Financial Feminist - 129. Forging Your Creative Path with X Mayo

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

“Everything that I've ever done and ever achieved came through community, so if I have an abundance, I feel it's my duty to share it. There's just nothing in me that feels okay with me having, and my family does not.” In this episode, host Tori Dunlap engages in a candid conversation with X Mayo, comedian, writer, producer, actress, and podcast host who, after having landed in NYC 10 years ago with just 80 dollars and a suitcase, has now gone on to become an Emmy-nominated writer for The Daily Show With Trevor Noah. Tune in to hear her unique story as she dishes on everything from unlearning early belief systems about money and finances to learning the true value of community. Get our free debt payoff worksheet: https://herfirst100k.ac-page.com/debt-payoff-freebie Read transcripts, learn more about our guests and sponsors, and get more resources at https://financialfeministpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

in my mind, it takes a village cane from a black woman because it truly is that. Like when I had my quinceanera, like all my tias and my tios came together, like you pay for this part of the dress, you pay for the cake, you pay for the hall, you get the napkins. Like everything that I've ever done and ever achieved, I came through community. So if I have an abundance, I feel it's my duty to share it. And I still feel that way, right? There's just nothing in me that feels okay with me having, and my family does not. I would never be okay with that. Hello. Hello, financial feminists. Welcome back to the show. If you're an oldie but a goodie, welcome back. If you're new, hi, my name is Tori. I'm a money expert and New York Times

bestselling author and multimillionaire. And I fight the patriarchy by making you rich. And on this show, we talk about the ways that money affects women differently, but also how to get more of it, save more of it, and be a more mindful spender in order to fight the patriarchy by getting rich. Today's guest, such a fun interview, such a fun episode. We are so pumped to have X on the show. Hailing from South Central slash Inglewood, California, X is an actor, writer, producer, comedian, and taco expert. Landing in New York City in 2013 with just $80 and a suitcase, X has survived over 24 moves to now become an Emmy-nominated writer for The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.

X is passionate about representation in entertainment, and Lord, does she back that up, and is adamant about presenting solutions for her community. X is the creator and host of Who Made the Potato Salad, a comedy show slash party made in 24 hours that only stars Black people and people of color. You can catch X in the second season of Yearly Departed and the hit NBC sitcom American Auto. You can also catch her, and she couldn't say it at the time because when we

recorded this, we were still on strike, but please go watch her and please don't destroy the treasure of Foggy Mountain now out on Peacock. It is the SNL guys over at Please Don't Destroy, their first feature film, and she's in it. Go watch it on Peacock. I can say that now that the strike's over. Okay. This is such a great overall conversation about so many topics like the influence of our first money memories, navigating cultural belief systems around money, setting financial boundaries, representation of Black and POC people in media, systemic oppression, and the value of learning as you go, even when things aren't working out the way you hoped. One of the things that is really exciting

about X's journey as well is that she now hosts her own money show called The Dough. And so we talked about her coming into this space as a non-personal finance expert, what she's learned in her own personal finance journey, but also what she's hoping to teach others. Truly one of the most fun episodes. It's just a good time and lots of different learnings. We always struggle with how we're going to title these kind of episodes because there's so many different things that are so valuable and you can't really just sum them up in one like six word title. So I just hope you enjoy it. All right, let's get into it. But first, a word from our sponsors.

Wait, are we recording we are oh i thought you said we're gonna talk and then get into it so i thought you were like we were talking prepping or practicing i was like okay so now i was like wait are we this is the podcast okay it is the podcast you would think that i've hosted one of these things no you're great. Yes. I apologize if I didn't warn you properly. No, I think I'm an idiot. I think you said it and I just thought there was going to be, I'm used to talking to comedians and there's so much banter and bits before. So I was like, oh, we're just like talking and like shooting the shit. But like, you're a true professional.

So it's one of those things. No, I'm like happy to shoot the shit with you. But I don't think you knew that we were shooting the shit and so i was like okay no i thought like i was like i was like people are still putting in plugs she's there's they're still turning on lights that we're waiting for a record but we're recording okay great okay so we're in the podcast the podcast has started yes podcast has started welcome we're in the podcast. The podcast has started. Yes. The podcast has started. Welcome. We're so excited to have you. Yes. I'm welcome. I'm welcomed. Yes. We love asking people. First money. What is the first time you remember thinking about money? It's not really anything exciting. I would say it was ties for church. Like you pay 10%. I'm born and raised in church. So that was the thing. Like always

asking my mom every Sunday, I need a dollar for offering. Like, and I like, I wanted to touch it. I wanted like a cash dollar. I didn't want like change for some reason for me, it felt like less than it's like, no, I want to put a dollar in the offering plate. When I would walk around for offering, I'd be so excited for my dollar. I realized when I got to that level, when I would walk around for offering. I would be so excited for my dollar. I realized when I got to that level, when I was like in my early twenties and now like the younger kids, the youth were just like, I don't have a dollar for offering. So I would just like give them their dollar. So it's funny how like you recognize like as you're getting older, like, wow, I'm at that age now where the kids are asking me for a dollar. So yeah, I would say that's my first money memory.

I remember for me, cause I grew up Catholic. it was always like I wanted to put the money in the thing. Like my parents' money even, they would hand me, they would always write a check and it would go in the envelope. And then I wanted to be the person to put it in the basket. Yeah. There was such a big thing that came with that. It was like, yes, I'm doing it. Like there was such a status in our little children's minds about like putting the money in the collection plate for sure. Yeah. I love asking that question.

