Fitzdog Radio - Raanan Hershberg - Episode 1070

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

Fresh off The Joe Rogan Experience is a man who will not be bullied- Raanan Hershberg. He’s been on Fallon, Cordon and has a new special out. Great time.My Bookie: https://mybookie.website/FITZWatch my special "You Know Me" on YouTube!

Hi, welcome to FitzDog Radio. I'm your host Greg Fitzsimmons. I just recorded an intro for this podcast, but fucking Zoom crashed after my recording, so I have to redo it. This will be better. I think it gets better, that was like a rehearsal. So here we are, we're back, we're very excited. Ellen DeGeneres has a new special out on Netflix. It's all about how she's not mean and how the industry keeps canceling her and she can't figure out why.

The first time it was because she had a sitcom on the air that suddenly sucked, lost its ratings and was taken off the schedule because it was no longer funny. It's not because she came out of the closet as gay, nobody fucking cared, she was on the cover of Newsweek. Everybody celebrated it! Get over it! That's not why! You started being indulgent, so it failed. Now she's got a new special where apparently the media has gone after her again for being mean to her employees. Was it maybe the employees

that were upset? I don't think it was the media. I think the media picked up on the fact that she has fired or caused nervous breakdowns for dozens of staff members over the years. And so the special takes no accountability, no responsibility, and the reviews are in. Let's check in on a couple of the reviews. Time Magazine says that they wished that before she had written and performed a 70-minute infomercial to restore

her reputation, she had thought about it more. Variety Magazine said, "...to allude to having been maltreated and thrown out of show business while dancing around what exactly happened on her set requires both nimbleness and a bit of nerve. The special in the end is a frustrating watch and a bum note to go out on. How about Cracked Magazine, which by the way is kind of the magazine for reviewing comedy. They reviewed my special. Whatever. It was a it was a they loved it. Whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm not comparing myself to Ellen. They happen to love mine. They happen to say this about hers.

There's never been a stand-up special more aptly named than Ellen's For Your Approval, which dropped today on Netflix. It's one of the weirder stand-up shows in recent memory. Half observational punchlines, half closing argument in a trial featuring DeGeneres as her own defense attorney. Neither works on its own, taken as a whole, it's an exhausting mess." Well, I just hope Ellen doesn't read reviews because this is going to be a tough weekend. Portia De Rossi has her hands full this week. Oh My god, she is gonna make a lot of margaritas. There's gonna be foot rubs until her hands are sore. Oh

Get some more tissues That sounds bitter I'm not bitter look I won four Emmys with her and I made a lot of money. But in the end, you know, take some responsibility For how you treated people maybe show that you've changed in some way. I don't know so Let's talk about I'm going to Alaska tomorrow morning got four shows and Fairbanks I think most of them are sold out but try to get tickets at FitzDogg.com. Just did a beautiful, meaningful podcast. Jeff Foxworthy had me on his show. I've never met him before, and he watched my

special. He was very supportive, very nice, and we just bonded. Just clicked. You know, went deep into comedy. Had a lot of laughs. He told me about Steven Wright being the first one to tell him that he should do this for a living and Bill Hicks stories, it was great. So I think that's out in a couple of days. My Howie Mandel, I went on his show, that came out yesterday. Harlan Williams did his podcast, that came out today.

So check out all of those. Those were fun. The special just hit 360,000 views, which is probably double what I had expected, which is very exciting. Thank you guys for your support, your likes, your shares, comments, and it just it means a lot. likes, your shares, comments, and it just, it means a lot, touched. And thanks to the people who donated money. Somebody donated 200 bucks on the YouTube link yesterday, and someone gave 500 last week, but whatever. If you want to give two bucks, that's great too.

Five bucks, I don't give a shit. I've self-financed, it's nice to get a little back, but if you want to just watch it too and not pay anything, that's fine. You live with yourself. No, I'm kidding. I really I don't care about making that money back. I just want people to see it, come out to the clubs. That was the whole point of making it. As I said, coming to Alaska next week, Tulsa, Oklahoma, at Brick Town Comedy Club, the 10th

through the 12th, Kansas City, the Funny Bone, October 18 and 19. Then I'm coming to Philly in November, Tacoma in November, Tempe in November. In December I'll be in San Francisco, Cleveland, Atlanta, January. I'm in Janesville, Wisconsin, Nyack, New York, Raleigh, North Carolina, Milwaukee. February I'll be in Vegas and Pittsburgh. Go to FitzDog.com. Get yourself some tickets. Come out and see some live comedy. I got a brand new hour. Totally different than the old one. Also, I want to remind you guys that support for Fitts Dogg Radio comes from my bookie, The Sight for Gambling Online. For me, it's a tough week. I had

some losers this past weekend. I was in a pool that I got knocked out of because I stupidly bet against the Giants. Here's my rule in gambling. Never ever bet for or against the New York teams. Giants and Jets will break your heart every time. And I did it. I broke my rule and I feel like a fool. My wife yelled at me because she knows my rule. But you always win when you play my bookie because you're always having fun. It gets me more involved in watching the games. They've got all these like risk-free bets, thousands in cash prizes. It's and the fun thing is is like any it's all on your phone. Anytime you've got ten minutes maybe you're online at a drive-through. Maybe you're at the kind of job where there's long stretches. Boom!

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Bet anything, anytime, anywhere. Okay, now let's get to my guest. I had him on yesterday. Great talk! This dude is one of the guys in the trenches in New York banging out sets at the Comedy Cellar every night, going on the road, starting to sell out. He's got, he was on Rogan a couple weeks ago. He's got three specials on YouTube and he's been on Fallon, Corden, Comedy Central. Really good dude. I know you're going to like him. Enjoy Ronan Hirschberg.

Welcome to the show, Ron on Hirschberg. Thanks for having me. Thanks for it. Jesus Christ, man. I'm so happy to see you again. I feel like it was just yesterday. Yeah. Can I tell a story from it?

Yes, please. I don't know if you remember it. Well, here's what's funny. Full disclosure, I just met you out front and your agent, who used to be my agent, Ian Arrigahato. Did you leave him because he's not good or? No, we were at the Gersh Agency and the agent that I was with there

kind of co-represented me with him and then he left to go to, where is he now? Him and Justin Silvera have their own like management company. Oh, cause he left to go to like one of the big ones. He was at like ICM or something. Yeah, and then he's left that and now he- Oh, that's good. It was actually, I got an email from them once

and it was like great news. And I thought, you know, whenever you get a great news from your manager, you think like, oh, I got some gig or something. It just said, we're officially a management company. Oh, no, oh, they're managers now? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. I was like officially a manager. Oh, no, oh, they're managers now? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's hilarious.

I was like, officially a manager? I thought we already were, what am I doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, that's great. So anyway, so he sent me, he pitched me you, and I try to avoid pitches from agents and managers because it's just generally like... Yeah, it's all friends and stuff. Yeah, it's just somebody that...

I like bringing friends in, people that I know. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, so you pitch in, and I was like, I know that name, and so I looked at your video, and after two seconds, I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love this guy, but I couldn't remember where, and I would beat my head looking at your bio online and all this shit.

And then I just saw you up front and you reminded me that you opened for me in Lexington seven years ago. Yeah, and there's two things from that that stick with me. You had one of the best roast jokes about me ever. I quote that to this day, like a lot. Not a roast, but like I said, we were talking about coffee and I was like, you drank yours black. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, that's like what psychopaths do.

And then you said, what kind of coffee do you drink? And I was like, I typically drink like a pumpkin spice latte or something. And you immediately said, man, you don't miss an opportunity to gain weight, do you? It was, I don't know if you had done that line before, but it was one of the great insults of all my youth. Beautiful, I'd tell that. Anytime your name gets brought up, I'd bring that up. I've only had one other, like Mike Lawrence. You know Mike Lawrence?

Of course. The first time I met him, he knew I was Jewish. I guess it's kind of obvious at that time. And he immediately would call me Schindler's Lisp. Yeah. Because of him. That's good. Which I'm now using for a track title

for one of my albums. Yeah, that's good. But the other story about you, we were at the club. Whatever, not embarrassing. But we got, we saw a movie, it was some kind of like, I think it was a James Bond movie. This was in Philly? No, no, in-

Oh, in Lexington. In Lexington. And then afterwards, it was at that mall in Lexington, we were at Starbucks and you're ordering a Starbucks and you took- We have a lot of coffee stories in our relationship. And you took a candy bar from the thing and just put it in your pocket.

Yeah, that's what I do. And I was like, I didn't know if you were like, I didn't know if it was like, are you just like one of those older kleptomaniacs that you hear about, you know? Like on Seinfeld where the- Like, you're like successful, plenty of money, on the headliner, you're open for me.

But I called, I was like, did you steal that afterwards? I like asked it. And then you said, maybe you were lying, you said, oh I forgot, I didn't realize I didn't pay. No I did, did I say that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh no, no, I steal them. So yeah, I think you were doing the, not that you were an old guy, but you were doing the,

the old guy, oh I forgot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm almost at the age where I can get away with that, yeah. And also calling girls sweetie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know'm almost at the age where I can get away with that. Yeah, and also calling girls sweetie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, being a little handsy around young women. I'm almost old enough to get away with that. Well, I don't think anyone can get away with it now.

