Fitzdog Radio - Ari Shaffir - Episode 1080

Episode Date: December 20, 2024

I welcome Jew Extraordinaire Ari Shaffir into my home in Venice and he wrecks it.Follow Ari Shaffir on Instagram @AriShaffirExclusive $35-off Carver Mat at AuraFrames.com. Use code FITZDOG at checkout to save!My Bookie: https://mybookie.website/FITZWatch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube! http://bit.ly/FitzYouKnowMeAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Welcome to FitzDog Radio. I know I sound like shit. I look like shit. I'm sick. I just got sick literally in the last five hours. It just like came over me. I hope I didn't get Ari sick but he came here at 9 this morning and it's now 7 o'clock at night and it just hit me in the last like four or five hours so hopefully he's fine who knows. Sorry Ari, sorry Ari. Welcome to Fits Dog Radio. We're not gonna do much of an intro because I just got out of bed. I'm going right back into bed. But I wanna just, I'm going to South Africa in two days for three weeks and I'm gonna be on the fucking 25 hour flight, sick, congested, throat hurting,

contaminating everybody on the flight. Ugh, this is the worst. I caught it in Cleveland. I was in Cleveland, Ohio. It was like 17 degrees out and my body just could not handle it. Shout out to Hilarities. Thanks to the crowds that came out.

Hit lots of bonuses. I should share my bonuses with you guys when you come out and see me. Nick and the gang, Sam, everybody treated me like gold. Alan Cox, one of my favorite DJs, did a nice interview with him. Not too late to get these Sunday Papers t-shirts. Go to FitzDog.com, pick one up.

Get a late gift for the holidays. They're cheap, good quality. Cheap price, good quality. Speaking of good quality, my my new hour coming on the road in this winter January 17th and 18th in Janesville, Wisconsin where I'll probably get sick all over again Nyack, New York Raleigh, North Carolina Milwaukee Vegas Fontana, California Atlanta

Hollywood Hamilton, Ontario Vegas, Fontana, California, Atlanta, Hollywood, Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, Toronto, go to fitsdog.com, get some tickets, come on out. Pittsburgh, can't wait to see you. Also, this holiday season, I gotta tell you something. I got some gifts for some friends and family from Aura, which is a, you wanna see your friends and family during the holiday. You can't always fly them in. You can't always go see them. This is the next best thing and it lasts all year. It's named the number one digital photo frame by Wirecutter. It's this beautiful

it's sitting on my you can see it on my mantle right there. Do you see that thing with the pictures in it? That is a frame that you the app is super easy and anybody can access it so basically it is allowing me to send my mother pictures from our trip to Ireland, our trip to Italy, her holding her grandkids when they were little, and I can update it anytime. I can keep adding. My sister can add some right off your phone. It's so easy. You can order the frame online and preload it with the photos and videos so it's ready to go right out of the box. We also gave one to our housekeeper and

she will she has a huge family and we showed her how to use it it's super easy. So save on the perfect gift by going to our aura I would say aura wrong aura frames comm get $35 off Aura's best-selling Carver mat frames by using promo code fits dog at checkout. That's a you are a frames calm promo code fits dog F ITZ do G This deal is exclusive to listeners. So get yours now in time for the holidays terms and conditions apply. Oh you're gonna love it. You're gonna thank me later. Alright my guest today, by the way I had a glitch when I recorded today. I didn't have the audio recorder on at first. So the first 10 minutes of the interview

was cut out and so you'll notice it kind of starts abruptly. But then if you listen to the end I added that 10 minutes on to the end of the interview because the audio is just from the camera. It's not from the audio recorder. So the quality's not as great, but it's a bonus 10 minutes on an already, I think, great interview. So sit back, enjoy a band.

He's got a new tour called The Farewell Tour. He's got a special on Netflix, January 14th called America's Sweetheart and his podcast UB Trippin. Here is a Jewish man named Ari Shaffir. Do you ever do that? Do you ever shoot on comics? I have stopped. You used to?

Yeah. Did it catch up to you? Did it ever get confronted? Yeah. And it was like, oh yeah, I'm wrong. Yeah. Even when I'm right to like what I was saying, it's like I was wrong to say it. Yeah.

I should just go to somebody. Right. It's such a pussy move. It is a pussy move and I also often think like, you know, because we do that podcast Sunday Papers, like we take on, you know, we shit on celebrities, but then we think, but what's the cutoff? Yeah, what's the cutoff? Is Coach, he used to be a comic. If something happens to him, or you're like,

whatever his name was, from the show coach. Nice. That's your fucking basket of information. Oh my God. That's hilarious. Could you share on Michael Keaton? I really do feel like that is the cutoff. If you ever did stand up, I give you a pass. Yep. Cause I know you started at least in an organic place. So like John Turturro? No, not John Turturro. He did stand up?

Who's the guy who had the, one of the Sandler movies, he had like a black, rotted leg. One of the later Sandler movies. I don't think I've ever seen a Sandler movie in my life. What? Am I missing something? Yeah, they were pretty good.

See, now I'm shitting on, and out of center, which I never do. I never do, but I just, no, I didn't shit on him. I just said I've never seen his movies. Yeah, you haven't seen it. Yeah, you don't know if it's good or bad. Yeah, I realized the other night, like. I never sucked on the wind.

It's not saying it's shitty. It's saying I'm shitty. You never sucked on with the wind? No, and I never will now. Wait a minute. What's his name, was a comedian? Charles Bronson, who's the guy who was the lead? Oh yeah. Brett Butler, not Brett Butler, Brett Butler.

So if they're ever a comedian, you can't shit on them. But you do shit on celebrities. Yeah. If Pink does something wrong. Yeah, although she works out at my gym, so I don't make fun of pink. Okay. I have a love in though. You'll go hard. Oh, definitely. Although it does seem weird going after like young girls. Like as an old guy,

it's always like, I'm going to shit on a fucking. I saw a talk show host shitting on a Chaperone and it was just like, he seemed so out of touch and dated the way he was shitting on her. You don't even understand anything. Yep. Yeah.

I'll watch the musical guest on SNL just because I feel like, you know, they've had good taste in the past, so I assume that if they're putting somebody on, there's something that's redeeming about them. And it really is pretty often that I just watch and I go, I just don't understand how anybody would be turned on by this.

It's on Spotify now, they just get big. It's not radio. So you'll never come across it, even if you don't listen to that station. It's just like, you see posters in Austin. You see posters of some of these black musicians. I was just like, I've never, if it's like folk, maybe there's a chance, you know?

But like, who's like, who's George Floyd? George Floyd. His posters are everywhere. I've never even heard any of his stuff. He kicks ass. Yeah, he kicks ass, takes names. Oh my God. It was a long way to go for that. Yeah, he kicks ass, takes a nap. Oh my God. It was a long way to go for that.

Yeah, yeah, I was waiting. I wasn't sure where I was going, but you landed it. Yeah. So how are you, man? I gotta thank you, first of all, from the bottom of my heart. I don't think anybody's ever helped me as much, including agents and managers and people that I've hired

with my special. You were such a good friend. Wow, it went well. Yeah, but I've hired with my special, you were such a good friend. Wow, it went well. Yeah, but I mean, before the special, you were telling me production ideas and then you told me about how to fucking size the thumbnail and how often to put stuff out. It was like every single day you were texting me

and checking in and promoting it on your social medias. That was really cool, man. I was with my pothead brain, I'm like, forgot this, forgot this, everyone should just make a sheet. Oh, my bad, hey, what's your title? Hey, what's your caption? Where's your putting your money? Yeah, it is true because like.

That part's fun though. It's fun to like help people with stuff where it's not creative. Yeah. Like the building of a shelf. Right, right. And it's really, we know it more than the building of a shelf. Right, right. And it's really, we know it more than the, even the producers, even when you talk to my distributor,

they have no idea what they're doing. And then I talk to you, or I'll talk to like, Louis Katz, people that have done it on YouTube, you guys know specifically what works. The comments are all helping each other. Shultz helped me a ton and he was like, hey, and then eventually he was like, I gotta go, listen, find one of my clips, just copy it.

Like a resume where I'll just put my stuff in where your stuff is, you know? What do you mean? If you have to format a resume, you've never done that before. Yeah. Like let me see your resume and I'm like, okay, TV here, I'll put my TV stuff there. But Schulze says just copy everything I've done I got it right.

And I'm like can I tell the people? Tell everyone. Yeah so in other words like his captioning. Yeah the way you the phrasing of the title. All that stuff. That's huge isn't it like the phrasing of the title on the thumbnail. It's so dumb, we shouldn't care about it. Yeah, I know, I know.

And then you see a clip of a woman who's doing a piece of crowd work that has no beginning, middle, or an end, and it's got like 300,000 views, and you're like, what's going on here? Yeah, oh, it's my favorite, the crowd work clips. I actually enjoy them now. I find joy out of them not doing anything.

Yeah. Just like, what's your name? Like, Babo. Babo! Ha ha ha ha! Yeah, yeah. People are like, this chick's not hilarious! Yeah.

