Fine Dining - Buca di Beppo (Part Two: Review) feat. Mike Perkins

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

We're diving back into Joe's Hole! Comedian Mike Perkins is back once again to represent Italy in the case against the food at Buca di Beppo Michael & Mike are just a couple of Midfellas The breadiest love-making session ever is What's Going On Over There Buca di Beppo's decor is funny how? The portions at Buca are insane, as two men individually order a family style entree each The dessert is "diabetes in a glass" according to the boys' server Chip psychoanalyzes the characters on the Buca di Beppo kids menu in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings! Mike's Instagram handle is taken to task JUB's about to get pinched!   Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Midfellas Song by: Gabe Alvarez (@austinaudiolab) Theme Song by: Kyle Schieffer (@JazzyJellyfish) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (just out this New Years Eve, the Kentucky Fried Chicken episode), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Sean Spademan, Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your Buca di Beppo stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   Next week on "Fine" Dining: Hot Dog on a Stick (Eat Deets)! I'll be joined by the Restaurant Fiction podcast's host Monis Rose. He knows more than I do, so can I manage to surprise him with some new info? We also dive into Yelp reviews, and get ready to bear Santa Monica traffic to review the original Hot Dog on a Stick stand. Ever work at Hot Dog on a Stick? Send your stories to [e-mail].   Totally Not Sponsored by: Harrison Augustine 💸 Arrylius XIV

From this point forward, the word cheese will be bleeped because Michael finds it offensive. Hello and welcome back to the Find Dining Podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. I'm your host, Michael Ornellis. I'm back again with Stand Up Committee and a host of another late show tonight, Mike Perkins. Mike has it going.

I'm doing great, man. Welcome back. We're back, baby. For those of you listening for the first time, this is the show where I am looking for the most mediocre restaurant the perfect 5.00 dining experience out of 10 based on its atmosphere based on its service and based on its food. Why am I doing this because when people say something's good or bad I'm like yeah based on what you got to define the switchover point from good to bad or bad to good to know what good and bad even are. And I'm the best guy for this job as a very mediocre guy. And even though I'm joined by

someone who isn't mediocre this week, you are. I'm dragging you down to my level. We're just a couple of midfellas. Couple midfellas over here. Yeah. You're gonna like this guy. He's a midfeller, you know? You and I just directed by Scorsese. Yeah, go to this book and about, he would just own us if he thought I said a book and a bad boy. You would get whacked if he said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As far back as I can remember,

I always wanted to be mediocre. What is that? To me, being mediocre was as good as being president of the International Association of Professional Restaurant Photographers. Even before I wandered into the book at a Beppo for an after-school job, I knew I wanted to be a part of them. It was there that I knew that I belonged. To me, it meant being nobody in a neighborhood that was full of other nobodies. They weren't like anybody else.

I mean, they did whatever they wanted as long as it was legal and they were home at a reasonable hour. If they were double-part, they'd apologize and move it as fast as they could. They were law-abiding citizens, just cogs and a machine. And that's all I ever wanted for myself. I'm dining party of two. Our table is ready. myself. Our table is ready,plementary butter and bread These walls have growth signs

Knit knack, cowboy hat, good luck at Autograph guitar, some crap from your city Behold the trusty of mediocrity I'm dining Yes, fine dining Fine dining Two ledgers on the sign are shining Niaumplicker ring irregular timing

Identify the perfect vibe Two ledgers on the sign are shining You know I'm flickering irregular timing Identify the perfect vibe How the 10 I'm dining I'm dining Hey, fine dining fans, before I dive further into the episode I want to tell you about another podcast that seems like it's in the realm

of what I'm doing here. It's called Candy is Dandy. The only podcast devoted entirely to reviewing candy. You'll learn about the history of certain candy bars and stuff. They've done an episode on Snickers, which did you know was named after a horse? They discovered that there's a connection between butter finger and the atomic bomb.

I listened to their Twix episode and I learned that Twix actually stands for Twin Sticks, which is freaking cool to me because I love etymology and learning why things are called what they're called. And they've also done an episode where they tasted way too many peach rings with comedy bang bang's Carl Tarte, who's a really funny improviser that I've seen around the Los Angeles area before. If you love candy, you're gonna love this show, or if you're even curious about it, it's the new year you've given up sweets and you just want to vicariously hear about candy. They'll taste and review a candy bar on air so you don't have to. Find Candy is Dandy the Candy Review Podcast Anywhere Podcasts are found.

Atmospheric There's one other thing I noticed outside that grabbed my attention and really made me laugh. They had a health grade rating that just said pass. It wasn't an A. It was a pass. And I'm just like, are they the student that was like, I just wanna take this class pass fail?

Because I know I'm not gonna ace it. Did they go in and like appeal to the health inspector? Like, yo, can we take this course pass bail? It's like, well, we got a D, but it's still passing, right? It's so passing. We put that on there. D's get the grease, baby. We pass a fat Donald Trump looking gold Caesar bust. I noticed the, it's the big fat Caesar statue. If I got a close-up of its face and head, it looks so Trumpian. It just it just does. It's like the portions are gonna be huge. The looks they'll big next to my hands. It looks so big. Doesn't even matter. Is that your Trump? That's my Trump. I do.

Do something like that. I do something like this. Every comedian's got a Trump. I do not have one. or something like that, I do something like this. Every comedian's got a Trump. I do not have one. Trump's favorite place is probably Boocuda Beppa. It's McDonald's and I feel like that's on record. That's true. Yeah. So we could take him back to our table

and they could not have cared to show us the full restaurant. They were like, this front area is good enough for you because there are corridors all around. And we get seated in the booth that's just directly across the entrance way. Yeah. So we get seated. There's a bunch. We were also like at the like there was like a big bar area, which is like if you're going to a bokeh at Peppo just a just a drink, just to go drink and have a couple drinks like we're going to the bokeh and a pep, oh, just a drink, just a go drink and have a couple drinks. Like, we're going to the bokeh. Just a big old oof. You look at that in a Joe's Hall and get some, uh, get some brusquies.

That would genuinely be sad. Be like, oh, I know this great cocktail place. Yeah, where? Booka. Oh, okay. All right. I'm going to meet up with some other friends. Yeah.

This would be the last time we're hanging out. Yeah, like, why is everyone cancelling plans on me? I just want to hang out at this bar, I really like. And so there's photos, like, there were nuns in bumper cars. There were a few pictures of people in the process of passing out or being passed out. Yeah, I don't know if that's post-Buka, post-meal or whatever. There's just a flattering headshot of Joe DiMaggio. Yeah, that was like right above your head, too.

That was a giant. That was what we also set at the same time, but this is the Applebee's of Italian food. Because like, there's so much, I mean, everything in the wall, there's not a space, like every space is covered with a frame of something. Everything. Yeah, everything. Like nothing, there's so much, I mean everything in the wall. There's not a space like every space is covered with a frame of something. Everything. Yeah, everything like nothing. There's no way to real estate. Yeah, no way to real estate. Yeah, and it's all different sizes. Like you had like a 24 inch Joe Dimaggio above you, but then we had like the big nuns and which by the way the gap in his teeth on a poster that big is frightening. You turn around and you're just like, ah, yeah. It's very start.

