F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 267 - Your Mom’s Tinder Radius

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

We've recorded so many episodes in the past few weeks that I'm starting to lose sense of what time even means anymore.  Topics include short-term long-distance, learning to beg for it, the attractiveness of your own apartment, eye contact correction, de-normalize the nipple, nosy neighbours or noisy neighbours.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Day Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we are your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we are a sex and dating advice podcast. We find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners. We answer them right here, right now, in your ears, every Monday. We've never missed an episode. Occasionally we're on stage, and I just realized we have almost four months of extra content on our Patreon. Mm-hmm.

That's four back-to-back months. If you start listening now, you can listen for 24-7 for... That's not true. No. You get the equivalent of four months of us releasing weekly episodes. But more importantly, you would support us and help us. So if you get the equivalent of four months of us releasing weekly episodes. But more importantly, you would support us and help us. So if you've ever gone, hey, I'm happy I'm listening to these guys.

You're legally obliged to join our Patreon right now. Yes. And if you're wondering, oh, what does this support do for you? What does it mean? What does it matter? It does a lot of stuff. One, I had to replace the little device that we use to record our live shows because I did somehow manage to fuck it up so badly at our last show that we weren't able to record it. I can tell you wanted you want to interrupt me so bad.

Look at you. I can see you. I can see it brewing inside you because of the support on Patreon. I was able to wander into a store today and without a second thought, purchase a new recording device. And it didn't come out of our pockets. You are making the live show, and in turn,

now you get to hear the live shows eventually. Yeah, because what I was going to say was that we had a pretty fun episode last month, and you're never going to hear it unless you were there. And it got wild. Yeah, it sucked a lot, and I was very angry,

but I knew that our wonderful patrons had our backs and that it wasn't going to be the end of our live show recordings. On top of that, it also helps things like we have a wonderful editor now. It has freed up my life. I can actually like do things on the weekends now instead of just toil away and edit i do that on my other show but i do want to quickly just circle back to last week where we thanked our incredible editor i did mispronounce his name and that is my bad i apologize he on paper when it's written it

looks exactly like the name of one of my professors in college which was sujith but it's actually pronounced sujit so my apologies to our wonderful editor and thank you yeah thank you now i'm reading reviews for our live show that we just did a couple days ago. Some people say it's the best live show that hasn't happened yet, which doesn't make sense because it has happened when you're listening to this. Yeah. Reading this, it's happened. Or sorry, reading it hasn't

happened, but listening, it has happened. It's time for a question, guys. We got lost in that sauce. You ready? Yeah. This is by Mysterious Joke 7408. I, male 20, have an opportunity to make $24,000 in the amount of four months, but it would cause me to be out

of state being away from my fiancé, female 20, of three years. After the four months is up, I would come home with a minimum of $15,000 of free spending money, which I would still save. My company is giving me an opportunity to go out to California for four months at a minimum of $1,500 a week. I did all the math, all my expenses, and I could come back home after four months with a solid $15,000 saved. Now I focus to go out, make this

money, and sign up for college in the process so when I come home, I'll immediately go into school. With the $15,000, my plans were to marry my fiance and move her in with me because I'll be able to use it as a building block to keep saving more money. She told me $15,000 isn't enough money for me to be gone for four months. She trusts me in the sense of I'm not going to go out there and cheat, but she hates the fact I'll be gone for so long, which I can understand because I would miss her like hell too, but it's not like I'm losing all forms of communication with her. And no, she's not able to fly out with me sadly. Again, my reasoning of making this money right now is to help start me and her a future and it doesn't seem like she can see that in any way. I could be missing something, so in no way am I saying she's wrong for having those feelings.

I just feel as if this is an opportunity that I shouldn't be letting slip through my fingers onto another person. What should I do? Go to Cali or stay home? This is tough because long distance relationships regardless of like how long outside of like you know a small little vacation or a weekend away or whatever four months is a long time it is four months is a long time to be away from your partner so like i get it but the reasons why you're doing it is to facilitate a better life together when you're back. Right? So you have to look at it. It's like, yes, this is four months away. But as you said, it'll be able to give you the foundation to go to college,

get a better education, be able to live with your partner, which means effectively more time spent together, more quality time spent together. So like the benefits, in my opinion, far away, the negatives of being like, oh, we'll be away for four months, which sucks. Sure. But in the long run, you look at it, you're like, cool. We then get to move in together. We then are able to start building a more stable life together because of it. See, I feel like four months is long depending on your relationship, right? If you're just starting

off, you've been dating for four months, yeah, four months is insane because it's 100% of your time you've spent together and you're not strong enough at that point, I imagine, to withstand that. And it's going to be difficult. You're fucking engaged. You know what I mean?

It's like you've been with each other at least three years. You're still young, but four months isn't that bad, in my opinion, especially not these days when the world is fucked and we're all fucked monetarily. 15K is going to go a long way, especially in such a short time, towards making your life better. And you can Skype, you can Discord, you can play, you can do so many things long distance that you can make it work if your relationship is in any way strong. I don't think it's a big deal. I think you got to talk to her and just be like, look, I could stay and you'll feel comfortable and we'll just coast like we're doing.

