F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 204 - The Gamertag Detective

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

If I Googled your teenage gamertag, what shocking horrors would I find?  Topics include the unfair standards of women in politics, the truth that hides within her gamertag, red flags based on attractiveness, how rise above being a ugly and broke and letting Mr. Potato Head do the talking for you on your dating profile.

Hey listeners, before we get to the episode, we want to take a moment to address the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. This decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans and others should other countries do this too. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, go to choice.crd.co. We encourage you to speak up, take care, and when I'm trusting, sticky situations simply put we're an award-nominated sex and dating advice podcast we find questions either online from our wonderful listeners such as yourself and we answer them right here right now in your ears and let's just

start off by saying if you are joining us because we talked to you at Fan Expo this weekend. Hello. Welcome. This is what we sound like when you can't see our bodies. It's true. And we love you guys. And you know what? I'm going to kick it into gear right now with some bad sex writing slash sex news. Oh, it's a combo. It's a combo, and it's coming straight out the gate.

So are you ready? Yeah. Did you hear about the competition that that uh the albertan government put out christ there's nothing i was gonna say there's nothing good that comes out of alberta but that's not true i know some lovely lovely albertans but the alberta government on the other yeah i was in i was in alberta and it's fucking beautiful great place i had a blast uh it was wonderful but then i see things like this and i'm like was i in some kind of fever dream where i I was in Alberta and it's fucking beautiful. Great place. I had a blast. It was wonderful. But then I see things like this and I'm like, was I in some kind of fever dream where I

didn't actually go to Alberta? Basically, there was a government contest where women were invited to share their vision for Alberta and what they do if they were elected as women in the political sphere. And it was an essay contest, right? Okay. Are you ready for the third place essay? Yeah. This won third place and won a prize

and was picked by the government of Alberta. Okay. I don't get it. You're just going to read it. You tell me when you've had too much. Okay, hold on. Who were the judges of this? Do you know what the judging criteria was

or who the governing body who was picking these things. Do we know anything about that? I believe. Okay. So it was Alberta associate minister of status of women. Jackie Armstrong, hominic had the, like set,

set this thing in motion. Okay. A concert sponsored by the legislative assembly of alberta start on february 22nd so are we under the assumption that jackie who i assume is also a woman was the one who who graded these papers yes well apparently she's the one who's being called out for it because it was her idea and she was definitely involved whether she personally was going to pick them right i don't know, but it was like her whole thing, and this was published on the website, given a prize, given third place.

It has since been deleted, by the way. Okay, well, always a good sign. Always a great way to start reading something is saying that it no longer exists. Okay, just, yeah, let's get this going. This is by S. Silver. Women have a unique strength. Oh, and only women can submit these, by the way women have unique strength our ability to give birth strength cannot be

undermined underestimated or demeaned for without it none of us would be alive today our way of life and culture would vanish our species would cease to exist well it is sadly popular nowadays to think the world we better off without humans or that albertan children are unnecessary as we can import foreigners to replace ourselves. It's a sickly mentality that amounts to a drive for cultural suicide. First rule of health for any biological population is their ability to reproduce and pass on their way of life into the future. Women are not exactly equal to men.

This biological reality is under attack by present-day delusion. To try to promote that women break into careers that men traditionally dominate is not only misguided, but harmful. Such a focus detracts from the languishing, unique strength and truly important role that women have in our preservation of community, culture, and species. Unfortunately, present-day government policies all too often have this misguided and harmful aim. Many women now realize in their late 30s they actually want a child. After being taught, their career was what mattered earlier in lives. I regret not having done it earlier when they were in their prime. Others couldn't afford to have children when they were younger.

The decrepit age of 30. Yeah, I'm not my prime. Damn you, government, for teaching me to go and have a career. Sadly, I have a children's expense of burden in this society. It is the way because our society has become oriented around personal greed and selfish hedonistic goals. Does it say how old this person is? You had to be, I believe, between 18 and 30 or 18 and 25 hedonistic goals. Does it say how old this person is? You had to be, I believe, between 18 and 30.

Or 18 and 25. You're not like a child, and you're not like 90. This was giving me boomer energy. I was going to say this is like someone in their 50s, 60s. I imagine anyone in their 70s hasn't figured out how to use email

to submit this, so it probably wouldn't be them. I can find the exact stats in a second if you want. Now, how do you think they verify that this is, in fact, a woman? I don't know, because we're also going to have a very good sex writing later on that is fully by a woman. Don't worry. They are definitely a woman who wrote this thing as a woman. Because, like, like also do you think the alberta government would were trans women allowed to submit uh judging by all this i would

say no yeah because i like there's so many like degrees and let me tell you the answer to my question often will just make this worse i imagine unless there's like a's a real zinger coming up. I think I can speak on behalf of the audience that we don't need to hear anymore. I will say that they're... The one thing I will add, which is another two pages later, is that they believe the best approach would be to reward

families for reproductive service, both with financial rewards to offset the financial burden they're taking on, and with medals to symbolize their valuable achievement of having two-plus children. Fuck yeah. You know, like what Russia's doing lately. I think, you know what? I can get on board with the government giving me medals for things.

Just simple tasks. Why don't I get a medal for fucking voting? If I didn't vote, you wouldn't even have a fucking job, government. So give me a goddamn medal. I would like more medals in my daily life. a medal for fucking voting if i didn't vote you wouldn't even have a fucking job government so so give me a goddamn medal i i would like more medals in my daily life right i think i think we would be much more motivated if i have a savings account with a balance of x amount of dollars you get a bronze medal if you know what i mean like but like also then would i not just be sick of medals i'd be like, ugh, another metal.

