F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 271 - One Lip and Tongue Sucking Technique

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

We've finally recovered from our weekend in Philly, so here's a hot and fresh new episode.  This was recorded earlier this month, so if we talk about stuff that's already past... ignore it.  We're all adults here.  Topics include one position finish, a divisive red flag, nocturnal emissions, airport seduction, preparing the splash zone, sucking to success. Support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners and we answer them here every Monday. And we love you. We do. This week, we are talking about a doggy style finishing move. Not putting your shopping cart back. An expert's opinion on sucking a clit. Hitting on girls at the airport. And much more.

I was so focused on reading mine now, I have no idea what you even said. Let me tell you, my brain is still pretty much mush from this weekend, so I don't remember what I said either. Yeah. My post-con brain is foggy at best. It was a wonderful weekend. We performed in Philadelphia with our other podcast, for those

that aren't aware. It was great. Met some really cool people. It was a good time, it was uh it's a lot it's one thing like going to a new city i find always tires me out just because like your brain is firing on all cylinders to be like i want to take in all the stimuli i want to like learn things i want to know where i am so that's always very tiring and then like to spend half of the day in a place filled with like thousands of people and even more stimuli

and also being engaged in like talking to people and doing things and performing and it's just yeah i and then to go get drunk and fall in love with doreen it's true we this has nothing to do with the show and but i'm still going to talk about it we went to a karaoke bar as we are obligated to do. And it was this bar in the middle of a residential neighborhood. No other bars near it. We even went back another day and we were like, hey, what's in the area? And they were like, walking distance?

Nothing. Nothing. It was like a 16 minute walk through a lot of fog and a lot of houses. And it was a charming bar called Lesson Doreen's Happy Tap, I believe. Happy Tap, yeah. And hey, they weren't wrong. They were not wrong. It was just like this tiny local bar run by two very incredible ladies, Doreen and Sharon.

We got pretty... Fucked up? Yes. Alcoholically lubricated. and Sharon, we got pretty fucked up. Yes. Alcoholically lubricated because their deals were insane. And I did get close to professing my love, but I did let them know that

I'm pretty sure, and I meant this very seriously, that I think that was top two bar. I have a bar that is near and dear to my heart, which would take a lot to ever top but i think less than doreen's kind of like slid right in as like number two let's be fair these are two ladies who were not the youngest advanced in age yes quite i would say quite again no shade we. Nothing wrong with that.

And it was a Saturday night. It was busy. They were slinging drinks with a smile on their face. And I can't do that. I'll smile when I sling drinks anymore. Oh, yeah. And like they were. And it's funny because it was like.

Just everyone knew them and they knew everyone and it was the best. Anyway, let's do a fucking show. Let's do a show. Well, you've got to start, because you've read your question out first like a weirdo. Okay, I don't remember which one I said. Oh, here it is. This is ThatCauliflower9309. My boyfriend always puts me in doggy style when he's about to finish.

I feel like I, a 21-year-old female, may be overthinking this, but I already thought about it, so I figured I'd ask anyway. Recently, during sex, my boyfriend, 22-year-old male, has been putting me in doggy when he's about to come and always finishes like that. Usually, we start a missionary and work our way around from there, but somehow we always end up in doggy right before he's done. He used to pretty much always finish on my stomach and he'd look in my eyes or hug me tight and tell me how pretty I looked and XYZ. That was all super romantic. Now he'll just flip me around and go at it until he's done and it just feels really detached. I feel kind of gross about myself the more I think about it.

It honestly makes me wonder if he doesn't want to look at me when he finishes or needs to think about something else that's not me so he can finish and it makes me feel kind of sick sometimes he'll put me in doggy style position and we'll go at it for a few minutes before he just gives up says he can't anymore which makes me feel absolutely horrible and insecure am i overthinking things or something weird going on and can anyone relate slash offer advice, I can cut straight to the advice of, hey, maybe talk to him. Yeah. Like, you know, if you talk to him and you say, hey, you used to do this.

I really enjoyed that. That like, and that's a great place to start with what you enjoyed, the positives. You know what I mean? If you're like, hey, what you used to do, I loved, you know, and then be like, you seem to do it the other way all the time. Is there a reason? It's just, it's so good. It's a great step to take. It could be so many things.

I will say, sometimes if I historically have had a harder time finishing, if for some reason maybe, whatever it could be, sometimes you just need to get in the zone and, like, really just try to pound it out and, like, sometimes it's easier to do that if someone's not looking at you. You know what I mean? And also,

sometimes, like, you could really get, like, a torque from Doggy, you know what I mean, versus Missionary, or it just feels better. Like, it all depends on what you're feeling in that moment. It's definitely not the only reason I do doggy or anything but as an athlete doggy is my also doggy tends to be my finishing move because you get a nice butt view also it's like maybe i don't know i guess finishing on her stomach versus her back slash ass is kind of the same in terms of like messiness or whatever so i don't really know if that helps but

like it could be that he needs he really know if that helps. But it could be that he wants to get out of his head. It could be it feels a little bit better for him. I don't know. I would say that if it is a frequent occurrence that he's not finishing, like if this is something that never happened and

is now happening, I think we're entering into a territory of I don't think. Or like stress. We've talked about this. The long long list of things. That could make it difficult for a man to finish. So. I think.

