Fine Dining - Culver's Review feat. Kellie Baldwin [Part Two]

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Where do Butterburgers rank in the pantheon of fast food burgers? Kellie Baldwin is back to eat Culver's with Michael! And it's official: Culver's will be the #6 seed in the 2024 Septemburger tournament! March is Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month! Find out more at the National MS Society website, and if you want to go the extra mile, donate here to Kellie's Walk for MS team! "Fine" Dining is now on video! Head on over to our YouTube to watch this episode! The interior of the restaurant is verifiably covered with to-go bags, leading Kellie to suspect they're plotting a major April Fools event in this week's What's Going On Over There? A plain-clothes undercover employee is behind the counter The Atlantic Cod and the Boom Boom Sauce do not bring the goods The frozen custard absolutely does bring the goods Michael can't stop saying "Wisconstin"   Music by: James McEnelly (@Ramshackle_Music) Theme Song by: Kyle Schieffer (@JazzyJellyfish) Segment Transitions Voiced by: Sandy Rose "Fine" Dining is on Patreon! Get an extra episode every month (February concluded with a special episode recapping all restaurants on the Tchotchke of Mediocrity between 4.00 and 6.00, taking a trip down memory lane with each one), extended Yelp from Strangers segments every other week, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, and more! Patreon Producers: Sean Spademan, Joyce Van, & Sue Ornelas   Get the 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send in your Culver's stories at [e-mail].   Follow the show on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast   Let me know where I should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, PodcastAddict, Overcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. I read every one!   Next week on "Fine" Dining: Costco Food Court History feat. On Brand Podcast [Part One]! Michael's off to the king of wholesalers, Costco, and their legendary food court with Marisa Pinson and Jon Glover. We cover the huge public reactions every time Costco changes its menu. Ever work at Costco? Send your stories to [e-mail].

From this point forward, the word cheese will be bleeped because Michael finds it offensive. Hello and welcome back to the fine dining podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. I'm your host, Michael Ornelas. I am joined once again by my good friend from college, Kelly Baldwin. I went to college. My name is Kelly and I went to college. There's a picture. I don't know if you remember this moment. Yeah.

This was back. Is this remember this moment. Yeah. This was back. Is this the planking? Yeah, this was back when planking was a thing. There's a photograph of Michael planking on a dresser, and I am planking on top of Michael's plank on the dresser. And we are perfectly flat. It was so beautiful.

It was, if I can find it, I will put it on screen right now. Which by the way, I am now on YouTube, you can watch these episodes. I am in Austin and have been for the past three restaurants. I'm in Austin and I've been here for the past 37 years. So the set is a little bit different than my usual setup. I only managed to do one video episode so far from my normal set, but I will be back. I will be back there momentarily.

For those of you listening to this show for the very first time, this is the show where I am looking for the perfect 5.00 dining experience out of 10, that perfectly average, mediocre restaurant experience. And I'm doing this because when someone's like, oh, that restaurant's good, or oh, that place sucks. What does that mean?

When does it become, like, where is that switchover point from good to bad, bad to good? I wanna know. What is perfectly in the middle? I like the term perfectly mediocre as well. There's some kind of humor there. A juxtapose. Yes.

Yeah, and so I took my friend Kelly, I selected you specifically for the timing that I did around the fact that it is MS Awareness Month. It is. Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month. Kelly, you have MS. I'm a participant in MS. Participant.

Every day. You braved the elements to go to a place that isn't gonna make your life any healthier. We went to Culver's. It's not. Yeah. Yeah. Culver's, a Midwestern Wisconsin-based fast food burger place and an entrant into this year's Septemberger Tournament. Boom!

And I am declaring them the number six seed. Oh, there it is. Okay. They're the number six seed. Okay, there it is. Okay. The number six seed. Okay. We will see where that gets. How they participate come this September. So I'm excited.

For those of you listening for the first time, I know I've already, I've said something to you, but I'm going to say another thing. Where have you been? No, I haven't said something and I would like to now. How dare you just discover this. How dare you just come on board, little Johnny come late knees. What would the episode of Johnny be?

Did you say Johnny come late knees? Like his knees are not on time? His knees are late, he's there. I left my knees in the car. He's there but the knees aren't. Just a patella-less Johnny. Oh, bless his heart. I say thank you for,

whether you just found the show or you've been around a while. I love you all. Please leave a comment, like and subscribe. And my reviews of these restaurants are based on their atmosphere, their service, and also their food. Yummy. My dining party of two. Our table is ready.

We've been talking a little bit too long. About 17 minutes. Let's dive in The table is ready Serving pancakes and ribs, I recommend the spaghetti. We're here to satisfy not to impress Your table is ready complementary butter and bread these walls of growth signs Your table is ready Complementary butter and bread

These walls have growth signs Knit-knack cowboy hat Good luck hat Autograph guitar Some crap from your city Behold the tchotchke of mediocrity Fine dining It's just fine dining

Fine dining Two letters on the sign are shining Neon flickering irregular timing Identify the perfect vibe She's Pal Atmosphere. Okay, so there's a lot of like wooden signage with like the butter burger with like we love our farmers because they advertise or we learned in the eat deeds last week that their vegetables are farm fresh and all from Wisconsin. So they're very pro farmer. I saw something for their fish. Yeah, I saw like a fish fry. A fish fry sign.

