Financial Feminist - 184. Feeling Stuck? Listen to this! With Molly Fletcher

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

Do you feel stuck in a rut? Like you're just going through the motions? In this interview I sat down with Molly Fletcher, acclaimed sports agent turned motivational speaker and author, to figure out how to break free. Hailed as the "female Jerry Maguire," Molly shares her journey from negotiating $500 million in sports contracts to helping people redefine their purpose and chase their dreams. Whether you're feeling stuck in your career, relationships, or personal growth — this episode will leave you with tips for overcoming complacency and taking bold steps towards a more fulfilling life. Tune in to learn how to harness curiosity, shift your mindset, and start making progress, even if it's just one small step at a time. Molly’s Links: Website: https://mollyfletcher.com/ Book: Dynamic Drive website Dynamic Drive on Amazon Podcast: Game Changers Read transcripts, learn more about our guests and sponsors, and get more resources at https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/184-feeling-stuck-listen-to-this-with-molly-fletcher/ Not sure where to start on your financial journey? Take our FREE money personality quiz! https://herfirst100k.com/quiz. Registered to vote: https://vote.org/ Special thanks to our sponsors: Thrive Causemetics Get an exclusive 20% off your first order at thrivecausemetics.com/FFPOD Squarespace Go to www.squarespace.com/FFPOD to save 10% off your first website or domain purchase. ADT Count on ADT, America's most trusted name in home security. Visit ADT.com today. Masterclass Get an additional 15% off any annual membership at masterclass.com/FFPOD. Indeed Visit indeed.com/FFPOD to get a seventy-five dollar sponsored job credit to get your jobs more visibility. Medik8 Visit medik8.us to save 20% off your first purchase using code FFPOD at checkout.

I think fundamentally where people can start is to pull back and say, look, where am I playing a little small? Like where am I maybe a little bit like limiting what's possible for me? And then that's where we really want to start to peel the onion back. Where am I playing a little small? And then I think asking ourselves too, what's at risk to make the change? But here's the big one. What's at risk if I don't? Oh, it's not control V anymore.

Hello, everybody. I just got a new Mac for the first time in four years. I have a Mac. I've been lucky enough to partner with some PC companies. So I just keep getting PCs. And so it's been like, not fiscally responsible to go buy a Mac. But basically, we had to get a Mac because the podcast equipment wasn't working. I love it. I have missed it. But I also I've had four years of PC keyboard

commands. And it's like, I have to rewrite my brain and figure out what the hell is going on. Also, Kristin, they got rid of the bar at the top, which I appreciate, I think because everybody hated it. I showed up and I was expecting the bar at the top of the keyboard, but it's not there. And I'm kind of thankful for that because literally no one I talked to liked it. You know the show. Hi, we talk about how money affects women differently. Welcome to Financial Feminist. You can subscribe. You can rate us five stars. We would really appreciate it. And we have a returning guest on the show

who I am a massive fan of and who has a new book out. And I can't wait for you all to hear this interview, but I also cannot wait for you all to get her book, which is literally out right now. It came out like two days ago. Hailed as the female Jerry Maguire by CNN, Molly Fletcher has made a name for herself as one of the first female sports agents. During her almost two decade career, Molly negotiated over $500

million in contracts. That's half a billion by the way, and represented over 300 of sports biggest names, including Hall of Fame pitcher John Smoltz, PGA Tour golfer Matt Kuchar, Kooch, broadcaster Aaron Andrews, and basketball championship coaches, Tom Izzo and Doc Rivers. Today she is one of the most booked female speakers in the world and her Ted Talk, Secrets of a Champion Mindset has more than 1 million views. She is the author of multiple books, including The Energy Clock, Fearless at Work, and The Winner's Guide to Negotiating. And her latest book called Dynamic Drive is out now.

Molly is the founder and host of the Game Changers with Molly Fletcher podcast, which I have lucky enough to be on, where she interviews experts and celebrities in every field, including Troy Aikman, Sue Bird, Glenda Doyle, Priyanka Chopra Jonas, Matthew McConaughey, and a bunch of other folks. This episode, we talk on what to do if you feel stuck in your life, what to do if you're feeling complacency in your life, in your career, in your relationships. I think we've all felt this way at some point, And I talk with so many of you who feel this way. So this is a no skip episode. This is not one we skip. This is not one we like listen to and don't take notes. She has so many incredible ways to get out of that complacency to figure

out what you actually want and to fulfill your life's purpose, which we absolutely fucking love. We also talk about how to use dopamine in a way that is positive as opposed to just scrolling endlessly on TikTok, as well as ways that we can use curiosity in our lives, which has become a recurring theme on this show to get over our fear of failure. Molly, take us away without further ado. Let's get into it. But first, a word from our sponsors. This episode of Financial Feminist is sponsored in part by Medicaid, Masterclass, ADT, Thrive Cosmetics, and Squarespace. For radiant, youthful skin backed by science, choose Medicaid. Visit medic with a K, 8, the number dot US and use code FFPOD at checkout for 20% off your first purchase.

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Get an exclusive 10% off your first order at thrivecosmetics.com slash FF pod. Build a beautiful website to get your message out in the world with Squarespace. Go to Squarespace.com slash FF pod to save 10% off your first website or domain purchase. My family in Atlanta. Yeah, you did tell me that you need to come tell me when you're here. I know I like it a lot. Do you come to Atlanta much? I come every couple years, I feel like okay. And it's always it's like I'm trying to always find the right time because I feel like the

last couple times has been too hot. Like the last time I was there it it was like, it was hot. Well, that's like right now, it's just brutal. So don't, yeah, you want to come in like the fall. I'm a Seattle girlie and I like cannot tolerate it. Yeah, it's brutal. It is, it's so hot. So the last time I was there was my book tour.

