Fine Dining - "The Cleavage Effect" at Lucille's Smokehouse Bar-B-Que
Episode Date: March 8, 2023Lucille's history provides some racial turmoil The You-Must Bowl forces Michael to wear a "Bride-to-Be" sash and tiara The boys enlist some Yelp from Strangers as the boys read their favorite 1 & 5-s...tar Yelp reviews about the Lucille's they visited Garrett speculates that Lucille's is growing its future workforce in back Greta reviews Lucille's kids menu in this week's Munchkin Menu Musings JUB has a bone to pick with a hot security guard's pick-up methods We're now on Patreon! Get a monthly free episode, merch discounts, download access to our music including the 7 singles from our Olive Garden musical, the opportunity to get your face immortalized on the Tchotchke of Mediocrity, and more!  Get our 5 Survival Tips for Casual Dining at www.finediningpodcast.com!  Send us your Lucille's Smokehouse Bar-B-Que stories at finediningpodcast@gmail.com.  Follow us on TikTok and Instagram @finediningpodcast  Let us know where we should go next by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google, or wherever you get your podcasts. We read every one!  Next time on Fine Dining: Benihana! If you have ever worked for Benihana and have a story to share, or if you’d like us to hear your child’s review of Benihana's kids menu, send it to finediningpodcast@gmail.com.
Transcript
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Hello and welcome back to the fine dining podcast the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America that is fine dining as in
It's fine. I'm your host Michael or Nellis
I'm your host Garrett's work and we are two mediocre boys or two mediocre boys looking for the most mediocre toys
It rhymed. It's not what we're actually doing though. We're looking for the most mediocre restaurant. We're trying to find play with our food
We're mature. Yeah, we do borderline food fight type you and I yeah
No, we're easy to deal with
Despite what our appearances might show. Yeah, sometimes people look at us and they may get the wrong first impression
They might think that we're gonna be trouble and we will get into that a little bit more this week
We went to Lucille's smokehouse barbecue. You picked this Garrett. I was in the mood for some barbecue meat and
I had high expectations in that I have had good experiences with Lucille's in the past
I thought this was going to score outside of the zone of mediocrity now for those of you listening for the first time
The zone of mediocrity is a score range four to six
We're looking for the perfect five point double zero out of ten
So the easiest way to do that is first narrow it down. We're gonna shoot for four to six
Eventually we're gonna hit that perfect five and all those restaurants that fall within that four to six
We can safely say our mediocre. Yeah, they're fine. They're okay
It's like you can go to those places. You know what you're gonna get. It's just reliable. It's consistency
You're never gonna have your hopes too high so they can't be disappointed. Yeah
You got the ultimate of meh the ultimate ultimate. Yeah
So like would the ultimate warrior only be on the undercard?
dumb
Lucille's is a place that I've always enjoyed I did expect it to score higher than six
I expected it to be greatness now. We haven't rated it yet. I don't know where it falls
But given the experience we had I actually don't think it's gonna escape the zone of mediocrity
And you definitely came into this with a higher opinion of the restaurant than I did. I've been here a few times
Yeah, I like it. I've always liked it. Here's the thing
I am both a barbecue snob and just a lover of all barbecue. So I'm pretty forgiving in terms of like what I find
Acceptable, you know enjoyable, but I'll say your barbecue snobbery rubbed off on me
There was a point in this meal. I turned to you and I said
La barbeque ruined me. Yeah La barbeque in Austin, Texas
I took you during our little Austin run that we did from our
Waffle House episode through our Cheddar's episode we were in Austin and
We were eating some good food as well as mediocre food La barbeque is just straight up fire
It is a 10 out of 10 barbecue experience and if you're ever in Austin, I highly recommend it go there
We haven't even gotten out of our car yet. I think this experience starts before you even pick me up
Yeah, so speaking of the zone of mediocrity
If we pick a restaurant that goes outside of it
We have to draw from the you must fold a bowl of punishment that shames us for
Daring to pick a place that soared too high or fell too far out of the mediocrity range and last week
We went to the cheesecake factory, which scored well above six
Of course it did and I had to come to Lucille's
With a bride-to-be
Sash on now I decided to go the full Monty. I also had a tiara and a wedding veil and
I
Wore it out of my home
Just to like my hands were full and I was just going down to my car
And there was a woman hanging out on the balcony across from where I live who noticed me and said
congratulations
To which I just said I lost a bet
And the look of disappointment on her face was like I wasted a congratulations on you
So I kind of had a feeling like oh this is gonna be how I'm received
Yep, this is where it's gonna start
So we'll talk about that a little bit more for those of you listening for the first time
What we do on this show is we're looking for the perfect five point double zero out of ten and we're doing it based on a restaurant's
Atmosphere service and food all three of them. So it's not just the meal. It's not just the service. It's not just the decor
It's all full package on the night we go and only on the night we go. Yes
So past experiences don't matter leftovers don't matter just sad
I had the most amazing leftovers the next day
For now our table is ready. We're gonna get into it. We'll see you soon
Your table is ready
Complementary butter and bread these walls have road signs
Knit, knack, cowboy hat, good luck cat, autographed guitar, some crap from your city
Behold the trash key of mediocrity
Fine dining
It's just fine dining
Fine dining
Two ledgers on the sign are shining
Neon flickering irregular timing
Identify the perfect five
About a ten
Fine dining
Fine dining
First impressions. So we get to Lucille's it's in a mall. It's freezing. I'm very cold
I get out of my car and I'm just in my my veil and sash and tiara and we have to walk a decent distance
So it is a literal walk of shame
I
The looks begin the second we get out of the car and you don't help because you're like running laps around me to get into position
To like take videos and photos
I want different angles of you
I draw attention to this
Of course you do we're putting all these on social
So if you do want to check out our shenanigans from the different restaurants we go to you can always follow us on Instagram and TikTok
That's right. We're on Instagram at fine dining podcast
We're on tick tock at fine dining podcast and you can email us whatever you want fine dining podcast at gmail.com
We might regret that but I don't know maybe we won't
No, you want to see this blushing bride to be he's beautiful
I just walked past this one couple that were staring at me kind of laughing and I was just like don't make bets with your friends
So they proceed to stand there and watch us for a while. It's almost like we're getting a little crowd
Yeah, a little yeah, we're taking pictures in front of the Lucille sign because that's always something we do
It's a really cool sign. It's kind of like one of those old-fashioned bulb
Yeah, it's like lettering really strong light up theater marquee
Yeah, exactly theater marquee kind of feel like borderline stagecoach sort of I liked it
It was a it was a cool aesthetic architecturally what this place was going for we'll get into this later
It was hitting it
Yeah, so we're definitely getting noticed because you're going around being like let me get this angle you walk into the restaurant
Yeah, I'm walking in backwards filming which I'm not what I would do I'm Garrett you don't care what people think
No, I don't I very much do I don't want to be in anyone's way
But we weren't in anyone's way and like I'm doing this my goal is to get the best shot possible
I don't care about that or director. Yes, I will block out the surroundings. I will focus on my task at hand
Yes, and I was your task at hand and I walk right on in and I'm just like we have a reservation for six
But we're here really early. Do you have a seat and they're like, yeah, they didn't seem slammed by any means
They were able to see us right away. There were like three hosts slash hostesses up at the front
There was like a full team that I swear throughout the whole course of the meal
I noticed maybe six people just hanging around the host stand regularly this wasn't like people stopping by and like picking stuff up
So I think the wait staff just kind of went there to hang out because they were all kind of younger
You know they all look like they were in their 20s so I think they were just friends hanging out
The one thing I noticed in the entryway other than the hosts was a sign that just said be nice or leave
And I like that sentiment. I do too. I appreciate that sentiment. I don't want to dine around a bunch of grumpy people
I think it's just wall decoration. I don't think it's an actual enforced policy
But we dine with ourselves and we are grumpy people. Sometimes. Not to staff. No, never. We're very nice I think
Unless we're like rhyming. I'm sorry. That's not mean. It's just cringy
I want to take this moment to apologize to our Cheddar server
Cheddar's like dude I'm so sorry that you had to put up with us
Yeah. Hope you had a good day. I hope your life's good
Now what I do want to talk about here is I got a case of what I'm going to call the YMB flusters
The YUMASBOL flusters
My face gets like flush when all eyes are on me
Oh you're a blushing bride
You've used that already. Get out of here
I'll use it all day long
I genuinely feel like a sense of like buffet brain
We've used that before
I get buffet brain when I walk in with a YUMASBOL punishment where I'm like oh god I have to get through this interaction
To where I don't know the answers to the questions
I'm not thinking of like oh god what notes can I take
Because you know we're normally taking notes
There's also usually a wait
Usually we have time to kind of collect our thoughts
So the combination of we're here early
We have a reservation
There's currently no wait
I'm wearing a bride-to-be sash
All eyes are on me
And I don't know what I'm saying or how to handle this
Was just the perfect storm for me to just be embarrassed
And we're like getting seated and taking back to our table
And I'm taking some pictures of some of the decor on the wall so I can make note of it
I see one that says all bus passengers please pay when served
And it just
What does that mean?
