F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 277 - Everyone Needs a Work Wife

Episode Date: January 30, 2024

This went up late because Dain is incredibly sick and forgot what day it is, so if you want a recap: too bad.  Listen to the episode and find out yourself.  Also, send Dain soup.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice program where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we find questions either online or from our wonderful listeners and we answer them right here, right now, in your ears, every Monday, sometimes on stage. We'll get to that in a second. Why did you say program? Did I say program? You said program, not podcast. Program. We've done this hundreds of times. Hundreds of times, Mr. Dane. And it's time to elevate the program. We're not a podcast anymore. We're a multi-award winning

sex and dating advice show. It's not a podcast. I thought we agreed on experience i think experience has to be the last part experience oh so we're not quite there we're not there yet program is we're bridging the gap between i thought we were there our listeners keep telling me we're there but that's fine you really what an experience it is to listen to you guys every time you say it's a podcast like look i love everything else you. So much so that it pisses me off when you say podcast because it is an experience. It is an experience. And you know what?

This week, we're going to be experiencing starting a sex-based saving scheme. Always alone because of your high standards. If you have a work wife or work husband, you're a garbage piece of shit. Wanting to say daddy. If you have a work wife or work husband, you're a garbage piece of shit. Wanting to say daddy. And maybe even girlfriend won't let me order drinks at a coffee shop. I mean, let's just get into it. I guess what we should do is inform people before we get into this.

If you do want an experience, if you are one of those people who was like, Hey, the show is an experience. I highly recommend that you go to our actual in-person live show experience because that is a full tactile experience. There's never going to be more tactile than February 8th. When instead of two people on the stage, they're going to be four. That's one for each finger. I'm holding up at our new video segment of our podcast, than February 8th, when instead of two people on the stage, there are going to be four.

There's one for each finger I'm holding up at our new video segment of our podcast, which is kind of the whole thing. Maddie and Liv, you might know them as 30goingon13. They are wonderful, outstanding comedy in Canadian Podcast Awards, good friends of ours, lawfully married podwives. They're going to be on stage with us creating some carnage, I can only imagine. It's going to be absolutely unhinged.

Every show that we've seen with the two of them unhinged. Our show's a little more structured, but there is definitely some screws on the hinges. The four of us on stage together. This is four Canadian podcast award winning

podcasters doing a show together. We have some Canadian podcast award winning podcasters doing a show together. We have some fun things. It's our anniversary show. It'll mark one year of doing the show. And so we're doing a little celebration. There will be an extra means of purchasing a ticket for only

$5 more. A VIP tier. A VIP tier. Only $5 more and you VIP tier. A VIP tier. Only $5 more and you will get a welcome class of Rosé Bubbly to celebrate with us. Fuck yeah. So hopefully we will see you there.

But let's get into the questions. Also, tickets will probably sell out really quickly, so make of that information what you will. Okay. This is my 21-year-old female boyfriend, 22-year-old male, said he would put $5 aside every time we had sex, so the amount of money I get from him will depend on me. I, 21-year-old female, was told by my boyfriend he would put a certain amount of our country's currency, the equivalent of $5 US, aside every time we had sex, so the amount of money I will get from him will depend on me. We've been together for just over a year now. I was taken aback by this, but I thought he was joking because I had told him I could charge him $30 as a joke for saying that a female friend of his is prettier than me for the second time this year. Honestly, I meant it as a joke at

first, but the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I became. The more uncomfortable I became, the more I actually looked back at the things he did slash said that I brushed off. One thing in particular that stood out was when he forgot my birthday, which was in May. In his defense, it was his brother's and close friend's birthday on the same day, and he was at both celebrations. True, I know them, but we are not close. I also joked about charging him $30 for that one, too. But the whole putting aside money thing came up when I joked about charging him $30 for that one too. But the whole putting aside money thing came up when I joked about charging him for the pretty comments he made.

He's not budging, and I can't tell if this is a joke or not. I feel confused, as this is my second serious relationship. How do I confront slash talk to him about this one? So he said his response to I got a little lost in the sauce on this one. His response to

hey, you called my friend pretty, so I'm going to charge you $30 was, hey, every time we have sex, I'm going to put $5 away for you? Yeah. Okay. I mean, it is funny because it seems to me like at the start of this conversation, it's a very shitty like you start reading the post. You're like, oh, this guy's a scumbag. He's like, yeah, if you reading the post you're like oh this guy's a scumbag he's like yeah if you want money you gotta fuck me but then she delves into her history of regularly being like you owe me 30 for that you owe me 30 for that you were at your friend's birthday instead of mine 30 since she was pretty 30 so it's like i can't help but feel it is not in fact a thing he has come up with and more maybe a like retaliatory if you're gonna

keep charging me for shit like i'm gonna be toxic right back yeah it definitely seems like and like five dollars is pretty low right so i also feel like if you wanted 30 it'd be very easy to get it very quickly from this man right but she doesn't want to have to fuck him first. She wants him to pay for missing birthdays and saying people are pretty. You know, normal relationship stuff. Why $30, dude? I can only assume

