F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 212 - Stinky Rear Window

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Take it from me, a renowned dog/man trainer, the stinkier the window, the better the lesson.  Topics include the completely made up and imaginary female orgasm, the male desire to feel special, the woman in the window, are you a homewrecker or just friends with a woman, the sleepiest and horniest man alive and, of course, more Tindies.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And my name is Niall Spain. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast that is award nominated.

Where we take your sticky, sexy situations to turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we find questions either online or through our delightful listeners. And we answer them on the topics of sex and dating. Now wait, before we start. Yes. I'm going to have to scan your butt to make sure you're not cheating a podcast i sorry i can't allow you to do that you got nothing to hide that you got nothing to not get scanned i i gotta go you were saying something what were you saying

i fled he's gone yeah i i was i had fled um no i was i was also going to make a butt joke as well. Damn it. By that I mean, haha, I got there first. You did. You did get there first. Now are you ready for an audience question? I would absolutely love one. Hell yeah.

So they said agent name you decide, which I don't know if that's what the agent name they want or whether we should decide. So I'm going to keep it agent name you decide so agent you decide asks i'm a woman 36 years old in the last two years i have started feeling my g-spot and being able to orgasm from penetration i've sucked three people since this started first one took a while but now it is getting much easier to come all three men have accused me of faking it as they are well aware women can't come from penetration. I'm really enjoying this newfound feeling. However, I'm really getting tired of the accusations.

How do I handle this? Oh, man. I'm having like just waves of realization of how wild it like one awesome great i'm so happy for you i hope i hope this is like a new era of you just coming your brains out go you and go your g spot yeah i love it this is this makes me very happy but i love the idea of one the absolute miseducation of these dudes of being like actually it is impossible it does not exist like is is that where we are with how absolutely detached we are from female pleasure that we it's now not like before when i was you know younger it was like oh it's really hard the female orgasm is a difficult thing to achieve. And now we have just resigned ourselves to lot of women can't cum is because penetrative orgasms are not the most easily achievable.

They're not the most common. A lot of women find it nigh impossible. And I feel like teaching that to men has been a very important thing to do over the last while. Have we gone too far no we've just taught them no we've overshot now they don't even realize like i should be doing other things they're like this is impossible this is impossible and you are lying to me yeah it's like that that's the first sort of like oh no and then the idea that instead of like if if i was a young man i mean and granted i don't know how old these guys you're sleeping with.

You're 36. Maybe you're sleeping with people in and of your age range. I would assume somewhere nearby. Yeah. But you never know. But again, it doesn't really matter. And they tell me such, or, you know, we talk about it after the fact, I would hope my, my, my sincere desire would be to believe them. Right. I, it would take a lot for me to not believe them.

If it was a cartoonish over-exaggeration with like, you know, that made me feel uncomfortable with how, how much work it seemed to be or how much it is being presented out front. If it seems performative. Then maybe I would be like, hmm. But at the end of the day, I want you to come

and if you do, then I would like to feel good about that. So the idea that these guys are now also be like, this is impossible. Also, if it does happen, fuck any sort of joy I will derive from making you come. I now don't believe you is also a crazy next step for me. We'll look at the positives here. The positives are hopefully they care about your pleasure enough to doubt you when you you know what i mean like i'm hoping they want you so badly to come that they're like

no i need to do more work and it's not just i don't trust you i don't believe you at least they do kind of know that penetrative sex is not necessarily the best way to get a woman off so you know kind of almost a silver lining there uh but that's kind of about it but that would be like saying it would be very difficult to win the lottery right it is not not the most common practice when you buy a lottery ticket it would be like someone literally looking at someone who has won the lottery and be like no that, that doesn't exist. Now, let's get this clear. I'm not supporting these people. I'm fighting desperately to find shreds, glimmers of hope in this situation.

Because, like, I don't think it's malicious. I guess what I was skirting around. I don't think this is like, super red flag, fuck this person. I think there are glimmers, like salvageable glimmers. And I think the way forward is just to be like, I'm not lying to you. And you can be like, yeah, I get it. Penetrative orgasms are not for everybody, but I can have them. I have had them and you gave me one and then be like, this is a good thing. Like I'm rewarding a job well done here. Like, you know, like a lay on low flattery, but like,

I guess keep it matter of fact. And like, if they're determined not to believe you and be negative, there's probably not the kind of person you want to sleep with because every time you have sex, it's like, what do you then need to do to prove that you've come? This is, this is, I think where I'm going to land on this.

I think that if you are in your thirties and you are having sex with a man who doesn't believe the female orgasm exists. Well, through penetrative sex. Yes. Yes. If, if, doesn't believe the female orgasm exists well through penetrative sex okay yes yes if if if they are convinced that this is a impossibility i do not think that that is a sexual partner that i would want to pursue yeah right if if i was having sex with someone and they were like oh the

only way that you can come is through a blow job so therefore all the penetrative sex we have is specifically for my pleasure i would be like hey this no i don't want to have sex with you right because that's that's essentially what they're saying they're saying that when we are having penetrative sex your pleasure doesn't really exist. Well, like I can't make you come. So everything I'm doing is to make myself come. Well, that's a really good point because like in this instance, I'm assuming all they had was panthered of sex,

right? Or else why be like, Nope, that you didn't come because you know, if they only believe pattern of sex doesn't work, then is that all they did? Cause otherwise they probably would be like, Oh, you came because i was doing the things you can come from so if they don't believe they can come from what they were doing why were they only doing what they were doing this thing like

again we don't know maybe this is like you know maybe he did go down on her she came and he was like hell yeah i did it and then now yeah and then they had penetrative sex and then he was like well hold on a second now i'm questioning the whole situation because that doesn't happen. But like at the end of the day, like I said, this dude is having penetrative sex with your pleasure at the back of his, like, it's not, he doesn't think that you can come during this scenario and therefore obviously isn't taken into consideration when he's having penetrative sex with you. That is a bad position position to hold and it's fine because there have been times i've been with people who are like oh hey just so you know i don't come through penetration so don't feel like you have to last longer for me let's have a good time but if you're ready to come don't feel like you need to

