F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 201 - What Women Twant

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

Vote for us as People's Choice in the Canadian Podcast Awards: https://canpodawards.ca/vote/peoples-choice/ We're coming down off that Episode 200 high and we're back to business as usual.  Topics include a new breed of oral sex, navigating the fear of pregnancy and sex, marathon sex where no one wants to run the marathon, cockblocked by Jesus, how not to handle rejection.

Hey listeners, before we get to the episode, we want to take a moment to address the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. This decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans and others should other countries do this too. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, go to choice.crd.co. We encourage you to speak up, take care, and when I'm trusting, I love. I put my trust in you. I put my trust in love. Hello, friends.

My name is Dave Miller. And I am Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. Five-time nominated podcast this year in the Canadian Podcast Awards. Please vote for us. You're right. Do that. We're a dating and sex advice podcast

where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we are a podcast that finds questions either online or from our wonderful listeners on the topics of sex and or dating, and we answer them for you right here in this venue for you. To get back to what Niall was yelling about

almost immediately, in case you missed it i don't know why you would have because it was announced on our 200th episode and if you missed that how dare you but we were nominated for five canadian podcast awards including this is the important one people's choice and why is it important because you can vote you can help there's nothing anyone can do about the awards now. You can't help with those. We were nominated and that's just going to play out the way it's going to play out. However, unless you're a Canadian podcaster listening who likes us and wants to vote for us and we'd appreciate that. And technically we lied because there are six because Dane was also nominated for best host.

Yes. Congrats to Dane. That's me. Thank you. So head on over to can pod awards.com slash vote, scroll down to people's choice and vote for your boys. We would love it. We would love to do that.

And as we mentioned, if we do that, we do get to fight the rock. Oh yeah. Yeah. Which I will say I'm quite scared of doing, you know, I think he's got a glass jaw probably.

Right. He big, big muscle boy. He spent all his time building his muscles, not training his jaw. So I think if we can, if we can get past. See, I'm the opposite. I've only trained my jaw. I know.

That's all we do. We just talk. Very frail. That's accurate, actually. We also do that. What's that thing on TikTok where you shrink your jaw? Do you chew a thing? Yeah.

The chewing thing. That's all I do. The chewing thing. So much that we know what it's called. Want some sex news? Sure. There was a study about grammar and whether having good grammar in your first interaction with people on online dating and or in your profile, if it matters or not. What do you think?

Absolutely, it does. on online dating and or in your profile, if it matters or not, what do you think? Absolutely. It does on both sides of the table, like men, the women and women, the men. I think men probably have a much lower scale of, I don't think, I think men on online dating,

I think we'll be happy to just be in the, in the fray. I think if you hit a woman up with a yo girl spelled with a U or just G-R-L, what you doing, I think you're in trouble. But I think if a woman hit a dude up with

yo boy, what you doing? I think it's probably more skewed towards women. You are completely and utterly correct. 50% of men say they value good grammar, but they are 11% less likely to connect with someone with good grammar. Meanwhile, 58% of women, sorry, this is between age 18 and 34,

58% of women say they value good grammar and are 311 times more likely to connect to someone with good grammar. So there you go. Boys, up your grammar game. And for men and women 35+, it's basically the same for the men. Whereas with the women, they're only 39% more likely to be happy about good grammar. But again, that's pretty fucking good. Well, again, we know that the second especially women hit 35 you're

you got to take what you can get right like that's i really hope this isn't someone's first episode and they're like wow these guys suck you can't make these jokes at the start of the episode because if people don't know us they're immediately on itunes they're like why do these guys have nothing but five star reviews reviews? Hey, I'm turning 35 this year, so once I hit that, it doesn't matter, right? So I'm just kind of, nothing matters after 35. That's fair.

You ready for an old question? Mm-hmm. Let's start off with a nice, normal question. This is by ThrowRAPPY. My 30-year-old female, estranged husband, 30 year old male, spent 30 minutes talking to my pussy like it was a different person. I mostly estranged from my husband, but I slept with him a few days ago because he was saying all the right things.

During sex, he spent about 30 minutes just talking to my pussy. It was weird because he's never done anything like this before. I really don't know what to make of it. He said things like it was the prettiest girl and his best friend. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he wanted You know, i'm really glad that she did say that she tried to move and there was a reason like a valid reason as to why she didn't just sit there and let a man talk to her i mean let's say at her vagina for half an hour because that would have been at that point in time i would have been like look my my lady you could have left at any point in time but so like i'm glad like there was something other than like him just being like no no stay stay stay stay if i was like why are you talking to my dick and then the second i got up i started getting a blow job again i'd be like

all right okay you know what i'm glad because i feel like we've gotten so many questions where it's like, but why did you, though? So at least, you know, they tried not to. And. I don't know. I don't know this person. I can't give you this. The only thing I can think of is he recently saw the vagina monologues in which there is a monologue about a woman who, you know, is, has a partner who's sort of, I think his name is Bob in it is, is like enamored and like, you know,

really looks at it, really smells it, really tastes it, talks to it, romances it. So, I mean, maybe he saw that andored and like, you know, really looks at it, really smells it, really tastes it, talks to it, romances it. So, I mean, maybe he saw that and was just like, OK, I can get on board with this. And he gave it a go. Yeah. You know what? I have a few ideas.

And like, you know, he isn't a strange husband. So clearly something went wrong somewhere. What the fuck was that? Sorry, that was me throwing a pen at myself. My hands are still very shaky. I had a traumatic experience today. We won't get into it. Why haven't we gotten into that?

