F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 310 - My Boyfriend's Volcano Ears

Episode Date: September 23, 2024

If someone could just Shrek-style pull all the wax out of my ears, that would be very kick ass.  Topics include waterboarding your ears, stalking masturbation, donating your wedding dress, and erectile terror. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies

I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you and I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller and I'm now Spain and we're your fuck buddies We are a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky sexy situations and turn them into sexy sticky situations Simply put we find questions either roaming the internet or from the wonderful minds of our wonderful listeners Who we have some right here right now in your ears now Dane who isn't in the room with us? Hulk Hogan Hulk Hogan exactly. He is not in the room with us He is not holding me and Dane by the scruff of our necks.

Like we are, you know, bold kiddies. And he did not make us issue this apology, Dan, if you would like to take it away. I'm not apologizing. He's squeezing tighter, Dan. I don't care. This is totally to me. I will stay steadfast and I will never for the rest of my life acknowledge that Hulk Hogan did not die last month Do you think he did whether I think he did or didn't you just will refuse to admit that yes

Yeah, okay a real Donald Trump. I will I will from here on out Always refer to Hulk Hogan as if he is past wait it worked. It made him vanish Yeah, damn, it's a back to the future sort of like situation Yeah, it's true. Uh Are you ready for some what were we talking about this week? I think we're gonna talk about Waking up to your girlfriend pouring water in your ears Stalking masturbation uh donating your wedding dress and upsetting your husband. Erectile terror. Erectile terror. I love that horror movie.

Uh, this is by Thror A. Zassama. I, 23 year old male, recently awoke to my girlfriend, 23 year old female, intentionally pouring water in my ears. What's the name of this behavior? Psychotic. I love that they put intentionally. Didn't accidentally pour water in my ears. I get it. It's like, you know what I mean? Like if you, you, you're getting ready for your day, like my partner wakes up early

and buys water, I sleep in. Well, here's I'm going to paint a picture and paint a scenario, right? Where they have their laptop on their bedside table and psychotic. You know, maybe. Well, usually what night? OK, just relax. Hold on. Let me get through this We're talking about intentional and unintentional water drippings in the ear. So I'm just saying why is the nightmare laptop there? Like I like we know what nightmarin what are you talking about? It's it's on their bedside table their laptop

They watch TV when they go to bed. Hmm, not great. I'll go for sleep hygiene, but whatever So, okay, like we've for whatever reason Maybe they've poured themselves a refreshing glass of water as they wake up and they realize oh no I have to reach over thing to get something and then a little bit of water splashes unintentional However upsetting however note the use of the word splash. Yeah poor But if I were worrying in assumes an intentionality if I woke up I was like, why'd you pour water in my ear? Oh, sorry, baby was it a mistake? But if this lovely person has like a Motherfucking funnel. Yeah, and it's just like like what is I is that all the context we get is this all the question?

There was more and it got deleted. I deleted deleted But it was too juicy not to bring. And that's all you need. It's not all I need. All you need is a cold water. Is it hot water? Have you had problems with your ears? Has she been ear fixated before? Like, what's the the ear history?

Are you Shrek and you need to like pull out from that scene where he pulls out the big wax and the candle? And maybe that's it. Maybe it was. Maybe did the power go out and she needed a little head candle. Yeah. Like, again, this is one of those things where you what? What was your conversation when you woke up and she was just wasn't the first thing you said is what the fuck are you doing right?

Like, what was what was did you just like get your waterboarded and be like, oh good morning, darling What the hell and then rolled over and angrily go back to so it doesn't even sound like he says he's just like hi Go better. Oh What is what is the name of this behavior? Like oh damn I've I've missed it so far But I guess this normal thing finally happened to me and silly me out of the loop. What is it again? Yeah, like if someone did this to me if someone poured water on me anywhere while I was sleeping, Yeah, even if it was just like on my hand or my chest or like if someone was it would get on the bed

No matter what and that sucks. That's what I mean. It's like I don't want to be wet. Oh, I'm sleeping Let's be fair. If somebody woke me up again without a reason a good reason. I'd be like no don't do this sucks Yeah, I need my sleep. Yeah. Even if you like poured sand or a thing of sand feathers on me, whatever, like it would be terrible. That's what I mean. It's like nothing. I don't think there's anything I would want poured on me orgasm while I'm sleeping. You can't pour it or I'm sleeping. I can't consent. Can I?

Porgasm, orgasm. That's when rich people drive through a poor neighborhood and they just do like the jizz into their martini. Yeah assholes eat the fucking rich either rich Yeah, I mean like look dude. I can't wait. We've been deplatformed shit. We we're gonna go pirate radio style. Yeah What there's okay, we said something earlier like what, do you have an ear thing or whatever? It doesn't matter. If you haven't consented to this, you know what I mean? Like if someone just decides to medically treat you, if that's what's happening here, which may not be the case, you need consent, and if you- if you have consented, while you're asleep isn't the time.