I don't know
But it has a bunch of art around it with like blues artists and stuff
I don't know
It felt very like the segregated south almost
And I don't like it
Yeah we'll get into more on that later
I feel literally uncomfortable
Given what we're about to talk about
Well do we want to just jump into it?
Let's do it
Alright let's get into rusty fact roundup
It's funny you mention a painting that makes you slightly uncomfortable
Yeah
This isn't the first time this has happened at a Lucille's
I hate this is what we're starting with
I like to start things off with a positive
Right
Back in 2009 there were some customers that complained about a painting that was
What they thought was racist at a Lucille's location
Oh we're starting off positive
So the owner took these comments to heart
He even saw them on Yelp
What did he do?
He went in and took down the painting
Personally or he had someone else do it
He said he would personally do it
There's no evidence that he personally did it
But I really like the fact that this company decided to put up a racist painting
And then they're like you know what
It's a bad idea to put up a racist painting
So they took it down
Good on them for taking down the racist crap they put up in the first place
Yeah
Oh and by the way Garrett
My mom says she doesn't like the whip sound that we use in Resty fact roundup
It's just way too many whips
So for this episode we're gonna replace it with blues harmonica
That's cool
I like the vibe of that
Keep going
I'm gonna give you some innocuous facts
We'll stop on the racist thing for a minute
Great
Because that's a little uncomfortable
The palette
Yeah
Lucille's was founded in Long Beach in 1999
Okay
So this is like a local chain
Sure
Relatively recent
But now it's
They are in multiple states
They are in Nevada now
It has grown
There are currently 21 locations in three states
What's the third?
Arizona?
Yes, Arizona
Okay
All of the meats are cooked over seasoned hickory logs in their special dining room smoker for up to 24 hours
Okay
You can see the smoker from the dining room
It's surrounded in glass
This was one of the first things I've always noticed about Lucille's
Yeah
It's really cool when they open up the smoker
You get to see all the chickens, all the ribs inside
It reminds me of which I didn't take you when we were in Austin
But the Saltlic has these giant barbecue pits
Ooh
And you walk in and you just see tons and tons of meat on the pit
They literally mop on their barbecue sauce
Mmm
They have a bucket full of their barbecue sauce
And they mop it onto the meats
It's like this giant painting almost
Nice
It's delicious
The Las Vegas location averages 200 racks of baby back ribs per day
200?
Yes
Full racks
That's a good turnaround
That's not to mention any other types of ribs
Sure
Or brisket
Or chicken
They got a lot going on
This is also another place that prides itself on daily made from scratch food
I can see that
Yeah, like nothing tasted like it wasn't fresh
Like the biscuits too
Like you could tell those were made from scratch biscuits
Those are good biscuits too
They were
Okay, we had some good things
Let's get to the tea
Do you want to get to the tea?
Oh God
Yeah, we gotta
Before I get into this, I want to preface this by saying there are two sides to every story
Yes
I reached out to both sides once I found out about it
Okay
Only one side has responded
Alright
Okay, let's get into this
As a sort of origin story, the website currently says
Picking up culinary inspiration from some of the best barbecue shacks in the south
We developed a thriving concept around serving the best barbecue with the finest southern hospitality
That's what the website says
Okay
Also, in a press release in 2015 announcing the opening of the Woodland Hills location, the one we went to
This press release also echoed the exact same story
But it added on that it was the founder who trekked through the south doing this
Okay
But wait, there's a different origin story that was concurrently on their website
Okay
This other origin story was posted on their site as recently as May 2020
Let me tell you about the story of when Lucille's barbecue went and anti-mimed themselves
Like a fictional black mascot, basically
Yeah, so
Great
On their website, they had a black and white picture of an African-American woman named Lucille
This was the supposed founder of Lucille's
Let me read straight from their website
From May 2020 to before
That's what folks said about the barbecue
Lucille Buchanan grew up eating in her grandma's lunch shack
A little nothing of a place on a back road in a small town way outside of Greenville
But Lucille didn't know any different
She hadn't traveled more than 30 miles in any direction
It was just Granny's cooking
And Lucille loved it
When Lucille married Joe before World War II
And followed him out to the naval yards in Long Beach, California
She discovered that the folks back home were right
Granny's barbecue was the best
So we got Lucille taking her grandma's recipe
She's from Greenville, Alabama
She moved out to Long Beach
Opening her own business in California
Living the American dream
The family gets on it too
So after the war, Joe joined her in the restaurant
When they had children and later grandchildren
They helped out too
A family business
So the son of the founder and current CEO was quoted in...
Well, it is a family business then
Yeah, it is
Just not the family they touted
Yeah, so this man was quoted in 2013 in the Orange County Register
As saying the idea was to create a, and I quote
Loving family that crafted these recipes from scratch and held onto them
Yeah, I mean the part that sticks out to me here is that they had to create another family
Like what's the inability here to use your own identity?
Is your story not interesting enough?
Like it just sounds like you're trying to exploit a story
Based on something you're not
I don't know, it just seems...
