F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 291 - The Great Water Rejection

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

After surviving the harrowing attack last week, we've returned to the scene of the crime to reclaim our space and peace of mind.  Topics include scooping two ladies from the club, kung fu rejection, no longer being the family's favourite, a knockout blowjob, a pegging punch.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. I put my trust in you, and I trust in our love. I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love. Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niall Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations.

Simply put, we are here in this closet to deliver sex and dating advice to you. We find the questions either online or from our wonderful listeners or from our shitty listeners. Which we've now started calling out. It's been like, what, almost six years now? That's insane. And it's time that we put some of you on blast some of you are great listeners most of you great listeners some of you some of you are exceptional listeners hashtag patreon yep and the people who come to the show

yeah uh and then there are some of you who if this was a credit or not a credit card a report card uh you would have a lot of needs improvement yeah it needs more work yeah you know good heart maybe did you ever have like that was actually like one of our grades like improvement like we didn't have like abcd it was fucking snowflakes it was like good satisfactory something and then needs improvement needs improvement was like the worst they've worded it well because it doesn't sound too bad. Right? I don't know, man.

Needs Improvement's pretty harsh to get as a kid. I guess. It's just being like, oh, your... Everything across the board needs improvement. You know what's harsh? An F. It's true. I think F is funny.

No, F stands for fail. Yeah. Needs Improvement. This is our show. It is And we're very excited to do it I'm not, I'm terrified Why?

Last time we were here We got assaulted by a winged weaponized insect I don't know if you've seen it Oh, you still haven't moved it? I still haven't moved it No, the book I told you it lives there And that's where it lives

You can't just leave it there Why not? What if it has babies in itself? And they start to crawl out I was worried that it was going to be You remember how there's like I not? What if it has babies in itself and they start to crawl out? I was worried that it was going to be. You remember how there's like, I don't know if it's true, but there was like the pheromones. I was just worried that. It would attract more hornets, if you will.

Yeah. So I am very scared, but that's not going to stop us from delivering award winning advice straight to your dome. And this week we're going to talk about how hard is it to take two women home from the club with you? A Kung Fu rejection. My dad got my brother's boyfriend a glass of water and now my girlfriend is upset. Hell yeah. Knock out blowjob. Damn.

And you know what? I'm going to give you my last one. Accidentally punched my girlfriend during sex. It's happened to us all. I'm going to start us off last one. Accidentally punched my girlfriend during sex. It's happened to us all. I'm going to start us off. Okay. This is by BananakanPieWalker. Nice.

How hard is it to take two women from the club home with you? And he has capitalized both women and the club as it is meant to be. What's up, guys? I'm a 20-year-old male, and I'm just curious. No specific reason, of course. Not like I have an ex who left me while I was suicidal that I want to get revenge on or something. Just curious. How hard is it to take not one, but two girls from the club home with you? Did any of you did that before? Need some advice from my big bros? Help a young fella out, heart and like hands raised emoji. If any ladies read this, please give your takes. What would make you and your friend or someone else go home

with a guy? You can be honest. It's it's anonymous anyway for my looks before anyone asks most women rate me seven out of ten i'd say i'm five but whatever i'm around 181 centimeters german brown hair pale and i think i have a deep voice for my age if i relax it not the best looking guy maybe a bit above average i'll post a pic but you know that probably ain't a good idea. Lol. I do like the idea of this deep voice if he relaxes it, because you know he's constantly doing that. Hey, I'm just relaxing my voice. What's up, girl?

You and your friend want to come home? I think you're hot, but you need to at least double the amount of you before I consider you. There was a night where I brought two ladies home with me, and it was weird because I was out with a friend, and there was three

of them, and my buddy was making moves on one of them, and I was kind of like talking to the other two and there was one of the three that i also found attractive and i believe the the other lady was also cute but i believe that they had mentioned that they had a boyfriend or no i don't think they had at this point in time um but two of the two that i was talking to kept being like we're sisters i was like you're absolutely not sisters like you don't look anything alike like there's nothing like i do not believe this sister adoption exists bro you know what that's a very good point uh damn but at the time i was

just like okay we can play this game uh and then my uh friend was like, oh, we're going to head out. And they're like, cool. Like, do you also want to? And I don't think they realized that we were roommates at the time. So my buddy went home in a cab or an Uber. And then those two, I was just like, I shot my shot with the one I was attracted to. And she was like, yeah, we'll both both come and i was like oh fuck yeah let's go i was like hopefully this sister act drops real quick uh and then they proceeded to like just

chill like in my room while my roommate i don't i also think he didn't get very far with his uh selected partner but uh i was just like i was so hyped i was like i did it yeah we did it and then uh and then i think they were just all like coming to make sure people were safe i'm not like did they even know that the girl was no i don't think so i think like so they were just they were like we're gonna chill with this guy i guess yeah i like part of me is like why you know i think i think the like sister came with to to sort of like prevent anything bad from happening i guess i don't i don't know it was it was a very strange experience so similarly to me i was bringing somebody home and then their friend from the underground their friend called them was like

oh like you left me i need to be walked home. There's some creepy guys. So we went and met her and I was like, okay, either whether this happened or not, no longer are me and your one going to happen because she's clearly, we're not going to be like, oh, bye. So we kind of walked her home and the friend, I was like, okay, well, bye guys. And she was like, no, no, walk us home. I was like, okay, yeah, whatever. So I walked the two of them to the friend's place. And then the friend was like, no, come on up. And I was like, no, no, walk us home. I was like, okay, yeah, whatever. So I walked the two of them to the friend's place. And then the friend was like, no, come on up. And I was like, hmm, what could this be? So get up. But then it ended up being this very weird, like,

ploy for us to use her room so she could go to her roommate's room, who was a guy, and be like, well, they're in my room. I can come into your room because I guess she had a crush on him. And that was her ploy. And then that didn't work out. And then she got really angry because we were having sex really loudly in her room. So guess she had a crush on him and that was her ploy and then that didn't work out and then she got really angry because we were having sex really loud in our room so it was just a very weird night so I guess it happens but it occasionally gets real weird

yeah I don't think it ever happens in the way that you want as per our two anecdotes yeah it does not pan out the way you want to I mean like let's put the fucking let's the whole my girlfriend left me when I was like that like, I don't I hate to break it to you. But there is there's no cool way to announce that you if you do miraculously with your deeper than average voice for your age, manage to convince two ladies to come home with you to have a sexual experience.