because they did mention our country's currency at the start, so it must be like an even like hundo or something. Right, okay okay she's converting yes 30 as well or she just knows it's like a sub a coke and like a cake like the three of them she can go get like a nice foot long can of coke and a little like fucking cheesecake for later i perfect amount don't understand anything that's happening in this question. And like you, the question asker,

it's tough because you're the problem I feel like, or at least you're a big part of the problem. Yeah. Stop. Like, why are you, if you're uncomfortable with things that's happening, or if you feel hurt that he forgot your birthday,

those are all valid, right? Like if you're like, Hey, it kind of makes me feel weird that you keep your birthday, those are all valid, right? Like, if you're like, hey, it kind of makes me feel weird that you keep calling my friend pretty, or hey, I feel a little sad that you forgot my birthday. And it's not

even like, I think it's easier to remember someone's birthday if it's on the same day as two other people's birthday, you know what I mean? It is. I will say, they've only been going out for like a year, right? Two years I think she said? Or the second year? Yeah, together for just over a year now so it's like if her birthday was like six months ago or eight months ago even it's like

they were pretty new it's like yeah of course he's gonna be with his like best friend and brother right yeah so like those are all valid things you're allowed to feel upset or uncomfortable based on those metrics like i I totally get being like, I don't feel great. You keep being like, Hey, what a hot friend you have. Again,

I don't know how blatant he was about it. Like it could have just been an offhand account based on what I'm gathering of this person. What she said was, he said she was prettier than her, which is kind of shit. But I'm so worried based on like the immaturity and lack of everything good in this that she was like, is she pretty? Oh, yeah.

She's she prettier than me. Like, you know what I mean? If it was one of those where like it was kind of like you got poked with a spear back into a corner and eventually you had to be like, fine. Yeah, she's prettier than you. And then she's like, ah, $30. So that's where I'm going to. My next step is you're allowed to feel those ways, but if the way that you

want to compensate yourself for those feelings is to set an arbitrary dollar value as to how much your feelings have been hurt, and then expect them to pay a monetary sort of like consolation fee to upsetting you, you grossly misunderstand how

human relationships work what if they should work like that though what if that the answer it's like oh fuck i didn't like i went to the shops i said i get you a coffee and i just got my cell phone you're like seven dollars it's give me put it in the hurt pocket it's not one dedicated pocket that they took the money into for apparently it's not a bad idea in terms of like i think it would work i think if i ever time i forgot to do something or every time you know if i waited too long to respond to a text i had to pay money i would be so rich it would be very easy now the flip side it would be very easy to weaponize because i know when you work and i would just fucking just hit you so like

obviously not the way to do it it's just it's so fucking wild to me that you brought up this notion of being paid for acts within this relationship yours Yours were punitive. His seems to be a reward, which is also strange to me to be like, but it's almost like it's almost opposite where it's like, you have to like, fuck me to earn your money. Like, it's not good.

It's not like, here's a reward. We had sex. Here's $5. You know, it almost seems that that toxic, like, Oh,

if you don't fuck me, you don't like, I don't know. It's, it's not good. But there's no expectation to pay your partner for sex or to pay your partner at all but it's introducing it but that's what i'm saying is like it's all a bonus i don't you could look at it that way if one day my partner was like oh new thing on top of having sex you're gonna just get money now i'd

be like whoa but i think this is more like shitty like you have to fuck me to earn money but again like if this is the like if she's the could possibly like she can make her own money she's not solely dependent on this man for income no no i guess but from what i gather if we're looking at this is great i don't think it's meant to be a good thing. I think it's meant to be a shitty toxic thing. I think in his mind, he's like, you're being shitty. So here's the,

my version of being shitty right back. You know, you're right. And I agree with you. And it's, it's a bad thing to do. It's toxic. But what I'm saying is she's being like,

pay me. You did a bad job. Pay me. She's being like, Hey, we had sex. Here's money, right? Like, it's more like pay me you did a bad job pay me She's being like Hey we had sex Here's money I think it's more like hey fuck me To get this money Look

It's such a low dollar amount That it's not worth You don't know where they're converting it from Maybe it's big there I guess All I will say is you said it earlier this isn't the way to do it if you want to talk about being upset that your birthday has been ignored you don't just fucking write an invoice you know what i mean like you go and you say hey this sucks and

maybe he'll be like hey we've only dated a few months. I'm sorry, but it's my brother. And then you have a chat. You know what I mean? I feel like he is just retaliating at this point. And that's what this current issue is. And I think it's weird to not have really seemed to have picked up on that in the question. It's like you're almost there, but you're unwilling to be like, yes, my ridiculous ongoing joke

that's not a joke, weird thing that i do has spurred this and it's like okay maybe you need a healthier way of dealing with things so it's obviously pissed him off was this the way to do to deal with that also no but yeah like obviously the answer is talk to your partner and be like hey i'm sorry that every time you've upset me i have charged you money for it. Specifically $30. But I do also have to say it kind of feels weird that you're now offering me money for sex. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean?

