F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 264 - The Straight Cardboard Side

Episode Date: October 30, 2023

At this point in time, we actually have no idea if we're straight or not anymore.  Topics include TikTok date shaming, dark and twisted fantasies, keeping in contact with past fuck buddies, admitting to being a serial cheater, accidentally making friends with women and becoming a good person and also maybe becoming gay.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either roaming the wilds of the internet or roaming the wilds of our listeners' minds. And we answer them right here, right now, every Monday, in your ears. And also where, Dane? You can find us on Patreon. Hell yeah. Patreon.com slash fbuddies. Or just head on over to our website, fbuddiesPodcast.com and click the Patreon link. Also, we do live shows.

We just did a live show. We don't have a date for the next live show, but we do them, and they're a blast. And for everyone who came out this month, thank you very much. Yeah. Also, congrats. On? Five years. Oh, yeah.

I forgot we were supposed to do that. I know. We were going to pop a bottle and i was gonna get one and then i also forgot again today we'll do a five-year retroactive yeah we'll do something maybe we'll do like a like we'll count the year at the end when we do our like our yearly wrap up for new years we'll do a five-year retrospective look for sure it's been a big year the last year it's been a big year last year was fucking huge It's been a big year. Last year was fucking huge. We've gone from, you know, the towering

heights we were always at, to even more towering heights, and doing live shows, winning awards, more people. Yeah. Thank you, more people, you're all lovely. It's been crazy. It's been wild. We've done it for five years, it's fucking crazy. It is nuts. Because, like, I know you've said it before, but, like, as of last year, like, we had

just done our first convention had we had just done our first convention we had just done our first fan expo yeah but we hadn't won a canadian podcast award we like had just started our other show more or less like we were still a baby and then still baby steps yeah babies still baby show well it's probably tripled since then yeah well i just mean like in terms of age. Yeah, for sure. Anyway, this is nothing. This is bad.

Yeah, this is not exciting. They're like, wow, five years and you're going to fucking ruin it now. I'm going to hit you a question then. This is throw already consistent 12. I 26 year old male found her 28 year old female tick tock after we went on a date. This is honestly not something I expected to post about. But here's the thing. I've known this woman 28 28-year-old female,

for a while since we were in the same friend groups. She's a nice person, attractive, and honestly, I've always enjoyed my talks with her. A few weeks ago, I, 26-year-old male, asked her out on a date. I figured if she says no, it's fine. But she agreed. We went on a date this past Saturday,

and honestly, I thought it was awesome. Went out to dinner, had drinks, spent the rest of the night talking. We even took a walk on a walking bridge over the town's lake. It's not a big one. I gotta say, it'd be pretty fucking crazy if you took a walk over a lake without a walking bridge. Yeah. A running bridge, maybe? Yeah. A crawling bridge. The really spooky crawling bridge. I dropped her off and was elated. I absolutely loved the night. However, that night when I was scrolling through TikTok, a post from her, I didn't follow nor knew shit at TikTok, appeared on my For You page.

Essentially, she said in the post, getting ready for a date I really don't want to go to. It was like a bucket of ice water being thrown in my head. I was so freaking happy, I just found out she didn't even want to go on a date with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she has to want it, but please, let me know if that's the case. We don't need to go out. We can forget I even asked. But doing this on the internet, it made me self-conscious. Not sure if

that's the right word now i'm unsure about what to do should i tell her i saw this or just forget about it honestly it really hurt me i'm not really sure i want to give it another try i mean she didn't want to go out with me in the first place right yeah i mean i definitely wouldn't give this another try i would also make sure that this was like the tiktok algorithm will show you things not recent. So something a couple of, I mean, like I granted if she's in the same outfit,

I would still check the date. Yeah. I would double check. Cause maybe she's got a, maybe she's got a date outfit that she wears on all of her dates. Cause she looks cute in it. I don't know. So that's number one.

I would look at that too. Arguably. I would say this is bad regardless. Cause it does show like if she's going on a date she doesn't want to go on. That shows a bit of a I don't love that. Right. Like why? Now, I'm going to hop in with a caveat here.

I've gone on dates I don't want to go on because I'm like tired. You know, when you're like, fuck, I organized this date last week when I was hype. Now I've had a whole week and tonight like I would love nothing better than to sit in front of the tv fuck i don't want to go thing to do and then set up your ring light and then set up have you met influencers yeah but what i'm saying is if you don't have the energy to want to go on a date then like i find it hard to believe that you also have the energy to make content about a date you don't want to go i don't believe that has any links whatsoever well i'm just saying in my mind if if that's the reason you're going to use if that's the excuse you're

going to use of being like oh it's not that i didn't want to go on a date with you i just didn't want to go on a date at all but i did have time to do all this and edit it and put it up before our date i think that's a little unfair because i think like i'm sure i don't think so at all i'm sure you've gone on dates where you're like, oh, I'm tired. But like, and it's not about the person. It's just like, fuck, there are some events I've been pumped for for ages that I'm like, oh, I don't want to go. I'm not going.

