F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 4 - The Big Pick-Up Technique

Episode Date: October 22, 2018

With a mildly dated song in our heart, we come in hot this week with the most legal, freshest, and most importantly, the dankest dating and sex advice. Topics include solving the Tinder algorithm, one minute men, mystery relationships and the errors of dick to butt communication.

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dane Miller And my name is Niall Spang And uh, we're your fuck buddies Welcome back

We are a dating and sex advice podcast where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. It's actually Legalization Day in Canada today, so you know your boys are getting high-quality advice for you tonight. Yeah, just nothing but the best for you guys. The dankest advice. Oh, the stankiest, stickiest advice. Put it in your papers and inhale our brilliant advice.

Yeah, we want you to grind it up, roll it up. Stick it together so it don't unroll. Yep. And then smoke it with your lungs. Your mind lungs. Yeah. Get your behaviors all high and happy and good put it in your bong i thought you were gonna say but boil it because that's how bongs work so you're gonna say but

no well welcome in how are you i'm good i was talking to them but you too how are you doing fuck myself man yeah cheers in front of you oh with your spliff yeah welcome in guys thanks for thanks for coming back thanks for supporting us so far yeah again thanks for everyone saying some really nice things everyone was really excited for the next episode and uh it's really nice to hear yeah and this is this is it this is the next one this is the next episode also we are now too hot for Reddit. Oh yeah, we've since, in the last week, on our quest to bring you the dankest advice,

we have been banned from sex on Reddit. Yeah. No more Reddit sex for us. It was all my fault. It was. But not really. Niall did not read instructions.

Did I not? Or was I just so eager that I did three violations all at once because i had three tabs opened hell yeah three strikes and you're out you're talking to some bad boys here we actually had to get ourselves blocked so we wouldn't be giving this sweet dank advice away for free yeah which we are doing what you're doing right now yeah that's okay all right well let's uh start off a question yeah you. Well, let's start off with a question. Yeah, you got one?

Yeah. Let's do it. I'm ready. I've been preparing. This one's pretty simple, but I know you're a good person to ask because I'm not very good at this. So it is, how do I start a conversation on the online dating app? Ooh.

I think depending on what it is and what platform. I'm going to use Tinder because that's what I used most. And I think that's probably it is and like what platform, I'm going to use Tinder because that's what I used most. And I think that's probably still the most popular. I think I could probably name one more. Bumble? Hinged? Two.

Oh, yeah. I don't know anything about Hinge though. It came out after my monogamy. So I'm going to use Tinder. I'm going to talk about Tinder, which I assume is probably the same as like any other modern dating app now is all going to be swiped based. Well, I feel like also if it's like text based, it's going to be the same shit. Like if you're going to be like texting someone, it's not like you're, you know, there's some mad shit where you're actually calling someone.

That's weird. Well, it's more like I'm thinking because some of the sites are a little more in depth. Like there are actual like pages you can fill out. Whereas on Tinder, you have a limited amount of face and swipe of information yeah um for me it's having a really good hook like having a really good profile um and i'm you know what fuck it i don't use it anymore i'm gonna give it to you my uh my tinder profile was from the time i got it to the time i stopped using it was, girl, I just want to sit you down and explain Game of Thrones to you. And it worked on two levels.

Either the women I matched with were pissed that I was assuming that they didn't understand Game of Thrones. Or people were like, please. And I'm a big Game of Thrones nerd. So either way, it's like I'm going to talk about Game of Thrones with people. And like, also, I'm hoping that it's clear that it's tongue in cheek. And also that like, so even in that one short sentence, you're imparting one tongue in cheek, kind of like fun playfulness, but also that you're a nerd. Yeah. To a degree.

Yeah. Everyone's into Game of Thrones. And it's one of the like, and if someone takes you too seriously, then're like i'm probably not gonna get along with you yeah that's a pretty good yardstick of like no you don't need to start conversation um and then and then you just jump right into like talking about something you're both interested in um and then like you you skip all of the hey hey how are you good how are you good and like that's that's such a useless part of online dating, especially with like swipe based apps where you're just like, go, you have like minimal amount of information. Start talking to have something that lets you jump right into something that means something

to both of you. Even if it's just like a passing hobby from there, you can, you can branch out into more like quote unquote regular topics of like, what do you do? Yada, yada, which also is a bullshit question. Don't ever ask that.

It sucks. Yeah. Although I think it's kind of necessary as well. Like at some point you got to like put someone in a certain frame or context or you can't just like be talking to them for weeks and be like, I don't know what your job is. You know, it is a bullshit question.

