F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 207 - Time Is A Circle

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

I don't want to blow your mind, but this isn't a new episode because you have, at some point in time, listened to it and therefore it's an old episode, but right now... it's brand new.  Topics include losing interest in women, cutting ties for your mental health, debunking shit tests, having your intelligence insulted online, abusing the power of a broken arm, guessing you have rules about porn.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I am Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast, an award-nominated dating and sex advice podcast,

where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we are an award-nominated sex dating advice podcast that either answers your questions or finds them in the wild on the internet. The topic's just sex and dating. Right here in your ears every Monday. I'm one day extra month. If you're on our Patreon, it's true.

Cheers. Cheers. It's nice. Fucking tasty. Thank you. Good. Dan has made papaya margaritas for us. Cause we're having a fun day.

We're going to go record this episode and then we're going to go meet Zac Efron. So, uh, if you have any questions for Zac Efron, go back in time and send them to us. Zac Efron is going to meet us. Yeah, that's accurate.

And then we're going to bring him to karaoke and he's going to do bed on it. And we're going to do high school musical. That is high school musical. Damn it. It's the one where he's on the golf course. Dan, could you get your head in the game? Bed on it, bed on it. It's the only good high school musical song.

I can't tell if you're reading or if you're upset by my no it got the one it got removed but that's okay because i downloaded it twice you ready for a question yeah i don't think i have any sex news or anything yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah this is from desnui do you read all your questions in landscape mode no but i took a screenshot of this one because i was it was going to get taken away. I was like, how have I never noticed this before? This is by Desnue, and it's from Seduction.

Easily bored by everyone I meet. Feel like women don't turn me on anymore after a while. The quality of women out there are not even wifey material anymore. Feel like most girls by age 20 already slept with 10 plus guys. So this is very discouraging and can't see women more than sexual objects because of how they objectify themselves and let men use them.

I see no point in temporary pleasure. Good news for you. Women aren't the only sexual partners that you can pursue. That's my first thought as well. It's like, have you tried men? Yeah. Non-binary folk. Mm-hmm.

Right? You have a whole smattering of options if women aren't doing it for you anymore. No, I don't think that's the point he's bringing up. No, there are many red... There's like a whole bushel of red flags there. The thing that makes... I just...

I love the idea that in seduction, their success their end goal winning state is sleeping with multiple women right like being able to be irresistible and sleep with whatever woman they want but the second a woman has done the same or even had multiple sexual partners in a very low a low bar yeah i mean like 10 sexual partners this guy's like oh how could they yeah it's like the second the second a woman has had multiple sexual partners they're i don't know worthless not worth pursuing anymore and it's like my man what makes you think that this changes for you what makes you think that this changes for you? What makes you think that women are going to look at you and be like,

Oh, you've slept with 20, 30, 40, however many people you think is a lot of people. I got to get on this. Yeah. Also just not to say that there's a judgment call one way or the other.

It doesn't matter how many people you've slept with. It shouldn't be. It's also just like ironic because what they want is to be able to sleep with a bunch of people. And then you think doing that, they would be open to that you know on both sides of the table because they want women to sleep with them easily yes but then if somebody sleeps with other people it's like oh worthless now it's like what you just want people to be easy for you and people to be sexually free with you but nobody else yes like fuck off you dumb idiot uh also just like the the mental

gymnastics of being like oh i can't see women as more than sex objects because they objectify themselves it's like cool dude it's like that was not my fault they're making me see them as nothing but sex objects yeah this guy doesn't say sexualized via their pictures or having an only fans account or you know having a a snapchat or a tiktok it seems like them having sex with other people or multiple partners sorry i believe their exact term was letting men use them yes um that seems to be the issue of them being sexual. It's like, so a sexually active woman has sexualized herself, and that makes you no longer want to have sex with them because they are, in fact, having sex, therefore overtly sexualized. Yeah. It's like, I don't know what you like. Yeah, dude, you should.

If you want to have sex with someone, hopefully they are also sexually active. And therefore, are you sexually objectifying no it's called attraction you are attracted to them and if they're attracted to you you're not objectifying each other yeah and you're not objectified if you're having sex that's just that's not how it works also i love that it's like it starts feeling like oh i'm bored by everyone i meet you're not you're an asshole you're saying oh it sucks i don't respect women so when i'm with them it sucks because i don't have any good feelings for them because my mindset is so fucking poisoned yeah it's like that's that's what's happening

it's like you fucking suck wifey material doesn't exist because what one person wants in a wife yeah is not what another person wants in a wife. There's no grand fucking standard everyone's held to. It's just that you're a fucking toxic piece of shit. So stop judging people for who or how many people they've slept with. Stop turning women into fucking sex objects. And get your fucking shit right.

Or go fuck men and still get your shit right. I would love to know how he knows these numbers. Is it just... Do you look at them and see someone who's charismatic and perhaps not you know completely covered head to toe and is willing to be proud of their body and comfortable in their skin and just immediately assume well that's a slut well definitely that's actually a good point because he says feel like

most girls by age 20 it's like literally nothing to base this on also get the fuck over it who cares yeah i really just in the sun pile jettison it right into that spicy boy this man this particular person hey him too him too but mainly just that mindset of like women 20 years of sleep with 10 plus men i'm jordan peterson jordan peterson is higher it's more it's more like this it's more like it's a lot more a lot more kermit the frog i'm not very good at doing kermit no you're almost more cookie monster i i don't fucking know man the only it's all that from the cookie monster sons of anakin thing that i reread every day uh so yeah get the fuck over this shit you're only being a miserable

idiot yeah yeah um this comes from kindly chance 8611 am i the asshole ghosting her and blocking her i met a girl eight years ago we became close friends then last year she told me she loved me and thought we should be together. I agreed. We slept together all the while, telling me this other guy she dated recently meant nothing to her. Anyway, a few weeks later, she tells me that she likes him more. And they get together. Jump forward to the last weekend.