So full circle with now you releasing a book, which is so cool. So. Oh, I love that. Yeah, that's awesome. You were did you do some bookstore appearances, stuff like that? We did an event with we kind of had like an official book tour of like five cities and Atlanta was one of them. And cool. Yeah. And then I hung out with my uncle and aunt after for a

couple days, which was really nice because yeah, they live across the country. I don't get to see them all that often. So yeah, it was. Yeah. Where do they live in Atlanta again? Oh, they're in Decatur. That's right. I remember that. Yeah. Okay. No, I'm excited to be back. I know. It's been over a year. What's happened in your life since then, other than the obvious that we'll get into?

It's been busy, right? I mean, we have been preparing for the birth of this sixth child, if you will, which is like having a, when you, when you put a book out into the world, right? It really sort of is like birthing a child. And you know that all too well, Tori, but it's been really, really fun. We have three daughters now off in college. So we're empty nesters. So it's kind of fun, little golf,

little extra things that you can do that you couldn't do at five or six o'clock at night, because you were running kids around to practice and games and all that. So it's been a fun time. That was my parents' experience too. You know, I'm an only child, but I think when I left, it was kind of like they were, I'm sure bummed to see me go, but it was also like, oh, who are we without children? Like that rediscovery period of like, what do we want to do now that we're not volunteering at her school and driving her to piano and all of that.

Nicole Sade Yeah, well, that's why I always think it's important for younger couples to keep dating, right? When you have young kids, go to dinners, be together, go do things together. Because my little miracles, they all go off to college, right? And, you know, obviously, continuing to date and enjoying being together is huge, which I'm really, really grateful that Fred and I do. Nicole Sade So this is your second time on the show. I still listen to your first episode because I need the kick that you gave me a lot. And that is the highest compliment I can give to guests if I go back and listen to my own show. But if folks haven't listened to that episode, which they definitely should, can you give us the

quick, who are you, what do you do? Female Jerry Maguire, talk to me. Well, yeah, I mean, Tori, for almost 20 years, I was a sports agent and represented professional athletes and coaches and broadcasters and had a, you had a team of agents that helped us serve all of our clients. And then I wrote a couple of books and those books sort of evolved to a point where the phone was ringing going, hey, will you come and talk about your book? And I did.

And then I sort of found myself at a place where, wow, this is really rewarding. This is really fulfilling. I'm able to tell stories in a way that's serving people from what was really a pretty awesome court-side seat to peak performers. I took a leap of faith. I jumped on paper. It probably made no sense.

People sort of thought, what are you doing? Right? Like you're a sports agent. You have this dream job and you're hitting a jacked to go motivate and inspire. Like what? But, and that's part of why I wrote this book, Dynamic Drive, that we're sort of talking a little bit about today is because

I think our lives are dynamic and they are ever changing. And as we evolve, our purpose evolves and what inspires us evolves. And that was part of where I started to ask myself that question, Tori, which was, what do I want my tombstone to say? What do I want my legacy to be? And so that became a little bit of a question that kept bubbling up, right? And it was like, okay, do I want to negotiate a billion dollars, two billion in contracts and be on the ticker

on ESPN for contract? Or boy, this feels like this is helping people sharing these stories. And, and so I made, I made the shift and you know, like everything changes, changes hard, but boy, it's when we grow. I really think it's when we grow. Well, and speaking of that, one of the common themes of your book that I really wanted to delve into is complacency and what you call the complacency epidemic. Can you define what that is and why you think it happens? Yeah, for sure. And, you know, I would say it's maybe it's something that bubbles up inside of us and it sort of takes root sometimes sort of in an invisible way. You know, it's like we find ourselves there. And I often encourage people to be gentle on themselves in that regard, because sometimes we don't even know why we're there. So my book, Dynamic Drive, is essentially sort of at some

level on the opposite end of how we avoid and sort of keep complacency sidelined. And it's a word that, right, like people will say, yeah, I'm a little stuck, right? I'm a little stuck in a relationship or I'm a little stuck at right? I'm a little stuck in a relationship or I'm a little stuck at work or I'm a little stuck. They're not saying complacent. No, they're not, Tori. And it's such a trip. So, you know, it's sort of one of those things

where like maybe you started a job and you were like, I'm just gonna do this for a year. Like I'm gonna just kind of do this for a year and it's been 10 and you're still in it. And you're just kind of like at this point you're kind of like, eh, I'm just grind it out, right? And part I think complacency is when we sort of start to tell ourselves, you know, when I do X, when I am here or there or when I have, then I will fill in the blank. So it's like, I would say, we know we're there when

we find ourselves saying, when I fill in the blank, then I'll fill in the blank. When I have time, I'll look for a new job. Exactly. When the kids go off to college, then I will start to date my wife again. Right. When I lose the weight, then I will be happy. Yeah. Yep, exactly. And so, you know, dynamic drive is in so many ways a bold attempt to redefine drive, to challenge people to at some level explore their relationship with drive in service of

ensuring that it isn't a singular pursuit of an outcome. Because essentially, what's fascinating when we think about complacency, actually, Tori, is that it's ripe to set in after we've achieved a big goal. Which is kind of weird, right? Yeah, you're nodding. It is, I mean, it's ripe to, and drive is a great thing,

but to me, often it is pursued in isolation. And that's a one-way street. And it's a one-way street and it's a one-way street in my opinion to Maybe complacency or unfulfillment and so because our lives are dynamic. We need a different kind of a drive that that is anchored in our values and our purpose because I think that's part of what happens. We pursue a goal in isolation and then we are so locked in on that, that sometimes we don't pull up and say, what am I compromising in this pursuit? Who am I becoming? Right? So complacency is really the antithesis. And like you laughed at that right? Like when people say they're stuck, they go, Oh, yeah, totally. But people don't like that word complacency, because we feel like we got to own it. But there's a better way. And that's why I wrote this book.