Yeah, oh god damn it. Another fucking metal. No, because then you can trade those metals in for a more consolidated, bigger metal. Right? Kind of like an iPhone. You just want the world to be gamified like an RPG. Yes, pretty much. I want it to be like a gacha game that you get on your mobile phone and slowly

accumulate various currencies that you can turn into larger currencies to really just flex on people. Yeah, that's fair. But yeah, that's just a little snapshot of how Alberta's doing. Now, they came under fire from basically everybody and then scrubbed the

board of every single one of these essays so now you can only find them basically because their political rivals kept them up for gotcha points. Of course. Did they respond to it? Did Jackie come out and say anything in response to this? Or did they just say, hey, we made it, we goofed it, let's pretend it never happened, like a Chris Benoit situation? The only thing I've seen, and again, I haven't delved into this massively, is nothing.

Just that they deleted them and kind of pretend it didn't happen. Again, there could be a statement. I don't know. I'm going to get a little palate cleanser. The mayor of Peterborough, which is a town in Ontario, Canada, is a woman, and she's in the headlines right now. This is a dating and sex advice podcast, I promise. We're just...

If you're brand new from Fan Expo, don't worry. We'll get to the dirty shit in a second. I got a real spicy question to start us off, by the way. We'll get into the mud soon, but I just want to say that there are women in politics who are not doing what we just heard. She's just kind of... She's not running for reelection.

So she's just living her best fucking life. I believe it was, I believe Peterborough was where people tried to walk into the police station and arrest the police, which is... The QAnon lunatics. Yeah, a whole separate thing. But her official on-the-record response to that is something along the lines is fuck off with that shit it's fucking stupid yeah and everyone like complained and got so upset that like she was cursing and shit and then she was like no it is fucking stupid it's fucking dumb

it's actually really fucking stupid um and you know what i think there's also a video of Beto O'Rourke. Beto O'Rourke, I believe is how you say his name. He's giving a speech about guns and gun control, and someone starts laughing. He's like, listen, motherfucker, this might be funny. And I'm like, I think more politicians should call people motherfuckers. And I think if you're doing something fucking stupid, you should be able to say, hey, you're being a fucking idiot and i would immediately respect that politician if if they have grounds to do it more even if even if it was like a conservative politician if someone was

saying something fucking stupid and they were like hey you're being a fucking idiot i'd be like okay let's let's strip away all this sort of like bullshit where we don't get anything done because we're just all you know so scared that that someone's gonna take things the wrong way it's like no if someone's saying something dumb call them out on it and i know this might be this might sound like i'm getting uh i'm an anti-cancel culture guy right now but no i think i i'm i'm more moved by politicians who seem like real people than... Yeah, well, I think cancel culture is a very different thing than this weird, like, false modesty we expect politicians to have. Yeah, this weird decorum.

Have you seen what's going on with the Iceland prime minister who's in trouble for videos of her, like, partying with some friends and, like, making out with a guy? And it's like, she's living her best life. And she's like, yeah, I don't fucking care. And there's, like, someone has a Snapchat of her at a party and, like, some girl's topless. And it's like she's living her best life and she's like yeah i don't fucking care and there's like a someone has a snapchat of her at a party and like some girl's topless and it's like yeah it's my friend she has her top off deal with it and everyone's like oh how dare she and it's like who fucking cares it's like we all party we all fucking have a few drinks and go on the dance floor and shift somebody it's like how does that make you not a good politician it's like i'd much rather that than someone just be an active piece of shit, you know?

Yeah. Hey, you know what? I'll take someone topless and dancing in a bar over someone embezzling millions of dollars or stealing from charities or taking off with super classified documents and lying about it and taking away women's reproductive rights, etc. But the thing is, this specifically targets women, usually. Look at fucking Trump.

He did such garbage stuff to multiple women. He's on camera saying, and on record saying horrible pseudo, if not fully illegal shit about women and gloating and people are like oh look at him, he's great. This Icelandic minister fucking dances and everyone's like wow, what a scumbag, not, look at him. He's great. This Icelandic minister fucking dances.

And everyone's like, wow, well, the scumbag not fit to hold office. Well, that was like when AOC started running for office, someone dragged up a video of her dancing for like a promo. I don't know if it was sorority or yeah.

University like sweaters or whatever. And it's not sexy dancing. It is her on like a roof. Yeah. It's pretty goofy. It's very endearing, I find. Yeah. And like, I actually respect her more for it.

It's like, yeah. She looks like a normal human being who's having a good time. Unlike you, who's, you know, having sex with minors in an airport bathroom. So are we really going to compare these two things? Apparently. And I will say, Jackie Armstrong-Homanuk did post a response a few months later saying, My cabinet have raised concerns with me about how an essay could have been selected for award. As Minister for Status of Women, I want to apologize or emphasize I do not support rhetoric that in any way diminishes the importance of the contributions of over half of alberta's population it's clear the process failed i apologize for my role in that selection of this particular essay and awarding with third prize was a failure on my part as head of the

judging panel yeah you goofed it jackie you goofed it hard so she was fully involved i guess but did post a lukewarm apology so there you go do with Do with that as you will. All right. We're ready. Yeah, we're 13 minutes in and we need to get spicy. On the topic of people cursing in politics, there is a very famous and hilarious video of an Irish minister. And he's like having a conversation with someone. And then he's like, well, in most unparliamentary language, fuck you, Deputy Stagg. Fuck you. And like goes off. And it's very funny. Are you ready Deputy Stag! Fuck you! And like, goes off and it's very funny.