You could be the Chandler and just like, no one knows what the fuck you do. That's fair. Um, they be the Chandler and just like no one knows what the fuck you do that's fair um they said the Chandler for a second I was like how mystical oh my god yeah if you if you have a choice between being the Chandler or the Chandler I think you know a choice to make yeah and you know how to do it it's always been inside of you um I will say maybe not necessarily on the topic of starting conversation but just a brief aside while you're continuing conversations don't be that person who just responds like you know someone's like hey how was your day and you're like it was good yeah like fucking you get something give

something right give a question back or at least give some detail so that some like if you're not gonna reply with something juicy even if it's a little juicy don't fucking some like if you're not gonna reply with something juicy even if it's a little juicy don't fucking reply like if you're not gonna put effort into this conversation like what are you doing yeah like there's only so much you can do with hey good yeah or even just like how was your day oh it was cool i went to work you know like be like hey how was your day or like oh this crazy thing happened or like now i'm playing Game of Thrones, watching Game of Thrones. I don't know. I've now been sucked into the world of Game of Thrones.

I'm playing for the throne. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty, I think it's, you've got to have like a really good hook and a reason why people will start a conversation. And it doesn't have to be like in your profile. It could be like a really good picture or a really funny picture or like something that is sort of out of the norm. Yeah. Or if they do, make sure to comment on it. Like if they have a weird ass picture or a cool picture or something like, and that's

the thing, you look for context clues. You don't just cold open with like, hey, or like, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Don't do that. And like. Unless it's so bad, it's good. Yeah. Or like I, one of the most, one of the most common things I saw when I was on Tinder was people being like, hit me up with your worst pickup line.

That's fair. Ask them a question. Ask them something funny like that. Or because I just realized you actually got the best first opening line from somebody on a dating app before. Oh, yeah. This was – Please don't. You still have it.

I have it saved somewhere i fucking hope we know it off it's it's somewhere um i got a message from a lovely young lady there was a night we were out having some drinks and i got a message on tinder and it just said well i believe it initially said like hey dan it said hey dan nice name and then like ten fuckered cum bucket it's literally fuckered cum bucket yeah so do try that one uh yeah if you know what go right into it just open with cum bucket no punctuation um don't spell fucking i assume i don't know is fucker the word we don't know about fucking'm assuming fucking Was what she was Attending to Maybe fuckered Cumbucket is a

Different dating app She wanted you to Join on Maybe that was Her name I don't know We don't actually know Maybe she was like

I like your name Dane Yeah Nice to meet you Fuckered cumbucket Fuckered cumbucket Oh shit Maybe

And that's why It didn't show up On her profile Because I don't think You're allowed To use profanity Oh shit We're so sorry fuckered

Oh fuckered I'm sorry If you're out there we just realized yeah you know what nice name fuckered come uh yeah i feel like context clues uh and maybe memes and or gifs never oh man i feel like one of our friends just exclusively says hello in GIF form on these dating apps. Yeah, I mean, that's... Works like a charm. So here's the thing. There was a point where I had sort of like figured out Tinder. Like I broke Tinder.

I will point out that I never reached this point. I was so bad at online dating apps. Yeah, I just like I figured out sort of like the algorithm to be successful on, on Tinder and it, and I got really bored with it. It was no longer like fun for me because it was just like, you say these things and then you get a date and then yada yada. So drop the wisdom. So what I started doing was responding with the most absurd gifts. Like I opened one conversation with, it was like this guy who thinks sex pervert

and that's like whatever comes in your head uh with that with those two words it looked like that and he was glasses and yeah it was me with a beard or uh me with a mustache fuck i have a beard and the mustache and and he's just like it's a slow zoom in on him while he like slowly and exaggeratedly licks his lips. And that was just like, that was just how I opened my Tinder conversation. And I still met up with people and I still slept with them. I will point out that slowly zooming in on a person while you look creepy and lick your lips in real life is not good. Don't do that. Don't do that.

Although I'm pretty sure that's a dan move it is 100 of that move i believe it's the game on face god damn it dan you motherfucker um yeah that's that's the best way to start or like maintain a online dating conversation is find something that you both connect with find something that you are like get them talking about themselves because like it's everyone's favorite fucking topic is is themselves and you should want to know about them too if you're gonna possibly date them yeah so if they have if they have a bunch of like traveling photos be like any and if you've been to that place or you always wanted to go to the course they have a traveling photo you're not allowed to upload

anything else on twitter i promise you every woman you match with is gonna have a picture of them standing on a balcony in fucking santorini also probably fucking woman has that picture every guy will have some as well yeah they'll be like with a big stein in yeah probably yeah do we have one of those i don't think so they'll be standing classily outside the parthenon in ath We do have that, yeah. Look at us. Global go-getters. Yeah. We've got a picture outside the Wonder Wheel as well. That's fair.

In Coney Island, around Coney Island. But yeah, just find something that you find interesting and avoid all of the bullshit, boring topics. All of the like, how are you doing? What's your... That was totally my move. Yeah, that's everyone's move because that's how you have a conversation with normal people yeah but like that's not how online dating works like people want something interesting because literally everyone they match with especially with girls yeah like everyone matches yeah um everyone is saying those things so so be different yeah and that's fun be like try and connect on something you guys are both into

um last tinder story for now because i have so many um i once took it upon myself to see if i could get a date using only lyrics from pony by genuine i need to see a transcript of this sometime and i did no i do not doubt it. And that was your girlfriend today. That's actually how me and Dan met. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's time for another question. It is.