We have talked a lot on this show about that feeling. And I have called it being comfortable. And I don't mean safe. I mean, when your head hits the pillow at night and you think, you know, I don't know if this is the right relationship for me, but I don't want to be single and I don't want to be lonely and I don't want to like go out there into the unknown or this job is fine. It's not my favorite, but it's fine. It pays the bills. It does, you know, and it's that feeling that you know you're worth more and that you know your life could be bigger, but quote, this is fine. Like, and especially for women,

I think we're just taught to settle so much because we've taught to not have standards. We've taught that we shouldn't want things. We've been taught that we shouldn't desire things. Is that really what we're talking about in a different way when we talk about complacency as well? Yeah, I mean, I think this is an inside out approach to, you know, you sort of use the word, I think we can be comfortable, but we don't want to be complacent. You know, we can be content and ambitious. We can be content and joyful and fulfilled.

And I think the first step for people is to consider, you know, if you're laying your head down at night and going, you know, I don't, I don't, when I, or I don't want to make a change, or I don't want to be by myself, or I don't want to go through the hassle of shifting jobs or making that change or being uncomfortable or what if it doesn't work? I think at the most fundamental level, we've got to start with shifting our mindset to start to come out of this place where maybe we're settling to your point.

And it is such a fulfilling way to live our lives when our pursuits are anchored in our values, when our pursuits are anchored in our values, when our pursuits are anchored in the thing that we're most uniquely gifted to do. Every woman that's listening to this show has this inside of them. They have this spark. It's there. It's just unlocking it and tapping into it and helping them recognize, look, we have

70,000 thoughts a day, automatic thoughts, 70,000. So if we aren't intentional about reframing those thoughts that say, eh, I'm just going to settle, like he's okay. The job's okay. You know, like, eh, I'm going to just, that's when we have to, you know, I talk about, you know, we've got to recognize when we're doing that, which is limiting us to your point about settling. And then we've got to replace it with what is possible? What is the optimal outcome relative to the way

that I want to show up in the world and how I am uniquely positioned to show up in the world with my gifts. Right? And then we've got to reinforce it, right? Like maybe the shift that we want to make is something that we literally, it's the screensaver on our phone. It's a frame by our bed. It's a piece of paper we stick on our door in our office or at our house, because we need to have that mental script running so that we can start to default and shift those 70,000 thoughts. Well, you're already doing what my next question was, which is how do we start realizing we're

in this place of complacency? And it sounds like the, you know, if I was doing this, or if, you know, when I get to this point, then I'll do this. And it also sounds like that feeling of, you know, being stuck or that feeling of realizing, okay, there's something in my life I want to change and do I have the, you know, the bravery and the courage to change it? What are the other signs we're looking for here? Yeah, I mean, you know, I think there's internal limiting beliefs. I can't, why me? I'm not enough. I'm not good enough, all these internal limiting beliefs. And then I think we have to consider,

are there any external things in our environment, people in our environment that are limiting us pursuing a better version of ourselves? Is there something that is holding us back externally? Who is that? Maybe it's a behavior, maybe it's a relationship, maybe it's a belief system, maybe it's something that ladders up

from the way we were potentially rewarded or acknowledged as a kid. What is something that's keeping us maybe a little stuck in our external environment, recognizing what those are? And so I think fundamentally where people can start is to pull back and say, look, where am I playing a little small? Like where am I maybe a little bit like limiting what's possible for me? And then that's where we really want to start to peel the onion back.

Where am I playing a little small? And then I think asking ourselves too, Tori, like, what's at risk to make the change? But here's the big one. What's at risk if I don't? And I would say often the answer is, you know, fear, embarrassment, the fear of change, the fear of failure. And what I can promise people is on the other side of a kind of drive that's anchored in purpose, a kind of drive that's ambitious, a kind of drive that loves the pursuit of getting better.

That's the kind of drive that we have the energy to say yes to what we want to and no to what we don't want to. We know why we say yes, we know why we say no. We have obstacles that come at us throughout the day, throughout the week, throughout our lives. And we say, what's the opportunity inside of this? What's the opportunity inside of this? We wanna be more curious than we wanna be right, right?

I mean, curiosity is a powerful component inside of this. And I think people listening, it's sort of going, huh, how can I get curious about where maybe I am a little stuck? Where can I just start? And then I think just to your point, for women, we beat ourselves up. We're hard on ourselves. I have a whole section in the book, Tori, on how balance is BS, total BS, and that it's all about alignment and dynamic drive it you know I sort of walk people through a model of how can we tap into an alignment that serves us and doesn't you know sever us at some level and leave us exhausted and

drained because we compromise ourselves as women often when we attempt this nebulous fictitious pursuit of balance what What is that? It's a disaster. Yeah, and I'm thinking you gave the example of, you know, some of the limiting beliefs that we may have been fed. And, you know, I love my parents very much. They've been very supportive. And at the same time, there are no fault of their own. I've told the story on the show before, but like, they begged me not to become a full-time entrepreneur. Like they were like, you need to pick the stable option because stability to them meant safety. And their number one job as a parent is to keep me safe. So when I'm 25, and I have this growing business

and I'm on Good Morning America, and there's momentum, and I'm making money, and all of these things are happening, I'm like, I think it's time. And they're like, you need to do whatever you possibly can to keep your nine to five job and your 401k and your healthcare. And so I think that that was the perfect example for me of these well-intentioned, well-meaning people who didn't have all the information I did and who had picked different choices than I had picked. And if I would have listened to them, like love you, mom and dad, my life would have been very different. And, you know, I jokingly call them sometimes and I'm like, remember that terrible advice you gave me once about like sticking it out

of my night five job. But I think that that's one thing that a lot of times you, when we have these sorts of, you know, conversations about complacency, people sometimes are in the very dramatic situations where maybe you're with a partner who makes you feel like shit, or maybe you're at a company where you know it's toxic. But then there's also a version that sometimes well-meaning people in your life are giving you advice and you have to choose who to listen to. And you also have to have to figure out, like, is this the kind of advice for the life I want to live? Or is this the path that I want to be on,

