F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 203 - The Mayo Special

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

Slather yourself with your own juices, y'all!  We're heading to Applebees!  Topics include top secret special technique, towing the line between sweet and creepy when it comes to gifts, how to be good alone, dodging debt, why nice guys don't finish last.  

Hey listeners, before we get to the episode, we want to take a moment to address the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. This decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans and others should other countries do this too. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, go to choice.crd.co. We encourage you to speak up, take care, and when I'm trusting, I love I Simply put, we are sex, dating advice, question to either finds. Damn it.

We're not a question. We're sex, dating advice, podcast. Either finds questions. We either find podcasts online or request. No, we find questions either online or from our beautiful listeners.

And we answer them for you right here. You ready for some sex news? Not so easy. Is it the sex news? No, it's not. Pick pick one or two i hate me with a two all right have you ever heard of vabbing vabbing no but is that dabbing with your vagina you're close keep going what could it be um it's where you you like is that oh is vabbing when you put the put the juices on you to attract me? It is. There you go.

It's a new viral TikTok trend. Seeing single women use vaginal discharges perfume. Doctors say don't do it. What do doctors know? It's TikTok. It's true. It's true. They have no idea.

So I've told the story, at least in person i don't know if i've said it on the air but there was someone in my college course who would do this and it worked to shocking effect and i don't know if there was something else going on but she swore by it and let me tell you i i saw it not to not to tell you to do this i'm not encouraging to do this or or lend credence to if a doctor is saying don't. This person is doing this to go out and fuck, right? I mean, I don't know if that was their, like... Well, you're saying that you saw success.

I saw men flock to them. Whether they were able to capitalize on it, I don't know, but I guess... You know what I mean? I doubt it's because people could smell her vagina behind her ears, which is where some people say to put it. Again, I don't want to go too deep into this in case this person ever listens to the podcast. You know what? Hey, if anyone out there has VAB'd and wants to tell us about it, go for it. But I personally feel that I love the smell of a vagina. Would I love catching that scent behind someone's ear

especially when that scent no is not fresh and is in fact you know aging by the minute but would you know what would i know because i don't think i don't think it's it it's not the the smell it's the like the pheromones i know i know but like we omit pheromones anyway yeah but this is this is the rock this is the uncut shit right there's absolutely there's no fucking baking powder in that hey you know what this is black tar vaginal secretions i think it's madness ready for the other sex news and now i I've looped our lawyers into this call because they could be involved. June 11th, or July 11th, sorry, we release our episode, Doesn't Matter, Had Chilies. Talking about date nights, right?

Yep, yep. Two weeks to the day today, Applebee's released a gigantic ad campaign about date nights at Applebee's. We did. We mentioned it. And we very possibly might have accepted the idea into their head. And they have gone so far as to release this gigantic music video about date night at Applebee's with, for some reason, all single actors.

And at the end of the trailer, which is like four minutes long. Oh, two and a half minutes long. Felt like four. They have freeze frames of all the actors in the thing and their Instagrams. And it's like, these people are singles. So like, RIP to them. Because that must be not fun. But secondly, they have linked with a makeup company to do wing sauce flavored lip gloss in conjunction

with their push for date nights at Applebee's. And they sing a song called taste my face in the trailer, which is exactly something what we would do. That is man. That's great. Now what kind of wing sauce are we talking about? Because you don't think I have a list right here. you've told me which one you would prefer the most of we have get me hot buffalo creamy coral the packs hot buffalo spice your axe could never have handled we have be my honey pepper a gorgeous golden honey spiced gloss with shimmering flax i'll make you queen bee of date night we have sweet chili kiss deep rich red kissed with a hint of fine golden chili specks to put the and make out you want to make out and then we have honey barbecue tea oh barbecue a shiny smoky barbecue hue with a side of honey sweetness to

make your kisses downright craveable so i mean i have to go with the the last one because it's the only one that's not spicy and like has have you ever have you ever had wings and then had oral sex or but i did once finger someone even though i thought i had thoroughly washed my hand i had thoroughly washed them but i guess it wasn't enough and i felt just so bad yeah there's nothing like in no world in no sort of guy fiery hell do I ever want buffalo sauce on my dick. Welcome to Flavortown. Yeah, let me slurp that dick. That's Flavortown-town.

With my spicy, spicy lips. Yeah. So I can't help but feel like somehow we're the cause of this. I don't know. Applebee's, if you're listening, send us on that check or at least give us a day night bring niall and i out for a makeover and a date night we'll slather our faces with wing makeup all right that's all i got for that i still got questions don't worry now it's funny it's funny niall that you mention... Tasting people's faces.

Well, more along the lines of, like, mouth and condiments. Okay. Is this the question you gushed about having the best one of? Yes. Is it time right now, off the bat? It is, because I literally can't stop thinking about it, and I need to get it out into the open. Well, before I do this, I'm just going to welcome all our new listeners and hope that our sex news didn't drive them to Applebee's, where they're currently too busy slurping someone's face to listen to us.

Yeah. Hello. Now, if I mean, I'm not even going to preface it. I'm just going to do it. This is Fee One My. Again, not going to read the title. They say, my girlfriend wants to give me her special, what she calls a mayonnaise blowjob. Is this safe?