Or I could go and then we're going to be in such a better position financially. If your girlfriend can't, or your fiance can't live without you, maybe she needs to establish her own life a little bit more. Yeah. If it's a codependency thing, then I agree there's an issue. But I think you do need to sit down and be like, you laid out what the plan is for the money? Or have you just been like, it's 15K? Because you said like, oh, my plan is to do this, this, and this. It's like, great, you know that. Does your partner know that?

Because that's a much different thing. If you're just saying, hey, I'm going to fuck off for four months because it's good money, then sure, I can understand being like, okay, I guess. But if you're like, okay, great, that money is going towards X, Y, and Z, which benefits us for these reasons, then like, I think that's a much more cohesive argument for your case than just being like, I want to make some extra money. So I'm going to go away for four months. Even then, though, it's like if you have a good partner and it's good for you, whether

it's financially or, you know, with regards to your job prospects, they should want to support you. Yeah, for sure. Just being like, I'll be lonely is kind of, you know, with regards to your job prospects, they should want to support you. Yeah, for sure. Just being like, I'll be lonely is kind of, you know, sure, you will be. That's fine. But like, I'll be lonely, so fuck you. You don't get to have this benefit is shit. Yeah, that's true.

I've done long distance relationships. I did a four-month stretch. Actually, I did a year stretch, but it was kind of broken up into like four month stretches because we would visit. And like, it was fine. I didn't benefit. I just got a degree out of that. And look where it got me.

Yeah. Podcast. Yep. And yeah, it's just me. You're not with that partner anymore, is it? Are you? They were very, there was more the cocaine than the long distance. But what came first, the chicken or the egg, Niall?

Damn. Damn. Okay, I changed my answer. If you leave for four months, she's going to not even be able to go to a midweek movie without sneaking off to do cocaine in the bathroom. Then she's going to make the movie terrible. She's going to yell at the screen the whole time. And it's just going to be really bad.

Yeah. There we go. That's the answer to everything at the screen the whole time and it's just going to be really bad. Yeah. There we go. That's the answer to everything. That's the answer. Great. I have a question for you now. Oh, whoa. That's weird. Yeah. This is from 21 Cold Player. What does it mean to beg during sex? My boyfriend wants me to beg him during

sex, but I'm confused on when I should do it, how I should do it what exactly I should say someone please help please sex please hold out your hand sex please it's like a dominance thing

right where she wants you to beg for it you know she wants you to be like she wants the power rush of like being in charge and or incorrect it's She wants you to be like, she wants the power rush of being in charge and or... Incorrect. He wants her to beg. I got distracted with this funny joke in my head. Niles listening

skills 101. Stop listening because you have a joke and just wait until you can say it. How often does it happen? Once. Same thing. It's like he wants the power rush or like the domination it could also be like like what's the word i'm looking for like the validation or like he wants to be wanted he wants to feel like sexy and hot that's like just say please get on your knees

ask for what you want. It's pretty easy. It's also like, I think the fun thing is like the begging aspect of stuff is also like, I think it's like a sneaky praise kink as well. That's what I meant by like the validation, right? Yeah. I think a lot of people don't realize. And it's something I've realized about myself where I was like, oh, I don't have a praise kink. Because like when I think praise kink, I think of like someone saying like, good boy to me,

which does not check any of my boxes. That's me yeah i do not like that but someone being like i want to suck your cock because you deserve it or you deserve this and you deserve that that for me i'm like okay i like that and that very much is like in the realm of a praise kink because they're saying i'm doing a good job and therefore i get this for begging it's very very simple it's an x like i love to like phrase or like reframe kinks when some person is asking it of another person to be like great this is an opportunity for you to directly communicate with your partner within their kink what you want. Right?

So if you want more oral sex, if you want him to go down on you, you just beg for it. And that's your way of satisfying his kink while also communicating your needs and getting them met. Right? It's what we call a win-win situation here in the old podcast biz. And a lot of people, and I think one of the common things we see in every question, one of the most common things I see is, oh, they want me to dirty talk more. How do I do that? How do I dirty talk? It's like, well, just ask for what you want. But every now and then, call yourself, be like, I want to be your slut, and I want this. More importantly, talk about what kind of dirty talk and you want to engage in and what is,

you know, but yes, exactly that. And that's the thing. It's like, you don't have to be like, Oh, I guess I got to beg for this thing.

I don't want, damn. It's like, no, you beg for what you want. And again, when, when,

yes. And like, there's all sorts of things. Like when you're sort of like reaching to the level of like time where like you want to tap out of sex, if you reach there, you can just the level of like time where like you want to tap out of sex if you reach there you can just like start begging for him to come for you that for me is a very good way to get me to finish ahead of schedule i find i find it goes one of two ways it's like if i'm nearly gonna come great if i'm not nearly gonna come sometimes it's like oh no

she wants me to come and i'm not there yet and sometimes it's like oh no she wants me to come and i'm not there yet and then that just like makes you less likely to come i am so susceptible to like speech during sex that as long as it's done in a fun sexy way like if someone's like can you come oh okay no one's gonna like that or being like are you close like that kind of stuff for me it like that wind out of the sails i'm for sure it's it's not gonna be easy for me but if someone's like if someone's really hot and like into it's like oh i want you to come for me like you know but you're not there yet i just kind of feel bad because i'm like oh damn like i'm just gonna keep going there i'm like oh okay you're not there yet. I just kind of feel bad because I'm like, ah, damn. I'm just going to keep going. I'm like, ah,