even if no one in my lineage has chosen that path before? Even if none of my friends are doing it? Even if my partner is kind of like, I love you, but I think this might be insane. So I do want to acknowledge that there is this part, I think, of complacency that isn't maybe so dramatic of like, my situation so terrible. And it's just like, what if I chose something different? And how is everybody in my life going to react to that decision? Totally. And you know, it's like, it's your life, right? Like,

you're the one that gets to wake up and live it. You know, when I was an agent, I mean, it was, it was always, it's so easy for everybody to throw darts or throw ideas, but they don't have to do it, right? Like they don't have to answer or build or navigate or grind against something that they don't love. I mean, I think burnout is really just a result candidly of chasing the wrong things. You're so good, Mommy, because that was one of my questions. I go complacency versus burnout. Like, what is the difference between those two things? Because I do think sometimes if we don't have drive and we don't have motivation, it's not complacency. We're fucking tired,

you know? Yeah, totally. Totally. Complacency, it truly is. It's a bit of an invisible weed that we sort of can drift into. And then we get to a place where we're like, ooh, getting out of this will be kind of tough, right? Like you go to a job that you're gonna be there for a year, you're there 10 years later,

and now you're making an interesting amount of money. You got house payments and car payments and kids. And it's like, ah, I always thought I wanted to do that, but now, now, no way, I can't, you know. So it just sort of evolves into that place. And I think the truth is what I'm on a mission at some level to do is to say there is a way to catch ourselves before it rolls down the hill

and getting it and sort of getting out of that rut is so hard. And I feel really fortunate because my husband, my mom, they will tell me things that are hard to hear sometimes. But there was moments where certainly to your point, there are people in our lives, all of our lives that mean well, like your parents. They meant well, right? Like my first job in Atlanta, it was miserable. The woman I worked for was the devil. But I would drive home every night, I would cry all the way home to my parents in Michigan. I'd moved to Atlanta with 2000 boxers,

I was a receptionist at the Super Bowl. I tell that story, I think, in our previous. But my dad is amazing, amazing. And he said, honey, just come home. Like, what are you doing down there, right? And the truth is, my life would have been very different had I done that. Now, I mean, I talk to my 87 and 82-year-old parents every day. They're incredible.

And they meant well by that. They wanted to keep you safe. They saw their daughter struggling and they're like, come home. Yeah, for sure. I want you to be safe. Yeah. So for me, Dynamic Drive is a way for people to see

when they're starting to go to the other side. Right, cause I think people think failure and success are at opposite ends of the spectrum. They're not. Right? And so dynamic drive at some level is a tool belt to reach into relative to what you need. Maybe you need a little resilience. Maybe it's a mindset shift.

Maybe it's a little bit more discipline. Maybe it's, man, I need to be able to step into these moments with more confidence. I need stronger and healthy relationships. The difference fundamentally is that it's anchored in our purpose, what drives us. And to your question about burnout, burnout is, it is 100% in my opinion, a result of chasing stuff that doesn't matter to us. Doing things, putting energy toward, grinding towards something that for whatever reason isn't our thing. It's not our jam. And when we anchor our pursuits

in what we believe we're uniquely called to go and do and how we are uniquely positioned to be our best, when we anchor it and that burnouts to the side. Even the competition, you know how women, we tend to look externally for maybe it's validation, maybe it's comparing. We know this, right? It's something that we women do, but it's a nauseating, fatiguing, unhealthy, certainly normal, but something that if we're pursuing better and we're starting in here, right? Like it's about who we want to be, how we want to show up, what legacy we want to leave, who we want at our 90th birthday party. If that's where

we're anchored, we don't spend a lot of time worried about the other guy, right? Like I could tell you from my days as a sports agent, you know, Seth Curry, he's not too worried about what LeBron's doing. Right? Like he's just not. I mean, has he got a little bit of a lecture, but he's not totally, that's not what he's obsessed with. He's obsessed with how he can get better as a basketball player. And I think if we can grab some of that mindset into our own lives. It's powerful. Yeah. As many of you know, I was lucky enough to get invited to the DNC. And for four days, I'm not kidding. All I did was cry. I was just so excited to be there and so inspired. The last night, I was lucky enough to stand on the podium and I literally walked out and was sobbing and asked the folks I was with,

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what you want in order to placate somebody else, and I have direct experience doing this, of being the kind of person that somebody else wanted me to be, so I didn't piss that person off. And then I didn't feel good about who I was because I was denying myself my wants and my needs and who I actually was. Like, I can't have women do that anymore. No question. No question. Was that a dude? Um, it was actually my parents. It was my parents. I'm sure I did it for a dude at some point too. Without getting too much into it. My parents have the same idea that respect and obedience are the same thing. Interesting. So if I was disobedient, I was disrespectful. And I'm in my like 20s. I'm an adult. I make my own money. Like I don't live in the house anymore. And it was a multi multi year process and still continues to

be where certain things I would do that they did not approve of were not only seen as disobedient but disrespectful. And so I was, you know, a good girl and didn't want to piss my parents off and wanted to make them proud. But then I was denying myself what I wanted and the kind of person I wanted to be. And when I first started disobeying, being disobedient, it did not go over well. And for many, many years, we had a massive conflict of that. And I don't want to go into it too much because it's between my parents and I. But it was something that I had to realize, yeah, I'm not willing to sacrifice who I am and who I want to be just to make

somebody else more comfortable. Like, and yeah, I have done that for men as well. When you stop doing it, it's, it's kind of scary. It feels very scary, but it also feels the most liberating feeling in the entire world. I bet. Totally. Totally. And you know, I think, you know, in part two, I think sometimes we've all found ourselves in sort of moments like that, right? Where we're doing something for other people's sort of... Perception of us. ...respect. Yes. But the truth is what I really believe, that isn't sustainable. No, no! Like it's not sustainable. And the other thing it wildly and it's so significantly impacts our ability to connect

with who we're really supposed to be connecting with. Yep. Right? I mean, it really does because when I was a female sports agent, I mean, Tori, like nobody looked like me. Nobody was on the fences or behind home plate. And you know, it would have been kind of easy to attempt to show up in a way that would fit in. Yeah, that would be more acceptable, normal, whatever the