Because I'm getting freaked out. She said she wants to put a lot of mayo in her mouth and go down on me. Is this safe? Because I'm scared. Is that it? What else do you want? That seems so uncomfortable for everyone involved and expensive mail ain't cheap yeah in this economy in this inflation yeah you know what i'm looking up

mail blowjob have you have you looked up mail blowjob no i wanted to come in fresh as fresh as i can be having read those words in that particular order well my god i looked it up x videos mayonnaise warm blow job mayonnaise warm blow job asian couple bj with mayo mayo suck my dick porn videos woman puts mayo on cock is this a thing why is it warm it's in a mouth like hey that's a good point. I'm just thinking, I'm just imagining how absolutely turned off I would be watching my partner shovel mayonnaise into their mouth. Just straight mayonnaise. Like that would upset me if I was, you know, sitting in the living room and I was watching someone make a sandwich and they were just like, oh, a little bit for the bread and a little scoop for me. If I watched that, I'd be like, the fuck are you doing? But if I knew that that mayonnaise, that that big scoop was intended to then be slathered, sort of, you know, regurgitated onto my dick, I would know.

I don't want it is it meant to be like regurgitated or is it just meant to like increase the mouth density like do they keep it in their mouth the whole time like i don't care what you have to open your mouth to put my dick in it i know but maybe they're so artful that they keep it hey man this horrifies me because again every part of it is not good i don't like i actually don't think i could maintain any like arousal watching someone just eat an insane amount of mayo even like a regular spoonful of mayo i'd be like that's too much mayo but presumably based on what you said there's going to be a lot of mayo ingested right like an insane amount like a mouth-filling amount which is too much mayo right so that's one two i i can't imagine it

feels any better right so it's like worst case it's a zero-sum game for texture right because i don't think it's going to be better maybe it's worse or sorry best case zero-sum game worst case like i've got a gross warm mayo storm on my dick that's also messy so unless we have to like relocate into the shower or something it's going to be the worst and even if we relocate into the shower that's already not very sexy and hot three the amount of spent mayo all over my junk mixing with saliva and my own cum. Yeah. Awful. Man.

I just, I don't, I don't know. I just, I love the idea of this being her special. Yeah. I mean like this is her ultimate move. Does she not understand that lube is a thing?

Is that like, but let me tell you, if it's her special, presumably she's done this enough times to a you know a a shocking degree of success that she's been like this is my signature move right like like she's pulled hey you're not you're not in any way wrong when i looked up mayonnaise blowjob this post did come up after about 10 so i went into it and have you seen the review no i didn't i didn't go into the so because i was like i was hoping in the comments i would see someone say like yeah it's the thing

or explain anything everyone seems as baffled as we are but the original poster has done an update okay hit me uh smell fucking horrible friction very insane sloppy experience literally like it was regular lube. Pleasure. Maybe if I could get over the fact I was getting a BJ with mayo, then it would be better. But I couldn't get fully erect because of all the stress. Wasn't that bad, though. After washing, seems alright.

Gonna take a bath soon, I guess that's it. Never doing it again, though. Fuck no. Yeah. Okay. I mean, I think that's exactly kind of the conclusion we got to of being like... Yeah. Fully.

Yeah. How did she get to this point, and how has she... But to ever start it? And how has she gotten to the point where no one's been like, this is not good? Because the thing for me is, I'm sure food has been experimented a lot with sex, and on chocolate sauce, it chocolate sauce. It's sweet. It's something tasty for you to be eating or, or,

you know, for the person going down on you, it's a, it's a treat. Same thing with whipped cream. It's sweet. It's nice to eat. Um,

ice cream. There's like a, at least there's like a, uh, a temperature difference. Right. So we like, someone might be interested in the same thing with ice cubes

of being like, Oh, would it be cool if it's cold or colder or whatever? so i understand like some things but mayonnaise what are you doing at any point in time where you have an excess of mayonnaise in your mouth and you're like should i spit this on a dick see even that is awful but everything about the question that i heard seems to be that they imply to just have a full mouth of mayo. They're not spitting it out. Well, what I'm saying is there's no way that mayo is staying in the mouth.

That mayo is coming out. Yeah. Right. Oh man. I'm just so now I will answer the question of, is it safe? Anytime you introduce food into bodily orifices, you run the risk of bacteria you know what i mean like if you don't

properly clean and if you know at some point in time some mayonnaise gets into your urethra or you know sugar is exceptionally or especially bad for uh things like vaginas like i remember there was that whole period of time i don't know if it happened in your your high school but there was a whole thing of like putting candies inside women and then like eating them out that seems like a bad call right and a bunch of women got you know infections because of it like a lot of yeast infections a lot of like bacterial infections because the ph balance is very delicate in your genitals especially for women, but also for dudes. It's just harder to get things inside of us. But with that much mayonnaise.

That's the thing, right? It's like maybe it's not going to be fatal. I presume not. But like you run the risk of like a UTI or like a yeast infection. I don't even know if guys can get that. I'm sure they can. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?

So it's like the odds of that happening when you're in just a mouthful of mayo yeah it's it's pretty pretty high i would imagine right so probably not worth the risk if you do do it i assume step one is to take a piss immediately after this happens or as soon as possible and clean the absolute hell out of every part of you but even then it's like why risk it yeah i like and that's that's advice for any sort of food play keep keep the food sort of on the body and not on the genitals or at least in the genitals for sure like it's just a bad scene so yeah is a mayonnaise blowjob safe you You've definitely run a risk of bacterial infection if it's not cleaned up properly,

and I imagine that task is quite daunting after what I imagine is quite a mess is made on you. Yeah. So that's my mayonnaise blowjob song, or question. Song? Hit me. Oh, mayonnaise, it's in my mouth and then i'm gonna stick your dick in it i slurp it up i slurp it down mayonnaise all around that's all i got right now yeah that's the mayonnaise sound oh i'm so horrified that's it that's That's the podcast, guys. We vabbed, we mayoed a dick, and now we're going to go to Applebee's.

