F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 270 - Intimate Evenings: Swinger’s Trust Fall (Live @ Black Sheep)

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

We're still getting our lives together from PAX Unplugged in Philly last week, so please enjoy another extra long episode courtesy of our live shows at Black Sheep in Toronto.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Welcome everybody to Thirsty Thursday presents Friends with Benefits at the Black Sheep Cocktail Bar. That was exceptional. Please join me in welcoming to the stage,

one is from the whiskey-soaked streets of Dublin, and the other is from the urban underbelly of Brampton, everybody, Dane Miller and Niall Spain of Fuck Buddies Podcast. Hello, friends. My name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain, and we are your Fuck Buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations simply put we find questions about sex and dating either online from our wonderful listeners or well you're also wonderful listeners but on the table in front of you you'll see some paper feel free to

scroll them down we're gonna have breaks. We will collect them during both breaks and we'll answer them. Write whatever the fuck you want on there. Make them a question. Don't just write whatever you want. I said what I said. Okay. I feel like we haven't done this show in a while, but we did one last month.

It's just so dark now. Last time there was sun and now it's dark. Last time, the first 30 minutes maybe like the first 45 we kind of tried to video it sometimes you couldn't see shit cuz it was just like blinding everything from behind us but uh no no sexy again now it's sexy again are you guys feeling sexy mmm those are some sexy whoops I it. Do we want to just do this? Yeah, we will let you know one kind of fun bit of programming. If you want free shots for your table, and by that I mean a chance of free shots for your table,

take a picture, take a video, tag us, tag Black Sheep, share it, and in the third part of the show, we will give them out to someone at random. But you have to be public, obviously, or else we're not going to see it and tag us. Yes, it's important that you tag both us and Black Sheep for the whole thing to count. I have a couple other things. Our next show is going to be October 26th,

so if you have a good time tonight, maybe book ahead of time and let the bar know that if you have a good time tonight uh maybe book ahead of time and uh let uh let the bar know that you're having a good time you like it yeah we've already done it for you just book it right now i fucking love podcast intros damn that intro was so good um and then there's also a bi-weekly burlesque show that's starting up here uh the next show is october friday the 13th well shit so if you want to maybe see a burlesque dancer die, come on out. Doors at 8, show starts at 9. They have three shows.

Next one is October 27th and then November 10th. But who cares about them? This is our show. Now, I ask this every time, and I probably shouldn't because I know what the answer is going to be. On a scale of one to spicy, how spicy would you like your first question? Spicy. He was asking me.

How spicy would you like your first question, Dan? Spicy. No, I got two very spicy ones. So I know this won't be a disaster. Everyone yell out one or two. Two. Two. Fuck. Two, one a disaster. Everyone yell out one or two. Two! Fuck, two, one, two. Easily. Wow. Okay.

This is an anonymous submission. How do I get my 30-year-old boyfriend, and they're also a 31, oh sorry. How do I get my and the question's by a 30-year-old female 31-year-old boyfriend to stop peeing slash pooping on the toilet seat? 30-year-old female, 31-year-old boyfriend, to stop peeing slash pooping on the toilet seat.

30-year-old female, just moved in with my long-term boyfriend three months ago. I notice he forgets to lift the seat when he pees and forgets to wipe. But lately, because he's a bigger dude, the way he fits on the seat, I guess, his butt is too big

and he's getting shit all over the back of the toilet seat. We keep fighting about it because when I ask him to clean it, he starts it was an accident don't be a nagging bitch but this but this accident keeps happening we have this big fight over two times already where we're yelling and screaming at each other he doesn't even wash his hands when he poops and he hasn't brushed his teeth since may and he doesn't do any cleaning around the house we just bought this house together so it's a bit more complicated than just leaving but what can i do to help him care about his hygiene and the cleanliness of the house the solution is easy take the toilet seat away

we did it be on a toilet seat if it's not there yeah because that's the only problem here yeah 100 um have you tried not nagging thank you now we get down to the nitty-gritty of it um okay there's so much i like on the the the scale of things that need to be addressed i would say and i don't say this often but the poop probably isn't the the highest priority it is wild that this question starts with you know peeing pooping on the seat and you're like well shit and then it ends up not really being yet well that's not really about it it's not really about it at all if you're with a partner and you have even like in this case it's a very legitimate concern of being like

please stop pooping on solid objects in our home and that shouldn't be pooped on and leaving it there yeah um if if you bring that up to your partner and i would say like any sort of issue if you're like hey we cohabitate now and now we need to sort of like discuss our boundaries of things um if the answer is fuck off you nagging bitch, I would be done. I would be done. My patience for that would be rock bottom. Yeah. I would not be okay with that.

And I think that's 100% something that you need to address. And you need to talk to your partner and be like, hey, here's a couple. I'm going to lay it down very simply. One, me asking you not to cover our home in various bodily fluids and solids. And leave it there. And leaving it there, I don't think is an unreasonable ask. No, I would agree. And then be like, even if it's an accident, even if it is your physiology that you know the toilet seat doesn't accommodate your above average butt

um then perhaps you can get a bigger toilet seat or you look at it and say oops i've pooped on that and then clean it up yeah but let me talk about something else here at the time this was posted it was the end of July. That means it was almost three months of not brushing his teeth. That's, to me, I'm about to have a panic attack because I want to brush my teeth right now. My teeth feel gritty just thinking about it? I've taken a sip of a White Claw and I'm thinking, how many sugars are eroding my teeth right now? And if I'm not mistaken, I don't think there's sugars in Royclaw.

There's, well, alcohol is sugar. One gram of sugar. And all I can think about is the irreparable damage it's doing to my teeth right now. Like, I don't care that you bought a house. You gotta fucking go. Yeah. I mean, if you've bought a house together that's fine people have divorced before like this isn't a new concept to the the idea of uh land ownership um so i think you've definitely got to once again i i would say that we as humans hate being called out for things that are gross

yeah and we say stupid things as a knee-jerk reaction, especially when we get defensive. So I think you need to reframe the conversation. Try to have one that's not accusatory. And look, you're in the fucking right. For sure. But in order to have a productive conversation, you need the person you're having a conversation with to be receptive to the things you're saying instead of feeling like they just need to defend themselves because that's how you scream and yell and then nothing gets done so you need to have a calm conversation about why it's

unacceptable for an adult man to poop on a toilet seat and leave it there and leave it there and it's it's not one that i don't think any adult human should have with another adult human being, but sometimes they need to be had, especially you have no idea his like growing up situation. And you know what I mean? And like, maybe it is a physiological issue. Uh, get a bigger toilet seat.

Surely there are options. If that's the case, there's gotta be, you're not the only person with a big butt. Yeah. So yeah, Dane's right about like the defensiveness so if you're willing to give it a shot try to have the conversation in a safe environment when there's

no you know heated spirits but like at this point i think i'd be done i'm sorry i fucking know i'd be done yeah i mean because like you you can also like i find that giving examples of a sort of like a mirrored instance helps. So you need to shit on something of his. I mean, it wasn't where I was going, but I mean, if you need to make a power move, sometimes you got to shit on something that belongs to another person. It's true. I was going to say, it's like, sure, it was an accident. Great. But if I had a bottle of pickles and then drop them all over the floor i wouldn't

look at them and be like damn what an accident and then fucking walk away i would clean up both the glass and the pickles and the brine i hope no i'd leave that there that's fine yeah the environment will take care of that yeah so it's it's, I don't know, one chat. And if that chat doesn't go well, bail. Or just bail. And also, if you guys break up and have to sell the house, watch them stop shitting on things. Because guess what? You won't sell the house for much if there's fucking feces everywhere.

I mean, that could be a power move to keep the house. Damn. You're right. I don't know. This is from a Reddit user named Disposable66467. My boyfriend told me he slipped and slid a finger inside himself whilst masturbating. Is he hinting? My boyfriend has told me on two occasions

that whilst he is masturbating, his hand slipped and his finger ended up entering inside of his anus a male friend has told me that accidentally slipping would be practically impossible and convinced it's my boyfriend's way of hinting that he wants me to peg him I've asked him and he said it's disgusting and insisted it was an accident so yeah any guys can shed some light on this How easy is it for your finger to accidentally enter you while masturbating? I do really like the fact that in this question they use the word whilst every time And it's great Surely it'd be a bit of a mission to get your hand anywhere near your anus in the first place

No, I trust this guy So next question Yeah, I mean it happens It's all happened to us right every guy yeah yeah yeah in fact sometimes when i'm on stage i reach for my drink and i'm like oh and then oh no it's a whole moment um hey guys we need you to be really cool with us tonight that if we accidentally slip a finger inside of our ass yeah that you don't judge us yeah because like come on come on it's fucking 2023 no uh there's no way in the hell that happens i like in my mind to picture

sort of positions where this could happen unless you're like you're reaching around from behind that you built an entire bucket of lo, which both has coated your entire lower body and the ground, which is why you slipped. Even then, once is not that realistic, but twice? Twice? That's so much lube! So here's, you wanna hear how I'm picturing it? Okay.

It's, he's lying on his back with, so his head's down here, and his legs are up and over his head. Sure. He's pushing his penis between his legs towards his butt, and he's stroking outwards. And then... On the return, he snags a fingy? Exactly. He's on one of those boards that, like, build your core.