We talk about it in my book because it's one of the things that you can start drawing conclusions from about like how you were raised around money. So do you feel like that focus on tithing or community has been reflective in your own money journey now? Oh, my God. Yes. For better and for worse. I think I've depended on my community to help me like as I was like hustling and broke as fuck in New York. Also, I would say for the worst in the sense that I had to implement a business manager because I was paying too many people's bills and people that were able bodied and able to do it on their own and just were looking to me to do that. And I have a lot of substance substance abuse in my family. So in my little brain, when I first started making money, I was like, OK, well, maybe this person wouldn't use this drug or be addicted to this liquor if they had money. And my business manager is like, no, you actually are giving them more money to do those things

because now they're like, I don't have to pay rent. Fuck, I can drink all day, you know? You're an enabler and you didn't mean to. Yes. No, I was just like, I just don't want my auntie on that shit, you know? And so, yeah, community is definitely my base reality of how I learned money and learned about money because I learned about it within the church, which is a huge part of my foundation and is built on being communal and fellowship and dwelling together in brotherhood

and sisterhood. So yeah. Yeah. And you kind of alluded to this already. Do you feel like that held you back from protecting your own money? Because one of the things I see, you know, I work largely with women. And if you're a member of a minority group, I think one of the things that happens is you feel like I need to take care of the community around me. I need to take care of the family around me, my people. I need to make sure everybody's good. And then if there's anything left over, then I'll take care of myself. But of course, what ends up happening there is that you are so deprived. You are not taking care of yourself that you can't. I mean, it's the classic you can't pour from an empty cup,

but it seems that that is often how we end up doing it is we put everybody's needs before our own and then we're kind of fucked. Yeah. No, I definitely did that. I definitely fell victim to that in my ignorance. And you just, just coming from a community, like being black and Mexican and coming from black and brown neighborhood, you know, it's like, we don't have shit. Okay. And it's systemically set up that way. So the reason I truly believe, I don't know where this came from, but in my mind, it takes a village cane from a black woman because it truly is that. When I had my quinceanera, all my tias and my tios came together. You pay for this part of the dress. You pay for the cake. You pay for the hall. You get the napkins. Everything that I've ever done and ever achieved

came through community. My church came through for me for prom. Like you do her makeup, you get her nails done. Everyone comes together. So if I have an abundance, I feel it's my duty to share it. And I still feel that way. But now that I have a business manager and I have more knowledge about money, I know that there's a specific way in which to delegate it. There's a way to do that. There's boundaries around it. Right. And there's just nothing in me that feels okay with me having, and my family does not. I do that is there's just, I would never be okay with that. And I feel like the ones who are willing to work with me and work with me in a way that's efficient, you know, cause some of my family members, unfortunately I can't work with them in a

professional sense, in a business sense, because of different ways in which they move through the world and just ways that are just not aligned with me. And I love them, but we just can't work that way, you know. But the ones who can, I want to bring them up as much as I can, of course. Right. It becomes that responsibility of I have done something and I'm going to pull the rest of you up with me. Yeah. And the ones who I'm going to help those who are helping themselves, you know, I'm going to help the ones who are grinding, who are hustling, who are hungry, who want to be a part of the entertainment industry. My mom's my aunt's like, if you think for one goddamn second that if I host the Oscars, my mom's not going to be a writer, you're out of your fucking mind.

You know, everybody needs to eat, you know, like I want everybody to eat for sure. Totally. Well, and one of the things that was just so interesting about your story that I would love for you to talk about is that you moved to New York with 80 bucks and then a job just ended up ghosting you as soon as you arrived, but you made it work and you built a career there. Talk to me about those first several years of building a career and trying to navigate life. Well, well, there's something, well, that's not what happened. I went to New York on vacation. I went to New York on vacation and a job fell through. I went there to work fashion week, ended up being so enthralled by the city, fell in in love again because I went to New York at 18 to audition for Alvin Ailey because I was a dancer first and I didn't get in but I

fell in love with the city but I just knew I was not ready for New York at 18 so when I went back at 26 the job fell through but I still hustled my ass off and I like was able to dress the models I couldn't do makeup for the models. And it was during that whole experience of working fashion week that I was like, okay, I have to stay in New York. And when I decided to stay in New York, so there was no move to New York. There was no bags packed.

There wasn't a plan. There wasn't a send off. There wasn't like X is moving. Let's have a going away party. No, I went there on vacation, decided to stay. And when I decided to stay, all I had was $80. What was that like? Talk to me about that experience.

Yeah. So the thing was, everybody I talked to was broke, Tori. Like everyone was broke. Everybody was like, I came here with $10,000 and then I had none in three months. People was like, I had $30,000. People were like, I came here with 15. People said I had a thousand. Like everybody was just like, I'm broke. I was meeting other people who were dressing the models alongside of me.

And they were fucking professors at NYU. And they also bartend at night. They're like, this is how you fucking do New York. Like it's fucking expensive. And this is what it is. So I was like, oh, everybody's broke. Me too. Great.

Okay. So if y'all doing it, why the fuck can I do it? You know? But I'm a hustler and I'm a master networker and connector. There's not many things that I do really well, but that's one of the few things that I'm like, I can do that in my sleep. I do it without even thinking.

I don't even notice that I'm doing it and it's just in me to do it. And so I stayed at a friend's house. So I had a few connects there. And once that situation no longer worked out because his mom just was being fucking weird about shit. And I was just like, OK, I got to go. I heard about subletting.

And then I was like, what the fuck is that? So it was the original Airbnb. And so, you know, living in L.A. and predominantly living in homes, I was like, what the fuck you mean? They don't know me and they'll let me rent a room. I could be a murderer. And they were like, everybody does this in New York. So, like, if you're a murderer, then they'll know. And they say, please stop murdering people. And can you have your rent paid on the first, you know, like that's what they'll do. Like if you're a murderer and I was just kind of like, okay,

but everybody's breakdown on Craigslist story was like, you know, uh, first last security, what's your social security, what's your job making, making you know five to six figures a year and i was like to rent a room this is the criteria what the fuck is this so then i was like you know what i need somebody's breakdown that talk is talking to me they need they need something i need something they need somebody in there to pay rent and i need a place to stay so i found one and somebody was like listen that was the first word on the Craigslist list. Okay. Then she was like, she was like, don't be eating my food. You know, she was like, if it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. You know, don't, don't be coming up in here and be loud. And I said, okay, this is IT. Okay. Right, right, right. You need some, I need something. So, you know, I went over there to her and when when I went over there that's when I knew I was not in Kansas anymore because I mind you I

went there to work fashion week September 2013 okay so they have what's called seasons in New York and I'm from Los Angeles so I don't know what that means so it started to rain profusely I had a very cheap suitcase and it busted at Penn Station in the rain. And everyone had an attitude with me. Okay. Not Penn Station. My suitcase broke in the rain. And you have an attitude.

