F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 261 - A Fool’s Embrace

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

Y'all, I introduce a brand new game in this episode that I still don't know the rules to, but sorry to any Teagan's out there.  Topics include feeling more makes you cum faster, pre-text message dating, stopping mid-sex, getting serious in order to get busy, getting bored after getting yours, dump the freeloader, a game that I play.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we're a sex and dating advice podcast and we find questions either online from our wonderful listeners and we answer them here in your ears every Monday or we do it on stage and we also do it on Patreon every month. That's correct. We have one more. Well, I mean, we have another show coming up. October 26th, Black Sheep. The usual details, 7 p.m. Tickets are available on our website. Just click the link, and it'll bring you right to the thing.

Once again, it's October 26th, Black Sheep in Toronto at 7 p.m. We've got some custom cocktails going on tonight. We've got a little special food deal to condign for 69. Or not even two. Multiple people condign for 69. It's going to be a lot of fun. General audience. And by that I mean every single person who's come has been really cool.

It's a lot of fun. We'd love to have you there. So please, reserve now. It's a great way to spend We'd love to have you there. So please, reserve now. It's a great way to spend a Thursday night. And tickets are only $10. Yeah, it's not bad. And Patreon. If you want to support us, head over there.

Patreon.com forward slash FBuddies. And please, help us keep this show going. Now enough about us. Time for some questions. I'm going to start us off. This is by SadGirl0810. This guy and I have been friends with benefits for about 1. Time for some questions. I'm going to start us off. This is by SadGirl0810. This guy and I have been friends with benefits for about 1.5 years now. Oh, sorry. The title is My 27-Year-Old Female, Friends with Benefits, 26-Year-Old Male, Finishing Faster Than Normal. We've been friends with benefits for 1.5 years now. We met on Facebook dating a couple of years

ago and we actually worked at the same place before that. So we started hanging out after we talked a little bit. We'd never been on dates or anything. We only hook up and that's it. But I've noticed I've maybe started catching feelings not too long ago. But I'm perfectly okay with our relationship and what it is right now. He has always lasted like the perfect amount of time before finishing during sex and we've always had really good sex. We're super comfortable with each other and have a great rhythm. For the last two times we've had sex, he's finished a lot sooner than he normally does. Before this, we could get like three positions in and do all of them for a good amount of time. Now we'll start off in one position and he'll finish after doing that position for a couple

minutes. Not disappointed or anything. I love having sex with him and just spending time with him. I just feel like he gets upset with himself and feels bad. We haven't really talked about it because we were all friends with benefits, so I don't know if I should mention it at all. I don't know why he's finishing earlier than usual either. Could he just be more into it and starting to be more attracted to me? Like, can guys in these kind of situations come faster if they're catching feelings? I definitely think that I come easier

the more attached I am to a person. That's a personal thing. I don't know if it's a universal thing, but I certainly, like, sex becomes a far more visceral experience for me the more I become attached to a person.

So that could be one of the things. There's also a number of reasons why people can come faster than usual. Perhaps he's stopped masturbating and therefore is more sensitive. Perhaps he is having less sex outside of your relationship. So again again is a little bit more

sensitive i don't know he also could have gotten his head the first time and now every time he's like shit don't come and like your dick's an asshole so if you're like don't come it's gonna be like wait you want to go is it time to come sir okay i don't know if it's necessarily important to bring up his the duration or the speed but i think it is certainly there's no harm in just saying afterwards being like that was great like if you're not upset with the fact that it's lasting less amount of time you know i mean if he's finishing faster if that doesn't bother you and you're still feeling satisfied and you're still feeling you know good about all of it there's no harm in saying like hey that was really great that was you know that was fantastic like giving some positive

reinforcement if you notice that he's kind of beating himself up about his stamina just reassuring him in a like not in a way of bringing notice to it like don't be like hey don't worry about lasting don't worry that you came quick it was great because that sounds sort of condescending or just like it sounds like you're saying it because you feel like you have to say it whereas like if you just roll over and just be like hey high five that was fucking great and i did not mention the duration i think that's going to do wonders for his self-esteem even if it doesn't make him necessarily last longer. It's going to reduce the stress. Yeah, the, you know, his, like, shitty feeling or the fact that he does seem bummed out by his stamina.

Well, it makes me really sad that she's like, oh, he beats himself up about it, he's upset about it. But then she's like, we don't talk about it, though, because we're just friends with benefits. It's like, you can talk? What talk what like that's doing it wrong yeah i mean it's it's falling into the trap of being like oh we're friends with benefits so we don't like we can't show affection for one of each other like one another consideration or communicate about sex which like hey those two last things you fully have to do yeah if your whole relationship is just sex you need to be able to communicate about it yeah so it's like you need to shed that sort of idea and like it's a universal problem of being

like oh we're friends with benefits we're just hooking up we're fuck buddies so like it's just sex so i don't need to do anything beyond that and it's like no like we've talked about it before that like casual doesn't mean cold um and you can have sex with someone you can have just a sexual relationship and still be attentive and affectionate and caring for your partner and i would say that in order to do so in a healthy manner and a positive manner you need to be doing those things yes i honestly don't think you're having a good sexual casual experience if you're not because like you're not even having a good casual experience if you're not. Because like, you're not even having a good human encounter if you're not.