I feel like all the old actors, I know. They keep getting fired because they have the intimacy coordinator. I have a friend who's a director and he's one of the most successful directors in TV. And he said to women, he said to the guy, he said to the guy, all right, I gotta go do this. Why don't you sit with these two pretty ladies

and then I'll get back to you in a little while. Human resources. You never saw him again. Fired from the film. So funny to like walk away and then you never see him. They should just have a cannon. Yeah. A DC cannon.

That's brutal. Oh my God. No, when I go to Starbucks, I just hate corporations so much that I enjoy stealing from them. And so when I go to Starbucks, they always have those really good peanut butter bars, you know, they're refrigerated.

And I cuff it and I slip it into my pocket. I'm a little salty you lied to me though. Like you didn't want to let me in on this. I can't believe I did that. I must've been new to it. I haven't done it for, I guess for seven years, I've been doing it. Right, okay.

And so you still do it? Yeah. Yeah, I have nothing against it. I can't do it just cause I would be so, I think to do that kind of stuff, you have to not be embarrassed if you get caught. Yes. And you're not, you don't seem a kind of guy who gets embarrassed easily.

Wouldn't bother me. I get, I would get very embarrassed. Yeah. And I feel like it would be the kind of thing where I'd do it once and get caught. And I just get really, I think that's the key to stealing. Yeah. You just have to be pretty confrontational socially. If you get caught, you have to be prepared.

And murder. Murder, yeah, yeah. I mean all crime in general, you have to be a touch psychopathic. I'm just a hint psychopathic. Yes, that's why I feel like if I ever was charged with murder, I would just like, my evidence against it would be like, I get anxious if I'm like kind of late for a flight. So there's no way I could murder.

I would just get people on the stand talking about how anxious I am for for regular things. How can you, you can't be anxious because you're like maybe, I'll be anxious if I'm just on time for a flight. You can't have that and murder someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That's why I think we all love these shows about psychopathic murder. Have you seen Mr. In-Between? No, no, no. Dude, it's this Australian TV show, but it's a hitman, and he's got no remorse when he kills people, like none. That'd be weird if he did if he was a hitman.

He just kept on feeling bad about it every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what have I done? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're always waiting for that in the series. You're waiting for like, obviously there's a writer's room and they have to say, well, yeah. But you're always waiting for that in the series. You're waiting for like, obviously there's a writers room and they have to say, well, he needs redemption and he needs a culpability.

And so this guy never gets it, but he also loves his daughter and he's a very loyal friend. Interesting. So you see humanity in him, but he was abused as a kid and then he fought in war, I guess the Gulf War or something, and he went through a lot of shit,

so it kind of numbed him to it all. And now he's just like, I might as well make money from it, from the numbness. But I think all of us experience rage. Maybe you don't. I mean, you're Jewish. Of course I feel rage, yeah. This whole Palestinian thing,

your blood must be boiling. Watch, I make the whole podcast about that. I'm not mad at, you know, I'm more mad at anti-Semites. I'm not mad at, I'm not like, Gazans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, yeah, I mean, I do think like, our interest in psychopaths is we kind of are like, I think the reason we, like, everyone complains about people.

Yeah. And it's kind of cause we can't murder them. So we're less complaining. Like anytime you complain about a boss or anyone, the other person will be like, well, just murder them. And you're like, I can't, well then shut up. And psychopaths, it feels like they don't have to ever complain cause they just murdered the person. So it seems a little zen.

You know what I mean? Or like a little calm. And that's the moment that you really love in the TV show is when the person Crosses them. Yeah, they always make that person an asshole. They always give it some element of Justified murder even though it's like it could be a very little asshole thing But we're road racing we're so quick to call someone evil and deserve to die Yeah, like he just got guy root at a bar and then he kills him and you're like, he deserved it.

Yeah, but I also think I had this kind of idea that like what if in life you're born and when you turn 18, they give you one bullet. To kill someone? You can do whatever you want with it. You can kill yourself, you can kill somebody else, you can shoot at a tree. Oh, so you don't have to, you can. There's no consequences. You have to shoot it though, you do you want with it. You can kill yourself, you can kill somebody else, you can shoot at a tree. Oh, so you don't have to, you can-

There's no consequences- You have to shoot it though. You do have to shoot it. You don't have to shoot it, I guess. I mean, shoot it into the ground if you don't wanna shoot it, but there's no consequences whatsoever. And that way you would see less rudeness in the world.

Everyone gets it out kinda? Oh, because the person might be ready for like, it might be his murder coming up. You could be his bullet or her bullet. No, women don't get them. But couldn't you also have a, couldn't you also be the bullet guy? What do you mean?

Like you're saying someone wouldn't be rude to a guy because they're like, oh, that guy might have his murder. Yeah. But what if I also have that? Like what if I have a bullet? So you're saying it might empower people. Yeah, it might have two people just shoot each other. I mean, I guess it's fine as long as one of the person,

as long as two people come to conflict, one of them has given up. As long as one of them has already used the bullet, it's fine. But if both people have not used the bullet, oh, but you're saying you have to use that at 18 or you can wait No, you don't get it till 18 because I think it would be too much killing

But can you wait to use it after 18 or do you have to use it? No, you can do it until you're 78 years old So after 78 you can't use I think it's a good system Except for the fact if two people come to conflict where both of them have not used a bullet Well, I think you get marked you get a you get a slash on your forehead once you've shot your bullet. Well I think you get marked. You get a slash on your forehead once you've shot your bullet. So people know. So those people are kind of pretty defenseless. They better be really polite people. Yeah it seems like a good plan. There might be a couple you know holes in it like you know might make things a little worse. Well there's more holes in everybody having unlimited bullets all the time. That's a good point.

They still hopefully go to jail, but that's true. Isn't it interesting though that, I've always found it interesting that we really don't mind hit men in movies. We kind of find them likable. But if you're a serial killer, we're like, that's fucked up. But it's interesting to me that if you're, in a way killing for money is kind of worse because you don't really have a compulsion. So it's like kind of a, you're, in a way killing for money is kind of worse cause you don't really have a compulsion. So it's like kind of a, it's like in a way colder,

like serial killers who kill for just the love of it, they're pretty messed, like it's like, you know, but we find them more creepy. It's almost like we understand it more if you're making money from it. It's like a capitalist thing. Like as long as you're making money from it, we get it. And a serial killer is like, wait, you murder, you don't even financially profit from it. It's like a capitalist thing. Like as long as you're making money from it, we get it. And a serial killer's like, wait, you murder,

you don't even financially profit from it. That's just kind of weird. Yeah. I remember. And whenever they do a movie about it, like, what was the one recently about, was it Dahmer? Yeah, Dahmer. And they just show the amount of abuse from Child, and they start to build up empathy for this character.

And so they're really tricking you into pulling for, they start to build up empathy for this character. And so they're really tricking you into pulling for, I mean, even Tony Soprano, who I think faced very little remorse. He shot his nephew. Yeah, yeah, he doesn't have remorse. He has sometimes the idea of remorse, but he doesn't actually feel it, I don't think. He wants to be a good person,

but he doesn't actually, isn't a good person. Yeah, no, but like, I think it's like, if you're making money from it, we're not as weirded out by it. Yeah, I guess because it removes, it removes the person that's ordering the hit. Now, are they a psychopath, or are they one step removed, so it's a little bit, you're not looking the person that's ordering the hit. Now, are they a psychopath? Right.

Or are they one step removed so it's a little bit, you're not looking the person in the eye, you're not chopping up the body. And I guess you kind of think if someone has a hit on them, maybe they deserve it, even though they probably don't always deserve it, but yeah. Or maybe they're into some bad shit. I would say I would be fully capable of killing a pedophile. Really? If I thought it was an active pedophile,

like somebody who was practicing it, I could easily- Like it's a religion? He's getting really good at it. The very observant pedophile. He fucks three times, three kids a day. Never diddles on Sunday. Very hardworking pedophile.

Yeah. Um, you'd kill a pedophile? I think I would. I think- I think I would not- I would do it clean, I would get a windowless van, I'd know their route, I'd pull up next to them, open up the side door, I'd be with a friend, yeah, pop, pop, keep driving. That's it. Can I ask you a personal question about that? Do you think it's because you just think pedophiles are so much more evil, or do you kind of have the murder instinct in you and this is the one social acceptable opportunity?

Bingo. That's interesting. I think you just figured me out. A little bit of psychopath, the people are like a little psychopathic. They love pedophiles because you can kill pedophiles. Yeah, right, right. You know? We're allowed to kill pedophiles. Or we're allowed to hate pedophiles.

Once you have kids, your tolerance for pedophiles goes way... I get it. I don't have kids, so I don't care when kids are getting fucked. I love it. I'm like, child porn is awesome. Then you have kids and it's like, what? Don't give me that bullshit. I thought kids getting fucked was fun. And then I had a kid and I'm like, oh my God, I really, uh, it makes me rethink the whole, maybe the church is kind of fucked up. It makes me rethink the whole, maybe the church is kind of fucked up. You just don't like when overweight people get shot.