Now we're going to go to Applebee's and enjoy some very reasonably priced, home-cooked comfort food. With our spicy lips. Give me a question. Nope, I told you. That was it. We got this. We'll take an entirely different approach. How creepy, this is by user tiny j man how creepy would you find it if a guy you're seeing left you a small care package on your doorstep after a rough day for context i 23 year old male have been seeing this girl 21 year old female for about a

month now we've been on five dates in person all of which have gone extremely great always extending to nine to ten hours in length as well as on days we don't see each playing games, or talking on the phone until 3 or 4 in the morning and texting throughout the day. We also live about 50 minutes away, give or take. Yesterday I didn't hear from her very much, we only exchanged probably 3 or 4 texts, she works late nights and doesn't get off till 11. After she does get off, she sends me a text basically saying she's sorry for the lack of responses, she was going to go to bed early because she was having a really rough day and that work was crazy which didn't help. Tell her I'm sorry to hear that and ask she wants to talk about it which replies no i'm okay i can do the night to myself though i want to give her a little space to relax and do whatever she

needs to so i told her i understand and for clarity and my sanity asked if i'd done anything to upset her to which she assured me no not at all and now still haven't talked to her since about midnight last night but i'm reaching out before i go to sleep if she doesn't and say something along the lines of hey want to check in and say hi I hope today was better than yesterday a very caring person and her main love languages are receiving gifts and words of affirmation so I think I'd drive up and leave her a little handwritten note that just says something super simple show I care but nothing overboard because we're still relatively new to each other as well as maybe her favorite candy or something else small like an origami flower I'd like to drop this off about 10 20 minutes before she's off

so she'll get it when she comes home from work is this too creepy since we're still new she also says she's a hopeless romantic type and loves romanticism and cheesy gestures i don't want to lay on too strong over this and scare her or anything i'm just second guessing because i really like her okay you know what i kind of like this this i there's a couple things i'd like to talk about in terms of your approach when someone asks or or says that they've had a bad day and that work was busy or whatever, it's kind of shitty to be like, was it my fault? Yeah. Because you've turned it about you now.

That part sucks. And it's not fun to have to then manage somebody else's feelings when you're trying to talk about yours. And it's also just not attractive. Yeah. Like you're also kind of ignoring what they're saying. You know what I mean? Like, Oh,

I had a bad day. It's like, Oh, was it me? No, it's the bad day. I'm telling you about, Oh,

I did something wrong. No, the bad fucking day I'm mentioning. And it's like, if, if they'd given you information or gave you any sort of like indication or was super vague, then like, you know, if you want to clarify and be like,

hey, or if you had, you know, had a rough date or something, then like, sure. Or if you left it on bad terms or something like that, maybe check in and just be like, hey, I'm really sorry if I did something to upset you, blah, blah, blah. If there was a reason to believe that. But there's no, on your part, there's no reason. You've said you've had great times.

All your dates have gone great. talk a lot your communication is great but and then she says oh i've had a bad day and all of a sudden you're asking if it's your fault it like it's a little that is too much yes um that's well continue so i that was the first thing i wanted to talk about but i'm i'm kind of in the same situation with how this guy wants to. For example, a friend of mine just had a pretty bad day or a bad weekend and was feeling kind of shitty. And so I sent them a box of donuts because I think if I was feeling bad and someone took the time and thought about me and sent me some donuts, that would make me happy. So I wanted to sort of like put that out and so like i think maybe driving to their place an hour out of your way might be a bit much yeah right now but if they get off if you know what they when they get off

if it's always 11 o'clock be like hey if you're hungry i'd love to order you dinner tonight would that be cool you know what i mean or you just tell me whatever you want, and I will make sure it's, you know, I'll order it and make sure it's there for like 11, 15, so you can get it and sort of get settled and have it delivered. Or even like when she gets home and you message her, just be like, hey, I hope today was better than yesterday. And she's like, oh, blah, blah, blah. And you can then be like, how about I could buy you dinner?

I'll send it over right now. Now, I do think a few things. One, I think with the whole like, oh, was it me thing? You kind of put a sourness to this. That then if you follow up, especially with driving and the care package and everything, I think it can come off a little needy and a little bad. Yeah. You know, especially because it is it is still early days. You do live a long time

away and like part of what she asked for was space and going to her home is not space right so that's yeah like i i love the heart behind what you want to do and i it's definitely a thing i like to do for people but i do think the reason why you're hesitating is because i think you also know it's a little too much right now uh what dainty is is a good way to do it it might be a little late right now you know what i mean because the day was yesterday it's now the following day if you talk to them and they mention you know you can feel out the situation if they're still upset or if they're just like yeah i'm exhausted or like i haven't even had time to make dinner sure then just be like hey fuck it i'm gonna order you something like you know what do you want i will say it's they're probably just gonna say no don't because i feel like it's it's hard to just be like yes order me food like you feel

kind of shitty about that so yeah but like i love where your heart's at i do think it's a little early and i think you have to work on listening and letting people have space and not trying to make it about you or getting all self-conscious. And I don't think a care package is a bad idea. So what I would say is make one for sure with your little handwritten note, whatever you want to write in it, a couple, you know, favorite candies and comfort items that you might know that they enjoy. And the next time you guys hang out be like hey in case you ever have a bad day i'm giving you like an emergency you know breaking case of emergency and here are a couple comfort items for you because you know if i can't cheer you up hopefully a bag of you know sour patch

kids can yeah i will say i think it also depends on what happened like if it's like oh work with shit like i don't know a usual workday thing that may happen the next time she's in work you can be like hey you know if if it's shitty again this weekend here's a care package bring kids emergency it's a bag of skittles ha ha ha whereas if it's like something terrible happened that's kind of more of a one-off and you're like ha ha if it happens next you know that's probably not the time or the place for it. Um, so I do think details and context and timing matter in that regard. Yeah. It's a good place to be at.