I don't know. I was outside doing yard work because it is my job at my apartment. Then I was out there for a very long time. And on my last trip in to get uh gloves to to put things in i realized i had taken the keys out of my pocket and my door locks behind me so i did lock my dumb ass out um so i was out there for it honestly it wasn't that long uh thankfully a friend of mine came and i did break into my apartment using a ladder some painters left behind so thank you painters but

most importantly I was using a weed whacker for like an hour and a half and I've gotten my hands are very shaky still from it and that's why I dropped my pen stop throwing pens alright now what I was going to ask so we can record this beautiful episode

yes a strange just means like they haven't Now, what I was going to ask you is, did you get back into your home so we could record this beautiful episode? Yes. A strange just means, like, they haven't really broken up. They've just kind of, like, parted ways. Yeah, but it means that, like, they're not, things aren't going well. You know what I mean? Yeah. I just didn't know if there was, because I hear a strange sometimes, and I hear it used in context, and I'm just like, wait, what is this?

So I just wanted to clarify honestly for myself that that's what it meant and there wasn't a meaning that i didn't fully grasp no they're basically like they've moved out and broken up and are presumably in the process of getting a divorce um so obviously things haven't gone well presumably he wants to get back with you because i feel like it's rare in a in a divorce setting that one person isn't still kind of pining you know what i mean or at least won't let go so he's trying a new tack and that new tack is to talk to your vagina maybe he's thinking if he can win over her vote maybe the rest of your body will outvote your brain right he's probably like i've got hand i've got hand vote i hold it all the time i've got lip vote kiss it you know vagina vote gotta work on it could be i mean he could have also maybe he makes bomb ass dinners right maybe he hooked up with

someone and they were suitably you know they asked for this specifically and he wanted to be like okay i've got one person into it who's the lowest risk person i can try this on you know because like you don't want to bust out something this weird on another new sexual partner because they might hate it but you know if he's like oh it's my ex-wife if she's weirded out by it whatever we're like we're broken up anyway it's not going anywhere so maybe he's just trying to and see like because and if it was like two for two he might be like shit have i have i discovered this is this a new thing that women love having their genitals spoken to crooned

to or he hooked up with someone who did like this and like you know that's what i mean like he he hooked up with someone they asked for this they liked it and he was like i need to know i need a control where you know if if she really likes it okay cool i might be onto something but if she doesn't like it then i can be like oh well maybe it's just her but you wouldn't want to do this on on someone you want to proceed or have a long-lasting relationship with or maybe he just thinks it does work and he's like i just thought i went back maybe either way like this thing or he's he really didn't understand inception either way it's fucking weird it is weird but did you like it that's the thing because like again we're not here to fucking yuck people's yums if you or and like if someone out there

is like actually that sounds kind of hot i'm not telling you it's not hot if someone if someone wants to like say nice things about my dick and then go down on me in between intermittently i might be okay with that i i think i might be like a little uncomfortable and weirded out by it but like at the same time having someone say nice things about my dick while also servicing it yeah yeah that's not not the worst yeah i would definitely be more on the like oh it's okay because you spent 30 seconds saying nice things about my dick and then you know went to to blowjob town as opposed to 30 fucking minutes at which point i'm like no please but there was there was blowjob town during that it's true it's true it's just a long yeah we don't know how much time was actually spent speaking yeah but it is weird because they don't actually seem to say they don't

like it they said it was weird because he didn't know he hadn't done it and i don't know what to make of it and then i brought up he laughed and i'm confused that's about all we could get so it's like talk to him if you So it's like, talk to him. If you think it's weird, just be like, hey, don't do that. Yeah. Like problem solved. If you like it or if you want it tailored, then say that. Be like, hey, I appreciate that you were like saying nice things about my vagina.

Thank you very much. Maybe don't do it for 30 fucking minutes. Yeah. Maybe you'd be like, look, if you want to, if you want to give me lip service, maybe a little, a little less of the talking, a little more of the licking. maybe you'd be like look if you want to if you want to give me lip service hey what maybe maybe a little a little less of the talk and a little more of the licking maybe he's been learning uh lip reading yeah maybe it is actually talking back to him yeah do you think this is like that mel mel gibson movie where he can hear women's thoughts but instead can just hear what the

vulva is thinking maybe what women twats what women twat i was trying to get twats hunting linguist yeah there you go okay a few people in the comments are upset because they think it's rude because it's almost like he's divorcing the woman no pun intended from her vagina and is like i'm talking to you i like you not the rest of you that's also a valid point i think of being like hey are you are you literally just here for my vagina because that is i could see that that could be pretty rude like maybe he's like maybe it's a weird nagging thing right maybe he Maybe he's just like, no, no, I'm here for her.

Yeah. Shut the hell up. Not here to talk to your lips. Talking to these ones down here. Yeah. I guess like there's obviously some other issues of play if you guys are estranged. So it's like,

is this part of that? Or is this a new spicy addendum? But if you don't like it, tell him not to, if you want it altered, ask him to alter it. And if you do like it, tell him not to. If you want it altered, ask him to alter it. And if you do like it, then hey, maybe stick googly eyes above it next time and move the lips and go, hello, I'm a vagina. Yeah.

You ready for another one? Yeah. Is it also going to be very normal? Yep. This is from Reddit user Ethan's a 69 lord. Hell yeah. Now, is it by or about Ethan? It's by Ethan.

Am I being ridiculous for being upset by this? So me and my girlfriend have been together for over a year now. We started having sex about two months into our relationship. It does say two mouths, but I'm assuming they mean months. As she was a virgin, she told me she is very worried about

getting pregnant, as it would mess up both of our lives if we since we are still young. And I agreed. So she's on the pill and we agreed to I would wear a condom as well. Then she asked me to pull out before I come, which I did reluctantly as I thought it was a bit of overkill since I had a condom and we were on the pill or and she was on the pill. But I did it to make her happy. Now, over a year together, she said she won't be having sex when she's ovulating. I was worried because if you add that to the fact that we don't have sex when she's on her period, that leaves us with 16 days we can have sex.

