F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 266 - The U2 Movement

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

Before the was Me Too, we had US and we still didn't learn anything about consent.  Usually this is where Dain recaps the episode, but he had one too many adult beverages at a work party last night and is hungover, so it's time to take a chance and see what the episode is about for yourself like a real adult.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in I love you. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations.

Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast. We're out here doing it for you. We find questions from you. Or we find them from the internet. And it could be you too. We don't know. And I don't mean the band. It cannot be you two.

Do you remember? When they fucking forced that fucking album on everybody? When they just slid their album into everyone's fucking iTunes? They were just like, oops! You know what's so great? If they had been like, hey, our album's free, they would have done so well. Yeah. It's just the fact that it was foisted upon us.

It was so sneaky. Like, they didn't ask permission. They didn't ask consent. They were just like, oh, what's that? You have an iPhone? You have iTunes? Let me just scoot on in here and that's why we refuse to answer any questions from youtube because they're blatant disregard for everybody's consent do you like i think that was like i can't think of a single thing youtube did after that nope they died bono just exploded yeah he just died just died. More like Bomo.

The Edge is great. Don't talk about The Edge. The Edge is cool. Is this our worst intro yet? Were we just talking about it? There was one song that was very good on that album. Elevation? Elevation was not on that. Honestly, I never listened to that album. I thought you were just saying

one good U2 song. No, there was one good song on that. I don't remember what it was called, but I remember being like, okay, U2. Okay. I'll listen to you. Where else can you find us, Dane? I hate to break it to you, but whether you downloaded us or not, we're on iTunes. We've snuck in. We should do that.

Can anyone do that? Can I just call fucking the ghost of Steve Jobs and be like, hey, my man, can you just slide me on into everyone's iPhone? We're like tomorrow. We're like, wow, we got a billion downloads. Why does it say non-consensual first? Don't worry. Don't worry.

Is that what Joe Rogan did? Did Joe Rogan make a deal to make the YouTube deal? I would not be surprised. Would not be surprised. Guys, we have a show this week on Thursday, the 16th. It is this week. It's crazy. It happened quickly. I feel like we just did one and week on Thursday, the 16th. It is this week. It's crazy. It happened quickly.

I feel like we just did one and then now we're doing another one. And I was like, oh, it's because it's Christmas season, so we might have had to stay late. It's not. It's the exact same amount of time between shows as every other show. But for some reason, it just crept up on us. It crept up. So you should come. You should have fun with it if we have more issues with our

recording equipment you might get to see an unhinged dark ages episode yes and if you don't you might get to see an unhinged dane birthday episode so either way it's gonna be spicy it's gonna be unhinged regardless because it's very close to my actual birthday it's not my birthday specifically but it is my birthday show. My birthday is the next week. So I will be celebrating and I would like you to celebrate with me. And more specifically,

I would like you to celebrate me. Yes. And we will do all of those things. So please come. You can find the link pretty much anywhere. It's at Black Sheep Cocktail Lounge in Liberty Village in Toronto.

It's so much fun. And it's weird for me to say that, but I'm not even talking about the show. I'm talking about the crowd. We get some good people. That could be you. It could be you. Unless you suck shit, in which case, don't come. Maybe buy a ticket, but don't come. Yeah. We love you. We're joking. You wouldn't listen if you were shit.

Also, we have a Patreon, but fuck it. We've spent too long. Are you ready for this? Yeah. This is by Throwaway... Whoa. This is by Throwaway, Dan Time. Oh, I thought you were just making a noise because their name was nonsense.away. Whoa. This is by throwaway day and time. Oh, I thought you were just like making a noise because their name was nonsense. Nope. Okay. My girlfriend has a gift and I'm terrified.

And it's weird because we've done a very similar question before. They out there. Okay. This sounds insane, but I don't know anymore. I'm 27 male. I have known my girlfriend 24 for about seven years and she's always been a bit odd. Not in a bad way, but she's very empathetic and too kind for her own good. She also has chronic depression, anxiety, and BPD. A few months into us dating, she would do this thing where she would text me to hydrate slash eat slash stretch slash

relax my muscles. The works. I didn't think of it honestly. They're very common things people forgot to do, but then she got more specific. Example being, hey, pop your left shoulder or it'll hurt later tonight. Or she would buy me foods I was craving without me asking. Or send me reassurance when I was feeling low. Even those, however, I could brush off with ease. Like, what 30-year-old doesn't have aches and pains, you know? It's like that for months, and occasionally I'd ask her how she knew I hadn't hydrated all day or how she knew I had a craving, which she would always respond, it's a gift. Cool, huh? I figured she was bluffing and kept getting lucky. Now I don't think that's the case. Last week she called off work. I'm rushed over. I asked her why she felt the need to do it and she said she felt compelled. An hour later we get the news a family member I was close to passed.

Here I have to note she's close with my parents but they don't talk outside of family gatherings. There's no way she would have known prior to the call. She stayed by my side the rest of the week and confided in me she was a different religion than me. She's a Hellenistic pagan. I'm a Baptist. Then she got the urge to call off work when she was cleaning up her altar. I was shaken but glad she was there for me. This weekend we went to visit her dad. She suggested because he lives outside a tourist trap town and we could use the vacation. I agreed. It was a great trip. On the ride there she confessed she doesn't like my job because it's dangerous. It wouldn't be and I don't think it is any of the other shops but we simply don't have the equipment to

do what we claim we can. We have to gerrymage things quite a bit. I explained to her and she reiterated she wants to be careful. I promised I would be, and she dropped it. I tried my best not to tell her how sketchy it gets or that we have a workplace incident recently, but the way she talked felt like she knew. Throughout the drive from her dad to town, the drive was anxiety inducing. Heavy rain, bad drive went anxiety-inducing. Heavy rain, bad drivers, my car was acting up. Yet my usually anxious girlfriend with car wreck trauma was unfazed. When I asked about it later, she said she knew we wouldn't wreck. I asked how she knew, and she said, I've got a gift. I should trust her on this, but it's hard, but I do my best.