She reaches out to me after a year of not talking and says, sorry. We have a friendly chat and catch up. Then I just start responding because those feelings of sadness creep in. i ghosted her and now i just sent her a message saying i don't think you should have messaged me and i know we said if we see each other we'll say hi but i'd rather you didn't and you continued to leave me alone i can't forgive you for what you did and trying to has made me worse you really hurt me and i don't want you to contact me ever again then i blocked her without waiting for her to reply was i right to do that or am i a dick like it sounds a little harsh but also if you are upset by this sure like you don't owe anybody your time and your effort and your emotional whatever like if talking this

person upsets you and what they did to you upset you and at least you're being forthright you don't owe them a chance to reply reply to reply before being blocked you don't even owe them the heads up that you're blocking them so no you do you if you want to yeah at the end of the day i think it's really important to take care of your your mental health and and if you know that like staying in contact with someone is bad for you emotionally or mentally or physically, then yeah, take the steps necessary to put you in a better headspace. You can always unblock if you have a change of heart or if you feel that you would like to explain yourself further. You can for sure. but again as now said you you don't owe people much of anything especially after what seems like they seem to have just fucked off for eight or for a year while they dated this person they seem to have quickly moved on from you when you guys were dating um so i think i think taking the stance of

being like actually being involved with you in any sense is not good for me and then making the steps to make sure you don't relapse or you know have a moment of weakness i think is a a fair a fair course of action to take i don't think that makes you an asshole they might think you're an asshole yeah that's fine they're allowed to think you're an asshole just because someone thinks you are doesn't mean you are and honestly if me and d and Dame were sitting here saying, yeah, it's a little harsh. I think, you know, you are an asshole, but that situation still makes you feel like shit. It doesn't matter if someone else also calls you an asshole. You know what I mean?

If we were both to say you were an asshole, but this situation causes you like stress and harm and all this shit, it's like protect yourself. You know what I mean? It doesn't really matter. And at the end of the day, you haven't done anything to done anything to them right like you you didn't maliciously attack them you didn't uh give them ultimatums you didn't say like you know don't contact me again or i'll throw myself off a bridge you know what i mean like there was none of that there was no emotional manipulation you just stated plainly how you felt and what you wanted and established boundaries

yeah and that's what we promote here you know what i mean communication healthiness boundary setting happiness you did all those things you know i'm not saying this made you happy but it's a step towards happiness if this situation was making you sad so yeah i'm all for it you know and people need to to recognize and it sucks that there are moments when you're like fuck am i being an asshole and you like don't do what's best for you out of fear of like other people and it's like yeah you know you should look after yourself absolutely okay this is by bat cycle gaijin why am i third year old male being blank tested so much on dating apps

and now the blank is four stars because they didn't want to spell out the word shit yes who you will so far just well for the rest of the question i will just say it so i'm on all the dating apps and i assume i'm an attractive guy since i'm receiving matches consistently i'm also very fit and i do have a shirtless pic of myself on my profile the issue i'm having is that women especially on hinge will match me but then proceed to mock my intelligence or unfair that i'm dumb with some snide on Hinge, will match with me, but then proceed to mock my intelligence, or unfairly, I'm dumb with some snide comment. Funny part is, they match with me, only to belittle my personality,

hence the reason I assume it's a shit test, and they edited it and put shit in all capitals and bold, because all the comments are like, you can fucking spell it, dude. It's the internet, you're not gonna get in trouble. My issue is this is foreign to me. I've only been in three relationships.

I've never been the initiator with women. I don't know how to resolve these or respond to these comments and usually resolve to unmatch them or tell them they're making assumptions about the entirety of my personality based on several pictures and prompts from a dating app. Why is this happening? I would love to like, well, if you want to know what's on this profile, let me scroll. Please,

please. I would love to know because I can't answer this because if like if you're just answering honestly and fairly mundanely sure but if you're hitting them with some fucking andrew tate bullshit then i think you are opening yourself up to well what he has is lived in three different countries speak five languages and currently doing a phd okay it's weird that they're coming after your intelligence. Like if that's... Well, that's the thing.

It's like all you've done has been like, I'm intelligent. Yeah. So I'm assuming it's maybe a gentle ribbing. You know, like maybe they're like, oh, I did invite you out, but I don't know if you're smart enough for trivia. Like, ha ha ha.

And he's like, you're making assumptions. This is your... Like, I can only assume that it's because essentially all he said is I'm smart. But it's also not how Hinge works. Yeah, I don't know if. I don't. I would love to know his full prompts. I would also like to know the messages you're being sent so that we could maybe parse.

Are you misreading them? Are you, you you know i mean like are you are you doing a bad job at as dell is saying not understanding that the the jokes that are being made are jokes and not personal attacks as you seem to think they are if you are seeing that people are constantly picking on one thing of your profile, maybe change that thing or, or rework it, or maybe take a step back and look at it from like, try to look at it from,

from fresh perspective and be like, Hey, what is this actually saying to people who don't know me? Because I could very easily, I mean like, so way back when, when I first had Tinder, we've talked about it.

You're called a fuckered cum dumpster. Yeah. I, my,, we've talked about it. You're called a fuckered cum dumpster. Yeah. I, my, uh, my profile was girl, let me just sit you down and explain the game of Thrones to you. And the,

there was a fair, most people thought it was funny, but there are a fair number of people who'd be like, how dare you? I know everything about game of Thrones. I probably know more about it than you do. But I was like, obviously a joke.

You've missed the point. And I think that's a good, like metric metric of also being like probably not going to get along if you're going to knee-jerk reaction to thinking that i am in fact yeah looking to mansplain game of thrones especially like to someone you don't know as well like you put up a general profile and they're like this is to me specifically and it's a fence you know yeah yeah that's wild i i have to assume they're not calling him dumb for no reason spelling mistakes well that's the thing if you're like i'm super smart but like you've said it super dumb yeah that's fucking hilarious i would i would make well i probably wouldn't but i would want to call you on that i mean we do it all the time on

tinder propo oh for sure where people are like you must be intelligent or looking for this super if you're not intelligent you're not for me well it was like the guy who was like who spelt dumb and you are yeah wrong on like last week or week before it's there's any number of reasons but if someone like especially on on things where you don't have to match with people before you message them, things like Hinge, which anyone can message anyone at any point in time. I think that opens up the possibility of you kind of having to, you get to pre-screen things, right? And if it's not the vibe, then just move on. But I think you really do need to take a hard look at your profile from like, maybe get a friend. Maybe send it in to us.