I agreed again to make her happy and understood why she's doing this as she is nervous about getting pregnant. But we don't live together, so we don't have sex often. Anyways, now we're going to have sex even less. All this has made me a little upset, but I want to know if i have the right to be upset or am i being ridiculous it's a little ridiculous and by little i mean quite like obviously this person has a very severe hang-up about pregnancy fears i don't think it's to the normal level i think it's you know well i mean let's i i think a lot of women are doing this especially if you're located in the states right now i think i think the fear of

getting pregnant is is a lot higher these days yeah i i think it's a little much i don't think it's really for you to decide what her levels are it's for you to work within them or not right like yeah again if she lives in fucking texas or a lot of the states i entirely fully get it right yeah is it still the kind of relationship you want to be in that's up to you you know i i think your roots here are talk to her explain where you're coming from uh understand her and deal with it get her to talk to someone about these these issues because yes it's i think the most understandable it's ever been given the state of America. Um, you know,

but again, if, if you're that upset and you're that like freaking out about being pregnant, then maybe talking to someone would be good for that. But either way, if, if you're not like, we talked about this a lot,

sex is an important part of a relationship for a lot of people. And if you're not getting the sex you want or the amount of sex that you would like that's not the time for you to turn around and force them to give you it it's the time for you to either talk about it reach a compromise understand where they're coming from or leave yeah unfortunately like it we're at a point in our society where we have to be very very conscious about even suggesting that this woman should you know i mean that you have any right to convince her otherwise about what she wants to do with her body you know what i mean like we you definitely have the conversation as now said lay it out as to how you feel about things but i think it it has to stop there and like you have to be like hey i

sex is an important part and i feel like we're really limited in our options right now and i think it's also worth talking about being like even when we have sex do you enjoy it are you because like the only way to get pregnant is to have sex and it doesn't matter about you know keeping track of cycles and birth control and condoms and all that but like like it's the only way it's going to happen so having sex might still be a stressful unenjoyable experience and if that's the case i might be like look if you're not i this is something that i require in my life and in my relationships and if you're not enjoying it and if you don't want to do it and it, and if anything, like if,

if it feels like I'm coercing you into doing it more because it's something that I need, I would rather like call it here because I don't want to, I don't want to influence you. I don't want to coerce you. I don't want to have sex with someone who's terrified of it. Yeah. You know?

And that would be a huge thing for me. And like, I think you'd really really have to make it known being like this isn't me flexing or bluffing to make you feel bad this is me showing genuine care and and respect and concern about the choices you're making about your body and what that means for us as a as a Look, if it's the kind of thing that has been escalating, which it obviously has been, it's like, what's next? Also, even like tracking when you're ovulating and shit

isn't an exact science or else people would just not use condoms for 16 days a month safely, which isn't a thing. So, you know, when is that going to also change? So again, it's like, look, if you want to talk to her, it does seem like it's something that's bothering her a lot. If she is somewhere such as the States

where there's a lot of external and very understandable things exacerbating that, I get it. If it's not, maybe it's worth talking to somebody. But again, it's not up to you to force somebody to have more fucking sex with you, especially if they're so upset by it. So if you talk to someone and nothing is really being done, that you can just leave and there is no. If you're getting on board, but you're still going to harbor resentment and be upset and make jabs and jibes and let it affect you, don't do that. You need to be fully 100% fuck yes on board or you need because we really have to sort of take a step back and be like, look, unless someone is in actual danger of hurting themselves or something like that, we just going to fucking kick her in and slap a murder charge on her or you know alternatively ruin her life if this is what she has to do to feel

feel okay unfortunately you know we we don't get a say in it it's just like you know again it's it's understandable so you know i would i would keep those external things in mind when you when you think about when you discuss it and again you're no one's holding you in this relationship. If you want to go, go. This is by Neurotic Shark216. My boyfriend insists on two hour long sex, but can't actually last that long. Like the title said, we've been together very shortly, around a month, and he likes me very much. There's huge sexual tension between us, as in all beginnings of relationships. It makes me so happy, but I don't kind of look forward to sex. He told me he likes it long, and I do kind of, but I think 30 to 45 minutes is perfect length,

and hours is what I'd consider long. He says he likes it two hours or even more, and that's when I start to get annoyed. Whenever we do it, he's insisting on never ending play, but after some time, he can't get it up anymore. So then I go down on him to help get it up, and when we continue, it goes down again, because he's tired, of course, and that makes him uncomfortable, and me too. I say help get it up and when we continue it goes down again because he's tired of course and that makes him uncomfortable and me too I say never mind but he insists we continue and that he tries again I don't get it and it pisses me off why insisting if you can't last for two hours I already told him that we don't need to do it but nope how to tell him without sounding like I don't enjoy it I really do but when we start I already start hoping that we will have to end it after 40 minutes due to some other reason because i don't really have time to try making it alive five times what you guys are in a relationship what he wants isn't the only thing that needs to be taken into consideration

like if you only want to or find it pleasurable or only want to have sex for 45 minutes and let's be real 45 minutes it's still a long time to have sex i mean i guess not if you're including you know all the foreplay and the lead up and all that kind of stuff but like you know 45 minutes to an hour is is a solid a solid sexual experience um and so i think you i it's 100 within your right to sit him down and say, I don't enjoy these marathon sessions where we seem to struggle more than we actually do anything. And I would prefer if we keep it a lot more manageable and just focus on what we are capable of handling and what we're capable of enjoying. Because after about 45 minutes, I don't have as much fun anymore. And that is kind of the opposite.