That really gets to you. It's upsetting. When you see the victim and it's a big coffin. Yeah, that's upsetting. Pretty fat to have a big coffin. To go beyond the coffin. When you have to have a different coffin size, that's a real level. That's way beyond close.

There was a guy in the Guinness Book of World Records, because when I was growing up, that was a big thing, the Guinness Book of World Records. Yeah, I remember, I mean, it was for me too, actually. I'm 40. And I just remember there was the guy who was the fattest man ever, I think his name was Walter something,

can you look it up? Walter something, and when he died, they said he was buried in a piano case. Oh wow. He was so fat. I've never even really thought of what a piano case is. What is a, like I never, I mean, like never even, like I never see a piano in a case.

Well, like say you got a gig on the road, you gotta put your piano in something. Well, not a piano. Oh, I don't. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? What's a piano case? I'm getting on wheels now, which is so much easier. What's a piano. Oh, I don't. Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about? What's a piano? I don't care. Bring my wheels now, it's so much easier.

What's a better, but yeah, I mean, I get that, but yeah, I guess, yeah, I guess I don't understand. Robert Earl Hughes. Robert Earl Hughes. 1,041 pounds. Wow. Man, that's not what you wanna get into the Guinness Book of World Records for. No.

What do you wanna get in for? It's an interesting question. I feel like there's something. I mean, what comedian you want to get in for? Um, hmm. That's an interesting question. I feel like there's something- I mean, what comedian records are there? I know the longest show has gone back and forth between Dane Cook and Dave Chappelle. Oh, wow. And then there's also a record for which one

you'd most want to be at among the general population. Wait, oh, really? Oh. Wait, so they both have gone like beyond like. Like seven, eight hours. I wouldn't want to get into the book for that even. No. For rudeness. I don't want to get in for biggest crowd.

Well, that's not, it's not like you're in the running. Biggest crowd at the. I don't think you have to worry about that. Biggest crowd at the Tempe Improv on a Saturday first show. No, I'm safe. I'm safe. Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think. I've had some demoralizing moments.

I might get in for some of the most demoralizing moments. Yeah. This is pretty big. Can you beat? I don't know. This might be, in terms of demoralizing of the comic, one time I was at a club,

and I was headlining the earlier show, and Carlos Mencio was headlining the later show, and I get to the club, and the manager immediately goes, you can't go in the green room, Carlos Mencio's merch is in there, and he has it in his contract, no one's allowed to be around his merch. No kidding.

So I wasn't allowed to go in the green room. Shirts, I love Carlos shirts, were higher up on the hierarchy than me. That could be against Procure Records, right? Those shirts made more money than you did that night. They got more respect. They got, the servers went up to them more after they did anything.

I know, crazy thing is they weren't even Carla shirts they were they were Yeah, so that's that's pretty big right that's good going there yeah, that's humiliating I once went to I was booked to do a college There's a Michigan there's this there's this engineering school in the Upper Peninsula in Michigan. Oh yeah, I've been, was this part of the, what's that run, was that funny business? Wasn't a run, it was just a college show. I've been to the Upper Peninsula, it's wild.

It's wild. You feel like you're at the end of the world. It's at the tip of the northern, northeast. There's that crazy bridge that's like wild. Yep, there's one way in and one way out. That is wild. So I get booked at this Marquette, Marquette University, and it's considered one of the best engineering schools

in the country. And so I fly in. Now, first I get called by my agent, and he goes, all right, you know that gig you have on February 21st? He goes, yeah, he goes, well, they got an opportunity to bring in Wayne Brady on the same night. And so, and I'm thinking he's gonna say I'm canceling.

He goes, so they wanna see if you'll open for Wayne, same money, but they're gonna add a second show so you'll get double the money. And I'm like, well, no brainer. I need 20 minutes twice to make double the money. So I said, great. I don't know Wayne Brady. So I fly in and you know, it's a connecting

flight to a little fucking prop plane. And I, and the airport is like a hundred yards from the school. It's the only reason the airport is there to service the school. And I get to the venue and the student activities woman goes, uh, you, you can't go in the, uh, green room. I like, no, I walk in and there's like a carving station and a buffet and a bar, cause he's got a posse and he said the opener can't come in the, so I go over. So I go over and I get some roast beef

and he's gonna have to tell me that himself. So I- See, this is where a little bit of psychopath comes in well, you know? Yeah, yeah. So I'm sitting there enjoying my meal, and then Wayne and his boys come in and they fucking ignore me. They don't say one word to me.

So I go up on stage and I do my show and then he goes up and he does his bullshit step and fetch it kind of bullshit. And he does, of course he does well, He's dancing for these white kids in the Midwest. And so, and oh, and then the lady said to me, Wayne insisted on having a stretch limo take him from the airport to the venue. She goes, but we don't have stretch limos in the upper peninsula.

And so the agent insisted, and so they had to drive one in from like Green Bay, all to take them like a hundred yards to the school. And then it was in his contract that he had a 54 inch flat screen TV in his hotel room so he could play video games. And he measured it and it wasn't big enough and they made him get another one.

So she tells this whole story. She can't stand the guy, I can't stand the guy. So the next week I go on the Howard Stern show and I tell the whole story. Yes, of course. Everything. And then I had a friend who had a show on the air at that point, the Wayne Brady show,

and my friend wrote for it and said he was slamming doors, he was screaming. He was slamming doors, he was screaming. He was slamming doors and he was like, this door isn't big enough, I said I want a bigger door, this is my contract. But he sang it. And then I was working on a TV show. Ellen? No, it was for Jamie Foxx.

And it was a sketch show on Fox and one of the writers, you ever heard of Robin Thede? She created that black woman sketch show. Yes, yes, yes, I do know her. Very talented, very funny, nice woman. So she was on the sketch show and we're in the writers room and we go, we're trying, this is my first fucking day. And I was brought in, I wasn't the head writer, but I was kind of brought in because things were going off the rails and they wanted me to help kind of straighten it out.

And so I came in and I go, they're pitching on who's somebody who's famous, but they're in the closet. And I go, and they go Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and I go Wayne Brady, and the whole room goes silent. And I'm like, what the fuck? And I go, what's going on? And then somebody goes, Robin's dating Wayne.

And I said, no, I go, I'm just saying like, it's like a rumor, I don't think it's true. You know, whatever. Yeah, of course. So then Wayne Brady comes into work a couple weeks later. This is epic. Yeah. And he comes in and I'm in her office and he walks in and I see him and he sees me and then I said, how you doing? He just nods and I walk out and I'm standing by the elevators. And then he comes out later and he goes, he goes, you know, I was going to beat your ass.

And then Hugh Fink, who was one of the writers, was behind a door and I could hear him bust out laughing. And just the idea. Funny thing you've ever said. Getting great. You're like, you aren't great at improv. That's a great line. Imagine getting beat up by Wayne Brady.

It would be so embarrassing. So yeah, so now I'm telling it again. You would literally be the one black guy where it'd be embarrassing to get beat up by. Every other black guy would be like, everybody like, I get it. But you're the only one where like, really? RuPaul, got it, sure.

No, I got RuPaul. Wow, that's epic story. I feel like it's not as demoralizing as mine just cause it seems like you fought back a lot, you know? Yeah. I feel like you actually told a somewhat empowering story. Yeah. I felt empowered over it.

I'll make a big deal out of nothing. Have you ever been beat up? No. You grew up in Louisville? Yeah. Huh. You grew up in Boston or? No, everybody thinks I'm from Boston

because I went to college there. Yeah. And then I started doing standup when I was in college. And you're like Irish. I'm Irish. Where are you from? From New York. Oh, where in New York?

Tarrytown. Oh, okay. Yeah. My mom's from Brooklyn, so I don't know. I have New York blood in me, I guess. Everyone thinks I'm from New York because I'm Jewish. Well, yeah, I could see you as a New York blood in me, I guess. Everyone thinks I'm from New York, because I'm Jewish. Well, yeah, I could see you as a New Yorker. You definitely don't seem like somebody from the South.

Well, when you see me walk, it makes sense. I'm very slow. Oh, is that right? Yeah, I'm a very slow walker. Yeah, yeah. I don't have a New York walk. So I'm surprised you never got beat up, because you have this kind of beta demeanor, you're saying.

I project a vibe that says it's not worth it. It's my greatest defense. And I've said horrible things on stage to people back in the day. Never got beat up. I think to get beat up you kind of have to have a little bit of confidence. I think I like, I said the thing like you don't want wanna beat me up, I'll just be in the fetal position the whole time, I'll just be embarrassing. It'll seem like abuse. Yeah, so I think it's like kinda really,

and I don't, I don't know, I don't wanna jinx it, but maybe if I was more weak looking, people would be like, I'll beat him up. That's true, you got big shoulders. I'm kinda look like, you know, I'm a bigger guy. And yet I don't exude any of that alpha shit. So it kind of like, I don't know, it puts me in this weird where like the beater uppers

don't register me, you know? Well, it's the kind of thing where somebody looks at you. I'm gonna get beat up later today. I'm jinxing this completely. I know. Gosh, I beat the shit out of you right now. No, but like, what if like if, if they look at you, I think they feel like, all right, here's a lose-lose.