Also like, water in the ear is not great. No, it's bad for you. It's not good for you. Yeah, also Waffle isn't water. What if it was pee? Waffle the water? What if it was pee? Was piss what if it was piss to be pissy? What if she just filled a Fucking pitcher of piss, you know, like what you we don't realize is later on in the day They were going to all hang out with all their friends and at one point in the day

They said something and the girlfriend turned goes. Yeah piss ears and everyone's like They said something and the girlfriend turned goes. Yeah piss ears and everyone's like And she was just that's it. She's asserting dominance. Yeah, she's done it. She just really wanted to call you piss ears Yeah, that's a great name. It is. Thank you This bad it's bad. There's no there's no part of this. But again again, I want to reiterate you need to get an explanation I I got to reiterate. And I think I freaked out about this recently. When your partner does something, do you not ask, what are you doing? Right. Like I don't.

I don't know if it's poured water, I guess. If my partner was just fucking funneling water into my ear while I was sleeping and I woke up, the first question would be like, what the fuck are you doing? And if they were just like, he and wondered off a big no No, you do you do need to tell me what you were doing and just like do they refuse to? It's terrifying and if they do answer it has to be the best fucking excuse ever and even then no I was in and your ear was

Fire there was a lot of fire. It was on fire It was the only way like inside your ear was on fire And yes Maybe I shouldn't have gone to get the funnel and maybe I shouldn't have like heated up the water a little bit Just so it didn't wake you up, but I did put out the fire. So the fire eventually I Was bad. I yeah people fucking with your sleep and doing things you without your consent is not good ever Even if you're in a relationship, you can't just be like oh weird. I guess you can have boundaries and also have the fucking balls I don't like saying it cuz that's gendered but have the orbs have the magical orbs to have the gender neutral

Orbs to ask your partner and like confront them when they do weird things and things that upset you have the have the fucking Gumption to be like hey, we need to talk about this I don't like it and I need to I need an explanation as to why you think this was okay So that you know that in the future. It's not okay. Yes, and like Maybe for whatever reason they think that they need to set boundaries because in a past relationship They were allowed to do this I don't know but like me and maybe it was a fun year game where they wake up and you know when your ears blocked and It sucks and they're like you got me and then they spent the whole day in agony

Yeah, and then spent the rest of their life with inner ear problems and it was a fun joke. They did What they must a girlfriend constantly just falling over and bumping into things. Maybe that's it Maybe like she's the typical like, you know Twilight protagonist who's like, oh, she's the the clumsy girl Who's so clumsy and so not pretty even though everyone's in love with her, of course And she's like I've had it being the only clumsy one in this relationship I'm gonna fuck your career right a plot point in Twilight that Bella is clumsy all these female love interests are clumsy. Okay, fair I don't read so it's true They still doesn't know the title of the podcast

Man, I'm winging it anytime. I have a question I kind of like you know in drumline where the guy doesn't know how to read music I'm just kind of winging it and hoping yeah, Dane has like kind of figured out the shapes of some words mainly come Yeah, that's the big one because it's a lot of curves and they're they're friendly on his stupid eyes Yes, I just got a brain his brains great his eyes my eyes so dumb And that's not I don't want to make anyone feel bad if you have trouble reading. We're not oh no that Is own specific? Yes, this is this is a whole thing specific to me. And not about being able to see.

He can see fine. Yeah. His eyes are just dumb. Next question. Now, we this one, Dane has an earpiece in and we have. I'm getting some of feed the lines. Yeah. Yeah. This is from Horde, who are so. That's not helping defeat the allegations of you being unable to read My girl for I left her stockings. Can I jerk off with them? So basically we were out on a date and got home

She took off her stockings put them on the floor and then we went on about with her evening next morning She was packing and said will you throw them away for me? I jokingly said if you leave them gonna use them to jerk off next time. I miss you She asked if I'd actually do that. I thought it through and I said, "'Yes,' and she seems flattered and smiling, told me to have fun giggling. Now I'm here with her used stockings. They smell like her, they're soft and they are hers.

Would it be bad to use them for that purpose? I mean, it is kind of gross, but not gonna lie, it sounds fun and I kind of want to.' She said she wouldn't mind, but it's kind of, but it would be really fun. Thoughts?" I love the thought of this man holding the stockings in one hand Probably a hard dick. Yeah middle and then on the other end, please read it, please

Like he's so torn and just like it's like a whole schmigel situation. He's like No, we mustn't Like this question I had all these answers before it started to get more specific. Thank you for the specificity. Yeah, dude. One, they're being thrown away. So whatever. Yeah. To permission. You asked explicitly, which hey, this is I mean, I guess you didn't ask explicitly.

You kind of know you told you you joke and be ha, ha, like that's something I'll do. And I think it's a great way to test the waters for that kind of stuff. Right? You toss out a joke, and if they seem upset by it, then you're like, ha, ha. But you got the green light. Yeah.

She wants you to have fun. She wants you to do this. And you said that there was also the positive body language as well. So I don't even think there's a harm in letting her know that you did. No, I don't like so Depending on a relationship. Yeah, maybe even the the aftermath of said experience could be kind of hot for them I would say like take a picture and test the waters again if they would like to see you know I mean like maybe maybe you could have it on standby. That's what I mean.