When I'm dropping her off, she warned me to be on the lookout for deer and to drive safe. Two normal statements given where we live, but I didn't think it meant, hey, there's going to be a deer in the middle of the road, so don't hit it. That was just icing on the cake. I still don't get this gift. Next morning, she does a bunch of stuff, blah, blah, blah, blah. At lunch, she asked if I'm okay, which I kind of just got in a cut on my arm. I'm a mechanic, so it's common. I asked her if she could stop being so weird and to chill because life is weird and i'm not feeling it and she said okay how do you think i feel i'm just stuck like this i apologize and she agreed she would be chill she told me she didn't mean to scare me but now i'm super weirded out by her what do i do fucking nothing and cherish this person

it's not like she's only been lovely to you it's not like she's being aggressive or like creepy or you know what i mean like at no point in're like, oh, she accused me of cheating or knew with her gift that I was going to betray her or cheat on her. And now she's like, wants my phone data, all that. Like there was none of that shit. It's just like she was lovely. She looks out for me. She was really caring when I lost someone in my family.

She makes sure I'm safe. She worries about my safety. She saved my life and Adir's by using her psychic connection for good. caring when I lost someone in my family. She makes sure I'm safe. She worries about my safety. She saved my life and a deer's by using her psychic connection for good. And like, regardless of whether there's a psychic connection or not, but I mean, like at this point in time, there's... Clearly. Unless she killed his family member. But how does she know about the deer?

Maybe it's her deer. Her perfectly trained deer? Either way, I understand the like, oh, this is spooky. This is weird. The coincidences keep adding up. And eventually you do have to sort of be like, maybe it's not a coincidence. But does it matter whether it is or isn't? No.

Because she's not like, I can fucking, like she's not, there's nothing bad is happening. Right. Is what I'm trying to say. So who fucking cares? I understand. Like if he's baptist the idea that she might be using like witchcraft like look i get it do you i mean like yeah religion indoctrinates people and like i thought you were saying you understand that like you'd be like no i just

like i understand from his like worldview of being like oh this scares the shit out of me because i've been raised to believe that this is evil you know what i mean like so like i understand that like if that weirds him out but if it does that's your problem and not hers like she's not being weird she's being loving and caring and and like again strip the you know psychic gifts away she hasn't done anything that any good partner shouldn't do she's concerned about your safety at work she took care of you when you lost someone in your family she you know wants to make sure you're staying on top of your hydration and shit like she's

looking out for your joints all those things are like if i had a partner who didn't claim to be psychic or have a gift or whatever and was just like hey have you drank water today i would need that because we're stupid humans who every now and then we get so lost in a project or i get lost in editing or whatever and i haven't eaten or i haven't had water i literally woke up this morning like with a very dry mouth very dehydrated because like our air conditioning is weird woke up walked the dog and then drank a coffee and worked for four hours and then was like i got a headache i wonder why yeah that i could do with a psychic to be like yo yeah again i don't need a psychic i would just deal with a loving partner who told me to do those things i'm gonna text you every day to be like yo hydrate okay like dane your fucking joints man

i mean these don't do no why would you why would you oh yeah those are those are bone cracks to be like, yo, hydrate. Okay. I'm like, Dane, your fucking joints, man. I mean, these... Ugh, don't do... No, why would you do that? Oh, yeah. Those are bone cracks, boys. That's horrendous. You should hear my ankle. Oh, you want to talk about ankles?

Every now and then, my ankle sounds like a gun goes off. And I'm like, did it just break again? It's like, no, it just does that now. Yeah. I mean, mine...

I literally can't go up the stairs without... every step. This is great. Dump your partner. Don't be weird. Don't ask her to not be. Unless you're with people.

She's like, I have a gift. I'm magical. I could understand you being like, hey. But it doesn't seem like she's doing that. It's like literally the only time she's ever said it is when you're like, how do you know that? Yeah. It's not like she's like, oh, you can't. Like, she's not telling you.

Even when she didn't tell you to quit your job. I don't think it's that. I think it was just be careful. Yeah. Good. Also, get a new job if you're fucking jerry rigging shit together in what I can only assume is like a mechanic. Yeah. So it's like, are you jerry rigging the like the jack to bring the car up?

It's not good, dude. Like it's going to come down and crush you. Hey, we can't do what we claim to do. Hey, if that was the case, even on podcast that would be bad yeah i think if it upsets you and if it wears you out and creeps you out and you don't like it sure leave your partner that's fine like you have the proclivity to is that the right word i doubt it yeah i don't think that's the ability maybe yeah you have the ability to be like i'm not comfortable in this relationship great you don't need to explain yourself to anyone no other people looking on might be like

that's a dumb choice yeah she's magical and is saving you but if you don't like it then just be like i'm really sorry this weirds me out and it makes me uncomfortable and i don't know if i can be with a partner who's like this guess what when you bump into a deer and fall under one of your jerry-rigged cars and it crushes you. Yeah. You're going to be like, well, shit, you're going to die thirsty and regretting everything. And you would be able to save yourself, but your shoulders locked up and you can't get it up to reach the release lever.