He did it, man, man. He don't need braces, you know, he's fine. I mean, I don't even know. When did braces start? He's hitting home runs, it don't matter. When did braces start? I don't know. He obviously didn't have them.

It wasn't the 40s and 50s, I guess. I'm gonna look this up because that seems like an interesting fact to me. The top Google search for winded braces is, winded braces come out. Like, technically the question, oh, 1819. 1819? Yeah, I mean, I am certain that it wasn't in its modern form. Oh my God, 1819, 1919. Anyways, what else is there to say about the decor here

other than it's insultingly, it's like it is insultingly, I literally saw someone right online that they were like, I feel like I'm in a cross between a mediocre Italian place and a menstrual show. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Like just with the amount of laid-on Italianists. A minstrel show, like, like, what's a minstrel show? Minstrel or minstrel?

Minstrel. What's minstrel? Like, old-timey traveling plays which popularized blackface, which is what- Oh, shit, that's- Which is what the reference is. That's called minstrel. Yeah. Oh my god I thought you meant menstrual no

The minstrel show also called minstrel C was an American form of theater developed in the early 19th century The shows were performed by mostly white actors wearing black face makeup for the purpose of Comically portraying racial stereotypes of African Americans. Wow. Well, thank God I feel Robert He took all those pictures down That is not the special thing. That's a joke that you're making and I just want to cover myself legally Just saying by not implying that Buka was once donning pictures of Blackface it was menstrual, okay? What was what did we do talk about in the in the eat dates? It was menstrual, okay? What was, what did we do talk about in the, in the eight dates was what I seen,

uh, right now I seen what I seen, after I went to the bathroom, I seen the while I was looking around the rooms and stuff like you were, and there was a Mona Lisa with her boobs out. That's not how you phrased it to me. I mean her, her tits were out. I guess the tits were out. It was like a girl's thing. You're just flat out. We're like, hey, there's a Mona Lisa with her t were out. I guess the tits were out. It was like a girl. You just flat out. We're like, hey, there's a monolisa with her tits out Just like could you have phrased that any other way? Don't try and tone it down now that you're having to be accountable for your words and there's a microphone

You're like her breasts her beautiful breasts were out. Her bosom was showing. Hey, that was dinner talk All right, you see table two or tits her out. Jesus. But it was like girls going wild like Mona Lisa, you know what I mean? Which I guess you don't think I'll all the way to the Louvre to a master bait to her You can just go to book it a pep oh and I don't think you can masturbate in a book of the Beppo I think anybody would kick you out. I think they would. No, no, nobody cared. No wait, did you do it?

What do you mean nobody? I didn't do it. No, I didn't do it. Did you ever witness? Wait, cut this. No, wait, did you do it? What do you mean nobody cared? I didn't do it. No, I didn't do it. Did you have a witness? Wait, cut this. No, I'm care. I saved the picture. Like, you fit a description that's,

you fit a police sketch description. And it looks like the date was a couple nights ago when we were at Bucke. Is there anything you want to tell me? Did see me rip a frame off the wall and walk out of it. Try and put it in your pocket I was like, that's way too big So are these portions. Yeah, you know what?

I'm actually gonna go on record and say not only were the portions way too big. They were way too much My god these portions were I will get into it more in food, but it was stupid. The bowls were obscenely large to a point that they almost added to the atmosphere themselves of just like, oh, they're serving us in a pig trough. Yeah. Yeah.

And, you know, fuck your dignity. It's funny because they give you the smallest plates also for you to share with, but it's like it was just me and you, so it was like, we're not using these plates. Eat out the bowl. Yeah, eat out the trough little piggy. Yeah, it was way too much. There's like a, the Michelangelo painting of God reaching out

and touching like. I didn't see that. I want to, but it says pull my finger. Oh, really? Yeah. I didn't see that. Yeah. Right above the entrance to the kitchen.

That's that Phil Roberts tongue of cheek. Oh, shit. Phil Roberts, the owner of Book of the Beppah. I didn't notice that one. Making a laughing stock of all things Italian, which is the best way to describe this whole experience. Funny, it was just kind of funny. What do you mean it's funny?

It's funny, you know, it's good to core, good humor. It's a funny place. What do you mean, just Italians in general? Like the way they talk, what? Just, you know, it's just funny. The way they decorate the walls and everything funny how I mean what's funny about Just what Just you know

It's funny. Let me understand this because maybe it's me. I'm a little fucked up Maybe but it's funny how like funny like pull my finger at him. It amuses you It's he'd have fucking amused you. What do do you mean it's funny funny how how is it funny The way it portrays Italians Well, how to fuck is it funny what the fuck is so funny about book a depepo tell me tell me what's funny? Get the fuck out of here Mikey. Yes, motherfucker. I almost had him your mediocre prick I'll tell you what's funny Mona Lisa with a tits out look at that or prick, I'll tell you what's funny, Mona Lisa, where the tits are, look at that.

Oh, I guess to add to the obscenity and tits out, there was also a photo that was directly in my eye line, the entire meal of a woman who was topless just holding giant melons, like just a watermelon sliced in half, just selectively covering up or tits, as we will so politely put it. Look, I'm just trying to match your energy.

You're the, you're the tits guy here. I was trying to be respectful, but I'm matching. I like to go on record that I don't just say, hey, little of tits over there. I don't say that. I just published the other one. I was just shocked at Mona Lisa had her tits out. You just did it. That's the word you chose.

That's what I'm gonna do. Now, for another restaurant, another restaurant, in my dining history, in the journey of this podcast, I was snubbed by a photo taker. Only a few places have had photo takers going around where they're like, hey, do you want to commemorate this occasion with a photo? We even got the birthday special. He never came by us.

And do you know how that makes a guy feel? Even during the birthday thing, he didn't take a picture of me. He didn't stop by. He gave us no attention. He walked in the room, glanced like side eye, and just made a decision in his head They don't want to commemorate this. Yeah Like hell I don't I'm out with my friend Mike Perkins. It's a week after my birthday

And we're taking advantage by getting that birthday dessert for free. Yeah We're getting the people sing into us and we'll go into that later. Oh yeah, we got the words, baby. But no thought in his mind that we might want this forever commemorated. And it hurts because I mean, I wasn't like dressed to the nines, you weren't dressed to the nines, but I wasn't like a slob where it's where you passed by and they're like, oh, that guy would not like the way he would look in a photo. So I'm gonna do him a mercy. Yeah, you were so upset about it too. I got worked up.