If they get really into it. Yeah. But I also, and maybe this is just me, just seeing a load on some used stockings doesn't sound hot to me. Well, that's not my thing. Yeah, we're not particularly inclined to enjoy anything with cum. I enjoy so many things with cum. Well, I mean like,

usually my own. Yeah, cum as an individual. Yes, cum as a thing. Yes. Yeah. Come come as an individual. Yes. Come as a thing. Yes. Not the process of me coming. Yes. But like, again, it's being thrown out. Yeah. I think like that is very key to this. Right. It's being thrown out. You've been giving consent to have your inner relationship with this person.

And on top of that, they seem down with it. Yeah. So these are all green flags. If it was like someone you weren't in the relationship left, something was like, oh, just toss it again. It's getting tossed. So it's not the worst, but it's still a bit weird. Yeah. That's anything going back to someone you really need to be firm on those lines. I think I think I think there is something to be said about like when ownership is transferred, right?

If someone leaves something behind at your place and you're told to discard it, I think that like now that your transferred, right? If someone leaves something behind at your place and it's in your you're told to discard it, I think that like now that your property, right? Like it's in your it's in your home. They don't want it back. It's not going back. So I think there is some sort of like I don't necessarily know. No, I think you still need to get permission. I think like if it's so like, again, if it's your friend and you're not in a sexual relationship and yes yes, and you do it. It's like look

No one's probably gonna know is it morally great. No, is it gonna hurt anybody? No, like it's just kind of weird Yeah, however, if you then tell them they're gonna be like you're what the fuck Yeah, you know what I mean? So like I don't want to say it's good if people don't know about it But like you're probably okay, but it's weird, right, you know, like it's an icky gray area Yeah, I think there's no victim really. Yeah, like you're probably okay, but it's weird right you know like it's an icky gray area Yeah, I think there's no victim really yeah unless you're an asshole But it's still not great if it's something that she left that's gonna be tossed out and you guys are in sexual relationship It's even less of a victim thing There's less of a gray area. Yeah, you know I think this is the best option where you brought it up

They've said yes, you have it it all seems good. This is there's no gray area here. It seems like it's less of a it seems like you're trying to get over a mental hurdle of using what you view as like dirty laundry. It's almost like you have a foot fetish and you don't want to sniff the shoe, even though everyone has like put all the effort into making sure this shoe is the the best sniff you'll ever get Right like it's but it's like, you know that this is a bit taboo or a bit Yeah, quote-unquote weird or you don't like trust that she's actually okay Yeah, because you were joking which is the danger of joking and I think as Dane said it's a good way to test the water

But it doesn't really count when it comes down to it. It's a step one. Right. Whereas like when you're doing something, you can't just go, well, I made a joke and you kind of joke back. It's a good way to test the water, but you then do need to like follow up and actually get, you know, again, this is a very low risk, low impact activity as far as I'm concerned. So I don't think it's, you know, but you can't like joke about choking someone and then be like, ah, and then just fucking go for it. Yeah. Yeah. And I think if you are upset, if you can't like joke about choking someone and then be like, ah and then just fucking go

For yeah. Yeah. Yeah And I think if you are upset if you're worried about how this is gonna go Maybe you say still have that stocking and I'm missing you like wink and you could play it up again If you feel like you need their permission to do this and that would make you feel better or if you feel like you're doing Something wrong that they might not be happy with why not? You know, I mean that could also be fun, right? Yeah, cuz then you're turning yeah doing something wrong that they might not be happy with. Why not? You know, I mean, that could also be fun, right? Yeah, because then you're turning. Yeah, I'm talking and you and that could be a whole act in of itself.

If not, I think you're fine. I think you're good to go, because again, this is getting thrown out. It's not going back to the is it not? It is what is rock hard. Yeah. Now, I do want to say just on the safety side of things, stockings. I don't care how soft they may feel. They are still a textured material. You can see on paper that day.

Yeah, I would say, you know, you're not looking at you're looking at like a fine grit sandpaper. So but depending on how long you use it for and how intensely you use it for, you can do some art, you can do some damage, especially if you're using it to like wrap around your dick as like a sort of hand stalking dick sort of situation. I would say if you want to like use it as like light touches. Yeah.

You know, draping around, have it nearby, whatever. But I wouldn't use it as the means in which you get friction to pleasure yourself. If you really want to do that, wait till you've got yourself going and maybe do is at the end. Yeah. You're your final touches or give yourself some like use of lotion or something to to lubricate. But even then, I would say like, please don't just be careful. Yeah. And it when you start feeling discomfort, clock it, no matter how good

everything else is feeling, you're like, like okay I've I think I've hit the I reach here and then you know now it's just sniffing time yeah or at that point you know small like dick leave it draped over the bottom or Something like have it nearby like it but yeah, just be careful with it because texture material and and Penises are any sense of skin is is bad news just waiting to happen. Yeah, don't make your dick rock This is throw our a hat seventy three seventy one my thirty five year old female husband Thirty four year old male is upset. I donated my wedding dress how to tell him

