Fine Dining - "The Cleavage Effect" at Lucille's Smokehouse Bar-B-Que

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

Lucille's history provides some racial turmoil The You-Must Bowl forces Michael to wear a "Bride-to-Be" sash and tiara The boys enlist some Yelp from Strangers as the boys read their favorite 1 & 5-s...tar Yelp reviews about the Lucille's they visited Garrett speculates that Lucille's is growing its future workforce in back Greta reviews Lucille's kids menu in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings JUB has a bone to pick with a hot security guard's pick-up methods We're now on Patreon! Get a monthly free episode, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, the opportunity to get your face immortalized on the Tchotchke of Mediocrity, and more!   Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!   Send us your Lucille's Smokehouse Bar-B-Que stories at finediningpodcast@gmail.com.   Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast   Let us know where we should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google, or wherever you get your podcasts. We read every one!   Next time on Fine Dining: Benihana! If you have ever worked for Benihana and have a story to share, or if you’d like us to hear your child’s review of Benihana's kids menu, send it to finediningpodcast@gmail.com.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello and welcome back to the fine dining podcast the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America that is fine dining as in It's fine. I'm your host Michael or Nellis I'm your host Garrett's work and we are two mediocre boys or two mediocre boys looking for the most mediocre toys It rhymed. It's not what we're actually doing though. We're looking for the most mediocre restaurant. We're trying to find play with our food We're mature. Yeah, we do borderline food fight type you and I yeah No, we're easy to deal with Despite what our appearances might show. Yeah, sometimes people look at us and they may get the wrong first impression They might think that we're gonna be trouble and we will get into that a little bit more this week
Starting point is 00:00:43 We went to Lucille's smokehouse barbecue. You picked this Garrett. I was in the mood for some barbecue meat and I had high expectations in that I have had good experiences with Lucille's in the past I thought this was going to score outside of the zone of mediocrity now for those of you listening for the first time The zone of mediocrity is a score range four to six We're looking for the perfect five point double zero out of ten So the easiest way to do that is first narrow it down. We're gonna shoot for four to six Eventually we're gonna hit that perfect five and all those restaurants that fall within that four to six We can safely say our mediocre. Yeah, they're fine. They're okay
Starting point is 00:01:27 It's like you can go to those places. You know what you're gonna get. It's just reliable. It's consistency You're never gonna have your hopes too high so they can't be disappointed. Yeah You got the ultimate of meh the ultimate ultimate. Yeah So like would the ultimate warrior only be on the undercard? dumb Lucille's is a place that I've always enjoyed I did expect it to score higher than six I expected it to be greatness now. We haven't rated it yet. I don't know where it falls But given the experience we had I actually don't think it's gonna escape the zone of mediocrity
Starting point is 00:02:05 And you definitely came into this with a higher opinion of the restaurant than I did. I've been here a few times Yeah, I like it. I've always liked it. Here's the thing I am both a barbecue snob and just a lover of all barbecue. So I'm pretty forgiving in terms of like what I find Acceptable, you know enjoyable, but I'll say your barbecue snobbery rubbed off on me There was a point in this meal. I turned to you and I said La barbeque ruined me. Yeah La barbeque in Austin, Texas I took you during our little Austin run that we did from our Waffle House episode through our Cheddar's episode we were in Austin and
Starting point is 00:02:40 We were eating some good food as well as mediocre food La barbeque is just straight up fire It is a 10 out of 10 barbecue experience and if you're ever in Austin, I highly recommend it go there We haven't even gotten out of our car yet. I think this experience starts before you even pick me up Yeah, so speaking of the zone of mediocrity If we pick a restaurant that goes outside of it We have to draw from the you must fold a bowl of punishment that shames us for Daring to pick a place that soared too high or fell too far out of the mediocrity range and last week We went to the cheesecake factory, which scored well above six
Starting point is 00:03:23 Of course it did and I had to come to Lucille's With a bride-to-be Sash on now I decided to go the full Monty. I also had a tiara and a wedding veil and I Wore it out of my home Just to like my hands were full and I was just going down to my car And there was a woman hanging out on the balcony across from where I live who noticed me and said congratulations
Starting point is 00:03:52 To which I just said I lost a bet And the look of disappointment on her face was like I wasted a congratulations on you So I kind of had a feeling like oh this is gonna be how I'm received Yep, this is where it's gonna start So we'll talk about that a little bit more for those of you listening for the first time What we do on this show is we're looking for the perfect five point double zero out of ten and we're doing it based on a restaurant's Atmosphere service and food all three of them. So it's not just the meal. It's not just the service. It's not just the decor It's all full package on the night we go and only on the night we go. Yes
Starting point is 00:04:31 So past experiences don't matter leftovers don't matter just sad I had the most amazing leftovers the next day For now our table is ready. We're gonna get into it. We'll see you soon Your table is ready Complementary butter and bread these walls have road signs Knit, knack, cowboy hat, good luck cat, autographed guitar, some crap from your city Behold the trash key of mediocrity Fine dining
Starting point is 00:05:10 It's just fine dining Fine dining Two ledgers on the sign are shining Neon flickering irregular timing Identify the perfect five About a ten Fine dining Fine dining
Starting point is 00:05:33 First impressions. So we get to Lucille's it's in a mall. It's freezing. I'm very cold I get out of my car and I'm just in my my veil and sash and tiara and we have to walk a decent distance So it is a literal walk of shame I The looks begin the second we get out of the car and you don't help because you're like running laps around me to get into position To like take videos and photos I want different angles of you I draw attention to this
Starting point is 00:06:07 Of course you do we're putting all these on social So if you do want to check out our shenanigans from the different restaurants we go to you can always follow us on Instagram and TikTok That's right. We're on Instagram at fine dining podcast We're on tick tock at fine dining podcast and you can email us whatever you want fine dining podcast at gmail.com We might regret that but I don't know maybe we won't No, you want to see this blushing bride to be he's beautiful I just walked past this one couple that were staring at me kind of laughing and I was just like don't make bets with your friends So they proceed to stand there and watch us for a while. It's almost like we're getting a little crowd
Starting point is 00:06:47 Yeah, a little yeah, we're taking pictures in front of the Lucille sign because that's always something we do It's a really cool sign. It's kind of like one of those old-fashioned bulb Yeah, it's like lettering really strong light up theater marquee Yeah, exactly theater marquee kind of feel like borderline stagecoach sort of I liked it It was a it was a cool aesthetic architecturally what this place was going for we'll get into this later It was hitting it Yeah, so we're definitely getting noticed because you're going around being like let me get this angle you walk into the restaurant Yeah, I'm walking in backwards filming which I'm not what I would do I'm Garrett you don't care what people think
Starting point is 00:07:29 No, I don't I very much do I don't want to be in anyone's way But we weren't in anyone's way and like I'm doing this my goal is to get the best shot possible I don't care about that or director. Yes, I will block out the surroundings. I will focus on my task at hand Yes, and I was your task at hand and I walk right on in and I'm just like we have a reservation for six But we're here really early. Do you have a seat and they're like, yeah, they didn't seem slammed by any means They were able to see us right away. There were like three hosts slash hostesses up at the front There was like a full team that I swear throughout the whole course of the meal I noticed maybe six people just hanging around the host stand regularly this wasn't like people stopping by and like picking stuff up
