F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 313 - Vape Is Just A Steam Room For Your Mouth

Episode Date: October 14, 2024

Oh, you have a room in your house that gets really hot and steamy?  That's cool.  I've got a room in my body called my lungs that I blast with vapor 24/7.  Topics include irreversible post nut clarity, safe sex discussion, how to de-cling yourself, look what she's wearing. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/fbuddies  Get tickets to our next live show October 29th: https://www.fbuddiespodcast.com/liveshows

I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I'm trusting out love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dave Miller. And I'm Lyle Spain. And we're your fuck buddies. We're a sex and dating advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. Simply put, we're a sex and dating advice podcast and we answer your questions that you either find in your lives or online and send them in to us. We do it right here in your ears every Monday.

Where else, Dave? We're gonna be doing a live show. Again, Black Sheep, October 29th. Whoa, wait, that's a spooky date. That is a spooky date It's gonna be a Halloween themed show. Holy shit. Well, wait, I'm not gonna go unless there's gonna be like costumes There's gonna be costume contest. Oh, wait, I can win stuff you can win You have two opportunities to win two. So just showing up in a costume gets you entered into a raffle amazing That's all you need to do show up in a costume raffle

Maybe win a prize then if your costume ass, you could win our costume contest and win another prize. That's so cool. You know what? I'm not sure I want to go, though. Like, what if it's just that? What if there isn't like award winning sex and dating advice? Like there is a stage. It's just a contest.

Just a costume contest. Costume Jamboree. We're just going to stay in the corner and create a watch. Yeah. It's if you've been to our show before, we're changing things up a little bit. We're just gonna stand in the corner and create a watch. Yeah It's if you've been to our show before we're changing things up a little bit We're still gonna do the show that you love still gonna be a fuck buddies episode. There's gonna be a little bit more stuff It's gonna be more fun. It's gonna be more fun. There's me spooky cocktails. There's me a costume contest a raffle We've already got some prizes being sent in to us from some pretty cool people It's gonna be a fucking blast and if you're not gonna be there then I'm sorry It's a great be a fucking blast. And if you're not going to be there, then I'm sorry. It's a great way to start like the Halloween shenanigans.

It's not going to be a full on Halloween bash, but it's going to be like Halloween foreplay. It gets you in the spooky mood. You're going to be able to sort of like test the waters and see what the costume game is for this year and be like, Oh, I need to step it up or soft launch your costume. Exactly. Give it a try. See if there's some some like wardrobe malfunctions that need to be worked out so that when you are popping and dancing and grinding

and bumping and pumping monster mashing monster mashing, you know that like your titty ain't going to fall out. Exactly. Or your shaft ain't going to just burst out of your pants. People see your dick root. Yeah. So, you know, on that note, we do have a monster smash or pass. Uh, so if you have weird monster, you want to send in and have maybe us, maybe the audience rate how much you would fuck them. Yeah. Send them, send them in.

Are you ready? Yeah. So this week we're going to talk about is my relationship irreversible after post-nut clarity? How to discuss my wife's sex. How do I reject an insanely clean man after first date and a rude comment after a first date first date specific okay buckle in buck oh this is my active big 133 is the relationship irreversible after post nut clarity me and the guy met in the dating app we're into things

and shared a cultural connection thing is I was far away so he decided to fly me out to a city to go in dates together Problem is I didn't have a place to stay He also thought was a bit early for me to stay with him I consider friends places, but they weren't able to host me and hotels are pretty expensive last minute So we said maybe I do stay at his but in separate rooms We're an amazing first date and we were in love with each other, but we did have sex on the first day It was both our first time doing something like that and we had too much fun on the first day that I regretted it

After that he started acting different getting really busy and pulling away not asking me any questions and showing any curiosity in me But last I was fed up and cussed at him and he explained his difficulty expressing his emotions and he might be fearful avoidant Thing I is I was thinking before this trip The only way our relationship can work is if he is in love with me by the end of it Because it's long distance you have to be sure of each other to really make it work last day He treated me really well again was trying to connect with me enjoyed my company He told me he needed three weeks to see how he would feel because his last relationship took him five to eight months Before getting into a relationship with her now. I'm back from the trip He hasn't texted me back, and I don't plan to text him back until he does first because I want to give him space

I really like this guy. I don't want to hear that it's over and I shouldn't have slept him on the first date. I know that. I just want to know if there's a way to reverse this. Will time and space fix this showing on social media that I'm enjoying my own life and raising my worth by showing competition with other men, changing my looks? What kind of playing can I have now? So relationship can work in my favor. Wow.

Wow. This is bad on like every front. I mean, short of, you know, a crime being committed by or to one of you. I really don't think this could have gone worse for either of you. Yeah, it's a pity he wasn't in love with you by the end. That sucks because that was a really realistic and smart goal. Like, does it? It doesn't have an age, does it? No, this is like they gotta be at least

1920 because you're flying around to people yes, right like If you are older, I would say than 21 you got a lot of if you're older than 15 I don't know like no cuz like I like 21 no I think you still have I think you're still stupid you think you have the potential for stupid No, I think you still have. I think you're still stupid. You say you have the potential for stupid and like I think that was stupid. And then there's this. I know. And I just want to clarify.

