F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 236 - Queef Theory

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

1 out of 2 doctors recommend listening to this with headphones so that you can hear it over the sound of your bones being smashed.  Topics include not having the right gym badges for Tinder, playing the Uno queef reverse card, phone code clean up, the science of floor sex, post break up Instagram wipe.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are Dating Sex Advice Podcast podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either roaming the barren wasteland of the internet or we answer them right here. Wait, no. We do answer them. It's not an and or. Fuck. We get them either online or from our wonderful listeners. And we answer them here on the podcast every Monday. We have one

live show coming up when you're listening to this. If you listen to this on the day it comes out, it is this week on Thursday, April 20th at the Black Sheep Cocktail Bar in Liberty Village. Also known as 420. 420, blaze it.

Smoke weed every day. It is a free show. We would love for you to be there. It's been a blast the past two shows that we've done. We might not do another one there. We would like to, and we probably will, but there's a chance that we won't. Essentially, we had a three-show agreement. This is the third show.

So everything after that is a mystery. It's an adventure. It's an excitement. But it could be the excitement of you being let down so if you want to see us this is maybe your last chance so if you do want to come and you're in the toronto area just make a reservation it's very very simple and if you want to do that head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com click the live show and we'll send you right there that That's it. It's that easy.

That easy. Now, are you ready for some sex news? Yeah. Have you heard of bone smashing? No, other than the almost similarly named Spell and Pathfinder. Mm-hmm. What do you think bone smashing is? And which community do you think has adopted it as their their new practice?

I mean, bone smashing sounds like going after very thin people, skinny women. OK, I'm I'm trying to think as toxic as possible. So, like, I'm thinking that and, you know, like the the bros, the taters, the tater tots. What would we, would we draw a line between the tater tots and the incel community? No, I think there's a pretty heavy overlap there. Okay, so you're basically right, because it is an incel practice to go bone smashing. Bone smashing, however, is where you take a large blunt object to your either cheekbones or jawline under the probably not scientifically sound idea that like trauma makes your bones grow. It stimulates bone growth when needed in the body.

So to make your cheekbones and or jawline more prominent, they will get a little hammer and maybe do harm to themselves. Idiots. Have you not seen the thing you just put in your mouth and you chew on TikTok? It's horrifying. So please don't do that, guys. There are better ways. And also, it's like the thing you put in your mouth, the gummy thing you put in your mouth and you chew it. But also like no cheekbone or jawline is going to get you more results than just being chill and hitting yourself in the face with a hammer to try to get what someone is the epitome of not being chill.

And by chill, I mean like a good, nice person. I believe there is some science behind it, because, like, vibrations make your bones stronger. That's why cats purr. To make your bones stronger? It's beneficial to their bones when cats purr. That's great. It makes their bones strong. So every time you make your cat happy, every time we podcast, we're just making Oliver more powerful.

He's literally underneath me right now purring. I know. That motherfucker. Yeah, like they're just but like that's the same thing where it's like if you, for example, jump a lot, like if you're skipping or if you're whatever, like those repeated impacts make your body start to build bone density because it's like, oh, your bones are doing X, Y and Z. We need them to be whatever. But like doesn't mean I'm growing more bones, really. So what you're saying is we need to get out there, get on a trampoline, and just start banging the shit out of her face as well. Yeah. But please, guys, don't hurt yourselves. If you do it soft enough, maybe you'd be okay.

No, Dane, don't even. You're not a fucking, you're not a doctor. And if you were, you'd be saying no. I'm a bone smashologist, actually. I got certified from Tate University. You know, I'm just going to tease it right now. I do have an Andrew Tate bad sex writing for the end of the episode. I'm not surprised.

And he posted it. I'm actually shocked that it's tasted or take this. Wow. I'm shocked that it's not. It tated this long? It tated this long for it to happen. No, it's something he posted six days ago after being released from prison. Cool.

Ready for a question? Yeah. This is by Dramatic Jello. If someone's out of my league, I don't swipe. I know I'm not the best looking. I'm extremely average. Should I just keep doing this? Or should I swipe on whoever I think is cool, regardless of how they may look at me?

Do guys who go to gyms actually want to date a girl who doesn't go to the gym? This is so difficult. I just had a guy message me now over and over once, and it really killed my self-esteem. And honestly, I was out of his league, but it's still really out me down. I assume put me down. That's it. It's a question. Nah.

What a piece of shit. Yeah, that. That's it. It's a question. Nah. What a piece of shit. Yeah, that's rough. And I don't like, I wouldn't equate that to everyone that is attractive to being like that. Because I know lots of attractive people who aren't like that. She says she was out of his league. Oh. Honestly, I was out of his league. So it's like, it's not even like the trauma of someone so hot that like she was like, well, shit.