Like if it starts feeling like a chore, I'm going to start not wanting to do it. And if I don't want to do it, then what's the point of any of this? Well, if after 40 minutes, it feels like a fucking chore and you're still going for that, like times one and a half, you're spending one and a half times being like more time being upset yeah you're having like more bad times than good times and like you don't even like i think the good thing about this and i think it's a good lesson in general is like you don't even necessarily have to have this conversation not in the bedroom because you can literally at a certain point just

be like you know i'm done yeah and that's good you know, I'm done. Yeah. And that's good. You know what I mean? Like if I'm with someone and it's like they are tired or too sensitive or like, you know, they reach that limit where they're just like, my vagina is out of commission. It's come as many times as it's going to come. They say I'm done. And like, that's great. You know what I mean?

It would suck so much if they felt beholden to just keep going through discomfort and through like pain and all this shit so it's like that's the thing you need to learn just for yourself is to set boundaries and like do you you know what i mean because you talk all the time about him and it's like oh shit he wants to do this yeah what do you want to do when you're done just like hey i'm done yeah because it doesn't really sound like we're getting this guy to climax anyways if he's not able to sustain an erection or like it doesn't sound like they finish ever either no did he finish and then he's like no we keep going or does he just lose his erection because that's a whole other problem i guess

right like maybe he's just kind of like battling his own issues to try and like reach climax at some point, which, hey, I could kind of understand the desperation if he's like, no, we got to keep going. And like, you just can't get there because that sounds like hell. Sure. Yeah, that's actually a really good point. I didn't I didn't think about that. So like, if that's the case, that's a wildly different issue. You know what I mean? That's him probably need to go see a health healthcare professional or alter his lifestyle. Or, you know, there are a lot of things that we've mentioned before that can exacerbate

erectile dysfunction, or there are things that can cause sensitivity issues, et cetera. I think that's its own fucking issue, right? So we'd have to approach that wildly differently. He could also be under some bizarre fucking like watch too much TV or too much porn or listen to the wrong fucking songs

idea where he literally thinks sex has to take two hours or like you're some shameful boy you know i would love i would really really love now that you brought this up i'd love to know if he does finish if if you guys have sex and he comes and then it's a it's an uphill battle for him to get hard again after the fact or if what you said is true where he struggles to maintain an erection or if like there comes a point in time where he can't maintain an erection because it sounds like they're fine up until like a certain point when it's more of an uphill battle after that um and it's just like it seems my dude like you got a sweet spot and your body can facilitate a certain amount.

And then like, yeah, you get tired for sure. Like, I don't know if I'd be able to stay erect for two straight hours. Like, I don't think most people do without young boy hormones or drugs. So like that, that sounds like nothing enjoyable. I don't want to stay erect for two hours. I would be so sore after two hours. I think you need to figure out what works for this dude and if it's the case of he never comes but is obsessed with going two hours but can't yeah because what's ending i'm having like we erections as much as they're a body function have so much to do with the mind our mind works

against us all the time as dudes because the second it happens you know it probably happened once and now he gets so fucking in his head about it that like oh it's the 45 minute mark i hope i stay hard and then your body's just like oh yeah which of course is going to make it twice as hard no pun intended the next time and then three times as hard meanwhile you're three times as soft so i think it's there's a huge possibility that he thinks he needs to do this for this long because you know people always think about like doing it all night long and it's like nah man people sleep um it almost feels like as like kids when someone would be like yeah we had

sex for eight hours and it's like you didn't even have sex that's cool yeah so it could be that it could be an insecurity thing it could be miss like a miscommunication where he thinks that's what you need or maybe his past partner was like that's what we need you know it could be any of these things or it could be like an erectile dysfunction issue that like he's managing very poorly i guess explore one of the options with the context the contextual knowledge that only you have yeah it's definitely a conversation it's definitely something you need to set boundaries for at the very least you know what i mean like baseline you have to be like hey i don't enjoy this and i don't think you do either

like yeah i don't think he does but it doesn't really matter one way or the other if he does because if one partner is no longer having fun or wants to participate in it then like sorry that's the end of the game it's over yeah and the thing is two people essentially participating for it to be good i think in terms of everything life this, this relationship, your own well-being, you need to learn how to set boundaries sexually, maybe other ones, who knows. And this is a great time to do it because the second you stop enjoying it, just be like, oh, you know what? It's me. I'm done. I'm tired. You don't need to be like, I'm not enjoying it. Just be like, she's done. And then that's it uh and i think that is at the baseline very actionable very important and very general advice because in any situation where you stop enjoying yourself you always have the right to withdraw consent or end things or move on uh it sounds like you'll be doing this person a favor and like this matters no matter what his reason is in no world do you have to cater to whatever is the root issue here by being in discomfort yourself yeah so the fact that we don't know what the base issue doesn't

matter because what matters is you need to start setting boundaries and you know if you want to delve into the other things and work on that by all means but for now set these healthy boundaries and make sure that you're not in discomfort or pain or you know anything like that this is kind of similar to like what we've been talking about in a lot of these questions as comes from reddit user john johnson james the third my girlfriend decided she no longer wants to have sex with me until we're married what do i do so me and this girl have been dating for two years almost exactly now i love her with everything in me in fact everything in the relationship has been so good recently, I decided to buy her a promise ring to show's going to try to get me to start going to church with her. But unfortunately, shortly after I realized that that was not the case. She told me in order to

get closer to God, she no longer wants to have sex. I knew exactly where this was going from here. And I was anticipating the, so you're only using me with sex from her. The thing is I do require sex in a relationship. I feel like that is a healthy part of becoming intimate with your partner. I mean, without sex, what does that make me to her? Really close friends? Siblings? I feel that in mature relationships, intimacy is what separates a romantic relationship from the latter.

