F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 205 - God’s Biggest Mistake

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

I think we can all agree that humans are definitely filled with flaws, but there is one design choice on men that is absolutely just a real swing and a miss.  Topics include the persuasive ability of your past sexual conquests, a sexy picture with an unwanted addition, a primo Doubtfire situation, where the dickmeat goes, the trouble a nocturnal penis lands you in, when is it okay to vent to your friends.

Hey listeners, before we get to the episode, we want to take a moment to address the June 24th Supreme Court decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. This decision stripped away the legal right to have a safe and legal abortion. Restricting access to comprehensive reproductive care, including abortion, threatens the health and independence of all Americans and others should other countries do this too. This decision could also lead to the loss of other rights. To learn more about what you can do to help, go to choice.crd.co. We encourage you to speak up, take care, and when I'm trusting, I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love sexy situations we turn them into sexy sticky situations simply put we are a sex and dating advice podcast where we answer questions that we either find online or are sent in by our wonderful listeners such as yourself and special welcome to everybody joining us after meeting us at fan expo well we did do that last week too yeah but now we mean it because we actually have

been to fan expo we actually went to fan expo yeah last time we were being sneaky and playing with time the way that podcasters do we were capoeiring it a little bit uh special also double thanks for the people that came out to see us you know who you are and you actually made our fucking day so we really really really appreciate it thank you and i want to apologize personally to a special someone uh that i didn't get a chance to really chat with you as much as I wanted to. We were just it was a lot. I was overwhelmed pretty much the entire weekend. There was a lot going on.

Pretty big crowd a lot of the time, which, again, was awesome. We were representing both ourselves and No Quest for the Wicked. We had set up a fun little dice game. So at best, one of us was free. And luckily, when I was talking to this wonderful person, Dan, unfortunately, was busy dicing it up. But yeah, you literally made our weekend. So thank you very much.

Yeah, it was super cool. That being said, I really wanted to, you did something last week where you're like award nominated. I really want to work that into our intro now. We're an award nominated sex dating advice podcast i like that that that sounds good this is a bad time to change it because i think very soon hopefully we'll be award winning let's hope so fingers crossed fingers crossed all of them uh you ready for a question yeah i mean let's hop right in with this jam uh this is by reichen guy do women care that you've slept with a milf before

oh okay is there any more details or is that just don't worry there's there's more and it's necessary how has anyone not asked this question with all caring about how many bodies you've had and stuff like that does the quality of women you've had and stuff like that, does the quality of women you've had as a man carry over to other women? Is that it? Now that is it. Okay. First and foremost,

what does being a MILF have anything to do with the quality of woman? Are we now, are we being ageist here and assuming that MILF is synonymous with older woman? Which isn't the case. I could sleep with someone who's younger than me and they could still be a MILF, right? Like MILF, if you want to talk about older women, I guess the term would be cougar, but I don't know about that one either.

Regardless, being a MILF, the acronym is Mother I Would Like to Fuck. It just means that you wanted to fuck them. Yeah, there's no quality implied other than the fact that you want to fuck them, which presumably is pretty high. A pretty good quality. So, I mean, if we want to really break down societal

standards and norms and shit like that, it's like, yes, I think if someone found out that you were just sleeping with anyone and anything that you could i think that would upset people or not upset but i think there would be a a certain level of judgment on you if they found out that you had slept with uh people you weren't necessarily attracted to or had no chemistry with but just because you had the opportunity to you did i think that would reflect poorly on you and not because you're sleeping with quote-unquote someone ugly or a low quality woman whatever the fuck that is i think it's more the fact that you didn't really set any standards for

yourself whatever those standards may be and you were just having sex for the sake of having sex and that seems implied desperation and like sadness in a way so it's like yes people could judge that but i don't think that's what they're asking here so do women care that you've slept with a milf before but i think that is what they're asking i think they're just in a weird way that like milf equals bad and therefore the thing is maybe they think milf is good and that's why he's like does the quality of women maybe he's just all about those milfs and he's like because i got like a shiny first edition because i slept with a milf yeah i mean maybe either way i don't think we should like regardless of whether people do or don't and i can't tell you that because everyone

will react differently to the news of your cool milf sex um but i think like we need to stop imagining that like or treating sexual pasts and histories with sort of like a judgment call on the person because you don't know who or what that person was like prior to who you've met now. And, you know, I'm sure someone could look at my sexual history and think less of me without knowing sort of my situation and my headspace. And you know what I mean? Like I slept with a lot of people usually on first dates, that kind of stuff. And that was because I was actively chasing validation through sex with strangers.

So like, I know that and I've worked on that and I've remedied that part of my person. So I don't, I think with this, it is something that we need to be conscious of. And him being like, is it either going to be more impressive or less impressive? Really shouldn't have any bearing on who you are as a person and how you approach future sexual partners. Look, the question is, do women care? No one can answer that because women aren't a monolith, right? Every person, men, women, anything else, they're obviously going to be fucking different than the next person, right? So it's like some people are very jealous and some people will get very upset that you slept with anybody. Other people will be very chill and won't care who you slept with. And then there's a realm of people in between so do women care that

you slept with a mouth it's impossible to answer some will some won't and that is just personal ability to deal with jealousy or judgment should they care probably not does the quality of women you've had as a man carry over to other women? I don't even really know what that sentence means. And it's pretty fucked up because like this weird, like assigning of quality to women, it's me out massively. to be upset is like you know if someone's like going through your sexual history and judging them based on various things that they probably are a shitty person but if it turns out that you have just had sex but in every situation that you can purely because sex is important to you not your satisfaction your infatuation with someone the situation you know etc etc if you're just having sex for the sake of having sex then yeah maybe they'll judge you a little bit based on like desperation or having like this weird overbearing attitude towards or like overcompensation or over importance of sex. But like, that's a different thing. And that's not to do with the women you've slept with.

