F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 272 - If You’re Poor, Curfew For Sure

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

We're just two sleepy lil guys doing their best.  Topics include funeral crashing, have girlfriend now, girlfriend curfew, husband's threesome tastes, exiled to the couch, getting 500 Days of Summer'd.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello, I'm Dane Miller And I'm Dane Miller. And I'm Niles Spain. And we're your fuck buddies.

This is a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations, turn them into sexy, sticky situations. I don't know what's happening, but we're a sex and dating advice podcast where we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners. And we answer them right here, right now, in your ears, in your minds your minds and this week we're going to talk about condoms at funerals sleeping with a friend curfews and ultimatums and being insecure do you have your smooth morning voice on this is my smooth morning voice you're tuning into fckB In the morning FCKB Udies Today on Udies Uh We should just call the podcast Udies

We should, we really fucked up when we named this show On summary levels, yeah I'm just gonna go into it Or do you wanna talk about how tired we are? No, it's weird, I think this is probably the earliest we've ever recorded this show yeah at the unreasonable hour of 1130 hey it's 1120

yeah oh it is sorry I thought it said 1137 sorry my eyes haven't fully opened from my morning slumber like a newborn mole yeah alright it's by broke pigeon sales after a recent study found one in eight Born mole. Yeah. All right. It's by Broke Pigeon Sales.

After a recent study found one in eight men under 35 admit to taking condoms to funerals just in case. What's your experience with this? I'm trying to think if I ever wore a condom to a funeral. I like to be really prepared. You just put them on your eyes to catch the tears? I mean, I think I haven't been to a whole lot of funerals and like the last one i went to was in the middle of covid so it was literally just my family so i don't really know what i would need a condom for in that case is this all just like is this just a bunch of people who watch wedding crashers is that why

i don't know I also want to know like is there a difference okay I guess it seems like they're doing it on purpose not just like they had a condo on them and went to a funeral I've never done this yeah I've never thought like oh I'm going to a funeral better

you never know never know what's gonna happen there I don't want to fuck after a funeral. And that's important. I also feel like, and maybe this is just because my family has been so small, that, like, funerals are almost predominantly either old people or your family. Or both. Well, I guess if you go to, like, a friend's funeral. Yeah.

Or, like, you know, like, a friend's family funeral or something. Yeah, like like a friend's funeral yeah you know like a friend's family funeral or something yeah like generally it's a weird mix i also just think like i've been to a bunch of funerals without condoms and like i've never been like oh geez damn really wish i had my little a little rubber boy it's always been like oh i'm sad now deploy the hugs yeah i assume it is a like a just a subliminal messaging from wedding crashers for sure chas reinhold and his legendary and visionary idea of crashing funerals yeah i also feel like some men are so desperate that i bet you if you expanded that survey and asked them where they took condoms anywhere else just in case the list would not end or it certainly wouldn't be a list of places that you'd want to even think of like using a condom so i don't know

it's yeah i don't think there's i mean if study says it, if you did a study and you did it, I guess it's happening. But I don't think it's a practicality. I'd like to see what the study is for people who used said condom. Yes. There, you know what I mean? I think that would be a much more interesting study, because I would imagine it would be like one in a hundred. I'm not going to say it's impossible.

Yeah. be like one in a hundred. I'm not going to say it's impossible. Yeah, but I think it would be a very, very small selection of people who decided to bring a condom to a funeral. Yeah. But hey, they say grief is the best aphrodisiac. And who is they? Will Ferrell.

Yeah, Will Ferrell from The Wedding Crashers. What? There's a comment that just says that. Anyway. Oh, someone else says Morning Wood. Ah. Love it. Classic.

This is from Weird Coast. I, male 18, slept with my friend. Now what? This is very new, and I'm a bit worried about what's to come. For context, I was with my friend, Gina, in her dorm, just trying to comfort her as she had been recently cheated on, and I was trying to help her get over the douche by just being nice. We've been watching shows- Would you say she was in mourning of her relationship? I think it could be.

It was a funeral. A funeral for a relationship some might say uh we've been watching some shows ate popcorn stuff we've done a hundred times and suddenly she changes the tune she was all calm and slightly depressed to just i don't know if normal is the right word but just back to her pre-dump self she asked me if i was a virgin still i replied that i was and things just kind of took off from there. When it was over, I didn't have time to stay and ask for details because the roommate was outside, pissed

off at the noise. Now I'm trying to piece together what I do now. Did I just land a girlfriend? Did I become a rebound? Or am I just a dick she can use to get over her ex? I know we always advocate for communication, but I do love that he's like i didn't get to ask for details just imagine being like details details now details please details please

okay firstly did you land a girlfriend sir no sir no maybe it's the beginnings of something that might lead to one maybe not but, you don't just have girlfriend now. That's not how it works. And I'm actually quite annoyed at the amount of questions we continue to get where people don't fucking get this. Yeah. It's not like something happens and then girlfriend switch gets flipped up and it just stays up. You know what I mean? Like, it's not just a binary of like, not girlfriend to girlfriend.