Yeah. Or like a female friend to look at it and be like, hey, if you didn't know me, what would you, you know, what would you get from this? And hopefully it's someone you trust and see what they say, because I think that could also open your eyes to what people are picking up. I refuse to believe people are just coming out of nowhere and picking on him literally just being like fuck you you're dumb you know what i mean they're either joking or as you said he's made a mistake in his profile or it's very heavy handedly like i'm smart which like that's not a good look but it worries me that he's talking about shit tests because that's a very seduction oh yeah toxic masculinity

like pickup artistry thinking less of women bullshit thing that like makes me believe that this is in fact a him problem and not a them problem the thing that i love about pickup artists talking about shit tests and for those of you who don't know what a shit test is it is something like if i walked up to a woman and i was like oh hey how's your night going and they say something along the lines of like it was good until you started talking to me or something like that like an initial sort of like kind of like nagging kind of like nagging but also like i think a lot of dudes get thrown when their cool opener or their icebreaker doesn't work but like nine times out of ten like that's when i do

my best work like for sure it's that's flirty that's fun that's like having someone unless it's a very clear like i don't want to be bothered right now yeah for sure okay back off whatever but if like if someone's gonna rip me a little bit i'm gonna rub them back yeah that's great it gives you like that's if you are chill with them, you know, being a little aggressive, which it kind of is. And you can like take the punches, roll with it and like be funny back or like, you know, that's one engaging conversation and to a good sign of someone like if they're quick on their feet and they can like challenge you with something like that, that's great.

I don't understand why people are so upset by this shit. And it's like, because it's, it's such a wrench in the fucking script that they have yes right it's like but like I think like shit test to me is when like flirting starts also shit tests aren't really real it's funny because I feel like seduction boys with their script in their pocket

think women have this all like anti script in their pocket like yeah exactly they've got their ammo loaded up and they come up and they're like they're shooting down all it's no it's just banter yeah you know what i mean like and that's the thing i hate the term shit test so much because it's like this nefarious thing where like women are challenging you and it's they're devious and like everyone who discusses them it's very much like victim mentality like women are out to get me like i hate that it's just banter you know i mean so it's like if you think this is a shit test

maybe it is in fact them playing on the fact that all you've done is said i'm very smart which not very engaging yeah it's it's one of my favorite things that people complain about on seduction or like give you tips on how to do it it's like yeah you're missing the point the point of like what you think is a shit test is the opening volley of like a flirtation banter and if you think you need to shut it down yeah with with you know either a fragile male ego response of like trying to put them in their place or something which is it could be a valid response if you do it playfully yeah right like if you if you volley back another sort of like light-hearted jab or yeah there's a way to do it but the funny thing is like it's a very good time to be humble or let them shame you a little bit you know what i mean like and i think no like if someone knows that you can take it and like not be a little bit you know what i mean like and i think no like if someone knows that you can

take it and like not be a little like fragile masculinity fucking dick bag that's a big plus in your in your fucking corner cracking the old window of like self-deprecating humor at that point in time just be like yeah yeah like you you show one that you're not gonna go fucking ape shit at least they say no. Presumably. You, you at least give the sense that like you are conscious of, of sort of the dynamic that men and women have in the public sphere. And it also shows that like, you're willing to,

like you said, like take the hit and then like bounce back with something funny. If you can make someone laugh after that, I feel like you've probably got a good foundation of maybe not right off the bat but like you could go revisit that and be like oh hey it's you remember we had that conversation yeah exactly don't say that but hey it's you hey hey you're you we talked we talked before um you gave me the shit test but i was funny but like that's the thing if you get like oh you're making preconceived things on just a picture and a profile it's like one that's the thing if you get like oh you're making preconceived things on just a

picture and a profile it's like one that's all online dating is and two now they're like cool this guy sucks if i like ever say no or try to shut him down or anything it's like that's what you are to them now you're like this reactionary like fucking in like this flammable boy you're covered in oil you're just gonna get set off yeah you know so just take take it take a second breathe it's fun this is fun yeah fine if if and like again if someone points out something on your profile specifically if they're being specifically pointed and making fun of something get on their profile make something about like make a joke about them and like if they get upset about that then you're like all right this isn't gonna work because i would do the same thing if if i made a joke and someone fucking flew off the handle because of it oh yeah i'd be like yeah i don't want to fucking

date this person absolutely not because a lot of my sense of humor is both self-deprecating and sarcastic. Yeah. Right? Like, I like to tease people. I think it's funny, especially if it's done in a playful and obviously fun way. And kind. Kind, not malicious. So, yeah, I think two steps.

First, relax. Take a look at what they're saying and try to gauge whether or not they're actually making fun of you or just being playful. And two, have a fresh look at your profile and see if maybe you're just exuding absolute douche chills. And if that's the case, maybe rework things to be a little bit more humble. Yeah. Like still, by all means, like you're selling yourself on your profile, right? Like you're trying to make yourself seem appealing. But there's like a smooth way to do that and a very arrogant way to do that

and it kind of sounds like you were just trying to be like i am smart another thing is like if the person doesn't consider themselves very smart or has had a bad experience with arrogant people that consider themselves smart they're probably trying to test whether you're going to be a fucking asshole about yeah whether you're following the footsteps or not exactly and if you they make a joke and you're instantly like i am smart fuck you like you know if you make a humble joke you're like oh you got me i only know four languages haha like that's self-deprecating you're still smart but like you showing you're not on this weird high horse about it is gonna be really reassuring to them i imagine you know so just don't be a douche.

Yeah. Just be like, I know the language of love. I was going to make a language of love joke, but that also sounds very douchey. Yeah, absolutely. Don't ever say that. There's a way to do it, but it's for our master's course. This is from Reddit user Jessatessa. Jessatessa?