So I told her pretty much exactly what I said above. I explained to her that she wants to take a break from sex, but I can't wait until marriage. Especially not after two years of being with this woman and losing our virginities to each other. I mean, hopefully this blows over and it's just a phase. And I understand that this post is somewhat comedic, but I truly am worried about the future of our relationship. I mean, I love her, but I can't imagine spending years laying in bed with my girlfriend, trying to initiate something and getting turned down time and time again. So what do I do? Am I being insensitive? Where do where do i go from here as a side note i want to mention that we're both 18

if that matters uh they've been together just over two years two years yeah we said earlier if this person for some reason wants to religiously abstain from sex that is entirely up to them it upsets me that in the one world where you stay with this, you envision yourself trying it again and again and again and getting turned down because that's not an option. The options are you agree and move forward again with a fuck yes mentality wholeheartedly and you abide by their fucking boundaries or this doesn't work for you and you leave. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, those are the two options. Like if you feel bad leaving because of sex and maybe they'll be upset and maybe they'll be like, oh, you're only using me for sex. Yeah, that's fine.

But like, that's not the truth. As you said, sex is an important part of relationships. And if it's an important part for you, that doesn't mean you have to go without just because morally it's bad to leave someone because of sex, which isn't true. But it also means on the same kind of fucking issue, if this is something that's important to her, she doesn't have to have sex with you just because you're upset. So deal with it wholeheartedly or leave. You're very young, so you'll be fine. I would love to know. I mean, I assume he's not big into church since he was like, oh, no, she's going to try to make me get in church.

And I would love to know, like, what what the religious sort of atmosphere is where you live. Like, is it a super religious area, super religious town, community, that kind of thing? I would also like to know about this church camp that this 18 year old is going to. And day one seems to be them being like, don't have sex. Yeah, I do kind of worry about all that shit because a lot of like a lot of people I know who have grown up in these very religious environments. When they finally do kind of see the wider world and are like opening and broadening their horizons a little bit, realize how fucked it is. And it takes a lot of time for them to step away from these really like constrictive and like backwards things and it's it's very harmful and takes years for you to finally kind of like find yourself and acclimatize

to like normal society and shit it does sound like that could be it and and that sucks because it's not easy yeah i and like it's so tough again trying to navigate you know making sure that we respect the choices that women make about their bodies but also like in a situation like this i would a part of me and i agree with this guy like i don't know if i would want to be or remain with someone who saw sex as like a bad thing or a sin or something because like that that kind of hurts and that sucks and it's not something i personally agree with um so i don't know if i would be able to maintain a relationship with someone like this um especially someone who like i don't want to get married so there's that as well there's no sex yeah like i would be concerned about this person and the

level of indoctrination happening at these camps and in their community and maybe in their family like if i if you truly love this person i think they're like i would be concerned that this could turn dire at any moment of being like okay well what else are you now going to give up in you know a chase for piety or whatever you're you know i mean like a chaste life or whatever it's like how much of it is what you actually want to do and how much of it is being forced on you by uh you know a religious institution because like we're talking about the right for women to choose what they do with their body but if you're only choosing it because you're being manipulated and indoctrinated from you know a religious institution organized

religion or whatever like that is also the antithesis of what we're trying to support and acknowledge yeah now it's messed up the thing is though it's like as an 18 year old boy i don't know if there's much you can really do in the face of all that, right? Because especially like religion is usually like passed down from your parents. So like when you're so entrenched between your family and between this camp and like your spiritual leaders and everything, like it's probably not much you can do other than upset a lot of people. And, you know, so sometimes it's not your job to fix or save people because you can't. And sometimes you just, you know, you got to or save people because you can't.

And sometimes you just, you know, you got to move on as best you can with your life and, you know, be there if someone ever reaches out and needs help. But like you can go and have a healthy relationship. Yeah, it'd be such easy rhetoric to by everyone in her life, you know, pastors or priests or whatever and family to be like see this is why people like him he's just trying to use you for sex he's an 18 year old horn dog you know godless atheist who doesn't go to church like it'd be so easy to spin that and and so easy to believe it because like how many people are going to believe an 18 year old being like hey i'm really worried that whatever or you know organized religion you're involved with is actually manipulating you. No one wants to hear that. Even if you are able to bypass the issue and you're able to stay with this person until marriage, like, you're not going to have a good sex life if sex is keeping her from God.

Yeah. good sex life if sex is keeping her from god yeah like is she going to enjoy sex if she thinks every time she has it she's straying from you know those divine powers she fucking worships no like i imagine sex will be like we'll do it to try to have a kid and then that's that so i don't know i just feel like it sucks but again you don't really have any options other than to fuck yes, agree with it, or to say no and move on. There's also something else we didn't discuss, which could also be a possibility. You got her this promise ring, and she went in and showed it to church camp. And everyone there, all the other women there were like, oh, that's nothing. Make him propose. If he doesn't propose, it's nothing. You've been together for two the, all the other, you know, women there were like, Oh, like that's nothing. Make them propose.

Like if he doesn't propose, it's nothing. You've been together for two years, blah, blah, blah. And maybe this is a gambit to try to, you know,

expedite the marriage process of being like, well, you gave me a promise ring. You know, it's, it's an option. It's a thing. I don't know.

