F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 259 - The Shot Glass Experiment

Episode Date: September 25, 2023

All we're saying is that it seems like it's not a LOT of volume and we'd be curious to see how much we could fill a shot glass.  Topics include a hilarious wedding day prank, custom animated porn, feeling used in modern dating, medically qualifying how much is a lot.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in I love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love 🎵 To be continued... sticky situations. We find questions online. We find them in our inbox when our listeners send them. We answer them here. We answer them online on our Patreon once a month. And we also answer them on stage.

It's us. It's your fuck buddies. We're here. We're ready to go. Dane's looking at him. He's got that fire in him. He's got that dog in him. I got a dog in me?

You got that dog. You got that dog in you. What he's talking about is every time I'm not speaking I want you to imagine me just slamming a hot dog it's true just getting them glizzies he's told me for so long not to eat while recording and he's just

horsing down glizzies every time I'm talking I don't even know how he has so many in the closet with him I'm like that guy the guy who eats Joey Chestnut I'm the guy who just I'm just dunking so you don't hear me eating them because I'm not the closet with him. I'm like that guy. The guy who eats Joey Chestnut. I'm the guy who just, I'm just dunking it. So you don't hear me eating them because I'm not really eating them. I am just. In ailing them.

No, Dane's doing that because like times are hard, which is why, you know, we out here grinding. We just done two live shows in a week. That's why I mentioned the Patreon as well. Because Dane has to do, you know, that NPC thing where like you go, oh, glizzies. Yay. And like eat the glizzy. That's what Dane's doing at the same time as he's recording, which is really hard.

So if you go on live right now, you'll find him. He's, oh, thank you, roses. Dane, shut up. Oh, the fucking, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Have you not seen the glizzy guy? I haven't seen the glizzy guy, no. I'll have to send it to you because there's going to be a lot. Is he the New York guy on the street?

No, he's the guy who pretends he's deep-throating the whole time. It'll make a lot more fun. Oh, good. Where he's like, extra glizzy, activate it. And he's like, oh, no, no, no. No? That was probably an audio delight. Yeah.

Hated it. I didn't like seeing it. Are you ready? Yeah. Where are we going to start? We're going to start here. This is posted by blank. My 36-year-old male wife's 36-year-old female friend, 37-year-old male, played a prank on me on my wedding day over a year ago, and I still can't let it go for some reason.

I feel haunted by it. I feel so dumb writing this, but I also feel so tormented by this, and I don't know what to do at this point. I can't get this off my head, and it's affecting my relationship with my wife. I knew our wedding never was going to be picture perfect, but I didn't expect my groomsman, who happened to be my wife's friend, to try to do some underhanded shit to me on my wedding day. To set the stage, my wife's friend John was my groomsman. I had my own best friend Mike as my best man. John was basically a stand-in, as he's the husband of one of my wife's bridesmaids and she wanted it even on both sides. We had a hundred plus person wedding but the bridal party itself was very small. I'm not from the area and many of my childhood friends

are no longer on this earth unfortunately. So as far as the bridal party goes it was basically me and my best man Mike and I let my wife fill it with her people to make it even and how she wanted it which is how John ended up as a groomsman. On the day of the wedding my wife and i had not seen each other for 24 hours she's getting ready with the bridesmaids i'm getting ready with my groomsman we had a photographer with the groomsman to take pictures as i'm getting my picture taken john my groomsman mentioned it's funny my wife and i hired this photographer as she knew him from high school and they used to fuck my draw my jaw dropped and i was ready to swing on people on my wedding day but but I didn't. I regained composure. On people?

Just like not anyone in specifics? Just on people. Just anyone in the fucking vicinity and this man's gonna throw fucking hands. But he didn't. I regained composure and went through with the wedding with the thought that, did my wife bang the wedding photographer she hired for our wedding? John admitted it was just a joke, but he actually kept it going while riding in a car to the wedding venue. It threw off the entire vibe of the wedding for me.

From the guest's perspective, it was a beautiful wedding, and the pictures and videos came out great. But my God, if I could do a do-over, the last thing I would want is my wife's friend as my groomsman telling me my wife banged the photographer. I feel like John totally ruined my wedding day memories and filled them with doubt and anger. I never should have allowed it to be a part of my day. I spent the night trying to figure out what was true and what wasn't, and I should have been able to enjoy the first night of my marriage without that stress and anxiety. When I look back on wedding pictures and memories from that day,

I see beautiful things all tainted by one person that wanted to be a toxic piece of shit to me. I try so hard to- Yeah, it's not. The pictures are lovely except for the groom who's just glaring dead into the lens of the camera or like into the distance or like he's like restraining himself from swinging and i try so hard to separate them and it's so hard because that seed of doubt john planted in my head that it was the last thing i needed to hear before going to get married to the love of my life i don't think i'll ever forgive him for thinking that was a good idea look i you're

there's like two parts there's two wolves in me and i i understand like yes was it a shitty thing to do to tell you while you're getting ready for your marriage to be like hey your wife fucked that guy it's stupid it's not even funny like it's not a joke it's yeah fucking weird it's not good it's not funny and it's not smart or cool or it just generally sucks yeah it's a really shitty thing to do especially because you're not close with the groom like you were sort of like an addition to the like you're you're not his best friend you know what i mean you're not a close friend you're literally the bridesmaid's husband. Like that's your role in the wedding.

