Fitzdog Radio - Kathy Griffin - Episode 1069
Episode Date: September 20, 2024My guest Kathy Griffin is an Emmy and Grammy award-winning comedian who’s had 20 stand-up specials - more than any comedian in history. After a few rough years she is back and is launching a huge t...our. My Bookie: https://mybookie.website/FITZWatch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey, welcome to Fitts Dogg Radio. We've got an amazing show today. This is a guest I've wanted on for a very long time. boss I wrote on a TV show my Kathy so-called reality back in Jesus
2008 I don't know but I'm a huge fan of her stand-up we've known each other from
the clubs forever and she's got a lot to say I'm sure I'm I'm doing this intro
now and then I'm heading over to
the studio to interview her in two hours and yeah she's the best anyway I never
found her let's talk about me a little bit I was on if you live in LA you
probably saw me this morning on Good Morning I don't know what it's called
Fox has their morning news with
the Hot Chicks show. You know every city's got like, it's always like one's
Asian, one's Hispanic, one's white, and they're all super hot, and they're giggly,
but these women are actually great. They were really fun and smart and we talked about their feet.
One of them brought up foot fetishes and how they're all grossed out by feet and
one of them was offered $20,000 for some foot picks and she said no. I'm like
Jesus just send them someone else's feet. Who cares?
20 grand, do one foot, get 10 grand for the right foot.
That's the good one.
But they were fun.
I think I'll put a clip up of that.
We had some funny moments.
At one point, I was looking past the camera
and I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm just looking,
my agent's supposed to get here.
He's Lebanese. I just paged him like an hour ago and I haven't
heard anything and and like only one of the three got the joke and I called them
nines I said they were all nights and they were very hurt they were visibly
shaken by that because I you know cuz some people would call
them all tens but that's the power move that's what I learned from that guy that
wrote David what's-his-name wrote that book about how to pick up chicks and
that's the kind of move you do you call them a nine instead of a ten boom now
you're in what else I've been doing like if if you're following my
Instagram or following the podcast well I am a whore I have hoarded out on
everybody's podcast Bert Kreischer's just came out this week that was fun I
called him a Corvette I said he's a he's a Corvette engine and a UPS truck.
He liked that. And his wife was there, Leanne, who I absolutely love. Burt's wife is the greatest.
They sent me. I did a tour with Burt over the summer and we did some, you know, in the tour bus,
the whole thing. And they sent me they sent me a barbecue grill like a smoker like an expensive
smoker and iPhone out like Apple headphones these things right here they
sent me these and like a whole giant box of gifts they're just they're so nice and they give 10% of
their entire tour. The whole summer tour goes to Comedy Gives Back which is this
amazing group. My friends all Jodie and Zoe and Amber Amber Amber J Amber J.
Let's get her name fucked up? Anyway, great group to help
out down-and-out comedians who need health coverage and all that stuff. Why
not me? Why not give me some health coverage? I'm paying, you know what I'm
paying a year? $40,000 with a $1,700 deductible per person in the family. It
sucks. Something's got to change people. I don't know who to
vote for but tell me who's gonna change the healthcare and they got my vote. Did
Howie Mandel's podcast yesterday? I think this that comes out next week. He is a
machine. I mean I pull up and he's there to greet me right out front walks me into this
30,000 square foot studio that he bought he's got two buildings two different buildings next to each other
Up in the valley and he's got this whole wing of it is for holograms They've got like comedians doing comedy and holograms
Which actually kind of scares me because I don't know if that means like that
hologram is going to be headlining the tempi improv
instead of me. I don't know how it works. But they had me do it.
I went in and did one and it's pretty freaky. I should put the
video out. And then, you know, Bill Mars Cruz got a bunch of
podcasts, there's like a dozen podcasts getting produced,
there's videos being shot, Jeff Ross was coming in to shoot something. And it's like, Howie,
don't you have enough money? What's the matter with you? I would be at a pool. I don't know
if I would be. I always say that if I had a lot of money, but I'd probably I would not
take on as much as him. But I would I would have some fun he gave me we did the podcast and with his daughter who was hilarious and then he gave me an hour and a half
long tour of this studio and filled with people that I knew it was weird every
single person I had worked with at some point in my career and and I have us I
have a soft spot in my heart for Howie because when I was coming up, I got a chance to
do the Montreal Comedy Festival and they have a thing called the Gala, which is the big show.
That's the one that they film it and it plays internationally all over the world. It's a big
deal to get asked to do it. And he was the host and I came out and I went on it's the show started at like three in the afternoon it was all old people I went
on three hours into the show after John Mendoza goes up and destroys and I ate
shit I bought I was floating I literally remember floating above my body and
watching the scenario it's just So anyway, I finished the set
How he comes out and he whispers in my ear. He goes. Hey man, you got it. You got another set
You want to try this again? I was like
Yeah, I got another you know, it was five minutes. I was like, yeah, I got another five minutes
So he tells me to go off stage. He says to the crowd. He's like, come on you guys. We're almost there
I know you got more for this guy. Give it up for him. Give him some support.
And he brings me back out. I do a bunch of jokes about Deal or No Deal.
Shit all over him. He's laughing his ass off. And I'm not,
I'm not sitting here saying I killed, but it was a respectable set.
And he saved my ass. He's a good dude.
And we had a lot of fun on the podcast so
check check it out we promoted the special specials doing amazing it's been
three weeks and we have 340,000 views so thank you thank you so much for the
support the comments on the YouTube page are amazing. The
comments on the Instagram clips from the special that are going up. It's well
beyond where I thought we'd be at this point. So we keep spreading the word,
watch it again, and you know there's a donation tab, you know, but throw a
couple bucks in. Why not? So I can do another special maybe in two years. My agent's phone is ringing off the hook I just booked just booked
up my whole winter in in two weeks it's just been you know clubs calling which
is amazing so I got some dates to announce I will be let's see in Alaska Fairbanks Alaska September 25th
through 28th Tulsa at Bricktown October 10th through 12th Kansas City Funny Bone
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anything, anytime, anywhere. Okay let's get to my guest. She's a two-time Emmy and
Grammy Award winner. She holds a record, Guinness Book of World Records, for the
most stand-up special. She's got 20, more than anyone in history.
She's got six consecutive Grammy nominations. She won one. She's apparently
the only woman to win best comedy album besides Whoopi and Lily Tomlin. So pretty
amazing. She used to host CNN's New Year's Eve special till she got screwed over. I'm gonna ask her about that
She used to have a show called my life on the D list which was on for like six years
She was on suddenly Susan
Seinfeld a million things the Simpsons American Dead
Shrek she had two books that were on the New York Times bestseller...seller list?
How about seller list? Come on, Greg. Close strong. Anyway, I'm about to leave
the house. I'm gonna go interview the great Kathy Griffin. I hope you enjoy it. I am so thrilled.
I have wanted you on this podcast.
We've talked about it.
You flirted with me about it over the years.
We danced around it a bit.
We literally did like a tribal dance.
It was a nonverbal ask and reply.
That's right. And the reply was yes.
It was yes.
Because I have known you for so long. By the way, I'm Cathy Griffin. Hi everybody. I have
known and loved you for so long. It's ridiculous.
My first TV credit ever was a show you hosted. What was it?
It was on MTV. And it was called Kathy's So-Called Reality.
Oh no, no, no, it was Premium Blend.
Premium Blend, that was my first TV credit,
and here was your intro.
I'm standing off stage, and here is this hot shit
with tight pants and cleavage coming out
and the red hair, and you're up there killing,
and then you go, this next guy is really cute.
And he has really nice eyes.
And I was like, oh my God.
Very professional of me.
It was nice.
It made me feel really good walking.
OK, good, good.
Thank you very much.
I didn't know if this was walking into a lawsuit.
I didn't know how to prepare.
Well.
Thank you.
Yeah, we'll see how my career takes a dive.
I may revisit the lawsuit.
I understand.
Yeah.
By the way, do you know that I have been sued seven times since the Trump photo?
Well related to the Trump photo. Yes. I am the most sued comedian
I believe in history and so if those of you who don't know I took a rather controversial
Photo of a Donald Trump Halloween mask. Yeah, but you catch up on it
Yeah, and I had a very stoic look on my face. I really thought everybody would know I was just photo of a Donald Trump Halloween mask with a bunch of ketchup on it.
And I had a very stoic look on my face.
I really thought everybody would know
I was just fucking around.
And it turns out they didn't.
And so yes, so the MAGA people love to sue me
for defamation.
Maybe you should change your name to Sue Griffin.
Yeah, Sue Griffin, just cut out the middle man.
I mean, that always gets dismissed,
but it has to go through the whole process.
I have one case now where this guy in Tennessee is suing me,
so he goes on Fox and he's like,
I'm gonna get Kathy Griffin to come
and sit in a witness box in Tennessee.
Let's see how she likes it when she's not in Holly Weird.
Was this the guy that shamed a gay person?
Yes.
School dance?
These two kids, minors, the boy had a red dress on
and they were just doing their prom photo shoot,
not bothering anybody.
And so there was a video, it went viral.
It went viral on TikTok for a whole day,
which I didn't even know about
because I wasn't on TikTok yet.