Alright, you ready? Yeah. This is by Ilzadox. Girlfriend is living with fake twin brother and cheating on me? Uh-oh. Girlfriend and I

have been in a long-distance relationship for a few years now. I know a lot about her, but not a lot about her family. I do know she lives with her parents and twin brother. I searched up her old

Xbox username on Twitter because I was curious what I would find, I guess. Led me to a Twitter page with her twin brother. I searched up her old Xbox username on Twitter because I was curious what I would find, I guess. Led me to a Twitter page with her twin brother's Xbox gamer tag as the Twitter username, as first and last name is the name. Clicked on the Twitter page and found out the person also knows someone with my girlfriend's name and Xbox username. He makes multiple posts about him and someone else with my girlfriend's name and username, planning to get married and how many years they've been together. The guy from his Twitter account also is the same age as my girlfriend

and her twin brother. And he lives in the same state. And he has the same first last name as her brother. He has the same nickname. His friends he mentions on Twitter have the same name as his brother's friends. And the Twitter account said he got her an Xbox on Christmas 2014.

And I checked my girlfriend's Xbox achievements and her first one was two days after Christmas 2014. Freaked out. Made her get OTP, which I assume means on the phone, with me so I could ask her about this. We just got into a huge argument because I was digging and this has nothing to do with her. And I made her wake up her whole family while they're sleeping. She was screaming aloud at me and woke them up.

And then she broke up with me. Creepy brother? No, because she denied even knowing who he was from his profile picture. I think she's married behind my back or lives with her ex for some reason. I'd like to think that instead of incest or something. Don't know what I need to do. We can't talk calmly. Edit.

I have no idea how this would be possible because she's on the phone with me with him in the room before. Maybe an open relationship? I don't know. This whole thing is confusing. She also showed me pictures of them as kids together, so I still don't understand. And yes, I know her from FaceTime and calls, etc., and she isn't scamming me for money. I don't... This might be one of the few times I'm stumped, because I literally don't know what to say.

Who knew you could get so much information from Xbox? That's all I needed to know. The Xbox sleuth has done it again. I was going to say what happens if I search my old xbox gaming tank but it was my current i i use that that nickname or screen name for like everything so i would i would just find me i don't even remember my old one irish lad for 2069 oh that's it fiddly d not here get out i i don't i i don't have anything to go i don't know what to like i think there is enough evidence here that you can you know one coincidence if it was like oh the guy's name is mike well that's weird because her brother's name is also mike and if

that's where the coincidence stopped i'd be like eh Mike's a pretty common name whatever but for all of the like there's so many coincidences here that like obviously these these things are linked and are you know attached to your girlfriend in some way but I mean I like I don't know what to like do you accuse her of sleeping with her twin brother? Yeah, I think like on a very basic level, if you guys are trying to talk and you can't talk either because one or the other is freaking out, that's not good. Right. Bad relationship right there. If you feel so suspicious and untrustworthy of this person, you have to delve into her old Xbox username from 2014 and go down this gigantic rabbit hole, not a good relationship. If you found her twin brother and,

sorry, twin brother, and all he's posting about is her literal account of being like, yeah, I'm going to get married to her. Also, do you not have her on Twitter? If he's tagging her and shit and being like, yeah, I'm going to marry her and you have her on Twitter, can't you just be like, hey, what's that? What does that mean? yeah or even like facebook like is he devoid of like when does this do these

accounts still exist or are they old defunct accounts that haven't been used since 2014 but also it's like all these things are yeah pretty pretty suspicious pretty fucked up but then it's like oh you have pictures of her with this guy as kids then i doubt it's that they got married that young you know i doubt it's probably her fucking brother dude or like just a childhood friend yeah i guess maybe i don't know right like but you also said that she lives with her family i don't know there's so much here but like you nailed it on the head like it this is one of those mysteries where i don't think we can solve because there's so much here but like you nailed it on the head like it this is one of those mysteries where I don't think we can solve because there's so many variables where we can

like just throw out all the possible ways that this could be something else than it is but it's like yes at the end of the day you don't trust her when you tried to talk about it she lost her fucking mind so badly that she broke up with you and woke up her family. And now you keep trying to talk to her and it, you can't have a rational conversation. Those aren't indications of a relationship you should stay in. Sorry, because let me tell you that Thanksgiving dinner is going to be real weird because it's not like you can just switch off the flip or flip the switch and

be like, I'm just going to pretend like this guy didn't say he wants to marry his sister. Or is he even the brother? Like, what do you do there? like this guy didn't say he wants to marry his sister or is even the brother. Like, what do you do there? In the brother's case, be like, yeah, I'm going to just ignore the fact that my sister woke me up screaming a few weeks ago because this guy called and said that he thought we were fucking. Yeah, it's it's such a mess that you just need to, like, actually be like, well, this is bad and I don't want any part of it. Yeah.

And like maybe next time consider a relationship that isn't long distance to the point where you don't know her living situation at all. That's already a pretty unhealthy sign, I think, if you've been dating for a few years. Yeah. And you can't you don't know what what's going on on their end. Like, yeah, it should have come up at some point in time uh so maybe next time i don't know if you had reason to be this distrustful but like if you do find yourself going down the gigantic twitter xbox sleuthing hole it's probably a bad sign already yeah again we say it all the time you gotta trust someone to be in a relationship. I've got a question here for you.