There's no cool way to get this information to your ex. If you take a picture, you're a creep. You're a creep. If you post, brought two girls home. One, you look lame. And two, no one's going to believe you. So regardless, it's not going to work. Two, if you're this hung up and upset and the reason

why you're doing it is this weird perceived victory you might get one women are gonna sense that they're gonna think you're a big giant fucking creep and two you're gonna be fucking miserable because one it's not easy so if it happens you're still gonna be miserable but if it doesn't happen it's gonna be more. So maybe take a little step away from toxic, pointless hell and step towards positive shit and like hang out with your friends. Therapy and do things you love. Like we talk about with breakups, build yourself up, spend time doing the things you love. Don't just pick an arbitrary thing you probably won't be able to do that won't help anyway and make yourself suffer more and look if your motivation to do anything like even if you were like i want

to go to the gym yeah to get back at my ex who left me when i was suicidal i want to do x you know even if you're choosing to do healthy things for a wrong reason like it still wouldn't be great like even if you're like i want to go to therapy to get back at my ex like that's still a really no you know what i think i'd lie to you and be like that's okay just so you could go like i think you would find that very quickly in that therapy session to be like hey that's a really that's not the right way to yeah it'll be the one time the therapist says you're not going to come to therapy anymore i'm not going to let you until you do it for the right reasons um you're not allowed to come to therapy right i think doing anything for the express purpose of revenge on someone that you've perceived we also don't know the situation so like we don't know why this person left you uh or how

like if you're yeah like there could be valid reasons they could have done it kindly you know what i mean yeah or for their own safety or because you were emotionally abusive or manipulative or maybe you were something they couldn't handle yes you know if you're actually suicidal like they're not mental health professionals presumably if they aren't they did a bad job but even then there's a difference between being professional and being like a personal life right if they couldn't handle anyway there's no point getting into this but just you know this is a bad thing. Yeah. And like, if we really want to get into advice, I think going to a club with the express like goal of bringing two people home is probably going to make sure that never happens.

Yeah. It's like what we talked about our, our night out, like guide on our Patreon. Yeah. Going out with the express purpose of pulling also probably won't work out you're just going to be creepy and weird and like you know maybe something good might happen one person be like hold on let me just look around the room what about her what what what are you talking about yeah so i think the only real thing to do is to be open to that possibility yeah and and like if it happens don't not take you not take steps to make it happen.

But you can't force it. No, this is something that... These are the stars aligning and the gods smiling upon you. This isn't something that... I'm sure that there is some guy out there. I'm sure there are some studs who can walk into a bar and pretty easily make this happen. I mean, depending on the club and the and the person and the you know what i mean like i i think there are people who are who would gravitate towards that kind of stuff especially if you're like a shit ton of money like there are

people who chase that kind of stuff and it's like but you're probably presumably not that and as now said if you go in with the express purpose of doing a very specific thing then it's going to be bad yes like you're going to have a bad time because the second it doesn't happen and as i said this is a difficult thing like if everyone could be having threesomes by walking into a bar or a club because they want to they would do that all the time we wouldn't be it wouldn't be this oh if i do this she'll fucking know she lost out on it. Because it would be commonplace. Yeah.

So that's your answer. Yes. So don't. Relax. If it happens, it happens. Don't relax. Don't comma relax. If it happens, it happens.

Great. Cool. But there's no way to really orchestrate this in a social setting in which you don't know anyone. You can, by all means, plan together a threesome. But the idea of walking into a room where you don't know anyone and managing to orchestrate that, it's like, I don't know if you've done this, but organizing a threesome is a lot of fucking work. People's schedules, they're bad, man. It's not going to happen. That's why you do it at the club. You know they're bad man like it's it's not gonna happen that's why you do it at the club you know they're free for the rest of them yeah you're right um

but also this whole thing is toxic and unhealthy so don't do it get a hobby yeah uh this next question is from ace atreides how do i 24 year old male turn down this girl 25 year old female without looking like a dick? Hi everyone, so I've recently found myself in a pickle. I'm getting out of options here. Trying to keep it short, but with context. I started going to a martial arts academy last year since I wanted to get back into exercising and get the chance to meet new people. And from the start, this girl I met there has been clearly trying to get me into her. The thing is, I don't feel attracted or anything else more than friendship for her.

So I figured I'd avoid her moves and that would be enough. I was wrong. She keeps treating me obviously different from others in the academy, tries to get closer, treats me like a delicate flower for some reason, and keeps putting me in situations impossible to avoid without looking like a dick or straight up avoiding her in general. I guess

somehow I kept giving mixed signals because I didn't want to be rude or anything. And now it's come to the point where, where I'm getting out of options on what to say. And she keeps it all as this unspoken thing. It's maddening. And I'm pretty sure others at the Academy are beginning to think we have a thing.