Just like, don't overshoot, don't suffocate, don't crowd and don't get insecure about when other people are communicating very legitimate problems that they have. Yeah. I think one thing to be really, really conscious of is,

uh, space. And and and i'm not just talking about like when people ask you for space but like if if i know that someone came if i was like oh i want you i need some time alone or i need a night off or something and i know someone still came to my area and my space and my apartment where i live that would be even if it was the sweetest reason i don't think i'd be super turned off or but i would like there would be a part of me that was like you know like because you're still kind of there even if you're not there yeah yeah you're still you've you've entered my space and i have specifically said not to and it may it just sort of like i don't know it sets up something where I'm like, are you not good with boundaries?

And that is like one of my biggest red flags is people who don't respect boundaries. And I think a lot of people's red flags, especially women as well, because they have a lot more reason to be highly suspicious of people that do that. Yeah. So, you know, I think we've given you plenty of advice. And like, I think I got more because he also wants to time it to just before she gets home and drop it off on her doorstep kind of thing, which I think is a recipe for disaster. Because one, let's say you had a garbage day yesterday. Maybe you get off a little earlier today, right?

If they come back and you're on their doorstep and you're like oh i'm i'm not here here i'm oops like kind of weird it is also kind of driving home that stalkery vibe that you know their schedule that well in a way but also your anxiety and i know this person is an anxious person because they were like was it me when they were being told quite the opposite you're're going to be sitting there waiting for a text to say, oh, I got the thing. And like, if their bad day is continuing, or if they, if it gets stolen from the fucking doorstep, or if their roommate took it in, or if they decide to go for a drink after

work or any of the million things that can happen, you're going to stew and freak out and lose your shit while you're waiting for that text. Probably to the point where you mess around, like, did you not get it? And then that's going to add more bullshit to the, so I honestly don't think even that's the way to go. I think what Dane said,

if you ever do send a thing, it's like door dash over a fucking cake or some shit, or even like they do Uber eats deliveries for like grocery stores, right? Or like convenience stores and shit. So you could literally just lash over a few bags of candy. Boom. Done. Yeah, like 7-Eleven is one of the ones that

I see all the time on my, which again, 7-Eleven, an American thing? Is that just a Canadian thing? I believe it's an American thing. Yeah. It's like a, it's a convenience store chain. If it's not a... Or a news agency if you're here from Ireland, is 7-Eleven your news agency? No, like news agency is our news agents is like what we call corner stores or whatever you guys fucking call them.

Convenience stores. We have spars and Londis. You know, we're in the top 20 in the Irish charts this week. Cool. Yeah. Thanks, Ireland. What's up? Showing up.

Call us a tattoo. Hey, it's not bad, actually. It is bad, but hey, you remembered like 80, 70% of it? Yeah. This is, I mean, maybe this Reddit user is also using blowjob techniques because this is plus grapefruit, 908. Oh, God. If you haven't seen the grapefruit blowjob video, the tutorial,

I highly recommend it. It is an experience that i don't want to spoil for you just google grapefruit blowjob technique and watch that video and think about your life this is uh how do i enjoy being alone our question asked but i've been cycling from bad relations bad relationship i don't want to track bad partners anymore so being single for a while is the best bet. Just looking for some methods in navigating being single after abusive relationships, how to be single, how to prioritize yourself, and how to know when you're ready to try again.

Okay. Well, the good thing about not having a partner or not dating is you have so much more time. You've just been handed so much time with your life, and it is up to you to fill that time and it's like time is hard to find dane fucking edits an incredible amount of podcasts every week time is hard to find for day you don't have to do hey maybe you do maybe start podcast but honestly it's like find a hobby find something that you enjoy that will make you better uh i mean that in terms of like, you know, happier, fitter, more fulfilled, you know, you could take up woodworking, you could go rock climbing, you could do yoga once a week, like join a class, I think is a really big thing. Because not only will it

give you a social outlet, you'll be able to build yourself up, maybe meet some people for when you are ready. And on top of that, it's like, one of the biggest things that gets in the way of that, I think is time. And currently, presumably you have that in excess. So I think that's just a win-win situation there. And it could be anything. It all depends on what you love. I think like not forgetting to treat yourself is a big thing. Treat yourself. Yeah. Like you don't need someone to go on a date. You can take yourself out. You can go on a friend date. can you know have a day where you just stay home and cook yourself a really nice meal um these are all things i do for myself when i'm single or when they need a uh self-care day or anything like that i hardly

recommend them because they're fucking great the best part about taking yourself out on the date is you know exactly what you want and you're a great company and you don't have to be like worried about is there something at this restaurant that your partner wants to eat or whatever it's like it doesn't matter you're going to a restaurant because there's something you want to eat there so just go there and eat it and don't you know and then get dessert if you want it go for it it worries me sometimes when you see like oh how to be alone you're probably not alone right your friends your family you know what i mean it's like spend more

time with your friends organize a weekly pathfinder game every monday and i would also say figure out what what you need to do to enjoy some alone time like being alone shouldn't be scary i i thrive i look forward to the time where i get to like just have the place place to myself. It's a time where you get to like, shut all your engines down. You don't have to worry about anything. You can like, you don't have to put on a persona. You don't have to like,

worry about your social appearance. You don't have to worry about, you can just like shut all the engines down, let them cool off, relax, and just sort of like take a minute to just be like, and we don't get to do that a lot because depending on what you do for work, like for me, I work three days a week at my job. They're very long days, but I'm only there for three days, but I'm on the entire time because I'm in front of people and I'm dealing with people the entire time. And a lot of people don't really think about