You know what I mean? Oh, the vibrating one. Okay. He's on one of those. All right, yeah. He's on one of those guys. Yeah. And, You know what I mean? He's on one of those. And you know, one thing leads to another. Even then, I'd give it to him once. But twice?

But once, accident. Oops. Yeah, twice. You're fishing for it. No, second, I'll give it to him the second time because you want to see if you can actually do it. I'm not a quitter. So if it happened to me the first time, I would want to be like, let's see if I can do it again.

That's fair. But right. Not that there's anything wrong with putting a finger inside your butt. I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm just saying that if you don't want it to happen, it is the wrong outcome for your session. It's, and the thing is, let's imagine for a moment he is telling the truth why then go and tell people if it's something you don't like or want and was this unless you're just

you won't believe it if you will not believe it like once sure blew my mind but twice i think jesus wants me to do it rebecca you you're not going to believe it. It's fucking happened again. God damn it. Does he just yell Eureka from a fucking room in the back? Yeah. No, okay. Here's the thing. Maybe this man is looking for an introduction into ass play.

Yeah, I would say so. Thank you. Maybe. Again, it could have been an accident. I don't know necessarily if you want to jump right to, is he looking to be pegged? Because there's, I feel like that's a jump, right? If you have to buy gear, it's a jump.

Yeah. So there's plenty of reasons and ways and times, and it's entirely okay. We talk about it a lot. Just because if you're a heterosexual man, wanting to engage in ass play doesn't make you any less straight so long as you are participating in heterosexual sex. For sure. Right? Like having a woman do things to your butt is still very heterosexual.

There's nothing gay about it. So I want to make sure we're not casting dispersions. Is that the right word? Casting aspersions. Aspersions. Yeah, yeah. Yes. About ass play.

No. But if you want to test the water, don't immediately yell at the water once you've tested it. You know what I mean what so I'm like if you're like hey hey I want to I want to like oh yeah you're like maybe maybe I want to put something inside my ass and then you you you turn they're like I'm offering something and you're like it's gross fuck you yeah I hate it don't ever know you got it like if you're the partner in this situation I would be like hey one i gotta know how it happened right and then tell us because i also gotta know how it happened yeah uh so that step one for everyone's sanity the audience ours yours step two be like look if you

want to engage in some stuff again don't jump straight to pegging be like yeah i'm down yeah if you're down if you're not if you didn't like it then it's fine but if if you did we can experiment yeah it's like that oj simpson book like if i did it if i did it that's basically what this is pretty much equivalent uh i'm pretty sure that's what that book is about anal just? Just OJ Simpson putting a finger in his ass? Probably. Yeah, you just have a chat. But, like, if you're this guy and you're hinting,

don't be upset when someone picks up what you're putting down. Or putting in. Putting in. It's true. You know, I'm not going to blue ball you guys, so I will read the other spicy question. Thank you. And you know it's spicy when I'm not going to give you the title.

Oh. Dan loves those. Those are my favorite questions. To start off, it's an anonymous user. They deleted it, but don't worry. I recovered it.

To start off, You can't hide from us. You cannot. To start off, he's been saying he wants to try kinkier stuff a lot lately, but I've been a little shy about it. I feel like he wants me

to do porn star stuff when I just don't have the look or the confidence for some of the BDSM scenes he's been showing me. Fast forward to him texting me during lunch while I was at work. He works from home and I work in office. That he had a surprise for me when I got home. Boy, does he. Later that day, I get home. Ended up having to work a little later than usual because somebody accidentally took a server down. And I walk into the room to find

him with his own dick in his mouth. Whoa. I was going to make a joke that they worked in a restaurant and someone took out a server and not a but you've won. You beat me to that one. I walked in to find him with his own dick in his mouth. I don't even know how to feel about this. How long do you

think he was like that? I don't know. Do you think about this. How long do you think he was like that? I don't know. Do you think he was just like, she's got to be, it's 530. She's got to be coming soon. If she's not, I will. The best thing is, she was late. So either this was the surprise and he waited and had to stay there for a long time. Or he was like, well, she's not coming.

I may as well be. Yeah. I don't even know how to feel about this. Like, this is way different than the stuff he was trying to get me into. I'm not even sure if this is gay or not. How am I supposed to cope? He said it wasn't gay. He was trying to get himself off while he waited for me to get home.

But I just feel like there are other ways he could have done that. I don't know. Are there other ways? There's absolutely no other way to get yourself off other than sucking your own dick or accidentally slipping a finger in science uh okay hold on i need to before i lose this train of thought i know you are from ireland did you also have marilyn manson rib yes marilyn manson and the ribs yes for sure can i get a round of applause of people who knew about the rumor that Marilyn Manson took a rib out to suck his own dick? Do you know, that was humanity's greatest feat, spreading that fucking rumor inter-fucking-country, like globally, without the use of internet.

Yeah. What the fuck? How did we do it? How did we do it? Also- Gen Z could never. You know what I was thinking about the other day as well? Okay, again, round of applause. Did you have the rumor that Mountain Dew killed your sperm? Also Gen Z could never You know what I was thinking about The other day as well Okay again

Round of applause Did you have the The rumor that Mountain Dew killed your sperm So we didn't have Mountain Dew But there was a drink called Lilt That yes Also killed your sperm

So we had to do one of them I love it Like why Where did that come from Let me finish the god damn question Sorry I feel like there were other ways he could have done that instead of sucking himself off what do i do how am i supposed to move forward knowing

he can apparently just suck his own dick at any time i mean it's really i love the implied threat like at any time and it's at any point in time like fucking. We've got this guy with a very slippery finger, but this man, like he accidentally does it, but this man can intentionally at any point in time. There was motive. There was opportunity. Yeah. There was results. And he knew.

Officer. Arrest this man. Don't arrest him. He's allowed to do it as long as he's at home. Sure. Yeah. Can't do it at any time, bud. Yeah.

Okay. What's the question? Like, can he do this? Like, what's the – I don't know what she – What does she do? What does she – What does she do, Dane? I mean, so, okay.

I would say if you have a particular talent that – Which he does. Which he does. Which he does. That makes him a nightmare for girls like this. Yeah, you remember that scene in Taken where Liam Neeson sucks his own dick? I've got a particular set of skills. That one got me. Self-taken?

I don't know. Well, that's... Dane's going to need a minute. Fuck me. I just... He can. Self taken? I don't know Um Well That's uh Dane's gonna need a minute Fuck me I just He can I would love Himself?

I don't know I I have a lot of hopes for our show But I hope that one day Liam Neeson hears this And he's just like What the fuck man? Well we already manifested

M. Night Shyamalan So It's true Liam Neeson if you're out there I know you can suck your own dick. You and Marilyn Manson, the two men who can suck your own dick. Suck off. Yeah. Okay.

What do you do? I don't know what you can do, personally, because you're kind of like a- Not as much as him. Literally, quite literally a passive observer in this situation um so i'm going to flip it on to if if you're capable of doing a thing that is not quite uh the norm a a particularly unique skill such as sucking your own dick, or anything. I would say don't spring it on your partner ever randomly. I think even springing implies some kind of shock factor. Yeah, I think this is something you kind of have to ease into a sexual relationship.

The same way this guy was showing you a bunch of BDSM things, and you were just like, I don't know about this. That's fine. But everything – you should never go from zero to 100 regardless of what it is. Whether it's like if you've never had sex before, you shouldn't be like, we're going to do everything. Right now. Yeah. It's like, no, you take your time.

You ease into things. So I just want to know, was this the surprise? Because yes, it was surprising. But he didn't say like, oh, I did this for you. I thought you'd like it. He said, I was just trying to get myself off while I was waiting for you. So like, was there a surprise that wasn't this? Yeah, what was the...

Like, was there a nice dinner in the next room? And he just, he kind of ruined it? I mean, he was having an appetizer, I guess. An amuse-bouche? An amuse-bouche. That bouche was amuse. Yeah. kind of ruined it i mean he was having an appetizer i guess and a moose boosh and a moose boosh that boosh was a moose yeah uh i honestly i it's rare that i get stumped but like i don't know i would just say like hey cool trick you've done rad rad job real neat um but I feel like at the end of the day, it would be the same thing as walking into your partner masturbating. Yeah. Right?

Just with shocking prowess. Yeah. Just with an extra twist of athleticism. The body, the spine. Yeah. Yeah. Like, really, it is masturbation. Yeah.

It's just he's able to do it in a way unconventional. Only Marla Manson and Liam Neeson can. Liam Neeson can. it is it is masturbation yeah it's just he's able to do it in the way only barlaments and then liam neeson can't um so i think you need to like talk with your partner and say hey you kind of took me off guard with that one i was surprised and i don't really know what i'm supposed to do with this information and sort of see where he goes with it. Because if he's just like, hey, look, that wasn't for you. That's a me time activity. And sorry, didn't mean for you to see it. You really did just kind of walk in on me jerking off, masturbating, whatever.

Then I don't think, like, try not to be weird about it. I know it is surprising, and I know it is unconventional. But at the end of the day, it's masturbation. And if you walked in on your partner jerking off, I don't think that would be a deal breaker. Hopefully not. Right? Unless, again, it was – he was doing something weird. He was jerking off to something –

Weird, yes. Unacceptable. So I think you just kind of have to have a conversation. Be like, I don't know what you want me to do with this. And if there was another part of this, if there was something that you want to sort of like bring up and ease me into, let's talk about that. And if this is something you can't get over, because I understand like this might be something that really does kind of like, you know, I don't want to say. What's the opposite of yucking your yum? Yumbing your yuck? Yeah. No. Yucking your yuck? Yumming your yuck? Yeah.