Henry Cavill just keep saying that so I can never date anyone hot. So we've talked about this before and I'm like, go to therapy. First and foremost, you need it. You have some pretty serious self-esteem issues that aren't going to get better by using online dating platforms. So if you want to continue to use online dating platforms, then please consider speaking to a therapist about your self-image issues. Second, online dating platforms should be used as a supplement to dating and not your soul. And I look, I'm saying this a bit hypocritical because I the majority of any dating that I do is off of online dating because I don't have a whole lot of time. My free time and the places that I spend a lot of time in, I don't want to date. Like work or a bar that I frequent is kind of like a safe space.

I assume our listeners don't have multiple podcasts they have to edit constantly. So they have more time. Right. And even if you don't, I if an opportunity arose, I would I would happily pursue it if I'm at a bar or if I'm out or, you know, whatever. I've got numbers while I'm at work. I'm cool with that. I just want to date people that i work with so you should really be using online dating as sort of a like a like passive situation where it's like you go on when you have a couple minutes to spare probably while

you're pooping and you do a couple swipes and then you forget about it because online dating stops being useful when you obsess about it because then you get weird and people pick up on that energy and case in point you're getting weird about it well yeah uh is it because then you get weird and people pick up on that energy and case in point you're getting weird about it well yeah uh is it because of online dating maybe not because it is about this person who was shit to you and the thing is look don't let them win if you've taken this to heart to the point where you're so worried that people you deem out of your league which let's be fair doesn't exist there are no leagues then you've let them win and that would kill me to know don't let them win do yourself a solid if you think someone's hot go for it as your gym question

it's like not everybody wants to date someone who's exactly like themselves it's not like once you join the gym it's like well shit i have to see your gym card before we can officially even meet up i don't know i wonder if that's just her way of saying is someone who is fit interested in dating someone who's not fit you know what i mean and not necessarily like about the status i know i know but but that's the the same point kind of stands it's like if you're drastically unfit and that's something you want to change that's a different question if it is just like oh does everybody want to date someone the exact same fitness level as themselves no you know i mean what I mean? A lot of people, if they're active, it might not work if you're not active, but that's the same as anything. If someone's really outgoing and you're not outgoing, that might not work or it might be perfect, you know? So I don't think that's something you need to be concerned about. If you're happy with whatever you're doing gym wise or not, then fuck it. You know what I mean? Leave that for somebody else to decide firstly. But secondly secondly like think that you need to be part of imaginary clubs before you've even gotten there because everyone's different i've always operated under the mantra of like shoot your shot especially on

on a platform that your shot consists of a gesture one way or the other. For sure. You're not putting yourself out at all to say yes to people on social, or like dating apps. You're not doing anything. Like, if they match with you, great. They've also said yes to you. If they don't match with you, you'll never know.

Well, I guess you'll know because you don't match with them. But it doesn't matter. The amount of people we don't match with on a daily basis, that's a drop in the bucket. Who fucking cares? So don't self-reject.

Don't put these weird barriers like, oh, they're a gym person. Oh, I can't do this. Oh, they're doing a PhD. I'm too dumb. That's for them to fucking decide. You have no idea what they're into. And just have the confidence that you're cool. Yeah.

And hopefully you are cool. I'm sure you are. Don't let fucking assholes online get you down. Obviously, easier said than done. But look, here's two nice people online telling you you're great. Where? Me and you. Oh.

Well, one nice person at Dane. Sorry, I've just been slamming my face with a hammer for the past 11 minutes. That's fair. No, it said bone smashing, not brain smashing. That's where I want the bone. I want to get real big. Bony brain. What's that movie? That animated the bone i want to get real big bony brain what's that movie that animated movie we got the big head mega mind mastermind mega mind mega mind mastermind bone mind uh we need to move on yeah don't self-reject what's the harm yeah it costs you nothing and the amount of times that

people match with me and i'm just like wow really you okay all right for sure like if i held two leagues which again don't fucking exist like i would miss half my fucking dating thing unless you're a pokemon trainer in which case leagues do exist and you need to make sure you have the right badges yeah if you rock up with the wrong badges like you're fucked oh shit they never specified it was people it could be pokemon that's why it was saying nah ah yeah you went up and it was just it was literally just like do you have the right things nah nah these are my badges nah i'm trying to i don't know enough of the old or the new pokemons i'm sure there's a pokemon that starts with a nah nah fairy nah mander nah mander that's

like dead version the ghost version of charmander uh yeah you're good you got this hit me dan this is independent escape i queefed while changing positions with my friends with benefit i'm so embarrassed especially by the way he reacted we was having sex and doggy style and all of a sudden he wanted to lay me down fuck me like that so as soon as i was going to change position i queefed he wanted to laugh me down. Fuck me like that. So as soon as I was going to change position, I queefed. He wanted to laugh and I also did too. Then he asked, did your pussy just make a fart? And I said, yes.

Well, it was a queef. I thought he didn't care until he said, you know what? Let's just do something else. I'm too tired. I'm going to go get a drink. I was shook. Why? Because I never had an issue with other partners about this.