I don't want to be reminded of our wedding a few months ago I found out my husband got cold feet at our wedding. We've been married for nine years dating for 12 I thought they were happy years My father-in-law drunkenly admitted my husband had fled the morning of the wedding with the help of his friends. Father-in-law got wind of this and dragged him back and told him to either marry me or tell me he didn't want to but not to leave me at the altar. He chose to get married. I had no idea about this. My wedding was a very special day. I felt beautiful and extremely happy. I knew my husband was a bit tipsy but he had reassured me it was just nerves. I felt completely

numb. I talked to other members of the family and my husband He admitted he fled because he's afraid of the future and what ifs he didn't want to marry me But he didn't want to embarrass me either. We have a framed picture of me at our wedding before the ceremony I know now there is no similar picture of my husband because he had left We also have my wedding dress in the closet. The wedding was one of the few times I felt beautiful I'm much plainer than his exes, but love made me glow. But now I see just a naive woman I walk past the wedding picture every day thinking about it. Can't open my closet without seeing the wedding dress in its sealed bag I tried hiding them, but I kept thinking about it. I didn't want to be reminded. So I threw away the picture

I donated the wedding dress some bride will feel absolutely beautiful in it. That gives me happiness My husband saw the frame picture was missing. I met I threw it out and donated the wedding dress. He completely shut down How do I reiterate him? I don't want any reminders of the wedding. I have some pride out there We'll give the dress and new happiness. This is a conversation. This is so much more than your husband is mad That you threw out a wedding dress like yes, this is not like that. That's that's a symptom of the of the disease here this sucks on sort of like the the whole spectrum of of both of you guys, because it doesn't necessarily seem like your husband's being an asshole about things. I guess I guess it depends on like how the marriage like is it a loveless marriage?

Is it a sexless marriage? They said it was seemingly full of love for nine years. Yeah. So it would be a very different conversation, I think, if they were like, this all fucking sucked and I've had a terrible time. And on top of that, I found this out. Yeah, it seems the opposite where things have been good. And this lie has undercut it all. But like, doesn't the nine years of love prove that the cold feet didn't matter?

I guess it's I guess from her point of view is she always thought the wedding was this beautiful thing and now she found out that it wasn't so maybe now it's bleeding into the marriage of being like well I thought the marriage was also this beautiful thing and maybe not for sure so Therapy yeah, I think couples couples counseling here is but I think now's correct as well I think individual therapy as well as gonna because I think one Having someone mediate this kind of stuff because it's these are the things where people start saying things they don't mean because they're so upset right like this is this is the kind of

thing well let's be fair like this whole like I threw out the photo and I donated the dress it's like you knew that would be a knife in his back like there's there's no way you didn't also do this as a fuck you right yeah I understand maybe you're like everything else you're saying is true, but like one, you knew, you knew that this would be a wound. And secondly, you're willfully ignoring that fact now and you're like, he's annoyed I donated the dress.

You know that's not it. He shut down, like the guy is being very emotional about this, obviously this is not a thing that's surprising to you. So it's like, you need to admit to yourself that you did this to hurt him. Yeah, you were hurt when you wanted to return fire. It seems like. Right. And that's the thing is like who who we were and who we are and and the

repercussions and consequences of our actions can can come back real quick. As we've seen in this in this scenario, right, where it's like he had a really rough time with this thing, made a choice. And it seems like hopefully now that he looks back on it now and realizes that he made the right one. Yeah. Right. Like if this marriage has been good and happy and he's been a great partner and he's been a good husband, then it does sound like I almost made a big mistake. And I didn't. And and there is it's like somebody getting cold feet The day of a very big decision is surely understandable, right? I would hope you can understand that. Yes I can understand that it's and it's a trope for a reason people get cold feet in various ways And I don't know why you would hold that against him

Is your fear that he married you and has been living a lie for for nine years? I guess that's the case. Has there been a conversation about that? I guess the for me, the thing that pinged is I married you because I didn't want to embarrass you is that's a hard thing to hear. Yes. Someone told me that after nine years of a relationship. Be like, yeah, I went on that date with you

because I didn't want to embarrass you by saying that every romcom. It's oh, I started dating you because he's a man but now you know I mean so it's like I think it like yes you're 100% right that's horrible thing to hear yeah but I think what's important is like that is also a very fair thing to say for that day right yeah if it's I married you because I didn't want to embarrass you and that's the scope of the relationship awful yes it's like that day while I was in a panic like like the one thing was like, I knew I couldn't hurt you, which is kind of what they're saying.

Yeah. And it isn't like it won't embarrass you in this bigger way. It's just like on that day I couldn't walk out. And then like maybe when they did it, oh, I did make the right choice. I was just freaking out that day, which is understandable. Yes. It could be not that it could be shitty. And it could be like, well, yeah, I did it because it won't embarrass you. And I'm stuck. Yeah. And I've been stuck here for nine years. Now we have kids like that could be it. It could be like, well, yeah, I did it because it won't embarrass you and I'm stuck. Yeah, I've been stuck here for nine years.

Now we have kids like that could be it. But you need to talk about that and you need to hash it out. And if that's the case, you need to know clearly that that's where you stand and maybe contemplate divorce. But if it is just a momentary stumble, and then he said this thing, which obviously hard to hear, but maybe honest and not bad. That's the thing is like, this is,

these are the kind of scenarios where the band AC to get ripped off because if you tiptoe around and like we talk about in a lot of the situations where people are like they accept the first answer they're given and they're like, okay, but then they continue to spiral and they continue to think what if and because that's the thing everything unsaid is up to you and you're gonna pick worst option. Well, even just look at like, oh, you couldn't look at your wedding photo. You couldn't look at your wedding dress.