It, it seems, you know, like maybe this could be a gambit of doing that, whether she's, she wants to do it or is, is being sort of like, you know like maybe this could be a gambit of doing that whether she's she wants to do it or is is being sort of like you know goaded on by other people to do it well enough people fucking get married after two years at that age or less you know what i mean especially when they're highly religious so yeah it could be that it isn't we're gonna put this off and wait years to have sex again it could be hey you should propose to me which again i don't think you should because that's not the way to do

it and on top of that you're young you know you shouldn't marry someone because you're horny shouldn't marry someone because fucking some priest told her to coerce you into doing it you know yeah i mean it's not said it's you you have to either be on board with this and respect it and not push it any further until you are married or you say hey this is a deal breaker for me i'm sorry i'm moving on this is boy do 1990 girl i've been seeing says she really likes me and we're close but refuses to be exclusive and has been on dates with others so i met this girl she's not long out of a six-year relationship we know each other from school so already had history really hit it off got super. She says she really likes me, and I tick a lot of boxes for her. But then a month in, I said I want to be exclusive,

and she shut that down. Even admitting to going on a date with someone else, which just confuses the hell out of me. How can she like me so much? Be serious in how she describes her feelings, but then go on a date with someone else. I feel like I'm being treated like a reserve option. I know she's just out of a relationship, and she says she's not ready for exclusive yet, but she still wants to keep me around. I just don't get what's happening. How could I be seeing her,

but she's still on Tinder and going on dates? I feel like I'm just waiting to be replaced. Am I justifying these thoughts, or am I the asshole? I mean, I got bad news for you, bro. You are the asshole. I mean, look, will I go as far as calling you the asshole? No. Because I think you're allowed to be hurt when someone's like, no, I don't want to be exclusive with you.

You know, I think that's allowed. I think you're allowed to be like, ah, damn, and feel rejected and be like, oh, that sucks. However, it's no fault of hers. She's being honest with you. She's been on the level with you letting you know like you can care about someone greatly and still not want to be exclusive with them especially if you know she's saying hey i'm just out of relationship and i'm not ready to pursue another one right now and you know what you were pretty kind about this i think you are an asshole when you know

she's not long out of a six-year relationship and she said she's not ready for being exclusive and you still ask her after fuck all time and then get upset that's true i didn't uh i didn't clock the i thought he said that like that was her reason why she didn't want to i didn't realize that she had said it prior to it seems like she'd said it like when they started hooking up that she was like oh i'm not long out of a six-year relationship and then after a month he was like exclusive six years is a long fucking time it can take people a long time to get over that and also as dane said you can not only like people a lot and not want to be exclusive with them you can like someone a lot and still enjoy being single or you can like someone a lot like somebody else yeah like. You could like someone a lot and also like someone else a lot.

Yes. Have you heard of fucking polyamory? Have you ever heard of like... There's also just like... That's dating, dude. Like, I really... Like, you seem to have just crawled up into this little like butt hurt like ball where you're like, Fuck you.

You're lying. I'm being replaced. I'm less than human. Like, or whatever. You're not. Like, look. As Dane said, you're allowed to be you, you're lying, I'm being replaced, I'm less than human, like, or whatever. You're not. Like, look, as Dane said, you're allowed to be hurt. That is fine. Yeah. It's how you process that hurt and what you do with it that matters,

and what you've done is thrown yourself a pity parade and kind of, like, gone on the aggressive with regards to, like, how you're thinking about this person. Because in your head, I can already see it souring massively, right? You're a reserve action, you're waiting to be replaced, in your head i can already see it souring massively right you're a reserve action you're waiting to be replaced like she's just keeping you around like that's not fair to her it's not fair to you and look if that's the way you feel move on yeah

like if you actually feel like she is legitimately treating you this way and this is how she views you then why are you hanging around if i thought if i literally went to bed thinking that the person i just asked to be my my partner views me as a replaceable you know swap in and outable sort of back of the pocket you know second choice consolidation prize who apparently is like gleefully stringing you along and lying to you. Like, fuck that. I'm like, like why, why keep her around? Like why,

why continue to date her? If that is actually how you feel, because if, if that is how you feel, but tomorrow she walks up to you, she's like, actually, you know what I do?

I would like to be exclusive with you. You would say yes. Going into it, thinking that she was a terrible person. Yeah. Right. Like, and that makes no sense to me. It makes no sense that people are making time in their lives for people who are who

they perceive are treating them poorly yeah because look it it works beneficially for both of you one if you think she's treating you this way and she's not treating you that way and it's all in your head you You fucking off. Great for her. Yep. Great for her. And great for you because now you're not, you know,

sitting at bed stirring and feeling like shit too. If she is treating you this way, good for you, right? Like, like I, there's no downside to leaving. If you actually think this person is doing this to you.

Yeah. Now, if you think this purely because she won't date you after a month, even though, you know, she's not long have a six year relationship, then yes, you're an asshole. You again, you need to realize and a lot of people out there need to realize. Yeah, it sucks if the person you like isn't massively and actively movie style being like, yes, you're the one. Let's be exclusive. Yeah, it sucks. Does that mean she doesn't like, you know, if she one. Let's be exclusive. Yeah, it sucks. Does that mean she

doesn't like you? No. If she's dating other people or keeping her options open or has gone on a date or even again, like somebody else, does that mean she's a terrible person? No. Does that mean she doesn't like you? No. Nope. So all these things can exist and this could still be positive. And it sounds like she's being honest and genuine and upfront with you. It just needs to, I guess, hinge on how you can take this. If you can be okay with this and you can be like, okay, cool. Yeah. I'm having a blast with you. I really like you. I don't need to be exclusive with you. We can see where this goes. I promise you if you're chill and you stick around and I won't sell promise you because that's not accurate but your chances of getting with someone if you

