F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 265 - Women Are Humans (Because They Are)

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

If we could all just treat women like actual people (because they are) then I think we'd solve a lot of problems since women are people (like, actual people).  Topics include furniture jealousy, butt aggression, miserable dating outlook, developing our own red flag Tinder profile.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dan Miller. And I'm Niles Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situation and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we answer questions here on this podcast. Those questions are on the topics of sex and dating. Those questions are found either roaming the wild of the internet or from listeners like yourself, who are, in fact, wonderful. I'm loving this cozy sweater vibe we've got i love it it is much better and i would love to like i think next year we blind taste test somebody and give them an episode recorded where we're like in our boxers sweating and dying and one more like cozy when i just had some soup and i've got some tea right beside me and then we see if they can hear the difference well i, I mean, the one thing is

when it is hot, we do I would say not shut up about it. Yeah. But we won't. We'll specifically you'll edit those out. I don't edit anymore, baby. I know. Our boy will edit them out. And yeah. Yeah. Hey, James,

where else do we do questions? We do it on two places. You can find us in DOS additional places. Hey, where else do we do questions? We do it on two places. You can find us in dose additional places. First on Patreon. You can find us there every month. We do a show called pillow talk, which is just very similar to this show. Just Lucy and Goosey.

We just kind of do whatever we want. Usually a bit loopy because it is the second episode that day. Minimal. Yeah. I don't really know what this episode is going to be like because this is essentially hour three of podcast recording. True. We did

record two hours this morning. And we just got nominated for a shit ton of awards. Yes. Well, hold on. Let me finish. Let's talk about... So Patreon, head on over to patreon.com slash fbuddies or you can go to our website fbuddiespodcast.com click the patreon link

you get a bonus episode every month if you sign up at the middle tier we would love your support it means the world to us thank you very much you can also find us at the black sheep cocktail bar in liberty village in toronto every month we are doing monthly shows again last show

despite having a whole mess of technical issues so you'll never hear it it was ever recorded and this is kind of like why you should be going to these shows because you never know when it's a show that like no one else will hear yeah and like this is both good and bad but when we finished at least three separate groups came up to me and said it's a pity you couldn't record that one because it was one of your best. And I was like, well, that makes it worse that we couldn't record it, so thank you. But I'm glad

you had fun. Yeah, so it's like you never know when you're a part of history because all those people got to hear a Fuck Buddies episode that will never be heard again. Never. And that's crazy. You should have charged them more. A unique one in a lifetime it got wild

yeah so if you're able to make it out please come out it is the next show is November 16th it is very close to my birthday so if you want to come and like really shower me with love and attention and affection or just buy a ticket that's enough

for me that'll make me happy. Well, Dane's love language is watching his friends be showered with love and affection. So come shun him and be very nice to me. No. That's the opposite of what I want. I mean, be nice to Nile for sure. Don't be mean. That's not what you said.

Actually, now that I think about it. November 16th, 7pm, Black Sheep. $10. It'll be a blast. We'll have a lot of fun, and we would like you to have a lot of fun with us. Now, let's go into the other news that you were getting horny about. We were nominated for a bunch of awards in the Canadian Podcast Awards. If you are in the Canadian podcasting industry and you are signed up with Campod Awards,

which you should be, please, feel free to go vote for us. That would be wonderful. That would be great. If you're in the industry and you are not signed up, please go sign up, both for your sake and for ours, because you can vote for us, and then you can be considered in the future and or for some of the wonderful events that they do. If

you are not in the industry you can still vote for people's choice however we're gonna make you not vote for us this is gonna be a weird one boys give me a weird one we are competing against ourselves in the people's choice awards so me and dane are doing the honorable thing we're casting aside our fuck buddies aspirations and we're asking people to vote for no quest which isn't so honorable because we're also in that. Yes. A no quest for the wicked and fuck buddies. Our two shows are both up for people's choice award.

We really want no quest to get an award. I mean, they also, our other show, no quest did get five nominations. So there's a chance, but we feel like we've got a real strong possibility of winning people's choice if we focus our efforts so please yeah head on over we'll actually put a link in

this description in this episode you'll also be able to find it on all of our social media and everything our link tree and all that good stuff so check that out and please consider voting for us also now it's probably not going to mention it or he might. I don't know how he wants to do it, but he was also nominated for best host for Fuck Buddies. Thanks. Last year was Dane. This year is me. So have you gotten worse in the year?