You always, yeah, I feel like you get worked up on like, it's gotta one take my fucking picture. Yeah, but also he's a photographer in a book in a bed. A book in a bed. Yeah, but like, I got a photographer at Outback. I got a photographer at Rainforest Cafe. There was a photographer at the Universal City Johnny Rockets Like if a Johnny Rockets is gonna have a photo taker all bets are off anywhere can do it

Yeah, but like you guys talked about in the episode go back and listen to it on the fine dining podcast. Thank you It you know, you're at a it's like a museum park right? It's the it's the universal studios trying to get money and trying to like be like, Hey, till your picture of family on vacation. But it's like, I just had a sweaty day riding rides. I guess. Like, why would I want my tank top and sunburn to be commemorated? But he can Photoshop that out with AI for an extra 30 bucks. Can you imagine these places are like, oh, we're gonna, we're gonna airbrush the egos. We've got an, we got an ego airbrushing service. And I know you took my picture after the big rig of Tony, but can you put abs on me?

That would actually be so funny. Just like an in-service. That's so good. Just like an insert. Oh, that's so good. The bathrooms, a lot of butts, a lot of kid butts, kids peeing. There were, I'm not talking about kids were in the bathroom, P.A. I'm saying photos of kids peeing from behind. Yeah. This is weird.

I don't like to describe it. Look, they made the choice. Yeah, I'm just describing it. It's all pictures of like, I mean, it's all like little kids just peeing on like walls on the street style, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's all them, like it's everyone peeing,

it was adults doing it too, but it's just pictures of people peeing in the bathroom. In a booka, in a booka de beppo, everywhere's the bathroom. So I'm gonna tell you, I didn't pee in the, I peed right on the wall, because I'm like, I wanted to smash the picture know what I mean? Yeah, I went in the sink So the guy next to me washing his hands there and I was like you're doing it wrong

Yeah, he's like can I just reach for the soap I was like at your own risk This is a heavy stream What what am I I try to learn that often and I can't figure it out. Atmosphere too, I was upset that you can tell that it wasn't authentic Italian restaurant because it took them about an hour to even play one Frank Sinatra song. Yeah. And I was upset about that. And then you walk in, you want Sinatra right away, you want that on repeat, you want

like, you know, just the, just that kind of, you want Sinatra right away, you want that on repeat, you want like, you know, just the, just that kind of, you know, swing kind of. But at least they played it. They did play it, but they, you know, I don't know what they're playing before him, but it wasn't anything that's Allian. They played like three doors down. You don't know that.

You're speculating right now. I just, I didn't hear, I wasn't like, oh shit, Sinatra until like an hour since we sat down. So the atmosphere is like, put more Italian music on this. Or just make it instrumental. So it's like, or just make it all Sinatra. Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-uh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-n You know, I want that stuff. It's the bapbo. It's a Joes hole. It's a Joes hole. Have we talked about that in this episode?

I think it's just on eat deets. It's just on eat deets. Bukitabepo translates to whole of Giuseppe. And Giuseppe is the Italian name of Joseph. So it's Joes hole. That's what it's supposed to be. But book in a betbo is whole of Giuseppe. Yeah, back in 93. So it was like, come on down to Joe's hole. But they're like, no, we should do it. We should class it up. We should make people have

to go on Google translate to really learn where they're going. And that won't even be out for another 20 years. But they'll do it. But they'll do it. Now another thing, Donning the Walls, Miss Buka, they had like profiles of all these different women who I guess was like their like Miss January, Miss February, like they're, I don't, they weren't nude, it wasn't like a playboy thing, but like I guess they held contests or something

to be Miss Buka. See at first when I walked out of the bathroom, there was a bunch of them and I But like, I guess they held contests or something to be Miss Buka. See, at first, when I walked out of the bathroom, there was a bunch of them. I was like, oh, that's Miss Buka. I thought that was the, like, the owner. She was a master of disguise, because she had, like, 14 different plaques. She looked different in all of them. Yeah. I was like, oh, Miss Buka. And that's also Miss Buka. But that's also, you know, I just, I was confused. But, yeah, I guess, I mean, if you want to be a supermodel, you could also be Miss Buka. You could be Ms. Buka. Yeah.

And I don't know what credibility that lends you, but it's not much. I mean, these Instagram models don't hold anything up against Ms. Buka. Yeah. You know? Also, with atmosphere, what I saw, we were walking out. There was a really young couple, which seemed like they were on their first date. They looked like they were like 18, 19, and they were in the biggest, like you booth. Like their own VIP booth,

but they looked like they were just kids that like they're parents from there. Just like super far away because the booth is. Yeah, the booth is so big, but they were like close together watching and like I guess like YouTube or something on their phone. On one phone or on just one phone. Okay. Like up against the giant bowl.

So they're at least bonding. They're at least bonding. Yeah, but I just thought it was so funny Because if it was like your first date that you're going on I mean this kid's young so he's like I can't take her to dantana's like I'm authentic. It's out, you know, yeah It's it's an odd choice for a first date and it makes me ask a question Mike. It makes me wonder what's going on over there? What's going on over there? What's going on over there? Should I worry? Should I care?

What is going on over there? Mike, what is going on over there? I think what's going on over there is... I mean, I don't know what's going on over there. I really don't, because this... I asked you like, you're an authority. Yeah, look at this guy. I mean, this kid, like he's taking, like, look,

if you're on a first date, you're hoping that you're going to get laid. You know what I mean? Tits are going to be out, baby mean, this kid, like he's taking, like, look, if you're on a first date, you're hoping that you're gonna get laid. You know what I mean? Tits are gonna be out, baby. Tits out, baby. Tits out, baby. Tits out, baby. Hopefully.

But if you have a meal like we had, where, like, you have to eat that much food. I mean, even if sex does happen. No, I know what this is. I know what this is, Mike. It's a guy who wants a challenge. He's like, look, I'm in the prime of my life. I can screw with the best of them. I want a, I want a marathon version of sex on a first date. I'm going to book a debacle and I'm going to carboload myself. I'm going to carbbload my date, and we're gonna have the breadiest sex you've ever seen.

Ready sex. So much burping, so much apologizing. I mean, dude, even the girl, like if she was gonna eat, like I mean, girls in the first date usually don't eat that much. I mean, unless we're like, you know, in 30s, like us. There's, right. Girls are there, 30s. 30s, love eating, baby.

I'll tell you that. But when we were young, like girls, I was like, I just have like a little I love it, baby. I'll tell you that. But when we were young, like girls, I just have a little salad. It's fine. Look, God bless me. If that guy got laid that night, or if that was his first date, he got laid. I mean, that was the challenge. I mean, he's a hero.