I did queefed with a few sex partners in the past, but they would never react like this. They would just smile at me, told me they didn't care, and continue. Is it possible this man somehow doesn't know what a queef is? Um, considering he looked at her and said, Hey, did your vagina just fart? You know what? I think, like, one of the most prominent things on like those reddit like what do men need to know about women that they don't know or like women what's the secret men

wouldn't understand and it's all about how like sometimes you fart the fart like creeps forward and goes up your vagina um maybe he's read a bunch of those and now he honestly thinks you just like store a bunch of farts yeah and he was just horrified like do you think that feels good i bet it feels invasive and like oh no yeah i can't imagine it feels good maybe a little tickly that's yeah i feel like it's probably like a sensation that you really probably can't replicate and i think there's an allure to that now what i want to know is can you queef into your own butthole oh could you do it backwards can you do the whole reverse uno exactly ladies fuck this entire podcast i don't care about anything anymore i need to know can you queef into your butthole this is nothing but queef

theory from now on uh linker park's lesser known album um i loved when they remixed it with Jay-Z. Queef, Queefzy, JQ. Yeah. Like, look, if your man can't handle a queef, he can't handle you. Let's get that pop in a t-shirt. If he can't handle you at your queefiest,

he doesn't deserve you at your farting out your pussyist. I don't know. It literally seems like he doesn't know. It got freaked out. Or maybe he was tired. Maybe he was like, you know what? All this time we took to talk about this queef made me realize I am actually quite tired.

I'm feeling the same way as your vagina right now. Gassed. I do want to specify right here that queefing is not gas. It is not a fart. It is literally just air that has been pushed inside you, usually through the

thrusting of a penis. Yep. So it's his fault. He did it. He did it. I think next time you just say, you did that. Yeah. Next time it's your fault. This was you. Someone in the comments said, next time tell him to fill you with dick

instead of air oh which is a little penis shamey which it is penis shamey it's kind of funny but it's also like you can get some air in there when you're filming with dick so oh for sure i mean this person doesn't know about queefs either so look the sad thing is a lot of men have very little idea of what goes on with a woman's anatomy. The ex of one of my partners at one point had said, obviously not going to specify the partner or their ex. Let's keep it vague. Who knows? Maybe they're a fan.

He had turned to them at some point and said, like, I don't understand women and periods. Why don't you just hold it instead of just letting it go all the time? Because he thought they could just hold it in like a piss and chose not to. So he thought women were just kind of lazy or dumb because he thought he'd figured it out. He was just like, you just hold it in. Why do you just do it? I don't want to circle back to my comments of the last episode, but how do we know they aren't? That's the thing, man.

They'd never fucking tell you would they much like tell us hot air that they store in their vagina they keep their secrets well kept we'll never know we'll never know but for real guys come on we've got some work to do um and that work includes understanding queefs and periods i mean there are people who i bet are our age who still have the question of being like how do you pee with a tampon in fair right so i think i think the the whole for real like there's so many fucking idiots out there you gotta fix it you gotta if i said that if you are over the age of 16 yeah and i just and you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about when I just

said that please take a second and just look at a diagram of a vulva and it's not hard it'll take you like a second you'll be like you'll figure it out I promise yeah all of this is not hard which is why it's bad you know if you had to like do this intensive

fucking course where you're like at the end of it you're like fuck I end of it, you're like, fuck I've grade, you know, my hair has gone gray. I've got some wrinkles. It's been a quest. I'm at the top of a mountain reading an ancient scroll.

And now I kind of get it. Sure. I would have a little bit more sympathy for you not understanding it, but like the basic shit it's you need to have it anyway. Back to the question. Sorry. We are an education podcast. There's the urethra and the vaginal

opening are two very different things you can still pee while you have a tampon inside you you just fucking if we do the work for them dane that's literally what our podcast is no we're we're you know helping we're like the the leg brace we're the splint on your broken shin but you still gotta go to the doctor by your damn where the doctor too aren't we fuck uh look and hey you just told me i wasn't a doctor so now i'm gonna go keep hitting myself in the face with a hammer i said we are because a doctor and a not doctor combined now smith maybe maybe like hey why were you weird the other day maybe specify but like hey you know it's just trapped air right or just don't date this guy because or fuck him because if you can't handle a queef what else can he not handle a fart god forbid you

actually fart or like you know your period starts during sex or you know like anything where like sex is messy sex can be gross and if if you're not ready to like and like enjoy the the the grossness of sex you i don't think you're ready to enjoy the like all the lovely things about sex either also i think you should be well equipped to like handle what could be an embarrassing situation for your partner with grace like by all means laugh but like laugh in a laughing with them like hey this is funny let's move on and i think a very good way to to laugh in a good way and a supportive way is to then move on supportively and sexively, sexually. So being like,

