Financial Feminist - 60. Overcoming Capitalism with Rich and Regular

Episode Date: December 13, 2022

Building wealth in a capitalist society can feel like a double-edged sword, and the effect of mass wealth inequality is felt even more by marginalized communities. Today, Tori is joined by Kiersten an...d Julien of Rich and Regular to talk about their work helping the Black community build wealth, how they left the constraining boxes of Corporate America, and how they’re continuing to provide education for other marginalized communities on building wealth and building a better society.  Learn more about our guests, read episode transcripts, get resources from the show, and more on our show notes page: https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/ Pre-order Financial Feminist, the book, out December 27th! www.herfirst100k.com/book Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Before we get into today's episode, we are pausing new episodes from December 19th to January 6th for a little winter break for you and for our team. We will also have a very special episode, though, right smack in the middle on book release day, which is Tuesday, December 27th. We're so excited to share. So enjoy the break, listen to the backlog of episodes, have a fun holiday, buy your copy of Financial Feminist, And we'll see you back here soon. Okay, back to the episode. Hello, financial feminists. Hello.
Starting point is 00:00:28 Welcome back. I'm your host, Tori Dunlap. If you're new here, welcome. This podcast is Feminist First with Money as Our Medium. We are disrupting the financial education space. I almost threw up a little bit in my mouth with disrupting because you've got to love with disrupting because you've got to love tech bros have have taken this word that he'd taken the word disrupt and really went to town with it it's in every fucking like pitch they have commandeered this word to like describe anything they're doing ever but we're actually actually
Starting point is 00:00:58 disrupting the financial education space we're talking about how money affects women differently and why and what you can do about it so So if you like the show, please make sure to subscribe, leave us a review. This is the biggest source of free financial content we offer and positive reviews and subscribing wherever you get your podcasts, wherever you're listening right now is a great way to support us and our mission so we can help produce more of it. Okay. Today's guests, good friends of mine. This is such an impactful episode. I know you're like, Tori, you say that every time, but like really though, Julian and Kirsten are authors of Cashing Out, Win the Wealth Game by Walking Away. They are also the creative voices behind the blog,
Starting point is 00:01:36 richandregular.com, hosts and producers of the award-winning video series, Money on the Table, which is so good, and hosts of the Rich and Regular podcast. They are also featured as experts, and Kirsten shares a beautiful story in my book, Financial Feminist, so you can also check them out there. Based in Atlanta, Georgia, their mission is to inspire better conversations about money. The couple has used frugal living, real estate, stock market investing, and their online business to build wealth and ultimately achieve financial independence. estate, stock market investing, and their online business to build wealth and ultimately achieve financial independence. They paid off $200,000 of debt in five years, and their story has been featured on Good Morning America, The New York Times, Forbes, CBS This Morning, MarketWatch,
Starting point is 00:02:13 the Oprah Winfrey Network, and more. When they're not sharing stories about their experiences with money, they are parents to their son, Beau, traveling the world or searching for their next great meal. This episode, just a blast to record. I've been friends and colleagues with Kirsten and Julian for a few years now, and they are just incredible educators, but just good people. They're also, again, featured as financial educators and experts in my book, Financial Feminist, and I think you're just going to learn so much from them. We get into their story of what cashing out means to them, how they define cashing out, how systemic barriers impact the wealth building opportunities for the Black community. And most importantly, we have a
Starting point is 00:02:48 really candid conversation about capitalism, about how to achieve financial independence under capitalism in a morally upstanding way or as morally as possible. This episode is absolutely packed. We can't wait for you to listen. Let's get into it. Thank you so much for being here. We offline just chatted for a half hour about the whole book writing slash publishing process. And it's so nice to have you. I blurb the back of your book and it's such a good book. We'll link it down below. Cashin' Out. It's so good, y'all. But I always like to start conversations with fellow money experts by asking you what your first money memory was and if you both wouldn't mind sharing. My first money memory was with coins, like was with physical money, which I know is dated because
Starting point is 00:03:47 my son probably won't have a similar memory at all. But my dad used to come home, empty his pockets and put all of the coins in this box that he kept under his sink. And every once in a while, he would let us roll the coins and take them to the bank. And that's how we got like spending money. So I just remember my hands like smelling like a slot machine all the time, touching all that money. Like it was very Scrooge McDuck. Wow. My first money memory is this church. I remember being given like an envelope of or like a stack of like envelopes. And, you know, you write your name and the date on it. And I'd have to put like a portion of my allowance into it.
Starting point is 00:04:35 And I remember that was right next to my bucket of coins, which was an actual, you know, like those large. Well, it was a mixed nuts bucket, but I repurposed it as my piggy bank. And right next to that was my stack of like tithing envelopes. So yeah. You literally just brought like three different memories for me because we had the same thing where we had, yeah, like the piggy bank. And then probably every couple of years we would roll it. And I remember one year that was like the money that would go to our Disneyland trip was like the money that was rolled. Same thing with tithing. I always wanted to put the envelope in the basket. My parents would like hand me I always wanted to put the envelope in the basket. My parents would like hand me their envelope
Starting point is 00:05:07 and I'd put it in the basket. And then same thing is like with my vending machines, the way we like stored the money was in a chocolate covered raisins from Costco, like plastic bin. So literally you just ran through my highlight reel as well. That's so funny. It's amazing how like tacit money used to be like all of our memories are so sensory with it and now i just don't think that's gonna
Starting point is 00:05:33 exist that's a good point well yeah and the the the thrill of finding a quarter or even a penny on oh my god on the street around the road like a sidewalk that was that was yeah everything that made your entire life when you were a kid yeah yeah yeah so your book is called cashing out win the wealth game by walking away this title and we were talking about it before is obviously like very provocative in a really fun way can you talk about how you would define cashing out and how that kind of sums up both of your missions. Kirsten does a better job of defining it than I do. But cashing out is really about us helping people redefine what winning looks like in work and in money. And so right now, a lot of people define winning by getting the big job, getting the big promotion.
Starting point is 00:06:25 And unfortunately, only a few people really ever get a chance to do that. The rest of people just sort of end up feeling as if they're failing and they're constantly spending their lives trying to climb and get ahead. And what we're really asking people to do or challenging them to do is to redefine what winning looks like. And we define winning as being able to quit on your own terms at any time for any reason, aka cashing out, right? And I think that's especially important for people of color. It's important for everyone. But I think given our experience at work, given all of the things that sort of get in the way of us climbing that ladder and earning our fair share, we really have to redefine what winning looks like because the likelihood that we win in that traditional sense is very, very low.
