F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 3 - Playing Stevsie

Episode Date: October 15, 2018

Things get a little serious this episode when we turn the lens inward for a some self-reflection and discuss the darkest of days. Topics include making male friends, fuck buddies, anal instruments and the worst day in human history.

I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, and I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And I'm Niall Spann And we're your fuck buddies Literally what we were afraid of.

Mine didn't fall. Yeah. How's it going, guys? Welcome back. We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Your boys are back in the closet. We've got a beer in hand and we're ready to rain advice just all over your body. Before we get started, I would like to just say something real quick. In our first episode, we had a disclaimer saying that we weren't perfect and we were going to make mistakes, especially with things that we say.

I thought Niall was going to be the first one to apologize for this, but I'm definitely going to do it. Last episode, I said that Ludacris opened Dirty by Christina Aguilera and that was not correct you monster it was Redman get the fuck out uh so I'd just like to say

uh a big apology to Luda and Redman for confusing them also uh Luda's not returning my tweets so

if Christina Aguilera could just let them know that I'm really sorry you wanna X Tina and help a boy out. Yeah. She's a big fan. Like they helped you out.

Oh, that bottle. Yeah. Welcome back, everyone. And thank you so much for the response we've gotten over the last two episodes, the questions we've been sent, the tallies. Fuck off. Everything. But seriously, guys, you guys have been awesome.

We've gotten so many questions and so many nice things said to us. So thank you very much. Are we just going to jump into it? Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it. This one comes from Alex off of Facebook. And she says,

What is the best way for a girl to make friends with guys and not get hit on by them? I get that male feelings matter too, and friends have the right to be attracted to their friends. But absent of clear indicators from a female friend that she wants to get down is there any way to make friends with men and not have them have to deal with the awkwardness of first or many times turning them down yeah that's a great question i think it's uh i think it's shitty that a lot of people deal with this like one of my exes she would constantly be trying to make new friends and every single person she made friends with would just be like, yo, we're going to fuck. And then, you know, she'd say, no, they get upset. She'd be back to square one. And it like was a constant kind of like source of like upset for

her that she just never kind of, I guess, could make this connection with guys when they weren't just, you know, thinking it was gonna be something else. Yeah. I had a friend of mine who had broken up with her boyfriend or her boyfriend had dumped her. And then like a couple of days later, one of his friends was like, so we're going to fuck? And she was like, no. And he was like, well, I don't think we can be friends. What? I was like, well, all right then. Like literally ruining like every sort of trust

in every aspect of that relationship it's like yeah you're just gonna fuck your friend's ex-girlfriend and to your friend just got dumped and now you're like fuck me or we ain't friends anymore like friend blackmail that's the best way to be friends yeah that's the best way to get laid apparently yeah well the good thing is that guy did her a favor because he's a piece of shit now she knows so yep fuck you random guy so yeah this question is super important yeah i think uh firstly guys listen to our other fucking advice i think it was episode two or one i probably should be able to remember considering this is only episode three um but it goes back to the question Corey asked where it was like, if someone's not interested in me, I don't know if she's playing hard to get or whatever.

Error on the fucking side of caution and absence of clear indicators. Just don't fucking try. Yeah. This is a tricky one because there's a lot of like moving parts because as a guy, if I'm attracted to a girl, I'm not go right for like romance you know i mean like i kind of want to get a knower first and that's how friendships are made yeah um so it sucks if if those feelings aren't reciprocated by the lady um when i'm trying to like instigate a romantic relationship and she's just like oh cool a new guy friend um and like alex alex is asking like

how do i how do i skip the whole like rejection part because like if a dude makes friends with a girl with the hopes of turning into something romantic and the girl is like oh sorry i'm not interested yeah hopefully they would be able to just sort of like get past it shrug it off and be like cool well then i guess we're friends yeah um i imagine that's also not the case a lot of times no um so i i don't know i guess for me like practical advice is just like it's like training a dog repetition so like you know when any kind of situations where they're being like a little forward and like you don't necessarily have to be like yo what the fuck i don't want a bone but you can you know there are ways to be like like they're like hey come back

to my bed or like come back to my room it's we're drinking you know turn them down or like if you do have a partner you can like mention that or like there's a lot of ways to just cut these things off when there are also other like polite ways that sound like yes but no right now yeah i mean that's that's the trouble is you gotta be firm like don't really leave room for like them to imagine that you're saying it if that makes sense you know what i mean i'm thinking about this question a lot because i really don't want to give advice where it's the girl having to take precautions from men yeah well that's why i mentioned first for the guys to like yeah read what's happening and don't be that person who's pushing something when it's not wanted right yeah and i think also like guys make your intentions like i know i just

said that the best way to start a romantic relationship is through friendship but like there's also a way to approach a friendship with the intention to carry it forward and like it's i feel like it's super rare nowadays to just sort of meet someone out of the blue um but i mean like school and work and like all these places where you sort of like meet on a neutral ground um if you then are attracted to someone or become attracted to someone um there's no harm in asking someone out for a date before you ask to fuck them you know like be very clear and be like hey do you want to grab a drink with me um as a date yeah yeah like make it very clear that it's not a after work yeah you and me and also guys if she's like

yeah for sure oh that's the other people. Take the hint. Understand that this- Which, again, that might not be 100%. She might want to, like, get to know you, but still feel better around other people. But at the same time, it is a hint. It's towards a hint. And that could be, like, step one of two, where you realize that it's just going to be friends. And, like, friends are fucking great. Like, take that and be happy.