But you know, I advocate for the gays as I always
love the gays. And they love you. And so I thought, you know, you hear these kids saying like,
please leave us alone. And he like smacks the phone out of their hand. And oh God, really? Yeah.
So, you know, he got canned and then decided to sue me. Oh my God. And so a suit like that, what does that end up costing you?
I mean, let me see, I don't know where to start.
It's in the millions, but the Trump photo scandal originally,
which was now seven years ago,
I had to get really, really good First Amendment attorneys.
In fact, my First Amendment attorney,
who actually just retired, is the real guy that Ed Norton played in the movie, The People vs. Larry Flint. No kidding.
The real guy, Alan Isaacman, was my First Amendment attorney until he just retired.
And the thing about the Trump photo is, you know, Trump was so upset that he got the attorney general
and the Department of Justice to investigate me.
So I was put on the no-fly list, the inter-pol list, the five-eyes list, which is a terror
watch list. And I was stopped at every airport. Well, I couldn't fly for a while. And I was
investigated. I was interrogated under oath. And the FBI was concurrently coming to my house a couple times a week to let me
know about what they call credible death threats. So it was weird. Two agencies within the DOJ,
the US Attorney's Office, who just arrested Diddy by the way, the US Attorney's Office
was coming after me as well as the Secret Service. And they were very seriously considering
charging me with conspiracy to assassinate
the President of the United States.
So that whole shebang, besides putting me out of work
for six and a half years,
that whole thing probably cost up about a million bucks
in legal fees, just to keep me going down.
And if you hadn't spent that money,
if you hadn't gone down that road,
you would just, they would have sued you or thrown you,
do you think you would have ended up in jail
if you didn't do all that?
Yeah, they wanted criminal charges
and they wanted a perp walk.
So they would call my lawyers every day
and they wanted me to go into,
they wanted me to go in the federal building in Westwood
and they wanted to get the chopper above
and get the footage of me going in with the plastic cuffs. And I was just determined not to do that because I had already
cleared the photo with my lawyer before I even posted it. Oh really? Yes. Look I've been doing
this a long time and pushing boundaries and getting in trouble with celebrities. I know the
Donald. I've known him for 30 years.
I don't know him well, but I was on The Apprentice twice as part of challenges. He paid me 50
grand one time to roast him at Bedminster. You know, I just thought he was like a harmless
buffoon. And yet he was very serious about, you know, making an example of me.
He basically activated the
Department of Justice.
Department of Justice, which is illegal for a president to do that.
They're not supposed to use it as their personal attack dog.
Correct.
And a lot of people talk about their First Amendment rights being violated, and yet they
don't understand what that truly means is when the government takes away your freedoms.
Because when CNN fired me, I didn't like it,
but it wasn't a violation of my First Amendment rights.
It's a private company, they can fire me whenever they want.
But I think Trump putting me on the no-fly list
and the terror watch list was a true violation
of my First Amendment rights.
I just didn't feel like spending the money to counter sue him.
Was there ever an organization like, uh...
ECLU said no.
ECLU said no.
Everybody said no because I do have money.
Right.
You're cursed.
I'm cursed with two things, man.
I'm telling you, I'm funny and I'm good with money and that's it.
I have no other skills, but I will say comedians out there, save your money for a rainy day because my rainy day came
and it was six and a half years long.
It poured.
It poured, thank God.
But wait, let me ask you that because when I hear about
how much you've spent on this,
she's got her beautiful little dog here.
I have my support dog, which is doing nothing
but like playing on your carpet.
She loves it.
She's having the time of her life.
So that's why you hear all the jingle jangle. Yeah. I apologize. So just about your money, because it is pretty amazing when
I think about you've spent this much in legal fees. Yeah. Your house, I mean, I've read some
articles about you before the podcast and your house is worth $8 million up in Malibu. I bought
it for 8.8. It's probably worth about 12.5 now.50 now, according to Zillow. But yeah, I paid cash. I have no debt.
The only thing I have is a car lease because I've had cars where after a few years they start to break down.
So I am still very good friends with Susie Arman, a member from CNP.
Hey girlfriend, denied! You can't afford it!
Don't fund your child's college!
When hurting is helping and helping is hurting.
Nobody's going to loan you money to retire.
Look, boyfriend, you cannot have that yacht no matter how much you want it.
Not today, not on my watch.
And so look, she's a very larger than life character, but she's the real deal.
She never steered me wrong.
And she said, if you can't
buy a house cash, then you can't afford it. Really? Which is heavy. Wait, so where did
you get $8 million? I save and save. I lived in a studio apartment for seven years in Santa
Monica, rent controlled. This is when you were on your way up. On my way up, I was in
the Groundlings comedy troupe. And my rent was $239 a month.
No shit.
And then I really made the brunt of my money from touring.
And so, you know, I've done 21 specials.
Yeah.
In the freaking Guinness Book of World Records.
And every one of those specials entailed a year or two
of being, well, a year of being on the road.
On the road, of course.
Well, one year I did four specials,
and then a couple of times I did two specials.
So I was just constantly on the road.
And so when that photo incident happened
and that was taken away, I just took an emotional dive.
I didn't know what to do with myself.
Yeah, so when you go on the road,
you're playing, I mean, you're playing Carnegie Hall.
Yeah, I just played the Wiltern last night.
In Boston?
No, no, here in Los Angeles.
Oh, I'm thinking of the Wilbur. Wiltern, yeah, okay. But I played the Wilbur many times. Yeah, I just played the Wiltern last night. In Boston? No, no here in Los Angeles. Oh, I'm thinking of the Wilbur. Wiltern, yeah, okay. I played the Wilbur many times. Yeah, yeah. And this time when I play Boston, I'm going to play Symphony Hall. Oh my god. Which is magical. It's a magical place. It is. You barely need a microphone. Yep. So. Jane Cook plays there. Well, he can play wherever he wants, especially in Boston. Boston is his play. That's his town.
I think he played Boston Guard at some point.
But when you go out on the road, I notice you'll go out for like two or three nights
in a row, sometimes one night and back and forth.
And it's all private jet, right?
Yeah.
The one thing that's...
How do you clear any money if you're spending all this on private jets?
You know what?
That's what I worked all the years for.
Look, I'm 63 now and I know it's obnoxious.
But yes, I fly private.
Oh my god.
And I'm not blaming everything on the Trump photo.
But I will say, I did have many confrontations in airports.
And many angry Trumpers feel compelled
to come up to me, physically push me, get in my face.
You know, and that was happening a lot.
And so that's one of the reasons.
But also I just thought, you know, that's what I want to do with my savings.
It's like, I got the house.
I love touring.
I'm probably losing money on this current tour.
But you think you're losing money?
Probably because I'm flying private.
I mean, those jets are insanely expensive.
You don't own a jet.
You just lease it every time.
Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy one at this point?
You know, I'm like on the bubble about that.
Ask Suzy.
I'm going to have, oh, I would never make a move
without asking her.
You literally call Suzy Ormond personally
and ask her questions.
Not only that, I've actually put her in touch
with other people.
She'll spot somebody, and she'll say something like,
are you friends with that figure skater, Johnny Weir?
And I'm like, of course I am.
And she's like, I don't, I worry about his money.
He has very flamboyant clothing and I want to make sure he can afford it.
And so I put them in touch.
I put Susie in touch with the singer Sia, who's very good with money.
But we can always use a little Susie help. And Susie actually does it for the love of
the game.
I want to talk to her. I think I'm in good shape. I've always lived, I was smart enough
to buy a house 22 years ago in Venice.
Oh yes!
And that's like my...
You can live there forever. Don't ever sell it.
Yep.
Don't ever sell it.
I never lease cars. that's a foolish move.
I don't know why you're leasing a car.
You should buy a car that's three years old.
I just bought a three-year-old Mustang.
Okay.
My last car was a Prius.
I had it for 12 or 13 years.
But are you a car guy at all?
Like, I don't know anything.
This is the first time I've been a car guy.
So you kind of know, if you go to a mechanic,
you know if they're bullshitting you or not.
Yes. See, I or not. Yes.
See, I don't.
Okay.
So I know.
So the lease is like locked down.
Yeah, because then they come to the house and they fix it there.
And it does usually in three years, you don't have to do it.
They come to the house and fix it there.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Because I used to just get Mazas because I'm a little bit of a car gay.
I'm a little bit of a gay guy who's into cars.
And so I had Maseratis for years.
Did you really?
Oh man, those are fun to drive.
Stick shift or automatic?
Automatic.
That's a crime.
I know it is.
But you know what?
We're not in Italy.
If I was in Italy, I would do stick shift.
But I love those Mazas.
I'll go one after.
So I bought one and I had it for 12 years. And
the thing is once they start to need work, everything's like 5000, 15,000. Oh, a tune
up must be thousands. It's thousands. It's thousands. And so that's the one thing I did
get permission from Suzy to lease. And so I now have an electric Porsche Taycan, which
I absolutely love. Wow. I'm a big electric car fan. I think the myth that there aren't charging stations is just that.
It's never happened to me where I ran out of a charge.
I plug it in every night when I go home.
I live in Malibu, so I do a lot of long distance driving.
If you don't know Los Angeles, Malibu is like a separate state.
But it's great on the shorter.
And it's traffic all the time.