okay, you're not there yet. I don't know. Feeling bad or being taken out of it is not hot for me. But it's rare. So, yeah, just use this moment of being asked to beg for things to use it as a way to communicate what you want in the moment. So if you want

him to play with your nipples, if you want him to kiss your neck, if you want him to go down on you, if you want him to bend you over, if you want in the moment. So if you want him to play with your nipples, if you want him to kiss your neck, if you want him to go down on you, if you want him to bend you over, if you want to ride him, just tell him what you want, and then say please, and that you need it, and that, you know what I mean? Add an air of desperation to it, and

not too much. No, a fun, playful level. Yeah, that's basically it. And also, again, talk to them about what they want specifically, because it might be slightly different. You know? Yeah, that's about it. This is by kwillcox7. Guys, how did your attractiveness change once you moved out of your parents' house? This might be a little off topic here, and I don't know if that's okay, but I don't know where else I should ask this question. I'm 22 years old and currently plan

on moving out of my mother's house. I have found a pretty cool apartment. I've never really been good with women. I get some attraction, but I don't have much experience and usually end up getting dumped or not even asking them out. It's gotten better the past few months due to socializing more, going to the gym, etc. But why do I have the burning feeling that my attractiveness is going to skyrocket once I have my own place?

Not just because I can bring whomever I want, but because it's going to make me more confident. I've never seen this question asked before. Is there any personal stories you guys can share with me? Thanks. I mean, is your dating life going to get better when you have your own apartment? Yeah, for sure. Is someone walking down the street from you going to look at you and be like, wow, he's so much more attractive he must have his own place no that's a level of like information that no one knows but like i said like dating is a lot easier if you have your own place dating is a lot easier if you have your own apartment for sure but i don't think it's going to change how attractive you are to the like outside observer. See, I don't think that's necessarily true. I don't think.

You're a crazy man. Well, let me finish. I don't think dating is going to be in any way easier than it was prior to this. I think when he dates, he'll have more options. You know what I mean? If he's dating someone, he can go, oh, I can take you home. And that's good. But that is the only thing that's

going to be easier, not dating in general, which I think is what he thinks. So you are completely incorrect. No, I think what he thinks is now I'm single, everything's going to be better, talking to people, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The only difference is going to be you can bring somebody home now, which is great. But only if prior to this, you had trouble with that. If you had five dates a week and you're like, oh, I can't bring you home to my mom. And they're like, ew. Yeah, those five dates a week are now going to go better because you can bring them home to your place. In any other sense, is something going to change? Probably not. In fact, I would say there's a chance it's going to get worse because if you can't take care of yourself, you might find things going the opposite way, right?

If you now are by yourself and you're like, hell yeah, I can play Baldur's Gate all night, and you stop maintaining real hours, you look like shit all the time, not great. If you can't cook and feed yourself properly, not great. You know what I mean? If you can't keep those things going, it'll actually be a negative. Now, if you can keep them going, I don't know if there's going to be too much difference. I want to make sure that they know this because I'm worried that they will start to go out and be like, damn, nothing has changed and spiral. That's what I mean like i don't think there will be a change in terms of like because he's like oh how's your attractiveness change it's not no one's going to know that you have your own place unless you're like i have my own place and that might be a

contributing factor to someone being you know what i mean like i think there is a tangible benefit to saying that as opposed to being like i live live at home. I'm an adult man who lives at home based like versus I have my own place. Yes, I think that will contribute to how people I will say there is a flip side to this where maybe it will impact your attractiveness in the sense of you now no longer have the anxiety of being like I'm going to go on a date and now I'm going to meet this person and now I can't bring them

home so I'm going to be like all fucking weird and maybe try to like go to their place or like try to dodge the fact that you are still living at home so like there might be that benefit place or like try to dodge the fact that you are still living at home. So like there might be that benefit. You're going to spend the date both worried that it will go well and worried that it won't go well. You want that sweet spot where like

it goes well enough that they want to see you again but not well enough that they want to come back to yours and you're like, phew, saved it for one more day but next time I see them, I don't know, I'm fucked. Yeah, so maybe that is going to have a positive... Or he's going to be so desperate now that he has his own place it's gonna be like hey hey how are you coming back tomorrow and they're gonna be like okay i mean in a reality sense in terms of like you're asking this question online yeah i think that is far more likely in the sense of like

it's when it's the same sort of like mindset that dudes get when like they open up their relationship or when they first come single or like they break up with a partner because they want to sleep with other people and then they get out there and they're like, oh hey, my options are slim or they're like, ah, let's open up our relationship because there's one person you want to fuck and then he's like oh wait, my girlfriend is hot

and everyone, she can sleep with anyone she wants and now I have maybe one opportunity every now and then what you're telling me is the real person that's going to benefit is his hot mom that's honestly yeah his parents are probably going to be like fuck we can finally bone down wherever we want without fucking worrying about jeremy coming home from school well i said he only mentioned his mom so i'm guessing she's a single parent and yeah she's gonna have the time of her life, man.