Yeah. Just, this is great. What are you doing? Yeah. Leave it. She's, she sounds like an incredible partner of regardless gift or no gift. Yeah hit me okay i'm gonna keep going all right no i got some this is first cupcake 7203 needing sexy non-sex ideas okay the friday night the kids are staying with my parents i want the night to be as spicy as it can be from the second my man comes home from work

what are some sexy ideas of things he and i can do it doesn't necessarily have to be sex Greedom in lingerie. Or a sexy outfit that, importantly, you feel comfortable in and you know aligns to his tastes. Yeah. Massages. I would say you don't even have to wait for him to get into work i would say a little spicy text at the beginning of the day or around lunchtime with a like a picture of what you're planning on wearing laid out on the bed don't spoil the surprise right like send maybe like glimpses and be like hey can you guess do you know what this is a little tease i also think you got to be careful what you send and when because like if he's not used to it and he's

at work and maybe he just taps the image that comes up and all of a sudden it's a nude that you know yes maybe front load any risque pictures with a don't open this while anyone's around or nsfw which is key when he is in fact aw yeah like if he's one of those people that if he's like a professor that hooks his fucking laptop up to his right okay maybe don't do that like understand the situation kindergarten teacher no and like that's a very good point i didn't think about that but like maybe just let him know like during the course of the day to periodically check his phone because there might be something that might interest him in them right and i think you have a lot of opportunity here and i think the downside to this and i think a lot of people do this incorrectly is they try to surprise them by not including

them in the surprise yes right i think you would find yourself in a far stronger position if before this night happens you say hey we have the place to ourselves let's do some things what are some things you're interested in yes right you've opened that door because maybe he wants to tie you up to the bed maybe he wants to play with handcuffs maybe he wants to play with some whipped cream some chocolate sauce and if you don't have those things readily available that's you know or the downside is also you think he might want to spank you or whip you and that's not something he's into and now you've got your hopes up about being spanked but now he doesn't want to do it or now he's going to do it like half-heartedly because he wants to be right so it's like or he doesn't even know the night is going to be a thing and dave is like hey you

want to grab beer after work and he's like, Hey, you want to grab beer after work? And he's like, Oh, I'm just going to grab beer with Dave. Yeah. And now he's broken your dreams because then you have all these things ready and he didn't know. And it sucks.

Or it's like Mexican Wednesday or something or Mexican Friday or something. And he just typical Mexican fucking slams down so many spicy burritos. And then he gets home and he's like, Hey, I just got a shit. You cannot touch anything in the in from like nipples from knees from knee to nose yeah you can't touch because i will shotgun poop

everywhere and that's not sexy it's a different kind of spicy that well yeah maybe maybe make sure it's mexican friday and the is, this doesn't take the surprise away. It just gives you a foundation to build on because you can then add to that. It's collaborative. And then you're in lingerie and then you have whatever. And that's the thing. Those are the surprises.

You can build off what you've established and that's great. If you just surprise them. Yeah. Maybe it's like, maybe he wants to watch porn with you or something. And then you can like you can have you can find stuff that you're into yeah and have that ready to go on the buck and big screen tv make sure your curtains are drawn or don't depending on what you're into

or do because people also need to consent yeah to be part of your hey it's if you look into someone's you can't you two people man you just can't you two people like you can't you can't you two that's like the move that's where the me too movement started from it like you twoing is yeah it's it's all coming together yeah things like oh hey i'm gonna wear something really sexy for you on friday what's your favorite color what color do you love to see me in and then you know you can wear your right or your red outfit. You can wear your white. You know what I mean? And importantly, as I mentioned earlier, what you want to wear is very important. Yes.

If he's like, oh, I want you to wear this thing and you hate that, that's not going to be good for everyone because you're not going to be comfortable, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. If you want to step out of your comfort zone and try something new and risky, that could be really hot, but that's on you. If it's, you know, try to strike a compromise, because you want to feel powerful and sexy. Yeah. And that's going to be way more sexy

than you wearing something you don't. And I would say, don't fall into the trap of being like, oh, we have the night to ourselves. We just gotta fuck. Yeah, it's gotta be sex the whole time. You guys deserve a break. So have a really hot fucking, you know, know slam down fuck each other

through the walls it's kind of sex or don't you know like yeah or have a very nice passionate slow thing because you don't have to fuck for 30 seconds and hoping a kid's not gonna slam through the door you know what i mean like do whatever you do and feels good and that you want to do and then like treat yourself to some takeout yeah and have a movie night and just like cocktails yeah play a board game like play a video game like do other stuff so that you're not just kind of sitting there like looking at your watch being like well we're gonna you're gonna try squeeze another fucking you know what i mean make it a night about you because you guys are more than just sex and also have sex yeah i yeah i feel like a lot of people fall into the trap of like the two things of being like i'm not going to tell him about any of these things and so i'm just going to grab a like fistful of

spaghetti and throw it on the wall and be like what ones are we doing like i don't know and then immediately take it so badly if it doesn't work out because like people get insecure about sex stuff and it's like it's so unfair to surprise a partner in this way and then take it so personally when it doesn't work out and so don't do that he's coming home from work again we don't know what he does but like maybe he needs a shower after work yeah so like that's a great opportunity to be like great i'm gonna help you in the shower and you can like do a little fooling around doing whatever or not if that's not what you're into you know and then like get out early and be like you finish up in the shower i'm gonna go put something on and you meet me in the bedroom. You know what I mean? Like it should be collaborative.