Starting point is 00:08:20 So I think the wait staff just kind of went there to hang out because they were all kind of younger You know they all look like they were in their 20s so I think they were just friends hanging out The one thing I noticed in the entryway other than the hosts was a sign that just said be nice or leave And I like that sentiment. I do too. I appreciate that sentiment. I don't want to dine around a bunch of grumpy people I think it's just wall decoration. I don't think it's an actual enforced policy But we dine with ourselves and we are grumpy people. Sometimes. Not to staff. No, never. We're very nice I think Unless we're like rhyming. I'm sorry. That's not mean. It's just cringy I want to take this moment to apologize to our Cheddar server
Starting point is 00:09:06 Cheddar's like dude I'm so sorry that you had to put up with us Yeah. Hope you had a good day. I hope your life's good Now what I do want to talk about here is I got a case of what I'm going to call the YMB flusters The YUMASBOL flusters My face gets like flush when all eyes are on me Oh you're a blushing bride You've used that already. Get out of here I'll use it all day long
Starting point is 00:09:34 I genuinely feel like a sense of like buffet brain We've used that before I get buffet brain when I walk in with a YUMASBOL punishment where I'm like oh god I have to get through this interaction To where I don't know the answers to the questions I'm not thinking of like oh god what notes can I take Because you know we're normally taking notes There's also usually a wait Usually we have time to kind of collect our thoughts
Starting point is 00:10:00 So the combination of we're here early We have a reservation There's currently no wait I'm wearing a bride-to-be sash All eyes are on me And I don't know what I'm saying or how to handle this Was just the perfect storm for me to just be embarrassed And we're like getting seated and taking back to our table
Starting point is 00:10:20 And I'm taking some pictures of some of the decor on the wall so I can make note of it I see one that says all bus passengers please pay when served And it just What does that mean? I don't know But it has a bunch of art around it with like blues artists and stuff I don't know It felt very like the segregated south almost
Starting point is 00:10:46 And I don't like it Yeah we'll get into more on that later I feel literally uncomfortable Given what we're about to talk about Well do we want to just jump into it? Let's do it Alright let's get into rusty fact roundup It's funny you mention a painting that makes you slightly uncomfortable
Starting point is 00:11:10 Yeah This isn't the first time this has happened at a Lucille's I hate this is what we're starting with I like to start things off with a positive Right Back in 2009 there were some customers that complained about a painting that was What they thought was racist at a Lucille's location Oh we're starting off positive
Starting point is 00:11:31 So the owner took these comments to heart He even saw them on Yelp What did he do? He went in and took down the painting Personally or he had someone else do it He said he would personally do it There's no evidence that he personally did it But I really like the fact that this company decided to put up a racist painting
Starting point is 00:11:52 And then they're like you know what It's a bad idea to put up a racist painting So they took it down Good on them for taking down the racist crap they put up in the first place Yeah Oh and by the way Garrett My mom says she doesn't like the whip sound that we use in Resty fact roundup It's just way too many whips
Starting point is 00:12:12 So for this episode we're gonna replace it with blues harmonica That's cool I like the vibe of that Keep going I'm gonna give you some innocuous facts We'll stop on the racist thing for a minute Great Because that's a little uncomfortable
Starting point is 00:12:28 The palette Yeah Lucille's was founded in Long Beach in 1999 Okay So this is like a local chain Sure Relatively recent But now it's
Starting point is 00:12:40 They are in multiple states They are in Nevada now It has grown There are currently 21 locations in three states What's the third? Arizona? Yes, Arizona Okay
Starting point is 00:12:51 All of the meats are cooked over seasoned hickory logs in their special dining room smoker for up to 24 hours Okay You can see the smoker from the dining room It's surrounded in glass This was one of the first things I've always noticed about Lucille's Yeah It's really cool when they open up the smoker You get to see all the chickens, all the ribs inside
Starting point is 00:13:09 It reminds me of which I didn't take you when we were in Austin But the Saltlic has these giant barbecue pits Ooh And you walk in and you just see tons and tons of meat on the pit They literally mop on their barbecue sauce Mmm They have a bucket full of their barbecue sauce And they mop it onto the meats
Starting point is 00:13:28 It's like this giant painting almost Nice It's delicious The Las Vegas location averages 200 racks of baby back ribs per day 200? Yes Full racks That's a good turnaround
Starting point is 00:13:45 That's not to mention any other types of ribs Sure Or brisket Or chicken They got a lot going on This is also another place that prides itself on daily made from scratch food I can see that Yeah, like nothing tasted like it wasn't fresh
Starting point is 00:14:03 Like the biscuits too Like you could tell those were made from scratch biscuits Those are good biscuits too They were Okay, we had some good things Let's get to the tea Do you want to get to the tea? Oh God
Starting point is 00:14:15 Yeah, we gotta Before I get into this, I want to preface this by saying there are two sides to every story Yes I reached out to both sides once I found out about it Okay Only one side has responded Alright Okay, let's get into this
Starting point is 00:14:30 As a sort of origin story, the website currently says Picking up culinary inspiration from some of the best barbecue shacks in the south We developed a thriving concept around serving the best barbecue with the finest southern hospitality That's what the website says Okay Also, in a press release in 2015 announcing the opening of the Woodland Hills location, the one we went to This press release also echoed the exact same story But it added on that it was the founder who trekked through the south doing this
Starting point is 00:15:02 Okay But wait, there's a different origin story that was concurrently on their website Okay This other origin story was posted on their site as recently as May 2020 Let me tell you about the story of when Lucille's barbecue went and anti-mimed themselves Like a fictional black mascot, basically Yeah, so Great
Starting point is 00:15:28 On their website, they had a black and white picture of an African-American woman named Lucille This was the supposed founder of Lucille's Let me read straight from their website From May 2020 to before That's what folks said about the barbecue Lucille Buchanan grew up eating in her grandma's lunch shack A little nothing of a place on a back road in a small town way outside of Greenville But Lucille didn't know any different
Starting point is 00:15:59 She hadn't traveled more than 30 miles in any direction It was just Granny's cooking And Lucille loved it When Lucille married Joe before World War II And followed him out to the naval yards in Long Beach, California She discovered that the folks back home were right Granny's barbecue was the best So we got Lucille taking her grandma's recipe
Starting point is 00:16:24 She's from Greenville, Alabama She moved out to Long Beach Opening her own business in California Living the American dream The family gets on it too So after the war, Joe joined her in the restaurant When they had children and later grandchildren They helped out too
Starting point is 00:16:41 A family business So the son of the founder and current CEO was quoted in... Well, it is a family business then Yeah, it is Just not the family they touted Yeah, so this man was quoted in 2013 in the Orange County Register As saying the idea was to create a, and I quote Loving family that crafted these recipes from scratch and held onto them
Starting point is 00:17:06 Yeah, I mean the part that sticks out to me here is that they had to create another family Like what's the inability here to use your own identity? Is your story not interesting enough? Like it just sounds like you're trying to exploit a story Based on something you're not I don't know, it just seems... It's inauthentic regardless Restaurant Development and Design Magazine
Starting point is 00:17:32 Had an article on Lucille's featuring an original brand designer Talking about the plantation style architecture And how he helped create the fictional namesake character Lucille During this process, this man visited a long beach chapter of the NAACP To discuss the Lucille project In the end, this is all he said about it They were a great resource Okay
Starting point is 00:18:01 In summary, Lucille's made up a fake black woman as a marketing ploy Only to scrub their website of any references and pretend it never happened as of June 2020 So right around the George Floyd protests Yeah Now, I gave the founder of Lucille a chance to respond to this Yeah I sent him an email and I just offered him the opportunity with 2020 hindsight to look back on this decision And maybe say it was a bad idea
Starting point is 00:18:32 Sure He has not responded You said there were two sides to this, which would mean that you reached out to somebody else I'm curious who you did hear from I reached out also to Bethany Kahn of Culinary Union 226 Okay The union she represents actually was the one that broke this story Ooh, okay