Yeah. I mean, yes, in reality, Jeremy's mom's probably gonna fucking have it going on. She's got it going on already. She's just counting down the days, Jeremy. Is someone finding him the apartment? Yeah, for sure. She's like, don't worry, here you are. First month rent paid.

It's like, mom, it's a nice place. Why is it at the complete other end of the city? So you don't hear, Jeremy. So you don't hear. So we will come across each other in our fucking Tinder radius. Yeah. But no, I don't think it will change much. And I think you need to be aware of that so that you don't either put too much weight on it or

spiral when it doesn't work. By all means. Do you think anyone's ever come... I mean, someone must have come across their mom on fucking Tinder, right? We should ask. That's got to have happened. Go on Tinder and just be like, hey, I need to know.

I'll do it right after this episode. Look, it never happened to me. Yeah. Yeah. My mom can't use the phone, nor is she single. So, too great. I think it'd be devastating if either one of us came across either one of our moms. Yeah.

I forgot the question now. I think we answered it. We answered it. We got close enough to the answer. This is from Wholesome. A bunch of letters and numbers. Every time I have sex, I avoid eye contact due to being too shy. I tried like a thousand times.

I still can't get it done right. When I give oral, can't look up into his eyes. When he's on top of me, I can't hold that damn eye contact. Don't get me wrong. I love sex. I love the connection between me and my partners. But I don't think I'll ever manage to keep that dumb eye contact. Last night while I was having sex with a, let's say, a good friend,

he looked straight at me, and while he was on top of me and I was so shy, I started blushing. My face literally turned red. He told me that he loved it, but I don't know if he just said that to make me feel better, or if he really meant it. Any takes on this? How should I do something about it? Thank you. Sorry if this is the wrong place.

My key thing I was going to say was like are you sure people want that eye contact? Because there are moments and times where for sure but like you don't want too much and it feels like this person is putting a lot of importance on eye contact with absolutely

no mention of anyone requesting or wanting it. In fact, the opposite happened, and they were like, I don't believe them. Yeah, I think there is a level of eye contact that can be a little too intense and a little unnerving sometimes. For me, I'm assuming this is a, like, the second eyes are hit, there's like a, like internal panic. And like, I've been with people like that and it's, I've definitely clocked it. And I'm like, oh, okay. You're, you're weird about this for some reason. And that, that kind of like takes me out of it.

Right. So I think. I just find it really weird to be like, oh, I'm shy. Like, oh, I can fuck, but I'm shy. It's like, get the fuck over it. You're a grown ass adult. I'm sorry. That's, that's kind of grown-ass adult i'm sorry that's

that's kind of what it is it's like but my thing is like you don't have to not be shy right yeah for me if you make eye contact with me and there's a moment of like vulnerability and a moment of like timidness and a moment of shyness that's really fucking hot if it's genuine and i'm not asking for you to lock eyes with me for the entire fucking time, but if there's a moment where like, if we're talking or if I'm talking to you and I'm making plans with you, being like, hey, do you want to ride me? Hey, do you want me to bend you over? Whatever.

And you look at me and there's like a moment of sort of like timidity. Yeah, that's fucking hot. Like, lean into it. That's a superpower that you have. Let yourself be shy. On the flip side, if you just can't look at me or meet my eyes ever grow up yeah i mean like grow the fuck up you're having sex like you should be able to do this yeah and like try to maybe figure out why you are why what it is is it an insecurity? Is it like sort of a,

you can take yourself out of the, you're having like a outer body experience. And in the second you sort of like make eye contact, you're a little more self-aware of your body and what's happening, what's going on. Cause if that's the case, then I think you need to re-examine sort of what that insecurity is. Is it, Oh no,

I can feel things jiggling that i don't want to be jiggling or oh no i maybe i'm making a weird face like is that it because that just needs to be something that you need to work on like a self-confidence thing and i don't know how you go about doing that but clocking it is the first thing to just like wash it off as being like i'm shy yeah exactly solve the problem not it yeah you can like do I'm shy. Yeah, exactly. Doesn't really solve the problem. That's not it. Yeah, you can like do a lot of self-examination. You can work on things, but you need to be cognizant of what the actual issue is. And, you know, there's always therapy.

But just being like, I'm shy. Then I don't think that's it. Yeah. And like I said, there's nothing wrong with being shy. It can be hot if you lean into it and are genuine about it but you need to figure out what the cause is and sort of attack that first and figure out what it is because i think the more you be you lean on this like i'm shy i can't do it nothing will ever work the more it's going to become weird for you to try it because you've got like the two layers of like whatever it is that makes you uncomfortable at eye contact but then you also have the additional layer of being like you're uncomfortable because

you're uncomfortable with eye contact so you've got like a double decker layer of weird insecurities that you're not dealing with and just sort of like putting it under this shy blanket and being like this is a problem yeah and don't overdo like my fear is she breaks through this barrier and then she's just eyes nothing but eyes

yeah you do she's become a be Nothing but eyes. Yeah. You do. She's become a beholder. She sees all. No one wants that either. All right, ready? Yes. This is by Noodle Brains with a bunch of zeds. My boyfriend, 29-year-old male, doesn't like me, 29-year-old female, topless.