Either I beat this guy up and people see it and they're like, why are you beating up this pudgy little guy from the South? And if you get beat up, then that's even more embarrassing. It's like when I was in a movie theater once and these kids were talking, so I told the usher on them. And then I was afraid, because the usher actually went up to them and was like There he like pointed to me like that guy would like you to be quiet. I was like that was not the plan

I was like I don't want to fight them because like either it's a lose-lose I either I beat up kids. Yeah, like 12 or they beat up me. Yeah, either one is not good Yeah, that's why kids are so scary. 12, or they beat up me. Either one is not good. That's why kids are so scary, because you can't actually fight them. Or have sex with them. Or have sex with them, there's nothing you can do with them. Right, right, they're useless.

They're useless. 12 year olds, you don't want them around, you don't engage with them, and that's why the great, the greatest Louie episode was when those kids fucked with them in that's why the great scary the greatest Louie episode was when those kids fucked with them in the diner yeah because like you can't yeah you just you're new you're neutered well I saw I saw a movie recently called speak no evil have you heard of it sounds familiar well there's a remake that's out right now I always say with the guy from the office no there's a

remake out now with James McAvoy oh wait maybe someone no okay but there's a remake out now with James McAvoy. Oh wait, maybe someone, no, no. Okay. But there's an original that's incredible from 2002, or no, no, from 2022. It's an incredible like horror movie, but a lot of the themes are about how like people are like socially conditioned to not really stand up to like real evil, you know?

And it really messed with me. And after that for a couple of days, like I was on the subway with my girlfriend and these kids were like moving around, like messing around, they're kind of pushing her accidentally and I told them to be quiet. And I never would have done that. And I think they call me fat in Spanish, I don't know.

But like, I would never talk to kids. Back in the day, they could have like, punched her in the face and I'd have been like, sorry, let's go. So that movie made me want to stand up more. I think it's also having a significant other can bring out a sort of protection gene that's been laying dormant.

My sister always brings this up. One time I was with my sister, we were like 10 and these girls at the bus stop were making fun of her. And I was just like, see you later. Oh, no way. Yeah, it's your, yeah. Wow.

That probably makes you upset. My sister was getting harassed at a playground. I was at baseball practice. I was probably 11, and she was probably like seven. And I came down and this kid was harassing her and I knocked him down and I sat on top of him and I punched him in the face till it was like. I feel like there's a pattern in this podcast

where I tell like a sad story and then you tell like an empowering one that makes you look really good. That makes me look bad. I'm still beating up an 11 year old. I couldn't get in the green room and you're like, they told me that and I was like, fucking watch me. And I'm like, I abandoned my sister in the green room and you're like, they told me that and I was like, fucking watch me. And I'm like, I abandoned my sister to act a cowardness

and you're like, I decapitated a kid who talked to my sister who's just making me look like an asshole. Wait, this is a sitcom. Can we pitch this as a sitcom? We're roommates. You're one upping me. Yeah. Well, she was my twin sister. Oh.

Yeah. She wasn't my, I mean, I guess. So wouldn't you protect her even more? Oh yeah. That's a good point. Jesus. I'm supposed to like girls yelling at her. It was scary.

How many of your friends, how many of your sister's friends have you hooked up with? Because that's the ultimate wingman, a twin sister. It was quite the loophole because I was having girls sleep over at my house. Yep. Because that's the ultimate wingman, a twin sister. It was quite the loophole because I was having girls sleep over at my house when I was like 13 or 14. There was some, I mean it was like, it was too young for like the, it was more of the like someone showing me their tits. Really?

But like not the like dating but the kind of like you know. Showing you their tits while Like, but like not the like dating, but the kind of like, you know, showing you their tits while you hid behind a shower curtain. Just like, you know, that kind of experimentation when you're younger, but yeah, I got some of that. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. I had girls staying at my place. Yeah. It was quite the loophole. Yeah.

To have like, to be like 13 and have a girl at your. Well, what about when you were like 18, 19, 20? I never really hooked up with my sister's closest friends because I think they saw me as like, you know, it's kind of like, I don't know if it's just because I'm not that attractive, but they saw me as like... You're not hard on the eyes, you're cute.

Oh, thanks. Well, I guess they saw me more of like a brother. Yeah. You know, so I think... Yeah, you have brother vibes. I think it would be weird, but I do think if I was hotter, maybe they would have overcome that. Yeah. You know, so I think. Yeah, you have brother vibes. I think it would be weird, but I do think if I was hotter, maybe they would have overcome that. Yeah. They would have fought their way through it. Yeah. Brother vibe is kind of like. Yeah. You're

just not that. Yeah. Did you guys go to the same college, you and your sister? No, no, we went to the same high school, but no, not the same college. She went to Hampshire, that. Oh, the hippie school in Western Mass. Yeah. I went there. No grades, no tests. It same college. She went to Hampshire. Oh, with the hippie school in Western Mass? Yeah. No grades, no tests. It's awful. I went there once to visit her. It was just, I was like,

I think this was so long ago, before like the concept of woke or anything. Yeah, yeah. And I was just so annoyed. But I don't think I had words for it yet. It was the original woke school. Yeah, and I was so annoyed by the elitism, the pretentiousness, the money,

but I just didn't like, it wasn't like, you couldn't like label shit back then. I was just like, these people are annoying. Yeah, you know? And what school did you go to? I went to SUNY Purchase. No, you didn't. That's where my wife went.

Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. My wife and actually one of my best friends, Matt Malloy, he's an actor. You ever heard of Matt Malloy? Name sounds really familiar. What's he in? He's in everything.

Sounds really familiar. Yeah, he's like, well, he's a bald actor, so he's never the lead, but he's always- Give me one. I know him. He was in Election, Vice Principal in Election. In Columbine. I mean, in the movie Elephant, too.

Was he in Elephant? He's the principal that gets shot in Elephant. Okay. And he's the vice principal in Election. Yeah. Election's one of my favorite movies. Oh, really? I love that actor.

So he's a SUNY Purchase guy. He's great. Him and the principal, who's also great. He's on Veep. Yeah. Them two together in Election was pretty incredible. But you know who also went to school is Edie Falco. I know.

She spoke at one point with Daley Tucci, who also went to the school. That's right. Yeah, because they were in a play together, Dali and the Deep Blue Sea, yeah. And there was a famous director, guy, indie director from the 90s. Oh really? I don't know what director, I went to the, it was like a playwriting, screenwriting program.

It was like fairly new, I went there, I mean, it was whatever. I met like my friend who I write screenplays and make movies with. So like, I guess I think that's what college is for just to meet people, you know? Yeah, which is why my son got fucked because he was in the heart of COVID. So two of the years he wasn't even there. Where was he? He was at Harvard. Really? No, he was, he was my kid. I feel bad that I was so impressed. That was a hard reaction. I know. I can't just completely not believe it.

That would be really rude. It's a family school. I can't just straight up be like, come on, seriously. I was as shocked as you could be without being completely rude. Almost angry. I don't have the balls to be like, all right, quit fucking around. Where'd he go? Now he went to DePaul in Chicago. Oh, okay, yeah.

Big Catholic school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sucks though. Yeah, COVID really. He didn't meet anybody. He's got like his roommates and a couple other guys. His friends are all from high school, these losers from high school.

Kids are fucked. Like this kid Owen. Yeah, kids are just, it's like the first generation where it's like, you feel bad for them. Yeah. It's like sucks. Right, right. COVID and horrible online shit.

My daughter missed her prom and graduation and all that. I mean, I missed my prom too, but for other reasons. I didn't have the COVID excuse. Did you not go to the prom? No. Oh, you couldn't hook up with one of your sister's friends just as a mercy date? I did one of the gayest things instead of go to the prom.

Me and my best friend went to see Rufus Wainwright. Wow, yeah, of course. Great musician, one of my favorites. Actually, I love his dad, Loudon Wainwright, but he's great too. But yeah, we saw him. Patty Smith's opening, which is kind of interesting. Yeah, I feel like, I kind of never understood that.

I always think back on that. Like, was Patty Smith not as big back then? I think she's not a huge draw. I've seen her twice, and both times we're in like, thousand seat theaters. But this wasn't that big, and Ruthie Wainwright was, but this is before her books. I feel like she's had such a resurgence.

Pretty Horses, is that the poetry book about Mapplethorpe? Maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she had the memoirs, which are really good. They're really good. They're really good. And then I saw her on that Dylan documentary and she's like, just speaks in complete gibberish. And I was like, how did she write these books?

Really? Yeah, she just seems like out of her mind. Oh my God, my friend's gay and he's obsessed. I think she's a big gay icon. Well, that's why she must open for Rufus. Okay, yeah. Well, Mabeltherp, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, right.

So you just didn't have any possibilities if somebody could take to the prom? I mean, I was like really overweight. This is, I don't wanna, I mean, this is hard to believe, but this is me at my best. Really? You look, you know, you look- You were about as surprised as I was

about to kick out of Harvard. Like, you couldn't be like completely like, fuck you, but like, yeah. Do you have more confidence now than you did? Well, I mean, in high school, I mean, not to, I mean, like, I was very overweight and no one was into me. Yeah.