So like having that kind of like familiarity and inserting yourself and doing something so drastic on a day that really should be focused on like the two people getting married sucks. It's the worst. There's no excuse for it. Honestly, to me, it's more shitty in terms of like like if you had a bike that

you only have one wheel that's a shitty bike not like a bike that's you know racist right what as in it's less shitty as in like oh he did a really bad thing to you i'm more like a shitty and just like it it was like super lame like it's not funny yeah super lame. Like, it's not funny. Yeah. It doesn't make sense. Like, it's just, like, super lame. It's, like, it fell flat. I could imagine just everyone being like, what? What do you do? What? What is that?

Like, it's not even, like, necessarily that mean or cruel. It's just fucking weird. This guy's also trying to do a job, right? Like, you have no idea how the groom is going to respond to this. Apparently, he was inches away from swinging on people. But like even if he wasn't violent, like he could have been like, I want you to leave.

I don't want you to go to my wedding. And this guy loses his fucking job. You know what I mean? Or loses the commission or whatever. I mean, granted he's probably already been paid, so he was probably like, great day off. Thank you for the thousands of dollars. Yeah. But you know, like it makes it, you for the thousands of dollars yeah but you know like it makes it you open the door for so much bullshit and potential problems for this hilarious prank joke but flip

side to call a woman the love of your life and then spiral because she might have had sex with someone that you've crossed path with like however many years ago in high school is insane i gotta tell you my dude she's she's probably fucked other people other than you and what dang you shut up i'll start swinging on people right now i know that like the the cryptic thing of being like none of my friends are on this planet anymore that was yeah it's such an ominous aside like is that why you don't understand why there could be people from her past that she's fucked because because she has no people from his past you're essentially a fucking praying mantis the second you have sex with someone you kill them because they can't possibly continue to exist maybe that's why he was so shook. It wasn't like, oh, she might have had sex with this guy.

It's, he's still alive? Wait, hold on. Is he immortal? How, what is true? What is real? Can people live past? No, that's, I don't know what happened. It's such a weird, ominous aside.

The thing is, like, even if this guy had been like oh he she's he's sorry she's cheating on you with this guy and he had this reaction that would still be so wildly awful because why would you trust this random dude over your wife right but the fact that it's not even that it's oh they fully did the thing that they could have done and the only bad thing here is maybe that she hired them and didn't tell you which like okay like it's not ideal but like if you trust her who did why does it fucking matter presumably you hired this photographer because they were good yeah and like so again you're you're very capable and hopefully again if you love this person you should trust them enough to be like oh you've had

a romantic relationship with someone presumably at least like five years ago and what does it matter like i i don't understand people who like i've dated people who are very close with their exes i'm close with several of my exes and if that was a problem for someone then i would be like hey you need to sort this out or i'm not the person for you because i'm not going to cut people that mean something to me out of my life right and that needs to be a two-way street in the sense of like so what if she kept in contact with someone that she hooked up with in high school yeah she's marrying you literally like the worst it gets is like oh i would have liked to have known and her being like

oh i'm sorry but again presumably you picked this person for a reason so it's like unless you're like wait a minute is that why you she picked him which again wouldn't make sense because it's her wedding that would be an insane move like presumably they're good or they're in your budget or they're available on the day you know what i mean like it's i don't understand why you would think anything nefarious from this and it's just such a wild wild wild move and the guy even was like it was a joke before you left the room of getting ready and went to the wedding no and you yes he kept doing it in the car yeah but he said he admitted it was a joke and then did keep it going yeah he made it was a just a joke but he kept doing it in the car. Yeah, but he said he admitted it was a joke and then did keep it going. Yeah, he admitted it was just a joke, but he kept it going while riding in the car to the wedding venue.

So it's like he said, oh, it was a joke and then like kept going with the joke. Again, this guy is not great. He's one of those people that's just like just severely unfunny. But like, why are you continuing to freak out and again this is years later if not more at least a year right and you're still like looking back and it ruined your day it's like this guy look he sucks but you're the problem here i mean yes you need to i would say two things have you talked to your wife about it right bring it up because chances are you haven't talked to anyone about this you've probably kept you have one friend who made like might have hurt

the story but that's an echo chamber where his friends are dead he has one best friend right who's dead probably you might not have survived um so it's like you need to talk about this thing that's how you get over shit not bottle it up and keep it in and then like maybe unload on reddit every now and then you know i mean like that's that's not how you progress and get over stuff if you're just gonna hold on to it and not talk about it and not address it and not confront it then yeah you're gonna feel like shit every time you see your wedding photos where you're scowling burning the lens or like staring at the slange man yeah like yes you're gonna feel like shit about it but if you stop and you think and be like was i having a bad day was i and it's like

look i've been near weddings a lot i used to do wedding photography and wedding videography i did sleep with most of the brides in high school so i i get it but it's like you know emotions run high right there's there's a lot going on so i can understand that i can i will allow you the fault of maybe falling into this while everything is so elevated you know everyone has these high hopes i will you know let's grant you that i know i it's it's the reaction is just baffling it's it's insane but you say that you look back and you're like oh everyone had a great time presumably your wife included you look at these beautiful photos etc etc that photographer definitely a great time i'll tell you that then like focus on that be like