how much of a physical and mental and an emotional toll it takes on dealing with people for that long. Yeah. Especially when they're often at their worst. Yeah. So it's really, really important to enjoy the alone time because you get to like reset, you know what I mean? You get to like go down into the engine get to like reset you know i mean you get to like go go down into the engine room and like flip all the switches off and all you know release all the steam and it just like let it all out and whether that is like now said making yourself a really nice meal or ordering in uber eating something to you and sitting and binging some garbage tv like whatever it is and you don't have to feel guilty about it you know what i mean like you just sit there and

you're like is it a waste of time if it made you feel better if it relieves some stress no it's not a waste of time so take like you know i mean like take an afternoon or an evening or whatever and yes you might have a little fomo if your friends have invited you out but if you don't feel like going out don't go out and that's another thing is like learning to listen to yourself and do what you want to do if again if you don't want to go out don't go out

if you do want to go out don't feel like you have to stay in because you're by yourself go to a fucking bar and like have a nice cocktail by yourself go get a dessert like go for a walk go to a coffee shop and read like these are all you know like listen to yourself and realize that at this point, which is great, you do what you want. You don't have to take someone else's feelings into account in a positive way. Yeah.

Now I will say you also mentioned that you find yourself getting into bad relationship with after bad relationship, which to me signifies that there is something on your end that also needs to be addressed. There is there is, you know, problematic behavior or, you know, behavior that you're also repeating or looking for subconsciously or otherwise. might also be very helpful to sit down with a therapist or a counselor and talk about those things and try to get to the root of why you keep finding yourself in these types of relationships, because it could be something that you're not aware of, at least not at the forefront of, of, you know, your, your brain, because our brains are horrible little monster machines that do terrible things to us. So it might be really, really beneficial to sit down with someone and sort of like comb through these past bad relationships and at the very least give you closure for them so that you're not carrying baggage forward.

And in like best case scenario, you identify the, you know, behavior or the intentions or the patterns that make you enter into these relationships. And the second you put those pieces together, I think you will find yourself surrounded with better people, whether they're friends or family. You know what I mean? You'll find yourself more open to positive relationships and you'll more likely be able to red flag people if you're falling back into patterns that you are aware of. And honestly, one of the things that I'm sure is driving you into these bad relationships is the fact that you can't spend time by yourself. So it's like if that's a daily fear and a thing you're daily incapable of doing it's like yeah of course you're gonna

choose any relationship over one that you want and or need because you kind of need it anyway because you can't be by yourself so take the time it can be a beautiful thing reconnect with your friends reconnect with nature i don't know do what makes you feel happy and i know i said some lofty things like cook a nice meal i don't mean make a fucking lobster for you a nice meal might be mac and cheese might be like you don't have to things don't have to be lofty there's no moral judgment with because i feel like that's kind of this toxic positivity thing that a lot of people get sucked into where it's like yeah quinoa salad and it's super super healthy it's like no if if what you need is to make a bunch of fucking frozen chicken fingers and tater tots and then sit down and watch you know drag race for two hours fucking do it like that's yeah 100 that's what i want to get

out there i when i'm saying these things in my head like i know what it means to me whereas i don't want it to sound like you have to like what I'm saying like making yourself better by going out and joining these things again I mean like it could be anything and you'll feel better because you're doing stuff you're meeting people you're building on your passions and doing what you want to do

it's not like oh you have to go and like volunteer the dog shelter because that'll make you a better person it's not a better because puppos are the best but yes it's not a better moral judgment again unless you're doing something fucking shit in which case stop yeah which case that's where therapy comes into um yeah it's like when we're when we're saying like become better and do something better or you know whatever we're not telling you to like go out and you know get fucking jacked so you look like an Instagram

model. Which, hey, if you want to, great. If you want to, go for it. But that's not like if what you want to do is be more fit, and that just means going for a half hour walk every morning around the block, do that. That's great.

Hopefully some of these helped. This is by Thraredots. Fiance, 28-year-old female, refuses to have prenup after I, 26-year-old male, found out about her huge student loan debt. I think I might have to call off the engagement. Fiance and I have been together for about two years and we've been engaged for six months. Relationship has been great. We both feel ready to build a future together. We start planning the wedding. Everything seems to be going nicely. But we were recently having a conversation about what our first big plan was when we get married and both agreed. First thing we'd do was buy a house for our future family. We talked about

price range we'd probably be looking at and getting a mortgage. I asked her how much student loan debt she still had left over after graduating from college six years ago. We never really explicitly talked about our finances before. We do know how much we each make. And I also thought she had a fair amount of student loan debt she had to get through. But ever since I've known her the past few years, she's never really limited her spending and usually buys what she wants, which had me thinking she probably paid off most of her debt, otherwise she wouldn't be spending money like that. Her degree is sadly pretty useless in the job market, so she works as an accountant at a local company. I'm a mech engineer, I assume mechanical, but mech engineer sounds cool as hell, and make significantly more than her, but that was never a big problem for us.

Well, come to find out, she hasn't been paying off her debt at all since she graduated and still has a huge amount left, about $100,000. That's a big chunk of my savings. So if we were to get married, a significant amount of my savings would pretty much be gone like that. It's completely shifted my view of our financial situation. And I asked her why she hadn't been paying off her debt. She told me she was planning to do it later.

I've now started having massive doubts about our relationship and about getting married. I still want to find a solution we could go through with our marriage, so a prenup agreement stating her debt would never fall under my name sounded like a great solution to me. I suggested she refuse because according to her, a prenup is already a first step to divorce and doesn't show trust in our love. We've argued a lot about this, and we haven't been able to come to a consensus. One thing I know for sure is that I refuse to get married without a prenup in this situation, but she refuses to have one. Pretty much left me with serious doubts about getting married. What should my next step be? Good for you for standing up for yourself and understanding

that your financial responsibilities are important and your financial well-being is also important and that you are not responsible for this kind of stuff. I will say, you know, I would have suggested a prenup. That would have been my, my first thing, but I will say, I think there's no harm in they're already engaged. Yes. Yep. I would say, be like, cool. Our engagement is indefinite now. And we are going to work together to clear your debt. And I say together, not that it is your responsibility to put a sense towards it, but to help her with a budget and set some goals and come up with a plan and be like, cool, if we can get your debt down by X amount or get it to this balance or whatever you want, whatever would make you feel comfortable, then be like, okay, then we will start. Then we will set a date.