It's great. And it's just like in the moment, I'm like, oh, but like, you don't know people's energy for X and Y. And the thing is, we're arguing about this, which is silly because that might not even be it. The video might explicitly say something else. So I'm saying the only caveat I could see this not being terrible is if she's just like oh i don't want to go like i'm tired and i get that because i pretty much don't want to go to anything i'm tired that's the only like sliver of light i can see in it in that like i get it i think we're all

tired you know what i mean yeah and if she's on that grind that sucks fucking i do tiktoks when i'm tired and i don't want to yeah but you're yeah i like i know what you're saying but it's like i could be editing before a date and yes i'm burnt out or tired or whatever but the thing i'm editing isn't how much i don't want to go on right but that's just because you create different content if this is her thing if her thing is like makeup whatever right she's like get ready with me for a date i don't want to go on like again if it's like because this dude fucking sucks yeah that's shit yeah but if it's like get ready for me oh i'm going for a date i really don't want to go but like the guy's cool so i'm gonna make sure you know even still i don't think i think if you're

going to be someone who wants to be put out in the public sphere i think you have to be conscious of the content you're putting out oh for sure nothing I'm saying is not saying that. So like it, I don't think like, even if the context is like, I'm exhausted and I had a really bad day, but I agreed to a date. I think it's a still shit to do. You know what I mean? Like, I think it's still a bad thing to put out because like, if you want, if you're in the same friend group and you've texted, like I get things put to my TikTok because they're

on my contact list and i don't follow them so it's like you it's not great but it's better it's far better than i don't want to go because i don't like this guy i think i don't really think there's much difference really i think it's way different i don't i don't think so because like at the end of the day it's like you've put something out that again unless it is very very specific unless she looks dead in the camera and says i'm really excited about the guy i'm going on the date with yeah like unless she says that then there's a lot of like you work in the same for you you're in the same group so all of her

friends presumably followers no i agree presumably know that you're going on this date and now all of a sudden she's like fucking dunked on you before your date and all your friends think you're a loser and getting a pity date out of it you know what i mean like it it's also just like a bad call in general because like what if this isn't a person in your fan group but then things go well and then you know one of your video comes up like a few weeks later it's like yeah cool i've had people call me out be like you never talk about dating or like your dating life on but like you're a dating guy like you have a dating podcast but you never talk about dating or like your dating life on but you're like you're a dating guy like you have a dating podcast but you never made i was like because it's private

yeah and my thoughts are but and feelings are between the person i have the thoughts and feelings for and i think there's a like i know people and like i i think it's a little cringy to broadcast private moments and private feelings and thoughts when the other person could see it and other people are aware of like who you're talking for sure and that's i think something we've both tried to do massively throughout this whole thing is like if we talk about something it's never like last week with this person it's like at some point with some person because like it would be insane if we never talked about stuff but you also have to have the wherewithal and chill to not fucking name drop people when they're not explicitly consenting and even then it's just

common courtesy you know i mean i i talked about i mean like we also never really talked about my breakup yeah i was with my partner for seven years. And during the course of this show, we have, we have broken up. And again, because it's like, as I, there was a point in time where I was like,

I'd really love to do an episode where we just kind of like talk about it. One, it'd be cathartic for me. It would be, it would be very good for me to sort of like talk about it. But I think it would also be really great for other people to hear. Yeah. Two men deal with these kinds of emotions because we're usually the

male side of a breakup rarely gets sort of a beer fucker. Like that's, that's basically the extent of what we're allowed to do. But a lot of the people who listened to the show or a lot of them, you know, my friends knew my partner. Yeah. And also even if you didn't, it wouldn't be exactly too hard to figure it out if you, you know, so it would be a little weird. And so like I, we never did it because there, there was a whole other person whose feelings

were very much involved in that thing. And it would be kind of gross to, to, and it's like, I have no problem. I'll talk about like my experiences of breaking up and through that breakup, like when it matters in a question but i was like i don't really want to put a spotlight on a part of my life that i shared with someone else when that other person isn't a part of the spotlight you know for sure yeah because you're just dragging them into yeah let's only hear one side of the story you know and like we have a big audience so it's like it would be unfair to be like we're gonna dogpile with five you know but it's not even that because I don't think we would.

No, I know, I know. But like, what I'm just saying is like, it's just unfair when the other person is there. Yeah. And it's also like airing laundry that I don't know if someone wants out as well. For sure. And the thing is like, later on, if you want to talk about it, no one's going to necessarily know, is it that person? Is it earlier?

Is it whatever? So you can talk about it. It'll be like, fine. Whereas if you were like last week you know everyone knows and it's it's shitty so yes this is our lesson on not being a dick as a content creator i guess yeah and like don't be a dick that's where it comes down to me where it's like i don't really care your reasoning to make content about a specific event about a specific person even if you don't say their name yeah it's easy enough to know or they

find it and they know yeah so it's like you need to be conscious of it and be like hey if you're gonna make content about getting ready for a date just say you're getting ready for a date like i don't necessarily and like i understand like some people have that brand of being like well that was another point i was gonna make is that like if your brand is like like fuck dating or like i'm just like you know like that i don't know what the word is just like if your brand is like like fuck dating or like i'm just like you know like that i don't know what the word is just like aloof girl like everything's going poorly all the time or whatever and that's such a fucking like it's almost a trope at this point yeah i wouldn't even be surprised if she said it not meaning it yes right i mean that's the thing that's its own

issue i would believe that before i would believe that like she made it being like i'm tired but i'm really excited you know i'm just saying that's the only way i can see it being okay and i would totally get it if they were like hey i was wrecked i'd be like cool i get it but we don't know the video which is annoying we need context we don't have the context so what does he do i honestly i would call them out in situations like this i i very advocate for like conflict like it would be very easy to be like okay i'm just like i'm gonna leave her you know contact ghost her and because like i'm in the right i don't need to explain why i'm not talking to her and presumably if she didn't want to go on a date with me she's not going to be hitting me up and asking for another.