And even when you hid them, they were still in the back of your mind. And that's that's what happens when you don't resolve with things fully. And that's what happens when you, like I said, like, take the first sort of like answer as as, OK, we've talked about it. We're done. It's like, no, this is kind of like this is the part of like what makes a relationship a healthy and stable and strong relationship is being like, all right, we have a problem.

It's a big problem. And the solution is through like the thorn patch of uncomfortable conversation and we're going to go through and we're going to get our cuts and we're going to get our our nicks and our pricks and our scratches. but at the end of it, we're gonna be on on better pastures, right? We're another and the thing is this is when you tell them everything you told us you say Oh this this day was like so nice. I finally I felt beautiful Which obviously your insecurity is playing in here as well, which is a separate issue, right? Yeah, it's the only day I ever felt beautiful like and then also the comparison to the exes exactly

So there's so much shit on here. That's not even to do with that Yeah, but it's all being mixed into this terrible soup and you need to fucking sort that shit out because you're torturing yourself Yeah, so you need to go through and be like, hey, I felt beautiful I really like this day what I found out has undercut this You know, I mean and like is your father-in-law piece of shit or did he say this Thinking it was a funny story knowing how in love his son is with you You know what I mean? Because those are two very different scenarios It's like oh I can tell you this because you guys are so strong and like it doesn't matter is

Better than I can tell you this cuz fuck you yeah, and I did this to hurt you You know what I mean? Cuz like I think oh, you know I almost actually didn't show up for a date that first day because I thought you were kind of weird. But then I did is like a funny later on story, which you might take badly, but you shouldn't, you know, um, but you need to tell them like, Hey, I like, I'm worried that, you know, this is undercut that entire day for me or like, I feel unloved or non-questioning all these nine years.

And I, you know, he needs to know this shit and hopefully he will reassure you But if not, you also need to know that if you guys are saying these nine years It has been a farce you need to know that because you're gonna think it regardless But if you know you can make decisions Instead you went and you did something that you might regret but you definitely did something to hurt him and that's not the fucking way Yeah, and now it's like now you guys are living in this like the bog of uncertainty and uncomfort and unhappiness. And yeah, this like passive aggressive sort of thing.

It's like, you know, is he now going to then feel like he needs to return fire in another way to hurt you? And now he's like, now, if you want me to talk to my beautiful exes, here I go. Yeah. This thing is like you now get he's like, now, if you want me to talk to my beautiful exes, here I go. Yeah. That's the thing is like you now get into, uh, like I said, like this is, these are the scenarios where it's so easy to fall into because it hurts so much. And because, because we're talking about like almost a decade of, of a relationship where it's so easy to get hurt and then want to do the hurting.

Well, you've also been stewing for so long that you're lashing out, but now you've actively hurt him. So he's going to feel like he can act. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like there's something to be said about you being upset, but there's something else to be said about intentionally hurting your partner. Yeah. Which you've done and you know you've done, but you're pretending you don't know you've done.

So this is messy, but you need to talk between yourself That's the thing Raleigh honestly for your own fucking sake and for theirs and you show this. Yes Like just like if you if you don't have the words be like look here it is. Yeah, right I'm like I don't know how to get it out I'm gonna have a hard time explaining it to you. This is what I've this is how I see the situation Can we talk about it and be chill to be like, look, here's the thing. I'll give you a minute if you want. You can write a reply or you can take some time.

Yeah, I just want to get this off my chest because it is poisoning myself and our relationship, I find. And like, don't pressure him, don't attack him, but let him read it and let him, you know, come back with a response. Maybe he'll be aggressive and shitty. People do that in arguments. And I mean, hopefully he won't. But you need to try to stop this from turning into a clash and a fight

and try to actually move forward. But divorce is always an option. You know, it is. And like it's you need to also be firm in your decision. Yes. If his explanation isn't good enough for you, then don't try to force it so that the relationship is good enough for you and stay in it and feel miserable this whole time because everyone does it and especially with like almost again almost a decade of a relationship you're going to be like oh I don't want to waste my

time I don't want but like to live in this misery that's the thing is like you you have to you have to make a choice and be like that isn't a good enough answer for me. I am still very hurt by it. Yeah. And I don't know if I can forgive you and therefore I need to move on. But I will say on the flip side, don't just do what's previously happened where you seize on like one thing and you're like, okay, that's not good enough. Like, fuck you. Like, feel free to talk.

If someone says something, feel free to talk and make sure be like, Oh, you're really saying this like actually, you know what I mean? Like you don't just make a snap decision based on like a throwaway comments. I mean, it's like the conversation you're going to have is going to be multiple cuts. Yes. You can't have that first, like punch in the gut and throw in the towel. Like you've got to go the full 10 rounds. Unless, unless that's where you're at with the relationship where you don't care anymore.