to go through any measures and that's you know that's something i like to know that's great because now i know that we can just figure out what works, what feels good. And if I'm about to come, I don't need to be like, oh, I haven't gotten her there yet. Now, I think maybe you're being a little harsh because we don't know the specifics. I think what I said still stands. It's worth a conversation. Yes. I mean, if you say, hey, look, because again, you've been a lot of people have been told like, oh, I can't come come from pads or sex or you read it or you see stories everywhere so it is kind of a commonly held belief that it is far more rare and you know i i do understand when i was younger uh and i didn't know very much about sex like there was always that fear that someone would

be faking it now one these people are not 15, presumably. I fucking hope because you're 36. I hope so. We'll have another question after this. And that question would be, police, are you free right now? You know, et cetera, et cetera. So I think if you have this conversation, they are willing to move past it. It can be a blip.

And hopefully, you know, that could be it. But I think if you have this conversation and anything arises from that, and if they kind they kind of like again either accuse you of lying or don't listen to you it's like that's it i think that is there's no salvaging it at that point i think you have to really really really think about how much you like this person how much you're willing to invest in re-education because if these are just booty calls i would say find someone else because at the end of the day like it's not your job to teach a dude that penetrative orgasms exist exist like like it's not even that like you're trying to convince them that you can have them you know you're trying to convince them that they that anybody in the world can have them. And then that you can and then that you did.

Yes. Like that, I don't want to have an uphill battle trying to convince someone that I had a good time having sex. Yeah. And that's the thing. What I was suggesting is only in the instance that you want to. If this is someone you care about or, you know, maybe the

sex was great, maybe everything else is good, like sure, it can be worth a chat. If it's not, if it is just a booty call, like, fuck it. You'll find someone who's better at sex. And I don't necessarily mean physically, but like definitely mentally. At the end of the day, if this person is, you find them super attractive and you enjoy fucking them, it doesn't really matter if they believe you whether you came or not if you came right like especially if it's if it's a booty call as well you know what i mean like if you just want to go there and you want to feel good it's like fuck it next time you don't need to tell them you

know what i mean you could just go enjoy them yeah because like him not believing that you had an orgasm doesn't all of a sudden like it's not like he reaches back through space and time and removes the orgasm from your memory or your body like it all like i think it all really does boil down to how much you want to invest in these people either at like as partners or and as people right like if you do want to move this forward into a relationship then i think it's going to be an exhausting one if if the conversation that now has proposed doesn't go well. Or, I mean, just in my opinion, just the fact that you have to have it is exhausting. If these are just hookups that you're using specifically for sex,

who the fuck cares if the guy believes you or not? Well, I think my worry is, if it's the kind of guy who's this in his head about her saying she had an orgasm, he's maybe the kind of guy who's like, would you call me out? Did you call me out? And if she says yes and he doesn't believe her that's bad if she says nothing or no maybe he'll just keep on trying to do stuff hey then let me tell you that just furthers my point of don't sleep with this guy so yes basically if this person sucks if if you don't care about this relationship if it's a one- stand, move on, whatever, who cares? If you do care about them, worth a shot. But if that shot doesn't go well, ditch them. Because as Dane said, why would you try to fight an uphill battle for literally you telling them they did a good job? Like that's the least dramatic situation. That's such a good position for them to be in and a good position for them

to be in most people be basking in they're turning it into an issue you don't want that because imagine what a bad situation is like with that person yeah so i think you know what to do good on you with your g-spot keep fucking rocking those orgasms and uh you'll find someone who knows it exists for all the guys out there it does exist it exists the truth is out there the truth is out there hey do you think there is someone on the right stuff whose favorite liberal hoax is female penetrative orgasms i like it i fought so hard not to make a lot of uh right stuff jokes already so yeah folly this is the future liberals want. Yeah, women orgasming through sex.

First they came for our comedy, and now they're coming for our sexual experiences. Now they're coming for coming. How dare they? How fucking dare they? Okay, here's one. This comes from Reddit user DriveAnywhere.

Is it wrong to want your girl to wear less provocative outfits when she goes to work just the crazy stuff pants with holes around the butt short shorts those leggings that go all the way up the butt low-cut shirts tube tops etc is it wrong to want to be there when she wears these more provocative outfits i want to feel excited to see her dressed in a way that she might not dress up for others is this wrong I know guys are saying I know guys are going to see her and admire her I'm not trying to stop that from happening and couldn't if I was I just want to feel special yeah it's pretty wrong to control what your partner wears just for your own self-gratification I feel like I just want to special is the like tagline of men to write stuff yeah like like a very specific group of men is i just want to feel special and then like in a subtitle by making women my property yeah that's

the thing it's like we all want to feel special that's that's fine that's kind of the whole goal and a good partner should however being like i want to control what you wear so I can feel better is like, I also think that's not what this is about. I think they're trying to phrase what we all know what they're trying to say in a way that's more palatable. Here's the thing. And this is something that I agree with you. Yes.