Have I gotten better? Or is it just that they were like, you can't do Dane two years in a row? I phoned it in this year. I'm not going to lie. I did. So I appreciate it. Again, if you're a podcaster, please vote for us. And Fuck Buddies

is up for outstanding health and fitness and outstanding education. And I do think it is time for questions. It is time for questions. This is by blank. My girlfriend, 25-year-old female, and I, 29-year-old male, have bought a house together, but she's upset that some of the furniture I've got,

as I bought it when I was in a previous relationship. Do I need to buy new furniture or is this an overreaction? Help me get my head around this. Hey not sure what to make of this and if I'm in the wrong here and lacking empathy. My girlfriend and I have been together well over a year. She moved into my apartment for quite a lot of that time and we've decided to buy a house together. However some of the furniture that I own, tv stand, table, tumble dryer, etc. was purchased when I was in another relationship several years back. It's just all plain functional Ikea furniture, nothing special, but my girlfriend is upset at the idea of furniture I bought with someone else coming into the home we bought together. She hasn't got any alternative furniture to use instead,

nor do I really want to be rebuying furniture at a time we've got a lot of home buying costs, but she's upset with it and I'm not really sure how to react. I've thought the furniture purely is mine rather than mine and my ex's because it's just furniture, not some reminder of a past relationship or anything like that. So I don't know if she's overthinking this or if I'm missing the point. I'm happy to buy new furniture to replace things over time, but now it doesn't feel like the right time. It also seems like a silly thing to get upset over if I'm honest,

but if I'm wrong, I'd like to understand how else I could look at this. Should I tell her the whole thing is silly, or do I need to see this from her side? I think there's a bigger issue, and that is buying a house with someone that you confidently say well over a year. That's...

Hey, I don't care how well over one year it is, unless you're saying it's so over one year that it is. A decade. Multiple years. You know, four, five, six years. Sure.

But buying a house was so, I mean, the fact that they moved in within the year. Yeah, that, like, I initially thought that was the question. It was like, oh, she moved in and is upset. And I was like, oh, you guys moved in quick. But then they hit me with the old, we're buying a home together. And like, look, if you live in the 1960s where you could just get a house for a tenner. Sure, I get it. Yeah, buy a house whenever you want.

But it is, in fact, the year of our Lord 2023 where a house costs your life and soul. Well, that's not true everywhere. Some places still have affordable homes. I guess, but it's still pretty bad. Honestly, it's not even the cot. It's the legal responsibility. And the effort and the pain. Yeah, like, buying a home isn't easy regardless of how expensive it is.

And the idea that, like, if you guys are going 50-50 on this and you guys break up, you're either going to have to buy that person out or sell the house together which sucks i mean like getting into the question like one i think you put the the cart before the horse hard on this one before you buy like i would say before you even move in with someone you need to like have a very long term of like spending nights together you know i mean sleeping over at each other's places you know spending whole days together etc etc but even then that's that's only a snapshot of what it's like to live with someone because like you're still a guest in their house and they're and still kind of yeah they're kind of responsible to making sure that like you know you have a good time the the shift is always quite difficult to go from like oh this is our space now like i remember when i moved in with my partner previously that shift

of being like oh i can just like go and watch tv and not have to really worry about what you're doing because this is your home too so if you want to like be in the room reading i can go watch tv i don't have to be like hey you good in here you bored because like it's not really my job anymore they're not your guest. You're in their home as well. Yeah. You really kind of like miss the mark in terms of getting a sense of who this person is. Because like chances are this sort of situation might have arose if you had given it a little bit more time.

And then you'd be like, oh, perhaps this person is super jealous and not someone I want to commit long term to. Anyway, it's too late. You beefed it. You've done it. You're going forward with it. Or maybe you don't. But if you are, let's hit with the advice. Here's what I would ask.

Be like, hey, are all those clothes new? Are all the clothes you're wearing new? Or did you, is there a picture of her wearing those similar clothes or an outfit or whatever with their ex? How long have you had your phone for? Right? It's the same fucking thing. How long have you had your winter coat for?

You could even be like, oh, hey, you're wearing clothes that he took off you. Whereas there's really no emotional attachment to a TV stand, right? Well, let's dive into that really quickly. TV stand, yeah, sure. Ikea, like, there's really no emotional attachment to a TV stand, right? But, like... Well, let's dive into that really quickly. TV stand, yeah, sure. Ikea, table, whatever. Tumble dryer, though. That's probably the most intimate thing you could have,

I think, like, including sex toys. Is there a difference between a dryer and a tumble dryer? Fuck if I know, man. I don't know. Tumbleble dryer meaning what does it mean i think they're just the same thing okay i wonder if tumble dryer is like the stand-up one and because you know there's like some no they're always front loading isn't there i don't know yeah i think tumble dryer has a larger drum capacity than a washer dryer. So I guess a washer dryer, you can do both. Tumble dryer is just drying.

Cool. Neat. Yeah. Okay, I'm sorry. I feel like we're discussing an alien or something. Because this man is about to buy a home and has a tumble dryer. Two things that do not apply to my life. I have a washer dryer combo, so I'm missing out on that big size.

I never realized you had fucking antenna and a spaceship, Dane. Bloop bloop. And we're a robot. So yeah, I understand what you're upset about the tumble dryer. That's so erotically charged that there's no getting away from that. Yeah, because she was wearing clothes, so she was inside those clothes.