I don't know what to do or what to do or what to say, except straight up going up to her and saying, look, you're my friend. I'm not into you. Stop it. Is that the best way to're my friend. I'm not into you. Stop it. Is that the best way to deal with this?

I would love to know. Sorry. I would love to know what the situations are and what the things that are being said are and just all of that because I would like to give specific actionable advice in the moment because if it's a certain situation, that might be a better way or time to say this but without that information it is awkward when they haven't straight up said

that's like hey i want to get with you that's the danger right of like going on being like look i'm not interested yeah and neither am i you're like oh because then yeah you you live in that that little hell space of being like i don't know if don't know if you're into me or if you're just weird. I don't know if this is how you express friendship. I feel like that's awkward enough even when you know. If someone you hooked up with years ago reaches out randomly with a bullshit excuse and you're like, we all know what's happening here. But they're like, no, no, I just want to see how your writing's doing. And you're like, no, you don't.

No, you don't. And if it was doing well, you'd know. It'd be everywhere. like it is awkward but i think if you don't want to take that step and leap to to these assumptions that you might whatever you could still talk about what is you know present being like hey i don't want special treatment you know what i mean like hey i'm here to to do whatever but like you treat me like this delicate flower you do whatever you put me in this situation i mean like you don't treat anybody else like that it's like we're friends i don't want you to like give me more leeway than other people all right yeah because then you're bringing

up the treatment that's making you uncomfortable good and two you're hammering home that you're friends at which point if she wants to be like i don't want to be friends you can be like oh i'm sorry i only you know you're just a friend you're a friend to me not you're just a friend to me that could hurt yeah and i think constantly reinforcing the the fact that you are friends yeah really helps sort of like set the tone as well so i think you're right i think you need to whenever there is something that makes you feel uncomfortable i think you have to call it out yeah and you like don't go like don't don't use the like oh i'm not attracted to you yeah right like just whatever it is like i would as you said like i'd love to know like what you mean by like also like is she sorry is she an

instructor i assume not well i don't know if she's able to put him in these situations and treat him like you know what i mean is she like oh everyone Oh, everyone drill bags. Like, no, not you. Or maybe like me or like they're drilling. Maybe she like, doesn't kick as hard. Right. Like it just seemed anyway, it's,

it's weird. So sorry. Continue. Yeah. I think you have to find those moments, like find the times that like you can stop giving me signals. And I know you're, you're trying to be nice.

Yeah. Right. Like, and that's we all try to do that um but i think you need to start putting your foot down and be a little more clear as to the moments in which you start to feel uncomfortable and you don't have to like blanket statement of being like hey i don't i'm not attracted to you because like that sucks one to hear and two you're you're running the risk of of you misinterpreting what they're doing because maybe they think you're into them and they're trying to accommodate that as well uh

so it's a tricky situation because you don't have all the information and we certainly don't have all the information uh but i think if you take it slow and just find those moments to like really reinforce be like oh hey i'm not sure why you do this i'm not sure like and if they're putting you in situations like if they i don't know like if they're getting like super close to you or whatever just ask them to like take a step back or whatever or you take a step back and if they like hopefully they get that idea right like don't just if like if they get super close to you i have to be nice i gotta stand here yeah like just just take a side step away and like hopefully if like if you're fucking sidestepping across the room every three seconds because they keep cuddling into you yeah

um and then at the end of the class i think maybe don't do it during class or whatever be like hey i noticed like you you're standing really close just be like either like hey i'm really sweaty and stinky and like i'm not comfortable being that close to me while I'm working out. Or just be like, I need a little bit more space. I don't think anyone can be upset with asking another person, especially in a workout scenario, to be like, can you fucking not get that close to me? But you also always need to voice it in a way that's just so friend-based. So just be like, I know you're joshing. I know you're joshing around.

Right? I know we like to ralph on each other just use as many male white young boy names yeah um i honestly i feel like you're like i know you always like to josh around to be like oh call her bro all the time that's i mean that is also like one of the things i see all the time is like he called me dude yeah he called me bro so just like what does it mean and we're, it doesn't mean anything, but now you get to make it mean something. Yeah. And now you can make it mean something. How about this?

You need to weaponize people's insecurities. How about this? You go, Hey, let's meet up after let's hang out outside of karate. And then you just have the friendest day ever. Yeah. You go like ax throwing. Yeah. Like what?

Like, and I also think like if you take it outside of and i know this is risky and maybe you don't want to do it but if you take it outside either one you might be like oh you're normal now that you're not putting on this weird show or whatever or she'll be like hey i like you and you can be like oh i'm sorry i thought we were just friends and like karate means too much for me to get involved or like muddy the waters at this place or blah blah i'm really sorry i'm training for the all valley yeah yeah i i can't don't have any hair there's rumblings cobra kai are coming back yeah i need to be ready uh so yeah good luck there's so many ways to do this but like you you don't need to just drop the your i don't like you hammer you

definitely need to strike first strike hard yes uh Yes. My 19-year-old male girlfriend, 19-year-old female, is upset that she's not the only daughter-in-law anymore. How do I reassure her? Hey everyone, my girlfriend, 19-year-old female, and me, 19, have been together for two years, and things have generally been great between us. However, a recent incident has left her feeling quite sad. I'm not sure how to handle

it. Here's what happened. My dad recently saw my brother's boyfriend, and as any good host would, he offered him a glass of water and asked how school was. Now, this seemingly innocent gesture has made my girlfriend feel replaced. She expressed to me she feels like she's not as special to my family anymore, now that she's not the only daughter-slash-son-in-law prospect. I can understand where she's coming from, to some extent, but it's not like my family

forgot about her and stopped caring. She's always been quite close to my family, and I know she values her relationship with them a lot, but I never imagined that something as trivial as offering someone a glass of water could make her feel so sidelined. How can I go about this? I like the idea that they ripped the glass of water out of her hand. No, you had your time. Steven, are you thirsty? You look parched.