Right. But in this kind of scenario, I think there is like, I think there's a little bit of pleasure that you can take having something like that, like having a pie thrown in your face and then being able to like have a pie behind your back, ready to throw in their face.

And I'm like, I'm very rarely ever one to advocate for a tit for tat, you know what I mean? Immediately stitch that video into, oh, same. I was going on a date the other day and it was the worst. And then you build your TikTok brand and that's the ultimate betrayal. You know what I mean? Like maybe stitch the video and be like, I hear you, girl.

Like I just went on a date and it was fucking terrible. She was boring. You know what I mean? Like, no, that's way too petty. I think you do call her out on i think you like i think you message her and be like hey i saw your tiktok it really sucked to see that i thought we had a great night if you didn't want to go on a date with me and if you and in the future to not be a piece of shit if you don't want to go on a date with someone don't go

on a date it's good for you and for them yeah it's like you wasted my time presumably he probably paid for a lot of it so yeah which is you i was like so you you wasted my time you wasted my money and now you've like publicly mocked me yeah i was like that's a really shit thing to do especially when we're in the same friend group so it's like kind of lame one of the top comments is just comment on it saying so how was the date and i will and i think that's actually kind of what you were saying earlier, but not shitty. It's actually kind of funny. I don't know. I would definitely, like I said at the very start, make sure this video is the date.

Yes, yes. And also make sure they're not just sleepy. This is Cosmic Daisy. I, a 24-year-old female, am being consumed by these crazy fantasies. I am a seemingly really normal person. I have great relationships with my friends and family. I work as a social worker, and I'm generally in love with living life. The other side to this is that I keep wanting to be in a harem-type situation.

I don't mean like a solely polydynamic, which I've done and had great learning experiences with. I want to fall in love with an older, dominant man and share him with multiple other women, whom I will love and bond with also. I have other kinks that are pretty dark also, and I just don't know why. I literally work so hard to live like a good girl, but my mind wants something else. This feels like a fishing post, right? This feels like i try to live like a good girl but like my mind like it feels like you're just trying to get your inbox destroyed it also feels like you are not 24 and probably 14 and also male yeah like you you mentioned this like idea like you've been in poly relationships and okay great fantastic wonderful, so what's wrong? And then

you mentioned that like, you want to meet an older dominant man. Totally fine. Yeah, that's okay. And then you're like, and I want to bond with his other partners. That's their willing. Sure. That's a polyamory situation that can work. That's like, that's essentially like a kitchen table or a, you know, a group polyamorous relationship. That's, that's not a dark fantasy oh that's the best thing is like they say dark i'm like what yeah like you literally part of like half of what you said was you being friends with a bunch of girls lovely yeah i would say this quite like i don't know if you mean romantically bond with them as well but i was like even even that quite lovely it doesn't it like none of it matters you mentioned like your dark fantasies again at the end. It's like, I don't know.

My other dark fantasy is going to a nice restaurant and popping a bottle of champagne and we go on a walking bridge together. Tipping the waiter 35%. Oh, it's so dark. Like, I don't know what, like, I don't know if I believe that you have these dark fantasies, if this is your crazy fantasy. I also don't understand the difference necessarily. You're like, oh, I mean, I'm saying it's so dark, it's so out there, but I've done

something that's so similar. Yeah, because it seems... Look, I don't want to make it sound like this might not be crazy for some people. This might be a wild, I think it's a wild thing,

but not if you're like experienced in polyamory, but I'm like, I think it's also this idea that polyamory is a, I got two way street. Whereas like, this would be presumably one way if you're in a harem, not even that. I mean like more in like the structure of how we view relationships and relationship dynamics as a society of being like male female

heteronormative like monogamous relationship that's normal that's a good girl relationship so i guess yeah if they still think even their poly stuff was dark i get it but yeah and but like if you don't view your poly relationship if was, if that was you living like a good girl, then like what really changes other than perhaps that, like when you mentioned this dominant older man, you're talking about like getting into BDSM. Yeah. Or even like if it was poly,

it's like, you can see whoever you want. I can see whoever I want. Whereas like with this, if it's that kind of situation, it's almost like he's the one seeing multiple people. She's just like one of the, one of the girls,

you know, it owns in like that harem way or whatever, which like, yeah, there's a little bit more spice to it, but not really. Again, if you're willing and consenting great,

if they're willing and consent, unless the dark part is like, you're going to force your friendship on these women. That's weird. Yeah. Or like, or maybe the, the fantasy is that like you're gonna force your friendship on these women that's weird yeah or like or maybe the the fantasy is that like this is forced on you and then it's then you enter into sort of like a consensual non-consent sort of dynamic which like i don't think is implied but no i i don't know like that's the only thing that i can see of like queuing sort of like

into a darker realm is that like this older dominant man sort of like like grooms you almost like i don't really know what so the reason i brought this question is one your idea of polyamory seems to probably very like a base level line of what polyamory is and then you have failed to understand that there are offshoots into different things. Like I mentioned, like kitchen table and hierarchical and non-hierarchical and anarchy. And there's all sorts of ways to engage in relationships that aren't just monogamous. Yeah, relationship anarchy is actually really fucking cool. It doesn't sound cool.

It's just like the whole premise behind it. I might be making a mistake here but uh relationship anarchy everyone has a knife yeah everyone has a knife everyone's got a molotov cocktail and you're running cool and everyone has to shave into a mohawk yeah everyone's gotta love punk music no it's the essential idea that is like there's no primary partners there's no like what you feel no structure you're just yeah there's there's's no like what you feel. There's like no structure. You're just. Yeah, there's like no like what you feel is what you feel for that person at the time that you feel it.