There's this very cliched structure where they walk over, they put their foot on the monitor. That's always the big thing of like, I'm so comfortable and I'm so tough. I'm fucking I'm crotching you. I'm sticking my crotch at you. And then they go and then they go like, so what do you do? And then they say, I'm a librarian. And they always repeat it. Oh, you're a librarian. So so that they get that time they buy themselves like an extra five seconds I think is something to say the crowd here is it's very technical and then a slow burn a slow burn a librarian

And now you got the laugh you've already now that buys you a couple more seconds because everyone's going oh, I can't believe she just got This gift. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right. Oh, she's about to eviscerate this bitch. Yeah, and then they don't Yeah Right. Oh, she's about to eviscerate this bitch. Yeah. And then they don't. And that's the clip. Yeah. And it gets a million likes. They're like, what am I doing? I've got stand up. I've worked on for fucking 35 years and I'm putting the best clips up and they're getting nothing.

Yeah. You need neck tattoos, not writing. Oh, that could be it. Yeah. You got tattoos or is that against your faith? That's it. All right. This one says keep on keep on trucking. Yeah, you got tattoos or is that against your faith? All right That was one of the bumper stickers when we were kids, yeah the leadback guy I was suggesting some lady came in friend and she was like, I'm gonna get a tattoo while I'm here No, I and I was just suggesting dumb ones like the cigarette with

A line through it. Yeah, she's like no. I'm like yin-yang. She's like shut up No, I want to get something real and just I was like keep on truck and she's no and I was like No, you shouldn't keep on trucking though. And then I was like I'll just get that And then the guy doing it was like do you want to lean back later? I'm like, what is that? It was the our crumb font that you're getting? I'm like, who's R-Crum? And he's like, the tattoo you're getting. It's based on an R-Crum. I'm like, oh, I don't know any of that, just do it.

That's hilarious. Or I think maybe I should get the co-exist one right on my wrist. You should get the co-exist. Bro, new you. New Greg, turn it over. Virtue signal Greg. Bro, new you, new Greg, turn it over. Virtue signal Greg.

I have to say though, the co-exist, whoever thought of that, that was pretty creative. They kinda nailed it. Decent fonting. Good fonting, they got all the religions in there. In words. Yeah. That's pretty solid.

Yeah, it was like, it's almost like when you do a crossword puzzle and you go like, how the fuck did you get every word to match? Lined up, yeah, I would get three in and then I'd be like, oh, I'm fucked. 80 more of these, no way. Yeah, right. Will Shortz, that's the guy's name

who does the New York Times ones. I met a, like the number three crossworder, the one who makes them. Oh. In San Francisco, he's friends with David Taylor. crossworder, the one who makes them. In San Francisco, David Taylor. And we were just talking about like, vocabulary and I'm like, I can't make vocabulary, it's gone so far down.

I was like, it's because I smoke too much pot. And he goes, you think that's what it is? And I was like, it's not? He goes, I smoke pot and I'm the third best crossword pot maker. Because when's the last time you read a book? I'm like, it's not? He goes, I smoke pot and I'm the third best crossword puzzle maker. Because when's the last time you read a book? I'm like, it's about a decade. He goes, all right, it might be related to that.

Yeah, yeah. It's reading books. I mean, I've tried to beat that into my kids. I would literally beat them. Oh, with books. With books. Yeah, get the message. You're not seeing the metaphor here.

That's like that David Teller joke. I hate to travel. Maybe it's cause my father used to beat me with a globe when I was a kid. But like I really said to them, if you read, you're going to be able to write, you're going to have good vocabulary. You're going to have patience. It's like a med reading is like a meditation. Yeah. You're not thinking about anything else for an hour. It's you know, you ever tune out so much, you've read nine pages and haven't read any of it?

Yeah. But you're like on pace, slowly turning the pages at the right pace and just like, what was any of that? Right, right. Or you could do that driving home too. Where you're like, what? I was just on. Oh dude, I have.

Roadshow in La Siena guy. I was driving last night, I just got a, you know my whole life I drove like just okay cars. I was never like a car guy. And I just have always like, you know, just wanted to spend my money on other things besides cars. But then finally like both my kids are like

out of high school and you know the house paid off and I'm like fuck it, I'm gonna get the car I always wanted so I got a Mustang. want what yeah wow so I buy it and I'm so fucked every time I get in it I feel like a champ and and then three weeks in this guy fucking T bones me crushes in the side of the car and so I bring it into the shop and it was ten thousand dollars and the other but the other guys insurance covered it so I had to rent a car but it took seven fucking weeks and I got it back yesterday and then me and

my wife were driving to the store and this guy rolls a red rolls a stop sign. It's a four way stop sign, rolls it and doesn't see me. And I floor it and I curve around my back wheels spin out. I turn into the spin. I fish tail. This is down this street. It's not the widest street. And I end up in between two parked cars, the front of my car, an inch from hitting a high curb,

and we just sat there like, what the fuck just happened? Wow, that's, I mean that's American fucking automotive. Yeah. That's the car you wanna be living with, I must say. If I was in another car, I never would've gotten out of that situation. Can't do that with an Accord. No, or I had a Prius before, it would have been like,

vroom. Vroom. Ha ha ha. But then I feel like when I got hit, I was like, see, I don't deserve a nice car. That's how I feel all the time. I've never had a nice car either. Yeah.

When you're in them, you're like, oh, it was cool for other people. Yeah. But like, I just want to sit down. Well, you just gotta worry more about them. You gotta worry about them, you're like, oh, that's cool for other people. But like, you just want to sit down. You just gotta worry more about them. You gotta worry about them getting vandalized or stolen. Are you getting that? You get a ding, like a ding on a shitty car.

You're like, who cares? Who cares? My dad used to fuck, bring it on. He'd see somebody skidding into me, this old, big suburban with like, tense but more like grizzled marks. And he'd see people skidding out, and he was like, bring that,

and get off the books, let's do this off the books, come out, boom, he's like, hey, let's not go through insurance, give me 200. And it would just be little pop after little pop, victory pops. Yeah, yeah. That's great. What car was it, a Wagoneer?

No, big suburban. But like the old style, with a really big. They're going back to those now I think yeah They are that size. That's the car. They they rented me when I Mine was in the shop is this big GMC from I never from a Mustang to that That was my rental car a GMC truck and because they didn't have any Mustangs and so they were like we'll give you this It's like beautiful. Yeah, that's. And I'll tell you what man, the ride, you don't feel a single bump on the road.

And it's pretty fast. Guzzles gasp, but like it's such a good ride. That is nice. Is that a Commerce Casino Poker Trophy? The crystal one? Yeah. No, that was, I was given, I was one of the top 100 Irish Americans about 10 years

ago they have a yeah they have the Irish you know Irish America magazine. Oh, it's huge. It's one of the biggest magazines in the country. It's like Esquire GQ. Oh yeah, but they give out the top 100 Irish Americans and so I went and it was in New York at the Plaza Hotel and Michael Finlay, the Riverdance guy, remember the Riverdance guy?

So he was like the lead guest. This was more like 20 years ago. And so he was the honoree of the night. And so I'm sitting at a table and I'm with a bunch of famous writers and then Michael Finlay, the day before the ceremony gets completely me-tued. Yeah, he gets like, this is before me too. It was he got charged with rape.

I mean, that's not me too. He got charged with rape. Yeah., that's not me too. He got charged with rape. Yeah. Yeah, there's another line there. And so he didn't show up. And it was a big scandal. Because the Irish are very ashamed. Also like, damn, he's representing us. Yeah.

He went full, ugh. Right. Turns out he does use his hands for something. Because they dance with no hands. He's just like resting them. Oof. Yeah. What number were you?

They don't rank it. That's nice. That's nice. Yeah, they don't rank it but. So you're right there with all the picky blinders and. It was Maureen Dowd from the New York Times was sitting next to me and my brother hit on her. No.ureen Dowd I know the name well she's like one of the 100 she no no well am I 100 she's like my age okay and my brother was

pretty hot my brother was hitting on her and he was like getting pretty like she's like one of the biggest writers in the New York Times for the last 20 years I couldn't believe my brother is the biggest balls. Wow, to go for it. He will hit on anybody. And he's like pretty good looking guy. So like he gets away with it. We were on an elevator once in Vegas on my bachelor party. Then there was like 11 of us packed into the elevator

at the Hard Rock. And so we're going down and it's like, you know, one in the afternoon and this girl gets on and she's pretty hot and her hair is wet. So the door is closed and my brother goes, should I take a shower? And she goes, she goes, yeah. And he goes, did you get the undercarriage?

And she just starts fucking laughing. Well, and my brother gets away with that. She was howling, we were all howling like the entire way down. Ha ha ha ha, damn. Damn. Ha ha ha ha. Damn.

Bold. What's the fastest you ever met a girl and ended up hookin' up with her? What's the, like the, from hello to hooking up? Pre, we're talking about pre like social media age Yeah, no anytime well. They're coming over like You've already like texted them at that point. Oh you've texted girls, and then they've come over to your hotel

Yeah, or my house really yeah, where it's like just DM online a couple times Oh, it's a different game than when you were. Are they people that saw you do stand up? Or just know about you from podcasts or stand up. Sometimes it'll be after a show because now nobody actually goes up. There's no bars anymore. Like I saw you looking at me. Yeah, yeah.

It's just like, I saw that guy looking at me. Let's find him. Yeah. And say hi so you don't put yourself out there. It's never direct. It's never give me your number. That's crazy. People are like, no, give me your Instagram.

So then it'd be like, hi, I noticed you, it was like, oh cool, then they're over and then you're fucking within 10 minutes. Within 10 minutes? It's pretty wild. No way. And then there's a moment of like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is, even then, we should have a condom or something,

this is like, I just met ya. I took so many chances with that. Are they good looking generally? Yeah. If they're not, do you go ahead with it anyway? Cause they're already there. One time. Yeah.