There's a lot of gray space and there's a lot of work you got to go put into not saying that like. There's also a very, very important decision you both need to make together openly and expressly for this to happen, which if it hasn't happened you ain't no girlfriend and the thing is you also like if you have to ask the question do i have a girlfriend you don't you don't because that's a very clear line in the sand that gets drawn or at least it very well fucking should be if you leave a situation and you're just like huh are, are we dating? Are we boyfriend girlfriend now? Are we mutually exclusive? You're not. Even if the conversation

you just... Even if they think that you are too, you're still not. Yeah. They've also fucked up. If you leave the conversation that just had where it's like you think that's what the point of the conversation was, until someone actually says, hey, I would like to be exclusive

with you, you know, what are your thoughts on that? And the other person says, yes, I would like to be exclusive with you, what are your thoughts on that? And the other person says, yes, I would like that also. And you have to do that literally that way. Legally, if you don't say those exact words in that exact way, you're not boyfriend and girlfriend. I know this might be shocking to a lot of you to find out that your relationships have been... A lie, honestly. A travesty, even. Illegal.

Yeah. An unlawful union. Yeah, absolutely disgusting in the eyes of God. Jibo's looking at you every day, shaking that head. Shaking that beard. Let me tell you, so am I. I see Dane's beard shaking right now. Just wiggling, independently on its own.

It's going. So that's step one. Step two. Are you a rebound? Odds are yes. Massively. I'm going to lean to yes, my dude. I would say, you know, 99.5% chance that is what happened.

If not 100%. And now there are two types of rebounds. There is the rebound, but she still wants to see you or continue doing things. Or the rebound of one and done, my good son. But it does sound like they have an ongoing

friendship. So I really hope that her emotional state and maybe decision making processes aren't firing on the best levels because she is upset that hopefully she hasn't tanked this relationship

like hopefully you guys can both be cool about it obviously you need to have a conversation if you're cool with continuing to have a relationship in terms of like a friendship and still sleep together and be cool like if she comes up and says like hey you know i still want to hang out with you and i would still like to sleep with

you but i'm not looking for anything serious i don't want to get in a relationship i'm fresh out of it and i'm not prepared for it then like you have to be like okay and make the decision for yourself are you okay being friends with her and remaining just friends with sex or without sex and not being like i'll wait for her i think we're skipping a very important part and it is upsettingly lacking in the question is what do you want yeah right there's no there's no I want this, I want that. It's just, am I this? Am I this?

Dude, do you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend with this person? Do you want to continue seeing them? Do you want a relationship? Do you want something casual? Do you want to just be friends? You need to figure that out before you talk to them because you're acting like you don't have a say in this matter. And that is the way towards sadness. You know what I mean?

Because if you go to this conversation and she feels awkward and says like, oh, yeah, I don't really want anything. And you do and you go, yeah, me neither. That sucks. You know what I mean? Yeah. So you need to be honest with yourself. You need to be honest with her and you need to be chill.

Those are the three requirements here. If you want to go in there and be like, hey, I actually would like to, you know, continue to be chill. Those are the three requirements here. If you want to go in there and be like, hey, I actually would like to continue to hook up. And as Dane said, she's like, no, I'm not really, you know, you need to be chill. But you need to say your piece or else you're going to be regretful.

And then be honest with yourself in terms of what you can handle. Right? Because if she's like, we want to just keep being friends. Are you cool with that? And you're not cool with that? And you're like, yeah, don't do that. Yes.

Yeah. You're shitting for her. Even if it's a matter of like, you need time. Yeah. Like if you end up, if you've had kind of feelings for her and you caught feelings for her now because you guys have now had sex,

if she's like, hey, I don't want to do that again, and I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, it might be difficult to go back to sitting beside her and eating popcorns and binge-watching shows. If the whole time you're sitting there being like, I just want to fuck you, or I really like you, but I know you don't, that might be difficult for you. So you have to choose

what and like really be honest with yourself and then whatever it is you need to commit to it you can't like bounce back and forth and be like one day you're fine with it and the next day you're horny and now you're not fine with it and because that's unfair to her it's unfair to you so whatever you do decide that needs to be it not to say that like again this dynamic can't change in the future over time right like i'm not saying that like once you decide that like okay we're just platonic you'll be platonic forever because for all you know it was a great sexual experience for both of you and but she's just not ready which again is highly possible given mourning past relationship being cheated on.

Right. She was cheated on, right? Yes. Yeah. So, like, please put yourself in her shoes and realize she's going through a lot. So, if she's not, like, immediately down to marry you, there's probably a good fucking reason why without you needing to take offense. Right? Yeah.

So, because I hate when people do this, where they're like, this person, she's hot and she's cold. Like, she doesn't want to date me, it's like, okay But didn't she just get cheated on Get dumped, just out of a relationship, like blah blah And it's like, well yeah, but It's like, no, like, take that into account That just doesn't cease to matter Because now you're horny

You know? Even if you're emotionally horny That's a good way to say it Sometimes people get Have sex, especially like when you lose your virginity If That's a good way to say it. Sometimes people get, have sex, especially like when you lose your virginity, if you put a lot of weight on it, the emotions get horny. It's true. So be honest to yourself. Figure out what you want first. Be honest about that to yourself and her.

And then ask for it and be chill. That's it. Four steps. Yeah. Four steps. Yeah. Four steps, come on. Two steps. Okay. This is by deleted user.