yeah, let's call it. That's not good. That's embarrassing and shameful and a little confusing. Whereas if you went and then took her to pound town immediately after, no one's like, oh, I think he was weirded out by that. Or, oh, I feel embarrassed. It's like, it's like hey that was great cool and then you're stronger for having gone through what could be potentially embarrassing uh and being chill i think the best way to handle it here's what i would have done she queefs i would have gone and then blown it away inhaled a big inhale and then blown it over my shoulder is this what happened like you were trying to do that and that's when you famously sneezed in the vagina no that was just allergies that's fair maybe you're allergic to queefs maybe uh yeah just like be chill i don't know like i'm not sure what else

i could say here it's like if if you're a guy listening learn the basic shit if you're upset by a queef get the fuck out of here yeah that's it it like it makes me sad because like it's oh he wanted to laugh well fucking laugh it's funny yeah hey look queefs are hilarious that there's nothing wrong with that have a little giggle that's it even repeated queefs aren't that funny just the one especially if it's just like random you can go haha that's yeah then move on imagine if our dick let out like a little sigh oh we'd be all about that we would love it we would love it you okay little buddy yeah and we what would we call it a a plief a plief a pig a puff something like that i think we've answered this i think we answered more than it. Whoa. Okay, let's do this. Let's do this because it's a whole thing. This is by Gomba Juice, male 30, dating female 30.

I want to be able to share my phone code with my new girlfriend for total trust, but I've been single for a very long time. Delete all old numbers, pictures, texts, or leave as is. I've been single for most of a decade, so there's hundreds of Instagram DMs, contacts, sex, nudes, pics, rando phone numbers that were never saved. I haven't shared a passcode since iPhone 5. We have been friends of friends for a while, so through the grapevine, I have a feeling she is familiar with my dating lifestyle, so it should not be a shock. She has no clue I'm even thinking this, nor has she talked about

wanting to see anything on my phone, but it makes me feel better being able to let her into my phone since I have nothing to hide since we started dating and I feel it adds a level of intimacy and trust. She already gave me her code to help her find something while driving and I don't care to go through it, but knowing that she can go through mine makes me happy. I'm so excited to be actually committing myself to someone, and her especially.

Is it better to let her see all my NSFW shenanigans from the last 10 years if she happens to stumble upon it? Or is it better to let her see all my NSFW shenanigans from the last 10 years if she happens to stumble upon it? Or is it better to make it look like a blank slate so there's nothing for her to be worried about? If I keep it, do I tell her that if she ever sees old stuff that she's been warned and we can talk about it if she wants? Luckily, I have auto-delete after one year for texts. I never really save nudes, so there probably aren't too many. But my phone contacts are 97% women. You can clearly see we're from online dating and my camera rolls filled with pointless screenshots of old texts with randos slash Tinder profiles,

nudes of mine, probably a few nudes of others, just random stuff proving I've been a fuck boy. Is there a good mix of all this? I should consider. Um, I think you're overthinking it, my dude.

I think if there is, if you haven't saved every nude you've ever received in a folder somewhere on your phone labeled, you know, fuck pics and like 2020, 2021, 2022. As long as it doesn't look like you've curated all of your nudes and all of this shit, I think that would look sketchy and gross. But if you give your phone password, I think it's kind of cute that you're like, it makes me happy to be like, I trust you and I want you to trust me. And I think it's kind of weird. Not really.

I think it's a little cute to be like, you know, it makes me happy. Because he's also not saying like, here, go through my phone. But it's like, it almost feels like he expects her to. And it's kind of weird. I don't know. It's weird.

There's like he's putting so much weight on it. I think it would be one thing if it was like, oh, you know, I shared my password with my partner, like blah, blah, blah. For, you know, like she said, we were driving and I passed the phone over, blah, blah, you know, something like that. And now I'm worried because I have all these things. What do I do? Sure. But the fact is, I want to do it. i can't wait to give her my passcode but i'm also gonna fucking be really weird about the process yeah that's the thing it's like i don't have a

problem with him wanting to share his code that's whatever that like and i think it's kind of cute but i think you just leave it as is again you've said've said, like, you know, you don't save nudes. Your messages are your messages. As long as you weren't texting people while you were exclusive. Yeah. Right? Like, if there's nothing in there, and, like, look, if there is something in there, you're a piece of shit. Yeah. And you deserve to be caught and or broken up with anyway.

She shouldn't trust you. But like if I right now, if I got into a committed relationship and someone went through my phone and saw a couple months ago, I sent some spicy text to someone and got upset about that. That's their problem, not mine. Yeah, for sure. And that's the thing. It's like if you have a good partner, this isn't an issue. If you have a bad partner, good that you find out i'm sure as fuck not going to go through my instagram messages and delete all the ones that might have salacious content i also i don't have time for that i literally and i don't even mean like i'm busy i mean i would have to dedicate like i don't

understand how far back i would have to go if i was like to worry about this after getting into a relationship you know because there's so many texts. And it's like what one person finds offensive isn't what another person finds offensive. Also, I will say, what's more suspicious? You get on someone's phone, it's just like empty. Yeah, the only two contacts in it are mom and dad. Well, that's the thing.