It's inauthentic regardless
Restaurant Development and Design Magazine
Had an article on Lucille's featuring an original brand designer
Talking about the plantation style architecture
And how he helped create the fictional namesake character Lucille
During this process, this man visited a long beach chapter of the NAACP
To discuss the Lucille project
In the end, this is all he said about it
They were a great resource
Okay
In summary, Lucille's made up a fake black woman as a marketing ploy
Only to scrub their website of any references and pretend it never happened as of June 2020
So right around the George Floyd protests
Yeah
Now, I gave the founder of Lucille a chance to respond to this
Yeah
I sent him an email and I just offered him the opportunity with 2020 hindsight to look back on this decision
And maybe say it was a bad idea
Sure
He has not responded
You said there were two sides to this, which would mean that you reached out to somebody else
I'm curious who you did hear from
I reached out also to Bethany Kahn of Culinary Union 226
Okay
The union she represents actually was the one that broke this story
Ooh, okay
I want to give some sources just so I'm not just throwing her around
Hey, Lucille's is racist
Right
That's a little inflammatory
So the website is Lucille'sBBQRiskAlert.org
It has all of her findings
Yeah, it has all the findings
Which is weird because it sounds based on what you presented to me that all of this was out there in plain sight
Like they almost weren't hiding it, but just no one was really doing the digging to be like, oh, this is kind of exploitative
That was one of my first reactions too because on this website, they're quoting a review from the Orange County Register
So the Orange County Register in their review even noted how the fictional Lucille character is just kind of disheartening
They were like, wow, this is really heartwarming story
This woman came from the south, trekked all the way over here, started a family business
Yeah, and it's a lie and this has been public knowledge since at least 2013
Okay
And now it's coming out
The literal press release came out on January 5th, 2023
Oh, okay
Okay, yo, it's been 10 years and no one said anything about it
Why are you talking about it now?
Yeah, I mean, I guess at some point you just, you get away with something until you don't
Yeah, so is the moral of the story, don't answer MIMO yourself?
I mean, yeah, that's probably advisable
Yeah, well, all right, that's been this week's RustyFactRoundup
Yeah!
So coming off of everything I just learned, it really paints this in a different direction
It does, doesn't it?
When all the artwork is like black blues musicians
It's paintings, it's pictures, it's instruments, it's all of that
This is just, we are not this thing, but we are presenting our restaurant as though it is not even an homage to a culture
But like a presentation of this is our culture, and it's just not
So the founder of Lucille's opened up two Lucille's in Nevada
They're both in locations owned by a casino group
Now this casino group is the only one in Nevada that has an all-white board of directors
Yeah
No diversity
Which is pretty wild considering they're kind of presenting as a black-owned business
We're gonna try and make the rest of this episode not about this
But like, you've been marinating with this information for at least a day and I'm just
Like, I had no idea any of this happened until it was like 4 o'clock yesterday afternoon
Yeah, we ate, what, two days ago?
Yeah, and like, okay, I'm like, I just sat down, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna put together the Rusty Facts
How many Lucille's are there?
By the way, people, it's Rusty Fact as in restaurant
It is short for restaurant
I have had people ask me that like, they think it's Rusty Fact
Because Rusty, we made up that word, we're Rusty Boys, you and I
I'm a Midwesty slash Texi Rusty Boy, and you're just a Midwesty Rusty Boy
You're just a Midwesty Rusty Boy
Yes, you see a lot of wood siding on the walls
This was all supposedly reclaimed wood
I like the idea of reuse
Yeah, the part of the design of this place that I liked, I mean, going back to their sign, like the bulb light
Also, when we walk in, there's a big neon, not neon, is it neon?
There's a big bulb light marquee sign above the host stand that's like, try our red velvet pudding
Something like that
And then on the back of it, it was we cook our meats low and slow
Was what was on the marquee
They do
And I like that look, but other than that, this place wasn't remarkably decorated
It kind of managed to not stand out
No, there were a lot of brick walls that looked kind of industrial to me
Like, don't get me wrong, it didn't look bad, it just didn't stand out
It wasn't special
We had another table near us and a woman came up to me because of my tiara and bride-to-be sash
Who was just like, I love this and I was just like, I lost a bet
And again, the look on her face of I just wasted a compliment, like, damn
Then that same lady came up to me later because I was the one that she broke the ice with
To ask me to take a group photo of her table, I don't know if it was like a birthday gathering or something like that
We sang happy birthday to them later
There were a few birthdays and we sang along
I noticed different treatment from the restaurant depending on the age of the recipient
Because the first birthday we saw was grandma
It was grandma of this one table and one server delivered a cake
And kind of just let the family sing happy birthday
It was pretty sad
And was like kind of joining in
And then of course we have a kid's birthday and the whole staff empties out
Yeah, they were like 8 to 10 people around there
It's elder, not elder abuse
It's elder discrimination
Age of discrimination, it's just like the
When the number is bigger on the birthday, you should celebrate more
It's not a miracle to make it to 2 years old
But to make it to your mid 70s in this day and age
I don't know
I think we should be celebrating bigger numbers on birthdays
That's the stance I'm taking here today
And also I will say the reaction to us singing along to the kid's birthday was not as positive
Well we just sing along whenever we hear a birthday
I was honestly surprised they noticed so many people were singing to the kid that like
Why would we be unwelcome?
Grandma though?
Like we were clearly the two loud voices from across the room
Because you know, they were probably what?
15 feet away from us, 10 feet
They weren't like close but they weren't super far
But we were noticed
Lots of kids in this place
We have not been to a place with this many kids yet
Every new table that walked in had like
What do you call the thing that you carry them around
Like your baby purse
You know what I'm talking about
Yeah, your veal basket
Your veal basket
Where you just put that tender tender growing child meatball
It's a spicy meatball
Oh my gosh
But okay
I bet there were the same amount of kids in this restaurant as we saw in Chuck E. Cheese
Yeah
That is honestly probably an accurate number
Which is crazy because Chuck E. Cheese is for the kids
Yeah
Which by the way, if you haven't heard our Chuck E. Cheese episode
It might be my favorite one
Go back and listen to it
It's so good
It's great
And the kids seemed like they were at home here too
We saw that one kid just get up and start running toward the kitchen
Like almost like a homie vegan
The kid knew where they were going
Drew them in
But just so many
So many kids
You know another weird thing
What?
Who are all so well behaved
In the beginning we heard a little bit of crying
But it stopped
But that got straightened out
Not quick
It did
After that
Not a single peep
They felt like they were comfortable inside of this place
Yeah
Which is weird
It makes me ask the question
What's going on over there?
What's going on over there?
What's going on over there?
What's going on over there?
It's my understanding that you have a theory
What is going on over there, Garrett?
Not only do I have a theory
I want to reference a very popular modern theory
Held by many people born in the 1950s and 60s
This age cohort
Definitely is a strong believer in this theory
Yeah, what's the theory?