give them time and respect their feelings and like are chill huge like when i met my current partner i wasn't ready for a fucking relationship because i'd been out of a long-term one that fucking sucked and afterwards it was a whole jumble of shit and like i could have met the perfect person and i would have said no and she knew where i was at i knew where she was at and things developed and neither of us were fucking weird about the fact that we were single uh while seeing each other for like quite a while and it was amazing and it's incredible and now we've been dating for like six years and it's awesome so that's that's one way it could go or i could have been like oh she fucking stringed me along she hates me i'm replaceable and fucked off and bit upset also asking someone out after a month,

pretty fucking soon. Yeah. I mean like, you know, I, I want to not discourage. He didn't seem to, there was no like,

what are we? I think it's look, if you feel like you want to be inclusive with someone and, and you feel that in your heart, tell them, but you need to also tailor your expectations. And you also need to, if they're like, Oh, hey, no, it's actually a little too soon. Be like, okay, sure.

You know what I mean? Like, and, and that's what Nala said. It's like, you need to, you, you have, you can't control people's answers to your feelings or your requests or, you know, telling someone you want to be exclusive. There's, there's nothing you can do about how they're going to react to that. Not a damn thing, but there's a hundred's nothing you can do about how they're going to react to that. Not a damn thing. But there's 100% how you can react to it and feeling hurt. You're allowed to.

And as we said before, it's like a human emotion to hear someone say like, no, actually, I don't want to be exclusively with you. Stings. No matter how much time, no matter, you know, it's going to hurt no matter what. But then you have to make the choice of being like, cool, this isn't for me. Or all right, i'll hang around but i understand the parameters that you've now and boundaries that you've laid down of being like i'm not ready and know that like okay well i'm staying with you and i'm gonna hang out with you and keep seeing you knowing that you aren't ready and that you're i'm

not waiting to like you might never be ready if you are, it doesn't have to be for me. Exactly. And when you are ready, it might not be my door, you come a-knockin'. And you can't then turn around at the end and be like, I've been here all this time and you don't tell him? It's like, no, dude, that's not the deal.

If you can't handle that, if that does not sound like something, you gotta walk. You gotta walk immediately because you gotta be absolutely cool with it all or you got to fucking walk. Those are your options. So just but again, be upset, but take a breath and think about things rationally because you know someone can like people, multiple people at a time or like someone to not want to date them. These are not impossibilities. These are not fucking reaches to even consider. So just take a breath. Stop letting how

hurt you are influence all of this and just realize that these things are true and then see how you feel and move on from there. But if you just want to like get butt hurt and climb into a little ball of like sadness and start lashing out like this, yeah, it's not going to go well for either of you. We should probably get

into some tenders. You know what? I would enjoy doing that with you right now. At the end of the episode, before we wrap up, we like to pop on to online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge. Comb through the profile. See what works, see what doesn't work. Pick out any red flags

for you to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. You want to go first? Yeah, the first one I have is Heather, 21. I thought you were going to say it's heavy. I mean, hey, look, if you're looking at the picture I'm looking at, it is. That sounds really offensive. Hey, let me just tell you what it is.

It is a picture of a minion crucified. Oh, yeah, okay okay this one yeah that's it just sounded like you were saying something very mean that was out of character for you no it sounded like i was yes body shaming absolutely not that's not what we do here that's not what i do uh no no heavy in the sense that heavy is the the head that weighs the crown is that how that goes uh when you're a minion on the cross yes also for clarification that was me wanting you to explain not like to the listeners

not me actually doubting you oh yeah no I know yes so it's a crucified minion with the crown of thorns and everything and the text on the photo says didn't I do it for you?

And this is Heather. I can't remember. Their job is Dream Girl XX. And they're about me. Only thing on their profile, I want to be your dog. It's the perfect profile. We have talked a lot. We've given a lot of suggestions.

We've given a lot of tips and advice. And I think if someone was able to distill it down into a single Tinder profile that does fit top to bottom on one screenshot, it is this profile. Yeah. I think this is going to be our first 20 we ever hand out. I think it's just done. I think we can't do any more oh boy i just can't stop looking at this picture i i please tell me you message them i did like them yeah did they like your back are they too good for you yeah they are 21 so it's fair that's so powerful okay are you ready for dana. Looking for someone to be my partner in crime.

Cowboy emoji. I like to work out, listen to techno or punk mostly. Cook and eat, bake and eat. Mix techno. Explore, read, dance, and sing and be silly and cuddle a lot. Squirt emoji. Please be into cool shit. Interesting, funny, tall.

Can take care of yourself. Kind, but aggro at the same time. Kiss emoji. Open to friends with benefits. Relationships. Exploring with women, but aggro at the same time. Kiss emoji open to friends with benefits, relationships, exploring with women, but no random hookups with dudes. And then the like two fingers pointing each other like,

sorry. Uh, you know what it was? There was, there's like just little, I would say it's like a pretty profile, like a pretty, pretty,

you know, serviceable. It does. It does what it needs to do. I appreciate the, the highlights of like what they're looking for and laying that out great cool then there are other things that were like you know be tall aggro but kind like that kind of stuff it gives me red flags of being like

so this went from like a six and i'm gonna get bump it to a four. That's the thing. I think it's mostly bland with some problematic shit sprinkled in. So yeah, it's like it's a four. Uh, this is Joanna. Struggled to open a jar last night, so here I am. Looking to have lots of fun, do cool things together, and get you to help me open jars. Well, you revisited

the joke twice, making it less funny. No, I think it works better. It's a callback. Nah, if they do a rule of three, Dane, they need either one more jar reference or one less. No, I think it does its job here. I understand.

