Fine Dining - Michael Ruins His Alaskan King Crab at Pappadeaux Seafood Kitchen

Episode Date: December 28, 2022

The fanciest restaurant yet surprises Michael & Garrett Three diary entries from His Majesty, the Alaskan King Crab A busser tries to steal a swimming pool JUB will teach you manners! 11 year-old Willa is too cool for the Pappadeaux kids menu Our waiter spills scalding hot butter on Garrett's hand   Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send us your Pappadeaux stories at [e-mail].   Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast   Let us know where we should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google, or wherever you get your podcasts. We read every one!   Next time on Fine Dining: Chuy's! If you have ever worked for Chuy's and have a story to share, or if you’d like us to hear your child’s review of the Chuy's kids menu, send it to [e-mail].

Huge thanks to Gabe Alvarez at Austin Audio Lab for hosting us this week. Hello, and welcome back to the Fine Dining Podcast, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America. I am your host, Michael Ornelas, and I'm your host, Garrett Zwerk. And we are on a mission. It's more of a duty. Yes. I would say it is our civic duty.

It's our civic duty, yes, to bring the average American, the most average restaurant. We're doing this for you because we're men of the people. Yes. You, you are us. And we want to define that perfect 5.00 out of 10 experience for you because you don't have to do that. That's our job. Let us get our hands dirty and our bellies pumped.

Let's get our stomachs pumped. This week we went in a very different direction from last week. Last week we went to Waffle House, and it was our new epitome of average. It was a 5.06 out of 10. Very close. We went from trashy southern to classy southern. That's right. We went to Papadeau.

I took you here. I had never been. I had neither. I didn't. I mean, I had an idea of what to expect, but it was a very memorable experience. I like this place. I did too. So we'll talk about it for you.

If you're listening for the first time, our criteria for rating is based on the restaurant's atmosphere, based on the service, and based on the food, of course. Obviously, we're going to restaurants, so we're going to tell you what's good to eat. Go ahead, dive into this journey with us. Fine dining, party of two. Our table is ready. Behold the trash key of mediocrity. Fine dining, just fine dining, fine dining.

Two ledgers on the sign aren't shining. Neon flickering, irregular timing. Identify the perfect vibe. How the 10. Fine dining, fine dining. First impressions. So the first thing we noticed was this wonderful charcoal barbecue smell wafting at us in the parking lot.

This was such a funny moment when we realized we're in the parking lot. We're walking up, we're like, man, it smells good. This is going to be amazing. What seafood smells like this? We get it closer. The smell is about the same, not stronger. We look across the street. And there's a Rudy's barbecue.

And we realized, I was like, oh, that's why this smell is familiar to me. This isn't even from Papadeau. Yeah, it amused me quite a bit. Very much a tease. That said, what I did notice of Papadeau was still very enjoyable for the place. The building itself was super interesting, classy. It had like a courtyard area with a fountain, like just like a real nice fountain. You know, you could kind of get that like hotel smell of chlorine.

Yeah. They were like even, but like in a pleasant way. Yeah. Tape outside seating, even couches. There was like a lounge area for people to, I guess, hang out at Papadeau. Yeah. And like a veranda overhead and some benches underneath that we got to hang. It was just very inviting.

It was a very classic Southern courtyard. And then like a big like neon, when I say neon, I don't mean it in a corny way, but like a big like almost like a clock tower clock on the side of the building with a neon border around it. It was, it was great. And then glass doors like you'd find on like a boat or something. And there was this little, there was a shrimp in a martini glass. Designed on the glass door.

Yeah. It was a really nice logo. I was all about it. And I was like, we haven't even walked in yet and I'm impressed. And then the music was very appropriate, just kind of like, you know, New Orleans-y, whatever that means to you is brassy, jazzy a little bit. Yeah. Yeah.

They didn't overdo it on that front, but yeah. And then you walk inside and it feels nautical. You know, lots of like kind of those nice polished hand like reflective handrails and stuff that you find on boats. The ceiling. How would you describe that pattern? We put a picture of the ceiling. It's hard to describe, but we put a picture on our Instagram.

So they're fine dining podcast. Different types of ceilings utilized in this restaurant. One is a coffered ceiling and it has mahogany wood, which is super expensive. Also, the other half is a decorative tin painted with a lustrous gold. That's the one that gave me like, oh, we're on the Titanic. Yes. It was very classy. It was cool.

And then there's like chandeliers everywhere. And we haven't even said, I looked to the left, there's a Mardi Gras mask on the wall. It was cool. Oh, did you notice the trumpets on the wall too? I didn't, but there was so much to notice. They were very decorated walls, but not. It wasn't kitschy. It wasn't kitschy.

It was super classy. It read great. I am a fan of Papadot's presentation. And then like a majestic bar. They had the longest bar. It's such a long bar, like, you know, glass bottles all along top, all top shelf, liquor, displayed. It was like, I felt underdressed. I was just like, oh, I should be wearing a suit here and like a nice suit and like a tie.

And like, you should dress for a wedding when you go to Papadot. Yeah. We definitely did not. We were in hoodies and whatever we were wearing all day. But I dug it. Me too. I dug it so much. I feel like at this point, this is the best impression I have gotten from any restaurant we have done so far.

Just walking in the door. Yeah. Or even before walking in the door. Yeah, literally the outside of the place. I can't say enough good things. I feel like I'm just raving about the place and it deserved it. Papadot founders, when you hear this, because I know your fans, good job. You guys are crushing it.

You're beautiful people and we love you. And I know you know we're crushing it. We're all crushing it together. Keep doing your thing. It's a crush party. It's a crush party. That was stupid. What does that phrase mean?

You looked like you were referencing some facts when you were talking about the ceilings. Do you just have a whole bunch of facts for me? I may or may not have some individual rusty facts. Why don't we just play some whip noises while you read them off? Yeah, let's round them up. Let's round them up. Guess which city it was founded in? Houston.