Those clothes have been inside the tumble dryer. Exactly, and therefore she's been inside the tumble dryer. And therefore, she's outside of the tumble dryer, so any day you could slip in, and you're fucking her again. Yeah. Pretty much. Well, I mean, like, you're inside your clothes, so every time you put your clothes inside to be dried, they're in...

They're being fucked by her. This is why we get the awards, guys. No, it's ridiculous. And it it's like if she's like i want a better table great sure that's fine like i think we all want to upgrade from our ikea furniture at some point but like you're very right in saying that there's a time for that and the time is when you have money and the ability and desire to do so. And it seems like none of those things are there. And it's like, if the only reason to do this and to like put yourself in financial like

hardship is because you had a table years ago with somebody else, that's quite frankly, a wild and irresponsible thing to think and do. Yeah. I think literally laying it down, being like, hey, I don't see the difference between you saying we need to get new tables because those are tables you had with your ex. Then me saying, hey, you need to get a whole new wardrobe. You have to throw all your clothes that you ever wore with another partner, whether it's a date or a boyfriend or whatever. If you ever wore those clothes with another man, you have to get rid of them. Yeah, it's just it doesn't make sense and it's like i would understand if there was like a shrine to

your ex that you have to hang on the wall and every day you like kiss your fingers and press it to the portrait and you're like it's fine it doesn't mean anything it's like okay it's a shrine and you're kissing it it means something it's a fucking ikea table yeah it's a tv stand you're not even looking at it yeah Yeah, so, yeah, you gotta have this chat, but hey, if this chat doesn't go well, good, because you shouldn't move in together anyway. And if it does go well, maybe there's some

smidgen of hope. Yeah. But yeah, it's... Yeah, she's being unreasonable, especially if there's no need and ability. If you guys had all the money in the world, and you were lucky to buy stuff, and she was like, I want to upgrade this, it's still not a good reason to do it just because you're jealous?

You know what I mean? If it's like a perfectly good thing, sure, but like, we all want to upgrade our IKEA furniture. Yeah, if you're like, hey, you seem to be really jealous about furniture that really has no bearing on, I don't have any emotional attachment to it and to replace it just

for the sake that you're jealous that i had purchased furniture with a past partner seems a bit harsh and seems a bit extreme is there something you want to talk about in terms of like what you think like because maybe you get maybe there's like a knee-jerk reaction where like you seem to get really defensive about your stuff and maybe there's like that kind of like there might be something on her end that she's misinterpreting in the hectic craziness and stress of buying a house after only knowing someone for a year yeah that might be like misconstrued so like maybe just you just have to have the conversation being like hey why are you so jealous about furniture it seems a bit

extravagant to be this upset about something so mundane i'm guessing that she wants she has this idealized version of moving into a home together and in that ideal idealized rose-tinted, cutesy, whatever, everything's perfect, they start from scratch, they build up a space that's theirs, and in that kind of version, this thing fucks it up, because it isn't theirs, and it's bland, and it

has this luggage or whatever, and it's like, that can't be helped. You can't just... Also, it's not really realistic, and you're going to get there, and a home's a home. If you be helped. You know, you can't just like, also, it's not really realistic. And like, you're going to get there and a home's a home. If you work hard, I'm sure you can make something super cool of it or whatever. But like, in general, you're going to put some furniture in it. And then next week, that's just going to be the furniture you have.

It's not going to mean anything. And the things that like really make a home a home aren't the things. Apart from the tumble dryer. Apart from the tumble dryer. The sexual like anchor't the things. Apart from the tumble dryer. Apart from the tumble dryer. The sexual anchor of the home. Of really your whole life. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, I think...

I've been lying. I don't even have a tumble dryer. I'm not qualified to be in this podcast. It's true. I mean, you've got a communal tumble dryer. Yeah, I'm such a filthy boy. I'm so goddamn dirty. Oh, people are swiping cards at my tumble dryer. Yeah, I'm such a filthy boy. I'm so goddamn dirty. Oh, people are swiping cards at my tumble

dryer 24-7. Oh, and there's only two for the whole building, so they get used. Still the anchor. Still holding that whole place together. Oh, yeah. This is from Peter Parquer. Self-conscious about touching her butt? She's a 22-year-old

female. He's a 23-year-old female. He's a 23-year-old male. How does she mean this? Does she want me to stop touching her butt? I was making out with this girl last night for the first time. We met at work. I'm a PhD student. She works in the department as an admin.

We've really... We've really just been hanging out in my apartment for the last two weeks, cuddling and binge-watching this show. I planned to ask her on a proper date tonight for next week, but I wasn't sure about something she said. We were making out, which she initiated. She was lying on top of me, and my hands were pretty much on her ass for about two to three minutes. The last minute or so, I began squeezing a little bit more aggressively, because why not? She was into it, kissing me a lot harder. I slapped her ass much harder than I intended. She actually gasped back and say i see that you found something you like but that hurt i said i'm sorry about that went back at it i kept my hands onto my on her back and eventually

our food gets there and we're done for a bit we actually resume watching the show and we've been nerding out or we actually resume watching the show that we've been nerding out about it was our first time making out. How do I know if I'm being a weirdo or going too far with something? She's coming back tonight, so I'm going to try to get this right. Like, is she mad at me? Should I avoid her ass entirely tonight? I kept waiting for the part the question was about, but I guess that was it.