When I saw police officers walk over my fucking clothes in the rain, like, is it i was like everyone is evil i was like just so mean here i was like i don't i was like i am not in kansas anymore so when i got to the lady's home i gave her my password i either gave her my password or my id i gave her one of my forms of identification and i grew up in a family of hustlers of dope dealers and one thing they always said is be honest. Never lie. Don't ever, ever lie. People can always fuck with someone who's honest, right? So I told her, I was like, Hey, I don't have a job. I think my mama sent me like an extra $100. So I had like 180, maybe $200 to give her. And I said, Hey, this is all I have. I don't have a job.

If I don't get a job by Friday, you can kick me out. You can keep the money and you have my identification. So you got me. And she was like, okay. And I got a job that Thursday. I was making $8 an hour at this place called Unique, which is now shut down. It was on J street in Fulton in downtown Brooklyn. And so that's what started, like how I first started making money. And I was in Jersey city. I wasn't even in the city yet. So I was paying for Jersey transit and then paying for New York transit. And then I had a, uh, I, at this time I had came back to acting. I quit for the third time and finally came back to it again, but I had went to a film school and I had started working with cameras and stuff. So I said, I need to do anything within production. I need to get on a fucking set. So I started interning at RACSC Cameroon House, which was in Secaucus, New Jersey. But to pay for Jersey Transit, I would not be able to pay for New York Transit to get into the city

and make actual money. So what I ended up having to do was, Dori, I had to walk an hour to Secaucus an hour back in the fucking snow so that I can have my internship and I can keep my little dollar 25 and pay the toll to get into Brooklyn. And then I made friends and they lived in Brooklyn. So therefore when I was working at Unique on the weekends, Friday to Sunday, I would stay in Brooklyn. And then it was just like one stop away or if I needed to, if I could hustle, I could walk 45 minutes. That was closer than Jersey City. And then it was just like one stop away. Or if I needed to, if I could hustle, I could walk 45 minutes. That was closer than Jersey City. And then shout out to my homegirl, Malia, because what we would do is that I would sleep on the actual wooden floor in the wintertime in her room. And we would alternate the space heater every three hours.

Holy shit. When you said you were a hustler, I'm like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And then you're like, masterclass. Here you go. No, bitch. No. Granola bars. They were giving me granola bars and tuna.

God bless those women. Fumi, Titi, who's now married, beautiful doctor and is having a child now. Those women, they held me down for a minute, like for sure. But I was determined because I was a hustler. I was like, I'm giving Younique two months. And I was fostering relationships, like for sure. But I was determined because I was a hustler. I was like, I'm giving Unique two months and I was fostering relationships, talking to people because in a thrift store, it's not just lower status or lower paid people.

Like there were like costume designers. There were like different people that worked in fashion all coming in there, grabbing pieces because Unique is shut down, but Unique was a true thrift store and they did not know the gems they had. There was like a Chanel ski suit for like 60 bucks. Like it was like good, good shit.

Like really, really good stuff. It was like more so vintage rather than thrift. Like it was a lot of vintage quality finds. So I just kept fostering relationships with people and finally got out and got to Rebar where I started making a cute coin. They're working at a, it was like a restaurant slash bar. And it was the first it it was before alamo draft house it was the first a movie theater in new york city that was licensed to sell liquor so it was movie theater wedding venue bar restaurant shit fucking impressive

no yeah i was a hustler i i i realized that it's crazy now somebody told me that they did this i'm like okay she's a little loony tune. But for me, I was like, when you're in the thick of it, and because I'm a believer and I knew what God told me to do, you know, I had this life altering experience when I went to go see Motown the musical, which encouraged me to stay. And the director, I was talking to him on stage

and he was like, you have a responsibility to live your dream and you have to do it now. So to tell me I had to be accountable and he had such a sense of urgency, I was like, oh no, fuck that. I'm doing it now. And I was 26, the man I thought I was going to marry. I broke up with him two years prior and I had no kids and I've always kept my overhead low. I've never been someone that wanted to live above my means. Or even when I had jobs, when I worked at TSA and I was making great money, I was like, well, if I get bigger, if I get a nicer car, if I get an apartment, I have to keep fucking working at TSA.

This is not my life. So I've never done that. I never wanted that. I always lived beneath my means, had a cute little bucket, take it to my Tio Pancho, have him hook up the fucking engine and keep it moving. So know? So that was that. That was it. I hustled my ass off. We have to take a tangent with TSA. Weirdest thing you've ever seen in somebody's bag. Okay.

Wait, what's the tangent, Tori? The TSA tangent. Give it to me. Weirdest thing. Like you're talking TSA airport TSA. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, of course yeah lax girl okay but i just gotta know weirdest thing you've ever seen in somebody's bag okay uh

i you know i don't want to sex shame uh-huh okay uh-huh um but there was a specific flight at Southwest that was going to Vegas. And it was oftentimes, as my grandma would say, women of the night. Sure. And the way that they were dressed, let me know that. And they would have the most obscene sizes of dildos and lube. And a part of me was like, it's not like just taking a dildo from someone or lube and a part of me was like it's not like just taking a dildo from someone or lube it's kind of like taking paint from a painter this is what they use for their job okay you can't do that Michelangelo it's absolute it's the set Andy Warhol and these women yes same fucking level and what they both do is art yes okay so i i was like

okay you know a part of me and and then i knew that they were not in the safest of situations these were not women that had autonomy over their own bodies they were like daddy's gonna be mad they were referring to daddy i knew they were referring i come up i've i grew up with pimps in my family so i knew exactly what they was talking about so I said I don't want any issues for you so I said I said let me just test it for explosive and girl just don't don't use it it's explosive just a different kind you know oh 100 percent that that they get paid to do so I would say that was the most like whoa who okay what do I do here yeah for that was that was probably the most wildest thing I've seen. I just had to ask.

I was like, I imagine you've seen this shit. Yes, Miss Tori. And I love it's not a dildo. It's like the most obscene-sized dildo of your entire existence. No, it's really big. It was like a baseball bat with balls. It was, yeah, it was bad. Oh, swing batter batter.

Okay, Other questions. You host a show called who made the potato salad and you've talked about my baby. Yeah. You didn't want to put your fate into someone else's hands. That's what you've said in creating it. So how has that decision changed your career trajectory? And I've heard this from a lot of women,

especially women in entertainment, where it was like, I'm going to create the thing because I'm not getting the opportunities I want or I'm gonna create the thing because the thing currently doesn't exist and I know it'll it'll work I just gotta do it myself yeah yeah I think for me I've been producing since I was 19 so potato salad isn't like the first thing that I did so because I started producing at 19 when I came up isn't like the first thing that I did. So because I started producing at 19, when I came up with who made the potato salad at 29, um, that means I was bad for a good, you know, eight years. So I finally figured out like, Oh, this is what the fuck you do.