I think like a lot of people get the the i want to feel special part the the feeling special part is the fact that they come home to you at the end of the night and you get to have sex with them and you get to have a relationship with them and you get to do like you get to spend time with them on a more intimate level whether that is that matters yeah whether it is sex or just quality time, like snuggling on the couch, eating some ice cream out of a tub and watching a shitty movie. Like that is you getting to feel special, but so many dudes take, take sex and,

and physical intimacy as a given or as like they're right. And like, so it doesn't feel special to them because they think, Oh, I'm owed this. You're my girlfriend so sex sex is a given it's not a special thing everyone gets it if they're with you the thing is though like sex with women isn't even special anymore right because it's like you have sex with

them and then they just start lying to you about how they came from a penetration. I was, I had no idea where you're going. I was like, hold on. Wait a minute. Did I not, was I unclear about my stance on this? Sex and women is not special. It's all about dudes. No, like that's the thing. You, if you don't feel special in your relationship, that's fully a conversation you need to have with your partner. If there's something lacking, whether it's like your love language or like maybe you guys have drifted apart or, you know, if there's an issue with your relationship, if you don't feel special, that's a valid criticism. That's a valid problem to have. And you talk about it. And I think a common one that men have, I think, I think there is a very common place where men are underappreciated when, when they do put in effort and they do this. I think there is a lot of dudes out there who are underappreciated in their relationship. And I think men don't have the emotional

intelligence or in a lot of ways, or like the societal permission to discuss and bring up these, these things because they feel like they're lesser if they have to and when they do like you know i feel like a lot of men feel like they're a coward or or not a real man if they have to bring up saying that they they don't feel special or that they don't feel the care you know what i mean yeah especially when it comes to like things like affection and attention like that is something that we are we are taught at a very young age that we're not meant to to have you know what i mean like look at men looking for affection and men looking for attention like that's you're being clingy you're being needy

you're being you know you're yeah you're not like alphas take they don't like ask right like it's it's stuff that we are repeatedly beaten up about. Yeah. And even like, just look at the suicide rates among men. They don't ask for help from their friends, from their family, from anybody. It's kind of what's been ingrained into us. So that is all very valid. But being like, I don't want her to wear clothes she feels, you know, she's wearing for whatever reason she's wearing them which again is not your purview that's not feeling special and if it is if that's the only thing you want

out of this relationship is to like own how she looks in certain ways then i feel like you're not in a relationship you're in some weird kind of like she's like your trophy yes yeah this is kind of like why i wanted to bring the question of being like we could sit here. And we have talked about in the past of being like, you're, you're just being an asshole. And clearly like kept it surface level. But I found the inclusion of like, I just want to feel special.

I felt like I was like, it finally kind of clicked to me of being like, Oh, I'm starting to get it now. I'm starting to get white. There are so many dudes who are like, I don't, you know,

the, the question about the woman on the beach wearing her like new bikini that we had a while back ago. And we've had these questions before. This isn't a new question. We're going to see questions like this again in the future. Um, but I think like things that you've brought up and things that I've brought up, I think that is really like the core of it is that I think it's twofold. I think it's like we talked about one men we don't get the opportunity to ask for affection and attention and to feel special right like on a on a more uh emotional and affectionate level of being like oh we we feel pampered whether like regardless of what that

actually means by your definition and two on the flip side of things we're also socialized to think that like the time and intimate nature of being with someone is our right right like we're told that like oh if you if you land with with a hot woman or like when you start dating someone's like sex is part of this and it's owed to you and therefore that intimacy doesn't feel special because it feels like it's owed to you. And therefore that intimacy doesn't feel special because it feels like it's, it's like you're, you're just owed it. Yeah, I,

I agree, but I do also think that like, I don't think it's only that because I think that takes away from a lot of like the toxic mindset of like owning women and their bodies and their image and like the weird kind of like territorial aggression towards other men viewing that as if it would somehow take away from your relationship just you know like so that's all there and whether that's part of it or not it's so hard to kind of extract them but i think that lives in the middle you know what i mean like i feel like it's that

that tour the tearing between the two ideas and then you like what you end up getting is exactly what you described is this like perfect description of like territory of being like no she's mine and what you're seeing belongs to me because i need it to feel special because i feel like this is the only thing like having something you don't is the is my definition of like being validated maybe but i think it boils down to yeah you're in the wrong for wanting that i think absolutely not wanting to feel special but in wanting to control your partner in this way to make your like to restrict her as a way to make you feel better. That's not right. We all know that, right? So look, if you don't feel special, think about why. Think about ways that you can build your relationship in a positive manner that do make you feel special and healthily work towards them

and communicate with your partner. Don't like limit them and put these rules on them because like you making them less doesn't make you more and it shouldn't and as a good partner that's not what you should want yeah if if you sit down and you decide that the only thing that makes you feel special in a relationship is getting to see you know the midriff of this person if that's and no one else being allowed to if that's what makes you feel special you've done a bad job you're in a bad place let's be fair you're presumably seeing them naked you know i mean you're seeing them without makeup you're seeing them without clothes you're seeing them in their project you're seeing all the important intimate like

actual special shit her wearing fucking leggings to the gym. What? Like, what's she going to do at home? Be like, ooh, I wore my leggings. Like, what? I wore my jeans with holes near the butt. Like, that's, what do you know? Hey, I will say, that's the only one I agree with.

Because I don't think anyone should wear jeans with holes near the butt. What does that mean? That's the best part. I don't know what that means also i have jeans with holes near the butt because my jeans always rip so because you got that fat ass that chunky butt so yeah just don't curtail don't limit your partner don't make them less to try to make yourself more if you do want to feel special there are ways to do that there are positive ways and it's not this and expressing your needs as a man is not a bad thing.

Having a conversation with your partner and being like, hi, here's how I feel. These are some things I would like to pursue. Maybe you need a hug or a kiss before you go to work. Maybe that's something that is very simple and actionable. And if your partner looks at you and is like, ew, or thinks you're less of a man for wanting a nice hug before you head out to work or before they head out to work,

or, you know, if, I don't know, I don't know what you need, but if you have needs and requirements that would make you feel more valued in your relationship and your partner doesn't want to pursue them or entertain them then perhaps you're with the wrong person and again i want to stress that it needs to be needs that that are for your benefit and not for you know not like oh my needs are you need to cover up and also like you can't just because they're a thing you need doesn't mean there can't

be a discussion about it or that you can then weaponize it. Like, again, as Dane said, if it was something like, oh, I just want, like, a kiss before I go out every day. Does that mean they have to give you one every day? And if they don't, they're a bad person? No. But if you have a conversation about the things you feel are lacking in your relationship and they call you less or weak or laugh at the fact that you're being vulnerable, then they're a shitty person you shouldn't be with. Good luck out there, but don't be shitty. All right, you ready for peach stare? I was born ready for peach stare. Naked girl in the window, best way to deal with it? My partner, 30-year-old male, and I, 28-year-old female, moved in together a few months ago,