Traffic constantly on Pacific Coast Highway.
But I do love it and it is worth it.
And you know, it's fun for me as a gay man to live two blocks from Barbra Streisand.
That is worth the price of the house.
And you're working on her book, her audio book.
Have you finished it yet?
Look, that's a commitment.
I haven't finished yet.
50 hours or something?
That's what I do on the jet.
That's what I do. I listen and her book is so unintentionally hilarious because she has no sense
of humor about herself. And she can't stand singing. She talks about how she just like,
really like she's like, oh, I have to sing. And then one time they wanted me to sing and then I
had to sing. But she describes every meal she's ever had
in her life in detail.
And I just find it calming.
Yeah, I could see that.
Yeah.
Yeah, she babs.
Although she does not care for my jokes about her.
Like when I see her occasionally run into her,
I am scared of her.
Oh, so there's no interaction.
No, no, we've had good ones and bad ones.
Like one time I went up to her and I just said,
Barbara, look, don't sing tonight.
I don't feel like, you know, this is a dinner party.
Just behave.
I know you want to sing people.
We've already, and like one time she laughed.
But usually she just kind of rolls her eyes and walks away.
Really?
Oh, she's hardcore.
Wow.
She's tough.
She's tough.
But I love her.
I can't help it.
But you're a gay man.
Yes, I worship her. Oh my God. When did you're a gay man, of course you love her. Yes, I worship her.
Oh my God, when did you become a gay man?
When did you start aligning all your interests?
It was like kindergarten, I swear to God,
I knew that gay kid in kindergarten.
His name was Brian, and the teacher put us together,
and he was shy, and I was obnoxious,
and that relationship still lives in many forms.
Wow.
And I finally got the lesbians.
And let me tell you, that took time.
Yeah, the lesbians.
Lesbians are tough.
They don't laugh at the same stuff as gay guys.
And they're very like politically conscious.
And I think the more political I got,
which was kind of accidental.
And then finally the lesbians came along.
But you know, they don't like a late showtime.
They've got the strollers, they've got seven kids with five different women, and they are in bed by eight.
Yeah, I have found that lesbians in the crowd, when I see them, it's like being an elk in the
wild and there's a lion and I see it and like the lesbians are looking at me because look I'm a very challenge
well I'm a cis white male right and I represent I represent something they're they're looking to
not like me yeah and I have been a friend of the lesbian I mean my my spiritual you gotta keep
restating it yes yes I drive I drove a Subaru Legacy Outback for a long time the official
vehicle my godmothermother is lesbian,
and she's been my spiritual mentor my whole life.
Checked, box checked.
My next door neighbor, Michelle, is a veterinarian.
She surfs with all my friends.
That's like a dream lesbian.
I mean, come on.
A veterinarian and surfer?
Yes.
And could she kick your ass?
Like if it came down to fisticuffs?
Absolutely.
Okay, it's good to know your place with lesbians.
She invited us to a party one night
and we walked in and we got there late
and it was my sister,
my sister's married to a very conservative,
button down kind of guy.
And we walked into this party at her house
and it was all lesbians with,
they had their shirts off,
they were dancing in bras.
Cargo shorts.
The cargo shorts.
The Bergen style, yeah.
And we walk in and the door opens and we walk in
and they see us and it's like the needle scratches
and then one woman yells from the other side of the room,
breeders!
And then they all celebrate.
Yeah!
My brother-in-law is dancing with them.
Oh, you got in.
Yeah, we got in. You got in. Yeah, we got in.
You got in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you admitted you were a breeder.
That's right.
You admitted that you know who you are
and you knew you were lucky to be in their presence.
And that's all they asked.
It was the best party I've been to in years.
And they'll fix your car like that.
Fix the car.
Put the hood up, let's take a look.
Yep, yep.
Yeah, I like the lesbians.
But then also you were good friends with Kevin Meany, I remember.
You guys...
I slept with Kevin Meany.
Multiple times.
Whoa!
Yes.
You went so far in your love for gays that you made love to a gay?
I'm such an un-soul hag.
And you know, we don't say it anymore, but there's a word that rhymes with hag.
And of course that was my nickname, lovingly.
But I have to tell you, Kevin Meany was a homosexual,
and yet to this day,
one of the most fun boyfriends I ever had.
Kevin was so freaking funny.
He had Dodger season tickets,
so we would go to Dodger games all the time.
And I do remember one time we were having sex and I remember this is maybe I hint that
he was gay.
He's like, can you hurry up please?
And I was like, I'm going as fast as I can.
Come on, I'm not a jackhammer.
But you know, I knew that there was a possibility he enjoyed the penis and I thought, you know
what, I'm going for it.
And I did.
So you're that sexy.
Yeah.
And powerful as a woman.
I can bang a gay dude multiple times.
How was the sex?
Eh.
Yeah.
And I say that because, you know,
he had to, you know, really do a lot of,
I'm sure he did a lot of visualizing
Yes.
of a guy from who knows what.
He was not looking you in the eye at any point.
Not really, not really.
But still fun, still fun.
The most fun, he was one of my dearest friends.
I just love him.
Oh my God, and you talk about funny.
I honestly believe I've never seen anybody,
these young comics, see him at a show,
oh dude, you crushed last night.
No, no.
No, you don't know what crushing is.
Kevin Meany.
Crushing is Kevin Meany.
Crushed.
Crushed.
Crushed. Like people couldn't breathe. He was so freaking funny.
The entire crowd could not breathe.
Naturally funny. Offstage, John, like he really could turn, and you know, was closeted for
a while because believe it or not, he was like very Catholic.
Yes.
So he took his Catholicism seriously
while having sex with me.
And yet eventually I am very glad that he came out.
But I am proud that yes,
I did sleep with Kevin several times.
God, put that on your headstone.
It's on there.
He drove a Chrysler, he wore cardigans,
he was so good, the crew cut, the bow tie,
he was so conservative and so Catholic, but yet deviant.
I mean, he used to have these conversations where it was just everything that you're not
supposed to say.
Best.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
I know, I miss him.
Yeah, I know.
It's been eight years.
I just took his daughter to lunch when I was in New York two weeks ago.
Oh, tell her I said hi.
Yeah, I will.
And Mary Ann, I still talk to a lot, his wife.
Yeah.
And she was my babysitter growing up.
She lived next door to me.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, isn't that weird?
That goes deep, your relationship with Kevin.
Yeah, and he knew my dad, when he was 16, he knew my dad.
He used to be a waiter at, my dad belonged to a golf club.
Okay.
Kevin grew up one town over from me in New York.
And he used to wait at a golf club
that my father was a member at.
So how old were you guys when you met?
I was probably six.
Holy shit.
And he was 16.
And he used to bring me Coca-Cola's
when I sat at the pool.
You knew him your whole freaking life.
My whole life.
Wow, that's awesome.
And he mentored me and he was in my wedding party.
I was in his wedding party.
He came up to me one time after I bombed in Aspen and really not in a condescending way,
but was like, if you ever want to work on stuff, I think you've really got something
there.
You've got to hone it.
And it meant so much because I had seen him crush his way through the Aspen Comedy Fest,
which in those days could like kind of make or break you.
Yep. Yeah.
And it was also tough to do comedy at 10,000 feet
in front of industry that had just had connecting flights.
Yes.
And you know, and they're drunk.
A lot of near misses,
because that flight to Aspen from Denver is rocky.
Right. It's a little rocky.
And sometimes you make it to Denver and they go,
well, that second flight's canceled. So they put you in a shuttle van.
Take the bus.
Take the bus.
Take the bus.
They have two beers and now they're wasted.
I was on stage there and I saw a woman asleep in the crowd.
So I walked off stage and I walked up to her and I started talking to her and then I tapped
her on the shoulder and she woke up and she turned out to be the head of comedy at CBS.
Yes, nothing changed.
And she gave me a deal.
Wait, what?
She gave me a deal.
I made fun of her.
She was cool enough to be in on the joke,
laughed about it. That is amazing.
Why aren't there more people like that?
There are, you know, I mean.
That's what we need, the ones who are in on the joke.
There's a lot of executives that I have found over the years that were actually very cool.
I think the people that are a problem are the ones under them that are gunning for their
jobs because they are-
They're a little insecure.
They want the tops.
Remember, like the HBO jet was a big deal.
I never was on it.
Oh, what's that?
But the HBO jet would take the big stars to and from Aspen.
Oh, because it was the HBO comedy festival.
Yes.
Right.
And that was a big deal.
And I remember one time I had a manager,
I forgot his name, but I remember he was on the jet
and I wasn't and I fired him.
Cause I went, wait a minute, I'm the artist.
I should be on the jet.
Even then I was making enemies.
Even then.
Oh, that's hilarious.
And I haven't stopped.
Yeah, well, so you're launching this comeback, which it's more than launched. You're selling
out like big venues all around the country. And it is amazing because like-
Oh, by the way, venues that said we will never have terrorists Kathy Griffin again.
Like, you know, a lot of these places when the Trump thing happened, they felt compelled
to make statements. So I have to admit it's incredibly gratifying
to do any theater, whether it's a thousand theater,
or like I said, Carnegie Hall, which I'm not religious,
but I call it the church, because I think it's so special.