This is how to do it. And even then with potato salad, I'm not saying that it's perfect. There's definitely room for improvement, but who made the Potato Salad is a sketch comedy show slash community resource hub for Black people and people of color to get us representation and entertainment. And it's a community resource hub because we do panels, we've done them in person, we switched to doing them virtually during the pandemic, and we've done mentoring workshops and they've resulted in Black women being hired at the Z-Way show, Charlamagne Tha God show, and at The Daily Show. We have a woman right now, Falake, who's still there and she's Emmy nominated and also has an NAACP. So providing access to Black people of all experiences, right? Like I just want to make sure that we're including

Black trans, non-binary people, people that are differently abled. I just want to make sure that those are all the people that I'm talking about when I say Black people. So yeah, so Who Made the Potato Salad was something that I wanted to do because I was going to different comedy shows and I was like plunging myself into the comedy scene. And I was like, this shit is poorly promoted. And I think because I come from theater, I was like, why isn't poorly promoted. And I think because I come from theater, I was like, why isn't there any fucking people here? Like the least you can do by not paying me is giving me a sold out fucking audience and an audience that's primed and ready to fucking go. And I wanted a party. So I was like, where's the food? Where's the liquor? Where is the DJ? Where

is the dancing? And who made the potato salad has all those elements. So I'm very grateful. And I know people have come to who made the potato salad or been a part of it and went and started their dancing. And Who Made the Potato Salad has all those elements. So I'm very grateful. And I know people have come to Who Made the Potato Salad or been a part of it and went and started their own that are catered to their communities. There is this woman named Zuby and she has this show called Kuti Gang. And Kuti means bitch in the Indian community. And when I walked up there and they have this chai drink and then they had food, I was like, oh, my God. Like it made me feel so good that who made the potato salad could be a symbol of like, OK, you know what? This gives me the idea to do this. I'm not saying that anybody is jockeying what I was doing, but it made them think like, oh, OK, let me add something to that.

That's specific to my community it was the inspiration and yeah and Zuzu had said that she was like yo ex when you had that food he was and I was like yeah why the fuck we yeah we should and I was like this is this is why people start doing stuff I mean had it not been for Tyler Perry I would have not started producing right like you it just it keeps the it's it's a domino effect it keeps it going for black people and minorities, which is so dope. So yeah, no, I started it because I wanted what I wanted to see. I was like, these shows are not live enough. I was like, this shit is not lit. I was like, I want people to like asses up. I want people throwing ass in the seats. Like this needs to be a good ass time. And I think because I'm

someone who loves a challenge, the fact that the show was at midnight, I had to work my ass off to promote it. Like I had to convince people on a Saturday night that at midnight, this is where you need to be. You need to come to a show at midnight, honey. And it's been sold out since day one. And I'm very grateful. That's fucking amazing. Yeah, I have a background in theater

and so does Kristen, our producer. And so you saying all of that about it's so, once you're in that world, you start to understand it. But then it's it's so much of all of the tap dancing you're doing on stage. You got to do five times more off stage to get anybody to care. Oh, my God. Like it's yeah, the performance is less about you performing on stage, which of course you got to bring it, but it's also like if you're producing the thing or if you're the person in charge,

it is how much marketing and promotion you can do to make sure that the thing actually, that you're actually able to do the performance or actually able to do the event. That's where the actual work comes in. Yes, for sure. So we know in your work, and you were just kind of talking about this, you make it a point to write and create content that is predominantly, if not

completely written for black people and people of color. And you've also talked about how people largely still don't understand what it means to be Afro-latina do you feel like this is opening up a larger conversation about others creating more content for underrepresented communities and media you mean with potato salad yeah or just the work that you're doing in general of just you being you yeah i know it is because i see the fruits of our labor. When I say our, I mean me and my team. Like I'm nothing without them. Well, and even the inspiration of the woman you mentioned. Yeah, with Zuzu and Cutty Gang.

Yeah. There are people that like when we did the Asian takeover, there was a sketch that two people have done and they turned that into a short film and they started winning film festivals. I'm also very specific to Tori with who I have in the audience because you could be the most talented bitch in the world, but who the fuck knows that, right?

So making sure that industry is there in the audience and the all black takeover that we did in 2019 and we raised over $16,000 during a governmental shutdown when that piece of shit was in office. And when we did that, I made sure to have industry that was there. And from there, there were members of this, to me, the best black sketch comedy show that's out, which is Astronomy Club and it's on Netflix. Please go watch it. It was not promoted nearly enough than it should have been. These are phenomenal black women and men, and they only got

one season, but please go watch it it's the funniest fucking sketch show but the reason they got that show is because a lot of them were writers and actors in who made the potato salad a rep from kenya barris's camp came to the show they got a meeting and the rest is history right and also i told you falake who's hired now um at the daily show and another guy andre who got hired as a writer at Charlamagne Tha God Show. And then another girl named Bria, who went to Charlamagne Tha God Show, Z-Way, now she's at the Tamron Hall Show as a producer. And these were all people that came through our mentorship program when we did A Day in the Life of Late Night in January 2021.

And over 250 Black and Brown people submitted. We picked the top 25 and did a mock episode of late night and they worked in every facet of late night so yeah it's absolutely opening up a larger conversation but also providing access like i'm sorry fuck these panels black people need money we need community we need connection what the fuck are you telling me that I can't get from a goddamn podcast? Who can I meet? Show me how the sausage is fucking made. That's where I'm coming from. I'm not saying that panels don't have a purpose. I'm not saying podcasts are not great. I'm on a podcast. I'm hosting a podcast, but I'm just saying when it comes to black people, specifically in entertainment, we don't have shit. We don't have access. So for me me I know where I come from and I come from the

bottom that's what I'm looking for and I know too many people that look like me that need that as well yeah we call it inspiration porn over here at her first 100k which is the like dream your big dreams you sit at a conference and you're told that you can do anything you want and then it's like you get home and you're like yeah yeah, but how do I actually do that? Like, you haven't told me who I should talk to. You haven't told me what I need to actually do. You've just told me that you can,

I can dream big, which is important. That's great to hear, but you have to couple it with, yeah, here's the person you need to meet, or here is the actual skill you need to build in order to do what you want to do yeah it's my biggest pet peeve it's like it's just plain and simple it's it's really simple like i i want to

write sketch comedy so you have like the biggest brains in sketch comedy that have done all these successful shows and i get to sit there and they get to talk about how they got their shot why wouldn't they let them fucking analyze a sketch that I wrote. How about we do a table read of my sketch with Seth Rogen and Key and Peele, you know, and Issa Rae. Like, how about, let's do that. You know, like, I just, but that's where I'm at.