Yeah, I'm giving it a six, too. I don't think it's a great profile. Okay, well, there we go. Okay, this is Rain. Pros of dating me. I'll never cheat because I hate everyone. Good sense of humor. Terrible at small talk.

Open and honest. If you're closed minded, we won't. We most likely won't get along. See right away. Red flag. I know that she's alive. She says open and honest, but doesn't mention that she's a snake. It's true.

It's true. Nice try. One try. Nice try. I'll never cheat because I hate everyone what do you think about that i mean i think it's kind of funny like i understand like you know okay ha we're all jaded we've grown up in a terrible world uh you know i i don't i don't really hate it too much but i it's it's like mom sharing a funny mug on facebook funny? Yeah, it's like, okay,

you made a joke, and I can see that. I've seen it before. Yeah, I agree. Five, I guess. Damn, I thought I was also going to do that. This is Xtasis. And let me tell you right now, I think this is a bot, but I do think this is the best

bot profile we've ever gotten. Oh, damn. even better than like the really sad lonely ones well let's see i do have a very particular set of skills skills i have acquired over a very long sexual career lol skills that make me a dream for people like you so if you're interested you can reach me at my instagram and say tuss catch you later it's pretty good i appreciate that this bot has made a taken reference and has tailored it to their botanist yeah that's i maybe it's not a bot maybe it's not a bot it might not be a bot it might i mean obviously probably a escort or a sex worker of some sort um but you know what i fucking respect the hustle i love the

i think it's fucking funny as hell i think it's a i think it's a great profile for what it's like you know if if they aren't going to murder you and leave you or like take your kidneys to leave you in a bathtub full of ice i i'm gonna give this like an eight. Yeah. It's it's Hey, is it sus? Sure. Is it very funny? Yeah. Hey, this is Susanna creative director by day writer and sensual guide by night.

I dream in nineties music videos. I'm living out of Renaissance in my thirties introvert extrovert. It's that Pisces Sag mix. I want to meet new people to hang with, hit patios with, flirt and explore with Polish pierogies are life. My glasses prescription is higher than yours. Man, if it wasn't the astrology.

Yeah. But you know what? I think that I think I could overlook it for this one. This one has enough energy in it that I think it could be fun and and worth like giving a shot. They seem cool. What do you think of sensual guide by nice i mean like that's that's something i'd want to ask it you know what i mean like there there's enough there that i'm intrigued i'm pulled in and i would like to know more and that's what a good profile does i guess yeah so i'm gonna give it an eight okay yeah you know what i'll give it okay it loses

a point for pisces sag for sure yeah 100 i like how positive it is they're pretty open about things they're kind of funny like not like that they're making jokes but pierogies are life my son my glasses prescriptions higher than yours like they seem chill i'm gonna give it a nine i'm not gonna lie the sensual guide thing weirded me out because it just felt like more... It felt like they're going to try to sell me some crystals. Right. But maybe there's something I don't know. You're right.

I should be more open-minded and ask them. And look, if the next thing out of their mind is like, oh, I can awaken your root chakra with my cool penis, my urethra crystals, then like, i i i put my you know chips on black and it came up red i lost i lost on this wager and whatever but for a profile it gets it gets my hooked gets my attention uh this is audrey hey yeah i live in toronto hate birds love nonsense make cocktails for a living i'm into into astrology, but in a sexy way. Wink.

What does it mean? I don't know. You know what? I appreciate it just because... They hate birds? They seem to know... Actually, you know what? That's probably going to be a one for me because they hate birds.

I forgot. You hate horses. Love birds. No, I work at a bar where we have... I wouldn't say they're even the size of a tennis ball tiny little like finch things that one are adorable to just kind of chill around the place and occasionally we'll come down and snap up a crumb on the ground right i have grown ass people scream run and try to hide inside and like try to not pay or tip because there's a bird that's been

within five meters of them and i i don't like look i understand phobias or things but like i just can't get behind that so if this is the kind of bird fear they're talking about i would never go on a date with this person what if you hire them for the bar they make the drinks the cocktails if you will and then when the bird shows up, they fight it. They're so cute. I don't want anyone to fight it. I know what I'm doing. The rest of my week, I'm just going to come in and chicken nugget sized birds. They're so cute.

Perfect. Throw them in the fryer. Let's go. You literally get a bite per. Hmm. For real, if that's the level of bird hate they've got, I can't hang out with them. That's fair. I guess we'll never know. We'll never know. Never know.

That's going to do it for this show, friends. We are all done. Thank you for hanging out with us. Thank you for listening. If you haven't already, head on over to canpodawards.com slash vote and vote for us for people's choice. It's the only thing you can do to make us happy. It's not the only thing you can do. You can also head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com and click the Patreon link

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So let's not start that. But also, thank you. And please continue to support us because we love it. You guys ready for some bad sex writing after I thank Josh Eagle and the Harvard Seeds for their song Paper Stars? Mm-hmm. This is a line from a book by earl earnest klein called armada few young men know the edipal torment of growing up with an insanely hot perpetually single mom hey man you know what i kind of get it are you joking do you know how hard it would be to have a really hot mom

well i think in this case he's saying because he fancies the mom oh oedipal as in oedipus yeah sex with his mother i mean hormones make you feel weird things oh no we're not gonna end the episode by being mom fetish apologists i don't know i'm not spain and i'm dubious and watch out moms here I come if it's other people's moms that's fine I'm Dave Miller mom slayer we've been your fuck buddies Thank you.