It shouldn't just be this crazy big surprise because that way lies madness. Yeah. And then once again, I think a lot of people make these nights all about sex and just take it, slow it down, do what you want to do. Do what feels good. Take the night at your own pace. If you guys are happy and enjoying each other's company, you haven't wasted it. Even if you never have sex. Yeah. And that's the thing haven't wasted it even if you never have sex yeah and that's the thing it's like if you want to have

sex great but like as dane said there needs to be more stuff because you don't want to be like oh fuck you gotta have sex again and like you're waiting and maybe you try before you're really ready and then that's a disappointment and then like that's just a surefire way to like dampen the evening and not in a good way. So yeah. And other than that, tailored to what you guys are into. Yeah. So it doesn't matter what I say.

If I say fucking spanking and you're not into it, it's not going to work. That's the thing is like, I don't think it's useful to be like here because like we could be here for the rest of the episode could literally just us being like footplay, hand jobs, mutual masturbation. You know what I mean? Like we could go on for fucking ever about various sexual acts you could do. And like, if you want to explore things, think of what you want to explore. Yeah. If he wants to explore things, ask him what he would want to explore.

Yeah. See what fits for you both. Buy some fucking shit. Yeah. Amazing. Amazing. All right. Ready?

Yep. This is by Onzalime. Can you logically pull girls? No. No? That's it? Yeah. I've pulled lots of girls from the bar before, either drunk or in a state.

I quit drinking and lost momentum over COVID, so trying to relearn game, basically. I've had good nights getting momentum at the bar and doing well, but I find it super inconsistent, and also if the bar is dead, then very difficult. I'm wondering if it's possible to logically pull girls consistently, or do you think you always need to get out of your head first then go from there? So does logically mean sober? I assume so, yes. I think there is, hey, congratulations on giving up drinking if the idea of drinking makes you illogical, right?

Like if, if those are your correlations, I think you've done a great service to yourself by not drinking anymore. If you think that like I can drink and be logical pretty much. Yeah, that's right. And if you're drinking to the point where you're, you feel like you drink to a level of illogical,

then yeah, great. I think you've done an incredible job becoming sober. So congratulations. Hey, you don't even need to be illogical to want to become sober. If you want to become sober, I applaud you and fuck yeah because great. Yeah.

As long as you're doing it for the right choice, you're doing it to better yourself and make yourself feel better, great. We fall into the seduction trap of women are a nebulous idea i like a construct of objective and not human beings that exist with their own individual needs and wants and desires and it's just being like can i do this to women the concept of women every woman and also like there's no talk of how they acted while drunk or how they're acting while sober.

It's just, I was drunk and got girl. Drunk equals girl? Yeah. What does being drunk maybe give you? An excess of confidence or like a lack of inhibition. Yeah. Cool. So clearly you're maybe a little bit more confident or, you know, whatever.

Can you do that while sober 100 yeah okay well let's just boil it down to a simple question can you pull girls sober yeah i never really noticed that like like we've heard the phrase and honestly we probably use the phrase like pull it's gross yeah like pulling something is often a act of violence or like like yeah like very rarely is someone getting pulled with without i know like like resistance a life ring you're pulling them in i guess but again there's still desperation yeah right like that's and maybe they're fighting against i don't know yeah it is weird uh but simple question can you do it sober can you meet women sober of course you can yes yeah like a lot of people don't drink or are underage or just have a day they're not drinking that day

yeah like it's not like someone's like oh yeah i'm vibing wait you don't have alcohol in your breath oh god damn not interested yeah and honestly like I don't get drunk a whole lot. I drink, but I rarely get drunk. It's a smattering of times throughout the year. So the difference between having two beers and me not having any beers is really none. There's not much of a difference between those two people. So I think you need to look at,

one, your relationship with alcohol. So like, obviously there was something there that you felt you needed to cut out. Okay. Yeah. Look through what's happening with your relationship with alcohol. Great. Figure that out. And then you need to figure out what your sort of like mental block is about approaching women or feeling confident or whatever because

like i think that really is what's boiling it down to is being like you have an insecurity about something somewhere and you need to figure out what that is because that presumably it was getting eroded the more you drank so as you got drunk that inhibition or that insecurity got pushed to the side and you were able to get over it. I'll also say, like, even without that, you have a lack of experience. If every time you've gone out, you've been drunk, you haven't done this sober. Yeah. So, like, you need to get used to that.

One, in general, if now you're finally going out and being sober, that's a different experience. And you need to take time to get used to that. And two, if you've never, you know, gone and approached, I fucking hate using seduction terminology, but if, you know, if you haven't talked to strangers and tried to like meet people sober, that's something you're going to have to get used to. And that's just a simple fact.

I used to be very, like I didn't, like I drank a lot when I was a kid and I still drink. I drink a lot less, but, uh, I understand this this you know what i mean like i used to be it's not that i drank to go and like chat to people but it was just like

i would be out so i would be drinking and that was when you talk to people well that's like that's what i'm saying it's like to it's almost like an unfair thing of being like hey when everyone's drinking and having a good time and loosen you you know what I mean? Like having a more elevated experience in terms of like not being sober. Yeah. It's always going to be easier because people make more, more snapshot decisions and stuff. So it's like, yes.