Okay, you're right. The first Papadot was opened in 1986 in Houston. Now there are 38 locations in eight states. Okay, that's a respectable chain. Papadot is owned by Papa's restaurants. Not like Daddy, but Papa's as in the Greek last name, Papas. These Greek dudes own so much non-Greek food. They have Papa's brother steakhouse.

Papacitos cantina. I have a friend that worked there. Papa's barbecue. Okay. Papa's burger. Papa's seafood. Papa's delta blue steakhouse. Wait, did you say they have Papa's steakhouse and Papa's delta blue steakhouse?

Yes, just like they have Papadot and Papa's seafood. Oh yeah, I didn't even catch that. Okay, like why are they, what's the distinction? There is none. It's just the timing of the opening. The seafood place is open first and I think Papa does their newest creation. Interesting. The most interesting Papa's thing of all, dot coffee shop.

Did you just say Papa dot coffee? No, just dot coffee shop. No Papa. It's the only... Oh, apostrophe S, just dot coffee shop. Like they're trying to like end a website like, oh, you just go to Papadot dot coffee shop. That's actually a good marketing strategy. The original Papa's patriarch, HD Papas, came to the U.S. from Greece in 1897.

Wow, I didn't know they had HD in 1897. Ah, it was only 720. Oh, okay. Pretty soon, this man prolifically started opening restaurants in Tennessee, Arkansas and Texas. You know that bread you loved? Yeah. Papadot makes more than 2.2 million baguettes per year. Honestly, that might be less than I expected.

Well, I guess 38 restaurants. Yeah. Yeah. Oh wait, 38 Papadot restaurants. Yes. Not Papa's restaurants. Yes. Papadot.

And I'm just saying only Papadot has that bread that I know. Okay, it feels maybe about right. I don't know. That's a lot of bread. That is, and that was some very addicting bread. That was good. That's what I got for this week's Rusty Fact Roundup. Atmosphere.

This was a classy place. It really was. It was chandeliers. It was like deep burgundies. It was a very rich color scheme. It was like the photos of people that like historic people, you know, like historic people, like people from the past. Yeah.

Yeah. A lot of jazz musicians and like, you know, founders and like different like boating photos and stuff like boating folk. It was basically jazz plus nautical. Like that was. So it was like the band on the Titanic as it sunk, but in a positive way. Wow, you made this sad and you're trying to tell me it's positive.

I want to reference the resiliency of these fine gentlemen that wanted to provide music to calm the frantic passengers as everyone died. I think they were trying to drown out the screams. Let's be real. This place also had, so it is classy. There was some stuff that kind of bordered on catchy, but I don't think it, I don't think it read that way to me. There was a giant crab.

Like six foot long crab just tucked up into the corner of the restaurant. I thought it looked really cool. It did. And then like lots of like fish and boat ores kind of adorning the wall. There was some anchors and then like a steer, the whatever the wheel steering wheel thing, the captain's wheel, captain's wheel. Yeah. And then we had a big lobster tank.

Oh yeah. That was kind of the direction I was facing. I know that you were sitting facing the other way, but yeah, big lobster tank where presumably if one of us had ordered lobster, we could go and pick out our dinner. I always feel weird. I don't want to choose the animal I'm about to consume. That just feels kind of wrong.

It feels a little dirty. Yeah. You know, I can understand looking and being like, oh, that one looks the best once it's already, you know, not alive in front of you. But yeah, seeing it moving is very like, I'm responsible for this, but none of us ordered the lobster.

So that wasn't how the situation went. Conscience clean. Conscience is clean. One thing that we always like to note, clean bathrooms. Yeah, actually really clean, fancy bathrooms. Music is piped in at an appropriate volume. And you know what they say about clean bathrooms. Clean kitchen.

That's right. The standard of hygiene that a restaurant applies to their bathroom usually speaks to the standard of hygiene they apply to their kitchen. And you can find this in our five survival tips for casual dining. Yeah. Just go to our website, www.finddiningpodcast.com. Go ahead and just put in your email address and we will email you a little PDF that we put together for you.

That'll kind of tell you some of the tricks of the trade that we have learned in our days as frequenters of casual dining establishments. I think we are well equipped to do that. You know, we always talk about whether or not people count as atmosphere because, you know, the restaurant by design didn't place people in any certain spot, right? Yeah. But they're there. They are there.

They are part of the ambience. Sometimes it's overhearing a conversation at a table next to us. Like last night I just overheard somebody say, they were so young. And like that's all I heard. And I was just like, oh, somebody died young. And then I listened a little further and they said they were just 70. And I was like, yep, that's a phrase you only really hear with that tone, with that inflection of like, they were just so young.

Just that concern. Also, you hear that with marriage and divorce. Oh, yeah, I guess so. Also childbirth. Like literally to the child. Wow, they're so young. Yeah, they were just born. That's how birth works.

That's how newborns work. OK, so you were talking about people. Yeah, how they add to the atmosphere. There was this red-headed. We think he was a busser just roaming around. Just everywhere. I mean, he was bussing tables occasionally, but he was just always on the move. Never with a real destination that we noticed.

But then the true confusion came when he started going outside. Yeah, I was watching. He was elbow deep in the fountain outside. Yes. Routing around. And so we then start seeing him pulling a pitcher up and walking away with it. So he's just scooping water out of the fountain, walking away with it, comes back, scoops water out of the fountain, walks away with it.

And then a lady posts up by the window. I don't know if she's like who works there. And it looks like she's kind of watching us. She's not kind of watching us. She's watching us. And it just leaves one question, Garrett. What's going on over there? Every time he removed a pitcher, he was gone for an oddly long time.

Because normally we saw him roaming around the restaurant. So we're used to having this man present. So now he's going maybe 10 minutes or so at a time, just gone. What do you think he's doing? I don't think I know what he's doing. Christmas was three days ago, Garrett. All his kids wanted was a pool. That's all they wanted.