Give me this, Claire. Here, you deserve this now. I think you need to have a conversation with your girlfriend and be like, hey. I don't think so. You're fine. Be like, why is this upsetting you so much? What makes you think in your perfect

world, do they just ignore my brother's boyfriend? Does he die of thirst yeah like is that like would that have been better for you like is that because you have to understand it's like it's not like they've invited him to something that you're not invited to it's not like you're being asked not to come to like family christmas anymore it's not like they got him a present and didn't get you one and said oh who, who are you when you complained about it? Who the fuck are you? When did you get here?

You're still around? Like, is he allowed to eat at dinner? Yeah. What's going on here? What's happening? What's your deal? What's going on? Yeah, just be like, hey,

let's talk about this rationally for one second. Yeah. One, why are you upset? Two, is this not the most normal? And like, it's not even like, oh, they got out the nice bottle of whiskey. Yeah. You know, it's water.

Yeah. It couldn't be any, like... It'd be weird if like... Now, wait. Are they on Dune planet? Is water very valuable? Oh, maybe. Shit.

We never asked. You need to up your spice collection and start offering a little bit more spice to house Atreides. Yeah. Get your good friend, Duncan Idaho, and his friend, David Nevada, and you need to both go rustle up some sandworms and show up in style at the next dinner. I mean, water giving ceremony. Yeah. You need to find a way to get this new usurper alone and give him the old gum

jabbar give him the gum for sure right i think that's the only thing you need to do find out his true intentions because maybe he's there specifically to steal water and replace you yeah right we don't even know this motherfucker right Right. We don't even know his name. Maybe that's a little sus, right? Those witch people that are actively trying to make Paul King, the witch people can't let that happen. The witch moms,

which mom, the mom, mom, witches. That's your dream. I wish. Yeah. Damn.

Uh, there's a lot here. There, no one should be upset by this. Unless you're a fan of Dune and you realize how little we actually know. Yeah, I read those books like 20 years ago. Oh, hey.

I've not even watched the movie. I've seen the first movie and that's it. And I'm pretty sure that is, the Gom Jafar is the pokey thing, right? Couldn't tell you. I'm pretty sure it's the pokey thing. Couldn't tell you. Also, a little sus that she's like

calling herself a daughter-in-law. You guys are 19. You dated for two years. I would love to know if there is a little bit of homophobia. I really hope not, which is why I didn't bring it up. But like me hoping things aren't happening. Isn't beneficial to.

And I think, and this is, I think a sweet thing to happen. If, if not a little problematic but i think parents might go a little out of the way to make a gay partner feel a little more comfortable in the home right i think i think there is some inherent sort of like problematic views of that being like but i think but like i think there's a good place yes i think it's a sweet thing of

being like hey you're safe here. We love you. If you, if you and my son are happy and are, and you are good together and whatever, it's like, then, then you are part of the family and like, we don't resent you. We don't.

I think also a lot of that might be if, cause they're pretty young, presumably. So the brother might've just recently come out. Yeah. And I know obviously that is a really hard thing to do. So if he was really like nervous and scared maybe this is how they're trying to show their support as well so it's like

it could be a really sweet thing that they're doing and it's like maybe she sucks or maybe she's just misconstruing it or can't see past her own shit which like she's a 19 year old yes i mean so i think that also might be something worth bringing up being like look my parents want to really make sure that he feels safe and he knows that like he's going to be loved and he knows that he's going to be has a place in this family and that it's not going to be a thing that they're ashamed of and like i i think that's really important to you know my family or whatever i think that's something really important to bring up if that is the case yeah um if this brother has had you know 100 boyfriends and they're used to it and you know i mean this is the only one that's gotten water oh yeah that maybe there's homophobia there then already yeah uh so yeah have this conversation with your partner and be like what is the alternative like

what is your ideal situation do you want him ignored and not talked to they asked the most parent question ever of being like how's school here's water like it couldn't be any blander yeah um you know it would be different if they were like if they ignored her all day because this guy was just so charming and but like even if that was the case it's like you are a fixture you've been around for two years yes this person is new the new person is obviously going to be treated slightly differently that's just life yeah you know what i mean you probably got more attention the first time you came over than you do now because day one they didn't know your name they didn't know whatever day fucking 600 they're like yeah it's claire yeah she gets upset by water we know all

we need to know about yeah and that's the thing is right like as you like i'm sure they don't lose their fucking mind when the the kids come home right it's like they're probably a little excited the same way they're excited to see you know your partner whatever but like my parents aren't like it's very much like the second i go home it's just like you've always been home yeah like we would just resort back to the fucking shed it's just like you've always been home. Yeah. We just resort back to... Paint the fucking shed. It's just my parents. I would paint every shed.

They want you to paint the shed again. I know. Well, we're probably going next year. True. Tell them. True. Get that paint ready. True.

I'll paint the shed out of that shed. True. I don't even remember if we did a very good job. We did a job, and that's all that matters. That's all that matters. Is it my turn? It is your turn. It is my turn, isn't it?

This is from just a bunch of letters. I don't think it means anything. Made my boyfriend pass out from giving him head last night. Now everything is really awkward between us. Last night, me and my boyfriend were having sex. We've only been dating for a month and this was only the second time having sex.