And if you don't care and you really just not put the the work in yeah, then just fucking get a divorce, right? So like anyway, you got you've got it, but currently you do not know currently you don't have it at all. Yeah This is from delicious pride How to go over erection issue fear. I had 25 year old started seeing this girl yesterday. I was at her place We were having wine well while listening to some music. And then we went to bed and I initiated a make out for a few minutes. She started getting wet, but I wasn't getting horny or erection. She even started touching me with no result.

Made me even more anxious. I told her if she can go down on me for less than a minute. Whenever I started feeling she stops and then she thought she was the problem. That's a nightmare of a sentence. I have no idea what he's trying to say. I assume. I assume she did. She started. He was saying I told her if she was the problem. That's a nightmare of a sentence. I have no idea what he's trying to say I assume I assume she did she started he was saying I told her if she did. Yeah, then she was doing it very confusing Yeah, I'm assuming that she went down on him for a bit and then it wasn't getting up I was so anxious after this incident and couldn't even sleep in the morning She asked how I was and how did I sleep and made me a coffee like nothing happened a muscular and fit

So I have no physical problems I need your advice is driving me crazy and lowering my dignity I don't have the balls to talk to her again, and I can't miss with her any other chance Look you answered your own question anxiety anxiety nerves anxiety It's it's a self-defeating thing. We're like the second you go wait a minute I'm not hard all of a sudden the lack of hardness increases and then it's like something else happens Oh, no, she touched me and I'm still not hard and then it's even more anxiety and and like that Unfortunately is a hard pit to dig out of

What you should do in this situation one reassure your partner to focus on her if you're out of commission for the time being What better thing to do than to make them come massively? Yeah You know what I mean? out of commission for the time being, what better thing to do than to make them come massively? You know what I mean? Because one, she don't even be thinking about you when she's fucking screaming her mind out, right? Two, you're not gonna be thinking about your dick, hopefully, when you're going down on them.

And also, it's gonna be hot as fuck, which will increase the odds of you getting hard. And three, if it still doesn't happen, they had a great time. So it's a win-win, right? Like you're giving yourself a break, you're taking the attention off you, you're doing something to get your mind off the anxiety

You're doing something hot increasing the chances you do get hard and if all else fails It doesn't matter because they had a great fucking time and then you just say I was I don't know what's going on I think it was a little bit of nerves, but I hope you have fun and a next time week Yeah, I mean like the the problem with this is and we've talked about it before of of the like the worst thing that happens Is when it happens the first time or or once you don't mean yeah, because then for the rest of your life It's in the back of your head being like I hope I can get hard this time. Yeah. Yeah, I hope whatever But I like the more it's important to you If you have a big date with a hot person or someone that you really one time

It's most you're you're going to do. And it's like, or if it happens with one person, like you could fuck 80 other people, no problem. But because it happened with that one person, like now you're going to be so in your head about it and be like, so I was reading this thing because I was interested because we've talked about this a lot. We've we've we've had this conversation a lot.

And there's some suggestions that people have brought up are getting a pill for erectile dysfunction. There are a bunch now that have very specific purposes. There are ones that are meant to be taken and last a couple days or a full day. And it's more like a in case it happens. Then there are some pills that are meant for like, oh, I'm about to fuck or we're planning on fucking.

So I'm going to take this two hours before or whatever. And then there are ones that are like you take like and they last for like three days. And again, it's meant to just be like a blood flow. Yeah. But like, what if because, you know, the way this presumably is like a one off. What if you have a normal boner, but you've also taken that pill your dick explode I don't think it explodes but you think you don't think you don't know no What if normal boner boner pill dick explode question mark?

Yeah, look it up cuz we don't get time for that so it's like some some situations have been like a way that again, because this is such a mind, a mind thing is that people have suggested that like, oh, you take one of those ones that are like so that the pill will do it for you. And then hopefully the next time because you've done now is you're like, well, if I don't have the pill. Well, that's that's the that's the thing is like the the downside is like that you you feel like you've become dependent on On on on an extra aid now. You also should you know talk to a doctor about this first You should you know follow all the safety regulations and stuff Well, it's also like it because it is a blood thing It's like you need to make sure that you have like a proper blood pressure really hit me with that after trying to make a fun Another fun dick exploding joke.

No threes. So don't make your dick explode. There you go. Don't make your dick explode. Hilarious. You just turned into four. Better than the third time. So like maybe consider that. And there's also like there's a bunch of at least in Canada, there is a bunch of ways to discreetly get like these these pills.

I don't want to list any of them because one, they're not paying us creepy convenience store that has the thing that will make your dick explode. But in a good way, yeah. Just get that totally. Rhino, Rhino, Rhino, Black Cat explosion missile waterfall. Yeah. No, again, it's like one, they're not paying us. I'm not advertising for them. And two, I don't know the legitimacy of all of them

So I don't want to like send people incorrectly without doing my due diligence But if you do want to pass to advertise you not necessarily you but people in general hit us up Yeah, we got you. We'll advertise anything from money. We won't Anything there was a while where I didn't realize this but our host pod bean allows you to like I don't know if you guys have heard of it, but I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it.

I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it.

