F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 262 - Doja Horse

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

If you like human to animal ratio math, you're gonna love this one, gang!  Topics include acting shady about saying your name, how to react to sensitive information, how many kitty pics is too many, sex with a sickly Victorian boy, a cool car lunch date, riding to the finish. Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in I love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in I love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. He a devil, he a bad little Now he a rebel It's now Spain here, and I've got the Thanksgiving giggles

Gonna introduce the show at all? I believe I'm gonna hand it over to you To do that And we're your fuck buddies We're a dating and sex advice podcast Where we take your sticky sexy situations And turn them into sexy sticky situations Are you a devil, Dave?

Have you got Thanksgiving giggles? Can you get them right now? Can. Have you got Thanksgiving giggles? Nope. Can you get them right now? Can you find them? I don't know if I can. Tryptophan hole. The what hole? Tryptophan.

It's like the chemical in turkey that makes you sleepy. This is not the exciting start to shake things up for Canadian Thanksgiving that I thought we would do. No one wants... Thanksgiving is the least hype... That's why we're doing our part. No. Yeah. Also, last week would have been our Thanksgiving episode.

It wasn't too late. Currently Thanksgiving. That's all that matters. Hey, Dane, this is by a deleted user. Ten dates in and she hasn't said my name. Gone on ten dates with this girl I really like. In fact, we both really like each other. I don't have a difficult name by any means. It's just different than what's common here in America. And she still hasn't said it. Date one. On the first date, I asked if she knew how to pronounce it. And she said, I don't. I difficult name by any means. It's just different than what's common here in America. And she still hasn't said it.

Date 1. On the first date, I asked if she knew how to pronounce it. And she said, I don't. I was trying to watch a video on the way here to learn it. I found her effort amusing and noble that she would try to figure it out on her own via a video on YouTube. Date 5. After five dates, I noticed she still hadn't said my name. We've had amazing dates and clearly like each other at this point. So I ask her again if she's uncomfortable and she says she's a little nervous to say it.

So I offered to help her, which I did. Date 10. I've met her friends at this point who have tried to pronounce my name more than she has. She's met my friends. We're exclusive. She said my friend's names, but she still hasn't said my name. So I ask her and once again she says she's a little nervous. I reassure her that I would work with her and I don't mind if she mispronounces it. Just give her the space to make mistakes and not be nervous. I'm frustrated at this point, but don't show any signs of frustration. She tried again on the spot to learn it. It's only two syllables. But at this point, I become a little turned off and I'm not sure what to do. She's on vacation with her family for another week. So I haven't seen her since day 10. And she apologized for saying she shouldn't

have tried to learn from the video online and should have just asked me. I'm not sure what to do or how big of a deal to make this. What if I go on date 11 and she still doesn't say it? You're so obsessed with the date number. Say my name, say my name. It's different. At first I was like, say it by date 11.

I don't know if I frequently say anyone's name that I'm dating to them. To you, I'd be like hey stacy and i are going for drinks tonight but i wouldn't be like hey stacy how was your date like you know i mean like it's i don't really say people's names no when i'm with them it's when you're really disappointed with them like stacy again yeah or like you know they're in the other room but like it's the nature of saying someone's name this early in a relationship.

Like, usually it'd be like, you know, I'd call out for a partner if they were in the other room of a house that we were living in to get, you know what I mean? Like, I can't, like, when was the last time I said your name when we were, like, recording? Right, so now probably when you're like, shut up, Niall, shut up. Niall, stop doing that weird Doja Cat intro that I hate. I hate it so much. Niall, no one cares about Thanksgiving. He edited all these out because he yelled so hard at me. Yeah, but I don't know. That's weird, but here's the thing.

I don't think this applies to this question because he has repeatedly been like, hey. Say my name, say my name. When no one is around you, say Niall, I love you. I don't know. I want to know the name that's the thing that pisses me off you can't be like oh why does she say what if your name is like a racial slur i was choked on some ice there what if your name is a racial slur well she just doesn't have the like courage to admit to you that it is a slur. I mean, I could think of a lot of two-syllable slurs that I would not

be comfortable trying to pronounce. I think most of them are two-syllable. They're not usually long, the slurs. Yeah. Make sure you hit up Niles Social Media and figure out what the longest slur is. Don't do that, guys. Yeah. Niles Social Media is under Dane Miller. It's this

funny thing we do where we swap names. You've said my name we've done it there you go yeah you're welcome it's yours though good don't so like i think you've made it so fucking weird now to be like haha do you know how to say my name and she was like i was trying to figure it out and like have you talked have you told her or have you just been like i'll help you or have you been like it's just this just say this like does she say it when you have these conversations or do you say like oh hey my name is you know navid and she's like okay or do like like how does it i don't understand how you could have these conversations and she still hasn't said it at all or yeah that's the thing or if she said it problem solved like are you upset that she

hasn't said it casually yeah like it kind of sounds like it would be really like that's the thing it's it's either one of two ways right either she said it after he's prompted her but he's upset because that doesn't count or she's like yeah okay i won't say it and that i don't think she knows what your name is that's the thing it's like if you're sort of being like hey i'll help you say my name. Like, if you're concerned, I'll walk you through it. Okay, great. And she wanders off into the distance. Like, how does that conversation play out?