And I'll be playing it for my sixth time,
which is actually setting a record for the most times
that a single female comic has played Carnegie, not as part setting a record for the most times that a single female comic
has played Carnegie, not as part of a lineup or anything.
And the record was previously held by Joan Rivers.
Joan Rivers, of course.
My mentor.
Who I miss every day.
Oh my God, she was something else.
She was the best.
You keep in touch with Melissa?
Yeah.
She's dynamite, right?
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I just-
And she's good with business,
and she's given the QVC stuff up, which Joan loved.
So it's great.
Yeah.
I mean, you were the heir apparent to that whole world.
And it's rare- She helped me so much.
I was just gonna say, it's very rare to see somebody who,
it's Sunset Boulevard, and yet she was kind to you.
Yeah, she was kind.
And I will admit, it was sometimes hard to work with her like
she did My Life on the D-List and you know we do stuff together every so often but I
was, I don't know if you have this with anybody but I was such a fan that I would find myself
watching her when we were working together and laughing instead of focusing on like then
my story being funny or whatever.
Did you ever have anybody like that?
Yeah, probably Kevin Meaney.
Yeah.
I mean, because when I started watching him do stand-up, I was in college and I had seen
him on his HBO special.
He was a different Kevin than the guy that was getting me cokes.
Now this was a guy that was like making Johnny Carson put his head on the desk and pound
it and I was just like, this guy is the great. And so I never, as much as he was my dear friend,
he was never not my favorite comedian.
And I was never not a little bit like, in awe.
Oh yeah, and I never ever obviously saw Joan
as my equal or anything.
And it was also very much she was my mentor and stuff,
but man, we will get together and just talk shit.
Talk shit about everybody.
And I'd cry on her shoulder
and she would talk about the executives
and she'd say, movable heads.
You take the head off one, you put it on the,
they're all the same, they're all the same.
But she was, the work ethic was nuts.
But you got that from her too.
It's not just the terrain
that you guys were covering with your comedy,
but it's that like diligence. Keep grinding, keep grinding. It's not just the terrain that you guys were covering with your comedy, but it's that like
diligent.
Keep grinding.
Like I just did the Will-Turn.
I didn't quite sell out, but man, I was grinding every freaking ticket.
And like Carnegie isn't sold out yet.
And so I'm obsessing about like, gotta get there, gotta get there.
I will do anything.
I'll walk down the street in a bikini.
I'll walk down the street in a sandwich board, whatever it takes. And yeah, she was a big
influence in that area.
So there's two TV shows that are loosely based on Joan Rivers. There's Hacks and then there's
Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Which one do you think captures her better?
You know, they both do in different ways. Actually, simply Maisel in the early part
of Joan's career because she told me the story,
which you probably know about the one time she-
Lenny Bruce.
And Lenny Bruce saw her bomb,
which I can't imagine, but saw her bomb,
and then wrote a note and left it backstage
and said, simply, you were right, they were wrong.
And that meant so much to her.
So that was similar to Maisel,
but the way the Jean Smart character is much
more similar to the Joan that I knew older with the beautiful home and the designer and
you know, the not anymore, but she would have done the furs back in the day. And you know,
a lot of people didn't know Joan was incredibly well read, intelligent, saw every single Broadway and off-Broadway show ever,
read every book, and she rolled with a baller crowd.
She would go on vacations with freaking Judge Judy,
who has more money than God.
Judge fucking Judy.
So much money, it is ridiculous.
And they would go on vacation.
Yeah, because syndication money. Oh, that is ownership.
That's like Maury Povich money.
Yeah.
And that's what you want.
You want Maury Povich money.
Maury Povich, I had lunch with him one time.
I kind of court these people in a way
because I want to learn from them.
So I got his email or something.
And I said, can I take you out to dinner?
And I said, I want to do a bit, if you'd let me,
I wanna go on the show in the audience in a disguise
because the front row gets really involved
in are you the daddy and stuff.
And he loved the idea, but we had dinner
and he flies in from like, he lives in like Butte, Montana,
one of these with like a hundred acres
and he's married to Connie Chong,
and she's buying the Birkin bags,
and he flies into Stanford, Connecticut once a week,
bangs out.
No kidding.
Oh yeah, bangs out 10 shows in two days,
flies home, talk about private.
Yeah.
And just counts his money.
I mean, he's doing it right.
Why in Connecticut if he lives in Montana?
That's just where they shoot it.
But it wasn't just him, there was a couple other syndicated shows.
Springer was there.
Then-member Springer's bodyguard had a show,
Steve Wilcox.
I don't even know which of those shows are still on.
But Maury is so loaded that he had ownership
of the Maury Povit Show,
and then he actually gave it back
because he was like,
it was a lot of accounting
and the money was about the same. My salary versus ownership. So I mean, I'm going to
guess Maury Povich, who some people may think is a bit of a joke. My guess is Maury is in
the neighborhood of about 400 million net worth. Sick money. Oh. And I'm obsessed with people like that.
Did you ever have syndication money?
No, but I do have ownership of Kathy Griffith,
My Life on the D-List.
And I own every one of my specials.
I noticed that because I looked at your website
and you can get the DVDs of all those seasons.
Yeah, I bought back my whole library
and it was so stupid because I thought the streamers would be lining up to buy it
for like nostalgic reasons.
Nobody wants it.
It's, I don't know what it's worth, maybe nothing,
but I thought ownership is what it's about.
And I just, the timing maybe didn't,
my feeling is when I croak, it's gonna go way up in value.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
Who gets your money?
I do Doctors Without Borders and Planned Parenthood. Oh yeah. Who gets your money? I'm, I do doctors without borders and
Planned Parenthood. Oh, so no relatives? Some relatives, yeah. But you know, I don't know,
I only have one brother left. You know, my parents are gone, all that stuff. So I only
have one niece. Does he have money? One nephew. Do they have money? Not like sick money. So
this would be mean something to them to get, throw them a few million each. But Orman says not till you croak. So I put, oh get this, I put Suzy Orman in touch with freaking
E. Jean Carroll. Who?
E. Jean Carroll, who won the $88.3 million judgment against Trump.
Oh, right.
The woman that he sexually assaulted in a freaking changing room at Bergdorf's.
And so E. Jean wants to give all the money away.
She wants to give it away to charities
that'll drive Trump crazy.
I mean, the idea is great, but Suzy gave her a smack down.
Now you listen to me, young lady.
You are 80 years of age.
Don't you want to still live in your home?
You don't want to not have enough money
to have someone live in a guest house nearby
that can take care of you.
And it was so funny because E. Jean is just badass.
She's 80 years young and she's fearless.
She was a writer on SNL back in the day.
She won an Emmy.
No, I didn't know that.
Yes.
She has worked for in her lifetime, Leslie Moonves, who she said used to jack off into
a potted plant. That is- What is it with potted plants? to jack off into a potted plant.
What is it with potted plants?
Jacking off into a potted plant.
Yeah.
I know.
She said it under oath in one of the trials.
And then she worked for Roger Ailes for a while.
And I mean, she survived a lot.
He harassed.
He got driven out of Fox News.
Yeah, got driven out.
Can you imagine getting driven out of Fox News?
That's a tough racket to get.
That's tough.
They're pretty locked down over there.
Yeah.
Pretty secure.
Well, I mean, what's amazing to me also is that like,
with the internet and you don't have a podcast
and I've talked to Jonathan, who I know.
First of all, you did it right.
You got in, when they say got in on the ground floor,
that expression, you, I tell people all the time.
I'm like, Greg Fick Simmons did it right.
He got in at the right time.
He stuck with it when everybody was like,
it's the Wild West.
We don't know what's gonna happen.
So.
Yeah, thank you.
Well done.
It is weird.
I look up sometimes and I go 14 years.
I've done it every week.
I love it.
God, you're so smart.
I love it.
But you need to do, I talked to Jonathan, who's your tour manager now, who is my dear
friend over from the Ellen Show.
And he's very upset that you're not doing YouTube videos.
And I told him, I promised him I would talk to you about
I'd love to.
Making some content.
This studio right here.
But is there any money in it nowadays?
I thought I was like.
The money is you wanna sell out the back row
of the Wiltern Theater?
That's what you do the videos for.
So you're saying it's basically a free commercial
for the tour. Exactly.
Well, you're right.
You come up with a funny concept.
Look, we've got this studio right here,
Green Lab Studios is at your disposal. Oh my God, you're so sweet You come up with a funny concept. Look, we've got this studio right here, Green Lab Studios, is at your disposal.
Oh my God, you're so sweet.
You see these cameras?
These are 6K cameras.
Yes, this is very professional, look at it.
We've got this new software that allows you
to put any background that you want to configure,
a castle, and it moves.
As you walk around it, it looks three-dimensional.
It's this brand new technology
that these guys are working on.
You just come up with, like I was thinking like, what if I'm in Congress introducing
new bills?
I come up with funny new bills.
I can walk through Congress.
I can walk past Marjorie Taylor Greene.
I can walk past natural policy.
You can storm the Capitol.
I could storm the Capitol.
So I think of a fun scenario you want to be in, and then you come in and you shoot five,
six, seven of them in a day.
Now, how long?
A minute.
Oh, I thought I had to do like an hour at a time.
One minute.