Would me being drunk in a room full of drunk women result in me probably making out with someone? Absolutely. Would me being in that room with the same amount of people and the same people all being sober? Maybe not and i also like i remember feeling like sometimes like oh i gotta go to this place or i gotta talk to this person like god i hope i'll be drunk like when i was like younger i mean like oh that sucks like i don't want to be that way you know what i mean i don't want to have to get up when i used to play gigs as well like when i was in my band we would drink before we went on like every time i didn't want that you know what i mean so

i was like okay i just gotta really make sure that like when i'm sober like i can be confident because i don't want to have a crutch in that way like a mental crutch and not that there's anything wrong with a crutch maybe it's a wrong term i don't want to have to assist myself that way you know what i mean so like make it a challenge make it a good thing because you don't want to have to rely on alcohol you know i mean one because you want to be sober and two because that's not a good way to live anyway you know i mean you have to be confident in your job i'm sure at points you have to be confident like making a deal in a job interview like talking to someone at a fucking shop like when you go to a restaurant when people can't order fucking food at a restaurant and they're so nervous and like weird that sucks for

everybody involved so it's like you've got to be confident but like give yourself the grace to know that you're in a new situation and you need time to adjust to it but you need to know flat out that like yes it is possible it worries me that you're worried that it isn't possible and like that's the worst the most negative part of this yeah that is an issue and then also be like you also need to walk it back and realize that like your idea of being like oh i'm doing game again i'm learning game i have to relearn game it's like no i mean if you are great let's start from scratch and be like yeah don't leave seduction yeah go back to episode one yeah get out of this stop stop trying to fucking you know play a game or learn these like tricks

to get women and again this like vague concept of woman and start as a lot of seduction people are noticing approaching women with respect and courtesy and friends owning them to use them. Yeah. The idea and the understanding that women aren't the prize are people because they are. Yeah. Look at these throwbacks. I know. So yeah, give yourself time, give yourself grace. You'll be fine, but like, use this as an opportunity to like build on yourself. And the good thing is if you're not getting messy drunk, you're going to have so much more time and ability to actually talk to people. Because there's a fine line between being drunk enough to be confident

and being drunk enough to be a fucking mess or a weirdo or annoying. So, you're gonna be better off in a lot of ways, and you're gonna have more mornings, you won't be hungover, it's gonna be fucking great. Now this is Londonboy in a bunch of numbers. Managed to reduce the amount I masturbate by,

but now I come too quickly during sex. So I've had a pretty severe porn addiction since I was a teenager, and I've recently been trying to get rid of it, or at least reduce it significantly. For the past month, I've set limits to myself on when I could watch, and it started not being able to watch before lunch, going to the gym and dinner.

It's effectively reduced the time I watch from 18 hours to around 3 hours. The benefits of this... I hope he means like the window and not the amount. Or like per week. It's still a lot. It can't be

like a fucking per day situation. The benefits of this are immense. I feel more horny, more attracted to my significant other. However, whenever I do have sex, I simply can't last. I can have sex for maybe one or two minutes before I feel the urge to come. I know some common

advice on this is to play with her in ways other ways, but I don't. But it doesn't get around the fact that I can't hold off anymore. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? One, if it's this newfound horniness and newfound sensitivity and blah blah blah blah and you're more horning for your partner and they're willing channel that energy into fucking more and then you will like that will

start to take over some of the sexual energy that you wasted while like masturbating so you will start to last longer if If that makes sense. You know what I mean? Yeah. You've replaced sensations, right? So it's like you used to have a very specific sensation of masturbation and now you're having a new sensation and also a new mental appreciation for the

act as well. Right. Cause I think a lot of like, there's a twofold issue that happened with porn addiction is one, you become far less sensitive because you physically you're yeah. You know, but then you also desensitize to the reality of, yeah.

Like how hot sex can be because it's like, yes, as much as you find your partner attractive, you've seen doggy style before and you see it so much. And so like the allure of the things that should be really hot for you are more mundane because you're so inundated with the imagery of that. And I think the more you sort of like taper that back and the more you walk that back. Yeah. Physically, you're going to become more sensitive because you're not constantly stimulating yourself.

And mentally, you're going to be more sensitive to just how hot your partner is when everything's moving around and they're bent over or they're riding you or whatever. So you need to, as Niall said, you need to reacclimatize to this and to sex and not to masturbation. You will get used to it. And it'll get better, which is great. Two, if you're saying, oh, I get to the point where I'm just about to come. And then I'm like, Oh, I guess I should play with her, but it's too late. Do it first.

You know what I mean? Get your partner, like engage in foreplay before you get to that point. So that when you start to fuck you, but two minutes or whatever is when it matters instead of it being like two minutes. And then you're done before they can get ready. And you're like,

Oh, it's too late for me to start working on them. i i feel like maybe it's the wording but it sounded like that's what you were saying yeah i think he was saying that like that's those are tips on how to like last longer is like you stop and like go down on them for a bit and then go back but like he loses it so i don't know i don't necessarily think it's probably like even then do more foreplay prior because if they come they come i don't think they're gonna mind that they only got two minutes of dick and finished versus two minutes of dick and then you stopped i think it's it's probably more my guess is it's probably more

on his side of being like i'm lasting too short and not sure yeah well my third thing is does it matter to your partner yeah because if you have like hour-long fucking numb dick from your porn addiction i doubt they like that yeah like i'm sure it might be a relief to be like cool i can blow you and you're good to go in two minutes wow i feel really hot all of a sudden getting it over with you're coming everything's great you know what i mean like is it an actual issue with your partner yeah i mean like i understand i've my sexual stamina when i was younger and first started having sex was not great and it was frustrating for me because it's like i want to have sex with you more though it's like i want to have sex with you longer than what i'm

physically capable of doing so i get like the frustration and the desire to last longer even if your partner is satisfied which your partner should be satisfied so i think it all comes down to as now said originally it's like it's tough because it's it's like a battle on two fronts it's a mental and a physical battle and you have to sort of like really understand what you're working through i think talking to a therapist would probably be a great idea as with any addiction just like being like i'm not gonna do it anymore it's difficult you can't really it's hard not the full battle either. Yeah.