That's really the answer to the question. Like, if she's then being like, you being like, oh, my name is this. And she says, your name is this. And then you're like, yeah. Then I don't think you have anything to worry about. But because, like, saying people's names in conversation like that's that's a tactic that some people use as a means of like not forcing familiarity but like i know it's something that i do when i first meet a person to sort of like make a stronger impression and to learn their

name so i don't forget it is that i try to use their name like in a repeated amount of times more than i would in any other circumstance like if i meet you and your name is Greg, I will be like, hello, Greg, how you doing? I was like, oh, Greg, here is this. You know what I mean? And that's just a way of like me learning the name. But then after that, once I've learned it, I'm not going to be like, Greg, it's lovely to see you today, Greg. Greg, how is your day going, Greg?

Like it's no one does that. I like to just sing Doja Cat songs and put their name in it. So I'm like, oh, he a gregel he a bad little greg he a gregel and then like that's how i know unfortunately you do the same song every time so it doesn't really help you no at this point everybody's name is just mish-mashed into one thing and i end up people calling devil and telling them that they're gonna paint the town red that's about it yeah yeah or calling them Doja various animals as well, because that's how I remember animals. It said Doja Cat.

It's like, fuck, what's that? A horse. Doja Horse. And then, yeah. Doja Horse. Now I can never remember. I wish there was a Doja Horse. There's got to be.

Just a dude who's like 700 pounds. What? You think Doja Cat weighs as much as a cat? Probably. I guess maybe like a small panther. Well, I'm saying like horses are, I think, heavier than 700 pounds. Horses can be a wizard. So I'm saying like comparatively, she is what to cat weight is.

Horses 900 to 1200 pounds. Yeah. Right. So I'm saying there's probably like if you did the ratio. Are we talking house cat though? House cat? Any cat. She hasn't specified any cat like a cat's like

what's a 12 pounds i'm pretty sure doja cat weighs significantly more than that right i would put her in probably like the 120 160 category sure i guess no that would have to that would imply that the he's 10 times over a cat she She's ten times more than a cat, which would mean a man would have to be like 90 pounds. You'd get a very small man to be Dojo Horse. It would kind of defeat the purpose. The Dojo Cat is bigger than Dojo Horse. No, no. The man would have to be

9,000 pounds because he's ten times the animal. Maybe like a Shetland Pony? Is that even possible? Shetland Pony. How much do you weigh? I imagine still considerable amount. 400 pounds. So can we get a 4,000 pound man?

Easier than 9,000. Hey, I'd listen to them sing because I'm sure their vocal cords would be unique at that point. What are we doing? I don't know, man. Who cares?

You do one of the Thanksgiving giggles. I did it. Yeah. Who cares? If you need her to say Thanksgiving giggles I did it yeah who cares if you need her to say your name say it be like hey it's weird that you have never said your name my name even though I've asked you if she has said it get over it I think those are the

two things if she still refuses to say it clearly there's an issue and if she has already said it as previously stated get over it yeah or just say like hey I think we've been seeing each other long enough that I do need to make sure that you know how to say my name and that's just something that i need personally i think it's getting it's like kind of weirding me out that we've been together for x amount of time you're apparently exclusively dating now it's like i need you to know how to say my name

and i need you to show me that you demonstrate that you do say my name maybe just say my name over and over again in the car is she acting kind of shady she calling you baby yeah she's only calling you baby yeah damn that's i mean that's it right like maybe say my slur i mean name and maybe just do a quick google search of your name to make sure that it is not a really bad racial slur that you're just not aware of because of a cultural there. Yeah, 100%. I hate me. This is Carlos and then just a whole bunch of numbers. What should I have said to this trans person?

I, a 19-year-old male, was at a party and started talking to her during the night. Things got heated. She didn't want to have sex, which was good since I didn't have a condom. But she offered oral. I was ecstatic and took her back to my place to shower. After a while, we were ready and watching a movie. She whispered to me, I'm trans and have a dick.

Not that exact, but that was the gist. I knew before I met her, but from another time, so I was okay with it. But I got nervous and responded with, it's okay, I have a dick too. She laughed and eventually got back to it after she stopped laughing. What should I have said that's more appropriate?

I felt embarrassed. I didn't want to unwoman her in any way. I just didn't know. It sounds like it was a good thing to say. I think it's funny. They thought it was funny. It didn't ruin the mood. Like, you know, it almost seems it reminds me of the person who came out and they were like, dad, I'm gay.

And the dad said, hi, gay. I'm dad. Yeah. Like, is it perfect? Probably. I guess on a technical level, is it the perfect response? No. On a human level, it got the job done. It's accepting. It's funny. It's a little dumb and awkward, which works. I don't know. Like, I don't think there is a perfect response.