word. But it was like, I can't sustain that. And it doesn't feel authentic. It's not authentic at all. No, 100%. No, 100%. And so I think having the pit that you probably had in your stomach when you were going through that, or for me, the pit that I had in my stomach every day on my way into that job with an absolutely miserable, mean boss and parents who are incredible saying, eh, just, you know, honey, come home. That pit though, to me, and staying in hard, right? I think when we can push through what we believe to be right for us in service of us being better, we strengthen our resilience muscle. You know what I mean? Like, we live in a world where the change is rampant. And, you know, living in the dynamic drive, this kind of drive, it means that, yeah,

sometimes we're gonna have a hiccup, a speed bump. But if we're doing something in pursuit of our deepest values and purpose, all those speed bumps and hiccups, I mean, they're really just no big deal because it's anchored in something so much bigger than an outcome. So we have more, I think, strength at some level to recover.

And it kind of have that next play mindset I talk about. You mentioned something about, you know, post notes on your wall or I've been thinking a lot about this and I've actually been wanting to do an episode on my own for the podcast about this. But can we talk about like the diet you feed yourself? And I don't mean physically, I don't mean the food you're consuming. But I think that one thing I realized when I'm the best version of myself, it is the podcast I'm listening to, it's the people I'm talking to and spending time with, it's my first hour in the morning,

what does that look like? And what am I doing? And so maybe can we talk about how important, what kind of metrics are there for you when you do decide, oh, I want to do something about this complacency? Yeah, that's awesome. I absolutely believe a quick and really fundamental tool and tactic is these reminders that we can see, that we can post on our, to your point, mirror wall, screensavers, right? Like we need to be able to recognize the moments when we're having limiting beliefs

and then we have to be super intentional about shifting it and trust the process in that, right? Like, and be gentle on ourselves along the way. It's gonna take a minute, but relative to diet, that's part of it because it's what we're taking in, whether it's podcasts, whether it's what we see, whether it's the people that were around and sort of that are part of us. So having just a really, I think, pulling back for people and saying, mentally, what am I taking in? Physically, what are the things that I'm doing that give me energy, that drain my energy?

Emotionally, who is filling me up? How am I filling others up? Because we know that fills us up. All of the emotional practices like that, I think spiritually, whatever that might be for people, are we intentional? Are you intentional about that diet that it can bring you? So I think sometimes I like to think about things, maybe it's just because I'm not smart enough, I like to think about things,

I mean, I'm sort of getting, but relative to, I mean, I think sometimes we can sort of dial it back a little bit and just say, okay, look, mentally, physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually, what am I feeding myself in those five categories? And then the other thing I think is really, really big, particularly for women, Tori, is, you know, a lot which I teach is the energy audit, which is sort of pulling back and saying, because when we think about having a healthy diet, it means that we have to have the energy

for relationships that- Consumption. Yeah, I mean, right. We have to have the energy for the relationships, the things we wanna change. It takes energy to change, right, we have to have the energy for the relationships, the things we wanna change. It takes energy to change, right? So, to me, I would encourage people to pull back and say, what gives you energy?

What are the relationships that give you energy? What gives you energy physically in those same categories, mentally, emotionally, but, and then what drains your energy? One of the things, I don't know if I told you this story when we were together last time, but I always joke and say, like, are there people who call you on your phone

and you see their name and you like, want to shoot yourself? You got people like that? Yeah, I think less so now. I think I've tried to. Good. Yeah. You've trimmed the fat, which is a really, that's a hard thing to do.

Yeah. But when you did, how did you feel after, as you moved back into your world? Oh, well, immediately after you feel like shit. Totally. But then, like you start feeling bad. And the other thing too that, you know, is coming up for me as we're talking about this, is that I've realized that there's some people in my life for certain things. Yeah.

And let me like say what I, more what I mean about that. There's some people in my life, you know, who maybe I've known that there's some people in my life for certain things. Yeah. And let me say more what I mean about that. There's some people in my life who maybe I've known for a long time or who are just really kind people, but they don't motivate me. So in seasons where I need to be motivated, I'm calling and hanging out more with the people who are like, oh, I'm doing this and I'm doing this and I'm doing this. And I'm like, great, let's fucking go. Right? Yeah. Right. And then there's seasons where it's quieter and I just, I need to keep to myself more or I need more of those supportive relationships for just who I am at that current moment. And maybe those are what I'm tapping

into those friendships or hanging out with those people more. It's the same thing with like music, right? Like there's sometimes you need to calm down. I'm listening to classical music. When I need to pump myself up, it's like club remixes. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. And so I think that's the other thing is we're not asking you to necessarily stop talking to people in your life because they don't motivate you. But I do feel like there are some people who are very kind and who you want to be friends with, but maybe are also in a place of complacency. Those are not the people

to take inspiration from when you're trying to change your life. Yes. You know, our daughters are 20, 20 and 21. And, you know, I remember a woman telling me once she said, you know, who their network of friends is, you're, you're, you know, you, you have a tremendous amount of influence on them. But certainly as they get older into those teenage years and out into college, I mean, who they're around, the kind of information they're taking in, the people, the energy, the, the behaviors, the thinking, all of that, it's, it's like just soaking through their skin. And so I think the level of intentionality that I always encourage my girls to have around who and what you're

spending your time and energy with is really, it's really important. And I think too, it's saying, who can I give to? I mean, I think my mom was one of the most giving people I know. She was always serving other people. And what I saw though was just the joy that it would bring her. So to your point about like,

we don't need to be around people all the time that make us and lift us up. We also have to fill up our energy cup enough that we've got some to go give, you know, to the guy with a sign on the corner. You know, it's a big deal. Yeah. A lot of what we're talking about here is fear. And that's another common thing that comes up on the show. And at the heart of complacency, you call out that that's what really keeps us stuck. So you talk about recognizing some of the triggers that might be bringing

up fear. Can you share those? And can we talk more about that? We talked about internal triggers and external triggers. And I think mindset is a key in dynamic drive too, which helps us shift when we find ourselves with these internal triggers. So I'm going to rattle off a few literally straight from the book. But you know internal triggers, right might be blaming complaining Feeling unmotivated Failure to maybe follow through right not really that interested in sort of finishing Not taking maybe initiative around things that normally we potentially would have I think a lack of curiosity