That's all they wanted for Christmas and Santa didn't deliver. So this man is taking it upon himself to go back to his kids with a pool. His seven kids deserve an above ground pool. So his wife is guarding the door, making sure the employees won't see. They are in the security camera blind spot. And he is scooping out chlorinated pitcher by chlorinated pitcher and putting them in the trunk of his car, driving it home at the end of each shift. And he's filling up an above ground pool so that daddy can deliver where Santa didn't.

So he's stealing a pool, one pitcher at a time. One trunk full at a time per shift. And, you know, in about two months, you should see the inside of his trunk. I bet it's lined with plastic or garbage bags and he just dumps those pictures into that trunk. Yeah, it is definitely just filled with trash bags. And his kids are so grateful. They don't really know because actually when he gets home, he then has to store it in the bathtub of the guest room that he yells at them if they go in.

So he's like trying to smuggle this water around the house because he wants it to be a surprise. You don't want to spoil for the kids that they're getting this pool, even if it's going to be two months after Christmas before he gets all the water needed to fill it up. And the restaurant's none the wiser. No. They're not paying attention to the fountain levels it replenishes itself. I imagine it's his job to refill the fountain too. Yeah, and it's just, you know, it's out in the hot Texas sun all day.

They just assume it's evaporating at an especially fast rate. Forget that it's December. I think that's what's going on over there. Yeah, that's what's going on over there. What is going on over there? We've got all this nautical themed decor that is working. It's working well. It's great.

We've got a classy bar. We've got an amazing exterior. You know, it also had like those colored bulb lights. I look like it's just such a welcoming like a Bourbon Street. Yeah, no, the courtyard above there were light strong. Seamless. It was great. Seamless.

And even the crab, even the corny crab. And when we take all of this into consideration, well, first of all, when we take all this into consideration and I walk up, I'm just like, do we even belong here? Like, I'm almost like, are we in a country club? Like, we're not members. But hey, thankfully, the lighting was classily dim enough to where they didn't notice. Their atmosphere is on point, man. Even like our buddy with the pool smuggler.

The pool smuggler that got terrible gas mileage. Yeah, because his trunk was so heavy with water. All this added up into just one hell of an atmosphere. Yeah. I'm going two thumbs up. Me too. Two thumbs up. Easy.

Easy. Moving on. So, Michael, what are your resi's for the new year? My new year's resi's? My new year's resolutions? Your rest illusions? My resty boy rest illusions? Yes.

My new year's resty boy rest illusions? This is already chaos. You know, so new year's resolutions actually hold a bit of weight for me. It really pushes me into the new year with some habits that I'm trying to develop. This is the first year where I kind of maintained them the entire year. You did. We're coming up on the end of the year and my two resolution, my two resty illusions from last year, technically this year still, I didn't allow myself to eat at any restaurant

that had a drive through. The only exceptions I made were for this podcast. We went to Bob's big boy, which had a drive through and we went to Pizza Hut, which there are drive through pizza huts, but not the one we went to. Okay. The amount before 2022 where my diet consisted of drive throughs was way too much. I feel like I eat just better food now. Just the quality of food that I allow myself to put in my body is better.

Even if I'm not making a healthy choice, it is still healthier than kind of a processed, fast food situation. Hey, since launch, my diet has been like 75% fast food, so I'm taking up your slack. And then my other resolution was for the whole year, I'm only drinking water. Yeah. And I have done that. You have. Even when we were at Bob's big boy and we had the milkshake discussion of is a milkshake

a food or a drink and it was kind of iffy, it's a cuspy food. It's very cuspy on if it's a food or a drink. I decided ultimately if it has a straw and you can drink it, I'm not allowed to have it as much as I wanted it, so I have abstained. I'm going to keep that going a little bit into the new year. I'm going to give myself a little bit of slack, a little bit of enjoyment in that regard. Because I do like the unhealthy foods we all do. They taste good.

That's why they're so popular. So I'm going to allow myself one drive through a month for 2023 and one non-water drink a week for 2023. And then the other big one that I am going to do, and this is going to be tough, by the end of 2023, I want to run a marathon. Wow. 60 pounds since I started a year ago, and we're doing a lot of eating and I do want to fight that, but also I'm just very proud that I'm able to move around better.

I don't breathe as heavily, so a lot of my resolutions have just kind of had to do with my health and kind of wanting to be in better shape, capable of more physically. I just want to be able to do some of these things while I still have my youth and all that. Those are my New Year's rest illusions for this year. Run a marathon, one non-water drink a week, and one drive through restaurant a month. I like to think you have inspired me with your search for health. So one of my New Year's rest illusions will be get my six pack back.

There's nothing, no feeling, quite like lifting your shirt and looking at your abs in a mirror. I have never had that luxury. It feels good. I have never had it. I don't know if I will, but you know, we'll see what marathon shape training does for me. And one more thing I want to do, I want to limit my usage of the word daddy. I think you're doing that for me.

This is a New Year's favor. I say it's not even for you, Lake. I'm sometimes just in my own room doing something, I'm just like, oh, daddy like. I'm driving down the road. Oh, this person let me in. Oh, thanks. You're I'm going to limit myself to 20 daddies per week. You're like a 90s sitcom character 20 is so much, but it's such a cutback for you.

Okay. I've probably said daddy at least 20 times already today. No, I know. Um, yeah, we'll see if this, if this carries through, it'll be very interesting. So I'm going to be a lesser daddy with a six pack. A lesser daddy. Yes. They're greater daddies, lesser daddies, the hierarchy of that.

Oh, all the people in the greater daddy area. Yes. That's funny. Uh, you know, daddation, whether or not any of you listeners strive for New Year's resolutions or not, you know, they work for me. They have done tremendous things for me in 2022. You know, they also got me motivated to, you know, start up this podcast and be working on a project.

And yeah, I want to keep that going. What are your New Year's resolutions? If you have some fun ones that you actually plan on doing, don't just come up with like chaotic ones, but if you have some that you really like and want to do and just send them to find dining podcast at gmail.com, uh, if we like your resolutions, we'll read them. It'll be fun. Oh, if I say dad instead of daddy, that doesn't count toward my daddy count. Yes.