The theory is
No one wants to work anymore today
Yeah
And I think this is just a travesty
It's a serious problem affecting all of our restaurants
But Lucille's, they are innovators
They are creators
As we've seen, they are willing to create anything
So they are growing children in the back
To be future Lucille's employees
They're not just creating mascots
They're creating their workforce
Yes
Oh, that's why that one girl was running towards the kitchen
She was like, oh, well, this is my home
I want to go home now
She was on her lunch break
She was going back to wash dishes until they noticed us noticing
So her mom ran over and got her
Well, I'll say mom in quotes we don't know
Could have been her shift manager
Exactly
But I think it's a proven fact that child hands
Put a better dry rub on a rack of ribs than anyone else
They get those hard to reach places
You can really just season under the skin as well as over it
God, you know the movie Blade II
Where the vampires have a human farm
So there's this giant factory filled with bags
Are you suggesting Lucille's has a baby farm?
Yes, Lucille's has a literal baby farm
What are baby back ribs?
Is it literal?
That's what you ate
They were really good
Tender
Human veal as you like to say
Oh, man, human veal
I can't believe I let this get to this place
This is the episode where we mentioned a restaurant
Aunt Jemima in itself
Therefore, all gloves are off
Yeah, human veal
We're talking about child labor and actual baby back ribs
To be clear, we are speculating
We are not advocating
No, we have no hard evidence that Lucille's
Has a true baby farm in the back of every single one of their restaurants
And they've been doing this since 1999
Yeah
We have no evidence that Lucille's uses child labor
Other than the outstanding track record and credibility of our recurring segment
What is going on over there?
Yes
What is going on over there?
Oh, there was a really cool flying pig
On like a hang glider with like airplane goggles on
That was okay
That was my favorite part of the atmosphere
That was the only thing in this whole thing where I was like
That's a very positive addition
Now, there was another thing happening
That I didn't get to see because of my vantage point
But you and Herbert did
You got to see, was it a security guard pick up multiple women's phone numbers
Over the course of dinner
Yeah
This guy was on fire and I didn't see even a single glimpse of him
This man was on fire
He was running it up
You said that he was just crushing it with this one
Yeah, okay, so first I know you guys were pointing out her body language
Like, oh, she looks not into it
Yeah, so he was there, he had his phone out
He was talking to this one girl who I think she was like an employee of one of the local businesses
You could tell he was just lounging there
He was this cool dude
Was he good looking?
Yeah, he was a good looking guy
Let's just say your level of looks plus my level of looks
Times 10, you get half of that guy
Yeah, but since you and I are zeros, anything times zero just becomes zero
The first girl, she was kind of leaning away
Her body language clearly said that she wasn't interested
Until Herbert mentioned, well, it's cold
Maybe she's just cold and you're not wrong
It was pretty cold outside
But as it turns out, yeah, she was just cold
We could tell she gave him her number
Because when she walked away, he had his phone out and he was entering it
Good on him, I guess
But this wasn't it, this wasn't the end
That wasn't the end of it, no, no, no
Not five minutes later, this absolute superstar
Goes up to another woman
Getting off like her shift or something
So this girl walks out in one of the stores, walks up to him
It's like, I think they know each other
But it's only an acquaintance level of familiarity
What do we see?
He's taking out his phone and putting in another phone number
Does it clearly look like she's talking him through?
So it does look like a number exchange and he just happens to be on his phone
So this dude cleared two numbers in five or six minutes
In one location, he doesn't even move
He literally did not move from his spot
That's, wow
Oh, to be young and attractive
Oh, to be young and attractive, if only I knew
I know, like, if only I was in peak shape in my 20s
We're ugly and middle-aged
You're ugly and middle-aged
I'm handsome and middle-aged
So you just admitted to being middle-aged
Oh, yeah
My ratings came in before the resty fact roundup
As did mine
I say zero thumbs on an unremarkable atmosphere that didn't really intrigue me in any way
Now, with the full context of everything
I'm almost going like, I can't rate this
I don't want to rate this, I would refuse to rate this
Same here, zero thumbs up
It was okay, the atmosphere
Even with a fictional story, you're still coming in as like, you're not really moving the needle at all
Just a straight average experience
The building's fine, it doesn't get in the way of your dining experience
The building's probably the best part of it
And then you go in and it's just like, nothing really catches you
It neither adds nor subtracts if you don't know the meaning behind things
Yeah
I think this is the perfect zero-thumb atmosphere
Okay, yeah, zero thumbs all across the board
Highlighted for me by the flying pig
And hearing you and Herbert narrate the security guard scoring phone numbers
And now, a word from our totally not made up sponsor
Oh hi there, it's your favorite sponsor, Job
And I am back with a brand new thing
This week it's less of a product and more of a viewpoint that I'm trying to push on you
You know, like an asshole
Are you that security guard who secured the phone number of one honey and then proceeded to pursue yet another honey?
Well, Job's got a problem with that
Not the lack of monogamy
Job has been there
My ex-wife bamboozled me into a situation where I was supposed to be monogamous
But she could do whatever she wanted
And that's fine
My problem is that you're getting phone numbers
Phones are the devil
I've already detailed why I don't like them in the Food Rockers episode
Which you can find on the Find Timing Podcast Patreon
Just five bucks
But let me tell you something, if you had any game, you wouldn't need to get a phone number
You'd close the deal right then and there
But Job, I'll get fired if I mess around on company time
Well, the only company you should work for is yourself
Take it from me
So if you're that guy
Put down your phone
Pick up a wine glass
Dip your finger in it
And do that thing where you gently caress the rim and it makes
A beautiful humming sound
I'll come find you and I'll teach you my ways
Because if there's anything I know about you based on the description given in this podcast
It's that you definitely need an outsider's help
I'm picking up women
Okay, bye
Service
So we got taken right in and seated
We didn't expect it
The host group was very nice
There were so many of them
And that might explain the absence of actual servers
Well, they didn't have an absence of actual servers
But for us, they did
Yeah
20 minutes
That is the actual non-exaggerated amount of time
Yeah, I wrote it down
From when we took a seat to when any server walked by and said
Were you guys being helped?
Yeah, Ed, that's what they said
Are you guys being helped?
And 20 minutes later
We have seen these servers pass by 10 times at this point
At least
They took the orders of the tables around us
They're only serving this area
They're not in other sections
We had two servers because one was training the other one
Oh, I could even tell the manager was walking around
He stopped in all of the tables
Yeah
20 minutes is such an insanely long time
To not be acknowledged in any way
Yeah, like, okay, I get it
Sometimes you're busy
Just acknowledge the table
That's all
7 or 8 minutes is when I start to like notice
Like, oh, I've been reading this menu for a long time
And no one said hi
Once you get to like the 12-13 minute territory
I'm like, okay, this is getting a little bit annoying
Once you pass 15, at least doing the podcast
Now I'm amused
Now I'm like, I hope we get to 30
Yeah
20 minutes is so long
20 minutes is a quarter of the movie The Lion King
I saw multiple servers walk by the table
They just quickly glance and then they just keep moving
It's like, glance at what?
Your beauty
Oh, do you think my tiara and sash are the reason we didn't get
Here's the thing, no one looked at me
I, to Garrett, I was looking
No one even, their eyes didn't even flinch to my direction
Everyone was looking at you
But just like boobs, you can't stare for too long
You think I had a cleavage effect where it's like
They're trying to check me out
But they don't want to catch me catching them
Exactly
You are the definition of cleavage effect
That's not...