I think it's only perfect if it works and it worked. So I wouldn't overthink it. That's exactly what I wanted to bring this question and talk about. It's just like, is there a great response to this? I'm sure there could have been like a high i guess i'm a i'm an ally i am pro trans i don't mind i think that my trans woman is too much that's what i'm saying it's like you could have done that and like that could be a direct reflection of like how you feel about trans people and trans women and your sexual proclivities with those people but like i don't have that convert like i don't sit a woman down be like hey i i really really value consent and but you know what i mean like that kind of like as much as i do and as much as i think it's important

that it's known and people feel safe with me i don't like feel like it's necessary to like have these very well it's almost like we were saying last week where if you just say something like that that is kind of a given it's like it almost feels like wait are you though like if i'm like hey you're safe with me like what what why are you saying that i assumed i was i think honestly the perfect response because maybe this could have gone poorly is just like i know and i don't mind or like thank you for telling me I don't mind. You know? Because I really don't think that could be misconstrued. Whereas, you know, as this person said, maybe it could have been.

But I really don't think it's... I think if it's gone well, you don't need to worry about it. Having a canned response isn't necessarily the best way to do anything in life. And I don't think anything's perfect. Yeah. I think, as Nell said, it's like, if they didn't get upset about it, then I think that you responded correctly. Like, it seemed, to be honest,

it went better than I imagined most responses would have gone. So, like, you could have landed on something safe and neutral, and that would have been fine, you know? But you did something that was, like, that's a fairly cute story that like, oh, yeah, I can tell, you know, like if you guys continue to see each other and like even date or whatever, like being able to be like, oh, yeah, you know, I was nervous the first time and I said I had a dick and he was like, I have a dick, too.

And it's like, that's a funny story. That's a cute story that you could tell. And and if it hadn't gone well, you could always be like you could have immediately been like, sorry, that was a really awkward thing to say. Obviously, I just meant like, I'm cool with it. Like, I don't know. Like, it's only bad if you like refuse to acknowledge it if it does go poorly or if you say something completely trash. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So I think you handled it well. And I think that we need to normalize. In my opinion, this is sort of like the same situation as like i'm on my period and i don't want to have sex it's like okay like you know what i mean like that it's someone has made a declaration about sort of like their comfort level in a sexual moment and they need to hear something back that reassures them whether it's that's fine okay you know what i mean like so i think we need to sort of like normalize the idea of if a trans person feels like it's important to sort of like reveal that they are trans isn't at their expense yeah is is a way that we

sort of normalize and make it safer and really sort of just like make it a non-issue and because like at the end of the day like it didn't matter to you so it doesn't matter and your response really doesn't matter quote unquote it's like unless now said like you react poorly so i think you did a great job and i think it's that's sort of what we need more people to do in these situations. Yeah. And again, clearly it went well. Yeah. Because they laughed and then you guys got down to it.

So it's like two very strong indicators that things are going well. All right. This is by a deleted user. How many pictures of your cat is okay to show on a date, if any? All right. This used to be a joke to me too. As I nodded in understanding when someone said, I had a date with this crazy cat person who showed me a dozen pictures

of their cat. Their sleeping cat. Yeah, that was me until I got myself a kitten. And of course, I have over a dozen pictures of my cat on my phone, sleeping. However, I don't want to be that person. Well, let's face it, a pet is a lifetime engagement, and now my kitten and I are a package deal. French says I should show them as many pictures as I want.

If they're not cat people, they don't know what they're missing, etc. Now let's state for the record that this person is very single. Just saying. Another friend says maybe bring it out if you have a second date. An acquaintance says unless you're planning to go steady with that person, why bother? Never is the perfect number. I think if a person is an animal lover, it says a lot about them. For me, it's a great plus. So I want to find out. Again, let's state for the record that I'm also very single, and I'm Demi. For all the reasons above, and maybe others I'll take to the grave, I'm very interested in the opinion of random strangers.

They're usually full of dot dot dot wisdom. How cryptic. I know, I don't get the end, but... Look, I think I want to see every picture of your cat. Every single one. But I do think that there is. I once went on a date, my first date ever after becoming single from my college relationships, my first real relationship where we lived together, yada, yada.

We were together for almost five years. My first date ever after. And this was the date that made me be like, I'm never doing dinner on a first date ever. She pretty much and like look i get it i think she was very nervous that's fine i was also pretty nervous but we spent a very long time with her digital camera and she went through hundreds of pictures of her dog and i don't want to be mean but like i'm not a big fan of little dogs, like little shih tzus. Meh.

Take or leave. Yeah. Yeah. You hear now. Now it was very horrified at first, but now it's like, I thought you were going to say it was an ugly dog. And I was like, no, it's like, you see one shit. Like it was just like a shih tzu, right?

Like, I'm just like, eh, whatever. It was a golden retriever. I would look at those pictures forever. Fine. But again, I would still be like, that was weird that we did that for like 65% of our date was just looking at pictures of your dog and being like, here he is doing this. That's weird to do on a date. Yes.

I think by all means, get them out. I don't think I'd like if it comes up, right? You got to get them out, right? I don't think anyone's going to be upset by that. I think if someone's talking and you're just like, hold on, hold on. Here's Mr. Snuffles. They're going to be like, oh, it's so cute. But they're also going to be like, what the fuck?