Don't, don't look for like loopholes. That's not the point. Service. Our service experience started off so strongly. Smiley, confident guy, you know, Hey guys, is it your first time here? And like, you know, he knows the first timer spiel. Yeah, he did the first timer spiel. Like, you know, we're known for this.

We've got this bit of history, blah, blah, blah. He didn't put a ton of heart into it, but he also didn't not put heart into it. It's hard to explain kind of the vibe. You had a really interesting, very specific vibe. This guy gave me the vibe that he's like the kind of guy that like during his lunch break goes and plays dice in the alley for money. Well, like the type of guy who sells raffle tickets at a carnival. I don't know.

I got a very like vaudevillian vibe from him. I think it was the center part in his hair. Just something about it. Center part and the underdeveloped mustache. Yeah, it just felt very much like, hey, you want to see a show? Like that was kind of the vibe I got from this guy. He kind of talked like, yeah, you want to play some dice? Yeah, and a man come out back.

Come on back. I got you. I'm not that good at this game, but some cubes, baby. Yeah, yeah, I guarantee you're going to win. Yeah, just that hustle. Guess which cup this ball is under? Yeah, he's the type to or like play three card money or something. Yeah, no, he I could see him as a carnival barker. Yeah, he's got that in him.

Yeah, he just everything he said, he had an air of confidence and like self-assuredness that like I appreciate how that comes across. I didn't dislike it. This isn't a negative on him. It's just the gut feeling that I had. On an interpersonal level, I liked him the entire meal. Yeah, the service. He told us he was the head waiter at one point and that, you know,

so that automatically increased our expectations. So, you know what? You're in charge of service in this restaurant. So you got to be the best now. Yeah. And you know what? My friend that we ate with last night, you know, took a selfie with us and, you know, our waiter like photo bombed in the background, like gave like a little cheeky grin.

And then after the photo was like, did I make it in? That gained points with me. You know, I thought it was a fun thing. Like I am and actually I don't even know if you know this about me, Garrett. At any opportunity where I can get a well-placed photo bomb, I do it. Nice. I actually had one that went viral. Really? What was it? There was a so there's a pro wrestler by the name of Leo Rush,

who was at an indie show in California and I was at that indie show. And Danielle Fischel, who played Topanga on Boy Meets World, was also at the show. They got a photo together and I noticed someone taking a photo of them. And I, you know, just made like a big open mouth smile. And then, you know, a little while later, Leo Rush signed with WWE and the photo they used on their website to be like, this guy signed with us. Was that photo with me? Photo bombing.

And all of the comments are like, nice photo bomb to that guy. No, I picked photo bomb from that guy and I'm just like, yes. You got to find that so we can put that on our socials. I will try and find that. Yeah. That's right. We're on Instagram at Find Dining Podcast. We're on TikTok at Find Dining Podcast and you can email us whatever you want, Find Dining Podcast at gmail.com.

We might regret that, but I don't know. Maybe we won't. Yeah. So this server wasn't. He was fun. He just wasn't that present. I felt like one of the big things that I want from service is just even if it's from across the restaurant, just like a look of like you good, you know, because sometimes you're just like, oh, we've been out of water for 10 minutes.

Or like, that's where we want to place our dessert order or whatever. I just want to be able to grab attention. I want you accessible. OK. Like I'm not a big fan of the check in, to be honest. It's like it doesn't even need to be to be fulfilled. OK. But otherwise, it's not even that you need to like physically come to the table and check in, but just give me a look like you good.

And you were saying that I couldn't even find. Yeah. And it's a large space. That's one thing we didn't talk about. This restaurant wide open. Who? Yeah. A lot of space in a nice way. Like it felt roomy and I loved it. And actually, like I didn't even pick up on our waiter being not present. Because you were facing the opposite way.

I was facing and the manager came up to our table. Yeah. So after we had placed our food order, he was like, oh, hey, I know your food's taking a long time. I'm sorry. It's coming out soon. And my gut instinct was like, I didn't even notice it was taking a long time. But now that you've pointed it out, yeah, I'm kind of upset by it. So, Papado, guys, don't shoot yourself in the foot. It's OK. We're having a good time.

Your atmosphere is great. Let us soak it in. And from that point, the food took way longer. Yeah. But it was just funny because we were happy having our conversation. And I wasn't noticing anything until he pointed it out. Yeah, it was very much a shoot yourself in the foot situation. I don't hold that to them, though. I don't know. Sometimes food just takes longer.

They were trying. It's usually on the kitchen. You know, we were enjoying each other's company and my buddy, who you were meeting for the first time that I went to high school with. Oh, I know what happened there, though. I feel like they had noticed our notebooks and then. Yeah. They started trying too hard, almost. Well, the manager only came by once. And I don't know if the server ever took notice of it.

I also, I mean, like, I don't know if this is bougie or not. But I do always close my notebook when they come to that. I don't want them eaves the reading. My handwriting is such garbage. It doesn't make a difference. Yeah, that's fair. And plus, I kind of like watching some nuclear codes or just something to throw them off the scent. Oh, do you ever see him? The head turn that makes that's holy.

Keith was doing it. He did it out back in episode one like trying to clandestinely read what we're writing, lining yourself up on a plane to land straight on a runway the way you turn your head so that it aligns perfectly with the orientation of your notebook. Yeah, it is. It always tickles me. We've gotten it a couple of times. It makes me laugh.

How do you feel overall about the service experience? It was OK. I feel like my basic needs were met, but our server knocked over the scalding hot butter sauce butter sauce that went with my meal. Yeah. So he knocked it right on to me. Yeah. And it didn't actually hit you. It hit my hand fully. Oh, it did. Yeah, it just thankfully avoided all my clothing.