Oh my god, that might be a perfect analogy
Because I didn't catch anyone
They can't stare too long, they're good at this
Oh god
Your sash was massive cleavage
Oh my god, that's funny
I don't know, I mean
If I'm a waiter, I would approach that group
I would think they'd be fun
Because you had the whole theory of like
You thought it was like he lost his fantasy football league
So he had to do something like that
I just think there's sports on on the televisions
There are people crowded around the bars
Watching the sports
There are the hosts and hostesses
Crowding around watching the sports
And there's three guys sitting at a table
And one of them looks like an ejected bride
Yeah, so you obviously lost your fantasy football league
Which I don't even play
I think it's pretty clear
I see things all over the internet
Of men doing exactly what you're doing
Yeah, and it's just...
I don't know
I just don't think it's a good reason to avoid us
Or to expect that will be any kind of way
We're always polite
We are, but...
We're always nice
No one knows that ahead of time
But I mean
What, are we judging people by their looks at a Lucille's?
The table next to us had two servers
That I noticed before we even got
Which we ended up having the same pair
Because one was training the other
But I was like...
I was jealous
I was like
They get two people giving them attention
And I can't get one
And I will say
Every other table around us
Got very attentive service
Yeah, I mean, once it started
I don't think it was bad
I don't think it was especially good
But I don't think it was bad
We had a server that was training another server
The guy was, I guess, the trainee
The trainee
This guy made Britain look like an acrobat
Britain is our Waffle House server
Who moved like the sloth in Zootopia
Yeah, and this guy was low energy compared to Britain
Yeah, this guy was very low energy
I see that
But even then, like, it's not about energy
I think it's just jitters you're learning
You know, you're kind of being just thrown into the fire
Like, hey, go bring that table food
Go get their order
Go ask if they want a drink
Don't talk to that man in the bride-to-be sash and tiara
On your first day
See how that goes
Yeah, I don't know
It just wasn't good service
It wasn't terrible service other than that 20 minute wait
And I can't but help let that paint
The majority of the experience
Because 20 minutes is just an insane amount of time
I will say I went up to the host stand
To ask around if any employees had any, like, fun stories
Of their time there
And, like, without missing a beat
Three of them just went, tell them about Halloween
And I was like, what happened on Halloween?
They said, well, we used to leave our barbecue sauce bottles
Because they have three bottles of sauce
That they have on every table
And on the outdoor seating ones
They used to leave them out there overnight
On Halloween, they basically got the equivalent of egging
They got egged with their own barbecue sauce bottles
It broke the glass of the front door
And it shattered barbecue sauce everywhere
So, yeah, a bunch of them came in to work the next day
And there's just pools of barbecue sauce everywhere
And broken glass
That must be a depressing day to just walk into work
And be like, oh, I gotta deal with this
That is low-key food abuse
That is high-key food abuse
Look, as a Texan, the part that makes me the maddest
Respect the sauce
Exactly, we at the Fine Dining Podcast
Take the position that you must respect the sauce
These sauce idiots were just throwing stuff around
I don't wish that we were there for it
But I do think it's funny that that was a story
That they were all like unanimously
Yeah, that's the story we have here
There wasn't much more to it than that, but yeah
I'm going one thumb down
Just because once we did have service
It seemed like an average experience
That I would normally give zero thumbs to
But that 20-minute wave brings it down a whole thumb
Borderline two, but I'll go one
Just because I did enjoy talking with the host staff
About that Halloween drive-by saucing story
I will go one thumb down
Because it's...
They didn't do anything to us
But they didn't do anything for us
Yeah, I think we need actively poor service
To give two thumbs down
They need to be ignoring us on purpose
They stopped ignoring us
Once they ripped the Band-Aid off
And started talking to us
So we both went one thumb down
On an overall meh experience
Munchkin menu musings
Hi, my name is Gada
I'm four years old
Going to review the Bucket Kid menu
My favorite part was cuddling
I cuddled the whole animal and all four pixels in my book
A pig and a volcano and a star
And letters and passwords
And a chicken and a volcano and a star
And a skull and letters and passwords and drawing
I liked these crayons
Black, blue, red, yellow
We were making delicious dessert
I can't read yet, I made up my own words
It was really fun
This is what you can't do
You can't read
You just try it again
And then you try again
We feel good without
I like the menu this much
My arms is falling apart right now
I give it ten thumbs up
Thank you
Food
Yum
Even when it's not great
As long as the sauce is good
It's pretty solid
Like mediocre meat with good sauce
Is still enjoyable
We got a lot of different things here
So why don't we start off with
The first thing they put on our table
Homemade biscuits and apple butter
These were good
Fresh, flaky biscuits
The apple butter
I liked, I didn't love
It wasn't like melty enough
It was more of a spread than like a melty butter
It was tasty
But I thought that the biscuits also thrived on their own
Without any butter
Which is truly the sign of a good biscuit
But it also means that the butter wasn't as strong
As I wanted it to be
And when you have something where it's like a fancy butter
Like an apple butter or a honey butter
I want a little bit more out of it
So they nailed the texture
The taste was 15% too dry, I guess
I don't know
I love how you got an exact dryness amount
16.4% too dry
I'm going 7 out of 10 on the biscuits
They're good
I do recommend them
Those were definitely good biscuits
They were airy and still crumbly
Crisp on the outside
There was a little sugar topping baked on too
I think the sugar topping really paired well
With the sweetness of the apple butter
So this was a complete dish for me
I exceedingly enjoyed it
So probably combined biscuit plus apple butter
8 out of 10
It wasn't 16.4% too dry for you
I think it needed the apple butter
Definitely
I had the biscuit, I tried it on its own
It was a little too dry
But I'm not going to complain
When they provide the solution to it next to it
Now I also provided my own solution
Because I ordered their strawberry lemonade
Very sweet, delicious
Huge portion
It came in like a mason jar
Like one of the big mason jars
8.5 out of 10 lemonade
Great lemonade
I've been on a lemonade kick lately
I don't know, I'm usually not a lemonade guy
But I think I got lemonade at Hooters
I got lemonade here
Doing a whole year of 2022 with only water
I'm really branching out
And just like, I'm going to have it all
Next up is our starter, the onion straws
The Lucille's onion straws with barbecue ranch
This is what I always get at Lucille's
These are basically a hot dog topping
Or like the island reds and islands
That they put on the burgers
So it's basically like onion rings
But very thin and wispy
And not a lot of breading
But they're still proportionally
There's the same amount of breading on those
As there would be on a thicker onion ring
You kind of eat them with fingertips
You never really get a good grip on them
Because they're just small and greasy
That doesn't change the fact that they were good
They were excellent
It's like the small wispiness
Allows more surface area for batter
Yes
So it was a very strongly seasoned batter
It had a tiny little kick to it
Maybe a little cayenne, which I always like
And it also had a barbecue ranch
Which I'm not a ranch guy
Me neither
Ever
Like ranch grosses me out
How did we grow up in the Midwest
With a distaste for ranch?