Because clearly we cured that problem. We cured it. I'm not even going to bother saying who this is from because it's clearly a throwaway account. This is from Reddit. And it goes. R.I.P. Pouring one out. Your foot is so wet.

Sorry. A 20-year-old old male last 20 seconds i've never made her 18 year old female come i need advice i'm not gonna read the whole question but um essentially he's concerned that he doesn't last very long even when he masturbates uh it doesn't really help him um and he's also never made her come so So he tries oral and fingering. Okay. I love how it's so he tries. Doing it wrong already, bud. Yeah. But I think I'm going to split this up because I think they're two very different questions. Like lasting longer in bed and not making your girlfriend come or your sexual partner come are two very different things. True. Although I think that he's equating them,

which is itself a problem. Yeah. This is the thing I used to suffer from. When I first started having sex, I had the same sexual partner for four years. And I was pretty bad in terms of like sexual stamina. Yeah. But I. OK, sorry. I did not. I did not last long for like our entire relationship.

And I could not figure it out. I've tried like jerking off before sex i tried everything and like every now and then like i'd be okay but it would be like a minute or so yeah you know what i mean and it's so frustrating and it's so like not emasculating but it is though and it's like i guess all the media out there is basically like you're not a dude you're not gonna text unless you fuck all night like all the songs and also you're huge so it's like well if he's not huge and then he doesn't have the other thing he's gonna feel like a bag of shit you know what i mean um and i same with me

when i was like younger like fuck i can list a few situations where i was like just awfully awfully short and i think a lot of that like when you're a kid when like you're younger when like sex is this big deal like it's gonna happen and also it's just gonna happen in general like if you're like on a couch and you guys are just like doing everything for so long that by the time you get to certain stuff you're already stimulated to fuck yeah um so i think it's very important that guys and girls realize this can happen you know what i mean like and not let that then be a thing because when you get in your own head about it that's gonna only make it worse right step one is like any i would say like the majority of problems guys face uh or like

anyone faces during sex is entirely mental yeah sex is a big mental thing perception point of view and especially i feel like media and all these things they just hammer you with so much shit that like a lot of people are very self-conscious about being naked being intimate with people uh emotionally physically all that shit so yeah you gotta like get your head straight and i think another thing is communication is again the big c word like your girlfriend knows this your girlfriend knows you don't last long so there's no point in trying to like act like you don't yeah or like hide it yeah so so she was there talk to her and be like hey i'm we're let's try some things you know what i mean even if it's just like you put a condom on you slide inside her and

you're like oh i'm gonna come pop out and be like i need need a second to cool down. Yeah. You know what I mean? And then spend that second going down on her. She's not going to be complaining. Yeah. And like, yes, it sucks. Condom vagina is not the most flavorful. Wash the flavor away with your own saliva. Yep.

Or fucking invest in some flavored condoms. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it's, if, if these are the things you got to do, like flavored condoms are tacky as shit, but if it, if it fixes your sex life... I once got a free chocolate flavored condom as part of a university thing. Yeah, I don't know. I know I did.

I've used flavored condoms. That was the only time. We popped it out once as, like, a, hmm. And she, like, smelled it. Like, we could smell it when we opened it. And she, like, dabbed a finger experimentally before we even put it anywhere and she was like that's the worst so i tried it and god fucking jesus have they never tried chocolate before well also why like you know no one's a brown like

yeah liquid cover like the idea of like you feel like a chocolate bar kind of just melting slowly in your vagina yeah it's the shape of your dick. Yeah. That's just poop. Let's face it. That's poop. Yeah. Or just a massive yeast infection. Sorry. Oh, man.

Tangents. So here are my last- All I could see when you said tangents was a chocolate bar called Tangents that's in the shape of a dick. Sorry. Continue. We need to market that. We do.

TM. Don't you dare steal it. Don't get away from our tangents yeah here are my here are my tricks for lasting longer one use a condom if you're not already using a condom use a condom it desensitizes you um a little bit um two use lube friction is what makes sex feel good so the less friction there is the less stimulation there is do not here's a here's a do not don't use numbing lube. Don't use numbing anything. Don't use a condom that numbs you. No, because let me tell you, that's just going to end up with a girl who can't feel anything and you with a limp dick. Yeah, no, don't do that. And then take breaks. If you feel like you're going to come, let her know. You know what I mean? Because if she's willing to go on this