Yeah, it's, Finn Taylor used to do a joke about it, the men are the only ones who like, molest themselves. Yeah. Where it's like, yeah, it goes like, women, you know how like, because we don't know how to say no. So like, women, you never get like, hook up with a guy and then the next day he's like, weird, you know, and just like stands there,

and she's like, what's going on? I was like, you molested him. He didn't wanna do that. You pressured him into it, just by saying, I'd like to do that. And he's like, ugh, okay. You took advantage of the fact that men will always say yes. Yeah, I had a chick show up to my hotel.

Sometimes yes means no. Sometimes yes means oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and it was just like, I don't have the heart to be like, oh no, you're like 40 pounds heavier than your MySpace profile. All right. So it was like, oh, let's just swallow it.

Oh, I never cared. You would just go. I hooked up with a girl who had hair all over her. She had it on her chin. And then she had it all over her back. Whoa. And I did not care. Didn't care or didn't stop you?

I didn't care. She lived on my dorm room floor. And I kind of had a thing freshman year where I was trying. I slept with so many girls on my floor that eventually I said, I'm going to go for it. I'm going to try to run the table. Connect all the rooms. Try to hook up with every single girl on the floor. Fucking hair Greg was crazy. Hair Greg was aggressive. Oh my gosh.

There was a girl, there was a virgin from Hawaii. And I caught her second semester because first semester, she was a hula dancer and there was a virgin from Hawaii. And I caught her second semester because first semester, she was a hula dancer and she had a rocking body. But they didn't have ice cream where she grew up in Hawaii. And there was an ice cream bar in the cafeteria. And she put on you know, the freshman 15. She put on like the freshman 30. So I caught her second semester when the door

was a little, little easier to get through. A little jar, she lost some power. Yeah. Ooh, that's a nice fuckin' pole there. Yeah, yeah. But I knew a guy who used to have this thing where he'd, it's like early 30s, maybe mid 30s,

he would go on Facebook or MySpace, whatever it was then, and he would go to the women in his high school class. He goes, now they're divorced. You have a few people that are divorced. They had a relationship marriage. Didn't work out five years. Yeah. So now they're feeling like unattractive.

Who's the one same older and you just write them and just like, hi, you just, you came across my feed. Uh, how you been? It's just like, I gotta admit, I always had a crush on you in high school. That's and then they remember their superpower back then. And they just tap into it. He would just go down the line of hooking up with his high school wants.

That's good. What are the, you ever run a scam to hook up with a chick like that? Was I ever run a scam? Yeah, one time I, well, this was like an instant scam. I'd never played the long ball. But I did have one where I Well, this was like an instant scam. I'd never played the long ball Yeah, but I did have one where I walked into a bar and I saw this girl and she was talking to this guy This guy was like obviously hitting on her and she was not into it. And so I walked up and I go, excuse me

Do you mind if I talk to my girlfriend? And then he turned around he left and we were in my mother's car like 12 minutes later, hooking up. What is it with Woody Harrelson, kingpin? What'd he do? He staged a robbery and he's like, hey, get out of here. He throws coffee in his face. You don't remember that.

But it was his friend? It was his friend and the lady caught him. She goes, thank you so much for getting rent. You don't have to pay rent this month. That's great. Yeah. That's great. You were hooking up if I did a lot? That's great. You were hooking up with her immediately

because some guy was hitting on her. I don't want to be hit on. He was like, well, I'll do it. Yeah, right. Wow, that's solid. Saving somebody. I mean, that's huge. Did you ever hook up with someone from high school

that you came back to at a reunion or something? Yeah, it was terrible, I wish I had. Oh, really? It ruined the. Where'd you go to school, Maryland? Yeah. What kind of school was it? Jewish.

Oh. Yeah, religious Jewish, and then switched to a less religious Jewish school. So, how did you meet the girl? She was visiting probably New York, or was it California? Maybe it was in California. She was visiting, she was like, oh, let's hang out.

But it was like the crush you never got. And then it was just like, I'm more of a man then so I could be more like forward. Did it and they're like, what did I do that for? It's just like wasn't that, it was just like, you have this member, when you're 15 and they're 15, that 15 is hot. And then it's like, oh, now you're like a 30 year old Jew.

So it's like a bit of that crush back then, but even that, now it's like, now you just robbed the memory of yourself of this hot chick you almost hooked up with. And then I had an opportunity to do that same thing again, and I said no. Look at you, learning and growing. Yeah, I think she was like, it was further along.

Where I was like, use that as an excuse. I was like, no I shouldn't, I don't want to ruin what we had. We made out once and high school was hot. Let's not ruin that memory. It's weird that you have that memory because when you think about it, you were 15, but she was 15 so your memory which is hot is of a 15 year old girl yeah yeah but your

grandfathered in you're allowed to think about it now because what Jared should have said yes this is what Jared said I got these pictures when I was 15 oh he did no but he should have I was in right. Now he's in jail forever. Right, right. He should have just done that. Yeah. That was crazy. That was crazy. He was just a weight loss guy.

Yeah. Pretty wholesome. Uh-huh. Look, I've lost weight. By the way, no way. Right. Eating a sandwich a day. Are you kidding me?

No, Subway's been busted. The FDA has said that they don't consider their meat meat. It doesn't meet the standards to be called meat because it has so much byproduct in it. And their bread is loaded with sugar and preservatives. It's literally the worst food you could eat to die. It's so great. What's your Subway sandwich? I have not been could eat to die. I'd say, right. What's your subway sandwich?

I have not been in a long time. I think they got they got us. They got a meatball sub with the meatball cheese. The meatball was great. So they bought so much different than all like the meats. It was like its own different thing. Right. Like soup in a bun. Yeah, that one was really good.

I forgot about that one. It was also like of all like I got to I'm at the airport or like I gotta just get something on the road and keep going. Subway seemed like the healthiest. But that now is not correct. I had an Egg McMuffin for breakfast this morning, which I literally never do. But I had to go somewhere this morning

and I was just like, I was hungry and I was like, fuck it, I'm gonna get an Egg McMuffin. And you know what? It was delicious. It's so good. It's so good. They're all so good. They put so much sugar in the, the best one was, what was it with like, Oh, is that maybe it was that it was like two, like waffle buns, not waffle, but like pancake buns. Oh, nice. With egg in the middle, something from McDonald's. It was so like sweet.

Yeah. Oh, nice. With egg in the middle. Something from McDonald's. It was so sweet. I interviewed for my old podcast, A Homeless Lady on Los Anagans. Santa Monica once. Just you? Yeah, I saw her. I was begging for money to pay off a bet for Sam Tripoli.

I was in the median trying to get, I had to collect $40. $40? Yeah, and I'd give it to a homeless guy. I got two bottles of water. For in like two hours, it was so disheartening. It was really disheartening. You mean you stood on the street?

Yeah, like at the red light I would come out and be like, please, please, please. No! Really? And I got nothing! I couldn't even come close to paying it off. Then I went to the 7-Eleven in Los Yenegas, like a block south of the store.

Yeah. And sat there and then they called the cops on me. Then I went to the 7-Eleven in La Siena, like a block south of the store, and sat there, and then they called the cops on me. What? Trying to get people. I was like, oh right, man. I really felt it too. I was like, I'm just trying to make a living. I really got into it mentally.

Yeah, but anyway, some lady was across the street, homeless lady, and I finished, I walked, she goes, how'd you do? And I was like, eh, nothing, a bottle of water. She's like, yeah, people do that. It was like crazy. Then we talked a little bit about begging, spanging, she called it.

Spanging? Spare change, spange. Oh. I was like, you want it? And I started, I was like, you want to do my podcast? I was like, give me 100 bucks if you do my podcast. It was like, I owned her. No shit.

Yeah. And shit. Yeah. And then. Where'd you do the podcast? We did it right there. Oh, you had your equipment with you. No, I went and got it and came back. No way. Yeah.

You just sat on the street? Tall boy, that was her name. She was non-binary, but this was like 15 years ago. Damn. I was like, what is that? And then she kind of told me, she like shifts, I don't know, shifts back and forth. It was like, what? Like? And then she kind of told me, she like shifts, I don't know, shifts back and forth.

It was like, what? Like I hadn't even heard of that. Where did she sleep? Out there, but I was like, why don't you sleep in Tent City or whatever? She goes, they're animals. They're heroin addicts and meth heads. I like weed.

And like, I'm kicked out because I'm this fluid lady. My family won't talk to me, but like, they're not humans over there. Did she have mental illness, you think? Yeah, somewhat for sure. For sure, she wasn't all there. She had drama constantly, but on another level. Yeah.

Maybe from being homeless, I'm not sure. We were gonna bring her up. You're talking about fast food? Oh yeah, when I was interviewing, I'm not sure. We were gonna bring her up. We're talking about fast food? Oh yeah, when I was like, so I was interviewing, I was like, so another question, I'm like, like you're pretty big. I mean she was like. I love it, you're insulting.

I was like, I don't know how to say it, but I was just, you wanna know how I'm homeless and fat? I was like, yeah. If you don't have money for food, she goes McDonald's is the cheapest food you can get. So I eat mostly that. Wow. Yeah, my Egg McBuffin was five bucks.