I had never given him head before. Last night, I was just really in the mood to give head, and so I did. As he finished, he fell back on the bed and fell asleep in like two minutes. I found it funny and didn't mind, but it seems like I think he thinks that I did? Everything is really

awkward between us, and he keeps apologizing for last night. How do I make him comfortable around me again, and how do I not make him pass out next time i thought this was gonna be like he like jizzed and like collapsed not like he came and like laid out and two minutes later fell asleep yeah it's like what age are these people i don't think it has an age on it yeah no there's no there's no age. That's wild. I'm pretty sure it's like a meme where guys just come, roll over, and fall asleep. Yeah.

I personally do not do that, but I never sleep, so that's not exactly... I find it happens more to me during the day. At night, no. If I have sex at night, I'm awake. For me, the only time I will ever like want to sleep or nearly sleep or fall asleep is if i'm lying down to like rest and i don't intend to sleep yes or like yeah if i if i've just fucked and i'm lying there and all comfy i think it's something about the intention where my brain's like no but yeah just if it's just like oh this would actually be bad for you maybe it's time to have a nap and i'm like no and then i'm like i get to a

point where i know i can't i could but then i can't and then it's yeah any sort of like afternoon hookup i've had like i'm fighting for my fucking life to stay awake i don't know what it is but it's just like that sort of like mid-afternoon like the siesta it's just like skyrockets and yeah but like sometimes it's really nice that's fair yeah so i thought this was going to be like a medical thing yeah have you ever gotten lightheaded after a blowjob oh 100 yeah so like i was like oh maybe that just happened and he just it went a little further and he did faint yeah this is so different and this is so much less of a anything yeah i thought it was going to be the same thing i was like the dude i can almost promise you was holding his breath yeah and like just i also want to know was it a really good blow job a really bad blow job

if it knocked you out but this isn't the case so yes we can't even talk about that uh i mean we could we could just pretend like that's what the question damn okay uh she sucked the life right out of him. She's a cum vampire. Cum-pire. Cum-pire. Like, I understand. I think the problem is more on his end in terms of, like, he's embarrassed specifically because of this meme you're mentioning of. Yes. Right? Because the whole rolling over and going to bed is also a you didn't get yours thing.

So, communication, guys. I assume you're young because you're both like and like dancing around the issue and not engaging with although i guess from our experience age doesn't matter in that regard just be like hey it's totally cool yeah i mean like why are you embarrassed about it and if he's like oh i wanted to return the favor be like let's do that later yeah i mean like just be like hey the that like, I understand that like you're a little embarrassed or whatever, but it's like the fact that you're annoyed with yourself that you didn't get to,

you know, return the favor to me is a good sign and one that I appreciate. And look, hopefully we can continue to have sex for as long as we, we want to and have fun. There are going to be times where it doesn't pan out perfectly. There'll be times where we fall asleep. There's going to be times where, you know, I don't feel like it or it starts to hurt after you know

what i mean it's like you you have to get out of your mindset and this is like this is general advice at this point in time it's just being like sometimes sex doesn't work out yeah and it fucked me up a lot where it's just like i can't get hard and then like i would spiral for the next three months and like you know get all my head about it uh but it's not always going to be perfect in fact i would say it's never perfect yeah uh so it's like yeah sometimes you're not going to get hard yeah sometimes you're not going to be able to come sometimes you'll come too quickly yeah sometimes you'll pass out after a really good bull job like like sometimes she'll suck the life out of you and i think that's like it i love that she's

like i don't care yeah but like tell him just like hey look i'm i'm done with this like awkward whatever like what are you upset about because i'm not and then you know depending on what he says just reassure him be like hey it doesn't matter if he's like oh i wanted to do get get you blah blah blah be like look i'm flattered You were so out of it that you passed out. Like that's, that's a good compliment to me too. If you want to get me back either right now and or later, like I don't mind saving it up. Like, and you can be like, oh, I can't wait till you make it up to me.

Like wink, wink, you know, have fun with it, but you just need to have a conversation about it. Find out why specifically he feels really embarrassed and reassure him that you don't mind it's very simple yeah and even like make a game like be funny about it right like this is such a non-event yeah that it can be treated with a little bit of levity and like you just being like well now you got to eat me out until i pass out yeah right like or like oh you owe me but i'm gonna add interest yeah great now you you get two lick outs yeah great so just deep breath it's fine if this has happened to you also deep breaths because you're

passing out and you probably need more extra yes if you are just passing out after a blowjob you're probably holding your breath and definitely there's like i still do it sometimes where i'm just like i'll clue in and be like oh i haven't breathed in a little bit because this feels so fucking good there's definitely a few where like I finished and was just like almost like dizzy. Yeah. You see stars. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, that was a good fucking blowjob right there. The best. This is by throw a help with girlfriend. Hi, male 20 accidentally punched my girlfriend. Female 24 during sex. How can I get her to forgive me? So I accidentally punched my girlfriend in the side about three or four days ago. She's still not talking. I thought I was going to say three or four

times. I was like, there's a point where it stops being an accident, dude. I want to fix this since it was an accident, but I don't know how to get her to talk to me. We've been together for eight months now, and I really, really like her. She's sweet, pretty, funny, a total nerd like me, and she likes Dark Souls. My dream girl. She's also a little bit

older, which I'm into. She's kind of weird weird also in the funk quirky way she's an amazing partner and is very supportive of the stupid things i do and like i say this so no one gets the wrong idea about her she likes to experiment a lot and has a super open mind she's always telling me about something mid to super weird or underground i've never heard of or that she wants to try it can be anything food positions hobbies clothes or whatever around last week she mentioned some bedroom things involving a more dominatrix vibe. I was cool with this part, but then she brought up the specifics of what she wanted to try. She wanted to do pegging, but I didn't. She'd been watching videos and doing research, trying to convince me, but I just wasn't on board with it. Usually I try everything else with little to no resistance,

but I'm just not with this one. She was pretty sad about it and sort of sulked for a while, but I wasn't changing my mind. Every time after the first no, I wasn't exactly firm since I love my girlfriend and didn't want her to be sad. I made it obvious I was uncomfortable with it and didn't want to try it, but whenever she brought it up, I just kind of awkwardly said, haha, I don't know, babe, and quickly changed the subject. Usually this worked and she dropped the subject. I thought she got the message. I don't know if I should have been more obvious in hindsight. It's my fault for not putting my foot down and sitting her down to tell her I was serious. I was the first time, but I think I might have given her mixed signals when