journey with you, it's only going to mean better sex for her and it's going to be better sex for you. You're going to be more confident. That's going to mean even better sex for everyone. Like it only benefits you guys as a couple. Yeah. If you're like in your head about it and you're like suffering solo, it's not going to go very well. You're going to be like, it's just going to be a compounding effect that gets worse. Like be open with each other. Also maybe sometimes skip your foreplay you know what i mean like if she's gonna like go down you a little bit or like jerk you off a little bit or anything like that maybe just be like no you lie down this is all about you you

do a lot to her maybe make her come and yeah you're gonna be turned on but you're not gonna have been like as physically stimulated beforehand whereas like you get half a hand job beforehand that's gonna like take it down a little bit yeah or or if she's really keen on it like if that's something she wants to do go first yep so you have time to sort of like cool down while you go down on her uh the second part of the question of like i can't make her come there's so much to unpack there that could be like that could be on 100 not your issue yeah you know what i mean that could be 100 her mental block her concern like if she's just worried about how long you're gonna last that's such a distracting so again like focus on the

first problem and then you know what i mean like don't equate these as the same problem break them down into two separate problems and like work on them together you know what i mean like maybe one day ask her to masturbate with you you know what i mean and like see what she does see if she can get herself to come because if she can't make herself come then you're not you're probably not going to do it either no and this thing could be a mental block but it also like for me it seems problematic that you're like you're lending so much importance to how long you're lasting with making her come yeah because yeah for certain things that'll be helpful but you could make her come without ever fucking her so make sure you

can do that first and then kind of move from there because you're going to feel more confident she's going to feel better yeah and like already even if you last forever and are the most common lover ever like internal orgasms are so rare like it's more for sure yeah it's such an uncommon thing especially she seems young so it's probably like her first sexual relationship or one of her first sexual relationships so like she's probably not as experienced either so like if this if she's never come period then there's a lot of uh god damn it if she's never this this episode come period if she's never come full stop um then that's that's an issue you guys got to work out together separately and also like be kind if somebody doesn't last very long just you know be there for them

that sounded way too emotional. No. Sweet. Yeah. No, just be nice. Because, like, I don't know. If you're a girl, I don't think you have to have that problem. And, like, it's probably hard to imagine. But, like, you feel the worst. Yeah.

You feel so ashamed. You're worried that, like. Missy Elliott. I thought you were going to say Obama. Thanks, Obama. No. Obama's fucking awesome. Well, Missy Elliott did that One Minute Man song.

And it became, like like such an insult. Like girls use that too. It was like when TLC did no scrubs, like any guy they didn't approve of was a scrub. And you're like, what the fuck? No, I'm not. You've been called a scrub in your life. Uh, I don't know. Probably.

Okay. To be fair, I did hang outside of my best friend's ride. And I constantly tried to holler at them. You did try to holler at me a few times. Yeah. That's how we met. Our origin story is just getting more and more interesting. You were hollering at me while... I matched with you on Tinder.

And then I was like, hey, wait a minute. I know that guy. Yeah. All right. Next one. Question. Hit me. I think we could answer this.

There's a whole... Like, there's a fucking essay here. And I don't even think we need to go into any of it because it is so fucking simple. So I, 26 year old male, I'm unsure if my friend, 25 year old female, are in a relationship. Answer. No. Yes. If you're not sure, you ain't in one.

You're not. It's funny. I was just talking to my girlfriend about this, about how. About how we're not sure you ain't in one you're not it's funny i was just talking to my girlfriend about this uh about how about how we're not in a relationship i was just like hey we are we dating um no i was saying we were watching uh perks of being a wallflower and there's a scene where the girl's just like you're my boyfriend now and the guy's just like oh fuck um and that's like that's how my first relationship started i asked i asked this girl out to a dance. And like in my head, it was, you know, it was like a TV show where you ask someone on a date and like that's the date. And then the story continues.

But I had like an okay time and didn't really like feel that spark. So like I just kind of like we were still friends in class and everything and then one day when our friends came up to me it was like you know you should really call your girlfriend more and i was such a like fucking pushover at that point where i was just like okay like i guess i got a girlfriend now and that's how me and them met you were the bitchy friend. Oh. Oh. That was a sad twist I wasn't expecting. Yeah, no, like, it's one of those things where, like, it takes two to tango in this situation. Like, if you don't know if you're in a relationship or not, you're not in a relationship. You need to have that chat.

You need to be like, yo, this is the situation. Are you down? Oh, I'm also down. And then you just fuck on the counter. Yeah. This goes for like every level of like the relationship progress. Think of it like marriage. You don't marry someone without them knowing.

I hope. Don't fucking do that, listeners. Asshole. Unless you're a character on a sitcom show and you go to Vegas. Because I think that's a plot hook in every fucking sitcom show. Yeah. I feel like it's not that they don't know. It's just that they were too drunk to remember, maybe.

That's true. Yeah. I feel like it's not that they don't know. It's just that they were too drunk to remember. That's true. Yeah. But like, um, also if you have that chat and they're too drunk to remember, you're not in a relationship

and you gotta clarify that shit because if they're like, I was just with Jenny from the block and you're all like, oh shit, that's not gonna be good.