and things have been going great. We've been together for three years, and the timing felt right. We align on so many things in terms of values, future goals, etc. We live in a condo, and lately a woman in the building across from us has been walking around her house naked in the evenings and at night. She goes to bed naked with the blinds fully open. You do you, girl, but the way my partner has reacted to it is leading me to feel very disrespected and angry. He tried to look at her without me noticing. This has happened on multiple occasions. I always

notice, and he tells me a little fib, saying he's just looking out the window. Eventually, he admits to me, that girl is walking around naked. I've talked to him about how it hurts my feelings and makes me feel disrespected. He's always apologetic after, but keeps doing it. I know it shouldn't be a big deal. I just wish he'd be more upfront with me about it versus making it a secret. Thoughts about managing this situation? I guess I could draw our blinds, but is that covering up a deeper issue? Do I just need to accept he will want to look at this other woman?

That doesn't bother me as much. There's just something about him trying to hide it in this situation. All perspectives are welcome huh i like look at the end of the day if there's a naked person people are gonna look it doesn't matter if they're attractive it doesn't matter like there was a homeless guy the other day with his dick hanging out the side of his fucking like and it's like i don't want to see it but i looked at it like you're just like oh yeah that's a dick i honestly feel like if there was a like if there was someone you found on a like i don't want to talk about people being attractive and unattractive but like if there was someone across the road who

was unattractive and butt naked up against so you you would definitely look you'd be even have a harder time not looking that's yeah exactly there's a dude's like swinging his dick around in the apartment like you're gonna look whether again whether or not you want you find him attractive or whether or not you're thinking about how great that that big old schlong is it doesn't it doesn't matter a naked person is always going to draw someone's attention yeah now i do think you did a very responsible thing and told your boyfriend, be like, hey, it does make me a little self-conscious the fact that you are repeatedly kind of longingly looking out the window. I think bringing it up is important and necessary in this situation. I think also being like, you know, you don't need to lie about it. If you're doing it, that's fine.

But like, dude, it's not difficult to when you're your partners in the room to not stare out the window at the naked person. I would love to know if she let him know that part because she doesn't say that she did. No, you're right. She doesn't say that she's more upset about the the lying than she is about the the act which again i think another conversation is warranted for sure that's the thing if you didn't say that like and you mean it then say that or act on it yourself where if you see her be like oh look it's nakey again you know what i mean like if you don't mind the fact that she's there and you don't mind that he's looking you just don't like the

subtleness why don't you engage you're obviously looking at her too you know what i mean you noticed her you notice her all the time it's clearly not just a him thing you're just upset about him doing it because either it's the fact that he's a guy and therefore might be attracted to her or sorry a straight guy or that he's hiding it so it's like you're you're seeing this too you know the draw of naked person across the road so like own it play like if you call it maybe it'll become more commonplace it won't be as illicit it won't be as exciting if it's just become part of the scenery you know and what's he gonna do go across the road and be like hey i see you're naked all the time like she'd be like cool that's the creepiest fucking thing i've ever heard leave me alone unless this is her siren song

and she just collects men maybe anyone who comes knocking it's got you gotta treat this like when you are bad at training dogs and they they pee and you rub your face in it the second you see her naked you have to like grab them by the head drag them over the window slam them against the window look at it is that what you want to see look at it and eventually when she looks across the road just sees this guy like face up to the window like frantically struggling yeah and then eventually he'll be he'll co it like he'll he'll merge the two ideas of being uh forced to watch her that he won't want to look at her because all he'll think about is the bad the bad rub times the times where you rub his face in it and the thing is i feel like a lot of why like when you put your dog's face in like by its doo-doo

it's the smell as well so you gotta make sure it's a stinky window oh make that window stinky also i don't believe that's a good practice for your dogs so we're not i did i did say that it was bad you trained your dogs poorly okay i thought you were saying they were trained poorly, which is why they're making the mess. No, no. It's a bad practice to do with dogs. If you're bad at training dogs and you're kind of an ass and you do this, but it's okay

because I met our dogs, am I right? Maybe scan his butt because it's the best way to know if he's cheating. I don't know what to like have the conversation with them and then also just be like hey if you're gonna sneak looks like wait until i go to the bathroom or something and get delightful and also you're saying do i need to just accept he will look at other women yeah of course yes i think we all need to accept our partners don't just cut off every part of them that makes them attracted to what they were attracted to before. And that doesn't matter. What matters is that they act within the parameters of your relationship in a trustworthy sense.

Is looking across out the window cheating? No. Is it great? Meh. It's a naked person. You're looking at them too, you know? So it's like, and you say that's not what bothers you but then what you also then mentioned do i need to accept he will look at other women

so clearly it does bother you i feel like maybe you just don't want to admit to it so drawing the blinds isn't gonna figure shit out and it's gonna curtail your life that's my word of the day apparently don't do that you know you don't live in darkness just because there might be a naked person across the road just find like the more you get used to it the less of a big deal it's going to be and like he's not gonna break up with you because he can see a naked person porn exists tvs and movies like look at game of thrones there's nakedness in that all the time maybe you just start walking around naked yeah maybe you out naked her get even more naked take off some flash yeah yeah do the robbie williams

music video just do one of those have like a little dance off and progressively get more naked and just right on the window i do want to rock dj big middle finger maybe go over to her house and get naked together and then just be like just stare at your boyfriend and shrug just be like you know now i'm here now this is I live. And then date her and dump him. Yeah. And then put the blinds up. Ooh. And then rub his face in a stinky window. I really don't think there's any way

to make him not look at this person. No. No, not at all. There's nothing you can do. Also, like, even if he wants to, I'm sorry, but if a naked person kept walking across my street again they could be the someone i find absolutely repulsive there could be nothing attractive about them but if a naked person comes a jiggling on by i'm gonna look at what's jiggling you know

also like if i was close enough that i could really well see into someone's apartment and they were just doing stuff anyway it would draw the eye every now and then. It's just human nature. It's like when there's a TV on the bar. Like we were fucking watching a hockey game so much or a baseball game so much the other day. Baseball, yeah. That people were like, oh, what's going on?