Have that conversation, how you feel, and be open and honest about it. But for me, I feel like it just might be better for the world, your country's economy, if you guys just stop dating each other and start putting the money into, I don't know, small businesses instead of just perpetuating. He walks into a local coffee shop and he's like, look, if you fuck me, you could do really well. Yeah, I feel like you've got to have the conversation

or move on, but I feel like, does it have their ages? She's 21, he's 22's 22 okay you're very young so i guess that makes a little too old for this too old for this for sure do you have a solution because mine is just run away from each other i think genuinely it's like you need to stop hiding behind this joke that's clearly not a joke in that like you're upset but you're pretending you're not upset and you're like haha pay me 30 dollars but like you know stop hiding behind that express when you're upset and let it like be dealt with and also clearly you do this so much that's annoying him and now this is his way of dealing with that which again not great but you both need to learn to communicate that's it don't be like be like, I'm not annoyed, but really I am.

I'm not annoyed. Pay me $30. Like, fuck off. Talk. And if you're going to run this, if you're going to retaliate, tell her that she has to pay you $5 to have sex. Don't give them money. It makes no sense.

Yeah, it doesn't work. This is from Pomeranian111. If you're a man with high standards you'll just never date anyone i've heard this sentiment before i've started to realize the amount of work it would take isn't enough to justify relationships or sex at all i'm gonna pair this with another question is that it that was it what does it mean if you have a high standards are you just doomed to be alone forever because it's as a man as a man okay so i'm doomed to be alone forever? Because it's... As a man. As a man.

Okay. So I'm going to pair this in because I think it's got a little more meat on the bone to chew on. This is from Therapy8600. I miss my routine and I'd rather be lonely. I started going on dates and holy shit, it's so draining. I have to get ready for dinner and listen to them talk for hours. On top of it, paying for the dinner. Sex is okay,

but it's not worth breaking my routine. Also, most of the women I went on dates have baggage and I don't have the mental capacity. I don't feel like texting anymore, staying up on the phone anymore, getting gifts. I was lonely, that's why I wanted to go on dates, but this is exhausting. I miss my routine of working, coming home to my cat, studying, chilling. Maybe it's because

I haven't found the right one, but damn, I don't want to go through the process of finding her. Sad out there. See, I never understand questions like this because I really enjoy dating. Yes, I think you and I have very similar

outlooks on the process of dating in the sense of being like it's fun for us it's fun to meet someone new yeah is every second a joy no and i think a few things because there's different things between the two of them i would love to fucking know what this high standards man means by his high standards because it could be stupid shit like his high standards could be like a woman who cooks and clean you know what i mean and it's not your high standards you're just a dick or you have unrealistic standards which is not the same as high with the guy who's complaining

about paying for dinner talk about this all the time don't go for dinner on dates that's an easy fix we talk about it but like if you have a routine and you're happy you don't have to date either you know that's another thing is like if you're not feeling it don't do it right if it's an emotional taxing drain on you like don't do it if the thought of listening to someone else talk is like oh fuck i'm gonna have to go out later and listen to somebody talk. It's like, if that's not exciting and fun for you, don't do it. And also maybe think about why that isn't exciting and fun for you. Because like, if you don't give a fuck about the people you're seeing, you're never going

to have fun. That's kind of it, right? Like, there's nothing wrong with, and you're not broken or fucked up or whatever, if you're currently just vibing being like i like going to work and then coming home playing video games and petting my cat and then hell yeah it sounds wonderful but like i did that for a very long time i was very content doing that for a very long time because it was like i wasn't really in the market to really date there's also like a lot of people look at dating as like go on app meet woman talk to woman

go on date works not works and then like either continue to see woman and then get in relationship because i've gone on x amount of dates yeah right instead of like a more sort of nebulous sort of like amorphic free flow thing of being like, I'm going to go on the apps and if I match with someone and I vibe with them, then I'll go on a date with them. I'm going to go on something. I don't. Yeah.

I'm going to go on something low commitment. I'm going to go on something low energy. Even if it's a coffee date, go for cake, have a drink, things that don't require a huge financial investment or a time investment. And you can bounce whenever you want, right?

Like if you go for one drink and you're not vibing, be like well i got a really early day the next morning yeah like have your ripcords ready and like if you're not enjoying a date that is fine if you don't enjoy any dates something's wrong either you're meeting the wrong people you're an asshole you know what i mean like if you just don't like women you probably shouldn't be dating. You know what I mean? Like, if you just don't like women, you probably shouldn't be dating women. You know what I mean? So I just, like, and also see it as, like, you're meeting someone new. That's, like, a little adventure. You're going to be out.

It could be the coolest fucking person. You could have a really fun day. Or, again, it could be bad. And in that case, don't overstay. Just leave. Be polite. Be cool. The alternative. And I found this was a thing that happened a lot take yourself

during my little stint on online dating again was that a lot of people were going on dates because like they were playing the numbers game and they weren't that interested right so it's like you go in and it's just like you can immediately feel the vibe of being like oh you're not into this as much as I would want you to be. And that was like an immediate turn off for me. I love that. It's like, oh, you're here. Yeah.