You know what I mean? Like, you're never going to be upset with too many friends. And if you like someone enough, unless you just too many friends. And if you like someone enough, unless you just think they're attractive, if you like them enough, like fuck it. Like that's a pretty good other option. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I think, I think being really clear on your intentions is, um, on both sides. Yeah. But it's also like, I don't know.

It's harder. Like you're in a more awkward position. Like when you're the one who has to turn down someone who historically speaking people aren't the best at taking rejection yeah and it's also one of my least favorite thing in the world is when girls would like if i was on a date with them and i would invite them back to my place and their first thing was like yes but we're not sleeping together it's like okay cool like that's fine yeah but it's super strange to just like throw that out on the table so like i feel like it'd be so weird if if a guy like wait what the fuck yeah it's like we're not fucking it's like oh well okay cool

like i don't know if i was there yet either um but yeah yeah i think i think the most important thing is is for guys make your intentions clear for girls um also be open with communicate like communication is the most important thing and i feel like it's going to be the answer to literally every question that we're asked um and don't be a dick yeah don't be a dick and communicate um where i think it's it's one of those things where uh if you get the vibe that a guy is is gonna try to like make a move on you just casually drop those like oh yeah i'm not really looking to date right now we're like you know what i mean like things that um hopefully any sane person would pick up on this is a hard question it is and the thing is if it if it comes to a head like don't be afraid to just be like look you know i really like you as friends and i don't want to you know because if

it gets to the point where it's out there and they've kind of made their intentions clear and you fob it off a little bit and don't say like yeah i'm not interested i think again sadly a lot of people are going to take that as like i'll keep going yeah you know and don't be afraid to get yourself out of a situation like that you know because you don't want to be in that situation where someone won't give up and you kind of live always knowing that they have an ulterior motive for like everything they want to do and you've already said no and they are like yeah but and keep going because that's not a healthy relationship and i've seen that fucking happen yeah and often it doesn't you know and well like people can be i think it's fucking creepy as shit yeah and like she says i don't know if i i trimmed the question because it was kind of long

but she does say that like she she enjoys being friends with men um so i think one of the things you could possibly do is also like make friends with dudes who have girlfriends true yeah um and hopefully like everyone's secure in their relationship that that's not gonna become a jealousy thing or ask your friends who are in relationships to introduce them or introduce you to people who are not shit yeah to their guy friends with the like preface of hey guys this girl's not looking to hook up with anyone but she's cool shit um and i think you'd really get along yeah i see like uh i i did i was trying to answer this question without saying like oh so you have a boyfriend which i also already did say or well that was if you had one or to be

like oh only hang out with people who are taken because i don't want to be like you can't hang out with you know what i mean but like it's a shitty situation because i guess we're both imagining all the worst scenarios right where people are like i think that's the tightrope she's walking where it's like well yeah she could just be an asshole to everyone exactly and be like okay you seem to be cool now i'm gonna be friends with you exactly exactly so uh i guess and that's the problem is that when someone's being nice to you then it's possible you read it the wrong way. Yeah. So I guess this all just boils down to like, be clear and, you know, try to not, you know, like just make your intentions known.

Yeah. And then like, yeah, well, we solved it. We fixed it. Nailed it. That's it. Patriarchy over. Oh, fuck. I'm so glad we fixed that

for everybody I'm gonna I'm gonna hate you at one then yeah hit me with a question alright where the fuck okay

so uh what is the male equivalent of leggings or a low cut shirt I assume he means do they mean like attractive wear I assume he looks at girls

and is like damn that low cut shirt damn leggings oh okay and he is looking to reciprocate it's the easiest gray sweatpants yeah yeah but you ever seen broad city and they're doing that thing where they just go

down the local basketball courts and they like scope on people's like shafts swinging through those gray sweatpants i haven't but it's hilarious i mean yeah it's literally like basketball shorts and gray sweatpants i think are the the or, like, the male equivalent of those. You know what the best thing is? None of the answers say that. What? Oh, yeah. You know, okay.

Guess what most of the answers are. I feel like it's because we have a significant amount of vocal gay male friends. Because, like, that's how I know about it. I just know about it from Broad City. But also, I would never say what the main answer here is. So guess. Let me guess. Guess.