Boyfriend and I have been together for more than four years and live together. Bit of background. My sex drive is a lot higher than his and it's something we are working on. We've had other issues like losing, I assume, erection, but she did say ectiction. Losing an erection during, but that has been solved. Everything else in the relationship is perfecto. So as I said, we live together. Sometimes randomly, I'll take my top off if I'm hot slash changing slash etc etc. Doesn't matter if he's in the room or not. Sometimes I'll flash him to be silly.

The other day I was changing, he was in the room, we were just normally chatting and I took my top off to change. He said something along the lines of, don't keep taking your top off. I asked why. He said, because we shouldn't normalize them being out because there should be something for the bedroom. To which I said, it's my house too, so... Shrug emoji. Now that's playing in my mind said, it's my house too, so shrug emoji.

Now that's playing in my mind as if he sees my boobs too many times, he'll lose interest. If he didn't have his previous sexual difficulties, I honestly would have thought he was joking. Or is this something that's been said to any of you before? I'm so confused. I'm trying really hard not to fall into like, we're mad

and being like, boobs are great and they should never be covered ever. I'm trying, I'm trying real hard not to do that. Hey, I'm trying really hard not to be that. This is safe space. You've,

Hey, you've clocked in like 250 episodes of being like, you know, as much of an ally as, as we possibly can take a break and talk about that. We love boobs. God titties are great, man. Oh, great.

Hey, have I had this problem? No. I don't think I've ever... Like, I was with my ex for seven years, and they were a burlesque dancer. They took their top off a lot in public. They took their top off a lot. But, like, just you saying in public

sounds like not on stage, not on the show, just like walking down the street. Yeah. I mean, and like, I don't think at any point in time I was like, oh, this again. Great. You're just like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop the show.

You're not in the bedroom. This is bedroom. Those are bedroom tits. Those aren't public tits. Those are for the bedroom. Like, every time someone gets up for their burlesque act, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, did someone drag a bed in here that I didn't notice or something? Because...

Yeah. There is a guy, the kittens, which are like the people that run around picking up clothes at a burlesque show, their new job is to drag a full queen bed out onto the stage in order to ensure that... It has to be a California king if there's more than 12 people in the audience. It's true.

The bed needs to be able to fit everybody in the room in order for those tits to be appropriately out. I'm the opposite. If one of my partners is getting changed and they're like in a hurry or something i'm like whoa whoa wait yeah nice like at the opposite i'm like yeah no by all means get them out yeah which i'm not to be gross about this i don't think that's gross if i was getting changed and my partner was like hold on let me admire great wonderful i love it and i also do want to make sure like one, if they didn't like it, we would talk about

it and it would be, you know, whatever. I'm not doing a shitty way. That's one thing. And secondly, I do want to make sure that just because something works for me doesn't mean it should work for other men. That's very clear. So we can take a minute and say, don't understand. I'm not shaming this person yet because of, just

because I'm different. It does confuse me as to why he's doing it though. That's the thing. If he had a reason for it, I don't know what a good reason is, but him saying your breasts aren't, like you need to

tailor what you do with your body to match my understanding of the female body like it's just he's essentially being like your breasts are a sexual object for me to enjoy only during sex and the fact they exist outside of those

period of time is frankly upsetting to me unacceptable yeah and that's the point i that you what might i say very eloquently put thank you dane thank you that's why i have an issue with this not because of personally i'm down seeing boobs all the time that's great that doesn't matter people are different blah blah blah but like the weird like element of like there's almost like an inherent like slut shaminess or something where it's like we're reducing parts of you down to no you don't own your breasts you don't own your space and your time and your comfort in your home because in this

case my opinion is what matters only the bedroom if you're too hot i'm sorry you have to suffer if you're getting changed like she was getting changed as well which is the worst thing so it's like she's not allowed to get changed now so like with him if he was like hey when you flash me randomly it makes me a little uncomfortable i don't know what to do that's fine because i like it's the same thing it's like if i walked up and my a partner was like working on you know at work or whatever and i just walked over and just like slank my dick and was like, Hey, look at that.

I get it. They would be like, Hey, I don't want to see that right now. Sure. That's it. I feel like that is an acceptable reason, but if you're just in the room and your partner is getting ready for work and

there's like no sexual, it's not like she walked over and like tried to make you motorboater or something, right? Like I'd understand if she was like making this a thing for you to deal with, then I would understand being like, Hey, I just,

sometimes I don't want tits in my face or sometimes I don't want you to like, you know, aggressively show your tits at me. It's like, okay, that's fine. Cool. But to be like,

I don't want you to take your breasts out to get changed for work or whatever while I'm around, because those are my sex time breasts. Anything outside of that, unacceptable. Yeah. And like, again, if you were chilling naked on the couch because it's very hot, also fine. Yeah. Yes.

If you're just existing in your skin, someone doesn't have any right, especially in your own fucking home, to tell you to do something different with your body so long as it's not making a mess and not actively causing any trouble.