And like that was my thing. It's already like, I don't know, like maybe it's just like you walk in there like, oh, no, he's so ugly. But like, again, my photos were pretty indicative of who I am. Honestly, probably worse than I look in real life, depending on the era. Yeah. Because then there were other times where I would go on dates, and it would be right off the bat, you know, chemistry

sparks, great, fun. It was no problem. So, I found that, and I've talked to people, there's a lot of my regulars who are single, and I've turned on to the show hello everyone that listens but like people have talked about dating problems dating issues and stuff like that where they'll be like oh i have to go meet this guy i'm like well that's a terrible like

attitude to to start a day if you're rolling your eyes and dreading going on a date just don't go on the date i will say i think we talked about this a while ago about the like the who saw their date was like, oh, I have to go on a date later. I get it. You know what I mean? There are times where I'm going to a live show and I'm like, oh, I wish we didn't have to do this today. And it's not that I don't love the live shows and it's not whatever. It's just that day I am tired. But I know when I get there, I'm going to have fun and I'm going to vibe and it'll be fucking high energy and shit.

I'm just that day is a day i want to be cozy at home and i've felt that way about dates where i don't feel about the person i just feel it about like i have to leave my house right and i get that but again it's like if you bring that energy to the person don't go if you're not able to step outside of that and genuinely give it a good shot do yourself a a favor and stay home. For me, it's like once I leave the house, that's it. I'm doing it on purpose, right? And I'm happy. Yeah. So I think if you're getting into a groove of going on these dates that you're not vibing with,

that you're not, then maybe you do need to sort of raise your standards. Don't go on a date or match with people unless it's a very exciting prospect. Like don't say yes to women. Don't just be like oh, someone showed interest. Yes, and I feel like a lot of people are doing that, especially in like

once you get into the 30s, dating like the dating game changes entirely. And that was something I learned you know, recently of being like, oh, everyone gets fucking weird in their 30s about dating. In your 20s? Again, I don't know if it's like this in your 20s now

just because of the way that society has moved. But in the 20s, it was just sort of like it was a lot more fun. It was a lot more carefree. But now everyone's kind of like they've gone through some shit. They've seen some shit.'re smarter they're more like direct like they're a little more like solid and like who they are but then there's also like everyone's got like this ticking time bomb being like yeah i'm x age and i want to do this and i want to do this and i want to do

this and you're just like can you just fucking chill because you will never i've mentioned it before where you know i've vibed with people and they hit you with the like oh well i'm looking for something very serious and you know i'm not gonna wait around forever for it and it's just like we've gone on three dates like like what do you mean sorry, but I'm not going to, like, become exclusive with you after knowing you for, like, three weeks. Yeah, and, like, the worst thing about that is you're going to drive away chill people, and you're only going to attract people who are, like, of a similar desperation. And that's not, like, you know, you don't want, like, you'll have kids one day, it's like, oh, mom and dad, how'd you meet? It's like, well, we were both really desperate. It's like, cool.

Well, I gave him an ultimatum after the third time I saw him. And then I told him that I wanted kids within a year. So, like, that sucks. I was one of the only people who messaged him that week. And he was worried that he wouldn't get any messages the following week. So he just said, yeah, and now he's your reluctant father. One day he'll come home. He's like, yeah, he paid for only one week

of Bumble Premium. He had three days left and he didn't want to take that risk. He's not a gambling man. So just try to inject joy into your dating because it is fun. And if you're not having fun, examine why.

Again, is it expense? Don't go for dinner. Do you not have the energy to listen to another human being? Is that a periodic thing? Or is your life just so draining that you can't deal with that? Because if it's periodic, cool, take a break. If it's your life, you probably need to work on that because you're not going to be able to date someone

even if you find someone cool. If you don't have the energy to see humans, you know what I mean? The other thing I want to mention is like he was like, oh, I started dating because I'm lonely. Like dating isn't the only aspect to fill that cup. And that was something that like changed my life. I've talked about it before. It changed my fucking life when i started investing more heavily into my platonic friendship specifically with other men it changed my dating life because i no longer

needed the validation of you know chasing someone until they had sex with me or until they showed me romantic attention or affection like i didn't need any of that anymore so when I found it and pursued it it was a far more honest and genuine it's not the desperation we're talking about you know you're not like well fuck if I say no I'm lonely for the next week or until the next person

on hinge message me I say no and I go home and even if the date like you've had dates cut short where you come home and we're like oh hell yeah we thought you were out all night but now come play playstation with us and like made our nights hopefully took the sting out of your night you know what i mean i'm like that's a pretty good alternative to having a shitty long date or staying with someone you're not into right so pursue your friendships get yourself good you know i mean i remember specifically there were times where like before i had started investing in my platonic friendships i would the first thing i would do at

the beginning of the week or whatever would fill my week up with as many dates and booty calls and whatever as i as i could you know i mean it was just like if i could fill the whole week great and then if i had anything free then i would be like like, oh, I'm free on Thursday, I guess. So like, I guess I'll do something with people. And that sucked, right? Like it was a shitty way to treat friends. It was a shitty way to treat people who like wanted to do things with me. I was prioritizing sexual encounters and romantic encounters and dates with strangers because that was what I needed for.

That's what I felt like I needed for validation. And once that shift came, once I started being like, okay, the week is coming, I'm going to figure out who's free and who can do what. And I'm going to like finding when I only had one day to go on a date, I was a lot more like selective. Yes. I was a little more intentional and genuine about who I wanted to spend time with. And that was very telling for me being like, oh, all those people that I was, you know, that Sunday night when I was just being like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, and seeing who responded and who I could line up for the week, it was usually like, oh, this is the person that I actually want to spend time with.