That's it. You hit her too hard, which you yourself admit. She called you on it, which is great, good. That's what you would want. And she seemed very chill about it. And then you continued to make out, ate food together, watched your show, and she's coming back over. So the issue is you hit her too hard and she told you and maybe don't hit her that hard, but she seems fine and don't avoid her ass. Yeah.

There's nothing else to it. It's like she told you she could like, this is the annoying thing. She expressly communicated in a friendly, playful and honest way immediately what she needed and, you know, felt. And you're like, hmm, does it mean something else? It's like, oh my God, she's communicating and you're punishing her and yourself for it. Yeah. my god she's communicating and you're punishing her and yourself for it yeah i mean like i think what this is like it's this horrible sort of situation we've built up from like the fucking decade or two decades ago of no one really saying what they meant and so now you know i mean we're

all so like in our heads about like trying to find a hidden meaning or if like but it's like sometimes and in this case as you said it's like someone to find a hidden meaning or a flag. But it's like sometimes, and in this case, as you said, it's like someone, you did a thing, you crossed the line, she reestablished boundaries and was like, I love that you like my butt, but that was too hard. That is a good partner. That is a great way to communicate that information to you being like, hey, you like my ass. Cool. Too hard. That's not to say never touch my butt again no not saying that you you crossed the line she pointed it out brought you back over

the line and said you know took your head and was like there's the line i like that's my line do not cross that again thanks and please again she she didn't punish you for it. She was very direct and playful. I see you found something you like, but great. Good on her. She sounds awesome. Don't get fucking weird about it. The best part is you know you hit her too hard.

You're not debating. I hit her. She said it was too hard. I don't know how. You were like, I went overboard. I hit her way too hard. Okay, so you know. What's the issue here just don't do that again please respect her wishes yeah well and like continue to do what you said she was enjoying and that she seemed to be incredibly fine what you're doing yeah and if you want to like if there's a part of you that like wants to bring in spanking then you know that that there is a line, and that is something that you should probably discuss beforehand. This isn't something that you try again and be like, well, I hit her 100%, so I'm going to taper it back to 70%.

Let's see if that's too hard. That's not the way to do it. You do need to be like, hey, you have an incredible ass, and sometimes I want to smack it. Is that something you absolutely do not like? Is any smack too hard? Because if that's the case, I just won't do it. You like a good squeeze? I'll squeeze all day.

Maybe she's just like, no, the last time you did it, it was just too hard. I wasn't expecting it and wasn't the right mood. Or maybe it's not even how hard it was. Maybe she's okay with that level of smack, just not in that scenario. So you definitely need to bring it up if you want to do it again and be like, hey, I want to smack your butt. Do you prefer it much softer than last time? Because last time I hit you too hard and I don't want to do it again. And if that's the case, then you start at zero and move up.

And you move up. You don't start at 100, bud. You don't throw a one punch your butt off. You don't try to go less. You're not walking back. You're moving up when it comes to intensity and that kind of stuff. So you're fine.

Don't punish people for doing things like this because in your version of events, it's like, oh, you said this thing. I just won't touch your butt at all. That's like, I hope you don't mean it petulantly or like as like a punitive measure. But like, it's still going to feel like that, even if you don't. You know what I mean?

It's like, oh, look, come on. I was straightforward with you. And now you're just like, hands off. Oh, you said it hurt. Like, that's shitty. She was clear. She was nice about it. Just take that to heart and like what dame was saying if you're like hey i'm sorry i hit you

so hard last time i still would really like spank you like that's cool because you're showing you paid attention you admire her consent and you're communicating yourself and then if you guys are like hey let's fucking do a little spank sesh and we'll work it out. Super fun, super hot. This is all good. So don't be weird. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like people are, you want to find partners who are comfortable stating their boundaries. And in return,

you need to be comfortable stating your desires and making sure that the things that you want operate within the boundaries that they have set. And boundaries are a thing that like can shift and change it's like consent where it can be rescinded at any point in time and it can be given at any point in time but it does need to be very clear and expressed concisely about when those moments are so you can't assume that like oh they didn't want to have sex but now they've taken off their shirt so So that's consent.