And now I will say, obviously, and this covers what Dane just said with the trouble, if you have roommates, if someone's visiting, those are different situations, and we all know that. Me and Dane don't need to spell it out for you. Consent is still important when it comes to nudity like we've had questions like this where it's like oh my female roommate walks around naked all the time it's like you didn't consent to seeing someone naked

and therefore it is an unacceptable thing but in a relationship i think in your own home i think there is a sort of a blanket rule of being like, you're probably going to see your partner naked every now and then just by circumstance. And if you're not cool with that might be something you need to figure out on your own time. And like, Hey, if both of you are for some reason on the same page where it's like,

none of us want anyone naked at home. Sure. You guys can talk about it and that's fine. You can't just be like, no, you can't be naked. No, you can't take your top off your tits can only exist in the bedroom unless they are covered fully by cloth yeah it's dumb i hate it and i would like you to get better yeah but i would say talk to him and just be like no you realize you can't like maybe he like, maybe he was joking, maybe it was a stupid thing,

I don't know, but be like, you realize I can be naked where I want, and, like, it's my home, and you don't get to dictate my comfort and or level of clothing just because you made an arbitrary fucking decision. Yeah. And if he's like, yeah, you're right, great. Or if he was like, oh, sorry,

it was a dumb joke, great. But if he's like, actually, jettison him into the sun yeah I mean I think this is a great learning opportunity with your partner to be like if he's like actually no it's like you're my girlfriend and I don't want those it's like I think at that point in time you can be

like hey you suck shit so bad dude and I think that's a great thing to learn about your partner ASAP 100p you got another one So bad, dude. And I think that's a great thing to learn about your partner, ASAP. One hundo pee. You got another one? You want me to hit you? No, I got one.

Neighbors keep complaining about us having sex. Please help. This is from FingerwavesG. Hello, everyone. We've been living in an apartment for five months now. At the beginning, we did not know how the sound insulation situation was, so maybe we were a little careless about the noise. The downstairs neighbors wrote us a letter letting us know that it was bothering them, which we completely understood. Ever since, we have been very careful. We don't have sex after dinner time, they seem to go to bed quite early, and we barely moan anymore.

The issue is that we'd be in the middle of it, and they'd interrupt us by knocking on the ceiling telling us to stop. Now the insulation is not that bad either and we are extremely careful so I doubt they hear more than the noise the bed could make. These neighbors are always at home as they don't work, the situation is taking its toll on our sex life and we are having less frequent sex and when we are having it we still have those neighbors on our mind which is frankly taking the enjoyment down. The building management are strict people that tolerate no noise, so we are afraid that if they keep going, neighbors will have to take matters into their own hands. Or neighbors will take the matter to them. Do you have any ideas what we could do to keep enjoying each other without risking getting expelled?

Hmm, that sucks. I think step one is to try to limit, like, they never made mention of, like, carpet or pads on the bottom of the, you know, the bed or putting something between the headboard and the wall. And it's like, if you haven't explored those options, maybe consider it. You know what I mean? Like, if there's something you could do that easy that will you know muffle the sound great but realistically there is only so much you can do put music on you raise a good point of being like sometimes you do have to go a little above and beyond neighbors can be finicky whatever and i love that you are like hey we didn't know our bad we've taken steps you know they told us about. We took steps. That's great. That's the respectful thing to do, even if it is a step a little too far or seems a little extreme. Your neighbors asked for something. You accommodated

them, I think, in a very fair way. Now makes a good point. Check to make sure that your bed isn't aggressively squeaky. Make sure that it's level so that one bed post isn't, or like one leg isn't like every time you fucking thrust there are little uh pads you can actually get for the corners of your bed if you have like a weird bed frame that doesn't really have a headboard

that you can sort of like just slot onto the sides of your mattress or the frame so there's ton of different things that you could do as as Niall said, to sort of soundproof your sex situation. I do not think that it is like, you pay rent just as much as they do. Sex is a part of fucking life, and if they've

got a problem, if you have literally stopped having sex after like 7pm or whatever, on their behalf, I think that is incredibly graceful right that is yeah and i think it is too much i think that's you've done more than you need to in this so they wrote you a letter i don't think there's any harm in penning yourself a letter being like hi we apologize if the noise is too loud but here are the steps that we've taken. We don't have sex after this time.

We have made sure to... We've insulated our bedposts, our bed legs. We've WD-40'd every squeaky joint, but we are 100% within our right to enjoy private moments in our home, especially since we've

taken all of these actions to make it better for you. I apologize if it's still, you know, but put on some music for it. You know what I mean? Maybe there's something you can do on your end. Goodbye. Yes.

Can we meet somewhere in the middle? Yeah. Give them some earplugs with the letter. I would say don't say we've stopped having sex after x time because i don't think you ever should have done that i think it's a very nice thing that you've done but also i don't want them to have it in writing in case one day you do and then they're like aha you broke this rule that you arbitrarily set you know what i mean like don't give them more ammunition but i think the term we're all looking for here

is reasonable enjoyment which is at least in ontario or i think in a lot of places a right to everyone's property so it's like sex falls under that once you're not fucking destroying the wall by slamming a bed against it and roaring obscenities at one in the morning, you're probably fine even if the landlord does turn around. Now, I don't know labor or labor, Jesus, housing laws here, let alone in fucking the States or wherever you're from. So that's on you to look up,

but you are entitled to reasonable enjoyment in our opinion. So do what you can, right? I think you're on the right track here of like, you're working towards it. You're not just like, well, fuck it. You're good people. You're nice people.