So, hey, what are you doing on Wednesday? And that's when I started developing much stronger romantic relationships as well and sexual relationships, because I was committing a little bit more seriously to the time that I wanted to spend with people. So do that. Do it. Okay. This is from Webosite. If you have a work wife or work husband, you're an awful person who needs to take a step back and reevaluate their own life.

If you're in a relationship, things are tough at home and trying to branch out, just stop. You're lusting. Water the grass you tend to every day and it will get better. It's not more green on the other side after you get past the point. Most people indulge, get caught, then come crawling back. Work on your home life instead of trying to play games at work. I feel like you've misunderstood the whole concept

of a work wife and work husband. I don't know if we've talked really too much about this on the show, but we've definitely talked about it. It's come up so many times. It's such a weird thing. Reddit has this hate boner for, and it makes me laugh all the time. And this just encapsulates it perfectly it's

like what are you talking about yeah i mean like my work wives one they're like literally couldn't be any less romantic or physical or sexual chemistry or attraction between the two of us and the other one is like in a committed long term relationship with a dude that I absolutely adore you know what I mean so like there's absolutely no threat of either of us anyone in this mix of being called a work wife or a work

husband like not even the slightest hint of anything could happen romantic or sexually between us what's like my work wife was kyle you know i mean like it's such a weird thing people hate and it's like it's a term that means nothing it's just like oh it's my butt at work it's my person i'm always with or around that's like the extent of it it's a term of endearment that i think people get fucking weird about because of the implications of husband and wife

like if it was like if we well hey there's probably someone whose hair does say podwife and it's like wait there are buds there are buds it's a joke it's a fun little joke that we do yeah you know i mean like if you just if you need to just convert it in your head to work bestie, work fam. That's literally it. That's it. Now, I don't want to be dismissive because I'm sure there are some people out there who have a work wife or a work husband. And it is a bit more insidious than we're talking about. But we've seen questions where people are like, oh, I found out my husband was sleeping with his therapist. And that's like, that's awful. But does that mean if you have a therapist, you're a piece of shit? Like, yeah, that's an issue with the person involved, not the term. And it's it's so weird to hate and the vitriol that gets spewed whenever anyone says like work, wife or husband on Reddit. And I'm sure these people also exist in real life and do that in their daily.

So it's nothing. And if it is, that's a different issue. And them being called a work wife or work husband does not excuse it, obviously. But the term has nothing to do with it. I also don't think, as with anything in a relationship that makes you uncomfortable, I don't think there's any harm. If it particularly triggers you for some reason to ask your partner to be like, hey, that term makes me feel weird. Can we come up with another one? There's no harm in that. And it works for literally anything in

a relationship. If your partner does a thing that makes you uncomfortable, even if you know, even if the rational part of your brain is like, I know this means nothing, but it weirds me out. Then just talk to your partner and be like, hey, can we avoid using that term? Or can we come up with a term that is fun? And like, we can work together to figure out what that is. And I think importantly, in the conversation, you don't be like accusatory. And you, I think it always helps to be like i know i'm being irrational or i know i'm being like a little ridiculous because like then if they also feel like you're being a little

weird if you're admitting it they'll be like cool like a nice little bit of like humility and just like self-knowledge and like honesty and vulnerability go a long way because if you just go change it it's wrong there's something wrong with it it's like you're kind of aggressive and you're putting them in the position of being like you're being a little weird and like you're going over the top which again might spawn more defensiveness blah blah blah where if you're just like look i know i'm being ridiculous i feel like people are a lot more willing to meet you on your level right and like i think knowing that about a situation is also going to help you not be ridiculous. You know what I mean?

It's when discussing anything, it's so much easier to speak from like where your stance is as opposed to trying to like project it out. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it's way easier to be like the term work wife makes me feel weird than it is to approach someone and be like, I don't like when you use the term work wife. Like, yes, same thing. you use the term work wife. Like, same thing. It means the exact same thing, but the connotations and the phrasing and the framing of it, like immediately go, Jesus, like one's accusatory,

one is sort of like, here's a thing that's happening with me. Yes, one is like opening up and letting them in, the other one is like shooting an arrow at them, you know? Yeah, so I mean it's such an important thing to talk about

when you talk about anything. If it's something that's bothering you, frame it through you and not at them. Yeah. And be chill. Be chill. We gotta go so quickly because I read the third question. Okay, this is Sensitive

Koala. 6232. Sex sexually turned on by our age difference. How can I let him know? I'm a 29-year-old female casually seeing and sleeping with a man, 40-year-old male, a bit older than me. I realize that I have an age gap, King. I'm heavily turned on that he's older than me. He's great in bed, more established, and looks so handsome. I feel like a cute young woman who gets to be his student in life and sex.

We've never discussed the age difference, but it turns me on so much. How could I tell him that I not only don't mind that he's older, but I actually like it? I don't want to be creepy. I like the power dynamic, that I'm kind of naive and innocent, and he's a mentor who I love to please, and that I clearly look younger when we're out on dates. I eventually want to call him daddy in bed too, but I worry all this will freak him out.