No. Yucking your yuck? Yucking your yuck, yeah, sure. Then, like, you might just have to kind of move on and just be like, hey, really, I'm really sorry, but, like, that kind of, like, flipped it for me. Yeah, I would say, like, examine why. Like, she mentions, like, is it gay?

Obviously it's not, so, like, get that. And also, why would it matter if it was? You know what I mean? Just, like, throw it gay? Obviously it's not. So like, not get that. And also why would it matter if it was, you know what I mean? Just like throw those thoughts out the window. Secondly, it's like, is it an insecurity thing? Are you like,

well, damn, he can suck his own dick better than me probably, which is not a thought most people have to have. So I'm sorry you're in that position, but like, and not necessarily true, not necessarily true because if I had to jerk off,

that's the thing. It's like, if I had to choose between my hand or a partner's hand. Generally a partner. I would say like 90% of the time I would take someone else's hand. Yeah, so is that it? You're obviously shocked, that's cool, take a moment,

but other than that, what does it change? I think the main thing it brings up is a conversation about consent and speed at which things are introduced or unveiled because because like again as dane said zero to 100 not great if he's showing you extreme fucking porn bdsm scenes expecting you to jump in not great if you want especially bdsm like that yes that is a there is it's not like you're saying like oh hey let's try doggy style on the couch tonight. Whoa, whoa, slow down. I know.

BDSM has like a specific language in which both verbal and consensual and physical. And a lot of things you have to do to be safe. Yeah, you need to have a lot of knowledge in order to successfully and safely participate in BDSM. So like just kind of showing you scenes where people have that knowledge but you don't like. And it's porn which we all know is not real life. Yeah like I can watch a like MMA fight and be like these guys are doing a great job but put me in the ring with one of them

I'm getting my ass fucking kicked and I think that is. Applies in both scenarios. Yes there's a same amount of danger to watching or expecting your partner to see a scene in porn and be able to replicate it safely in the same way yeah and yeah have that chat and hey who knows what other surprising things this very flexible man can do yeah see if you can put that to use yeah i don't know how, but... We are about at the end of our first set here, friends.

We do two breaks. We do three sets. What we would like to really do next set is answer some of y'all's questions. So if you want to, we're going to take like a 10-15 minute break. A chance for you guys to go to the bathroom, smoke, refresh some drinks, order some food, whatever you guys want to do. Slip a finger in. Yeah, just pop one in there, suck your own dick, whatever. But please take a second to write some questions down, and then we will answer them right here.

Again, if you want, we have a tradition where we give each other agent names to keep things anonymous. If you have something in your question that we require clarification and we ask a question, don't feel obligated to answer. It's fine if you want to remain silent and anonymous. That's cool. If you do want to answer, great. We can clarify and get a little bit more information. You don't have to compromise your anonymity. Yeah, that's fine.

We'll just fool around in the dark. That's not it. Scramble in the dark. We'll figure it out. We'll fool around in the dark. We'll fool around in the dark. I's not it. Scramble in the dark. We'll figure it out. We'll fool around in the dark, too. We'll fool around in the dark. I don't know. Lights off, guys.

So if you want, you can give yourself an agent name, and that's what we'll refer to you as throughout the question. So we'll be back in about 10, 15 minutes. Do what you got to do. Write some questions. We'll be around to collect them. And once again, don't forget, take pictures. Tag Black Sheep and us, fckbud Buddies Podcast, I believe, on Instagram.

Something like that. Something like that. I don't know, social media, how that works. And then we'll do a shot giveaway at the beginning of our third set. So we'll see you in about 10, 15. hello we're back we're back. We're back. Can we get a round of applause for people who sucked their own dick on the break? Okay. Thank you for playing along.

I'd love a whoop if anyone here can suck their own dick. That's okay. It's what I expected. I know you're shy. I won't out you. No. You guys delivered as per usual. We got a bevy of questions here. So I think we expected. I know you're shy. I won't out you. No. You guys delivered, as per usual. We got a bevy of questions here, so I think we're just going to jump into them.

Yes, hold on. Before we do that, I got one. We got a hot off the presses. We got one before the show even started to our email. So we're going to do that. This is like a dry read, so I apologize if it's a nightmare. As opposed to a dry read, so I apologize if it's a nightmare. As opposed to a wet read? I'm reading it for the first time.

And I've consumed alcohol tonight. What? But we're fucking professionals, bro. I've never been a professional. This is from Agent Winchester. Subject, awkward with sex. Message, as a young adult, I wasn't interested in sex at all. With my first boyfriend, and was multiple times called frigid and a freak,

because it just didn't interest me. As I got older, I realized I leaned more towards asexual than anything. But by then, the damage was done, and I just, sex doesn't interest me. In that I enjoy it when I do have it, but the effort to get off and actually find someone is just too much. It's been 13 years since I even came, and I just don't... I would like to date, but how do you bring this up in a relationship? I've already felt like a freak enough, I really don't want to make my reluctance to have sex worse because I just don't find sex that interesting.

I just started listening to the pod on episode 10, but I'm listening to it and thought if there was a good place to ask, it'd be with you guys. Thanks for giving us a safe place to chat. Aw. Thank you. That's nice. That's very, very nice. Now I feel really bad because I just want to ask. Because we're going to just laser into you.

Have you considered sucking your own dick? I'm unsure what the question is here. I think, you know what? I think it's one of those times where there isn't so much a question as a. The vibes we're going to talk about. A requirement for reassurance. And first and foremost, I want to let you you know the same with any sexuality or lack of sexuality your feelings are justified for sure and you are 100 allowed to feel what you feel yeah that is okay if you feel asexual great and if you find someone who makes you feel not asexual

if you find someone who you are aroused by and you do want to have sex by that's also great sexuality is like gender a fluid construct that changes at any point in time i love whoever just moved um so be who you are as you are at that time and when things change don't be afraid to embrace those change don't be afraid to allow yourself to change identity. I feel like a lot of people feel like making these calls and making these decisions are permanent. Yeah, like you have to categorize yourself as this and then that's it. Shit. If I come out as asexual, I'm asexual forever and I don't know if that's right.

But think of how many people consider themselves straight and then are like oh actually i'm bi oh actually i'm gay yeah right like there's there's a lot of people who progress that way because they feel more comfortable taking steps and in like sort of a gradient and that's fine so if you want to say hey i'm asexual and then you end up finding someone who checks all of your boxes, fucking great. Now you're not asexual anymore. For sure. Or you're a subsection of asexual that I'm not currently aware of. Demi-asexual.

And then you're whatever. You make a whole new fucking category, or you don't care about what you call yourself because you are you. Yeah. I will say like one one like fuck the people who are like you're a freak you're frigid like fuck that that sucks luckily it was when you were younger and like people are shittier when they're young and the world was a different place 13 years ago you know we we've come some stride since then um not to say that the damage isn't done because our formative years impact us greatly.

Yeah, and that's what sucks. But you need to realize that when you meet a brand new person, one, you're at a different age now where hopefully people are more fucking mature. And two, it's like they're not going to know anything about your past. So you're starting with a clean slate, presumably. Yeah, and the nice thing is a lot lot of the dating apps especially things like um hinge and bumble i'm not so sure about tinder but i feel like tinder has gotten pretty good about like sort of uh adding different categories as to like what you're looking for and i've i've come across a lot of women on uh dating platforms who like identify as asexual and put it in their profile.

So like, that's an option as well. I, I, I promise you there are other people who feel the same as you out there. Oh, for sure. For sure. And the thing is like, if you don't want to commit to asexual, you can say like, Oh, I have a very low sex drive. You know what I mean? Like you can do all these things and you don't even need to say it too soon either. Do it when it's comfortable for you. Say it in whatever way is most comfortable for you.

But we always get questions about mismatches in sex drive. Yeah. Like someone who's hypersexual, someone who isn't. And that's fine. And we know now that's hyposexual. Hypo. From an episode that isn't out yet. But there you go.

Yeah. You're good. Just. But there you go. Yeah, you're good. Just find what makes you comfortable. And also, if it's been 13 years since you came, make yourself come if you want to come. That's the thing. There's people out there sucking their own dicks.

You can get yourself a vibrator. You could accidentally slip a finger in. Oh no, how'd that get in there? And you have... I'm not going to say what i was gonna say it's gross oh you gotta i was gonna say you got more holes than me whoa which is like technically not ever heard of sounding sounding that's when you put it up the dick hole you've upset everyone including me yeah i learned that from reality tv show the other day why sounding i i don't want to know it's because you scream yeah it's probably like you can close your eyes and gauge how far in you are based on the tomber of the screaming uh

so i hope you guys all have already eaten We just made everyone asexual Yeah So hopefully that helped And hey We're here, send us more questions Even if you just want us to be like You're good

The thing is, like I said, just be you And the people who are worthy of your attention And love will accept that and the people who aren't uh don't deserve you and that's i i think that's a a blanket statement of thank you um of like everything right like the the the people we get to choose who's in our life and the people that love us back are the people that we should hold on to and the people who are going to call you a freak or frigid because of things that you feel and things that you want and things that you need um don't deserve an ounce of your thought or your time so i know it's difficult especially to hear these things at a younger point in time in your life where you're sort of really developing your identity but realize that uh they're fucking idiots yep and

uh you're cool as shit and uh fuck their whole life yeah yeah fuck their whole life fuck their whole life um you're you're more than welcome to feel however you feel and i want you to embrace that and i don't want you to feel ashamed of it. But again, on Niles point, if, if, if not coming for 13 years is an issue for you, there are options.