I'm not saying all 21 year olds are stupid. I'm just saying that the the expectation of stupidity is there's a there's a forgivable stupid dumb when we're young. Yeah, that's you know, we're not saying we weren't like this, like this. But no, no, no, no, I was never like this. There's like I can't even remember all that. I was just like, oh, I got to remember that. I got to remember that. I got to remember. But like going on one, I would love to know how long distance we're talking.

Mm hmm. Right. Like are we talking about that? You have to fly to fly. Yeah. Which is crazy because presumably did they like to say where they met online online dating app So I the I wouldn't cross the fucking city To go on a date the amount of people I would like match with people and we've talked about bomb be like Oh, yeah, I live in the East and like well, we had a good run You're you're east of Yonge Street. I'm not crossing that line

I the idea of getting going through customs and security in an airport to go on a date is awful. It's insane to me. Also not safe. You're staying with this person. They've booked your travel. It's like you have very little power in this situation. And that's not a good place to be in, right? On top of that, I literally was on was on like dates on tinder were like incredibly attractive people are like hey I'll come over to yours. I was like. I don't know you I don't want you in my space I want you to meet up with a bar down the road. That's fine. Yeah, this is the opposite of that

This is I know I'm gonna go into your space in a different country. You've paid for everything for several days I am stranded, but you got fall in love with me. mean that that I think is like the the pin right? That's that's the cornerstone of this terribly built house of Insanity is the the fact that you thought that Someone would fall in love with you. Yeah over the course of a weekend or I don't know how long If they did oh, I think long days couple days if they did Oh, I think it was three days if they did that's a problem. There's a problem. That's a bad thing So it's like three days. I love you. Yeah, you'd be like yes, but you should be like, oh fuck the idea of

Going on a first date because essentially that's what this is. Yeah Weird long one, but if you said out loud, I want someone to tell me at the end of our first date that they love me. Honestly, not just to say it because everyone can say even then, but someone to actually tell me and mean it and commit to it. Then they love me at the end of a first date. How does that not sound crazy to you? Even if you want to break each day into a separate date, still crazy. Three days. Yeah.

It's so bad. So the fact that that was an expectation of yours shows me that you are not ready to date realistically. Yeah. Because you're going to get hurt in any number of ways. One of even if like this could be the healthiest man alive with the best communication skills, which he doesn't have because he's like, I had sex with you and now I can't talk to you see I again I'm probably showing this man too much like grace

But like her own reactions to this thing make me very much doubt the next day when he was being weird It was a him issue solely oh because you're literally leading up to it like we had amazing first date And we were in love with each other And we did have sex on the first date was both our first times. We had too much fun. I regretted it What does that mean having too much fun is not a thing and again? Having sex on a first date and we're gonna talk about this in a second is My choice that you make and it's fine and you're also welcome to regret it that you make and it's fine. And you're also welcome to regret it.

But if if you have too much fun, like that shouldn't be the reason for the regret. Like you shouldn't be like, hey, the sex was awesome. I had a great time. It was really fun. And we connected now. Should have done that. Yeah. What do you mean?

What shouldn't you have done? It's not like a marathon where you're like, oh, I accidentally sprinted the first mile. Now I'm tired and I can't do that. It's like we had we burned up all our fun day one. Now we don't have any other fun. Yeah. Shit like fun isn't a finite resource. It's so that that itself like that's it's dripping problems.

Those three sentences are just also he was in love with you. What are you talking about? Yeah. Did he say it? Because if so, did he take it back? Surely you succeeded then or you didn't or you're just saying he was in love with you and you don't know that. What like, girl, it's so bad on so many fronts.

I don't even really know what to say in terms of like advice other than like stop. Stop. Just stop. Just pump the brakes for two seconds and say, hey, perhaps I'm putting the world before the horse. At this point, like the cart is you have like, you know, Katamari. Yeah. Right. Like I feel like someone has rolled that cart into the rest of the world and has now placed it in front of the horse. Yeah.

And the horse is just fucked. Uh, so it's like you've you've jumped so many steps. One, you need to think realistically. Is it realistic to maintain a relationship with someone in which you need to go through an airport and fly to? Yes, maybe. I I know someone who splits their time between L.A. and Toronto, but that is also a two way thing.

Their partner comes up and spends X amount of time up in Toronto. They both, you know, and then together they go back to LA. And I think there's a little bit of like time where they just kind of like exist in their own spaces. And that works for them. And they've been together for a while, they're happy, the situation works. But if you are gonna be like, it's the weekend,

time to hop on a plane, like financially, that's gonna be a drain. Presumably, unless it's really cheap to fly wherever you are. We're super baller. Yeah. But like, there's there's so many steps you're skipping. You're just sort of essentially moving in with this person.

Yeah. Right. So long distance super hard, even if financially it works out, even if whatever it's like, if you're a good, stable, healthy person who can have relationships, it's still difficult. It's a difficult thing to do. You know, you have all this time apart. If you're not that it's nigh impossible. And that's again without logistics like time, work, money, emotional fortitude,

realistic expectations, him being like, I don't communicate well. And then you being like, I'm not going to text him until he texts me. It's like, well, then call it off. Also, like he's going to need three weeks because his last relationship took him five to eight months. What's that mean? That's what this is. Math is like, OK, last relationship, five to eight. I've gotten better.