You know what I mean? Yeah. It's weird to me that people would like have a certain like base level amount of like care and compassion for people they bump into on the street, but be like, oh, can't have that with the person I'm fucking. But again, it's this weird hang up that we

have that like, oh, we can't possibly show that we're human beings who care about each other in like various stages of dating you know what i mean it's like it's why we had that stupid fucking bullshit like oh you have to wait three days before you call her you know what i mean because like you heaven forbid the person that you're interested in thinks that you might be interested in them. And then also like the flip side of people being like, he messaged me right away. He's needy or he's desperate. It's like, it's such, I'm glad we got rid of that. But honestly, I think it's the only reason we got rid of it is because we have transitioned into a society where like everything is immediate, right?

Like we have instant communication. And I think we've gone the opposite direction of being like he hasn't texted me in three days right also judging from some of the questions we see out there it's not gotten rid of i just i think it's sure yeah i just think that like the now i think it's people expect instead of people being like oh it's it's three days you have a like It's almost reversed. Your time frame is now shorter, and if you wait too long, then you've missed your chance, as opposed to being like, oh, you literally have to. I can't imagine...

I still can't imagine dating prior to text messaging. That would be hell. Imagine literally having to call someone to date. Like, fucking call someone at their home? Yeah, just being like, hello, person that Imagine literally having to call someone to date. Imagine fucking call someone at their home. Yeah, just being like, hello, person that I met at a bar.

We talked for maybe 15 minutes, and you gave me your number, and now I'm calling you unannounced? Oh, this is their roommate? Okay, are they there? Could you put them on? Tell her I'm the guy from the bar. Oh, it's it's her parents great let's not speak about where she knows me from just pass her on i don't listen on the other line please yeah that whole idea but hey maybe that would have made us maybe that

everything was less weird maybe things were easier that way because like you had one way to contact people and that was it right there was no like there was no they saw my message no emojis people weren't like wait is that sexual pizza slice or normal pizza slice there's no like you know misreading texts or tone right because you're talking so it's like if someone's like hey do you want to go grab a drink or says something flirty at least it's a little more obvious than being like she keeps saying saying these things, but I don't know how she's saying them. Maybe phone conversations really were the superior form of dating communication. I feel like back in the day, people weren't as anxious to answer the phone either.

So maybe it's just because you weren't able to because you didn't have any other options. So maybe it would be nice. Because I fucking hate when my phone rings. Oh, yeah. No. There's a list of maybe five or six people that I will answer the phone. And it's be nice. Because I fucking hate when my phone rings. Oh, yeah, no. There's a list of maybe like five or six people that I will answer the phone. And it's all me. It is just Niall five times.

Niall and then my parents. That's it. Now, the other thing I have to say about this is I think she's reaching with the, is he coming sooner because he likes me? And I feel like she's not necessarily cool with where things are even though she said it she caught feelings and she's hoping this is a secret low effort way of her to figure out whether she he's actually into her and i think yeah that way lies a fool's embrace yes trying to discern someone's emotional attachment to you through the speed at which they ejaculate

i'd like sexual like chemistry is like i could fuck someone with the same fervor and passion and enjoyment and enthusiasm as someone i'm going to have sex with once because it was a you know a romantic sort of like sexual tryst that like just kind of happened out of nowhere as I could fuck someone I've been with for years. So it's difficult to say, and I think trying to discern that kind of information is, as Niall said, a fool's errand. And if you do... I believe I said a fool's

embrace, which makes no sense. Doesn't make any sense. I was trying to dig you out of that hole, and... No, I want to own the hole, you know what I mean? I want to own my hole. I'm proudly standing in this hole that I've made. And I deserve to be. Okay great. At least you own something.

Because as millennials. We will never own anything. That's about all I got. So if you do like this person. Tell them. If you don't want things to change. Don't look for weird signs where there aren't any. Yeah.

Like, that's I mean, this is the frustrating thing of being like, if everyone was just up front and stopped the wishy washy games of like, I don't want to reveal my hand because blah, blah. It's like, just fucking do what you're going to do. And like, if it's not going to work out, it's not going to work out. You're only delaying the inevitable and stopping yourself from progressing in a relationship that you might want anyway like if you're with this person and you like them and deep down you do want to get into a real relationship with them or like an exclusive relationship or an elevated relationship outside of just being a fuck buddy

like all you're doing like by not sort of engaging in that or progressing that all you're doing is like spinning your wheels and it's like sure you get to keep having sex with this person but if they don't want to go where you want to go eventually that's going to catch up to you and you have now not pursued other people who might want the same thing as you that's probably going to hurt more at that point because you're putting more into it the entire time. Yeah. So just be honest with yourself. Be honest with your partners. Be upfront with your partners.

And when things change, like that's why we always talk about like how every relationship is dynamic and you can't just have one conversation and be like, great, that's it. We've done it. We've had the conversation and that's going to be the baseline for the rest of our relationship and nothing's ever going to change. Like having a constant conversation and checking in with your partners, regardless of the nature of your relationship, is the way to have a successful relationship. Because eventually, something will change for someone. It's why we break up. It's why we move on. It's why we find new partners. It's why the first person you hook up with isn't probably going to be the last person you hook up with. Yep. So be honest with yourself, be honest with your partner, and don't be afraid to have conversations when things start changing on your end.