Starting point is 00:07:10 And so that's really what the title is about and all of the nuggets and wisdom and stories that we share in the book are really guiding people to hold on to that new belief. Yeah. And you were kind enough to be interviewed for my book as well. And that was my big mission with obviously our work at HFK and Financial Feminist is it's like money means options, right? You don't have to stay in a situation you don't want to be in when you have money. And we're not talking millions and trillions of dollars, just enough money to get by for a while until you find something else or enough money to leave that toxic job or toxic relationship. And I, you know, I know this as a woman and I've heard from, you know, followers and friends of mine who are people of color that it's, yeah, it's even more important and even more compelling of a reason because if, yeah, if you're in a situation you don't want to be in financially, what does that mean for your mental health? What does that mean for generational wealth or lack thereof? All of that is linked. Yeah. And I think you touch on women, but when you talk about what it's like to be socialized as a marginalized person who was left out of the economic system for so long, whether you're a woman or a person of color, there's a
Starting point is 00:08:21 lot of these stories that we just never heard. The stories that we tell ourselves, the meaning that we make of certain situations is deeply rooted in oppression, whether it's racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, whatever boogeymanism you want to pick, that you are socialized to believe that you don't have any options or at best you have like one or two and neither one of them are good. And so financial literacy and this work that we're all doing is really about kind of advancing the conversation and getting people to realize that like this is a new world with new rules and a new playbook that requires you to think differently and act differently if you want to feel like you're not stuck all the time. So you're talking about new world, like what, what shifts have you seen? Because you, I remember you guys have been creating content. What year did you start? Is it 20, 2016, 2017? Yeah. So I started in 2016. So
Starting point is 00:09:16 similar time. I've seen a lot of changes and obviously the world's seen a lot of changes in that time period. What, what for you has shifted during the last, let's give it, five years? A lot of things, but I'll tell you the one that is really at the forefront of my mind these days, and it's tech illiteracy. One of the biggest things, and I used to just struggle with this with respect to the older generation. to like the older generation. But the more that I dug into it, the more I learned about how pervasive it is. You start to realize that this is actually an issue that's affecting people of all ages, all walks of life. And unfortunately, it has really detrimental impact on our earning potential and obviously our wealth building potential. But when we talk about, like, again, like asking people to think differently about success, oftentimes it's like, well, I need to make more money, right?
Starting point is 00:10:06 And it's like, all right, well, great. Well, here are some industries that you should explore. And tech is always at the top of the industry. And it's like, yeah, but if you don't have the skill set or the comfort levels to make that pivot, you're sort of stuck, right? Even if we're talking about exploring entrepreneurship or building a side hustle, A lot of those things will involve tech. You have to be comfortable, you know, sort of creating in some way or adding value in some way. And again, there's a big hump that we're learning a lot of people have, right? Which, again, creates an opportunity for entrepreneurs, people who want to teach and help guide those people along the way. But that takes some time and all of those things.
Starting point is 00:10:42 So I think the biggest thing that we and money. but that takes some time and all of those things. So I think the biggest thing that we, and money, I think the biggest thing that we've seen in the last couple of years is not just sort of the gap in tech, but also how much quicker tech is evolving, right? The pace of change just in the last five years, I think is a lot faster than it was when we started. You could start a platform and know that it's going to be there. It's going to pretty much stay the same. I mean, even if you Oh, absolutely. sort of interfaces and all of these things that you have to keep up with. And as a result, I think a lot of people are being left behind. And so that's just one way to look at it. But even in a broader sense, if we're looking at just the rise of AI and automation and the impact that that's going to have on employment, which unfortunately disproportionately impacts
Starting point is 00:11:40 people of color, all of these things are really kind of threatening. And so for us, when we think about financial illiteracy, we kind of think about it the same way as we think about tech illiteracy. Even though we sort of live in the financial space, we also live in a fintech world. So the two are kind of integrated. You really can't talk about one without talking about the other. But I think on a behavioral, and maybe it's related or not, but like on a behavioral basis, what I've seen, the shift that I've seen is kind of this inability to think long-term or a struggle to think long-term. It's like, we are so caught up in immediacy and short-term thinking and looking at like a two to four week horizon versus a five to
Starting point is 00:12:20 10 year horizon. And that is such a fundamental skill when it comes to investing, when it comes to role modeling, to mentorship, it's like, you got to be able to imagine, envision a you 10 years from now that is very different. And like the easiest way to do that is to look back 10 years, like look at some pictures, look at some photos and be like, you know what? I did change. Like, I still feel like me, but I'm different. And the same needs to happen looking forward. You need to recognize that like, Lord willing, you'll still be here in 10 years and you'll have a different set of you is something that people have to learn how to do because they're not thinking about it. They're just thinking about like the bills I have this month, the job that is listed on the site right now versus the jobs that will be listed or that are coming based on larger trends. And so
Starting point is 00:13:20 it's a shift that getting people to kind of zoom out a little bit to understand where we are has been a challenge. presented as the solution all the time, right? As it's like, oh, the reason kids aren't saving money is they weren't taught this in schools. And if we do financial literacy in schools, everything's going to be better. Which one, if we were to do that, who's going to teach it? What's the method that's going to be taught? You're going to have different elements of what is taught, how it's taught on race depending on funding depending on all of those things right so that's not perfect and in addition it's kind of the the easy just like quick band-aid fix of just like oh yeah we'll just do financial literacy and again we've all talked about we've talked about together that that's not enough can you tell me more about that
Starting point is 00:14:21 yeah so i'll use the same framework that we just said, like what we think has changed just in the last five years. I think five years ago, you could have said there actually isn't enough programming. You could have actually legitimately said- Which is not, it's not wrong, right? It is true that like there needs to be more education. And you certainly could have said that five years ago. And you could have said there aren't enough books or there's not enough representation.