Three weeks. I'll talk to you then. We'll see. Like what it's and it's not even we're going to spend three weeks together. No. Right. Like it seems to be I'll talk to you in three weeks. Tell you how I feel. It's real, real bad to set time and arbitrary time. Right. Like it seems to be I'll talk to you in three weeks, tell you how I feel. Then it's real, real bad to set time and arbitrary time. Right. So it's like if I want to date with someone and they said, oh, hey, by the end of our second month of like seeing each other, regardless of how much

time we spend together, I'm going to need an answer. No. Yeah, I'm not going to do that because I don't know. And that's that that timeline. It's like if you want to rush to a no, then let's just not do this because I'm going to almost promise you that even if we see each other every day for two months, I'm not going to be like, yes, I would like this. I don't know yet. And also, like, you can't trust a response that you're extorting. Yes.

Like if someone says, yes, they might just be like, oh, shit, I have to say it now. I don't really want this to end. And I've been there and it's not good. No. like, oh, shit, I have to say it now. I don't really want this to end. And I've been there and it's not good. No, it needs to be a full throated, full body experience yelling yes with all your heart and your dick.

And it needs to be from a point of time of which that decision can be made. Yeah. And three weeks is not enough, especially after you've only spent three days together. They were bad. And you met this person online. So you have no idea sort of of like background, right? It's not like this is someone you've grown up with and you've spent a shit ton of time with and you've like grown to love and care for over the course of your friendship over, you know what I mean?

Like you're not childhood friends and he just happened to move away when things were getting spicy. Yeah, you met a complete stranger. This man is a complete stranger. You do not love him. He cannot love you. No. Sorry. Or should either of you. It just can't happen. And by all means, you can be infatuated. You can be absolutely head over heels for him, but it's not love.

And even in those situations, you should have the wherewithal to realize that like, even given this really strong response you're having, you should be rational about it. And those I find nine times out of ten. Or we joked about, you know, fun being a finite resource. But sometimes these like flash and pan things, though the ones that burn out so hot and strong at the start really don't have much sustainability. No. Right. And that's fine, by all means.

Like burn that candle to the ground and then be like, hey, we're. Yeah, once it's healthy and everyone's happy. We're out of wick. It's time to split our our ways. We'll go our own separate ways. Thank you very much. This is a great time. I had a great time with you. I will always look at this fondly, which is wonderful. Like it's kind of like a holiday romance where it's incredible and it's fun and it's whatever. But if you forget it's a holiday romance

and try to recreate that magic going forward, it's not going to work that way because you're not on holidays. There are now consequences and life getting in the way and all this shit. So it's like, by all means, meet someone on holiday, but realize that's not real life and realize real life is a very different thing. You're in the honeymoon phase and you don't have time to even get out even halfway out. Yeah, you're dipping your toe in the honeymoon phase. You're going a little crazy and then you're out. And then you're going to think about that fondly.

But you need to be able to realize that's not real life. Yeah. Like you don't go back to someone, meet someone on a normal day and like you come off work and you go to a bar and you sit down. You're like, this isn't as fun as when I met that shirtless man by the poolside drinking free drinks and all inclusive. Yeah. Look at the situation. Yeah, you're sweaty from work Barbara fucking Dave just got off work too, and he's into counting. He's miserable Or is really happy. He's really not a podcaster. So you go either way

Now let's just rapid fire the end questions. Okay Is there a way to reverse this? No, I don't think so because like you've You've you've there's nothing to reverse you. You're not far enough along any sort of track to go backwards. You're not on the track, right? It's like you like to reverse something means that you've made forward progress and you haven't. No, you've you've kind of like spun around and you've done donuts. So the only thing you can do is reverse donuts. So you haven't made it fucking sick. Yeah, it would make you less dizzy and hopefully sort your shit out.

Damn, maybe that's it. Maybe you go have a bad first day. Fuck him the second day. And then the third day also. Yeah. Is there a way to reverse this? I'm sorry, we did that time and space. Will it fix it?

Time and space is your enemy in a long distance relationship. That is what you're actively combating. So I think if what you want out of this is to have a conversation and be like, hey, this isn't going to work. Yes. Time and space will fix that. If you think time and space will make this man fall in love with you.

No, no. Show on social media. I'm enjoying my own life. If it's for the purpose that you're trying to make him guilty, the key being showing. Yeah, no. No. If you are enjoying your life, by all means. That's a good step towards getting over this spiral you seem to be in. So, yeah, go enjoy your life.

Don't do it as a performance because that's going to make you miserable. And they're not going to react in the way you care about. Yeah, you're going to either not react and that's going to make you miserable or they'll react in like a very nice or it's not what you want. I'll tell you that they go the opposite way and be like how dare you go out and is like is that what you want? Yeah, should I show on social media? I mean on that same one. God. Why do I keep doing that? Raise my worth by showing competition with other men again. What is no, why do you do it? What's your plan? No, why would it's not raising your worth for also if we're gonna I'm gonna

zoom out and just assume that you both have very base level views of sort of the the dynamics of a relationship if His his worth isn't or your worth isn't going to go up if he sees you with a bunch of other men And if it and I'm not I really want to make it clear I don't believe that but what I'm saying is the average man thinks women's value like Assign women value and their value goes down the more that they've like slept around. Also men that are around them.