And I want you to embrace them as well. Sure. This is an audience question and is by agent Gabby. Woo. They are a 38 year old female. I have a shame kink, but my partner, 35 year old male says he doesn't want to hurt me,

and if I shame him, it hurts his feelings. How can we find a good, healthy place to explore a shame kink? Okay, hold on. I was doing a very bad thing of reading my questions while you were talking. You missed my wet read? My dry read? You're going to make it a wet read? It's going to be fucking soaking wet.

They have a... She has a shame king. Yes. Her partner says he doesn't want to hurt her, and if she shames him, it hurts his feelings. Right. I mean, yeah. It's like she probably enjoys when his penis is inside of her. That doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to have a penis inside of him.

Right? So it's like it's different strokes. Unless he does. But the thing is, like, this is only an issue if your shame kink is you want to be really mean to him. Right. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like it's the same sort of situation we've had it a bunch of times where people are like, oh, I could never, you know, spank my girlfriend because I would never want to hurt her or hit her. Sure.

Great. That's when you discuss safe words. That's when you discuss, you know, you start light and gradually increase in intensity. For sure. And figure out what the level of comfort for both of you are. If she wants to be shamed or degraded, that's cool. Figure out outside of the bedroom what you guys are both comfortable with. If it's something as simple as being like, oh, I want you to call me a dirty slut while we're having sex.

Cool. Great. But if it's something more, if it's something that makes him uncomfortable, then your kink doesn't override his comfort. Yes. The same way that he should be more willing to indulge your kink, even if he's not interested in it. Yes.

I think you got to sit him down and explain one, that obviously it's not going to hurt you if this is your kink because, you know, this is what you want. We're asking for it. Two, if he is uncomfortable, like, tell him, like, set out. And again, start low. Don't jump to, I don't know what, and probably things I can't say on the podcast, but, you know. Do it. Get us canceled right now, coward.

Let's fucking go. No, you know, set out, out like a term or three terms. Like start small and maybe even have a safe word. Be like, cool, I'm going to say this thing if it does start to verge on uncomfortable or whatever. But like if it's just you being like, I want to be called a slut a few times. Boom. Start with that. Yeah. And as he realizes that it turns you on, it's going to be so much easier to escalate because it's gonna be fucking

rad for him yeah and if there are terms that you have like a hard no yes set them out for sure because you don't want him being like oh this is cool and then just running with it it's very easy to get carried away when you get into those kind of kinks which is why like safe words are so fucking important when you get into kink play, especially when there's any sort of pain, whether like emotional, physical, mental, whatever it may be. It's really important to be like, you need a ripcord to pull. Yeah, for sure. Because it's very, very easy to be like, oh, you like to be choked. Great.

And then let's fucking go. Oh, it's. Let's not. So like have. There's, you know, there's there's two ways of doing safe words. There's nonverbal and verbal. Discuss that with your partner. Yeah.

And in, in something with like a shame kink or a degradation. Set up aftercare. Aftercare is a huge thing. Absolutely. And also have, instead of a, a word, consider a phrase, phrase right so when you've hit your level of sort of like i don't want you to go any further maybe say thank you or or something right give them a sign that like you've hit your peak your your shame meter is full and i don't need any more yeah you have to have like the soft one where you're like i'm at capacity this is good and then the hard one which is stop or that's that's the line right yeah but i think start

start slow start easy and what dane said is very important sometimes people just aren't into kinks and if it's a hard no it's a hard no you know what i mean if he's not into it that's fine is that a mismatch then that's up to you to decide But you can't like force kinks on people. Not that I'm saying you are. I'm sure you're not. But, you know, I think you got to just start in a way that gives you the most likelihood for success, which is what we said. And then if they're still like foot down, won't do it, then you just got to decide is that a deal breaker for you or not. Yeah. you or not yeah that's the thing it's like kink is is a very interesting thing because we

if you've got one you are kind of at the mercy of your partner of whether or not they're comfortable with it yeah and if they're not comfortable with it then you do have to sort of accept it and be like okay but there is sort of an onus on the person with the kink to educate the partner on what makes it appealing to them, right? Because like. And enact it in like the safest way possible. Exactly. You're the one with the knowledge,

not only about the kink, but about yourself and how you want to interact with that kink. So it's up to you to share that knowledge and try to like set things up in the best way and then, you know, hope that they wanna follow through. Yeah, so I really hope this works out for you. Take it slow, ease them into it, you know, hope they, they want to follow through. Yeah. So I really hope this works out for you. Um, take it slow,

ease them into it. And I hope that you are called all the horrible things you want to be called. Uh, you piece of shit. You fucking idiot. I'm so sorry. Hold on. I want to see if anyone goes to the bathroom right now.

Okay. Someone's sucking their own dick. What is the difference between poly and non-monogamy? Could we thrive in a world where every married couple is allowed to have sex with whoever they want, whenever they want? I'm impressed that I read that. Yeah, it's all right. It's not the worst we've gotten. So poly and non-monogamy usually go hand in hand but aren't necessarily required for both um well i would say non-monogamy requires yes polyamory but polyamory

doesn't require no other way around yes yes um so polyamory is if you break it down into like the latin sub words we're getting a little Latin-less. Poly means multiple. Amory means love, which means you are capable of loving multiple people. Non-monogamy just means that you are able to see other people regardless of sort of emotional attachment. Well, you're not getting monogamous. Yes, you are not monogamous and therefore not exclusive with anyone,

so your options are open. I find that they usually kind of go hand in hand. It's rare that they don't. But a lot of people who sort of like, think of when you're dating and you're seeing multiple people, you are non-monogamous. Yeah.

Polly often has partners. Yeah. And a certain openness and almost like a web of like of you might have a main partner and tertiary or satellite partners. Yeah, you break down into things like kitchen table polyamory or non-hierarchical polyamory. There's a lot of different facets that end up sort of, as now said, sort of spider webbing out. It's like more structured than non-monogamy because non-monogamy is just I'm single. Yeah, I'm single.

Like technically I would say that any single person is non-monogamous until they find someone that they become monogamous with. Yeah, because when you're non-monogamous, it doesn't mean you can't become monogamous. Yeah. Much like I always like to tell people that like relationship preferences are very much like gender identity and sexuality in terms of they change yeah for sure right there are times when you're like fuck i cannot do a relationship right now and there are times you're like yeah i'm fucking ready yeah and there's there's plenty of times where you enter into a relationship with someone you're like hey i'm not looking for anything right now i really enjoy your time so like i'm happy for you to see other people i'm going to be seeing

other people and then you get to a point in that relationship where you're like, hey, I actually just want to be with you. And now you're monogamous. And it changes. So it's the question of can we thrive? For sure, if everyone wanted to. That's the crux of it. If people want to,

absolutely. Because there's nothing wrong with it at all. And there's nothing wrong with monogamy. Yeah. So it's like if people want to do it, for sure. Why would we not be able to thrive? If they didn't and we were forcing them to, that would suck. Yeah. And like I'm someone who is polyamorous and someone who is non-monogamous. So I think there are a lot of benefits to it.

And I think that there is a lot to be learned from participating in it but again i'm not looking at monogamous couples so long as they're healthy um as long as you're not holding on to monogamy as a traditional mindset of being like we have to i am a woman so i have to get married and i have to be a good wife and i have a husband and that is it like if that's your mentality i would say maybe like refocus and restructure maybe educate a little bit more on um gender roles and that kind of stuff and be like you are not just because you are a woman doesn't require you to fill the roles of what we did fucking 50 60 80 100 years ago like that with men. It sucks. And the same thing with men.

It's like you can be the stay-at-home dad and that doesn't make you any less masculine. We could talk about this for fucking ever and I would love to. But yes, could we thrive? Absolutely. For sure. If everyone wants to.

I think much like the world, we thrive better when everyone is doing what they want and what makes them happy. For sure. I have some swinger friends coming for the weekend. We're new to that scene. What would be a good icebreaker at our place to have fun and eventually move to the bedroom? Swinger friends coming over. How do we move it to the bedroom?

What's a good icebreaker? So there's this podcast. It's called Fuck Buddies. Look, hey, I'm all about self-promotion, but I can't imagine a... No, it'd be so awkward. Like, hey, sit down and listen to this podcast. I can't imagine something that would turn me off less

than someone be like, let's listen to a podcast. In a room all together. But that's the thing. It's reverse psychology. It's like, damn, this is so boring. This sucks room all together. But that's the thing. It's reverse psychology. It's like, damn, this is so boring. I can't wait to get in the bedroom. Wait, wait, hold on. They're talking about people sucking their own dicks?

Yeah. Let's give it 10 minutes. Wait, hold on. The option is sit in this room and look at each other while we listen to a podcast or fuck? Okay, I guess we'll fuck. Yeah, hit me. You've done like drama.