Like, I don't care. My hand can burn a little whatever. I don't need to get my hand dry cleaned. Right. I don't hold it against him. Yeah. Whatever accidents happen. Now, all right. So we're talking about service. This actually isn't about us or even our experience. But listeners, be considerate to waitstaffs.

I don't want to. I don't want to scold anybody. But, you know, hey, I'm going to stop you. I'm going to scold people. OK. What Michael is about to say. These people are garbage humans. They should not be allowed to eat out. It makes me mad. There was a couple that came in eight minutes before close.

Yeah, they should not have been seated. This is an eight minutes before close at a Wendy's where food is quickly made. This is a Papadot where everything is made from scratch. And it is, you know, an hour and a half to two hour dining experience. Yeah. OK. So this guy, this douche canoes walking in on his own. Douche canoes. Yeah. He's ignoring everyone. He's on his phone and just kind of barely puts it down.

I don't think he even looks at the hostess. No. He's like, give us a table. You know, can we get a table? And, you know, she kind of just like, uh, yeah. Like, you know, usually corporate policy is if they walk in before the time, you just can't say no. I could tell like his poor date. She had a look on her face of she felt guilty.

She knew they were doing wrong, but this man just didn't even notice. Yeah. And, you know, just to like be on your phone during it bugs me. Yeah, I don't know. This gets this week's This Is Way Too Much Award. Right, Garrett? Yes. This was, you know what? This douche canoes actions way too much. And now a word from our totally not made up sponsor. Oh, hi, it's job.

And I have another project that I've been working on has nothing to do with batter and has everything to do with manners. Were you the person that walked into that Papa dough eight minutes to close with your phone still to your ear and still talking to people like it doesn't matter? You're a piece of dirt. Job don't like you. Nobody likes you. And I think you should learn your manners. Are you the type of person who doesn't tip?

Do you talk? Period. Shut up. Did you bring your service animal and you're complaining that they're wanting to turn it into food? Don't bring it to a restaurant. What do you think they're serving you? Are you the person who asked the waiter?

Can you turn the volume down a little bit? Everybody likes the volume. You're the only one who doesn't like the volume. Shut up about the volume. So job's got a course on manners. I behave real good. I use napkins to wipe the Schwartz off my lips. I use words like Schwartz instead of shit.

You know, I'm a real polite guy. You can be polite too if you just join my program. That's all you got to do. And I'll teach you about please. I'll teach you about thank you. I'll teach you about holding doors open for the elderly because they don't have arms. You ever been yelled at by an old man? Anyways, if you do any of these things, I don't want to work with you.

Call someone else. Okay, bye. So we got to rate the service. Yeah. Between the server. Yeah, I don't know. It just, it bugs me to look around many times. Like just if I have a question, I just want to be able to flag someone down.

I just want to be able to be like, Hey, need a refill? Hey, would like to place that dessert order because we actually did have a moment where I asked if we could kind of delay placing in the dessert order because I think I had asked for the dessert menu a little too soon. And we were still kind of working on our entrees. But we also noticed that they were not that far away from closing and I wanted to be considerate. But you know, my friend ordered a cocktail. Oh, speaking of your friend's order, he requested hot sauce right when his food was delivered. Oh yeah. And guess when that hot sauce came?

As soon as his food was done. Yeah. And the waiter literally kind of just was like, Oh, sorry if this is too late, but here's your hot sauce. And my friend like not to the waiter because he's not trying to make him feel bad, but slick to us. He's like, Yeah, it's a little too late. But yeah. So he, you know, we asked for the dessert menu, but I said, we're not going to order it just yet. And he's like, it's fine.

You know, I'm going to be here. I'll be the last one here. Don't worry. You can place it whenever. And then he was gone for about 15 minutes and I only was needed like five minutes. And so I was like starting to be like, I really want to place this dessert order. And I just wanted to make eye contact with him. He was nowhere to be found.

And I know you were facing the opposite way, but like it's a large restaurant, but it was, it's an open space and it wasn't that packed. So he should have been easy to spot nowhere to be seen. I saw every other waiter and he just kind of kept disappearing and 15 minutes for a dice game. That's what it was. He was going to play dice. He had some raffle tickets to sell. So yeah, I'm going one thumb down. I don't have ill will towards this guy.

I liked him well enough, but I'm going one thumb down. I'm going to go zero thumbs because of my vantage point. I didn't get to notice the deficiencies that you did. Yeah. I think that's fair. I could be talked into zero thumbs, but I think just when you look at all of the components, it's a soft one thumb down for me. Hey! Munchkin menu musings.

Hi, my name is Willa Shakespeare. I am 11 years old and I'm going to be reviewing the pop it out kids menu. There's the unscramble the words and at the bottom it just like it gives all the answers. As if some kids not going to just flip the thing around and write down all the answers. I know that's what I would do because part of it's like you need to want to play with you because there's tic-tac-toe. I know like I was at dinner like no one's going to want to play tic-tac-toe with me. I think where it's you have to trace the line down to the catfish. It's like that's probably the best thing on here and it's not even that fun.

The majority of it is just coloring and that's very hard. They give you those weird triangular crayons that are only four colors that are probably the four most unlikely colors I'm going to use to actually color something. They're very hard to hold and it's like chalk because you draw with it and all these shavings just come off of it. For me to like finish this I mean because I know every time I've gotten one of these menus I'm just speeding through things. The waiter would be coming to get our drinks and I'd already be done with it. And then if I had to rate this I'd probably give it like a four out of ten. This has been my TED Talk. Thank you.

I looked at the menu and the word Louisiana was in quotation marks. My buddy pointed that out to us and I... It's very funny. It's not Louisiana gumbo. It's Louisiana gumbo. So the first thing we had, the bread. You have thoughts on this, right? Okay.

The bread seemed unimpressive at first. It didn't seem store bought but if you go to a nicer grocery store you could find bread kind of in this vein. It definitely tastes like they made it fresh. But it was one of those things where it was like a pull apart loaf and yet even the inside parts had like browning and crusting. And I was so impressed by the texture of like the inner part of this thing. It was a texture dream. The taste... It was the taste of good bread.