Jessatessa. Is withholding sex emotional abuse. For the past few days, I, an 18-year-old female, been refusing to have sex with my boyfriend, 23-year-old male. The main reason I don't have sex is because I recently broke my arm. Obviously, I know I can still have sex with a broken arm, but I'm just so exhausted and haven't been in the mood because of it. The first day I said I didn't want to have sex, my boyfriend was fine with it.

But now the third night, he's understandably upset. He told me that withholding sex from him is emotional abuse and manipulation, saying that I didn't have a real excuse or a real reason to refuse sex. But I mostly disagree. While I understand that sex is an expectation in a relationship, I'm only

saying no to him for a few days until I feel more in the mood. I don't know what to think. Imagine looking at your partner who currently has a broken bone, a limb that is very important that is broken painful and being like i'm the victim this this isn't a real reason not to fuck me yeah your broken bone isn't a reason not to have sex with me because i want to have sex so withholding sex is emotional abuse but this is not withholding sex no this is not having sex yes which is fine yeah so like the abuse comes into it and maybe this is where the confusion is it's like if i'm like i'm not gonna have sex with you because you didn't do the dishes

and like i'm forcing and like weaponizing and like blackmailing and making it this thing that that's the abuse part just being like i'm not in the mood or i don't want to have sex and again you don't need a fucking reason it's not like it's like oh i don't have sex okay what's your reason oh this you pull out the book you're like ha it's not good enough not a real reason fuck yes that is not a real reason on the list of list of reasons broken arm is not there weird that broken arm isn't there but hey we don't write the book everything everything else every other broken bone is there but arm

I think it's a misprint in the newest edition where they just accidentally you know when like the bible was getting rewritten by the monks and they kept fucking shit up yeah kept calling them jebo yeah uh yeah no fuck your boy by that I mean do not fuck your boyfriend.

He's a douchebag. It's funny because the manipulation is happening on his end. Yes. That's the emotional abuse. Yes. To guilt someone into having sex with you when they don't want to have sex with you is emotional abuse. Yeah. Is manipulation. As now said,

if you were just being like, I'm not having sex with you because you didn't remember my birthday and I'm, and until you do something to make it up to me, we don't have sex. Yeah. That's fucked up. Don't do that. Don't weaponize sex.

Yeah. But as again, as now said, you don't need a reason to not want to have sex and not wanting to have sex is the only reason you need. Yeah, exactly. Like that's just how it is. It's not a sex is not an expectation in a relationship. No, it's well, I mean, I think unless you I think in in the general sense of it is.

Yes. But like that doesn't mean like something being an expectation doesn't mean it's a necessity it's not an obligation exactly yeah you know and even then a lot of relationships have no expectation of sex so just and also he's understandably upset stop being such a nice understanding person when this guy's being a fucking douchebag it's been three days yeah tell me go jerk off like this guy can't fucking handle not having sex with his like this guy should be fucking doting on yes if my partner had a broken arm and i again i'm not saying that like this is the the right way to do it but like just as an empathetic person i wouldn't even think of trying to have sex with someone with a broken arm yeah if they wanted to have sex sure but like

sure i would be very gingerly i've had sex with someone with a broken arm and it's terrifying. Yeah. Like I'm so scared that I'll like move. And there have been times where like you get into it and you do something like, ah, and you're like, oh no, that's a broken arm. Yeah. No, it's not emotional abuse. It's not emotional abuse.

This guy sucks. This guy sucks. You need to, I think again, play your cards. Be like, look, I have a broken arm. I don't want to have sex. I don't feel like having sex that's not emotional abuse if you can't understand and empathize with the fact that I am in pain and therefore don't

want to have sex because of it then I don't think this is going to work and it's not emotional abuse it's not manipulation there is a legit reason and there doesn't need to be. And then you don't like, I can't rank my reasons.

Yeah. I don't, I don't want to have sex. And that doesn't, that doesn't mean I'm saying we're not having sex because of whatever reason. I don't want to have sex because of a reason. And, and like,

if he doesn't get it, you're young, you're 19 move on yeah you can find someone who who will understand that a broken arm is plenty of reason to understand why someone doesn't want to be into or turn it into emotional abuse start to withhold be like i'm i'm not gonna sex you till you fix this arm send them on a side quest to somehow learn i don't know to become a doctor yeah seven years later be like well found someone else sorry yeah sorry maybe make a time sheet or something

go back in time to stop you from be like exactly if you really loved me if you can and we were together for as long as we should be you would we would be in a time where time travel is possible and if you really loved me you would have gone back in time to stop me from breaking my arm. And because you didn't, therefore we break up in the future before time travel is invented, which means we're kind of already technically broken up and I don't have sex with people. I don't break, I break up with the future. I need space.

Just this guy sucks. And this is not fair. And the thing is like, this is the kind of person where if this relationship continues do you think he's gonna take oh i had a long day as a good excuse if broken arm doesn't cover it yeah or just again it's just like oh i'm not i don't really feel like it like that's emotional abuse you've been appealing to me it's like no no that's not that's not how it works then Then you would never not have sex. Yeah.

Then we'll be like, fuck, it's a loophole. We never realized we always have to have sex. It's abuse otherwise. Shit. Just tell them in the future you have had sex. And therefore, because time is not a straight line. Oh, yeah. It is happening all the time. Yeah.

Like a wave. Time is a circle. Time is a circle. Technically, because you had sex already, you're having sex right now. You're having sex somewhere on the timeline. You are having sex. Therefore,

sex is being had. Tell them you've seen Multiverse of Madness and you know there's a 100% chance you're currently having sex. And there's also a chance that having sex

with a broken arm kills both of you. It's true. That's just not a chance you're willing to take see the worst thing is like i know this shouldn't matter because it doesn't because we've already established what's happened but it's like there are many ways to break your arm some of them are really fucking traumatic so it's like there could be a lot of other things going on here that just adds down much of a dickhead this person's being you know what i mean

like there actually are very few untraumatic ways to fucking break your arm so no like fuck you this person's dealing with so much shit right now they have to like they have a long recovery ahead of them they have the fact that everything sucks because getting changed and showering and you know not being able to use one limb it's crazy i had a finger out of commission for six months and And that sucked so much. Yeah. Everything's so hard. My mom broke her arm and she was like going fucking crazy. She was like the, the things that you don't realize how much you need two arms for. It's fucked.