You've done stuff. You've got to have an icebreaker. What the fuck does that mean? Drama? You do film shit. You went to film school. What does that have to do with it? They do icebreakers.

I don't think that doing a literal, like, corporate retreat icebreaker is going to help in this. That's what they asked for. I don't think that's the icebreaker they're looking for. Wait, your film school was a corporate retreat? mean like it's the same shit just you trust Falls I guess like is that yeah fuck yeah maybe slip a finger in yeah have a have a mattress underneath and be like oh you're on the bed I guess we fuck though yeah every time someone drops they have to take a clothing piece off icebreakers I think look there are so many sexy party games out there

now there's like those dice games there's card games there's there's so many like actual games that you can play and if they have like if you know that they are a swinger couple and you are looking to swing with them uh cool one throw pineapple on the fucking table. That's a great sign. Pineapple is a sign of swingers if you're not aware of that. Just fucking cram that bad boy right on the table and be like, huh? Upside down pineapple.

Thank you, Ben. So get a hook and suspend it from the ceiling. Very casual thing to do in your apartment. I feel like at this point, that barrier has been crossed. Everyone knows what's going on, presumably. Okay, so we're...

I think it's just like, you're all arriving, let's get chill. I think a game of some kind is fun. Yes. Spend the bottle. We could do... Like I said, there's all those... Wavelength.

There's all those sexy games of being like, you draw the card and you have to tell how you lost your virginity. Or where's the kinkiest place you ever had sex. There's all those getting to know you games that are literally icebreaker games. For sure. There's usually two. There's usually the spicy version and then the sexy version. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Oh. Like everyone is joining me on this journey. So like look into, get on Amazon and or, sorry, get to your local board game store. Yes, thank you. Fuck Amazon. Damn.

Go to Snakes and Lattes or, you know, a local store. The Guild store The Guild Sword and Shield I think at Lansdowne and Brock at Bloor and Brock you can look them up you've got Google I think a game is fun and it doesn't even have to be sexy

the aim is breaking the ice so I think you're going to be good no matter what you do I will add if you have swinger friends coming and one of them is maybe more experienced. Well, we don't know if they're coming yet. Oh, they will be. I think like there's no harm in reaching out to like if you're close with any of them and one of them has done this before and just being like, hey, it's our first time hosting. How do you recommend we set it up?

Yeah. And they'll be like, don't make lasagna. That's the worst swinger food we all know um i would i would also sort of like i think it's important to like sort of touch base beforehand and be like because nothing sucks like if you have swinger friends they're not obligated to fuck literally everyone that goes you know what i mean like for sure if make sure that you are that that's the vibe of the night because if you have swinger friends who are just coming over for like a dinner party and they're like oh god oh they're trying to fuck us and like that sucks so you know it's it's the same way with like non-monogamous couples and polyamorous couples

of being like or even like bisexual people where everyone just assumes that like oh you're bi yeah you're fucking everybody and it's like no, no, it's like I still, I still want to, you know, meet someone that I care about or at least like, you know, I'm interested in. It's, you know, the, so swinging doesn't necessarily indicate

that they're down to fuck. For sure, for sure. So figure that out too and then find a fun game to play. And then, and even like start it off simple. You can just be like, have a good drink.

You know what I mean? If you know they like to drink or not, have either a non-alcoholic cocktail or a cocktail ready when they get there. Put on some music. You don't want to be sitting in silence. Nope. And just have fun. And if you want to, if you really want to,

find a game that can be fun to play normally. And make it. Twister. And then a strip version. Twister. Sure. Sure. Right?

So it's like, you know, be like, okay, let's look. It's midnight. Let's make this game more interesting. Every time you lose a hand, you take your own dick. You suck your own dick. Oh, it's my turn. You got more? Yeah, I got one.

Asking for a friend. For real. Sure. My friend, 30-year-old female, has been dating her boyfriend, 30-year-old male, for a year, but potentially has spoken to me, or recently has spoken to me, about how his dad wants to fuck her. Neat. Don't like that.

He apparently has expressed a lot of interest and she's thinking about accepting. How can I explain this is a horrible idea? Separate from the cheating, his dad is his dad help. So you go to your friend and you say, hey, there's this podcast I've heard about. And then you play the next minute of Dane her firmly no why am i gonna do that though the twist dane's his dad the heart wants what the heart wants yeah my is is the boyfriend hold on so you're implying that I had a child at five, six? That's on you, man.

I'm very potent. Very verbal. Oh, you lied about. No. I would love. Fuck. I need clarifying shit. Like, was he like, oh, fucking sucks.

My dad keeps saying he wants to sleep with you. And she's like, wait a minute. What? Hold on, what? Or was he like, hey, just if you're interested. That's the thing. How was it delivered? I need to know this.

I need to know how the boyfriend broke this news to the girlfriend of being like, look, you can't come over for Thanksgiving because all my dad talks about is fucking you. He just wants to fuck you. And it's weird. And she's now like, wait a minute. Let's go to Thanksgiving. Go on. He'll stuff the turkey and then he'll they know yeah they got it uh i need to know you need to email us or or yell out i don't know do you want to yell out if you're comfortable yelling out i need to know how is the boyfriend angry about this situation or is he cool about it

wait didn't the boyfriend tell wait hold on dad the dad reached out to the girlfriend i need to i was is that how this happened the dad told her that's crazy oh you're talking crazy things this changes everything this dad sucks well not that he didn't already but also she should not do this cheating is bad but also cheating with someone's father is in fact worse it's it's it's tough to beat how shitty cheating is but being like she's she's trying hey i fucked her dad. Yeah. Who's real fucking bad. That's a life-ruiner. That's a family-ruiner.

That's- That's a Thanksgiving-ruiner. No one's enjoying stuff in that night. Let me tell you, I don't care how good the fucking sides are. Damn. Okay, I'm going to think of a name. Who would fuck a dad? What's a name that would fucking-

Don't say that. There's probably one in this room. Not that you'd fuck a to think of a name. Who would fuck a dad? What's a name that would fuck a dad? Don't say that. There's probably one in this room. Not that you'd fuck a dad, just your name. Person. Person, don't do this. Yes, don't. Okay, here. Oh, boy.

You shouldn't fuck your boyfriend's dad. No, you should not. I don't know what else to say about that. If you feel, if you require me to further extrapolate or expand on that idea, then perhaps you should break up

with your partner. Right? If you need someone to explain why you shouldn't fuck your boyfriend's dad, you shouldn't be, that person shouldn't be your boyfriend. Hey, if shouldn't be, that person shouldn't be your boyfriend. Hey, if you're tempted to fuck his dad in any real sense, that person also shouldn't be your boyfriend.

So maybe break up with him. Then you can fuck the dad. No. I mean, you can. It's still bad. It's bad. It's better. It's better.

Sure. It is better. It is. It is an improvement. Like, I don't know. Sure. It is better. It is. It is an improvement. Like, I don't know. Yeah. I feel like I don't need to explain or,

you know, go into further depth. That's it. Yeah. Don't fucking do it. Don't fuck the dad. Uh, I like the amount of questions we've got.

They just have a help in all caps on it. So help. I'm only physically attracted to older men, 40 to 50, and I'm 28. Hey, I've got a dad for you. This dad is down bad. Only 40 to 50, and I'm 28, and I don't know how to stop. They are 99% of the time undateable slash unavailable slash old-ass millennials. Help.

Hold on. Hold on. millennials. Help? Hold on. Hold on. 40 to 50? Hold on. Whoever wrote this question, leave. Get out. Please just get out of my sight. I hate to break it to you. Millennials are not. That would be a boomer. I think you mean boomers? That would be a boomer.

And Gen X. Sorry, Gen X. Boomers are like 70 Okay, well it's their fault We're in this mess Yeah We have to sell our podcast ass On stage Just to afford rent

I Look, if you're Does it say if they're What their Gender identity is I'm looking for gender identity 28 Female

Okay, great I think Cool No, just. 28. Female? Okay. Great. I think. Cool. No. Just no genders in here. Okay. Whatever. I promise you, if you got on a dating app and set your range to... Brampton.

The eight... This is the second personal attack that I've had tonight about being from Brampton I'm not happy about it either It's just I didn't have a choice I was born in Toronto

If that helps Just set your fucking Dating app range To 40 to 50 And you'll be drowning In grey pubes Like it's You'll

You will be You'll be grey Did you try to say pubes And Like, you'll be great. Did you try to say pubes and just mix it up with prunes because they're old and old people eat prunes? I was thinking of they're shriveled. Look, 40 and 50 isn't that old. I say that because I'm four years away from being 40. Damn. That's fucked up.

Hey, I'm four years. You can fuck me. Whoever wrote this question, you've caused me an existential crisis, and I hate you. God, you're such a boomer. I'm gonna ruin the housing market even more for you. Good luck renting, idiot. Yeah, like, go on a dating app.

Oh, they can't use it. Phones are too young for them. Yeah. Go on Plenty of Fish. Go on Facebook Dating. Go on Facebook dating. Yeah, just make a fucking Facebook post. The only people on it anymore are over 40. No, seriously.

Go on online dating. Fucking set your age range. Yeah. And you will literally be getting fucking matches every... Because all those people, if they came across... If they came across a 28-year-old? A 28-year-old? Fuck yeah.