I changed the subject and awkwardly disagreed. Well, anyway, a few days ago, she tried it. She dressed up pretty and I was excited. She started her whole dummy mommy thing and I was getting really into it. Maybe this is why she thought I'd be okay with it. She was on top of me and put her finger near my ass. And honestly, I didn't really notice at first because we were kissing and she was being really hot. You know how it is. Then she put her finger in, and I automatically felt that and punched her without thinking. I punched her in the side, and she pulled it out, which hurt like fuck, and I pushed her off me roughly. She fell back onto the edge of the bed, I think, which was good because I wasn't trying to hurt her in the first

place. It was just reflex. She started crying and screaming at me and asking, what the fuck? I don't know what to do. She was yelling at me while I was trying to apologize, but it wasn't working and she got dressed and left. I called and texted a lot, but she wouldn't answer me back. I'm scared to lose her. She's amazing.

I feel really bad for punching her. It's been a few days, like I said, and I don't know what to do. She's been staying with her friend. How can I fix this? I didn't mean to punch her. It was just reflex. Okay. There's a lot to this that I thought it was going to be like, I switch positions and actually

but it's like she essentially assaulted you, my dude. Yeah. She disregarded your consent. Yeah. You said no. And you never said yes. And even if you're like, maybe, maybe it's not a yes. Maybe it's so far from a yes. And even if you're like, maybe, maybe it's not a yes. Maybe it's so far from a yes.

Right? Like, things like this. You never expressed interest in doing it. You told her you were uncomfortable with it. You said no. At no point in time did you say yes. And then to spring something on someone. Unprepared.

Unprepared. Like, as play is something you need to kind of warm up to work up to lube. Be into. Yeah. Be aware of. And like lube prep, taking it slow. Does she have long nails? Because that's also a health risk.

Well, if she just went in and pulled it out to the point where pulling it out hurt like fuck, she just went in like. Yeah. And that's not how you do it. So the video she's watching watching not the right ones evidently also the red flags are everywhere i said no and she got sad and sulky and yeah convince me especially when it's like it's one thing if like she was like i want to try this new restaurant and you're like no we only go to applebee's like well that's fine if it's applebee's you know you can like i understand being like okay whatever but like if someone what is ass play but a new

restaurant then what is ass play if not if not a alternative to applebee's uh the sexual applebee's um but like when when it comes to sex and like this this is what i've talked about a lot where people are like i'm kinky i'm this i'm that but then don't follow any of the fucking yeah bare bones rules and basics of any sort of like engaging in anything that's i'm a chef just licking raw chicken what are you doing yeah um it's you know like if if she was so ingrained in this dommy mommy this dom situation consent is the most important thing in a dom sub relationship and so is communication and so it's consent and so it's like you you have to have all those those things like pre you know exploits lined up in a row and all all the t's crossed all the i's dotted yeah and if you don't have those things and you don't go forward with it no right like

what if you're just like oh i want to try consensual non-consent she's like no i'm not really into that and you're like perfect okay well i'm gonna do it anyway yeah that's a crime that's it's bad yeah so like should you have punched her no no obviously not did you punch her because she did a thing or did you reflexively lash out yeah one of those is like if she did it and you were like, fuck you and punched her after the fact, we would be having a very different conversation. Yeah. Did you reflexively just kind of try to get somebody off you?

Is it the best way to handle it? No, but is it fully understandable? Yes. Because again, if this was something where it's like, Oh, if this was a woman or a femme presenting person and a,

and a man was like, I keep asking my girlfriend for anal sex and she keeps saying no. And then you just shoved it in. Yeah. You just shoved the dick in and she hits you. Yeah. Not a single person would all be like, yeah,

dude, you fucking deserved it. Yeah. And it's, it's difficult to take that stance. I think when it's the idea of a man hitting a woman. Yeah. Uh,

but you just, you deserved a little bit of like, you did something terrible to this man. And he reacted, you know, with a gut instinct of like, get away from me. Yeah. And again, it's like, I'm sure it's not even like a punch punch. I'm sure it was like a hit. A hit. You know?

And again, it's not. It's reflexive. Yeah. That's why you. Anyway. And again, i want to stress we're not encouraging violence against your partners but there are scenarios and situations where uh in extreme like in in trauma the the fucking fight or flight kicks in and sometimes

it is fight it sucks and and obviously this guy is remorseful for it that is another reason why i'm i'm not coming down on him super hard uh because it would be different if he was like she doesn't understand why she deserved it i think i would be a little bit more hesitant to yeah decide with him but he you his partner did something terrible to him she ignored his consent she physically and sexually assaulted him yeah and he reacted in a visceral, you know, sort of reflexive manner, reflexive manner that, that makes sense in the scenario.