hey despite the fact that i had a bad day or i had a rough day or it wasn't the best for me, the person that I loved felt celebrated. The people that I care about or that she cares about had a great time. Rephrase it or reframe it. It's all about perspective. Right? one thing that wasn't great for you and look at all the stuff that was great for you in in the moment that you might not have realized and for the people that matter to you and to your wife honestly that would be the hardest part for me is like if you've already ruined your day and it's like you only really get your wedding with this person once really like i would find it very

hard to be like cool i fucked up i ruined my own day by being a piece of shit. Like, that I would find very hard to get over. But, like, you also can't change the past, you have to. You know what I mean? Yeah. And if you can't hang on to it, seek therapy. Yes. I think for sure this dude needs fucking therapy.

But secondly, it's like, maybe do, like, a renewal of vows. Or, like, a really fancy anniversary party that can be your like new wedding inverted commas you know what i mean like it's a great idea re-celebrate it in a way that you can then look back on and be like well that day was really nice you know and also hey let your wife know what happened because if you're ever hanging out with that dude that's gonna suck shit for you i assume and it's like if she's like oh he's so weird today it would be nice if she knew for you for them for everybody involved apart from maybe this one guy but fuck him yeah because there could be a time where like something happens and she's she might actually

ask you if it's cool to invite these people but if she like she knows the history she could be like hey so we're doing this thing these guys might be be there. Or is it cool if I invite them? Would you be okay if I invited them? As opposed to if she thinks everything's great, hey, great, they're there without you knowing or surprising you. So it makes no sense not to talk to your wife about this. One, hopefully she can reframe things for you. One, don't go and fuck an accusatory. Don't be like, I thought you fucked a photographer.

That's your own fucking hangups. That's your own deal. Just be like be like look your friend's husband kept going on about how you fucked the the photographer and it was dumb but it like really upset me because you know it's it's it's a dumb joke to do to someone well on this day that you're it's an unkind thing to do like you know like there was no good intention behind it right yeah i'm like just that from someone who should have been there to support you when you were having you know an emotionally fraught day and shit you like you know that that's reasonable so let her know that and you know i think you you need therapy you need to stop letting little things like this

snowball into something wild because like i don't know whether it's a lack of confidence on your part or if it's a lack of trust in your partner but like if you have issues from previous relationships you can't let them affect you that much yeah i mean there's a lot of warning signs here of being like it someone made a joke about your partner sleeping with someone when they were absolutely allowed to sleep with yeah and it ruined your day you wanted to turn to violence and you are hanging on to it for over a year none of those things are good that's a bundle of bad news yeah and they're all like fully bad you know what i mean i think we would still be saying the same if the guy had made a joke again something way more serious like she's cheating on him currently it would still be wild for you to be like i'm just gonna start fucking i'm gonna assault this dude like no yeah so you need to unpack that preferably in a professional medical you know health care practitioner a mental health

professional and deal with that you definitely need to talk to your wife about it because that's gonna make you feel better hopefully and you need to figure out what you need to do in order to move on whether that is what nile said have another renewal of vows have another sort of like smaller day with the people that really matter to you or even just your wife you know plan a really good day for you and her and sort of you know bring it all together or you know again like deal it go into therapy and talking through it and coming to terms with it or what i said where you know you look back and try to shift the perspective of being like it actually was a great day it was a beautiful day and i just got lost in the sauce a little bit and i'm going to try to refocus on the positives instead of the negatives. Yeah. Man, I have a big question, but I feel like we talked a lot on that one.

We did go into a lot. I'm going to go into it. Well, yeah, I'm going to go into it. I'm going to answer it in one word. Okay. This is Patron Sate of Narcos. Husband illustrates and animates porn of himself with redheads while I sleep most mornings.

Our 20-year-year anniversary is next year, where between 35 and 45. Over the last 5 to 10 years, I've learned my husband has a hobby of drawing porn. As technology and his knowledge of Photoshop slash After Effects grows, so does his breadth of work. There are multiple characters, all redheads, with names. He has tons and tons and tons of files of these women in different positions,

either completely nude with fire red pussies to match or body suits thigh highs lingeries he then animates himself into the porn fucking them and most recently spanking them i'm also a child of abuse so spanking is definitely not my thing but would be even but would even be willing to do it if this stops this it'd be just one thing if you watched porn once in a while and jerked off. He dedicates hours and hours each month on it. While I'm asleep in the next room, he's up at 4am to get ready for work, but usually has 1-3 hours to himself each morning.

He's admitted to me over the years that it's a hobby he's always had. If he wants to watch porn here and there, great. Not happy about it, but that would be better than this. I've asked him to wake me up if he's horny. Never has. Asked me to tell him he isn't drawing porn as a thing to turn me on. Never has. I've given up begging and pleading and having massive blowups about this.