Starting point is 00:18:53 I want to give some sources just so I'm not just throwing her around Hey, Lucille's is racist Right That's a little inflammatory So the website is Lucille'sBBQRiskAlert.org It has all of her findings Yeah, it has all the findings Which is weird because it sounds based on what you presented to me that all of this was out there in plain sight
Starting point is 00:19:16 Like they almost weren't hiding it, but just no one was really doing the digging to be like, oh, this is kind of exploitative That was one of my first reactions too because on this website, they're quoting a review from the Orange County Register So the Orange County Register in their review even noted how the fictional Lucille character is just kind of disheartening They were like, wow, this is really heartwarming story This woman came from the south, trekked all the way over here, started a family business Yeah, and it's a lie and this has been public knowledge since at least 2013 Okay And now it's coming out
Starting point is 00:19:51 The literal press release came out on January 5th, 2023 Oh, okay Okay, yo, it's been 10 years and no one said anything about it Why are you talking about it now? Yeah, I mean, I guess at some point you just, you get away with something until you don't Yeah, so is the moral of the story, don't answer MIMO yourself? I mean, yeah, that's probably advisable Yeah, well, all right, that's been this week's RustyFactRoundup
Starting point is 00:20:19 Yeah! So coming off of everything I just learned, it really paints this in a different direction It does, doesn't it? When all the artwork is like black blues musicians It's paintings, it's pictures, it's instruments, it's all of that This is just, we are not this thing, but we are presenting our restaurant as though it is not even an homage to a culture But like a presentation of this is our culture, and it's just not So the founder of Lucille's opened up two Lucille's in Nevada
Starting point is 00:21:01 They're both in locations owned by a casino group Now this casino group is the only one in Nevada that has an all-white board of directors Yeah No diversity Which is pretty wild considering they're kind of presenting as a black-owned business We're gonna try and make the rest of this episode not about this But like, you've been marinating with this information for at least a day and I'm just Like, I had no idea any of this happened until it was like 4 o'clock yesterday afternoon
Starting point is 00:21:33 Yeah, we ate, what, two days ago? Yeah, and like, okay, I'm like, I just sat down, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna put together the Rusty Facts How many Lucille's are there? By the way, people, it's Rusty Fact as in restaurant It is short for restaurant I have had people ask me that like, they think it's Rusty Fact Because Rusty, we made up that word, we're Rusty Boys, you and I I'm a Midwesty slash Texi Rusty Boy, and you're just a Midwesty Rusty Boy
Starting point is 00:22:00 You're just a Midwesty Rusty Boy Yes, you see a lot of wood siding on the walls This was all supposedly reclaimed wood I like the idea of reuse Yeah, the part of the design of this place that I liked, I mean, going back to their sign, like the bulb light Also, when we walk in, there's a big neon, not neon, is it neon? There's a big bulb light marquee sign above the host stand that's like, try our red velvet pudding Something like that
Starting point is 00:22:28 And then on the back of it, it was we cook our meats low and slow Was what was on the marquee They do And I like that look, but other than that, this place wasn't remarkably decorated It kind of managed to not stand out No, there were a lot of brick walls that looked kind of industrial to me Like, don't get me wrong, it didn't look bad, it just didn't stand out It wasn't special
Starting point is 00:22:54 We had another table near us and a woman came up to me because of my tiara and bride-to-be sash Who was just like, I love this and I was just like, I lost a bet And again, the look on her face of I just wasted a compliment, like, damn Then that same lady came up to me later because I was the one that she broke the ice with To ask me to take a group photo of her table, I don't know if it was like a birthday gathering or something like that We sang happy birthday to them later There were a few birthdays and we sang along I noticed different treatment from the restaurant depending on the age of the recipient
Starting point is 00:23:31 Because the first birthday we saw was grandma It was grandma of this one table and one server delivered a cake And kind of just let the family sing happy birthday It was pretty sad And was like kind of joining in And then of course we have a kid's birthday and the whole staff empties out Yeah, they were like 8 to 10 people around there It's elder, not elder abuse
Starting point is 00:23:55 It's elder discrimination Age of discrimination, it's just like the When the number is bigger on the birthday, you should celebrate more It's not a miracle to make it to 2 years old But to make it to your mid 70s in this day and age I don't know I think we should be celebrating bigger numbers on birthdays That's the stance I'm taking here today
Starting point is 00:24:17 And also I will say the reaction to us singing along to the kid's birthday was not as positive Well we just sing along whenever we hear a birthday I was honestly surprised they noticed so many people were singing to the kid that like Why would we be unwelcome? Grandma though? Like we were clearly the two loud voices from across the room Because you know, they were probably what? 15 feet away from us, 10 feet
Starting point is 00:24:43 They weren't like close but they weren't super far But we were noticed Lots of kids in this place We have not been to a place with this many kids yet Every new table that walked in had like What do you call the thing that you carry them around Like your baby purse You know what I'm talking about
Starting point is 00:25:01 Yeah, your veal basket Your veal basket Where you just put that tender tender growing child meatball It's a spicy meatball Oh my gosh But okay I bet there were the same amount of kids in this restaurant as we saw in Chuck E. Cheese Yeah
Starting point is 00:25:20 That is honestly probably an accurate number Which is crazy because Chuck E. Cheese is for the kids Yeah Which by the way, if you haven't heard our Chuck E. Cheese episode It might be my favorite one Go back and listen to it It's so good It's great
Starting point is 00:25:33 And the kids seemed like they were at home here too We saw that one kid just get up and start running toward the kitchen Like almost like a homie vegan The kid knew where they were going Drew them in But just so many So many kids You know another weird thing
Starting point is 00:25:48 What? Who are all so well behaved In the beginning we heard a little bit of crying But it stopped But that got straightened out Not quick It did After that
Starting point is 00:25:57 Not a single peep They felt like they were comfortable inside of this place Yeah Which is weird It makes me ask the question What's going on over there? What's going on over there? What's going on over there?
Starting point is 00:26:11 What's going on over there? It's my understanding that you have a theory What is going on over there, Garrett? Not only do I have a theory I want to reference a very popular modern theory Held by many people born in the 1950s and 60s This age cohort Definitely is a strong believer in this theory
Starting point is 00:26:35 Yeah, what's the theory? The theory is No one wants to work anymore today Yeah And I think this is just a travesty It's a serious problem affecting all of our restaurants But Lucille's, they are innovators They are creators
Starting point is 00:26:51 As we've seen, they are willing to create anything So they are growing children in the back To be future Lucille's employees They're not just creating mascots They're creating their workforce Yes Oh, that's why that one girl was running towards the kitchen She was like, oh, well, this is my home
Starting point is 00:27:14 I want to go home now She was on her lunch break She was going back to wash dishes until they noticed us noticing So her mom ran over and got her Well, I'll say mom in quotes we don't know Could have been her shift manager Exactly But I think it's a proven fact that child hands
Starting point is 00:27:31 Put a better dry rub on a rack of ribs than anyone else They get those hard to reach places You can really just season under the skin as well as over it God, you know the movie Blade II Where the vampires have a human farm So there's this giant factory filled with bags Are you suggesting Lucille's has a baby farm? Yes, Lucille's has a literal baby farm
Starting point is 00:27:56 What are baby back ribs? Is it literal? That's what you ate They were really good Tender Human veal as you like to say Oh, man, human veal I can't believe I let this get to this place
Starting point is 00:28:10 This is the episode where we mentioned a restaurant Aunt Jemima in itself Therefore, all gloves are off Yeah, human veal We're talking about child labor and actual baby back ribs To be clear, we are speculating We are not advocating No, we have no hard evidence that Lucille's
Starting point is 00:28:30 Has a true baby farm in the back of every single one of their restaurants And they've been doing this since 1999 Yeah We have no evidence that Lucille's uses child labor Other than the outstanding track record and credibility of our recurring segment What is going on over there? Yes What is going on over there?