I saw a crinkle cut fry, or a sh** curd sign, something like that. But yeah, they're just advertising with like nice artsy signage as opposed to just, you know when you go in a Burger King and it's just like those vinyl stick on the window things. There's a little more effort here. Yeah, it's a little bit homier. There's a little more effort here. Yeah, it's a little bit homier.

They put a little more work in. Yeah. There was an extra step in the process of flavoring the inner decor. I also noticed that there were some hoarder elements in here. The tables were very clustered around each other. There was one group that they were all kind of like just cramped together. Like no one could sit in them.

Or at least in the, like edges only. And then it's just all booths around the rest of the place. There was one table that had like a stick figure icon of two chairs and a table with like the red line through them being like, do not this table set. And then a note on it that said, red line through them being like, do not this table set. Yeah. And then a note on it that said, this table is in for a deep cleaning,

please sit to another one. But I didn't see anyone over there cleaning the table, so when is that deep cleaning happening? Well, there was a spray bottle with chemicals, not water. They started, it's just gonna clean itself, maybe. And like a rag on top of it. It's a self-cleaning table. Ooh.

We're not that far away from that. I wanna see it, I wanna see it. I'm gonna clean it soft maybe. And like a rag on top. To self cleaning table. Ooh. We're not that far away from that. Like let's be real. I wanna see it. AI is coming for all jobs. There were like a lot of other customers in construction attire. I did see, yeah. Lot of like those reflective yellow vests

and it was almost comical because one would come in and eat and then leave the restaurant and another one would come in. It was like a cyclical thing. Like I was there like just one giant like a clown car out there and they all just kept single falling like one by one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Into the restaurant. Or it's like in in kindergarten where it's like you all have to go up to the teacher and talk to her one on one and then the teacher sends you back, go get Dave now. Tell him to come in. Go get Marcus. Yeah. You know like yeah and it's just like one of

That would be so adorable. They get their food and then they go out and they're like, okay, they're ready for you. Hey Rosalia It's your turn to go in and eat. Miss Walker is ready for you now. There was also uh like a freezer with a bunch of pints of custard that you could take to go. I wondered if there would be to go stuff. Yeah, which I was considering grabbing an extra flavor for us to try here, but people typically don't like listening to people eat on a podcast. Yeah, that's a tough sell. It's a tough sell. So I didn't do it. And ice cream is like, or custard is a slurpy food. It is slurpy.

Yeah, but there was one thing above all else that really stuck out to me. We turned down the row to go to where we ultimately ended up sitting. And on one of the tables, just as far as the eye can see within the confines of this table booth, on the seats and on the tabletop, Culver's bags, like paper bags,

like takeout bags, galore. Probably 60 of them. I would love to guess the number, but I'm not good at that. Guess the number. I was never good at that game. How many M&Ms are in the jar? I always wanted to win that game, and I never won that game. That's a stupid game But yeah, my guess is like 60 to 70 that's more reasonable. I would have gotten over the top with my guess

40-hundred it would have been in the hundreds. Why'd I say 40-hundred for that's for that I I could have thought that this was a lot of bags and kind of a weird thing if it just stopped here. But then- There was more. I had to go up later to grab us plastic ware and napkins and stuff. And I turned down the other aisle way. And there are more-

More back. There's a whole rack. There's another table, like a rival table. They're on opposite sides, like East versus West. And I was like, this is so much. I start walking back and to the left of the entranceway, there are metal wiring. Is that the material?

Like a shopping cart material shelf. Like a metro rack, anyone who's worked in sales before. Covered in more and more bags, just just levels upon there had to be 200 of these lunch sacks of culvers to go bags and it was just odd because i didn't know what was happening it made me wonder what was happening it made made me wonder very specifically, Kelly, what's going on over there? What's going on over there? What's going on over there?

Should I worry? Should I care? What is going on over there? Kelball? Uh-huh. What's going on over there? I thought about it, and I've reached a concerning answer, Michael.

You know when kids would play pranks on their neighbors, they get a paper sack and they fill it with dog poop, they put it on the doorstep of their neighbor, light it on fire, ring the bell and run. That's what Culver's is doing. April Fool's Day is right around the corner. Hundreds of times, hundreds of times they're doing this. They are pre-gaming for April Fool's.

They're getting ready, yeah. It's like a week and a half away, something like that. They go hard. They really commit, yeah. Yeah, I think Culver's, their entire team, plus Scoopy, are gonna go out. Plus Scoopy. That's why his name is Scoopy. He's the one out there scooping the dog poop.