It's like, no. And the same thing where it's like, she said that that was too hard. And there may be a point in time where you feel very close to as hard as you hit her. And she's telling you to hit her harder. So you need to like, listen to things. Because like, again, you never know where people stand until they communicate and sometimes the onus is on them and sometimes the onus

is on you to reiterate the communication and where the boundaries lie you should always err on the side of caution as well I feel like that's he's gone too far in that direction because I don't think it's I don't get the vibe that he's being like well she doesn't want me to slap her ass I'm just not going to touch I don't get it's... I don't get the vibe that he's being like, well, if she doesn't want me to slap her ass,

I'm just not going to touch her. I don't get it. I think he's so... That's pretty much what he said. Well, I think he's scared. I think he's like... I know, but... In order not to cross those lines,

should I just stay away from her butt? I think that's... I'm just saying that either way, it's going to feel like that to her. Yeah. And it's not going to be hot. Right? So just be chill.

Take what she said to heart. And only what she said. You know what I mean? Communicate and have fun. It sounds like things are going well. So don't let something like this get in your head and fuck it up. Yeah. This is by Fitness.

Please tell me I'm not alone. Everyone my age is married off already. 28. All my friends are married slash happily engaged. Even the ones whom I was certain I'd be married before them. They seemed to speed right past me to the finish line. Me? My two-year-old relationship might well be coming to an end this week. This would be my fourth relationship. Failed.

Going into a fifth sounds disparaging, but ending this one I guess is for the better. But I thought I was going to get married to this man. We had an amazing relationship. But for many reasons, I think the potential died out. 28 and single sounds terrifying. Who the heck is even left out there? At this point, everyone left is probably going through a newly divorced, has a kid. Boy, I am not dating someone with a kid. It was, again, it was hell. Or has some sort of baggage keeping them from dating someone. No offense to anyone out there. I'm sure there's really good ones still left, but they're few and far between. Heck, even my boyfriend currently said this.

I think that's another reason we stayed together this long. We don't think anyone better is left. I have two degrees, solid job, good pay, no debt, no kids. I guess I should just enjoy the freedom for now. Hey, you know what you don't have? Chill. Yeah. Holy fuck.

As, hey, let me tell you, as a 35 old who is single it fucking kicks ass it slaps so hard and that's not to say that like being in a relationship is worse or you know what i mean like i'm not saying that like they're both as good as each other depending on why how and where you know what i mean it's like you could be in a real shit relationship let me tell you that you could be in the best single space you could flip that around like it's not that one's good and one's bad and you know what fucking kills me it basically everything about bullets no they don't actually oh this person's attitude does so these are my final words he dead maybe i can get a nomination for best host again well

that actually revives me when you say that I was nominated for best host. The fact that like they're like, I was certain I'd get married before them. What? Who does that? Who's going around being like, that bitch? I'm gonna get married before her. It means nothing. And also

that she refers to, one, not getting married as a failed relationship and also stays with someone because the alternative is being single and refers to getting married as the finish line. You don't understand what life is like. It's like they've only seen fucking romantic comedies and think that like once they get married and have that happy ending that the curtains close and like what do you think happens like the fucking fast forward from that Adam Sandler movie click

you just like you don't have to like work or live or anything happens because you got married and that's it there's no problems after that it's like I hate to break it to you but I hope this woman doesn't look at the fucking divorce statistics because yeah marriage is not the finish line for a lot of folk you even say to yourself where you're just like everyone's getting divorced it's so funny the like the levels of near awareness in this

it's like seduction a post where they're nearly a good person they're like oh like i've been staying with this unhappy relationship for so long just because. And it's like, okay, so that's bad, right? And they're like, I want to get married, though. It's like, what? It's been two years. If you're getting married just for the sake of putting that tick next to your name or whatever, like for the social clout, it's like either you've shit friends or they don't care. If they don't care, what are you doing it for?

And if they're shit, what are you doing it for? And if they're shit, what are you doing it for? Yeah, I mean, like, I definitely know someone who got so upset that their sister got married before them because they were convinced they would get married first, that they did marry someone within, like, six months. Yeah, I'm sure they're so happy. And this is the problem with like the sort of socialization, especially with young women. Like, you know, women are told at a very young age, I think it's getting better now. But for a lot of women, it was like, find a man, get married, have kids, start a family. And like that was sort of, as this woman put it, the finish line. Right. Like there was no real sort of be like, you know, go to school, get a good job. Like that was, that was almost like.

Have good friends, be happy in yourself. Like, you know, it's like all the achievement is blah, blah, blah. I'm just going to go out and say that like marriage has no inherent worth at all. No. Like it literally has no worth. I can go out and marry someone for a visa or some shit. Does that magically mean like oh damn my life is more fulfilled we did it for the wrong reasons but they said the

magic words and now oh my god i'm a better person no like it doesn't mean shit so it's like if you rush to get married just for the sake of like societal standards or a milestone you set in your head or whatever that sucks shit because you've gained nothing you're in a relationship with someone presumably again if you didn't marry them to be with them then you're stuck with someone you don't really want to be married to you've set yourself up for years of either staying with someone just because you've now put so many barriers between you and leaving them or you leave them. And then you have to go through years of like pseudo social shame, depending on your circles.