I was in the middle of talking. So don't be weird about it. Don't throw it out of nowhere. And know when to stop because it's not necessarily the amount. I think it's the time and the lack of social etiquette. So it's like same with anything if you're like oh i went to thailand once and you know the time for thailand stories runs out and then they start talking about something and you're like so when i was in thailand like that's the same problem if

the stories don't end or if like every two seconds you're like oh here's another one here's another one like they're gonna be like okay this person doesn't give a fuck about me they just care about mr snuffles which again i get it we get it snuffles is adorable his little white socks looks like he's got little white socks yeah i would love to see he's a mystery yeah so like i'll tell you right now my phone background is my adorable cat oliver and if like pretty much anytime i'm on a date if i mention i I have a cat, the person is like, show me. And I can just be like, boop, there he is. Look what cutie is.

Alternatively, if I'm on a date and someone is like, I have a cat or an animal. I'm always like, you can't bring up your pet and not show me a picture of it. So please, let's do that. And then we'll do like a quick little pet swap. We'll share some cute stories. And like, that's great. But as Nell said, if that becomes all you got, you got to have more arrows in the quiver. There's no harm in being like, oh, I just got a kitten because everyone wants to see pictures of kitten.

And it's a great limits test. It's almost like kittens aren't my thing. Yeah. Then I think, you know, I hate adorable angel animals. Yeah, I hate cats. And it's like, okay, well, this was fun, but if you hate cats, you're not coming over to my place. They're like, hey, you know that woman who threw a cat in a bin in England? She's my idol.

And you're like, great, police, please. Yeah. So I think it's a fine line. I don't think that there is like a, oh, only show your cat if you're dating. Like all those like distinctions that your friends were coming up with. Fucking oh only show your cat if your date like all those like distinctions that your friends were coming up with fucking crazy show your cat on a first date show a couple pictures whatever i don't think that's gonna matter but if also you talk about like i'm so when i was a teenager i would i still am terrible on the phone but if girls ever called

me the only like only thing i could ever think of talking about was just like what my cat was doing so like people were just like why you keep talking about your cat i'm like i don't know you called me, the only like only thing I could ever think of talking about was just like what my cat was doing. So like people were just like, why do you keep talking about your cat? I'm like, I don't know. You called me. I have nothing to say to you. So if you want to talk, let's talk. But like, I don't know, man, I'm a weird, awkward teenager that hates talking on the phone. So anyway, Buffy's sitting in her bed right now. It's a weird move. I love it. So yeah, there's no number much much like there's no perfect response, but I think if you can hold a conversation, you'll know when too much is too much. You know what I mean? And unless

you have a particular story about your cat and you want to find that picture of the time he made friends with a raccoon and it was very cute and you're searching through to find that specifically, show one or two and then leave it. Move on. Yeah. don't get weird about because it feels like you're getting weird about it just get so weird about this cat this is leading

pay the man 25 year old male i'm 27 year old female seeing is bad at sex how do i tell him what i need without hurting him we've been exclusive for a month and we've been having sex for around the same time he's had more partners than me, but I wouldn't say I'm inexperienced. I've had partners before that absolutely blew my mind with how amazing the sex is. So now I can't help but to compare. With the man I'm seeing, I'm starting to think I love him, but there are times I feel like he just doesn't care about me. With sex, there's barely any foreplay. He gets tired of being on top very quickly, which I don't mind because I love being on top. It's usually the fastest way I finish, but due to lack of foreplay, it's been taking longer than usual. Yesterday, I was almost near, but he stopped me to change positions to doggy. I was so

frustrated. I don't even like that position because I can't see him. I've tried guiding him on how to pleasure me or finger me, but he says he doesn't have the strength to do so. When I asked him to finger me in a certain way, he said he couldn't because he didn't have the strength. He asked me, or he says he doesn't usually eat a girl out unless they ask. Is this normal? I like him a lot. This is making me feel like he doesn't care about, and honestly, makes me cry.

I feel like if I ask him to do more, he'll feel pressured. I already feel insecure about a lot of things in our relationship, and this just adds to it. He doesn't seem to care about that I'm not satisfied and it hurts. I'd like to keep seeing him, but feeling connected through sex is really important to me. I want to communicate this to him without sounding hostile. Any help would be much appreciated. Is this like Doja Mouse?

He's only 10 times bigger than a mouse and he doesn't have much strength because, as far as I'm aware, you don't need much strength to finger somebody he's like a sickly victorian boy who just like he's on top oh please may i not have some more i'm sorry madam but my poor wayfish fingers certainly don't have the strength oh i can't be on top for too long and i flop over and then i'm like what the fuck is happening here like i don't want to mock anybody for their wayfish victorian body but like you don't need to be strong to finger unless you want to do some mad ass shit yeah depending on like what she's asking you to do if she's like hey i want you to lift my entire body up with your two

fingers she needs to go date a rock climber. Otherwise, you need to fucking, like, chat and be like, I don't know. I can't understand what this is. Is it, like, a stamina thing? And maybe strength is just the wrong word? Because I could understand that. Eventually, things get tiring, but even then... Yes, fingering can get really tired

if it is internal, but you've got a whole pleasure center outside of the body. you know the one people usually want yeah clitoral stimulation with your finger literally requires you to just make slow circles pretty much with your wrist you're not even moving your fingers that much it's just it's all shoulder arm you got a lot of muscles in there my dude that can all do work together and if you're getting tired with that basic motion, you need to Miyagi yourself and do a little wax on, wax off.