His role has been defined. He really lives up to his name. It's not about custard. No, it's not about custard. It's about the second half of custard turd. It's just turd, not custard. It's just turd. Just turd.

Scoopy going out, filling these bags. Yeah. They're ringing doorbells. They're running. The evidence clearly leads back to them because they're all Culver's bags. They don't care. They're bragging about it.

They're like, what are you going to do? Stop eating butterburgers? Try it. Come for us. Yeah. We dare you. Fearless. We dare you.

That's really scary and intimidating. Think about the people that have maybe been victims of this kind of abuse. Abuse, yeah, yeah. And they come to the Culver's to get their lunch. They see the bag. They're triggered. And they go, oh my God, I know it's coming.

They have like an end of usual suspects, like they put it all together. It's all coming together, yeah. And then like just Scoopy is smirking at them over the counter. Yeah, I think we've figured it out. I think that is, in fact, what's going on over there. We got to rate this atmosphere a little bit. We got to, we got to hold out some thumbs and do something with them. I don't know. Yep. There's nothing inspiring about the atmosphere at a Culver's.

It's just kind of whatever to me. It was a little bit better. It was better than other fast food restaurants. I don't know. There's a wet floor sign. There's a table that you can't access. There's a cluster of tables. There's bag real estate all over the place.

Location, location, location. Front table, front table. Side rack. Location, location, location. Front table, front table. Side rack. Shopping cart rack, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Nothing about this impressed me. It was pretty standard for me. I'm going right in the middle.

I'm going no thumbs. No thumbs up, no thumbs down. Zero thumbs for the atmosphere at a Culver's, for me. I'm going one thumb up, just because it was cleaner than most fast food places that I eat in. Or at least they promise there will be a deep clean of a table. They promise. So maybe it's my hope speaking here.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and like you had mentioned, the signs, the posters were a little bit nicer, more thoughtful than. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the thing that counterbalances all the negative that I said. But I was basically saying why to me it doesn't go up.

Okay. Because again, those are nice touches. But not enough to. Yeah, and the place was clean enough. I didn't check out the bathroom or anything. I didn't either. As I was driving to meet you, I was like, I should not pee before I leave the house.

I should hold it for coldness. I should hold it so I can intentionally use the restroom and give a good word of mouth on it. But then you were like, can I use the bathroom? And they were like, just go in the bag. And then I just loved it. In one of those paper sacks. And then just set it on the table there.

Thanks. And like, oh. Oh my. Unique. What an experience I've had. So one thumb up. One thumb up for me. Zero thumbs for me.

Service. All right, kiddos. Now we get to talk about the service team here. I don't know they were nice enough, but they were kind of a non-factor overall. When we first walked in there were I thought Too many of them behind the counter like why do Right, but there looked to be like a woman in

Street, yeah behind the counter kind of like emptying out a cabinet and just talking to them in Spanish Like maybe she works there, but she wasn't working today, but she still felt the need to be there. That's the vibe I got because there seemed to be a familiarity with everyone. And they were speaking back to her in Spanish and not alarmed that there was a person behind the counter. Gathering stuff. Yeah, so from context clues, I'm going to assume she was allowed back there.

But yeah, there was just a, it was kind of jarring, I guess, that there were so many people back there. There were too many people back there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The lady that we interacted with, that we ordered from, I thought was, she was nice.

I thought she was nice. She was patient as we were kind of holding up the line a little bit before we, you know, we were funneling people past as like, hey, we're gonna take our time. We're not ready, go ahead, go ahead. And I go up there, I'm like, we're gonna get a lot of food right now, and she goes.

She was not phased by that. I can handle this. Mm-hmm, she did. This ain't her first rodeo. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, she answered questions, if I had any. Yep, we had a few questions, yeah. And she was nice, and then asked us, and this is a very key part of our experience,

would you like your desserts now or later? Mm-hmm. And I said later, because I thought that meant with the food that comes later as opposed to right this moment. Right this moment. Yeah. I didn't realize that no, they're gonna give you the food

and then never bring you your dessert. And you have to remember. You have to remember and ask. And come back up to the counter and ask for it. Yeah, which based on the reaction of the people at the counter, didn't seem like it was the plan. Like it seemed like an oversight.

Okay. Based on how they responded to me asking. When you went up there. Cause they were like, oh, you didn't get that? And I was like, no, sir. Oh. No, sir, I did not. Okay.

And then there was another guy I interacted with, which this is kind of funny to me. I went up and so one of the items that we ate, spoiler for later, was the Atlantic Cod, the fried cod. And they had five optional dipping sauces. Oh, that's right. And I went up there, and I was like, can I try the Boom Boom sauce?

And the guy kind of like looks around at the other coworkers and then just goes to grab it for me. Now I'm not blind, I'm not dumb, I saw both the context of him looking around and like should I? And the sign that had the sauces on it says that they're 45 cents a pop. He gave you?