And you can move on to the next person. And like no one's really. I think in theory, it's great. I don't know how many people practice it. Yeah, it seems like a cop out. Like you want to be polyamorous, but you don't want to put the work in. It's I think like it's one of those things where i think a lot of people claim it sorry yeah when i say it seems like a cop-out i mean it seems like people would use it as a cop-out not that it itself is i think

it's sorry important distinction i think it's one of those things like when polyamory first sort of kind of became a more common term used a lot of dudes were like i'm polyamorous but really all he wanted to do was just sort of like have a have sex with a bunch of people and then like not really yeah give anything back to anyone or or respect you know boundaries or rules or whatever and like i think a lot of people got that in their head and then once once people were like oh hey no this actually doesn't work which i think is then when we got into like ethical non-monogamy and stuff like that um but for this question it's like

i don't one you're a social worker you're you should know better but i'm just like if your idea like you're like oh i want to live a good girl life well that's that's my what i wanted to bring up after this is like i hate that term because there is there's it doesn't exist it's it's bullshit so either you're up after this is like, I hate that term because it doesn't exist.

It's bullshit. So either you're coming at this from a weird puritanical, like harmful view or I don't know. Yeah. You're looking at sex as like bad or there's like a type of sex that is good. And also anything out of that is bad. And it's gendered too. Yeah. Not living as a good person.

You're living as a good girl. Yeah. Like good girls can't do like, can the guys do whatever they want yeah is he living a good guy life yeah is he living a good boy life or is he living a bad boy boy he's older older good boy it's it's tough to say i don't know but yeah like i don't think you should base your moral compass on your sexual preferences or your relationship preferences no unless your sexual preferences and relationship preference are like murder in which case yeah yeah you're you're a bad girl yeah yeah i just wish i hate that shit like just step away from that if you want to do this and people are consenting and it's not harming you or them great yeah like wonderful that's it

that that's the be all and end all of it doesn't fucking matter. No. Yeah, your, like, what you do in the bedroom doesn't, again, as long as you're not killing people or sacrificing people or doing terrible things. Like, if you're living your sort of, like, moral truth, then you're okay. It doesn't make you a bad girl for wanting dark things. They're not even dark. Well, we don't know what our other ones are. That's fair. But looking at it so far, I'm guessing not much. This is CauliflowerPurple609. Girlfriend is still in contact with friend from college whom she slept with.

As the title says, my male 30-year-old girlfriend, female 27-year-old, still occasionally texts a guy friend from university whom she slept with. We've been official for a few months and only, or sorry, we've been official for a few months and only or sorry we've been dating for a few months and only recently became official she openly told me that she and her male friend slept together only once in university but have maintained a friendship throughout the years he took her virginity when she was 24 and in grad school he lives in another country but she visited him earlier this year before meeting me it sounds like he took it her virginity twice the way you took it. I know, right? Once when she was 24,

and again in grad school. That's why I stumbled, because I was like, what? I guess she was both 24 and in grad school. I expressed that I'm uncomfortable with her maintaining contact with previous sexual partners, yet she assured me she's loyal to me, and there's zero attraction between them. She also tells me he is currently

in a relationship with someone else. She said she would be willing to let me meet him if it made me more comfortable the next time he visits the city we live in. Unsure how to proceed with this, any input would be greatly appreciated. She doesn't have to do any of those things. Yup. It doesn't really matter if you're, like, you're welcome to be uncomfortable with the fact that she still has friends that she's slept with. But it's better if you aren't. Yeah. For you, for them. Like, sure them like sure feel that way you know live your truth but it's not her job to be like okay everyone i've ever slept with has to be cut them off eradicated from my

life for you a man i've recently started dating yes that's awful and if it was me, I would dump you immediately. I would definitely be like, Hey, this is something you need to get cool with because I would like, it's rare. I'm in a room with people that I have at least one person. I have, I would have to decimate my life.

I'd be like, well, yeah, like it's bad. Every major social situation. There is probably someone in the room, at least one that i have slept with yeah and it's like what do you what do you need to be like oh hey i haven't talked to you

in a while i can't don't let me don't let dave see me talking it's like yeah how sad of a life is that yeah or just like am i supposed to then like run around the room making sure that i've always got you know yeah 20 feet of distance between you so that you could never utter a word to me. Hey, we can be friends again. Me and Dave broke up. What? Oh, you're seeing someone else? Yeah, hold on.

They cut you out again. I'm sorry. Fuck off with this shit. For Dave in question, you gotta get over it. That's my advice. Get the fuck over it. And if you can't, what that says, like, it's what we always go back to. We always come down to it. If you can't get over it.

Go under it. Can't go under it. Gotta go around it. Go through it. It's a problem on your end that you need to either deal with through therapy or you're not ready to date because you can't trust someone to have friends that whether they are attracted to or previously attracted to or previously dated or previously slept with whatever if you can't deal with that then you shouldn't be dating this person because what your brain is telling you is that she could she could fuck him

again if that's she could fuck someone new she could fuck literally anyone she could fuck everyone yeah so it's like anarchy like if you're worried about this then it's not it's not that she slept with him it's that you don't fucking trust her yeah why do you not trust her why do you not trust her and it's probably you know you've got a bunch of fucking insecurities and like horrible views of and assume that women can't possibly control themselves. The fact that anyone finds them attractive is a threat to you. All that shit is so fucking toxic. And you just sound like no fun.