Starting point is 00:14:48 You could have said there's not a lot of those things. But what have we seen over the last five years ago. And you could have said there aren't enough books or there's not enough representation. You could have said there's not a lot of those things, but what have we seen over the last five years? Well, you've seen a lot. We've seen film, we've seen a number of books, we've seen programs, we've seen media companies, we've seen growth. So there's different points of entry, right? So education isn't really nearly as much of an issue. And to your point, if that were the one-stop, one-button, easy-button solution to sort of help lead people onto the right track, then what we would also be seeing is like a huge shift in terms of wealth or saving rate or any of those things. We haven't seen that, right? Well, we did when our backs were against the wall in 2020 when everything was closed, right? Like that proves the point that people know how to stop spending when they're scared enough, right? Like
Starting point is 00:15:34 when you think there's a virus out there that's going to come get you and everybody's locked down, people can save 38, 40%. Like that's what it proved. But then as soon as everything opened up, we went back to our old habit well it's also scarcity mindset too it's it's not like i want to build a life for myself and for my community and money is abundant and i am like it is i'm not gonna have enough money and like i don't want anybody nobody physically can live in a scarcity mindset for a long period of time like your brain will literally break down. Right. Right. Right. That's exactly what we were taught as a woman, as a person of
Starting point is 00:16:12 color, as a marginalized identity, you were taught that you need money, but there's not enough of it for you. Right. So like, it's not a process of learning about money for a lot of us. It's unlearning all that other shit that keeps us putting ourselves in our own way, right? It's unlearning the idea that money is a scarce resource. It's unlearning the idea that you're capable of doing hard things, even if you struggle at first. It's unlearning the idea that your voice is somehow less valuable because somebody didn't invite you to a table or because you don't have a title. It's unlearning all that stuff. And that's what unlocks true financial literacy, which to me is more of a relationship with
Starting point is 00:16:49 your money versus all these rules that they try to teach you in school that only apply to like near perfect situation. Or balancing a checkbook, which who does that anymore? And financial literacy does not solve Black people getting shot in the streets or health care, access to abortion being overturned. Like and those are both financial issues because every issue is a financial one. So like financial literacy, yes, more is needed. But also that doesn't solve really many, if any, systemic issues. So it's like it has to be coupled.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Yes, exactly. Yeah. I'm happy to hear you say that because, you know, one of the things that I think really separates us from a lot of other creators in this space is that we don't really double down on education and that's not to knock it, but it's to say that box is already checked. There's plenty of education options available for you. I spend, and I'm far more interested in exploring culture and social norms because more than anything else, I think that's really what shapes our behaviors. That's what shapes our habits. That's what shapes our belief systems. And so I'm far more interested in exploring that and helping people see how those things are shaping the way that they think
Starting point is 00:18:01 and what they believe versus trying to help them or instead of trying to be a human glossary for them yeah i learned you know i love school obviously like i loved going to school i learned a lot but i think in terms of like how to be a good person the actual like life skills around money i didn't learn that at school i learned that from my parents from watching my parents i learned that from fucking up in college and like maybe spending too much money somewhere or you know like i learned i was gonna say on the job but like you learn those things by doing them and so it's like I can't you know when I took pre-calc in high school I learned everything I needed to learn from the test for the test and then I drained it all because I didn't need it anymore and financial literacy for a 16-year-old is good
Starting point is 00:18:45 in theory, but I as a 16-year-old was not managing much money, more money than like $100 occasionally. So like all, you know, you explaining to me what a Roth IRA is when I'm 16, I don't give a shit. It doesn't matter to me. So like, I think that that's the other thing too, is it's like, yes, teach it in schools. It's like my sex ed in school, one, I went to a Catholic school, so I barely got any. And two, it's like, that wasn't great. Like, so if you're also going to teach, if like the equivalent of you teaching me how to use a condom is like how to balance a checkbook, not, it's not going to be good. It's not going to be good.
Starting point is 00:19:22 Yeah. And unfortunately, the way that most finance content is created, it's not gonna be good yeah and unfortunately the way that most finance content is created it's more like teaching abstinence as a form of sex ed and it's like that's not sex ed no that's so that's the scarcity mindset right oh gosh you just put my mind up but that's so true right it's that's the dave ramsey thing of like don't spend money ever don't have sex ever and look where that got everybody and if you do just have a little bit oh man Oh, man. Christian, you were going to say something. Go for it. I think what this time is.
Starting point is 00:20:10 I'm going to go. I can leave. I think one of the things we have to grapple with in this, going back to how we started in today's economy, in today's world, is what does it look like to learn? Right. in today's economy, in today's world, is what does it look like to learn, right? Like so many of us have this fixed mindset of like sitting in a classroom or going to a traditional college or going to get a financial certification, when really it's understanding that a lot of our actions, our behaviors, our thoughts are driven by things that we've picked up along the way. And when you recognize that, that's when you start to do the work of changing your environment, changing those inputs,
Starting point is 00:20:47 changing your timeline, if that's what gets you thrown off track to make sure that it's aligned to your larger goal, because that's how people learn. That's actually how they learn. Well, and if you can correct me if i'm wrong if i remember i don't have any official financial certification and i don't think either of you do either right no and i think i would i've been wanting to talk to somebody about this and you two are perfect for this like so many people will
Starting point is 00:21:21 like over the past couple years have asked me like are you are you a cfp right are you sort of a certified financial planner are you a financial advisor and the only people that really ask that question are like men in their 40s and 50s who i like don't care about anyway right and i think weirdly what's happened is um having some of those certifications, at least with millennials and Gen Z, actually makes it more suspicious. I've found that weirdly having a very specific qualification when it comes to money puts you in a system that in part caused 2008 or in part has led to this huge wealth gap. 2008, right? Or in part has led to this huge wealth gap. And I'm wondering if you think the same or if you have come up against the same sort of criticism of like, oh, you're a financial coach or you're a financial expert. Like what are your certifications? Yeah. One million percent. So the
Starting point is 00:22:17 story that I always share is I remember going to my barber and for men, especially black men, like your relationship with your barber is like very intimate. Right. So I remember moving and then I stopped going to him and then I had to like find a new dude who was like, all right, man, you know, let's try this thing out. But every now and then, just like, you know, I want that old thing back. So I went to go and I went back to my barbershop and he'd seen some of the things that we were doing online. And he was just like super proud of me. And we were just sort of talking about money, you know, just talking shop and locker room, barbershop talk. And I asked him, I'm just being real. Like, this is what a barbershop is.
Starting point is 00:22:59 No, but locker room now has a whole Donald Trump. Oh, I know. Yeah. And I know, I want to clarify. I know you don't mean that Oh, I know. Yeah. And I want to clarify. It's not that bad. I know you don't mean that. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Yeah. But like, so we're in the barbershop and we're talking about money and he starts asking me a couple of questions and I asked him, what are you invested in? And he was like, oh man, shit, tampons. And I was like, what? And he was like, tampons, man, because you know what? No matter what happens, a woman is always going to have tampons. I was like, all right, first of all, that's wrong.
Starting point is 00:23:29 Like he owns like Tampax stock? Is that what he's saying? I have no idea. I have no idea. I didn't ask any further. I didn't ask any further because I was just like, okay. Because what you're validating to me is someone that you trusted shared this insight with you at a very early age and you've carried this story alone. This man is like 50 years old, right? So here I then come in. It was
Starting point is 00:23:55 like, well, actually, right? Insert like dickhead. S&P 500. Insert. Anything I say after that, I'm going to sound like a dick, right? And I'm talking about McKinsey studies and I'm talking about data and I'm talking about index fund investing and all these things. And it goes in one ear and out the other, right? And so my comment in response to what you were sharing is I've learned through that story and through literally hundreds of conversations that when you lead with data, when you lead and present yourself as the expert or as someone who has authority over someone else, it really makes people uncomfortable. And it actually makes that sense of insecurity worse, which gets in the way
Starting point is 00:24:38 of them learning or even empowering themselves. And so I've actually made a conscious decision not to pursue certifications because relatability is far more impactful than credibility or expertise as defined by the industry. I believe I won't get the story or the insight or the truth of what's really at the heart of these people's issues if I'm constantly presenting them as a teacher. The last thing, or the other way that I say it is no one wants to have a beer with like their teacher. You know what I mean? You want to have a beer with your peer, someone that you can talk to, someone that you can share your insights with that are far like issues that are far larger than just like, I don't know what this thing means, right? It's like, what are the things that are shaping your decisions? And so I need access to those stories if I really want to impact the people that we're trying to reach. And so that's why I share that story. And to your point, that
Starting point is 00:25:30 has been our experience, where it's like when you lead with the data, when you lead with expertise, people don't really respond nearly as much or you're not nearly as effective as when you are presented or just no pressure and just sort of relating to people on a human level i want to say they lie but that's a harsh word but they definitely like spin the truth a little bit a lot of experts all the time you think about the last time you were at the doctor of course you got to answer the question like how many drinks do you have a week and it's like three to four a night how often do you work out last night right do you smoke it's like well it depends like what are we talking about but like people lie to experts all the time yeah and that's not the relationship we wanted to
Starting point is 00:26:12 have with our audience we're really trying to build something sustainable in a community and and a group that that is built on trust and it's like we didn't want yeah that to be like the you know the foundation well it is about credibility right because want that to be like the, you know, the foundation. Well, it is about credibility, right? Because I want to be clear, like don't take advice from just anybody. But like you guys, I have established credibility in other ways, right? Book deals, our information, our media appearances, our awards, right? Like we've established credibility somewhere else. And I want to tell you a funny story too.