My 22-year-old female fiancé, 22-year-old male, gave me a curfew and an ultimatum. What do I do? I'm not even sure what to say. Well, there we go. The husband is king, much like Jesus. Next question. I'm not even sure what to say, honestly. I'll try to make this short, though.

My fiancé and I moved to a new city last summer. Both in school and have jobs, we haven't had much time to get out and explore, let alone to make friends. A few weeks ago, I finally hung out with some classmates on the last day of our spring semester, which was nice, because I had started to get quite sad and lonely. I had started to make friends and invited some to a picnic on Memorial Day. Everyone except one guy flaked. My classmate and I ended up hanging out for a while and then went to get quite sad and lonely. I had started to make friends and invited some to a picnic on Memorial Day, everyone except one guy flaked. My classmate and I ended up hanging out for a while and then went to get drinks at a bar. We talked a lot about our difficult upbringings and being a POC in our scientific field and specific city. He told me a lot about his girlfriend as well, who I'd met before. Overall, it was the first time I felt like I'd made a

friend in the 10 months in our new city, which I value a lot because I have a difficult time making friends due to social anxiety and whatnot. All in all, I lost track of time and got home around 2am. I wasn't drunk though. Mind you, my fiancé has my location at all times, I was less than 20 minutes from our place, he knew who I was with, and I called him 6-7 times the whole time I was gone, plus sent text updates as well. When I got home, he was furious and said if I ever stayed out that late again he would leave me. And then gave me curfews to follow for the future. I apologized, I listened to his feelings and said it wouldn't happen again.

But overall, I just can't help but feel weird about him giving me a curfew and an ultimatum. I don't and wouldn't do that to him. What should I do? What would you do? If you were in my shoes? Edit. I do understand like the whole not hanging out with a member of the opposite sex thing. I do understand, like, the whole not hanging out with a member of the opposite sex thing, and I could

see why he'd be uncomfortable. However, we both have completely platonic close friends that are members of the opposite sex. I have two male friends, he has five close female friends, so I didn't think making a friend of the opposite sex would really be an issue at the time. Hey, it shouldn't be. Regardless of how

many friends you currently have in your friend roster of... You hit your friend quota? No more. Yeah. I mean, especially since he has five. You have room for, what, three more? At least three. Now, the thing is, what if she has some very tall men and he has some very short women,

and you stack them side by side, and it's kind of, you know... Or really good, like, his five are kind of shit friends. Like, they're alright, and then her two are actually, like, really good guys. A couple of Neves? Just, like, you know, like, his friends will, like, will bring...

Will bring a nice... Neves is not a real name. You know, his friends will bring nice bottles of wine to a house party, but her friends will help you move. Right. That's. They won't even ask for the pizza and beer tax. They buy the pizza and beer.

Oh, no. God. You know what? You're right. I'm on his side. She shouldn't even leave the house. She already has two great friends like that. Exactly.

So it's. I mean, we talk about it all the time you either trust your partner you don't right and this comes down to this man's insecurity forbidding him from trusting you and maybe it is a level of like jealousy because you guys are both having trouble making new friends in a new city and feeling alone and if you're his only like friend or social connection in the city then maybe he's getting weird about it because he's like he didn't get to spend all day with you and that's the only person he spends time with right like i'm not saying that's an excuse i'm not saying it's an excuse to do it but what i'm saying is this could be what's coloring this sort of irrational decision because it is an irrational decision i think you raise a really good point

because again it's not good behavior no matter what happens but i would love to know was he always like this or has he now just you know flipped now that you're in this new city which could be the case but i want to draw your attention to the fact that she called him six to seven times throughout the night. That's too many times. That's so, so, so many times. And I think that speaks to the fact that she feels like she needs to. You know what I mean? Like, I think that is evidence of this ongoing further.

Also, I don't think I spoke to, I don't think I called my ex 6-7 times a month Yeah Like we texted a lot But sure as fuck I don't think I called her that much There's probably an ex I haven't called 6 or 7 times total You know Yeah

And that's the thing I could be somewhat more charitable If it was like I was so busy I never even told him. I came back at 3 and we hadn't been in contact and he was worried an afternoon picnic thing, and then you didn't mention you were going out for drinks, it's like, you've been at a picnic for a very long time. Yeah, especially in a new city. Even then, is it

right to be curfew and ultimatum? No. No, not at all. So, even worst case, what you're doing is shitty, sir. The only reason you should have a curfew is if you're a criminal or a child. Yes, or both.

One of them criminal children. Yeah, a little Oliver Twist boy. I don't know. I think he was just poor. Oh, if you're poor? Curfew for sure. That's why I can't leave the house after nine.

That was an ankle bracelet. Yeah. Yeah, this person, this boyfriend sucks. And the thing is, you agreeing to it in the moment doesn't mean you can't now be like, hey, actually. Oh, for sure.

You could, you know, you were tired. It was 2 a.m. I'm sure you're trying to avoid a fight. Like, no one wants to get into that. But you definitely need to be like, hey, I needed to know a couple things. It's like, why were you so upset that night? Like, what were you really upset about? You knew exactly where I was.