And you can get, right now they've got double cheeseburgers for 59 cents on McDonald's. I saw an ad. I survived on that. 39 cent cheeseburgers, 29 cent hamburgers. I remember that. Sundays, Wednesdays, and I would get three or four on the way to the store.

Yeah. Ooh. Damn. It kept me afloat. Yep. When I was a teenager, Thanks Ron. they had a McDonald's in my town,

and every like four hours they would throw out all the burgers that were uneaten, and we would dumpster dive. We were high and drunk, we were like 16, and we'd go, they were in the fucking packaging still. Oh, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah, everything's untouched.

Dude, I saw that homeless lady in San Francisco years later. No. I was with family, and I was like, wait a minute. I didn't mean it was a decade later. Is that an upgrade? What? Going to San Francisco as a homeless person? I mean, that's the home of it.

If you wanna make it as a homeless, that's really where you gotta go. That's their Vegas. It's like you're waiting and waiting and waiting, but Radio City's right there. You gotta have to do it eventually, Carnegie Hall. It was at 100 bucks you gave her, she got a bus ticket.

Yeah, and I was looking at her, and I was like, I think that's, I haven't talked in length to many homeless people. And I was like, hey, is your name Tallboy? And she was like, like standoffish. Cause also, when I did, I finished the interview, I was like, that was great, that was amazing. She goes, where's that hundred?

And I was like, oh right, I'm sorry, here it is, I'm not trying to like. Yeah. Yeah, and then I bought her a joint. She was, oh, she loved it. But, but I saw her, I was like, is your name Tallboy? She goes, yeah, you're that guy who gave me a hundred, I was like, is there any time where she goes,

you're that guy who gave me, I mean right back. How many times that happened that's not trying to get you to blow him too. How often do you think they get guys trying to get them to blow them? So much. Did you ask her that? Yeah, I think so.

It's like sex stuff. She goes, some people like let you stay with them for a little bit. And then that goes away. They make you shower and. It's a dark world. Yeah. Yeah, but I shoulda had a home.

Shoulda what? Shoulda had a home. Yeah, yeah. Wouldn't have happened. I know, and it is such a cycle though. Once you're out there, now all of a sudden, you can't go to an interview because you smell and your clothes are dirty and you don't have a resume

and you don't even have sometimes a phone they can call you on. And so you just can't get that next job. And then you gotta come up with the first, last and security to move in somewhere. Shelter is your only hope if you can shower there and get clean-ish. But really you're getting a dock worker job.

My aunt said, she was like, this country is still the only place you can show up with the $10 in your pocket and become a millionaire. I realized I'd heard that since I was a little kid. I was like, oh no. You've got about seven minutes to find a job. You get a slice of pizza for a dollar, shitty pizza.

You're sleeping on the street that night unless you're in a shelter. Maybe it's springtime, so okay, but you're a little dirty. You're fucked, that's it, that's it. That's it, you're homeless forever. Right. Can I run to the bathroom? Yeah, of course.

No, this way. Go in there and make a straight and then on the right Okay. And we're back with Ari Shafir. Who took that Yosemite picture? I went through a lot go through? Who took that Yosemite picture? I went through a lot, but I was obsessed with that. Oh, is that nice? Yeah, did you take it or did you find it? No, it might be like an Ansel Adams or something like that. Yeah.

Have you been to Yosemite? I just went for the first time. Dude, it's magic. It's magic, it really is. Yeah. It's just like the star shines so, it was just so deep in there to get in there. Once you get through the gate, you know,

where they pay the, it's like an hour to get down where you're going. It's not just like right there. No, and then everything just looks big and clean. Yeah, clean the air. Yeah, did you go, did you see the big rock they climbed? Was it? Half Dome.

The Half Dome, yeah. Yeah, that's what that picture is. Yeah. Yeah, I had an idea to climb up there and we got like an eighth of the way. Just beat, like fuck this. It's great though in the background. We did some rafting.

Took some mushrooms. Chick and her family. Rafting, was it cold, the water? No, it was July. It was still was still cold you get out and like refresh yourself but then after a bit it's like uh that's enough yeah um you take the shrooms before the raft trip yeah it was great and then you just like especially on the slow part you just kind of let it take you so if you're like on your back just kind of doing it and the the thing would just like slowly turn you hit a twig and it would turn.

It would just like, without you moving, it would just change your view. And it was just like, and then you know, you're like, I'm two rows away from catching up to anybody because it's so slow. It was so perfect. Yeah, there's nothing like floating on a river, man. I mean, it really is.

When you talk about being at peace, floating on a river is it. That's the move. It's just floating, it's not even like, there's nothing to navigate really. There's an occasional rapids of like this high. Yep. And you're like, whoa.

It's like not even like Pirates of the Caribbean level. Yeah. Did you make love to the chick in a tent? Probably. Would you say it was her and who else? Her family. So it would have been a hush hush. Oh, that would have been tough.

Yeah. Which I've definitely done before. You. That would've been tough. Yeah, yeah. Which I've definitely done before, you've done that. Oh yeah. The quiet, like. One time my wife had, my wife caught, we went down to the Jersey Shore and I rented this big house. I was flush with money that summer.

So I rented a big house for my whole family and it was like, mom, my sister, her kids, and my brother, and so my two kids were very young. And so we got to New Jersey, and she felt sick, and she got worse and worse and worse. We had to go to the emergency room, and she had spinal meningitis. Your wife?

Yeah. So we spent, we were there for a week, and we spent six of the days in the hospital, in the ER, and then the last day we get home and she's in bed and she's still completely knocked out. We're like bringing her soup and then my mom walks in on me having sex with her. She's like, what's wrong with you? She walked in, she's got spinal meningitis.

I know, it turned me on. I was expecting it. The new curve in her spine is like humongous. Turn on. Get out, mom. Why are you still in here? She's got a fever. It feels amazing.

She's so hot. Mom, you gotta feel this. Touch my cock. Touch my cock, you bitch. It's so fucking warm. You never did this to dad. Oh yeah, flu fucking man, that's the best. You're kind of in a dream state, you're in a fugue state.

It's like, ah. Proud of yourself for even getting a boner. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, right. Spinal meningitis. Like no. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Right. Spinal meningitis. It was so weird. It was the weirdest thing because one of my best friends died of it.

He caught it on a trip and he was about 36 years old and Jerry Red Wilson, you ever heard of Jerry Red Wilson? He was a comic and he had a TV show on CBS and so he died suddenly and so we started this We went to his funeral and it was a real like he was from Queens and it was like a real Irish fireman kind of family and so they had this Irish wake and we got up there and They just gave the microphone to people I Had the father said will you bring people up and tell stories?

so I kind of emceed it and a towel went up and Colin Quinn and Jim Brewer and I think What's his name? Anyway, everybody crushes tells these stories and the place is going, you know, there's so you ever tell jokes at a funeral, right? It's the greatest. It's so cathartic. Yes, and so the father said, can we do this every year?

So for like three years we did it at Caroline's. Also, you agree to that until the memory starts to fade away from who this guy was? Yeah, right, right. And you're like, oh. And you're like, I'm a producer. Yeah, I don't wanna run this show. I'm negotiating with Caroline Hirsch

for the presented the tickets we get. And so, but it got so big and we would get the craziest comedians. Everybody would do it. So we started, we did it at a town hall, like four or five years in a row. Sold out. And we got like Jay Leno, John Stewart,

Patrice O'Neill, like everybody. And then my son, like after doing it for five or six years, I'm on the road in st. Louis and I get a call from my wife She's in the emergency room. My son has spinal meningitis and he's getting what and he's getting a spinal tap He was nine months old and I he almost died. He was he was in the hospital for like a week and And then my wife fucking catches it like two years later So don't do benefits and then my wife fucking catches it like two years later. So don't do benefits. I was fucking cursed.

If you died, so when a comedian dies, we band together, let's meet up. First it's just this talk, you know, we'll just talk, but then there's like a memorial and then someone will go like, we should, in an effort to like make it not happen, which is impossible, we go, let's raise money for something. What would yours be?

What would you want them to do? Best buddies, that's my charity. That's your charity, not like your family, your wife, to keep her going. No, we're good. Like if you had young kids, they'd be like, let's ask someone and help them out. They're okay there.

No, my kids need to make their own way at this point. So does my wife. Best buddies, what is it? You haven't worked for too long. It's for people with intellectual disabilities. Intellectual disabilities. Say it. Retards?

Okay, retarded people, alright. I was like, I mean you stupefy on that. It's so funny because I've been doing it for so many years and then it became very in vogue to do jokes about them, including yourself, I've seen you do them at length. Dude, I have nothing but respect for the retards. You're way out of line, that was retarded what you said to me, because of how out of line it was.

So I do the benefit, so I do this benefit for them every year at the store, I've done it for like 15 years. And I asked a certain comedian to do it, he's a big name. And Best Buddies called me and they said, look look we would never tell you how to do your show but there's the guy on the show says the word does routines about it and we've reached out to him and asked him to be more sensitive about it and He told him to fuck off and now you're booking them and now I'm booking them to headline the show and So I didn't I said I can't I said I can't cancel him and so so I did it and

then he blew it off oh I was like oh thank God at least you did the right thing you handled it perfectly but yeah then we did one two years ago, and someone didn't show up. And so Emily, the booker for the store, goes, hey, Andrew Schultz is in the original room. Do you want him to come in? And I go, oh yeah, that'd be great. So he comes over, and she told him on the way over that it was for people in halfway houses,

because the people, the Best Buddies gets you into housing. So she communicated, right. And so he went on and he did 10 minutes of the harshest like act out, act out disabled people in front of roomful people that, some of them in the room had disabilities. One of the comedians that I bring on every year, I kind of mentor him.