I lean more towards the territory of like. This has nothing to do with you. This is something that. He has noticed has affected his performance one way or the other and is too insecure to talk to you about it. As a lot of men are, because a lot of men are, you know,

we're socialized to put our worth on our sexual prowess. And the second that starts to wane one way or the other, for whatever reason, we start to feel less like a man. Or, you know, we start feeling like we get insecure about it. And that only exacerbates the problem and makes it worse. So my guess is he probably really likes doggy style. And I know, I don't think it's uncommon for a lot of people to like

use doggy style as their finishing finishing because it's hot it's sort of like the porn position it's a great view as now said like you can stand and like go deeper harder i find it a really versatile position in terms of the benefits of doggy style and again as an ass guy like doggy style gets me gets me there pretty quick. So I usually save it till the end so that I don't get too excited too fast. Much like that. Sometimes there's positions for her and positions for you. You know what I mean?

It could be that you start off a missionary and blah, blah, blah, because he knows that's what you like. And then once you're finished, he's like, my turn. Yeah. And then he deploys the doggy style brigade. And again if you haven't told him. That this makes you feel lesser. Or unloved or whatever. You know.

How's he going to. Because like I said. I'm probably also going to. Wager very highly. That there is some stuff on his end happening on his mental focus that he's probably so wrapped up and insecure about whatever he might be

feeling currently that he's not clocking that right because like probably in his head again the way that we're socialized as men of being like he's probably getting so fucking frantic and be like I'm not going to finish or I can't come or and therefore less likely to come yeah so he's probably like i need to finish so that she knows that i think she's attractive and hot because if his whole thing was like i'm

gonna come all over you and then tell you how pretty you are if he's not coming then he's worried that probably that you're not thinking that you're as pretty and then that's what you're thinking you know i'm worried that like his insecurity and whatever is currently happening with him again if he's having difficulty finishing is feeding into your insecurity of being like oh I'm the reason

but then he's probably also feeling insecure about so now says it right off the bat you have to talk to him about it even if you just don't be like, Hey, why aren't you coming? Or Hey,

why do you only fuck me in doggy style? That's not the conversation. As now said, you have to bring it back and be like, Hey, I miss when you used to do this. And hopefully he's got the emotional capabilities to be like, Oh,

lately I've been having trouble finishing or whatever right and then you kind of work back there have the emotional capability to not be like is it because i'm ugly yes because like at that point in time then you can open up the conversation of being like cool is it something do you need more foreplay would you rather we finish with like a blow job would that be an easier way like and then you know kind of finishing figuring out would be beneficial for both of you or if it is a reason why it's not working you know i mean like if he's super stressed or if he started new meds or work is really stressful or if it is just kind of a death spiral where something went off and then that was

on his head and that happened again and now it's just like, you know, this miasma. It's way more likely that all those things are playing into it and far less likely that suddenly you're unattractive. You know what I mean? I know that's where a lot of our minds go, but it doesn't make sense. Unless you did something wild recently.

Yeah, maybe. Just got a bunch of face tattoos. Your new like poop baths that you've been taking. So I think it's worth having this conversation and then if the difference, if it's not doggy style if it's more the intimacy after

sex that you're missing because you're like oh he used to after doggy. And also regardless of whether he comes right like if he finished and he's like ah fuck what he's probably happening is the same thing that happens when like men lose their erections or whatever he gets insecure he gets defensive he gets angry and annoyed and frustrated and then like that's not exactly prime cuddle time so that's probably also factoring into it but if you're just like hey it doesn't matter like

i don't care if you don't finish it's fine but what i do care about is that you roll him over and tell him how pretty he is yeah yeah it's like let him know that you don't care that he hasn't finished what you do care about is the lack of intimacy and the lack of you know moments of enjoyment after sex right that's what you're missing and hopefully also if you're doing something you don't like which is you know doggy all the time let them know that too just like hey like no like i'm not coming at you or anything but like i do feel like it feels a little impersonal to me especially if that's all we do you know i like to be able to see you i like to be able to blah blah blah you know don't attack people and try to come at it as positively as possible. But like, if you feel a way,

well, I'm not. Yeah. This is by you up to you. My boyfriend doesn't put a shopping cart back. Red flag. Is that it? Yeah.

I mean, I guess a little bit. I think it would certainly ping for me. I don't know if it would be a deal breaker, but I would certainly be like, what are you doing? Well, there's the old saying where it's like like what is it that if you don't put a shopping cart back like it's the only like that's society that's civility that's politeness

is like it's such a small thing to stop anarchy yeah it shows me that like oh you're not super like there's a base level of like courtesy that you don't have and that troubles me in terms of, like, what that translates into elsewhere. You're either super lazy,

super ignorant, or a piece of shit, probably. Or all three. There's no good reason not to. Yeah. Like, so no matter what it is, yeah, I think it is a red flag. Either you don't understand why it would be important, you don't care, or you do understand and care but can't summon the energy to do it all three of which bad

yeah so i'm not sure again like i think there are far worse red flags i think like if you caught him beating his dog i would be like yes a much larger brighter red flag why do you feel the need to even qualify red Red flag's a red flag. Yeah, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, but I would certainly call them out on it because people have learned behaviors from sources. I don't think a fairly harmless red flag can't be taught. Yeah, but if you're an adult and you've grown up this long and you haven't rectified

that by now it's like again you're either super ignorant don't give a fuck or too dumb to have you know what i mean like i feel like it probably actually would be a pretty big deal breaker for me i feel like it represents you as a person pretty well and it's like if you've gotten this far in life without being able to be aware of your own actions to that point, it's like, damn. Okay. That's a good point. I would have a conversation with them, but again, it's like, if they're like, oh, I never thought about it, that doesn't bode well for you. It's their boyfriend, right?