Um, yeah. And I think, look, if this guy is, is so down for sex, be like, cool.

I'm out of commission. Like service me, but you know, you can go down to me. That's a safe action. You're well, right? Yeah. You're, you're okay. Right. You're feeling good. me. But, you know, you can go down on me. That's a safe action. Yeah, you're well, right? Yeah. You're okay, right?

You're feeling good? All right, great. Oh, you don't want to? Wait, is that abuse? Wait. Are you withholding layouts? Are you, yeah, you emotionally abusing me right now? It's like that mentality of being like,

oh, actually, babe, I would like a blowjob now. Oh, you have to go to work? Emotional abuse, huh? Emotional abuse. Interesting. But no, this is not it. That's not how it works. Fuck you.

Not how it works. Don't worry, we'll go to something that I'm sure isn't awful. This is girlfriend broke my expensive Xbox controller after finding porn on it. And I assume it's the Xbox, not the controller. That'd be crazy. He's loving it. He's loving the future. Yeah.

I'm 23 year old male. Let my girl live with me rent free. She pays no bills, just stacks her money while I provide everything. We had a no pornography rule, I guess. And I broke it. She found out today while I was at work and I came home to my Xbox controller completely smashed. Then leaves me a note on the fridge saying time to equal the ratio. Smiley face. And I guess left the house. What does that mean? It's very threatening.

I don't know. I assume, like... Is that supposed to imply that she's going to go fuck someone? It sounds like that. Or maybe she's going to go watch some porn, which is far less dramatic, which is what I hope it is. But where are you going to watch porn? The park?

I don't know. She's obviously not. Starbucks? Use the Wi-Fi? She's not doing great. Also, what do you mean no porn rule? I guess. That's a very important part of this question.

Like, oh, fuck, I guess. Like, you just come home and like, ah, I guess we had no porn who knew like if you had this rule one don't make don't agree to something you're gonna break right if you have a partner because we've seen people talk about no porn in relationships and talking about reviews before if someone wants to do something like this you don't say yes to like appease them with no intention of keeping it yeah if you have an issue with it state that you have an issue with it and then if that's a hard line for them you're not cut out for each other and you move on right yeah because like again it could be one of those things where someone's being like

i don't want you to to masturbate or watch porn while we're in a relationship together and i would be like hey i'm gonna do both those things yeah Like I, I'm not going to stop masturbating just because I'm dating you. Yeah. That's a controlling and awful thing to do and say, so I will probably watch porn while I do this. Um, and if you're not cool with that, that's fine. We're not compatible. Yeah. Right. And, and like, because the, the only other alternative is you agree to it, despite the fact that you don't want to, and you're going to resent them or you're going to lie to them or you're going to, you know what I mean? Like, just get all fucking weird about it. Like, it's such a.

Neither option's good. Yeah, it's a bad situation. You keep the promise and you get miserable or you don't keep the promise and you're lying to your partner. And like, yeah, maybe it wasn't fair of them to ask in the first place but you still made this expectation for them and then when they broke when you break it they're gonna feel betrayed yeah uh so you know don't do that now there is a possibility he didn't know about this rule that i mean yes the the oh i guess we didn't i guess we had this rule it's like if you don't explicitly talk about something if you just don't like the idea of porn or masturbating and you've never shared that feeling or belief with your partner, you can't just assume that because it's something that matters to you that they think about it or know about it or care about it. Or will act on it.

Yeah. You can't just be like, oh, they watch porn. That makes me mad. So I'm going to go into fucking destructo mode and just start smashing shit. Which is another thing to talk about. It doesn't matter how upset you are at your partner. Don't smash their shit. Don't cause damage.

Don't hurt anything or anyone. Being violent and destructive and all these things is a fucking crime. You're a piece of shit. It's like, if you're upset, go. Break up. Doom. Like, Doom? Done. Doom. Play Doom. things like it's a fun crime you're a piece of shit it's like if you're upset go break up doom like doom done doom play doom get all your anger out with that xbox controller in a healthy way by playing the great game known as doom doom um no be done doom done i know be done that's it like move on don't be a piece of shit don't leave this cryptic shitty message and presumably go out and cheat don't

break their shit don't like just my god i hate everything about this also dude break up with this person immediately yeah because if it's if you're if she's gonna smash it based on something like this yeah imagine if she thinks that you're cheating like if she you know sees a message or a snapchat from someone and goes off the fucking road, what's she going to do? Your cat? Fucking come home and fuck your cat in the oven or some shit? Exactly. This is the thing.

Even if you made this stupid bet, or not bet, but this deal, if you agreed to this no porn rule, smashing your controller isn't the way to do it. Also, who watches porn on the Xbox? But that's a different thing. Well, remember we did the porn wrap up that people were using. I'm pretty sure porn or Xbox was the top system that people watched Pornhub on. It's wild. I can't imagine trying to use the garbage. Oh my God.

Even searching for like a game. It's like, well, I'm in for 10 seconds of hell. Minimum. But I also don't have a new Xbox. Maybe their browser, maybe Microsoft Edge just fucking flies on the old Xbox. Maybe. But either way, dump this person. Bad job.