What? What the fuck does that mean? Are you just trying to fit in like like, early 2000s pop references? My brain got really excited at saying Jenny from the block, and I just went with it. No, what I'm saying is, like, you need to know so they don't hook up with somebody else, because then you're all going to be upset. Like, if you think you're exclusive, and they're with Jenny from the block...

Yeah. That's the thing. You need to be clear. That's what I'm saying. If you're unsure, clarify. But also what are we conversation sucks balls so be careful with that too you need to inform her like snow sorry i thought we were just shoehorning it fucking bullshit song references oh i'm sorry i don't even know why I did that

continue your turn go question we solved it if you don't know you don't know people we're just

welcome to the musical dating at sexy place podcast fuck buddies it's a musical I'm gonna throw in one last little little information here are you just try to shoot

another reference no not yet you'll know when i do um fuck what was i gonna say i'm sorry now i can't think of a single song no um yeah you like at any point in time in any relationship if if you guys are like casually seeing each other and just because you think that you or like you don't want to sleep with anyone else you cannot assume that the other person is on the same page as you until you've had that conversation yeah it's not one of those like tacit agreements thing where like they give you that nod or they say that one thing where they're like i love filming you tonight and you're like that's it we're dating no like you literally need to fucking talk about it yeah you are not exclusive until you have both said out loud we're exclusive and you're not like boyfriend and

girlfriend or in like a committed relationship until you've both said it and if you're unclear clarify yeah just assume because i mean that's an asset of you and me. That's the biggest fucking red flag is if you're afraid to ask. Then you probably aren't. This whole relationship is going to crumble. Yeah. Okay. My turn. Cool.

Go. This one comes from Boobs in the Trap from Reddit. What? Well, I don't know much about lockpicking, so I'm not sure we can get her out. I know. It's not like a lamp that you can get a genie out of. No. Because we're great at that.

We already did. You're welcome, Christina. Three episode fucking mention. The question is, men, what do you consider when deciding whether or not a woman is worth committing to exclusively? Further details. I'm curious. What is it about certain women that makes you want to commit and form an exclusive relationship?

What is it about other women that leaves you uninterested in commitment yeah well that's a good question but also i think it's like so simple that like you know what i mean it's complex but also simple yeah like it's not just general women like oh this is the thing like you meet somebody you get on well with them or not and like you want like you know what i mean it's not like there's that one thing i'm like well they've read all the sonic comics so fuck yeah if you've read episodes this to this you're mine um the thing that interested me in this is like i kind of made that choice quote unquote um in which i like chose a a woman over another woman as like shitty as that is and that's not at all the situation that it is but like if you look at it from a very similar superficial you know zoomed

out version of it um where i was again i was in this sort of like open relationship with several other women and it got to the point where i wanted to be exclusively with one um there was no point in time where i looked at the other the girl that I didn't end up with and say like, you're not worth committing to. Yeah. You know what I mean? And like to look at relationships as, as black and white and cut it dried as,

as like that sort of strict yes or no situation. Yeah. I think it's really, really unhealthy. Well, I get the feeling from that like post that they have been spurned and are feeling sorry for themselves and or think that it's their fault. And I don't think that's the case because everybody is so different and everybody is so different in relation to somebody else, right? Yeah.

So you could be fucking just great, just contextually just incredible all the time. But somebody else just slots in a little bit better with a certain person and it's not that you're shit yeah yeah unless you're shit you know like i mean you know you could be doing shitty things and i'm not saying you should always just be like well it's not my fault they jibe like look at what you're doing and like you know see like you can always improve your behaviors like we all know that but um in general like it's just a personal thing like i'm also if you're dating people and seeing a lot of people which we all are then we all have made that choice right like i was seeing other people and it's like

nah like really like this person and for me it was like it's like a whole bunch of stuff but like on top of the fact that like you know we got on very well it was like we could do a lot of stuff together you know what i mean like we all like we had the same interests like if i wanted to go like hiking or swimming or climbing or like to a music show or like to go out and get drunk or to like stay in like every single thing we both wanted to do we both genuinely wanted to do yeah there was no like oh hey will you come do this thing and i'm like reluctantly like oh yeah i'll go you know whatever or vice versa like everything we both want to do we all want to do she got on super well with my friends i don't remember and i know this is like a generalization but like there was just no bullshit you know i mean there was never like a oh well

i wanted to hang out but i guess you're out with your friends or like oh what are you know like there was no pressing we had seen each other for like quite a long time and at no point was there any like pressure to be something that we weren't or like anything it was just like it was really just good lovely like nice goodness all the time you know and like and it was fucking great and it still is yeah and it's it's such a like it's such a strange thing to think that there is some sort of formula that it's like you know i want someone who is confident i want someone who is self-assured i want someone who is willing to communicate you know i mean like those are qualities that i want and you could have all those things and still not be as good as the person beside you my phone has all those things um that's the thing there is no i guess the point of our advice in