I think there's like two situations, right? Like if I started sleeping with someone and then I saw a picture of their ex who I didn't find quite attractive or or thought you know wasn't that attractive i think i would be in the wrong if i was like oh you fucked him gross yeah right but i think the the flip side of that would be if you were like oh i slept with all those people but they were ugly i would be like yeah that's a kind of shitty thing to say because you did sleep with them right like i think it it all depends on like how that information is being presented and and how both of you process it and i think like there could be times where like you find out somebody was sleeping with someone and that person is a terrible person and you might be

like and i think that's a different situation where like if you have personal knowledge of someone and they are shitty like maybe you could then judge someone in a way. But again, it's kind of not your place. I think in general, stop assigning fucking quality to women in this creepy way you're implying. And two, no, it doesn't matter. And it shouldn't. And yes, some people are going to be upset about your the number of people you've slept

with, but that we deal with in other questions. Yep, absolutely. So overall, I guess no. This comes from iTech. iTech? I'm not sure. It's a bunch of letters and numbers that I think spell a word, but I couldn't decipher it.

A girl sent me a pic of her blowing another guy. A girl I'm casually dating, we're not a couple, likes to send me dirty pictures. She takes erotic photography as a hobby sometimes, and hey, I'm not going to complain. Anyways, she sent me one a couple likes to send me dirty pictures she takes erotic photography as a hobby sometimes and hey i'm not gonna complain anyways she sent me one a couple days ago of her blowing another guy and another one with her with cum all over her face and it absolutely has killed my sexual attraction for her since which by the way i had a lot of sexual attraction for her before it was some guy from the past not since we've been seeing each other and she was doing it to be sexy just

dirty photos you know but it was such a turnoff for me her and i get along great we're very from the past not since we've been seeing each other and she was doing it to be sexy just dirty photos you know but it was such a turnoff for me her and i get along great we're very compatible sexually and otherwise i basically just said it that it was a turnoff for me didn't make a big deal about it and moved past it she apologized and sent me a different dirty picture instead as a sorry but in all honesty i'm having a really hard time with it i'm cool with her having partners in the past we're both human i try not to be judgmental besides I'd be a total hypocrite But it's like I don't want to see that because now that's how I see her when I think of her sexually I think of her with that dude's dick in her mouth and come all over her face and it's just gross

Am I being ridiculous or are these feelings pretty based her and I are not serious at the moment She's not my girlfriend and she didn't do it to bother me part of me feels guilty and a part of me wants to walk but at the same time she's a pretty great partner and it feels like a waste to throw it away because i do feel like things will become more serious if i allow it should i cut the cord or should i just give it some time and try to move past it i feel conflicted i guess i just need some advice by the way i'm male 30 and she's female 28 if that's relevant i think it's a bold move to include other people's genitalia and the sexy pictures you're sending to somebody but in this situation i think there's a pretty fucked up level of like either misogyny or like lack of self-confidence that like to see somebody

in this way has like devalued them so fully for you you know i mean that like that's all she is to me and that's all i see is some dude's dick in her mouth and that's like you know this guy is talking a big game about how like oh you know she's partners in the past i'm not like that blah blah blah blah blah but like that's kind of what this is and it's like i understand not wanting to get those pictures and maybe not appreciating them that's fine it was a bold move but like one it's not someone she's currently sleeping with. And even if it was, well,

I think that would make it a little bit different if it was like, Oh, I'm currently blowing this dude. I thought they came from before. Again, I don't know if it was the smartest move, but it seems like this person is very sexually free. She takes erotic photography.

So maybe in her mind, it means a lot less than maybe someone who's less adventurous or used to that side of things i could understand the hiccup and she you know moved on from it but like i think it's something really problematic to just be like she's ruined herself for me and now she's like you know that's all i can think of and blah blah blah i 100 understand what you're saying but i also like understand this guy's point of view of being like you know that's a that's a pretty bold image to send and a very visceral image to sort of like unsee i agree that what you're saying of being like the fact that you've seen this picture shouldn't make you think less

of her absolutely that that tracks for sure and i think there's there's two conversations we need to have and i think the first one's two conversations we need to have and i think the first one is is what you're talking about here how you know the the second that you are faced with the reality of this woman having past sexual partners and past sexual experiences is enough for you to be like but hold on wait a minute she's my sexual partner and throw you completely for a loop but i think there's also something to be said about sending sexy pictures still requires a level of consent and communication about what's being sent. Right.

Like for this person in question, it's kind of fucked that his dick is now on someone else's phone. Cause I doubt she got consent off him. So yeah, that's kind of the, a twofold prong of like like what what my point is here is of one you know you don't send unsolicited dick pics to people or at least you shouldn't we can all agree that like hey that sucks and it's different when you're in a a sexual relationship

but still even someone i've been sleeping with for a long time i wouldn't just be like bloop there's my dick i like it would have to be you know it would either have to be asked for or teased about or you know something would have to prompt me to send that picture um before i did it and then there's also like a level of knowing what's acceptable and knowing what most people probably wouldn't want to see i think it's just safe to assume that most people don't want to see the person they're sleeping with fucking another person unless voyeurism or, you know, shared partners is a thing that you've already discussed and are cool with.