Yeah. And he's incredibly remorseful about it. Yeah. He wants to apologize for it. So it's, it's such a shit situation and it's, it's so gross. Uh,

and the fact that she's refusing to like, she owes him an apology as well. For sure. And the fact that she's not to like, she owes him an apology as well. For sure. And the fact that she's not is a pretty clear indicator that this probably is a, not the first time she's done this and B she's not remorseful. So she would like the chances of her doing something again, when she, if she finds a new thing,

like what if this was like breath play? Yeah. Right. And she just starts choking you. That's also not okay. Like what if you don't have an established signal to stop? So why did you get in trouble if you push her off or grab her hands and you know what I mean?

Like you can't, that's why you do these things with consent and with communication and with safety tools in play. You don't just fucking go into them because shit like this happens. And this is at the better end of things where on the worst side of things, people really get hurt. Yeah. So,

and again, I like, she has done everything wrong. Yeah. Like there's a pattern and a history and like a relentless drive to do this regardless of safety and consent. So, you know,

yeah. But, and I think there's probably, and we've talked about it a lot of, of this sort of, and consent so you know yeah but and i think uh there's probably we've talked about it a lot of of this sort of and again this is something i experienced with women because i date women i'm sure it happens in in every instance but like she probably realizes she fucked up and it doesn't want to admit and it's doubling down on the it's gaslighting right it's emotional manipulation of people who when they realize they've made a mistake it's gaslighting right it's emotional manipulation of people who when they realize they've made a mistake it's easier for them to make it seem like you fucked up harder or you

fucked up worse or you've done the bigger crime to absolve them of their guilt uh and i think this is absolutely like the silent treatment and and all this you know not answering your calls and not offering an apology on their own behalf i I think is one of those situations where she's like, oh, I did something wrong, but not as wrong as you. Yeah, I can get away with it now because I get to hang a lantern on this thing that out of context sounds so fucking horrible. Yeah. That like, well, you want to tell people you hit me?

And it's like, well, OK, cool. I'm fucked. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know if like, obviously, I you want to apologize and I think that's great. And I think if you guys get to a point where you can talk it out, that's good. But she is displaying so many red flags. I would be very hesitant to continue this relationship with her.

Yeah. And I think, I don't think there's any harm. I, in my opinion, what I would do is, you know, if she's not answering texts and calls of being like, Hey, we need to talk about this. Be like, look, here's the situation from my point of view you posed something you did not have my consent you went ahead and did it anyway against my consent yeah that is unacceptable and what you did really hurt me both physically both emotionally you betrayed my trust yeah and i'm sorry that i hit you that was never my intention i would never do it. I would never do it. I never want to do it. And I never want to do it again.

Yeah. But you have to understand under the circumstances, you did a lot of horrible things to me. And that was a visceral trauma-based reaction to you breaking consent, my trust. And I'm sorry, but I don't think we can go forward without an apology and your acknowledgement that you will never do this again to me.

And I think if they get fucking weird about that or don't want to talk about it, then you don't want to be with this person. I don't care how fucking cool she is. I don't care how much she likes Dark Souls. Well, let's get back to that. Yeah. How does she feel about Sekiro, though? That's true. That's surreal.

Well, what does she mean? Is she Dex build? She got that lightning Uchigatanaana she's definitely fucking like mage build now she's just the big the big bonky boys two-handed fucking hammer like forcing her way through all the bosses yeah they say no don't hit me she goes maybe she does love sakura because there's a lot of butt related stuff in that game that's where she learned it yeah like the fucking headless you ever fight the headless no i don't think so they're like takes the thing out of his butt puts up your butt no he takes the thing out of your butt and puts it up his butt even worse i'm pretty sure he takes

your like because it takes your soul yeah he takes your butt soul which is i don't know tinder time uh do you have any or are we gonna jump on to you okay we're gonna hop on tinder man i opened tinder last week to do the show. And let me tell you, Tinder has not chilled out whatsoever. It's like, we noticed you're back. Hi, thanks for coming back. Please. We're so lonely without you.

This is Emma, lover of nature, animals, and the simple things in life. I'm drawn to people that like to be goofy is that it i mean i guess there's all the tenders are tough now because there's yeah things uh if i'm not home you can find me on a walk or nature walk with my pup the hottest thing you can do is be effortlessly funny i want someone who is a good communicator so people are still using the prompts to tell us yeah like oh my god tinder i'm not paying for you. It's pretty bland. It is. Like, there's a niceness behind the blandness.

You know, you like nature and walks and you want to be goofy. Great. Like, all good things, but like, who doesn't like nature and fucking animals? And if you have a dog, like, yeah, of course you're going to be walking them. Yeah. So you got to give me more. What makes you different? It's going to be a five.

Yeah. Yeah. I think that me more. What makes you different? It's going to be a five. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, that's good. This is Brandy. I'm ready to be your long-term distance, low commitment, casual girlfriend.

If you'll still have me. And then it is attributed to Barbie. That's it though. Three. You know what? For this, I feel like if that's what you're looking for but that's the thing i don't know that it is because it's a joke from a movie yeah so like they are still figuring it out

two fair fair fair fair uh okay this is a this is a nice long profile i don't know if they're gonna have anything to say though uh this is emane uh they. I don't know if they're going to have anything to say, though. This is Emain. They're looking for a long-term partner. Foodie, Gym Rat. I have the curiosity of a child. I love learning just about anything. Whoa. What is this?

Is that the sun? Why sky blue? Can I just tell you? I fucking hate when kids ask questions that are obvious. It drives me fucking crazy when kids are like, Is that a car? You know it's a car. You know the word. Stop fucking asking.

What are you asking for? It's a bold move comparing yourself to a child in a dating app. I'm just going to say that. Looking for a life partner to experience life and travel with. To raise me. I'm 11. Old soul. Well. Okay.