He's a comedian with Asperger's. And he was like, why aren't you guys, he was literally going, why aren't you guys laughing? There must be something I don't understand about this crowd. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, so I took a year off after that

when I really rethought whether or not this is the right place. Yeah. Whenever my mom's been like, why don't you bring me to the comedy store? I'm like, there's people there. I don't know if they'll know how to act. Yeah.

You're a nice lady. Do you bring your girlfriend out at all? I brought every girlfriend I've ever had to the store because they're always like, how come you're not including me in this? Yeah. And then it's like, I realize after a few, I'm like, oh, it's so much more boring than you think.

We're just talking shit about our best friends without them there, the same gossip all the time. Talking about which comics we think are overrated. It's the same dumb conversation. It's not even deep conversations on life. It's nothing. And then they're like, this is boring. So you're not coming anymore?

I'm just staying out til three doing this, but I'm not doing anything. Even the mothership we were talking about, I was like, there's so many cool bars in Austin. Why do we stay here? Like, free drinks, we're already here. Yeah, it's like I'll be out to dinner with friends and then I'll be like, it'll be 10 o'clock

and I'm like, all right, I gotta head into Hollywood, you know, from Venice and they're like, everyone's like, I gotta go to bed, I'm exhausted. And they're like, why, why are you doing that? And I just look at them like, I don't know. I just know it's gonna be a better time that I'm having right now. Yeah, this is so boring.

I know you don't think you're boring, but you are. Right, right. And my friends aren't boring, but it's not as good as talking shit with other comics. It's just my favorite thing to do. I met Jake Johansson once, worked with him in DC on my first MC week, I think. Feature?

No, must have been MC. But we were all talking, they used to like lock the doors and like the staff would just like drink and smoke and play games and stuff, it was great after hours. And so I was talking to him about like hookers in Tijuana and stuff like that. And then later in the week he was like, it's just funny, like my wife's friends are here,

I'm supposed to meet them, but it's like, he's like, I'm not a hooker guy. Yeah. I never was, but like I'd still rather talk to a comedian about that than about this gardening stuff. And I'm into gardening. They're just not comedians. Right, right.

And then you bring them to the club and it's just like, It's such a bummer. And people always go to me like, oh you're a comedian? Oh, I'll come out to one of your shows. Like they're doing me a favor, like I need to bring people. And as a rule, I just say, I'm sorry, I don't bring people to shows.

I don't put people on the list. You just do it right then. I just say right on the spot, I don't put people on the list. Because you're gonna text me 10 minutes before I'm about to go on and tell me that they don't have your name at the door or you're gonna make a scene or.

Well that's the worst if they start yelling out. Yeah. And it's like you're the problem. Right. Ugh, yeah, that's smart. Just be like, nah, they don't do that. I do St. Patrick's Day, I do a show on St. Patrick's Day every year, and I do the Best Buddies show,

and I tell people, those are your two times to come out. And I'm still not putting you on the list, but those are the nights I'll actually tell you that I'm gonna be on stage in LA. I do that with some musician friends, but I don't realize how big they are. Yeah. And it's like, oh, you're playing New York,

I'll come support. Yeah. And they're like, I won like a grant. Yeah, right, right. It's not my first time in New York. Yeah. And afterwards, like, that was great, man. Uh-huh.

That's how they treat us. Yeah. Ah, you just saw one joke? Good job. Yeah. Ah, you thought one joke? Good job. Yeah. You're friends with that guy? I did his podcast in Austin, the black guy. Danny Brown.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking of. Yeah. I just don't know rap. Yeah. So we've become friends actually, but I think only because I don't know rap. Right. So I'm able to be myself around him.

Uh-huh. Any celebrity that I'm like, I just get weird. I do too. Yeah. I can't handle it. And you look at someone like Jeff Ross. He's just friends with all of them. Friends with every single celebrity.

Shane's good at it, Tim Dillon's good at it, Tony's good at it, all these people just good. I'm just like, uh, uh, uh, uh. Yeah, what do you think that is? I don't know. Was gonna like insult them and like prop us up but it's probably like lay them on our parts. They're just people, right?

But I don't know, we pedestal them. Even if it's like I don't respect your stuff, it's just I know you're a celebrity so then it's like, Do you feel like as a comic you're usually kind of the alpha and now they're the alpha and that makes you uncomfortable. Ooh, maybe, maybe, but I am more of a late fallback observer. Yeah. You know?

So I'm not usually an alpha like that. What do you think it is? I'm trying to picture myself with a celebrity. It's just like I clam up, I'm just like, I don't know what to say. I kind of feel like they are, and I see people do it to me as a comic, where I just feel like I'm not interesting enough

or I don't rate. I've got nothing to add. And I'm wasting their time. Yeah. Yeah, and also like, I feel like I don't want to ever be seen as wanting something from, this is why booking the Such a pain in the ass. I hate asking people cuz favorites a favor. I don't like

Everyone's gonna podcast before he's like, oh sure. I'd love to Right and even if that's not the case it's still you worried about it So like you don't want a bug a celebrity But something's not even that. We saw Ken Griffey Jr., me and Steve Simone, at Renazzi, he had a premier party for the league and Always Sunny, we'd do it together every year. And he was just there.

We were standing nearby him, one of us was like, it's like Ken Griffey Jr.,. I mean if people don't know sweetest swing just One of my first as a kid like Hall of Fame were like wow he's great Yeah, and we're there with him and we're just like and then there's one of the times he went for like What'd you think of the first episode? He was like I was really fun He's like right and we'd like didn't focus on him at all Uh-huh, but we're happy to have talked to him for three minutes.

And he was just by himself, just kind of like, like waiting for someone to talk to him. It was the ideal situation. And never like, I know who you are though. I know better than to do that. Right. I had this thing once. I went to a party and my wife is obsessed with Mad Men.

She thought Jon Hamm was like the most handsome suave guy she'd ever seen in her life. I think most women did. And so I remember once the first time she saw the show, I was in San Francisco playing at a club and I walk in the room and Mad Men was on and she was sitting on the bed with her pants around her ankles, not like masturbating, just like she was getting undressed and started watching

the show and got so obsessed that she had to stop what she was doing and sit down and watch. And so I'm at this party and Jon Hamm walks in and she's with her friend and me and we're standing there and everybody kind of pays attention and he walks in and he walks straight to me and he goes, Greg, how you doing? And he gives me this big hug. There's one of those things where like, I'm hugging and I'm looking at my wife going, and he goes, and he goes, blah, blah, blah, we start talking. And then I go, have we met before? And he's like, john, he He goes, from the improv, Julie Hirschberg,

we all used to hang out. And I was like, holy shit, there was this guy I was friends with at the improv for years. He was just a guy that hung out there. He was a young actor. And I did not know that that was this guy. Because he looked so different on TV. Wow.

Yeah, he's wearing suits all the time. Classic, nice suits. So we reconnected and we're friends again and he did my podcast a bunch of times. Really? Yeah. But even that, okay, so you meet Jon Hamm. He's become Jon Hamm.

You already knew him. Still, you must be a little bit like, can I ask him to do my podcast? No, he did a few times and then I just stopped. I started getting the fame thing. I started not being able to. To be normal. Yeah.

I feel bad for them because that's what they come in contact with all the time. People that even should be normal around them get weird. Right. It's no way to live. No. I was in Guatemala in some small town. We found some festival when I was there.

You look up in South America, it's like every county has their one festival a year throughout all of Latin America. It's like whatever indigenous tribe was there mixed with Christianity, they made their own little thing. So anyway, I was like, hey, there's one over there. Was there for two weeks, so there's one. So I went with this guy from a hostel there's some like

ceremony where they're like some little kid was there the light enough fire around him and like and like putting like flowers and little fireworks and I don't know it was all on the up and up but he's like hey do you watch forget the name of the show hacks or suits and I was like no he's like, hey, do you watch, forget the name of the show, Hacks or Suits? And I was like, no. He's like, I think that guy's from that show. And I was like, you think it's him? I don't know, I've never seen the show.

I've heard the name, that's it. Because I think that's him. I mean, this is in, it wasn't even Chichi Castanaga, it was some nothing town in Guatemala. Because I think I should go say something to him. And I was like, hey buddy, if that's him, you should not. You should not. With his family.

Yep. You can see that. He's as far away from Hollywood as possible. And he goes, how about I just go by him and say his character name so he knows I know him. Yeah, no. That's even worse, I don't. He's just not gonna enjoy it. Yeah. He's lost in it. And he'm like, that's even worse, I don't. He, it's just, he's not gonna enjoy it.

He's lost in it. He gets his, and he was like, I should say something. I'm like, listen, you do whatever you want, I'm just telling you, I have a little insight here. He doesn't want it. And he didn't, and then the next day he was like, I should have said something. I'm like, dude, you should have.

You nailed it. No, the guy was lost in the moment. He was away, and you would have just immediately, oh. You nailed it. No, the guy was lost in the moment. He was away and you would have just immediately. It's happened to a shoulder. What? Another white guy, the only other white guy in this town. Yeah. Taking him out of it.