But to just assume that like, hey, you know what this person probably wants to see? Someone else's dick in my mouth. And I think that was a bad call. Oh, 100%. someone else's dick in my mouth and i i think that was a bad call oh 100 i think it was definitely a misstep and i think we can all agree that a pretty solid rule of thumb when sending a naked photo or video or anything of that sort is like don't include other people in it both for their sake and the person you're sending it to and on top of that it's like you know i think even simple shit such as like if you took it for some reason in a partner's an old partner's bedroom right and this person gets it and they know that's not your

room they know it's not their room they're still going to be like hmm it's one of those things if you're smart you will just make sure it's a it's a clean cut image that doesn't prop up any questions because the last thing you want to do when you're sending something that's meant to be sexy is muddying the water and ruining the mood right and that's not to say there's anything wrong with taking a picture in somebody else's fucking bedroom or whatever but i think it's common sense to if you're trying to get a sexy reaction out of somebody you want them that to go off without a hitch you know i mean you don't want them them pondering oh wait when was this picture taken are they in that room right now like that's kind of awkward so i definitely agree i think this person fucked up i think it

was not a smart idea sending this picture again it's it's one of those things where like dan said like dick pics it needs to be discussed beforehand you know what i mean if your partner's cool with that by all means go ahead but i don't think it's something you can assume i had someone i i was sleeping with who requested me to finish on her face and then was like hey are you cool if we take a picture because someone else i'm sleeping with really likes to see those pictures and i was like look if they're cool with it yeah absolutely give me your phone but i was like it's it's we talked about it beforehand it wasn't sprung on me and the moment, like in the moment we had talked about it prior to, and again, it's, it's up to her whether or not she was telling me the truth or, you

know what I mean? Like if, if the partner actually wanted to see these or if they just want to pitch it for themselves, whatever. But like, that's kind of the conversation you need to have of being like, if you have these pictures being like, Hey, i know you enjoy these sexy pictures of me are you interested in this kind of stuff are you interested in seeing me do certain things if not that's fine i won't send them but you do need to it's like i think we can all agree most guys you probably don't need to get permission to send a picture of your boobs or you know a sexy

something like that but i think there is past the base level, the baseline level of sexy pictures. I think you do need to talk to your partner about what they're comfortable seeing and what they're comfortable being sent and then go from there. Yeah. So this person, I think definitely made a miscalculation. Don't think it was the smartest move. And I'm hoping that they have prior permission from the person. You know, I'm not going to delve into that because we all know it could be very problematic if they didn't but is it like a cardinal sin no i don't think so and i do think you know what i could understand him being like you know what it's kind of like if they were turned off a bit just because of this person being kind of dumb about it you know

what i mean like it's weird to me that they didn't think about this and like they just kind of sent it like blah blah blah like as we discussed it's a bit weird it's not exactly the best idea for them to have done that but all the talk that they do in their post is all about them being like ruined or like stained or like you know what i mean it's all very much like them as a person are now worthless because of this thing in a way. Like all the language is kind of shitty. Yeah. So here's what I was just because the question, I guess, at the end of the day is, should I dip or should I try to work through it?

And I think there's enough in here to make me believe that you do actually like this person and you enjoy spending time with this person. And I think the male ego has reared its ugly head and it's kind of bruised your ego a little bit. And it's kind of like, you know, you're not used to being confronted with this in your face and you're not really sure how to do it. And I think if you have a partner who seems to be as open sexually as this person is, and who is willing to send you pictures of her blowing other dudes and being ejaculated on i think there's no harm in being like hey so that picture you sent me you know and and laying out how you feel about it and talking

about it from there because if for all you know she could be like well actually i'm gonna do this i guess she did apologize but like if she's weird about you expressing your feelings about it, then it might not be worth hanging around. But if you're sure, yeah, if this is she, if she's just going to be like unapologetic, like this is who I am, who I'm like, fuck you. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Not the partner for you. Now, I do want to hope that this person will get over some of the problematic views I think they have before they talk, because if they don't, I don't think it's going to be a fruitful talk. will get over some of the problematic views i think they have before they talk because if they don't i don't think it's going to be a fruitful talk i think it'll come across very slut shamey from my stance i think that's a valuable lesson they need to learn as well true i would hope he could learn it with us yes absolutely of course yeah um i would love not upset someone and force them to teach him in,

in this shitty position while hurting them. You know? Yeah. If this happens, I think you need to take a real deep breath. I think he's almost there. Like he's, he's,

he's on the fence and he's kind of teetering, but like the dog, the guard dog of like fragile masculinity is pulling at his pant leg before he, cause he was like, Oh, it'd be hypocritical of me to be upset about this. Exactly.

Yeah. I think you need to take a minute and realize that what you're being upset about is hypocritical. You know what I mean? Like take a second. We like, yes, I'm okay with these things in theory,

but now I'm not having it in theory. I'm having it in practice. And yeah, again, no one thinks she did the right thing here. You can acknowledge that what she did was a bit overreaching and ill-advised blah blah blah blah blah and like there's a certain level of like tact that she has definitely not you know fulfilled but thinking in this way of her being like permanently ruined because of what you've seen and like and now all you could see is her

with some dude's dick like that's really devaluing and like pretty fucked up honestly yeah so i think like you just need to marry the concept of like what you're struggling with and what you've put into words of being like i know she's had partners i'm okay with that and you need to just be like okay this is just another aspect of that that you know unfortunately i've been forced to confront with an actual photo which you know again sucks and but then like you know pull it over to the side that seems to be the rational side of your brain that you've already sort of like talked out to yourself of being like look i know this happens i know she's had other partners i'm not mad about that she's allowed to have other partners blah blah blah just be like take that photo and kind of tuck it in between all of that.

And just be like, she's allowed to have other partners. I know she's had other partners. Photo goes in the middle there. Close the book and forget about it. And just be like, yes, that's it. She's allowed to do this. This is her. She made a mistake.

I'm sure you will make a mistake at some point in time during this relationship. Move on and deal with it. Yeah. Like you've laid out a bunch of reasons why you really like this person and you're even saying that you think it'll go further if you let it which is kind of weird but it's like if you want to do you really want to throw it away just because she again i think in error sent you a sexy photo obviously she thought it would be hot maybe she's used to partners who are into that. Maybe she's just a little freaky.

And remember, she apologized. And that's another picture. That's a big thing. I think we would be on a much different train if she sent it and you're like, oh, I don't like that, and then just kept sending them. Yeah, or got weird about it or whatever. It's like this is what we want men to do more in these situations that are called out is apologize, go back to positive behavior and keep going forward in a good way.