And I feel like that is my purpose. One of my purposes. And I love doing it. And that's what, Who Made the Potato the potato salad the next iteration of that I feel will be taking it a step further to bridge the gap between the creator and the black and POC top dogs in the industry which is what I'm actively working on now and trying to solidify sponsorships because I've spent nearly all of my money on who made the potato salad I

don't make a dime from it and I don't need to. That's not my goal. But my goal is to no longer, you know, dilute my savings for that because I do make it a price point that people from my community can afford it. Because as soon as you hike that price up, who is this for? Right? Especially for Black people, we don't have shit.'re poor we need we need things for the low low yeah let's talk about the dough your limited series yes let's get into it can you talk about what intrigued you the most about diving into money stories and then why you decided to put a comedic twist to it um i think what made me want to dive into money stories is just because i think it's like the great equalizer we all deal with with it. I feel like you could be someone that's like managing

a nine to five or you can make well in the six, seven figures. But there is issues that I think a lot of us have with it. I think it's a universal issue. So that's what I wanted to talk about. And I think a comedic flair to it is because some of these situations can be really hard. And I think I'm a comedian. My gift and a curse is that I don't take anything seriously. You know, and I should. But Tori, listen, life is fucking hard already, bitch. If you're not going to laugh, listen, you got to do it.

You got to laugh your way through life. So yeah, so a comedic flair was going to be on it, you know, regardless if I wanted to do it or not, because that's just who I am. But yeah, some of these stories are really, really hard. And some of them are layered and difficult and sad and some disturbing. And so not saying that there are moments when you see me, I'm very much so present. You know, I'm not like an asshole. Like when people are talking about being financially abused by their partners, I'm not like, no, you know, I'm not an idiot, but there, there are moments of joy and like levity throughout those like really difficult podcasts that will help you get through it. Yeah. One of the biggest issues with personal finance that we are really trying to dismantle here at her first 100k and

have been for years is a lot of the people who have historically been at the forefront of talking about money have been of course cisgendered straight white men but specifically folks who do not acknowledge systemic oppression who do not acknowledge that personal finance is not just about your personal choices. It's about all of the other systemic bullshit that is so much larger than us as individuals. I mean, imagine your take is similar, but talk to me about, was that something that you felt like was missing was conversations of like, yes, let's talk about money and let's do it in a way that's accessible and funny and also caring and empathetic, but acknowledges all of the bullshit that it has a much bigger play on your everyday life than like, do you have a budget or not? Yeah. And I think that we peel back the layers

of like building generational wealth. And we talked to amazing humans, one who's a friend of mine, Lauren, about taking over her father's business and him basically grooming her to take it over while he was on his deathbed you know and also another gentleman we talked to who works for his company him and his uncle's company is like the biggest black yacht service company full service company in chicago and then we also get into it with financial therapists which like oh, oh, fuck me, didn't know that existed. And like, let's, let's peel back the layers of why we have emotional attachments to money and why we do the things we do with money. So yeah. So it was nice to like, get into the nuances of money, not just like have a budget, save it. You know, we talked to women

that were really abused, some that were really unprepared, you know we talked to women that were really abused some that were really unprepared you know wives that were like not educating themselves about certain things or just like giving everything over to their husband and then leaving and not having a damn thing when they ran the whole fucking business but when we leave you weren't paying attention to this contract and that contract and now he has 80 and you have 20. What the fuck? We get emails every day from women somewhere with that story or something similar. But that's my thing.

If we can't talk about it, Tori, we have to talk about money. I could never be with a man and we're not having these deep conversations. And let's talk about it while we love each other. Right. Okay. While we're fucking going to Bali and Thailand and, you know, eating sushi in fucking Japan. And, you know. Before shit goes down.

Yeah. It's like, hey, I love you. You love me. This is great. I love you. Look at these whales. Wow. Look at us whale watching.

Okay. So here's the thing. You love me now but like if you were to not fuck with me later on down the line I pissed you off right now you think like what I should get half what's what we're doing like you know like right we need to have those conversations and I feel like prenups are so important people don't like to use them and they get very like but I feel like this if you're not ready to talk prenups are so important people don't like to use them and they get very like but i feel like this if you're not ready to talk prenups you're not ready to talk nups meaning no no no you're not ready to talk about anything no here's the thing of like you have a prenup if you get married in any state in the united states just the state decides what's going to happen to your money

good point that's what i wish people realize is it's like you sign a prenup when you get married do you want the state's prenup or do you and your partner want to decide what that actually looks like correct like i would argue you need to figure it out even if it's the same even if you're like yeah that's fine you need to make that an active choice as opposed to just, I am too scared to talk about it. Yeah. My very hot take is like, if you don't feel like you can talk about money with your partner, you should not be together. Period. It's just like anything else. If you don't feel like you can talk about sex in your relationship, if you don't feel like you can have serious,

hard conversations, then how are you going to survive a relationship with this person? Like it's not going to work. But also assess whether or not that you don't feel comfortable or safe to talk about it or that you're just conflict avoidant. Because it might not be the relationship, babe. It might just be you. You just don't like to have difficult conversations, period. And I don't know how you go.

I mean, there is a book that I haven't read, but I feel like the title is enough. And it's called Conflict Is Not Abuse. I did buy it, but I was like, oh, this title alone is dragging America. Like we all were scalped by that title. And I was like, it's not, I lean into it. And I think because I have people in my life who we have lovingly conflict, like we may not agree, but we are not disrespectful. We are not arguing, you know, like, and we always come to a middle ground. And I think because we're clear on our triggers or even if we're not clear on all of them, Tori, we're clear that we're being triggered. So I'm reacting to something that is not actually happening right now.