Now I'm just perpetually sad. We have a good sex life, but I just end up lying awake each morning crying quietly because I assume he's drawing porn again. Granted, he does a lot of good things with his skills too, video editing, animation for a YouTube channel we have, etc. But I just assume that it's usually, it's porn. I'm kind of a prude, I watch porn like quarterly just because my imagination is fine to rub one out. I would be happy to try new things, etc. if he would just stop spending so much time on it or just ask me for what he wants. I learn now he's paying for a website where you can pose

different nude models for art, which he then uses as the base for women. I know where he hides the files and lately I just go and look at the progress of who he's working on next and where he's animating himself into it, into her, and then cry. Look at the file history. I saw it even worked stuff in the early morning of my birthday. I'm not asking him to never jerk off or never watch porn. I'm just sad and overwhelmed. I'm not planning to leave him or anything, but just trying to imagine my future life, where this is a silly or still a daily part of his life.

There's not really anyone online that had this issue, just people bothered by their husbands watching porn overall. So short of a sex therapist, I don't know what to do. I also have OCD and can't stop thinking about it. One note, it usually goes in phases. Sometimes he stops, but not that often. And then she has a list of things, of common questions and suggestions. I'm not insecure with my body, so that's not why I'm bothered.

I don't see it as cheating. I had a severe drinking problem in high school. Yes, I met him when I was almost 17 and he was 26. He's not a creep. I regularly met him at bars. Almost 17? I was almost 17. Yes, so she was 16, 10 years different. I regularly met him at bars. I never said I wasn't 21 in my hometown. Oh, and in my hometown, girls don't get ID'd at the door. He didn't find out until someone told him and he dumped my ass right away. I just continued to stalk him and bring muffins and it all worked out. I'm so happy in our relationship otherwise.

My mom knew his age and consented. She wasn't the one who kicked me out and was happy I had a good normal person to take care of me when I couldn't be at home. Yes, we are both artists. He does animate and do video editing as well as for a passion project we have on YouTube. He uses his skills for good too. I have always wanted to be with him for the first time I saw him. It just took a while to figure out who he was. Please stop saying he's a creep for our age difference. A lot of time when we're younger don't have context to. I got kicked out at 17, but it was for the best. We've lived together ever since. She has no intention of divorcing him.

We both lived through the same, through extreme trauma. I struggled with PTSD as a kid and still do. I'm not giving up on anything. I said I do do and i mean it and then there's a lot more of like why it bothers her if you want me to go into that well that's kind of my one question is why does it bother her that much okay i have ocd i don't like that he spends so much time on it and secretive i end up obsessing about it which makes me not sleep which leads to me crying quietly because i'm convinced he does it all the time and it's hard to see the good art that he does. Not everyone is into kinks and role-playing and for someone who went through things as a kid, I feel anxious about certain sexual deviations as they happen in my home without me. Yes, I'd feel just fine if he did other things while I'm sleeping, video games, reading, etc. If he

needed to just jerk off here and there while I was slept to porn, great. Like watch 10 minutes of porn jerking and go to work. don't like i don't like it but that would be better than this i'm just bothered by how much time he decides he dedicates to it i doubt he like it if i drew guys pounding me all the time secretly while he slept or wasn't home and tried to hide the evidence i don't really like porn as a sex aid i watch it like quarterly he sees that i've even asked if he wants to watch it together and just led to more massive fights he's guarded when it comes to the illustrations or talking about porn. Yes, the redhead fetish doesn't make me happy or feel good, but I have fantasies too.

I just don't look porn regularly to entertain them. Okay. Well, if there's no new information. No. Like, okay. Well, one word, therapy. Yeah, we did it. Like, there's so much going on here.

And there's also seems to be like a lot of contradictions and so much to fucking talk about whereas like i'm gonna shotgun out a few things one i will do the thing i'm uncomfortable with because of my trauma if it will stop this thing that's not the way to do that's not the way to go for it right don't do that don't traumatize yourself or like go through pain or like two things you don't want to do that's a terrible approach and like if you have a problem so bad that you want to resort to something this bad to to even try to fix it then like there are other fucking options such as not being in this relationship something you apparently refuse to do for some reason two if you're crying every morning for hours this is a horrible relationship again purely based on the fact that you're this upset we don't even need to go into and the reason why or anything else but if you're this upset and you're crying

like this something needs to change and that could well be you getting out of this relationship if nothing else is working i personally don't understand why it's the biggest deal you know what i mean it feels weird like i don't think it's a very normal thing but like it seems to me that like the time that he spends is the biggest concern for her yeah along with the secrecy which she seems to know about it and it seems to be at some parts the question he was very open about it but now isn't yeah she keeps saying it's secretive but like she knows about it they've talked about it yeah like that's that confused me is it is it secretive if i don't tell my partners that i'm jerking off right like is that's not a secretive thing it's just like well this is me

time i'm doing a private thing that doesn't involve you that shouldn't harm you so i'm not gonna be like hey just so you know hey baby just so you know i'm drawing sex things again but like also she knows that he's drawing them and it seems like he's been pretty open again i don't know the exact words but like they talked about before and he has shown her and like she seems well aware it only seems like now he's like more secretive about it but she also says she's convinced he's doing it and doesn't know but then she says he has secret files and she sees them so it's like is he