Oh, he was the decaflon runner who's like a gold medalist. And he's like, I've already conquered one thing. Can I perform after a family-sized boot-a-meal? Yeah. I think we figured it out, Mike. I think that is in fact what's going on over there. Oh, yeah. Now, as we mentioned in Eat Deats,

they do have a room dedicated to the Pope. And actually, all their rooms are kind of dedicated to different things. But the Pope room is all their rooms are kind of dedicated to different things, but the Pope room is kind of a special kind of demented. It literally has a bust of the Pope inside of like a museum glass case, like the sort of thing that in a heist movie you would have to like laser cut to get out this bust of the Pope, you know what I'm talking about. But it was like, it was very life-like looking, like it looked very detailed and everything, like,

it looked like a Madame Tussauds, like. Yeah, it was like a, you look like a wax museum of the Pope had, you know? But what I, I mean, look, if my family brought me there when I was a kid and I had to sit directly eyes with the Pope, it'd be triumphant. You'd be guilt ridden. I mean, riddled with guilt.

Gilt riddled. Yeah, I can speak. The guilt ridden. I mean I would ridden riddled with guilt riddled. Yeah, I can speak guilt riddler The bat rejected batman villains Guilt riddler a guy who just goes in there to batman. He's like, oh, I'm gonna kill you, but I'd feel so bad about it Yeah, I'd give you a riddle, but I don't want to be too hard It seems like an inconvenience and you've got other stuff to do. You've got other crime to stop. You know what, I'll let you get on your way.

The girl, Ridler. Yeah, just an entire round table and just a lot of art of like Vatican City, the Pope, the Vatican itself. It's a lot. It's heavy. It's hefty to go in there. But when you're walking away, my favorite part of the atmosphere, I guess it's of a spaghetti eating contest, but there was no formal acknowledgement of it on the thing or below it, no little plaque or anything. But it's just like five women stuffing their face with pasta. But just given the nature of the shape of pasta, it more looks like they're vomiting pasta.

They're not. I wanna be clear about that. But it's definitely like, they've got like swamp thing vibes, just like, just like hanging out of their mouths. Five of the most beautiful misbukes that you can even ask for. Classy is all hell.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Just, yeah. miss bookas. Classy is all hell. Yeah. And then the last piece of decor that I want to bring up, and this will kind of tie us into service, the place mat in front of us had the lyrics to the birthday song, and they kind of nudge everyone in the restaurant to sing along with it when there's a birthday and they kind of make it that you've got no excuse. So we're gonna go into service and you'll tell you all about that. Before we go into service, we do have to give a thumb rating to atmosphere.

It's offensively Italian, but I kind of liked it. One thumb off. I'm gonna give it one thumb up, one thumb down. So you could just say no thumbs, you know? Oh, okay. You could just give it a no, but if you want. Yeah, but I wanna give it like, okay, it was funny. There were tits out from Mona Lisa and, you know, thumb up for that.

You wanna let them see that thumbs down in addition to the thumbs up. But I wanna see them thumbs down because it is stereotypical Italian all over the place. Yeah, it's a joke. It's a, yeah. But I liked it,, it's a joke. It's a, yeah. But I liked it. It was a good joke. It was an okay joke.

Yeah, all right. Serious. Mike, you're pulling it up on your phone. Would you care to read the lyrics to the birthday song? So the placement right in front of you, it says, sing along to the birthday song. Meatballs, Pasta, we made them fresh for you. homemade marinara, lots of garlic too.

It's your day to booga. So we're here to say, have a happy birthday, that boogat about by way. Hey! It's so fast. I felt like they were like M&M speed wrapping this. Like you did it slower than they did. They did do it quick.

Yeah. You could just tell they wanted to rip this bandaid off Me Paul Paz, we made the French for you. Oh, me, Marna. I got like to Like what do you do? Make my moment last dammit. I'm a narcissist. Okay, give me five seconds more. Is that too much to ask? You're like make my moment last. The guy might take a photo of me finally. I know, you noticed me.

Yeah, but it was very funny. There were probably, I don't know, four or five other birthdays that happened. And then we actually went out to eat a week after my birthday proper, which we didn't realize. I mean, I guess I didn't realize to even tell them because I did a lot during my birthday week. So in my mind, I'm like, well, it's past. And then I realize, it's only a week. That's probably a valid enough time frame to get whatever their birthday special is.

And we got a free dessert out of it. Huge dessert. An obscene dessert. Yeah. We got a, yeah, we'll talk about it in food, but I'll leave it an air of mystery, but it is pornographically large. It is upsetting. It is, it's like when you bring a dog home and your partner wasn't expecting you to bring a pet home.

They're like, can you take care of this? That's what the dessert felt like. It was an added responsibility that neither of us were ready for. Yeah. Now, for our actual server, I thought she was actually very attentive, nice. It took a little while from the time we sat down

to that first contact, but after that, I didn't really have any issues with the service. I mean, shout out Michelle. Michelle was great. Shout out Michelle. And I only allow name dropping on this podcast if it's good service. If I'm gonna say anything bad about you,

I will leave you an anonymity so that you don't lose your job. No matter how much I hate the service you gave me. Well Michelle, she was awesome. Name drop her. Yeah. She was great. She was really nice.

And the actually the food did get there really quick after she, you know, I mean, that's a thing. I used to be a waiter too. Yeah. So it was like, when you don't know a table just got sat in your section. She probably didn't know her table got sat. So they're probably like, hey, you have table 10

and she's like, oh shit. But then that whole time, like she was checking on us, she was being super nice. When you walked away real quick, I whispered to her real quick and I was like, hey, it's his birthday. She's like, I got you, you know. Which was also funny. We're gonna start piling it in right now. Cause it was this elaborate thing where like, I got up, I know, what, which was also funny. We're gonna start piling it in right now because it was this elaborate thing.

We're like, I got up. I was like, Hey, man, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I don't know if you knew this, but it was my birthday recently. Let's see what we can get out of it. Let's fucking scam this book at a vet. Just like he just let me go back and scam 2002. Yeah. 23 grand on a strip club. Go listen to eat dates. If that means nothing to you right now, baby, go back and listen. But no, she was going to send she checked on us all the time. I wrote the joke down the other than she was checking on us is because you have to make sure there were a live from the food coma that we had just to be like,

is he still alive? I love how much you committed to that joke in that you just read it off a phone instead of just actually saying it and trying to get it over at all. But yeah, I mean, she tolerated my like, ch****s list babble the fact, like any food allergies, I'm like, I have a food dislike. And I didn't notice judgment on her face, which so good poker face, because everyone judges me for not liking sh**.

Yeah. You shocked me. I was like, you know, we're out of the Italian restaurant. Yeah, no sh**. And everything is to share. Yeah. So I was like, hey, so either you're gonna have to share something that didn't have this ingredient

that I guess you like, or we both had to just go way too crazy and order just a family's worth of food each. And of course we went with option B. Of course we did. And Michelle was there for it. But speaking of these portion sizes, she pointed out the table behind us like that's the small. And we both turned around and in sync went Jesus. Yeah, just at the same time. That's the small.