You shouldn't gauge your worth that way either. No. And it's like, if this provokes a reaction from them, that's a bad thing. And how does it feel to be a dude, if you're like, you have no interest in these other men. So you're just using them specifically. That's a shit thing to do to another human being

It's just bad all around should I should she change her looks if you want? What are you doing girl? What are you like? Oh, you just fucking gone girl this man. What kind of plan could you have? So the really should come work in her favor Don't just stop. Well send him a text and be like hey, I Put a lot of pressure on this weekend and I'm sorry It was a lot of me to expect that this was going to be a thing where we're both gonna fall in love I have more realistic expectations now I want to reaffirm that I'm gonna give you all the time you need but I think we should explore our options both here and With ourselves before that we make any crazy rational or irrational decisions

I will say that's really good But maybe don't tell him you wanted him to fall in love with you unless you've previously told him. Yes, because again, girls, kind of wild. It is crazy. But like fully don't do this bullshit. Like all the games, because you've given us a list of games. You're like a fucking 401 games right now. You might games you're trying to fucking sling off those shelves.

Don't do the whole I'm not going to text until it text me. Don't do the whole I'm going to go out and pretend I'm having fun. I'm going to go pretend to have man. I'm going to change my like stop. Take a breath. Calm down. If you like this guy, text him and just be like, hey, either. I, you know, hopefully you did have a fun trip. I can't tell. I don't know.

If you do want to continue to be like, hey, trip is really fun. Pity we had that weird one day. But like, I don't know, like they said. Just be honest, be genuine, put the ball in their court. If they're not willing to work with you, move on. If they are willing to work with you, stop all this. Stop all this.

But also, as Dane said earlier, ask yourself, do you really want to have a long distance relationship? Are you ready for the financial, emotional, all these burdens? Are you mature enough to not freak out when he posts a picture with a woman that he works with or a friend or whatever that you like? Because I promise you, let's let's say what it is when he raises his worth.

Yes, because I promise you in two months time, sorry, in three months after he's or three weeks, I don't remember staying calm. When he agrees to be your boyfriend, long term boyfriend, long distance boyfriend, you're going to write another thing, be like, my boyfriend posted a picture with this woman. What does it mean? Is he cheating on me? Should I post picture? Like there was a picture of him with 70 other people in suits and behind them it said work party. And there was two women. I thought he was at work, not partying. It's going to be bad. So you need to like ask yourself that question.

How's my jealousy? And my guess is bad. Let's let's talk about we talked very briefly about first dates. This is from Jen Exo five. Rue comment at both first date sex thoughts. Not a great title, but it is because I'm so curious. So I'm a 23 year old female. I'm going on date dating sites and all went out with a guy who I thought

was the whole package. He then after dinner asked me if I was down for more. And I said, I don't do that on the first date. He told me why, because I look like I'm dressed for it. I got really irritated and ended the date there. Would you even give him a second? And it's the first date sex that common now. So much here.

I would love to know, is that word for word what he said? Yeah, because if it is, dude, yeah, really, dude, seriously, dude. Yeah, like what you're wearing. Really, dude? Yeah. No. What the fuck are you doing? Right. What if it was like imply you're really hot, kind of like you look great or something like that, that then got twisted. It's still not ideal, but it's a whole different ballgame.

But I think I think it's like it's I get what you're saying. But I think if the implication is like, I really don't know if there's I think if he was saying, oh, sorry, you just look so fucking good. Yes. You know, that's again, maybe maybe that's not it. I don't know why my mind's going there I think it's cuz I don't want to believe someone's saying yes, but I also know yeah We've been doing this for so long that that's the more likely answer. What the fuck? Unless you showed up in like

like crushless panties in like a mobile sex swing like a mobile sex swing that you flick. You have already on a crucifix. Someone wheels you in. It's like naked. It's like that. I'd be like, you keep winking the whole time. It is weird that you're wearing this and you don't want to have sex. That I feel like is the only scenario where

someone might be confused about. And yeah, so that sucks. And if he did say that, but no, why would you date him? But we've talked about this before. you're being a little weird about sex. I think it's two things I want to talk about the the sex of the first date. I want to talk about this man's Assumption that no women wear yes, which come on. We saw I mean we can talk about this really quick I don't think there's much nuance here What a woman is wearing has no bearing

on their consent or what they're willing. A woman could literally be wearing pasties and a thong and it does not matter. That is not an invitation to sex. People aren't like, oh, I want to have sex. But instead of saying it, I'm going to wear an outfit that implies it. Yeah, that's not no. So outfit and wardrobe never equals consent. Never. And this dude fucking. So shit. Beef that so bad. So I think I think that we've we've put that up.

I think we all understand that we all. And if you don't, you got to do some work. Just keep hitting the 30 seconds back and listen to us. Yeah. That over and over again until you get it to the the. Does he even deserve a second? What do you mean? Yes. What do you mean?