You're confusing me now. Hopeless romantic. I have no social media. Yeah, because you're not Well. Okay. You're confusing me now. Hopeless romantic. I have no social media. Yeah, because you're not allowed on it. You're six. Zuck says over 12s only. Yeah. Modern with traditional values.

Religious. I don't know what that. I don't like this person. The more you speak, the worse it gets. I value chivalry, emotional maturity slash intelligence. Five, four. If you're looking for short term, I swiped by accident. That's a 1.

Yeah, that's a 1. For me, it's... Yeah, it's... Yeah, it is. Compare yourself to a child. You get to be childlike. They have to be mature. You want...

Like, traditional values is always bad, let's be fair. Yeah. I want chivalry. Like, I don't know, man. Look, just want to remind people that chivalry is mostly codes of conduct in battle.

Right. I think there's like, there's like two things about women and it's probably not great. Yeah. And it existed in a world where it was so bad that they were like, fuck, we got to make some guys promise. We got to make some's promise to be chill.

At least some of the time. I'm trying to find one more. They're all bad. Everyone that I look at, it's just like, I'm tall. Done. Okay, great. Cool. Okay, here we go. This is Jess.

I'm here on incognito for a good reason. This also means I get to pick first. A little about me. A little Pilates. My racket sport. Coffee, patios, and wine and books. I'm cultured, adventurous, and love to drive fast. Bonus if you have a stick shift.

If you can cook, mega bonus. If you're kind to people and you don't care about, that says a lot about you. What's the incognito thing? I don't know what that means because lot about you what what's the incognito thing i don't know what that means because there are several pictures of her full face yeah so that and the i like to drive fast is kind of sus because like i don't want you driving faster than the speed limit honestly i mean that's the thing is like you're like oh if you're kind to people you don't care about one like it's not that i don't care about people you know what i mean like that's a weird phrase yes it's like if you don't know yes right like weird to be like

oh and no one like these are the people i care about and everybody else i don't still be kind yeah it's like that's scary walking by a street i don't care about you and it's like i understand i understand what you're saying but yes you're also to them be like, I drive fast. That means recklessly. Yeah. Right. And therefore, you're not being kind to the people you don't care about because you're endangering everyone around you. Yeah.

So like that, the incognito, like the three of those are little like red flag seeds that make me imagine a red flag garden. Yeah. Because I liked everything else. Yeah. Everything else is okay. Or at least there was a little bit more person. it's still pretty fucking generic patios and wine no shit yeah no fucking shit yeah everybody that's why it's everywhere like if you could go down a main street anywhere without there being patios and wine and hey let me tell you the second it's nice

they're gonna be packed yeah you know why because everyone wants to do it you're not special um so just like a two a two yeah i'm gonna do a two as well all right this is this is a thank you and this thank you goes out to josh eagle and also his harvest cities for their song paper stars and this is a thank you to you for listening and hanging out with us this week it's very nice and this is a thank you to the hornet community for letting us be after our unfortunate mix up last week, they issued an apology and I thought it was very sweet. It was,

it was a rogue agent who, uh, acted alone. This was not an indication of the Hornet or wasp community. Uh, and you know, it's just nice to know that like our, our people still have,

yes, the, the bonds and the, the, the, the mutual agreement that we've come to for decades and decades uh still exists i was worried that our outreach work for the last almost six years had somehow fallen apart which would have been heartbreaking but yeah the king the prince the queen the princesses all 18 of them uh they were very kind and it turns

out this guy just he didn't like that we were empowering humans so much with our great, great advice. He was worried if we learned to communicate more, we would take over the Hornets. We would never do that. We would never do that. No, we can't fit in your homes. Yeah. Honestly, there are a lot of dick humans out there. I'll tell

you that. There's a lot of people who probably would, but it doesn't matter because he can't fit in your homes. And he won't do it because what's the point and yeah it's shitty that that's the only thing holding us back is that we're just too big for your cool paper nests but i mean it's not the only thing like i don't want to no but like i mean humans as a whole right okay you know i mean yeah we would never because we have such close bonds with our our winged friends you know i cried tears after i had to kill one of our, we had a moment of silence. Uh,

the burial rights are still underway because he is buried just under our notebook on the floor, right next to us still a week later. Yeah. I will remember you. Will you remember me? I'm crying. I've got two candles in my hands.

You're in for some bad sex writing. People always remind me and tell me that that song isn't about someone dying. It's about a breakup. And I refuse to believe them. I do also refuse to believe them. You can't convince me that's what Sarah McLachlan is talking about. Even if you show me lyrics that prove otherwise. Yeah.

This is by a actual man on twitter the other day i take all women authors less seriously than some men women are incapable of understanding that there are things they are incapable of understanding example your reaction to this will be indignation rather than curiosity which proves you're incapable of understanding looking forward to your butter response they're incapable of what they're incapable of understanding. I like that. That's deep. That's deep and provocative.

Someone was like, okay, I'm curious. What is it that we're incapable of understanding? And on top of that, would you say that there are things man are incapable of understanding? He was like, nice try. Mute. Mute. Got him. Yeah. I mean, I should hold on.

Let me know. I'll save it for another episode. I want to get permission before I read out that. But it's just it's more like the thing that I love that men do with this kind of stuff is they they like project out this like big big game big talk but then the second it's like anyone challenges them they're like yeah and then it's and then it's just like coward runaway time and it's very very funny to me uh and i just wish they would skip the loud part and go into the running away part. Yeah. Just preemptively. Yeah. Right. I wish they made their own paper homes and crawled into woodland forests.

I can't smush them all in notebook. Yeah. And then we could smush them real crunchy. Like with a big notebook. My name is Dan Miller and I'm now Spain and we have been your fuck buddies. you