Starting point is 00:26:40 So I was on the Today Show a couple months ago and apparently they introed my mom watches every day. And so apparently she saw them like intro my segment on the Today Show a couple months ago and apparently they introed my mom watches every day and so apparently she saw them like intro my segment on the day before and they were like TikTok finance star shares her whatever and apparently I love her but like Savannah Guffrey was like oh yeah because I get all of my financial information from TikTok
Starting point is 00:26:57 and like I rolled it and I'm like because that's the criticism I get a lot too is it's like oh it seems it's like less legitimate especially TikTok where it's like oh isn't that cuter than TikTok and I'm like, because that's the criticism I get a lot too, is it's like, oh, it seems it's like less legitimate, especially TikTok, where it's like, oh, isn't that cuter than TikTok? And I'm like, I am going where people are. I am creating accessible content for this thing that's very inaccessible and intimidating where people are already hanging out. Why wouldn't I do that? Why wouldn't I use a platform that is more accessible and also where
Starting point is 00:27:27 people already are than trying to reinvent the wheel or trying to be like jargon hoity-toity this is very serious and should be taken very seriously yes yes right yes that's what smashing the patriarchy means it means de-hierarchizing i made that up de un-hierarchizing. I made that up. De-un-hierarch-i-ate. No, I got you. Removing hierarchies. I don't, I don't, de-hierarch-i-ating. Yeah, I don't think it's a word, but we got it. De-hierarchization. De-hierarchization. De-hierarchization. So your book, again, titled Cashing Out, I would love to have you both share what cashing out actually looked like in your own life. First, what was the moment where you're like, I need out?
Starting point is 00:28:08 Second, how'd you prep for it? And third, what was that moment of actually cashing out? What have you been able to do with that? So I cashed out first in the summer of 2018. And it was really after years of feeling really disillusioned about what the job was doing, what we actually stood for, but then also just seeing bias play out in very real time. There was a point where I was the typical corporate loyal person. I described myself as this person, like this is who I worked for. I described myself as this person. This is who I worked for. I was super duper proud of what the work that I did. My father had worked for the company years before.
Starting point is 00:28:51 And so it felt like a part of who I was until shit got real and the company was hurting a little bit, which led to downsizing. Then it just became a very toxic dog-eat-dog kind of environment where everybody was out for themselves. I survived the first couple of layoffs and actually got promoted as a result of it. But it was one of those BS promotions where you get promoted, we're not going to give you any more money, but we're going to give you an opportunity to prove yourself, to do the job that you've already been doing for three years. So did that. And then the final straw for me was when I had a manager who was hired above me, who was completely clueless. She had no idea what she was doing and she knew that things were failing, but she wanted to fail with people that she was
Starting point is 00:29:43 comfortable with. And so she really set me up and tried to hit me with a one, two punch to try to get me out of here. And instead of me sort of accepting this sort of mistreatment and quite frankly, bullying and racist behavior, I said, you know what? I don't at that point, I don't really need to deal with this. Like I was, you know, our son was one years old. I was losing sleep. Like I was losing more sleep due to stress from work than I was trying to be a supportive partner or parent to my son. And like, I mean, literally that could not lower my heart rate. I developed like this, sort of, you know, the eye twitch when you're super stressed out. I was gaining weight,
Starting point is 00:30:23 like all these physical symptoms and mental and emotional issues were sort of popping up. And I realized, wait a second, I'd been on this road to financial independence for at that point, eight years. We'd paid off our mortgage in 2017 on Kirsten's birthday. At that point, we were literally saving more than half of our income. We had a rental property and the property that we were in, we were going to convert into our second debt-free rental. We were thinking about launching Rich and Regular, but we weren't quite there yet. But at the time, we'd already launched it. It was 2018, and we were seeing so much great momentum, and we were learning about this new creative economy. And I was like, why am I breaking my neck to try to make something happen over here
Starting point is 00:31:10 when one, I don't need to accept this kind of treatment. And two, what would my life look like if I decided to just pour all this energy into- And skill. And skill into my own ideas and into my own- Well, you're building somebody else's house as opposed to building your own. Correct. Correct. And so that was the trigger for me was to be the person that I described on LinkedIn. And I always tell other people at the time, do you believe that you're that person or not? And I had to ask myself that question and say, yeah, let's see what happens. And I think at least by my standards, I've fulfilled that mission.
Starting point is 00:31:45 And then Kirsten decided to follow suit a couple of years later. Yeah, in 2020. So it was about 18 months, almost two years later. And my reasons were kind of twofold. One, he had the nerve to be like super happy as an entrepreneur. He was spending his days writing at the Whole Foods and like enjoying our neighborhood. And like it was he, yeah. And so like there was a gap between our relationship. There was a, there was tension in our relationship because I would come home wanting to vent about office bullshit, which is how we kind of built our relationship. So many relationships kind of function around misery and being like, yeah, commiserating in that. And it just sounded like a foreign language to him when I would talk about, like, she didn't even respond to my email. It just sounded like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Like, that's like, babe, don't worry about
Starting point is 00:32:39 it. It's like, what do you mean don't worry about it? Like, yeah. So that was part of the issue was just the tension that it was creating or the. So that was part of the issue was just the tension that it was creating or the space that it was creating because we live in two completely different worlds. I was still very stuck in a scarcity mindset. I had this identity around being very proud that we were living off of my income and I had kept getting promoted. And like, it was, you know, I had, I had a sense of pride of being like, I'm a strong modern woman who, you know, retired her husband or whatever, whatever language you want to use. So that floated me for a while. But then there was a reorg and I got placed in a different team. And so I had done all this work to pick this exceptional boss and like set myself up for really flexible work, but then the company restructured as they do.
Starting point is 00:33:30 And I got under someone who was, again, clueless to the business that I was running internally. They demanded a lot. They were micromanager. I had to be on far more meetings. They expected me to be in the office at this time and leave after this time. They wanted me to manage my team a certain way. And that's when I started asking myself different questions. So instead of like, are we financially prepared? What are we going to do for money? It's like, will making this leap make me a better wife, a better mom, a better sister, a better friend? What is this job that I'm in teaching me? Like, who is it teaching me to become?