No, one minute, and then at the end of it, it stamps, Kathy Griffin, tickets available
for Carnegie Hall, selling out.
Too easy.
It's so easy, and's so easy. Really?
And Paul's the producer.
He holds your hand.
Yeah, I don't know how to do any of that stuff.
It's easy.
I can produce specials, but the YouTube world I know nothing about.
No, and the key is I've got an editor you work with and Paul records it.
We send it to the editor, chops it up, sends you a version.
You say-
You're sure the MAGA people wouldn't shut me down?
Seriously.
They can't. That's the thing about the internet.
They would take over the comments like you wouldn't believe.
That'd be the best thing that could happen.
Well it's happening on my TikTok honey.
If I do a TikTok live it's like a Trump rally.
Really?
I must be on everybody's like ding list.
When I go live on TikTok it is vicious.
Yeah.
Well this way, I mean I know people that put stuff out, big stars, and they go, I just don't look
at the comments.
The thing about the algorithm on Instagram is the more chatter, the more it raises it
up in the algorithm and pushes it out to more people.
All YouTube wants, all Instagram wants is eyeballs.
They don't care if it's angry or traffic.
So if you become part of that world,
all you gotta do is shoot it and walk away.
And you're sitting on your minutes.
Yeah, a minute.
I mean, you can do longer.
Am I looking in the camera and popping off?
You could be playing with your...
You could be in the corner talking to your dog
and behind you, you could have the Cannes
Film Festival and you could be saying, oh, look, it's Sophia Vergara and make jokes to
your dog about anything you want.
Now, can I then put on a ball gown and pretend like I'm walking the red carpet as well?
Yes, absolutely.
I've got a closet of ball gowns.
Nobody's lost more awards than me.
I've never had an award show I didn't watch.
And are you the same weight as those gowns?
I fit into every one of them.
And now they're called vintage.
My gowns are now vintage.
But you're not.
Well, no.
You're a legend and they're vintage.
Oh my god, you're killing me.
All right, I'm such a legend now.
Can you retie the string on my shirt? This is what it's come to, you're killing me. Yeah. All right, I'm such a legend now. Can you retie the string on my shirt?
This is what it's come to, you guys.
This is what it's come to.
I can't even tie a bow on my own shirt.
This is like.
Now, would this be an episode?
Well, no, I'm gonna tie your wrist together
and then we'll put the green screen up for you being
let out of the courthouse. Walked into the
federal building?
Yeah, the perp walk.
Yeah.
So, all right, so what else is going on in your life?
I know you had a divorce.
I'm very sorry. I know it's an ugly divorce.
It's so, I'm just gonna be honest, I'm heartbroken.
I'm heartbroken.
I wish I could sit here and like say,
I don't care or water off a duck's back or whatever,
but I thought I was gonna be with this guy forever.
So-
How long had you been together?
12 years.
Yeah.
And it kind of went down on December 23rd.
So on Christmas Eve.
Yeah.
On Christmas Eve, I'm calling divorce attorneys,
seeing who's answering.
And so we had a prenup, obviously.
You know me, I'm gonna have a prenup.
Yeah, Susie would have insisted.
She was there for the whole thing.
Yeah. And it would have insisted. She was there for the whole thing.
And you know, it's really difficult.
So at some point I would like to date again,
but who's gonna date a 63 year old comic?
A chick comic?
Yeah, I don't know, but I think there's plenty.
I think there's plenty.
What am I gonna do, go on the apps?
I wouldn't even know.
Go on Grindr, get a gay guy.
Yes, I've slept with gay guys, I can do it again.
You know all the tricks.
Yes.
Just stick your finger in their ass.
Yes, I just tell them, go ahead and picture somebody for One Direction or something.
I don't take it personally.
That's what we'll use the green screen for.
Right.
They can just put beautiful men.
Gorgeous hot guy.
Yeah.
I just played P-Town and that is the gay Mecca.
It is.
So I could do like concerts where P-Town and that is the gay Mecca. It is. So I could do like concerts
where P-Town is in the background.
Yeah.
And then, you know, it's a show every day.
I think you could do...
What's the most, I actually don't know this for myself.
What's the most, the highest number of shows you've done
in a one year span?
Of the podcast?
No, of live shows.
Oh.
In your whole life.
Well, I would say when I first started, like when I'd been doing it like three or four
years because you know when you start you just want to get a spot.
Time.
You'll take 10 minutes anywhere.
And then when you get to the point, maybe like I guess when I moved to New York, I'd
been doing it about five or six years.
I started in Boston.
By the way, just pause.
Why is that such a mecca for our little clique?
Isn't it crazy?
Like, our little group, we know so many.
David Cross is from Boston.
I think I picked David up from the airport the day he moved here.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
And we spent his first, not night, but evening together. And I remember
we took a homeless guy to the ER like Cedar Sinai. And that was David's first. Did he need to go?
Yeah. And that was David's first night. And I remember, because I was good friends with
Jeanne Garofalo. And she said, can you look after my friend David, who's just moving here from Boston?
But I think Bobcat Goldthwaite did like a
Boston stop. It seemed like it was San Francisco, Boston, LA.
Well, Kevin did that route. And no, when I started, the guys that I was in the trenches
with trying to get spots, Mark Maron, David Cross, Bill Burr, Joe Rogan, Bobby Kelly, Patrice O'Neill, Dane Cook.
It goes on and on.
And then Sarah Silverman was kind of part of that group
a little bit.
She was back and forth.
She was in the Boston posse.
Yeah, Janine was around, Laura Keitlinger was around.
And that doesn't include like the legends in Boston,
like Don Gavin and Steve Sweeney.
I'm sure you know those guys that are the big,
they have been and will always be the biggest headliners.
Did you, or were you too high and mighty?
Did you ever play the Chinese restaurant?
Oh yeah, yeah.
I mean- Not the Ding Ho.
No, the Ding Ho was the original one.
That was before my time.
Okay.
Can you explain to the listeners what that is?
Cause the Young Comics think I'm making it up,
describe that you kind of stood on like a Costco table
and then there was a banner underneath it
advertising the specials.
Oh, again, I wasn't there.
I know there was a lot of cocaine and the famous story,
but if you want to know more about it, there's a film.
Do you know Fran Salamita?
He's a guy who was a Boston comic.
He became like a network executive,
but he produced a documentary called
When Stand-Up Stood Out, and it's about that time.
I wanna see it.
Yeah, it's about Steven Wright coming up.
Oh, love him.
And what happened was the scene,
this predated comedy clubs, the Ding Ho was around
as the first clubs were opening, like the Improv.
Now was it in Worcester?
No, I think it was in Cambridge.
Okay.
And so-
Oh, and Jonathan Katz is also a Boston-
Yes, Jonathan Katz was part of that.
If you were playing Boston,
you could do the Jonathan Katz cartoon show.
Yeah, Dr. Katz.
Dr. Katz.
And so these guys would go up and they would do blow,
and everybody got paid in cash.
Nobody paid any taxes.
They all have problems with the IRS now.
And so Jim McCauley from the Tonight Show,
and that was Jim McCauley,
it was somebody from the Tonight Show,
heard about this scene.
And they were starting to book more comedians
for the Tonight Show.
So the guy said,
let me take a trip out to Boston and see what's going on.
Checks into his hotel, goes to the club,
and he sees one guy get up, and white powder on his nose,
and he's doing jokes about,
he has the East Boston accents like this,
and what's going on with the fucking socks this season?
Like nothing you could use on this tonight.
Cursing, but they're killing.
They're all killing.
The crowd's going crazy.
It's local stuff, it's specific.
And then Steven Wright, who had to beg to get on, gets up there and he does his absurd
dry, does okay, doesn't do great, and gets a call the next day, pack your bags, fly out,
you're doing the tonight show next week.
And they're all going like, what the fuck is going on here?
So different, because he had that cadence, has that cadence that nobody else had.
Right.
And it was perfect for TV.
Yeah.
So he did his first one and it went so well, Johnny told him, could you stay for next week?
And he ended up doing like six in his first year.
And then he was off and running.
Off and running.
Off and running.
But still lives in Boston.
Love it.
Yeah.
And still Jonathan Katz.
Jonathan Katz still lives there.
Tony V still lives there.
There's a bunch of those guys that said,
you know what, why do I want to go do what Kathy Griffin did
and live in a studio and struggle when I can live here
and like make cash and do blow and get laid?
And remember I was also teaching at the Ground Link.
So I started out as an improviser.
I didn't even do stand-up till I was 36.
Like kidding.
Really a late bloomer.
Wow.
So my dream was to be a sidekick.
But did you do storytelling?
Yes.
I never did jokes.
I always, obviously to this day,
if you said, tell me a joke, I probably couldn't do it.
I could tell you a 17 minute story about Sharon Stone,
but I don't know if I could give you like a great one-liner.
Right.
And so I really struggled in the clubs.
And when I was in Boston,
I definitely had my, probably my worst bombing there
because I played one club that had a diner
and I was bombing so bad that by Saturday,
when I was doing three shows on Saturday,
they replaced me wisely with a naughty hypnotist.
Yeah, Frank Santos.
Yes, and his closer is he would get a woman to give a blowjob to a banana. Yep. Yeah, Frank Santos. Yes, and his closer is he would get a woman
to give a blowjob to a banana.