Yep. Ugh. Yeah, you're lost in a sunset. Hey, what? Yeah. Guy did that to me in a urinal. Don't you hate comedy clubs where you have to go out there. You have to go to the urinal that everybody else goes to

and without, obviously they're there to see you. Side splitters, ComedyWorks, these are great clubs and still you have to like. Cleveland Hilarities, that's where it just happened. Oh yeah, you gotta go through that hallway and then right into the Denpom. Yeah, and the guy standing next to me, he's like, hey man, really excited to see you tonight.

And I said to him, I go, dude, I'm urinating. I go, I don't mean to be a dick, but like. And he's like, oh yeah, yeah, I'm sorry to see you tonight. And I said to him, I go, dude, I'm urinating. I go, I don't mean to be a dick, but like, and he's like, oh yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, yeah. Yeah, my dick is in my hand. Right. This is the metaphor. Right. It's nice to get recognized sometimes.

Sometimes. Like, when I'm with my kids, I love it. Sometimes it feels nice. Yeah. One's one of the best ones of those. I was in Costa Rica once with my family, we were hiking up this hill, these people on horseback were coming down,

somebody was like, are you sure for your? Nice. And it was like, Yeah. Who's the not a lawyer now? The best is when you're talking, like I was on a plane recently with this woman, and you know, attractive woman,

you know, and just harmlessly flirting. And then this guy walks down the aisle and he goes, Fitz Dogg! Love you, man. And she's just looking at you, and she's just like, I didn't tell her what I did. She's just like, what? Who was that? And she's like, oh, whatever.

I'm like a really, really low level celebrity. Yeah. It is funny when people are like, because no one gets recognized from someone they don't know. They might be like, oh hey, I play basketball with you. But it's like, if you don't know them, that just never happens to anyone most people know. So it's like, what the fuck was that?

Hey it's time for fastballs with Fitz. Then we'll let you go. You're gonna do another podcast today, aren't you? Yeah, Sicklers. Now that'll be fun. All this press, you got all this press for my special. Well, the special is called America's Sweetheart. It's out on January 14th on Netflix.

What are you looking at? Who said, did I tell you that? Or did the fucking Jews tell you that? No, it came out on Deadline Hollywood two days ago. Nice. Yeah, they gotta research my guests. Yeah, it was odd. It's a two special deal where you're putting out that

and for the first time Netflix is releasing something that had previously been put out on YouTube. Pretty wild. The Jew special. Yeah. That's crazy. It's a bit crazy, cause they've been like, no we're not doing that. To everybody who had one, they're like, we're not doing that.

So you're double dipping. Yeah, I think it, well, so all my views on that came and kinda like petered, so it's good for me. It's like new audience, new life in it, but it's pretty interesting. I actually had the same thing at Comedy Central where I was like, oh, they're never gonna take me, I'll just do my own.

They were making fun of it, all these comics trying to do their own specials, and then they bought a special and licensed that one. The one they said, why are these comics doing that? Then it was kind of weird. That's amazing. So that's free money, because you've already paid for it. Right, yeah, it's just bonus.

Yeah, straight in your pocket. Yeah, that Comedy Central thing was like, I think I owed whoever made it like five grand. And then they were like, I think Justin got a deal for it actually. He was like, listen, you're never gonna recoup on this knowing he had a deal at Comedy Central, like hold on, don't sign it yet.

And he goes, here's five grand, just give him the rights. And he's like, okay, and then now sign it. Oh, nice. 200 or whatever it was. Yeah. Yeah, I think we stole it from like 120 or something. I was like, oh, it's great. That's awesome.

So check that out. Also the podcast is you be trippin which I did months ago on Ireland on Ireland that was really fun a lot of those memories I hadn't thought about since like 1984 when they happen yeah, maybe do another one on South Africa. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay Yeah, when you're back yeah, cuz that that'd be a way different one. You talking about stuff from 19. Yeah. Versus stuff from 19 days ago. Yeah, with my kids. Watching them at the age I was back then.

Wow. Actually, they were a little older than I was back then. I was only 18 on that trip. Also tour dates coming up. Tahoe, December 21st. Homestead PA, January 3rd through 5th. Pittsburgh. Providence, January 10th and 11th. Where's Pittsburgh?

Homestead. Oh, that's what Homestead is? Yeah, I love these things. They put you on a website and they're like, don't, what? No one knows what that is. Even the people from there don't know what that is. I'm actually doing the same gig, I think, the week after you. Oh, nice.

I'll leave a little meat on the bone Yeah, don't drag don't drag everybody in town to your show Salt Lake City January 17th and 18th Brea January 31st through February 1st Nashville February 6 through 8th and then San Antonio and Tampa coming up side splitters Yeah, that's always me into that. I was going to and you're like playing a different club. You're like, what, what? Yeah. Come on. I just had a deal with them. And then once I switched, it was like, Oh, game over. It's less money, but it's a better experience. I don't even know. It's just like, you draw a better, it's just like,

it's so fun. It's so much fun. You're like, Oh, Tampa, that's so cool. Yeah. Like, Oh, yeah. You went from my least favorite club in the country to maybe my second favorite club in the country. It really is a rock big hall. It's just not made for that. Three balconies or two balconies. I'd always heard about that.

I was like, cool. And like, no, not cool. There's a reason they don't have a guy straight up there. Yeah. But man, we went for Mark Norman's bachelor party. When? A few years ago. Uh-huh. We did gigs at Sidespooters went over to Mark Norman's bachelor party. When? A few years ago. We did gigs at Sidespotters to pay for it.

We did like two or three in a night. And they used all that money for steaks and hookers and strippers and stuff. That's amazing. Committee of treatment. In Tampa. Yeah, in Tampa. And then like, I was like, oh, yeah.

I went to BT, I was like, call my Jews. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get this done. Right. This is a far better experience That's hilarious All right popcorn to Pop on that pops right sheen Then they they got frozen pizzas and popcorn and the staff is so cool. They're cool Yeah, and then when you're in town you get to go on and do my call to oh, yeah

It's right. It's one of my favorite radio guys in the country. Yeah, yeah he rules too. Rest in peace. I assume by the time this comes out, the heart failure will have set in, but maybe I'm wrong. All right, who's the worst feature act that ever opened for you on the road, or MC?

There was a guy in, this is just first thing that comes to mind, right? So there was a guy in, what's the club, Ruth Ann's club in, in Crackers. In Indianapolis. Yeah. And he did word for word, the Jay Moore, Burt Kreischer story about, about hanging out with Tracy Morgan. No. That they had had public beef over whose story this is. And it was Bird's story. And then Jay Moore's like, do you mind if I do that? And Bert was like kind of too young to go, no, don't do that. And so they had this massive thing and this kid does it just word for word.

So now there's three guys doing the same story. I get it's crazy. And there's not an, did he tell it as if it happened to him? Yes, yeah. Not like I heard the story about Tracy Morgan. And I'm like watching, I'm like what? And you know, I'm like pretty against like, not much in comedy except joke stealing.

And I said nothing to him. I just didn't say a word, just pussed out, just did the way he did at every show. Yeah, wow. Yeah. That's amazing. Who you got? Do you do these too or no?

No, I just ask. Oh wow. Who's your best Asian friend? Asian? Yeah. I try to stay away from all of them, to be honest. They're a real problem. You can't be friends with them. Yeah, I mean, yeah.

I've never met a Uyghur, but I would assume they'd be way out there. It might be Bobby Lee, it can't be that. Everybody says Bobby Lee. He's the only one. Yeah. I'll go Ronnie Chang over Bobby Lee. Have they ever punched Ronnie Chang in the face?

Yeah. Wait, there must be an Asian I'm not thinking of. Wait, you punched Ron Chang in the face? No, no, not Bobby Lee though, many times. You punched him in the face? So many times. No. Yeah. As a joke?

No. No, we used to beef. No shit. Yeah. Let me tell you something, Greg. I know you used to get in a lot of fights. Yeah. And I don't know if you ever got this tactic or just never had the opportunity. If you pick on people that are smaller than you, it just goes better.

Yeah. So. But I think he wrestled though in high school, didn't he? Yeah. They don't take punches in wrestling. That's hilarious. I mean, you punched him, he turtled up, But I think he wrestled though in high school, didn't he? Yeah, they don't take punches in wrestling. I mean you punched him, he turtled up and then you're kicking at him. Superman punched him one time, it felt really good. What was the beef?

Over a chick. Yeah, I was a young punk. Wow. Yeah, I was an asshole. Wait, who are the Asians in comedy now? In New York. There must be some Asians. Ali Wong. Yeah, friendly, but I'm not friends with her.

Here's my side of friends. If I was in your neighborhood and hungry, would I call you? Right. You would call. Yep. If I was around here and I'd be like. You have, I don't think it happened,

but you've called me a couple times when you're on the West Side. What are you doing? Yeah. Yeah. I would not do that with Ali Wong. Okay. If I knew where she lived.

Yeah, who's, I guess Bobby Lee, everyone says Bobby Lee. There's no Asians in comedy. Well. Shang Wang, I like, no, I'm better friends with Shang Wang, even though I'd never see him. You know who I want to be friends with is Jimmy O. Yang. Jimmy O. Yang. He seems like a really good dude.

Yeah, or the lead of Squid Games. That guy would be cool. Yeah, he'd be pretty good. Does he speak English though? No, I don't think so. That might be better. It might be better. Yeah. How funny would that be Might be better. Yeah. Yeah.