It's like, oh, 97% women. It's like, okay. So, yeah, you've just got like three fucking numbers now to be fair my phone is probably also predominantly I don't really text anyone anymore I have like your number no for sure

there's two of our friends like two of our best friends that I don't have their phone numbers yeah who fucking uses phones anymore for texting right like it's all it's all like Facebook Messenger and shit. Yeah, look, you're overthinking it.

I do think it's weird that you're so, so into it. I don't know. That's just a me thing. I think it's fucking strange. Calm the fuck down. My concern for it is I feel like you're peeking behind the curtain about how you expect other people's sexual past to be, right? Like you're worried that she's gonna see what you were up to and would freak out and i feel like that might be indicative of if you saw something

in her past like if you went through her phone and saw that she has a couple thirsty dms on instagram you would be unhappy maybe i will also say her giving you her fucking code while you're driving, don't go through her fucking phone. That's not carte blanche. Just go through it. It's like... Well, I think he clearly said, like, I think he specifically says that he has no intention to doing that, right?

Yeah, but, like, judging by how much, like, he's worried that she will delve through whatever and, like, him being like, oh, it's already the step we've kind of crossed. I think there's a big difference between like oh hey type in this code and can you do this thing for me and being like hey i can now use this code to get into your phone whenever i want for sure you know i think like just don't you know what i mean and i know he said it but he's also very weird about it so i don't really trust him so just take a breath calm down don't fuck with your. So just take a breath. Calm down.

Don't fuck with your shit. Because the only way this looks weird, unless you have something to hide or unless your partner has issues, is by deleting everything. And then your phone's this blank slate. And that looks suspicious as fuck. So you're good. Take a breath. Enjoy your relationship for what it is and stop getting hung up on this weird phone code thing. Or freaking me out. Do a hard check about what you might be concerned people would find.

Or send a message in every one of these threads just being like, hey, Kelsey, look above. I didn't do anything wrong. So that when Kelsey gets there, you've got your own little like phone guide. Or on the same idea, text everyone you've ever flirted with from the time you got this phone to now and say hi i've decided to enter into a monogamous committed relationship just send that to everyone and then in brackets say see kelsey and then everyone knows like anyone who looks at your phone be like oh sure they might have had a spicy text passed but nothing's gonna happen now he just told them this does actually sound i know you're joking but it does sound a

little bit too reasonable and i know that the person that you met 12 years ago in a bar is gonna look at that and be like what the fuck is this damn it they've been saving for 12 years i got a text before i started dating my my previous partner they like i got a text out of nowhere and it was like i might i've changed phones several times since i i had known this person and they were like hey what's up and i was like oh i'm sorry like i think you have the wrong number um and they were like no this is dane right i was like yes sorry i don't have your number who is this and they told me i was like i haven't heard from you in like six years and you did ghost me and i was just like what why where'd you come from i never i never pursued it so i

don't have i don't yeah i don't have anything else for it because i was just like i'm not letting you back into this this kick-ass life yeah i've had people like i had someone from like seven years prior at the time which i'd been a one-night stand and then like we tried to meet up and it never really worked it was whatever like messed me out of the blue out of ages later and be like oh let's meet up let's hang out let's hang out and i was kind of like oh well i'm out with my girlfriend right now you know like just giving the hints and they were like yeah i'm not just hitting on you i'm like you obviously are it's like we're not just gonna be like hey we haven't talked in seven years we don't know each other our only connections that we fucked one night we're best friends best friends you know dammit is this your way of letting me know that you're replacing me on the show

it's true fuck yeah, but who knows? In eight years, maybe we can reconnect. This is percentage last. Why did he feel so much bigger? Normally, me and my boyfriend have sex on our bed. Like most humans do, I assume. It's very squishy, as we have a memory foam mattress. But yesterday, I was downstairs working out where the floors are wood,

but we have workout mats covering it. Anyway, came down one thing led to another we started having sex every single position from missionary to doggy was so intense i had to cover my mouth to physically stop from screaming like he genuinely felt so much bigger and hit spots i can't even comprehend it almost hurt is it because of the angles were different being more stable on the ground i just don't understand hmm i thought they were gonna have a different position but if it's all of them yeah it's like if something has a little sink into it he's losing traction you're losing traction you know it's like the difference of fucking someone and then holding them really hard by the hips and fucking them i mean just do the the simple test of like put something on the bed and push down on it.