Starting point is 00:28:50 Oh, there was a really cool flying pig On like a hang glider with like airplane goggles on That was okay That was my favorite part of the atmosphere That was the only thing in this whole thing where I was like That's a very positive addition Now, there was another thing happening That I didn't get to see because of my vantage point
Starting point is 00:29:12 But you and Herbert did You got to see, was it a security guard pick up multiple women's phone numbers Over the course of dinner Yeah This guy was on fire and I didn't see even a single glimpse of him This man was on fire He was running it up You said that he was just crushing it with this one
Starting point is 00:29:36 Yeah, okay, so first I know you guys were pointing out her body language Like, oh, she looks not into it Yeah, so he was there, he had his phone out He was talking to this one girl who I think she was like an employee of one of the local businesses You could tell he was just lounging there He was this cool dude Was he good looking? Yeah, he was a good looking guy
Starting point is 00:29:55 Let's just say your level of looks plus my level of looks Times 10, you get half of that guy Yeah, but since you and I are zeros, anything times zero just becomes zero The first girl, she was kind of leaning away Her body language clearly said that she wasn't interested Until Herbert mentioned, well, it's cold Maybe she's just cold and you're not wrong It was pretty cold outside
Starting point is 00:30:21 But as it turns out, yeah, she was just cold We could tell she gave him her number Because when she walked away, he had his phone out and he was entering it Good on him, I guess But this wasn't it, this wasn't the end That wasn't the end of it, no, no, no Not five minutes later, this absolute superstar Goes up to another woman
Starting point is 00:30:44 Getting off like her shift or something So this girl walks out in one of the stores, walks up to him It's like, I think they know each other But it's only an acquaintance level of familiarity What do we see? He's taking out his phone and putting in another phone number Does it clearly look like she's talking him through? So it does look like a number exchange and he just happens to be on his phone
Starting point is 00:31:10 So this dude cleared two numbers in five or six minutes In one location, he doesn't even move He literally did not move from his spot That's, wow Oh, to be young and attractive Oh, to be young and attractive, if only I knew I know, like, if only I was in peak shape in my 20s We're ugly and middle-aged
Starting point is 00:31:34 You're ugly and middle-aged I'm handsome and middle-aged So you just admitted to being middle-aged Oh, yeah My ratings came in before the resty fact roundup As did mine I say zero thumbs on an unremarkable atmosphere that didn't really intrigue me in any way Now, with the full context of everything
Starting point is 00:31:58 I'm almost going like, I can't rate this I don't want to rate this, I would refuse to rate this Same here, zero thumbs up It was okay, the atmosphere Even with a fictional story, you're still coming in as like, you're not really moving the needle at all Just a straight average experience The building's fine, it doesn't get in the way of your dining experience The building's probably the best part of it
Starting point is 00:32:21 And then you go in and it's just like, nothing really catches you It neither adds nor subtracts if you don't know the meaning behind things Yeah I think this is the perfect zero-thumb atmosphere Okay, yeah, zero thumbs all across the board Highlighted for me by the flying pig And hearing you and Herbert narrate the security guard scoring phone numbers And now, a word from our totally not made up sponsor
Starting point is 00:32:52 Oh hi there, it's your favorite sponsor, Job And I am back with a brand new thing This week it's less of a product and more of a viewpoint that I'm trying to push on you You know, like an asshole Are you that security guard who secured the phone number of one honey and then proceeded to pursue yet another honey? Well, Job's got a problem with that Not the lack of monogamy Job has been there
Starting point is 00:33:13 My ex-wife bamboozled me into a situation where I was supposed to be monogamous But she could do whatever she wanted And that's fine My problem is that you're getting phone numbers Phones are the devil I've already detailed why I don't like them in the Food Rockers episode Which you can find on the Find Timing Podcast Patreon Just five bucks
Starting point is 00:33:31 But let me tell you something, if you had any game, you wouldn't need to get a phone number You'd close the deal right then and there But Job, I'll get fired if I mess around on company time Well, the only company you should work for is yourself Take it from me So if you're that guy Put down your phone Pick up a wine glass
Starting point is 00:33:46 Dip your finger in it And do that thing where you gently caress the rim and it makes A beautiful humming sound I'll come find you and I'll teach you my ways Because if there's anything I know about you based on the description given in this podcast It's that you definitely need an outsider's help I'm picking up women Okay, bye
Starting point is 00:34:06 Service So we got taken right in and seated We didn't expect it The host group was very nice There were so many of them And that might explain the absence of actual servers Well, they didn't have an absence of actual servers But for us, they did
Starting point is 00:34:25 Yeah 20 minutes That is the actual non-exaggerated amount of time Yeah, I wrote it down From when we took a seat to when any server walked by and said Were you guys being helped? Yeah, Ed, that's what they said Are you guys being helped?