It didn't stand out but the texture was so pleasant and I was impressed and didn't know how they accomplished it so well. It was perfectly light, airy and flaky all the way through. And toasted. Flaky. The butter was solid. I went 8 out of 10 on bread. I have to agree with you. Even though it was a little light on the flavor for me, I kept going back for more.

We all did. It was irresistible bread somehow. And then we got a couple starters. We tried fried alligator. I have become a much more adventurous eater by way of this podcast. By wanting to give more well informed reviews and kind of sample a larger part of the menu. Not just my normal burger and fries or whatever. That's so American of you.

You're a burger and fry boy. I am a burger and fry guy. I love me a good burger and fry and we are now 13 episodes into the podcast and I've only gotten two for the show. Despite my instincts wanting more. And one of them was literally at a burger place that specializes in fine burgers and drinks. Some of the best burgers. In the title. So we went adventurous here.

The alligator. We got fried alligator. We got boudine. For those of you who haven't had alligator, people say it tastes just like chicken. There is some truth to that. To me, the flavor warped. I put it in my mouth and it was chicken. I chewed a little bit and it changed.

It was one of those things where it was just kind of an evolving collection of flavors. I can see that. Like the first alligator chunk I had, it tasted kind of like half dark meat chicken, half duck. And I can see it as I chewed more, I got more duck. The second one was just like pure white meat chicken. I don't know what's happening with that, but it's still tasted fine. It tasted fine. I had it and my gut was, I would prefer chicken, but maybe it's because it's my comfort zone.

They did have a brown, how would you describe the sauce? A really watery, almost citrusy gravy? Sure, yeah, yeah. I liked it. I thought the sauce added to it and then they had some lemon for squeezing on it. Oh, the lemon squeeze on that improved it vastly. Yeah, I'm going to give this a respectable seven out of ten on the fried alligator. I think I'm actually going to go seven and a half out of ten.

I've had a little bump. I've had fried alligator before and this was good for fried alligator. So much better than the last time. No, I liked it. I think if my mindset didn't immediately go to, I think I'd rather be having chicken right now, it would score higher. But I did like it. I would eat it again. Oh, hey, you know what?

What? Do you know why the batter had a little bite to it? Why? Because it was alligator. Oh. Burp. I've had booting once before in my life, but I guess they were... This was a very different dish than the time I had had it before.

The one I had had before were booting balls. They were like hush puppies. Okay. The one that we had here was like a sausage stuffed with rice with a kick to it. And what kind of sauce was that? That was like a white mushroom cream sauce, I think? Yeah. And then it came with wild rice.

The wild rice was just okay. It was rice. Yeah, it was rice. Six out of ten didn't stand out too much. The boudine, I preferred the version that I had when I actually drove through Louisiana last year. So this, yeah, I'll give a seven out of ten. It was still good, but the boudine balls with just kind of like a fried breading around them. Actually, can I tell you a story from when I had that?

Oh, yeah. Okay. So this was summer of 2021. I'm going on a road trip. I literally drove the entire country. I've already talked about this trip a little bit on the Bubba Gump episode when I talked about Officer Hot Dog. If you want to go hear that story, it's one of my favorite stories I've told on the podcast. He's officially on the Task Force.

He is on the Task Force. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. So I went on this road trip and I'm driving through Louisiana. And there's a Facebook group that I was in six or seven years ago, maybe, with other wrestling fans. And there was this one guy by the name of Rick, who I don't really talk to that much, but like I talked to him a little bit during that time. Then in 2020 on my birthday, I kind of like put a Facebook post out that I was just like, hey, everyone, it's my birthday. All I really want is like all my friends to like call me. And Rick called me.

And I'm just like, we've never spoken on the phone and it was just very funny to me. It was a little like, hey, we don't know each other. What's up, happy birthday. But I knew he lived in Louisiana, so I'm driving through on my road trip. I call up Rick and I'm like, hey, want to get lunch? He's like, what? Yeah, sure. I don't have a lot going on.

And he recommends a place and we go there. I meet up with him and we get lunch. And he's like, oh, we should get some Boudin. And I was like, I have no idea what that is. Like what's in Boudin? And he just goes, it's Boudin. But that's not the funny part about this story or meal. He goes on to order his entree.

I forget what he got. I want to say it was gumbo, but I don't remember what he got. But it came with a side salad and the waitress looks at him and she's like, do you want the side salad? And I was like, yeah, I'll take the side salad. She immediately snaps on him and just goes, are you going to eat the side salad? Because I'm the one who has to make it. And a lot of people don't eat their side salad. So if they're not going to eat it, I won't make it.

Just tell me that you don't want it. He's like, no, I'll eat it. And she goes, OK. He walks away. And it was such a hilariously hostile interaction. That's two thumbs up service right there. It's cool the entire rest of the meal, but it just had this moment of sternness to her. She was like, this is serious for me.

I don't want to stick my hand in that lettuce drawer and make you the salad if you're not going to eat it. So shout out to Rick if you're listening. I remember this story fondly and have told it a couple of times. Anyways, the boudine was fine. Yeah. All I can say, six out of 10, it was fine. Honestly, there was nothing spectacular about it that stood out to me. But the fried alligator came with shoestring fries.

Oh, yeah. Just a little crispy. The thinnest fries you could possibly imagine. Just little bits, just a little pile of them. And we were all just fingertip in our way in there. Just a communal, everyone dip your fingers in and like get your fingers all over it kind of gross. They tasted like the best possible potato chips you could have. Nine out of 10.

They were fantastic. 10 out of 10. They were godly. You know what? 9.5 out of 10. OK. I'll meet you in the middle and I'll get over my fear of commitment of giving a 10. I'll go 9.5 out of 10.

OK. They were fantastic. I really like these shoestring fries. Papadoshoo string fries that come with the fried alligator. Very strong entry. But now we got to talk about entrees. Yes. You got quite the special entrees.