I kept in constant contact. Like, almost too much contact. Was that the real reason? He was like, stay home. I don't want to get called that many times. Yeah, he was like, man, I was just trying to fucking fucking play some video games and you were calling me every fucking 45 minutes you're not allowed to go out anymore at least i know you like at least you can't bother me while i'm yeah i think you need to be like hey i need to know why you're so upset what about me staying

out until 2 a.m was unacceptable two you need to like, I'm allowed to have friends of whoever I want to be with. Or three, it's like, why don't you trust me? What about this situation leads you to believe that I'm not who I am and that I'm not trustworthy anymore? And just straight up be like, I feel like

you don't trust me anymore and I don't think I've done anything to warrant that. And if you don't trust me, i don't think i've done anything to warrant that and if you don't trust me then hey we need to talk about that like we really need to suss that out and if it comes down to something as stupid as oh well you were until 2 a.m with a man then like that's a problem that dude needs to deal with yeah and i would say 2.5 be like i'm a grown-ass woman i can go where i want when i want and will continue to do so you know i'll keep in contact with you maybe less yeah it's like you're not my dad yeah nor if even if you were that wouldn't be good dad that would

be bad dad i think there is a use for a curfew in a parent child relationship. Yes, I mean more like being like, call me six, seven times. You can hang out with boys. Like, you know, there's a level like, that's the thing. Even as a parent, if you were a child, this would still be overbearing. And it would also push people to do... Exactly. Like teenagers, the whole

reason they were bellas. Riding in cars with bullies or whatever. I assume that's exactly what the movie is about I don't think it is I don't think I've seen it, but I'm not sure if that's I have no idea what it is Is it Drew Barrymore? I believe it is I think it's Drew Barrymore

I bet she's just an adorable, awkward cutie What, should it be like one of those really grim teenage movies? It probably is It's probably about horrendous subject matter. This is from... Hold on. I'm looking up what Riding in Cars with Boys is about. Okay, well you look it up while I read the question.

It says it's funny, fresh, and touching. Oh, there you go. Coming of age. Of course it is. Often humorous, sometimes irreverent. A unique personal journey to make a meaningful life. Oh my, let's watch this. Okay, we'll do a live stream of us watching Riding in Cars with Boys. But only if we hit 20 pages.

This is Key Jellyfish. Am I being insecure? My husband and I have discussed inviting other women into our sex life occasionally. It's always been a fantasy of mine to watch my husband pleasure and enjoy another woman. We've spoken about this for years. Decided to take the plunge and start looking for a professional woman online. At first, I was really excited, but then my husband started sending me suggestions and my heart sank. The women he was suggesting were beautiful, like Instagram models, polar opposite of me, big fake lips, which he swore blind he hated on women and always said he prefers a natural

woman. Fake boobs, tiny waist, long extensions in their hair, tan skin. Now every time I see him log onto the escort site, I'm no longer excited and actually feel quite insecure. When I imagined a threesome with another woman, I expected her more naturally pretty and about the same level of attractiveness as me no not women who could genuinely walk the victoria's secret runway is this a normal thing men do when approaching threesomes am i right feeling insecure or am i just not as ready as i thought i'd be i feel like i'm being silly but another part of me just wants to cry for some reason i'm questioning my own attractiveness and his attraction to me as it's completely different.

Like, if at this point you're already freaking out and questioning your own attractiveness and, you know, then yes. His attraction to you? Yes, I don't think you're ready. I think that's pretty obvious. Just because he picks someone, like, doesn't have any bearing on you. And also, like, think of it this way. If someone was like, Hey,

here's a buffet. Here's all the food that we eat at home. And then being upset that they went for the stuff that they normally don't have at home. Yes. That's the thing. It's like variety is the spice of life. If he picked someone that looked exactly like you,

that would also be kind of weird. It'd be weird. It'd be so weird to be like, Hey hey i want to have a threesome but i'm like i now have a catalog of women that we can look at and approach together and it's like why wouldn't i go for the hot ones or the ones that i find really hot you know what i mean it's like one obviously you're gonna pick hot people two like you're probably not the best judge of your own attractiveness because clearly you're insecure I get it we all are but like just because you think you're

ugly doesn't mean your husband does because guess what he married you and presumably wants to have a exploratory sex life with you you know I mean like that's not a and it's not even like he's the one being like hey okay i know you're not into this but we're gonna do it anyway you seem to be quite into it

at least up until this point and i also want to note that like it doesn't seem like you want to have sex with a woman it seems like you want to watch him have sex with a woman so like your sort of feelings on the woman are like it seems like he's finding someone he wants to fuck so that you can enjoy watching him fucker if you need input like i also like did you have this conversation with him of just being like like if this is a thing that you guys are going to do together why aren't you looking at the escort site together and something I was going to suggest was like I almost don't want to suggest this because I don't think

you're ready but I do think being part of this will help you feel better about it depending like if you're just going on there to try to find the least attractive woman I think that's going to be weird for everyone involved but like I don't know I feel like there isn't a good way for this to be weird for everyone involved, but like,

I don't know. I feel like there isn't a good way for this to go down for you right now. If you're already here. Cause I don't think the issue is finding someone who better fits your standard of, you know, attractiveness. I also feel like it's an escort service, right?

So it's like all the pictures and all the people are going to be looking their bad. Like no one's putting up ugly pictures to be like, yeah, I'm an escort. Look at me. I look like shit. Right?