Starting point is 00:34:41 And 20 minutes later We have seen these servers pass by 10 times at this point At least They took the orders of the tables around us They're only serving this area They're not in other sections We had two servers because one was training the other one Oh, I could even tell the manager was walking around
Starting point is 00:35:01 He stopped in all of the tables Yeah 20 minutes is such an insanely long time To not be acknowledged in any way Yeah, like, okay, I get it Sometimes you're busy Just acknowledge the table That's all
Starting point is 00:35:21 7 or 8 minutes is when I start to like notice Like, oh, I've been reading this menu for a long time And no one said hi Once you get to like the 12-13 minute territory I'm like, okay, this is getting a little bit annoying Once you pass 15, at least doing the podcast Now I'm amused Now I'm like, I hope we get to 30
Starting point is 00:35:39 Yeah 20 minutes is so long 20 minutes is a quarter of the movie The Lion King I saw multiple servers walk by the table They just quickly glance and then they just keep moving It's like, glance at what? Your beauty Oh, do you think my tiara and sash are the reason we didn't get
Starting point is 00:36:05 Here's the thing, no one looked at me I, to Garrett, I was looking No one even, their eyes didn't even flinch to my direction Everyone was looking at you But just like boobs, you can't stare for too long You think I had a cleavage effect where it's like They're trying to check me out But they don't want to catch me catching them
Starting point is 00:36:26 Exactly You are the definition of cleavage effect That's not... Oh my god, that might be a perfect analogy Because I didn't catch anyone They can't stare too long, they're good at this Oh god Your sash was massive cleavage
Starting point is 00:36:47 Oh my god, that's funny I don't know, I mean If I'm a waiter, I would approach that group I would think they'd be fun Because you had the whole theory of like You thought it was like he lost his fantasy football league So he had to do something like that I just think there's sports on on the televisions
Starting point is 00:37:07 There are people crowded around the bars Watching the sports There are the hosts and hostesses Crowding around watching the sports And there's three guys sitting at a table And one of them looks like an ejected bride Yeah, so you obviously lost your fantasy football league Which I don't even play
Starting point is 00:37:23 I think it's pretty clear I see things all over the internet Of men doing exactly what you're doing Yeah, and it's just... I don't know I just don't think it's a good reason to avoid us Or to expect that will be any kind of way We're always polite
Starting point is 00:37:38 We are, but... We're always nice No one knows that ahead of time But I mean What, are we judging people by their looks at a Lucille's? The table next to us had two servers That I noticed before we even got Which we ended up having the same pair
Starting point is 00:37:53 Because one was training the other But I was like... I was jealous I was like They get two people giving them attention And I can't get one And I will say Every other table around us
Starting point is 00:38:04 Got very attentive service Yeah, I mean, once it started I don't think it was bad I don't think it was especially good But I don't think it was bad We had a server that was training another server The guy was, I guess, the trainee The trainee
Starting point is 00:38:22 This guy made Britain look like an acrobat Britain is our Waffle House server Who moved like the sloth in Zootopia Yeah, and this guy was low energy compared to Britain Yeah, this guy was very low energy I see that But even then, like, it's not about energy I think it's just jitters you're learning
Starting point is 00:38:42 You know, you're kind of being just thrown into the fire Like, hey, go bring that table food Go get their order Go ask if they want a drink Don't talk to that man in the bride-to-be sash and tiara On your first day See how that goes Yeah, I don't know
Starting point is 00:38:55 It just wasn't good service It wasn't terrible service other than that 20 minute wait And I can't but help let that paint The majority of the experience Because 20 minutes is just an insane amount of time I will say I went up to the host stand To ask around if any employees had any, like, fun stories Of their time there
Starting point is 00:39:14 And, like, without missing a beat Three of them just went, tell them about Halloween And I was like, what happened on Halloween? They said, well, we used to leave our barbecue sauce bottles Because they have three bottles of sauce That they have on every table And on the outdoor seating ones They used to leave them out there overnight
Starting point is 00:39:32 On Halloween, they basically got the equivalent of egging They got egged with their own barbecue sauce bottles It broke the glass of the front door And it shattered barbecue sauce everywhere So, yeah, a bunch of them came in to work the next day And there's just pools of barbecue sauce everywhere And broken glass That must be a depressing day to just walk into work
Starting point is 00:39:59 And be like, oh, I gotta deal with this That is low-key food abuse That is high-key food abuse Look, as a Texan, the part that makes me the maddest Respect the sauce Exactly, we at the Fine Dining Podcast Take the position that you must respect the sauce These sauce idiots were just throwing stuff around
Starting point is 00:40:21 I don't wish that we were there for it But I do think it's funny that that was a story That they were all like unanimously Yeah, that's the story we have here There wasn't much more to it than that, but yeah I'm going one thumb down Just because once we did have service It seemed like an average experience
Starting point is 00:40:40 That I would normally give zero thumbs to But that 20-minute wave brings it down a whole thumb Borderline two, but I'll go one Just because I did enjoy talking with the host staff About that Halloween drive-by saucing story I will go one thumb down Because it's... They didn't do anything to us
Starting point is 00:41:03 But they didn't do anything for us Yeah, I think we need actively poor service To give two thumbs down They need to be ignoring us on purpose They stopped ignoring us Once they ripped the Band-Aid off And started talking to us So we both went one thumb down
Starting point is 00:41:20 On an overall meh experience Munchkin menu musings Hi, my name is Gada I'm four years old Going to review the Bucket Kid menu My favorite part was cuddling I cuddled the whole animal and all four pixels in my book A pig and a volcano and a star
Starting point is 00:41:55 And letters and passwords And a chicken and a volcano and a star And a skull and letters and passwords and drawing I liked these crayons Black, blue, red, yellow We were making delicious dessert I can't read yet, I made up my own words It was really fun
Starting point is 00:42:28 This is what you can't do You can't read You just try it again And then you try again We feel good without I like the menu this much My arms is falling apart right now I give it ten thumbs up
Starting point is 00:42:51 Thank you Food Yum Even when it's not great As long as the sauce is good It's pretty solid Like mediocre meat with good sauce Is still enjoyable
Starting point is 00:43:10 We got a lot of different things here So why don't we start off with The first thing they put on our table Homemade biscuits and apple butter These were good Fresh, flaky biscuits The apple butter I liked, I didn't love
Starting point is 00:43:28 It wasn't like melty enough It was more of a spread than like a melty butter It was tasty But I thought that the biscuits also thrived on their own Without any butter Which is truly the sign of a good biscuit But it also means that the butter wasn't as strong As I wanted it to be
Starting point is 00:43:46 And when you have something where it's like a fancy butter Like an apple butter or a honey butter I want a little bit more out of it So they nailed the texture The taste was 15% too dry, I guess I don't know I love how you got an exact dryness amount 16.4% too dry
Starting point is 00:44:05 I'm going 7 out of 10 on the biscuits They're good I do recommend them Those were definitely good biscuits They were airy and still crumbly Crisp on the outside There was a little sugar topping baked on too I think the sugar topping really paired well
Starting point is 00:44:21 With the sweetness of the apple butter So this was a complete dish for me I exceedingly enjoyed it So probably combined biscuit plus apple butter 8 out of 10 It wasn't 16.4% too dry for you I think it needed the apple butter Definitely
Starting point is 00:44:38 I had the biscuit, I tried it on its own It was a little too dry But I'm not going to complain When they provide the solution to it next to it Now I also provided my own solution Because I ordered their strawberry lemonade Very sweet, delicious Huge portion
Starting point is 00:44:52 It came in like a mason jar Like one of the big mason jars 8.5 out of 10 lemonade Great lemonade I've been on a lemonade kick lately I don't know, I'm usually not a lemonade guy But I think I got lemonade at Hooters I got lemonade here
Starting point is 00:45:06 Doing a whole year of 2022 with only water I'm really branching out And just like, I'm going to have it all Next up is our starter, the onion straws The Lucille's onion straws with barbecue ranch This is what I always get at Lucille's These are basically a hot dog topping Or like the island reds and islands
Starting point is 00:45:28 That they put on the burgers So it's basically like onion rings But very thin and wispy And not a lot of breading But they're still proportionally There's the same amount of breading on those As there would be on a thicker onion ring You kind of eat them with fingertips
Starting point is 00:45:43 You never really get a good grip on them Because they're just small and greasy That doesn't change the fact that they were good They were excellent It's like the small wispiness Allows more surface area for batter Yes So it was a very strongly seasoned batter
Starting point is 00:45:58 It had a tiny little kick to it Maybe a little cayenne, which I always like And it also had a barbecue ranch Which I'm not a ranch guy Me neither Ever Like ranch grosses me out How did we grow up in the Midwest
Starting point is 00:46:10 With a distaste for ranch? I never understood this Everyone around me loved it My brother had a long history of chewing With his mouth open And one of his favorite snacks Was cool ranch Doritos And I would smell it from his breath
Starting point is 00:46:23 And like see it being chewed up And it just kind of made this mental note In my head of I don't like ranch My brother's also a big part of why I don't eat cheese Just some of the things he ate growing up Growsed me out seeing him do it Smelling it, seeing him eat it I don't know
Starting point is 00:46:39 But this barbecue ranch The fact that it had the word barbecue in it I was like, you know what? I'll try it It was a positive addition I liked it You did? Did you try it?