You need to do a little go to the gym or something. I don't know. Pick up a can of soup once. Maybe it's Trump, because remember when he couldn't pick up his glass of water? And he does have very small fingers. And, you know, doesn't want to do anything that

pleasures. Yeah. So is this was the question ask your stormy Daniel you need to also like there's other things on your end that I'm not sure about like when you were about to come and he was like oh let's change positions were you like okay or did you sounds like oh it sounds like she was like there yeah it sounds like she did it and was just annoyed just be like hold on I'm nearly done I'm it and was just annoyed. Just be like, hold on, I'm nearly done. I'm about to come. No one's gonna be like, okay, move anyway. That's what you want to hear. You're like, oh, I'm about to finish.

This is so great. Cool. Fuck yeah. Let's keep going. And if they don't like hearing that, bad partner. Bad partner. And if they do like hearing that, problem solved. We did it. I don't want want to feel pressured. There's a certain amount of pressure that you do need to put on a partner if they're not meeting your needs. Right.

You don't have to be hostile, as you said you wanted to avoid. But there is a sort of like an obligation that as a sexual partner in a, you know, a two way street sort of situation that sex is. You do need to be like, hey, here are the things that i need in order to feel sexually satisfied and if he's just like can't do that can't do this can't do that then maybe not the partner for you and if you're like oh it makes me cry but everything else again it's that we've been talking about a lot lately of this like separation of sex and relationship of being like oh but the relationship is so good but the sex is so bad that I do cry. But didn't she say like, I think I'm in love with this guy, but I also don't think he cares

about me. It's like, that's a bad thing. Yeah. That is bad. That is so bad. So like, and also I'd be more inclined to believe him like, oh, you know, I get tired on top easily if that was it. But he's like, oh, I get tired on top easily.

Oh, I don't have the strength to finger you. I don't go down on someone unless they ask. It's like, what do you do then, bud? But then he's like, oh, I'm gonna stop you from coming so I can fuck you doggy style, that's fine? Exactly. So, one, if you're about to come, I'm assuming you didn't tell him,

tell him. Be like, hold on, I'm nearly there, I'm loving this. Like, great. If he doesn't respect he doesn't respect that get the fuck out tell him hey do you want me to ask every time i go down on you or do you want me to wait until you ask me and like if he is cool with it and he's willing to ask then by all means you should ask you know what i mean fuck it like that's if you want to ask for it that's fine i don't see that being a problem unless he asks you or expects you to do it without being asked or when you ask him he won't do it you know what i mean or it's very lackluster where he's just like yeah okay and then he goes down and like gives you like three licks and it's just like um my tongue is also weak so weak but like i don't believe the

fingering thing because again if we're talking clit and even normal fingering you know what i mean if i could do it as a fucking wayfish teen he can do it as a wayfish adult it's literally the come hither motion my dude like what about this is too much for you and also guess what the best way to build up strength is by doing a thing and practice every day we Once again, we are operating under the assumption that this guy is being a fucking idiot. If he actually does not have the physical strength to do this because

of a physical condition or a medical condition, you got toys, where literally all he has to do is hold it in place. Yes. And that's the thing. If for some reason you have an issue with your body, and I assume it must be an issue if you can't do this basic thing, it's kind of on you to bypass that however you can,

which as Dane says is quite easy. Buy a vibrator and just be like, cool, I can't do X, so here we're going to do Y. And on top of that, if you're fingering, so if you're rubbing the clit, you don't have to be in an uncomfortable position. You can get them nice and comfortable, sit up and go to town. You don't have to be lying down beside them, kissing them or doing it through jeans or

whatever way might be making it hard for you. You can make it so easy for yourself and you don't need strength. Yeah. I feel like a lot of people are afraid to tailor sexual positions and sexual maneuvers to their comfort level like if someone really needs a vigorous fingering i find it's easier to do it on my knees beside them than it is if i'm lying down i got fucked up wrists you know i mean like i've had wrist trouble since i was a teenager from volleyball and various other things and jerking it just jerking it so much and so like

i find that like if i'm lying down it is actually kind of difficult to get the leverage and the speed and the intensity that sometimes people want so i find that like i like kneeling over and what that does is like it opens me up to being able to use my other hand because it's not behind their head or for sure i'm not so i've got another hand to like play with the breasts and nipples i've got if they want to be choked i like there's so much i can pull hair i can stroke their head depending on how gentle they want it like the options now have opened up and i'm comfortable to perform at a level that i want to be performing it and that will satisfy my partner for sure and that's what i'm saying you can shake it up so many different ways so do whatever is comfortable for you. And if you're rubbing a

clit, you do not need strength. And also if you're like, I have to go 100% speed from the get-go, you're doing it wrong. That's the only way I could see you getting tired or not having the strength to rub a clit. Don't go 100% speed because I don't think that would be good anyway for anybody. Start slow. This isn't a fucking Mario Party minigame. Exactly. Relax. So, I don't know, but like, unless you're a dick, if you're just like, hey, this is what I want,