And then you have a divorce, your name, which this girl in this question thinks is a bad thing and maybe lose your money or have to split a home or like it's baffles my mind that, and I fucking hate it. That's why in all these questions where people are like rushing to get married or marry too early or are like oh my partner's really putting the deadline on me to get married i'm always like don't because there's no reason there's no worth maybe taxes

even then that's the bad reason to get married i still don't understand how being married helps with taxes because when I changed my status to common law with my ex because we were living together for so long it just fucked us if you have like similar like you probably don't want to discuss your financial situation

I think how it works is if if it's a single income family you can sort of like offload the taxes because yeah anyway i don't know either way you should only get married to someone if that's what you want because you guys love each other and want to stay together forever and whatever but you could also do that without getting married and you definitely shouldn't get married because you feel like oh shit I'm 28 I have to or well we've been

together for 4 years so I have to or well shit I think Claire's about to get married and I gotta beat her there cause I've designated her as at least second place in the marriage she's the most unmarriageable one it's not Mario Kart

it's not like you came're getting blue-shelled and marriage is right over there and fucking Yoshi? Goddamn. Yoshi should be the first one to get married. Yeah, for sure. Pop out those eggs. Yeah, I mean, you need to reframe and unfortunately

a lot of this is not going to be easy. In order to, like, she sounds miserable. Regardless of, like, it seems like no matter what course she takes at this point is bad for her, right? She doesn't want to be single. She doesn't want to stay in this relationship. If she doesn't

stay in this relationship and doesn't get married, she's a failure. She doesn't want to get into another relationship if she does end this one because five, heavily too much. Oh my god. So it's like, what? I really really suggest you talk to a therapist about this

because this seems... Depends on the therapist though. A lot of therapists aren't great. But yes, you should do therapy. I just feel like, I've been reading so many horror stories lately of like people who don't follow quote unquote the normal route you know what i mean if you're not heteronormative white not working a normal nine to five blah

blah blah and the therapy is just like no you should get married or like oh you should like fuck your freelance job or your creative job go work in an office you know but that's a different thing so yes therapy also just like listen to what we're saying marriage has no worth in and of itself you need a good relationship to do that you need to find yourself you need to fucking live laugh love it up or pray eat love eat pray love i don't know what it is i don't know what that movie's about take time be single obvious learn to eat because that's so necessary learn to pray to jibo and learn to fucking love no no that's so necessary. Learn to hunt your prey. Tojibo. And learn to fucking love.

No, no, that's a common misconception. People think it's P-R-A-Y. No, no, no. See, I don't know what that's about. It's about Julia Roberts. Becoming like a tiger lady? Yeah, who hunts her prey, eats them. I thought she ate the love of their prey.

So you eat prey's love. So like, find like a rabbit that you're like hunting, but then you find out who it's like having kids with. I'm sorry. The rabbit spouse. You think there'd be satisfaction in hunting a lesser game? If Julia Roberts is sent loose into Italy? Prey, by definition,

is a lesser game. Yeah. And that is the weaker men. That is Italians, according to Julia Robert. I'm pretty sure she goes to Italy. Where else are you going to eat prey? Love? You probably love. We're getting unhinged.

Don't, like, fix your fucking brain about marriage. I'm sorry. You're so wrong, and you're determined to be miserable, and you're determined to have, like, the shittiest life. Like, you're actively trying to have the worst life. You're like, I can't have to be miserable and you're determined to have the shittiest life. You're actively trying to have the worst life. You're like, I can't have fun. I won't have fun. I got to just put this tick that's going to make my life harder next to my name.

And I got to do it as fast as possible because this one person I arbitrarily decided wouldn't do this arbitrary thing before me has. And now I need to ruin my life as quick as possible. Therapy could be bad. And your suggestion is fix your brain. No, I just, I don't know. I've read what you're saying, but that's why we also talk about when you're looking for a therapist that like, don't give up on the first one. You know, like a big, a big part of like finding a therapist and benefiting from therapy is finding the one that suits you and fits you and if they're not good leave and find a better one or one that's more suited to you

yeah and try them out it's like don't go to one therapist and be like i don't like this i'd be like no therapy's bad it's not gonna work for me it's no you know schmooze you don't it's like dating you don't find rarely do you find the perfect you gotta grab them and run to the marriage finish line yeah try to get to the finish line of your therapist as quick as possible dating you don't find rarely do you find the perfect you gotta grab them and run to marriage finish line yeah try to get to the finish line of your therapist as quick as possible if you could hey i would love the idea of speed running therapy you know how good the world would be if everyone was just like i'm gonna just fix this i'd like here's my issues i know what's wrong with them i'm gonna wall hack through some of them jump backwards just skip all the whole parental

stuff we don't need to do that. It's out. I'm going to start, save, quit back in. They're like, bam, I'm good. Finally, we're here. Damn, we fucking went off on that one. Let me see if I've got a quick one. I can hit you with a quick one. Okay, hit me with a quick one then. This is

from Seduction, and it's Blow My Assy. Key question to figure out. How to see women as humans since they are and still treat them differently i love the clarification just being like just getting out in front of the fucking bus and being like hey guys i know this is crazy women they are human so like they are let's not argue about that. Let's get into the question. I feel like it's a key element to solve in one's inner game to succeed, but I haven't been able to find the solution. Many people keep reminding other people in the sub that women are human and which they are.