I never understood this
Everyone around me loved it
My brother had a long history of chewing
With his mouth open
And one of his favorite snacks
Was cool ranch Doritos
And I would smell it from his breath
And like see it being chewed up
And it just kind of made this mental note
In my head of I don't like ranch
My brother's also a big part of why I don't eat cheese
Just some of the things he ate growing up
Growsed me out seeing him do it
Smelling it, seeing him eat it
I don't know
But this barbecue ranch
The fact that it had the word barbecue in it
I was like, you know what?
I'll try it
It was a positive addition
I liked it
You did?
Did you try it?
I tried it
It tasted exactly like what I would expect
You had the creaminess and the slight
I guess buttery seasoning of ranch
With a tiny bit of the tang and smoky
Of the barbecue
I almost tasted more barbecue than ranch in this
I got the ranch strongly
The ranch was kind of less distinguishable
For me
Which is what made me like it
I would have gone pretty high on this
If the entire dish
Wasn't served kind of at room temp
Yes, I have that exact note on there
In all caps
I just want them to be warm
6 out of 10 for me
6 out of 10 on what could have been
A 9 out of 10 starter
I'm gonna go 7 out of 10 for the exact same reason
If they were warmer
That's a 9
That's a 9.5
The flavor was excellent
It just came out
Literally room temp
And only cooling off from there
Can you cool below room temp?
No
Also
They were really great heated up the next day
When they were at room temp
Oh, that's right
You did a little leftover
Feast
Yes
Where you made your own little culinary creations
Yeah, I'm sure that they were much better the next day
You, me and Herbert got 3 different entrees
3 different sides
We'll start with Herbert just cause
He's not here to talk about it
You got the beer can chicken
You got the beer can chicken
Did you taste it?
I got a little taste of it
It tasted just like seasoned chicken
Was it a beer can element of it?
Didn't add too much
It was a solid roast chicken
It was a very good texture, I thought
Yeah, it was very moist
It had a good strong smoky flavor to it
I tried it with the sauce that it came with
Which was like a tangier
More watery barbecue sauce
I didn't love the sauce
I liked the chicken better without the sauce
Overall, I'm just gonna go 6 out of 10
Wasn't remarkable
Wasn't bad
I agree with you
I'm also gonna go 6 out of 10
The flavor wasn't offensive
The flavor was very safe
You got a 3 meat platter
You got burnt ends brisket
And baby back ribs
Baby back ribs being their number 1 seller
Okay, they are
Yes
And I sampled all of them
What did you think?
Let me start with the brisket
Yeah, I've got opinions on the brisket too
The flavor was rich smoky and beefy
Once it got into my mouth
Beefy
Yeah
Once it got into my mouth, it fell apart
It was just an overall pretty enjoyable experience
But it was dry
It didn't fall apart for me because of the dryness
Yeah
I thought the meat of the brisket was actively
Not good brisket
I agree, the quality was crap
It relied on the sauces
But with the sauce, I doused mine in the sauce
Let it sit for a minute
Whatever sauce it came with
Okay, so yours came with sauces
I used the 3 table sauces
They had a Memphis style
They had a hot and they had an original
I tried all 3
None of them really set my world on fire
But the brisket was a lot better with some sauce
Yeah, definitely
To counteract the dryness
I really like how I normally do not like watery sauces
But in this case with the dry brisket
The watery sauce actually rehydrated the meat
Which isn't a job
No
It's a crutch
You shouldn't have to do that
Overall, this brisket in the end
I think this would be a 7.5 out of 10
Taste-wise
But honestly I'm kind of pissed off
The way it got there
So this dry meat got rehydrated
In a watery barbecue sauce
So I'm only giving this a 6 out of 10
I'm going 4.5 out of 10
Wow
Mostly out of
I'm just thinking of the texture of the brisket
And it bothered me
I was like I've had such better brisket
During when I was eating the brisket
That's when you said
Yeah, the barbecue ruined you
Yeah
But
You had the brisket burnt to ends
Oh man
Those were so moist and tender
They were fatty
In the best of ways
Super tender
Like melting your mouth
You and I both
Entered partial flavor vana
It was instant too
We, you know, you have that thing
That Garrett way more than me does
Where he takes a bite
And you just see his eyes flutter
And start to close
And he just exhales
And I'm just like
I watch Garrett do this
At a lot of places we go
Whatever the best item of the thing is
He's just connecting with his food
In such a way that
Few people do
And I started off, it was perfect
I bit in, the juice just flowed out
The barbecue sauce came out
I didn't even have my bite with sauce
It didn't need it
Actually, it was the sauce that took me out of flavor vana
It was way too sweet for me
Really?
Yeah
Later I put on some of the Memphis sauce
And I think the Memphis sauce
Brought this up to a 7 out of 10
I'm very much with barbecue
I'm a sauce minimalist
Get me a good sauce
Like salt lick sauce is my top tier
Barbecue sauce
But even then I'm just like
I don't want to rely on it
I just want it to accent it a little bit
But I think a lot of people over do it
The barbecue sauce ends up being their crutch
And as a barbecue purist
If the meat's not up to snuff
It's not good barbecue
Speaking of salt lick
The next day all of this stuff
Salt lick barbecue sauce
Wow
Salt lick made all of this
So much better
It's a 10 out of 10 sauce
But scoring the brisket burnt ends
Based on the one bite I had
Sauce list
8 out of 10
8 out of 10
It was
I don't know if I just got the best bite
That they could have had
But these were approaching great
To me, great is 8
8 and up
So this was the very bottom
Of the great echelon for me
Before we go to your third meat
Why don't we take a little visit inside land
What sides did you have?
Ooh
I got french fries and garlic mashed potatoes
You got tates on tates on tates
Oh exactly
I'm a potato boy
Yeah
I'm a tater boy
You're a super potato boy
Yeah
I only had one of your fries
I didn't try the garlic mash
I really wanted the garlic mash
But I was like you know what
I'll let Garrett cover this domain
The one bite of the fry I had
It was a great textured fry
Oh yeah
8 out of 10
Nice
You have the skin on
Good crisping
Not too greasy
But not too dry
I thought it was a very solid
Just a solid french fry
I agree it was very crispy yet juicy
Biting in there was the grease release
It wasn't excessive
I love me some grease release
Structurally these were the perfect french fry
Were they really?
Yes
I literally had one
And it impressed me with the one
But I feel like maybe my score
Would have gone up if I had eaten more
Unfortunately there was no salt on these
No pepper
Really
No seasoning
What so ever
Gotcha
So I have to take this down to a 7 out of 10
Give me some seasoning
And you've got a shot at a 10 out of 10
Really?
Yeah
Okay
Alright let's talk garlic mash
I'm jealous that you got to eat this
And that I didn't even try it
I have never tasted garlic mash potatoes
That I have any problem with
What so ever
Yeah
And the same
The streaks here
They tasted just buttery enough
It was the first word that comes to my mind
Like right now is just gorgeous
A gorgeous taste
It was a very gorgeous taste
Yeah
The garlic was subtle
There was a small bit of salt in there
The butter was a decently strong flavor in there
These were Yukon gold potatoes
The richness of those came out
My only knock is they were over whipped
Yeah
The texture was a little pasty
Something that had the potential to be a 10 out of 10
7 out of 10 for me because of the texture
It wasn't a pleasant mouth feel
Let's go ahead and jump on into your third meat
Yeah
We visited the side station
Let's finish it off
What'd you get?