doing it or is he not because you say she's like I'm convinced he is I don't know but then she's like oh he also is yeah like you're snooping on his computer to like look at the files and like again you're saying like oh he's hiding the files yes he has sex drawings no one's gonna put that on

the fucking desktop like yeah he probably has a file folder that like will be unlikely that if anyone needed to use his computer for something or if he's browsing through stuff on his computer that they're not going to be like here's my like gigabytes of yeah homemade poor like cartoon porn so it's that like there's there's little things that seem to be exacerbating the situation that are just kind of like just a private thing and you're taking you're taking what's private and what should be sort of like a solo individual thing and getting upset that he's hiding it or it's secretive but it's more like even being like oh i've told him to like find me if he's horny and like we've talked about that before it's like sometimes you just want to jerk it sometimes you don't want to fuck someone especially like wake

them up to fuck them at 4 a.m yeah so like there's a lot i can there's a lot i'm confused about i also don't understand the like you know she's like oh i have my own fantasy it's like okay but his aren't all right i wouldn't mind if he looked at porn i use my imagination he's using his imagination he's just drawing right again i think the drawing thing and the amount of effort is bizarre like i'm not you know but is it like malicious or malevolent or or deranged or bad i think that's a good point of being like you're sitting there using your imagination to masturbate yeah to satisfy your fetishes and your fantasies and the only difference is he's putting pen to paper with his as yes like it's a little bit more effort sure but

what's the different like you're coming up with scenes in your head playing them out so he's he's drawing his yeah what and that's the thing on difference unless he was like drawing children or something which i assume would be very fully mentioned in this or women that he knows like if this if he was photoshopping like the faces of you know your sister or his like secretary or yeah that would be very bizarre and i would understand that so i just i just don't understand the hang up on it because okay look aside that has nothing to do with anything the dude gets up four hours before work dude i can't even say it up 20 minutes before work you're saying that like oh he gets up at 4 a.m to work but

then spends one to three hours doing his sex doodles like that to me is the most concerning part yes is you know what i mean like the the fact that he's potentially losing sleep in order to do it because i assume it's the only time he has to do it private. Yeah. And then that if he's spending that long, it does have like, like addiction vibes or something. Right. That's, that's the only thing for me is there is like an obsession addiction thing where like he needs to do this at the detriment of his own health. But like, you've talked about things like, oh, I'm not a big fan fan of porn i wouldn't be happy if you watch porn but i would tolerate it and that is that's

my like you were like oh i'm also a prude okay well like that's your own problem and that is something that you should seek out to i don't want to say like if things aren't your bag that's fine but if if things that aren't your bag then get sort of like pushed onto other people and they're not allowed to do what's in their bag yeah because you're not cool with it that's not okay yeah and it does feel a little cheap to be like oh i'm not okay with this thing but i'd be more okay with it when it's a thing he doesn't do you know what i mean like i feel like if he was watching porn maybe there'd be something else you'd be okay with you know like you know what i mean

i feel like it's very easy to say you'd be okay with something when you're also saying you're not okay with something you know yeah it's like a trickle down thing because like okay great he gives up the drawing he's he's not gonna do it anymore but now for the next five years he's gonna wake up and watch porn yes and oh it's a redhead and like okay you're you've already said you're not gonna be happy about it yes right like you've literally put that into words being like i wouldn't like this but he's good like i'm gonna get him to do the one thing i don't like the most into something he's not gonna like you're still not liking it also you haven't solved the problem. You've made it maybe slightly better.

But I also don't imagine if he woke up and spent his three jerking hours imagining people, I feel like this is the kind of person who would then spiral being like, wait, what's he imagining? I think that would actually even be worse because she wouldn't be able to see. Yeah, it's like maybe i'm maybe i'm casting aspersions i don't know but it feels like that from this thing and i think there is a root problem and maybe some other problems again if he's spending all this time i think that is an issue but like she doesn't seem concerned about that necessarily more that it's like time he's not spending with her or like time being secretive and for all we know he's doing other

shit right i don't know i mean that's the other thing is like oh he i don't know if he's doing it every time you know what i mean like he could be waking up to do this passion project to or to animate the stuff for the youtube or to work out or shower or whatever you know what i mean like i just i feel like there is a different issue at play here she laundry lists it yes there's a lot she goes through all like are you seeing a therapist you have PTSD you have OCD

you have a traumatic past like there's a laundry list of things that you're dealing with fucked up shit when you were young too as well yeah so it's like you, you have this like huge list of things that are currently impacting your life. Are you doing anything about it?

Or are you hoping that your partner is 100% responsible for tailing their lives to deal with your personal baggage? And I'm not saying that isn't a mean thing. I also wonder if like this one issue has become like a scapegoat for everything else. Because it feels like way too much is being put on this. Unless

there's something we're not being told but I can't imagine after a lengthy explanation they would leave anything out. Yeah. So I think I mean the same answer as last question. You need to see someone about these issues you need to talk to your husband about it and lay it out plainly and don't get upset don't freak out don't accuse him of anything and just be like here's why this upsets yeah and then listen to

his response and understand where he's coming from if it literally is hey this is how i find sexual release in my private time you need to accept that as an answer if you're not willing to accept it then you may have to consider the fact that this relationship isn't for you yeah and then you also need to see a mental health professional about all the problems that you are still grappling with because they're not making things easier for either of you yeah and i think like it's worth like putting yourself in their shoes and like examining yourself as well because you don't think about it you imagining and having your own fantasies is not too different no in reality you