Oh, you got a question here? On this podcast? Yes. This comes from a Reddit user, Microscopic Problem. Is this a red flag or is it a sign I'm not attracted to him? So I, a 29-year-old female, have been seeing this guy, a 32-year-old male, for a couple months now. One thing that's been slowly getting more and more on my nerves is that he's incapable of touching slash cuddling me without groping me. Like there's no non-sexual affection. Now he's in no way deprived. We have sex at least once a day. Every time we're together, he just has a

very high sex drive and gets in the mood multiple times a day and will not hesitate to grope me mid cuddle or even just whip it out as we're laying on the couch. Each time it happens, I roll my eyes harder than the last. Like this past week, we spent four days together. One of the nights, we accidentally stayed up until 5am doing a puzzle. When we realized the time, we zombie shuffled to bed. As we were laying there, he's rubbing my back and I almost soothe into a blissful coma when his hands

dive south. I immediately cringe and say, no, sleepy time, because like it's 5am. I'm thinking to myself who in their right mind would think it's a good idea to try to initiate sex when I'm clearly exhausted? He takes his hand away. He does handle the times I reject him well, but no more back rub. I've been stewing over this and remembering other times as well, just getting more and

more annoyed. Is it a red flag that he does this? Or would I feel differently if I was more attracted to him? I still feel conflicted about the situation. For the record, we are still dating and actively sexing each other's brain tip. I don't know. I think green flags is that he's respecting the verbal boundaries that you're putting down, or at least like in the moment. It would be a very big red flag if he was ignoring and still trying to be all gropey.

I don't think it's a red flag that when you guys because it's a recent enough relationship, right? Couple months. Yeah. Like you're horny as fuck. Your partner's body. It's like, even now it's like, I,

if I'm cuddling, it's very hard to cuddle and not be like, have a hand somewhere, especially cause I don't really love cuddling. Cause it's very warm. And you know what I mean? It's not a red flag for him to have been horny at 5am when you guys get pressed up together.

You know what I mean? That's like him saying, what kind of crazy person thinks it's a good idea to do a puzzle at 5am? Obviously you're tired, but horniness went out for him. That I don't think is a red flag. What I do think, I don't even know if it's a red flag, but it's like rolling your eyes isn't proper communication. You know what I mean? You can't be like, well, I rolled my eyes and I rolled my eyes even harder the next time. And I wrote, you know, like talk to him, can't be like, well, I rolled my eyes. And I rolled my eyes even harder the next time. And I rolled, you know, like, talk to him. Literally just be like, hey, obviously, I find you very attractive.

I love sex, blah, blah, blah. But, like, it's kind of bothering me that we can't seem to have a single moment together where you're not actively kind of pursuing it. And, like, I like that you like my body and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But I would like some more, like, romantic or non-sexual touching. Because the thing is, you say, oh, he stopped the back rub. But like you'd already said like, hey, no, no sex, no whatever. And like I'd probably take that as stop the back rub too. Like I wouldn't take it as just don't bring your hand south.

It would probably be like, look, I'm tired. Hands off. Let's go to bed. Yeah. So for me, is it a red flag? I don't think so. Some people have different sex drives and different desires in terms of like touch and sexual touch and when that happens and

you know whatever uh but what you need to do is talk actively set these boundaries actively let them know what you want or don't want don't rely on eye rolls i mean yeah i think you carried that one out i don't really have much to add i just like i i hate when people are very specific about like and i all this time i didn't even tell him and he still he doesn't know it's like yes my my big concern here is you being like am i not attracted to him yeah especially when she's like we fuck each other's brains out all the time it's like what if you don't know you don't know if you're attracted to someone or not, at this point, after a couple months in, if you're sitting there being like, hmm, am I attracted to them?

Dip. Yeah, that's a red flag to me. By now, you should know if you're attracted to someone. I'm not saying you need to know if you want to spend your life with them or if you want to date them or be exclusive or whatever, you don't need to know any of that shit. It's still early, but at the very least you should know.

And also the, the alternative here is you saying, Oh, if he was more attractive, would I be okay with this? Which means it seems to say that like, Oh, these are things that I'm not enjoying,

but what I put up with it for a hotter person seems pretty fucked up as well. And from like a self-esteem point of view, like if you don't like something, if you're not enjoying something, it shouldn't matter how hot the person is doing it for you to say something about it. Yeah. And the thing is you can have a personal like boundary or,

or likes, dislikes, et cetera, and have it one, not have to do with their attractiveness and two not have to be a red flag on their behalf either like yeah i like i know some people who like i've been with them if you touch their boobs when you're not actively getting down and dirty they fucking hate it do not touch it off limits do not enjoy hard you know no no no never do it i know other people that love it anytime.

I know some people are ambivalent. That's fine. That's their personal thing. And it's like, if I see a boob and I'm like, Ooh, it's a boob. Some people are like great with that. And again, I've been with people who are like, no, never. If we're naked, we're in the middle of something, then you can touch my boobs. But if I'm just getting changed, don't do it. And that's fine. Yeah. Set some boundaries, set, have an actual conversation instead of, as Nell said, just rolling your eyes. I do feel like I think there's something going on. If I was sitting at a person I'm intimate with and I was just like, I'm just going to pull my dick out. I think that is the closest thing we get to a red flag of just like if you guys are just sitting on the couch not doing anything and he decides that now's the time to pull his dick out i think that's a little

weird yeah again it all depends on like what the times that they are down for having sex are like you know what i mean like some people are like maybe that's how she does it maybe when she's good to go she's just like whatever you know because they don't seem that upset by it they just seem to have it be one in a list of things. So I don't know. And the thing is, like, again, back to the eye rolling, that could be very playful. You know what I mean? They'd be like, oh, here we go.

Like, or it could be. Well, yes. What do you do after that happens? Like, do you eye roll and then just start sucking his dick? Because like, that's not a message that's clear. Yeah. So it's just like, just talk to him. You know what I mean?

If he doesn't know. And if things seem like playful or fun, like if, if something keeps happening and you keep rolling with it, that's almost like you being like, yeah, I'm okay with it. Yes.