He was going to give me free sauce, I offered to pay, he accepted payment, and then I was like, you know, does it have in it? It is yellow and I want to make sure before I do that. But yeah, and then after trying the boom boom sauce, I feel like they should have paid me 45 cents.

But yeah, no, there was just like a weird moment in that where like he seemed like he was just like a weird moment in that where like he seemed like he was gonna break a rule for me, but then I took the tension away from him. So I was the hero. He was conflicted and you saved him. I saved his ass. I saved his job.

He will get to spread bags on all doorsteps a little bit. Because of you. Because of me. Wow. I'm a hero. And then yeah, there was confusion from the guy who I went up for the dessert follow-up with. Yeah.

But everyone was nice. You know, they do bring out your food. You get a little, you know, one of the little, Yeah, like a little stand. A little teepee. Uh-huh, uh-huh. A little triangular thing with your number on both sides and you put it on your table like what Whataburger does.

And it said on there, worth the wait. Yeah. Debatable. Yeah, I don't know if I would say it was worth the wait. It was certainly, I mean, it wasn't a long wait. It wasn't even a long wait, so that's not something that I would have touted. It's not the type of food that I'm just like,

oh my gosh. I can't wait for it. It's not like, you know when you get home at the end of a long day and you get to put on sweatpants? That's worth the wait. Yeah. This did not bring like the relief. That euphoria.

Yeah. Yeah. Culver's euphoria. So yeah, when I'm thinking of this service team, they were all nice enough, but it is not table service. It's not like a waiter's coming and taking your order. They were all pleasant, but just the setup

didn't go above and beyond to crack out of zero thumbs for me. So I'm again, right in the middle when it comes to the service. Yeah, it was not. There was nothing negative. There was nothing stellar. And I think the nature of it being a fast food joint, like you're not getting table. Like they brought the food to us.

Thank you. But like, it's not like a waiter that's coming and serving us and waiting on us. And the thing that I love about table service is the rapport you build. Like I love joking with a waiter. Oh, totally. And they pretend to love it.

That's the dance. Yeah. So I also have to go zero thumbs just because of the nature of the format. The style of service it was. Food. Yum, yummy. Okay, we ate our weight in Culver's, I would say.

I weigh as much as the food that we ate at Culver's. You put me on the scale, you put the food on the other scale, and it balanced right out. Which is a testament to how much food, because you are a large person. I'm so big. So let's start in sideland.

So let's start in sideland. Okay. Fries, cheese curds, and onion rings. Onion rings, uh-huh. Those are the sides we got. Okay.

I would not touch one of those things. I know, I know. Let's start on fries. Let's start on onion rings, because I have the same note and the same score for both of them. Okay. These are average.

Just average as average can be. You taste a French fry. This is like, when you think of like, what's a fry that's not good or bad, Culver's. You think of an onion ring that's not good or bad, Culver's. I thought these are right in the middle. Five out of 10 on both for me. Okay, okay.

Mine's a little bit different. I liked the fries more than the onion rings. I thought they were very middle of the road. Yeah, yeah. But I kept going back to the fries, which told me that I liked them because I wanted more of them. So I went, let me see my notes here.

I went 5.5 on onion rings and I went six on the fries. Okay, so you're still within the conversation of mediocrity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're a little bit, just because you kept going back. Slightly different, because I kept going back for the fries. I'll go a little higher. Yeah. All right, all right, all right.

And these were crinkle cut fries, which is not usually my favorite fry, because I grew up with a mom who we would get the... The ore-ida. Yeah, in the bag in the or the. The orida. Yeah, in the bag in the freezer section. The big red bag that is frozen. You just dump the whole bag on a tray and you bake it in the oven.

And you basted it in tears. They were never good. So in my mind, I just always equate that with crinkle cut. And these were crinkle cut fries, but they were better than that. Of course. They were better than bad. they were better than that. Of course. They were better than bad.

They were better than horrible bag oven fries. Yeah. A ringing endorsement. Yeah. If you listen to the show, you heard the thing at the front where, I don't like sh**. I bleep the word sh**.

We're not allowed to really say it. You're gonna get to talk about the sh** curds, but you only get one minute to do so. Oh dang. We're not allowed to really say it. You're gonna get to talk about the cards, but You only get one minute to do so. Oh dang I'm gonna put one minute on the clock talk about the curds give your rating. Okay, three two one go Okay, so I got the curds now some of these they're yellow inside and some of them are white inside for me the yellow inside and some of them are white inside. For me, the breading on the outside was a little bit too thick for the size of the curds, which are not very big. I've also eaten these

before and had them really when they're really good. They need to be like really hot and fresh for them to be top notch. The longer they sit there, just like the more they go downhill. And I kept finding myself looking at my rating and wanting to like lower it each time. Just pick away at it. Yeah, slowly but surely. And I thought, no, they were that score when I first took a bite.

It imbibed. Right. And so I can't, it's not fair to change them and score them for what they are now. So I went with, the page 4.2. 4.2 out of 10. I've had these before when they were good. These were not their best showing.