So I need to take a beat. Right, right. So I think because I have adults in my life, we can talk about whatever. No, it's, it's so incredibly crucial. And I think you probably know the stat, but I'd say this all the time on the show is that we're more likely to talk about any other uncomfortable taboo topic as individuals,

but also as a collective society before we'll talk about money. And my not so conspiracy conspiracy theory is that we are taught that talking about money is gauche or taboo so that we are underpaid and overworked because if you don't talk about money you don't know that somebody else is making more than you and if you don't talk about money you don't you know you don't know that a lot of other people also feel shame about their debt like yeah it's so importantly crucial to talk

about yet it's still this incredibly taboo thing well Well, also it's crazy like how women, we literally could talk about the ins and out of the walls of our uterus being pulled once a month and, you know, the blood that gushes and, you know, and period stains. And we could talk about all of that, but when it comes down to money, it's like, oh no, no, no, no, no. I think sometimes too, we might have a fear of abandonment. You know, we don't want to rock the money, it's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. I think sometimes, too, we might have a fear of abandonment. You know, we don't want to rock the boat. It's like, if I say this,

then they'll leave me. Well, then they're not for you, babe. They're not. That's not the one or the two. Right. Okay? Well, and we've also been taught specifically as women.

Again, this is my entire work, and I'm not going to bore listeners because they've heard me say this a million times, but we have been taught specifically. Great. We've been taught specifically as women again this is this is my entire work and i'm not going to bore listeners because they've heard me say this a million times but like well we have been taught specifically great we've been taught specifically as women and i can't speak individually as a uh obviously as a woman of color but i know from my research like it is it is this narrative of yes don't talk about money because yes it keeps you underpaid and overworked but specifically like men are out here talking about money white men are out here talking about money all the men are out here talking about money all the time. And yet we feel like it's not for us because we've been told it's not for us. And so then we don't

talk about it. And then it becomes this cyclical thing where, oh, I can't talk about money because yeah, somebody might abandon me or somebody might think I'm weird or somebody might go, oh, she's bragging about how much money she has. And so it's just like this really toxic thing that keeps happening where it's like, I'm so scared to talk about money. And then I don't talk about money. And then I feel bad for not talking about money. And it's just it just continues. Yeah, I think that cycle is slowly starting to break. I mean, the women that I have around me are all boss bitches, top dogs.

And they're just like, listen, even when we had a hundred dollars to our name, let's talk about it. You know, like it's just, we're not willing to be taken advantage of. It's too many women out here becoming CEOs. Like we're, we're doing our own shit. We're making our own money. And it's like, no, we're going to have these conversations about it. And I think it's becoming even more uncomfortable for men. It's like, you have no these conversations about it. And I think it's becoming even more uncomfortable for men. It's like, you have no problem talking about it as long as like, as long as it's not me talking about it with you, or as long as we're not talking about, well, you know, I'm making more money. So let's figure out these bills or how can you supplement your money with making the

load lighter here in this home? You know, you need to get cracking on them dishes. You know, like, and that's totally, there's nothing wrong with that. And I don't think you should approach a man like that. I'm just speaking, you know, I am freely speaking to you. I would never talk to anybody like that as if they're subservient

or I feel like they should do that. But it's like, no, we need to figure out ways in which how can we make the load lighter for each other? And I do believe that unfortunately, patriarchy has men and women believing that men are just supposed to provide, you know? And it's like, no, I just believe that you are worth more than that. I don't think that that's the only thing that you're supposed to be doing. And I do think that in some situations, there is not a problem that a man is making less. He doesn't have an issue with that. And a woman doesn't have an issue with that.

I think I think once we realize that all this shit is made the fuck up, we just had daylight savings time. We fucking just switched a damn clock. Time is not even real. All this shit is fucking made up. Like if it gets dark before 30, life isn't worth living. No, it's so stupid. I was like, is it nine o'clock? It's literally, we're recording this at 2.45 Pacific.

It's already starting to get dark. It's already starting to, no, I'm like in my spirit, Lord Jesus. But yeah, I do believe that do whatever works for you. Like if you are a married couple and they're like, we have separate rooms or we're married and we don't live with each other. Like whatever it looks like for you you all this shit is made up you don't have to have a wedding you don't have to wear a white dress you don't have to do any of this shit you don't have to do the dance with your dad you do have to give someone a gift though

don't fucking do that when someone gets married give them give them something that is financially feasible for you and you know my hom homie, Roy Wood Jr., amazing comedian and friend and mentor. He's wonderful. I love his bit. He has a bit about how everybody loves to, when they get married,

like, yes, give us gifts. They love to have us come to the wedding. He's like, but when y'all get divorced, y'all don't want to talk to nobody about it. He said, and also like, who the fuck got my toaster? Now, shouldn't I get my toaster back? Like, because who needs a four bread toaster?

It's not for y'all no more. It's y'all broke up. You know, like, it's not you and your kids. It's just one, you know, which is so funny to me. Well, and that's a whole other conversation about what we celebrate for women too. Again, this is like, again, on my feminist soapbox, where like, it's like,

what do we celebrate statistically for women? Anything related to a partner right we celebrate her getting engaged we celebrate her getting married we celebrate her baby shower we celebrate bridal shower and that's it like that's it like if you want to throw a divorce party great i'm there if you like you ran a marathon, we need to celebrate that. Like that's an actual for me, like an actual accomplishment, like getting married. You know, having a man is not an accomplishment. I'm sorry. It's not. And I think making sure that relationship is healthy. Yeah, that's hard work. That's an accomplishment. But like, yeah, I just it's one of those things where I'm like, yes, having a baby is also an accomplishment.