How funny would that be to be good friends with a guy who doesn't speak English and you take him out. All the time. He says something like, to the waiter, like, everybody else is as good as mine. I don't know, he's pointing to his coke.

I mean, I've seen guys dating Asian women that barely spoke English. Cause you speak the language of love. Yeah, and money. When's the last time you apologized to somebody? Let's see, I did just apologize. It was not accepted to Joe Rogan. I'm always pissing.

I don't like to leave, listen, even this, the leave, I mean, this is your home, so it's a little different. Yeah. I don't wanna interrupt to go to the bathroom. And I have a your home, so it's a little different. I wanna interrupt to go to the bathroom. And I have a Jewish bladder, so it's a lot. So I'm just pissing a bottle, we'll keep going. You know, from the audio only days,

just pissing a bottle, keep going. And I do that, you know, lots of times. If I'm like, I don't know, I do it at home if I don't feel like going downstairs to pee. You know, or if something's happening down there, I'm like, I don't know, I'd do it at home if I don't feel like going downstairs to pee. You know, or if something's happening down there, I'm like, I'll just piss my butt off. Like a regular sized bottle? Isn't it hard to get it in there?

Yes, it's hard, but not intermountable. I've done it driving. You know, when you're like coming back from San Diego, you have to lean up so you can point your dick down. And yeah, there's always that vacuum, the air needs to escape, so you learn how to do it. Anyway, do it all the time, it's like stop, but it was also less of a, you know, I'm not mad about that. Oh, you do it during the podcast needs to escape. So you learn how to do it. Anyway, do it all the time, it's like stop, but it was also less of a,

you might not have had it. Oh, you do it during the podcast on the show. Yeah, and I've done it for a decade or more. But anyway, we're shotgun and beers, we key them, you know, and then crack them open. And I pissed into one of those and didn't see the back was just a big hole. And it was just like, I was like, wait, what's happening?

It didn't make sense for a second, and I'm just pissing into a beer can and then directly onto the floor. I'm like mopping it up, and then later I was like, hey dude, I'm sorry. He goes, you're not sorry, you piss right into a can. I was like, no, yes, but I didn't know there was a hole in it, I was just gonna fill up,

I was just gonna be disgusting, but not rude. I apologize for that. Wow. Yeah. It's tough when they don't accept it. It's tough when they don't accept it, but also, it's not like we're not friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also I did just piss on his floor that day.

Right. Now Joe will get mad at you, and then it's water under the bridge so fast. So fast. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. He's a lot of like, I'm done with that person forever, and then he has him on his podcast two weeks later.

It's like, he's just like, he's too supportive. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to remember another time I apologize for opening my mouth about a comedian years ago, and then saw them again recently. I was like, again, man, I'm really sorry. Don't worry about it. I was like, nice, thank you.

Dude, what's better than, I think it's because, I think the Jews, and I grew up Irish Catholic where you do confession and I did the AA thing where you go out and you make amends to people. It's so healing for you. It's almost selfish how good it feels. It's crazy. And to them, they felt seen, they feel seen,

and like, okay, great, you express, not just like sorry. I was talking to this with a new parent, and she was like, yeah, we tell the kids, like, say you're sorry after you hit a sibling or something, but they just go sorry, but they don't really feel it. Like, you tell them to like, you know, paint by numbers, but it's not, you should they don't really feel it. Like you tell them to like, you know, paint by numbers,

but it's not, you should tell them to internalize it because as adults, no one's taught us to be like, hey, that was fucked up. You know, I kept you waiting for an hour, that was bullshit. Yeah, I was, you know, not just like sorry, I was on the phone, just like, that really sucked. You know, and people go, all right,

yeah, it did suck, I was waiting there. It's like, yeah, I won't do that again. I think it sucked. Yeah, right. But like, it's the power in it. Well, even years later, you tell somebody, hey, they're like, wow. Yep.

It gets you laid too. Oh, God. It's like shit to a chick, and then years later, like, say you're sorry about making fun of their dead grandfather or something. Yeah. Because now they know you're capable of it so they feel safer at you.

And you didn't just skirt buy it. Like you recognized that was an asshole thing to do. You didn't just forget about it. I've been holding on to it. You knew it was bad and you've been holding it to embarrass, say I'm sorry. Is there anything you want to apologize to me about? I gave you a lot of bad advice on purpose for that special because I didn't want yours to eclipse mine. And I accepted all the prayers but really I knew I was cutting your legs out. You give

everybody advice. You're really well known for it., finally, what's the hackiest bit that you've ever done in your career? I stole, I straight stole a joke. No. Yeah, from Charles Barkley. Okay. Yeah, he was talking about, I applied to Kobe Bryant, but he was talking about Chuck Person, I think.

I'm gonna play with him. He was such a ball hog, you could fake him a pass and he'd still shoot it. I applied that to Kobe on his hair. That was pretty it's pretty shitty. Yeah. Yeah Yeah Yeah, I almost stole a joke once from fuck it forget his name right now I saw some guy in San Francisco was so young and I was like I knew was wrong But I was like maybe but I was like, no, I'm not gonna. And then later he did that joke on last comic standing

like two years later. Oh shit, yeah. And then I like developed into my own, and it's, you know, now you don't think about it. Yeah. Yeah, about like surfing is the only sport, fuck, I forget his name. He's a cool guy.

Surfing's the only sport that involves animals. Involves unrelated animals like shark attacks are a real part of that. Because imagine like quarterback drops a basket, oh the gorilla's got him, oh shit, he's beating the fuck out of him. That's a great bit. A great bit.

And I was like, don't waste somebody from the old cops, the little small cops, is ever gonna go on to anything in LA. Oh, this was a long time ago. I had like a week in, like show, oh. Wow. I mean, I'm sure I've done plenty of hacky jokes, but. Yeah.

It's funny though, when you say, here's a cringe moment, you see a joke you did in a new comic who you know didn't steal it from you. Uh-huh. And you're just like, fuck, that was such an easy take. Oh, when I moved to New York, all my subway stuff, I thought it was so like, oh, interesting. Yeah.

You see generation after generation of comics, do the exact same joke. That's why I never call anybody on, if I think they stole a joke from me, because I always just look at the joke like, oh, they might have thought of it. I just want to drop that. Right, it's almost like, oh, fuck me.

Yeah, if they would even steal that joke, I don't want to do that joke anymore. Yeah, it's would even steal that joke, I don't wanna do that joke anymore. Yeah, it's not about going through Ireland when I still had hair. That's like, dude, wait, what the fuck? You never went to Ireland. You still have hair. Right, right.

Yeah, but, yeah. All right, well listen, Ari Shaffir, again. Buddy, thank you, it's always great seeing you. America's sweetheart, thanks for making time, man. Came straight from the airport, and I sent you a holiday gift, it's always great seeing you. America's sweetheart, thanks for making time, man. Came straight from the airport. And I sent you a holiday gift, which I guess you didn't get yet. I didn't get yet.

Now I'm wondering what the fuck it is. It's gonna be, it's good. I sent two things. Okay. And one is related to your move. Actually, they're both kind of related to your move. Okay. Yeah. To London, you mean?

Yeah. Nice. June, right? June, I start a backpacking trip for six eight months and then when I'm done. Oh, then you go. Oh No shit. Okay I'm gonna have some fun. You got enough money for all this We'll do one last tour save up some cash. Uh-huh, but I mean cut out rent. Yeah, you know, that's my biggest cost in New York So you're gonna get rid of that place you do your podcast to? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. I can get another one and set it up. Uh huh. It was just an apartment, you know. So you just put all your shit in storage? Ship it to London, to a dock in London. Oh really?

Yeah, put it all, ship it, and then we'll like as slow as possible, and then we'll get it, we'll get it. Slow train? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do a rowboat to London. Ah, that's awesome. Yeah, and then when I get there,

it'll be like, try out a few neighborhoods with Airbnbs, until it's like, all right, this one or this one, let's look for places. So it might take another two months, and then it's like, all right, let's get the stuff out of storage. Nice. And so you're gonna podcast at all on the trip?

If I meet, I mean, it's a travel podcast. Yeah. So if I, and I assume I I meet, I mean it's a travel podcast. Yeah. So if I, I assume I'll meet at hostels and stuff, some travelers. I'll meet like your son. Yeah. You know, if I met that type of guy, your son at a hostel in fucking Guatemala,

and he told me about some crazy thing he just did in Panama, I might be like, you wanna talk about that? Let's go out to the woods tomorrow and just record. Yeah. Put a couple clamps up on branches and just get it done. Yeah, I'll do some of those. So you'll just have a tiny bit of equipment with you.

I'm trying to get it so small. I'm trying to get it small, so I have this, just with a little plug-in that's this big. Yeah. But I want it even smaller. You could just put the thing on the H6, the multi-directional. Maybe not get ambient sound.

The sound on that is good. Really? Yeah, the sound on that is almost, the multi-directional. The sound on that is good. Yeah, the sound on that is almost as good as microphones. Wow. Yeah, maybe that. As long as it's not like birds chirping and stuff going off, these are so good because it's like a siren can pass by. Yeah, I know.

Well also then, I guess you can shoot with iPhones instead of cameras. iPhones would be the cameras. That's like this much for three of them. I have one, I need two others. The clamps, maybe those little road things. I don't know, anyway, I'm working on it. That's great.