this sense isn't to be like these are the things you need to whatever but more that you shouldn't be overly concerned if somebody picks somebody else over you yeah it's not a competition and it's not a comparison and it's and it's no fault of your own again unless it is like unless yeah like this isn't a carte blanche to just be like well i can do whatever i want it's not my fault yeah you know some things are but in general it probably isn't you know yeah take a moment to like do a personal inventory of of how you acted in this relationship and if you find no faults then maybe it's just like yeah could just be one of those things and if it happens eight times find no faults then maybe it's just like yeah could just be one of those things and if it happens eight times in a row then maybe look again yeah all

right here's a okay cool so i have a good one uh and this is sent in by good friend of the show cory who is actually becoming one of our uh best submitters so far so go you you are our gold level you're the best also everyone else some of your fucking game yeah he's killing it trounced australia for the win here yeah yeah well thank you cory so this is a really good one um and it is effectively the short question is how should you approach women in the club is it even an environment to do so and there are a few reasons why he's asking this one is because last time he was at a club there was this dude going around whose tactic was to just pull girls hair uh to get their attention what uh which he also i i'm assuming

agrees with us uh because he's saying it's the dumbest shittiest things ever did he time travel and go to a kindergarten club that's the thing? I'm wondering if this is like a big scenario where like this is actually a seven-year-old who just became a 34-year-old man, but you've been in Toronto, you know, sadly, that's not the fucking case. Yeah, 100%. This is just a guy who thinks.

The second thing is that someone disagreed with him in the debate and said that they thought approaching from behind was the best, which I think- Oh my God. To be fair, it's easier to get to the hair from behind. Oh, no, we're not talking about hair pulling anymore. Well, I'm just saying, combine the tactics.

Depends what hair you're pulling. I hate it. Okay, so I want you to imagine, like, a John Wick fucking, like, montage. He's trying to get into a club. There's a bunch of guards posted and every now and then when we'll be having a smoke and there'll be a shadow behind him and he'll disappear if that's how you think trying to fucking pick people up or talk to people is like no don't do that if you think like a movie hero montage of killing men and your fucking approach to women

you don't know in a dark place should be kind of the same, no. Don't do that. If you think sneaking up behind someone and hoping they don't realize you're there until it's too late. Yeah, until your dick is touching their butt. Like, no.

Oh, man. This is actually good. My other question... If your first point of contact is your dick to their ass, no. No. Club is hard because the music is so fucking loud.

Chatting is kind of difficult. Yeah. So like if you're out looking for a chat, don't go to a fucking nightclub. But at the same time, it's like how many times have we gone to loud places and met women and had no problem communicating with them and having a good time? Yeah. I think the most important thing is, I think, is like the opposite of everything this person has said. An approach from the front, make eye contact. And if they seem receptive to that eye contact, you can go over or like... You'll know as you're going over to them if they're shying away.

Yeah. The best thing to do in this situation, and we learned this firsthand, is to just have fun. That's the thing go with your friends because i assume you're not going to a club by yourself um and if you are sure but either way just have fun like if you're enjoying yourself and you're having a good time with your friends anyone looking over can be like oh this person is they can tell a lot about you because you're having fun you have friends you seem to have functional relationships with your friends and you can not creep up on people and you're not actively yeah

you're not actively like hunting people down yeah i can't tell you how many times we were out and girls have come to us because other guys have creeped them out and we're like the only guys who haven't yeah snuck up behind them they're like hey can we hang out with you because everyone else is just dick poking us yeah and it's and it's the most bizarre thing that the best way to pick up women is to not do anything to women yeah that's the thing is oh it's i feel like it should be obvious but just don't don't do that don't pull anybody's fucking hair firstly don't touch anyone yeah don't fucking touch anyone until you have like a clear sign that that is okay. Yeah.

Even if you've been like chatting all night, like do not put your hands on them until there's like- It's pretty fucking clear. Distance has been closed and you're close enough and you're dancing. And even then start somewhere. All right. Don't just fucking go straight for the ass or some shit. Yeah.

Like if you guys are talking and you want to be like, you want to test the waters, put your like hand on her shoulder or her upper back. Or her arm or something normal. As you lean in to talk to her. Don't go right for the almost ass waist area. That's going to immediately freak people out and creep them out. As it should because you're being freaky and creepy. Yeah.

Also, if you do touch their arm and they politely move it away, get the message. Yeah. Don't think that's like a, oh, I got to try somewhere else. Should we send the message? What's the message? Don't touch me. Yeah. There we go.

There it is. Message sent. We have been actually given this message by a lot of ladies and we thought, yeah, they're reset it. Yes. If a woman recoils from your touch, and I don't mean like a dramatic like, you know what I mean? Like if she moves away.