And we were both like, I don't even know. We don't even care. It's just on. Yep. So yeah. This comes from Reddit user. I wish it was Batman. I think a girl with a boyfriend

might kind of like me thoughts so i a male 23 year old have a good friend here at grad school a female 25 year old who has a long distance boyfriends that she seems to really care about she kind of initiated our friendship to begin with i think she's so cool so i went along with it i could i could be totally wrong but i'm starting to get the vibe that she might kind of like me a little bit she She initiates texts on me regularly. She comes and finds me at school to say hi. She invited me to go to a concert with her, and she's like studying with me and has possibly tried to initiate a study session with me in my apartment.

She seems to always want me around. Yesterday, she and another friend got up from our table to do something, and she was like, dude, come on. And then later, she and the same friend were talking about going to get tea and looked at me and said, my name redacted. Should come too. Or sorry, we've also at least towed the line between flirting a few times and she's broken the touch barrier. And look, assuming I'm right about this, I don't want to be the homewrecker here. That's not me.

But my grad program is extremely stressful. We see each other all the time. I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the attention. Any perspectives and advice would be appreciated. When I was in university, I did all the things listed with, and this may shock people, friends. Oof. We did occasionally touch. Well, we said each other's names and invited each other out for tea.

We studied at each other's apartments and we joked. But did you play flirt? I play flirt with everybody. That's true. it's one of these questions again where it's like you're describing friends it could be more but they have a boyfriend and you're in a stressful grad program so it's like and you have a good friend it sounds like so do you want to move from stressful grad program to more stressful grad program to girlfriend you probably won't trust because they cheated on their partner with you.

And also maybe ruining a friendship based on not much. Or do you want to finish your grad program and have a friend? You even say it yourself. You don't want to be a homewrecker. It seems like you don't want to make a move on her. The thing is, is you seem to be guilty because of the attention you're getting from her. Which, as Niall said, you can be happy that you have a friend that thinks about you. Right.

There's no guilt involved here. It's not like you made a move or she's made a move or like. Sure. If you go and you have this study session at your apartment and clothes start coming off and she starts, you know, cuddling up with you or, you know, like. Did she show up with the jeans with the holes near the ass? Oh, she could if she did buy this poor woman a new pair of jeans. You know, like if if you start getting the sense that like, you know, if if the touching escalates to levels that you would be uncomfortable with, if your girlfriend or you were doing like if you had a partner and you were doing it then like sure maybe that's the time where you have to be like hey i appreciate this but you do have a boyfriend and that's not really my vibe then if that

conversation has to happen have the conversation but if you're sitting there and you're like oh it's nice that she's inviting me to these things oh i like spending time with her oh she likes spending time with me this is really nice i like this that's not bad yeah i get at no point was there like a should i make a move or whatever i guess they're just confused by the entire situation it's like if it ain't broke don't fix it one two you don't seem to say you want anything from this person. So it doesn't matter if they try to make a move. As Dane said, you can turn them down.

And them having a boyfriend is a very reasonable way for you to turn them down. And if it turns out that they don't, then do you want to date them at that point or hook up with them or whatever? Because at that point, you're not going to be an asshole if you do. I don't really see the issue. Me neither. at that point you're not going to be an asshole if you do i don't really see the issue me neither i think it's it's very very important that and we've talked about it before that we as men start compartmentalizing normal friend things like if your dude friends were doing this would you be like oh weird i didn't know dave was into guys or would you just think specifically me yeah it's like oh this is thanks dave for inviting me out for coffee that's really nice oh you want me to come with you to

run an errand dave of course yeah for sure i'm down like i got nothing to do i'll go to you know whatever somewhere dave invited me out with dave's other friend yeah like that's another thing that's pretty powerfully not indicating that she's trying to get it on with you. It's like, she's not like, Hey, me and you should go secretly to all these places. Just me and you. It's like, I'm going with a friend and I'm inviting you to that's pretty firmly friend category because one, you're not just having all this intimate alone time too.

It's like, if she has this partner, like her friends presumably will then be like, why are you always flirting with this guy? Yeah. So we need to compare or start like realize and like thinking being like oh hey no this is just behavior that friends do and then not get weird about it and just allow ourselves to be friends and then if things start to escalate or if you would like to escape and like i'm taking this out of this scenario of being like you know obviously you shouldn't try to escalate a situation romantically with someone who has a partner but if if you're not sure if you're like oh i'm actually starting to like have a bit of a crush on this person but i'm not sure if she's

just friends then you either need to make the decision of being like i'm gonna ask you out or you're gonna say no your friendship is too valid and not live in this weird purgatory of like i like her but i don't know where I don't know where she stands on the matter. It's like, cool, you make that call. Either you say, I value the friendship and I want to be friends and you could still be attracted to your friends. I have a lot of friends that I'm like,

damn, okay, you're hot. But I wouldn't make a move on because at the end of the day, they are far more valuable in my life as friends than to pursue romantically because I, you know, those situations can end messy. And I would much rather have someone that I care about and trust in my corner

than potentially like another partner, a romantic or sexual partner. And unless it's not clear, if you haven't listened to the rest of the episodes, we don't recommend like breaking up relationships or getting involved with people in relation. Just like have the dignity to let relationships be and not cause problems for them. So it's like if you're in love with someone, but they have a boyfriend. Yeah, sucks for you.