So we both had the same reaction, but we went through with it. This is one of those places that does a corner warning, because they have so many like, labyrinthian corridors and stuff that, whenever someone's coming around a corner, they just yell, corner, when I worked as a waiter, I never did that whenever someone's coming around a corner they just yell corner When I worked as a waiter I never did that. I didn't give a shit

You just raw dog this I was just raw dog in those corners and those corners out on those corners Any accidents? I mean sometimes I think I said would say it sometimes But everyone else would say it so if I heard that I would move you know what I mean So like when I'm put a lot of trust you're the one guy getting by on the backs of giants. I didn't run a lot of food, which my managers hated me for. But here's the thing about that. I worked on Friday and sorry, nights, and they had a food runner. So you don't need to.

And I had to tip out the food runner. So when they're like, Mike, run food, I'm like, well, what am I tipping out the food runner for? You're paying him, and I'm also giving him more money of my money. Why am I gonna run this food? So, why don't we talk about it? Where were you a server?

I was a server at Applebees. Ooh, the most mediocre restaurant in America so far. Sitting at a 5.02 Applebees. Five point, look at that. There it is, baby. Right atop the Chachki of Media Occurty. Right on the top and the bottom of America. How was it?

I was the worst job I ever had in my life. Specifics. Specifics was just, I- Names, addresses. I mean, I wish I knew his address so I could just share on his fucking yard. Geez. It was the only-

You're so jersey. The only job I ever had where I didn't get along with my bosses. Real, and they didn't like me. To be fair, I think you're a very difficult person to not get along with. Thank you. Like, I don't know you super well,

but like, I have never viewed you as a person who, if someone got in a fight with you, I would immediately assume they did something. They are in the wrong. Yeah. Like you're just a very friendly guy. Thank you. And I'm a hard working guy and I do my job the best I can do.

It's just when I worked there when I was 27, 28, and the manager's like, it's a lot of young people that work there. I mean, the hosts are like, some of them like 16 and stuff. And like 18 that some of the girls are like 22 that are serving stuff. But like I think along with the magic, he would treat me like I was a little kid. Yeah. And I'm like, I won't point out spank you on your little boy, but my little boy buddies like the little boybots are in the bathroom. I'm like, what is this book with the bet boat?

But no, I just he would yell at me like forgetting a ranch or like not running food or like whatever. And he would just like, like, so you forgot a ranch. Like, yeah, sorry. Oh, okay. My job is in the line. Sorry, I guess I interpreted you as someone who was competent. All right, you're in the wrong.

But no, he would just yell at me and then like cut me on my shifts and stuff. And like, I remember one time I was like, dude, I used to run a fucking casino. Like, who are you fucking yelling at? You used to run a casino? I was a pit boss at a casino. Oh, God.

You know what I mean? I'm like managing money and all this stuff. The way that I view you has like, and you're yelling at me. It hasn't done a 180, but it's done a 90. But like this guy's yelling at me like, I'm like, dude, I'm not a little kid. You know what I mean?

Like, you're probably like six years older than me. Right. You know, like, I'm not, like, this isn't my first job, dude. Yeah. Like, I'm doing this because I need fucking money. You know what I mean? You know, the reason people work like this doesn't my first job dude. Yeah, like I'm doing this because I need fucking money You know what I mean, you know the reason people work Yeah, yeah, but I hated that job dude. It was the worst. Yeah, the food wise of going to the Applebee's episode It is mediocre. I mean I was putting soups like bags of soup in shit like it was just egg soup

Bag soup I like everything. I love I love the undertones of burnt plastic, or it was just like squizz it. Yeah, that's what adds to the French onion. Yeah. It was just like, oh, it was the worst job I ever had. So when you're comparing to Bucat de Bebo, did you feel that this place gave better service than you were used to seeing around you at Apple Bees?

This was, yeah, I don't know what happened in the back. I mean, I used to get in trouble in the back of the house. Okay. Cause I mean, when you're up front serving, I'm like a nice guy. I'm cracking jokes and doing the stuff and whatever else. And if you're like, I need that steak on the back of your face. And the table's down to me because I'm not running food.

You know what I mean? And I'm like, what am I fucking paying the food runner for? Yeah, you know. So if you had to give a thumb rating to the service here, I'm gonna go one thumb up. I'm gonna go, yeah, I'm gonna go two thumbs up for a service. Yeah, I really like Michelle.

Michelle was great. Yeah, name drop again. The service was great. The food ticket to some I really like Michelle. Michelle was great. Yeah, name drop again. The service was great. The food I will say this, the service score is the whole team. And just for that photo snub, I can't give the two thumbs up. I can't, I can't do it. He's an employee there and he snub me hard. Hahaha.

Yay! Munchkin menu musings. My name is Chip and I'm 11 years old and I'll be the zoom in the Bucke de Pepeau Kids menu. It's just pretty basic with all the stuff, like word cross, tic-tac-toe. I mean it's like kids' little kids menu, so I don't really expect much. I like the characters because they have a very nice art style which is really appealing to kids. So I find that as a plus.

So first up we got nerd face meatball. We got Italian woman and then we got skateboard tomato guy, the little Italian man that looked like Mario. Basically it's a pizza man holding a crann like the rest of the world doing except for the nerd meatball and uh originally I was gonna make them have bags, like the bags on your eyes, but like it looks like a mustache so I said like screw it so I made up a mustache and I give them nose and screwing with wet butters. The games are like alright I guess, uh, one out of 70. This has been chipped for munchkin menu musings.

Thank you. Food. Yum yummy. So the thing they start you off with, like a lot of Italian places, like a lot of restaurants, you get that bread. You get table bread, they put out oil, and I'm literally asking if they have bread

as she's pouring it. And I just felt like that was a dumb question. She's not just leaving a plate of oil and walking away. You never know. But the bread wasn't there yet. So, you know, it's not an invalid question. It's just a stupid one. But this is pretty good bread, at least while it was warm.

I didn't have it cold, but the warm bread I did like. It was soft, it was okay. It was very doughy. It wasn't, yeah, it was very doughy. I liked doughy. See, I don't like doughy. What do you like? I want to kind of have a little bit of crisp on the outside

of it and kind of have it like not too much dough, but soft. And we kind of got that with the garlic bread. Those were much crispier. See, I thought the garlic bread wasn't like, that was too crispy. Okay. Might can't be pleased here. Okay. But if we're giving a score to this starter bread, I'm going seven and a half out of 10. Okay. Like, I thought it was solidly good. I'll do the same. I do have seven and a half. I did like it. It was soft. It was nice. With the oil on the vinegar, it was good. I will say it didn't feel like high-end bread, but I have a very unrefined palate.

So who am I to be like, this bread didn't taste like I was baked fresh this morning? Like, I can't talk about food in those terms. I just go me like, me no like, and that's about what you get with me. You just say that to her too. I was yeah I tasted the bread and I went me like and she was like okay sir and then the photo guy went like turn the corner and then she just gave like a hand motion like uh uh uh uh. Nicks that. That's why he never came by. She's like this guy is off his rocker. Do not do not do it. Off his rocker. Do not, do not do it. That's funny. The garlic bread, yeah, it definitely was a little too crispy.