And their context is supposedly great advice because it reminds you to try to not idolize them and to be yourself as much as possible. However, it alludes to the idea that you don't have to change your behavior and act around them as you act with other men, except you are not attracted physically to other men and you don't have sex with them. Furthermore, our psyche is driven by different emotions and ideas, statistically. I love that all the seduction thing now is just like them being like

but we don't fuck men. Like it's always, it seems to really be going back to that idea. If women are human, are we gay? Are we gay? Are we gay if we treat women like human? It seems like seduction's having, like, the most, they can't, oh man, there's so much here that. There are two roads, and one road is be horrendous to women, and the other road is gay?

I love that he's like, oh, we're meant to look at them as humans so we don't idolize them. No, dude. It's not it. Oh, you failed so bad on that one. You almost. This is like earlier where it's like you're almost there. No. It's so bad.

It's like, no no you treat women like humans so that you respect them and so that you're not a big garbage piece of shit and again emphatically because they are yeah it's like no you respect them you understand that like they're not a puzzle box to be solved they're not you know know, the operated machine. Yeah. They're not like the sex. You know, you put in X amount of cool lines and they give you sex. Like, that's why we treat women like humans. Again, I hate to say this. They are. Yeah.

It sucks that now we have to say this. Oh, yeah. So if you want my suggestion. And I think you'll see a crazy response to this. And look, I can't tell you what the mode and stay in the this is who I am. being you which is like the number one dating advice that everyone can agree on and can gives is be yourself well the best thing is it's being you while also being respectful and like genuine to the person you're talking to two great things two really good things and then if you want to get like superficial about it as well it's widely known that women hate fucking pickup shit.

Women hate the lines. Women hate the game. None of these things are things that women look for. They're not happy about any of this. So just the breath of fresh air that you're rolling in with the confidence to not feel like you have to jump through hoops or do magic or whatever the fuck seduction is now the fact that you're not doing any of that

is going to set you apart from everyone honestly why I do so well for myself is because women are just like oh you just said a thing like you're just being honest like you're just saying a thing and there's no whatever I also don't hang around i don't linger i don't like the amount of people who will like

bring single women over to me i'm like hey this is whoever she's single i'm just like cool great congratulations me too like i don't know what to do with it because i'm like so my two options here are being like hi i'm also single and now I'm going to talk to you because the only reason I would is because you're single single plus single equals fucking right and I'm just like it's such a gross position to put me in and I've had to ask people

be like hey can you fucking chill with that because it's one if I wanted to talk to someone I would I have no problem but I have a fucking award-winning sex and dating advice podcast i'm not shy i'm happy to do it so the fact that i'm not probably shows that i'm here for another reason and two the second you put me in the position of being like it's so fucking forced and gross yeah it's awkward it's like i don't want to do it so like the reason i do well is

because when i do want to do these things it's not it's of my own volition and it's a sphere that feels comfortable for everyone yeah and like i would say most like the amount of times people have come up to me like oh how did you how did you hook up with that person like holy shit like all the hottest guys are trying and it's like, no offense, but I'm like, yeah. Cause I went and had a conversation with them, like a normal fucking human where everyone else was like either line or like, oh, I got to impress you because you're hot. Or like, uh, uh, uh, hello? Like, you're just like, what up?

Like, and it's so funny to me that people just cannot comprehend that and an important thing here is this person is so desperate that they don't even seem to realize there are women out there that they won't be attracted to yeah because they're saying i have to talk to women who are normal as if i'm talking to a man but i don't want to fuck a man sorry you want to fuck every woman with seduction anyway we don't be shit to women, treat them like humans because they are. I want to do a thing before the end of the show. We usually hop onto online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, peruse them, see what works, see what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. However, it is the day after Halloween and I'm going to a Halloween after party in a costume tonight.

I am dressing up as a red flag profile. So instead of going through profiles and looking for red flags, I want us to work together to make the worst Tinder profile. Okay. Well, you already got my

suggestion from earlier. Alpha male. Yeah, so I posted a thing on my story and i've gotten some good ones okay throw them out real quick we'll rate them damn i've got a lot okay so you sent me you were the first one to hit me and it was alpha male then i got two from someone who said just ask and the other one which i actually love and i'm going to use is i'm insert height here because apparently it matters incredible that is good i do get that though i do but it's the phrasing it's this particular phrase if you want shouldn't matter but yeah i think it's like if you don't like it don't include it but it's like i for me it's like

when women are like you know not your typical way like it just the fact that like everyone writes it makes it see you just fall into a quagmire of sameness I also feel like the only people that write that are tall people and it's like they're trying to pretend they don't want to be like hey I'm 6'2 wink this isn't big enough for all mine one is not political or someone who

knows how to have fun unvaccinated and looking for the same. Yeah. I have my shit together. Sign of being closed-minded. Lack of, or likely lacking ongoing growth. I just feel like it's a weird

thing to say. I feel like if you actually have your shit together, you probably wouldn't need to say it. I think I would add into this as well, of being like, I have my shit together, and you should too. You should too, yeah. That's, that's some real partner in crime.