Candidly is a sign that we're just settled in. We're kind of good where we are. We sort of think maybe I've kind of got all the answers. Because I think if we're maybe, like we said earlier, playing it safe, right? Like we're kind of just taking the low road, kind of autopilot might be a good word for people to consider. If there's areas in our lives where we feel like we're really just waking up, getting through the day, hitting the autopilot button, those are indicators. Those are indicators. And then I think external rights, certainly our environment, our support network that we have or potentially that we don't have, distractions, doubters, critics. I used to always say to my athletes,

this is before social media, but I even tell my daughters this now, even with phones. You cannot pay attention. I mean, Tori, you're out there in the world. I'm out there in the world. I mean, if you sat there in red, it doesn't serve you. So I think you've got to block out the noise. What's so funny? Oh, you're coming off of... Do you have something recently? Uh-huh. Three weeks ago,

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No, but I think for me, I have now a barrier where I can read most of them and find them very funny, but the ones it was from other women And it's less about what they're saying and more about like, God, we're still doing this. Like that's the thing that disappoints me where I'm like, oh, we're still doing this as women. We're still tearing each other down. We're still projecting our own insecurities on other people. We see somebody who likes herself and we don't,

and that's difficult for us to handle. So, but yeah, like imagine if I had taken the thousands of comments, most of which were lovely and very supportive, but and internalized all of that, where would I be? Probably on the floor. Totally. Yeah. A hundred percent. But like good for you for getting to a place, right? Where you can kind of put Teflon up against that and not take it in. And I think, you know, at some level it's a calling for us as women too. We need to support each other and lift each other up

a hundred percent. You know, even with my family, right? I'd be like, look, the world's tough enough out there, right? Like in here, we got each other's backs. You know what I mean? And it's almost like, let's do that with women in general, put our arms around each other and say, let's support, you know, obviously one another. But, you know, I think one of the things that feels really important is, a lot of times what shifts people out of complacency,

sadly, is something dramatic. And that's part of what I'm hoping to help flip the switch on. Right. How do we start changing things before something crazy happens? Yeah. Correct. 100%. Exactly. Because a lot of times, right, we hear the stories. I mean, you are told at the doctor that if you don't do X, you're going to have a heart attack or you're going to be diabetic. And then all of a sudden everything shifts.

And in part, right, it sort of ladders up to what I believe to be a common thread in what drives us, which is purpose, right? Like when we're told that from a doctor, but why wait? So much of the work that I do is how do we shift behavior in the absence of crisis? Not because the fire alarms are going off, but because we know we got more in our day. We know that we can be and show up as a better wife, a better mom, a better partner, a better leader, a better... And that's mindset, that's curiosity, that's stepping into the pit that we get.

What was cool as an agent, Tori, is like, look, I mean, with 300 athletes and coaches, I mean, what I saw is everything that was happening when the lights weren't on, what the world didn't see. Right? Like, you know, people see these guys and gals stand over a pot and drain it to win a major or drain free throws to win a

game or, you know, strike a guy out to win the World Series. But like I saw all the moments where they were so doubtful, where they were scared, where they were vomiting outside of their car before they walked into the stadium, right? Where they were in tears wondering, how did I get here? And I don't know if I can handle all this. Like I saw all that. But then what I would see with the ones is they would step into it. And the more I think we step into little moments of discomfort, a little bit of that fear, just step into the little ones. And then we start to keep building our confidence. You know, confidence, I think, for us as women is such an important thing. And it takes action to build confidence,

takes doing. I mean, you've become more and more confident in your career because you got a lot of reps doing different things. And so the confidence builds, you couldn't just go sit in the corner of your, of your place and go like, dude, I am gonna be confident. It's on. You gotta go do things. And that helps us unlock it. So, you know, I think in service of the women listening, start with something simple

where you feel a little bit stuck. Step into that, embrace the pet that you get in your stomach. Trust that the person that comes out will be a little more resilient, a little more confident, a little stronger, healthier and certainly better. Yeah. You mentioned in the book and we're getting to that point, which is, okay, I realized I'm complacent and I want to do something about it. So those moments of discomfort stepping

into that, I think that's great advice. You talk about a total reset, break down what you mean by that and what those steps are. Yeah, for sure. And the first key is, I mean, it is mindset, right? I mean, obviously this is sort of underpinned with purpose, certainly threaded through it. But I call it a total mindset reset, which is essentially pulling back and recognizing the limiting beliefs that we're having in the self-talk, whether it's internal or external. We've got to recognize them, right? We've got to see what those are that are maybe flooding our brains. What are the things that trigger it?

What are the things that we're saying to ourselves? Who are the people potentially that are infusing that? We've got to start by creating awareness and recognizing it. And then we've got to replace it. We've got to replace it with what should I tell myself that is going to ladder up to the outcome that I want? Do I want to feel this way? No.