I agree with that, but I do like softer breads. I like being able to taste the breadness of it, like not the crust as much as like the bread innards. I like, yeah, that's the taste I want. If I want a garlic bread, I want like kind of like the out, outer side of it and kind of like the top crispy. Yeah, like I want to hear a crunch when I bite in. And then from that point on, I don't want it to be difficult.

Perfect. And here it was tough. It was a tough bread. It wasn't a bad bread, but it was a little on the, you had to chew it. Yeah. It needed more butter, I thought. I don't know if they debuttered it because I said no Chicks and they assumed it was a dairy allergy. Yeah, but I did specify that it's not an allergy

So I'm hoping that wasn't the choice to me, but I yeah, it needed more butter Maybe that's why I wasn't a soft. This wasn't on there to make it softer. Yeah, maybe maybe but Still pretty good tasting. I'm going seven out of 10, so not a huge drop off, but I did prefer the starter bread. Okay, I did 6.4. 6.4, I said. Well, I don't know, you're going to the point fours, you're not even doing like halves and quarters,

you're a calibrated machine. I went full pie with 3.14, foe, foe, foe, foe, foe, foe, foe, foe, that's not pie. So the one thing I had for an appetizer, which I thought looked really good, oh yeah, that I did not eat with you. I didn't share this with you.

I had sh**s, I had cream sh**s on it. But it was prosciutto stuffed mushrooms, which I thought, I mean, right away, you're like, holy shit, prosciutto is the best. I did. No, I'm thinking, like, you eat anything prosciutto. Oh, that was like a royal you,uits the best. I did. No, I'm thinking like, you eat anything Pursudo. Oh, that was like a royal you, not like me. I was like, I would never say that.

Yeah, no, Pursuits the best, you know, give me like, even a fucking Pursuit. Can you stop pronouncing all these things the way they're supposed to? I'm just saying. So Pursudo, I had Pursudo stuff mushrooms, but to be honest, like it was just all cringey and mushrooms, it was like maybe a little bit of

pieces of Pursudo, but it wasn't like actually, like I thought it was just all cream cheese in mushrooms. It was like maybe a little bit of pieces of prosciutto, but it wasn't actually like, I thought it was gonna be like an actual piece. They skimmed. Yeah, they skimped on the prosciutto. So, yeah, to score it, I'd give it a 5.3. I love your numbers. They're so, and very valid, by the way.

Like, I'm not crapping on them. I just love that you, I gave up a long time ago on trying to give like to the 10th beyond just like, I'll do a point five, I might do a point eight, yeah, or I'll do a point zero. Those are the only ratings I ever give. You can go back to every dish I've ever rated. It's either a zero, five or eight on the decimal.

Yeah, but, okay, cool. Let's get into the obscene family style, one each on tray that we got. And I also wanna mention, they serve these bowls with the intent of family style. Now obviously I ordered a thing for me and you ordered a thing for you, but they still serve it as though it's family style.

So it came with one of those spaghetti scooper things and they get spooned. And then they have like a much smaller, like savior dignity plate off to the side that you're supposed to scoop the spaghetti onto and eat it off of there. But I'm like, hey, this isn't to share. I'm just gonna eat this out of the ginormous pig trough

bowl in front of me. Is that why the plate actually said dignity on it? It just has written in the plate. It was carved in there like bathroom graffiti. Yeah. Yeah. And I used the plate once and then realized all I was doing was expediting the process

of the food cooling off because it didn't have all the other spaghetti around it to keep it warm. So why am I doing that? No, I'm other spaghetti around it to keep it warm. So why am I doing that? No, I'm just gonna eat it out of the bowl. I'm gonna hold the bowl in my left hand underneath my chin and I'm going to just shovel forkfuls of spaghetti with as you would call it gravy, gravy, baby.

Ugh, I hate that. With meat sauce. It was, they called it meat sauce. Sometimes you see bolinets. I don't know if there's a distinction between bolinets and meat sauce, but regardless, there are men you said meat sauce. So that's what I got.

Spaghetti with meat sauce. Well, what makes it gravy is the meat in there. That's how you cook it, you know? Well, if you make gravy at home, like my mom makes gravy at home. I thought you were about to say my mom. My mom. It sounded like you were about to say mom. My mom makes gravy at home. I thought you were about to say my mom. It sounded like you were about to say mom. My mom makes gravy at home.

But she makes a gravy, but she cooks the sausage, she cooks the meatball, she cooks sometimes chicken in there too, all within that gravy, which makes it gravy. That's your theory, but the rest of the world doesn't call it that. We call it meat sauce. Gravy is what you put on potatoes, and it's a different thing. That's brown gravy. You get red gravy and you got brown gravy. And then there's white gravy. The white gravy is that's for like a chicken fried steak. That's yeah, that's white gravy. I see you trying to make an ejaculation joke and I'm trying to cut you off at the past because there actually is a white gravy.

We already talked about Mona Lisa, all right? You're all spent. You're not the marathon runner who is on that first date who is like, oh, challenge accepted. I don't even know what's going on over there. Hey. Did you try my spaghetti at all?

I don't think you did. I didn't know. Okay, so, but how was it? What did you think? So, I'm not, I don't need stuff to be al dente, but this was too soft for me. I thought these were overcooked noodles. The sauce was very average for one of these

American Italian style places. I didn't hate it, but like the noodle texture, I literally wrote down soft and sad and uninspired. Soft and sad and uninspired. Soft and sad. So they're losing all points for texture. I mean, it tasted a little overcooked, but I do really like aposta.

So even a low scoring pasta for me is still in above average food. And the score is not how it scores as aposta. As a pasta, it's a low score. As a food, five and a half. Okay. All right. Could be worse. Yeah. I had the baked rigatoni. So I had the sausage and the ricotta ricotta. We say, we got it. It was just so much. Who's we? My family in East Coast. And I would say we said, we got back home. We've already established that your words are wrong. Anyway, they've regott.

What they were saying was, I think we talked about it in the ETs also, and a lot, they just like, I mean, there was just, I mean, it's like they took an ice cream scooper of the shit and just put it in different spots on the plate. Just little sped up balls. Yeah, it was, It was like big circle balls of like the record

of ****. Yeah. It was okay at first, but then the gravy started tasting weird to me. It just like, it was like too hard. The noodles, the rigatoni itself was just too hard. So yours were too authentic. Yeah.

And mine felt overcooked, they were too soft. I like when they're soft. Oh, I don't like when they're too hard. Yeah, I mean, I don't like it when they're too hard either, but yeah, I feel like if they would have split the difference on both of our dishes, we would have both been very happy. Yeah, but we can be here.

We can split because they're both for three. Yeah. I gave mine a 5.3 out of two. Oh, slightly lower than me. You with your fancy decimals. Yeah, 5.3. But now we can get into the stupidest part of this meal, the scam dessert that we got,

the colossal brownie sundae as they call it. I mean, this was a chalice, like a plastic, almost like an arcade prize-sized, Martini glass made of plastic, almost like an arcade prize-sized martini glass made of plastic. Just they just dumped brownies. It literally felt like they went to a Costco, bought like a mega pack of brownies, opened the plastic container over this goblet and whatever fell in stays. We'll just say it was eight brownies, is what they had in there.