Don't smash your partner's shit. Very bad job. Just, please, guys. Okay. Do I tell my boyfriend I had sex with our new neighbor? By throwawayneighbor24. Me, 33, and my boyfriend, Jack, 34, are moving from an apartment to a rental house today. I had a half day from work and to start the

long holiday, got the gas and cable set up in the new place. I was getting ready to leave, standing in the driveway, admiring the new house, when I hear a hey from behind me. I turn around and see Henry. Flashback to 2016, I was a few months out from leaving my ex-husband, needed a sexual palate cleanser, hopped on Tinder, met Henry, hooked up after a few days of exchanging

messages. We hooked up one more time a week or two later and things fizzled. We've been in contact a few times throughout the years. He messaged me in 27, but I was in a relationship and I messaged him in 2018, but he was in a relationship. In 2020, he messaged me, but I just started dating Jack. Anyway, catch up. He lives a few houses over on our cul-de-sac. He's basically across the street. Told him today I'm moving in with my boyfriend tomorrow. Talk about how it's a small world and then we go about our business so of course i get into my car call my sister tell her how crazy it is i mentioned i cannot tell jack that one of our neighbors is my old tinder

hookup jack has been cheated on in pretty much every relationship so he's naturally suspicious he's called me out for acting sus on my phone two to three times and i'm just scrolling random shit or texting my sister sister said the lie by omission is still a lie and i should tell him but telling him we'll put Jack in constant alert mode. I don't know what to do. I'd rather just avoid Henry as much as possible for the year lease. And then what? Move again after the year?

I guess. And hope that fucking this other dude moves? It all boils down, once again, to you gotta trust your partner. If you don't trust your partner, don't be with them. It's as simple as that. If you think that your partner probably has be with them it's it's as simple as that if you think that like your partner probably has slept with other people the the fact that those people probably still exists in the mortal coil like they're probably still out there somewhere and their existence doesn't put your

relationship at risk hopefully right but you need to trust that that is the case you need to not take them yeah you need to trust your partner and be like, hey, I know Henry still exists. I know Henry's out there somewhere. Is it unfortunate that it's on your stream? Yeah. Even then, it's like, get over it. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I think this is a perfect situation. This is great. This is a good thing because you get to do the right thing and tell your boyfriend because you haven't done anything wrong by having this person be on your street or having slept with him in the past. So right now you tell him and you continue to have done nothing wrong. Although time is a circle. Shit. You're fucking him right now. Ah, why would you do this to Jack? Uh, no, but for real, like you haven't done anything wrong and your sister's right worst case scenario you're fucking henry and he comes up no worst case scenario in in the realm

of good things is that somehow he finds out yeah maybe if he's this paranoid he read a message with henry back in the day you know maybe you mentioned him before maybe henry mentions it when you guys fucking bump into each other on the street which is is very possible. It could be like, Oh, like what a small world. Yeah. Like, Hey, we used to know each other a few years ago. Oh yeah.

For like, for how long? Like, you know, like these can happen very, very easily. And at that point you haven't told him. And that is kind of suspicious.

Yeah. You know what I mean? So right now you get to do all the right things and not do anything wrong. And if your partner has a freaking freak out you don't want to be with this person because one they don't trust you and two what's gonna happen next time if you got a job with someone you know or if you bump it like you don't want to live like this so this is a good way to be like cool can you be cool if you can't be cool we're done if you can't be cool great we're gonna move past this

because every honest like interaction and like building moment that goes well is gonna help them get over these issues yeah i think that's i think that's a really good point because look it's good to know your past your traumas past traumas partners transform partners transformers, partners, past traumas. That's tough to say. Partners, past traumas. Yeah. Okay. Maybe not.

Um, but partners, transformers, partners, transformers. Um, if there's a bumblebee, if there is a yellow Camaro in the driveway,

you need to know. That's the thing. Transformers are a flat circle. We're in one right now. Um, yeah. Like if you know that your partner has trust issues because of a a past issue in another relationship great you're aware of that as long as they're not taking it out on

you or or putting you in a bad position because of it but no no nails it you get to tell them and be like up front blah blah blah and you also get to like let them know and be like, look, I understand that you've been cheated on before. I need you to understand that I'm not that person. And the fact that I have had a relationship with this man before means nothing because I'm with you. And I am committed to you. And I love you. If you do, don't say no. You got to lie.

You know, and be like, we're moving in together. That's a huge step. that's a serious step that i wouldn't take with someone that i didn't want to be with and i hope that you can understand that i'm telling you out of my respect for you and the fact that i want to be honest with you and i don't want to hide things from you because one that's what i expect from you and two that's what i expect from our relationship i expect honesty and truth from you even if it's difficult on one of our sides to do or might be difficult for you to hear i would expect you to do the same for me yeah and like if they're weird maybe be like look i understand that you come from like past issues you know i

mean these things have happened to you and i understand that and respect that which is part of why i was being just so honest to make sure that there was no you know that you didn't find out and think something was whatever you know i'm going out of my way to try to accommodate that and it's like then be like i get this but you do need to trust me and if you don't we can't have relationships because that is literally how relationships work and don't don't just let it don't let it get heated don't let them get worked up or upset or or lose their shit like encourage a conversation about it too right like let them tell you about what what what worries them be like what are you afraid of why, why do you think that I would do this? I've never,

I've never given you any indication. I've been nothing like I could have lied to you about this. Yeah. You know, and like really open that dialogue because I think a lot of people do these things and then bail or let it turn into a fight. Yeah. I'm starting to get defensive and it's like understanding your partner's or

knowing your partner's or knowing your partner's trauma is one thing understanding it is something different so you can know it and opening the door for them to talk about it as well especially men yeah we don't get a lot of opportunities to be vulnerable nope without judgment right we see it all the time in these questions where it's like i saw my boyfriend cry at his dad's funeral now i can't be attracted to him and shit like that right so like letting this guy know that one he can let his guard down and be honest with you as well is is a huge step it's a huge like opportunity as now said this is this is a great opportunity

for you to grow as a couple yeah and really sort of like put in roots and be like yeah we're in this together we're doing it together it's also a good note to start a new place on. Right. Yeah. Honestly, building together and like you understanding and coming to terms with their trauma and them being supported. Right.

Yeah. And Hey, if they fucking freak out, maybe you have a house yourself for a year. Yeah. And that could be cool too. Cause Henry's right down the road. Yeah.