So what do I need to tell myself so that I can show up the way I want to show up as a mom, as a wife, as a daughter? What do I need to tell myself in order to make that shift? You know, it's funny because one of the examples is a lot of times people will say, well, I just don't work out because I don't have time. Like I'd sleep more if I had more time. And the truth is the data shows if you had more time you do exactly what is the data shows if you had more time you do exactly what you're already doing, right? So we have to shift the self-talk and say,

I feel better when I sleep, when I rest. I feel better when I work out. And we've got to replace the, I don't have time or the, when I fill in the blank with, I feel better when I'm present for my kids. I feel better when I'm present for my kids. I feel better when I'm home for dinner. I feel better when I'm at the game. You know, and so we've got to replace it and then we've got to reinforce it, right? We've got to reinforce it. We can do that externally and certainly internally. And, and really, you know, I think encouraging, you know,

it's funny, my husband just lost a lot of weight and it was really kind of cool. He had this weight tracker that he would text to our entire family group chat. And it's literally you can just see it every day, just going down, down, down. But what it helped him do is create a little bit of accountability with it was something that he thought of, but it helped him reinforce and it helped him see his progress. Right, like one of the things that I think is important to when we think about drive, canine and dynamic drive is that a lot of times when we set goals and try to achieve them in isolation,

we get tired, we get fatigued as we pursue it. And so when he did that, my husband did that, at some level, it's like dripping a little dopamine into him. You know what I mean? Like progress, progress, progress. We're going to talk about dopamine. So that's perfect. Yes. Yeah. I mean, it's sort of this, it keeps us motivated. It keeps us like, oh, cool. I'm seeing the progress. Like we need to, dopamine is a real, I mean, I'm not a neuroscientist, right? I'm certainly not. But it plays a role in us getting better, us stepping into what I call total mindset reset in the three Rs.

I read a research study recently and by that I mean I watched a TikTok where this woman talked about, literally just watched it last night. She talked about exactly what you were saying of the things you can control. I feel better when the sun's shining because you can't control that. But I feel better when I drink X amount of water. I feel better when I take a walk in the morning. And then what she did is she put a whole list of these things and then at the end of the day she'd score like how well did she do. Now there's no shame if the score is bad because sometimes we have bad days. Sometimes we can't get out of bed because we're sick or we're tired. But she goes, she said, I feel so much better when my score is 17 out of 20 as opposed to nine

out of 20 because the act of writing them down and the act of checking them at the end of the day, capture accountable, but it also reinforced, Oh, I do feel better when I take a walk. I do feel better when I don't scroll on my phone for the first 30 minutes of the day or whatever. And so I think that that is the dopamine hit we're kind of talking about here. And now there's this trend on Tik Tok. I don't know if you've seen it, of the dopamine menu. Have you seen this? No, I need to check it out now.

It's this idea very similar of like stacking things together that give you yourself dopamine. So maybe it's like lunch with friends, plus reading a book, plus going on a walk, plus watching your favorite TV show or whatever, and like stacking them all together. Kristin, I think that's right, right? Dopamine menu?

Yeah, it's fun. Dopamine has been used in maybe a negative way to, you know, boost the revenue of Facebook and Instagram and TikTok and all these places because of the dopamine hits. But I love this idea of like, dopamine at the end of the day is a helpful brain chemical. It makes us happy. It makes us want more of things. And so figuring out like, how can we structure our days or our lives so that we're more motivated? Yeah, totally. And part of that is, I mean, what she's talking about there in that example, I mean, it's acknowledging our progress. It's acknowledging

our effort. And I, you know, part of the energy audit that I talk about is similar to what she framed up the woman you were referencing, which is, I mean, I think for us as women pulling back and saying, what are the things that give you energy to your point about stacking them, that are a minute, that are five minutes, that are 15 minutes, that are an hour, because we can't wait till spring break in March or Thanksgiving break to give ourselves the dopamine hit and do a bunch of stuff that we love, right? That is not sustainable. That's a recipe for feeling exhausted and burned out. That I think is fundamentally, sometimes what can get us kind of drifting into this place

of despair or complacency is when we're not acknowledging our progress, when we're not acknowledging our effort and we're not releasing those little dopamine drops throughout the day to reinforce our progress and to celebrate the milestones, right? It's such a big part of our pursuit is recognizing those efforts along the way and that positive feedback loop, it gives us energy, It helps us sustain momentum because look, I mean, motivation, it wanes.

You know, some days you're just like, dude, I'm not that motivated. And so it wanes. And so I think at some of them, when we pull back and look at things through this lens of purpose, through this lens of, you know, dynamic drive, through this lens of purpose, through this lens of dynamic drive, through this lens of the pursuit of better not goals and isolation and then acknowledge our effort along the way. You're right. Dopamine can play a really big part in the sustainability of whatever it is that we're going after. Big, small, whatever it is, it helps us. So see, after this conversation, you got dopamine dripping, dude, because of our, I was kidding. No, like legitimately, usually I get off a podcast

episodes and I feel like I can lift a car. And that's testament to how bad ass our guests are. One of the last things I wanted to ask you about, and you'd already mentioned this, is I so incredibly, plus one, completely believe that the antithesis or the answer if you have this fear of failure is curiosity. And I often get asked by people who are graduating college, like, I'm so scared about what my life's going to look like and I have all this ambition, but I'm really scared. And the thing is, we've been asked since we were kids, like, what do you want to do with your life? That is the biggest, in my opinion, stupidest question in the entire world. Like,

that is such a big question that no one answers. The whole point of life is to figure it out. Right, right. So I just, I have people reframe it like, what do you want to do next? Oh, that's cool. Like that's all you need to answer. What do you want to do next? Because that's really what we're talking about is very few people now choose a career for their entire life. And Molly, you know, even you were just talking of like, I I'm not a sports agent anymore. This is not what I do anymore. So like very few people choose one thing for their entire life And it's also if our life is a collection of stories Go do something fun. Go go collect that story. So can we talk about curiosity as the