But you also need to be able to enjoy yourself. And it's like, if you've done what you can and they don't care, just fuck through the banging. Bang through the banging. Yeah. Just use their banging as your metronome. Yeah. And then it'll sound like you've stopped, right?

If they're banging. Yeah. It's like when snipers try to like time their shots with like artillery fire or like you know other stuff it's like yeah there it goes or just like have love them and start like playing the one song every time you fuck but then like play that song when you're out and then they'll be like you're having sex you'll be like we're not even home they won't even know when you're fucking anymore or tell them you guys don't have junk

and like they must be hearing ghosts or something yeah just be like uh we don't have sex we're brother and sister we don't have sex my junk fell off bro are you mocking me did you hear about my junk problem and now you're trying to oh you're having too much sex cause I can't have sex. My junk fell off, bro. Yeah, my genitals- Are you mocking me? Did you hear about my junk problem and now you're trying to, oh, you're having too much sex because I can't have any, bro?

Bro? Bro? Is that what you're saying? Hey, are you making fun of my canitis? I'm canuff, okay? How dare you? I've had canuff of what you're doing down there. And this is absolutely unacceptable behavior from you.

She has been very good. These people are definitely old people, right? They just wish they could be fucking. Maybe send them some Viagra. Then turn the tables on them and start banging on the floor. Or do the shitty thing we all want to do and the second they make any noise, bang on the floor. Oh, man. Don't do that. It's a spiral.

Yeah, it's bad, but I've done it. I've been in that world where just like any time I did anything, my downstairs neighbor used to go, go, go, go, go. So I started doing it. Any time their kid cried or whatever, I would just start kicking the floor. It's not a good path.

It's not good. No, nothing. There's no benefit to it at all. That's why Dane lives in the closet now. Pretty much. I think that's going to do it for us this episode. But what it does mean is we're going to hop onto some online dating platforms to review some profiles for your

listening pleasure. And also for those of you who are on the dating apps to maybe give you some insight, some tweaking, some changes you can make to your profile. If one of these profiles sounds a little bit like yours, or we talk about something that's on your profile, maybe consider going back and giving it a little edit. So we're going to hop on to, what are we doing today? You want to do Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge. I'll hit you with a Tinder, and then you're going to hit me with some live swipes on Tinder. This is

Kennedy. They're 28. I don't know which one they are because their picture is themselves and a friend. Both women. They are topless, wearing skin-colored pasties over their nipples, both in zipped-down jeans in front of, like,

they look like they're in the middle of packing suitcases when it happened, just because there's a lot of open suitcases and clothes everywhere in the background. Okay. And they say, Not feeling funny right now, waiting on the manic episode to fill this space for me. Great. Cool. This is not good. We've talked

about it a lot where it's like I I'm not a big fan of using mental illness as a punchline especially when it's this like trite. You know? Like I'm all for maybe mentioning it if you've got a real fucking If it's pertinent sure but like

i also feel like a lot of people do it when they don't have the right to like she might not have manic episodes you know what i mean yeah that's like i do feel like a lot of people use like a lot of people use like ocd or insomnia or whatever. And like, no, you just, you have a hard time falling asleep, but you're still asleep by midnight. Like that's not insomnia. Sorry. You can go fuck yourself.

Or people being like, I've rearranged all of my books into alphabetical order because of my OCD. It's like, that's not OCD. You're just particular. So yeah, I feel like the likelihood of you, one,

if you do have manic episodes, like I don't want it to be a punchline on your dating profile. And if you don't, then it's kind of a derivative, but, you know, it sort of diminishes people who do have to deal with that in their own personal day-to-day life. Also, if you do have it, you're telling me that you can't function aside from it, you know what I mean? Yeah, that you're not really, like, taking care of your mental health. Yeah, you're not on top of it. It's like, oh, I can't be funny. I can't talk about my personality. I can't do anything

unless I'm manic. It's like, oh, so you're not handling this. That sucks. Yeah, because what you're saying is, like, I'm not going to be fun to be around unless I'm having a mental health crisis. Yeah. Which, yeah Which I don't want. No, it's all bad. So Kennedy, it's not it.

It's going to be a zero. This is Aria. Aspiring future trophy wife. Ready for my soft girl era. Not looking for hookups or guys seeking princess treatment. The fact that I need to put that in here is sad. Fully ready to find a king to treat as such but let's be clear about who fills the princess role weird well they're the guys looking

for the princess treatment i mean i guess it's like beta men i guess it's just like a weird is this the new way of like calling dudes beta yeah i guess i want to know like specifically what she has encountered like you have to pay for my dates, and you have to pick me up. Is it the shit we see, where it's like, no girlfriends unless you've got a six-figure salary, your own car. It's like, I won't pay for a date. I go to the barber's and get my beard done and my haircut and my eyebrows done. That's at least $400. Then I go over to fucking Blue Notes or American Eagle