This is oops. I'm horny again. How often do you stop sex? This is a 20 year old female and a 21 year old male. Me and my boyfriend have a very healthy, no pressure. You can always stop and say no dynamic, which both of us have communicated about and upheld. But I still can't shake a strong feeling of guilt every time I stop sex in the middle of things. Last night it happened where we were having sex and it felt good, but then it started to head down a path of not feeling so great anymore and even kind of uncomfortable. My boyfriend noticed and I had gotten quiet, asked if I was okay and I asked if we could stop. So we did. And even though he stopped immediately and was totally fine, I still felt really guilty since I knew he had been enjoying himself, especially when he went to go take care of himself. I really felt like I had failed or something. So how common is this

for people, especially couples who have been together longer? How often do you put things to a halt to sex as it's happening? And then they said, because everyone keeps suggesting it. Yes, we were using lube. We pretty much always use lube. During, like stopping sex during sex i think the only time i've ever done that is if i have either started going too soon after the last time or i'm too drunk and i'm not gonna come and it's really hot but by then they've probably finished so i stop it guilt-free apart from just being like damn i want to come and that happens very very rarely well have you ever had a partner because you're just not what yourself

yeah no not really because i've had a few people be like oh we need to stop sometimes it's been very toxic in that nature as i think i've talked about the time where someone just kept being like oh stop stop stop and i've stopped and then they got angry that i wasn't like just persistently hard and ready to start at a moment's notice. So it's like I've had that. But like I've also had partners be like, oh, we need to we've either hit a spot that like it has does not feel good or, you know, any number of reasons I've had. I've had a couple of partners who have needed to sort of like tap out and take a break or stop for any number of reasons. I understand the impulse of being like,'ve let you down but at no point in

time does it seem like the boyfriend like this all seems to be perceived and not importantly yeah like it doesn't seem like like you seem to make a point to be like your boyfriend's fine with it you guys have communicated repeatedly about it and he doesn't seem to shame you for it um i think there's there could be a little bit of tact of being like if you stop sex i'm not gonna immediately like wander off and go jerk off like i think like i as an adult can handle the fact of being like okay you need a second to relax and like i'm not gonna be like i well i'm almost you know i was in the middle of sex so i need to like go come yeah i guess it all depends on like what she said or like maybe he was like do you mind or i don't know like we don't know the situation it also could be an agreement if they've regularly stopped

sex you know but yes i it does seem a little strange but i also appreciate that she doesn't seem to mind that so that's the thing is like and look if if at the end of the day that is the issue if you feel guilty because he does have to go and like go jerk off and take care of himself you could be like hey you know it's sort of like i don't know necessarily you have to ask him to not do it but let him know that like you know you guys are a couple you guys are a community couple you guys have made this agreement to be like hey you know lately i've been feeling kind of bummed and like i failed and i'm you know disappointing you when you go and jerk off after and i'm really sorry you know what i mean like just communicating that and again not being like i want you to stop or whatever but letting him know how you feel

is the first step in sort of addressing that and And because like, maybe all he has to say is like, hey, I don't mind. Like, it's fine. We've dealt with this. We've come to this agreement. I agree with you and it's fine. I just, you know, I'm horny and I want to come. Yeah. And also like, we've talked about this with men

where like, you know, if you come early or whatever, it's like, you know, just kind of roll over and like, well, that's it. If you feel guilty and you're only unwilling to continue because of something unrelated to, you know, like what I'm saying is if you feel guilty, you have hands in the mouth. Like, maybe that's something you could do. If it is the case that you don't feel like it anymore, obviously don't. But if you feel this guilt, like, you know what I mean? That is an option. I don't know if the reason they're not talking about that is because whatever caused them

to stop in the first place wants them to stop everything, which is totally valid. Don't get me wrong. But, you know, if it's just you can't do penetrative sex, there are other options. Yeah, exactly. If you if you start feeling uncomfortable, you know, vaginally and through penetrative sex is now just that it's like, yes, you can definitely be like, hey, do you mind if I finish you with my hand? Do you mind if I finish you with my hand? Do you mind if I finish you with my mouth?

Like, you know, it's not doing it for me anymore, but I would like to do it for you. That's great. That's fine. I don't think anyone like I've again, I've had partners who have done that been like, you know, I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed. Can I finish you in my mouth? And I'm like, I've had sex and now you're give me a probably another blowjob because we probably started with a blowjob.