Response to this fear of failure Wow, that's so good I mean, you know it's funny Tory because on my podcast, Game Changers, the amount of times that word comes up with all kinds of people, coaches, entrepreneurs, CEOs, leaders, it's everywhere. And, you know, I think it's thinking and realizing that curiosity can create choices for us. It can create chances for us. It's shifting sometimes in our lives from feeling like we have all the answers, feeling to a lens of curiosity versus maybe even judgment sometimes. So, you know, curiosity,

you know, I think about it in my own career, right? Like for me, Tori, my first job, as I referenced kind of to your point of young people when they're coming out and, you know, how are you supposed to know at 21 years old, right? What you want to do when you're 65? I mean, I don't know that that's possible from that perspective because life is so dynamic, our demands change, our relationships evolve. So you know, so I worked for this woman in my first job, six months, I told you she was the devil. But here's the cool part about curiosity. So I answered the phone

story. Like it would be like Super Bowl 28. This is Molly all day long in Atlanta as the, as the receptionist for my first job. Well, this woman would leave all these people on hold, like huge, like CMO of Coke, UPS UPS Delta Bell South at the time Paul Tagliabue the commissioner of the NFL at the time like she would leave them on hold and then I would be literally playing Frogger out here right like trying to keep everybody and all these bigwigs, you know content while I was trying to Get her to take these calls. Well, what happened is to your point about curiosity these these incredible people her to take these calls. Well, what happened is, to your point about curiosity, these incredible people with jobs that I was like, wow, like, man, if that person could help me or hire me or give me some advice one day, this would be huge. I share all that only because I didn't know in that

moment that I even wanted to be a sports agent. I just knew I sort of was super interested in the business of sports. And my whole philosophy was how can I get curious? How can I get people to like and respect me enough to help me or hire me? And so when these people would come up to the office, they would see this shenanigan that I was navigating. And what was outstanding was it was taking that obstacle at some level and saying, how can I connect with these people in such a way that they'll help me or hire me? And that essentially was anchored in curiosity. It was anchored in knowing a little bit about them when they were coming up,

having a little something up my sleeve that I had researched or dug into because of, again, curiosity. And then having that up my sleeve in a way that I could pull it out in service of connection, right? I mean, curiosity creates connection too, right? I mean, curiosity creates connection too, right? I mean, when I was a female sports agent, I mean, I'd be in the room, Tori,

and people would be like, why did you bring your assistant to the meeting? Like, what is the deal with that? And so sometimes I would have to have little nuggets up my sleeve because I'd gotten really curious about their world and then have to pull that out in a way that drove connection in service of really building my business as an agent. So it's a linchpin curiosity is and I do this with our own with our daughters, you know, just stay curious, you know, and that's part of, I think, a better way of life is this learning and growing lens that we can commit to. Whether it's the guy that drops off or the gal, the Amazon driver, the person at the checkout counter, at the post office.

I mean, when we're curious, in little moments and in big moments, we unlock cool stuff for them or for us or for whatever reason. But that's what it's all about. It's also just kind. 100%. It's also just kind. Totally. The amount of times I do this anywhere I go, if I'm ordering a coffee, if I'm checking into a hotel, there's always the, how are you? How are you? And then as somebody's doing

something, usually checking me out or whatever, I go, how's your day going? I asked that of every single person. And unfortunately, the amount of people who look at me, like I've just asked, do you want a million dollars? Like, they're like, it's actually okay. Thank you for asking. Nobody asks. And like, even I'm not trying to get anything. I'm just trying to make a human connection with this person and trying to show them like, I see you as another, I see you as a human being. And I also am just standing there. I could go on my phone or I could ask you how your day is going.

And like, that also makes my day better. That makes hopefully their day better. Like, it's very simple, but it's like, it's so effective. It is. And you're right. Like a lot of times I'll ask, I'm sure I asked you this when you were on my podcast, like, hey, is there anything that I can speak to that really, really serves you?

Maybe a nonprofit to turn ball. And you would be amazed at the amount of guests that are like, wow, like I really appreciate you asking that question. I mean, I don't think so. I mean, let's just do this. Or maybe they did have something, but you're 100% right. And I think too, like when we're in those moments, it was so cool. My daughter

and I were out to lunch the other day and the waitress came up and my daughter looked up at her and said, hi, you know, and we chatted for a minute and she said, God, your skin is absolutely beautiful. Wow. And it was, but you know, when we have, I guess what I'm, what in part I'm saying is like, when we have a little something that we think can make somebody smile or make their day a little, say it, say it. You know, so often I think sometimes we,

for whatever reason, hold it back, but maybe that was the thing that she needed to hear that day for whatever reason. It's like having a gift with a big red bow on it, not handing it out. So yeah, curiosity can unlock things like that too. I am obsessed with you. You know that. I love your work. I am so excited to read your book. Plug away. What is it? Where can people find it? Tell us everything. Plug away. You're so cute. You know, people can, it's on Amazon.

It's Dynamic Drive or they can go to Get Dynamic Drive and order the book. And we have all kinds of cool bonuses if people order the book that are really, really powerful action guides, access to a better use summit that I did recently, all kinds of goodies and

bonuses that people can lean into to support their experience. Living really at some level with this DNA, it's a different way of life. I mean, Dynamic Drive is an identity, it's our DNA. So people can get it there. Amazon and mollyfletcher.com of course is my website too, Tori, if I can serve anybody in any way,

I just say the word. And the Game Changers podcast, of course, which I have been lucky enough to be a guest on. So lots of places to get more, Molly. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your work. Come to Game Changers and listen to Tori, baby. Yes, we love it. Thank you. Thank you so much to Molly for joining us. As I said before, her book, Dynamic Drive, is out right now and available wherever books are sold. Amazon, Barnes & Noble, your local indie, ebook, audiobook, hardcover, all of that is available. We appreciate Molly joining us yet again on the show. As always, we appreciate you being here on Financial

Feminist. I hope you have a kick ass week. Feel free to share this episode with a friend and we'll talk to you soon. See you back here soon. Goodbye. Marketing and Operations by Carina Patel and Amanda Lafue. Special thanks to our team at Her First 100K. Kaylyn Sprinkle, Masha Bakhmakeva, Taylor Cho, Sasha Bonar, Ray Wong, Elizabeth McCumber, Claire Karonen, Darrell Ann Ingman, and Megan Walker. Promotional graphics by Mary Stratten, photography by Sarah Wolf, and theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100K community for supporting the show. For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First 100K, our guests, and episode show notes, visit financialfeministpodcast.com. If you're confused about your personal finances and you're wondering where to start, go to herfirst100k.com slash quiz for a free personalized money plan. you