Like I don't I don't want people to come for me. But it's also like we don't celebrate the things that are also these huge massive milestones like we celebrate marriage or pregnancy like yeah but i'm the complete opposite tori my friends will tell you my friends get a job if they get chosen for a specific like mbc writers thing or something like i am we're celebrating immediately. I'm picking you up. We're going to get food immediately. One of my best friends, best friends of 20 years. I'm so proud of her for being sober. I think she's on her third year now when she was sober last year and she made it, I think to her first or second year last year, I was like, we're going to fucking London. We're going to Europe. Like we're celebrating. Like I was like, I am somebody like, no, like if you set a new boundary, if you are no longer

accepting things that don't serve you anymore, you started therapy. We got to get a cupcake. Like I just, I'm definitely, I'm definitely that friend. And I think that is the, just just culturally that's what it is like especially like yeah being Mexican like we fucking celebrate like we there is a party from 1998 that's still going on right now like we don't fucking stop we don't know what it is story so I definitely am somebody that believes and I think because I've experienced so much death, like more than the average person should ever experience, losing my brother at 16 to a drunk driver. Now I've lost a total of

four additional cousins. So five people in my life, grandma, grandfather, I've had so much death that I am hell bent on living. And I lack patience, which doesn't always work in some ways, but I'm just like, no, I know time is limited. I'm always thinking doesn't always work in some ways but I'm just like no I know time is limited I'm always thinking about death and not in a gruesome way but in a way that's like I'm gonna fucking live you know totally yeah and I'm more meant to because I'm the same person I'm like let's celebrate let's figure out like any excuse to get together great it's just, I think society's perspective on it. Oh my God. The average woman is not. Yeah. No. The average woman is like, oh my God, I have it.

And, and, you know, there's this lawyer that I follow and he's a divorce attorney with over 20 years of experience and he's brilliant in my opinion. And I love his stats on it because it's just, it's just proceed with caution. He just has a lot of stats that are very grim, but it's just like, Hey, you might fall on the other end of the scale and it might work out for you. But if not get your prenup, protect yourself. But he was just saying how, if I've been with a woman, you know, for 15, 20 years and they're like, Hey, when are you going to marry her? He was like, we're happy. Like, why is it like in society? It's're like hey when are you gonna marry her he was like we're happy like why is it like in society it's just like no you need to fucking marry her and it's just like

well why is that a notch against him or their relationship or their happiness like are they really happy they don't want to be married yeah what tori this is the first time i live by myself i've been by myself now for three years I've got my first place at 33 child I thought I was an extrovert turns out I just had too many fucking roommates okay you and me both like theater right so I'm like oh I love people

I'm so extroverted you will never find a more extroverted extrovert than me and I have lived on my own since fuck 2018 I don't want to leave my house all my friends know this and I make it so homey oh yes yeah love my house love it don't want to leave I don't want to go anywhere I want to curl up in a ball and moan on the floor like that's what I want to do like the entire day yeah and you make it so homey I love my place I'm like getting it decorated even more

and like truly my place looks like Peewee's fun house and that's what I've always wanted it to be I love color I love so many decorations it brings me joy to see all these beautiful colorful things I have so many knick knacks over my house I'm not leaving so I I'm like as much as i would you know if i was to be in a relationship also a relationship a relationship is not an accomplishment babe okay listen a relationship on its best day is work okay but if even if i was to get in one i don't know if i'm itching to leave my shit to get your shit and smell your shit you know like i don't you know like yeah let's see oh yeah you know oh yeah let's fucking see i love my partner and we've dated we've been together for like a year and a

half and i'm starting to do the like oh are we maybe thinking about moving in together and i'm thinking like i love my own space i love the way i've decorated i don't i don't need trophies in here from your your tournament i don't i like i don't need trophies in here from your, your tournament. I don't, I like, I don't need to decorate like that. No,

like I'm proud of you. That's great. But like, where am I putting that? Like, where am I putting that? No. And also Tori,

I love my bed and I want to be in my bed by myself. I have a extension cord to pillow ratio that I like to have. And I have a king size bed. I could fit three of us in there. I have a king size bed too. Yeah. So my extension cord is really big. It's really long.

And it goes right by this specific pillow. I get to charge it up. I have a fast charger. And then I turn over. We're scrolling TikTok. I have a timer. 30 minutes. I save all my links. I have a timer, 30 minutes. I save all my links because I follow the UK black girlies

and they tell me all this shit to buy. But because I'm being better about spending, I don't go and buy it, but I have to click on it to get the serotonin and I put it in a doc to come back to when I know I can financially do it. And then I go to sleep. I don't want you on my extension cord side.

Right. And I, when I'm doing my Tik TOK divorce court, Instagram combination. Okay. Combination. When I'm doing that, I don't want you disturbing that.

And I don't want to put in headphones. I want to listen to that. So when, when you're hearing the UK girl, he's like, bruv, bruv. And then you're hearing Judge Lynn Toler, you know, being like, excuse me? Why would you accept that?

And then you hear an Instagram of a brioche brie and prosciutto being cooked. I just need you to hush. Uh-huh. It's your bed. Hush. Your extension cord. It's my bed.

And also, my extension cord has to come from the right and i sleep on the left i am so picky now so it's like listen well once you live alone it's just like separate rooms yeah you're like oh i have fully had this conversation with my partner and he agrees we're on the same page of like sleep for us is really crucial and we can sometimes sleep in the same bed and it's usually not great and so we're like if we do move in together it is separate rooms and that's not because our relationship is toxic or unhealthy it's because we're actually trying to make it better i was just like i want to sleep i want to get some sleep that sounds great that's what i

gotta do anyway we're off on a tangent but i love i need my own extension cord i'm like i need my extension cord no you have to have extension cord because I'm like, I need my own extension cord. No, you have to have the extension cord because you have to have it in the bed and you have a big one. And I charge my Apple Watch in my phone. And then I charge it up right there. And it's on the right side of me. And then once we're charged, we flip over to the left. And then we have the UK TikTok divorce court food Instagram combination. I love i love and we're going back and forth

for 30 minutes and then we go to bed put the rain sounds on in the bed yep um you mentioned that you're still trying to figure out what to do with your own finances and that yes the dough is like an exploration of things that you wanted to learn about. What financial topics are you still working through? Not spending. But, you know, the strike has helped with that because, girl, we haven't had extra. We've had it. We've been fiscally responsible. All of the trips that I wanted to take and everything that I wanted to do, you know, kind of shut down and a shout out to my community because I was able to go to New York and stay at friends places for free and be back in my second home and perform and see art and go to Broadway and see plays and eat great food and be with friends. And New York is just a magical fucking place. And I got to be there like right at the top of fall. So it's like hoodie season, like we're not even in winter. It's not nasty yet. It's not. It was great. So yeah.