your partner should be cool with it. You know what I mean? And if they're not cool with it, if they're giving you weird excuses, it's kind of on you to either leave or parse those excuses for truth and or workarounds right yeah yeah you need to work with your partner to make adjustments for yourself or them if there is a physical limitation or something that isn't comfortable figure it out don't just be like we tried doggy style once in

one way and one like one time and it didn't work so doggy style can't be done it's like well maybe you need a pillow underneath you maybe you need to be standing maybe you need to be kneeling maybe you need legs together or legs spread there's so many things it's the same way with like exercises like i cannot do burpees because my ankle is so fuck but i can do things like mountain climbers i can do like standing squats so like i don't just be like well can't do that and then just work out don't just be like, well, can't do that. And then just work out ever. Yeah. Just stand like staring. Victorian boy. It's just like you make adjustments and you make, you know, accommodations for your limitations in an effort to match your partner's needs.

So do it. For sure. And like, again, if someone says, oh, I don't have the strength for that. You don't just go, well, that doesn't make any sense, but that's it. Talk to them, work around it. You can compromise probably. All right, you ready? What kind of first date offer is this? By pineapple272728. I'm all for free slash cheap dates, ice cream, beach, park, mini golf, bowling, nature trail, literally anything. But this guy suggests I buy us lunch and we eat it in your car on my lunch break. No offense, but I'd rather buy my own lunch and eat alone than eat lunch with some rando in my car.

Yes? I don't like eating in the car in general. Yeah, it's like it's so uncomfortable, you're probably going to get something on you. Definitely going to get something on you, or worse, the car. And you're like not looking at each other, because that's not the way that cars are designed, so you're just sort of like facing the same direction just eating your presumably fast food or you know slightly faster food it would want to be fast because you only got 40 minutes yeah it's like you don't have to accept that's the nice thing about these days

just be like hey that doesn't sound like the best time if you want to do a a quick sort of date let's grab a coffee one day. You know what I mean? Like meet up for a half hour. Like if that's, if you want to keep it low, you know, low cost,

low commitment, do a coffee, have a tea, slam it out real quick and then be like, great, cool. And then decide if you want to do slime it out, just fucking slam it out so quick.

So I like, maybe this person is very low maintenance. Maybe this person was kind of joking. Like, Hey, I want to see you. I'll even grab lunch with you in your car and your break. You know what I mean? But Dane is completely right. You don't have to accept and be like, Hey, you could be like, Oh no, I don't want to eat in the car.

Like we wouldn't be able to talk. It would be messy. And like, we'd have no time. And like, you don't have to criticize them, but just be like, that is not what I'm into. And then offer your own idea. If you still want to see this person. And if you don't just to criticize them, but just be like, that is not what I'm into. And then offer your own idea if you still want to see this person. And if you don't, just move on. Yeah, you could always just be like, let's just grab lunch and meet up at the park and go for a walk. Yeah.

You know what I mean? If the idea of meeting up and having a quick, like squeezing a date in on your lunch break is okay with you. Yeah, just be like, there's a park nearby. You can buy lunch. I'll meet you there because that's actually fine. Being in a car car not fine i agree so like as now says posit an alternative but don't just be like all right well i guess this is what he wants to do so i guess we'll do it because that's not gonna have sad date guess i gotta fuck

up my car with so many noodles this is from throw our ray a bunch of numbers i can't make my husband come i cannot make my husband come when i'm on top i will usually do it my way and have an orgasm and then try to go faster for him but i can never physically go fast or hard enough for him he will end up grabbing my hips and doing the work for me anyway or he will let me come on top or have me finish another way or he will let me come on top and then have me another way to finish. I feel bad because he knows exactly how to make me orgasm with PIV and we will often come at the same time even. But when I'm on top, it's like I get mine and then he has to make himself come. I've asked him to instruct me what

I need to do, but he doesn't really know how to explain. He always ends up trying to instruct me for a minute, then just taking over. I want some advice. What does it feel like for a guy when she's on top? And some tips for me to try to see if he likes it. This has happened to me so many times where I've been with people and like, I love when they hop on top because I know I'm not going to come. So I don't have to worry about, you know,

if I'm with someone for like the first time or one of the first few times, and like, I'm a little excited. They go on top, great. That's going to just add points, add time to the clock. And even some people I've been with for ages, and I do have to finish myself off if they're on top by grabbing and thrusting, or flip to a different position. So I think a lot of people have this problem.

I think one key issue I have seen with people on top is that they grind instead of going like up and down. Yeah, we've talked about this a lot. If I'm fucking you and every other position, my dick is going in and out of you. And then the one position that doesn't work is because my dick is going, you know, left to right inside of you. Like, that's the difference. That's the change. That's why I'm not coming. Also, the whole crux of

the question you start by saying i can't make my husband come but then you say i can't make my husband come while i'm on top and that's two very different things yes right like one is hey there's a certain position that fucking rocks my world but doesn't really do it for him but all he has to do is change me into what seems to be literally any other shit. Or grab your hands and do the work himself. Yeah. So my question, which I assume you're about to ask.

Yep. Go for it. Why does it matter? Exactly. Does he ever say, hey, this sucks? Is it a thing you want to do? Is it a thing he wants? Or are you making this a thing in your head?