And also, I love that she was like, look, you can meet him if that'll make you feel better. Because she didn't go, yes, I'll accept your bullshit. And she shouldn't have. And I hope she doesn't. And I hope you get the fuck't go. Yes, I'll accept your bullshit. And she shouldn't have. And I hope she doesn't. And I hope you get the fuck over it. Yeah, I love that. I don't think it's a necessary step, but it's a good move as a partner to be like, hey, look, this is a friend of mine. If you want to meet him, you can meet him.

What I'm going to guess how this is poorly. It's going to go poorly because you're going to be a little fucking dick in the corner. And he's going to overthink everything. There's going to be one thing you say or like your the hug went on too long or like any inside joke any giggle every hair twirl all of it's gonna be fucking well hair twirl hair twirls maybe he's right not to trust no yeah just dude get better get over it it doesn't fucking matter i don't know why but i really wanted to say hair is the slutty spaghetti of the head not wrong you're not wrong i yeah this is colonial by my girlfriend just revealed she used to be a

serial cheater my girlfriend 40 year old female i thought you would say killer and i was like yeah it's better my girlfriend 40 year old female eight months revealed to me last night rather casually that she used to be a serial cheater for years and cheated on every partner she ever had until a couple years ago. She said at the time she was remorseless, but eventually came to a point she decided it wasn't conducive to a healthy relationship or her self-esteem and decided to stop. I, a male 38-year-old, have always struggled with trust issues my whole life for a variety of reasons. I won't go into, she seemed to brush this off as a little more than an anecdote, but I got to tell you,

I'm shook. I'd like to believe she's changed and learn from this to become someone who would never do this again. But if I'm being honest, definitely have less faith in her than I did 24 hours ago. Me too. Any advice on how to get past this or discuss it further would be appreciated. See, Me too. See, this is tough because like, is it good that she's admitting these things?

Yeah, for sure. But like, if I was with someone and they were like, hey, I did these terrible things consistently for a long time and was remorseless, but recently changed my mind, I'd be like, oof. Yeah, I mean, this is almost the exact opposite of the last question of being like, you have to trust your partner. But then when your partner does this, it like dumps a reason to not really trust them anymore. You do have to... I don't ever want to advocate

like, oh, when someone does one thing, they're cursed forever, or like people can't change, people can't get better, blah blah blah. Because I don't believe that. I do believe people can can change i do believe you should trust people forgive them blah blah blah blah etc but like i one fully understand being hesitant i would be i think everyone in their right mind would be yep two it doesn't really sound like they went through it in the best way it almost sounded like they were saying it to tick a box to be like oh but i did tell you yeah rather than like i don't know i'm just even just being like remorseless and constant like you know it's i would love to know because like he's he means it seems to say that she says it really like

nonchalantly and really because like there's one thing to be like i was remorseless and then have remorse for that right like there's one thing to be like, Hey, here's this about me. I think it's important that you know it, that I've changed and sort of like lay it out, but also have the remorse now. Yeah. And like the empathy to understand that like no one wants to hear this. Yeah.

And that you are giving them ammunition. Yeah. You're not trusting. You're spoiling the relationship a little bit. Yeah. Maybe temporarily. Yeah. Maybe fully, but you're kind of taking a shit at the picnic, right?

Yeah. But to bring this up and then just sort of be like, oh yeah, I was remorseless. I was a real piece of shit. Yeah. And then just kind of flippantly move on. That's why initially I stepped away from it being cheating and just was like I did a super shitty thing I didn't give a fuck about the people I did it to yeah if someone

told me that about like you know I used to like fucking kick dogs or something I'd be like you did really bad shit like I actually don't think I could forgive someone who kicked a dog but you know what I mean like if you just sub it out with bad thing done consistently for years no remorse

like that's pretty bad but like the reason she stopped was oh it's bad for my self-esteem it's bad for my self-esteem and not conducive to a healthy relationship yeah no shit yeah all of those things are your fault one of those things is very selfish because it's oh my self-esteem and the other one is so obvious i'm worried for her if she didn't realize that till now selfish yeah it's not like oh i was hurting people yeah you're saying it's not conducive to a healthy relationship presumably and like a relationship includes her right like there was no like i felt terrible like the way i treated these people i i missed like i abused these people like i felt bad about it's like no it's oh my it's, oh, my self esteem was bad. I'm like, I couldn't have relationships. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't, I don't love it. So I think maybe a second conversation is in order. And if they aren't willing to like show you empathy and assuage your fears somewhat, I don't think it's a question then of like, oh, what's a cheater? Always a cheater. I think it's a question then of like,

you sound like an asshole. You don't sound like a piece of shit you don't sound like a good person and that's a fair assumption or like a fair evaluation of someone once you get information and evidence of that right like it'd be one thing if like you know she was like i cheated on a partner once yeah you know what i mean even like i felt really bad two or three it's it's harder the more you've done it yeah claim but to be like every partner i've ever had i've cheated on and i didn't feel bad about it and the reason i stopped was for me yes right like all those three things real bad not great and jumping off point kind of stopped recently enough too like so now's right i think you have to have another

conversation you have to bring up and be like, hey, the information you brought to me the other day concerns me. You didn't seem, like, the reason you stopped seemed to be for you and you didn't seem to really care about the fact that you hurt these people. And sort of, like, put that on the table and see how they react. Because if it's like,

well, you know, whatever, it happened, blah, blah, blah. If it still seems really flippant about... Whatever, I already did it. I can't fix it now yeah yeah but it's like maybe or alternatively oh you're gonna bring a ship from the pad like if it's aggressive and defensive and like they're deflecting it's probably not worth yeah but if you can have like a a really sort of like you know frank conversation with them about this and they do seem remorseful and empathetic about the and it's just like you know this was a hard thing i'm sure to admit yeah and that's i will say i'm giving them props for that yeah that's the thing i'm sure sucks shit to admit so it might

have been more they might have been like survival mode yeah and not really ready to sort of get into a deeper conversation about it it might have just just been like the bandaid being torn off. And being like, I said it. Now let's move on because I don't want to talk. You know what I mean? Go into this with kindness because you make it a great point. It is a very hard thing to say. And they get points for that.