And that is one minute. Yeah. Uh, I was disgusted just by the presence on the table, by all the marketing materials about them. They really went hard on the chokers. They love their ch-. Yeah. I do not. It grosses me out.

As we talked about last week, I have food trauma. Don't we all? With ch-. And you have it with root beer. I have it with root beer, so I understand. So now let's move into just terrible land, the Cod. We got the Atlantic Cod. Atlantic Cod. Now let's move into just terrible land, the cod. We got the Atlantic cod, I think is what it was called, the fried fish tender, basically.

This thing tasted like a freezer. I don't care if I'm eating something that was frozen versus fresh, but if I can taste the melted ice that has become water as a flavor in the meat. It wasn't freezer burn taste. No. But just like that melted ice, freezer ice.

Yeah, I know what you're saying. Yeah, and I'm like, I don't want this. And I gave it a couple chances with the boom boom sauce. Yep, you did. And you know, boom boom is supposed to sound exciting. When you order something called a boom boom sauce, you expect maybe a kick. Oh, I want a kick.

It was a pretty bland sauce. It was. My note, one word, lame. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I went three out of 10 on the boom boom sauce. Oh, I didn't write the boom boom sauce. I'll have to think now. Yeah. I went three out of 10 on the boom boom sauce. Oh, I didn't write the boom boom sauce. I'll have to think now.

Yeah. Conjurer memory, yeah, if you can think of. And then I had the tartar sauce with it, which was better, but it was kind of just whatever. And when the tartar sauce is the preferred thing over boom boom, you're not living up to your name, boom boom. I went five out of ten on the Tartar sauce and when you put that three and that five together, I went three point five on the cod

Okay, okay So, let's see. Let me think of numbers the boom boom sauce. You had three point you had three Can I help you think of numbers? Yes the square root of 64 seven That's a great number. And then afterwards has to be 11, I think. Yeah. Okay. And then of course, 69. Oh, he did a... Okay, so for the tartar sauce, I agree. I like better than the boom boom sauce. And that's unusual for me because I'm not a tartar sauce kind of person. I'm not a tartar gal. So for the Boom Boom Sauce, I'd probably say 3.5.

Yeah. And then the- It wasn't an impressive thing. It wasn't at all, and I wanted it to, with a name like Boom Boom Sauce, I wanna be impressed. They should rename it Whomp Whomp Sauce. Oh, Whomp Whomp. Yeah.

For the tartar sauce, I liked this more than most tartar sauces I've had in my life. I might go six on the tartar sauce. You're gonna go six? Yeah. And then the cod overall. The cod overall? Oh, I was, you were three on that?

Three and a half. I could be talked down. I went 2.1 on the cod. But granted, I'm not a huge seafood person, so for it to change my mind has to be really good, and this was not really good. Yeah, to me, it was a pervasive blandness, as opposed to an offensive taste.

Yeah, and then when you add in the soggy breading for me, that just, it was soggy. Oh yeah, the bottom was falling out. The part that was making contact with the tray that it was on. Flap is how I would describe what came off of. Yeah, and it just, the grease had soaked in. It was very, yeah, real oily. Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, not a good thing. Not a good showing, not a good showing. Not a good thing. I was not hooked on the cod. That's one of the upper viewers. Are you making a fishing joke? A fish joke. Was I a little fishy to you?

I'll stop. And that's been this episode of the Fine Dining Podcast. Thank you so much for joining. We didn't finish the episode. One of the hosts is being put in... The boo box. The boo box? From Hook. One of the hosts is being put in... The Boo Box. The Boo Box?

From Hook. I just watched Hook the other night. And so like that's... I haven't seen it in a very long time. Okay well... Is there a thing called the Boo Box? The Boo Box is one of the one of the pirates betrayed Captain Hook by saying that he wasn't gonna beat Peter Pan.

So he gets put into the boo box. Basically like a treasure chest that they've emptied out and have filled with scorpions. They put this person in there, lock him in the boo box. For how long? We don't know, because it doesn't ever, it's never resolved. Oh wow.

He's just put into the box. And that's the scene. See ya. And that pirate is actually Glenn Close, like in pirate makeup. Wait, is it for real? Yes. Yeah.

Blew my mind when I learned that. Okay, fun tangent. You don't get to decide what was fun. We did great, team. Great job, everyone. Thank you so much. Yeah. So now let's talk about burgers.

Now I mentioned and announced that Culver's is gonna be in the September burger tournament. And so in the interest of suspense, we're not gonna give our numbers away. We're just gonna in a general sense, talk about how we liked them. Okay. So just like descriptions, but not scores. Yeah. And you know what? We're not even gonna in a general sense, talk about how we liked them. Okay, so just like descriptions but not scores.