And I will say. I was going to say, because I am going to assume that this is a thing in your head because you are, you're getting on top and it feels great for you. And you can't understand that the, you know, the difference in physiology is now says, my guess is you're grinding.

And if he needs to grab and take control, then it, he's converting the upward. He's converting the thrust mode as opposed to grinding mode. And that's how it's going to happen. And like, look, it doesn't matter. It's just it does not matter. Yeah, I will say if he has said something, there are very easy ways to get around this.

Do enough foreplay where, you know, he is way closer than you would usually get when you're fucking and then pin him down, hop on top. And you're going to have so much more chance to make him come that way and he's not gonna be like oh you made me come but you weren't on me for that long he's not gonna care you got on top you rocked his world boom he came it's gonna be great so you could try that tease the fuck out i love the idea of being like oh i'm gonna lie down you're gonna come like crazy on me and then i just get to go to pound town my child's done baby you've come right like everything after that is gravy because we've like i want to make sure my partner comes during sex for sure before i do so if it's easy if all i gotta do is lay back and just sort of let you

go to town on my dick that's the dream because now i can put you in doggy style i can bend you you know like i can i can do whatever i want that I like I want to do and get myself there. And hopefully it's going to continue to feel great for you the whole way along. Right. So it's like my to do list is like make you come and I've checked it off. And then the next check is come. Yeah. It's like a great successful day if they both happen.

So if he really wants you to tease the fuck out of him first, get him all most of the way there before you begin to try to get an in and out motion as opposed to a grinding. I would definitely say be careful. We've said before. We'll say it again. Don't break the dick. If you can maybe have your feet like flat in a squatting position instead of the kneeling. I feel like that gives you a little bit more up and down potential. It's kind of harder to do on a bed.

Maybe fuck him on the floor of the living room or something, because then you can get your feet firmly planted, make sure everyone's comfortable with blankets and pillows or whatever. But if he doesn't care, then you're making difficulty where there isn't any. You know what I mean? He's your husband. It's too late. You already got him. he's married he's stuck like before you go into a downward spiral or start trying to you know rearranging your apartment to make the perfect riding mechanism and space like just be like hey every time i ride you it feels really fucking good

and you make me come so hard and i always feel a little like guilty that you don't come when I'm on top or I can't make you come as easily when I'm on top. Like, does that bother you at all? Like, and like, talk to him about it, because I could almost guarantee you him being like, that's fine. Like, if every time you guys had sex, you got on top. And it was like the question last time you came. And then you were just like, I'm done.

And then rolled over. Sure. Great. Then the question is, as you originally put it, you're not making your husband come. But if you're just not making him come in one position, he still seems completely satisfied

and even in the position, so what he has to put a little extra work in. That's okay. So talk to your husband and see if it even matters to him. Yeah. Because I promise you it probably doesn't. And that will help reassure you which will then help you enjoy that position even more because now it's not in the back of your mind being like oh no i've come and now like now i can't make him come because like if you switch

from like i've come now i gotta make him come mode then chances are you're taking yourself out of it and no longer enjoying that position or that moment because like for all you know i don't know if it happens for you but like maybe taking that pressure off you could mean that you come a couple more times while on top he's enjoying himself just as much but you're now out of like i have to make him come and you just be like oh he's fucking the shit out of me and then you come again you guys come together on top and like so what he had to put a little extra work in yeah talk to him so like have these conversation with your partner so just assume that like because one insecurities you're feeling one way and you're putting like you're imagining a scenario where he's

unsatisfied like talk to them also open those doors of communication trust your partner enough to let them know that like you want to hear how they feel and that they're willing to hear what you feel also i'm pretty sure she said i tried to him to like, show me what I'm doing wrong or whatever. And then he just ends up like trying to tell me for a second and then flips me over and fucks me anyway. It's like maybe mid sex when you've come and he wants to come, isn't the time for like a demonstration? If you really want to get into it, maybe talk outside of literally the middle of sex. Yeah. Because like, yeah, i also wouldn't have

patience if i'm like no i want a fucking bang like let's go yeah do my boner he's thinking the diagrams now and he hates diagrams he hates diagrams trajectory physics velocity all of it doja diagram is his least favorite artist that's gonna do it for this episode friends but before we head out, we're going to hop on to some online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge. See what works, see what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience

a little more enjoyable. We're going to pop open Tinder right here. We're going to do a little live swipe. I don't want to boost right now. This is Barty Hardy. I don't know. And they say, just make me laugh. Wow, cool.

Very demanding. Very bold of you to And they say, just make me laugh. Wow. Cool. Very demanding. Very bold of you to demand comedy from us. We're professionals. If you want to be made laugh by us, you have to go listen to us for free. It is free anyway. Damn it. Unless you join our Patreon, which you should. There he is.

Yeah, this is. I mean, it's boring. It's shitty. Do you? Oh, wait. She likes laughing. What a unique thing to a human. And why don't you make me laugh?

Yeah, make me fucking laugh. What do you have to offer? It's the most generic shit. Yeah, you like laughing. Great. We all do. Thank you, Nex. It's a three from me. Yeah, I'm going to give it a three as well. This is Jen with too many N's, to be honest.