I love it that you're like
Let's jump into your third meat
I don't know there's something about that phrase that I enjoy
I know
The third meat
Baby back ribs
Their best seller
Were they the best of the meats you had?
No
I tried one
And I thought it was
I thought the sauce was too sweet
Like the word I wrote was like
Is this candied?
I know
And I don't have a problem with sweet
I do
Usually sweet
I know
Sweet is not a deal breaker for me almost ever
And for it to be it here
I was just like wow
And then plus
I mean it may have just been the way I cut it
But I felt like I didn't get a whole lot of meat on the bone
No that was my number one issue with these ribs
Yeah
They were very meat light
Fatten up these pigs guys
Come on
Yeah
The texture of the ribs was decent
When he got to the middle ribs
They were juicy enough
They fell off the bone a little bit
Yeah
The ends were kind of atrocious and burnt though
The end pieces of the ribs all I tasted was
Smoke and burnt
Yeah
Honestly kind of gross
So the middle ribs I'd give a strong
Seven and a half out of ten to
Yeah
I gave six and a half out of ten
And I think I had a toward the middle ribs
Yeah
But I had much better ribs
The end ribs probably a three
Really
Yeah
So overall I'm going to go six out of ten
On these baby back ribs
I'll get them again
But I'm just going to chuck out the end ones
I got Lucille's original pulled pork
This is their sandwich
The bun
Great
It looked great
It looked very crispy
Great
It almost reminded me of Bob's big boy a little bit
To where it wasn't super saucy
And the bites that I added sauce felt like it was a little too much
Okay
It didn't need it
It did have the perfect amount of not dryness
Just baked into it
However it was served by default
It didn't need extras
But something about the whole
It got tougher to eat the further I got into it
If I had stopped halfway through this
My score would have been different
But finishing it it just didn't have
I don't know
It didn't have the follow through I guess
Naturally it was a little less consistent all the way through
Maybe I started on a good side
And it got a little chunkier
And therefore a little bit drier as I went
Maybe if the meat was pulled apart
Just a little bit finer
I'm giving this a 7.9 out of 10
I'm going that specific
Because I want it to be known that it is
Just a notch below what I would call great
It is very very good
But not a great
I would recommend it for sure
If you're going to a loose seals
I would recommend the pulled pork sandwich
For sure
You think this was the best part of the meal
No I thought the burnt ends were
I thought the burnt ends that you had
The brisket burnt ends
And then my side was a pleasant surprise
I got the barbecue beans
It had sausage in it
Yeah sausage slices
Which were not advertised in the thing
So if you're a vegetarian
And you're ordering the beans to be
You know to not eat meat
I don't know if they would warn you
Or if you would just find out the hard way
But for me it was a pleasant surprise
I thought it was great
So you got a sausage surprise
Be different
No
I got a sausage surprise Garrett
Yes
Thank you
Why do I concede on anything with you
I like these beans a lot
I'd give them an 8 out of 10
These were maybe among the best beans
I've had so far on our journey
Through these restaurants
I know I haven't had a ton of beans
But we've gotten barbecue together a few times
And this is up there with them
Now we get to dessert
We got two desserts
The deep dish apple cobbler
And the old fashioned banana pudding
And which one do you want us to talk about first Garrett
Let's give this apple cobbler a minute to cool off
Okay
We'll go into the old fashioned banana pudding
Now this came in a mason jar
With nilla wafers and whipped cream
Overflowing from the top
Exempted with banana slices
Also there were crunched up nilla wafers
Layered throughout
And they stayed crisp
They weren't soggy at all
It was a solid concoction
If I hadn't had rooties
Out of just a styrofoam cup
Exactly
I don't know what it is about rooties
Like they put no effort into the presentation
But it tastes so good there
And here they put a lot of effort into the presentation
And it tasted good
It was probably a little too sweet again
It was way too sweet for me
I could almost literally feel a sugar rush
It's like I wrote down on here
I can feel the energy
Yeah
I go just seven and a half out of ten
A very good dessert
You'll like it if you get it
Especially if you like banana pudding
It's not an all time great
It's a solid seven out of ten
Shaded almost like a flavor of artificial banana
Like the banana runs
Oh, yeah, yeah
It was an artificial banana taste
Despite the fact that it had real banana chunks in it
Yeah
Alright
Has the deep dish apple cobbler cooled off?
No
It's still scalding hot?
Great
Even with a scoop of vanilla ice cream
In there cooling it off
This thing was burn your mouth hot
The entire time we had it
And the cobbler part of it was
I don't want to say nonexistent
Because I got some very good chunks
But once it was gone
It was very noticeable
That you're just eating hot apple soup
That's literally what happened
And like difficult to manage
Difficult to get on your spoon
If you're trying to get it on your spoon
By just like curving the spoon into the side of the bowl
You're causing an overflow
It was logistically the most difficult dessert
I've eaten of the twenty plus restaurants
We've been to twenty five now
Including our Patreon episodes
Twenty five restaurants we have been to
This was far and away
The most logistically difficult thing I've had to eat
It was like an eight out of ten flavor
It was six and a half out of ten
After the logistics for me
Scalded my mouth
We're two and a half days later
My tongue still feels a little bit of that
Of that scalding
It was still hot when we left
Yeah
I had a bite like kind of as we were getting up
I was like this is still
And just warm
Hot
And same for me
The flavor
Again I agree
That's an eight out of ten flavor
It tasted very great
But there's more to it
Yeah there is
I can't give it higher than a six and a half out of ten
Because it was such a struggle bus to consume
Well that is all of our food
For thumbs
I'm gonna go one up
I thought of the three aspects
Food was the best part of the
The dining experience for me
It wasn't bad
I was looking forward to the most
It did let me down though
I will say Lucille's is a liar
It parades as an eight out of ten restaurant
And it gives you a six out of ten
That's the type of food experience
Now six out of ten still good
But I don't know
I just expected deliciousness
And I got good
Yeah
I don't know
I just I had a higher expectation
And I felt like I don't know
Lucille's is like the hot Instagram influencer
That when you're like looking for substantial content
You're not gonna find it
So I'm gonna give this food experience one thumb up
Because it's like the only thing that's not
Actively against me in this restaurant
The food
So I'll give you one thumb up
Yeah
Well before we rate this place
Let's see what other people have to say about it
In this week's Yelp from Strangers
We need a little yelp
A little yelp
A little yelp from strangers
A one star, two star, three star, four or five yelp
So give a little yelp
A little yelp
A little yelp from strangers
A little yelp
A little yelp
Give us those complaints while you literally whine and die
Yelp
So Yelp from Strangers
Our new segment is where we will read
Our favorite one, two, three, four and five star yelp reviews
From the restaurant that we just went to
And see what other people are saying about it
Before we give our final verdict
And hey, not gonna lie
We love the chaos
Like hey, the crazier yelp reviews
The more likely we are to choose that location
That's not wrong
So this full segment is gonna be available on our Patreon
But you'll be able to hear one or two of these reviews right now
So I'll start with a one star review
From Santo P, six months ago
One star decided to treat my wife, three kids and mother tonight at 6.30pm
He's really, really making sure we can get a picture of what the table looked like
Who was there the time of day
Got seated right away
And then waited over 20 minutes with no server
Sounds familiar
Sounds like the experience we had
We had to flag someone down to take our order
Meanwhile, my wife notices people being seated and waited on right away
I wonder if Santo had the cleavage effect
I advised the manager that we were leaving because we waited 20 minutes without a server visiting us
And she said, I'm sorry, it's a service issue
Yeah, no shit
It's a no service issue
I wish I could say something positive about our experience this evening
But there is simply nothing positive about tonight's Lucille's experience
One out of five stars
Five star review
Here, you know what? Let's throw some positivity onto this dumpster fire
Yeah, great
Here's a five star review
Let's do it
From Boon Me Oh
Five stars ten months ago
We had a lovely meal
When the food finally came
It was busy
But what was very disappointing
Was the wait staff assigned to our table
Decided he didn't want to serve us
This doesn't sound like five stars
But it is
He ignored our table
And one of the managers stepped in to take our order
Eventually, he attended to us
But grudgingly
Very bad serve and attitude
I will return because the food is excellent
But I will never sit at any table
That waiter serve again
You know, it's good to know that it's not just us
Yeah, and like, I love it that that's a five star review
Yeah, that's not a good glowing write up
No
But you got the numbers in and that's what counts, right?