Article of clothing. First, top or bottom? Where do you think it's... Top. Yeah, it's going top. And I think it's either going to be... You got to do one. Oh, fuck.

I'm so torn. Like, white dress shirt. White button-down dress shirt. No, God, no. Oh. Polo shirt, one size too small what yeah is that a like frequently answered polo shirts preppy type looks are so hot polo one size too small or wife beaters while not looking like a criminal yes polo shirts yeah no it just it's fucking like

skinny jeans or polo shirt i don't think any of these people have ever gotten laid. Yeah. I mean, I think polo shirts are like the mayonnaise of clothing. I think they're the worst. For like men's clothing, that is, it's like, yeah, it's like the fucking like Diet Pepsi. Yes. It's not a dress shirt. It's not a t-shirt.

It's sort of like this weird you're an asshole hellish like in between of those two things like personally i think it's the worst of all clothing options and i once had to buy one for work and i've never gotten over it ever i'm trying to see since we're in our closet or my closet right now our closet you can't let people know about um no i think I have literally disposed of every single polo I've ever owned in my life. I think if you hadn't, I would have had to leave. Yeah. Well, you know what, guys?

Let us know. What do you think the fucking male equivalent of leggings or a low-cut shirt is? Also, I love how he doesn't go with skirts or tight dresses. I knew exactly what he was asking when he said it, so it's a good choice. I wouldn't go with leggings over a skirt or a dress. Oh, I would. I know you would. would yeah um yeah hit us up on twitter uh it's fck underscore buddies um let us know what your what you what you want to see dudes walking around what turns your head on the street yeah fucking pervert sick fuck uh ready for number two? Yeah. Well, three. You fuck. Your questions don't count.

Wow. This one comes in from our friend Mandy, who we had a question in last week. So thanks for sending another one, Mandy. She asks, Do you think that the fast food sex culture, in brackets, fuck buddy acceptableness, of today is making it so people are becoming incompetent or incapable of developing deeper real love relationships how has this impacted our society on a mental level worthiness level and our happiness level i feel like it's the opposite where like if you lived

in a place where you actually didn't or like in a time where you weren't able to like have a bunch of fuck buddies or like you know meet new people you weren't able to, like, have a bunch of fuck buddies or, like, you know, meet new people and, like, experience things. You just, like, met one or two people and were like, well, we're married. That's a terrible thing. Oh, yeah, for sure. Because you get to meet people. You get to develop. You get to, you know, realize what you like.

You know, who you are, who they are. And, like, develop and really then after, like, you know, I don't want to say trying out a bunch of people but like you know you meet a lot of people and then you can actually make a decision on who you like yeah and i think that's very healthy and very oh sure and that's why you know the whole like casual acquaintances casual dating all this shit is really good yeah yeah i i agree 100 because like um that's how i met my current like monogamous girlfriend was we were in a, I don't want to say polyamorous because that wasn't the true situation. But it was like, it was very much, I was dating two other girls and she was seeing other people and we were sleeping with other people. And we had like clear defined guidelines of like what was cool and what wasn't.

And that constantly changed because we stuck in communication. And then it got to the point where I was was like you're the person i want to be with um i like the best thing about that is it's completely genuine yeah and it's like i you i had like the best fucking situation in the sense of like i was sleeping with these like two other i was sleeping with three amazing women and i realized that there was one person i i would have i belonged with at the time um and still do um and like it's it's hard to feel like anything other than 100 assuredness that this person is making the decision not because of some bullshit

time ultimatum. Exactly. They've like, I made that choice out of my own free will, out of like a position of really fucking awesome stuff. Yeah. Well, like you, like, and that's why we talked about before the whole timeline thing where like when people like, oh, we have to like, you know, be exclusive right now. Even if you're not like boyfriend and girlfriend, like all these things.

And it's like, if you're not, if you're doing it because it's a timeline that's terrible whereas like if you're both free and open and you still want to see each other you have the ability to date or fuck whoever you want and you still want to see that person and then having had the freedom to like explore both your feelings for them and you know your feelings for other people and then you're like yeah i want you like that's as genuine as it gets yeah like letting things progress and develop naturally over time with no sort of like deadline and it's one of those things where like i think a lot of people are against this whole fuck buddy situation because they feel like not the podcast um yeah everyone loves us um i feel like they're afraid podcast. Yeah, everyone loves us. I feel like they're afraid that they're going to waste their time with a certain person.

They're going to invest too much in one person. And then they're not going to want to commit to them in the end. And they're going to be like, well, you know, fuck. I just wasted six months, two years, whatever with this person. It's like, but that defeats the whole point. The whole point is that you're not waiting around for that person. Yeah. If you're... Enjoying yourself.