I was like, I'm not going to say no to that that's fine that's great and especially like if the end goal is to come and you make me come i'm not gonna be like well it wasn't vaginal no yeah exactly especially if the other alternative is just me making me come which is not quite as fun or like making you continue to have sex when you're not feeling comfortable yes that from you know me like i think it's you need to know that this for me if someone was to be like hey there might be times where i get overwhelmed or it might feel uncomfortable and i may need to stop having sex and i will let you know when that happens for me that would make me trust my partner a lot more for sure right i would rather a partner let me know that then me have to be like guessing because she seems like she's not enjoying

herself and then like second guessing myself being like are you sure you're okay because like the second that instinct comes over me sex no longer oh yeah that's the least sexy thing now like i think any good person is going to be chill with you saying this especially if it's you know sporadic if it's all the time i think they'll still be good with it but i do think then you have a different problem where you probably need to go to a doctor or yes revisit your approach yeah or at the very least like it again if it's not a thing where you no longer want to have sex it's more of a physical sensation where you no longer like it doesn't feel good anymore so you don't want to do it anymore then you need you do i think you should have like a backup plan of being

like hey if it happens here's what i'm comfortable doing and again it can change from time to time to time to like instance instance like we're not saying it's like the second you tap out you have to give them a blow job or you have to make no but if as now said like if it's a recurring problem i think one again as now said maybe go to the doctor and see what could be causing this because or at least explore your options like if you know it happens because of x are there other ways you could do x are you doing x correctly? Yeah, because I remember I used to have a partner who loved doggy style, but

for whatever reason, if we had sex on a couch, it fucked her up. The angle that we were both at in terms of our bodies, it would feel really good for her for 45 seconds, and then after a bit, she was like, this sucks. So we weren't sure if it was like a

one-time thing and then it just you know we did it like two or three times and we were just like okay couch sex just off the table it doesn't work for us and that's the thing like angles angles can be very important you know what i mean lube very important maybe you're using the wrong type of for you i don't know maybe it's expired maybe you're allergic to wrong type of lube for you. I don't know. Maybe it's expired. Maybe you're allergic to something. Like, I don't know, but there are always options. And if something is happening regularly, probably a sign that something's wrong. And it's worth looking into,

depending on what the sensation is like, perhaps you're using, like, try latex-free condoms. Because I know, like, even though I have a latex sensitivity, I know that. But, like, I used to have sex with latex condoms for a very long time and i just kind of like dealt with it and like i could to this day like i probably could throw on a latex condom and be okay like i could get through it so like it could just be a you know days where that sensation and that sensitivity is a little bit more noticeable and

unbearable than other times. So like switch up your condoms. Like there's, there's a lot of like fine tuning and checking and like maybe start keeping a little bit of a sex diary and be like, you know, I had to tap out in doggy style this time. And you know,

because, and like maybe make a little like mental note on your phone or whatever of just being like, and see if there's a consistent thing. Is is it like does it only happen like a week before your period or after your period or during your period is it certain positions is it certain like you know temperature like yeah have you had sex three times in the last day when it happens you know what i mean yeah just keep an eye and figure it out a lot of people are scared to do like sexual diagnostic work a lot of people think that like you know we're taught that like it's sex and it's great

and it feels good and if it doesn't you're wrong and no one wants to be wrong so it just kind of like covers their eyes you know it's like i see no evil hear no evil thing and just like put their head down and just like sex well i literally used condoms that were too small for me for so long and i used to have a painful ring around my dick from where it like clamped on and i was just like yeah that's how it happens that's it and then one day tried bigger ones and dear god it's amazing yeah so i i don't know honestly if i had moved to canada i probably never would have even like changed that because like I don't know there's just more

of like a selection as far as I'm aware of like condoms when you go into like growth like pharmacies so I was like damn look at all these I'm like I don't know it's crazy yeah don't be afraid to take an opportunity to sort of like figure things out and like if it like I said if it does take just

making a note in your phone and sort of like jotting down some details to figure it out do it if anyone's like oh it's weird that you have a sex thing on your phone it's like no it's not guess what we've got the perfect defense for you they go wait why does it say bent over sore pussy

here and you say it's actually a fuck buddies title yeah I'm just making a list of all my favorite fuck yeah yeah and then if they don't if they look them up and they're like wait that's not there you say it's the patreon you have to join to check them out and then if they join to prove you wrong we don't even care because at that point they're supporting us and they deserve to be right yeah at that point we've got their money suckers right, ready? This is by Milvingston. How feasible is it that a guy would ask a girl to be his girlfriend just together to have sex with him?

I've heard of some guys lying and telling a girl they love slash really like her just to have sex with her and then ghost her. But asking someone to be in a relationship seems like a bit much. My guy friend said that the average guy would be willing to ask a girl to be his girlfriend just to sleep with her, though, which makes me really paranoid. How feasible is that? I mean, I'm sure there are dudes who do it. I don't know. You know, how feasible is it for someone to lie about their age or their name or their occupation

or, you know, I mean, it's like all those things we've had questions about and not just like, oh, the guy said he was a banker when he's actually, you know, like a busser at a restaurant. It's like, no, people have like constructed massive you know crazy ideas of like like there's that person who was like a researcher or some shit right like i don't remember what it was but it was like dude was just like oh i'm actually a janitor but she think they think i'm a lawyer remember that guy yeah yeah you know so it's like yes like are people are there people out there

willing to lie are there people who like get lost in the sauce and accidentally yes absolutely is it possible sure is it realistic or something you should be worried about probably not maybe but like probably not like if one i don't think you should get in a relationship if you haven't slept with someone yeah that's a wild thing to do because chances are that's a you're getting in a relationship after like a couple of weeks or maybe a month, which is also a bad idea. Like even if you are fucking,

don't become boyfriend and girlfriend until you really get a good sense of who that person is. So take your time. And if you don't want to have sex until you are dating someone, then that's fine. But then be ready to sort of like expedite that dating process which is going to be a bad scene and if someone then sleeps with you because they you're the only way to sleep with you is to become your boyfriend and then isn't sexually satisfied or doesn't have