know what i mean so it's like yes his are a little weirder but like cool i mean the only thing like we know for sure that is weirder is the fact that he puts it on paper or, you know, he manifests. So I mean, we have no idea what this woman fantasizes or fantasizes about. That's also very true. We have no idea what's going on in your head. So it's very easy to stand in a house and throw stones when we don't know if your windows and walls are glass. Yeah, for sure. So there's a lot going on here,

but therapy is, I would say, a must. And if you were 100% committed to making sure this marriage works, you need to do it together, right? You need to see a sex therapist. You need to see a sex counselor, someone who can sort of help parse this as a impartial third party

to help the negotiation between why he's doing this, why you're upset about it, and if there is a middle ground. Yeah. And also just like, it seems like you've been able to talk about the issue before, and I do not think you're gaining anything by keeping it to yourself currently, which it sounds like you are. So talk to him, like Dane said a few seconds ago. Yeah.

All right. Next one. Damn, this is a two Dane said a few seconds ago. Yeah. Alright. Next one. Damn, is this a two question episode? Uh. Let's get three. Okay. Pick one or two or three. Three? Okay. I just buy oversized plushie. Feel used every time I date. I'm female 21. Shake my head. Whatever guy

I dated has made me feel used afterwards. I would have sex with them because I like them. Hoping for something more. But they would say no. With my last relationship, that lasted a little over a month. I feel used afterwards. I would have sex with them because I like them. I'm hoping for something more, but they would say no. With my last relationship, that lasted a little over a month. I feel used for sex. He ended things so heartlessly, and I don't know what I even did. I want to cry. Is that it? Yep. Oh, sorry.

There's a little, there's an edit. I did not expect this to get many comments. If possible, look at my last post where I talk about my previous relationship. Boyfriend left me abruptly without having a conversation. Last convo was me trying to hear him out and talk about how the relationship felt one-sided, despite him asking me to be his GF. We were together a little over a month. I said if he needed more time to let me know,

but this was the last time I was reaching out because he wouldn't talk. He basically said to never talk to him again and not show up to his place, and he's done. I don't know why he acted this way. He's never been aggressive. I mean, aggressive is a harsh word. He wasn't... He might have been an asshole. He might have been a little blunt, but we're also getting the one side of the story. Unfortunately, you've described dating. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't work. I don't think that you've been used. used i think in this case there is a very clear problem and it's i would have sex because i like

them great good and hoping for something more okay but hoping for something more is fine feeling like short change when you don't get that something more isn't especially if you feel like you've been used for sex i think this boils down to if you want to have sex have sex but have sex to have sex yes that's not the worm on the hook that you're exactly no if you're using sex as bait to lure people into a relationship you're gonna have a bad time well like the irony is then you're almost the one doing the like using right like you're not being i guess genuine in your interaction it's like if you don't want to have sex don't have sex if you want to have sex have sex purely because you want to and you you know like and then you've done what you wanted to do and you've gotten what you wanted

out of a situation and it's like and other stuff doesn't hinge on that sex right so then you're not going to feel used for it because you did it for yourself and don't assume that just because you've had sex with someone that they have to but that means that a relationship is like it's not the same if that's that's how you think if your process is like i only sleep with people that i want to date that's fine but you need to know that that's not everyone's situation and that's not how everyone approaches sex some people have sex because as now said they want to have sex yeah and yes are there going to be people out there who will lie to you just so that they can't have sex they'll say all the things they think you want to hear or that you want to hear so that they can't have of course there's people like that in in every regards it's not yeah it's not an exclusive thing to you probably everyone's dealt

with that in some facet so uh it's it as now said like using sex as a means to pursue a relationship with sex being the the bait then you're not getting used you're just being unclear and not being genuine with yourself like the only person using you is yourself yes so do not do what you don't want to do and if you do don't have like a secret like this is only okay if in the future we date you know what i mean yeah because you want it or don't do it and then you won't feel used yep and then if you're like oh people won't date me because I don't want to have sex until we're exclusive, that's, yes.

I also understand that because I would never get into a relationship with someone that I hadn't slept with. Yeah, but I'm sure you could find them. You know? Yeah. Like, get some religious dudes, you know?

Again, I don't think it's the best way forward, but hey, to each their own. Oh, there are plenty of men out there who would love to know that you are not sleeping with other people yes yeah i think it's time let me do a quick look and see if i have a real quick question that we can pop out okay this is a there's a quick one last days of forever how slash when to tell a girl i have hyperspermia i have hyperspermia which means i come way more than the average dude some girls like it some are grossed out there's never a good way to bring it up that it's not awkward but surprising someone isn't great either hyperspermia i didn't know it was a thing but it didn't know it was a thing damn i'm not gonna lie there's a part of me that's like this would be

a lot of fun but i also understand i don't know like i like, I'm always happy when it's a particularly good come. A good harvest? Yeah. Yeah. But, again, I would not want to deal with that jerking off. No. I also, like, it depends just how good they're talking, you know what I mean? Because, like, I produce a good crop.