If you're with someone and they're sleeping with other people and you're not and you're just kind of waiting for them to hopefully pick you in the end. Yeah. You are not in a healthy fuck buddy relationship. Unless you don't want to sleep with other people, which is fine. Yeah, absolutely. people which is fine yeah absolutely if you want to just if you're happy with that but like i think like my point is if you're waiting for them to make the decision to choose you you're fucked up yeah you're not in a proper fuck buddy situation because you it's imbalanced you're putting way too much unhappy yeah you're putting way too much energy and expectation into it and you're not getting anything uh in return yeah and if if that's the situation you

you need to talk to your partner and be like hey this is how i feel i'm i'm sort of like waiting around for you well you should also like think about it first and why you're doing these things yeah you know i mean like yeah like don't don't enter into a fuck buddy situation hoping that you will change them. Yeah. Because that's when things fail and that's when things get messy. That's when people get hurt. If you enter into this fuck buddy arrangement and you just, you know, come up with your rules, whatever they may be, and it's both like, hey, I'm not going to sleep with other people. I'm not really interested in that.

But I'm totally cool with you doing it. And if I meet someone else that I end up clicking with, I'll let you know. And then you'll know, like, you're splitting time with me. Or just both be open, you know? Yeah. I feel like a hard and fast rule is don't do what you don't want to do. So if you're sleeping with somebody, you know they're sleeping with people. You don't really want to, but you do it because you feel like you have to. I can hear you swallow there.

That was great. But yeah, if you're like doing it because you, you know, they are, and you're like putting yourself out and doing these things you don't want to do, that's not going to be good. Yeah. Same thing. If you are like holding off because you feel like whatever but you still want to see other people like just do what you want to do like make sure you're happy with your half of the situation yeah or the scales have to be balanced um when you're into something as sort of as vulnerable as you are in that position a lot of people think that like the fuck buddy situation is devoid of emotions and and and relationships and everything but it's not it's almost more involved than like a monogamous committed relationship because like you have one person that you're focusing on whereas if if you have multiple partners or

your partner has multiple partners um you're siphoning i think you know the the energy is getting siphoned off into different areas and you. And you have to make sure you have enough in your tank to fuel that. And if you don't, if you have enough in your tank to maintain a relationship with one person, then you should be in a relationship with one person. If you have enough to, like, spread around and deal with, like, the jealousy and the inadequacy that might come up when you see who else your partner is sleeping with. If you've got that in the tank, great. Go for it. Yeah. So it's funny.

We got another question in from Diana that was a bit vague, but it was basically like on this topic and it was how to deal with emotions when you have a friends with benefits situation. And I think that you just feel what you're feeling you know i mean i don't think you should like oh i can't feel this because you're gonna feel anyway you know what i mean and i feel like that is an issue with like friends with benefits or like fuck buddy situations where you feel like like some people i've been in those kind of situations where they almost feel like they can't have any really like any emotions or anything

it's like in fuck gone which is fine but like some people they're like scared to be like civil or nice or anything and like that's also i think a bad fuck buddy situation like toxic you just fucking like enjoy yourself go enjoy like have fun with people if you have emotions fuck it talk to them if it's not tenable, end it. Have another one. You know what I mean? If it is tenable, like, because you never know. It might actually develop into a good relationship or it might not.

But either way, if you're lying to yourself and pretending you don't have these feelings or if you're just refusing to, like, enjoy yourself and have, like, natural fun with somebody, you're not doing it properly. Yeah. There is something to be said though that like jealousy is going to come up like if you have if you're sleeping with someone who is sleeping with other things there there's going to be times where you'll text them you'll send that booty call out and they're not going to respond as fast as they normally do and like you're you're

going to start thinking like oh he's fucking someone else or then it's like into them with somebody else out on the night out yeah um and is, it's such an okay emotion to have. Like it's just as valid as being happy or sad or angry. Like jealousy is a thing that happens naturally to human beings. It's definitely okay to feel. It's how you act on it. That's the thing. How you process jealousy is where the sort of like negative connotations come up.

Because that usually funnels into a different emotion that people are more familiar with. So it's usually funneled into either sadness or anger. Or both. Sad anger. Yeah. The worst kind of anger. That's sad rage. And what happens is you know that like jealousy isn't allowed.

So you like compensate it with an emotion that you think is a little more acceptable. I used to have really bad jealousy issues. And it wasn't one of those things where like I would ever get mad or tell my girlfriend or my partner to not do something or whatever. It would it would manifest itself in in like feelings of inadequacy. And I would feel like I was I couldn't compare to those people. Um, and then I, I started seeing someone who was in a polyamorous relationship and she explained something to me and I was like, and it made sense. And she was like, anytime I felt jealous, she said about like her partner, anytime like he was doing something or seeing someone that was, you know, really