So yeah, definitely not spending, but that's why I've implemented certain things. Like I have an issue with the ads. They fucking know me and I bought quality shit, Tori. It wasn't like what I ordered versus what I've got. I've got an amazing shit from fucking Instagram. These ads know me, especially they know the home shit and the other home type people that I follow and what they buy and girl. So what I do is I, you know, need that hit of serotonin. So I might even go and I might even make a cart. And then what I'll do is, is that I'll just send it to my home decor doc. And I go back to those and I buy something from there like twice a month, but I'm not buying it back to back to back immediately. Once I, one time I was on Instagram Instagram and I knew I had a problem I had to call my business manager because I spent $600 in like 15 minutes and you're like I just blacked out how did that happen

600 American tour you hear me USD baby yeah yeah and it was all shit that like, I didn't need, I didn't need this fucking throw pillow. I didn't need this fucking, you know, like this wallpaper, but I was like, Ooh, Ooh. Yeah. And then I stopped and I said, how much money did I just spend? Yeah. So yeah, definitely spending, but I've gotten better. I've implemented certain things and praise God for my business manager, Tori. I would have been homeless during this strike. She was talking about the strike, like, February of this year. I was like, oh, my God, Belva. You're, like, such a downer.

Like, don't kill my vibe. Like, it's great. We're good. Swarm's about to come out. The black, we're fine. She's like, okay, the famine is coming. And she, like, cut my spending. Wow.

And so, like, I am so bad with money that someone has to manage it. Yeah. She's great. great belva we love and she was just listed on like hollywood reporters like top business managers she's she's the shit amazing so follow her if you haven't she has like different short form content that she posts her name is belva anna quincy she's the best any stories in the interviews that stood out to you or that you want to share that were particularly funny or poignant or just memorable? Yes. The sweet, sweet woman, I forget her name, but she was very good at saving her money. She's first generation daughter of immigrant Asian parents.

And she had a friend who was lesbian and the friend's girlfriend was from another country. And they were like, the only way that we'll be able to, she'll be able to stay here. Mind you, she didn't want to marry the bitch. Okay. She was like, the only way she'd be able to stay here is if you sign this loan so she can be in school here. And in my mind, I would have been like, why don't you marry her? Y'all so in love in this club. Do it right now. Like marry her. So she didn't, that loan, like she accumulated like so much

interest on that loan. They weren't paying it. And they ended up breaking up, child went and got their own other relationships and she ended up having to pay it off. And it was like paid off over the course of like 10 10 15 years it took like a very long time i think some payments were made by the lesbian couple separately but i know she had a lot of debt that she accrued that she had to pay for that's a long time yeah what was the conclusion of all of that was there a learning just paid it off and now her credit's clear okay i think she learned never to do that shit again yeah Yeah. You know, but she was young and that was her friend.

And, you know, I think this was like before Obama passed, you know, the thing about same-sex marriage and it was before progressive times. And even now, like, we still have a long way to go, but it definitely wasn't as progressive as it was now. Totally.

What are you looking forward to most about interviewing folks on the dough? Like what are you looking forward to learning next? I'm just looking forward to learning things that I haven't learned before, having conversations with amazing, layered, interesting everyday people who have learned valuable lessons about money and want to share it. So yeah, and I think we've done that. I'm so excited. I don't know if we have a season two,

but season one is out. You can catch episodes, I believe one through five right now, wherever you get your podcasts. It's an amazing, wonderful show. It highlights so many women and minorities. We talk about everything from money, dealing with the Bama Rush girls, okay? All that fucking money that they spend just to be chosen. There's a lot to unpack there if you are a therapist. And we talk about being financially abused, building legacy as Black

people in this country that wasn't built for us to have anything, really. And then we talk about certain things like there's a divorce registry that's out there, which people don't know about having a fresh start. And it's not just about people who get divorced. If you get separated from a long-term boyfriend or a long-term friend, you guys were living together. Like if you had a situation like that, Tori, I could go on there and like get a registry up for you. And people can like buy you new sheets, new towels, toothbrush. street up for you and people can like buy you new sheets, new towels, toothbrush. There's different people that you can talk to like mediums, therapists, you know, different business managers, lawyers, you know? So I've talked to so many amazing people that I think at the root of it have always depended on their community. And we say that a lot on the dough. It's what we believe

and it's what I believe that community is currency. Amazing. Thank you so much for your work. So the dough anywhere else we can find you plug your socials plug away. Yes, you can find me on Instagram at $80 in a suitcase. That's eight zero the word dollars and a suitcase all spelled out. And that's my testimony. Obviously, for me living in New York, you can follow Who Made the Potato Salad Show, all spelled out on Instagram. I am on Twitter at 80 in a Suitcase, but Twitter is where demons roam. So if you repost something I've done, I will repost it. But I do not linger over there on the Twitter. No, ma'am.

And also, I know it's named after me. I have no relation to Elon. Let's just fucking get that out of there. I know Twitter is now called X. It's not. I don't know that man. Never heard of him. Never seen him in my life.

Isn't that what she says? No. She's like, never seen him in my life. Mariah Carey. Who is she? I met Kiki about a month or two ago. She is exactly what you think she's going to be. I don't know if you know her.

Who? Kiki Palmer? Yeah. Oh, yeah. 10 out of 10 if you know her. Kiki Palmer? Yeah. Oh, yeah. 10 out of 10 recommend. She's the best. Amazing. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for having me, Tori. And now this is the end of the podcast, which I'm clear on. Thank you so much to X for joining us. You can watch her in all of the things. American Auto, please don't destroy. You can follow her at all of the links down below and you can subscribe to the Doe podcast

wherever you're listening right now. As always, thank you for your support of our show, Financial Feminist. Thank you for subscribing, rating, reviewing. Thank you for submitting your voicemails and your questions and for sharing us on social media. And if you're wondering where to get started in your financial journey,

you can go to herfirst100k.com slash quiz and take our six-step money personality quiz for us to deliver a personalized plan straight to your inbox. Thank you for being here. Have a great rest of your week. Okay, bye. Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, a Her First 100K podcast. Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap, produced by Kristen Fields, associate producer Tamisha Grant, marketing and administration by Karina Patel, Sophia Cohen, Khalil Dumas, Elizabeth McCumber, Beth Bowen, Amanda Lefeu, Masha Bakhmikieva, Kaylin Sprinkle, Sumaya Molokurio, and Harvey Carlson. Research by Arielle Johnson,

audio engineering by Alyssa Midcalf, promotional graphics by Mary Stratton, photography by Sarah Wolf, and theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100K team and community for supporting the show. For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First 100K, our guests, and episode show notes, visit financialfeministpodcast.com.