I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard of it. I'm sure you guys have heard it's like I'm sorry if you ever heard any of those I didn't even know that happened. Yeah, but I know I know other podcasts have been like

Oh, apparently just been all like betting or like right-wing ads. They were like fuck. No, it's a lot of gambling It's a lot of like because the nature our show men's health stuff Yeah, so I remember like going to be like what the fuck is this and it's like hello You have been a member in a bubble. I'm just like, oh, what is this? We're like what the fuck is this and it's like hello. You have been a man in a bubble I'm just like, oh, what is this? We're like, yo fuck Andrew Tate and that's like ad break So welcome to Andrew Tate's bread university or whatever the fuck it's called What a fucking loser. All right, this is by a deleted user Why would a man spend a long time in a public bathroom on a date?

look Why as a man with tummy troubles? Do you think I want to be in there for a long time in a public bathroom on a date. Look why? As a man with tummy troubles, do you think I want to be in there for a long time? Do you think I'm not literally sweating, looking at the clock as each minute passes by and my tummy is like, not done yet? We still hurt. We still have things to do. No, I don't want to do it. What do you think? I'm not in there jerking it.

That's the thing. What do you think is happening? We're're pooping pooping or he's peeing or he's nervous and it's like I don't know or he's I mean I guess technically like he could be on his phone He could be on his own weird things But like he is on his phone doing weird things does that matter unless he's also weird like if everything else is fine You'll figure that out eventually if he's a big fucking weirdo But I think you can have the grace to be like people sometimes go to the bathroom for a little bit of time and it makes sense now the thing is the context is deleted but I remember some of it and one of the things was I've read before That like men like to have solitary time in the bathroom, you know to calm themselves or whatever

But that is exclusively a thing for men with like families who are like, I, you know, because people always post about being like, oh, when I'm sitting on the toilet, it's my only moment of peace because I have three kids and a wife and I hate my life. And it's like, why would you think that's applying right now? You're on a date and he's like, fuck, I need a break. I need 10 minutes to myself. I mean, are you insufferable? Are you insufferable?

Are you also three kids cuz I've been on some dates where I've been like I gotta I gotta reevaluate I gotta go to the old drawing board back here and figure out what the fuck I'm doing You went in after him. There's like marker on the wall and it's just all the pros You know mind like yeah trying to figure out how to get out of this Yeah, no, I've definitely been on dates where I've needed a breather. I don't like I have been Not many but if if there is it's like I knew it wouldn't get better by me being in the toilet It's like it either it had to be a thing I saw through and like delaying it wasn't good and I would feel awkward sitting in the toilet for that long

Which would make it worse for me. Yeah, you know So it was either a let's just get out of here situation or a I'm not going to make it worse by postponing it. You know, did you guys have like a milk chugging contest before? Yeah, maybe you came out because did you eat just nothing but heavy cream, heavy cream, spicy food? People sometimes people have maybe you got like a spicy Alfredo Mexican dish.

From Taco Bell. Yeah. Taco Bell's new Italian crossover menu. Yeah, well eating nothing but espresso martinis. What if he thinks the date's going so well that he has poop fear in your place or his place. Yeah. So he wants to get it all out

before he goes home and rocks your world. Every drop. Every drop. Every, I was gonna say crumb. Maybe before he goes home and rocks your world every drop Every he's I was gonna say chrome. Maybe he loves to get paid and he's out there douche in Maybe maybe look the man's poop and leave him alone. He's but who cares you just yeah I will say there is a Extent of time that I do think this question becomes valid if he's gone for like 10 15 20 plus minutes Hmm, I think at that point in time. There's like a there's a did he walk out on me? question becomes valid. If he's gone for like 10, 15, 20 plus minutes, I think at that point in time, there's like a there's a did he walk out on me?

Yes. And there's also like a like to like, I hope he's all right. I think there's like a cause for concern. I think, yeah, unfortunately, there does become a point where you text and say, you're good. Yeah. And that sucks. Oh, if that I would die in that bathroom. If someone if I went if I went if I was on a date and I was pooping so long that someone had to my date had to text me like hey are you okay? So you know I would be I would know I would make better for me I would flush myself down the toilet like that fucking scene in

Trainspotting I would just climb into the toilet, and I would live in the sewers forever No, that would make it so much better for me because, you know, after 10 minutes, so it's bad. Is the Texas says no. Yeah, no. But like you just go, my stomach is fucked. I'm so sorry. And that's fine. Right. Like, who cares if you're pooping? It's worse if it goes on set.

Like if they don't say anything, because you don't want to message them and be like, I'm doing bad poops. Sorry. Toilet crimes are happening. Yeah, actually, that'd be a pretty good, good text. But like if they message you and you can be like, I'm doing bad poops. Sorry. Toilet crimes are happening. Yeah, actually, that'd be a pretty good, good text. But like if they message you and you can be like, I'm so sorry, my tummy's fucked like that's fine, actually, to me. And then you come back and you go, that was embarrassing. That was awful. How are you doing?

And you can kind of get the ball rolling again. Whereas like if if no one gets lately, imagine if no one says anything and you come back after 22 minutes and you just have to like because then the burden of breaking the ice is on you and you're like, I did bad poops. I did do them. They were done. The toilet's full. I filled it up. You know what I would do? I would trash that bathroom and be like, hey, be careful.