attractive and she started to feel jealous. Um, she would like to turn it inwards and be like, why am I jealous? Do I have a real reason to be jealous? Um, and if she does, and turn it inwards and be like why am i jealous do i have a real reason to be jealous um and if she does and if it was like one of those things where it was because he was doing something that was kind of malicious then she'd be like okay i have a valid reason to be jealous yeah i'm gonna address it and he's either gonna fix it and stop it or he's not and then we're gonna have a problem that's gonna escalate stemming from that or is it just like i'm self-conscious about something or is it one of those things where she's younger and i'm older and that freaks me out um and you process that and if it's not a real issue if it's not something that they're doing wrong yeah or if it's something that you're also doing

you know what i mean and i think a lot of people miss that in the fuck buddy situation where it's like never be a fucking hypocrite yeah in any situation like look at their situation and put yourself in their shoes for a minute and wonder if you're doing that because i fucking hate like there's nothing worse than someone who you know you're at a movie and they're like whoa fucking like that actor is so hot like jason mom is so hot. Like, Jason Momoa, so hot. Like, all the girls are saying it. And then, like, you know, Daenerys comes on. Everyone's like, oh, yeah, that's hot. And your girlfriend, like, shoots you that look.

Yeah. Don't sexualize Wonder Woman, but it's okay to sexualize Aquaman. Well, like, if they just said Jason Momoa's hot, and you say someone else's hot, and they get pissy, and you're like, just, what the fuck? And that's, again, a jealousy thing, which like, don't do it, guys. I'm really upset that you went with a Game of Thrones reference and I went with a fucking DC Universe reference. You massive loser. What's even worse was I was trying to think of your man from Die Hard and could not remember his name. Bruce Willis?

That's the one. What? I don't know. It was because this was an actual thing that happened and Bruce Willis was the guy, but I could not remember his fucking name. I forgot it out of spite and jealousy. Fuck you, Bruce. Come at me.

Don't. You're so bald and angry. Oh, man. Bruce Willis would beat the shit out of both of us. Yeah, because he's so much more streamlined. He doesn't have hair holding him back. That's true. I'm getting there.

I have a ways to go. I don't think Bruce Willis has a beard either. Yeah, because he just doesn't want to, like, that air drag, right? He is too fast. You could shoot him out of a cannon. Too furious, even. Was he in? No.

God, I fucking wish. Oh, I don't know what's going on in those movies anymore. Nobody knows what's going on in those movies anymore. Tokyo Drift. Wasn't there a hologram as the main character last time? Oh, Paul Walker joke, really? No, I, like, actually mean it. Didn't they, hologram as the main character last time? Oh, Paul Walker joke, really? No, I actually mean it. Didn't they fake a bunch of...

I take this back now. Oh, God. How dare you? He was America's sweetheart. Yeah. I think he was American. I'm pouring one out on your floor as we speak. Oh, don't.

Another question? Yeah. I have... Do you want? Okay. um another question yeah um i have okay so i'm gonna take i'm gonna take a minute to like lighten things up because i don't know if anyone listening has ever trawled through like the sex advice or dating advice parts of or any kind of online forum because in general general, it's like 80% just the depths of misery. Like the worst shit. Oh, you mean like the day that Paul Walker died? Fuck.

If you look through the shit, it's so much misery. And then there's a little bit of actual real questions, real advice happening on. And then there's just some really really fucking funny shit so the first example is something that was not meant to be it was not meant to be funny i don't even know why i clicked into it because i'm pretty sure we cannot give advice on this and the question is advice on how to not get nauseous around my husband's semen and it's not even just a during blowjob

situation it's a if he comes inside her like vaginally or anally or comes on her parents she throws up all right oh no so i was like even like in a condom uh he doesn't like how they feel because he's an asshole um but anyway what's great about this is that she goes through this whole thing and like you know goes into like a lot of details like serious answer please i feel really bad about this and like it's a pretty solid question every single answer has uh they misspell seaman as seaman like like the sailor like they're sailors but every single fucking one and it's so good because like i used to hate seaman too and now i get nauseous around seaman like only occasionally and i'm like why is everyone so racist against people who are on the seas

why is everyone hating also i can answer this question it's super easy tell your fucking husband to wear a fucking condom true well she does state that she wants to do like she wants it's his fetish or it's actually her fetish to be come on but she can't do it that's not your fetish then well yeah i'm sorry to tell you like your fetish usually doesn't make you run to the bathroom yeah if if you're vomiting because of your fetish it's not your she helpfully tells us that uh running to the bathroom to vomit is a mood killer. Figure that one out. I don't know.

That's kind of my fetish. And then... I'm just going to read this one out. Keeping it fresh! All capitals. I like to play a game with my girlfriend where I spread her butt cheeks, pucker my lips, and blow on her butthole like a tuba. After we try to guess the song, we laugh our heads off and there's a turn on. Good rainy day fun.