Starting point is 00:46:50 I tried it It tasted exactly like what I would expect You had the creaminess and the slight I guess buttery seasoning of ranch With a tiny bit of the tang and smoky Of the barbecue I almost tasted more barbecue than ranch in this I got the ranch strongly
Starting point is 00:47:04 The ranch was kind of less distinguishable For me Which is what made me like it I would have gone pretty high on this If the entire dish Wasn't served kind of at room temp Yes, I have that exact note on there In all caps
Starting point is 00:47:19 I just want them to be warm 6 out of 10 for me 6 out of 10 on what could have been A 9 out of 10 starter I'm gonna go 7 out of 10 for the exact same reason If they were warmer That's a 9 That's a 9.5
Starting point is 00:47:33 The flavor was excellent It just came out Literally room temp And only cooling off from there Can you cool below room temp? No Also They were really great heated up the next day
Starting point is 00:47:46 When they were at room temp Oh, that's right You did a little leftover Feast Yes Where you made your own little culinary creations Yeah, I'm sure that they were much better the next day You, me and Herbert got 3 different entrees
Starting point is 00:48:00 3 different sides We'll start with Herbert just cause He's not here to talk about it You got the beer can chicken You got the beer can chicken Did you taste it? I got a little taste of it It tasted just like seasoned chicken
Starting point is 00:48:11 Was it a beer can element of it? Didn't add too much It was a solid roast chicken It was a very good texture, I thought Yeah, it was very moist It had a good strong smoky flavor to it I tried it with the sauce that it came with Which was like a tangier
Starting point is 00:48:26 More watery barbecue sauce I didn't love the sauce I liked the chicken better without the sauce Overall, I'm just gonna go 6 out of 10 Wasn't remarkable Wasn't bad I agree with you I'm also gonna go 6 out of 10
Starting point is 00:48:37 The flavor wasn't offensive The flavor was very safe You got a 3 meat platter You got burnt ends brisket And baby back ribs Baby back ribs being their number 1 seller Okay, they are Yes
Starting point is 00:48:53 And I sampled all of them What did you think? Let me start with the brisket Yeah, I've got opinions on the brisket too The flavor was rich smoky and beefy Once it got into my mouth Beefy Yeah
Starting point is 00:49:05 Once it got into my mouth, it fell apart It was just an overall pretty enjoyable experience But it was dry It didn't fall apart for me because of the dryness Yeah I thought the meat of the brisket was actively Not good brisket I agree, the quality was crap
Starting point is 00:49:21 It relied on the sauces But with the sauce, I doused mine in the sauce Let it sit for a minute Whatever sauce it came with Okay, so yours came with sauces I used the 3 table sauces They had a Memphis style They had a hot and they had an original
Starting point is 00:49:35 I tried all 3 None of them really set my world on fire But the brisket was a lot better with some sauce Yeah, definitely To counteract the dryness I really like how I normally do not like watery sauces But in this case with the dry brisket The watery sauce actually rehydrated the meat
Starting point is 00:49:53 Which isn't a job No It's a crutch You shouldn't have to do that Overall, this brisket in the end I think this would be a 7.5 out of 10 Taste-wise But honestly I'm kind of pissed off
Starting point is 00:50:06 The way it got there So this dry meat got rehydrated In a watery barbecue sauce So I'm only giving this a 6 out of 10 I'm going 4.5 out of 10 Wow Mostly out of I'm just thinking of the texture of the brisket
Starting point is 00:50:20 And it bothered me I was like I've had such better brisket During when I was eating the brisket That's when you said Yeah, the barbecue ruined you Yeah But You had the brisket burnt to ends
Starting point is 00:50:33 Oh man Those were so moist and tender They were fatty In the best of ways Super tender Like melting your mouth You and I both Entered partial flavor vana
Starting point is 00:50:47 It was instant too We, you know, you have that thing That Garrett way more than me does Where he takes a bite And you just see his eyes flutter And start to close And he just exhales And I'm just like
Starting point is 00:51:02 I watch Garrett do this At a lot of places we go Whatever the best item of the thing is He's just connecting with his food In such a way that Few people do And I started off, it was perfect I bit in, the juice just flowed out
Starting point is 00:51:18 The barbecue sauce came out I didn't even have my bite with sauce It didn't need it Actually, it was the sauce that took me out of flavor vana It was way too sweet for me Really? Yeah Later I put on some of the Memphis sauce
Starting point is 00:51:31 And I think the Memphis sauce Brought this up to a 7 out of 10 I'm very much with barbecue I'm a sauce minimalist Get me a good sauce Like salt lick sauce is my top tier Barbecue sauce But even then I'm just like
Starting point is 00:51:44 I don't want to rely on it I just want it to accent it a little bit But I think a lot of people over do it The barbecue sauce ends up being their crutch And as a barbecue purist If the meat's not up to snuff It's not good barbecue Speaking of salt lick
Starting point is 00:51:58 The next day all of this stuff Salt lick barbecue sauce Wow Salt lick made all of this So much better It's a 10 out of 10 sauce But scoring the brisket burnt ends Based on the one bite I had
Starting point is 00:52:11 Sauce list 8 out of 10 8 out of 10 It was I don't know if I just got the best bite That they could have had But these were approaching great To me, great is 8
Starting point is 00:52:23 8 and up So this was the very bottom Of the great echelon for me Before we go to your third meat Why don't we take a little visit inside land What sides did you have? Ooh I got french fries and garlic mashed potatoes
Starting point is 00:52:39 You got tates on tates on tates Oh exactly I'm a potato boy Yeah I'm a tater boy You're a super potato boy Yeah I only had one of your fries
Starting point is 00:52:48 I didn't try the garlic mash I really wanted the garlic mash But I was like you know what I'll let Garrett cover this domain The one bite of the fry I had It was a great textured fry Oh yeah 8 out of 10
Starting point is 00:52:59 Nice You have the skin on Good crisping Not too greasy But not too dry I thought it was a very solid Just a solid french fry I agree it was very crispy yet juicy
Starting point is 00:53:10 Biting in there was the grease release It wasn't excessive I love me some grease release Structurally these were the perfect french fry Were they really? Yes I literally had one And it impressed me with the one
Starting point is 00:53:24 But I feel like maybe my score Would have gone up if I had eaten more Unfortunately there was no salt on these No pepper Really No seasoning What so ever Gotcha
Starting point is 00:53:34 So I have to take this down to a 7 out of 10 Give me some seasoning And you've got a shot at a 10 out of 10 Really? Yeah Okay Alright let's talk garlic mash I'm jealous that you got to eat this
Starting point is 00:53:47 And that I didn't even try it I have never tasted garlic mash potatoes That I have any problem with What so ever Yeah And the same The streaks here They tasted just buttery enough
Starting point is 00:53:58 It was the first word that comes to my mind Like right now is just gorgeous A gorgeous taste It was a very gorgeous taste Yeah The garlic was subtle There was a small bit of salt in there The butter was a decently strong flavor in there
Starting point is 00:54:16 These were Yukon gold potatoes The richness of those came out My only knock is they were over whipped Yeah The texture was a little pasty Something that had the potential to be a 10 out of 10 7 out of 10 for me because of the texture It wasn't a pleasant mouth feel
Starting point is 00:54:38 Let's go ahead and jump on into your third meat Yeah We visited the side station Let's finish it off What'd you get? I love it that you're like Let's jump into your third meat I don't know there's something about that phrase that I enjoy
Starting point is 00:54:51 I know The third meat Baby back ribs Their best seller Were they the best of the meats you had? No I tried one And I thought it was