Like, so it's also, and this might be more of a generalization, but it's like, maybe like in the industry or wherever you're looking, maybe that whole like big lips and whatever is more of like the trend maybe that's the look there you know what i mean like i don't know if he like does he have other choices yeah like how much of like i would love to know your your actual like involvement in this or is he

just sending you profiles that he's interested in based on any number of things probably mostly physical but you know who knows but that brings a good point of being like this is a business and these are women running a business they're doing what they think is best for business so like judging people based on their physical appearance kind of sucks to begin with but then to like it's it's also very strange to me that you think that like just because your husband finds you attractive that he couldn't possibly find another body type or another like hair color or another whatever if you look at the people that i have found attractive like if you look at sort of like a cross-section of the people that i have slept with

it makes no sense like you would not find a pattern there whatsoever because yeah it's the commonality is like hot and cool generally like that's but like that covers a wide-ass fucking spectrum yeah i mean like i think it would be weirder if either one of us were like i only sleep with this because that's that's like weird like serial killer behavior, honestly. Yeah, like if every time I was like, oh, check out this person I hooked up with and they looked exactly like the last person I hooked up to who looks exactly like my ex

who looks exactly like my old ex who looks exactly like the first person I hooked up with. Who looks exactly like your mom. Oh my god, we figured it out. Yeah, how hot is his mom? You're riding in cars with boys to find them and murder them? Okay, we can't keep referencing a movie neither of us have seen.

Yeah, I think that would be far weirder if he was just like, this is my type, and it's you, and it's her, and it's mom. Yeah. So, Niles Wright, you definitely don't seem ready for this. If you're spiraling just from the selection process process it's not like he's on tinder either you're on a professional sex worker site so the likelihood like the chance of this development into anything yes like this woman is coming there to do a job her job and it's to fuck your husband while you watch that's what she's getting paid to do you can't like there's gonna be no emotional attachment here this is a transaction zero danger of this continuing any further it's yeah it's not like you're bringing in your best

friend and you're like oh no i think he's like i think this whole time we've been together he's found my friend hotter than me. There's none of that. This is, he's literally going on a site to pick a professional sex worker to have sex with you guys. And that's it. Like there's all of the like strange danger and the unknown and like the, Oh,

maybe we fucked up in this threesome is taken out because there's no personal attachment here. This is a transaction. and if you're not ready for that then i think you definitely need to roll things back a bit and be like hey i think i might have overshot it i am freaking out a little bit i feel really insecure about the you know the choices of women that you're picking are making me feel really insecure about myself and i don't think that like i was kind of like hemming and hawing being like i don't think you should judge a dude or like call him out but i don't think it's about him i think that's a true fact of being like

the women that you're sending me are making me feel really insecure about myself yeah that's like only thing that's like bad about what he's done is he said he didn't like fake lips and now apparently he's sending women with fake lips to her which one it's like maybe he said it because you're insecure about that right or two maybe that's all of them have fake lips like yeah there might not be another option

maybe they're just pulling them off I don't know like I think that's the only thing he's done wrong and that's not even anything he's done wrong. Yeah. So, like, don't come at him for this, but do 100% talk to him and say you're not ready. Say that they're making you feel really insecure. Again, don't attack him because I don't think he's done anything wrong here.

And hopefully he'll be like, yeah, no worries. If you need to wait or if we need to revisit this, we'll take a step back, talk you through it. Hopefully be like, you're hot as fuck. What are you talking about? And then maybe you guys revisit later or maybe this just isn't a thing you guys can do. And that's OK. I think that's important. I think if you come to him with this, he doesn't like support you and he doesn't reassure you.

If that seems lacking to you, I think that is a sign that perhaps he's also not quite ready. Because I think afterwards, if you go through with this and you do this, I think there's going to be a lot of conversation that you need to have afterwards, and a lot of emotional aftercare to talk each other down, to bring him off the high,

and probably get you in a place of reassurance and being like, love you you're my wife you know you're the one i care about that kind of stuff i think there needs to be a lot more communication on both your ends and i think this is a great test to see if he actually does have your pleasure and enjoyment and mental health and peace at mind. If you do come up to him with this very valid concern, if he's like, nope, too bad you said it.

So we're doing it. Then I think you get a very good indication that like, not a good thing. It's not going to go well, but it's now said you're not ready for this. I think it's very clear. You're not ready for this. You need to at least have another conversation with your husband about the

insecurity evolving this. Otherwise it's going least have another conversation with your husband about the insecurity involving this. Otherwise, it's going to be a disaster. Alright, this is by Tobes Magobes. My girlfriend is too rigid with sleep and is getting in the way of our 25-year-old female and 30-year-old male relationship. My girlfriend, 25, is too rigid with sleep.

Today is my 30th birthday. My girlfriend is coming home today from a trip in Europe celebrating her graduating grad school. The plan was I pick her up from the airport, then e-drive to a restaurant and have a birthday dinner. I don't know what they mean by e-drive. I love that though. Then we drive, maybe? I think then we drive.