And it's like, she's done that. That's great. Yeah. She was very, very gracious after the stumble. Yeah. And I appreciate that.

You can ask, you brought it up to fair play to you. So take a breath. You're allowed to acknowledge that what she did was weird and maybe not a good call, but there's no value judgment on her for this past. And you shouldn't let the image of her doing something like taint her in your eyes. That's fucked.

Let it marinate. Think about it critically. And you got this. This is by Poofy Pickle. Two guys invited me on a date to the same concert. So I'm in a pickle. Guy said he was going to this concert with his grandfather. But his grandfather got hurt and can't go. So he asked me if I want to go with him to the concert.

I said yes. Then a few hours later, a different guy asked me out on a date to the same concert. I said I was already going with a friend and he told me he'd like to meet up with me while we're there, say hi and such. We've only been talking on a dating app and haven't met in person yet. I definitely don't want to say hello to the second guy when I'm on a date with the first, but I have no idea what to say to guy two in order to avoid meeting him. I don't want to say hello to the second guy when I'm on a date with the first, but I have no idea what to say to guy two in order to avoid meeting him. I don't want to lie to him. I'd definitely rather say I'm going on a date than make up an excuse not to meet him. But if there's a third option, one where I can say no without lying and without telling him I'm on a date,

I'd choose that one. Is that even possible here? I mean, yeah, it's a very simple thing of being like, oh yeah, we'll see what happens. And then just never text him. Now, we all know she's gonna bump into him right because i mean yes yeah murphy's law for sure yeah um i don't think there's any harm in saying you know what i'm actually i you know i think the friend has asked me on a date because you've already said friend so you can't then be like oh i'm actually going on a date so i think like be like oh actually i think this is going to be a date so i don't know if it's super cool if we meet you know a bit bad form and just be like but i would still love to like grab a drink with you next week or

you know whenever you're free yeah that's it nice and simple and this has a multitude of like positives because one you're being honest that's good two if you bump into each other which again it's gonna happen now they're they're gonna know there won't be awkwardness you know what i mean or at least on your behalf you won't have to like pussyfoot on like who this person is and who this person is you know what i mean like the other guy knows hopefully he'll be chill and that leads to positive number three if you bump into each other and he's not chill great you don't have to waste your time and if you tell him you're on a date and he freaks out you don't have to waste your time if he's cool green flag yeah yeah if he's like oh yeah no problems yeah like so want to grab a drink then it's like cool you know that like you will be

able to continue dating while seeing this person and it's not going to be that big of a deal presumably so it's like yeah it's it's there's no harm in doing it because presumably you want to go on a date with the first guy so go on a date for their first guy and then sort of do a little vetting in the process of the second guy now we're terrible because we didn't answer the question a way to not lie and not tell them you're going on a date uh two outfits keep going to the bathroom i mean yes we've already talked about this. Every chance you can Mrs. Doubtfire it, you Mrs. Doubtfire it. You tell both of them that you're going

on the date with them. And make sure they're on either side and just keep ping-ponging back and forth. It's perfect. It's flawless. It's going to work like a charm until you forget to take the wig off or whatever. And then you go back to them and be like, hey, why are you wearing a wig? And, you know, but like, yes, if off or whatever. And then you go back to and be like, Hey, why are you wearing a wig? And you know, but like, yes, if, if you can, Mrs. Doubtfire,

Mrs. Doubtfire life is too short not to Mrs. Doubtfire things. If at any point what you're doing is the plot of like any kind of a teen drama or, you know, sitcom episode, calm is the word I was looking for, but could not remember then. Yes, you're doing things right. Yeah, life is too short not to seize every possible sitcom opportunity and

I will die on that hill. Yeah, 100%. Also, maybe he's lying and maybe if you turn him down, he'll bring his granddad again. Maybe he was trying to ditch his granddad and that's not cool. Also, what concert are you going to that this granddad's going to? This sounds like a cool granddad. Yes, is this a really cool granddad or is's not cool also what concert are you going to that this granddad's going to this sounds like a cool granddad yes it's a really cool granddad or this a really boring guy slash other guy slash you yeah i'd like i'd love to know what band this is for sure um this comes

from reddit user bean shrimp yeah my favorite type of shrimp men serious question where does the dick meat go when y'all are soft i'm genuinely confused my boyfriend has a seven inch penis and i see it soft at least once a day each time i see it it's soft it's a different size there's sometimes where he's he's in a shower and it's hanging there and there's sometimes where he's a grower and he's completely shrunken down now my what yeah i don't really know i don't think they understand what i know what they're saying but i think on a word by word basis it doesn't make sense they have they have yeah flipped it i think now my understanding of dicks is it's more than just

a skin tube that fills up with blood there's other shit in there so so where does it go when it's shy and hiding like does it retract in y'all's body there's a bone there so i don't think that's it help me do we finally tell her about the dick pouch this is i i brought this because i was like we make fun of men a lot for not really understanding how vulvas and vaginas work the amount of men who think that women pee from their vagina or that you're gonna hold in your period like a pee yeah it's so rare that we get the opportunity to be like what the fuck are you talking about how are you how are you this bad at knowing how dicks work because there's a lot in here that like skin tube i mean i guess could

be a good way to describe a penis right but what do you mean like there's other stuff in there well there's the bone because it's a boner well that's the other thing is like do you think there's a bone in the penis or are you saying there's a bone behind the penis so there couldn't possibly be a way for the penis to retract up into the body also have you never seen like a cross-section of hips? Because there's a lot of holes in them. Have you seen a pelvis? It's just one big hole. Exactly. This person is not good at things.