The service is shit
But the food's fine
The things we tolerate
If you'd like to hear the rest of our Yelp from Strangers segment
Go on over to our Patreon, subscribe
And we'll be posting all five of our favorite reviews there
Final rating
We're rating this experience again
On the night we had the meal
Yes, this was before the bombshell of knowledge
That we've gotten into the checkered history of Lucille's
This is just based on experience the ambiance as is
As a layman, so to speak
And to get ignored by the wait staff
Which by the way, you know what?
I want to give that an award
I want to give that this week's
This is way too much
20 minutes, 20 minutes
Before they even say hi to us
I don't care if I'm given the cleavage effect
Eventually, you just look at the boobs
Exactly, no one should treat a bride to be that way
Yeah, look at her boobs
Okay, so the food is the strength of this place
It is not an exceedingly strong area, but it is good
I'm gonna go 5.32
When you average together all my thumbs
It comes out to zero thumbs across the board
You know, I gave zero, one up, one down
Average is out to zero
This place is in contention
It is near the perfect 5 out of 10 experience
But the strength of their food
I'm gonna give them just a little bit of a nudge up
5.32
Okay, I agree
Food was the strength
The food was like definitely the winner of the middle school talent show
Yes
The atmosphere, I'm not rating the atmosphere based on the story of Lucille
Yes
You're rating it just based on what we experienced and what we saw
It gave me nothing
Yeah
So zero thumbs for that
One thumb down
Because they ignored our beautiful bride to be
Yeah, tragic
But the food was okay
Mildly the best part
Yes
One thumb up for that
So overall, I will go with 5.36
Alright
So that means Lucille's Smokehouse Barbecue
Goes up on the Chachki of Mediocrity
Our wall Chachki
That keeps track of all of the restaurants we have visited so far
It goes up there at 5.34
It's in the zone of mediocrity
Yeah
But it is not perfectly mediocre
Which means we gotta keep looking
We gotta figure out where are we gonna go next week
We have to play a game, Garrett
We need to play The Headline Game
The rules of the headline game are as follows
Garrett will present 3 headlines to Michael that include this week's restaurant
They can be made up or they can be actual headlines
If Michael can correctly guess if at least 2 out of 3 are real or fake
He will get to select next week's restaurant
However, if Garrett stumps him, he'll select again
Are you ready to play, fellas?
I am ready, are you ready?
Oh, I'm ready, here we go
First headline
Dirty Dining
Lucille's Smokehouse Barbecue in Concord
Back open after forced closure due to cockroach infestation
False
I feel like there's a lot of ones that you make up that use the word infestation
That may or may not be a word I search for
Yeah
Okay
Next one
Kitchen Catches Fire
Early Wednesday at Lucille's Barbecue in Town Center
I believe...
I believe it
Yeah, I'm gonna say true
I think you would have named a city and not said town center
That's the giveaway for me, I think true
Okay, and the last one
Lucille's Barbecue Founder Donates $500,000 to Long Beach NAACP
This was a good one
Oh, man
This could be made up, but it's believable
White guilt's got me saying true
Okay, the first headline
Dirty Dining
Lucille's Smokehouse Barbecue in Concord
Back open after forced closure due to cockroach infestation
You said false
That was true
Now the next one
Kitchen Catches Fire
Early Wednesday at Lucille's Barbecue in Town Center
You said true
That was true
Okay, one and one, I'm still in it
Now the last one
So if I get this one right, I get to pick
The last one
Lucille's Barbecue Founder Donates $500,000 to Long Beach NAACP
Am I wrong?
White guilt said true
This is 100% false
Come on
He should
Of course
This man should be donating money to the NAACP
But did not
No, he did not
Alright, I'm wrong
You win the headline game
You get to pick where we go next week
One style restaurant that always makes me feel good
Are Hibachi Grills
Are we going to Benihana?
Yeah, let's go to Benihana
Oh, hell yeah
Okay
Sweet
Yeah, we're guaranteed a good time there
And I can't imagine
Service is inconsistent because service is literally
The person cooking for you at the table
Service is a performative aspect
They have to notice us here
I'm expecting this to be a two-thumb-up service place
And no one has to wear a bridal veil
Well, awesome
If you have any Benihana stories
Send them our way
If you've ever worked for Benihana
Especially if you're one of those badasses
Tossing things around in the grill
Oh, hell yeah
Yes, you
That's fine dining podcast at gmail.com
We didn't find the most mediocre restaurant
No
We're still searching, Garrett
We're gonna find it
Eventually we will
But the search does continue
We will see you next week
Go ahead and, you know
Check out our Patreon
We're very proud of it
We just dropped our Fudruckers episode last week
It's a pretty good one
I really enjoyed the Fudruckers experience
Enjoy listening to our review of the last Fudruckers in California
And then later this month
You're gonna hear us go to Portillo's
Ooh
One of the best Chicago-style hot dog and Italian beef places
In existence
I love it
I grew up on it
But for now
Have a fine day
The search continues
We still need the perfect file
The search continues
Like and subscribe
The search continues
Our journey did not conclude
The monorail search continues
Write us an iTunes review
And hey, while you're at it
Why don't you go ahead and make it five stars
Come on
Follow us on TikTok
The same on Instagram
All the socials
At Find Dining Podcast
We have a website
FindDiningPodcast.com
Buy our t-shirts
Then put them on
And don't forget
You can always suggest where we go next
Okay
We're going to find it
Mediocrity
The search continues
See you next week
Hurt my throat a little
Have a fine day