Yeah, and you know what? We're not even gonna talk about the first round burger until September. Okay, okay. So we will leave that for September. Okay. But we can talk about the second and third round burgers because, I don't know,

it may not even get out of the first round, but I want those to be in the world. That's fair. I think that's fair. So our first round burger that we're not gonna go into, we got the Butter Burger, which is just a very basic, plain burger with,

you get a single or a double, two kind of smash patties, kind of, very thin with the griddle marks and stuff and a buttery bun. So that's the Butter Burger. We also got the Culver's Deluxe, which is essentially that plus lettuce, tomato. Was there pickle? There might've been some pickle on there.

And mayo. There was mayo. Yeah. I thought that this worked a little bit better than I expected it to. Yeah, same. Because you look at it and it's not, it doesn't lure you in. Yeah, it's not like this standout thing where you're just like, expected it to. Yeah, same. Because you look at it and it's not,

it doesn't lure you in. Yeah, it's not like this standout thing or just like this thing is. Whoa, wow. Yeah. Yeah. It's just kind of an unassuming, it's a humble burger. And I thought that the ingredients

were all pulling their weight in equal sense. It was, they were greater than the sum of their parts. It was impressive how well everything came together. Yes, they were greater than the sum of their parts. It was impressive how well everything came together. Yeah, you compared it to an ensemble cast. Yeah, a movie with an ensemble cast where you're like, wow, here's a good actor, oh, they're a good actor, oh, I like them.

This was the Les Mis of movies. This was Les Mis. Yeah, so it all comes to... Is that ensemble or is that just Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman and Anna Hathaway? Yeah. You know what? I don't know what I'm talking about. What's a good ensemble movie? I wanna say Love Actually,

but I actually don't love Love Actually. Mindblower, but that's like a typical ensemble cast. That is an example of an ensemble cast, not necessarily a good one in the sense of the Culver's Deluxe. Yeah. Yeah. And you can get the score on that burger if Culver's advances in September.

Let's see. In September. And then the last burger that I got was the Culver's Bacon Deluxe. So the same one as before, but add bacon to it. Add bacon. Mm-hmm. And the ratios were different. So the same one as before, but add bacon to it. Add bacon. Mm-hmm. And the ratios were different.

I felt like all the ingredients that were in the Culver's Deluxe were in differing amounts compared to one another. Yeah, the proportions were different. Because the first bite I took, I didn't get any bacon in the bite, and yet it still tasted different from the regular Deluxe that I got, the non-bacon Deluxe. And then I got a bite with bacon and the bacon was an improvement. Yes, I agree.

But it's like one of those things where, how do I talk about or rate this burger if I feel like the bacon would have been better on the other one? Yeah, yeah. It's almost- It's just an inconsistency. one. Yeah, yeah. It's almost... It's just an inconsistency. That's what it is.

It's almost an inconsistency. Like not the nature of the burger, but the consistency between that and the previous one that we had. Maybe one was left on the griddle longer or the ratio of toppings was different. To me, it seemed like it was within the veggies where the levers were toppings was different. To me, it seemed like it was within the veggies

where the levers were pulled in different directions. Yeah, that's my read on it, but what do I know? You've never eaten a burger before in your life. I've never had a burger before. So you don't know nothing. In my life. So now let's get to the part where Culver's did impress us. Oh, they took a turn.

It was a good turn. Dessert, which we had to advocate for our way to dessert. You did, yeah. Yeah, I had to go up and claim them and be like, hey. These are ours. We didn't. Yeah. Just hug them on the counter.

Swipe them in. Like a cat pushing a glass off a table. We went in opposite directions. We both got a concrete. You got vanilla. I got chocolate. Chocolate. And we get two mix-ins. I went with butter cake bites, basically,

and salted caramel. I went with marshmallow crème. Creme. C-R-E-M-E, crème. Went with a little accent over the first E. Marshmallow crème and brownie pieces. And I think we both did okay. Yeah, because we tasted each other's.

We tasted each other's concretes, which I don't know why they're called concretes, but it seemed like the type of mixer they used is probably a factor. It was a giant concrete truck, right? That's the only explanation. They had a concrete truck outside. That's the only explanation that I'll buy.

Yeah. They were literally, for anyone who didn't have a porch, they were creating porches so that they could leave flaming bags of poop on them. I wondered why it was so loud in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a concrete mixer from outside, yeah. I thought these were really good.

These were very good. I got the first bite of my chocolate with the salted caramel. The butter cake bites were like little, I mean, they weren't cubes. They were rectangular prisms. Yeah, it was like someone baked a cake and then like chopped it into tiny chunks. Into little rectangles. Yeah. Dropped them in, mixed them in.

And I thought that those were okay. This might be orderers' error in terms of the size of the cake. and mixed them in, and I thought that those were okay. This might be orderer's error in terms of just picking things that may not have mixed as perfectly. And I convinced you on the butter cake. I'm the one that told you to get the butter cake, so I'll take it. But I was heavily considering it.

Okay, okay. I suggested it and you were like, oh yeah. Oh yeah, oh butter cake. You confirmed a thing that I put out into the world. Okay. I think if it was just the chocolate and caramel concrete, this probably would have had a good argument for being amongst the best shakes.