Starting point is 00:34:00 Is it teaching me to become somebody who just sits in scenarios that aren't ideal forever and ever because of whatever reason I'm telling myself? So I started asking myself different questions. And I remember telling Julian, like, I think I'm ready. Like, I think I'm ready to put in my notice. And he was like, hell, yeah. Like, it's about time. I mean, wait, no, you. So that's kind of it was it was a it was a number of things.
Starting point is 00:34:24 It was like there were things that were circumstances that were happening outside of us and then there was like an internal shift within us to decide like actually i think i don't have to do this like i don't think i have to do this anymore and that decision was so instant and it changed everything yeah and i think what you're calling cashing out, I would probably call financial independence, right? Is it's like the ability to, yeah, again, have any choices you want. And I'm listening to both of these. And I did the same thing, right? I was in toxic situations where I was like, nope, don't want to do this anymore. Built the thing on the side to the point where I could quit.
Starting point is 00:34:59 Some people can't do that, right? Or for some people, maybe they actually like their job, right? Maybe they feel compensated well. How can we define cashing out in our own lives besides just the, nah, I'm done. I'm going to go work for myself. For you guys, do you feel that there's other definitions for cashing out? Yeah, I think that's why we created the cashing out as this ongoing process versus some outcome. Like typically when people think about financial independence, especially if you're goal oriented or numbers
Starting point is 00:35:31 or ambitious, you tend to be, yeah, you tend to be outcome focused. Like when I hit this number, that's when I'm financially independent versus cash. Like we interviewed the debt free guys who literally paid off their credit card debt and then went back into credit card debt after because they didn't have the habits of like, how do we make this sustainable? They were just like, okay, we're debt-free, yay. And it's like, they didn't have what happens after that. They didn't have that. Yes. And you also see this with emergency fund savings. Like people work hard to save that emergency fund, but then they're pissed and they beat themselves up because emergency happens and they got to use it. And it's like, well, yeah, that's the point. And so the point of cashing out is to really focus on outcomes. The book kind of goes over
Starting point is 00:36:13 what we call these rituals, which is like an ongoing practice. There are some rules, I don't like rules in general, but there are some evergreen financial rules, things like spend less than you make, always consider inflation, things that these are hills that we're willing to die on to say, you know what, this is likely going to be pretty tried and true advice for the next couple of generations. But then there are these rituals, these moments where you're supposed to check in with yourself and ask yourself certain questions to make sure that things haven't changed. It's not like, you know, financial literacy is not like set it and forget it. We tend to think that like, it's very similar to a college degree where it's
Starting point is 00:36:49 like, oh, I learned calculus back in, you know, freshman year. Instead, it's an ongoing relationship that you have to keep asking yourself different questions to make sure that the way that you're spending your time, investing your money, your strategy, your diversification, whatever, is aligned to the life that you still want. Well, and the relationship piece too. Again, we talk about that all the time, like defining it as a relationship, right? And any relationship, whether that's parent to child, partner to partner, friend to friend, co-workers, that relationship is going to look different over time. And if you phone it in, it won't work. Like it will not work.
Starting point is 00:37:25 So your relationship with your money and your money's relationship to you will grow and change. And also we call it financial self-care here at Her First Center K, but like it needs to be maintained and it needs to be checked in on regularly or else to your point, like it's not going to work. Yeah. And a lot of us are avoidant. We're conflict avoidant. Again, these are not things that like I'm saying as like a negative. This is how we were conditioned to be. This is how we were taught in small ways and big
Starting point is 00:37:55 ways from the time we were little up until now to be avoidant. And so like when there is a tradeoff that needs to be made and there's always a tradeoff that needs to be made and there's always a trade-off that needs to be made within your budget, within your finances, within your prioritization, we just avoid it. We just hope it'll go away instead of like actively getting in that thing and like engaging with it and welcoming it. Like to me, financial independence and financial freedom is the point where you start to welcome a little risk in your life. You start to welcome a little, a little emergency that allows you to think quick and move money and figure out like, what are your options? It's like doing a crossword puzzle,
Starting point is 00:38:30 but with your finances. And that takes the edge off of it when you can see it as a creative pursuit or just a challenge versus like this thing. Almost like you're married. I know. You spend a lot of time together. No, you're married. I know. You spend a lot of time together. No, I love it.
Starting point is 00:38:48 Do I rant a lot? Yeah, it's not a thing that like determines your moral worthiness. It is like a thing that you can play with. Like, let's be playful in this. I almost said hoe. You can say whatever you want. I guess I can on this podcast.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Yeah, let's be playful in this house. Okay. I want to take a, it's a very hard shift. I've interviewed you about this previously, not on the podcast, but you don't know the, I mean, you know, the stats over and over. I don't need to tell you again, but we know statistically Black families have less generational wealth. They're paid less. They're also among the most underbanked populations. Underbanked meaning either unbanked, meaning they don't have a bank account or don't have access to a bank account. Underbanked meaning that they're not taking full advantage of the banking services or their bank is like too far out of reach. So what struggles are you seeing that are facing the Black community when it comes to finances besides, I mean, like racism, obviously, where is the traditional
Starting point is 00:39:55 financial education missing the mark? Solve racism for me, please. Where's traditional finance missing the mark i mean i think for one traditional finance advice does not include the black tax so again this focus on rules always do this never do this doesn't apply if you know the rules are different for you right so traditionally real estate might be a good investment but if you buy real estate in a Black neighborhood, because that's where you can afford, or that's where you prefer to be to send your children to school, the likelihood that your real estate is going to be valued at the same level as a white counterpart across town is rare. And even if you do all the right things, even if you buy that big, beautiful house in a white
Starting point is 00:40:44 neighborhood in great school system, if you get the wrong appraiser, you're fucked. We talked about that, I think, episode four with Tiffany Aliche. Literally had that experience where she's a Black woman, financial expert, and had her house appraised. I think she said $300,000 less. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. We're going to look back at this time and be like, yo, why was this acceptable? Right? Like it's the same way I look back at my grandmother. My grandmother just turned 90 last year or this year, and she was born on a share of Copperfield and she was just so happy to be there. Like she liked going to the field. She tells me the story, like she used to cry when her dad would leave her back at home. She didn't know any better. She didn't have anything to compare it to, right?