Starting point is 00:55:02 I thought the sauce was too sweet Like the word I wrote was like Is this candied? I know And I don't have a problem with sweet I do Usually sweet I know
Starting point is 00:55:13 Sweet is not a deal breaker for me almost ever And for it to be it here I was just like wow And then plus I mean it may have just been the way I cut it But I felt like I didn't get a whole lot of meat on the bone No that was my number one issue with these ribs Yeah
Starting point is 00:55:26 They were very meat light Fatten up these pigs guys Come on Yeah The texture of the ribs was decent When he got to the middle ribs They were juicy enough They fell off the bone a little bit
Starting point is 00:55:38 Yeah The ends were kind of atrocious and burnt though The end pieces of the ribs all I tasted was Smoke and burnt Yeah Honestly kind of gross So the middle ribs I'd give a strong Seven and a half out of ten to
Starting point is 00:55:51 Yeah I gave six and a half out of ten And I think I had a toward the middle ribs Yeah But I had much better ribs The end ribs probably a three Really Yeah
Starting point is 00:56:00 So overall I'm going to go six out of ten On these baby back ribs I'll get them again But I'm just going to chuck out the end ones I got Lucille's original pulled pork This is their sandwich The bun Great
Starting point is 00:56:13 It looked great It looked very crispy Great It almost reminded me of Bob's big boy a little bit To where it wasn't super saucy And the bites that I added sauce felt like it was a little too much Okay It didn't need it
Starting point is 00:56:25 It did have the perfect amount of not dryness Just baked into it However it was served by default It didn't need extras But something about the whole It got tougher to eat the further I got into it If I had stopped halfway through this My score would have been different
Starting point is 00:56:42 But finishing it it just didn't have I don't know It didn't have the follow through I guess Naturally it was a little less consistent all the way through Maybe I started on a good side And it got a little chunkier And therefore a little bit drier as I went Maybe if the meat was pulled apart
Starting point is 00:56:58 Just a little bit finer I'm giving this a 7.9 out of 10 I'm going that specific Because I want it to be known that it is Just a notch below what I would call great It is very very good But not a great I would recommend it for sure
Starting point is 00:57:16 If you're going to a loose seals I would recommend the pulled pork sandwich For sure You think this was the best part of the meal No I thought the burnt ends were I thought the burnt ends that you had The brisket burnt ends And then my side was a pleasant surprise
Starting point is 00:57:30 I got the barbecue beans It had sausage in it Yeah sausage slices Which were not advertised in the thing So if you're a vegetarian And you're ordering the beans to be You know to not eat meat I don't know if they would warn you
Starting point is 00:57:46 Or if you would just find out the hard way But for me it was a pleasant surprise I thought it was great So you got a sausage surprise Be different No I got a sausage surprise Garrett Yes
Starting point is 00:57:58 Thank you Why do I concede on anything with you I like these beans a lot I'd give them an 8 out of 10 These were maybe among the best beans I've had so far on our journey Through these restaurants I know I haven't had a ton of beans
Starting point is 00:58:11 But we've gotten barbecue together a few times And this is up there with them Now we get to dessert We got two desserts The deep dish apple cobbler And the old fashioned banana pudding And which one do you want us to talk about first Garrett Let's give this apple cobbler a minute to cool off
Starting point is 00:58:31 Okay We'll go into the old fashioned banana pudding Now this came in a mason jar With nilla wafers and whipped cream Overflowing from the top Exempted with banana slices Also there were crunched up nilla wafers Layered throughout
Starting point is 00:58:47 And they stayed crisp They weren't soggy at all It was a solid concoction If I hadn't had rooties Out of just a styrofoam cup Exactly I don't know what it is about rooties Like they put no effort into the presentation
Starting point is 00:59:05 But it tastes so good there And here they put a lot of effort into the presentation And it tasted good It was probably a little too sweet again It was way too sweet for me I could almost literally feel a sugar rush It's like I wrote down on here I can feel the energy
Starting point is 00:59:23 Yeah I go just seven and a half out of ten A very good dessert You'll like it if you get it Especially if you like banana pudding It's not an all time great It's a solid seven out of ten Shaded almost like a flavor of artificial banana
Starting point is 00:59:39 Like the banana runs Oh, yeah, yeah It was an artificial banana taste Despite the fact that it had real banana chunks in it Yeah Alright Has the deep dish apple cobbler cooled off? No
Starting point is 00:59:51 It's still scalding hot? Great Even with a scoop of vanilla ice cream In there cooling it off This thing was burn your mouth hot The entire time we had it And the cobbler part of it was I don't want to say nonexistent
Starting point is 01:00:06 Because I got some very good chunks But once it was gone It was very noticeable That you're just eating hot apple soup That's literally what happened And like difficult to manage Difficult to get on your spoon If you're trying to get it on your spoon
Starting point is 01:00:22 By just like curving the spoon into the side of the bowl You're causing an overflow It was logistically the most difficult dessert I've eaten of the twenty plus restaurants We've been to twenty five now Including our Patreon episodes Twenty five restaurants we have been to This was far and away
Starting point is 01:00:42 The most logistically difficult thing I've had to eat It was like an eight out of ten flavor It was six and a half out of ten After the logistics for me Scalded my mouth We're two and a half days later My tongue still feels a little bit of that Of that scalding
Starting point is 01:00:58 It was still hot when we left Yeah I had a bite like kind of as we were getting up I was like this is still And just warm Hot And same for me The flavor
Starting point is 01:01:10 Again I agree That's an eight out of ten flavor It tasted very great But there's more to it Yeah there is I can't give it higher than a six and a half out of ten Because it was such a struggle bus to consume Well that is all of our food
Starting point is 01:01:25 For thumbs I'm gonna go one up I thought of the three aspects Food was the best part of the The dining experience for me It wasn't bad I was looking forward to the most It did let me down though
Starting point is 01:01:38 I will say Lucille's is a liar It parades as an eight out of ten restaurant And it gives you a six out of ten That's the type of food experience Now six out of ten still good But I don't know I just expected deliciousness And I got good
Starting point is 01:01:55 Yeah I don't know I just I had a higher expectation And I felt like I don't know Lucille's is like the hot Instagram influencer That when you're like looking for substantial content You're not gonna find it So I'm gonna give this food experience one thumb up
Starting point is 01:02:09 Because it's like the only thing that's not Actively against me in this restaurant The food So I'll give you one thumb up Yeah Well before we rate this place Let's see what other people have to say about it In this week's Yelp from Strangers
Starting point is 01:02:25 We need a little yelp A little yelp A little yelp from strangers A one star, two star, three star, four or five yelp So give a little yelp A little yelp A little yelp from strangers A little yelp
Starting point is 01:02:43 A little yelp Give us those complaints while you literally whine and die Yelp So Yelp from Strangers Our new segment is where we will read Our favorite one, two, three, four and five star yelp reviews From the restaurant that we just went to And see what other people are saying about it
Starting point is 01:03:07 Before we give our final verdict And hey, not gonna lie We love the chaos Like hey, the crazier yelp reviews The more likely we are to choose that location That's not wrong So this full segment is gonna be available on our Patreon But you'll be able to hear one or two of these reviews right now