We're actually pretty equally professionally and fairly egalitarian outside of the bedroom, and we've never talked about this dynamic. So it sounds like you want to engage in role play, and that's wonderful. That's a very easy kink slash sexual activity conversation that you can have like if you want to call him daddy you can have that conversation if you want to engage in this role play of like he's your sexual mentor and you're like whatever which i think are like like they're peripheral to what you're saying as well but if you want to just like i think it's maybe a little strange just out of nowhere to be like i like the age different it turns me on because it can seem a little like fetish fetishization you know what

i mean like if you were like oh i'm really turned on by my partner being ethnicity and out of nowhere you were like i love that your ethnicity i'm just saying ethnicity instead of being specific but it sounds real strange that's fucking weird so if you just come out and say that he might love it or he might just be like okay if he comes out and is like i'm a little worried about the age gap that's a wonderful time for you to be like one don't mind two turns me on a lot but like a lot of the things it seems like you almost want to engage in role play and it's like if you do that he'll know that turns you on so you're kind of killing two birds with one stone that's the thing is i agree 100 i think the second if

it's something that you can't control as in age or you know ethnicity skin color any of those things if that person has no control over that aspect of their personality or their identity, then I think you do run the risk of fetishization. And I think it's very easy to feel sort of diminished. If I was dating someone who was 25 or something, and they were like, I love that you're 10 years older than me. I love that you're 11 years older than me. I'd be like well okay that's fine i wouldn't date you if i had a problem with the age gap and also now i'm wondering if that's the reason why you're dating me yeah especially if this guy is a little like oh like i'm a bit

older and it's like this girl's a little younger and i wonder like how like if he's in his head about it and then you say this thing and you're kind of hoping to get him out of his head about it but you're kind of saying again this thing he can't control so it's like cool is that the only thing you like you know because also she doesn't mention much else she likes about him that's not

related to his age well she says he's getting more established and looks so handsome I guess okay but right and the fact that i think niles right i think if you want to talk about age play which i don't even know that's what you're looking for but if you want him to take a more dominant thing you can even like again open communication but like things like this sometimes you need a cheeky way in you can be fun and just be like oh one of my friends said that you had strong daddy energy or something like that you know i mean like you could crack the door open without really broaching it because

if he's like oh i fucking hate that great you know immediately right and if he doesn't immediately seem uh repulsed by it you can lean in and just be like, you can be my daddy tonight or something like that and test the waters. Right. Like you can dip your foot in without being like, I love that you're old. You're my daddy. Right. Like, yes. Yes.

Like, that's not the way to do it. In the middle of fucking just yell it out. Not the way to do it. Yeah. Now, I will say every time I've been called daddy it has been by complete surprise and it that's the only time i've ever enjoyed it if someone surprised you and you enjoyed it did they just never repeat it again or the next time they did it you were like nope no it was it's more like the first time it would happen with someone i'd be like oh okay i like that because i've had

people call me it prior to and i've been like I don't like that but there are certain people who'd say it a certain way in certain situations where I'm like okay I do like that now Daddy Daddy please Papa It's just Lou Wilson Papa

So it all depends and like I think you can test the waters sort of harmlessly but I, I don't think you need to bring up the age gap. One, he knows he's older than you for sure. You know what I mean? Like, unless he's an absolute fucking idiot or you've lied about your age, he knows he's older than you.

So as Nell said, if you want to play around with sort of the power dynamic of an older man, just introduce that idea. And please, I've talked about it before, don't do the schoolgirl thing. If you're going to fucking weird them out, it's going to be with a schoolgirl thing. No guy who's dating someone younger wants to be like, you want to pretend I'm not legal?

You know what I mean? Like, that's, I don't know. Please, please don't do that. Don't sexualize children. No. All right, you ready? Yeah. I'm going to blast through this one.

It's blank. My 33-year-old male girlfriend, 28-year-old female, won't let me order fun drinks at coffee shops because they're gay. My girlfriend is an avid Redditor. I've been together with my partner for a year. Long story short, she won't let me order fun drinks when we go to a coffee shop on weekends because she says they make me look gay. When I pressed her on it last time, she sort of backtracked a bit and said she's also worried about the added sugar of drinks, like frappuccinos, mochas, pumpkin spice lattes, etc. Thing is, I only drink regular black coffee during the week and keep a pretty clean diet.

I view a mocha frappuccino on the weekend as my reward or cheat meal, and it's nice to switch it up for my go-to. I'm 6 foot tall, 175 pounds, so weight is not an issue, and I work out a few times per week. My partners called me gay multiple times when ordering these drinks, and one time we were out with our other girlfriends, and they agreed men should only drink plain black coffee. They even said an iced Americano is somewhat feminine because you use a straw. I was disappointed by these women, as they were all well-educated,

liberal, and claimed to be progressive. I find the civil standard a bit troubling to say the least but they claim that they can't be sexist or homophobic because they are women i love my girlfriend and wish you would stop saying these things but i find that hurtful and i'm at odds on how to talk to her or make her come around do i keep trying to convince her or move on i mean there might be some validity to women not being able to be sexist because of the whole idea of you know the oppressor can't be or the oppressed can't be perpetuators of but a woman can absolutely be homophobic right just because you're a woman doesn't mean you're not homophobic and i think certainly calling your straight boyfriend gay because he wants to drink something with whipped

cream or a straw. Let's agree. You should never use a straw. No, it doesn't matter what you're drinking. If it's a milkshake, you fucking put your... You scoop it with your hands like a man. Like a man. You get your little fucking shovel, your milkshake shovel, and you just fucking go to town.