Starting point is 00:41:28 So when we look at the stats today and they're dismal, Black women making 67 cents to a dollar, white women, women in general making 80 something cents to a dollar, you start to like realize like this shit makes absolutely no sense and it doesn't have to be this way. And so I think in the interim, what personal finance advice needs to be doing is selling us like, yo, financial independence, these aggressive savings rates, these big goals, this push that we're trying to get y'all to sign up for is really just to remain on parity, right? Like, yes, the traditional advice is to save 10%, but when you make 40% less, you got to save 30%. You got to get a side hustle. You might need to start a business. You might need to look at a different type of investment. And it doesn't do that. Like instead,
Starting point is 00:42:16 it defaults to it being personal finance advice, defaults to the easy, clean math that comes with being at the top of the social food chain, so to speak, right? You don't encounter nearly as many hurdles or barriers as you would if you were a woman or a marginalized person. Yeah, this is the third time that we're going to reference calculus. I don't know why, but literally in our book, we talk about the math being simple, but Black life isn't, it just isn't that simple. Right. And so the math is the same. You're right. It's not as if compounding interest works differently for people of color of women than anyone else, but there are forces outside of the math, right? There are all of these other things you talked about, all of the boogeymen, all the
Starting point is 00:43:02 other bad isms out there that are just impacting our lives. And that's really where things get a little bit complicated. So yeah, I think it's really, really difficult. And I think as people who would consider us to some extent leaders in the space with respect to that community, sometimes it almost feels like there's that cliche scene in a Marvel movie where there's a train that's running off the tracks and you're standing there, whether you're a Hulk or Batman or whatever it is, and you're trying to stop this thing before it falls off the track. And you're just getting beaten up and tattered. But this thing is moving really, really fast. And wealth decline and wealth inequality is a massive, massive
Starting point is 00:43:45 and complicated thing. What we're trying to do is not be the superhero, actually, because I'm not. I'm literally not a superhero. But what I can do is, as someone that's on that train with you, is say, all right, well, what can we do? There's this much runway. Look, there's an escape route up here. There's our options over here, which will require us to think a little bit differently. We might need to tap into some bite size of courage to sort of move a little further to maybe delay this thing, give us some time to think, right? So that's the way that we kind of think about it a bit more creatively. But reality is like policy got us into this shit. Policy is going to get us out of it. One of the things I struggled with most, I struggle with most in my
Starting point is 00:44:25 work and specifically with writing my book is it was, I don't like capitalism, right? Like I don't, I don't want to win capitalism because that means deep suffering for somebody else, right? I've exploited somebody, right? If I have billions of dollars, I've probably exploited somebody, right? If I have billions of dollars, I've probably exploited somebody. But I also can't afford to lose capitalism because that means deep suffering for myself and my family and my community. And I imagine as Black people, you feel that 10 times harder. How do you reckon with that? Because I'm struggling with it too. I mean, my answer is like, I have to teach you how to, how to get your groceries and pay your rent. And then once you're taken care of, then we fuck the system up. But like, I also don't want to participate,
Starting point is 00:45:15 but you kind of have to, unless you're going off the grid in Alaska somewhere and getting a discovery channel show. But like, that's like, that's it. Right. Is it's either like, you have to participate and hopefully I guess do the less harm, the least harm you can. What are your thoughts with it? Because it's something I've deeply struggled with. I struggle with it. Like Kirsten will tell you like, and we both do, but I think like I, like it's, it's like in my nature.
Starting point is 00:45:39 And I've always been that way because I came from the mud. You know what I mean? The way that I think about it is the same way I think about if I were climbing a mountain, even if it's just like one of them fake mountains at like a rec center or something like that. If you're climbing a mountain and you try to strap on like a couple of weights on your back, you tie some things to your ankle, it's really, really hard. There are other ways to do this, right? You could say, you know what? I trust that you're going to be good where you are. I'm skilled. I'm able. I have resources. I'm probably best suited to
Starting point is 00:46:16 climb this mountain. But when I get up there, I'm going to use my resources to do something. I can throw a rope down. Shit, I might be able to rent a helicopter. I might be able to write something and send it back down to you, right? But I think too many of us members of marginalized groups are afraid of sort of losing that point of connection, right? Because the higher you climb, the further away you get from your community. Well, and the guilt. The guilt. 100%. Survivor's guilt. I call it success guilt, right? It's something we struggle with, but it's really just helping people like us to redefine what help looks like as well. It's like, listen, when I get there, I need you to trust that I'm going to do everything that I can.
Starting point is 00:46:57 And in fact, you might be able to do a much better job. You might be able to bring far more people with you. Or maybe I hike back down the mountain, but I know the path now and I can help you back up. Correct. Correct. And that's really how we think about the book. It's like, listen, the math is simple, right? The process is simple. All those things are simple.
Starting point is 00:47:14 But here's what you will have to navigate as you're going up. You're going to see some beers once you hit this point. This is when the weather is going to change. This is when the oxygen levels are going to adjust. And so you might want to pause a little bit. You know what I mean? The things you can't control, right? The racism, the sexism, the wage gap, the- Exactly. The capitalism. The capitalism, right?
Starting point is 00:47:36 It's another ism. it, it's not easy, but I do have to remind myself that that is far more effective of a tool than just sort of committing to strap everyone on your back and to carry the weight of that responsibility with you while you're climbing, because that can be detrimental to you, to yourself, your own physical wellbeing. And it's the old cliche of sort of putting on your mask first. I think it's relevant. I literally the way, as a student of Black history, this is not a new issue, right? You can go back to studying Booker T. Washington and W. E. B. Du Bois are two major historical figures in the Black community. And they butted heads on this issue, right? They have very different points of view on how we wanted to sort of move the race
Starting point is 00:48:32 forward, right? And so this is not new. So if anyone else is dealing with these issues or struggling with that, I'm confident that if you study history, you're going to find other leaders that were before you struggled with the exact same thing. And so you have the benefit of sort of looking at that, maybe reading some of their autobiographies and things like that to see what they were thinking. And I think using that as a bit of a guide or a cheat code to help you process what you're feeling. Yeah. I think, yeah, I would just echo everything you said. We're all, as Berna says, we're all compromised under capitalism. But my theory is to focus on the areas that you find to be problematic in your life, right? There are lots of things that I'm annoyed by. There are lots of things I don't like and have opinions about. But my time and my energy goes to the areas that are problematic in my life. in my life. And to quote another creator, Rachel Rogers, it's really hard to be a feminist if you're broke, right? It's hard to take the actions that you need to walk away from situations, to support causes, to raise hell and use your voice without feeling like you're risking your
Starting point is 00:49:36 livelihood. It's really hard to do those things if you don't have this underpinning. In the United States, movements require funding, funding. Becoming elected as president requires billions of dollars. It's not great, but that's what we're living in right now. It doesn't mean that it can't change. There was a time where tulips were the most valuable thing on earth and bananas were a super important export or import. Things will eventually change. Again, if you're a student of history, you know that there were wonky beliefs that we've always held as a country that we eventually get rid of. And to me, that's why I'm bullish on the creator economy, because somebody has to put the idea out there. We can't just keep depending on politicians to create these
Starting point is 00:50:22 ideas and push society forward. We got to, like you said, meet people where they at. If they on TikTok, well, let me go on TikTok and introduce you to this new concept and what you could be doing and how this has a ripple effect, right? So it's a hard question to answer, but I think if we start to think smaller, if we start to think about our neighborhoods, the communities that we can create, whether they're digital or in real life, we can start to build momentum. This is what grassroots organizers have been doing. It's a long fight. They absolutely knew that Roe was going to be under attack. Why? Because they're grassroots organizers and because the opponents have been saying the same thing for the last 30 years. They just got the stamina and the financial resources to fight a fight for 30 years until they get that shit overturned. We need to be in the same position
Starting point is 00:51:08 to do that as well for the things that we care about. You got to have the stamina. You got to have gas in the tank, which requires the financial wherewithal to take breaks as you need them or to walk away from situations that diminish your light. Well, that's cashing out, right? Like that's the idea. Yeah. And my neck hurts from like nodding incessantly. One of the most powerful episodes we've ever done on this podcast was an episode with Amanda Littman who runs run for something. And she worked on Hillary Clinton and Obama's campaigns and now runs this
Starting point is 00:51:40 organization around getting liberals, getting progressive candidates elected in the small elections that actually matter. And we have that whole, we have a whole conversation about like presidential election. Like, yeah, it matters, but like, not really, like it's not really going to affect your day to day, but your schools and your roads and your healthcare and how they're handling COVID and the police, That all matters on a daily basis. And that's the shit, the smaller elections. She literally explained to us like the coroner is sometimes elected. And so what happened was like, if you elect a coroner who won't say that
Starting point is 00:52:19 COVID-19 was the cause of death, they get less ventilators, they get less funding, right? It's like something like that where you're like, I didn't even think about that. And yeah, to your point, it's the small stuff. It's the small things. Yeah. It's really getting under the hood of how the country works. And when you do, you start to understand like, oh, okay. Entrepreneurs, small business owners, creatives, whether you're an artist, a musician, someone who runs a media company online, whatever it is, like you got a lot of power. You just have to realize it, right? Like that's the mindfuck is to realize like, oh shit, like there's a reason why groups like the Beatles changed the fabric of like culture and what people valued and what people thought was beautiful. So aim to create that.