I don't feel like I need much more, you know what I mean? Like, so I'd love to know, like. Yeah. I need, I need like a fluid ounce measure. Yeah. Yeah. Cause like, are we talking like a shot glass? Are we talking a pint glass?

Like, what are we talking about here? Because I think that I don't know what the average. What if I have hyperspermia? What if you have hyperspermia? What if we both do? You don't even know. One person's spermia isn't necessarily. I can almost guarantee you. I do not have hyperspermia? What if we both do? You don't even know. One person's spermia isn't necessarily...

I can almost guarantee you I do not have hyperspermia. I also could guarantee that, but I definitely don't have lazy spermia. What's hyper? Antispermia? Antispermia? Yeah, I don't know what the average amount of

cum is, but I think, warning people, I would bring it up. Hypo is the opposite of hyper. So hypospermia? Okay, so it seems to say a normal sample is about two mils. Okay. That doesn't sound right. And then a full one is about six mils.

Yeah, I could see that. That's about like wait no because like 25 mils is like what you usually take for medicine right i am fucking no man i don't i only know ounces can you do a mil to ounces yeah sure i would that maybe it's just a like i'm a bartender i don't work in fucking milliliters so you said six yeah that's bullshit that's a fifth of an ounce that's nothing point two yeah ounces nothing no that can't be right do we have hypospermia do we have hypospermia maybe it's just a weird like because i was just looking at a uh okay hold on hypospermia is when the ejaculate is above 5.5 mils and the opposite is hypospermia which is se ejacula is above 5.5 mils, and the opposite is hypospermia, which is semen volume less than 1.5.

I feel like 5.5 isn't even that much. Yeah, that's less than 6. I think I could easily fill a shot glass. I don't know if I could fill a full shot glass. Because I think we're... It's different when you see it spread out. What are we talking about? But even then,

a fifth of a shot glass is six mils. Yeah. I feel like that's... God, I'm going to have to come in a shot glass later. 100%. That's all I'm thinking about is being like, hey, I'm going to go. We'll do it for you guys.

Yeah, we'll post it on Instagram. Is that allowed? Can we post it on Instagram? We'll substitute it. We'll do it and then pour the similar amount of milk so that you can really make sure, you know, you'll know it's not it. I'll use shampoo. To really make sure it's not. No, me.

Hey, the problem is my shampoo is like a dark gray right now. It's a congenital. It's very ill. It's very ill. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No my shampoo is like a dark gray right now. It's a congenital. Dan's very ill. Dan's very ill. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, so is my cum. Don't worry about it.

I feel so bad for the man that has to edit this. I'm so sorry. Let's go to the Tinder zone. At the end of the episode, we like to hop onto online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and we go through the profile see what works, see what doesn't work in an effort. Never ask the question. What? Oh yeah, just tell them

when you're about to have sex. Yeah, just say it on the first date. Sex is probably fine if you have a condom. Right? I hope, I don't know. It fills it up like a balloon animal. I would say like if you're about to do

stuff you know usually you will be kind to be like hey i'm about to come while it's happening before it's like way before that point you can be like hey just a heads up i come a lot so keep that in mind like you know do you want me to come on your mouth join uh wherever and just like it is also a lot so you know no one's gonna be sad about a heads up and i think it has to happen before six right yes because i'm saying like you would say this like i'm saying there's always somewhat of a conversation anyway right you want to know like where you want to come and you want to give them a heads up when you're coming and i think it happens before those two things so So early on, I'd just be like, hey, I cum a lot.

Yes. As it's getting hot and heavy, I would be like, hey, just a heads up. I tend to cum a lot. So don't be alarmed. If you want to grab a towel ahead of time, that's cool. We'll put it down on the bed so we don't make a mess. And then I would say if they're really into, you know, having being cummed on or having it in their mouth,

I would say let's do it on the belly or the tits or the ass something first so you can gauge because if someone says i want on my face or in my mouth and you're just like a fire hose you're like girl this is six mils and they're like that doesn't seem like a lot and they're really cold i don't seem like much as a shot class you're gonna have the exact conversation we just had. They're going to be on Google. Yeah. Tell them ahead of time before you have sex. Don't primp. Don't tell them

on the first date. Be like, hey, I just need you to... It's not a fucking... Hey, Michael. Nice to meet you. I cum a lot. I'm Mills. My spermia? Hyper. You want to do shots? So, amia? Mills. Hyper. Oh, you see, you want to do shots? So a fifth of this.

Yeah. It doesn't seem like much. I know, right? Can you swallow this whole shot? This whole shot? Can I pour this shot on you for a second? No reason. Could we get maple syrup action?

All right, let's get on. What do we want to do today? Tinder? Bumble? Hinge? Let's bumble our way through this. We've been doing the whole episode. For the past... Get out of here, Bumble. I don't need

to confirm my... Oh my god. Well, we did it. This is Rent. About me. Not looking for anything too crazy. Just a husband and have a couple kids. If you're not serious about it, don't bother. The world would be a better place with more empathy and compassion. The quickest way to my heart is tacos.