and pick up a new plaid shirt, which is at least probably like a two-for-one special. $17. Yeah, like is it, like like that shit is that what dudes are doing like is that an option for me can i do that yeah i'm with this i think it's our time yeah am i maybe i am until a praise king i'm pretty disgusted that this person is so willing to reinforce like the gender binary right where they Where they're going to be like, hey, I'll treat you you can have the king treatment, but I

get to be princess. It's like, it's our turn. You've been princesses for so long. When do we get to play princess? Yeah, you be the king. I'll be the princess. Sharing is caring. I want to break out of the palace and find a rapscallion ruffian who has a pet monkey. Yeah, and

also get my token fucking talking animal. Right? I want to be fucking forcibly engaged to who is very obviously a villain and be rescued from it so I can find my own independence. Yeah, thank you. I want to have all the musical numbers.

I'll give you one that's probably not going to be the best one, and I'll get all the best ones and then the Grammy. Yeah. I want to be played by Idina Men going to be the best one, and I'll get all the best ones, and then the Grammy. Yeah. I want to be played by Idina Menzel. Yeah, I do, actually. Or Mandy Moore, because Tango also slapped. Tango was great.

Yeah. I won't even try to fucking pronounce the incredibly talented young woman who played Moana. That's fair do you think when you realize that's like your disneyfication like you did just get you know engaged to someone who's very clearly evil and you've just fled the castle and you're like shit this is the point at which i get my talking animal and you're like damn it there's a bunch of rats over there i gotta try to distance myself from them so fast and find something cute i'm gonna be stuck with a talking rat. You know what I mean? Yeah. You're like, I need a Foxborough ASAP.

Yeah. I need to find a scampish little skunk or something. They're stinky, though. Yeah, but they're so cute. I mean, thankfully, as a Toronto man, I would 100% either get a skunk or a raccoon. Those would be... Both incredible. Those would be my princess animal. Okay, let's do another one.

That's going to be a zero for me. I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like it either. I will say, though... Fuck, what was I going to say? I can't remember. I don't know. I will hit you with this one, though.

This is blank. Travel nurse. Looking for someone to make me settle, though. This is blank. Travel nurse. Looking for someone to make me settle down. Tired of paying on first dates. Upside down smiley face. If you can't afford to buy a beer, you shouldn't be dating. I mean, I will say she's not wrong with that. If you're struggling to pay for a beer, maybe you should sort of like zero in.

Get a hold of your finances. Dating might not be a priority for you. However, let's stop this idea that men have got to pay every time. Yeah. Everyone knows my stance on paying for first dates, but it's more of this sort of like...

Let's be fair. Our stance on paying for first dates is still a holdover from bullshit thinking of the past. You know what I mean? Like, there's no real reason behind it other than we still feel obliged to. And that's fine, but I would say, blank, if you can't afford a beer, maybe

you shouldn't be dating. That's a good point. Unless she's being forced to pay for all of the dates every time. Every time? There's a lot of princesses out there, I guess. Are we just missing the fuck, man? Are we missing the princess era right now?

2023 is the year of... I'm ready to answer my princess era. Maybe 2024 will be our princess year. We've got about a month and a half to find a cute little talking animal. I mean, Oliver's not a talking animal yet, but he definitely has to be my animal companion. He has. No, but I think it's funnier if you get a different one and then they have a rivalry but then they become best friends and it's really

cute. Maybe I get like a girl raccoon and they fall in love. Ooh, cute. Yeah. That is gonna do it for our show, friends. Thank you very much for listening. Once again, we've got another live show coming up December 7th. Black Sheep, Toronto.

7pm, as usual. Hopefully tickets are up by now. I'm going to try to make sure that they are. If not, they'll be up soon. Keep an eye out on our socials and all that good stuff to find out about that. Did you say the date? December 7th? Okay. Pretty sure.

I don't think you did. I don't know. Whatever. I'm 90% sure I did. December 7th? Okay. Pretty sure. I don't think he did. I don't know. Whatever. I'm like 90% sure I did. December 7th. Yes. We're doing it a little earlier because we don't want to get lost in the holiday shuffle so we're trying to do it a little earlier to catch everyone before they fly away home or whatever. Also, the end of the month is

just my birthday season, so yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's, yeah. Thank you to Josh Eagle and the Harvard Cities for their song Paper Stars. If you have ever considered it, do please support us on Patreon because, you know, we work very hard. We do. We do. And we love you.

Thank you to everyone who does support us. You're fucking legends. Ready for some really bad sex writing? Yeah. This is... I was getting really comfy there. This is by Bubba Jones, and I believe it's a Twitter response to a woman who just turned 31. Gotta get juiced up with cum quick before those ovaries dry up.

31 is only six months away from menopause. That's factually correct, sir. Yeah. We all know it's 31.5 is men, sir. Yeah. We all know it's 31.5 is menopause. Yeah. And you gotta, you gotta get juiced up with cum quick. And we all know that, like, once you hit menopause, you're ovaricious. They, like, get Thanos snapped.

They just... Just dust. And the only way to save them, only way, juice them with cum. As quick as possible. As quick as ASAP. We need five cc's of cum juice. Stat. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Noss Bane.

And we have been your fuck buddies. Music