Yeah. You know, and then I think that's very fair. And if she's like, no, fuck you. I want to get married right now. Anyway, I think that's a pretty clear indication that she doesn't either care about you cares about getting married more more than she cares about your relationship, or is marrying you to get rid of her debt. Yeah, because at the end of the day, finances are, I would say, probably one of the biggest reasons why people end up getting divorced these days. On the list of things you should discuss before you decide whether you want to get married,

finances is definitely a part of that. and it seems wild to me that they get this far actually it doesn't seem wild because they got engaged after knowing each other for a year and a half but these are all things you need to talk about and these are all things you need to take into consideration before you move forward and these are things that i think were left too late or not too too late but pretty late yeah and like if they get upset and they start freaking out about because like that's it it always leans back to things being like well the only reason you want to prenup is because you you don't think that we're gonna make it and it's like look i'm not i don't have one foot out the door because i'm not married to you yet if i was if i was one foot out the door i'd be gone

it doesn't matter why would i make it so much more difficult to myself or for myself to marry you? Also, what do I gain? You have nothing to offer me here. I gain nothing out of this other than a ton of lawyer fees and potentially you taking half my shit. And I think you're being also very generous of saying it's just the debt that you don't want to inherit. Because, like, at no point in is he's protecting his savings either. Unless that is also part of it. I don't know. But like,

he just said like, Oh, the debt's not mine. That's, that's a pretty fair thing to say. Yeah. That's it. That's exactly it.

At no point is he like, Oh yeah, I'm not going to give you any money if we get divorced. It's, I'm just not going to be responsible for your debt, which like i can't imagine ever thinking like that's unfair you know unless again your entire goal was to give someone else your debt like shoulder the load with somebody else um i think yeah your

your suggestion is very reasonable to be like hey we're gonna put a pause on the on setting a date you know you should start working on this because there's no time like the present. And I need to be able to see that, one, you're committed, two, you can do this, et cetera, et cetera, and have her start paying off the debt and building a plan forward. And you guys are going to have to work together financially anyway. You may as well start now. In fact, you shouldn't be waiting for a fucking wedding to be equitable in that sense. I think it's important because usually I

try to give solutions that you can enact, but this is one where they kind of have to prove to you that they're ready and willing. So if you say, hey, I don't want to get married until we get a handle on your debt. I think that's an incredibly fair thing to say and be like, I still want to marry you. Absolutely. But before we do that, because we want to buy a house, we want to do all this. That's just adding more debt to the pile. And that's not something I want to do. It's a financially irresponsible move. So let's focus on your debt first. And then once we clear your debt, we can start thinking about getting married. A marriage alone will add to your debt first. And then once we clear your debt, we can start thinking about getting married. A marriage alone will add to that debt massively. So I think being like, hey,

if you want to get married, you have to start getting on your debt. And then if they don't start, if they don't start working on their debt, then I think it's the reverse of, oh, you want a prenup? Cause you don't believe in our love. It's like, you're not working on your debt. The thing that is stopping us from getting married. So who doesn't, you know what I mean? Like who's not really invested in this relationship at that point? A hundred percent. Yeah. And like, again, I don't know what that level would have to be for you to then be like, I'm okay with the debt now. Would you have to wait till it's gone? Would you, you know, I don't know.

So that's up to you. I would suggest making sure that either the prenup happens or the debt is gone. Because again, like, you know, it's not your debt. It shouldn't be yours to shoulder. Nope. So yeah, good luck. But also don't get married that quickly. I do have these talks.

This is by CanUnusual8729. Why do girls say they like nice guys but never date them? I'm not even going to read the details. Okay. The details are nothing. So why do girls like nice girls but never date them? I would like to think that I am a nice guy. Mm-hmm.

100%. And people have dated me. I know so many girls dating people who are very nice. In fact, pretty much everyone I'm friends with has, like, I don't know anyone, as far as I'm aware, who has a partner that isn't nice. Because that would suck. This kind of rhetoric always makes me laugh, especially from seduction. Because there's two sides to this coin where it's like, they say they want to date nice guys, but they never do. But then they'll be like, all these really hot 10s

are with these fucking schmo regular guys who aren't that interesting or that hot or don't practice game. How are they getting them? It's like, those are the nice guys. You've nailed it. They want it both ways. It's like, oh, these guys, I'm nice. And these guys are assholes.

And they won't date me. And oh, they want hot, but I'm hot. And these guys are ugly. And they won't date me. And it's like, one, who says girls never date nice guys? That's just a thing this bitter man has come up with, you know, as bitter men are want to do. And I also want to remind you, literally the reason we started this podcast, or at least one of them, was the fucking van attack dude who drove down a Toronto street purposely trying to kill several women because he was rejected at a party. He was upset because women wouldn't give a nice guy like him a chance yeah right so like the the definition of nice guy is quite skewed in people especially men

who feel victimized by women's right to not date them often think that you know nice guy just means existing yeah exactly so people don't know the nice thoughts you have in your fucking brain as you stare at them from across the street which honestly probably aren't very nice either do they like people who are nice yes literally everybody does well i i mean look well you but you know what i mean as a general rule that's why it's called nice you know what i mean uh are there people who date toxic people and actively seek out toxic people yeah of course they do but is like is that your goal then is to be like well then i should be toxic i should be i should be a complete asshole

if that's what women because i promise you the amount of success you're going to see with that tactic is the exact same amount of success as you're going to see as being the quote unquote nice guy that you are now. And the thing is, is there also the flip side of people who like really just try to be so like weasley and like simpering and just like I'm so nice, even though it's very fake and stomach churning? Yeah, of course. And I think that's why people complain about, you know, nice guys. Because it's like you're putting on this fake, like, obsequious, like, cater to your every whim, like, has no backbone, will just agree with everything you say. Like, oh, look, I'm nice.