What do you mean? Yeah. And that's I think also part of why I was like, maybe it wasn't as bad, because I know sometimes when people take in an event, they they process it in a different way, you know, you word it. But why would if someone was like, you look like you've done the fuck you like look what you're wearing Are you you want to you of course you want to fuck look what you're wearing? Why would that was a mean I just I don't get it And I think I've freaked out about this several times a year

And I think I really wanted to like it's just like stop own it Yeah, this person grossed you out so much so that you ended a date immediately after posting on reddit about yeah Immediately after he said a thing to you you stopped your date. Mm-hmm Why do you think giving him another date is worth it? Oh, maybe he was just an asshole not one day Maybe he had all these really shitty toxic views one day and then like the next day like he got a little bit more sleep And he's not talks. I don't get it So how it works and I don't want to make it women's onus or other people's onus or people, you know, who don't have the privilege that,

you know, white people do and men do and straight people do and whatever. I don't want to make it your own is to fix the problem. But giving people second dates after they behave like this reinforces behavior. Yes. And also like just the onus to protect yourself should always be on you to a degree. You like, just the onus to protect yourself should always be on you to a degree, you know? Like the onus to not be a piece of shit should also be there on the other person's side. But you also have to protect yourself. I know this person sucks. So why would you be like, maybe he's literally tipped to a card being like, I think that

what you look like dictates how I should treat you or how I can treat you. Yes. Yes. That should be the biggest red flag, because what happens if the next time you don't go for dinner or whatever, you just go for drinks, you have a little too much. And maybe you are feeling it this time and you go back because it's not a first date and you go back to his place and he doesn't stop. Right. And again, I don't want to victim blame. I don't want to make it seem like this. But it's like this man has shown you. Yes. he is not safe. Do not give him another option.

And if this man dies alone because of it fucking great. Great. Yeah, for sure. Or maybe he will be like, hey, maybe I shouldn't get people. I did this thing and the date stopped and then I never saw this person again. Hmm. Like I don't have much hope for his critical thinking skills, but maybe he'll get there eventually. Right. And I know a fine line to walk of being like, you know, you should never like conflate victim blaming with trying to be safe. Yeah. And I hate that because I think a lot of people are like, oh, it's it's on like,

it is on you to protect yourself as much as you can. Yeah. And I don't think saying that this victim blaming definitely shouldn't be because we should never try to step away from being safe and protecting yourself. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's a different story if after the fact, it was like, well, you did deserve it because you did explain that that's not it.

Yeah. Right. But like, there should never be an argument for not making the best effort to protect yourself. Yeah. Ever. We got to be safe. And there should be collectively both as as us, like as men. So why we started this fucking show, right? Is to, we need to amplify these messages. And it's more important that men and the people in privilege and the people who are perpetrating this are the ones who are amplifying the message

and are saying it. But again, there needs to be like a societal reconstruction of being like, no, just cause this guy is hot or whatever a total package means to you, doesn't give him a couple mulligans when he acts like a piece of shit. Especially bad stuff like this, you know what I mean? It's the same as we talk about people who have relationships

and they're like, it's good, but. Because if he deserved a second chance, you would have stayed on that date and give him a second chance there. But he did something so bad that you ended the date there. To me, if I've done it maybe three times where I've ended the date and I've never thought about that person ever again, because they are so shit that like you don't end the date for no reason. Yeah.

Doing it for a reason. And it's a hard thing to do. It's kind of a dangerous thing to do, depending. You know what I mean? Sometimes I've, I've been on days where people will say a thing, usually politically or, or, you know, socially they'll they'll say something and I will challenge them on it and I'll be like, OK, this is a pretty important thing to me. Like one of the last dates I went on, someone said something a bit wishy washy on trans rights. And I was just like, OK, hold on

before we go any further. No, maybe. Yeah, it's like I don't care how hot you are I need to know where what your stance is on this because Fundamentally and categorically I am a a person who believes strongly in in this sort of you know sphere And it's also you know what I do as a profession, right? Like so I can't make allowances or or forgive you Yeah, be very weird if we went and did an episode and then we went out to your transphobic partner And we're not not that not his current partner is not I'm saying in this hypothetical hypothetical. Yeah, right I'm like, oh, it's fine though. She's hot

For being a fucking transfer, right? thankfully, they just Described they they said a thing in a very strange way. And they were like, no, no, no. Like, this is yeah, this is how I was like, OK, great. Then we can persist. But like if if they were like, absolutely not, trans people shouldn't have the right to X, Y or Z, I'd be like, cool. Goodbye for great. You know, I it was a event to meet you and not a pleasure.

I'm I'm going to bounce because because this has no and like that's really how we should approach all dating and all relationships and all friendships or whatever, being like, if you put me in a place where I feel so unsafe or you make me so mad that I need to immediately vacate your your presence, then you're not a good friend. You're not a good partner. This isn't a good date. And unless that person makes a very strong case and be like, hey, I understand that what I said

was really shitty and really rude. And they go out of their way to fix it and apologize and recognize, and then proceed to show growth that it's not just a one-time thing. And you can trust that coming from somebody you know for a long time with the weight of that person and your history behind them Yeah, it's very hard to trust random guy

You met once who couldn't even get through one night without being super 100% So it's like even if he did come I was like, oh, I'm really sorry. I don't know. I don't think so I don't know. I don't think so. So it's and I think we need to like I know I've talked about it It's really important to me this year and I think it will be my thing for the rest of my life is being like, recognize your worth on all levels. Yeah. So I think it's your worth. Take pictures with other men. Exactly. You know, like time, respect, safety, all of those things matter. And they matter especially to yourself. And they should. You having a boyfriend can take a backseat,

especially if that boyfriend sucks. Yes. Like you've got like having a shitty boyfriend is so much worse than not having a boyfriend being single. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. And I think that's something that like we don't really, we, we view loneliness and singlehood as sort of like a badge of shame, as opposed to having sort of like a badge of shame, as opposed to having sort of like the badge of honor of being in our pocket, of being like, when we find that person being like, no,