Yes. Yeah. Hey, let me tell you right now, he's not gonna make you cum. This is too much effort for him? I mean, maybe. We don't know. Stan loves people that leave their cart around. That wasn't the question, so I assume that would be a bigger issue.

Oh, because we always just answer the question, Dane. Dane's not in the mood for jokes, guys. It's okay. I just haven't heard one yet. That was very funny. Hey, hey, hey. What are you staring at? Don't worry about it this is awful this is the worst podcasting

it's just you staring blankly and no word I was trying to see there's a part of me that thought we had a audience question and I can't access the wix fucking thing so if you send in a question we'll do it next week I guess

this is from Tangelo Substantial for Husband trying to demean me while I'm asleep for not having sex with him. What do you think this man does to demean his wife? I would love to know, based on that, the title question alone. While she's

asleep? It says trying to demean me? Hus says trying to demean me? Husband trying to demean me while I'm asleep for not having sex with him. Tweeting about her? Okay. My husband and I are in our late 30s, and he has a high sex drive, and I have a low one. Around four to five times over the last few years, when I've said no to sex, I wake up during the night to him jizzing on my face does anyone else's partner do this it's startling to wake up to and upsetting since i know he's

doing it out of anger for kind of petty revenge for not having sex with him i also wonder if it's some kind of sexual assault i should be making note of for a future divorce if that if his behavior continues we probably have sex twice a, and I would make more of an effort if I wasn't always exhausted from doing almost all the housework and looking after the kids, as well as being the sole breadwinner working two jobs while he's on his third startup company, which in over two years still hasn't made any income. And let me guess, he doesn't return a shopping cart.

I just say, P.S., he returns a shopping cart all the time. Oh, okay, so he's done the very bare minimum of one thing. Because this thing, shopping cart isn't even a bonus. It's not like you get points for doing it. You just lose points for not doing it. I'm never going to return a shopping cart now for you. If you want to be a piece of shit,

that's on you. Yeah, this person sucks. It doesn't say at any point they've said, hey, don't do that. I would love to know, have they said, hey, don't do that? Like, I can't imagine waking up and being like, oh, you're jizzing. Like, what conversation have you had after this? Like, was it not like, hey, what the fuck are you doing? In general, I don't understand how things go on after that.

But after the second time like if somehow you've made it past the first one after the second time yes maybe this is why I'm go so easy on the shopping cart thing because I knew this question was in my back pocket and I'm like we want to talk

red flags like we want to talk red flags it's like if someone's having a bad day and you don't want to talk red flags? It's like if someone's having a bad day, and you don't want to be like, no, I actually know this guy who's having a bad day, so yours doesn't count. You know, that's what I'm trying to do, is not belittle people's experiences just because one's out there. Yeah, if someone's having a slightly better day than me, like, if I stub my toe, and you're like, oh yeah, I kind of like lightly bonked my old shoulder, your shoulder doesn't matter. Exactly. Only my bonked toe. Yeah, this sucks

and is awful and break, like, break up with them. I just, I need to know what has happened in the interim between one, like, did you just go weird? Because even now being like, hmm, do other people's partners do that? Is this bad?

I kind of worry that maybe you haven't had this conversation. Well, I worry about a lot of things. You're in your late 30s. And if you don't know if it is a common occurrence to wake up to your partner ejaculating all over you without your consent. And you're like, is this a thing? Do people always do that? It's like, I'm sure there are couples that do this.

You know what I mean? I'm sure this isn't a unheard of thing. But I would hope that it is a thing. Like, it is a fetish. It is a kink. It is a pre-approved action the way that i think you should also like i know there's a lot of people who are like oh it'd be really sexy to like wake someone up with a hand job or wake someone up with a blow job or you know finger

them to wake them up and it's like could be hot but yet that's something you kind of have to talk about beforehand because you're still initiating a sexual act consent when you're fucking asleep yes and that is like at the bare minimum of it it doesn't seem like you enjoy it and you didn't you certainly didn't consent to it so this is this is problem town and i don't understand why so many people need to hear that from someone else. Yeah. It's annoying for me that I'm bringing up conversations that they had because like, I'm not, I don't want to say that it's okay if she didn't talk about it or anything,

but like, if this happens and you don't say anything, presumably going to do it again. I mean, like if you're not comfortable with something, you have to speak up for your own sanity and safety unless again you think doing so will endanger you i just don't understand how you couldn't like instinctually be like what the fuck are you like if i woke up yeah and you were smearing peanut butter all over me i would be like what the fuck are you doing like i wouldn't just be like oh peanut butter on the face huh and then