you don't have the sexual chemistry and then break up with you don't then treat it as like oh people just want to date me to fuck me it's like no people have to date you to fuck you and that is crucial information to stay in a relationship with someone like yes you might just be bad at sex yeah like i i wouldn't date someone that i haven't had sex with no but if the requirement to have sex with you is to date you then like I also wouldn't date someone that I didn't have sexual chemistry with or compatibility with. So if for some reason you did end up liking someone enough and for some reason ended up dating them before you fucked them and then you fucked them and that wasn't there, you would break up with them. I'm not a bad person for being like hey our sexual chemistry ain't there and i don't see this going any further that doesn't make me a bad person and it doesn't mean that i've lied to you you've just set up a barrier that limits my full sort of knowledge of how

well we are compatibly suited to one another yeah and the thing is what i love about this question is there is a surefire way to get past it and that is don't fuck someone unless you want to fuck them right so it's like if you're like oh i'm only gonna fuck you because we're boyfriend and girlfriend or whatever like that's when you get used you know what i mean it's like you get used when you're having sex for not the reasons you want to be you know what i I mean? If you're putting up these weird barriers, I don't know. It's if you just want to have sex with someone, you have sex with them and then they go.

Sure. Maybe it sucks, but also at least you've gotten what you wanted out of that experience. If you don't want to have sex with them, you're not going to feel used because you're not going to have sex with them. Yes. You know what I mean? Like you shouldn't have sex with someone just because they're your boyfriend or

just to make them your boyfriend or just because it's been three dates or because you feel like it or because they bought dinner or because they're, you know, you should only do it if you want to do it. So it's like this is such a weird thing for me because you're putting sex on such a weird pedestal and it doesn't even seem like you necessarily want it. Right. And your fear is that people want it so badly and you're like,, Oh no, like just have sex with people if you want to. Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's the one.

This is major Baker. I female 19 year old only likes five minutes. Sex. I female only like sex when it doesn't last long. I enjoy the foreplay more than the actual deed. Don't get me wrong. While having sex, I enjoy it and I know what I like and I know how to make a man stimulate me to come, but my problem is that I like to come straight away, and after I

come, I'm bored and want to finish. My boyfriend comes straight away because he knows I get bored and never complains, but I feel like he will get bored of me for having sex for only certain durations. I guess I'm looking for some advice on how to keep my sex drive high and last longer, maybe someone who can relate. It feels strange to me that they're divorcing foreplay from sex yes because it's not just like it's not just oh now the dick's in that sex foreplay is sex it's part of sex the only reason it has a different name is because sometimes we need to tell people to make sure to do that part yeah that's so like you're not just having sex for five minutes you're fucking for five minutes and it's like if he's coming i like how you're like oh he chooses to come because he

knows he's coming because he's coming you don't really have much choice in the matter you know i mean unless he is like just kind of like pounding away to come and like isn't enjoying it you know i mean because like i could come and not necessarily enjoy the experience yes but like not on the regular i don't think you know what i mean i guess if the alternative is like we start having sex she comes and then she's like i'm done like this seems literally like the opposite of what the usual problem is the shitty the female version of a shitty guy and i was gonna get to that but i mean like if he's coming i can't imagine he has too much say in the matter. Like, yeah, you're right.

Maybe he's just like, let's go straight to pound town. Like, thrust, thrust, thrust, thrust, thrust, come. Like, no art to it. Just like, get there as fast as possible. Maybe he likes that. You know what I mean? Maybe the foreplay is so extended that he's ready to go by that time. Maybe he comes prematurely.

I don't know. But like, my point being, he only has a certain amount of input there. You know what mean it's not like he can just be like i'm gonna come in seven seconds that's how it works you know and on top of that it's like he's still doing it and he's coming so these are all signs that he is probably pretty into it but it does worry me that she's like oh once i come on board i thought it was gonna be like oh once i come i'm too sensitive and like i don't really want to keep going which is shitty because it's like i can't really criticize you because that's your body and that's how you're feeling but if you're just like hey maybe give a fuck about your partner yeah i mean like that's that's the thing for me is like being like i want you i love foreplay i want you to go down on me i enjoy all that granted i don't

know if she means like i like foreplay as, she likes sucking dick and like all that. Like, I don't know what she means by, yeah, I'm not sure what she means by like, I really enjoy foreplay. Like, does that mean you really enjoy taking your partner or taking care of your

partner then? Or do you like foreplay when it's being done to you? And then when sex time, it's like, well, I'm done. Cause if that's the case, you're a bad sexual partner.

Yeah. You're being selfish. And if the problem is here here like if your boyfriend seems okay again like there's a little bit of truth to what now saying but like again if i just knew that like i had five minutes to come before you got bored and just like phoned it in or like yeah yeah if that was the case i would figure out a way to come in those five minutes yeah but like i don't want to have like the nature in the sex I want to have isn't I don't want to be like, I have to figure out how to do this. No, no. Also, I want a partner who gives a fuck.