I quote too much from Harry Potter and Shrek. That's super bland. I thought it was like a joke at the start, like a husband and a couple of kids, but I don't think it is. But even so, like... No, it's also not a funny joke so i've seen it so much now like that is like the new thing ever like the amount of profiles i see that on so it's not funny so it's just not funny or original like it's only gonna be a fail it's gonna be a five

for me maybe it's gonna be a four because it's so bland it's like off-putting the only shred of light is her quoting shrek and that's it yes yeah which is why it's getting a 10 from me uh this is simone uh about me multilingual constantly learning new languages trained in classical hindustani sangri while working in politics in india prior to that i dabbled in italian opera for some years my My idea of a good time is reading a book or listening to music in a park. Or tequila. If I could only eat one meal

for the rest of my life, it would be brown rice, chicken, broccoli, and cottage cheese with kidney beans and hot sauce. And that's it. That started so strong, but that meal time's kind of boring. But, I... These sound very interesting, and I like that. They sound smart, they sound fun, and at least it's personality of boring but i they sound very interesting and i like that they sound smart they sound fun and at least it's personality i'm giving this an eight yes you come across as like

traveled and uh intelligent and but like fun and it doesn't seem fucking like braggy or like there's no like if you don't know at least as many languages as me swipe let you know what i mean like it's none of that shit it's not even like they're not even like self-aggrandizing they're just they're just like yeah it's cool like I like this I like that they work in politics they were like opera uh and then the

tequila is such a good like end to that yeah you open the door for a lot of conversation yeah right and it almost like you you could go too boring and proper but the antikila really takes the corners off uh this is lily they only have oh yeah uh i'm gonna give that a nine yeah i think i i would like a little bit more a little bit more personality the only thing that i would like to see is what book you're reading and what

music you're listening to yes that would be really be really good. Our 9 out of 10, our thing is always the devil's in the details. If you're going to say you want to listen to music, hit me with a couple bands, hit me with a couple genres, give me that. That's what we want to see. This is Lily. There's only one prompt. Favorite quality in a person,

someone who's genuine. Whoa. Whoa. A 10. That's amazing. Whoa. What? She, a 10. That's amazing. I've never thought about liking or wanting genuineness. I didn't.

That's insane. Damn. I just keep saying I want people that come six mils minimum. I just want someone who can do a full shot. That's it. Can you do a shot? How good are you at shooting liquor? That's all I need to know.

Thick, thicker liquor. It's the fucking zero. Like, I know I usually reserve zeros for, like, offensive shit, but, like, no. This just sucks so hard. Don't love it. All right, this is our last one. This is the last one. This is Hiva.

Or Hiva? I'm going to say Hiva. I don't like Hiva. Nature lover and outdoors. This is about me. Soft heart for animals. In brackets. All. Into deep and meaningful conversations. Mindfulness.

Easy going and balanced. Bundled with two dogs. Or is it a dog and a cat? Not really good at writing bios, so I thought to summarize small parts of my interests. Is that it those are all the prompts that's it that's all we get you you are great at doing prompts it's like a five it's a bland five it's a five like you check fuck off uh that's that's it um thank you very much for listening friends that is our episode and we are very glad and happy that you spent it with us. Yes, we are.

Thank you if you came to the show and if you didn't, we'll be doing another one. So come to that or else. Do it or else. Please go join our Patreon and show us a little bit of support because we are working our butts off every day.

Too often, actually. Every day we're hustling. And we love it, but we would like to love it and not go poor so yes patreon.com forward slash f buddies go on there we get an extra episode every month and our entire back catalog of extra episodes which is like a lot just so many so many uh and they're fun and we're about to record another one right now so you're never gonna know what crazy stuff there's things i was gonna mention this episode but then we went too long and now i gotta put them over there so if you want the other half of your episode there's one way to get it it's on patreon and we love you so

thank you to everyone who is supporting us already you're like incredible and you've made it so that me and Dane haven't gotten broke and that's incredible so thank you thank you Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Starves and thank you for the piece of shit that wrote this really terrible bad sex writing about Torito can't wait don't worry it's a Twitter post

and you know oh by attractive incel actually you can absolutely owe someone sex if If you get treated to a date and go home with the guy, you owe him sex. Now things can happen and you might change your mind, which is okay, but that's on you. You should be apologetic and understand that you're the one

reneging. Damn. It is. Hey, you know what? I'm finding the glimmer of hope here. I'm finding the nugget of light of him actually being like, you're allowed to say no, but you're just, you got to say sorry.

Cause you have to apologize for it. I do like the fact that you're not saying that, like, no, once you go on a date and they pay for everything, you have to fuck them and knows not an option. So progress, I guess it's weak,

but Hey, we'll grasp to anything. it's such a slippery slope these days and i'm happy for any foothold that we can get uh thank you very much friends uh be sure to grab a shot glass and yeah uh come in it and make sure you dm that privately to nile he's very interested in seeing i'm on Twitter at at Daniac that's not my Twitter fuck I'm at on Instagram as at Daniac and uh

honestly if anyone tells me the mill that's fine if anyone sends me a picture I'll be very upset with you we're calling the cops my name is Dane Miller and my name is Niall Spang and we've been your fuck buddies come in some shot glasses My name is Dave Miller. And my name is Niles Spang. And we've been your fuck buddies. Come on some chocolates.