No, it doesn't look't you're a bot no they don't know what bots are no idea what bots are you're fucking good not only could you fuck this old man them too you could take all of their money tell them you got a fucking lead on some crypto leave them sucking their own dick with no money in the bank. It would be so easy. You'd be rich and satisfied. Yeah, you got this. You're okay. Also, I do want to reiterate that I do hate you

for making me feel old. You have one more? Have any of you ever watched gay porn out of curiosity? Wink. No. I've watched porn with men who have done stuff with each other with women in the porn. I said that very confidently.

I'm sure in one of my porn deep dives that two men may have done something to each other. Yeah. It's happened on screen. Also two women for sure. I mean I guess if we're looking at that yes I've definitely seen women perform sexual acts on one another but I don't I don't think I've ever

really I wouldn't say I've watched it. If it did happen I would probably be like okay not, not my scene. And move on. Yeah. I think we've gone actually a little long. We're going to take another quick break. This is a chance to

once again, order another drink. Get some food if you're still hungry. Go for a smoke. Suck your own dick. All those things. If you have more questions, give them to us. We do at the end, for those that don't know, rate Tinder profiles. So if you want to send your Tinder profile into the show or your Hinge profile or whatever, it is just the text, not the images.

We're not going to deep dive on that. That would be weird. So you can do that. And if not, make sure you get those posts in because you've got about 10 minutes before those shots come out. It's true also yes um black sheep to fuck buddies on uh instagram fck buddies podcast i think it's all on the papers that you have in front of you um tag us we'll be uh delivering off some shots at the start of our next round so make sure you've tagged us and all that good stuff um and then yes questions also uh tinder profile if you're the person who are looking for old people So make sure you've tagged us and all that good stuff. And then, yes, questions. Also, Tinder profile.

If you're the person who are looking for old people on your dating profile, send us your profile and we'll help you tailor it for the elderly. And we will see you in about 10, 15 minutes. Hell yeah. We've got a couple more audience questions. And then we're going to do some audience submitted Tinder profiles, Hinge profiles, etc., etc. I'm excited.

And we're going to get right into this. How would you respond to a sexual partner who's hoping to receive oral sex but unwilling to give it? Is this a hard nope situation? Is it a legit preference? Is it internalized misogyny? Is it worth probing their response and trying to negotiate? Or just a sure sign of selfishness? Yeah, it's pretty fucking bad.

It's not great. It's not good. I see no legitimate reason unless there's the hygiene issue which I assume there isn't it's I mean we have like so here's the thing my knee-jerk reaction is bad yeah but then we've had questions of people being like hey I have the worst gag reflex and anything that's like textures make me want to gag and like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Um, and I'm worried about like going down on someone in case it's not a texture that I'm familiar with. Sure. And, and that's why I will give the question this. I will give it a, Hey, let's talk. Yeah. You want oral. You're unwilling to give oral.

I would just love to know why. And let's talk. And if they're like, Oh, I'm just not into it. That's not great not good and like we talked earlier about like with kinks which is like less of an like this is just so easy it's like if it's a preference be like okay cool all the bugs are back I don't know if anyone's here for the last show when that was happening why why now you bugs anyway uh like if you require oral then be like okay cool if you're unwilling to give it for no reason then i'm unwilling to be with you yeah i mean the the the good thing about starting a sexual relationship with people is that the

first time is kind of a getting to know you situation right you you sort of like feel each other out figure out what works literally literally and then if someone's like oh hey i don't do x whether it's oral or whatever making you come and it's one of those things that's really important to you like if someone's just like i only do missionary no shade on missionary and i'm sure there are people who might be happy with only one position and that's all they want if that's what gets them off but if someone's like i don't do doggy style and you really fucking love doggy style or you only come in doggy style and like they you are 100 within your right to be like hey this ain't gonna work yeah i i can imagine there are very few reasons that will make sense for them not to want to do

it but maybe there is one so bring up the conversation maybe they're a fucking weirdo who's been on the wrong side of reddit and thinks that not wanting to do this is normal and maybe once you broach it they'll be like oh shit but if you need a partner that does that that is totally fine and dump this motherfucker and find someone who will that's the thing there's a lot of people who are like oh oral sex going down on a woman beta move and that's the dumbest fucking shit i've ever heard because what you're saying is pleasuring a woman no beta not good only alphas don't pleasure their woman which is a crazy sentiment to have yeah so i can't imagine there's a good reason maybe there is broach the conversation but i'm gonna guess it's a dumping yeah and don't be afraid to put your foot down when,

and I don't necessarily mean this in a hostile or aggressive or mean way, but if someone isn't willing to do something that satisfies you in any regards of relationships, sexual or otherwise, then you're like, You're allowed to want that and need that. Yeah.

And ask for that. We talked about it a while back on a couple episodes ago of like where people have like two brains of being like, well, everything in the relationship is good, but the sex is bad. Or the sex is great, but the relationship is bad. And they try to think that they are two separate entities when it's like what you've said is your relationship is bad. Yes. That's all you've said.

If you say this is good, but this is bad. It's bad. It's bad, right? Like good but this is bad it's bad it's bad right like it's it's a whole it's a it's it's a sum of the food tastes good but it makes me sick it's bad food don't eat it don't fucking eat it don't do it so that's it doesn't make me sick but it tastes like shit bad food still don't eat it it's garbage you could get food there's that they're at the shops yeah there's a whole grocery store of food that won't make you sick. Yeah. So put your foot down in a firm way.

Ask for what you want. If they're unwilling, fuck them. And by that, I mean don't fuck them. Don't fuck them. So my boyfriend recently has been asking me to... Sorry, this is a very small writing. To peg. Oh, peg. I thought it said peck. I was like, what? To peg him while he calls me

daddy. Should I be concerned? Um, no. I mean, what's the concern? Maybe he wants to fuck her dad. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, like, it's a kink. I don't know. Yeah, it. Yeah, like it's a kink. I don't know. Yeah.

We're going to go back all the way at the start of the show where we talked about how if you're participating as a man with a woman in a sexual act and you are still having heterosexual sex. So there's nothing gay about being pegged. There's nothing gay about role play or changing, changing gender roles or gender play. There's nothing gay about it. Um, as long as you are like, if you're, and again,

there's nothing wrong with being gay. So it's all gravy. That's the thing is like, if, if the, the only concern is that he doesn't, he's not attracted to you or is it, is with you out of like fear of his, of embracing his own sexuality. Like that's, he's not attracted to you or is with you out of fear

of embracing his own sexuality. That's the only fear. But if he wants to be- He's asking it for you. And it's honestly probably a harder thing to ask for than to just break up with you and go, you know, fuck your dad. Yeah.

There's five questions here. The answer to every question is, it could be worse. He could be fucking your dad. It's true. It's true. Second question. What's the difference here. The answer to every question is, it could be worse. He could be fucking your dad. It's true. It's true. Second question. What's the difference between kinks and just sex?

Lots? Maybe nothing? I don't know. It depends on the kink. It depends on the conversation. It depends on your level of communication. Kinks tend to be something that- Like hyper-specific.

Yeah. communication. Kinks tend to be something that requires a conversation before the act, right? So things like- Not that sex doesn't. Not that sex doesn't, but I feel like if you want to consider something a kink, there needs to be an extra level of consent, right? There's sex, which requires consent, and then there's a kink conversation that requires an extra level of consent, right? Sure. There's sex, which requires consent, and then there's a kink conversation that requires an extra level of consent to bring everyone on the same page, make sure it's done safely and respectfully, and that's, I think, the big difference between the two.

Three, example, what if my kink was missionary? I don't think you'll have a hard time satisfying that. I guess, like, it probably, I don't think you'll have a hard time satisfying that. I guess like it probably, I don't know. I guess in one way, your kink is just something that gets you off extra amount, right? Whereas I don't think a lot of people would consider missionary a kink because it's not more unusual like kinks usually are. I don't feel,

I think there's a line between specific sexual positions and kinks, right? Really liking one position is just a preference I think as opposed to a kink. But I'm not sure the actual definition of it. But there are some things where it's like if you're just like, hey, I just want to be fucked missionary, as we talked before. I think that would almost, maybe not consent, but it's still a conversation because if someone wants to fuck you other ways

and you're like, nah. Nope, I only want this one way. This is the only way I want to be fucked. It still takes that extra communication. Nothing wrong with it, but you do have to sort of have that conversation with your partner. Four.

When I got a UTI, I was more upset about missing out on sex than the burning sensation on my vag. Am I a sex addict? Depends how bad that UTI was. I mean, it's also. But no, like we, no one wants to miss out on sex. That's the thing, it's like, it's one of those things

where you are, there is a thing stopping you from getting what you want. If I had, if someone punched me really hard in the face and all my teeth fell out i wouldn't be like am i a food addict because i want to eat solid foods no you you've enjoyed a thing for a certain amount of time and there's a new situation that is stopping you from enjoying the thing that you usually liked and it's a temporary thing and you're impatient i don't think like if you got super depressed and uh you know i i think if there is a a level of like now that you're not having sex your life is over like yeah maybe that's to be concerned but i think unless like sex is affecting your life and you're making bad

decisions like in a in a big way and a constant way and your life and you're making bad decisions in a big way and a constant way, and your life is constantly feeling the influence of those decisions in a bad way, then maybe you're a sex addict if you're doing that, but you're probably fine if you just have a UTI and you're like, damn, I wanna get fucked. Cause I get it. I think that is what everyone would feel like.