So some solutions for you try to be a little bit more empathetic and caring about your partner and a little less selfish. And if you enjoy foreplay, despite the the name of it it doesn't have to happen at the front of sex before sex so maybe could be warm your partner up warm yourself up and then have sex for as long as like he needs and if you know what you need to come like to get off and you enjoy foreplay maybe he finishes you off after he's come. Yeah. And that way, like he's satisfied sexually and you're then satisfied sexually. And like the problem is moot at that point. Right. You said like, I love foreplay.

Great. Then do it after your partner has come for the length of time that he would like to have sex. Yeah. And check in if you're worried that he's bored or whatever. Check in. But again, I think you need to do do dane's empathy step before you check in because you check and be like hey i just want to make sure you're cooled up but like if you go over five minutes i'm gonna be fucking bored that sucks yeah that's bad but it's funny

if this was a guy i think we'd be a lot more harsh i feel like i'm being as harsh as i like i think this person kind of sucks yeah right you know. You know, and like, I don't think, and I will be that way anytime. It seems like a sexual partner doesn't is focusing on them and being like this. I got what I want. And then I don't care. You're a bad sexual partner, regardless of like who you are.

And also a person, bad person. Yeah. You're bad. You're like, Hey, I got to buy a house and I grew up and now there's an entire generation that can't buy homes and I don't care.

You suck. Yeah. boomers i wonder how many boomers listen to this i could probably check let's do it well i will do it now see how many people i just offended i'm sure you're good boomers if you're listening to this yeah you're probably all right but if you hey if you ever think that like oh if they just stop buying coffee they stop buying avocado toast if they say they could buy a house we can't it's literally millions of dollars to buy a home you did not have a million dollars when you bought a home you were working a fucking blue collar job

with probably no college degree or education like a year and you were able to buy a home yeah within like one or two years of working professionally so go fuck yourself uh okay this is by down on the keys 30 year old male 29 year old female relationship she tells me she wants to break up but gets mad when i follow through with it my girlfriend i've been rocky for a couple of weeks

she finally told me she doesn't feel anything for me anymore no longer in love with me and wants to break up she tells me a lot that i make everything about me especially on the run to go to bed early for example here's a little more detail she tells me a lot that I make everything about me, especially when I want to go to bed early, for example. Here's a little more detail. She tells me a lot of things I'm doing wrong. Meanwhile, I work on almost seven days a week to keep us afloat. She doesn't work. She's on my insurance, and we live on one income with too expensive rent.

I also do majority of house chores, including taking care of the dogs, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Help. What? What's the? Yeah, man. Like, if she's like, hey, you're Help. What? Yeah, man. If she's like, hey, you're not losing anything

here, right? It's not like you're gaining. If you're already paying for everything and she's not doing anything around the house and she's also like, hey, I don't care about you. And she criticizes you on top of that? Yeah.

Get rid of her. Because it's not like oh no i don't know if i'll be able to afford rent you're paying for it oh no i don't know if i'll be able to take care of the dogs you're doing that oh no i don't know if i'll have like time to like my mental health and whatever will suffer as a result it won't you can go to sleep whatever the fuck you want you're cooking anyway you're cleaning it like you're doing everything that like and presumably you're paying extra for food and shit for this person. So you're actually going to save money. You're going to save money.

On top of all of this. And you might be able to find someone who cares about you. With that extra money, don't you dare buy a coffee, though, or you'll never afford a house. I mean, this guy might already have a house. Not if he's buying coffees. Not if he's buying coffee. Not if he's paying for his freeloading, terrible girlfriend. Yeah.

Like, what do you mean she gets mad when you follow through? I wish you would follow through. Just fucking dump her. Even if this doesn't reflect reality, it still reflects how you feel. And if you feel this way, dump them. If it does reflect reality, dump them if it does reflect reality dump them but there's no like if someone said to me hey i don't care about you anymore why would i still date you no well because she gets angry if you try not to dane that's it's so wild to me so wild just be like i don't care if you're good get out yeah i don't care if you're angry like you you could be angry. That's fine. We're breaking up.

Feel, feel your feelings. But you've told me that you don't care about me. So, and also that you want to break up. So just buy, get out of there. Just do it.

I hate that. We've had to say so many times. You don't need both people to break up lately, but you don't, it's not an agreement. You have to come to you. You can just be like, yeah,

this is done unilaterally. It's great. Yeah. Okay. Now, I do have a really important question I want to do before we move into Tinders. Okay. Because I read this, and I now want to subject you and everyone who listens

to it. This is LavaLampChugger69. You ready for this? I don't think I am. I want you to really zero in on this question. All right? Is it about chugging a lava lamp? No.

Okay. What are the worst names to have insects? And for a second question, I randomized the name and got Tegan slash Tegan. Now I didn't say this last time because I didn't really know what it meant, but they do have Tegan slash Tegan as if it's two different names. And I understand if they spelt it differently, but it is spelt it differently,

but it is spelt also the exact same way. I literally cannot find a way there could be a sex nickname. It's a game I play. Can y'all help? So the worst thing to have in sex. What's the worst names to have in sex? Okay. Cause you said to have sex in and that hurt my brain.