I'm just chilling with this badge of honor, waiting to give it to the right person. Also like you've respected yourself because no one's going to be like impressed that you have a boyfriend when they treat you like shit. Right? Like no one wants that. And hopefully, I mean mean hopefully otherwise you might do this so you might want to make them have yeah you might need to re reconstruct your whole social circle that's the case but chill yeah and take care of yourself this is my first impact how do I 18 year old female reject an insanely clingy 20 year old male after first date went on date with this guy essay and from start to finish it was one big mess of red flags and X also I thought he was 19 he's insanely clingy 20 year old male after first date. Went on a date with this guy I was saying, from start to finish it was one big mess of red flags and X. Also I thought he was 19.

He is insanely clingy after meeting one time. For example, I gave the date a clear ending point, saying I would have to leave to go to the gym that evening, to which he enthusiastically insisted he joined. I end up saying, in the moment, a simple, no, I'd like to go by myself. He then started trying to force himself into my gym plans the following morning. Then he showed up at my workplace today, which made me insanely uncomfortable and he was disrespectful Vaping inside of the small independent store and demanding to use my staff discount The worst part is after we parted ways. I never sent a single follow-up message So did all this and I haven't even texted in the last 24 hours. How do I reject this man, please?

I've never had to reject someone before man. I I Don't know. Have you seen super store? Did you watch the rest are I'm picturing? the young chicks Boyfriend oh, yeah, that's all I'm imagining right now is is bow. I will say like the vaping is such a good touch But it's really funny. It's it's such a cherry on top of the icing on this. I don't know what store it is I'm thinking like a plant store like for whatever reason I'm thinking like a little tiny like boutique Mine was like a little vintage store owned by like a really nice granny and it's just the two of them working there He's just like ripping fat vapes in the middle of it. Hey, can I get this 50% off babe, babe? Cloud oh

Babe, babe, can I get a cloud? Oh, man, it's you. You sound like a like you sound like a character in a comedy. You suck so much. Yeah. To the to the guy. Yeah, no, girl. Great. Like, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You're I think it's I think you like one. This is why I don't tell anyone where I work until especially as a bartender.

I learned that lesson the hard way of being like, Oh, hostage. We are now I'm on a date with you. Kind of when you're with your friends and I'm also working and it's so. It's even worse when they just come in by themselves. Like I don't I'm working. I don't have time to entertain you or and then they get upset and you don't give them that much attention. But again, working.

And it's also weird because like a bar is expensive and be like, here's your $80 bill. Like it's also weird because like a bar is expensive and be like, here's your 80 dollar bill. Like it's it's such a strange thing. It's like I'm not going to like a comp, you know, for espresso martinis or whatever that you drank. Also, thanks for coming to work and ordering espresso martini anyway. Because we're going to take a minute. They need to breathe. I need to calm down.

I you've got to be really careful now because you've you've tipped your hand a little too much in terms of like how much information this guy like the fact that this guy knows where you work is a huge problem. Yes, pretty bad. Uh, I hope he doesn't know where you gym because let me guess. Let me guess. Let me tell you who's getting the fucking membership. Yeah, it's vape boy. The only good thing is his lungs are probably shots. You can outrun him.

It would be so fucking funny to watch someone on a treadmill or like a Would be I would like my old gym that guy would literally be thrown out like fucking Jazzy Jeff from is it from Fresh Friends just like toss out the door, but it would be For sure though, they're like a planet fitness. Yeah, I'm a fitness. I imagine you'll vape You get a purple yellow vape when you go in That's the VIP lounge is yes, like there's ginseng in there. It's fine. It's good. It's all natural Vapor exists everywhere. Thank you. Have you not seen steam bud? Yeah people go to a steam room It's a vape is just a steam room for your love your mouth

And one of the lungs but a room in your body? It's true. Thank you got you You're off thing is we can just leaving the body here gonna have to have a very hard conversation Just be like great to meet you didn't really feel the spark I'm not really interested in pursuing this any further, you know, good luck out there and Like oh you vape. Sorry, I didn't know you vaped. It's I was going to say, you never want to give someone like an opportunity to change and be like, well, stop vaping.

But there's no way in hell that a person who vapes will ever stop vaping for anyone else. Mm hmm. Yeah. But that's good. Maybe he'll be like, you guys say like, hey, it's me or the vape. And then he'll think he's dumping you by choosing his vape Yeah, as he walks off like smooching it puffing big old clouds. I imagine he's on Heely's as well God like he's got to be on Heely's gotta be Yeah, I'm sorry. You just got it. You got to lay the law down

Yeah, and I like this is one of those things where it's just like I think if he comes in again You kind of have to be like, hey, super inappropriate. Please don't visit me at work. I'm not interested in seeing you anymore. And it's like, and then like if it if it becomes a problem, because like he does, he does now have that like shitty thing of being like, well, I'm just here to shop. I'm just here. I'm just here to do this. I'm just here to do that. So you tell him staff discounts 100 percent.