Sorry. Yeah. And again, if you get to the point where you are so emotionally attached or romantically inclined to someone, there is also no harm in being like, look, I, I've started developing some feelings for you. I think it's inappropriate because you have a boyfriend and it is, it's stressful for me or, or like it's taking a toll on me that I fear will have negative consequences to our friendship. So I kind of need to take a step back and reevaluate and, you know, make sure you're not blaming them you're not guilting them but there is also no harm in removing yourself from a situation that is causing you mental stress and

duress and just don't don't be a dick to other people in relationships you know what i mean i like to treat them how i would like my own to be treated so it's like if for whatever reason she does one day in the study session slip the hand on the leg but you know she's a boyfriend. Do you want to be that guy? You probably do, but you shouldn't. You want one more? Yeah, let's do one more. It's pretty short. This is Objective Rabbit 4067.

Boyfriend falls asleep during foreplay. I, 24-year-old female, and my boyfriend, 23-year-old male, have been dating since June. He's only gone down on me twice. That was in the first month, and he has only fingered me twice. There's rarely any foreplay. It's always we spoon dry humps me he takes off his clothes then my pants and he penetrates me until he finishes and that's it the times i've asked him to touch me beforehand or do foreplay he will reluctantly say yes then he will fall asleep while touching me it has made me sob in the bathroom alone from the humiliation i've told him his refusal to touch me down there and falling asleep during it makes me feel repulsing and unattractive.

His three reasons are, one, he's tired. Two, the repetitive motion hurts his carpal tunnel. Three, he gets soft and it's hard to get hard again. This is so humiliating and makes me feel like the most unattractive, repulsing, unexciting woman to ever exist. I never want to have sex with anyone again. Well, I'm sorry you feel that way there's i think a lot going on here and i think the big thing that i would suggest is perhaps don't have sex when you're both about to fall asleep like if this is the only time that

he feels like he can initiate uh sexual intimacy perhaps there needs to be a discussion of like when you are more comfortable when like maybe open this up to fucking morning sex as opposed to like i assume this is like you guys have gone to bed and now that you are in bed it is you know he's gets a little rowdy and then wants to but like you mentioned that that is how sex goes also but it also sounds like there's no play foreplay on his end and i'm not trying to say you know this this is not your fault but it's not your fault but like it just seems like he's like oh i i don't get hard like once i'm hard it's hard to get hard again if i go soft it's like okay that's fine but like that is also what foreplay is also for you know i mean like if if i'm turned

on and aroused there might be times where like if i'm going down on someone and i'm not being stimulated i might go a little soft again because like no stimulation is happening for me um i often i really enjoy going down people so like i often sort of like am still quite aroused while it happens but i know a lot of dudes who it might take a lot of mental focus and that is that you know you kind of do need to to put a little effort into staying aroused and depending on how long you're down there for you can't just expect someone to be hard you know for 10-15 minutes if it's well it doesn't seem doesn't sound like she is expecting him to be yeah and that's that's what i mean i was like there it also seems like he doesn't have a good

expectation of like what foreplay should be for him as well but it's also like to me very ironic of him to be like oh like i can't really worry about your arousal and your satisfaction because i'm worried about my arousal my satisfaction like oh it doesn't matter that you don't enjoy this and i'm not doing anything for you because what if i get soft yeah so i think let's let's go to all three and i think you raise a really good point if sex only happens this one way why you know like and that's that's why i think what you were bringing up it's like it's not your fault but like why is it that sex only happens this way when you spoon when he's tired when he seems to initiate it you you know what I mean? Like where's your initiation and where's the other times? And why is it only this time? Is it like a scheduling conflict? Is it something

else? Like, because that seems like it could be a major issue. If he's this tired all the time, either it's because of this timing or there's another issue at play. If he's so tired all the time that the second he has to take a minute to finger you, he conks out. He's either narcoleptic, barely hanging on by a thread, or you guys are doing this at the worst, worst time. Right? Yeah. Two, repetitive motion hurts his carpal tunnel. Awesome.

There's no carpal tunnel in your tongue. Next question. Also, toys. If you like to be fingered or stimulated like if you want that then introduce a vibrator be like hey your carpal tunnel is is bad so here's a little pocket vibrator we can pop out and look i'm pretty sure vibrations are good for your bones right so so good it's win-win like as now said your mouth does not it has no bearing on your carpal tunnel go down on her boom and that's the

thing it's like he's gone down you twice fingered you twice like this just seems like he's not putting in any effort whatsoever right i'm glad that you've talked to him about it but like these three reasons are kind of weird because again one i don't think it's possible to be that tired all the time and if there is there are way bigger issues of play here to use your mouth or use a toy as dane said or like move around like there are way bigger issues of play here to use your mouth or use a toy, as Dane said, or like move around. Like there are a lot of different ways to finger. So from different angles, it can be easy. It can be very hard. It can cause a lot of strain. You can work with that to a certain degree. And if he's willing to do other stuff, it doesn't necessarily matter. And three, if it's him getting soft and it's hard to get hard again, that's where foreplay on your

behalf comes in. But like, you know, he's able to get hard again that's where foreplay on your behalf comes in but like you know he's able to get hard in the first place i can't imagine he's unable to get hard when it gets further on like i'm sure whatever you do in the first place can be done again and there's you know we've talked about it before erections are a tricky beast and a lot of it is mental so maybe they're like maybe he's had that one experience where he goes soft and then in his head he's like oh no it's soft it's not gonna so maybe a little bit of patience on your end while you try to rectify this whole situation of being like it's fine if you go soft we will i will do light teasing i will do i'll use my mouth you know like i find that like a gentle coaxing is a

lot more effective than like oh you've gone soft again i'm gonna try to like viciously jerk you off or yeah it's like no sometimes you just need to like oh he's just fingered you or he's used your toy a little bit then like okay take a brief moment have a nice little makeout session you do some gentle strokes to sort of like get it back going and and figure out what he needs through trial and error the same way that like you know most people discover things with themselves or ask what he needs what he would like what feels good for him and worked on it together like it's it's not it's it right now it seems like you guys have two expectations of what sex is and neither of you are willing to talk about why that is and what you need.