Yeah. And you should be apologetic for inflicting that on everybody. Yeah, I'm sorry. Everyone across the city and the world, in fact, just crinkled their brow and looked into the distance and their brain broke a little bit. I assume it's like the worst name to like call out in bed. I like how you're giving me shit for that as if one of the worst names to have in sex? Is any more fucking coherent? It is better because you can have something while having sex. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Whereas like you cannot have sex in a name unless it's like Mike Sexton. You know what I mean? Or are they saying in the name you have to spell the name with your body in the position? I assume it's like worst name to call out in bed but that's me reaching hugely massively try is it tegan why is it tegan's fine tegan's all right i can think of way worse names to call out in bed dilbert olga oh whoa all our russian audience right now gone i'm just'm just... Yeah. Ursula. Edith. Ursula.

It's a journey. No one's sleeping with Edith. Right? Like, those are names that, like, would make... I'm sorry, Edith. I'm joking. It's for the comedy. You know we got mad love for you.

I promise you there is an Edith that checks every one of my boxes. I bet there is a spooky... Oh, for sure. Like, goth librarian Edith out there that I would probably kill everyone for. I assume you mean spoopy. I can't say that. Spoopy? Yeah.

You can't say that. Don't you dare. Yes, I'm sure there are Ediths out there that are incredibly hot, but it does also make me think of grandmas. It does make me, like Rose. Rose doesn't bother me that much. Ethel? Yeah, like Ethel. M mildred right like those are bad

why tegan yeah tegan's fine this question hurts my brain now in the comments what the fuck does say is it just there were like hey there were none because i don't think anyone knew what the fuck was happening yeah yeah can you just ask you like what what the fuck are you talking about what are you talking about unfortunately i would love to but someone got us banned on the sex subreddit so we can't post in it i believe that was you um tinder time it is tinder time at the end of the episode we like to hop onto online dating platforms such as tinder bumble hinge in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. I'm going to start with Miko. And Miko has posted in the Reddit, like Tinder page, being like, why can't I get anybody? And his profile just says, adventure seeker, dog lover.

I mean, yeah, like those are, unfortunately, when you have a profile like that, your pictures and your physical attractiveness is the deciding factor. Right? So, like, it doesn't really matter. Like, if people don't find you attractive, they're not going to swipe on you. If you look like fucking Zac Efron, I don't think you need a profile. You're fine. People are going to say yes to you regardless.

For sure. If you're going to give me two words that mean literally nothing. Yeah. Two very generic, boring terms that are like done to death on fucking dating apps. You're getting a zero from that at best. A zero, maybe a minus one, maybe minus two. You know what I mean? Because you're like someone's going to look at that and either have no reaction to it or be like, cool, boring and unoriginal. It's the same as not having one, in my opinion.

If that's the effort you're going to put in, it might even be worse. That's the thing. It's like if that's how little effort you're going to put in, it might be like, oh, really? I think they're equatable. I think like me. But again, it's like I think it all comes down to your pictures. And if your pictures aren't good or there's five pictures of him weirdly looking away from the camera every time, one of which is posing in front of a car that he admits isn't even his.

So, they're not great. Yeah. So, I was like, there's your answer. Tighten it up. Get pictures that are candid. Get pictures with your friends. Get pictures where you're actually facing the camera and looking cute. Regardless of whether or not it is a universal definition of attractive, it needs to be your

attractive, and it just seems like you beefed it and you're not really trying that hard i bet you expected this to be very easy the way that most dudes think that online dating is going to go you gotta put in more effort yeah and on top of that fucking show your personality yeah i'm gonna give it a three i'm giving it a two because i saved ones and zeros for the heinous shit this is is Sarah, aspiring writer, filmmaker, all around artist who loves to talk creative and dreams. I'm a nerd, love film and TV, love animals. Riding horses is my sport.

I like to go with the flow, but I've been busy getting freelance work, such working on my thesis and attempting to write. I'm looking for a connection, someone to have good conversations, watch movies with me and have fun with. Kissy emoji. I give it a seven. And it could be higher if they were specific in any instance. Yes. It's all very vague. I don't know what you write.

I don't know anything other than you like, oh, I like movies. What movies? I write. What do you write? You know what I mean? The only specificity is that you like to ride horses, and that's personally a red flag. Yeah. If you said, I love film and TV like give me some of your favorite shows we talk about all the time just

like dig into the details everyone loves film and tv everyone has a favorite movie everyone has tv shows that they watch like try to come up with something a little more exciting than the office or friends yes i think if you're like oh Oh, I love watching the office. Like, okay. Yeah. Even if you're like, I love watching breaking bad. It's like, yeah, we know.

Yeah. Everyone does. But like, you know what I mean? Like give me something. If your show is the office, try to find a fun spin on it. Be like,

you know, I'm one of the million people who've streamed the office in the background. Sure. Great. At least then you're, I get that you're self-aware that this is a cliche and you know, you're playing within that space that's

enough for me but yes as now said specificity devils are in the details if you're gonna list vague things just give me like if you want to say music give me your favorite album give me the song you're jamming to right now what's on repeat i don't care if it's fucking a taylor swift song at least i know i just get a glimpse beyond the surface because saying you love film and TV yeah man we all do well like I will say if you're like I love the office I listen to Taylor Swift you're giving me the impression that you're very basic and I don't mean that in a

bad way I mean like those are very standard things that like who doesn't like Taylor Swift or the office really but it's still helpful to me that's vital information that's what I'm saying if that's you, if all you watch is Friends on repeat, all you listen to is Taylor Swift, and

you're writing Twilight fanfiction, then I know those things now. As opposed to being like, cool, film and TV, can we geek out about Lost? Or do you only quote the same six episodes of The Office that everyone else quotes?