And I was afraid to make a move, because you can't, you can't get rejected when you've never had anything before that. You know what I mean? That's like wild, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, you have to like, so I was waiting for- You have to have tasted it.

I was waiting for someone to make a move, which didn't happen until I lost a bunch of weight, which was, I mean? Like you have to like, so I was waiting for- You have to have tasted it. I was waiting for someone to make a move, which didn't happen until I lost a bunch of weight, which was, I feel like that was worse for me psychologically to lose a bunch of weight and then immediately have women be interested in me. But I didn't lose my virginity till college. What year? Junior year.

Junior year. Walk us through it. It's a wild story, actually. Usually is. Walk us through it. It's a wild story, actually. Usually is. It's actually really like- Wild sounds rapey. No, no, no. Not rapey.

You say it's an interesting story. Well, it's a sad story, but not a rapist head story. It was this friend of mine, and we were like, I had lost weight and we were complaining about some fat, really fat kid in our class who had lost, who had lost her virginity. Yeah. And we were just complaining one night, and we were complaining about some fat really fact in our class who had lost Who had lost her virginity? Yeah, we're just complaining one night I just straight up was like we should just like we were both virgin like we should just fuck I said like you know We're like it's a joke unless they're serious

And she was like really and I'm like yeah, and then we like agreed to like it was like we scheduled it like a business thing when Harry fucks out yeah exactly and then I Fucked. I remember I fucked her. Who says that about those in the movie? I'm sorry. Well, I remember I was really worried about coming early, obviously. Yeah. And I read in this, there's no one, there's a Victor Frankl book called Man's Search for Meaning. Of course.

Very, you know, existential psychological book about the Holocaust. I was reading it at the time, and for some reason at the very end of the book he talks about how not to come early. I'm serious. Maybe thinking about the Holocaust? That's how he tries to do it. Count back for some six million. Here's the way I do it.

I'm surprised he didn't actually just say that. But yeah, he said your dick is like, it's because you're trying to not come early that you come early, so you should try to come early and then you won't come early. That's an old acting technique about crying is if you wanna cry, try not to. Well, it didn't work.

I had sex with her and I like, it tried to come early and then just came immediately. Like it didn't work. You're like, Franko! Franko, you fucking, the Holocaust doesn't exist. How do you feel about that? Fuck you. I, it didn't work.

Like my dick, I guess, is more impressionable or something. I don't know. But I came immediately and then I like just said the condom fell off and then I got a new condom. I had sex again and couldn't get it up. So I had experienced like both erectile types of dysfunction in like five minutes. And then the only way I could get it up. So I had experienced like both erectile types of dysfunction in like five minutes. And then the only way I could get it up was in my head,

thinking about this girl I actually was like into. And then I could get it up. And Frank. And then I had sex thinking about someone else. So the first time I had sex, I was kind of still just jacking off. Wow. And then did you hook up with this girl again? I can't imagine she wanted more of that.

We hooked up one more time and she really didn't want me to tell anyone. But I, so I, I mean, I told everyone because why else would I lose my virginity? Like, I'm like, oh, so I'm still going to have to technically be a virgin. So I told everyone and then. So basically she said, I'll have sex with you, but I don't want any paper trail. Yeah. This can't lead back to me.

Yeah. This is why I'm so fucked up and And so then I actually ended up leaving the school going back to Louisville And I guess she found out that I told people and she got really mad at me I remember I was in English class in Louisville and there was really cute girl in the class I remember I was outside afterwards. She called me. She was really mad that I told people Yeah, and I remember saying like I won't put just like it's an honor to fuck me and don't you forget it or something. I said that like right when that cute girl walked by. I was like, did not want her to hear that.

Yes, you do! But, so she denied it. And to this day, I don't, she's off the grid, so I don't, I don't know. I've never, I've never seen someone more off the grid. Like I don't. After the three specials, she sprites on everybody. No, I think she's like,

I think her tombstone will be like, I didn't fuck Rana. I think she deserves it to this day. When I tell this story, I'm kind of like, how am I not more fucked up? You know, it's just so many different types of like, rejection, you know? Yeah.

Like losing weight, still not wanting the person to tell people. But that's the thing about standup comedy is like, I mean, you look at me and you think, all right, this guy, his life probably was pretty smooth. You know, I'm not- I don't know about that, but yeah. Good luck to you, I'm totally kidding.

No, I had a fucked up childhood too. You know, my father was drunk, he hit me, and I was way too skinny. I felt like, I think one of the reasons why I'm so violent is that I'm overcompensating for being skinny. Yeah, the Joe Pesci, like kind of small guy thing. And then I had learning disorders, so I always did bad in school.

I had very low self-esteem. And then I found comedy, and I think it might be similar to you in a lot of comics comics where I found something that I went I fucking grabbed it. I go I can do this Yeah, I think this is something and I drew a lot of really good feelings about myself from stand I still do I still go out to the clubs at night Sometimes I feel really down and I'm driving home after a good set and I'm full again I feel great.

And then your self-worth is like weirdly dependent on that. Then, you know, yes, like for a long time, my girlfriend now actually had never really seen me do standup, which was, which was, I think everyone before that had seen me do standup. Like I don't like that I'd been with or I'd been in a relationship with. Like it wasn't, it didn't seem possible for someone to be into me if they hadn't seen me do standup.

But that does become like your self worth. So what did she think the first time she saw you? She liked it. I mean, she liked it a lot, but it wasn't what she was into me about, which is weird. It's a mystery. No, my wife sees me once a year.

I do a show on St. Patrick's Day every year and Paul Roman comes out and it's like when all my friends come and that's the only reason she comes is because it's like a social gathering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well no one's more impressed than your partner except maybe your siblings. Yeah. No, I think that doing stand up for your self-esteem is the reason you maybe start it and then you start to develop other relationships. I mean, hopefully, I know comics, holy shit.

I know comics that are my age that are still living set to set. They're alone, they're living in an apartment alone. They got- Still living set to set is a very perfect but sad description. Yeah. And like, I've developed enough other stuff

where I was able to get through the pandemic without going crazy, and some of these people are ready to fucking kill themselves. I think you can't, I mean, I don't know, like, not like everyone needs to have like kids or something, but I don't think you, I don't think, having stand-up be the only thing is a real bad recipe. Some people have great friendships,

or you look at like Jeff Ross, like that guy lives life like nobody I've ever seen. Some people have great friendships. Or you look at like Jeff Ross, like that guy lives life like nobody I've ever seen. I had to stop following him on Instagram because it made me feel like such a lazy, unsocial. You know, he's at the Super Bowl one week and he's at Fashion Week next week. And you know, he's just unbelievable.

But- Classic LA, being jealous of someone's Instagram. He's doing so much hard work with his Instagram social media. So how'd you meet the girlfriend? She used to be a comic, though we didn't really know each other. And then we bumped into it. She lived a block. She lives a block away from me. You live in Brooklyn, Astoria, Queenshuh. And when you meet someone who's like like kind of lives near you. It's pretty hot Yeah, I mean, so can you walk to her place from yours? She lives with me now, but yeah, she's still yeah

It's like literally like five apartments down or six and she lives with you. Yeah, she still has her place as an office She's a therapist. So she she still like works. No way. She went from comedian to therapist? Yeah. While she was doing comedy, she was in school? No, she kind of quit comedy and then became a therapist, yeah. Did she go to college for it? Yeah, yeah, she went to Columbia.

Really? Yeah. It's like the opposite job, right? My wife was at Columbia for social work, graduate. That's where she went. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Columbia worked social school. Social work school. Hotbed of antisemitism,. That's what she went. Yeah. Yeah, Columbia works social school. Social school.

Yeah. Hotbed of antisemitism, but that's where she went to. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. But let's not get into that. But she went to school. Yeah, she went to that program.

Yeah. By the way, I'm sorry, I'm a little distracted. I can't wait. My agent's supposed to come in. He's Lebanese. And I just paged him like an hour ago, and I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word.

I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word.

I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word.

I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I haven't heard a word. I call them to tell them to come in. You're the Israeli. The worst is like, a pager is in your pocket or on your belt in front of your dick. It's the perfect crime. I gotta give it up for your people on that one.

I feel, you feel bad for them a little, I mean, they're not terrorists, but it's just embarrassing the technology being so old. That's insane. It's like, we nuke their walkman. It's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

It's just like embarrassing. Exploding two TVs. A huge military and then they're just like the guys on the wire with like burner phones. I know, it's hilarious. No, I don't feel bad for them because they're soldiers. Like either side, either side or soldiers if you die It's not like civilians. I know there was some civilians kill

But yeah, the guys have got their balls blown off by the enemy is kind of the perfect crime, but they're also like Terrorists so I guess they kind of want to die. I guess I guess you feel bad if they don't die. Yeah They're like fuck I guess they kind of want to die. I guess so. I guess you feel bad if they don't die. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, fuck, I'm still on earth. They got 99 versions but no dick. Is it 99? How many versions do you have? No, it's 72. 72.