It's very hard for someone to be like, Oh, you don't like this. If you, they do the thing and then you do what they want had to happen because of the thing. Like there's no way anyone would be like oh she's not a fan of this because you're doing it and i know there is like a line there and i

know that like some people do things they don't want to do because of coercion and guilt and all that kind of stuff but that doesn't seem to be what it's at play here what's at play here is you not being specific and communicative with what you want and what you're comfortable with and your boundaries and uh him not not knowing because the the lines are so blurred with you and the thing is if he is on the shittier side of things the best way to figure that out is by being specific because then he has no excuse to fucking, oh, I didn't know. Oh, oops.

Like, and then if he keeps ignoring kind of what you want, then you know this person sucks. Exactly. You know, like don't leave it in the gray area where he almost gets like, oh, maybe he didn't know. Like if you honestly think this is an issue, be straight up. And then if he ignores you, dump this fucker. Yep. But just have this chat. Eye rolls are not communication.

What can an ugly average salary guy do to still be attractive? By Krakenito. Stop thinking of yourself as ugly. Mm-hmm. This is, I mean, kind of similar to what we talked about last week, I think, a little bit. In terms of, there's a lot of things that can make you an attractive partner and the first and foremost i think is finding what you need to do whatever it is to be comfortable with your body be comfortable with your face i guess to be a confident person and i'm not saying that

you have to like again get into absolutely jacked shape or go get cosmetic surgery or like do anything drastic but you need to come to terms with the fact of like hey this is what you look like and there's not much you can do about it but you can love yourself and maybe that takes some therapy maybe it takes some counseling maybe it takes a new friend group who don't make jokes at your expense or maybe it takes you standing up for yourself and telling your friends, hey guys, I'm actually a little self-conscious about the way I look and the way you talk to me really fucks me up.

So if I could ask that we drop those jokes, that would be great. And you know what I mean? Small steps that you need to take to make yourself feel better, feel more confident, and all those things will manifest and present itself outward.

The more you feel like you're just a low salary, ugly dude, then yeah, that's what people are going to see you as. And, and that, that might not even be what they, you know, see us. They might look at you and not think that at all. But if that what you're if that's the energy you're approaching people with or you know if that's just sort of like what you have decided you are then like that's what you are sorry but like no one's no one's going to go out of their way to find you more attractive or to to talk you out of what you think you are no one's going to do that if you're waiting for someone someone to fight you on what you're telling them. No one's going to do that. If you're waiting for someone to fight you on what you're telling them about you, why would they put the effort in? Because they're going to meet you. You're going to dump what you think you are in front of them. And like, they don't know

any better yet. Yeah. Because if someone comes up to you and like, for whatever reason, you're having a great chat at a bar with someone and you know, are you then going to be like, oh, I can't believe you talked to this ugly, low salary guy. Like that sucks. And if someone says, if someone does find you attractive, are you going to believe them? Or are you going to be like, oh no, I'm an ugly piece of shit. Because like at that point, what are they going to do? Be like, no, no, you're really attractive. Or they're going to be like, all right, if you think so. There's a very brief limit on the, no, seriously, like you're, you're, you're like, I find you super attractive. Like that works maybe twice. And if you think so there's a very brief limit on the no seriously like you're you're you're like i find you super attractive like that works maybe twice and if you keep denying it it just gets

exhausting it makes my compliment feel uh disingenuine if i'm keeping like no no no you're actually i'm like well now i just seem pandering and it seems like you want to hear it and it seems like you're fishing for it so like now what was a genuine nice thing that i wanted to tell you now feels performative and and blah and it's also effort now it's it's more and more effort for me to try to fight you on this thing and it's like that's not fun and if i know the next time i give you a compliment you're not going to take it and i'm going to have to have this struggle again you know but i think one thing that is very clear about this question is obviously this person thinks there are two things that make you attractive and that's being physically attractive or not ugly, which again, ugly is fucking nothing, right? Everyone's ugly is different.

And two, your wage. And if you think that's the only two things that make you attractive, then you're off to a bad start. Yeah. You can have a million, a million fucking things to make you attractive. A lot of which you can work at. And even then it's like, if you're ugly,

there are so many things you can change or fine tune or, you know, finesse a little bit to help you. Like you can make sure you have a nice haircut. You can make sure you are, have good hygiene. You can make sure you smell good. You can make sure you dress well.

Not saying you need to spend a lot of money on clothes. Just wear clothes that fit you and are well-kept. Maybe that are your color. Maybe that are pseudo-fashionable. You can be interesting. You can be confident. You can be funny. You can be impressive, whether it's juggling or fucking music.

Well, let's not encourage people to take's juggling or fucking music or well let's not maybe let's not encourage people to take up juggling no but for real like there's so many things that are attractive too many for me to list it's like if you think it's just being born with a good face and having money then you're doing yourself dirty with every aspect of romance and human interaction, there's no checklist. There is you trying to anticipate what will make you attract. It's like, yes, would being in incredible shape and having a face like Crim's head,

Chris Hemsworth, Crim's Hemsworth. If, if would that make life easier? Of course it would. Yeah. The lesser known third Hemsworth brother, Crim's.

I think there, I think there is three. Weirdly, the most attractive. He's too hot for cinema. Yeah, they had to lock him. You know how they usually keep the weird inbred brother locked in the basement? They had to keep the... Because he's just too hot. They manned the Iron Mask to him because he just...