Maybe it's like a ride share thing? Yeah, maybe. E-drive to a restaurant and have a birthday dinner. I'm having a real celebration with friends on Friday. However, her flight is delayed and instead of getting in at 2.30, she's getting in closer to 5.30. After picking her up and dropping off her stuff, we won't be able to make our seven reservations. I called the restaurant, was able to push it back to eight. She said that was too late for her and asked if we could do another day, and she'll be jet-lagged and tired. On top of that, she expects me to sleep on my couch tonight.

She lives ten minutes away from me. Her plan was that her mom sleeps at her apartment, she sleeps in my bed, and then I sleep on the couch. She said she needs the rest because she's jet lagged. I wasn't willing to do this as I have to wake up at 6am every morning to go to work. I'm still a month into the job and I also want a decent night's sleep. She says that she's seen me sleep in uncomfortable positions all the time and I'm not being chivalrous. I don't even care that it's my birthday or my bed, I just want to do well at work. She says the lack of empathy for her is super telling. On top of all that, my new job requires a 6am wake up call, which was enough for her to decide she didn't want to move in together. I promised her that the second my alarm went off, I wouldn't

get up and not make a peep, or I would get up and not make a peep, but she told me she's a super light sleeper and won't be able to fall back asleep and she won't be able to function without eight hours. How do I confront her and tell her that I still love her, but her rigidness with sleep feels unreasonable to me? Do you have a single bed? Or is the 6am wake up call why she doesn't want

you in bed? I assume that's it. Like, she wants to get a good sleep so he can't be in the bed with her. I mean, that's wild to me. Like get a good sleep so he can't be in the bed with her. I mean, that's wild to me. This whole question makes no sense to me. Because, oh, I'm a light sleeper. Hey, guess what? Your boyfriend getting up to get ready for work is

going to wake you up regardless. So to banish him to the couch so that you can sleep on the bed, it doesn't really make any sense to me. So I understand your frustrations my dude the sheer cheek of being like hey so i'm gonna give my apartment to my mom so you have to give me your bed and you sleep on the couch like fuck you and also like hey fuck your birthday yeah

fuck the plans that we made it's like she's saying that the lack of empathy for her is telling but it seems like she's the one overstepping bounds I think all the points you made were valid and I think the fact that like she wasn't even like okay well let's order dinner in I would say if the question was just oh she's getting in late and is too tired to do something

fine totally fine doesn't matter it's your fucking birthday doesn't matter your plans it's a long flight and I appreciate somebody letting somebody else know that they're not able for it regardless of you know what i mean just being honest and being whatever and being straight up that's cool but then when you mix everything else in it's like okay all right yeah it seems very very selfish and it seems very very like oh we can't like what it's just like she's matter how far this relationship progresses, she's not going to move in with you if you ever have to wake up early.

Like, yeah, that makes sense. It's such a wild thing. It's like, okay, well, look, sleep is very important. I understand that. I now and I both have trouble sleeping and I get it, but I don't think that you can like dictate someone else's life for the sake of your own sleep and it's like hey if you can't sleep with someone else in bed then fine but you can't then make the choice to give your bed up and expect to be compensated elsewhere right like i think that's really what it comes down to it's like if you know hey i can't sleep with you in the bed with me you can't be like well i'm taking

your bed anyway because i've given my bed it's like nope yeah like you make the choice if you give your bed up for someone you then sleep wherever else you can like on your own power you don't just fuck someone you like over i I don't know. Just the entitlement. I could never imagine being like, I'm gonna get your bed and you're gonna sleep on the couch. Even as a lone telling, you know? And apparently her bed is

big enough for the mom, she just, the mom snores, so she does, like, for both of them. She just doesn't want to be, like, next to someone who's snoring all night. Great. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. Yeah, this is bad. I think you you either like really lay it out for your partner, which I think you already have. Otherwise, it's like I don't think this is going to be a beneficial relationship if you're going to constantly have to be like kicked out of your bed arbitrarily whenever your girlfriend has decided that it's bedtime for her and not for you. Yeah. And also like, what are your options? Never move in or quit your job.

Yeah. Or sleep on the couch. Yeah, that's unfeasible. So I think you have a real big chat. And if you don't see real big strides, you got to do a real big dump. Yeah. Of her. Nope. Now say what he said. Yeah. King of her. Nope.

Niles said what he said. That's what I meant. Clear out those pipes. One more question? I got one right here, looking at me in my cute little eyes. And it's saying, read me the Dane. Let him answer me. This is my cutie Verma.

One cutie Verma. Sorry. Guy who just wanted a fling with me is now marrying the girl he found next after me? Need tips on how to get over? So a coworker of mine, 28, male, who I, 28, female, really like, had a few months back asked me if I was interested in the fling. And I told him I was looking for something long term. We did meet a few times, but all those times he just wanted to do it. And later on ghosted me slash ignored me afterwards.

I had said no for sex, but we did make out those few times this was seven to eight months ago as I was more into him I had a hard time moving on since I could still see him every day at work it was difficult but I was finally moving on about two months ago I found out he's now dating another co-worker of mine and while looking at them every day became too much and then I got to know they're getting married yesterday in the meantime I've switched jobs to get out of this situation, but it is still haunting me. I keep asking myself what was wrong with me and why didn't it work for me? Should I have given in and I would have been at that place? I need some help on how to let this go. It's a classic 500 days of summer situation. He was very obvious and very upfront with you that it was a fling. He was very, very, you know, like, I can't think of a more clear way of being like, hey, do you want to just fuck?