And also, can we just think for a split second about the way that the vagina works during childbirth? It gets very large. Am I like, hey, where does it go? Where does it go once it gets big? Once the baby's out, does it just stay that big? Am I like, Hey, where does it go? Where does, where does it go? Once it gets big, once the baby's out, does it just stay that big? It's like,

no things contract. Things expand. A lot of parts of our body do this. I would love to know what age this person is. Does it say? It doesn't because I would also love to know, but I mean, like I assume probably old enough to be living with a boyfriend

or like to have their own places because she's talking about seeing them in the shower and stuff so i'm hoping at least like 18 19 minimum yeah so anyway there's a dick pouch inside you that you have to stuff in the excess when you're not aroused it's inside your body. It comes with a pre-grown bone zip. Bone zip? It would be insane for our bodies to produce metal to make a zipper. A plastic? Come on.

What part is getting zipped up? You can't zip it all the way, Eric. It hurts you grievously. We like to call it God's biggest mistake. Yeah, yeah yeah it's one of them anyway um so okay we're gonna explain how the dick works here and it is very simple because you you were right sort of it's it's just blood it's just blood that engorges the tissue and makes it bigger there's there's no other magic there's no secrets it's just it's just blood that engorges the tissue and makes it bigger. There's no other magic.

There's no secrets. It's just blood and tissue engorging and getting larger and harder. Basically it. No secret magic or anything. Also, why are you so upset by this? I mean, I understand the confusion if you really don't know, but how bad is sexual education nowadays? They just don't explain how erections work yeah i did just find out that the tip of the dick is called the mesas the metis the metis i didn't know that i didn't know that either yeah no

damn there are many mesas in the body it just means a natural body opening or canal damn like orifice like i guess like an orifice could be like i don't know yeah it's a misus or misuses so there you go i mean the not the head of the penis just the the hole in the yeah the hole yeah but it is at the head i was looking at a diagram that pointed right to the top of it. Well, hey, we've all learned something about a dick today. Yeah. Damn. Meet us.

It's a wonderful word. If we ever do another booth at a con, we'll name it the meet us and greet us. Damn it. Back to Fan Expo. Quick capoeira in. You know what? Let's keep on the boners boners okay this is my throwaway dream boner uh my girlfriend sorry my 28 year old male girlfriend 28 26 year old female of five years get sad and withdrawn when i get an erection while i'm asleep see the title she's been noticing me having an erection while i sleep accusing me of having more fun with the

girls in my dreams and generally being depressed when it happens. I haven't been having dreams about anything at all when this happens. She's woken me up twice to ask who I'm dreaming about, and won't believe I'm not having a dream. What am I supposed to do here? I've tried explaining it's just a normal body thing, and doesn't mean anything, but she won't buy it. It's compounded by her feeling unwanted lately. I'm tackling that by initiating more often, but she's been saying it's not enough because she thinks I'm putting it on. I'm not putting it on.

I love her and I want her. My libido just isn't the same as it was three years ago. I used to constantly pester her for sex and she wouldn't want it back then, but now that seems to have flipped. We each go through phases of wanting lots of sex, but this time it's bothering her. We're only doing it two to three times a week.

Any advice would be welcome. I don't want to lose her over this. this was funny and then it got real sad it's still kind of funny because like i've been with very irrationally jealous partners but like if somebody fucking woke me up to be like you have a boner who are you dreaming about that would be it for me there and then also how are you a 26 year old person and not know that like morning wood exists wet dreams like that's a thing that happens to teenagers you know like nocturnal emissions like all these things like it's not because we're secretly like mind cheating on people which is even if they were would be okay by the way because you can't control your

dreams firstly and secondly actually take a step back and fucking calm down yeah yeah to be upset i mean there's so many jokes about like you know getting mad at your partner because of what they've done in the dream but they're jokes because it's ridiculous to do that that's why they're jokes so So first off, if anyone has ever gotten jealous or annoyed about either dream boners or dreams, no. Stop. Boners just happen. Yeah. I mean, you don't understand how little control we have over these pointy, hard bastards.

These meet us highways the do you know how much anxiety we get in high school of like we'll be sitting there and our fucking weird dumpy math teacher will drop a piece of chalk and your mind's just like that's a butt and it's like no but that that actually makes way more sense than just the fact that you'll be like oh fuck i gotta go read out my fucking english answer in a minute and then your dick like, how about I stand up for no reason so that you can't stand up? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And you're like, literally why?

Really hard. Yeah. Like that's actually not what you're for, dude. Yeah. Like there are times where like, for whatever reason, our body likes to,

it's the same way our bodies, our bodies are very dumb when it comes to dicks. Cause it's the same thing with like things like erectile dysfunction being like i want to have sex with you so bad my dick has decided nope yeah sorry dicks are dumb if you look at the anatomical diagrams where we discovered meatus it doesn't have a brain in there so that's how you know it's dumb tell your partner to look up morning wood or any sort of science being like, yes,

men will get erections for no reason during the night. It's going to happen and it's going to happen throughout their entire life. So fucking chill on that. Yeah. Now the other side of like the, the libido thing that sucks too. Yeah. Being like,

Hey, I want to have more sex and then being like, okay, I'll initiate more. And then being like, i i want to have more sex and then being like okay i'll initiate more and then being like not like that yeah and i would love to know if like probably the dream and the boner thing is as a result of her feeling whatever she is and hopefully not the other way around that like she noticed these dream boners and that's driven her into the spiral either way that issue needs to be dealt with and hopefully it'll help somewhat but then you guys need to sit down and talk like you said you try to explain his normal body things you won't buy it okay that sucks if you're

literally explaining something about your body that's not only a commonly known fact but also you explaining where you're at and trying to help out and she's just like nope that fucking sucks and maybe that's not the partner for you if she's gonna refuse to you know deny reality but it would be like if if you know she was when she was on her period she was like oh i don't really like having sex on my period it's not that great for me and you being like well i don't think so that doesn't sound right to me i don't buy that one bit like to make choices of what other people's bodies. Exactly. And like, look,

I don't know if you've talked about this. I hope you have, but like literally lay down the facts to me. Like, look, I'm sorry if you want more sex, my libido isn't the same as yours right now. And you can even be like back when your libido wasn't the same as mine, like hopefully you were cool.