You know, so it's, you've got to, I think there's probably something in terms of like the way you view sex and think about sex is probably an indicator of like, you need to reframe that because I think what ends up happening is now you're probably fetishizing like sex as an act and not as a collaborative experience,

which is making you come so fast. Cause you're like, Oh, this is just like porn. You're also probably in your head. And like, when you're like, Oh,

I can't come. I can't come. That's when you're going to come. Right. It's like the opposite. When you're like, Oh, I want to come.

It's like, wait, no, you want me to dial back down that sensation. Your dick's a dick. Or your brain's just like, or you're just, you know, you're with someone very attractive and your brain's like oh really suck if you didn't get hard

right now okay well let's see what that's like great thank you brain it's like a fucking stiff breeze can get me erect but right now i have this incredibly beautiful person and i your dick's a dick yeah it's very frustrating like i said it's a battle on both fronts. Like you need to sort of reframe mentally and figure out what your deal is with sex and then figure it out. Again, I think talking to a sex therapist would be very handy for you. Yeah. But give yourself time. You'll get there.

Yeah. All right. This was all the rage on Reddit yesterday and it very quickly got deleted because the man's wife found it. Uh oh. But I have the screenshots. my got receipts i got receipts this is my throw ra 651z my wife 27 year old female is upset that my 28 year old male penis is not small years after we got married it's an odd one and i promise i am not humble bragging my wife 27 female and I, 28, have been sexually active with each other for about 10 years. We are each other's only sexual partner.

We started dating in high school, as well as another couple who are our long time close friends. Those close friends moved out of state, and then their relationship went south, and the woman moved back to town about a year ago. The friend only recently started dating, and talks to my wife about her dates, etc. My wife told me our friend met a nice guy, but that his dick was too big and caused pain. TMI? Anyway, my wife said to me she's glad I have a small penis so it's not an issue. Here's the thing. I'm by no means a porn star, but I'm above average for sure.

At the time I didn't respond, just thought about her comment. Over the weekend we were getting intimate and I had a cloth tape measure nearby, so I laid it across my erection and asked her to guess my measurement. She guessed really low. I told her to take a look and she got weird and accused me of folding the cloth to make it seem bigger. I told her she could inspect it but she just shut it down and we didn't have sex. Next day I decided to approach the subject and she accused me of faking the measurement saying it was only because it was a cloth tape measure so I got a ruler. Well said ruler I was able to get a longer measurement,

jammed it against my pubic bone because I was trying to make a silly point, and now she's just mad. She apparently had it in her mind that I had a small penis, and I ruined her view of our sexual relationship. The only penis she had seen in person is mine, and just assumed it was below average because I'm pretty small framed. Otherwise, 5'6". What the heck?

I'm so confused. Why? small framed otherwise five foot six what the heck i'm so confused why does she also not know measurements in real life let me tell you right now women have no idea what measurements are when it comes the like one of my favorite things is being like show me what six inches looks like well like give me the like the answers i've gotten from that i remember it was me and one of our mutual friends and we were out with some friends and they were talking about it and like they said something and they were like this big with this number and we were just like that's not correct like at one point in time someone said they like they were dating to do with like a 10 inch dick and we were both just like huh okay like damn that's large and they're like oh it's not that big and they're

like what are you talking that's almost a foot and they're like well it's like this big i was like that's not 10 inches if you're accurately measuring it right now i was like that is not 10 inches and that is a consistent thing throughout my life is noticing that when women describe penis sizes they're like the physical representation and the number they assign to it is rarely correct now i'd love to know is that coming from guys who are like see this it's 10 inches and then being like i guess i assume that is what is what's happening where it's like guys are taking like a very flattering dick pic with the right angles and stuff because Cause like with the right angle, you can make your dick look small,

small and huge, right? Like it's not a difficult thing to do to be like, look at the size of that bad boy, depending on where you hold it and the angle, whatever. Photoshop the ruler beside it. It goes one,

two, nine, 10. Yeah. You say 10 inches. There it is. There you go. So it's like,

I assume that's what it is. It's like where people, guys have like, before they've hooked up and like, yeah, I've got an dick here's a picture of it boom wow and then when they actually hook up it's actually like five or six inches and they're like well i guess yeah yeah because like really at the end of the day like in terms of sensation like the difference between a six inch dick and an eight inch dick i don't think probably has much bearing on just like in terms of just destroyed our inbox i know the size queens are mad yeah hey and like again i'm sure a lot of that is like a mental thing you know i'm sure a lot of it is like the idea of a

big dick but this is i don't understand why you'd be i don't understand any of this. He lied this whole time to her by making her think she has a small dick. I would love to know his actual measurements. I would, yeah. He specifically is not putting them in and everyone in the comments is like, he said 28M. 28 meters? Yeah.

That's the thing. I would love to know if like, because if this guy's walking around with like 10 inch. Yeah, that's is it like oh i don't have a small dick look i'm slightly above average yeah okay i still don't understand her response but if he's like this is in fact my 10 inch coke can dong yeah like then it's like how did you not know yes and like does it matter you've well that's the thing why is she mad i don't understand why she's mad because like if she's here like it would be one thing if you guys were having trouble having sex and for as long as she's been she thought it was her fault and that she had some sort of like you know vaginismus or whatever like i would understand

her being like oh it's your dick that's the problem not me it's your monster dog yeah like I would maybe understand that maybe that happened maybe when they started dating she had a bunch of like insecurity about

but I feel like that's important to mention yeah or because we've been together for 10 years maybe it's the opposite maybe she has never had problems and now she's like I'm a big old bag of holding down there you fit whatever you want in there yeah

some of and i this again hey this is from the comments i'm gonna throw that out there i saw it and it's the only thing that really makes sense to me maybe much in the way that like men value like oh their size blah blah blah blah women are slut shamed for being like loose or whatever. And maybe she is now feeling ashamed that she was so easily able to take his dick. If it is big, maybe. Yeah.