there's a roll over go Is this what friends do? I was in Philadelphia last weekend, and I woke up, and he tried to demean me because I kept licking things on stage. Smeared me in peanut butter. Is this a normal friend thing? There's nothing that someone could do to me while I was sleeping without, like, me previously agreeing to, where I wouldn't wake up and be like what the fuck are you doing my cat meows very loud and the first thing I say when he wakes me up is I'm always like what the fuck are you meowing

about and he's a cat he can't answer me and he probably doesn't know he probably doesn't even know what he's meowing about it's wild this sucks your partner seems to suck also like actually he does suck because everything he's doing he's not working he's burning money and he comes on you without consent

while you're sleeping multiple times so ditch this man it sounds like there's no life yeah your life only gets better if you remove this dude he's not helping you with anything he's not contributing anything to your life and he is as you said like you asked like oh is this a sexual yes it is someone has done a sexual act to you without your consent that's pretty much the definition of it this is bad yeah so i don't understand why you would want to stay with this person but it sounds like at the minimum you need to be like yo get your shit together and stop assaulting me

like just dump this man just divorce him yeah because I feel like much like the shopping cart situation where it's like at this point in time that one was fine it is that at this point in time you're right Dan would like to stick to his previous point of, it's fine, who cares?

He's not murdering you. You're right, Dane. I was just saying, I don't think I would freak out about a shotman. Coming at me with zero energy here, Dane. It's okay. Jizzing on the face seems to have woken you up a little bit. Yeah. It's one of those things where it's like, I don't think

having a conversation is even worthwhile at this point. No, and that's like, it things where it's like, I don't think having a conversation is even worthwhile at this point. No, and that's, like, it's weird that I, like, I don't know. I don't even know why I mentioned it, because even when I finished it, I'm like, just dump it. Because there's so many problems here, and they're all bad. They're all so bad. Usually we say it's like, oh, the best time to have a conversation

other than when it happened is now. At this point in time, it's like, that conversation should have happened immediately. It should have happened when you felt the sperm hit your face. Yes. And then you should have been like, what the fuck? And even then, I don't know if you should have gotten to the end of that conversation without an immediate divorce.

Yeah. This is terrible. This guy's a piece of shit. And if at any point in time, anyone listening, if you think it's okay to retaliate against your partner in any way because they don't want to have sex with you and I don't care if it's giving them the cold shoulder

I don't care if it's you know being kind of shitty and mean or being vindictive like it doesn't matter what it is if they don't want to have sex with you then you don't have there's no grounds in which you get to punish your partner for that. Yeah.

And if you do, you're a piece of shit. Yes. This is ruckus is best support from seduction. How do you hit on girls at the airport? Well, I need more context because I need to know whether he's an airport employee or an airport traveler.

I'm pretty sure he's an airport traveler again is that that's just we have no other contacts he's just this man's just some pretty brief some pretty brief questions this week this man's just at the airport being like how do i hit on them i mean i would say like step number one you gotta be there for a reason you can't just be hanging out at the airport yeah well the thing is if you do that it won't be a problem between you and them it'll be You've got to be there for a reason. You can't just be hanging out at the airport. Yeah, well, the thing is, if you do that, it won't be a problem between you and them. It'll be a problem between you and TSA. Yeah.

Look, the airport is a place where everyone, no one is having a good time at the airport. It doesn't matter how excited you are for a trip. The airport is a place of discomfort, anxiety, panic. Like, it doesn't matter if you're like, yeah, it's like no one's in a good mood at the airport is a place of discomfort anxiety panic like it doesn't matter if you're like yeah it's like no one's in a good mood at the airport regardless of how good of a mood they're in because there is that underlying tone of you know do i have my passport do i have my boarding pass maybe not maybe there are some people who don't aren't as fucking neurotic as me of being like but like you're lugging shit around, so you're always too warm. You have to keep track of shit.

Nothing's comfortable. Everything's expensive. You're waiting. These days, everything's fucking delayed. Maybe your friend's passport expired, so he had to run home and get an Uber back to his place to get his other passport that isn't expired just to rush back.

It almost gets you, you know, not on your flight. You know, things, normal things that happen at airports are not fun. There's definitely kids. There's kids running around. The person beside you took their shoes off. Yeah. Someone keeps taking your shopping cart and putting it away. Let's go back.

You try to sleep and you wake up with someone jizzing on you. Yeah, Jesus. But like, also, at the same time, it is kind of a social environment a little bit like so i think the same rules for life apply right so if there's a girl you find who is attractive and she's sitting at the gate waiting with her headphones in leave her alone yep oops if she's sitting there and she's reading leave her alone you know what i mean like if she's sitting there and she's reading, leave her alone. You know what I mean? Like if she's not actively seeking out your attention or so, you know what I mean?

Like just leave her alone. Like she's just trying to fucking get through, right? If you're at an airport bar and someone's sitting beside you, like at the bar, yeah, by all means have a cursory conversation. But like,

if you kind of say one or two things and they nod and then return to what they're doing, leave them alone. If they turn their chair to face you and start chatting, great. Talk. And if things go well, you can hit them with the old, oh, I don't know, find out where the fuck they're going and coming from, right? If they're flying to fucking Zambia and they're from Ireland and you're from fucking Pennsylvania and you're going to Toronto, you're not going to see them again. So fucking leave it.