Yeah. And no balls. Yeah, no, it's, yeah, I mean, you know, people died, I'm a civilian, which is always sad, but it definitely was like a nice, well, whatever. It's interesting, like, people died, I was civilian, which is always sad, but it definitely was like a nice, whatever. It's interesting, like people criticize Israel for it, but like, I don't know if they understand that Hezbollah was like shooting missiles at them

since October 8th. Like literally, like before anything, they were like over almost 100,000 people evacuated. I don't know if people contextualize that. Whatever, but anyway. Well, it is interesting because like I don't know if people contextualize that. Whatever, but anyway. Well, it is interesting because I don't really, I mean, I grew up in New York, so obviously I read the New York Times every day,

and they were always very supportive of Israel. And New York in general is a very Jewish place. My wife is Jewish. But at the same time, I'm Irish, and the Irish very much side with the Palestinians. You're really torn here. Jewish wife, Irish background. So I don't have a side in this. I don't have any skin. You shouldn't have a side. I don't have a side either.

But the media wants me to have a side. They want me to hate the other side. You shouldn't. Yeah, you should resist that. You should. I mean... I hate local. I don't hate international. I think like, no, I think there's really, there's a misconception that there's two sides that are just like, one side is just purely for Israel or one side is purely for Gaza.

The real two sides are the side of nuance and like looking at all these different things and trying to process it, and the side of just complete extreme dogma. And those are the two sides. Those are the real two sides. Well, I think that just boiled down this country right now. There's so much black and white thinking.

It's awful, yeah. Yeah, it's all headlines. Nobody reads an article on their feed. They just read the headline, keep on going. It's exhausting. And it's the culture warship is exhausting and it's all really exhausting. Yeah.

But yeah, I mean. The culture war thing is blown out of proportion though. It doesn't affect that many people. I guess I just mean it's- This whole trans thing and all that, like that's just risk for the right. The discourse is exhausting. Like just seeing people talk about it.

Just seeing bad faith arguments at all times based on their own like agenda is just exhausting. Right, right, right own agenda is just exhausting. It's just exhausting to, it's exhausting to see people where you know their take always, and they constantly post a take that you knew they were gonna post.

I fucking love your joke about, oh sorry, let me turn off my ringer, I had it on so that I could hear you calling. I love your joke about trans bathrooms. Oh, thanks. Oh my God, that's such a smart joke. I'm just gonna paraphrase it because I know you don't wanna tell your own joke.

But basically saying that like, oh, so a guy's gonna go into a trans bathroom and rape somebody, but if they... Wait, wait. It's like my mom. Wait, wait, wait, what is it? That if you're a murderer, somehow you... I'll just do the joke.

Yeah, do it, do the joke. I'd rather, no, I just say... What do I say? I say... You can't even do it now. A lot of people think like if you let transgender women into women's bathrooms it will be like a loophole for predators. It's okay if you believe that, but if you do believe that, that does mean you believe

there are guys out there going, man, I'd love to go into a woman's bathroom, just abduct and murder someone. But unfortunately, I'm just not allowed in there. They respect the rule of the bathroom. Yeah. I mean, I'll kill someone, but I'm not about to break bathroom sign etiquette. I love it because like you can, I'm all for allowing a trans person

to go in the other bathroom, but here's the thing. The women's room is gonna change because you may put a dress on it and lipstick on it. That's a dude taking a dump in there. We'll see how real trans is based on how messy the bathroom gets. Yeah, I mean, to me it's just a joke. Some people get like mad at the comments.

Anytime people argue in the comments, they just wanna be like, I'm just trying to make a joke. I'm not like, I don't really think that much about the issue. Like I just don't know enough and don't feel like I need to have an opinion always. I just think it's a funny joke and I just think it's like,

I mean maybe there is a little bit of a logical misstep there to think like a sign would stop people. But I don't like have skin in the game. No, and I feel like that I've got this joke now about Walgreens and being corporate douchebags and it gets an applause break. And every time it does I go, oh yeah, that's the comic I wanna be.

I wanna be the guy saying something and getting applause. I almost yell at the audience for doing it. No, it's so annoying. Whenever I wanna tighten my act, like trim it, I'll go to Brooklyn, and anything that gets a snap, I just cut that out. Ah, do you avoid Brooklyn shows? Cause I've only done a couple,

and I really didn't like them. Well, I avoid them more also because they're really far away. But if they were better, I'd probably go more. Yeah, I mean. It's the same thing as going to Echo Park or Los Angeles out here. Well, the problem is it's like, it's not just Brooklyn. When you have like a young crowd, sometimes like a really young crowd, sometimes it can be really good.

And sometimes it's just that kind of thing where they're like, they just don't really know what to laugh at. And they do think about whether to laugh before they laugh. And it's a certain level of sensitivity that kind of ruins comedy. Cause I think comedy has to have some level of insensitivity a little.

Yes. And like, it's not just with making fun of other people. It's not just like the whole, whatever, punching down bullshit thing that's not really, you know, whatever. It's the fact that even if I'm self-deprecating, that gets like pity now. And that like really, like I'll do a self-deprecating joke

and people are like, oh. And I'm like, well, that's the, I'm confident enough to be funny about these things. And you, and I'm assuming it's relatable. And when you awe, you're distancing yourself from me. And that's, there's more punching down in the awe sound. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it's because there's this sort of voice

in comedy now that's very confessional and very autobiographical. And not funny. And not funny. And not funny. And so people really are signing up for a little ride with somebody's life. I was Hasidic, but then I transitioned. I know.

And it's like, I don't want you to know really that much about me. I just want to make you laugh. Anytime someone brings up their identity, like I just, I don't know, even if it's a, sometimes it's a good joke, but a lot of times it just feels so hack. Like, what does it matter?

Like it's just like- They're doing a 15 minute set and they're going to do a fucking one person show up there. And it's like, do you really like, I don't know. Yeah, it bothers me. I hate when people are different too. I just hate when somebody's not the same. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't know.

I think as you get older also, you just start to hate more and more comedy. Yes. Until it's down to like finding two people funny or something, you know? Colin Quinn and David Till. Everybody agrees, those two guys. That's the unanimous, yeah. Who's the woman everybody, Maria Bamford I think everybody loves. Yeah, yeah, she's great.

I mean, there's a lot of, yeah. What other female comics are unequivocal? Unequivocally great? Yeah. I think Michelle Wolf is great. Yeah. I love Kathleen Madigan. I used to open for her a lot.

Yeah. I think she's great. I mean, there's, you know, you like- Rachel Feinstein. Rachel Feinstein's amazing, yeah. Yeah, but that's it. I'm just joking. I'm joking. I just do whatever we talk about.

Whitney's really good. Whitney's good. Whenever we talk about favorite comics, when I used to be like a douche, I'd always be like, I'd name like four, I'd be like, oh, my favorite comics are Louis C.K., Bill Burr, Stuart Lee, and some woman. No, there's a lot of great female comics.

I mean, you know. More and more all the time. Here's a great one in Maddie Weiner. I don't know if you've heard, she's a New York newer, but really great. Yeah. Really great, yeah, plenty of great comics. Who's the one who Louis just produced her special? She's great, Adrienne Apolutu. Yeah, right great. Yeah, plenty of great girls. Who's the one who Louie just produced her special?

She's great, Adrienne Apoluchu. Yeah, right, right. She has a touch of a psychopathy like you. She does. Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. I love her, but she is... We went to, I opened with her, me and her opened for Louie all over Europe,

and we went to Israel. No shit. Yeah, a while ago, and we were at the Western Wall. And you know how it's split up between men and women? Okay. Like the men are on one section and the women are on the other section. And it's like very religious there.

Yeah. You're not allowed to go in the other section. Yeah. And Adrienne was at the, the woman's section was too long. So she's like, I'm going to the men's section. And I got like, I'm like, you cannot do that. Yeah.

She's like, I'm going. And I'm like, do you really want a bunch of religious Jews yelling at you in Hebrew? Are you really like okay with that? And she was like, I'm gonna go. And I'm like, you do not wanna go. This is a lose-lose. Either you'll get stoned

or everyone will just think you're a man and not notice. And like, and finally I got her to not go, but it was like, I was like, please don't go. Yeah. But I also, I mean, I love Adrian, but I also think like, it's like, you should respect the customs of the place you're at, I think, you know?

Well, I like when Ali G went to, now which character was he doing? When he went to Israel and he wore like assless chaps, but with the rest of the setup. He's got a touch of psychopath. And they fucking you have to have you have to have a touch of psychopath to be that Guy yeah Stan hopes like that. He really tries to enrage the crowd to not care. Yeah, I Think another one who's one of the best at Chad Daniels who I also think like really I think he had a touch of it I mean that a good way. I don't think he's totally prepared to lose a crowd. Yeah, I think that's pretty

wild and yeah, and I He's the one comic I saw one weekend I don't really mean it in fact about but he's the one committed I saw one weekend that I watched every set Yeah, cuz it was just interesting to watch him because he's he's kind of a next level thing where he like He almost gets like bored of crushing, so he like loses the crowd just to see if he can get them back. I'm not like that at all. I want to-

You naturally lose them. Yeah. I want, I mean, I just want people to like me. You very, you're very consistent. You really have a style that's, it's filled with jokes and it's, do you ever lose your voice? Cause you really come at them. Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes, yeah. I'm trying to, Like if you're doing a five show weekend. Yeah, I've lost my voice. I've tried to control it better over the last like five years. I try to find like a lot of places to be quiet. Yeah.