And if you were, you can be like, you know, back then when you didn't want sex, I didn't get upset at you. I was chill. I understood again. Hopefully you were cool and if you were you can be like you know back then when you didn't want sex i didn't get upset at you i was chill i understood again hopefully you were so it's like this is the same situation then you should be able to understand where i'm coming from and it could very well be one of those but you're a man and that's oh men are allowed not of sex men are allowed not be horny send her this fucking episode you know we'll tell her hey men are

allowed not want to have sex men are allowed not be horny yeah but he's cheating on you in his dreams no yeah you know what i mean it's unfair this can't be a one rule for her one rule for you no but like sit her down talk to her and be like look i do love you i do want to have sex two to three times a week is still not fucking bad there's a lot of people who kill to be having that you've been to five years yeah these things happen so talk to her see if there's another thing that's getting her down like maybe this is all as a result of something else happening but like try to get to the bottom of it and try to be kind and like actually talk it out and like don't just kind of pussyfoot around the issue don't just like don't let her be like i don't buy it and walk

off about the fucking dream boners thing like these are all things that just can't exist can't coexist with a healthy relationship so don't let yeah this is positive caddo someone showed him the things i vented about him and us and what do i do now this is uh english is obviously not their their primary language so i will do my best to to parse where i can. My boyfriend and I have had a conflict recently. I was so hurt and miserable that I vented this concern with my friends in a group chat. Due to the anger I said something that I shouldn't have been saying. Just today he messaged me saying that he was disappointed in me and said that he was upset that I was so easy and so quick to tell other people about the conflict that we had the fight i think is the translation

there uh as he continued point by point i found out that someone in the group whom i trusted had been sharing the context that i vented despite he is not meant to be seeing this i apologized to him earlier that i shouldn't have been careless about my venting to my friends about us and the fight we had because honestly i didn't know the messages would leak out and it just made our relationship so much worse than it originally was what should i do now see i really want to know what you said because venting to your friends is allowed yeah there's two things that we need to know it's like what was the fight about and what did you say in response to it yeah so you said that you said something you shouldn't have said which seems pretty cut

and dry that if you're saying you shouldn't have said it and this person's upset they probably have a right to be upset that's the issue there you know what i mean again i hope it's not a oh you shouldn't have said anything about us because you're not allowed because that's one shitty two unrealistic and three i think very like controlly abuser vibes where it's like you're never gonna get help if you can't discuss your problems with your friends right like but i think that i think it's the latter because as he continued point by point i found out so it sounds like he like they were going through the whole message which doesn't sound like it was a one thing it doesn't sound like she said one thing that was shitty it sounds like he's more upset

the fact that they talked about the fight with their friends because again uh it says you know it's it's a bit wild to read but he says he told me that he is so disappointed in me how can i be so easily in telling others about the things that going on in our relationship so it doesn't sound like she said something mean i'm just i'm just thrown by the fact that she said i said one thing i shouldn't have which you know it could be just now remorse that she's been yelled at by yeah for sure and and you know ratted out on by her friends yeah so like it i'm going to lean towards the fact that this person, her partner is upset that she told her friends about the fight and not that there was one specific.

Cause like, like you said, if, if you went in and was like, he's got a small dick and I hate him. Yeah. Yes. And the thing is,

I think we can talk about both pretty easily. You know what I mean? We don't need to have either be true really, because again, you are allowed, you know, vent to your friends. You're allowed to vent to your family. You're allowed to vent to pretty much anyone you want.

Once again, it's not like a super personal issue, like say with his, you know, something that they're very insecure about, such as like penis size or like a disease or like something very personal to like his family or you know all those things it's like if you're if it's very sensitive information that you shouldn't really be sharing like a group chat is not the fucking place for it right maybe your closest friend maybe being vague about it but still discussing it either way it's like unless you're being shit you are fully and utterly allowed to discuss your problems with your friends because that's what your fucking friends are for right so if anyone is trying to be like oh you're in the wrong purely because you discussed our relationship with someone they're probably an asshole yeah if you said something fucked up because you didn't think they were gonna read it and they found out like that's yeah apologize you

know you fucked up you know you were shitty uh you shouldn't be doing that about your partner because you're presumably they're the person you love and care about the most so it's like be fucking wild for me to burst into a chat with my friends be like my partner fucking sucks you know what i mean that's not good especially like if you then make up people are gonna think you're an idiot because they're gonna take what you say about your partner at face value and then it's just gonna become that annoying thing that you do. And everyone hates. So don't be that person that's bad mouthing your partner.

Every time you guys get in an argument, if they suck, break up with them. If they don't be fucking kind. Yeah. I think it's important to be able to talk about like the roots of the issues, how you feel about,

you know, a fight. Like I, if, if something happened and you came to me and we were like, Oh, Hey, me and my partner had a fight and you were like, you know, it's about this and about that.