You know what I mean? That's kind of my thing. I was like, this is literally the worst place to hit on women or anyone, because like the reason you're all at an airport is because you're going somewhere and the likelihood that you guys are going to the same place for the same amount of time, or like you would have to hope that it's like,

you're presumably going on a trip for a reason right be it with your friends or family or whatever so it's like are you even going to have time to go with this random person and are they going to have time to go with this you know I'm more saying that it's like the only hope you have is that you're both from the city you're

starting at and that even is the likelihood of that is even pretty slim. The even best cases suck because if you hit on them and they're like, oh, they're going to go have their trip, you're going to have your trip. By the time you get back, they're like, who? I just looked at the

fucking Leaning Tower of Pisa. I've forgotten all about this airport scrub. Have you seen that Leaning Tower? It's not the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but there is, I think it's an Italian tower. That is, they've known terrible tower builders. They're just like, yeah, at any

second this thing's gonna fucking fall and we don't know, we don't know what to do about it. Put a phone case under it or something. Yeah. Do what I did with my Christmas tree and just duct tape. Exactly. Duct tape, it's amazing. So I think it's very hard. And I want to specify this one as well.

If you get on a plane and a girl sits down beside you, just don't, you have seven hours together. You're not going to talk for seven hours. And if you try to, you're going to ruin this person's life. They're going to want to kill you or die or both. There's nothing worse than when you're stuck in an airplane beside someone who's talking to you and you like they won't stop.

Even if they're nice, that very rapidly becomes old because like you don't want to talk to a stranger for 20 minutes, let alone seven hours. Yeah, and it's like, look, there's always exceptions to things. There's always moments of like maybe something wild happens on the planet. You look at each other and you strike up a conversation. I don't think this is the place to work on your game moves because it's so counterintuitive to

the whole point of the thing. Even outside of the stresses of travel and the situations of everyone's temperaments and everything, the likelihood that you guys are going to ever be able to grab a drink together is so slim

that what the fuck is the point so just it's way easier just make traveling better and don't yeah and as always if you do talk to someone you need the emotional intelligence the social intelligence the wherewithal the kindness

the empathy to know when to fucking leave gracefully be that okay well i'm gonna put my headphones in watch this movie or to turn around and finish your sandwich or to walk the fuck away please don't be that fucking person who's just like oh no you're trying to sleep? Hey. Also, I found the audience question. Okay. I don't know if you want to do it now, on the show, or like a live show we're in. No, let's do it now.

Do you want me to read it? For some reason, I can't access it. But we have to what? We have to do it quick, because I did say we were going to do the clit sucking in the intro. We've already done two questions each. Yeah. This was going to be my quick one.

Well, do you want to just do it? No, let's do the audience question. That's the most important thing in the world to me. I'd rather be a liar. I'd rather be branded a liar forever than leave our audience in the lurch. This is going to be... So we have an audience question. We'll read it out here.

They didn't provide an agent name, so I will, and it's going to be Agent Blastoise. Nice. They say, I've been with my boyfriend almost a year. In the beginning, things were wild, and he loved when I squirted.

He recently got a new bed and sheets. Last night, we were having sex, and I squirted. When we changed positions, he and sheets. Last night we were having sex and I squirted. When we changed positions, he saw the wet spot in the bed and immediately lost his erection and started taking the sheets off the bed. I can't control when I squirt, and now I feel like I don't want to have sex again, if that's his reaction to it.

Any advice? Sorry, did he say he got a new bed as well? Or just sheets? He got a new bed and sheets. Okay, look, I get it. I have recently purchased a new bed and sheets. Okay, look, I get it. I have recently purchased a new bed as well. And I was like, hey, I'm going to do, I'm going to put in a lot more effort than

I did when I was a 20-year-old young man and try to maintain, I flip it. I flip that thing the way you're supposed to. You know what I mean? Like I got that thing the way you're supposed to. You know what I mean? Like, I've got that bed rotation schedule going. So I do put in a lot more effort into making sure

my bed, at least the mattress itself, is protected. And if there is someone that I sleep with that I know is a particularly juicy sort. Some kind of blastoicy

war turtle. Yeah. Then I just put a little extra bedding down. So I'll make sure that I've got the duvet up and I make sure that I've got an extra blanket to really I've got a very absorbent

Yeah. I find that towels like in my experiences towels never do anything I find that like a slightly thicker blanket like a throw blanket is like look it's still going to soak through but I'm like the hope is that

the layers yes and also maybe say just a second happens switch the towels the layers. You know what I mean? Yes. And also maybe, well, no. Say just a second happens. Switch the towels. But like, I mean, there's also, if it's if that's what you want to do, like

cling film, there are like sheets that you can get for squirters that you can like, that are water repellent. Right? So if that's, if his big issue is to, and look, everything's fucking expensive, man. Beds are expensive. Mattresses are expensive.