You know? And then kind of like how Eddie Pemperton, I feel like he always finds like quiet moments, you know? Right. Which it's all, I mean, it's very funny when he's quiet because it's such a shift. When I'm losing mine, I just turn into Johnny Crowdwork. Let them do half the talking.

I've tried to learn how to speak from my diaphragm more a little, but yeah, I'll lose my voice. Yeah, you just feel like you're caught, you're caught in your voice a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes me worry about you when I hear you the way you deliver, like, oh, this guy's gonna fucking... No, I- You don't want to turn into one of those FM DJs,

you know? I try to get a little better at it. Yeah. But yeah. No, I'm loud. But I think... I think I'm a... I think my one niche is that I have pretty good jokes for a loud comic. I feel like a lot of loud comics maybe don't always have great jokes or good jokes. I'm trying to think of loud comics that I've, I don't consider you loud. I just think you're just forceful. Okay.

Yeah, maybe I'm not, I used to be really loud. I also used to be like- Gilbert. Yeah, well that's definitely who I, people compare me to Gilbert a lot. Yeah, yeah. People call, repair, people compare me to Gilbert a lot. People call Repair Me to Gilbert or Arnie Lang. They really overestimate how much they think I like being compared to Arnie Lang.

They really overestimate the joy I get being told, nothing against them, but being told I look like someone without a nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A guy who, yeah. They, people really overestimate the joy and gratitude they think I get. From, yeah, a guy who is called Baby Gorilla by Don Rickles. But Gilbert Gottfried, I don't really know stuff that well. I mean, I know his, but like, I do relate to him. Cause I remember that he said one time

that the reason he's loud, cause he started at bars where no one was paying attention. He had to yell to get, and that's how I started. So I always feel like I had to yell just to get people's attention. And now it doesn't make any sense. Like if I'm like at like a small theater, I'm just yelling and they're like, we're all listening.

But it's too late. I've had to, I had to fight my way. Cause when he started out, I feel like there's so many shows. First of all, I didn't mean it as a critique. I hope you're not taking it that way. No, I meant it. I take everything as a critique. No, I think it's the kind of thing where

sometimes I find myself like, I'm a good starter in life. And I'm like that with standup. I go up and I really hit them hard for 20 minutes. And then I go, oh, I fucking got him. And I already take the win. And then I can start to like get quiet. And I look at myself and I go, man, you got fucking flat during that second half.

But I just mean that like you keep your intensity up all the way through. Yeah, I mean, I try to, I try to like, yeah, I'm very, I don't know. I mean, I think you're, everyone's like comedic, whatever, I'm very, I don't know. I think everyone's comedic, whatever, voice. I think it's defined a little by how insecure they are. And I'm very insecure.

So I definitely try to do well the whole time and wanna do like, yeah. But you must feel like you're one of the real hot guys in New York who consistently does well. You work in the cellar. You're respected by a lot of good comics. Comedy is weird. Cause like when you like are doing okay,

you're just around people who are doing so much better than you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like if you're doing okay, it means everyone else in the room is doing, is just like a millionaire. Right, right, right. But I mean, you know, like, but I guess that's good.

I mean, I guess you always want to be in a position where like people are doing better than you in the room. Oh yeah, for sure. Don't you think? Yeah. But it's easy to lose perspective a little. But it is nice to then swing by one of those like bar shows and just get people like, what are you doing here?

It's like when you go home. Yeah. Like you're in your hometown. Yeah, I mean, in those situations, just get people like, what are you doing here? It's like when you go home, yeah. Like in your hometown. Yeah, I mean, in those situations, you do feel like, but yeah, I mean, like I'm friends with people where I'm like, I don't even know you think you should be friends with me. We're in different tax brackets.

Yeah, yeah. Well, how'd you get on Joe Rogan? You just did, you did great on that recently. Oh yeah, thanks. Oh, thanks, yeah. I don't know. I mean, my managers gave the booker the info and then I get, Joe follows me. I think maybe he knew my stuff. I don't know. I mean, my managers gave the booker the info, and then I get it, Joe follows me.

I think maybe he knew my stuff. I don't know. But yeah, I don't know. But you stayed funny on it. It's kind of hard sometimes with Joe, because he could start going down rabbit holes. I know. And then the comedy can sort of take a backseat

to an exploration of stuff. But you kept it funny. Yeah, I try. I mean, I try. I mean, like, I'm not like, yeah, there's a lot of looking up stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jamie? Yeah, it's a lot of, like, reading out articles out loud. I definitely learned. Every time I go on there, I walk away from it going like, Jesus Christ, I want to go further down that rabbit.

He also can challenge some of my opinions on things. He's pretty, I mean, he is kind of quietly challenging. He's like calm and it's like calm experience and also like challenging. Well because he's not preaching it, he's questioning everything. Yeah, exactly. I think he gets this bad rep from the left because he comes out with opinions that don't mesh with the status quo.

But then sometimes if you hear him out, like some of this stuff about vaccinations, and I'm not anti-vaxx by any means, I'm all about getting vaxxed, but there is a really fucking questionable pipeline of money coming through the whole thing. And also, I think even more important than that is that I do think he believes in what he's saying.

And I think as long as you, there's a lot of things I disagree with him about, but I think as long as you believe in what you're saying, you're at least not like, Tucker Carlson doesn't believe in what he's saying. Exactly. You know what I mean? There's nothing disingenuous about Joe.

And he will also change his opinion. Yeah, I do think he believes in what he's saying. At the end of the day, I think you have to respect that. I know when he was on Spotify, a lot of musicians, or not a lot, but some musicians. Neil Young and Joni Mitchell. Which is like, I mean, to me, I think it's more important to, you do want to live in a country where people have the right to like, say what they

believe. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like it's almost a little more dangerous to not have that. Right. You know what I mean? I mean, I get what they're saying too. I get they felt like we were in this kind of emergency situation, but like I don't know I mean I

Do think in America like you always need a check on the on your own facts You need somebody checking the facts That's why the conservative and Democrat it used to be like a kind of okay system because they kind of check each other right? But now it's just now I mean I feel like any responsible Republican kind of switched over to the Democrats. Do you, and it's funny because you're special, you say that you don't like Joe Rogan, you don't like a lot of things he stands for, but if he asked me to come on his show,

that would be great. Did you address that on the podcast? No, I was really worried he'd saw that. I was like really worried, because it's just a joke. It's just a joke. But to do the joke, I have to present it like I don't like it for it to work. Yeah. And I call him transphobic,

which I didn't even like have that opinion. It's just that my last bit was a trans bit. Yeah. So I had to have a segue. So I'm just like, that's why I don't like Joe Rogan. He's transphobic. The only way I'd ever even remotely consider

going on his podcast is if he asked me, Joe Rogan, he's transphobic. The only way I'd ever even remotely consider going on his podcast is if he asked me. So it's just a joke, but I was worried that he'd say. Now he loves shit like that. He loves stuff like that stuff. I know two other comics that do bits like that, not that bit, but talking about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he has them on the show all the time. Yeah, he was really cool. And yeah, I do think it's like, yeah, I mean, you can't blame someone if they're saying how they feel. Right. I mean, like, even if you disagree with it. All right, now it's time for you to tell me how you feel. This is a bit called the Fastballs with Fitz. Okay. I don't like the title either. Just got so slow after that one. You're like, fastball with Fitz and then you just sigh like an old man. Yeah, it's like one of my sets. I just take a fade on it. Is it unfair that some people are likable and naturally likable and or good looking? Of course.

I mean, but everything's unfair. Yeah. But of course. But yeah, I mean, like, yeah, I mean, like everything's unfair. Yeah, but of course But yeah, I mean like yeah, I mean like I think hot privilege is like yeah huge thing, right? a huge thing, I've been doing this bit about it where it's just like just talking about how like It's so much easier for like an ugly guy to be considered creepy versus hot guy Like for an ugly guy to be considered creepy All he has to do is just like flirt with a woman and she'll be like, I feel unsafe. And for a hot guy to be creepy,

he literally has to be like Ted Bundy for a woman to be like, I'm getting a weird vibe. Even Ted Bundy. And then I go, even him, he got married in jail, which is the ultimate hot privilege. He killed 30 people and still some women were like, he's a bad boy. Like if I was a serial killer,

I'm not getting married in jail. But so yeah, so I think hot privilege is a big thing. And I think it's bigger than, I mean, I guess this is a tough thing to say, but I think it's being ugly, like actually ugly is worse than being any minority in terms of like privileges. Because even no matter what minority you are, you're still beloved by your community. But ugly people are not beloved. There's no ugly community. No.

Ugly people hate other ugly people. They don't wanna be seen with others. They don't wanna be seen with other ugly people. And you're not like your ethnicity. White people hate ugly white people. It's a bad look on their whole group in general, you know? So you have no community. No, sometimes when you're at the mall,

you'll see an ugly teenage girl, and then she'll be with a bunch of hot girls. And they do that, they'll take one in. Of course, take one in to feel better. And she will be the designated driver, and she'll, you know. The wingman, when someone's trying to fuck them, she's there to be like, come on, let's go. No bigger wingman than the unattractive friend

of the girl you're trying to hook up with at a party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they have a friend with them who's kind of unattractive, you're not getting laid. Right. And then you see, sometimes you see a pack of ugly girls together. But then that doesn't work.