Again, as you said, as long as it's not a super personal something that you wouldn't normally talk about if it wasn't a fight. Like, yeah, you should be able to confide in your friends. It's the whole point of having friends. Now, I'm worried. My concern is that the messages weren't leaked. Yeah. But rather they went through your phone. notes or messages or whatever that upset you to pretend that it's been sent to you by a friend of theirs to like further fuck them over and like dismantle their friendships as well as hurt them and like blah blah blah it was just pretty fucked up but i see that time and time again recommended in like a lot of relationship like subreddits so it's very possible that they

have just found them going through your phone which again if this is someone who's the kind of person that won't let you talk about shit to your friends going through your phone is pretty much part of their wheelhouse i imagine and trying to distance you from your friends and cut you off which they're kind of doing anyway by saying you can't discuss relationship with them is also kind of a whole part of it so i wouldn't maybe believe that too much until you have proof or whatever but like unfortunately this is a thing i see time and time again on reddit so yeah so that's just something to think maybe uh i don't know maybe maybe try to set up like a false a false situation a friend that like you think you can trust like 100 and have like a

really bullshit conversation and then see if if they bring it up again and be like your friend sent me this again um and then just you know be like cool all right you're going through my phone like none of this really matters if the issue is just like you can't talk to your friends about our relationship because that sucks. You're allowed to do that. If that's the thing, it doesn't matter if the message got leaked right now because you don't need to be with this person. Then

later on, you can figure out if your friend fucking sucks because again, if they're leaking messages to this boyfriend and you guys break up, you'll probably know who it is because they'll be dating him next week. Yeah. Good luck to them. We probably should do some Tinders. We probably should. At the end of the episode, we like to hop onto online dating

platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge and peruse online dating profiles, see what works, see what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Well, let's start you off with Evan. Okay. First off, how dare you? Unvaccinated?

Fuck Joe Biden. Pure blood, baby. If you support murdering your child through abortion, go fuck yourself. Likes patriotism, America, red meat, fishing. Singing Guns N' Roses and David Bowie at an intolerable level. Dislikes dumb fucking liberals, country music,

women who kill their kids. Holler. Boy, I got bad news for you, brother. David Bowie, not traditionally that conservative. Yeah, not that smart person on the other end of this, I don't think so. Yeah. I mean, this is like I was really excited because I was like, oh, we don't really get dudes a lot on the show. They fucking suck. You're almost always terrible they're so bad um yeah i mean again we said it i

think last week where it's just like the second anyone says pure blood i am i'm out it's it's like automatic zero and then you just dig a hole further and further and further i'd love to know how much you know how how responsive people are to this other than to like tell him to fuck off like i'd love to know how many dates he's getting off this profile i can imagine very few but hey there's probably some asshole out there this is going to be a minus 10 for me yeah i mean it's it's just the score just keeps plummeting i can't give you one because every time i try to say the number it's like trying to say what time it is but it's impossible because the number keep changing um this is misha u59 plus 32 to 47 zero kids exes and wives straight uh like a bodybuilder emoji a guy with a graduation cap emoji and then like a guy in a bow tie, which I guess job. Or fancy. Yeah.

100,000k base minimum. This is either dollars or pounds. Okay, that's good. Monogamous, serious, single, sane, clean, nice, not into apps now. App equal friends. No bullshit.

No catfish. Creep. One night stand. Snow snowflakes, fuckboy. What? You're not into apps? I don't, I have, let me tell you. Isn't this an app? Yes, it is on an app. You better open your phone and have nothing on it, motherfucker.

Because you're too tall, buff, and rich. Me. Hold on, I just can't wait to know just how many things they're bringing to the table to have this insane wish list. Continue. Me. Tats and Pierce. Tiny.

ENFP slash J dash T. Veg. Gujarati origin. Doing second post grad online via, I think, Scotland? Uni. First was in New York. Shy. Wooden spoon. Not silver. And then there's a bunch of emojis it's like a canadian flag a canadian leaf a prayer emoji and

a fingers crossed emoji had zero dates now don't want to meet slash chat please be cute and from canada or canada us western or northern europe australia new zealand Canada, US, Western or Northern Europe, Australia, New Zealand, ZA, which I'm not sure that is, or Russia. I'm born and from London. So they suck and are racist? But also, you want to date a Canadian, a US, Western or Northern Europe, Australia, New Zealand, whatever ZA is, and Russia. What? You want to just date all over the world? but I don't know

it's just such an absolute fucking nightmare of a profile that's like their special way of saying white I mean these people aren't white just because you're not white doesn't mean you can't have fucked up views on race oh yeah no 100% either way this person fucking sucks dear god white. Just because you're not white doesn't mean you can't have fucked up views on race. Oh yeah, no. 100%.

Either way, this person fucking sucks. Dear God. Also, you can't have an ex? I don't think that's what they really mean, but it's what they said. Well, it says kids slash ex slash wives. Yeah, it's like, yeah, most people

have an ex at some point. Especially by now, unless they're especially because you only want 32 to 47 you want someone who's made it to 47 again no shame if you haven't had a relationship but the likelihood of finding a 47 year old who has never had an x yeah it's slim this the list sucks the person seems to suck the whole thing thing sucks. It's minus eight. The app that this was on kept being like, we think this is a good fit for you. This is a good fit.

So offensive. Have you seen this? I was like, what? No, she's not a good fit for fucking anybody. Just your app thinks you're wildly successful. Yeah, maybe. I'll take it. Are you ready for Giovanna?

Mm-hmm. I'm independent, alpha, old-school single mom of three big kids that have a thing for men who make me feel safe. Hold on. The kids have a thing for men? Yeah, that's why I'm pausing, because that is some weird phrasing. That's some really weird phrasing. Oh, man. This is just the beginning. Men are naturally masculine, purpose-driven, nonjudgmental, hold deep integrity, and support the feminine, spelt wrong, energy.

Crown emoji. What I'm looking for. Don't worry. I'll take care of that. Made those reservations for tomorrow night. Be ready at 7. Let me get that door for you. Funny memes, heavy laughter, and food are my love languages

i'm so confused because she's like i want someone who makes me feel safe and like the masculine structure but i'm gonna get the door for you no what i'm looking for is so she's looking for and then this list and she's looking for someone to say don't worry i'll take care of that yes okay no that makes sense no don't worry it's it's still's still shit. I thought she was saying that was her narrative. That would have been a nice twist to it, but it is kind of weird that her kids want to fuck me. Well, hey, not you.