I thought the butter cake bites detracted a little bit. Skewed it a little bit. But all that said, I still went eight and a half out of 10. Like it was very good. Yeah, it was very good. And the chocolate was so rich. said, I still went eight and a half out of 10. Like it was very good and the chocolate was so rich. It was really smooth too. When I tasted yours, it was like super creamy. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have a score for mine? If I were to score yours, it would maybe be just a couple of decimal points below mine.

Only because I tend to with ice cream cream desserts, lean towards vanilla over chocolate. Sure. But that's just my preference. That's not a reflection on the quality. You were side-eyeing me the entire time. I was waiting for you to look away so I could knock it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And then yours. Mine was vanilla with the marshmallow cream and the chocolate brownie chunks. Yeah. And it was so good. Like, as soon as I took that first bite, I was like, oh, man, like, this is what they're meant for. I ordered it correctly. I did it right.

Yeah. Like, the ice cream treats are what would make me go back to Culver's. And it's not an uncommon viewpoint, I think, amongst the populace. OK. I really liked yours, too. I did prefer mine because of just I have a chocolate preference. And I thought that the populace. I really liked yours too. I did prefer mine because I have a chocolate preference

and I thought that the caramel bites with. I think the texture, for my opinion, the texture of yours was better because it was just so silky smooth. But I liked the flavor of mine better. I gave it an 8.8. Yeah, and I gave yours an eight. Just a flat eight. Uh-huh.

Which both of us seem to agree, these are great desserts. Really good desserts, yeah. Yeah, I would put Culver's in the conversation when it comes to the dessert game. Yeah, like, hey, let's get in the car and go get like a frozen treat somewhere. Dessert? You want to go to Culver's? Culver's, yeah. You betcha.

Yeah, yes. Mm-hmm. All that said, factoring in these excellent desserts doesn't drag up the floor enough. It didn't for me. I wanted to love Culver's food. I had heard a lot about Culver's. And like the burgers, again, I mean, I'll score them later.

They were good. They didn't set my world on fire. They didn't blow my mind. But they were good. Like I liked the burgers, but man, was that cod just a sad experience? Besides, I really wanted more. Yeah.

The sauces, the dipping sauces. Could have had a stronger Shelly. Yeah. Both of them. I think just overall, I thought Culver's could have been stronger. I don't have any thumbs to give Culver's. I don't have any thumbs in any department for Culver's could have been stronger. I don't have any thumbs to give Culver's. I don't have any thumbs in any department for Culver's.

I also gave zero thumbs on food. The lows were low, the highs were high, and there was a lot in the middle, so kind of just all balanced out. Canceled out. Yeah. I mean when you're giving a 2.1. I gave 2.1 to that poor fish. And then an 8..9 8.8 on that. 8.8? Yeah. Yeah. You're sitting around the two ends of the spectrum. Yeah so no thumbs on the food for Culver's. We got to put all of it together and score it. Numbers. Final rating. Alright. No thumbs for me on atmosphere.

No thumbs for me on service. No thumbs on food. We are just... were you thumbless across the board as well? I did one thumb up for atmosphere. I did one thumb up for atmosphere. I did one thumb up for atmosphere. I did one thumb up for atmosphere. I did one thumb up for atmosphere.

I did one thumb up for atmosphere. I did one thumb up for atmosphere. on atmosphere, no thumbs for me on service, no thumbs on food. We are just, were you thumbless across the board as well? I did one thumb up for atmosphere. You were one atmospheric thumb. No on service, no on food. Yeah. When I'm looking at my score, to me, yeah, it's right in that mediocrity range. It's encroaching upon five, but honestly, I thought that if some of these no thumbs were going to get thought that if some of these no thumbs were going to get a thumb, some of them were veering more towards down than up. Yeah, I agree. So this is, this is a little bit on the low side of mediocre. I'm going 4.54 for a Culver's. We're pretty close then. Yeah. Where are

you at? I felt the same way you did, and I went with 4.63. 4.63. Yeah, we put those things together. Culver's is gonna go up on the tchotchke of mediocrity when I get back in Los Angeles, 4.59. ["Culver's is a Good Guy"] This ain't mediocre, not quite as good as Applebee's.

Okay, that feels right to me. It really does. I hear that number and I'm like, yeah, that checks out. That checks out. But you know what this means? What's that? Do you know what this means? What's that? Do you know what this means? I've never heard of this show before,

and I've never listened, so I have no idea what this means. I will tell you what it means. It means that we did not find the most mediocre restaurant, which means that we need to keep looking. What I'm doing? Are you just whiffing the microphone? Does it smell like everyone else's breath that is recorded there?

I just want to put my mouth, if I talk like this, that works, right? Honestly, I don't think it sounds that different. It just looks really dumb. You just look... Okay. You look like a person smelling cotton candy. But it means that we got to keep looking for another place to go.