And then you said yes. That was the agreement. You guys hooked up and that was all it was. And then. Well, they didn't hook up, though. Didn't they say they had sex a few times no they made out but every time she hung out she said no to sex oh i thought they had sex every time they hung out he said you want to fling she said she was looking for something long term but

then she still met up with him but all the times he just wanted to do it and later on ghosted ignored me when i said no for sex but we did make out oh okay then yeah like i don't know the dude was like hey do you want to fling and you were like yeah come on over and then you just made out and then yeah so it's like he was looking for something very specific you said yes to that specific thing and then you said no to the specific thing and he was like okay well this isn't what i'm looking for and then left and found someone else presumably maybe someone who wanted a fling and then generated a relationship but like you never gave that a chance right like if you just hooked up it could have developed into something but it didn't but also it didn't need to develop into anything because he was very

clear that it was just a sexual relationship. And you're welcome to say no to that. You could say, hey, that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for something long term. I'm not looking for just a strictly sexual relationship, and that's fine. But you don't get to live in this nebulous world of like, he wanted

something I didn't want, but now I wanted what he's got because i didn't want what he wanted but he got what he wanted and now i'm upset that about this it's like no yeah you could do that about literally everyone i could like look at anyone be like well i want a cool car i want a house i wanted this it's like if i had done some things differently could i have had those things yes yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like he was expressed about what he wanted. You had a hard stance on what you wanted.

Why did you go and meet up with him? Yes. Like, that's what's confusing to me. It's like if someone came up to him was like, hey, I'm looking for just sex. And I was like, sorry, I'm looking for a slightly more serious committed relationship. And then that person was like, hey, want to come over? And I was like, yeah. They would be like, okay, I've already said I want sex.

They're coming over. They're agreeing to this. If then I showed up and was like, no sex, they'd be like, what? What are you doing? Yeah, why are we doing this? Why are you here? Like, again, we're not saying that because he said you want to have sex, you have to have sex with him, blah, blah, blah. That's not it.

But it's like when he's laid out what he wants, and then you go out and like meet him in this realm, and then you're like, I'm not going to do that, though. Mixed messages, for sure. Yeah, if you invite someone out to a steak dinner and just keep bringing them to McDonald's, eventually they're going to stop meeting you for dinner. And that's it. It's like if he was unclear and then was upset that you weren't fucking him that would be one thing you know what i mean but like you know what he wants you know what you want but you're ignoring what you wanted in the hopes that what he wanted he didn't want i think that's kind of shitty it's like saying there's on and just was like i want date date me despite the fact that he was like everywhere else he was

just yelling being like i don't want her like if roles are reversed it was like you said you didn't want sex and he was like yeah no worries i'll come over and then just kept trying to fuck you it would kind of be the same thing where it's like you knew what you wanted but you're going over under false pretenses and still trying to like get what you want so you're just completely ignoring what he said it's just fucked and the weird thing is like you guys it didn't seem like you guys had much of a relationship prior to this so like what were you it would be one thing if like oh he was like my best friend and like i worked with him for years and like we always hung out and we always went

for lunch breaks and like blah blah it's like okay you've developed a crush on this man through like intimacy and like things that you've done together great okay I get that and then if he was like hey do you want to play and be like you being like like I like you too much to do some relationship to just say like okay I would understand that but

it seems like this dude might have just like cold called you a little bit like I'm sure you guys were like like, friendly or whatever at work. I hope that there was a- It seems like you just, like, have been mooning over him from the corner of the office. And then whatever happened, he was like, hey, like, you wanna- And you were like, no, but yes, but also no. Yeah, absolutely not, but okay.

Yeah, and the thing is, like, I would love to know why you didn't want to have sex, which again, you're totally fine to do. But it's like, if you like this person and they're presumably attractive to you, it's like, what would the harm have been? I mean, I get it. Like, not a lot of people have the ability to detach sex from like a strong emotional connection and that's fine i think what you really need to do is watch 500 days of summer with the express like note that tom is not the good guy tom is not the hero of the story you know i mean it's like i mean technically from main character always good guy from a narrative standpoint. I believe he is the protagonist.

Walter White did nothing wrong. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like I watched 500 Days of Summer and understand that he was he's the asshole, that he's not the victim in that movie. I think you will start to hopefully see what you did wrong. Yeah. hopefully see what you did wrong yeah i think going forward advice for you is just like if you know what you want stick to that and if you know what somebody else wants don't disregard that yeah so if you know full-on that you don't want to just have sex with this guy but you know this

guy just wants to have sex okay sorry this is not going to work out. Don't go meet up and be like, but why is he doing what he said he would do? You know? Trust yourself, believe others. Yes, exactly. And as for like getting over it, it's like, one, if he's marrying this person

after eight months or whatever, that's not good for them. So, bullet dodged. And two, it's like, find someone you actually have a relationship with and can connect to and just because he wanted something at a time doesn't mean he didn't can't change his mind later on like it's no

bearing on you yeah alright we're gonna get into tinders because time is ticking down on us and at the end of the episode we like to hop onto dating platforms like tinder bumble hinge see what works see what doesn't work but come through the profiles looking for red flags in an effort to make your online dating experience a little more enjoyable.