It'll probably be quite polite. Yeah. If she moves away or seems like, I think it's really important to sort of like have a good view of her when you first initiate contact. There's a look on every woman's face when she's touched by someone she doesn't want to be touched by and if you see that look you stop touching her yeah and also as you said it probably won't be this flinch or this recoil because they don't want to you know aggravate this random stranger who's touching them so it'll probably just be a polite shuffle or like a movement or something that or like or like an eye an eye glance to the point

of contact or like there are so many subtle clues just take them just take them and learn from them chill and don't be fucking weird about it like if she's talking to you keep talking to her yeah you know what i mean like she might just not want to be touched by you yet yeah you know what i mean and it also might be good if you touch them and they're like and then you get the picture and aren't still a dick bag because that'll probably work well in your favor because they're like oh this person can read clues and isn't an asshat like you've you've opened the door she's got to walk through it yeah that's the thing it's like you don't keep like you don't keep opening and closing the door like you don't just burst into their house and then and you're not pushing her

through either exactly you wait or you could slam the door and stomp off like an angry child and if it's one of those things where you're like that fuck i should like i could have like i probably could have gone in for that kiss you know what at the end of the day the difference between not making out with a random person and not knowing somebody's fucking night exactly like it's it's just not worth it you're fucking sort of like fragile ego or or worry that you didn't like make the pull and i get it because we you know there's always been times when like you're like shit should i shouldn't i have but like if that's weighed against like if the reason you didn't do it is because you weren't sure or because you actually had their interest in heart then you're doing a good thing and you need to realize that and not

be an ass you've like you've made the choice to not be a dickhead. Yeah. If you choose respecting a woman over getting a kiss, you've made the best choice as a man. Yeah. And also for yourself because that's what we do all the time and it works. So yeah, don't be a dick. Don't pull people's fucking hair.

Oh my God. Don't pull people's hair. All right. We have a special question today all right hit us we have a special question today yeah so uh we have a fellow podcast um so this is eighth dimension podcast coming at us out of ireland eighth within you know number eight th dimension podcast on twitter at eighth dimension pod and they say right lads contentious question and i guess this kind of uh nicely segues in from our last one.

So it says, if you don't get a smooch on a first date, does that mean it's not going anywhere? Short answer? No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. Doesn't mean shit. You could have a smooch and have a shitty date. You could not have a smooch and have a great date. Oh, man.

The amount of times, like, I've gotten a kiss on a date that like never went anywhere it doesn't it's such it doesn't have any bearing on how good the date was uh i did however i'm gonna throw this little fun story in um i had this really cool date she was like a like a shoemaker for films like she made thor's boots yeah with the nikes inside yeah yeah um like she was part of the team that did all like the avengers shoes and shit um and it was it was like this great date that i thought and um we were outside and i hailed her a cab and i went to kiss her and she like pulled back and she's like i'm weird i'm really sorry jumped in the cab and i never heard from her again that's fair though um and i was like oh okay then and there was like a guy just standing there and he was like what the fuck just happened fuck if i know um but fair play to

her because like yeah you don't it's got to be tough to have to jump out of that way yeah and no one no they don't owe you a kiss it doesn't matter it doesn't matter if you spent a hundred dollars on dinner it doesn't matter like what you've done like no one owes you anything at the end of a date yeah you can fucking buy them a car and it's like well sorry like maybe you shouldn't have done that but i'm not gonna kiss you yeah like what you spend on a date is not a like trade-in value for it's this physical affection that's not how it works it's not a fucking dowry yeah basically yeah no it yeah, no, it doesn't matter, you know? Like, you can, again, I would think about the date, why there was no kiss, but I feel like a lot of people fall in the trap that, like, first date needs to have a kiss in it.

And that's not, you know, it's not right. Yeah. It can go a million ways. And, like, yeah, if you kiss, cool. If it's a great kiss, awesome. If it goes further, cool. But, like, you could have a good date good kiss never hear from them again you could have a date with none and then keep going because like in one way i'm sure a lot of people will be like oh it's like

nice and refreshing i wasn't put on the spot that i had to like kiss this stranger we didn't have to do that like awkward dance at the end and he you know if you're giving them room for their space because it's also like you know two people are in it so if you didn't get for their space, because it's also like, you know, two people are in it. So if you didn't get a chance to kiss them, it's likely that maybe that you weren't given a chance. Yeah. And that's fine because you could still have a great time. There's no harm in, if you guys are like face to face right before you leave and you don't

attempt the kiss, that's on you. Yeah. You know what I mean? It doesn't mean that the date went poorly. Yeah. Obviously, if she doesn't want to kiss you, don't press it. Don't force it. But, like, chances are if you guys are, like, standing reasonably close,

face-to-face, and having sort of, like, that awkward, like, so, like, I'll text you, and, like, you know, I had a good time. There's probably the expectation of a kiss. If she's not facing you, if she's like got her body turned away from you. Yeah. If you're going to have to maneuver to get into a kiss, like if you're gonna have to swerve around a little bit skid on the asphalt and whirl to dive in. Yeah. If you've got to pull her hair and pull her around.