But don't you dare put that shovel too far in your mouth. Yeah. That's awesome man men are just meant to stand in the rain drinking black coffee there's no straws no umbrellas have you seen the tiktok account of the guy who's yeah who has the like notepad of like all the things that women have said are the x one woman was just like one time this guy got hit by a car it's like oh just switches over it's like get hit by a car yeah when your man fucking matt rife was blowing up before he tanked his career he someone like posted a video being like i loved matt rife until i saw him wearing like over the head headphones it's like instant it's like oh fuck we can't show this video to anybody that's why our lady audience

has just fucking plummeted yeah once we started doing videos with our boys now the boys listen to us talking about sex and that's so gay so gay this is one of our dear friends has a penchant for ordering the most ridiculous drink. I haven't seen him do it in a while now, but back in the days, back in our single days, no less back in the days where we would roll through the city of Toronto as a roving pack of boys. I remember him.

Literally we were at like a barish club thing and he pretty much ordered a root beer float, but he ordered like a Guinness float or something like that. There's no cool way to eat a root beer float. However, having the balls to eat a root beer float, in my opinion, is cool as fuck. That's the thing. It's, like, and I know when they say gay, they mean, like, effeminate, and it's meant to be this derogatory term. So, one, they are homophobic.

Fuck them. Two, being scared of what people think. Oh, God, I gotta have my black coffee because I don't want people to try to say I'm less of a man. That's pretty non-manly to me. It's not even like I get into manly and not manly. But what I mean is like they're espousing this weird image. And it's like that goes against the image, the very image they're trying to portray. Drink what you want there is a gentleman who

comes into my bar quite regularly who holds should we say traditional values and the amount of times like my new year's resolution includes terrorizing this man to the point that he never returns just gonna be me calling him out on shit right and the last interaction i had with him was about don't remember what it was talking about but oh it was my fingernails i had painted my fingernails and he was like kind of like hemming and hawing about it and i was just like he's like you know you know men shouldn't do that shit men shouldn't do that shit i was like why not he's like well you know women paint their nails and stuff and i was like yeah women wear jewelry too and you've got like five necklaces on

so like what's the difference he's like well these are he's like going on and i was just like okay great but i was just like why so you're making an exception for yourself if that's the case blah blah but i was just like would you not say like you give off the air of a man who doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks and then you're gonna do your own thing he's like yeah fuck yeah and I was like great same so why should I give a fuck about what you think about and he's like well and I was like

because if I have to give a shit what you think you're going to have to listen to what I think and like again so many necklaces and he was just like well uh let's play this game man and it's like you're right like it's such a stupid thing to be like i want a man who's tough and who isn't afraid to be who he is and it's like blah blah blah but the second cannot use a straw

or an umbrella or paint his name like yeah it's your girlfriend sucks i don't really want to tell you to have a chat with her i honestly don't know if you're gonna get anywhere because she sucks and her friends suck yeah so it's like she's in an echo chamber of shitness and it's like i don't know fucking dump her man yeah i would drink this sounds so like because it's not just frappuccinos it's gonna be everything yeah imagine being on a vacation being like you know what I wanna fucking crush I wanna crush a fucking drink out of a coconut with an umbrella

an umbrella? a drink umbrella? that's even worse than a human umbrella I know literally I've had people come into my work and like order a cocktail and then when it comes he's like oh man and he's looking at me like I fucking like set out to

victimize me like when you tell me it came in this glass man like come on really yeah i'm like oh sorry i didn't realize we had gendered glassware like fuck yourself dude you're upset because you got a sangria and it wasn't masculine like get the fuck out yeah i'll bring in the fucking horn next time a flaming like embossed horn, and I'll fucking, like, shut up. Yeah. I'll find a old rusty bucket to bring to you, sir. Yeah, your fucking sangria. Like, the best is that we just kept, because we put, like, flour, we put, like, edible

flour petals in our sangrias and shit, and then the next drink he got, which he thought would be more manly, we put, like, a whole ass flower in it, and he was, like, slowly losing it, and you could just see his date wanted to die the like societal pressure and this is how bad it is for men you know what i mean like this is how fucked up the patriarchy is and misogyny is for us is there are so many men who have full-on panic attacks based on the glassware of their drink and it's it's not a rare thing like Niall is not explaining a one singular, like, the amount of times I get, like, things being like, I want a Stella, but it's got to be in a Guinness glass,

because a Stella glass is curved. Yeah, it's almost like a wine glass, kind of, but not really. What? Yeah. I want a glass of wine. Could you put it in a rocks glass for me? Like, are you really scared of a curved glass, my dude? Yeah, dude. And it's so much i've been

bartending for so long and it is not a isolated instance it is it's almost the exception when you have someone come in and get you know a quote unquote girly drink and is cool with it and again drinks are just drinks man just get whatever the fuck drink you want. Yeah, leave it behind. Fucking coffee order. Stop being so fucking shitty about these things. That's going to do it for this episode, friends. We're going to hop onto online dating platforms very quickly and review a couple profiles. Now you're going to rapid fire them at me.