Yep, that's Frank Santos.
And I watched that and thought, I'm through.
I can't top that.
And so I got demoted to the diner
and people are having tuna melts and French fries.
Oh my God.
But I gotta say, there was a table of gay guys there
and they were laughing.
And so I kind of enjoyed the D-list even in those days
during the diner.
I followed my gays at the freaking diner
while the other guys getting the blow job to the banana,
which was killing.
He used to kill.
Women would take their shirts off.
They would blow the banana.
Guys would like dance like Madonna on stage.
Like tough Boston guys. He'd get would like dance like Madonna on stage, like tough Boston guys,
he'd get them to dance like Madonna.
And do you think you could ever be hypnotized?
I think so. I meditate. I'm really good at meditating.
I don't think I can, but I don't know why. I would like to be hypnotized because like
if it can like stop a bad habit or something, but what do you think it is that makes somebody
hypnotizable or not?
I think if you can dream, like some people don't dream. I think if you're a dream, like I'm a deep
dreamer. So I think I can go into whatever is that, I don't know if that's your REM or whatever cycle
your brain goes to. If you can access that, like when I meditate, I go away. I just melt into my body.
How? All I do is think about how I'm not doing it properly.
You gotta keep doing it.
You have to-
So do you have to have like the dark room, a candle?
What are you saying to me?
I put on noise canceling headphones.
I sit in, that doesn't have a pitch black room,
but a dark, no bright lights.
How long?
20 minutes.
Interesting.
Well, 21.
I set it for 21.
Do you have an app? it takes me a minute.
Do you have an app?
No app.
I do TM, which is where you really go and you study.
Transcendental?
Transcendental meditation, where you go and they, you know, it's like a week-long seminar
where they teach you how to do it and then you can always go back and tune up.
And it's real simple.
You just observe that you're thinking a lot.
You got to say, you got gotta stand back and not judge it.
Just observe it.
My mind races when I try.
Well, then you're the perfect person to do it.
Oh, I didn't do this today and I tried.
I know, but everyone I know who does it
loves it and swears by it.
It's like taking up.
I'm in AA and that's a big part of it is meditation.
Yes.
That's great.
Yeah, that's a big part of AA is finding ways of just being present, you know, mindfulness.
Yeah.
And do you do mindfulness in other ways? Do you try to be mindful?
Okay. This is going to sound like I'm making a joke, but I had, I've had a rough few years.
So in addition to becoming addicted to prescription pills at the age of 57,
after the Trump thing, which is just funny to become a junkie at 57.
I would like a prize.
And then I got sober, which was great.
And then a year later I got diagnosed with lung cancer, even though I never smoked.
So I had to have half of my left lung removed.
But the worst part was during the surgery, they paralyzed my left
vocal cord permanently.
So for about three years, I literally had a full set of this.
I remember that.
I remember seeing you.
Which really messed with my head.
Like once again, emotional plummet.
And sure enough, this is just, I mean, I think it's only been eight weeks maybe.
I actually have an implant in my left vocal cord
and I feel like I got my life back.
Well, you sound great.
I sound like myself.
Yeah, you do.
And as a comic, to be able to go out and yell at the city,
hello Los Angeles!
Because I was doing shows with The Voice
and I had a special microphone and the whole thing.
But you know, it's a lot to ask of the audience.
Like, if you guys don't get over it, you can't you know, it's a lot to ask of the audience. Like if you guys get over it, you get two impressions. It's limiting. So I'm telling you, I got
this implant and to me it's like a miracle of modern science.
Did you get breast implants as well?
No, I never did that. My boobs are real and they're like hacky sacks. I can throw it
on my shoulder. I'm sitting on one of them. I don't know why because I've had faceless
and stuff. It doesn't seem on one of them. I don't know why, cause I've had faceless and stuff.
It doesn't seem on brand for you.
It seems on brand to get some.
I know, you think I would.
But I'm like too sensitive or something.
I heard they take your nipple off.
No, I don't know.
Where do they put it?
And then what, they stuff a bag in?
Like I'll do a lot of stuff,
but I don't know why that's the one that's gonna be.
And I got half a lung.
I'm down half a lung, honey.
Yeah. You think it's the one that's good for you. And I got half a lung. I'm down half a lung, honey. Yeah.
You think it's the secondhand smoke
that you inhaled in the clubs all those years?
You know, the surgeon asked me that and I don't know.
Also, you know, the time growing up in the freaking 70s.
Did your parents smoke?
My parents smoked and also the DDT truck
would come through the neighborhood
and I swear I'm not making
this up. And my mom would be like, kids, the DDT truck is coming, which is the pesticides.
And the kids from the neighborhood would run behind it while all the white smoke is coming
out and we would dance and go, I'm dancing in a cloud. I'm in a cloud. And my mother, God love her, she enjoyed the
drink and she'd be like, kids, come on down. And we would all go dance in pesticides.
So there you go. Oh my God, that sounds like a Kevin Meany bit. It does, but it was real.
And we just loved dancing in pesticides. Yeah. maybe that's the name of the next memoir.
Yeah, dancing and pesticides.
It's kind of close to how I feel sometimes.
That's pretty good.
I'm going to meditate about that.
I want you to meditate.
And what about your exercise regimen?
Oh, I'm ridiculous.
I do a two-hour walk per day.
I'm crazy that way.
I listen to a podcast, sometimes music. I do Pilates twice a week and I just swear by both
of them. Wow. Two hours a day. Two hours. That's what I love about living in Malibu. I have a
certain little trail that I do from my house to the water and that's kind of my reward is when I
get to the water. And I, you know, I'm from Chicago so I can't believe that I get to live in Malibu.
That's crazy to me.
And then I get to look at the Pacific Ocean every day.
I don't live on the beach, but I can see, you know,
have a nice view.
And that walk is a lifesaver,
because without that walk, I'll go mental like real fast.
So it just kind of gets me out of my head.
And it's not meditation,
but it's as close as I come to meditate.
No, that's mindfulness. Absolutely.
I mean, I think reading, I think is meditative.
Do you read?
No, I listen, like the Barbara book.
I like listening to the author
because I feel like I get a little more out of the book
because it's sort of their take.
I listen to audio books. I got a great one for you.
What is it?
Well, it's about Robert Moses.
He was the guy who was basically the
architect of New York going back to like in the 20s through the 60s. He was the, I forget what
the title was, but he had the purse strings for the parks, the highways, everything in New York.
So he literally built, you know, the LIE, the West Side Highway, the Triborough Bridge, he built all of that.
The Brooklyn Bridge, the Manhattan Bridge.
Well, Brooklyn was before him.
But yeah, but so he based...
Why does his story fascinate you so much?
Well, because it's called the power broker.
And I think it's called the power broker.
Or is that the one about Johnson?
Anyway, he basically had more
power than all, there were mayors for 40 years and he had more power than all of them because
there was so much money in funding. And so he had, even Tammany Hall bowed down to this
guy Robert Moses. It's just an exercise in like, I love, I mean, I think it's why we-
Who has real power and who has fake power?
That's why we love mob movies and Goodfellas.
We love to see-
Have you watched the David Chase one yet?
What is it?
I think it's called Wiseguy.
Oh, really?
The guy who created the Sopranos.
I haven't seen it yet, but I heard it's really good.
I never met a documentary I didn't love.
In fact, it's almost exclusively what I watch.
I'm not up on TV shows. I'm really bad about sitcoms because, you know,
I make fun of TV so much in my act
that you can't make fun of a show that's already funny.
So I still watch a lot of really crappy reality.
But I love, I actually kind of don't like sports,
but I've watched every 30 for 30.
I think they're amazing.
I mean, the first one I saw was called Broke
and it was about ironically, all of these guys,
like Andre Risen and all these guys
and how they lost their money.
And, you know, I just find that fascinating.
I like the drama of sports, but I don't like sports,
but I will watch a doc about anything.
I love them.
Well, speaking of reality shows, I don't even know if you remember this, but I used to write
on Cathy's So Called Reality.
Do you remember that one?
Cathy's So Called Reality.
What channel was that on?
MTV.
So I had been on a sitcom on NBC with Brooke Shields for four years.
Just, no, suddenly Susan.
Suddenly Susan.
Let me tell you, it was like a very vanilla show, obviously.
Yeah.
But behind the scenes, it was just nuts. She was with
Andre Agassi at the height of his Agassi-ness. And that was crazy when he would come to set.
And then all the executives would be pissing their pants because straight guys lose it around
champion athletes. And Donald Trump was a guest star. Like that actually might be how I met him originally.
And he was such a tool, but it was just so crazy.
Like when I talk to young comedians,
I always say like, you can't understand the nineties
and the two thousands unless you went through them.
It was just such a weird time for comedy.
And standup, I think was kind of vicious.
Like, I don't know about you, but I remember the 90s,
they wanted hardcore roasting,
like life ruining roast jokes.
And so-
You mean standups on stage?
Yes.
And so my bread and butter was luckily
because I was on a sitcom, I got to do an HBO special.
And I asked the head of HBO at the time, Chris Albrecht,
I said, out of anybody,
why did you pick me? And he goes, because you are on a sitcom and you're a woman and
we have to do one woman a year. I'm like, yay, I'm it. And so, you know, I would talk
about what would happen on the set of that show. And sometimes Brooke Shields would not
be so happy about that. But, you know But I started really being immersed in the celebrity world.