I did, especially considering I hear that they might be going extinct. Like they cancelled the fishing season for it this year. You're reading the diary of royalty. This is His Majesty's journey. 61st entry. It has been 500 days since I left to find my remaining people. And all I see is darkness. The sky above is pummeled by the waves.

Worn timeless, my kingdom is empty. And all I feel is lonely and silence. Bristol Bay's once vibrant dives brought dignitaries from depths and farther seas that journeyed through my noble lands, besieging favours from me. Now, rarely even plankton pass. It's sad. My land was rich.

My rule magnanimous. My name is no longer king. Just crab. And I scuttled through this wasteland alone. Wait. Something is nearby. A palace made of wire and netting. And this sound, it's familiar.

Could it be my people? What'd you get? I got the crawfish etouffee. It was subtly spicy. The crawfish was fresh and tender. So earlier in the meal, our server told us they fly in seafood fresh every single day. So I'm having fresh caught crawfish. This was the best crawfish of my life.

I've only had frozen crawfish before. Wow. What a difference. It's amazing. I didn't taste your dish. Normally I do. We actually, we tasted my friend's catfish. He had fried catfish.

It was good. That was good. I don't have a rating for it. I didn't eat enough of it, but like, I don't know, for fried food, I'll give it like six and a half, seven and a half somewhere in that range. Something like that. Didn't steal the show, but solid. This etouffee was tied for the best crawfish etouffee I've ever had.

The last time I had it, it was made by a former New Orleans chef. Okay. So probably pretty solid. Yeah, it was solid. The flavoring was better than it was here, but this was in Los Angeles. This was on par because it used fresh crawfish. He had to have his shipped in frozen from New Orleans. I see.

So this is going to be probably a solid eight and a half out of 10 crawfish etouffee. That's a good entry. I went big with my order. Oh, you did. I got Alaskan king crab with linguine. This is his regal journal. 90 second entry. Day 824 of his rule.

Great cancer above. On the 24th past 800 days, I stand reunited with my kin. Amongst the din and bluster, all our clan was past two water glowing like a thousand anglerfish. Could this be the great golden sea? Is this water made for us through crustacean royalty? In all directions, a crystal fortress. Are we invincible or imprisoned? Our benevolent gods have spoken.

The bipedal behemoths, their claws look different, jutting out in five different directions. Here comes one now. Hurry up. I need that king crab for table six. Let's go. I got one. It's this one. They have chosen Lord Snow Crab of Bering to pass beyond the golden sea.

Regular chosen. Brotherhood. It's gonna pass beyond the golden sea. What are you taking? What are they doing? He's chosen. No. They took Lord Snow Crab and burned her.

No. It can't be. This is a fate worse than hell. I must avenge you. Now, it normally comes with a white wine cream sauce. I'm still not a biggest fan of creamy stuff, so I got a marinara. Instead of putting the crab in the pasta, they just gave me the big crab legs. All the stuff to break it down myself so that the tomato sauce wouldn't overwhelm it.

By now, I think you have your crab leg breaking apart skills have improved vastly from Bubba Gump. Since Bubba Gump? Yeah. Also, these are probably better quality crab than Bubba Gump. Yeah. It was good. It came with the hot butter sauce that spilled on you, ultimately. It came with, again, some lemon, all the tools and implements needed to crack the legs open.

I think it was two legs and a claw. I definitely had three appendages on my plate to crack through. I went big because I'm just like, if I'm going to go to a place that offers something like this, I assume it's going to be the good thing on the menu. I don't get the rage about crab and lobster. I don't think they're bad by any stretch of the imagination. I've had some lobster that was delicious. But on the whole, just like a butter sauce, I'm mostly tasting the butter.

It is a very wonderful texture. The texture of crab and lobster, very pleasant to eat. It's fun to break the legs open, get the meat out, especially if they're cooked properly and they just fall right off. The pasta was almost like... They said it was marinara, but it was kind of a rabbiata-esque. It had that kick to it. Our waiter did tell us that Cajun has a bit of a kick.

Yeah. It did have a kick, and it was very pleasant. The crab was very good. I still think crab, just in general, on its own is a little overrated. Crab cakes, I like because they're mixed in with things. I don't know, I think it's just what are you putting it with. This might be my fault for not getting the white wine cream sauce. Maybe that is the thing that brings out the flavor the most.

Would balance with the subtle sweetness of crab meat. I can see that marinara is just going to destroy the entire dish. It was still a very enjoyable thing. I just felt like I didn't understand the crab's role in it. But again, that's probably my fault for how I ordered. But it was good. It was actually very good. His Royal Odyssey.

Final entry. I have been imprisoned in this cursed water for 76 days. By one, my compatriots are taken and brutally impaled. Their legs torn off and shells discarded. I, their king, must save the precious few whose fate is yet decided. My claw shall smash this barrier and all of us will be free. Join me, brothers. They may take our claws, but they will never take our freedom.

Oh, you're free. You're free, yay. You're free. And the draining room. Thank you, brother. Got a crab problem? No, it cannot be. We are almost free.

Ah, shit, pick up the crab. No, get that one. Put your book, put your book. Come on, come on, come on, come on. No, that's the one who did it. Great cancer king crab in the sky. Please, I beg of you. I got him.

No, no. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Bro, look, this guy got marinara on his king crab being witty. Well, that's one way to waste a hundred bucks. I'm going to go eight and a half out of ten for this. Okay. It was a massive amount of food and I finished the plate. You did.

I hit the entire pasta. I ate all the crab meat. You know, I shared a little bit with y'all and, you know, had the butter, had the lemon. It was a pleasant meal. Just overall. And hey, it only gets better. Oh gosh, the creme brulee for dessert. Wow.

It was. I'm over my fear. Ten out of ten. I'm going ten out of ten on the creme brulee. It was the best creme brulee I've had, you know, very satisfying break on the top, you know, when you do the crack it open sort of thing. It had like this sugar wafer wedged into a strawberry placed on top, came with strawberries and raspberries on the outside, had a little bit of garnish.