Our power move. Give them the least moving with Henry. True. Time's a flat circle. You've already power move. Give them the least movement. True. Times a flat circle. You've already been fucking him. It's not weird. And if you do it, you've already done it. Damn. And if you haven't done it, you are in the multiverse. Well, guys. We did it. We are

nearing the end of our show, which means that we like to hop onto online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid, Badoo, Happn. Have we ever had a like to hop onto online dating platforms such as tinder bumble hinge okay cupid badu happen have we ever had a badu a badu i someone told me that badu was a thing and i got it and i was like this sucks well on this podcast we but don't we but shouldn't we should not at all. We are afraid to cross that line. We comb through profiles. We look for what works, what doesn't work.

We mock you for your intelligence level. Always. Always. In an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. Yeah. This is Ashley. Boy mama. Blue heart.

Senses of not soft. I'll deck you while I'm crying. I feel like i've seen this person i feel like yeah it's it's more of the like presentation or like the the like someone just being like i'm tough like it seems so disingenuine yeah i feel like much in the way that if you're like i'm smart you kind of feel like you're not if you're like i'm tough it's like yeah it's like you don't need to say that it's like the high school thing of girls being like i'm so random yeah or or you know i'm unique it's like well you don't really get to like make

that judgment call you don't really get to say that about yourself also like i'll deck you that's not cute you know what i mean i don't i know you're not going to and if you. That's not cute. You know what I mean? I know you're not going to. And if you do, that's a crime and you suck. So it's like, why are you... This is more of that faux toughness because that's not going to happen. Also, why are you crying? You know what I mean? These are all red flags to me.

Literally, it's a one for me. Yeah, it's a one for me. And it's one of the few ones where it's like, you're not being a fucking racist. You're not being super toxic. But it's like, you're not being a fucking racist. You're not being like super toxic, but it's just, you feel like bad vibes. Um,

this is Abby recently moved here. And so far I'm loving it. Where are the good pizza spots though? Do they even exist out here? LOL. Anyways, I'm looking to meet up with some interesting people to see where it leads. It's pretty bland,

but it's, you know, they do have an adorable, they do have an adorable dog, adorable dog. You know, they give you a good a good opener a good pizza spot that's a very easy first date pizza is also reasonable so yeah i'll give it a five it's i'm giving it a six and here's why sure i agree everything you say well the dog i'm i'm not factoring the dog into the equation i'm giving it a six because they say recently moved here and loving it okay i absolutely fucking hate when people say like new to this city it sucks yeah right i'm like

and i think this is a personal bias because i adore toronto i love this city with a large part of my heart um so like 95 that's too much you're gonna die i'm got five percent going oh man going wait but i'm but i take up at least five no day and he doesn't love anything else just me in toronto um it's it's it makes me happy because i'm like cool you like the city which means we get to go do cool shit in the city we get to go we get to go i mean we good okay yeah also like it's one of the rare cases of like just a nice positivity most of these are so miserable you know yeah no you're right you're right i didn't catch on i'm not going to change my score but there's there's an air of just like i actually want to meet this person yeah right sure the

profile doesn't give me a whole lot of information but there's enough of an energy and a positivity that i'm like you don't seem like it's going to be an uphill battle you seem like you're a cool person that i would actually want to invest time in getting to know also like it'd be super fun to add to that enjoyment be like oh you like the city how about this fucking cool ass place yeah go to civil liberties get a custom fucking cocktail exactly uh yeah five for me but if i if i picked up on that would have been would have been higher so you did you did good you did good son thanks i don't their name is not here but it's two bumble prompts my most useless skill is wearing leather and latex on special occasions lol and non-negotiable if you're

snipped or fixed you're not for me. They don't really get the prompt there, but okay. Yeah, a lot of people don't understand the... It gets ballpark, but it... Okay. Are we talking snipped as in, like, vasectomy, I assume? Or are we talking about

circumcision? See, I would think snipped as circumcision and fixed as vasectomy. Yeah. So, like, they want you uncircum fixed is vasectomy yeah so like are we talking like why you uncircumcised and shooting full loads or are we talking like both like both you know reproductive or like snipped as in like tubes tube snipped fixed as in men i'd like i don't i don't know they just really want you fertile yeah need you fertile and if you're not fertile they got no time for you that's the thing It seems like a really weird thing to be hung up on. If you want kids, say that.

You know what I mean? Like non-negotiable. Someone who doesn't want kids, great. Like that's weird. All the profiles now have an option to be like, you know, has kids, doesn't want anymore. You know what I mean? So like you can do that. Like this is a gross way to go about.

That's exactly what I'm saying. Exchanging this information. Like being so hardcore and like crass and like invasively personal about something that realistically doesn't matter. Also. Super gross. Nine times out of 10, we don't get a whole lot of say in what happens to our circumcision. Well, yeah, that's another thing. Right.

Like that's not fair. I didn't get a choice. Me neither. And I, well, didn't get circumcised, but like still, if I wanted to, which I didn't, I wouldn't have had to thing. Right. Like that's not fair. I didn't, I didn't get a choice. Me neither. And I, well, didn't get surfacized, but like still, I, if I wanted to, which I didn't,

I wouldn't have had to say. Yeah. Uh, yeah, it's weird. Yeah. This is a two. It's a one.

It's a one. Uh, yeah, I'm going to give it a one as well. Uh, this is Sarah. I am looking for smart and classy man. We got one for you.

I don't like men who don't take the initiative. I love to laugh and love to spend time with like-minded people. I love cooking, sipping the wine. I think the ideal person lives life to the fullest and loves family, likes to try new things, living every day to the max. I just like to enjoy life and go along with the flow. I enjoy food, camping, patio drinks, just hanging out with friends, nature and outdoor activities.

Cheers. Did they lose a bet where when they lost the bet, they had to write the most generic profile in the fucking world? Yeah. I like to laugh. No fucking shit. I don't know if anyone in the world doesn't enjoy laughing. I love laughing and spending time with people who also like laughing.