This is Jess. About me. Grandma's favorite. Currently exploring connections with the potential for a long-term relationship only. Is that it? Yes. Okay. Back here, you're like, yes, obviously.

Well, I stopped talking, didn't I? Yeah, but you put so much stank on the only that I thought you were just letting me sit in it. Because it was capitals. Is this the person from the previous question? Right, maybe. It sucks? It's like you have every dating app now has a thing where you choose what you're looking for.

Yes. Right? And that's enough. Like right under that profile it says looking for long term only. Cool. Great. We know that. So what about you? What are you offering? Why would I ever entertain the idea of getting into

a long term relationship with you if all I know is you're grandma's favorite and look I'll bet she says that to everyone of her friends I'm gonna tell you right now, grandma's not a reliable source grandma's biased as hell also

I'll bet she says it to everybody bet you she does, I bet everyone's grandma's favorite and if everyone's favorite, no one is. Yeah. It's true. That's what The Incredibles taught me. It's true. It's a three. Yeah, I'm giving it a three as well because it hasn't bordered into problematic.

It's just not great. The whole long-term only thing is kind of weird because it's like sometimes you don't get to that point. You know what I mean? I understand you wanting it, but like I guess it's people looking for long term shit only. Yeah.

This is Sarah looking for someone to connect with. I like playing video games, reading, going for walks. Let's go on an adventure together. Pretty bland, but like with good little speckles of good. I'll give it a six just because I like the things they're listing. I wish they were more specific.

I'm giving it a five because it comes right down to the picture because that is. Yeah, it's that profile could be copy and pasted onto literally anybody. And not everyone likes to read, I guess. But I feel like it would be almost universally true for a lot of people. And it's just like, we need more. We do. This is Sony five, seven.

And I prefer tall guys or at least taller than me. No kids, but would like to have some day with the right person. Never married. I'm also vegan and would like to meet someone who is as well, or at least vegetarian slash pescatarian. I enjoy reading, working out hikes,

the beach company with friends, museums, and I travel when I can can. That's pretty bland. I appreciate that they are straight up about the vegan, like they want somebody who's vegan and that they want kids one day. I don't love the whole, I want someone, I want a tall guy. It's like, okay, great. Again, pretty bland.

I'll give it like a five. Yeah. Again, it is a, I'm going to give this one a six because at least we got a little information, but it's all very clinical and it's all very sort of like functional information. It is more illustrative than the last one, but the being like the one, a tall guy thing just dips it down a little bit. Well, here's my last one.

This is Barbara. Unicorn emoji. Bye. E&M. Positive vibes. Communication. Consent. Fitness. Hula hooping. Dancing. Beaches. Oasis. E&M. Positive vibes. Communication. Consent. Fitness. Hula hooping. Dancing. Beaches. Oasis.

Tattoos. Hard eyes. Vodka. Debauchery. Preference for ongoing friends with benefits situation over random hookup. I'm 5'9", so in search of tall men. 6' plus. And then like, wah face. Wah. Oh, cause that makes it better. Yeah. It was going to be higher, but I'll give it a 6

I'm also giving it a 6 at least there is personality and like uniqueness and like the tall thing is weird you know what I mean imagine as a guy being like looking for this physical thing we'd be like fuck you dude yeah if I was like oh I'm

180 so looking for someone smaller yeah fair girls 120 and below like we would lacerate that profile so it is this size need boobs bigger than that yeah so it just feels so weird that it is very common you know and i know it's the source of a lot of like you know self depreciation and anxiety for a lot of men so fuck that yeah that's it those are all the profiles I got for you today thank you very much for listening

we didn't mention it earlier but our next live show will be January 18th we're back on the Thursdays Christmas parties can fuck themselves we're out of there we're back on our Thursday slot Black Sheep as usual 7pm $10 tickets you can get all of the information Christmas parties can fuck themselves. We're out of there. We're back on our Thursday slot. Black Sheep, as usual, 7 p.m., $10 tickets. You can get all of the information on our website.

You can get tickets to our next show on our website, fbuddiespodcast.com. I believe it's also available on our link tree on our Instagram. So check that out. Yeah. Last show was a lot of fun. So help make the next one even more fun by bringing your beautiful self down. Yeah. Last show was a lot of fun, so help make the next one even more fun by bringing your beautiful self down. Yeah. Thank you Josh Eagle and the Harvest Cities for their song Paper Stars.

And go join our Patreon. Support us. Give us the Christmas gift that we maybe deserve. We do deserve it. We work hard. Dayton doesn't agree. Yeah. I'm just watching the time with faded breath. Time for bad sex, Ryan.

You ready? Yes. This is a, there was a TikTok post about a woman going through labor, and there's a comment on it that says, girls don't understand how difficult it is watching your favorite thing being torn apart. Yeah. I don't know if that's bad sex writing. I think that's kind of funny.

I think this is the first one that I think is probably not the worst. I hope it's a joke. That's gotta be a joke. It's gotta be a joke. I don't want to live in a world where that's not a joke. It's gotta be a joke. I don't want to live in a world where that's not a joke. I think it's clever.

I hope it's a joke. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Payne. And we've been your fuck buddies. you