novel three. Bonus points if you, you know, conquered by Clippy, like if you do that. Seduced by Siri.

You're on the right track in terms of that S and the no, but no. Again, they're not all digital assistants. Naked with Napster. Getting very much closer, but no. They may be unguessable. I'll tell you that. There's some batshit stuff. Is it a streaming service?

No. For music or? music um or music or movies uh okay um uh i'll give you clues because it's almost impossible to guess one is like an old school video game and the other one is a modern like piece of tech i guess uh okay old year shall i say old school video game i'm thinking pac-man or mario i'm just trying to think of an alliteration penised by pac-man penetrated by pac-man oh okay i'm gonna go with that one you're locking that one in yeah no fuck um Modern tech could like beat anything. It could be. So you can go back to, you can do a second one for video games. Yeah.

I'm going to do another video game one. Or maybe dominated by Donkey Kong. Are you locking that in? Yeah. No. Fuck. We have taken by the Tetris blocks and invaded by the iWatch. The iWatch.

Oh, yeah. No, I never would have. What was the iWatch? I can't imagine being sexually satisfied by the iWatch. The iWatch. Oh, yeah, no, I never would have. What was the iWatch? I can't imagine being sexually satisfied by an iWatch. I don't care who you are. Maybe like an ASMR thing. Maybe it plays, it talks to you, it whispers. Maybe it vibrates on your clit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, we love you. We love you so much. Happy 200th episode to you, Dane, and to me. And to you, and to me. You pointed out the wrong one i'll do whatever i want okay my name is damiel and i'm miles fan and for the 200th time we are your fuck buddies