So I get it. So maybe be like, hey, look, I know that you're trying to preserve the quality of your mattress. So I bought this sheet. It's not like the things you used to put down on like kids beds. Like it doesn't crinkle. It's not like the things you used to put down on, like, kids' beds. Like, it doesn't crinkle. It's not like a fucking tarp. It's literally just, like, waterproof fabric.

That sounds great. And, like, I think, you know, you're the one doing the squirting. I think it's a pretty kind thing to be like, oh, I noticed that, you know, it sucked the other day when you got the new stuff, blah, blah, blah. And also, like, I hope you can understand where he's coming from. You know what I mean? You're always going to be at your most, like, you know, if you spill fucking sauce on your t-shirt, you're going to be like, ah, shit. But if you spill sauce on your brand new t-shirt, you're like, fuck, like, this sucks.

You know, they could be a night runner. So, hopefully, you're empathetic enough to know where they're coming from. Like, I'm sure it wasn't on, like, they're not annoyed at you. You know what I mean? I'm sure it was just like, ah, shit, I just got these. They're new. And like, sometimes things like that, which I would label adult purchases, it's weird that we like, we can put extra, we can put things on them that doesn't really make sense. Or it's like, oh, I've got my new bed.

I'm really going to get my shit together. You know what I mean? Like, it's a new start. It's a step forward. Like your desk. We don't have, yeah, exactly, a've got my new bed. I'm really going to get my shit together. You know what I mean? Like, it's a new start. It's a step forward. We don't have... Yeah, exactly. A desk. That's exactly how I feel. I'm going to get this new desk. I'm going to be like, oh, look at me. I'm amazing. I'm doing

all this work. I'm not going to be stressed by my work anymore. I'm going to be on top of things. I won't be burnt out. Yeah, because a desk will fix those things. It won't. It won't at all. It might. It could be a real cool desk. It could be a real cool death it'd be a really cool desk but like we don't have the usual hallmarks of adulthood that all of our parents were able to achieve very easily you know i mean like we don't have houses really we don't have families

really you know what i mean like most of those standard steps are kind of like either withheld from us entirely or pushed further down the line so it's like things like this are kind of like either withheld from us entirely or pushed further down the line. So it's like things like this are kind of the only little adult ticks we get to put in the box. So, I don't know. I hope you understand where he's coming from. I think if you buy this

protective thing, it's going to be a kind gesture on your behalf. It's going to show you care about what they are going through and that you are attentive and then you get to have sex. gesture on your behalf. It's going to show you care about what they are going through and that you are attentive and then you get to have sex. So, all good. Yeah, it's... I'm impressed that this man chose

bed over sex because there have been times where I've been hooking up and I've been like, this is going to fuck some shit up. But like, I'm in it at that point. It's too late at that point too. This thing is like, look, if the squirt has squirted, then the squirt squirted, man. Yeah. If you've already deployed your hydro cannon, you know?

If you've used bubble gun. I would say just like, you know, take... Even if this isn't a new bad, it's like, do you want to just be washing your sheets all the time or having grotty sheets? Nah. So be proactive. It's not time or having grotty sheets? Nah. So be proactive. It's not even that. It's your adult purchase. It's the mattress stains as well. Exactly. You can also get waterproof

mattress protectors as well. So the sheets, you know, you can do, but yeah. Okay, let's do this one really quick. This is DisastrousTan369. Need help from experts. In brackets. Sucking clit. Hello everyone. How can I suck clit properly? I really can't understand and I watch Need a Hartley video and more. Should I do it just with lips

without tongue? Or just with upper lip and tongue? What is the technique? Really can't understand. Thank you. Yeah, I can't. Let me tell you. The mental image of sucking with one lip and tongue. Stop. Kind of works, but it's weird. Yeah. Well, we're going to win an award for that audio, for sure. Please tell me he wrote a little piece of why he wants to suck a clit.

I mean, I think it's pretty clear. He wants to be a good partner. He wants to, he knows that the clit is a sensitive spot that should be treated with care and attention. I think he wants to be a good sexual partner in which he can perform presumably adequate oral sex. But I think he's missed, I think he's missed a bit of the point of the clit. So, what I'm worried is that he thinks that's all there is to it.

Yes, I also agree. Okay, great. We're on the same page. I thought you were like, no, no, he wants to add to his repertoire. And I'm like, no, I don't think... I think he thinks this is the repertoire. Yes. Great. We're on the same page. We're both concerned concerned but we like where he's coming from yeah i think he thinks that like i want to perform oral sex and sucking

the clit is that yes is what i would guess and it's part of that and i'm sure again i'm sure there are people who just want their clit sucked and that brings them right to fucking pleasure i don't know maybe i don't know like yes it's definitely a part of it uh in my people who can orgasm simply from nipple play without and you know i mean it's like there's all sort of things that derive pleasure so i'm not gonna stay here and be like no you're no it's just impossible i know it's perfect but i think what you need to do is understand that the clit is a, it's like a penis. It's not a one trick pony. Having my dick licked feels good.