How many? Like five? Three. Hmm, yeah. Three's actually probably a bigger red flag because at least Jen with five N's is fun. Jen with three N's? Maybe you just can't spell Jen. Yeah. Maybe she just has a real heavy N finger. That doesn't sound great.

I hate that one. Maybe that's that guy's name. So provocative. This is Jen. I provocative, even though it means nothing. This is Jen. I'm a career-driven, independent woman. I'm looking for only what I myself can give in a relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. I love what I do for work, and I'm looking for someone to share my amazing life with. I love simple things, and I spend a lot of time with friends and family.

Confusing and generic. I was really worried I had fucked that sentence up, but it does say, I am looking for only what I myself can give in a relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. So, you want to be single? I don't know. Hey, what does that mean? Is it like, I want people to match my effort? I think that's what she's saying.

I think she's being like, hey, I'm a simple person. I just want to find my person. I'm not looking for anything more than that. I guess. I don't love it. It's confusing at the start. It's generic at the end. I'm going to give it a four only because it wasn't as bad as the first one. Yes, I'm also giving it a four. At least you put some effort into it, but devil's in the details. Be specific. You devil. You're going. Be specific. You devil. You're gonna get us DMC'd. Good. Come for me, Doja DMC.

This is Mo. Scientist. Talk to me about trivia and pop culture. I prefer my men like Caramels. Hard outside, soft inside. It's better. I'll give it a 5. I would love to know what kind of scientist you are. I would love to know what kind of scientists you are i would love to know what trivia you like and like hard outside soft inside it's like okay i guess you're kind

of playing into that whole like oh i want muscly men but i want like emotion like it's okay great again you want the perfect man wonderful yes you want an attractive sensitive man shocking there's a smidgen of personality to why you're getting the five. Yeah, we're solely climbing up the ranks here. We are. Are we going to get six next? Let's find out. Probably not.

I'm not even going to do this one. This one's not even fun. Here we go. This is Winter. Looking to make genuine connection and explore possibilities with someone cute. Live and work in a city. All the cliches. Family, friends, healthiness, activities, etc.

Having a puppy will earn you unlimited bonus points. Oh no. Pronouns. Never. No liberals or left-wing and woke extremes. Come with me if you want to live. I don't want to come with you because I don't want to live in your shitty-ass version of society.

Instant zero. Also, you do have pronouns like i don't it makes me it makes me so fucking mad when people are like pronouns in your profile it's like hey regardless of whether or not i list them we all have pronouns my dude like i love him or whatever like it doesn't matter but if i want to engage with you in a conversation you're gonna have a pronoun yeah it's like the amount of people are like i don't have pronouns like i is a pronoun dude yeah i hate to break it to you but you do whether or not you want to like unless you want to start being like kevin doesn't have pronouns kevin does never have pro which hey that's kind of how i assume most of you think anyway.

Yeah, so this one, we went the wrong way. That's a one for me. Yeah, zero for me. And that's going to do it for this episode, friends. Thank you very much for stopping in, hanging out with us for an hour. We appreciate you greatly. We do. We love you.

Thank you for spending this little Thanksgiving with us. I want you guys to go over to our Patreon and support us. If you're thankful for us, go ahead, please. If you're thankful for you. I will be thankful for you. If you're thankful for you too, you can treat yourself to an extra episode every month. That's me and Dane in your ears once again. It's very easy to do.

Head on over to fbuddiespodcast.com. Click the Patreon link. You'll have a couple different options. The middle tier will get you access to bonus episode pillow talk. While you're over on our website, why not also consider if you're in the Toronto area, grabbing a ticket to our next live show. Thursday, October 26th at the Black Sheep Cocktail

Bar in Liberty Village, Toronto. Tickets are only $10. It gets you a spot in the bar. They've got great food specials, drink specials. There's like a $4 shot special. So if you want to come, get loose, get spicy, we do. We get a lot of audience questions, which is a lot of fun. The vibe is really, really, really good.

And we would love for you to join us. Yeah. Which is wonderful. So please come. Thank you for listening. Thank you, Josh Eagle on the Harvest Cities for their song, Paper Stars. And just thanks in general. We love being here with you guys.

And I think it's time for some bad sex writing. I agree. All right. This is from The Witch Slayer by Opal Rain. In just one simple stroke of his tip becoming firm, she aligned them so perfectly that his eyes snapped open wide and his head lifted. He felt a tightness right around the head. Amelia cried beneath him, but it was so high pitched that he knew it was both in pleasure and surprise.

Rurik paused. I pierced her womb. That's not how it works. At least I don't think. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I'm almost positive you can't do that. Unless your dick is real sharp. Pierced is gonna be... Yeah. You know? I mean...

Not the word, but also... And the thing is, I think this is meant to be a good thing. I'm gonna tell you right now, not what people want. That would, I think, be a medical emergency, if not just agony and uncomfortableness. Unless what was in the

womb was a witch and his dick is thus the way he slays them. Damn. My name is Dane Miller. No, it's me. I'm not gonna sing again. It's now Spain. You know it. And we've been your doja horses. We've been your doja Kitties.