I fucking hate it. Okay. When you're done, I'll hit you with mine. Not looking for drama? Pick up them holding a baby. Not my baby. Listing their personality type. Here for a good time, not a long time.

Sleep, gym, repeat. Fuck, that's a good one too. That's pretty good. That's it. That's all I got. Okay. I think you need something like no blue hair or something. Like no blue hair, no piercings. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like even tattoos, because for some reason or like no nose piercings yeah you know i mean no like even tattoos because for some

reason or like no nose piercings seems to be a really big fucking hang up definitely vegans be like no vegans yeah and no like colored hair not looking to date a treasure troll i think something about making a sandwich like must be able to make a good sandwich or something yeah i've seen that shit and i hate it i should be like oh i'm thinking like not looking for a partner in crime just looking for someone to make me a sandwich or something like that yeah that's pretty fucking gross it always make me feel gross even though we're saying them in jest like car terminology so like new models only or something looking for a model with low kilometers low mileage low mileage yeah i could just quote ones we've gone through like no right no single moms if you weren't worth it he wouldn't have left you or something like we've read that a lot of times i want to like toe the line between like

i don't I'm worried that there would be a single mom there and like yeah even though it's a joke I don't want them to feel shitty things like we've gone through so much we could say really terrible stuff that would be like a joke and a nod towards the podcast but if you didn't get the context

when do you stray from joking into being actually like bad you know yeah I see I don't I'm not too upset if I do this and a dude's like that looks like my profile education I just don't want to make hard to the podcast yeah I think some of these are good a sleep

gym repeat very good I really want to put like Drake super fan or something as well because I feel like if that's not a red flag i don't know what is just say like yeah i pray to the holy trinity drake tate and what's the other fucking guy that sounds like hermit oh jordan peterson yeah drake tate and peterson or like favorite podcast joe rogan pretty bad must be willing to listen to hours of Joe Rogan when we go for country drives.

Just Schneider cut. First line. That's gonna do it for this show, friends. Thank you very much for listening, hanging out. I will be posting pictures of my costume. It is a tandem costume. I will have one of my friends is dressing up as a fish so that I

you can't have a bad Tinder profile without a man holding a fish. I'm going to go dressed as the baby, not my baby. Oh, I should. Should I make a potato baby? I'm pretty sure I still have that onesie somewhere. Well, do you still have potato baby?

Yeah. Bring him. I guess he's like a potato teen now. Thank you very much for listening. We haven't Skyped him in a while. Can you get him on camera now? Oh, he's like a little teen now. Thank you very much for listening. We haven't Skyped him in a while. Can you get him on camera now? He's napping. Okay.

It's a bit early for a teen to be napping. Just a sleepy guy. Well, oh wait, we got bad sex writing. Yes. Or is it too late? No, we have nine minutes, two minutes, eight minutes. Perfect. I'm going to hit you with a bad sex writing real quick.

Right before I thank Josh Egan and Harvard Studios for their song Paper Stars. minutes two minutes eight minutes perfect i'll hit you with a bad sex run real quick right before i thank joshua guillenard for the song paper stars and this is uh two classes one for girls one for boys at a catholic school love and the girls class is brave and beautiful sessions they tap into the desire of every female to be seen as beautiful brave and beautiful seeks to expose the false trail of beauty in today's world and the pressure to conform to society's standards. Addressing issues such as self-image, beauty industry, eating disorders, and how to recognize true beauty, this session encourages and empowers girls to see the truth of who they are and how God created them to be. Brave and Beautiful draws forth confidence, maturity, and a desire for healthy relationships.

For the boys, stronger. Encourages and challenges students to work on themselves and their relationship by making good and at times hard decisions. Which... women like the muscles that give physical strength character and success are propagated through good training and hard work stronger calls forth a higher standard for the man of tomorrow which in a lot of ways isn't too bad but in some ways it's like massively upholding like the gender like binary like women you got to be beautiful men you got to be strong women eating disorders men too strong to get them let's not talk about that yes i see which at first i was like these seem awfully positive in terms of like the struggle but when you view it through that lens of being like these should be one yes and that's the thing it was it actually like really fit because i was on the fence about bringing this one because it's a

little vaguer but we did kind of do an almost there episode. And I feel like these classes are almost there, but they do miss the mark, right? Yeah. Thank you very much for listening. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. We've been your fuck buddies. Music