It's going to keep going down. Yeah. So I think that's the science of it. Also, they said they did a workout, right? Yeah. Maybe they were like stiff or loose or like, you know, I don't know what they were working out, but maybe there's that. And also, maybe it's just the unexpectedness and the like hotness. Like if you guys haven't shaken it up in a while which one you should but two hell yeah it's probably all combined yeah i think it's a like a perfect storm of situations where now is correct when you work out the amount of like chemical reactions that are happening in your

body and like hormones that your body is releasing, all of those things are pumping through you. So that's going to probably affect how things feel, especially when you start having sex and the same and a different combination of hormones are now pumping through you. Because like sex and working out, sex and physical activity are very similar in terms of like the chemical reactions in your brain, but there are some differences. So I imagine it would only heighten.

You heard it here first dane does a jizz at the gym there's a very good workout video where arnold schwarzenegger talks about how coming is or working out is like coming and he just says the word coming like 50 times he must have the best workouts maybe that's why he's so jacked he's fucking swole as hell yeah dude yeah but like i would also be that swole if every time i worked out phallic calming right but no workout sex so good but then as as now said like the surprise of it there's something really really nice about sex when you're not expecting it it's hotter with consent with consent of course so like the idea of like you just working out and then all of a sudden he comes down and you just you're fucking fucking? It's crazy. Yeah.

And the fact that like you guys clearly aren't that adventurous if all you do is fuck on your bed. So I could understand why this would be very exciting for you. So I think it's a combination of all those things. I think there's a lot of adventure that can happen in a bed. Yes. Did I say that? Yes. Did I say that there couldn't be?

No, I said if all you do is fuck in a bed, you're not that adventurous. Does that mean you can't have adventure in a bed? No. I'd say that there are people who could be a very adventurous couple do is fuck in a bed you're not that adventurous does that mean you can't have adventure in the bed no i'd say that there are people who could be a very adventurous couple and only fuck in a bed sure in other ways but you're still not being adventurous in one very specific way that's quite easy i guess and also if you were adventurous i don't see why you wouldn't i just don't want to you're just being weird i just don't want to shame anyone who's only has sex in a bed but like it's good shaming They'll take it to the couch this week and have a lot of fun Maybe they don't want to

Then they're boring You know You're really going to make the argument That people should just only have sex in bed I'm saying that only having sex in one location Doesn't remove you From the adventurous category Is this what you're saying? No I'm not saying that at all because here's the thing is this what you're

no no i'm not saying at all but here's what i'm saying who's more adventurous who's more adventurous someone who's had sex on a kitchen table and a couch and on the floor in the bed or someone who has done bondage and uh role play and consensual non-consent and you know i mean like hasn't indulged in a numerous variety of endless kicks. Again, I didn't say you couldn't be adventurous in bed. Yes, I'm just saying. You know I'm right. I don't want to preclude people who like to.

If you only have sex in bed, you know I'm gently ribbing you. But also, shake it up. Why not? Maybe they made a contract with the devil. No, there you go. That's pretty fucking adventurous. You're're right i take it all back when i did it boys the old devil approach um where were we i mean i think we pretty much like covered i don't think there's a whole lot to talk about this is like you you found the perfect storm of chemical compositions in your brain and what well if you just got bigger what if he did? While you're working out,

he's doing some bone smashing on his bone. What if she got smaller? Maybe you're shrinking. Maybe you're fucking shrinking. What are you doing? What workout? Is your workout you get in like one of those car compactors and you try to hold it up as it tries

to smoosh you? Because that's intense. One, good job. Two, very adventurous it up as it tries to smoosh you because like that's intense one good job two very adventurous three maybe don't smoosh yourself with a car compactor unless it did feel really good you said it almost hurt as long as you keep smooshing yourself to the point where it doesn't hurt keep smooshing but for real like the good thing about this is one nothing nothing bad happened so great yeas all around tell them i maybe don't i don't know just tell them it was incredible maybe don't say you felt bigger because and it was good because i don't know we've talked about that before yeah just being like the word bigger always implies

that you are smaller do however bring them upstairs and like no you feel smaller your dick feels small no don't don't do that you get to be a scientist now and you get to go replicate this and if it's great amazing and if not then this is another question because it's a mystery i would love to know this is a real science heavy episode i feel like i would love to know if there is like i don't know much about kegels but i'd love to know if there are exercises that you do in a normal workout that do affect like vaginal tightness no no it even could be like looseness like if he's hitting spots like you know maybe she was doing some yoga and she's just like a little bit more loosey-goosey i don't know and get further in yeah yeah maybe i mean

like maybe that's it maybe your hips were just opened up and he was able to like your hips were able to go back a little further your legs go back a little further and he was just to be able to thrust a little deeper who knows maybe you were like leaning back a little further or like you know whatever in doggy or maybe it's just like he can't really get a good position on the bed if it's sinking down so low as well you know do yourselves the favors don't buy into this memory foam shit get yourself a nice firm mattress you can get a firm mattress that is comfortable. Squishy mattresses are bad for you. As my lock-on