Yeah. I enjoy spending time with like-minded people. Yeah. I like family and living life to the fullest and trying new things like you're the most generic shit she doesn't like cooking though and sipping the wine sipping the wine is the only savor because it's a great phrase and it it's like the only ounce of personality in there so i'm giving it a three just for sipping the wine and I'm almost positive

that it's just a language barrier. Well, it's the only saving grace. It's not offensive, but it is almost like a joke in how... I'm giving it a three because it's not bad, but it's just... Not good. Yeah. This is J

32. About me. Girl, help. I am in in hell this is excellent energy that you know what i think i think i'm giving this a six because i think i think that's it's a good profile for me it's fun it's weird and it's kind of how like it's just like there's no rule book really whereas like arguably this is similar to like everything sucks or like well well you know like it's just like there's no rule book really whereas like arguably this is similar to like everything sucks or like well you know like it's technically negative but there is just this weird like flippantness about it that's kind of funny yeah you know what i mean like it's not a great profile no but at least i'm like no i would say yes to it all right i'm ready for some we move on

yeah you want one more yeah give me one more. This is Ruth, 28. Will 100% make a fool of myself. Do it together? Okay. Love that. It's cute. I'm going to give that an 8. Yeah, you know what? It's self-depreciating but like not in a grim dismal way. That's kind of cute. Do it together.

It's like great. You seem chill. Yeah. I like that. Your opening line can be what you can do to make a fool of yourself together. Yeah. I like it. Your opening line can be what you can do to make a fool of yourself together. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. Thank you very much, friends. That's going to do it for the show.

We would like to thank you for hanging out with us today, this week, maybe past weeks, if this is not your first episode. We appreciate you. We appreciate you spending the time with us, and we love you very much. 100%. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities for the song Paper Stars. And if you enjoy us consider hopping on our Patreon and supporting us because

it helps us keep going and we fucking love it yep you can do that and send a question in at fbuddiespodcast.com click the Patreon link to join the Patreon at any tier you want at the $7 level you will get a bonus episode every month or you can send in a question if you would like if you have a quandary

that you need answered respectfully and. Or you can send in a question if you would like, if you have a quandary that you need answered respectfully and anonymously, you can give yourself an agent name. We'll get back to you as soon as possible on the show. It's true. All right. You ready? Yeah. Buckle in. This is a seduction post. This is by blebster92. The genius of cold approach and why dating apps and social media will destroy humanity. So any guy here who's really put in some work and tried doing three or more direct cold approaches per day for a month will quickly realize some things. Nobody around you will care 99.9999% of the time. Your confidence will skyrocket. An unexpected side effect.

How a woman looks when you approach her does not determine how she'll act. She could look mean and cold. When you approach, she's nice and vice versa. You start to become comfortable in other situations in life. Basically, doing cold approaches and building confidence like this is, to me, equivalent to reading 10 self-improvement books. It's the fastest way to increase your confidence. When you get rejection after rejection, you naturally start to become an alpha because you get a thicker skin and can take other things life throws you much easier than before. You become more assertive and your self-esteem increases. As you continue, you become more relaxed. You start to get better with your approaches and more women start to become interested in you. You go from one out of 10 to three out of 10 and so

on. This in turn increased your confidence more and social situations that made you nervous start to have no effect. Because of this, you are relaxed. You're able to be yourself. You may now have the nerve to ask your boss for a raise, confront someone about something that's been bothering you. Basically, doing cold approaches makes you more yourself, the best version of yourself. You'll walk into places feeling a foot taller than everyone else because you've been doing something 99.99% of men would never have the balls to do,

regardless of how tough-looking or handsome they are. It removes all the programming you've been fed from society, movies, music, etc. I have a theory that those in power do not want men approaching women like this for a few reasons. They don't want a bunch of strong alpha men with mojo and willpower walking around. They want a bunch of spiritually weak, weak-willed men walking around. They want men to do online dating instead, because that way they can surveil you, keep you neatly in their system, have you continue to feed the algorithm, which private corps and intelligence agencies can use to predict and manipulate your behavior. Think about it. You're creating chaos in the system. You're barging in and throwing a bunch of people off their normal trajectory when you cold approach. By doing cold approaches, you're not only improving

yourself, you're peacefully and indirectly fighting against the technocracy. Not only this, you're also perhaps making social media appear lame. Because say you approach five girls in a ballsy way, those five girls will now, at least on a subconscious level, view social media slash dating as lame and wimpy. Many guys complaining women use social media too much, well, I think if more men did cold approach, it would slowly take all women off of social media. I know a lot of people argue against this. And not only this, but also when you do cold approaches, you're encouraging and inspiring men around you to start doing the same. So it's a moral boost to guys around you. When they start doing approaches, they start to reap the benefits. As a result, there will be more real men around, not just boys.

I've clearly done a lot of thinking about this and sorry for how poorly this is written my initial intention with doing cold approach was simply to get girls but after doing it for a month i realized the side effects are almost better than girls i look forward to hearing thoughts about this i don't know if you can tell but i pretty much went into a mind palace where it was just moonlight sonata playing to just like all i could hear was in jordan peterson's voice this man has become jason bourne and you zone out he's fighting the technocracy by harassing women in daylight while they're listening to headphones or trying to go do their grocery shopping i think he became ben shapiro not jasonne. But does Ben Shapiro fight the technocracy and pull women from their social

social media and social trajectories to fight the CIA? I would love to see this man's cold approach that would make a woman delete her Instagram account. So I would love, I want this man to be on the show right now and give me an example of what he's saying. That would be like, you know what?

I don't need this. It's just like this it's just like it's just like hey cutie wait hold on i just got this i just got to leave facebook really quickly yeah i just gotta take fuck you tiktok here put your put your name and number in my phone also while you're at it can you just delete all my social media apps yeah can you can you delete all the men on there that use social media too because they're lame and wimpy damn and then the cia are like no he's got another one take the shot take the shot we can't his alpha aura is too strong his thick skin they look at the sniper and he's deleting his instagram account no this is why we didn't want female snipers my name is dave. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your theocracy. Well, you won't be able to reach us anymore because we're going to delete their social media because we don't want to be wimpy boys.

Yeah. This is the last episode. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. you