He can take what he wants and then call the cops on him, get him arrested. Yeah. Then he won't be able to vape in prison. So he'll die. Actually, prison vaping is oh, I shouldn't say that. That sounds too close to rhyme it. Oh, yeah. Don't like it. You got you got to say it. I would say to be safe, maybe do it in stages.

Maybe like, hey, you can't come around my work anymore. And then don't play there. So it's like in stages. So he doesn't have to rip the bandaid all at once or just do it. But you also I think should tell your coworkers one, if he comes around, you're going to feel uncomfortable and two, not to give out when you will. Yes, that's something that might work the other day. And they gave him a whole schedule. I was like, why? Why would you do that? Yeah. I mean, that's I get calls a lot. I mean,

not so much anymore. But I get I used to get calls all the time with people like, hey, is whoever in when are they in next? Like, I'm not going to take never strange man when my coworkers is in. It's like, I'm not giving you her schedule. I don't know who the fuck you are. Get the hell out of here. Yeah. So I think you do have to sort of like alert your friends a little bit. Tell your coworkers be like, hey, if anyone calls us, like no one, unless I give permission, do not give my schedule out to anyone. Do not give my number out to anyone. Do not give my address.

Yeah, because people are fucking dumb. People are so fucking dumb. So so be careful. Yeah. But I think you got to be firm and be very strict as well. You got to be like, this is I'm not interested. Hey, look, it's a little much like, you know, you shown up to my work now twice or whatever. I need you to take a step back. And like sometimes it can be like, like, you know, you shown up to my work now twice or whatever I need you to take a step back and like sometimes it can be like hey, you know what?

Maybe in a bit but right now I need time for myself like you don't always like white lies can be fine Yeah, you know, I mean whatever keeps you the safest and he's outest. Yeah. Yeah true. Let's do a quick one Let's do this real quick. I think we can do it real quick. Maybe not. We're kind of on one today Yeah, how to safely discuss with wife how sex could be better. This am safely. Oh, you'll see. I don't know. Well, no, not really. My wife mentioned the frequency of our sex, maybe once a week, and that we should have it more. This is something I've said so many times before, and I've stopped or that I've stopped and accepted

whatever I can get. I get turned down more than not than when I ask. And usually the one starting and suggesting it. I'm convinced there'd be no sex if I wasn't the starter. She's also shy to perform certain acts which always lends us a very ordinary sex. I told her this morning that I thought sex about once a week is what she wanted. It's all she ever really asked for and she said no, but she's never communicated before or tried to sexually advance on me something I would 95 95% of the time accept if it happened so all in all general sexual frustration as I mostly don't get the acts or frequency that I desire then question about our frequency as if I don't

regularly ask we've had fights in the past about it all how can I safely discuss these things without sounding like hey you suck that's how it's been taken in the past without me ever even saying or suggesting that just suggesting that it could be better about it all. I think this is a really good time to move into being in a more communicative relationship because you clearly are not. Yeah. And the fact that she has said this thing opens the door to you not being. Hopefully you could be not shit about this, because obviously

she's not being great about things, but fuck all those bad thoughts. Open the door and be like, Hey, you're right. We should talk about this more. And then be like, I initiate all the time. I would let, you know, try to keep a positive, but like lay out your issues, be like, Hey, like I'm, I would love to have sex more. We both agree on that. Wonderful. But every time I initiate or a lot of the time when I initiate you, turn me down and you never seem to initiate. I would actually really like if you initiated more and like open the door and actually have a conversation. And we've talked about this before. Don't just say a few things and stop.

That's not it. Have to have a conversation. You have to talk forward and backwards. You have to get somewhere. I agree 100%. The only thing I would say that is if you've tried to have these conversations before that have manifested as fights and it comes across as you being an asshole,

before you have a conversation, sit down and be like, hey, I agree, as Nell said, I agree. We do need to have a conversation about this. And I really like to have a conversation about this. It's gonna be a tough one. And we need to agree that like, we're gonna have a really honest and a real, you know, blunt conversation about this,

that some things may come up that might be hurtful or sound accusatory. But I promise you it's not. I just want to tell you how I'm feeling and I want you to tell me how you feel. And then we'll meet in the middle and we'll find something. But we need to agree that like we're going to work be cool and hear each other out. Yeah. We're going to understand ahead of time that some of this conversation might be uncomfortable or unpleasant to hear. I will say that like that almost feels like you're putting them in a defensive mood by being like this is going to be bad. Whereas I think like if you've had an argument before, maybe just be like, hey, like

we've had conversation like this before and we have like kind of developed into an argument like what can we do for this one? Just to make it maybe fine. Like I say, for for you like basically the same thing but like yes depending on your partner certain phrasing might like that might come off more accusatory yeah or the other one might come off as like we got to talk yeah and then you're kind of waiting for like the hammer to drop you know yeah you know your partner I hope doesn't seem like you guys communicate whatever you gotta fucking talk yeah and like don't accept yes Yes. Not talking.