007, am I really supposed to wipe all pictures of my exes off social media? Had an interesting date today. Vibes are off. Won't be a second one. One particular thing she said caught my attention. She mentioned going through my Instagram and noticing I had pictures of my exes on it, and it was a red flag. I was kind of taken aback by that because i do take the time to remove

couple pictures off my social when things don't work out so after what she meant we pulled up my profile she pulled up a group pic of me my ex my best friend and his wife at their wedding day so i was like uh that's not a picture of my ex that's a picture of me the best man celebrating my best mate's wedding and my ex just happens to be in it it's a good memory she's clearly not the main focus and then she pulled up another picture same thing not a couple picture it's me my ex and like three other people in front of the giant bean in chicago from a trip i mean i was with the girl for two years she was integrated with my friend group of course she's going to show up my timeline as an npc so i responded i don't know they're nice important memories for me so i kept them and she she said, that's odd, but whatever.

Kind of checked out of the date from there. Do people really expect people to delete all traces of previous relationships off social media? This is insane. Yeah. I hate this. I don't think I like. I'm pretty sure. Like, let me open up my my old Instagram photo here real quick.

No, OK, never mind. It's a ways down, thankfully, to conventions filling up most of my most recent timeline. But it's not long until you scroll down and see pictures of me and my ex. And I'm not just going to erase that part of my life. And if someone is upset with the fact

that I have a very sort of peaceful resolution with a relationship that I had for a very long time, then that's their fault. And like, that just shows me that like, you aren't mature enough to deal with the fact that I've had a life before you. Yeah. It would be a different story if it was like, Hey, my Instagram is only pictures of them and me and them. And Oh, you want a picture of us to go on there no but that would upset my x shrine i mean my like yeah sure there are ways this could be weird but like what's weirder is social media stalking someone especially on a fucking first date by the way not that it gets better after date four or whatever but like no fuck this you shouldn't have to cater

your instagram or your whatever it's your past i think that's cool to have if you want to look back on or to store them or whatever. Like, I've never deleted a picture of me and my ex off anything. No, like the closest thing I think I've ever done would be like change your profile pic because it doesn't make any sense to have a pic of us together anymore. Like, that's the extent you should go to. Yeah, that's fully it. That's it. There you go.

I do want to add you as well, being like, if the relationship was bad and you want to prune that person from your timeline because you don't want to see pictures of them anymore because it is traumatic. That's fine. Oh, sure. Right. Like, if you need to do it therapeutically, sure. But don't do it for the sake of another person even if you didn't have a great or you had a wonderful relationship you just don't want the one you're whatever that's fine you can take whatever the fuck you want off your own timeline just don't do it for somebody else yeah or feel that you have to do it yeah i

think if someone came at me with that energy i would call them out on it i think i don't think i would i would be like okay whatever i think i'd be like why are you upset with the fact that i do have like i i have a past yeah it's like should i like should i just erase chunks of my like what should i because also are we gonna then be like well i don't work at a job anymore do i erase all of the photos of everyone i used to work with wait your ex got you that playstation throw it out toss it wore that you wore that shirt with your ex burn burn it like oh ridiculous also those are the kind of people that's like you won't be able to be like oh like last time when i was in

switzerland and blah blah and they'll be like wait when you're in switzerland with your ex yeah and then you're like oh shit i didn't realize i now have to pretend i didn't do half the things i did for fear that you get fucking upset that like fuck that you should be able to talk about your ex or your history or your past that was tangentially fucking related to your ex without being like stabbed yep so yeah uh that's gonna do it for this episode friends uh but before before we go, we're going to hop on to online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge. Check the profile. See what works. See what doesn't work.

An effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. I'll start you off with Edie. She's 18. She's 5'11". And she says, I'll slap you if you make me mad. You men are fragile. Everyone's fragile when you slap them. Don't do it.

Yeah, don't. No. This is like, is it better than when a man says it? Slightly. But that's still not great. Yeah. Anyone who threatens me with physical harm is going to get a zero from me. Yes.

And it's just like, I don't understand what you're doing here. Stop. Zero. Fuck, we're fragile. She was right. This profile is something special to me, and I would love to know how you feel about this. This is Olena. Looking for someone who's going to love my butt as I do.

I'm refugee, but very good looking, so you'll never guess. Oh, no. I don't have a great career here, and money as well, so probably I'm not that good of a partner for mortgage and stuff. But I can buy you an ice cream baby boy hmm i i they obsessed me that she's like insinuating that refugees are ugly yeah that's that's not great also it's like i guess you could love your butt like i do but i'm probably gonna be a bit more into it literally and figuratively see that the refugee thing is like i'm all here i will worship your butt i'm happy to do it you got a good butt i'm gonna i'm gonna pay my respects to that butt although wait