Okay. We got to find somewhere that could maybe be more mediocre than Culver's. How do we do that, Michael? The perfect five-point... We play a game. We put it to just a little game Okay. that I like to call The Headline Game!

The rules of the headline game are as follows. Michael will present three headlines to his co-host that include this week's restaurant. They can be made up or they can be actual headlines. If the co-host can correctly guess if at least two out of three are real or fake, they will get to select next week's restaurant. However, if Michael stumps them, he'll select again. Are you ready to play, you two? I'm ready. You are ready. I'm ready to play. All right. First headline. Okay. This very Wisconsin marriage proposal features a Packers jersey, Culver's sign, and a concrete

mixer to celebrate. I like that you added a T into Wisconsin again. Did I? You did. You're not even aware that you're still in. Did I really? You totally did. No.

Marriage proposal? Hold on. I'm gonna go back to the replay because I'm convinced I didn't. So whatever happened, your honor. I'd love to see your reaction to this. This very Wisconsin. Wisconsin. Wisconsin.

Well, I mean, I'm not gonna actually know. You'll know. But in post-production, I will find out. Mayor's proposal involving a Packers jersey, Culver sign, and a concrete mixer to celebrate. Culver sign and a concrete mixer. Wow. I'm just not a big romantic, so this doesn't pull on my heartstrings.

So I'm going to say false. My cold-blooded heart is going to say false, Michael. All right. Second headline. FBI offers $10,000 reward for identification suspect in serial culvers robberies. What are they robbing? The culvers. The culvers.

What are they getting from there? All those bags that are lined up and waiting to have dog poop in them? Yeah. Yeah. I want to believe that in my heart. I'm going to say true. You're going to say true. One false, one true.

Last headline, Culver's took close for Indiana area restaurants due to new legislation. You're no longer welcome here. New legislation. What would that legislation be? What could it be against? Like against fast food? Not in the Midwest, not in this country!

Or maybe they can't be like, is there like a radius? Like you can't be within so many, there can only be so many restaurants within a certain radius. Oh, I'm torn on this one. There's too many school zones. Too many children. People are speeding to the concrete. I'm gonna say false.. There's too many school zones. Too many children. People are speeding to the concrete. I'm gonna say false. You're gonna say false.

I'm gonna go with false. All right, first headline. This very Wisconsin marriage proposal features a Packers jersey, Culver sign, and a concrete mixer to celebrate. You said false. That was true. Oh no, my bitter heart got the best of me. FBI offers $10,000 reward for identification suspect in serial Culver's robberies.

A very slapdash sentence. You said true, that was true. Yeah! I was really hoping that the bad grammar was something you would assume I messed up and not the actual... What were they robbing? Did it say? I think like the cash register. They went from Culver's to Culver's. I thought they were stealing like food. Serial Culver's robberies.

They just thought they were just stealing food from. OK, I love that the FBI got involved. It's not even the local authorities. It was straight to the top. Yeah. Ten thousand dollars. Yeah. Have you seen this man? Lastly, Culver's to close four Indiana area restaurants due to new legislation. You're no longer welcome here.

You said that was false. You did, in fact, correctly suss out whether or not that was false. I sussed. I made that up. So that means you win the headline game. You got two correct. Boom. What wrong? I did it. God, I achieved that up. So that means you win the headline game. You got two correct. Boom. What wrong? I did it.

God, I achieved my goals. You get to pick where I'm going next time. Where is that gonna be? So I'm- And keep in mind, keep in mind, whatever you were about to say, wipe it from your mind, start over. Fast food, fast casual,

any chain establishment is on the table. Okay. Okay, good. Yeah. So I remember listening to when your girlfriend was on, Joyce, and she was talking about she really likes the hot dogs at Costco. And I know they have I know they have more food. Do you want me to review the Costco concession stand? I kind of do. Get those hot dogs. Cool.

Well, to start next week, part one, and then part two, a week later, I'm going to go to Costco. I'm going to have to get a membership. Just to get the food. Are you going to go in and buy stuff at Costco? No. You're just going to get the food. I'm just going to pay for the membership for a year and go this one time.

Okay. That sounds reasonable. Sounds financially responsible. That sounds good. Kelly, thanks so much for joining me. Yay, thanks Michael. It was a lot of fun having you on. We didn't find the most mediocre restaurant in America. Not this time.

We're gonna have to keep looking. The search does in fact continue, but before I sign off, follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Fine Dining Podcast. Have a fine day! The search continues Our journey did not conclude The mother-wrapping search continues Write us an iTunes review And hey, while you're at it

Why don't you go ahead and make it five stars, huh? Come on Follow us on TikTok The same on Instagram, the same on Instagram. All the socials at Find Dining Podcast. We have a website, finddiningpodcast.com. Buy our t-shirts, then put them on and don't forget you can always suggest where we go next okay we're going to find it mediocrity

the search continues See you next week! Cough cough cough cough cough cough cough! Heard my throat a little. Have a fine day!