You know what I mean? And and the thing that like we've been freaking out about for a little bit of people being like, well, I want more sex. OK. And then you just never. Yeah, we did it. Like actually press the matter and actually like ask questions. And when something doesn't satisfy you, be like, I don't understand what that means. Yes. And be like, can you can you try to find another way to explain it or like ask questions and just don't accept one answer and be like, this is too

uncomfortable. I want to talk because like then you're just going to be in a shittier position where you've already talked about it. Yeah. And then there was no need to talk about it anymore. But you're just as confused, if not more confused, and you haven't solved any. Yeah. And now you feel like you can't talk about it. Yeah. And like if it is. And the thing is, you might not be golden in all this. Right. You're wanting to fuck and being rejected could be you do it

like the second they go home from work and they like, yeah, are tired and sweaty. Or like you just made them do all the fucking chores. And then you're like, oh, I've been sitting here being horny. You know what I mean? Like, I think it is very reasonable to be like, hey, I've tried initiating a bunch of times and you always seem to like say no. And it's like, what like, why is that? Is it like timing?

Is it like, is there none of foreplay like blah, blah, blah? And like just trying to don't just assume you're in the right and they're in the wrong. Yeah. You know, I mean, really things you haven't thought of because we see it all the time. What can I do to help you get in the mood? Yeah. So that when I do try to initiate it, there's it's more of a successful attempt. And also if you want them to initiate, it's very OK to say that.

Be like, I would really love if you did it more like it's a lot of weight being on me. And even like when you come to me this week and be like, we need to have I wish we had more sex. It's like that's kind of unfair because I'm the only one who always has to initiate. You know, and and I keep you keep saying you don't want to have sex when I do try to initiate. So it's like you probably want to feel a little desire, too. So it's like it's it's good to be vulnerable. Like I would actually love you initiated because it would help me feel sexy. And it's it's one of those things where it's like, I think a really important

thing is being like, I don't I can't read your mind. So there might be times where you're very horny and you want me to do it. But I don't know, because when you stack up projections over and over again, it does hurt It stings and you so is gonna want to not bother you. Yeah, right And it does start to be like well, I would rather not have sex than be told no again Right and piss you off. Yeah, right and it's it's one of those things where you gotta be like when maybe we need to like come up with a sort of like

Nonverbal wave so it's like when you're feeling a little frisky You know Maybe your hand gets on my my thigh when you're when you're kind of like feeling it a little bit when we're watching TV Yeah, and you want to like test the waters or maybe I can do X Y and Z to like You guys are married. It's been a while. You should be able to do these things You know what I mean? Like by all means I would love to know if what the shy like what acts are you asking for that? Like is it oral? Yeah, is it for play? Like are you just like expected to just have sex like because perhaps there's a whole repression on her side that

Sex isn't as rewarding or fun because she doesn't want to do whatever or she she will Yeah, that's case. Maybe yes sex therapist. Yeah, you know, I mean like there are roots You just need to be able to start to take that first step. Yep and communication fucking key We did it. That's it. That's the end of the show. Thank you very much for listening And thank you Josh Eagle in the harvest days for the song paper stars Yeah, come to our show guys, please put. The link is up. Tickets are selling. It's going to be a lot of fun. We miss you. Yeah. Hand it over to FBasePodcast.com.

Click the live show. There's two options. There's the regular regular tickets, regular regular words. And there's VIP tickets. VIP will get you a free welcome cocktail for five dollars. It's pretty fucking pretty good. What? Where else? Well, so, yeah, you can't do it. And I should say it's five dollars more.

The tickets are 10 and 50. But it's going to be a blast. I think it's going to be a really, really fun show. It's going to be a really great show. We're changing things up. So if you've gone before and you want to see what we're doing differently, now is a great time to do it. And you haven't gone and you're interested.

Now is the best time to jump on board. Yeah. I love you. We do love you're interested and now's the best time to jump on board. Yeah I'm gonna love you. We do love you. I've ever some bad sex already after you think the person already thanked Did you already think oh damn damn do it again? Thank you Josh Eagle Harbor cities for their song paper stars I guess again perfect. I literally did when you said thanks everybody. I interrupted you twice to say it. All right, fuck Jesus You don't deserve this. Sometimes we have to thank Josh Eagle because he's done our song for so long. It's true. Does he know about us? Do you even know, Josh? It's like that Christmas song.

Do they even know it's Christmas? Do you know we're talking about dicks and butts and come and piss? Come and piss and poop. God, now you're going to be trouble again. I know. Let's talk about some shit No, this is get comfortable. This is terrible. Okay. This is the diamond age by Neil Stevenson Now was a reasonably attractive girl. I'm sorry. I want to interrupt in my mind This is actually gonna be written by Neil diamond perfect by the Stevenson age is the new look Now was a reasonably attractive girl in the way that almost all girls are

before a moderate tides of hormones start to make different parts of their face grow out of proportion to others. So a child, dude, a child is what you're asking about, dude. A child, dude. What the fuck, man? This brings up I'm going to bring up this real quick, and then we're going to get out of here. I saw a very great meme where it's like people were complaining.

People are always complaining about Bella Ramsey being Ellie in Last of Us because she doesn't look like the character. And someone was just like, hey, maybe if you stop sexualizing children, characters and video games, you wouldn't be upset about the character that plays them in reality. And I was just like, yeah, got them. Got them. So maybe just stop finding kids attractive. Yeah. What the fuck?

If the phrase, this kid isn't hot enough, enters your thoughts, or comes out your mouth, maybe just put your hand in a blender. Turn it on. Yeah. My name's Dave Miller.

And I'm Niles Payne. And we've been your fuck buddies. Music