Yeah, too hot. So I really do think the first thing you need to do is get therapy. Because as much as we can sit here and talk about, like, be confident, take a big dress, join a club, get new friends. It's like all of that requires a foundational change in you. Like, you need to want to do that. You need to be able to process new information to to absolutely change your mindset because this mindset doesn't go away it's not something that we're going to change sitting here talking to you because you have things that are ingrained

in your brain that you have learned over however many years you've been alive that need to be analyzed and explained to you and worked through and like i do think it's possible for for someone to recognize a problem and work on it and it's a process and it takes a long time but i do think i think therapy is definitely 100 helpful for everybody and especially in this instance but like i think you can also consciously work on it yourself and try to get past it and like absolutely even if it doesn't solve it it's gonna help you know what i mean i don't want people to be like well i don't have time or money or effort for therapy so fuck it you know it's like you it's not the be all and end all you can do it without it depending on the issue but like yes if you can get it get it but

like don't absolve yourself of responsibility either like you can work on this and if you make a conscious effort to like shunt away those like thoughts and you know, it's just, I think it starts with realizing one that you have a problem and two that there are so many other options for you out here than just, Oh, I'm ugly.

You're not like confident, like confidence, funniness, happiness, like all these things, positivity, kindness. These are all things people find fucking attractive that you can do and

foster and express. And not to sound like an asshole but there is something to be said about reasonable expectations if you aren't a particularly traditionally attractive person which look it happens it exists there are people who don't fit the societal standards of beauty. Are you going to manage to hook up with Megan Fox? Maybe not. So if you're only trying to talk to women who are the pinnacle of societal beauty standards, that might be a losing battle for you. And I'm not trying to say that to discourage you or to reinforce the importance of societal beauty standards. But I think there is something to be said about knowing, you know, not, I don't want to say league or use numbers. No, but I think you're right.

Like, there's so many incel-y posts that are out there like, oh, I can't get any woman, blah, blah, blah. And then it's like well this the last person that talked to me was a four and i would never date below and you're like what do you one fuck off with the number system but two it's like you can't go and be like oh i'm so ugly and then be like i would never touch a girl that's not perfect it's like what are you talking about like one you're not ugly and two don't be such a fucking weirdo like what we need like we need to address how fucking skewed and bullshit societal beauty standards are because as you said earlier everyone's ugly is different the people like there have been you know night after night after night

when we were both single and going out there were times where like i'm sure i was like damn and you were like really and there's definitely times where you were I'm sure I was like, damn. And you were like, really? And there's definitely times where you were like, damn. And I was like, really? And like, for sure. There's like, and that's not to say those people are ugly at all. It's just not my, my flavor. Hey, I'm sure I've met people who are like, look at this guy. Absolutely.

I've also met other people, thankfully, who were like, hey, he's all right. Right. I'm sure there are people who wouldn't go anywhere near me. But then there are also people who have been like, you're so sexy and giving me very nice compliments. And I'm like, great. And can I figure out the formula for that? Because I don't know. Because a lot of the times I'm like, why do you find me?

This doesn't make any sense to me. But okay, I'll take it. That's the thing. There is no checklist. There's no like, oh, wait, hold on. You have X points. Like, hmm, let me check your life stats. Oh, you only have those points?

No, sorry. Like, it's insane. That's not how it works. And if it helps drive a point, here's an example. This weekend at my bar, I had two guys sitting there and they were nice enough, but like strong douche chills. Like I got the vibe that like, you know, they were they were finance bros who whatever. Two very attractive ladies sat down beside them. I had a great chat with them as I was, you know, walking them through the drink list, whatever. And, uh, the dudes, I don't remember what we're talking about, but, uh, they, they hooked onto something that they could start a conversation with ladies. And like, look, I love when people on my bar talk, cause it makes my job easier. But the first thing almost immediately they started talking about was how much money they had and how they owned a house and how they were buying another house and

how their car was so expensive. And I've never seen, and they were good looking dudes. They were very, very attractive guys. And I've never seen two people lose interest faster than those two women. And those guys sat at my bar for probably three or four hours. And they did the same shit every time and every single woman that sat with like next to them or that they talked to the second they started just rattling on about fucking money and and how important they were or how cool they were just lost fucking interest so like those this idea that like being attractive and having money well like me and you have never had what i would describe as a monetarily

impressive job you know what i mean especially not from an outsider's perspective if that dude had left out the money situation and just probably had a conversation about whatever they probably would have done quite all right so like the idea that there's there's like these two things it's like no it's not two things it's not four things it's not five things it is knowing how to be yourself be confident in yourself and then like presenting that out to the world like the the you that you want to present out the world whether that's the right call or not like whether you have done enough introspection to know what the best version of you is because like these guys probably thought that that like this is the best me i am

money and and a good jawline and good haircut but like the best part is if you go up to someone you're like oh i have a lot of money and they're interested that person sucks you know what i mean it's like that's not good that's not what you want why would you want that why would you want someone to look at you and see a wallet why would you want that to be the basis of whatever's going to happen next it's like if someone can't like you for other things than the fact that you have money that's fucking miserable like i would much rather be poor and have a decent relationship than just have someone be like buy me this like what no fuck off it's such an insane thing to want to happen yeah so yeah don't do that either way you have a million things you can work on a million things are attractive.

And the first thing you need to do is realize that attractiveness isn't just a face and a wallet. Yeah. That's step one. Absolutely. So good luck. I hope you can find a way to empower yourself and be more confident and get over this idea that you're ugly and,

and nothing more than, than an ugly dude with a bad job or whatever. You're so much more than that. I can promise you that. You just need to believe it, and you need to start working on presenting that to the world. And I believe you can do it. I absolutely do. And if there's people out there who feel the same you're not you're not an ugly person with a bad job you're not an ugly person with whatever you're you're currently just in a position of not understanding how great you are yet yeah jobs are overblown money is overblown and even like attractiveness completely overblown i know so many people who would be like you'd see them and you'd be like, damn, is that guy a model? And then you talk to any women around him and they're like, he's the fucking worst.