And this is by... This is by BigDickDaddy0000001. Because there's that many BigDickDaddies on Reddit. God damn it. And then in the... In the... In the further details, he says, Have fun and give playing stevesy a try so i guess he named it too is that what or is stevesy the name of a song i don't know oh my god i'm looking it

up right now or was he talking about like stevie wonder i don't i that's what i initially thought but i don't know um right now stevesy the only thing coming up on Steve Z is some sort of Wes Anderson movie. What the fuck is that movie about? It's, oh, Steve Z, Aquatic Life,

Unofficial. Oh, okay. I don't know. I don't want to go down this rabbit hole right now. But you better believe

I'm going to go down it later. Literally. Tuba style. Yeah, so those are just two I found and laughed my fucking hole off on the way here. I don't know if your hole's off.

I'm going to go play Steve's later. You're just going to do Tim Whistle. Hey, this is what I'm questioning before this gets more depressing. Yeah, this is getting weird. Oh, well, it's not going to get any more less depressing. Holly from Facebook asks, What are some things that you've done slash ways you've treated women in the past that you'd never do today or what did you grow up thinking was acceptable and now you know isn't they're turning the lens on us oh shit they're turning on us fuck

it's been three weeks guys this is such a good question because i really had a hard time answering it um but i narrowed it down to two things. Well, my answers, I'm pretty sure isn't what maybe the point of this question was, but like I, when I started dating people, like I had my first girlfriend, my second girlfriend, even like my third, if not fourth, I would always like be a massive pushover. You know what I mean? Like if there was an issue, I would always like work to fix it or work to make things okay. Even if I was really sad, like I didn't have the, like, I don't know what the word is, but like, I wouldn't stand my ground at all. And I

would always just try and make things happy in the relationship, even if it just made me miserable. And lately I've just stopped doing that. You know, if there's a problem, I'll bring it up and I'll talk about it and I won't try and like sweep it under the rug. And I won't just try to like take the brunt for the sake of the relationship and make myself miserable. And I know that's maybe not what people want me to say, but that's the first thing that kind of comes to mind. All right. I'm going to get into mine and we'll see if that sparks anything. Yeah, probably.

Um, so the first thing was, and I'm like, Oh, I'm going to clarify this because it's probably not going to be what, again, what you think. Um,

but I grew up as I know now did, cause we talked about this briefly the other day where like, and now, and I both grew up with, um, really, really strong women and a lot of female friends and like my mom's the most empathetic compassionate woman ever she's so

lovely so i i never like we didn't fall into those traps of like catcalling and like unhooking bras and shit at least i didn't no um and like throwing like shit like not shit uh like shit like throwing like shit, like not shit, like shit, like throwing a school that you go to rolled up paper down girls shirts and stuff like that was a big thing. And like snapping thongs, like all that bullshit. The fuck school did you go to? I grew up in Brampton. All right. I know that doesn't mean a lot to everyone, but like it's the fucking worst.

So like I grew up a lot of girls who dealt with that bullshit, so I knew not to do it. And that kind of, like, translated to college when I lived almost predominantly with women. So I knew everything that women had to deal with on a daily basis, and I actively tried not to contribute to that. But on the flip side, this happened a lot when i was a lot when i was really young um like teenager to end of college ish um and i would project like this uh this like era or aura of like perfection onto women and i would assume that like if i was if i was romantically interested in you you were perfect and then i would feel so betrayed or like disappointed if you did anything that I deemed was not in that like category of perfection. And I wouldn't take it out on them or anything.

You know what I mean? But it was just one of those things where like there was sort of like my first love in school growing up. I found out that she was like doing drugs and smoking and in my world, like that was bad. And I just couldn't believe that she was doing this. And like, instead of hanging around and like maybe seeing if she was okay and like helping her or, you know what I mean? Like adding something to our relationship, I kind of like fell back and felt sort of like, she's not who I thought thought she was and it's such a shitty thing to do um because like they were always them and i they betrayed like this imaginary version of

themselves that i had created and then the the second thing that i did um was that like i had no chill and i assumed that i could sleep with everyone and i know that sounds like well that's the thing it's like i i grew up always having really really good success with with women and it never really made sense to me because i was never like all that popular but i could still like make out with more or less anyone and it was always just a matter of me being like want to make out at lunch and like it would work um and i and like it kind of transitioned later in life so once i broke up with my first like real long-term girlfriend of like four years and i was single again i was sort of like the world's my oyster and all of a sudden it was like everyone i met was this potential sexual partner as opposed

to like a potential friend or a human being. And I wasn't absolutely shitty to these people, but I was like, I never really stopped trying to fuck people. And it was one of those situations where like someone sent me a message and we'd be like, hey, do you want to like go to the movies tonight? We're like, we're all going and be like well i will if like if you're gonna you know what i mean like i would like always try to turn every fucking conversation or comment or invitation into a possible in to possibly sleep with them yeah and i imagine that was exhausting for the women in my life probably yeah what i like i don't know i can't imagine you were too bad about it because unless there was a different dane the one i know but i mean it was it was one of those things where