Starting point is 00:53:16 So much. I want to, I want to talk to you about that. One of my last questions, if somebody is listening and I mean, I'm feeling like hyped. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to go lift a car. Like if somebody is like, yes, OK, well, we're going to do it. Right. I'm going to overcome these narratives. I'm going to do all these things. Yet you're also looking at the mountain of capitalism and systemic oppression. And you're like, how the fuck do I climb this mountain?
Starting point is 00:53:48 What do you say to them uh one of two things uh one is so much of what you're feeling uh i would say the good news right is that like this is not a matter of like your intellect right this does not require you to develop like expertise i know specifically as it relates to politics, I have friends who have studied politics and have worked in government. And I think it's just reminding people that like courage is far more like of a valuable sort of characteristic and sort of power source to tap into than figuring out all of the intricate details or understanding of how any of this stuff works. Courage. And I think once you muster up that courage, you'll realize that like time, right? Like just having the time to go deep. And when I say deep, like it really doesn't even require that much. Just this much deeper than on a given subject than where you are is enough to create massive change.
Starting point is 00:54:57 But you need the time to do that. You need the weekend to just read the book that you've been wanting to read, to watch the film, to go to the library, to attend that conference. And you need money, right? So it's just not nearly as complicated as you're probably thinking. And then the second thing, even though this is like 2A, I just gave like one C, the second 2A is to be the anonymous donor. It's very similar to what Kirsten was saying. We always tell the story about Dr. King and this time where he got locked up and he was supposed to spend a a week in jail. And he only ended up spending two or three days because he was bailed out by anonymous donors. And this would happen on a regular basis. And in this particular story,
Starting point is 00:55:42 he was bailed out. And I think the bail was like $78, which in today's dollars would have been something like $1,200, $1,400. So when you look at that and then you think about the percentage of Americans who couldn't even afford a $400 or $500 expense without putting it on the credit card, you really have to think about a different use case for financial empowerment. It's not just so that you can be able to do what you want and go to the gym and travel and do all those things. It's so that you can create the world or the community that you want to be in. There were a few people who could afford to pay attention to Dr. King, who could afford to do all of the things that he was preaching and really go deep, who could afford to speak the truth without fear
Starting point is 00:56:25 of income loss or someone negatively impacting their quality of life? And so all of those things, I think, are justifiable reasons for why you should go a little bit deeper and prioritize financial wisdom and courage in your life. And I think it's especially important for women. There are very few issues that I think are bigger than sort of empowering women. Like again, like just the income gap alone is an issue that can be solved. And if we solve for that, like it will fundamentally change the fabric of America, but we need more women to be actively involved. We need more women to be role models. we need more women who have already achieved it to also be sort of warriors and fighters
Starting point is 00:57:08 and in the forefront and so all of those things I think are really great reasons again aside from all the shit that you see on CNBC and like well and we need we need male allies right we need men who are you know they're
Starting point is 00:57:24 the ones unfortunately in the rooms where the decisions are being made. In the locker room when the real shit is happening. Right. Right. So you need people. You need men to be able to speak up and to enforce some of those issues and to help create a new standard amongst their cohort. Or us as white people. Right.
Starting point is 00:57:41 Bringing bringing black folks into the conversation and making sure that there's space for that. right? That's on us. That's not on you. That's on us. Yeah. Yeah. I think my answer is slightly different. But if you're the person who's staring at the mountain and you're like, holy fuck. One, recognize that there are already people on the mountain. Like it ain't gonna just be you and the bears out there. Like get climbing and trust yourself, trust your abilities to, to develop a community or, um, a camaraderie or the ability to decipher what kind of decisions you need to make once you're already on the mountain. Right. It doesn't matter how many books you read about boxing or climbing mountains. That's not how you learn how to fight or climb.
Starting point is 00:58:26 Back to the financial literacy thing. We're back there, aren't we? Yeah. You got to build that trust with yourself. When I'm up there, I'm not just going to give up. Once I'm on it, I got to either go up or go down, one or the other, but I can't just stay there. And then I think the key to coming to that kind of clarity is really, and this hopefully does not sound woo-woo, but really focusing on mindfulness, really centering yourself and asking yourself the hard questions, whether it's through journaling, meditation, yoga, whatever your thing is, you really have to uncover what your money beliefs are. And they're tricky because they're hidden below the surface.
Starting point is 00:59:05 People will say things like, oh, how is this realistic for me? I only make $40,000. And it's like, well, buried into that sentence is the premise that you think that that's a fixed spot. That's a fixed identity. I am somebody who only makes $40,000 versus asking something like, if I needed to make an extra $20,000 to accomplish what you're talking about, what are some ways I can do it within these schedule constraints? That's a very different question that unlocks far more answers versus you trying to stay in this fixed place and ask a question that's defeatist in in like defeatist right in the sense that like i don't have enough money to do what you're saying so i must not be able to do it and it's like no like
Starting point is 00:59:50 the answer is that you got to find money so if you have the belief that you can't find money that's one of the things that you have to work on once you get on that damn mountain but get your ass on it and that's something that's that's always frustrated me a little bit as you know her first 100k's origin story was my own 100k journey of like saving 100k at 25 and that was the headline it's still the headline in a lot of the stories right 25 year old saves 100k and so many people are like well i'm not 25 so i i can't do that right or like 100k so much money so i'm not going to do that yes valid right like but you can take part of what I've learned and part of what I've done. Compound interest works regardless of your age, right?