And you're just sort of like, you know, he's like, this is what I need and this is what I'm going to do. And you're like, I don't like it, but OK. Yeah, that's where it stops with me. So firstly, what Dane says is very important. The mental game with erections and everything like that is hugely important. So when he mentions this, I think it's good to set the stage far before this is happening and just be like, look, if you go soft, I don't mind. You know what I mean? Like I'm willing to work with you.

I'm not going to be embarrassed by that. Like it happens. It's all good. If it happens, just let me know what we can do. We'll work through it. But secondly, it's like, if that is an issue, what's stopping him from making you finish after he's done you know what i mean yeah like it doesn't just end because he's come that's the thing like so that's not even

an excuse if for some reason you can't work around it when he's done it's your turn it's toy time exactly you know it's not like oh you know i pleasure my girlfriend but if i ever finish first fuck it sucks to be her there's definitely been times i finished first and then it's my it's her turn great wonderful you know what i mean that's just their time even that doesn't work so it's like it's already blown through all three reasons again apart from the tired thing which if it's that prevalent something has gone wrong so yeah and you need to like this is just a matter of being like okay we we aren't going to try to have sex at the end of the night when we are all showered and teeth are brushed and we're in our cozy pajamas and snugging in bed. Like, no, this is bad sex time for us.

This is not, this is not a compatible time for us to have sex. And if he's like, well, no, I have enough energy to just dry hump you, fuck you till I'm done and fall asleep. That's shitty because you like, you're not his sex toy. That's not sex for you if you're not enjoying yourself, if you're just being used and all your needs are being ignored. If that's all he can offer, then be like, okay, cool, we won't do that.

You can get to bed slightly earlier and start to build up those energy reserves for when you want to actually have sex. And you shouldn't have to put up with that, I think, is the most important part of this, right? If he's not willing to work through this shit, then you should not have this person as a partner.

Because none of these things are stuff you can't surmount. Yeah, with like minimal effort. Yeah, a lot of, like very minimal effort. We should start doing some tenders to wrap this bad boy up. Let's do it. At the end of the episode, we like to jump onto social media and online dating platforms to see what works,

what doesn't work when it comes to your online dating profile. We get on Tinder Bumble Hinge and comb through the profiles in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable.

Now, I tapped into your supplier, Niall. No, you back off. That's right. You back off right now. I have an Asian-Falian heart, Tinder tinder this is rochelle keep loving your heart a life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead 20 out of 10 beautiful yeah this is a bot it sounds like a bot like honestly it's super bland it's cutesy and kind of adorable i guess but, but like what, like it, it doesn't sound like a person. It sounds like a bot or just aimless,

like inspirational quotes. Yeah. I think that like the, the idea of like trying to inspire someone through a profile that most people won't even read is an indication that you aren't aware of how this works. And I feel like that would translate into how you date. If that makes sense. I feel like if you genuinely mean this you are so disconnected from reality that like yeah like like you think

that someone furiously swiping back and forth like i said most people i thought you would say furiously masturbating well like people saying yes and no at a at a rate that most people aren't reading profiles and shit like if you think that this is going to have any weight then you're probably like i said like you're a little delusional and i and i don't want i don't want someone who's got the the like rose tinted goggles of what you know i mean like i i would prefer a more pragmatic partner who at the very least gives me some information about themselves. Even if it is a bland profile, like we talk about all the time. We're like, you know, you've done it.

You've told us some things. It's a five, whatever. This to me, I'm just like, I don't know what any of this means. And it doesn't really like it's not even that profound. Like it's a pretty like, yes, love is important. Yes, I would like to feel affection in my life. No one is going to fight you on this, Rochelle. You did it.

Yeah, I'm going to give it a one. No, I'll give it a two just because it's not like aggressively offensive. I'm going to give it a three because I feel like that's almost the middle point of bad. There. This is Stevie, level 27, dual citizen from Denverver currently thriving in toronto co-founder of a short-term rental crypto stock investor 710 420 honey music festivals edm jam bands metal k-pop deadhead in desperate need of some new goddesses to vibe with going adventures with our dogs girls nights sesh i think it's a broccoli and a fart cloud so maybe weed and mushrooms

i don't know or even dance around a fire under the full moon moon emoji this is a woman i believe so yes yes okay so it looks like they're looking for friends as well as a partner or their buy or their buy yes well yeah i guess there was there was like moments of like let me tell you it's i thought you were a dude the second you said short-term rental and crypto stuff like i was like oh it's fucking you know braden i those like there are things in between i was like okay yeah this might not be my flavor but like a good a good rhythm and a good vibe and then you're like short-term rental i'm just like yeah gross why would you ever ever talk about the fact that you're a short-term rental or a landlord yeah i could be more turned off by and then you mentioned

crypto i'm like yeah you're a landlord then you invent you're a crypto bro male or female i'm like no out yeah so that's already dropped it massively uh seem to be super into drugs that i'm not i don't even know what fucking 710 means with regards to 420 you know what i mean what's 710 me yeah i don't know and i don't love the whole like dance around a fire under the full moon it gives me like and the goddesses it gives me very like girl boss crystal energy yes i see i thought it was still a dude when that came up of the like looking for more goddesses oh yeah which would be i think even worse yes that was yeah i think i'm gonna give this a three as well i'm gonna give it a two as well actually you know what no i'm giving it a two yeah i wish i would rather someone who

lived in a sunless garden than a short-term rental yeah also did they say they invented it or founded it like what was the co-founder of a short-term rental so i assume they had they founded some kind of like airbnb-esque company oh maybe or did you like, are you the co-founder with your rich parents who bought you a condo that you're renting out? Oh, they're also the president and COO of this short-term rental, it says, as their job. Cool. Mm-hmm. Alright, here we go some more.

Two more. This is Diesel. Just got out of a serious relationship. Wants something casual to heal. Looking for family. And Diesel is... Must take life a quarter Looking for family. And Diesel is... Must take life a quarter mile at a time. Diesel is a cute girl in a animal onesie. I think it's a mouse.