And that's really how I kind of started that whole thing
about just talking about my own run-ins
with various celebrities and who was naughty
and who was nice, and I'm still doing it.
So how much of that also came out?
Your early standup was like Beth Lapidus on Cabaret.
Yes, on Cabaret.
Were those the first places?
Bob Odenkirk.
Like I said, Jeannine Garofalo really held my hand a lot.
The late great Judy Tolle.
And she went on to become a writer on Sex and the City.
And she would take me around to the clubs.
And then she'd say, okay, you don't really tell jokes.
And so I got together with Judy and Jeannine,
and we would go to coffee shops and say,
Hey, can we have a night? And so like there was one on Beverly and we would do
a show and like Jeanine was dating Colin Quinn at the time and then he would show
up and do a few minutes. And so I kind of cut my teeth going to non comedy
venues saying, can you, you know, let us do a show here
and wouldn't do it for any money?
And then when I was in the Groundlings Improv Group,
there was a loophole in the Constitution that I found
where if you are a Groundling company member
in good standing, which I was,
and there was a night when the theater was dormant,
you could have it for free.
So then I started a show there called A Hot Cup of Talk, and it would be four comics,
and I'd bring out a cooking timer.
And everybody had 15 minutes, and when that bell went off, you just had to say goodbye.
Because I was so convinced, industry would never stay more than an hour.
So it would be like Jeanine, Dana Gould, myself, Margaret Cho, maybe Taylor
Negron. And it was just story formatting. And then sometimes I would put somebody that
wasn't a comic like Lisa Kudrow from Friends, would just tell a story. Or Quentin Tarantino,
who I was dating, but everybody was dating him at that time. And he would just come and
tell a story. And so I tried to see where I could go
that would allow more of a storytelling format. And I don't know if I have ever had a good set at
the Melrose Improv. I'm telling you, I look at Club Comics and awe. I just to this day,
I just, I don't know, like it just makes me shake. Mm. Yeah, I just sounded like Michael Barbera out there.
I went, mm.
Do you listen to The Daily?
Yeah.
It makes me great.
Mm.
Yeah.
Mm.
Well, club comedy's different.
It's kind of like a sprinter versus somebody
who can run a marathon, you know, the timing and the-
Dana could do both.
Dana Gold would be able to go back and forth, which was really impressive to me.
So he could do like the story night and then go kill at a club.
Margaret Show could do both to this day.
She's touring like a beast.
And that skill in there either.
Pat and Oswald could do both.
You know, I mean, all those guys.
And, you know, I think about all the shows that we pitched back in the day
that I can't believe people didn't buy.
Like just, like I said, young Bob Odenkirk, young David Cross, young whoever.
And we would go and I was always pitching to everybody
and I look back on some of those and I'm like, how did you pass that up?
Because so many of these people went on to be so big.
Although-
Or they shot pilots that didn't get picked up.
And I still think there should be a channel
that just shows unpicked up pilots.
Absolutely.
I think Conan O'Brien tried to do that for a while.
And I think he would show clips of pilots
that he had worked on at maybe at some point,
even prior to his talk show possibly.
But you're right, there should be a channel just for pilots.
Wait, so let's go back to your show, Kathy's So-called Reality, because that was a lot of fun.
I think it was Mike Dugan was the showrunner.
Mike Dugan was the showrunner, and we would recap reality shows.
Yes.
It was ahead of its time.
It was ahead of its time. Literally, reality shows were, this was the first wave of reality shows.
The first one of Survivor.
Yes.
And then we would get a contestant
that had been on the reality show
who had been voted off the island
or kicked off or whatever.
And I remember I had my mom and dad on the show.
That's right.
I had my makeup girl on the show.
I had the production assistant
from Suddenly Susan come on the show.
Cause I love, obviously,
making real people that are naturally funny but not actors and seeing if they can be funny
and be themselves on camera.
And it was really fun mixing those personalities up and just talking smack about reality shows.
And I think that's Anderson Cooper.
I think that's where you met him, right?
That's where I met Anderson Cooper. You're right.
And we did a fake award show called The Reelys.
Yes!
Yes, The Reelys.
And so he got a Reely,
which I'm sure he cherishes to this day.
But you know, at the time,
he was like such a straight news guy
and such a curious- I know!
I couldn't believe he was doing it.
It was crazy.
It's because he was hosting The Mole.
Remember The Mole?
Oh, that's right.
So he was host of The Mole,
so that's how we got him. Yeah. I know. And you guys just hit it off. It was like magic. I saw it right out of the mole. Remember the mole? So he was host of the mole. So that's how we got him. Yeah. Yeah. And you guys just hit it off. It was like magic. I saw it right out of the gate.
Yep. Right from the jump. Yeah. And I remember-
And we met my mom right from the jump. And believe it or not, this is going to sound like
I'm going to make it up. I was really, I became very close with his mother,
the late great Gloria van Vilt. No, you didn't.
I know that sounds like I'm making it up. I would go to her apartment, I'm Beekman,
and I'm telling you, she'd be like in her painting studio
and she would say shit like,
I fucked hot Brando, not fat Brando.
Like, she would spill and talk about her wild days
with Una Chaplin of Charlie Chaplin's Wife
and like just the Hollywood story she had.
I was just in love with her. She was just the best. That's so cool. She spilled. She didn't give a
fuck. She just spilled. It was still classy and she would have these dinner parties of people I
would never get to meet. And to this day, I carry on this tradition. You got, I got to have one for
you. I have these, I call them salons and I have
either a lunch or dinner and there's always a guest of honor because Gloria Vanderbilt
taught me if there's a guest of honor, the other guests behave better. And it's true.
So I just had one for Ron Fungis who I think is so funny.
He sat in that chair recently.
Yeah, yeah. And he's such a funny guy. And I worked with him on a failed pilot.
But he's so funny.
And we just had a blast.
It was just a couple of nights ago.
And that's something I actually think could live on YouTube.
That party was a lot.
It was 12 people.
That's the max I could have at the table.
But the rules, I'm really strict.
No phones allowed at the table.
And only one person can talk at a time.
So that way, you get to hear every single person's
point of view, and of course I call on the introverts,
and I sit an introvert next to an extrovert,
and all that other stuff.
But these, like when I was canceled all those years,
those salon parties kept me going.
And it's just the art of conversation.
And it's just people being real,
and sometimes they're humorous,
and sometimes they're vulnerable.
But it's all about, you kind of cast the table.
How long does it last?
They usually go three to four hours.
And the very first one I did,
you're not gonna believe this,
you wanna hear the guest of honor?
Sidney Poitier.
No way!
So the table was Rickles and Barbara. And Rickles made Sidney laugh like more than anything.
And I hired the chef that Sidney liked and his friends told me he wanted a bland turkey
breast. And I did the menu for him and stuff.
And I had two for the great Sidney Poitier.
Oh my God.
Isn't that nuts?
That's incredible.
And I would just give him shit
because Rickles would say anything to him.
And I would say, Sidney, enough with your Medal of Freedom.
Did you bring the Medal of Freedom?
It's embarrassing.
We get it.
And he would just look at me and go, you make me laugh.
And I still can't even believe it to this day.
How did you meet him?
I met him through freaking Suzanne Summers.
Suzanne Summers knew everybody.
You know why?
Because she had so much money from the Thighmaster.
She never needed anything from anybody.
So all the stars knew.
She was never going to hit them up for a gig,
or can I have a little bit of your star. She had so much freaking money that she didn't give a shit
about that. And I thought that was fascinating. And so she taught me that lesson. If you have
enough money, then people won't think you're using them for their money. And believe it or not,
Hollywood is such a shallow city. that's turned out to be true.
People know I'm not going to hit them up for a gig.
I mean, of course I want a gig like every other comic, but I don't.
There's no desperation.
I'm not desperate anymore.
Well, I mean, Suzanne Somers famously asked for the same money John Ritter was making
at Threes Company.
They didn't give it to her.
She did the first sit out. And she said, see ya.
She did the first sit out and it took balls
and the husband managed her and they treated her like crap
and she came back with that freaking thigh master.
Yeah.
A thigh master.
A thigh master.
Why did we think of that?
Well, we can, they will think of something.
I mean, it was so simple.
Yeah.
It was like a metal V and I'm telling you, billions.
Billions. Have you done QVC?
No, I'd love to. See, once again, it's all about whoever got in on the ground floor.
Like, you know who's crazy loaded? This is weird. Sylvester Stallone's wife, Jennifer Flavin.
She went in really early on either HSN or QVC with like skincare. Now every star does it of every age.
But she, like you, got it on the ground floor and is making bank.
And I don't know Stallone well, but whenever I see him, that's what I do is I give him
shit about, who are you kidding?
My wife has the money.
She's got more money.
She's got totally more money than Spine.
You're doing the Tulsa King on Paramount+.
Absolutely.
He needs the money, she doesn't need a dime.
I love it.
You can buy and sell him ten times over. Totally. You're doing the Tulsa King on Paramount+. Absolutely. He needs the money, she doesn't need a dime.
I love it.