Having it sucked feels good. Having it stroked feels good. All those things feel good. It's not like when I get a blowjob, I just want one thing. I just want my own. And then people talk about like sucking dick and it's like if someone got your dick and just literally sucked it and that was it you probably would have blood clot issues at some point or they give you like a very kicky or something very little

sucking actually takes place exactly right so i think that's where the disconnect is happening here and it's like by means, suck a clit. It helps to draw blood into the clit, which makes it more engorged, which makes it more sensitive. But like, in my experience, the sucking has been very minimal. So my suggestion to you is, when I perform oral sex, I always have a very slight amount of suck. Suck. And that is like, that's kind of like my secret weapon of

keeps you latched on, like a cookie cutter shark. Exactly. And, as Nell said, like, it also helps keep everything sort of in place. You know, I make sure to expose the clitoris from under the clitoral hood. You get a little bit of sucking tension.

My cheeks are never, like, indented in. I'm not trying to fucking, you know, suck it off. But what I'm trying to do is alternate sensations, right? So it's like I don't do it the whole time. If I'm going, usually, if I'm going to increase the pressure of my tongue, so flex my tongue and not use a soft tongue, I reduce the sucking pressure if I'm going to increase the tongue pressure.

If I'm going to a more like a softer tongue, then I'll increase the sucking pressure. And if Dan does them both at the same time, he goes right through your hips and it's horrifying. I'll kill you. You'll die. Yeah. From pleasure. Like a bullet train, just one side to the other.

Yeah, I definitely think you need to dial it back on the sucking. Not you. The question asker. Yeah, I would love to know what the Nina Hartley video is, because is the Nina Hartley video just about sucking, or is it about oral sex, and you heard her say suck the clit, and that's what you focused on? If only one of us who had the question had looked up a Nina Hartley video before we got on here. Well, Nina Hartley's a porn star. Okay. I didn't watch the video, no. Hartley sucking clit.

Yeah. So I was like, okay, so this guy probably saw this video and was like, that's it. That's the thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's apparently a, like like a porn tutorial thing yeah so open your horizons and look up other videos and read other articles about oral sex because it's not just that the same way that blowjobs aren't just one thing yeah and also if you had to get one thing if you were like something like guns your head and you're

like you can only do one thing to a click you would probably have the least amount of success with just sucking yes so it's like focus on the rest by all means add sucking in but like licking way better it's gonna be way better for you there and it's also like don't go in being like i know how to eat pussy because i know this thing because let me tell you i pride myself on my oral skills and every woman is a new a new puzzle to solve right so it's like that's like the fun that's the fun of being with new partners and like it's also very rewarding to be like i started with no idea of what you're into and like you figure it out and then it's fucking great it's like yeah it's the best so don't put all your stock into like one move and certainly don't take

an internet porn video and not to say that this is an educational video. It could very well be. I know there are quite a few porn stars who have like shifted into, it seems to be framed that way, but I was also going to say like, maybe don't trust porn. So maybe that's unfair, but I don't know if she's telling you to just suck, maybe don't trust porn. Yeah.

But I mean, again, like she might just being like, if you're going to suck a clit, here's how you do it. And this guy has just being like, you're going to suck a clit. Here's how you do it. And this guy has just been like, that's all you do. Stop that. Hate it.

OK, let's move into Tinder's real quick because time's a ticking. At the end of the episode, we're going to jump onto online dating platforms such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge in an effort to make your online dating experience by looking through profiles to see what works, see what doesn't work. Do you have any or am I opening up an app? You're going. You're saving mine for the show. Introducing Dark Mode. Hell yeah. Okay. Get those really grim

profiles going. I've got a problem for you, Tinder. It's been Dark Mode for a very long time. Okay. This is Jess. It's been dark mode for a very long time. Okay. This is Jess. She's 39. Her profile says, if we match, actually say hi. LOL.

Is that it? That's it. I'm glad you're so interesting. That's a three. This is... What are you giving it? Oh, yeah. No, I'm giving it a one.

Well, I'm giving it a two. It's not a profile. Yeah. This is Aviva. I'll stay up late if there's karaoke and or dancing involved. Tell me your favorite palindrome. Is it me, though? It's going to be me.

In search of love and or pizza. 510. And then a location. I don't want children. I like it. It's nice. Gets a personality personality you seem funny the palindrome thing's strange and i like that so it's going to be eight yeah i'd like the fact

that you know your name is the palindrome and you're gonna you're gonna use that that's but i hate the fact that the word palindrome isn't it's very strange that they did that isn't it yeah like come on i mean it's, I can't remember what it is. One of the fears of, like, long words is a really long word. So, I think... That's what we call an asshole. I think a lot of those, them language folks... Because it was probably, like, Palindronius who found out,

who came up with it. Jesus. Tinder's fucking crazy now, man. What the fuck? Look at this. Look at this. Watch, if I go to super like it goes in like wait what do you see like the fucking oh yeah it's to deal with the tiktok

generation yeah jesus it's just become fortnite sorry i know that doesn't really mean anything to anyone in a audio scenario but like when i go to like someone, a big like with green fire appears on it. It's very cool. This person also doesn't have a profile. Okay, here we go. This is Christine. Currently doing my PhD in social work at the University of Toronto with a focus on addictions, health promotion, and public health

policy. Animal lover, progressive, fully vaccinated, fan of meaningful conversations. 5'8". Yeah, that's fine. fan of meaningful conversations. 5.8. Yeah, that's fine. Fan of meaningful conversations is just such a fucking boring thing to say. It's your shopping cart, I get it. It's just... I'll give it a 6.