And it's like, sure, maybe he hooks up occasionally at bars because they haven't gotten to know him yet. But like, would you want that? Probably not. Maybe for a little bit. Yeah, the novelty would wear off very, very quickly in that sort of situation. And you also don't, you could still do that if you got your confidence, get your groove back. Yeah, the novelty would wear off very quickly in that sort of situation. And you also don't, you could still do that if you got your confidence, get your groove back.

Alright, Tinder time? It's probably Tinder time. At the end of the episode we like to jump onto online dating platforms such as Tinder and Bumble and Hinge and peruse them and look at the profiles and comb through them for red flags to let you know what works what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Now this is nameless.

And again, I don't know if we did this last week, but it's a Bumble profile and they say, we'll get along if you're Christian, like Formula One, outdoorsy and laughing at the small things. Can we just talk about how, like, I think we've talked about this before, how everyone apparently loves Formula One. And I figured out why there's a, there's a Netflix documentary that follows like the really hot racers, which I think is now why people give a shit about it. But like, it's so weird.

I'm like, you don't like formula one. Don't lie to me. I will say, I just don't get it. You know what I mean? It's like, isn't there like a hundred laps or some shit?

I don't know a single goddamn thing about formula one and let me tell you i imagine most people who say they like formula one also do not know anything about it other than the hot drivers that they like maybe and that's not to be reductive i'm sure there are some women out there who do like formula one as a sport but i'm just saying the majority of people i don't think actually give a shit about racing at all uh so this is i i hate it the second the second i see someone say they like formula one i assume that the relationship will be built on lies because you do not zero yeah i don't love when people are very prominent about their religion in their stuff and also

formula one bores me um laughing at the small things what do you think about that i mean children it's kind of just such a nothing phrase isn't it kind of doesn't mean anything that's the thing is like laughing at this like the small things are well i mean i guess don't the small stuff is a common phrase so even then it's like laughing at the small things like okay like is that just you saying you don't laugh at big things i don't know this is super bland for me it's gonna be a three i think it's just someone who fucked up don't sweat the small stuff or trying to put their own spin on it and just kind of fell flat uh this is angel 24 trans girl then there's snapchat

you're handsome but my fingers are programmed to swipe left let's hit the gym and teach me how to get sexy hard eyes okay the the fingers programmed to swipe left is weird yes it's like okay well did you swipe right am i handsome you're saying everyone's handsome or are you saying i'm not handsome if you match with me? Yeah, I don't know. But you can get the gym together. It's like a five. It's bland.

I don't necessarily get what you're going for. And yeah, that's about it. I'm going to give it a three because there's nothing there that makes me... Anyone who's like, I just say no to everybody. Yeah, you're right. I'll give it a four okay cool why would i bother wasting a like on you i have uh you know limited likes unless you're paying for it why would i say yes to someone who's probably gonna say no yeah actually that's a good

point that's a good point uh you're ready for point. You ready for Sohana? Yeah. 33. That's my son. Please don't swipe right if you have an issue with that. Don't have time for Drana slash multiple dates. So don't meet me if you're confused as shit. Don't have time for multiple dates. So is it sort of like a we go on one date and then we're married situation? She's bringing the fucking priest with her just in case.

Yeah. He's the bartender she goes to one one bar who's got an ordained minister behind it and if you guys hit it off she brings her son apparently as well to the date yeah i just it feels like the don't ever talk to me or my son again like thing i don't know yeah uh it's so aggressive and also they don't know. Yeah. It's so aggressive. And also they don't seem to understand what dating is. Yeah. Yeah. Like I do want multiple dates.

Yes. Because, hey, let me tell you, after we start dating, I would like to still go on dates. Yeah, for sure. That's the thing. It's like after the first few, when you realize you like someone, that's when it gets really good. Yeah. That's when you get to do fun shit. Why would I want that to end especially prematurely and like actually want to start

putting like financial investment in the dates as well so you get to do cooler shit like you know i'm not going to go spend a couple hundred dollars on tickets or something on a first couple dates but like once i've been seeing someone long enough if there's a band we both like yeah then like that's the time to go see a band or like go to an event or go to a festival or something like that when you know each other well enough to do like the dates you might not have thought up for the first day but like that you realize are perfect for the two of you my current partner my fucking last or our second date was flying trapeze fucking sick well that's that's because you guys are fucking idiots and went on multiple dates. Damn it, you're right.

This is like a 2. Yeah. This one is tough because it is just a picture. But let me describe it to you. This is SB. It is a Mr. Potato Head. Perfect. It's an actual picture. It's like not a drawing. It's a photo of a Mr. Potato Head

smiling and waving. Is he crucified like that minion? It's not. It doesn't have... I think it's usually a hat that goes on a Mr. Potato Head smiling and waving. Is he crucified like that minion? It's not. It doesn't have. I think it's usually a hat that goes on a Mr. Potato Head, but it is bald. It's got strong Steve Harvey energy. But the caption underneath just says, I like you cut G. Like you cut or like your cut?

I like you cut G. That's real weird. So it's like, I don't know if you mean do you like really shredded dudes do you like circumcised yeah why is it a mr potato head telling me what i should have done with my dick when i was a child i just i don't get it i don't understand what's happening here i love it but i don't get it i'm you know what that might be a true five because i'm so torn both ways yeah i i mean i'm gonna give this a four because i would say no and i did say no so was there anything else literally nothing oh man i'm i see a no is it a good dating profile no

am i very intrigued yes yeah but is it something i want like no no if even if it's i want you shredded or i want you circumcised neither of those are good things to just say especially under a potato head thing so really it's a zero i think my new i didn't really thought about this until last time but i think my new thing is like would i waste a swipe on you would i use one of my valuable swipes on this i don't know what you look like i don't know anything about you other than you like when i'm cut g i don't even know really what that means so no i'm not going to use one of my my limited swipes per day should we just be swipe or no swipe should we just reduce it to that i pitched that so many times. You've never said it.