Or are you writing something really fucked up? Yeah. Is your favorite? Yeah. So I'm giving a seven. What are you giving? I'm giving it a seven with the potential of getting like higher.

Oh, for sure. I think if they had specifics, it'd be a nine. I just want specifics. This is nameless. About me. He is a teacher, apparently. About me.

I want to make baby with strong bicep emoji women. I don't want a girl with a high body count. What the fuck is all of that i will never hit you but if you divorce me i will kill you also you're gonna take half my money but i'm broke like what's the i don't also are you is abc slang something? Or do you think that intelligence stops and ends at knowing the alphabet? Because that is an incredible bar to set for yourself, sir. It's all bad. It's so bad. Stating that you want to make babies just right off the bat. That's your opening line, my dude?

Also, strong women, and you put the bicep. Are you being literal? Yeah. dude also strong women and you put the bicep are you being literal yeah like you have to be like your fucking pr has to be like nothing in this profile tells me that you want strong women no not at all right like no strong woman would put up with any of this shit in fact i hope you find a strong woman so she can lift you up and like break your back like bane and batman yes like i want you to hunt them down yeah so fuck you should just go to jail for saying that to be fair like i'm sure there is a crime there being like i will i'll kill you if you do a thing i will kill you like that's that's also like even if that wasn't there him stating i will never hit you.

Sounds like you will, though. I don't have to say that. You don't have to protest too much. I don't say that on anything. I've actually never said that to any woman, because guess what? It is implied. It's like a song. If I put in my profile, I won't kill you. Hey, you know what every woman is going to assume that my number one desire

is is murder well that's the first thing like when i'm out at night if i'm like waiting at the bus stop and there's someone else there man or woman or whatever i always make sure to say i'm not going to murder you tonight hey don't worry about it tonight you're safe from me and my knife people always feel so sometimes i instill them with so much confidence they walk home because they're like i don't need to fear the night this guy won't kill me that's why i'm running yeah you said you were traveling i cut you off oh i was just saying once i was traveling and there was a tattoo shop with like the entire front window was covered with ladders and it said we clean our needles like we use clean needles and

i was like i i'm never going there now whenever someone states something that should be obviously implied because of the nature of society like it would be like walking into a restaurant that says like we wash our dishes yeah yeah i hope so we cook our chicken all the way through why are you saying that yeah or you sit down and you're like, I'm not going to run out on the bill. Yeah, I did have a dude the other day tell me, don't worry, I'll pay you. And then he ran out on the bill. I fell for it.

Yeah, he did not pay me. I had a girl come into my work and say she forgot all her shit, and she did come back half an hour later and pay, so I'm glad. 50-50 chance, I guess. That's going to do it for this episode. Friends. Actually, I got one more.

I'm going to hit you real quick. This is John 41. He says no single moms. If you were a catch, you wouldn't have left you and the kids behind. I feel like we've had something very similar to this. Also very bad. Terrible. John, this is why I hang on to my ones and zeros.

It's for John. Now that's going to do it for this episode. Friends. Thank you very much for hanging out with us and spending an hour of your time with us it means the world to us and we couldn't do it without you once again we have a live show coming up october 26th at black sheep 7 p.m tickets are ten dollars and available on the site or on open table also join our patreon it is a great way to support the show and we would appreciate it greatly you can head on over to patreon.com slash F buddies podcast,

or just go to our website, F buddies podcast.com. Click the Patreon button or click the contact form and send us a question and we'll answer it as soon as possible. And importantly, if you're in the middle tier or higher on our Patreon, you will get an extra episode every month and access to our back catalog of extra episodes.

And I believe we've done it for two years now. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. So no, we just got an announcement in our email saying it's been two years on Patreon. All right. Let's let's get into some bad sex right now. This is BZRK.

We do. We do have to thank a boy. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvesties for their song Paper Stars. This is by BZRK. It's BZRK, which I assume is Berserk, by Michael Grant. Sadie could be described as a series of averages that added up to something not even slightly average. She was of average height and average weight. She had a way of seeming far larger, though, when she was determined or angry. She was of average beauty, unless she was flirting or wanted to be noticed by a guy, and then so very much not average. She had the ability to go from,

yeah, she's kinda hot, to, oh my god, my heart just stopped, simply by deciding to turn it on. Like a switch, she could aim her brown eyes and part her full lips, and yes, right then, she could cause heart attacks, and five minutes later be just a good looking, but not particularly noticeable girl. at the moment she was not in heart attack causing mode but she was getting to the point where she was starting to seem larger than she was intelligent perceptive people knew this was dangerous tony was intelligent she'd never have gone out with him otherwise but he was not perceptive damn she about to eat you tony you're about to have a heart attack imagine being smart but being like, hmm, didn't notice

that she's fucking doubling in size. She cast Enlarged Person on herself, and I didn't even fucking get it. Hell yes. I wish women cast Enlarged Person on themselves. Crush me, mommy. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Mal Spain.

And we've been your fuck buddies