That's how you matter. You've already been pulling her hair and you would her around that's how you matter you've already been pulling her hair and you would have to pull around because you did come from behind yeah you know you'll you'll get those clues and and there's nothing wrong if you got one and you missed it fuck it you know what i mean sometimes you're just about ready and then the uber pulls up and you don't want to be like oh hey are you like are you like Dave? Oh, is that your... And then, you know, like... I've definitely made out with a girl as she was getting in a cab.

Oh, yeah, 100%. But like at her request, like I was like, okay, I thought it was going to be another one of those situations where she was like making a speedy getaway. But then they're like kissing you while going in and you're bending down. Yeah, so like I opened the door for her and she like just started making out with me and I was just like, oh, this poor cabbiebie yeah but he it probably happens all goddamn day so much worse probably not as bad as the people fingering each other in the back seat yeah so 100 like he

didn't have to get out his like rag and spray um so yeah i would just say like don't get in your head about it because i've done it myself like i've been on dates and if it hasn't ended in kiss or when it's getting towards the end of the date, you're like, shit, I gotta get that kiss in. And like, it's also funny because I think it is a very Irish thing as well. Like back home shifting, meeting, making out as they call it over here is like massively important. So I know coming from anish standpoint is actually like one of those things that's expected so i get that but don't let it get all up in your head so thank you eight dimension podcast and i hope that helps i hope uh your next date kiss goes real well and i'm looking forward to that mandy podcast by the way yeah i haven't seen it yet oh you gotta watch it it's just so baffling.

I mean, it's a Nicolas Cage movie. What do you expect? It's peak Cage. I think that brings us to the end of our dank, dank advice. Our stanky, danky, sticky, wicky,

dicky. Yeah. Advice. One might say it's closing time. You've been waiting for so long to do that. Haven't you? No, I just thought of it now.

Get out right now. It's the end of this podcast. I don't know when that song came out. I don't know who it is. Too late for you to be. Oh, fuck. I don't even know the words.

Killing it. Yup. We did it. We nailed podcasting. Uh, so yeah, I got a few thanks. So thank you to Eric H., Sarah C., Melissa J., 8 Dimension Podcast, Kyle C., Brian O'Connor,

and Karis W. for being the best. Yeah. Thanks for shouting us. Shouting us out, sharing us. That actually means a lot to us and we really, really appreciate it. And thank you for James V. for leaving us a review. Yeah. Follow James like lead and

hit us with a review on itunes that'll help us out so much um you can also tweet about us um what's the hashtag we just added on oh hashtag f buds cast yeah i'm gonna tweet about us we're gonna try get a little thing going we've uh been trying to revamp our twitter and our whatever in the middle of banning us from reddit i've also been trying to revamp our twitter and our whatever in the middle of banning us from reddit i've also been trying to get our twitter going i i'm new to hashtags if y'all want to like fucking help me out with that that'd be great yeah use that hashtag so we can find you and follow you and like your tweets and stuff totally yeah hashtag f buds cast all one word and our twitter handle is fck underscore buddies and like guys we really do appreciate uh everyone who's been

listening asking us for the next episode sending in questions thank you again cory thank you everyone who's sending questions to us everyone who's listening everyone's downloading subscribing means a lot to us it's gonna help us keep this going and we've been getting like a pretty good response from all our friends and i guess the next step is we got to get those strangers to listen so if anyone has a minute anyone, anyone who either would enjoy our podcast or need our advice, send them on. I believe we can fly. I believe we can spread our wings and touch the sky. If you have a question, feel free to tweet us at fck underscore buddies or visit us on facebook at fck buddies

podcast um you can also email us at f buddies podcast at gmail.com and if you do i will always love you truly madly deeply no diggity it's two different songs it's three different songs. It's three different songs. Oh, yeah, it's a Whitney Houston one. One more time. What is love? What's it got to do with it? Also, thank you to Josh Eagle and The Harvest City for our theme song, Paper Stars. You can hear that at the beginning and the end. You can also find them on Spotify.

Their new album is on there, so go check them out. To end every podcast, it's kind of become a tradition now. nile dives into the dan verse what we've dubbed it um it's a dark twisted place of terrible terrible dating and sex advice um and he delivers us a golden nugget of dan wisdom and this week is dan would like to uh tell you five reasons why picking up women is like playing a video game. Dan, as always, get your fucking shit together. Dan, you're a mess. You're a grown-ass man. My name is Dane Miller. I'm Niles Bain.

And we're your FUD Buddies. Did you say FUD Buddies? Did I? Fuck. No. Leave another answer. We're your friends, buddy.