Maybe not you. I could make her feel safe. Giovanna? I'm naturally masculine. I mean, yeah, this is a bad... i feel like we're getting to the point where dating profile women on dating profiles are starting to trend towards men or men started as on dating profiles like i think it's like a weird shift of just like everyone getting bad because i think the only people left who have the patience for dating profiles are the people who everyone in their like day-to-day life knows they suck yeah maybe

because i've been noticing like an influx of these these women who are like i want a hyper masculine man and you know anti-vax and you know i it's my fear is that we're training your apps to give you shit because the shit are the ones you probably linger on and take screenshots on and your phone's like, okay, he's really into this. This is what he likes. Yeah, I know. We need to get you a burner for Tinder. Yeah, just my secondary phone.

Are you a drug dealer? Oh, no, no. I'm a sex and dating advice podcaster. You know, real legit. This is Anna. It starts with their Snapchat, so I won't read it. I like riding horses, but I'll probably enjoy riding you more.

Interests. Weightlifting. Horror. Gaslighting. Thrifting. Anime. Alcohol and weed. Indie shit. Art. Kanye. Cyberbullying. Psychology. 5'6". Destroy my life, please. i want to see the northern light so fucking bad i'd say that my life is like a roller coaster but that's mostly going downhill so i need someone to go to the store with me at 11 p.m because i want a snack love trying new

things foods and drinks see i don't love the gaslighting and cyberbullying thing I assume it's a joke but still and also destroy my life please I don't know it's not funny to me anymore there's like a smattering of there's enough in here where I'm just like okay it's a serviceable profile it doesn't really do anything for me but then you

sprinkle in like the gaslighting cyberbullying bullshit that destroy my life stuff my life is going downhill like all that stuff it's all very like immature pity parade like it's also like what's funny about saying you like gaslighting and cyberbullying i i don't that's not a joke yeah it's just like i'm edgy like i don't know so i i like the list you know what i mean it's like if you just kept it the list and then maybe made a joke or whatever. So I'm going to give it a six.

Oh, that's high. I'm giving this a three. Fair. There's nothing in there that would make me want to swipe. Yeah. This is Jessica. Hi there. It's Jessica's older sister behind this account.

My sister doesn't know about the fact that I'm trying to set her up. Crying laughing face. No. what the fuck jessica's sister nothing about this is cute it's like it's just one of those things where it's like okay so now the onus is on the dude to impress you to hopefully get a date with someone who doesn't even want or potentially want to have a date so it's like it's just like one big waste of time for me yeah and also it's like this isn't cool like you're using her picture and her name and putting it up and she's not even aware of it like well if she starts dating someone and you don't know about it and they find this bumble or you know there's there's a million things wrong it. And all of it doesn't pale to the fact that I just wouldn't put the

fucking effort in with you. Jessica's older sister. If that isn't even who you are and you aren't Jessica, and this is some weird ploy, this all sucks. Zero. Because the second I ever get one of those, like,

Oh, I'm running this account for whoever I'm like, cool. So what's going to happen is you're going to catfish me with your hot friend. And then we're going to make a date and I'm going to go and you're going to be like, oh, sorry, Jessica couldn't make it. But here I am. I'm like, nice, cool.

Like, that's just what I immediately assume. Anytime anyone has one of these, like running an account for this person. It's just fucking stupid. And no one needs that. So stop. Yeah. Online dating is grim enough for people. We don't need to put more fucking garbage. Thank you very

much for listening. It has been an absolute pleasure. We always appreciate you guys spending the hour with us. We love having you here and we love doing this for you. Love you. For real. You guys are amazing. If you are interested we have a Patreon where you can support us

which we would love because it's what keeps us going and you know what? Being to like our first kind of like live event has got the juices flowing you know we threw out some money on some condoms on some cards so it's like this is what the money can go towards and if enough people support us on patreon that'll hopefully mean more live events more cool stuff we can do at them and hey maybe even one day go places like the philippines or ireland or anywhere uh which would be amazing so please swing by and support us for less than the price of a beer a month you can get an extra episode every month and the last 12 that we've done and yeah we we love you guys so thank you and the money potentially could go to us going to

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We love everyone who supports us in other ways. Just you guys are the best. So please continue the sport. Share us with a friend. Review us if you haven't. Join the Patreon and thank you. And if you have a question, please feel free to head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com. Click the contact form, fill it out.

We'll get an email. You can choose your own agent name. We'll respond to form fill it out we'll get an email you can choose your own agent name we'll respond to you as soon as we can um or you can head on over to uh our social media any one of them will work all the links are on the the website best way to get a hold of us even if you want to just say hey what up we're very friendly as everyone who was at fanx but we'll know it's true do you get some bad sex writing for us you know i do but first i'm gonna thank josh eagle and the harvest cities for their song paper stars uh are you ready this is this is weird bad sex writing today because it's just you know i think by now people know bad sex writing has evolved to be a bunch of stuff such as quora answers that aren't necessarily depicting

sex so this is a brief tinder exchange okay starting Starting with the man. I just read your bio. I'm sorry. I don't think we'd be a good match. The woman. Out of curiosity, what part made you determine that? And back to the guy. Single mother. So I'll come second to children that aren't even mine, which is totally understandable, by the way.

Also, you have kids and you're 35, so you probably don't want any more. And even if you did, it's about a 70% chance that you can't. You're also an independent woman. So your career will come before me as well. Most likely not submissive. Have the same, I don't need a man, I want a man mentality as all the other girls that let the social construct brainwash them. When girls typically say they are independent, they use it as an excuse for their bad behavior

and masculine traits. I want a stay-at-home wife that's the mother to my children, who will give me stability and will stay loyal to me and is submissive, but that's impossible to find. Sorry for the rant. Modern dating is impossible for men like me, lol. Hey, we can all hope that it remains impossible for men like you so that you never breed. Yeah, no fucking shit, dude. Because the more people like you who die alone, I feel like the better our world will be.

We don't need you teaching children to be like you. Or the more people like you who get better and become positive, good people, because I'd much rather that. My name is Dan Miller. and I'm Niles Bain and we've been your fuck buddies.