It took my genius brain to come up with it. I mean, this is how I'm going to be. I don't mind using the numbers if you want, but I'm also down to just go to, are you worth the swipe or not? See, I kind of like the numbers because then we can have fun with them. Little nuance, yeah.

Swipe, no swipe. It's so clear cut. This is Lindsay. Didn't come here to knit. A friend said I have to put something in here. So creative and sporty. Clumsy and athletic. Blind but fast. Pretty but rough.

I don't do nails, but I find character in my clothes. New to this and already finding it takes way too much time. Prefer meeting people out. So if you aren't six foot plus fit, witty, fun into girls who can give you a run for your money at sports, the same day she takes you through a gallery. And if you don't love dogs,

please go have yourself a left sandwich. Yeah. This would be a hard. No. Yeah. For me, that would be a no that I'm going to give this a two because it's, it's the wrong energy.

It is the wrong energy. Even just a friend said they had to put... Like, come on. You know what this is. You're 34. You can understand what a dating fucking profile is. Like, you don't need your friend to be like, no, Lindsay, you have to put... Like, fuck off.

Also, you don't have to. There's plenty of people who don't have anything in their profile. They should, you know? Sure, absolutely. But who don't have anything. They should, you know? Sure. Absolutely. But you don't have to. Also, it's just like,

they just seem so bitter and like shitty. Yeah. If you prefer to meet people out, then do that. Right. It's like, if you don't want an online date, if you,

if this is something that causes you stress and you hate it and you don't like it, then don't do it. Yeah. It's really that simple, guys. No one's making you. You got one more for me? I got one more for you.

This is Heather. Christian. Pure blood. Mama of three girls. If you haven't stopped reading yet, then congrats. You've met a unicorn. I want something real. Don't waste my time.

Don't smoke, but I vape. Like singing, hunting, driving, being being on the lake and going to the gym teach me how to fish i'm looking for forever so if you can't relate to anything i've said so far then bye and there's a bit in the middle i can't read because it's like obscured i mean this is just a really wordy way of saying not like other girls also i'm either a massive anti-vaxxer or a nazi i don't really know which one it is, but guess what? Neither is great.

Also don't smoke, but I vape get out of here. It's the best. Get out of here. The best. I look, if you feel so inclined to brag about the fat cotton that you're ripping on your dating profile, I got to imagine it's a big part of your life

also just like smoking vaping are fairly fucking similar especially for the people around you it's like you can't vape on the patio i probably don't want you vaping in my home like there's not really that much of a difference so like the fact that you have to be like i don't smoke but i do vape it's like like why are you trying to make a distinction here? But also pure blood get out. Yeah. The second anyone talks about their, their bloodline, regardless of what it is,

like there's no good way. No. To, to talk about that. Anytime anyone says like, you know, pure blood, it does.

It literally does not matter what you're talking about. No. So just like minus 40 for me. Yeah. It's a, it's a, yeah, yeah. Thank you very much for listening No. So just like minus 40 for me. Yeah. That's a yeah. Yeah.

Thank you very much for listening, friends. Once again, if you are a new listener from Fan Expo, we'd love to have you. Thank you very much. It means the world that you took the time to hang out with us there and now here. If you're one of our regular friends, as always, thank you for hanging out with us. We know we fucking love you. We do love you. We know time is tight and spending an hour with us means the world to us.

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I don't have a calendar on me, but it's coming out soon. It's, it comes out at the end of every month. There's already 11 or 12 or 13 of them out right now. So you're getting a cool back catalog of all of our old episodes, as well as a new bonus episode every month at the $7 level, which is, hey, that's great.

It's a real good deal. We really, really appreciate. And you know what? Even if it's just an old like, subscribe, recommend date, recommend date recommend date recommend to a friend or a little five-star review you can do them on spotify or pretty much anywhere that you can rate us we would love that it does mean so much to us you know like we are still waiting on the results for the canadian podcast awards but like we got there because of everyone's support

and we fucking love that and we want to keep being able to do stuff we got our our first taste of of seeing people out in the wild at fan expo and we want to do more shit so all the support means so much it helps us give you guys what you hopefully enjoy and it helps us do it without digging a big death hole uh so thank you so much thank you josh eagle and the harvest cities for their song paper stars and we fucking love you guys okay you you told me about this bad sex writing so it hit me well it's just a normal woman's normal response to a normal question on quora you ready yep so the question is how old was your child when you stopped snuggling and cuddling right and uh this mother replied two or three nights ago my daughter and i were laid on the sofa watching a film on tv cuddling we both And this mother replied, Later, with her watching the film, I felt her body really relax totally on mine. And by the time the film had finished, she had totally fallen off to sleep on me.

I looked at our breasts bulging against each other and really didn't want to disturb her by waking her up just to go to sleep in the bed. So I had her cuddled up on me all night. So to answer your question, she hasn't and don't think she will do. For a second, I forgot that this was a Quora question. Yeah, but don't worry. It's definitely a normal mother doing normal mom stuff and expressing them in a very natural mom way and not a man in a basement dimly lit yeah like hey dude have you ever i would say the the least amount of bulging a breast can do is when you're

lying down but dane her large breasts do bulge tight against my breasts. And they really do bulge against each other. They really do. They really do bulge. Hey, sometimes you don't think it do be like that. But sometimes it bulge. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm Miles Bain.

And we've been your Bulge Buddies.