Fitzdog Radio - Sam Simon

Episode Date: September 14, 2011

Greg and Executive Producer on The Simpsons, Sam Simon, discuss the burdens of having so many Emmys and how they can dispose of them. Mike Gibbons joins in on a conversation about whether or not Eddie Murphy is a good choice as the host of the 63rd Primetime Emmy Awards. Then there’s a Talk Your Way Out of It, some Overheards and How I Listen entry discussion.

Tonight's podcast is brought to you by Audible.com, the internet's leading provider of audiobooks. More than 75,000 downloadable titles, fiction, non-fiction, and periodicals. For a free audiobook of your choice, go to audiblepodcast.com slash greg. And now, FitzDog Radio. Welcome to FitzDog Radio, a very special, special episode where I'm joined by my good friend, my mentor, Sam Simon. Welcome, Sam. Greg, I am so proud of you. I feel you've taken all the lessons that I have given you over the years and you've really made them your own. Thanks for taking me out to the lake when I was younger.

You taught me how to canoe and chop wood. Otherwise, I would have been... I'm proud of you. I just want to say I'm proud of you. I would still be black if I hadn't met you. Sam Simon, if you don't know his work, is one of the co-creators of The Simpsons, which is an animated television show on Fox. He has won, I think, like seven or nine emmy awards 11 ha most people go oh who's counting you're like 11 that's an amazing thing i'm about to pack them up yeah you're moving no i just don't

i you know i mean i haven't really done that in a long time. I feel like somebody else won those things, and I want to get rid of them. Oh, shut up. Yeah. Just came for fun. I've been to your house, and there in the back, you've got this beautiful office behind your house. Yeah.

And it makes people happy. It's got windows around the side of it, and they're in the windows. I'm a crowd pleaser. And you look in, and it's like, holy shit, that's impressive. Yeah. It's nice. It's like a trophy case that's a

house that's why uh talking to the mic that's why they're still there because people get a kick out of it for the people and i just well what would you do if you were gonna get rid of them i put them in a box i'd keep them oh oh because i was gonna say let's say it was the last say you picked one or two for charity let's say you were going to like say auction it off whatever let me give you a little advice which i always thought people should do instead of auctioning it off where one guy pays for it and all this you would arrange something with ebay where you would raffle it off and huge and simpsons fans even kids for a dollar ticket you could raise five million bucks with one emmy trophy for your animals I don't know if that's true.

I really do. I don't think those statues go for a lot of money. From the creator of the Simpsons, a Simpsons Emmy? I mean, I think you could probably. I've seen them for sale. It's not such a bad idea. I think it's like $1,000. Maybe $1,000, not $5 million.

That's for sale. That's my point. One person paying for it. But do a raffle and you'll have tons of... Why not throw a buck at it? Alright. I don't think it's such a bad idea. You know, we'll think about it.

I could sell it on Beezit. By the way, Mike Gibbons is the third voice in the room. And not the voice of reason, obviously. Oh, jeez. Sorry for trying to help dogs. Maybe somebody's been thinking about selling their Emmy from the Ellen DeGeneres show. Oh, you mean my asterisk?

That's what it should be, a gold asterisk on a little mount. It's a daytime Emmy. Oh, easy. That's a pet peeve of mine. Even though I want to pack up my Emmy, when people say, oh, I want an Emmy, and then they go, it's a daytime Emmy. Not only is it a daytime one. I got four of them.

Yeah, but you know, it's a daytime Emmy. Not only is it a daytime one. I got four of them. Yeah, but you know, it's even in my lifetime, like now there's so many categories and there's so many Emmys and they let the whole writing staff win. I'm all for them. I love that in one minute he's denigrating his Emmys because they really don't mean anything and now he's

defending it. No, I think it's great, but it used to be really hard to get them, and now it's not. And the other thing about the Emmys is, and they must address this, the biggest stars of television, the people that drive me, there's no category for Rachel on Big Brother, for Boston Rob. I mean, these are the Camille Grammer. What are you talking about?

These are the biggest stars on television. Oh, reality show stars. Yes. Sure there are. Oh, best reality show, but not individual. I mean, these are the stars of television today. Yeah, that's true. Like Kim Kardashian could not win one, for instance.