Starting point is 01:03:27 So I'll start with a one star review From Santo P, six months ago One star decided to treat my wife, three kids and mother tonight at 6.30pm He's really, really making sure we can get a picture of what the table looked like Who was there the time of day Got seated right away And then waited over 20 minutes with no server Sounds familiar
Starting point is 01:03:53 Sounds like the experience we had We had to flag someone down to take our order Meanwhile, my wife notices people being seated and waited on right away I wonder if Santo had the cleavage effect I advised the manager that we were leaving because we waited 20 minutes without a server visiting us And she said, I'm sorry, it's a service issue Yeah, no shit It's a no service issue
Starting point is 01:04:18 I wish I could say something positive about our experience this evening But there is simply nothing positive about tonight's Lucille's experience One out of five stars Five star review Here, you know what? Let's throw some positivity onto this dumpster fire Yeah, great Here's a five star review Let's do it
Starting point is 01:04:38 From Boon Me Oh Five stars ten months ago We had a lovely meal When the food finally came It was busy But what was very disappointing Was the wait staff assigned to our table Decided he didn't want to serve us
Starting point is 01:04:55 This doesn't sound like five stars But it is He ignored our table And one of the managers stepped in to take our order Eventually, he attended to us But grudgingly Very bad serve and attitude I will return because the food is excellent
Starting point is 01:05:13 But I will never sit at any table That waiter serve again You know, it's good to know that it's not just us Yeah, and like, I love it that that's a five star review Yeah, that's not a good glowing write up No But you got the numbers in and that's what counts, right? The service is shit
Starting point is 01:05:33 But the food's fine The things we tolerate If you'd like to hear the rest of our Yelp from Strangers segment Go on over to our Patreon, subscribe And we'll be posting all five of our favorite reviews there Final rating We're rating this experience again On the night we had the meal
Starting point is 01:06:09 Yes, this was before the bombshell of knowledge That we've gotten into the checkered history of Lucille's This is just based on experience the ambiance as is As a layman, so to speak And to get ignored by the wait staff Which by the way, you know what? I want to give that an award I want to give that this week's
Starting point is 01:06:33 This is way too much 20 minutes, 20 minutes Before they even say hi to us I don't care if I'm given the cleavage effect Eventually, you just look at the boobs Exactly, no one should treat a bride to be that way Yeah, look at her boobs Okay, so the food is the strength of this place
Starting point is 01:07:04 It is not an exceedingly strong area, but it is good I'm gonna go 5.32 When you average together all my thumbs It comes out to zero thumbs across the board You know, I gave zero, one up, one down Average is out to zero This place is in contention It is near the perfect 5 out of 10 experience
Starting point is 01:07:24 But the strength of their food I'm gonna give them just a little bit of a nudge up 5.32 Okay, I agree Food was the strength The food was like definitely the winner of the middle school talent show Yes The atmosphere, I'm not rating the atmosphere based on the story of Lucille
Starting point is 01:07:42 Yes You're rating it just based on what we experienced and what we saw It gave me nothing Yeah So zero thumbs for that One thumb down Because they ignored our beautiful bride to be Yeah, tragic
Starting point is 01:07:54 But the food was okay Mildly the best part Yes One thumb up for that So overall, I will go with 5.36 Alright So that means Lucille's Smokehouse Barbecue Goes up on the Chachki of Mediocrity
Starting point is 01:08:10 Our wall Chachki That keeps track of all of the restaurants we have visited so far It goes up there at 5.34 It's in the zone of mediocrity Yeah But it is not perfectly mediocre Which means we gotta keep looking We gotta figure out where are we gonna go next week
Starting point is 01:08:31 We have to play a game, Garrett We need to play The Headline Game The rules of the headline game are as follows Garrett will present 3 headlines to Michael that include this week's restaurant They can be made up or they can be actual headlines If Michael can correctly guess if at least 2 out of 3 are real or fake He will get to select next week's restaurant However, if Garrett stumps him, he'll select again
Starting point is 01:09:02 Are you ready to play, fellas? I am ready, are you ready? Oh, I'm ready, here we go First headline Dirty Dining Lucille's Smokehouse Barbecue in Concord Back open after forced closure due to cockroach infestation False
Starting point is 01:09:18 I feel like there's a lot of ones that you make up that use the word infestation That may or may not be a word I search for Yeah Okay Next one Kitchen Catches Fire Early Wednesday at Lucille's Barbecue in Town Center I believe...
Starting point is 01:09:40 I believe it Yeah, I'm gonna say true I think you would have named a city and not said town center That's the giveaway for me, I think true Okay, and the last one Lucille's Barbecue Founder Donates $500,000 to Long Beach NAACP This was a good one Oh, man
Starting point is 01:10:05 This could be made up, but it's believable White guilt's got me saying true Okay, the first headline Dirty Dining Lucille's Smokehouse Barbecue in Concord Back open after forced closure due to cockroach infestation You said false That was true
Starting point is 01:10:29 Now the next one Kitchen Catches Fire Early Wednesday at Lucille's Barbecue in Town Center You said true That was true Okay, one and one, I'm still in it Now the last one So if I get this one right, I get to pick
Starting point is 01:10:42 The last one Lucille's Barbecue Founder Donates $500,000 to Long Beach NAACP Am I wrong? White guilt said true This is 100% false Come on He should Of course
Starting point is 01:10:58 This man should be donating money to the NAACP But did not No, he did not Alright, I'm wrong You win the headline game You get to pick where we go next week One style restaurant that always makes me feel good Are Hibachi Grills
Starting point is 01:11:16 Are we going to Benihana? Yeah, let's go to Benihana Oh, hell yeah Okay Sweet Yeah, we're guaranteed a good time there And I can't imagine Service is inconsistent because service is literally
Starting point is 01:11:28 The person cooking for you at the table Service is a performative aspect They have to notice us here I'm expecting this to be a two-thumb-up service place And no one has to wear a bridal veil Well, awesome If you have any Benihana stories Send them our way
Starting point is 01:11:46 If you've ever worked for Benihana Especially if you're one of those badasses Tossing things around in the grill Oh, hell yeah Yes, you That's fine dining podcast at gmail.com We didn't find the most mediocre restaurant No
Starting point is 01:11:59 We're still searching, Garrett We're gonna find it Eventually we will But the search does continue We will see you next week Go ahead and, you know Check out our Patreon We're very proud of it
Starting point is 01:12:10 We just dropped our Fudruckers episode last week It's a pretty good one I really enjoyed the Fudruckers experience Enjoy listening to our review of the last Fudruckers in California And then later this month You're gonna hear us go to Portillo's Ooh One of the best Chicago-style hot dog and Italian beef places
Starting point is 01:12:28 In existence I love it I grew up on it But for now Have a fine day The search continues We still need the perfect file The search continues
Starting point is 01:12:44 Like and subscribe The search continues Our journey did not conclude The monorail search continues Write us an iTunes review And hey, while you're at it Why don't you go ahead and make it five stars Come on
Starting point is 01:13:08 Follow us on TikTok The same on Instagram All the socials At Find Dining Podcast We have a website FindDiningPodcast.com Buy our t-shirts Then put them on
Starting point is 01:13:35 And don't forget You can always suggest where we go next Okay We're going to find it Mediocrity The search continues See you next week Hurt my throat a little
Starting point is 01:14:00 Have a fine day

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