Starting point is 01:00:32 Regardless of the amount of money, right? And so like, yeah, the timeline may be different. Everybody's timeline is different. And yes, and I talk about, you know, privilege is part of that story. And I acknowledge that 100%. But there's other things that I did. I negotiated my salary, right? I started investing. I had a side hustle. These were all things that you could potentially do in your life. Now, it might be, it's going to look different. 100%. It's going to look maybe on a micro level. But you can apply that to your life potentially. to your life potentially. Yeah, absolutely. It's understanding that those actions compound as well, right? Once you've asked for more money, it changes the way that you view everything,
Starting point is 01:01:13 right? If you ask for more money and get it, your brain changes. And so now you're like, all right, what else can I ask for? I'm gonna ask for no cheese on this burger. I'm gonna ask for, I'm gonna send this food back because it's not hot and I'm not satisfied with my purchase. And it just becomes a little thing that empowers you over and over and over again. And so instead of thinking linearly, like, oh, I could never save a hundred thousand dollars because I don't have the skillset. Know that if you start those skills compound and it's not linear yeah you might struggle the first two years but the next two years the next three years are like gangbusters when my first date shows up on the phone i don't have to i don't have to see him for a second date because i know my word definitely
Starting point is 01:01:57 not something that happened to me recently no um yeah it's like yeah like again i talk about this so much in my book but like everything is unlocked when you have money and it's like yeah like again i talk about this so much in my book but like everything is unlocked when you have money and it's not just like options financially of what you can do with that money it's to your point like you know your worth and every i'm like i need a i need a fucking gavel or something i'm like you know every single you know every single situation you don't have to be in if you don't want to you're like i don't have to do it yeah and that's i mean that's cashing out again right like it's like i don't have to do that i don't have to do that yeah all the shame that comes with things like cutting a cable bill or uh returning something because like now you need the money bag like you don't feel that anymore i
Starting point is 01:02:40 mean you might feel a little bit but you know it, it's a fleeting feeling. You know, that like, there's something on the other side that's like worth going through. I can buy organic bananas as opposed to, yeah. We still remember the first time we like started shopping organic. We were like, damn. Oh shit. Okay. Actually, let's make that our last question. Cause I've been thinking about this. What is the thing growing up that you're like, oh, rich people do that? And I'm not even like yachts, but for me it was like, oh, rich people get appetizers. We were a no appetizer family. Like if you went out, you had dinner and you had water, like no appetizers, no side dishes. No. And I remember that. Yeah. The first time ordering
Starting point is 01:03:21 an appetizer and being like, what is this? Like it was the height of luxury. I was like, oh my God, I'm ordering mozzarella sticks before my actual dinner gets here. I was like, could not believe it. I was like, holy shit, this is so exciting. So like, do you have one of those of like, oh, rich people do this shit. Even if, yeah, it's like not real. I have several of them. One is like taking walks in the middle of the day oh sure or or sitting at a restaurant like for lunch like in a restaurant and not like taking it and eating it in your car or yeah yeah like you're just at a restaurant during the day that's where you had lunch i'm used to drive-thrus and shit like no you say that because i will go to costco at like 11 30 and i like, what are these people doing here?
Starting point is 01:04:05 Don't they have jobs? And then I think to myself, wait, don't I have a job? I'm here. I'm like 80. I'm like, what are these people doing here? Don't they have jobs? Yeah. I'm like, wait, what am I?
Starting point is 01:04:19 Yeah. What am I doing here? Yeah. Traveling in the middle of the week is another one like just leaving on a tuesday instead of like you know waiting till the weekend and cramming your trip in i got a bunch of them yeah mine was restaurants oh yeah yeah and mine was um red eyes not having to take the red eye because my parents were like we're taking the red eye every time i remember the first again i remember the first time i actually flew on a plane that was like at a reasonable time and we weren't waking up at like two in the morning yeah my mom just stopped doing that she used to take six a.m because
Starting point is 01:04:53 they're like we're too old for this shit and i'm like about time yeah yeah she lives an hour and a half from the airport so she was waking up at 3 30 in the morning to save like $37 on Southlet. It's like, ma, just take, what are you doing? But it's again, ingrained. You're not even, it's not until somebody checks you and is like, you know, that don't make no sense. Like, I mean, it might have at one point in your life and it still might in some of the listeners lives, but like there comes a point where somebody has to like kind of shake you. If you're not doing it yourself to be like, you know, you could do something a little different.
Starting point is 01:05:31 You deserve to sleep in. Like, I appreciate and love you both so much. Thank you for your insights. Where can people find you? You can find us. Where can you find you? You can find us. Where can you find us? I felt like that was going to go well too. I was like, jump the gun.
Starting point is 01:05:52 I did jump the gun. Okay. So cashing out, you can get anywhere books are sold, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, indie stores, wherever. You can find us at richandregular.com. We are also on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube under Rich and Regular. We have a TikTok, but we haven't used it. So maybe you can convince me after this call. You were like the TikTok at the early 2020. Yeah. So we'll see. Are you still doing money on the table? Are you guys doing another season? Okay. Please check out y'all go to their YouTube.
Starting point is 01:06:30 They have this incredible show that it's like, cause Julian's a fucking incredible chef and they sit down and they make a good meal and it's like half cooking show, half money show. And it's just, it's so brilliant. I love it. It's my fucking favorite.
Starting point is 01:06:41 Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. We appreciate you. We're proud of you. Keep fucking crushing it. And, my fucking favorite. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. We appreciate you. We're proud of you. Keep fucking crushing it. And we look forward to seeing what's next for you. Cool.
Starting point is 01:06:52 A huge thank you again to Rich and Regular for joining us. Please make sure to follow and support them. Maybe grab their book for a holiday gift and pair it with another copy of Financial Feminist. I don't know. Just saying. Two is better than one. Thanks again for listening to Financial Feminist, the podcast. Please make sure to leave us a review if you're enjoying the show. And don't forget to grab your copy of Financial Feminist, the book,
Starting point is 01:07:12 out everywhere you buy books in e-book, physical book, and audio format on December 27th. And can't wait to see you back here soon. Catch you later, Financial Feminists. Have a good holiday. Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, a Her First 100K podcast. Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap, produced by Kristen Fields, marketing and administration by Karina Patel, Olivia Koenig, Sharice Wade, Alina Hilzer, Paulina Isaac, Sophia Cohen, Valerie Oresko, Jack Koenig, and Ana Alexandra. Research by Ariel A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100K team and community for supporting the show. For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First 100K, our guests, episode show notes, and our upcoming book, also titled Financial Feminist, visit her 100K, our guests, episode show notes, and our upcoming book, also titled
Starting point is 01:08:05 Financial Feminist, visit herfirst100k.com.

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