i like i would have been way more successful if i just fucking turned it down yeah you know what i mean like if if i just knew the difference between the time to be suggestive and flirty and be a normal fucking person um those would be my my two answers yeah i don't know there's a lot of stuff that one thing that's actually like i would love to have been more open in my first relationships about like period stuff so like that my girlfriend wouldn't have had to feel like that was just her thing you know what i mean so like late like you know later on in life and you're in relationships it's like someone's period they're not feeling very well and all that like they tell you and you know you'll make them a cup of tea or get them a

fucking hot water bottle or whatever whereas like when i was a kid when i had like my first girlfriend i was like 15 she'd be very like self-conscious about wouldn't like to mention it and like i was happy enough to kind of just like i guess i felt intimidated like i didn't know enough about it so i just you know and it would remain that way it was very separate and you know i just feel like that's kind of shitty yeah you know what i think i if i could go back in time i think i would have i wouldn't have been such a character of myself or like like a caricature of myself um there was a time like 2013 ish where i was like i was real fucked up and i was doing real stupid shit um and i kind of became like a cartoon version of myself um and i i projected sort of this persona out into the world and i think it really alienated a lot of people it uh

it definitely like neutered a bunch of my relationships and like potential relationships. And I remember getting drunk with one of my coworkers one day and she was just, I was like, I was saying some bullshit nonsense that I was, you know what I mean? Like talking about like, Oh, I slept with a girl. I don't remember who she is. And it's like, that's not true. I remembered who she was. It was just some bullshit, like bravado that I was doing. Um i remember she was just she just looked at me she was like you're not an asshole like i don't understand why you're trying to be an asshole um i think that's a really good piece of advice is that like never try and be an asshole i know a bunch of people who specifically set out to be assholes because inverted commas girls like assholes i'm like no fuck yourself

like yeah i will tell you the shit that period of time where i was doing that sort of stupid bullshit where i was where i was like portraying this stupid asshole persona i had the least amount of sex that i've ever had in my life um and i and was so, like, I didn't even believe it. You know what I mean? So I was just like, I was just this big walking, like cardboard cutout of who I thought I should be.

And it was just, it was just because I was so like damaged and so upset and so invalidated. And like that group of friends and that person who told me that advice really helped sort of like break those walls down. And that was around the same time that I met you. I ended up sort of like reconstructing myself into a 3D version of myself where I wasn't just this stupid, horrible nightmare, like evil timeline me.

So I guess the takeaway here is delivering the laughs today. Yeah, it's fucking... It's a funny one. You thought it was going to be funny after episode two? Fuck you. First one's dating. Second one's sex. Third one is depression.

Yeah. So I got another question here. And it's pretty vague. And I would ask that if anyone sends stuff in, you know, make them a little bit more specific. Give us some detail. Yo, give us that dirty dirty detail everyone so yeah anyway this is what is the difference between love and infatuation oh man and how like how do you tell and i'm gonna let you answer first because my answer is brief

and angry i'm gonna i'm gonna be real philosophical here infatuation is when you need someone love is when you want them shit i dropped this mic right now shit son oh that was breathy i got way too close um because like if you meet someone like you can't love them yeah you have to know so there's there's that romantic notion of love at first sight and you can reflect back on it after you've been together for three years and be like, yeah, I kind of knew you were the one. That's one thing. But you didn't because you just saw them were like, they hot. Yeah.

Like, you know, you literally, you can't tell what someone's voice sounds like, what someone smells like, what they feel like, what they do in a given situation, how they get on with your family, your friends, you, how they react to anger, how they react with drink, how they fucking sleep in the bed. Do they snore like a motherfucker? Do they flail with their legs and wake up screaming in the middle of the night and grab your fucking nostrils? Like, you don't know this shit. That was night terrors, though.

That's also Dane's fetish. This is our new segment called Dane's fetish. It's Dane fetish. But yeah, like, you don't know these things so yeah you can look at them and be like wow you can meet them and even be like wow but like you really don't know until you've been with someone for a while yeah it's like falling like looking at someone's dating profile or like tinder profile being like i'm in love yeah then you meet them and you're like oh shit you're actually a 38 year old dude instead of claire so this isn't really a

question but i think it's going to lighten the mood a little bit. It comes from Kyle, our good friend Kyle off Facebook, and he wants us to tell our worst hookup stories. It's going to be a two-part bonanza. I'm going to go first. I'm sure there's going to be more than two fucking parts. I'll do mine this episode, and then I'll do his next episode. And if we keep coming up with them, we'll just do it.

Every episode. And also feel free to send yours in. And if it's good enough, we will share it anonymously or otherwise with the world. Because I've heard some and they're fucking great. So mine would be, this would have been the second time I became single. And it was my first or second now I think it was like my third tinder date ever and tinder for me was this like magical thing at this time because I was having real good success on it on my third date I was with this girl she was really

sweet she was really funny um she was like this small town prairie girl anyway we went to my place and it was it was getting hot and heavy uh and then she she was like close your eyes i was like okay i know this one and she's like sit down i was like hell yeah so i sit down um and i hear sort of like the rustling don't get tactile we're doing it um of clothes and like a zipper. Hold on, I got this one. No, you're not even wearing a zipper. You're wearing sweatpants. My clothing has been getting more and more comfy and more and more informal.