She can buy and sell them ten times over.
All right, listen, we're going to do a thing called Fast Dogs with Fitz.
Fast Dogs.
Fast balls.
I was going to say, I actually have a dog on my lap, so I can do that.
All right, how does it work?
All right, I ask you some questions real quick and then you answer them and then we hug each
other, we take a photo.
Okay. Now is it a one word answer or just?
No, no, no, no. It says it could be 30 seconds. It could be 10 minutes. It's not. It's only fast.
I'll try to keep it down to a shout.
Okay.
Last night I did two hours and 40 minutes by mistake.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
Wow.
That's a problem.
Are you running a union problem?
Yes.
You know what kills me to pay the curfew fee?
Yeah.
Kills me.
Yep.
Who opens for you?
Nobody.
There you go.
Fuck no.
Suzy Ormond likes that.
Yes.
I've had enough with the guy opener
where then he's got the whore coming to the room
and I gotta worry about paying for her dinner.
You know.
It's getting women to blow a banana before you go up.
You don't need that.
I can't do that anymore.
Have you ever borrowed or lent a lot of money?
I only give money
because I feel like the lending thing is weird.
So if somebody needs money,
I would just rather either do a gift or nothing.
I like that.
Yeah. And does like that. Yeah.
And does that happen?
Yeah.
So it doesn't cost you the friendship
because there's no expectation.
Correct.
Yeah. Correct.
So if somebody comes to me,
you know, like a family member and says,
I need money for this,
then I just think about it and I go, okay,
this is either a gift or a no.
And what's weird is over the years,
there have been many times when I've had to say
either yes or no, and that can be awkward.
But I get a lot of gratification out of whoever
I can help in that way.
Good person.
I'll stop it.
What have you, have you ever not finished a set on stage?
Man, I have the opposite problem.
Like I said, they gotta give me the hook.
I mean, I have to be dragged off stage.
It's like, I don't see the light.
But early on, did you ever have like a tough crowd?
I mean, obviously you had the Boston.
Constantly, constantly.
But did you ever walk off or?
No, I would finish.
I remember one time I bombed so bad in Montreal
that I remember I could hear the sound of my shoes
walking off the stage.
Cause I got a little smattering of like,
oh good, she's done.
And who was it?
Nick DePaulo goes, great, I get to follow that.
And I was like, sorry.
And you know who took me aside?
And he later on talked a lot of shit about me
for some reason, but he was so sweet that night.
Freaking Norm MacDonald pulled me aside
and was like, hey, you're onto something.
And that just meant the world to me.
Interesting.
I know.
You know what's so funny?
I do an intro to the, that's why when we sat down,
I didn't have to say,
this is Kathy Griffin, because I do like a little 15 minute intro. You have it down. And during it,
I told a story about bombing in Montreal. It's a bomb fest up there. It can be really rough.
Because it's make or break. And when I was doing it, everybody from the industry went.
So all the network honchos went. And if it was today, it would be every streamer, every casting director, every showrunner,
and the stakes were very high.
And the audience, a third of them barely speak English
because they fuck it's Canada and some have...
Just career.
Just career. What the fuck?
You're in North America. Learn the language.
And you follow a clown who just goes,
ay, ay, ay, or like a guy dressed as an apple
and his act is that he cuts himself in the middle. You follow a clown who just goes, ay, ay, ay. Or like a guy dressed as an apple
and his act is that he cuts himself in the middle.
Like the stuff they think is hysterical
still to this day kills me.
I know, I know.
If you could teach anything,
if you could be a, what would you teach?
Financial security.
Yeah. Absolutely.
Especially to women. Yeah.
And don't be dependent on some guy,
like get rid of that myth with the freaking, you know,
of Prince coming along on the horse and all that stuff,
the financial stuff, yeah.
Do you use a financial planner or do you do it yourself?
I have a stockbroker, I do it myself.
I'm really conservative.
You know, like I said, I'm 63, so I'm not like trading.
I'm not a day trader.
But coming up, you made a lot of money.
Were you aggressive then?
No, I was always pretty conservative.
I don't do any private equity
because I have a moral issue with it.
I just think private equity is the devil.
So I won't, that's the one thing.
Although- So no stocks?
Stocks, yes, that's different than private equity.
Private equity is like when a company buys a hospital
or a prison, privatizes it.
Like hedge funds.
Yeah, strips it of the staff.
Then, you know, it's private equity bought,
bed, bath and beyond.
And what they did was they then ruined the company.
Sold it off as parts.
And what they need is the real estate,
which they now use for pickleball courts,
because that's very trendy.
So they'll ride that way for a while. Then they'll, I just don't think it's a good way of doing business. So I'll
invest in lots of things, but I'm conservative. I didn't sell my Tesla stock because I'm going
to beef with Elon Musk.
Index funds or individual stocks?
Both. Both. Both. But funds are safer.
Because you know, you hear-
Just a simple fund is good.
You hear Warren Buffett talk about it. You hear all these experts say,
if you're young, buy four index funds, like international small cap, there's four categories.
Buy them, add to it every month, throw a couple hundred bucks a month in, and just don't even
think about it. Don't pay 1% to a money manager, because that is basically tracking. The market
has gone up. The DJIA or whatever, they go up over time without fail.
I always say, keep it simple. When I meet someone who brags about day trading, to me
it's just gambling. You might as well go to Vegas. And so I don't know anybody that day trades that didn't end up losing. So, you know, even brokers don't day trade really. And so I just keep
it nice and simple and conservative.
What about real estate holdings?
Well, I have one house because I just think, I think a second house is just like a money
pit, you know, but no rentals or anything like that.
No, and I, and everybody I know that has a second house, they kind of say it's like a money pit, you know, but no rentals or anything like that. No. And I, and everybody I know that has the second house, they kind of say,
it's like a boat, you know, it's fun when you buy it, but you end up.
In fact, Joan Rivers said she bought a house in, I think, I can't remember if it
was the Hamptons or something like that.
She said you end up paying people to live there, to make sure it's kept up and
there's no flooding and stuff like that.
So I'm, I'm a one property gal.
I love it. Who do you want to give your eulogy?
Oh, I had it in my living, revocable trust that he passed away, the great Dominic Dunn.
And so if it was tomorrow, I think it would be my best friend, Sia, who's the singer. And she's
so talented and she obviously has a way with words.
She writes a million songs
and I think I'd probably have Sia do it.
I like it.
All right, finally, last question.
You're off the hook and then we'll plug all your dates.
What's the hackiest bit that you've ever done on stage?
Oh God, where do I start?
I mean, the scary thing is, you know,
I do stuff from my life.
I don't do like, what if Abraham Lincoln worked at the mall of America?
Like I don't do conceptual stuff, but that's a good bit.
Um, but by the way, I like, do you like my timely mall joke?
Okay.
Um, the timely Abe Lincoln joke.
Yeah, exactly.
A real original.
I mean, hacky would probably be like, if, if I was, if I want, if I felt like the audience
wasn't awake, I'd probably, like, overly swear or be, like, overly graphically sexual
just to kind of, like, get him going.
And by the way, obviously the Trump picture was an extension of that.
Yeah.
Although, trust me, I thought that photo would live
on a gay blog for like two days.
I had no idea what would happen,
but something like that to jar the audience
is probably as hacky as I get.
If you wanna see Kathy not be hacky,
go to Hawaii on October 22nd in Honolulu
at the Carnegie of Homestead.
Oh no, then there's Munhall, Pennsylvania
on October.
I'm not afraid of Munhall. I'm going to Munhall, honey. I'm getting the jet and I'm going to
Munhall.
Wow, where do you land for Munhall?
Pittsburgh, I think. And that's right, it's before Carnegie Hall, so it's a bit of my
warm-up show.
Speaking of halls, Carnegie Hall, October 26th, that's gonna be amazing.
Paramount Theater in Denver, November 8th,
Oklahoma City, November 15th, San Antonio on the 16th,
San Diego on the 29th at the Balboa Theater,
Atlanta at the Buckhead Theater,
that's a nice place, December 6th,
Chicago Theater in Chicago on New Year's Eve.
New Year's Eve, and by the way,
it's an eight o'clock show, thank God,
because I begged to not have to
do the freaking countdown.
Oh, I did that.
I said, don't make me do the countdown.
I've done the countdown so many times.
Everybody's drunk.
People are running out in the street.
And no matter where you are in the act, 10, 9.
So I'm so grateful they gave me an eight o'clock show.
Masonic in San Francisco on January 18th.
A ton of dates.
Kathy Griffin, My Life on the PTSD List Tour.
kathygriffin.com.
Go to any of the websites.
Go to my social media.
I'm all over it.
And come see me live.
And wait for the new social media clips
that are gonna be coming out soon.
I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna stay on top of you about it. Yeah, I'm gonna be coming out soon. I'm going to do this.
I'm going to stay on top of you about it.
I'm going to remind you.
Okay, I'm going to do it.
It's just like, nobody can fuck with that.
You put that out, don't look at it.
Just put it out and watch it go crazy.
Okay.
You've got a lot of people out there that really believe in you.
Oh, that's nice.
Me being one of them.
Oh, I love you.
All right, love you too.
All right, y'all being one of them. Oh, I love you. All right. Love you, too. I don't bye