Don't go in the second stall because like if it's if they're shared bathrooms. God, that's a nightmare. Yeah. She comes in. The second you're leaving and says it, are you good? And you're like, yeah, that's a nightmare. Yeah. She comes in. She goes in the second you're leaving and says it. Are you good? And you're like, yeah, that's bad. The text is fine. It also gives me something to do.

Right? Not fine. It's fine. I don't prefer to have no text. If if you would come out after knowing any time, any time anyone asked me if I'm okay, parents, friends, you, I die. You okay? I die while I'm pooping.

I'm not pooping right now. Like if I was in the bathroom for enough time, I've ever texted you to say if you're OK while you're in the bathroom. No. OK. And that's why I'm still that's why I'm still here. I don't fucking care. I just want you to go. I don't give a shit. Mental health. I hope you never never takes your male friends if they're OK. Never. Yeah, that is a we stand behind that.

Yeah. No, I just you saying, are you okay? And other times just never while you're in the bathroom. No, because I don't care. They don't give a shit what you're going through. Because you know, you know, I'm not. Yeah, no, no. If I'm in there that long, I'm not OK. I'm I'm working through them. I don't care. I'm I'm good.

I'll wait. Yeah. But I think that's the best way to do it is you got to text them after after 10 minutes Not before 10 minutes when it hits minute 12 I can't support you text me say are y'all good cuz what if they pooped in in a way? I was they've no toilet roll and you could be the one to tell someone to bring in toilet roll or you bring in the time Sorry something you think that's a better scenario that your date has to be like hey, excuse me bartender My my date has is shitting himself so thoroughly that he needs more toilet paper.

Would you prefer to have no toilet paper and just do what wrong? Do you think, do you think my life, I don't immediately check. What if you can't check? What do you mean? What if you need to poop? I am just just it's happening now. I always need to Happening that exact second. I I will or you sit down and you think okay, it's enough, but then Not enough right or there was like a decoy thing and you pull it down It's already been pre pooped on for you and you can't use it. Oh, damn it I hate when people pre poop on the paper. It's a trick and I just I want to

Apologize to my partner who vehemently hates poop stuff. Oh yeah, no. I also find it funny because I'm like looking at the time being like, hmm, do we need another question? Do we? And then we just talked for 10 minutes about shit. So. Sorry baby. It's okay.

And so the rest of you, you're welcome. You're welcome. Because I know you were busting a gut. Yeah. So hard that you had to go poop for 10 minutes. You got Dane's hot brown stuff in your mind. Come on That's terrible. I like that at all. You brought it up. I don't want people to think about my hot brown stuff in their head Well, maybe don't pour it in their ears when they sleep This has been us and we have been yours

Yeah, and we love you. If you want to support us, please go over to our patreon join up. We got directed focused laser guided episodes on specific topics such as Breaking up with people or being broken up with and every episode we have a special cut where we've taken out all references of poop Yeah, it's true. There's no poop a lot. That's why there isn't a single episode up there. You will not have until we do the anal episode. We won't talk about poop. So please support us because one you get more. So that's a bold claim. And it's it's a lie also. And two, we get to keep doing the show and not drive ourselves into the ground. Speaking of mental health month, the more money we have to keep ourselves doing the show, the better our mental health is.

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And we love you. And thank you, Josh Eagle in the harvest is for the song Paper Stars. Are you going to get comfortable for me? The chair is way too squeaky for that. Let's pretend he did it. This is a book on Amazon called Puck Drop, a dark reverse harem hockey mafia romance. Oh, revenge is fucking sweet.

Fuck you nailed the landing on that. Yeah. Until the blood won't wash off my hands. My enemies want their own retribution. I can only evade them for so long before they take a shot. Tell you a second hockey reference. The head coach of the Dusk Bay Demons, the hockey team with everything to prove won't let them near me. Who will he allow?

The equipment manager was the calm to his storm and the defenseman whose heart is as dark as he is skilled with his stick. My guys want to convince our enemies I wasn't in the game, but that means sacrificing one of them instead. Can I sit out when I have everything to lose or the horn call time on our relationship first? This is an interconnected standalone hockey mafia. R.H. Polly romance. Don't know what R.H. means. So sorry if that's a slur or something. I reverse harem, I believe.

Oh, probably. We're all good. I couldn't tell you what the plot of this book is. Yeah, I have no idea. I think she killed a bunch of people and then was like, oh, fuck. And then lucky he was like, we got you, we got you. And they're like, dude, she's not even killing people. And they're like, fine, we want to kill your equipment manager instead. And she's like, shit, I want to fuck him, though.

But also this dark defenseman also Yeah, he's he's gonna be fine. I mean like the poly he's in there as well Oh, yeah, she's gonna be banging all the dudes and fair play is that what reverse harem is oh yes Where she has she has a harem of boys. I mean that's still I it's just a harem. This is a harem Yeah, this is like almost like a reverse racism. So a reverse harem would be she's a lot of people She is so many people. She's multiple people This is I I need to read this at least four more times So I'm gonna head out my name is Dave Miller and I am Niles Payne and we have been your fuck buddies Music