It was perfect. It was the best creme brulee. Yeah. I agree. 100 percent. Ten out of ten creme brulee. If you're a creme brulee fan, I'm not lying. Go to Papa Doho and get their creme brulee.

The smokiness on the crisp outer shell was perfect. It was. It looked good too. It was a beautiful dessert. It was a tasty dessert. It was such a nice way to cap off the meal. Two thumbs up on food from me. Yeah.

I'm going to also have to go two thumbs up. I think it's hard to argue any other way. This is excellent food. This was. Final rating. We might need to do Rainforest Cafe again at some point because this number is going to be lower than my Rainforest Cafe rating, but we've also done some recalibrating while we're here in Texas.

We've had some great food. We've had some ten out of ten food. Overall, I'm going to go 7.88 on Papa Doho. Still a very high, very respectable rating. I'm going to have to disagree with you a little bit on there. On what? Having to do Rainforest Cafe again. I think I gave Rainforest Cafe a very fair rating given that our service was so wonderful.

The people there made the food taste better and the atmosphere was fun, but it was kitschy. This is like so if you have the two prongs of atmosphere, you have the kitschy prong, which Rainforest Cafe crushes it on, but then you've got the classy prong and Papa Doho crushes it on. They are equal in that regard. For me, the thing that was lacking this time was service. I'm going to give this overall 7.52 thinking with great service, how high could this place have gone?

I think mid-eight. Probably. I think it had the potential. It could have gone over nine. That atmosphere was great. The food was amazing. Just think if we got Brandon-level service here. How high would this be?

7.51 from Bubba Gump. Yeah. But yeah. So, what's the final rating combined? 7.70. Wow. Popping up on the Chachki of mediocrity just below Gukaku, above Outback Steakhouse. Respectable.

Yeah, that's fair. Papa Doho. Good job. But you know what that means? It wasn't mediocre. It looks like you're going to get punished. Not mediocre enough. We were outside of the zone of mediocrity.

It scored outside of that four to six. I need to draw from the you must bowl. I need to have a punishment that I have to perform at our next restaurant outing. What am I going to have to do this week? Let's see. I'm excited for this. I love it when Michael has to do these. You must perform three full wardrobe changes over the course of your meal and deny it.

Really? Yes. Where are you going to change? I don't know. I mean, the bathroom or the car, it'll be weird to like walk outside multiple times. I'm not going to do it at the table. Just think if they don't have a clean bathroom. The car it is.

Oh, God. This is stupid. Can I get a different one? What the odds are? Can I get a new one? You're going to get arrested. All right. All right.

Well, if you want to see how this goes, check it out on social media. But either way, we did not find the perfect 5.00 out of 10. And that means the search continues. We got to figure out where we are going next. And more importantly, we got to figure out which of us gets to pick. Let's do it. Where we go next. Are you ready to play the headline game?

The rules of the headline game are as follows. Michael will present three headlines to Garrett that include this week's restaurant. They can be made up or they can be actual headlines. If Garrett can correctly guess if at least two out of three are real or fake, he will get to select next week's restaurant. However, if Michael stumps him, he'll select again. Are you ready to play, fellas? Bring it on.

All right. Customers of Papado, Papacitos, may try to save Texas's iconic Luby's cafeteria chain. False, there's nothing. Luby's doesn't need saving. It's an icon. Okay. Papado? Papa don't.

Sigwitera poisoning affects more than two dozen customers of popular seafood chain. I'm going to go false. You're going false? Superstar Lizzo dined on torches, tacos, and Papado seafood while in Austin. I'm going to go true. You're going to go true. Yeah. So you say false, false, true.

Let's go back through them. Owners of Papado, Papacitos may try to save Texas's iconic Luby's cafeteria chain. You said false, Garrett, that is true. They were looking at the valuation of Luby's. This is back in 2020, trying to fair out if they wanted to step in and save it. Papado? Papa don't. Sigwitera poisoning affects more than two dozen customers of popular seafood chain.

You said that's false. That is in fact false. And lastly, Superstar Lizzo dined on torches, tacos, and Papado seafood while in Austin. You say that's true. The premise of this game is, was a headline written about it, not did it happen. We do know that it did happen. There was, in fact, a headline written about it and I was hoping to throw you off, but I guess not.

Congrats, Garrett. You have gotten two out of three correct. You win the headline game. Yes. Where am I going to do three wardrobe changes? We need a really good Mexican place. I agree. There are so few Mexican chains that are national.

And while we're here in Austin, you know what? I'm so happy. Let's do Chewies. Okay. Yes. Thank you. You want to know something, Garrett? What?

That was going to be my pick if I had won. Hey, nice. It's almost like we came to Austin with a mission. That is fun. Yeah. I mean, we don't really have like national chains of Mexican restaurants in LA. It's all like mom and pop. And a lot of Texas is that and a lot of places just nationally are that.

So to have access to a chain, I really wanted to jump on it while we're here. So, awesome. Yeah. I am excited. Ready to change some clothes at Chewies? Going to change clothes at Chewies. All right. Well, thank you, everyone, for joining us for this week's Fine Dining Podcast, the search

for the most mediocre restaurant in America. If you used to work for a Chewies or currently do and you have a story or if you have an interesting Chewies story, even if you never worked there, send it on over to us at fine dining podcast at gmail.com. If you have a child who wants to review the kid's menu of Chewies, send that to us. Garrett, the search continues. Have a fine day. Have a fine day.

The search continues. We still need the perfect vibe. The search continues. Like and subscribe. The search continues. Our journey did not conclude. The monorail search continues. Write us an iTunes review.

And hey, while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and subscribe to our channel. Follow us on TikTok, the same on Instagram, all the socials, at Fine Dining Podcast. We have a website, findiningpodcast.com, buy our t-shirts, then put them on. And don't forget, you can always suggest where we go next. Okay, we're going to find it. Mediocrity, the search continues. See you next week.