I'm giving it a 7 because I think just out of the current framework of profiles, this is certainly on the line, it's just so bland. This is symbols. I don't know. I think it's another language. Oh, here we go.

Hi, I'm ribbon. I live in Bangkok from Thailand and I know Thailand so far from you, but what do you think we have airplanes for? Absolutely. We're there for traveling, passion and love. Are you ready for long distance relationships adventures?

Wink. Star, use Tinder passport. Star, star, learning English. Star, star, star, please give me some respect. Single, never married, no kids. Okay, for me, it's gonna be a zero because I don't want a long distance relationship or to have to

fly to see someone. And also the scam slash bot powers are awakening. Maybe if you're if you're in love with a if you really, really want a long distance relationship, this is the one for you. But no one wants them. So it's going to be a two. Yeah, I got news for you, Ruben. I don't want to date someone in the east end of my city, let alone the east end of the world. So that's going to be, it's going to be a zero.

I got one here for you. Okay. This is Nadia, 26. Who wants to make me really happy and take me to Cartier this weekend? Star, eyes emoji, and handbag emoji. That's, I gotta say 10, cause I've just been dying to buy someone a handbag. Yeah, like someone I don't know, I would love to just drop a few hundred on

a stupid bag for them. It'd be fucking great. You know that male urge to just buy a handbag for a stranger? Right? Like a really stupid, like overpriced handbag? Yeah. Okay, this is my last one. This is Olivia. Always down to explore the city, find good

restaurants, enjoy the nature. Badminton is my favorite. Happy to try something new. Oh, I really know how to cook. And then they have a little thing here because I guess this is something that Tinder does now. It says, message me if you also love badminton. A narrow

casting question, but I love it. I'll give it a seven. The weird thing is, out of all of her pictures, not a single badminton picture. Yeah, she's too busy playing. So fast-paced, you think she shows up on a fucking camera, moving

at that speed? That's the only way I can know someone's really a badminton player. If you don't have a picture of you just blurred on a court. Hey, I don't believe you smashed that little birdie. You don't think she's minting? I don't think she's a minter. I don't think she's a birdie smasher. I think this is a false profile.

She's not going to shuttle that cock? Oh, is it called? No, it's called a birdie, right? It's a shuttlecock. Is it called birdie in badminton? Or am I crazy? Or do they just call shuttlecock so that we don't say cock in high school? Maybe.

I'm pretty sure a birdie is what you score in golf. That's a, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's been our show, friends. Thank you very much. We have a live show coming up tomorrow as you're listening to this. Christmas, our XXXmas Spectacular.

It's my birthday show. Our Christmas Spectacular. Yes, it is Niall's sexy birthday show. It's really lucky for you guys. I don't hate what you're doing over there on the camera. Niall's taking his shirt off. You don't hate it? I hate it, I don't hate what you're doing over there on the camera. Niles taking his shirt off.

You don't hate me. I hate. I don't like it. Honestly, it's a present to you guys because the last show we did was my birthday show. This one is Niles' birthday show. That's two back-to-back birthday shows. So if you missed my show, you goofed it. You goofed it so

hard, but there's another birthday show. And on top of that, it's also our sexmas show. So, I don't know what you're doing if you're not at this show. So, you have one day to buy tickets. If you don't want to be frisky and festive, what's left? Nothing. There's only

one F left that you could be in. It's forlorn. Yeah. Or Fortnite. Okay, if you're at home playing Fortnite, we'll give you a pass. Yeah, you have to send us a picture of your cool skin. Yeah. Or Fortnite. Okay, if you're at home playing Fortnite, we'll give you a pass. Yeah, you have to send us a picture of your cool skin. Yeah. Please come. It's always a lot of fun, and yeah,

there's some fucking cool people coming, so be one of them. Thank you very much for listening. Oh, you can get the tickets on our website, by the way. Yes. Fbuddiespodcast.com. You can go to live shows, scroll down, you'll see it. You just click reserve, and you can get the tickets on our website, by the way. Yes, fbuddiespodcast.com. You can go to live shows, scroll down, you'll see it. You just click reserve and you can buy some tickets.

Yeah, thank you, Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for our song Paper Stars. And are you ready for some bad sex, Dane? Yeah. My boy. Mm-hmm. This is a comment on the new GTA 6 trailer. Oh, fantastic. This is going to be good. By Mr. Oh, fantastic. This is gonna be good.

By Mr. Duck Yo Taco. So we waited this long for the main character to be a woman? I guess females really are taking advantage of the world now. SMH. Shaking my head. Shaking my head at you, Rockstar Games. Can I just tell you that this-

I'm the woman really taking advantage of this world. Yeah. Just really taking advantage of this world. Yeah. Just really taking advantage of my video game protagonists. Hey, let me tell you, the thing I do in those games, the crimes I commit in those games, people can't be mad at me if it's a woman

doing them. That's where I'm gonna leave it. Thank you very much. My name is Dan Miller. And I'm Niles Spang. We've been your fuck buddies.