Come fuck me. Bullshit. It's like, yeah, that's not great either. Yeah, that sort of, like, persona of, like, throwing yourself at their feet and being like, oh, I worship you. I adore you. Why won't they sleep with me? I'm so nice.

Exactly. Yeah. That's that doing that does not open the door to sex unless they like you. Yeah. So, yeah, the nice guy thing is it's an old cliche. It's tired and it needs to be put in the box and launched to the sun. Also, niceness isn't a personality trait, and it's not something that should be rare either.

It should be the default. Yeah, if you think you should be leaps and bounds above because you're not a bad person, you you're not a good person either yeah but nice should be to be zero it's like session zero nice cool i'm nice now what what am i aside from that that should not be a thing that you choose you should just be nice and it also shouldn't be your only feature because you should also be a million other things so just stop with this whole nice guy fucking bullshit but also the next time you're out and you're annoyed that you see attractive women with you know boring dudes remember that those are the

nice guys probably most likely uh shall we do some tinders sure kind of problematic assuming people you think are unattractive are nice and people you think are attractive are not nice no that's not the point no i know what you're saying but what i'm saying is that like no they would it's the danger what i'm saying is you know seduction seems to be like you know you have to be the alpha male used to be like attractive and you know what you're saying yeah i'm not saying that every time you see someone attractive the only reason they're with them is because they're nice people. Those people might find them attractive, yada, yada, yada. I'm just saying,

from the flip side of the seduction thing, it's like every time they're like, he doesn't practice game. How is he getting women? Because he's probably a good dude. Alright, Tinder time. At the end of the episode, we like to jump on online dating platforms such as Tinder and Bumble and Hedge,

peruse the profile, see what works, see what doesn't work, in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. You ready for a satire? Mm-hmm. This creature has the ability to pull off the girl next door and the classy lady at the same time, equipped with a dry sense of humor, enjoys deep and sometimes weird conversations with sparkling wine as not ashamed to admit it people say the butt's nice kind of

genuine pineapple belongs on pizza okay this is it's again very boring very bland a lot of the same thing that you get a lot of the time now i am also very confused because the antithesis to girl next door is not classy no right like like classy girl next door could they they live in the same realm so that was girl next door isn't trashy at all it's just like anything that yeah it's it's almost like you just i don't know yeah they're usually like i don't know but not trashy yeah so this person obviously doesn't get that yeah which is fine conversations i will say that's probably the biggest red flag for me here yeah i mean like i get it's just it it just sounds like someone cut and pasted like for the other profiles that we

see on the regular so i'm gonna give it a four because it's it's not necessarily anything bad but like it's not enough there's nothing there that entices me i'm giving this six wow i think it's like five is is a full meh and i think this is just on the bland side of good okay this is nish probably won't message first because i swipe when i'm drunk or bored five two but can keep up when it comes to drinks in construction project management i would say that you can't keep up if you're getting so fucked that you can't send a message after matching someone. Yeah, it's kind of worrying that the majority is that she drinks a lot and, like, is bad at Tinder. And the only other thing you find out is she's in construction project management.

Like, I'm sorry, nothing here appeals to me. I think, I don't know if I've given many threes, but this is a three. This is a, you know what? Yeah. Yeah. I'll give it a three. Cause it's not offensive. It's not rude.

It's just like, it's just troubling. And it's certainly not anything that entices me at all. So yeah, I think a three is a, is a good place to put it. How offensive do we want to go? I mean, we haven't given out a one in a while. Yeah. This one's going to be minus numbers for sure. Okay.

This is Charlotte, who's 18. I'm German. So if you're Jewish, swipe left. Oof. Yo, Charlotte, it's fucking 2022. Yeah. And like, we've been to Germany. No one feels this way.

No, not at all. This is not, it's not like there isn't still beef. Well. Yeah. There's still hard feelings. But no, like Germans are probably the people least likely to be like this because as a country, they just really moved on from that and like feel a lot of deep shame. Yeah. And yeah.

No, fuck you, Charlotte. Minus 2022 because that's the year you should be living in. Yep. I agree. Shannon, single and ready to mingle uh scorpio five six juicy dumpling and sweet peach loves yoga cats house music the beach deep connections and conscious emotional sex haven't used a microwave in a long time 420 conscious as in not unconscious like i assume it's like being in the moment.

But yeah, the way you phrase it, not great. Not, I don't love that. Also, juicy dumplings and something about a peach. Are they not both butts? Juicy dumpling and sweet peach. I'm assuming that juicy dumplings are like... Tits? Tits? I don't know.

Because peach has to be ass, right? Peach is ass. They have a dumpling emoji after juicy dumpling and a peach emoji after sweet peach. You look at the peach, you're like, yeah, of course, that's a butt. And you look at the dumpling, and you're like,

why are there so many indents? Yeah. When I think dumplings, I don't think like, ah, damn, those look like titties. No. I also don't think it refers to anything else. Yeah. I don't know.

It's not great. Not great at all. Yeah. I don't know. I don't like any of it. I'm getting another three. Is it the day of threes? Dawn of the three?