hold on i think i think you only do that to dead things you could respect it but paying your respect yeah it's dead she got that butt i hope not corpse but the new tim burton movie so yeah that's sad i do i do like the i'll buy you an ice cream kind of thing all and i like that she's like hey i don't really have a great job right now blah blah but it does almost seem like she's saying i'll buy you an ice cream you buy me a mortgage see i don't that's where i i also got lost in the sauce a little bit because i'm like i like the idea of her being like i'm not here for a sugar daddy situation because i'll i don't have a lot of money but the money i do have i'm gonna buy you an ice cream yeah i like that if that's the sentiment i really like it if it's what you just said along

the side of being like i'll buy you ice cream you have to take care of all my other expenses i don't like that yeah so i'll give it a tentative six i do not like that she is you know ragging on on the refugees but i guess as like being one themselves it's not exactly as you know so maybe it's like two i don't maybe it's something they've had to deal with and they've just internalized i don't know but like you're good there's there's nothing refugees are not any more or less attractive than anybody else um i feel like they've probably had like she's probably been like oh yeah i'm a refugee from someplace and some dude has probably been like oh you don't look like it right like i that does not surprise me that would not be unrealistic much like the

girl who got nah message to her a million times. Maybe she just gets, you don't look like a refugee, though. Yeah. So, yeah, I'll give it a six. Yeah, I'm going to give it a six, too. If it's good, then I'm going to give it an eight. Like, if all the things that we said, if all the markers that we talked about are actually the good versions of them, it's an eight. Yeah.

Yeah. It's quite cute, mostly. I'm just not 100% sure. This is Lane. They're 30. And they say, yes, I'm a midget. Sorry if I can't reach your standards. This is, again, these are, I like this profile.

If this isn't someone being me like if this is actually a little person oh it is who who is but i mean like it could very easily be someone making a fit you know what i mean like i guess yeah and they actually are verified so okay great then i like i assume unless it's a deep i i think it's very funny. And we've talked about before, like people bringing up things about themselves and release like disparaging ways. That sucks. This is the complete opposite. It's hilarious. It's great.

It's confident. Fuck. Yeah. It's a nine. Yep. I'm going to give it a nine as well. This is Julia. It's a hinge prompt.

Do you agree or disagree? Cyclists are as annoying as fuck. LOL. I already hit two of them, and none were my fault. Get off the road. So that's going to be a minus 10 for me. Well, that's just because you're an annoying cyclist. I am an annoying cyclist, but I also don't like people wishing violence on anyone,

and I don't for one second believe that with that attitude, you haven't hit cyclists on purpose the just the the weird brag of being like i've caused bodily harm potentially very serious bodily harm to people and i don't have any remorse for it also like it's it's clear that this isn't where it stops because she says already that means there's more to come like yeah uh no Also, why is that the only thing about you? Like your hatred of cyclists and your joy at hitting them? There were other ones, but that's just the one prompt. Oh, sorry. It's a zero.

It's a minus 10. Yeah, I'm going to give it a zero because, again, if it was anything of being along the lines of like, I've hurt certain people or I've hurt two people very badly and i don't feel bad about it that's that makes me very uncomfortable because if you're willing to potentially kill someone and have no remorse regardless of whether it's their fault or not like if i was driving a car and a cyclist ran a red in front of my car and i fucking smoked them sure it's their fault but i would feel fucking terrible yeah 100 i wouldn't look at them and be like how annoying like god get off the road you're so annoying you're you're lying there with your legs fucking snap backwards and like oh i'm gonna be late so annoying oh very schlabethany. Guys, thank you for coming on this

little journey with us. Thank you for those who are already signed up for our live show because we're almost sold out again, which is wonderful. If you are not one of the aforementioned people coming, please, we would love to meet you. We would love to see you. We would love to have you there. If you want to support us in other ways,

we have a Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash FBuddies. We would love for you to join us there and support us in other ways we have a patreon patreon.com forward slash f buddies we would love for you to join us there and support us help us do what we do um and you know maybe one day we can take a little bit of pressure off dane so he won't be editing 24 7 and he can actually go and date in the wild you want me out there i want him out there yeah thank you for listening we We love you. And we hope to see you at our live show. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvesties for the song Paper Stars.

Now, are you ready for Andrew Tate's April 6th tweet? Sure. Preface this by saying Andrew Tate's a giant piece of shit. We all know this. I don't care how beautiful she is. She can be at 25 out of 10. I don't care how perfect her picture is. I don't even slow down as I scroll. In fact, seeing any of these females repulses me.

Truly immune to thirst traps. It's all a psyop, a mind attack. I couldn't give less of a fuck. Man, that's a man who's definitely bone smashed. I love the new trend of it's gay to be straight yeah you know where people are like oh you like women like this you're gay and it's like someone who's like generally someone who has like biceps you know what I mean and they're like oh it's like him being like I'm so manly I don't even like women it's like hell yeah it might be the only cool thing even though i know you don't mean it that way yeah what do you think he does stop scrolling for i don't know man we we can't talk

about this my name is dane miller and i am niles spain and we have been your fuck buddies the only thing andrew tate stopped scrolling for no do we want that? No, we don't.