Okay, this is, I'm so sorry, but this, i had to read it i guess they have no name that's probably for the best he is 39 and his profile only says she said she was 18 oh come on why what did you why are you like why why what are you doing what the fuck are you what Who are you? Like, why? Why? What are you doing? What the fuck are you? What net are you casting, dude? Like, do you want the cops? You did it. You've got the best dating profile for the police. That's going to be just a minus.

But the number just keeps going down. So I can't say, you know, when you try to, like, say the exact time, it's that except the number just keeps going down. I can't say. You know when you try to say the exact time? It's that except the number just keeps going down. Yes. I'm kinky AF so you'll be in for a nice treat. Prefer someone who's active, ambitious, has goals, and good communication skills. It's nothing. Like, yes, you've listed the things that most people like. It's great that you've kind of introduced the kinky idea into the world. Although, with my experience on dating

platforms, nine times out of ten, when someone says they're kinky, they don't follow any of the rules of kink, and they're just going to do whatever the fuck they want without consent or prior conversation. I just love that one, kinky kind of means nothing. Right? Because you could be kinky

and be into feet, and be kinky and be into like feet and be like kinky and be like, I'm going to shit in your mouth. But secondly, it's like, I'm kinky. So you'll be in for a nice treat. Like,

okay, cool. Like, Ooh, a nice treat. Like what the fuck does that? I love it. I'm giving it a four because it's,

yes, there's nothing in there that is particularly useful. Yeah. I'll also give it a four. This is Vestine. I go crazy for, is the prompt. I love gifts, especially when they meet you on the first date and bring you a gift. It's super cute, like face with the heart.

Love hygiene, love a handsome man, and wine and dine me or leave me alone. You must bring a gift on the first date it's not a gift anywhere it's a tribute i like it was like oh i love gifts i'm like okay i don't love it that she's already kind of like wink wink but then she's like you know what i wasn't clear enough you You have to. Yeah. I would bring, like, a live spider. That would be my gift to you. Hey, you know what? If you got me a

cool spider, I'd be down. Like, those jumping spiders? Fuck, I think it was Geist, the podcast, when we were celebrating after the Canadian Podcast Awards. They sent me pictures of their jumping spiders who were celebrating, and they were very cute. And I don't know if we've done they just snuck a fucking spider to you

yeah I don't know if we've done this one but actually I can't read this one which is terrible this year I really want to is the prompt find my wife so she can stop getting piped by other guys for a second I realized that like you want to find the woman who will

Eventually be your wife and not the woman You've already married that you've lost Maybe not Maybe she's just been gone it's like damn it She's lost and she's so horny It's so disloyal I don't know how to help With this one I don't know

I love my aimless disloyal wife Yeah I'm going to give it a zero Because it's a bad It's definitely bad I don't know how to help with this one. I don't know. I love my aimless, disloyal wife. Yeah. I'm going to give it a zero because it's a bad. It's definitely bad. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to do it for this episode, friends.

Thank you very much for listening. Once again, we have a big anniversary show, February the 8th. We're doing it with our pals, Olivia and Maddie from, why did I call her Olivia? That was weird. It was weird. I didn't like this. It's your new it's program. Dane likes to, you know, Olivia and Madeline. They're going to pull out of the show. Yeah, exactly.

From 30 going on 13. They're a blast. If you haven't listened to their show, please go check them out and then experience both of us on stage together. February 8th, you can get tickets on our website or any social media platform. Once again, tickets are $10. It starts at 7 o'clock.

Or you can get the VIP treatment for $15, and you get a glass of Rosé Bubbly on your way in. Yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun. Tickets will probably go quick, and 30 going on 13 are doing their Emma Stone month right now. So what better time than to hop over there? Okay, I got some bad sex writing. This is from a, like, a

restaurant industry page on Facebook that I'm in, and someone posted this, and it's just pretty weird, so the original question is, Hey, might be a strange question, but what is everyone scrubbing their hands with afterward? I used to use this brand, but it doesn't seem to be doing the

trick anymore. My wife keeps telling me to wear gloves, but I don't love wearing gloves. Let me know. So this man replies, my wife has grown fond of the way my hands smell. The boys used to call me pickle fingers back when I was flipping burgers in high school. Now I'm pico de gallo fingers.

Can't help you with any hand cleaning techniques. In fact, I don't know why I'm here. I can only say kitchen fingers are the best fingers in the world, and I attribute dill pickles for my success in the dating world. Again, I don't know why I'm here, or even what I'm trying to say. Fingers rule. There's no way he's that high as fuck sir what are you doing

I think look if there's one thing one energy I'm gonna go into with 2024 it's my new found love fingers how much they rule fingers fucking rule guys they rule

my name is Dave Miller and I'm Mal Finger and we've been your finger buddies My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Malfinger. And we've been your finger buddies.