It was something like that. Six scoops of ice cream. Half vanilla, half chocolate, and just stupid amounts of whipped cream, a cherry on top, sprinkles. This was a punchline. This dessert should not be anywhere near anybody anybody unless you want to die that night. I'm so glad that it's to share. This was an 1899 priced dessert that because my birthday was a week prior, we got for free. Oh, yeah. But I had to put up with rap god level singing from the service staff or they're just like,

how can I get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get

to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get get to get to get to get to and then they put it on my table. And Michelle literally goes, there you go, diabetes in a glass and walks away. She did say that too. She did. Shout out Michelle, she's the best.

I mean, she didn't say it in such a mic drop kind of way. Like I just did, but like, in a much more like, eh, it sits diabetes in a glass. She whispered, good luck with your heart. Did she? No. Oh, man, I would go back and bump up that thumb

to overcompensate for that photo snub, but she didn't say it. It's so funny. You really liked this. I thought it tasted store-bought in every way. It's still a brownie and ice cream, so it's gonna taste good. I thought it was great.

I mean, I thought that was my favorite thing of the entire meal. You didn't say that, but that wasn't necessarily a testament to the brownie so much as an indictment of the other things. I mean, I thought that was my favorite thing of the entire meal. You did say that, but that wasn't necessarily a testament to the brownies so much as an indictment of the other things. I get it. He said it best. Yeah.

I went six and a half out of 10 on this colossal brownies Sunday. I went 7.8, baby. I really liked it. 7.8, baby. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I had a baby on the end of it too.

It felt like I had a fucking baby. We were pregnant. For sure, leaving the restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. All that on the end of it too. It felt like I had a fucking baby. We were pregnant for sure leaving this restaurant. Yeah, yeah. All that said, none of my scores were below five, but I feel like it's still a zero thumb kind of restaurant for food. Like I can't give this a thumb up,

even just being a quarter Italian. You being double that, where are you going? Yeah, I'm going, I'm going one thumb down. You're going to thumb down Also see my my whole overall of it was even as it came out fresh at Buka It tasted like it was you guys can't see but he did say fresh with air quotes Yeah, even though it came out fresh it tasted like it was re-heated Macaroni already yeah when you get it at the restaurant. So we went home with two containers each.

But the best part, when you cook it at home, it's gonna taste the same. Well, it tasted reheated of reheated. So you're like, it's double reheated. Yeah, it was just like, and that's our taste and weird. And I was like, oh, I was just too much. So I give it a, one thumb down. was just like, it was too much. So, yeah. I give it a, one thumb down.

One thumb down. Sorry. All right. No, I've had authentic all my life, you know what I mean? You're not offending me with your, I didn't cook you this meal. I don't care. You could have gone to them. You didn't leave for a while.

I think you're looking for the photo guy to try to get in the come over. But I thought you were cooking too. I don't know. Oh, so speaking of the kitchen though, did you know you can sit in the kitchen? Really? I was reading help reviews and people were talking about, yeah, I didn't like the service at the kitchen booth.

It literally faces into the kitchen and it's like a gimmick spot. And they said you get bad service there because all the servers have to go by there and they don't want to feel like they're bothering you that they overcompensate and don't Attend to you. No way. Yeah, but they have an actual kitchen seat. Why would you want to sit in there? I don't know It's probably so hot, but they give you a tour and that's probably why we saw people running out of the kitchen at the end of the night

We saw patrons. Oh, that's true leaving the kitchen with like a couple of kids. Yeah, so Anyways, we got to put all of these factors together into a final rating. Okay. I liked the atmosphere. It was foolish. I liked it. Service, genuinely, I enjoyed it if there wasn't a photo snub. We're looking in the upper tier of servers, but the food didn't cut it.

It was just on the cusp of that mediocre to good, but I do think I gave it higher scores than it deserved. And I don't know why I did that. I think it's just that they're graded on the curve of Italian food is better than other food, in my opinion. Yeah. So while the scores are high for food, for Italian food, they're lackluster. Exactly.

When I told my girlfriend I was going to Bucco with you, all she said was, Why? Oh. I was like, what? And she's like, this place is horrible. Yeah.

I'm like, I don't think it's horrible. I think I was hungry. And it got the job done. It got the job done. So put it all together and do a score, Mike. Where are you going? I got to give Buccoepo, Joe's Hole, if you will, a 5.90.

You've got to. You've got to give it that rating. 5.90. Inexcusable to give it any other set of numbers. 5.90 from you. 5.90. Look, Mike, I'm a less Italian than you are. So my bullshit meter is more tolerant. The food isn't a thing that I'm recommending Bucke4, but the experience of being in one,

I did like it. I would call it above mediocre, not by much, but it was a good time. I had a good time at this place. Now of course I was going to have a good time. I had a good time at this place. Now, of course, I was gonna have a good time because I was just having dinner with my friend Mike, but my score is higher as well. I'm going 6.72 at a Bucadabepo. Oh, okay. So that means when we smash our scores together

and ring out, juice out, and average into a bowl, dip the Bucadabepo logo into said bowl and smack it up on the I will be a match here. Wow. 6.31. Put it very slightly above the old spaghetti factory. Oh, you mean that heavenly place that that lady loved? Yeah, that lady.

Unreachable goals. Unreachable standards. Unreachable standards. Like that lady on Yelp said, yeah, that feels about right to me, honestly. Yeah, I mean, is a slightly better old spaghetti factory? Yeah, I never been to a spaghetti factory or the old, the old spaghetti factory. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the food's not, I mean, it was, it was the atmosphere. It was hanging out my buddy Mike. Yeah. And it was a very solid server. First the solid serving and the food, but the food was like, yeah, I wouldn't eat that. That's not my, that's my bottom Italian food choice. You're never like, dude, I gotta,

I gotta take you to this place. You're gonna love it. I'll tell you what, I told you this after we had the brownie explosion. Not what it's called. I'm only going there on my birthday to get that free shit. I'll never go back again. Oh, that's right.

You are a guy who hordes rewards apps in your phone. You showed me you were like, how many pages? Nope, not just four. I have a half fifth page. I'm all about it. I'll get an appetizer and then, you know, and that's it. Do you just do the rounds on your birthday? Do you just go all the places I can get for free?

Oh, yeah. Do you really? You know what's messed up? What? Denys, because they fucked up. Denys doesn't give you a free grand slam on your birthday anymore. No. You got to sign up for the app.

Oh, well, yeah, a lot of places are doing that. They'll send it to you eventually around your birthday, but I went there on my birthday, not knowing the app, and I didn't get a free grand slam on my birthday. That's sad. Oh shit, man. But you know a place where you can get free ice cream on your birthday? Buka. Buka, baby. Buka to beppo. Joe's whole. Well, man. But you know a place where you can get free ice cream on your birthday? Buka. Buka baby.