So yeah, definitely do a sort of internal self-reflection yeah because i get it i think that is what everyone would feel like so i i yeah definitely do a sort of like internal self-reflection and be like hey am i feeling is there a drastic change in my emotional state am i feeling really really bad because of it and then maybe sort of uh justify that um and then as always we always recommend if if there's a strong impulse of emotional change on something, consider speaking to a mental health practitioner. And then five. My friend won't stop trying to have sex with teenagers. What do I do?

Because 911 is on speed dial and then they clarified they are 19 slash 18 but still. Brr. I would need to, like like is the guy 20 yeah i assume not how old's the guy uh like have you talked to him have you been like hey what you're doing is really fucking creepy but again like if it is creepy again i'm assuming they're only bringing this up because it's an issue i doubt they're 20 or 19 it's tough to say because like technically oh sorry those are legal adults right like i don't want to remove agency from the women who want to have sex with older men but at the same time there is as long as there's no it's always a weird topic to broach because i don't want to be like, oh, if a 19-year-old woman wants to have sex with a 30-year-old man, that's bad.

Because there is a 19-year-old woman who is perfectly capable of consent into that situation, right? But if it's a 30-year-old man who will only sleep with 18 and 19-year-olds, that's not great. Yes, and there's also the level of like – what's the word I'm looking for? Power, right? Do they hold a power over it? Are they sleeping with people who work under them? That kind of thing. Like there's that sort of manipulation and sort of added pressure. of even at that point like the the age and presumably like monetary and like social and

like life status you kind of are holding power over them no matter what right yes you've had an extra decade to assert yourself again we're assuming 30 it could be 40 it could be whatever right so as now said i think you have to have a conversation with your friend and be like hey what is the appeal of these incredibly young women that you refuse to sleep like why what is it about women your age that is so repulsive to you and anything in between like if it is this pattern of only 18 and 19 that's super problematic and you're their friend you should be able to talk to them and then ask leonardo dicaprio if he's upset that it took so long for him to win an Oscar I got there hi I'm a cishet woman I'm looking for a relationship I usually wait a little time to establish emotional safety

before becoming sexually intimate however I have an extremely high libido how do I warn someone about this? Because I don't say much at first to weed out those who just want sex. Thanks. This is from Agent NiceNympho. NiceNympho. Love the name. I love it. That is a good one. I think you start off as you are. If you know you have this this time period or just waiting i think that's the most important thing to establish first and that will probably weed out the people who are just trying to get a quick fuck in and then i think before you then go to the fucking you just drop the fact that you have a very high sex drive i also want to talk about the the phrase

warn yeah you're you're not warning people right You're just letting them know. You're educating. You're communicating. Because I feel like with the verbiage of warn. It sounds like it's a bad thing. Yes, right? Like I warn you if that old bridge is going to collapse. You're communicating. I hope you'd stop me if it's going to collapse. Well, it's up to you. I'm not going to take your consent. If you want to cross the rickety bridge, that's fine. Like you should warn people that they're going to come home to you sucking your own dick. Right. So I think it's important to reframe a little bit of how you view your sexuality as something not a bad thing that you need to warn people of being like, hey, look out.

Just fucking heads up. You're right. You're communicating. You're communicating. You're educating. You're illuminating people on a facet of your personality, right? Like I wouldn't warn people that I am fairly casual, right?

Like I'm a go with the flow kind of guy. I'm not super focused on... You would let them know. I would let them know about that, right? Or I would let my personality sort of... I would let them discover that on their own. Because I feel like it's tough to front load that kind of information.

Because in my mind, I have no idea what high libido means to you. Well, that was what I was going to bring up. Like one person's high libido is someone else's, like, wait, what the fuck? Or only? I just splashed white claw in my own eye. Good job.

No laws. No laws. So yeah, exactly. So it's like if I was with someone or if in my past two or three relationships, I had sex every other week or once a week. And I considered that normal but you consider high sex drive two times a week because of the the nature of what your sexual history was then it's i so i think you really need to sort of get into specifics and be like you know i i want to have sex pretty much every time we see each other right if that's what you're you're trying to communicate i think

that's something worth giving a potential partner that information but i think i don't think it's particularly useful to be like i have a low sex drive or i have a high sex drive yeah because that could mean it's hard to quantify and even then it's like sex drives fluctuate so it's like yeah you know i feel like we all have really high sex drives at the, like the honeymoon phase at the start. I don't know. And it's always going to dip a bit and sometimes raise a bit and whatever. But I think like the important things are like,

I, I'm probably going to wait X amount of time or like, I will not be having sex with you at first. Like that's far more important, I think. And it's going to do the job of weeding out the people more than your high sex drive which i'm sure most people will probably take as a challenge i don't know yeah that's that's my fear is whenever i hear people be like oh i have a high sex drive i don't imagine most men

i i again people like average the average person i think would be like that's fine hell yeah i love sex yeah and then so like someone's agreed to this high sex drive that you have without knowing specifically yeah what that means i've heard way more questions about people who are like oh i've told them i have a high sex drive and now they're unable to fulfill me or unwilling rather than like oh I told them about high sex drive and they bailed. Yeah. So one, I encourage you to reframe the way you view your sex drive. You're not warning people. You're educating. There's nothing bad about having a high sex drive.

So embrace that. Love that. That's great. And then I think be really specific. If you do want to bring it up with a potential partner, be very specific as to what your needs are. And instead of using this vague term of being like high libido, low libido, because that is, you know, someone could be like, I have a huge appetite. And then, you know, has three slices of pizza. And you're like, I could have eaten that whole fucking thing, dude.

So, you know, be specific and be confident in who you are. So we got three more. Are you, you're done? I'm done. One, my boyfriend refuses to go down on me unless he wears a fedora. Should I be concerned? That can't be real. If that's real, I'm done.

I'm quitting the podcast. I'm done. I'm quitting the podcast. I'm over. But hey, perhaps let's rewind to that question, to that gentleman who won't go down on you. Give him a fedora and see. There's no way it stays on. Those legs are kicking that off fucking three seconds in. Maybe it's pinned on. Oh, fuck.

Should you be concerned? Yes Two My boyfriend makes me Reenact a scene from Hamilton But I can't remember the words But he also can't get hard otherwise I love him very much help I love whoever wrote this

But this is not real And I But I'm Hey Hey But I will treat it like it is Yeah Which scene do you think?

Which scene? It's the 12 sex commandments Number one Suck your own dick Treat it like it is. Yeah. Which scene do you think? Which scene? It's the 12 sex commandments. Hey. Number one, suck your own dick. I love that scene from Hamilton. It's great. Lin-Manuel Miranda is a national treasure for sucking his own dick on Broadway.

If you are late, I guess I'm going to do it myself. I don't. Yeah. Cool. Watch Hamilton more, obviously obviously uh three my grandmother's dying and she has it in her will that i have to marry her husband to take care of him should i do it switch it's okay here i got it i've got it fucking sorted you're gonna sort of princess switch it right parent trap it you're gonna flip with that 28 year old you're gonna die who wants

to fuck older people. Oh, shit. So you're swapping it out. Hopefully, you're the same person who wants to fuck that dude's dad. Now you're fucking someone's grandpa. Which is just a dad's dad, which is double. Amazing. We're out.

It just came right back onto the table. Damn it. All right, guys. I think we're at the last part of the show, which some might say is the funnest. They wouldn't, because it's all fun. We're going to review some Tinder profiles. Funnest is a word. It is now. Great.

You're a writer. Yeah, not a speaker. Okay. We've got a couple sent in to us, and I'm very, very excited to read through them. I'm not going to say the name because I didn't end up getting a very clear clarification as to whether or not

they wanted it. Agent Infinity Gauntlet They know who they are. About me. Spicy but nicey. Inconvenient woman. Salad enthusiast. SPF addict Dance machine

Dreamer Lover of nonsense Cunning strategist Big dreams Bigger appetite A heart as wide as the world Rated R for romantic Everyone's favorite aunt

Politically and socially aware Looking for my next big adventure They asked Oh, this is a new feature on Bumble where you can ask a question and people can answer. Okay. What would your bestie say

is your best quality that you'd never write on your profile? That's a fucking kick-ass question. Oh, by the way, before we finish this, how this works is we're going to finish and you're going to clap and whoop

if you would swipe and or if you like it and you're going to boo if you hate it. Yeah. I usually request that people clap and applause when I finish. Sucking your own dick? A pro and con of dating me.

You will need to make frequent stops for snacks, often good ones. Maybe carry them with you just in case. I'm known for getting distracted. A walk around town Isn't complete Without stopping To smell the roses Picking up a treat

Visiting a patio Or hopping into a shop What makes a relationship great Is mutual trust and respect A commitment to communicate It's how you resolve conflict That's the hallmark of success Effort is very sexy

I think that's it Alright right well audience hold on nope no we're good audience first yay yay or nay yes i love this profile this is a fucking kick-ass profile i love that like the personality drips through constantly and the personality is both upbeat and quirky in a good way and like fun and nice and they know what's up. This is, I mean the question, you've sold me on the question alone of being like that you'd never write on a profile. Like what's the quality that you never write on the

profile? Because that gives you an opportunity to fucking humble brag. Yeah. So hard and in a modest way. It gives you an opportunity to instantly block the person if they say something that's on their profile. Yeah. Can't read instructions. No, thank you.