Yeah, I think it is also a three. It's like they have the format of threes? Dawn of the three? Yeah, I think it's, I think it is also a three. It's like they have the format of a better profile, but it reads in an almost mind hurting sense. Like it's just, I don't know. All right, give me one more. This is Michael. I know how to program in C sharp or C and hashtag and then C sharp. Yeah, C sharp.

Okay, weird. I know, because I know C, I know C plus plus. I don't know C sharp. Anyway, I know how to program in C sharp. Yeah, C sharp. Okay, weird. I know, because I know C, I know C++, but I don't know C sharp. Anyway, I know how to program in C sharp, C, C++, and Python. I can make cool gadgets using Raspberry Pi and breadboard. If you want a LAN party, you should consider swiping right.

You just have to bring a laptop. Tower is also fine, although it'd be more difficult to set up. I have a spare monitor, so at least that's cool, I guess. If you're into game jams, that's also cool. We can do that. I mean, this is more like a fucking linkedin profile than it is a fucking tinder profile what are you doing dude dude this is adorable it's very cute i thought

it was a joke but it there's no it it never becomes a joke he's just like oh fuck i guess you can bring a tower yeah i'm a sperm hider that's fine yeah i mean like it it is adorable it is very cute it is very pure but like i i don't know i guess it does give plenty of indication of of what this man is all about if you're a girl looking to or a guy i don't know who this uh is marketed towards looking to get some cool gadgets and have a LAN party? This is perfect. Yeah, just play some Halo 1, LAN it up. Yeah.

You know what? It's getting a 7 for me because it is objectively bad, but it's adorable. I'm giving it, I'm going to split my score. I'm going to agree with your 7, but I'm also going to give it a 5 because you need something, dude, to make this seem like something that isn't you trying to get hired. He's got a spare monitor, bro. I mean, hey, look, I guess in this day and age, offering your spare monitor could be a romantic gesture.

So, yeah, you know what? Yeah, fuck it. Seven. All right. One last. Sure. Only looking for two things. One, someone who likes to eat pussy for 45 minutes or longer

two likes to suck on double d's nothing more thumbs up well you can't do both the same time they specify that you need to do both actually you can do both because one is you could it's only that you like them both oh that's fair so you do both. I'm doing both right now. That's fair. 45 minutes is a long time. Yeah, it's also just an arbitrary number, which we've literally talked about in questions before. It's like you can have a bad 45 minutes. It doesn't mean it's good just because it lasts that long. I could go 45 minutes, but just like put my fucking face in there and just sort of like move my head back and forth gently.

Well, if you do classic technique, like if, if you want bad head, sure. Yeah. I like, it's a weird way to be like,

I want someone enthusiastic about giving, you know, oral pleasure, but, but also they could be literally one of those people is like, I'm gonna pull out a fucking stopwatch. Like, Oh, I've done this podcast for too, I'm going to pull out a fucking stopwatch. Like, oh, I've done this podcast for too long to believe that this isn't a possibility.

Yeah, this thing, yeah. So I'm going to give this a three. I'm going to give it a three. That's going to do it for the show, friends. Thank you very much for swinging by, stopping in, checking us out, saying hello. How are you? And we say hello, stopping in, checking us out, saying hello. How are you? And we say hello. How are you as well? We have some fun, exciting news.

We're going to be a fan expo from the 26th to the 28th, which means if you are in Toronto and are going to fan expo, you should swing on by and say hello. We'll be at the Canadian Podcast Awards booth. We will also be kind of like wandering around the floor as well uh we'll be out there uh talking about fuck buddies we'll be talking about our other show no quest for the wicked um if you're a dnd player or a tabletop arbutique maybe swing by we might have some gifts that might interest you yeah and also even if you're not one yet, these gifts might help you become one. It's true. So, yeah, if you're in Toronto and want to come by and say hello, we will be giving out specific location and directions and stuff like that on the day of once we figure out where we are situated. So follow us on Instagram or Twitter at FCK Buddies and you will

find our info. We're really excited and we're hoping to meet a few cool people who listen or who will soon listen. So if you have friends going, if you know anyone going, feel free to let them know just to give us an old hi and receive maybe some mysterious gifts. It's true.

Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for the song Paper Stars. Thank you to everyone listening. Thank you ireland for putting us in the top 20 in the charts this week and thank you to whoever's listening right now because you rock we also have a patreon which uh for three dollars a month you can sponsor us for seven dollars a month you can sponsor us and get an extra episode every month and And for, I believe, $13.50, you get all the things we already mentioned, as well as priority for your questions. And you get to be one of our heroes because you help make the show happen. It's true.

You got some bad sex writing for me? You know I do. I'm sad because this is incomplete and is not attributed to anybody. But it's also really funny, so I'm going to read it anyway. Lucy had high breasts with dark brown nipples pointing skywards they were sensitive breasts and her nipples were even more sensitive some days they could drive her to distraction so much so she'd taken the putting tape over them to stop it sometimes and today was one of those days but as yet had not taped them over this was more brickwork brickwork that was building the conspiracy against her even more

her nipples were in detonation mode, hitched to an extremely short fuse that would, and that's it. What would they do? What would they do? Damn. Just explode with pleasure? I will say, in a way, this is very good writing,

because I really want to know what happens next. Mm-hmm. In another way, bad writing, because what a high breast and skyward pointing nipples. What are those? Classic boobage. Just like when you put that mental image into my head, I think that the tits are sort of like right on the clavicle. Right.

And then the nipples. Either side of the cheekbones. Yeah. And the nipples are just sort of like almost like walrus tusks, but coming out of your chest. Like, who describes breasts like that? I understand. The majority of male writers. Yeah, this is true.

My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Mal Spain. We've been your funk buddies