That's the only thing I can think of. Maybe she's just been telling all her friends, her husband has a small dick this whole time. And now she's like, God damn it. Yeah. But again, I don't see why it would matter and hey let me tell you right now where there's something we haven't talked about it doesn't matter the size of your partner's penis you should never be like thank god you've got a tiny penis that sucks to hear or regardless of or like even the opposite

like oh thank god you've got like just don't be weird about men's dick sizes because it's so fucked up and it's like we have we've talked about that length there's so many things out there being like yo don't like shame women's bodies we need the same for men yeah and i think you're absolutely right do not assign worth to men based on penis size but i do want to reiterate no dude wants to hear how small his penis is no no one wants that it would be like every time you put on a clothes be like oh you're gonna wear that you look really fat in it that makes you look super fat like saying that out loud probably sounds insane like no one should say that to someone and it should go the same way

of being like oh you're a tiny penis or your're small penises. I like your small penis. Like, that sucks. You don't have to use the adjective. And you're just like, I like your fat body. I like your body. That one works way better, don't you think? I love your dick. That's it.

That's all you have to say. I love that we're so close in this closet and I'm looking you in the eyes. I love your dick. I'm sure we've said. Oh, so many things. Remember that one episode we did like hand jobs and blowjobs

where it's like jerking ghosts while looking at each other dead in the eye. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like in this scenario advice, talk to your wife.

Yeah. You have to talk to your partner and be like, hey, why are you upset about this? What is the actual issue? Like what is the thing that you are angry about?

And I would like to know that because it's wild. Yeah. I haven't done anything wrong. And I haven't done anything to mislead you at any point in time, unless this guy is not telling us that he spent the entire, you know, courtship being like, Oh yeah,

this little guy, only three inches, just a small guy down there. Maybe it's like, she's realized now he lied about his monster dong, said it was three inches, and her entire life, maybe she's an architect, and she's like, all the buildings

I've made are so small. No, they're huge. Because it's like, oh, do a 12-inch wall, and she multiplied that by fucking three, or four, because she thinks 12 inches is three inches right you're right or she thinks three you know every doorway is four times yeah everyone's like what it's like we got

a fire and she's just and everyone's like no and this whole time people are like yeah it was really artistic approach like i don't understand why they keep saying that and her buildings just look like they're made by minecraft yeah that's the answer it's just straight up being like you need to tell me why you're upset yeah and no like running away no storming off no whatever and just be like what about my penis size is so upsetting to you like why are you taking something that hasn't changed the entire time we've been together why are you taking this so personally yeah i do I do love that, like, in the question, it's like, oh, she

mentioned it, and, like, I didn't really care or mind. I just happened to have a measuring tape next to the bed next time we fucked. It's like, you minded, you thought about it, you waited, you were like, no, hold on. Also, what's a cloth measuring tape? It's like the tailor's one. Like, the ones that, like,

you can, like, put around you. Okay. I guess. I would just say measuring tape. Well, I taylor's one like the ones that like you can like put around you okay i guess i would just said measuring tape well i mean you could also have the yeah okay i just thought of like you know like a bandage like a bandage but it's like like the cloth ones are i mean like i don't think any of them are cloth anymore they're all sort of like that shitty weird like nylon stuff now okay cool i assume that's what he meant. So yeah. I don't know why it's chilling there. Well, I mean, we know why it's there. We know exactly why it's there.

He went and bought it. That's going to do it for this episode, friends. But before we go, we're going to hop on to some online dating platforms. It's just Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge to see what works, what doesn't work in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable. And we're going to hop on to Tinder. I'm going to start you off with a Bumble, actually. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Oh, did you hear Bumble plummeted like 70% in stocks?

No. And they fired their CEO. Oh, interesting. Yeah. This person is 28. They are a man and their name has been scratched out, which is probably the best for them. Okay.

They say about me, Modern women are absolutely underwhelming, undeveloped, masculine masculine and delusional they like real feminine values and traits and have lost their roots and spirit slash soul completely behind the facade of caked up makeup and lip fillers they have no real value perfect first date you aren't important enough or valuable enough to be taken on a date what are you here for why are you here but what do you think you're getting into like he's just laying down the facts he's just educating women on how useless yeah like just so bad in

every way i would love to know if anyone like if women do like match with him and be like yes i agree you're so right king because i'm sure there are women out there that do feel this way hey we have all sorts of people who support trump who he literally every day is like i hate you yeah so i had to minus 10 yeah terrible this is kayla about me i like a man who goes out of his way to treat a woman special i like chivalry i like a man who is attentive with values i like a man who is thoughtful and kind. If you're not looking for anything serious, please swipe left. You have 24 hours. To what?

To what? To what? What do you mean? If I match or if I don't? In general? Is she the one with the gift? Is she just like, hey, Dane, you have 24 hours.

Yeah. I have a gift. Beware of that deer. Enjoy your last day. Is it one of those things where like once again, it's like i have 24 hours to impress you yeah there is a lot of like you better be treating me like a princess and go out of your way and it's like if you're in a good relationship with someone you should go out of your way for them in general not because you're a man not because whatever it's like that should be kind of a given in the relationship.

Well, I do want to say that she has three pictures of herself. Then she has a horse picture. No. Oh, that would be nice. She has a picture that says, I don't want to text. Let's go to Jamaica. Damn. The next one is a cartoon version of Gomez and Morticia Adams.