Buka de beppo. Joe's whole. Well shit out some ice cream. Into a, into a comically large martini bass glass. Joe's whole just shit you out of birthday celebration. And we'll call it a colossal brownie and you won't know better. Deep balls up. All right.

Well, we did not find the perfect 5.00 rating. So we gotta keep looking, okay? We need to figure out a place. I'm gonna go next time. And to do that, we gotta play a game, Mike. Are you ready for a game? Are you ready to play the headline game? The rules of the headline game.

The rules of the headline game are as follows. Michael will present three headlines to his co-host that include this week's restaurant. They can be made up or they can be actual headlines. If the co-host can correctly guess if at least two out of three are real or fake, they will get to select next week's restaurant. However, if Michael stumps them, he'll select again. Are you ready to play, fellas? Yes, I am.

Okay, I'm ready, too. First headline. Fire heavily damages Bucadabepo restaurant in Burnsville, Minnesota. True. Headline number two. Heck no, Bucca de Beppo. That's a bet. That's a bet.

Uh, false. You don't think a journalist would write that? Heck no, Bucca de Beppo. Florida man arrested outside Bucca de Beppo for belligerent eating of pasta. True. Okay, so first headline, Fire heavily damages Bukitabepo restaurant in Burnsville, Minnesota. You said true. That was true, but I just thought it was so convenient

that it was Burnsville that you might think. See, I made it up. If it's in Burnsville, everything has to burn in Burnsville at least once. I hate your logic because it means I didn't stump you. Heck no, Bukitabepo. I thought that would be a given that you would say true, but yeah, I made that up. To me, that's like some food reviewer on like eater LA, writing a review of, but no, I made it up. Florida man arrested outside Bukitabepo for belligerent eating of pasta. You said true. I kind of screwed you over on this one because while the event is

kind of true, it's at an Olive Garden. So it is false, but I will read you that article regardless. Today from the takeouts ever growing Florida man files, a man was arrested at an olive garden because while he might have been there, he was certainly not family. The Miami Herald, one of the great American resources for unusual daily news, reports of, I'm going to redact the guy's name, who was picked up outside an olive garden in Naples, Florida after police were called regarding a disturbance at the restaurant. According to a police report from the Naples Police Department, officers were dispatched to the restaurant around 3.30 p.m. Sunday about a disturbance. The caller reported that there was a man asking patrons for money outside the establishment

and yelling expletives. When cops arrive, they encountered a shirtless man sitting outside on a bench shoveling spaghetti into his mouth with his hands Beligerent eating of pasta that I mean that guy's just living his life. You know he's living the dream It's kind of fucking they call the cops and the guy. I mean I guess he's yelling at people I just do like hurling exploits at that. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, but I mean if you're I just love that headline Beligerent eating a pasta which doesn't sound like that's what he was arrested for you like that's what he was arrested for. For you. Okay, yeah, yeah. Just, that's awesome.

But you win the headline game because you sussed out two out of the three and the third one like the event was true, but it was a different restaurant. Yeah, so. So, yeah. Which is kind of against the rules, but how do you turn down a headline that great?

Yeah, so. Gotcha. So you get to pick where I'm going next time. Where do you think I will find mediocrity? Where do you want to send me? Let's see, a mediocre thing. I was, let's go to Hot Dog on a stick. You want me to go to Hot Dog on a stick?

Hot Dog on a stick. Isn't that like a food court stand? Yeah, I was at the mall the other day and I was like, Hot Dog on a stick and I thought of it and it's like that. All right, let's see if you find mediocrity. Not a proper restaurant, but screw it. I'll do it. All right.

Mike, thanks so much for coming out to Bucke de Beppe with me and for coming on the podcast. Do you have anything you want to plug or anything like that? Yeah. Well, thanks for having me, man. It's been a good time enjoying a nice Bucke de Beppe. Bucke de Beppe, I get the good advice. I don't want to get a good advice. I'll call with you, baby.

Yeah. But yeah, you can check me out on Instagram. It's at Mike Perkins I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice.

I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice.

I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice. In between that's yeah, Mike underscore Perkins that makes or Mike dot Perkins. There's no Dodd Instagram Can you put a Dodd Instagram? I don't know But if you can put an underscore put it, but what are you doing Mike Perkins underscore? Yeah Mike Perkins underscore Look if nothing else the amount of shit. I'm giving you for it people are gonna remember it

Yeah, I mean to that Mike Perkins Why do you put in the middle? Yes Why the middle put it at the end that's stupid? No mean, check it out, Mike Perkins. It's under the scope. But that's too stupid. Why do you suppose what in the middle? Yes, why the middle? You put it at the end, that's stupid. No, because then it's just Mike Perkins and then underscore. It's just like you already typed it out and you have to go click into another Mike underscore

and then go back in the letters. Oh, because you're assuming everyone's looking on their phone, which they are. Yeah. Okay, I mean, I just made that up right now. But you know what, I do get that logic. I still hate it, but I get it know what, I do get that logic. I still hate it, but I get it.

My Perkins underscore baby. And you can check out my Perkins underscore baby. My Perkins underscore, take a breath, baby. And you can check out my website, it's TheMyPerkins.com. And you can check out my tour dates and I do a late night talk show every single month. And you can come check that out live. It's an and I do a late night talk show every single month. You can come check that out live. It's an amazing talk show, late night talk show, monologues, comedy music.

And if you follow me at my Perkins underscore, you can come to the show too. There's a toilet just flush. I think that was my career. No, man, you're good. You're good because my underscore. You did make yourself needlessly hard to find. And speaking of hard to find, I'm really trying to find the most mediocre restaurant, but I failed to do it yet again. So the search does in fact continue.

I'll see you next time. Have a fine day! And hey, while you're at it... Mother and Church continues, Rattles and I do's review. And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and make it five stars? Come on. For the world's on TikTok, the same on Instagram, all the socials,

at Find Dining Podcasts. We have a website Find DiningPodcast.com Buy our T-shirts Then put them on And don't forget You can always suggest where we go next. Okay! We're going to find it! Media crafting, the search continues. See you next week! I heard my throat a little.

Have a fine day. Oh hi there, it's job. Unfuckin' believable. All of them, every fucking girl in my life. What does she do? She calls me from the house. Now that anybody was listening, they know everything. After everything I told her, after all her, yeah, yeah bullshit.

They'd know a package was leaving my house and they'd even have a time and flight number thanks to her. Now there's been like a helicopter tailing me all day. Anyways, Petunia, if you're listening, call me. Not with your phone. We're tapped. Just come find me and I need you to drive me to Michael's studio. I want to be on the Find Any podcast once again.

But don't call me on a phone, even though I have one. Just for Ad on the mob, and I'll join you in with this protection, and we can plan from there. I gotta go, okay, bye. you