It's weird. It's awful. It's like, am I in the movie Freaks? It's like, yeah. Also, sometimes they share like a one bad body trait. Like sometimes they all have big asses and small tits. Yeah, don't get me started. I'm not a big fan of these big ass culture.

Everyone, every guy's like, look at that big ass. I'm like, that's just a fat person. Yeah, right. But then you go to the gym and you got these women that relentlessly do squats. I don't like it, it's disproportionate. They build it up. Isn't disproportionate something being disproportionate bad?

No. You don't think so? I think it is. No, because in nature, wide hips say that you're better at delivering babies and big tits mean you can feed the baby. You're supposed to look voluptuous. Right, but like tits can get too big. I know every guy gets me, it calls me gay when I say this,

but it's true, tits can get too big. No. Symmetry is important. Like aesthetically, like something looking like you have elephantitis, like elephantitis or whatever, that's not good. There you go, come on everybody. It's not good. There you go. Come on everybody. It's not good.

I'm against, you know, I don't know. I think you're wrong. I think you're way off base, sir. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever borrowed a lot of money or lent a lot of money? From people or from student loans? No, from people.

Well, I just raised money for a little movie I made. Oh really? So that's something. No kid, how much did you raise? Well it's a 25 minute thriller that's like a small version of a feature. We raised $34,000. Wow. You can still donate now at memoryroommovie.com.

Memoryroommovie.com. Okay, I'd like everybody, all of my listeners, I'm serious. Just give five bucks. Yeah, don't give it to Kamala, whatever text you get from the, by the way, the fact that every president is just texting you for money all the time makes me feel not bad for asking for anything ever.

Yes. But yeah, donate now, you get cool rewards when you donate, you can get your name in the credits. Oh really? For only 30 bucks. Okay, that sounds fun. I'm gonna do that. Yeah, thank you.

Yeah, I'll hold you to it. But yeah, no, we went way over budget. Yeah, where'd that money come from? The money we went over budget. Well, that's why we're trying to raise more money. I mean, we're gonna have to. So is it on credit cards right now? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, we went really over budget. How far over? 15K. So you got 15K on credit cards right now? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, we went really over budget. How far over? 15K. So you got 15K on credit cards right now? Yeah. What's the interest rate? It's good, it's not bad.

Our producer has a card for his company, so I think we're okay for a little bit. Okay, well then seriously. No, I'm serious. People follow their dreams. You are a very creative, interesting guy. You have a lot to say. And support this film.

Just five bucks. Just fucking do it. It'll take you 30 seconds. And this guy can create something that may turn into a feature. Yeah, yeah. We're gonna use it to use money for a feature. You can watch the trailer on there. We made a little trailer so people know that we're trying to use it to like use money for future. You can watch the trailer on there You know, we made a little trailer. Okay know that we're you know, serious. Okay

Made a trailer before completing the movie. That's great Just put in a note when you donate put in a note saw you on Radio and they'll know how much and yeah, I'll be proud of you guys if we can let's try to raise like five thousand dollars Oh, yeah. Oh, thanks so much. Yeah, wow. But yeah, so that's where I've raised borrowed money. I can have borrowed money from my, I don't really borrow that much money from my parents.

I asked the question not assuming you'd ask me for it, but scratch that from the script for next time. Have you ever not finished a set on stage? Oh, that's a great question. That's why it's a fastball for fits. No, I got close. I've left stage. Does that count?

Yes. I've left stage actually recently. I was at the New York Comedy Club and the mic, there was this loud, really loud buzzing. Yeah. And no one was in there. And I was telling the waiters, like, can you all check on this?

Yeah. And none of them did because waiters just act like he don't exist. Yeah. And so I literally was like, I've never done it. I felt like I have to leave stage and figure out what's going on. So I left stage for a minute to talk to people and then they told me it was working and I went back on stage. Oh, like I have to leave stage and figure out what's going on. So I left stage for like a minute to like talk to people

and then they told me it was working and I went back on stage. Oh, you went back on? I went back. Oh, then that doesn't count. No, I've never left. I've never left. I've never left stage.

I mean, never like completely ended. And I've had some like real violence on the shows before. Really? I was at the show where I couldn't go to the green room because of the Carlos Mencia. That show, there's like a heckler in the audience and like a waiter went up to him, just asked him to be quiet.

He choked him out. And then like five people like jumped on the guy, started punching him. We turned the lights on. What city was this? Tacoma, which is kind of like, I think you can be kind of violent there. And the lights went on.

I was really scared because I was like, love to be in the green room right now for safety. But at least Carlos's shirts are safe. But wait, you were on stage during this? Yeah. Yeah. And then I just kind of stayed in the corner. But then I was like.

You continued the show? Yeah, because you know how you're in your head, you're like, all right, this will be good. Because the minute, any time you continue your show, they're just, everyone's just so impressed you didn't show yourself. But I will be honest, I didn't fully get them back. I got them back, but not fully. And I felt bad about myself.

But then I remember, they did see real violence. That's tough. What do you see, like real violence? Yeah, real violence really affects people's psyches. It takes away the show quality. Yes. Well, you're breaking up the matrix. Yes.

It's whatever, I mean, there is a sense of a show up there. You're on stage and there's this kind of like thing and very few things break back cause it's just a standup. But violence, violence breaks it. And Carlos went up after that and did he address it? Well, he was headlining the future show. Oh, right, right, right. But I'm sure he did my jokes in a Mexican accent. How long ago was this?

A couple years ago. Okay because I'm going to Tacoma next month I'm going to ask them about the story. Make sure you stay in the green. Yeah they have the footage this cam footage from the fight. They got that green room with all the candy in it. Yeah that's not great. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up. Some people have bad self will or willpower. Final question. Yeah. What's the hackiest bit you've ever done? Well, that's a great question. Oh, fuck. I mean, I had like, what's the hackiest bit I've ever done? Is this hacky? I did this joke recently. I don't know if it's hacky or just corny. I said, I woke up this morning. I had three non-heineken zeros. I'm worried I'm becoming a non-alcoholic. That's pretty hacky. That's horrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's perfect for that question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still think it's kind hacky. That's horrible. That's horrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's perfect for that question. That's pretty, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still think it's kind of funny. I do a joke where I go, I go, I've been drinking the Heineken NA beer, the NA, and so I thought of a commercial for them. It goes like this.

Hey, wanna have a blast tonight? Nah. That's good, that's fun. Yeah, there's something fun there. All right, listen, you're a lot of fun. If people wanna see you live, you'll be at Skank Fest September 27th through the 29th. You're gonna put a couple pounds on that weekend.

Oh yeah, for eating and stuff, really? Don't they eat garbage in the middle of the night? Yeah, fuck. You a drinker, a drug doer? I don't, I drink. You drink? No, I don't drink. I take edibles at night sometimes to go to sleep,

but no, I don't drink. Yeah, see Skagfester, I'll be at comedy off Broadway. I got you, I got you. Oh, sorry, sorry. I'm not one of those podcasters that go like, oh, you wanna plug your shit? You're so researched. In a story on October 11th, you'll be doing a solo show.

Well, I actually, I was gonna do a show about anti-Semitism I've been working on. I wasn't gonna do it on October 11th, but it turns out that's Jom Kippur. So I'm just gonna do a regular show then, but I will be doing my anti-Semitism show on October 28th at that same place. What's the place? It's called the Grove 34 in Astoria.

Okay. Comedy Off-Broadway in Lexington, not far from where you grew up. October 17th to the 19th. Colorado Run Vale. I'm doing a weird run in Colorado. Oh, I see so November 7th through the 10th if you go to the website Renan Hirschberg calm yeah, just go there. You'll see my tour dates and also watch my My special brave that came out not too long ago. Yes, it's excellent

And he shot at the Comedy Cellar shot at the Comedy Cellar Village Underground my second special I've shot at the Comedy Cellar. He really dressed it Cellar, Village Underground. My second special I've shot at the Comedy Cellar. He really dressed it. You took stuff off the walls and put up your lights. Yeah, the directors are really great. These guys, Jason Katz and James Webb. Do you know either of them? They're really, like, really great.

Yeah, Jason Katz sounds familiar. But yeah, they did tube lights and that made it look kinda cool. Did they produce it? Did they bankroll it? No, I've been bankrolling everything. That's another credit card debt right there. I've bankrolled so much of my career.

Jesus. That's how you got to do it, man. I'm the one who, I'm my financier. Yeah, that's great. That's great. Yeah, you know. Alright, so spell your name for your website so people can find it. So, it's R-A-A-N-A-N-H-e-r-s-h-b-e-r-g dot com or you can follow me on Instagram and the link to the tickets are there run on comedy r-a-a-n-a-n comedy just follow me on Instagram and the tour dates are on there I love it. Yeah, and just watch my special brave. It's on YouTube right now

Three great specials check them all out and thanks for being here man. And thanks for being here, man. Good to see you again. It was an honor. You're such a great comic, it's always fun to be hanging with you. Oh, thanks, man. Awesome, it's always fun. God bless the USA. you