I've been a member of Andrew Tate's Tate University for eight years. Thank God I couldn't write that I like Trump. Bye. Yeah. I love it. I'm going to give it a 10, honestly. That's a 10 for me, too. That's a good profile.

I got no notes. And there's one point where you almost dip into like bland territory where it's like, what do you want in a relationship? And like we find a lot of people just being like communication and genuineness. It's like, yeah, no shit. But you bring it back by like being specific and like knowing what you're about. So I love it. I love it.

It's very good. You got one? Oh, I got, yeah, I got non-audience ones. We'll alternate. I've got one more audience one, and then we'll do another one. Okay, this one affected me. So I'm just, get ready with your reactions. This is nameless, and that's probably for the best.

Fact about me that surprises people is the hinge prompt. Anthony Bourdain approached me in the subway two days before he died. I ignored him because I thought he was stoned. I still wonder if I could have saved him. I hope you carry that cross for the rest of your life. Because you took a great man from us. Why would he approach you unless you know him if you know him why we like the deporting he was all about seizing the moment he was all about he's

fucking stoned oh fuck it the birthday oh no he died but it was me like the arrogance and like the sorry response first already I already heard some rules but some half-hearted booing. Yeah. Just the arrogance and weirdness, and I'm going to use this man's death as part of my hinge profile? Yeah.

It's all bad. It's not great. What's wrong with stone people? What's wrong with stone people? Thank you. I would love to know. It doesn't really... It's not clear if they knew

it was Anthony Bourdain, or if it was just a a person being weird it seems pretty clear they knew it was him yeah because like if anthony bourdain was like i don't care how fucked up you are anthony bourdain if someone was if anthony bourdain came up to me was like hey man you got five dollars i'd be like yeah anthony Anthony Bourdain. Here's $5. It's weird. And I could have saved his life now. I'm going to give it a zero.

I hate it. It's very bad. This is another audience submitted question. It looks like it's Tinder. Let's go dancing tonight. I want someone I can cook for and watch movies and cuddle with my pets. I don't play with men and would not ask you to. Happily married. Searching for friends with benefit for myself only. Funny. Respectful. Don't take myself too seriously. We got some yes, we got some whoops, we got some soft claps.

I like it. This is one of those situations where it's a unconventional profile but it's very specific and clear as to what you're looking for and the boundaries in which you operate yes it was like they've they have experience in a good way yes like they know what they're about I love that the confidence the clarity there is personality. It's a little vague towards the end. They could be a little bit more specific instead of some shit be like instead of movies or whatever.

What movies? That's the thing. We always pinpoint that kind of stuff. If someone says, I like music, we'd way rather hear about the bands. Give us three or four bands. Or just one. Music is like, yeah, no shit. Who doesn't fucking like music?

Yeah. Hit us with, if you say you want to watch movies give us like a couple genre at the very fucking least uh so i'll give it like a nine just because i'm feeling generous i i think it's a nine you've made a good a very good point it reeks of personality and experience and experience i like right that's the important thing because I don't want to get involved with someone who's in a poly relationship who seems wishy-washy as to what their boundaries are. Yes, yes. All right, this is Edgar.

This is a Hinge snippet. My love language is physical abuse. Nah, I'm just playing. Just hold my arm when we go out and we cool. What? I love, here's the thing i hope that my hinge profile or any dating profile has never made i was gonna say a woman but i would say any human being say what yeah if you like what the fuck edgar it's not a funny joke. And it's, ugh, no.

Fuck you. Zero. Yeah, I mean, like, you could have, no. You could have not made a joke about physical abuse and then said you were joking and then said, but actually I'm not. You could have not done that, dude. Also. But hey, thank you for letting us know you're a piece of shit. Yeah, I don't like it.

I'll take it. It's bad. This is Jason, 25. He is self-unemployed Oh, I like that That's a cool thing Date idea I pick you up at 6pm We eat rotisserie chicken in the grocery store parking lot

And talk about aliens You'll be home by 9 We won people over with that We got some fans of rotisserie chicken aliens and jason yeah it is wild that you think that's gonna take three hours he's got a lot to say about aliens man he's got so much to say about aliens you know what this is one of those things where i do like that the picture is a picture of her oh yeah sorry the picture is a like a pretty sad looking rotisserie chicken socks it's not a good one uh it's certainly not what i would want to eat in a parking lot and also

what i assume is his arm and a raincoat and like a vitamin water resting on it it's a very bad photo it's not great but he's self-employed so we couldn't hire a photographer self-unemployed is my new favorite term it was it is pretty funny i feel like at the very least you know what you're getting with jason and it's not just rotisserie chicken in the parking lot talking about aliens it's also a man who may not have a home in a month yeah or currently or currently uh but it's kind of funny it's kind of funny. It's kind of funny. I'm giving it a six. That's the thing. We heard the applause.

Everyone loved it in a way. People were okay with it. And I think this is- Would you swipe? Who knows? But- But do you like him a little bit already? Yeah.

It's hard not to like Jason. This is Shane. This is our last one, and then we'll go into bad sex writing. Okay. Well, then are we we doing Shane or are we doing? Or are we doing name scratched out? Okay, we'll do two. Okay. Or are we doing big list?

No, okay. Shane, about me. You're single, I'm single. You know what that means? Nobody wants us. My cat videos on Instagram get 10k views every day they're a big deal I host a banger of a party and if you ever show up you'll see me in my speedo if you swiped right I'm going to assume you're toxic AF good thing I'm like a bull and charge headfirst to red flags oh boy it's there's there's a lot of good jokes in here and let me tell you as a cat owner i do want to see these videos i do want to see these cute kitties

um also maybe hire him as our social media manager because i could do a 10k 10k views every time every time damn got to hire some cats. To be fair, in the scheme of social media, 10K is actually not that much. Yeah, we beat that the other day. No biggie. No biggie. I'm going to give this a solid seven because I think there's enough humor here that I would be willing to overlook the things that might be a little too real. The thing I don't like is the toxic thing at the end when I charge towards red flags.

I feel like if it was without that, he would have won me back. That would have been like an eight. Yeah, if, yes. Maybe an, yeah, an eight. An eight. Yeah, okay. Was there a boo? No one agrees with that?

And then last one. This is, their name is scratched out again maybe for the best uh they're a verified tinder account i don't know if that's good uh not bad entrepreneur at braid hair five foot six inches and she says this is all in caps so should i yell it no we're an audio podcast please sure yeah dan gotta edit this uh so just imagine i'm yelling it i'm gonna say it the opposite i'm gonna say it very softly if you dick lil please do me a favor and don't do me no favors and no is spelt wrong oh no is spelt like so wrong like if you know things not but also they're spelling no the wrong no the wrong way yes

so if you dick little please do me a favor and don't do me no favors stay away if you broke don't waste my time don't want to hear about your ex here to have fun but not for long and and the icing on the on the cake no judgment zone no judgment zone we're in a we're in a safe space baby safe space unless you're broke or have a small dick or have an ex the you know what all of that bad hate it but the fact that you fucked up yeah you used the wrong no and spelt the wrong no the wrong way no no here to have fun but not for a long time that's not how you say it it's also just here to have fun but not for long are they dying maybe like hashtag terminal or they're just i don't know uh do do we do we like that one

we got some no's some half-hearted boos. You guys were so much more energetic earlier. Come on, give me a proper boo. There we go. There we go. Thank you very much, friends. Before we end our episode, I do want to remind you a couple things.

This is like a contractual obligation. There are two more events happening in Black Sheep in our Thirsty Thursday sort of series of stuff. Our next show, if you had a good time, October 26. So if you're a planner, a header, think about it. It's true. Fuck yeah. Amazing.

There's also cocktail classes that happen up here, which is cool as fuck. And it's happening very soon. September 25th or 8th? I'm not sure. I would have said 23rd. Okay. And October 19th. Also, we're starting a biweekly burlesque show.

I know some of the performers in this bad boy, and it's going to kick ass. I can guarantee you this is going to be a good night. The next show is October Friday the 13th. Doors open at 8, and then there's one on the 27th of October and November 10th. Again, I'm not going to say that Black Sheep is guaranteeing that there will be a death here. But me personally, I am saying you will see a person die also we do this podcast every Monday

in your ears so fbuddiespodcast.com or look up fuck buddies on every single app just google fuck buddies in your neighborhood yeah yeah and that'll just click those links so if you want to give us a listen there are cards around or ask us later or you know whatever we love you guys and

hopefully you love us right back okay you got some bad sex writing for me we do end the episode every day every day every time with some bad sex writing uh this one's gonna be very quick it's a post i found on twitter uh i'm not gonna read their out their name. Hold on. It's called X now. Fuck you. I'm not going to read out their name for their own, I guess, safety. And it's very quick. So they say, cheating on a girl who does all four holes is just greedy. What?

I've seen this. Someone just in the audience I don't know if the mic picked it up but I do want to repeat it said I've seen this someone using all four holes or this tweet sure I don't even really know what that means

nobody knows nobody knows it's provocative it gets the people going thank you very much my name is Dave Miller I'm now Spain thank you for coming out we've been your fuck buddies you