You know what I mean? For sure. And hopefully they have learned the error of their ways. And I think them admitting to it is a very good like a promising sign it could just be you're gonna find that eventually and i'm ticking that box so that i'm a good person now for telling you or it could be like they've honestly learned and this is part of it because they could have just not told you right yeah so hopefully but on top of that it's like if you have trust issues and you it's something you're still working on and this is just something you

can't deal with that's okay yeah you know what i mean better that you get out of this relationship and continue to work on those rather than fuck up this relationship yourself and them at which point like who knows what more damage you'll do if this is a thing you're working on and this is something you just can't like yeah get through like that it's fine to step away yeah yeah i mean we always talk you don't need a good enough reason to break up with someone and honestly i think being like hey i've struggled with trust issues my whole life this is something that's probably going to hang up on me for a lot of time and it's probably going to have a negative effect on our relationship and i don't want to be with someone who I'm going to constantly be concerned about for your sake, for my sake.

And it just doesn't seem like this is a, you know, a healthy start to a relationship. And like, I would say if that's the case, you know, by all means be like, look, it is a me thing. Like, I'm not saying I don't trust you. I'm not saying anything like that. I am just saying I'm still working on this issue and I know this is going to be a problem. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because I know it could then be like, oh, fuck you.

I told you this and you judge me. And it's like, well, no, like if it's just not going to work, it's not going to work. Yeah. And breakups are rarely pretty. So you can do your best, whatever. But you need to have your best interests at heart and theirs. Because if it's a shit relationship as a result of this, it's not not gonna be good for them either and as much as we always want to reiterate and be like you know the once a cheater always a cheater thing is not a true statement everyone can change everyone has the capacity to become a better person uh but it is a reminder

that your actions have consequences for sure and to be remorseless and a bad person and views other people will have an impact further on down. It's not conducive for healthy relationships. Yeah. That's also something she's going to have to deal with of being like this dude being like, Hey,

I have trust issues. And the, the can of worms you just opened is not one that I am willing to fight through for this relationship. I'm really sorry. I got to move on. And like, she doesn't really have a leg to stand on because like

you did it to yourself you made those choices and these are the consequences of those choices again if you were like I kicked dogs for years everyone would be in their right mind to be like get the fuck out of here no be gone in the face and body it sucks I'm trying to be a good person I'm trying to tell you about my dog

kicking past in the face and body. It sucks. I'm trying to be a good person. I'm trying to tell you about my dog kicking past. In the face and body. I love that. So good. So good. All right. You ready for a quick one? Yeah.

Quick enough. Maybe. Who knows? Maybe this will be ours. This is low quad winter 8206. So let's step away from people being assholes. I'm bringing you to seduction. How do you use friend zone girls to your advantage?

Finally, I tried to hit on a few hot girls at my college or collage as they spelled it and so maybe it was a collage i don't know and some of my approaches ended up in a date but recently i get friend zoned or here's some excuses from girls like we could go for drinks but not today because i need to go to sleep etc i noticed if i have fun vibe with a girl, other girls get curious. I agreed to go out with a girl who friendzoned me out of boredom and girl I approached a month earlier approached me and I suggest she should join us

and she agreed without hesitation. I got a few more girls who friendzoned me and I could easily get a group of five hot girls who could go out with me to bar slash club. Would it make it easier to hit on other girls if I'm surrounded by hot girls, brackets, I am friendzoned by, brackets, or would it make me easier to hit on other girls if i'm surrounded by hot girls brackets i am friends owned by brackets or would it make me look low value and gay

the thing with these questions is there's literally no saving your plan here because the fact that you could potentially go out to a club and be surrounded by five attractive women who have quote-unquote friends owned you and all you're thinking of is is this game oh fuck how gay is this right now like that is you fucking shot yourself in the foot before you've even been able to sort of like just use a situation to your advantage or like sure having a lady wingman fucking kicks ass yeah for sure and like i think they're missing a lot but the key thing here is like oh you were hanging out with someone platonically and a girl who was presumably a little off put by you saw that you had the capacity to be chill with women and was like oh yeah great that's good

it's but like it's not oh can i have women friends yeah it's girls who friends on me can i put them to use yeah what it's like have you seen that post where it's like tech bro discovers hanging out oh yeah and he's like oh i was thinking of like a podcast but no mics and you just talk and it's not recorded and maybe there's food and drink and it's like dude you're like you're so close to being a normal human you're like i could have friends and maybe friends is good yeah yeah dude friends is good bro yeah i mean like obviously what i would prescribe for this guy is like get the fuck no home and stay no i i want him to keep making friends with women i know but

he's not making friends he's using friendzone girl but the thing is he's not though he's just collecting more friends because he's like i now have five women who want to hang out with me go out and like hang out and i think he thinks he's you but they're just like okay but i think the key here is that like you need to be friends to be friends if you if i don't see you as a friend and you're like someone to use you're not my friend but i think i think it's like well you think yeah so it's like when you make yourself smile a bunch and you finally get happy you know that's the thing right yeah yeah okay well it's just you're laughing at me not being happy no I'm laughing at the idea of like forcing a man to talk to a woman.