I think it's a cute mouse with pink cheeks onesie. It's still Vin Diesel. Still Vin Diesel energy. Wait, it says something about Corona and family here? It's cut off. It's too quick to read. So here's what I'm going to say. The fact that her name is Diesel,

and the fact that I wanted to immediately make a Vin Diesel joke, I have already forgotten what the profile is. Do you want it again? No, I think that is everything I need to know about the profile, that it is immediately forgettable, and that you didn't say anything worth sort of noting well i think it's pretty noteworthy profile though okay hear me again just got out of a serious relationship want something casual to heal yeah again like

it's red flags oh yeah yeah it's bad but like again it's i want you to heal me i'm damaged and you need to heal me it's not a good approach yeah no i so i'm i'm saying i'm saying like a two for this one as well joining the two crew um this is jordanca alien looking for my human above six foot please no smokers intellect attracts me live in philadelphia but the men here are not my vibe so intellect doesn't sound like it attracts you it sounds like physical height does like if i could quantify what i have learned about you it seems like they're like if if someone is smart but five eight not gonna cut it but would you date someone who's not smart and six feet sounds like it also like i feel like the intellect attracts me it's like a

very kind of douchey kind of like high horsey approach but to also start off a profile like that with i'm an alien looking for my human what what i also i don't know like did i miss something where alien b has like has another meaning because i see a lot of women describing themselves as an alien it's because they're maybe they're the ones that escaped area 51 and they want you to clap them alien cheeks maybe because i'm just like i cool i guess i don't understand what that is i think anything in that kind of like we might just be old this might just be a kid thing you know they're so random lol lol rar yeah uh i'm gonna i'm gonna put it at a four no it's no it's a two yeah i'm gonna give it a two um they have twos unless you have a real

sorry oliver i just kicked him in the face um i do have a very quick one okay hit me with this is the last one i don't know if we've done it or not this is tasking no make me finally a 10 i love it because i'm sure it said tell me something about yourself and they just replied to the prompt i i like this energy if it is a joke i i would i want this to be you know i like i know this is insane of me but based on the picture i think it's a joke okay there's a very like it's a very cute picture but she's smirking okay you think it's a joke. Okay. There's a very, like, it's a very cute picture, but she's smirking. Okay. You know, they seem like they're joking. I don't know.

Yes. A very impish, an impish creature. Yes, it's mischievous. I like it. Yeah, I'm going to give this a 10 because I'm going to send you the picture, just so you can join in. Okay. While Nell does that, I'm going to say thank you for listening. That's our show. We are all done. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for hanging. That's our show. We are all done. Thank you for tuning in.

Thank you for hanging out with us every week. We really appreciate it. We have insider information that the Canadian Podcast Awards are going to be announced shortly. There is nothing you can do to help us anymore other than we need manifestation power.

We need you to think about us. We want to be added into... You could put us right at the end of your nightly prayers. Yeah, when you and your goddesses are dancing around a fire on the beach, chant about us a little bit. Throw a crystal of ours towards the stars you worship. I want to have to re-record the intro to that week's episode to say we're an award-winning podcast yeah that's what i would

like however i will also say if i do win best host in a series i will be gone i'm out i will let it go to my head i will fly off to vegas have a bender and destroy my life i also still haven't forgiven everyone for not voting for me. But that's okay. But thank you very much. I voted for Dane. And Dane didn't vote for me. And that's the only reason. I didn't vote for myself.

I only voted for you to lift you up. Sure. Thank you very much for listening. We love you. We couldn't thank you enough. Thank you for agent you decide for reaching out to us. And if you have a question, please head on over to everybodyspodcast.com. Click the contact form. You get to choose your agent name

and see if you do leave it up to us, we will just give you the agent name. So take it upon yourself to give yourself a cool agent name. Alternatively, what else can they do on that website? They could support us, Dane. How?

There's a Patreon button right there. And if they click into that, they have multiple tiers to choose from's a patreon button right there and if they click into that they have multiple tiers to choose from some are just pure support and we love that some are a little bit more support and we dish you out an extra episode every month in return some will get you on priority lists for questions and some are outrageously expensive for no reason and don't feel any pressure to do those ones yep we had a funny joke that we wanted to make and we made it i think if you do want to do it great i'll also like to thank all of our patrons because we have a few on there and they are all wonderful and they are the they are the engine that's keeping this train rolling and we really

really really appreciate it and also thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities for our wonderful theme tune, Paper Stars. Can we just take a quick moment to choo-choo for our patrons? Choo-choo! Choo-choo! Ready for some bad sex writing? I would love it. This is The Word is Murder by Anthony Horowitz,

which is a pity because I like that guy. Haven't read his book since I was very young, but I remember them being good. Maybe not because he wrote, she was about 40 years old and was hurtling into middle age with complete recklessness. Actually embracing it with a baggy out of shape jersey, ill-fitting

jeans with a flower embroidered on one knee, frizzy hair and cheap chunky jewelry. She was overweight, an earth mother, she might call herself. Damn, this guy's been on online dating platforms for too long. I could start calling people Earth Mothers. Let me tell you, he does

sound like he's just describing Miss Frizz from The Magic School Bus. Is that her name? Miss Frizz? Miss Frizzle? Also, let's be fair. Hurtling into middle age with complete recklessness? That's how I want to do it. That's absolutely how I want to do it. The absolutely how i want to do it the second i start approaching middle age i'm i want it to be with an absolute abandon yeah i want

people to be like damn dane's really let himself go but not alive arrive at 50 but like slightly aflame yeah it's like that scene in fucking, uh, I think red dragon where a dude gets set on fire and pushed down a street in like a wheelchair. And it's just like a sleepy morning and you just see, that's how I want to enter into my middle age. Uh, my name is Dave Miller.

And I, of course, I'm now Spain. And we, of course, are your soon to be award winning. Fuck. Don't jinx us!