Yeah, it'll be fun. Yeah. And if anyone comes to visit, which the invites are open to everybody. What countries are you gonna be in? Start in Mexico, we'll just work our way down. I wanna be in equator for the Equinox. Uh-huh.

And then work our way down to the solstice. Yeah everywhere, right? Some will be like let's just pass through. I'm like, you know Depends how safe some of them are. Well, my son can give you some tips He just did six months in Mexico and Guatemala. Oh, so he'll have some town. Yeah, 100% Yeah, it makes it nice now because that when I meet anybody like from Argentina some waiters I'm like, oh, what should I do? And they're like, oh, Buenos Aires is nice. I'm like, no, no, deeper, man. Where do you go to go hiking?

Tell me some cool local restaurants. And I just pin them in my Google account. So then whenever I'm gonna be close to anyone, I'm like, I gotta wreck. I gotta wreck for a waterfall. That's great. So I'll talk to your son for sure. I'll be like, give me some top things.

Great, great, yeah, he's got some specific your son for sure and be like, give me some top things. Great, great. Yeah, he's got some specific stuff. Hell yeah. All right, man. Thanks again for coming. Love you, buddy. Love you too. Ari Shafir, welcome to, oh, let me turn off the music.

It'd be nice to leave it on, wouldn't it? It would be. Just have a nice conversation with some background music. Doesn't that take you off the algorithm? Yeah, it'll crush you. Look at Suits for just wanting to enjoy their music. I know. Welcome to Fitts Dogg Radio. It's Ari Shaffir.

Yeah, before you guys tune in, Greg has remote control on his phone. To control music. He gave me music in the house. You're crushing it, dude. You got a handle in? Everything's going well for you. Yeah, it's really like, you know, I've worked hard. Uh-huh.

And I just feel like- It's a road blanket? It's a road blanket. I mean, I'm right near Silicon Valley. It's like a couple hundred miles from here. So, like, I know some guys and whatever. Yeah. Let's catch it.

But, you know, I was reading Keith Richards' autobiography. Have you read that? No. Do you read? No. Yeah. Not autobiographies, anyway. No. But he's talking about how they were driving

through when they did Let It Bleed they were driving through France. They lived in France. I think they were banned from England for some tax evasion or some shit. And so they had, they found the biggest like Rolls Royce they could find and they were just driving around the countryside and they had a record player in the back of the Rolls Royce they could find and they were just driving around the countryside and they had a they had a record player in the back of the in the back of a Rolls-Royce and you just think about like that if you could tell them today that you could have just had this thing in your hand and you could act as literally literally almost any music that's ever been recorded. Hey Keith Richards, how's your record collection? Mate, more than anything he's ever been.

It's the greatest. I mean, let me whip you into the future and show how pretty your collection is. We can isolate the vocals of Baby King on a track that you liked from 1961. Well, I have that one, well it's already playing on mine. I'm not rifling through stuff. I'm not even taking it out of a jacket. I'm not flipping it halfway through the album. Like, remember that?

There was literally, you only listened to four or five songs. They needed to get up, walk over, turn it over. It's the problem with comedy albums. They're all four sides. If you go an hour, you get into four sides. Or three. Yeah, right, right. Your first album was two sides, right?

Yeah, probably did 18 minutes. What was it like? How come there's only one side on that? That had to be an hour. Did you just release it on vinyl? No. How? No, I hadn't.

My last special just came out on vinyl a couple months ago. Yeah. I love it. I bought a bunch of vinyls for the comedy store in whatever, Texas, condo. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah. I was like, what is this?

Why do you have comedy albums? Yeah. And they're like, well, you guys are comedians. I can't. I don't want to listen to that. I got tons. I used to collect them. Comedy ones?

Yeah. Comedy ones I'll collect, but I won't listen to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe once. I don't think I've listened to them in 10 years. Yeah. I won't listen to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe once. I don't think I've listened to them in 10 years. Yeah, it's just nice to have. Yeah, it is nice to have. And...

Especially the old black comics are just, they're so raunchy and the covers are so raunchy. Right, right, right. Lawanda Page, is that her name? Yeah, that's her name. And it was all, Red Fox would produce all the albums. Oh, Red Fox are great. But, you know, he had a thing where he owned a club.

I think it was on La Cienega. And it was like, you came in and you did a set, and then he recorded it, and then he put it out as an album. And then he gave you like $50, and he owned it. And he had a catalog. He had like 100 different comedians that he did albums for. Wow.

Yeah. Damn. He fucked everybody. Yeah, yeah. You'd think they'd be like, no, but there was no idea of deals then. There was no comedy albums, they were literally the first comedy albums, you know?

I mean when- There's like Dexter putting it out for me, that's cool. Yeah, exactly. Do you remember the story of Bob Newhart's first time button down mind of Bob Newhart? So he was it he used to go to cocktail parties and it's the same way 2,000 year old men can debate. Like people would go to cocktail parties in the 1950s and early 60s and they would like you know it was like all ad people, advertised people and they'd have like their suits on

and they'd be drinking high balls. And then you kind of hold court and you would do routines. It was almost like a comedy club at a cocktail party. Really? But it was all like bits that people would do like. On each other? No, no, no, just like monologues. And so Bob Newhart used to do all of his like

one-sided phone conversations and you conversations and Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner would do all these written pieces about the 2000s. Just to each other? No, to the party. The party would be listening. And so there was an executive from, I can't remember what record company it was, but he said, hey, we're starting a comedy album, Division, and would you like to do an album?

And we'll pay you X amount of dollars. And he was like a copywriter for an ad agency at the time. And he's like, yeah, because that sounds great. And I said, all right, let us know when your next stand-up club gig is, and we'll come and record it. And he said, well, that'd be great, but I've never done stand-up comedy in a club.

Bob Newhart? So they book him into Las Vegas, into like five nights at this room. First three nights, he does stand-up for the first time in his life in a club. And the next two nights, he records the button-down mind of Bob Newhart, which wins the Grammy and becomes the best-selling album.

On his fourth and fifth set ever? Yeah. Yeah. What are we doing? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The idea of the word cringe. Is that what you're just like, oh. You're right. Yeah, that even, I can see it. What were your early jokes? Like, what did you talk about? I think early on, not like right away,

but early on I was like, David Taylor says every comedy is trying to do an impression of what they think a comedian is in the first couple years. Right. So it was like Lewinsky jokes, cause I thought you were supposed to. Uh huh. Cause that's what was on Late Night.

Do you remember any of them? No, I remember I had something about a bumper sticker from a candidate that I already lost. The big joke was, hey, they're not going to win. It's a big reveal that I'm really sticking it to that guy. Yeah, yeah. Bumper sticker. I remember bumper sticker jokes were big early on.

I remember bumper stickers in general. Yeah, they were big. I don't see any. Barely. There's some in LA right now on people on their Teslas are putting bumper stickers that say, I bought this before Elon Musk became an asshole. It's a real quandary for these people. Yeah. They went all in on showing their environmental consciousness even though it's negligible with that battery if it's actually helping or hurting and

they're like no no this makes me a good person and then I don't I really didn't follow but I don't know how it became like I get to look mani and then like he's like this bad guy now and like no and now it's like but the environment like yeah right right no it's very hard to be an environmentalist and my you know my my wife's dad was a huge environmentalist he was a professor but he wrote a lot of books about how capitalism will destroy the environment, which it will. It will, yeah.

And, but he tried to walk the walk, and it was like that. It always turned out to be hypocritical. Like the thing you were trying to do always ended up being just as bad. Paul McCartney got one of the first electric cars from India. Oh, really?

And they shipped it to him in a helicopter from India. Just that car. That's hilarious. And it offset 20 of those. Exactly! Yeah, he's like, no you killed me! No, every time they have one of those G4 summits and all these people come flying in on their private jets. Oh my god, it's so funny. Because also, we all look back at it like, shit, you guys are telling us you're better than us. You guys are hypocrites, and you know it. Fuck off. I know. And you weren't.

Well, a lot of people wait until they're rich to start taking stands on things. That's why it's like, I really respect the people early on that if you're going to be political, hey, that's great. If that's your lane, you want to be the political comic or the actor who speaks out, that's great. But do it when it can cost you your career. Yeah, yeah.

Not when you've got so much money that it's just a, you know, it's an afterthought. I don't know how you live in this town. I guess you- Well, because I live in Venice. Right, you don't. I don't live in LA. I don't like LA at all. I go in for my spots at night, and it's pretty rare that I, I have a studio.

We don't usually shoot, we're shooting in my living room right now. Very comfortable. But it's not my studio. Yeah, it just isn't fine. This is outside. When I lived in West LA when I started, it was like, okay, this is just the beginning of not

showbiz. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, all my neighbors, like tonight, last night we went to dinner at a restaurant that we walked to with neighbors. And then tonight we're going to my son Wade's Waste Tables at this Italian place in Santa Monica. It'll be a five minute drive and we've got six other neighbors that are meeting us. It's like, what? Let's give you a look up. Oh, yeah.

Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Worth it finally. That was so Jewish. It didn't take long But it's so I don't really it's just you know, we go to the beach all the time I rode my bike on the beach on Sunday. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, it's great Nice, but LA sucks. It's just kind of it's all that it's all people like. But LA sucks. LA just kind of sucks. It's all that. It's all people showing off who they are, even though they're not that, faking it, and then showing it off.

When Rogan was moving to Austin, he was like, LA sucks. I'm like, you just realized? Yeah, fuck. Music