Just, you know, no, not to talk to use them. No, it's immersion therapy. No, that's what I'm saying.

We were like, yeah, keep using them, bro. And then he becomes friends and he's going to like, he's going to go out and like, he's going to watch dudes walk up behind them and start grinding on his friends.

He's like, Hey, don't touch the person I'm using like that. You know, he'll see them get revolted by it and he'll, he'll learn that like everything he thinks is wrong because he's seeing how it's not working with the women that, you know what I mean?

Like, I think like this is actually one of those situations where I kind of want to just like leave it and just be like, no man, keep trying to figure it out, man. It's not gay at all. Well,

it isn't. It's not gay at all well it isn't it's not gay at all like if i'm only surrounded by six hot men that's when i'm at my strengths honestly here's the thing the only way that this can could be gay is if the way you want to use these women is to have sex with a man for sure and even then if you're trying to lure men in with these hot women so that you can then put your penis inside. And even then, I guess that's the only gay part. I mean, yeah, it's super gay. It is pretty gay.

It's crazy gay. Yeah. But that's fine. Yeah. Also, what's wrong with that, bro? Yeah. You're being low value by being homophobic. How about that?

It's like, that's the thing. It's like, you're so concerned about this, like low value. What's even mean? Like what's, what makes you low value? The fact that you're capable of having friendships with women. Well, that's gay. Super gay, super gay. You know, it's like you've, you're never at your highest value until you're at the club

by yourself and sad. You know what I mean? Like you're staring, you got no mates, you know, but when you know women around you, exactly. When you're surrounded by women that you're using,'s pretty low value it's oh man it just like i like that this person clearly isn't irredeemable because as you said women do want to hang out with them yeah so like keep like you've got a chance bro i love this thing that seduction like the past year or so is like they're almost there they have all the answers like they have all the clues to solve the puzzle and like it's like they're working on a

jigsaw puzzle i feel like it's like ikea furniture and they've got the borders right like they've got the borders in the right zone now but now they've just got all these pieces in the middle that they just can't figure out and they're like they're like look i can put the piece where it says i can be friends with women here it fits but i can't that can't be right this this is maybe a turtle maybe i'll turn it around this side's blank that must be it that must be it's gonna be it this side looks pretty gay this side has so many colors on it this side just look it's cardboard color cardboard color good oh god you're so close i believe in you have friends we are about done for the day friends however before we leave we're gonna hop onto online dating platforms i've got three i've got tinder i've got bumble i've got hinge we'll figure out which one we're gonna jump on and we're gonna

look through some profiles see what works see what, in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. I do have one that I saved. Unfortunately, it is very much a visual thing, but it's good because now it's in the closet with me. Oh, yeah. Just popping my face. Let me tell you, it's something special. This is Malik.

They only had two pictures, no profile, and one is of a 2D picture of Olaf frozen. Okay. Almost spat on you. What do you think the and one is of a 2d picture of olaf frozen okay almost spat on you what do you think the second one is trek no close it is i believe well let me see if i know what it is is that the one from the emoticon movie and i think it's the youngest one from the minions guy despicable me really either that or it's the young version of sarah silverman's character in wrecking ralph yeah it kind of looks like her or kind of looks like one of the i don't fucking know that's weird dude either way it is a it is two she's apparently 28 it is a pitcher and the best thing about the one with the little girl is it does have like the transparent background yeah but nothing i just like why what do you think's gonna happen like

you've wasted at least 10 minutes of your life to do this yeah to i assume absolutely no avail ever in any way and hey if they did you don't want to go out with them. No. If someone's like, hey, small 3D child and 2D Olaf, that's my fucking vibe. My dick is tingling currently. Just thinking about the possibilities is what they would say, not me. No, it's a zero. I'm on Tinder right now, and I'm currently looking for profiles. But so far, I've gone through three. Oh, this is four.

Oh, here we go. is lauren about me where are the average looking men with dad bods and banter for days i just want to find a blue collar fella who will come home dirty from work ginger freckles and mullets please find me i would like more about you yeah it seemed you you seem very fixated on the type of man that you're looking for and hey knowing what you're looking for is important yeah but it seems very surface level it's surface level and like it also sounds a little unrealistic it sounds like you're living in the 50s a little bit yeah and i'm gonna guess you actually don't want a dirty man on the daily i mean yeah maybe yeah i don't know but yes this is your dating profile and i want to know like what do you bring in right now it just sounds like i gotta be a average looking dude with a dad bod and like

banter and plumber and have like yeah have a job in the trades yeah again hey nothing wrong with that nothing wrong with it i don't love the specificity though it's almost like this is the opposite kind of specificity i'd be looking for in a relationship or in a dating thing. Don't tell me what I need to be. Tell me what you are. So it's going to be a four. I'm going to be a four as well. You at least had a profile when we couldn't find one. I've got one for you.

This one is Uber Mitch. Right wing transsexual woman. American flag. Looking for a buddy. Two heads and a heart between them emoji if you're not more right than me we won't have anything to talk about fire emoji not part of the alphabet mafia rainbow flag what are you talking about what is any like i hate to break it to you but you are in fact a part of what the right refers to as the alphabet mafia

yeah lgb what's the what's the next one lgbt what does that stand for i prefer coffee thank you very much i mean this is one of those things where i'm just like i don't get why people align themselves with a group that expressly hates them yeah it's like it's not even like we're not even at the point of being like oh there's a little bit of discord it's like there's active laws trying to get trans people every day like the sheer like they've it's been pretty clear for a long time that that's their stance and over the last few years they've stopped pretending and just been like, no, we like. Yeah. Yeah.