To the point where I don't even think we can go to a bar after this. You're wearing the male equivalent of leggings right now. I know. Anyway, so I hear this zipper zip and I'm like, cool, clothes are coming off. Great. She gets on top of me and I'm like, all right clothes are coming off. Great. She gets on top of me, and I'm like, all right. She's like, open your eyes. So I do.

And she's got a fucking knife. And it's like one of those Ikea, like, solid, sort of like 10-inch fucking kitchen knives. I'm like, what the fuck is that? And she's like, it's a knife. I'm like, yeah, thank you. Thank you. I know that. Like, oh, p knife. I'm like, yeah, thank you. Thank you. I know that. Like a whole few.

I thought it was an axe. Why? And she's like, oh, I'm into knife play. I'm like, what the fuck is knife play? And she says, oh, it's when we cut each other. Like, I'll cut you a little bit and you'll cut me a little bit. And I was like, no, no. no no um so i ended up faking a phone call from my mom um and pretending like i forgot that she was staying over because of like a business flight or something i'm so sorry i forgot my

mom doesn't like me getting stabbed by strangers fuck um i was like oh no i forgot my mom's on her way and it's like it'd be so weird if i had a first date over here while she cuts me yeah well we're just bleeding profusely over each other. Didn't she get more specific about where she wanted to cut you as well? Oh, yeah. No, she, like, once she, like, described what she wanted to do, she wanted us to cut our tongues down the middle. Huh? And make out in a bloody goddamn mess. I will say that not only does that sound so unhygienic, but also, like, tongue is up there with dick and eyeball on top three don't cut me places.

Like, what the fuck? It was the most terrifying. Well, not the most terrifying. There was a... That'll be another one. See, there we go. We already have two, at the very least. And so once she's on her way out the door, I'd say maybe two or three minutes later,

I get a fucking phone message, like a text message. A phone message. A phone message. One of them telephone messages. And it's just a picture of her holding her knife. Jesus. And it's not even a picture of her. I still have it. It's not just a picture of her holding her knife. And it's not even a picture of her. It's not even a picture of her.

It's just the knife. She showed me the knife. Um, I don't, it's, that was a phone that's long since died. Um, oh, it's so good, but so bad. That's my story of one of my worst hookups. But also if you're into knife play, let us know. Cause I can't imagine more than this one person does. Yeah, God. That's so bad. That's my story of one of my worst hookups. But also, if you're into knife play, let us know. Because I can't imagine more than this one person does. Yeah, maybe.

It's my idea that she's gone on these dates, invested time into people. And then after like a year or two, has dropped like, I've been waiting for two years to cut you. And they dump her. And now she's just stopped trying to wait. As just throwing it down every single time she meets someone she needs to get out of the way you know what she never threatened me well that's good well is not the act of mounting someone with a blade not implicitly threatening i mean yeah yeah i'm pretty sure if i did that i'd go to jail oh man please guys don't pull knives on your dates ever or on anyone just don't don't pull knives on anyone ever no you can maybe ask about it if

you're into it i guess but like nobody is into it yeah it's just this one fucking lunatic i'm sorry i'm not gonna kink shame you you fucking mad bit no um but yeah if you're into it like do let us know because i actually would like to know more about this because I've never heard of it apart from this story. Yeah. Like, I don't know anyone who is into it or anyone who will admit to learning of it. To be fair, we could just Google it, but I'm so scared of what I will find. So instead, send us messages on Twitter. Yeah, save our mental purity.

We're going to wrap it up. Before we do that, we've got a little housekeeping to do with you. One day I will remember any of our addresses. But we are now, we're on iTunes, we're on Spotify. We're on iTunes, we're on Spotify, so if you could pop on over to iTunes and leave

us a rating and a review and subscribe, that would be the best. That would be the fucking best. You guys are already the best. Honestly, thank you for listening and thank you for the feedback and everything we've gotten so far we've had a whole bunch of people subscribe and we really appreciate that uh it helps us out you know we'll make more of these um and we just like really appreciate it yeah um if you have a question send it over to f buddies podcast at gmail.com or over onto our Facebook, which is facebook.com slash fckbuddiespodcast. Or tweet us at fck underscore buddies.

Also, a big shout out to Josh Eagle and Harvest City for a theme song, Paper Stars. So our latest nugget of shit from the depths of the Danvers is as follows. Women are more sexist than men. Nailed it. Oh, Dan. Thank you very much for listening. My name is Dan Miller. And I am Nalspain.

And we're your fuck buddies. Slut type. you