And he is kissing her arm. Okay. And then the next one is like a con or like a constellation with like a heart in a cloud. And it says, be proud of your card. Kind heart. Not everyone has it. And then the last one is a person becomes 10 times attractive not by their looks but by their acts of kindness love respect honesty and loyalty why would you ever put those in your profile let alone like

on social media it's like the feminine version of man quotes yeah they're awful and i mean it actually has dropped to the point when i already didn't like it i'm gonna give it a one actually this is not the person for me. And I think it's red flags everywhere. You kind of seem gold diggery. I'm giving it a two. Whoa. Because I like to reserve my ones for actual problematic things.

If we had just done a minus 10, it probably would have been a two for me, but because we've put the problems so far away, I feel comfortable putting her at one. Yeah. I feel like I need you to be problematic to be one. There wasn't anything really problematic in terms of morality in there. So she gets a two, but it's as low as you can go without being racist.

Okay. I don't love it. This is Kenny. Kenny's 33. Are you ready? About me. Six foot, 260 pounds. Dom. All caps. Devil foot, 260 pounds. DOM.

All caps. Devil emoji. Licep emoji. Current nursing student. Like, stethoscope emoji. Ex-hockey player. Arrow powerlifter. Detroit Red Wings slash Lions fanatic.

Priorities. College. Career. Gym. Quotes. Not here for hookups. Blah blah. Real man.

Blah blah. I've gone balls deep in a handful of women with such profiles You next? Nice guys finish last Bad boys finish on her face Quote No way he's such a douchebag Unlike all those other wimps on here I'll eat your kitty and your ass

Devil emoji Let's make a movie God I felt like someone took what we tried to do making a red flag profile and went too far. Or like, you know. Actually, do you want to... My Tinder profile's right there.

We never gave a full... Actually, no. I'll post a picture of it. I didn't post a picture on Instagram. It was pretty good. Yeah, so if you want to see what I came up with for a bad profile, I feel like this is... That's my profile on crack. Yeah, it's like if you want to see what i came up with for a bad profile i feel like this is that's my profile on crack yeah it's like if you you know when you're like you're writing something you want to make a character and they should be deep this is like a caricature it's like okay we just

did stuff that's so bad that no one's gonna think it was real but apparently it's real kenny you're trying i guess kenny i hope you're never my nurse yeah i hope you're never anyone's nurse you don't seem fitting for the job yeah yeah no it's not great let's do one more do you have a good one yeah this is well good good is relative this is, well, good. Good as relative. This is Shelby, 24. Need a five foot nine plus man. Not into hobbits. No mama's boys. No drug dealers. Get a real job, yawn emoji.

Drug dealers are so boring. Yeah. Not a fan of kids. Lie to me and I'll bite your balls off. Crazy, but you guys like that. We don't. No. No.

If you don't fit the criteria or scared, don't match me. Hey. Yeah, guys like that we don't know no if you don't fit the criteria or scared don't match me hey yeah i like that because you've given me permission to not like you because i don't know if i'm necessarily scared i just hate it well you know you did threaten to bite my balls off yeah i feel like if i had written if there was any man being like lie to me and i'll slice your tits off like yeah that's a crime that's a real bad thing and it's like even if it was like oh steal my playstation 5 which is you know a crime and i'll do this that would be bad but lie to me it's like what do you deem as a lie is it that i didn't tell you my dick was huge yeah also like is it are you just gonna like assume everything is a lie? Is it that I didn't tell you my dick was huge? Yeah. Also, like, is it, are you just going to like assume everything is a lie?

Like you don't give me sort of rational person. So is it just going to be like, were you looking at the waitress? No. Well, bye bye balls. We don't need to order miss because I'm going to be fed. That's going to do it for our episode friends.

Thank you very much for listening. Once again, if you'd like to support the show, head on over to patreon.com slash F buddies, or you can find all of the information that we talk about in the show at F buddies podcast.com. You can get our tickets to our live show, which is

November 16th, Thursday 7 p.m. at Black Sheep in Toronto or just, you know, send us a question and we'll answer it for you as soon as we can. Yeah. We love you guys. Thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities

for their song Paper Stars. See you on our Patreon. See you on our show. See you in my dreams. Also, we haven't mentioned it. We've referenced it a few times, but we have got an editor who's doing a wonderful job

editing the show. So this will be the first. Thank you, Sujith, for putting the show together. You saved my life. Thank you so much. You're doing a great job. Let's do some bad sex right now.

Oh, yeah. I forgot about that part. Also, thank you for everyone who voted for us in the Canadian Podcast Awards. Because we're... I don't know if you guys saw, we're nominated for three awards. We talked about it last episode. Yeah. Maybe they didn't see.

Yeah. You don't see with podcasting. You fool. Pick one or two. Two. Okay. Great. This is a Reddit two. Two. Okay, great.

This is a Reddit post. Okay. I've only ever heard of women getting migraines. I don't think they're real. It just sounds like, to me, that women needed some made-up word for their pain to be taken seriously because their pain tolerance is so low. I feel it's been so overused that it's gone back to man, brackets, me, not taking it seriously. But seriously, headaches aren't that bad just power through it yeah thank you someone finally had the courage to say it i love the like you are not incorrect about the fact that men for a very long time have not taken women's

pain seriously like that is a huge problem in the medical profession of being like you're just stressed no you don't have any of these pains it's just it's just your menstruation cycle but also just like the wild confidence and idiocy of being like migraines they do not exist although hey can you tell me right now yes i've had migraines for sure dude i've had so many fucking migraines when the light starts to fucking stab you in the brain. Sounds made up. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. We've been your fuck buddies.