So I have no respect for you as a person. If you literally are either too dumb or too much of an asshole to give a fuck. I don't understand. Like if there was a, Hey, Niall should fucking die group out there. I would hate that. I would really not like that. And I'm definitely off. It's getting bigger and it's terrifying. I really don't would not like that and i'm definitely off it's getting bigger and it's terrifying i really don't would not support that even if there was like a hey nile shouldn't have a good day group i'd be like yeah that is the worst it's like i would love to sit down and

just be like so the group like where do you think you fit in when they're all chanting for you to not have access to health care is it, are you proud of that? Like, is that something, are you part of the movement to remove your rights? It's like, are you so ignorant that you don't understand it's happening? Or are you such an asshole that you're like, fuck them.

I'll be spared. You know what I mean? Like, cause that's not great either. Yeah. Like, I think a lot of it is like, that's not me though.

Like I get a pass and it's like, that's shit. That's actually almost worse yeah it's it's real minus 10 man yeah it's i couldn't give it a lower rating this is you and me doing phd still learning and unlearning everything from scratch disability justice here to connect if you're a conservative or into crypto swipe left please see that's a message i can get behind yeah it's decent it's okay again like at six it's like you're in school and you're learning and unlearning cool i guess it's not very it's a bit but give me

something that you like it's great to know about you but it's not i hope that's not your personality it sounds like it is which is the worry that right like i'm so down for because like hey i'm doing the same thing i'm learning and i'm learning i'm deprogramming you know i mean like there's a lot that i'm working on as well but if that's all you got going yeah and let's be fair it's a green flag you know i mean it is i love people who continue to study i love people who are building i love people who are passionate about learning and you know developing and blah blah blah blah fighting injustice a hundred percent it's all wonderful, but like...

There's got to be more to you than that. Right? I hope there's more to you than that. Just give me a little glimpse of that. So I'm giving it a five because I, like, at that... No, I'll give it a six. I'm giving it a six because it's still good. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm out. This is the last one. This is Claire. Pediatric oncology nurse by day and also by night. Two truths and a lie. I am vaxxed, waxed, emotionally taxed. Hopefully vaxxed and waxed, I guess.

Probably just vaxxed and emotionally taxed. Honestly. One of those is non-negotiable. Yeah. The other one's, that's fine. I'm hoping my fingers are crossed because she's a nurse that she has been vaccinated. Oh, that's the thing. If she isn't, then she's a nurse.

That's actually going to be like a double red flag. Yeah. That like area of the lie in there makes me nervous of those three. I'm assuming it's. I'm assuming it's waxed. Maybe. Or maybe she's doing great. Maybe she's doing great.

Maybe she's doing great. I just assume. I assume. No one in the healthcare field right now is not emotionally taxed because it's a lot. maybe all right maybe she's doing great maybe she's doing great maybe she's doing great i just assume i assume no one in the health care field right now is not emotionally taxed because it's yeah a lot yeah that's also kind of a strange thing to be like the one thing i want you to know about me is i'm not waxed yeah the one thing i want you to think about right now is my pubic care yeah like not that i don't give a fuck about pubic care you know what i mean but like it's still like a weird thing to be like that's what i want you to take away right i don't give a fuck about pubic hair, you know what I mean? But it's still a weird thing to be like, that's what I want you to take away, right? I don't know.

I think I'm flip-flopping on it because I do think it's actually kind of fucking funny. No, I'm not against it. It's just a powerful choice. Yeah. It's inherently sexual because you're just going to have to... She wants to bone, obviously. Maybe she just really wants you to know about her. But I mean, if you've gotten it

wrong you're directing the conversation to your pubic hair yeah so it's like you know great go for it again or we're assuming or she's unvexed and you know what either way i like it because i will know very quickly whether i want to see you ever yeah and honestly it's probably really smart for her because she'll know very quickly who she wants to date because half of them are going to be like better not be vexed in which case done or maybe you better be waxed also done yeah i mean is she a genius does she solve tinder i'm gonna give it an eight because i'm giving it a nine i actually really like the nurse by day and also night yeah that's gonna do it for us friends thank you very much for listening and hanging out with us. We will see you next week.

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just in case that wasn't clear we'd love it that'd be so great it'd be fucking weird if we hated it damn fuck wait if you don't like the show We hate it If you do like the show we love it Think about that Seriously thank you so much Thank you for these five wonderful years We will get to that more on our five year time when we do it But we love you guys

And thank you for supporting Keeping the show going Coming to the live shows And just being fucking lovely Thank you Josh Eagle and Harvard City for their song Paper Stars And are you ready for me to ruin your day with some bad sex writing? I would love for you to. This is a comment on Reddit.

I don't have the context and I don't want the context. This person, whoever shared this, was very kind and scraped their name out. You know, naturally, women aren't supposed to survive childbirth, right? Many animals die because of how traumatic birth is and we aren't different. Most women survive just because we have medical advancements. Just because something's natural doesn't mean it's not a medical condition. Huh? I don't know.

I get the feeling he's complaining that women survive childbirth. Yeah. And I don't love that. I love how his whole stance is. We also came up with antiseptic. Yeah. And also Reddit that he was posting on. Yeah.

To me, seems low value. Seems a little gay hating women wanting women to die in childbirth no no sorry my name is d miller and i'm niles and we've been your fuck buddies