Good point, Mike. The show could. Yes. It's not fair to her. Well, I'm saying you're putting point. The show could. Yes. It's not fair to her. Well, I'm saying it's you're putting on a very dated show. Yes. Well, not necessarily because

I'm working on them now. Maybe I'll suggest it. Bring it up. Alright. At the same time, they're not dated because in the talk show category, only one network show, Jimmy Fallon, every other talk show category. Only one network show. Jimmy Fallon. Every other talk show is a cable show.

You got Colbert. You got... Conan. Yeah, Conan. Jon Stewart. And then... I forget what the other one is. No late night?

And Bill Maher. Maybe it's... Bill Maher's a great show. But I'm just saying. So they're not outdated because they're honoring cable shows. That's an old form. They aren't acknowledging how much that fully a third of television is this type of show.

But like sitcoms, there aren't that many sitcoms on TV anymore. They used to be half of what was on TV. And they have sitcom directors. They have sitcom writers. They have sitcom supporting actors and now in the top 20 shows there's one sitcom in the top 20 and yet there's 8 million awards for the sitcom

I'm with you Sam Simon I'm very excited for you that you're so impassioned about something well you don't like it or you do? I do that was the radio show we just did this Howard 100 show on Sirius, which was a lot of fun.

And now we're back. Jeff Ross called in. Jeff Ross, the roast master, called in. He gave us the lowdown on the roast, which by the time you hear this, we'll still be several days away. So just to recap it, basically, Jeffrey told us that Steve-O ran headlong into Mike Tyson's fist four times until he broke his own nose, which was exciting. And then he told us that he did a couple of very funny jokes himself.

Can I make an observation? Yes. When they say roast man? Yes. People, sometimes things happen in the language. You could use this in your stand-up. George Carlin could. But listen, how many people realize that's a pun on post,

like it's a pun on Postmaster, which started as Postmaster General. I never thought of it until you just said it. That was the joke. So nobody even knows it anymore, and they just repeat it. I never thought of it until you just said it. That was the joke. Yeah. So nobody even knows it anymore, and they just repeat it. You know, that's kind of like what somebody said about needle skipping.

Was it you that said that, Mike? That there'll still be that. You'll watch a kid's TV show, and someone will say the wrong thing, and you'll hear that, like needle skipping. And kids today have no idea why. Well, also, you'll hear a lot of times when they're doing the Arabian Desert 6 p.m. You know, on a movie, it'll have typewriter sound in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that, texting?

That'll be a good thing for the show. Let's do that as a write-in thing. At Greg Fitzshow on Twitter. Oh, no, better yet, directly to Ileana on the website. Send in things. Anachronisms. Is that an anachronism? It's kind of an anachronism.

Send in your anachronism. Send it in things that have become obsolete and yet are still part of our vernacular today. And whoever sends in the best one, this will be, every week I'm having a contest, and the winner gets a free Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons audiobook, which comes out in November. Last week's winner, I can tell you right now who won last week. We're changing

up the contest. Sam Simon. Sam Simon. He's going to get one. I won this week. This is the winner of last week. We did a contest called How I Listen. And people wrote in how they listen to the podcast because I'm always curious. Because it's weird. You don't see them.

I don't know how they listen. So we got a bunch of people. This is Hal. He won. We got dozens, dozens and dozens of people. Some sent pictures of themselves. Hal, I'm a quadriplegic, and I use a Velcro strap around my hand

that holds a half a pencil in it. The eraser side is used to type, pull my shirt down and clean my nose. I heat up a wet wash rag and clean out my boogers. He won a dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons audio book for the being that up. No, no. He sent a video. It's on YouTube. Oh, we posted it on the site.

You can watch him throw a dog, a ball to his dog, but it barely, it doesn't go that far, but the dog's beautiful. It comes and brings it back. No, come on. You call him a liar. This week, I'll read you this week's, and then you guys pick the winner. This is the final how I listen to the show, and then we're switching over to anachronisms? Ish, yeah.

Out of time things. How about that? Out of time. Let's call it out of time, Eliana. Put that up. Out of time things. How about that? Out of time. Let's call it out of time, Eliana. Put that up. Out of time. And then when we read the winner, it'll be a clock ticking, which they don't do anymore. Right.

And then an alarm bell going off, which doesn't happen anymore. That'll be the little sting for it. All right, these are the entries. You guys tell me which one you think should win. There's three of them. Sarah Stick wrote, I listen to the podcast while I am cooking dinner. No kids allowed in the room when mommy is listening to her, quote, fuck word radio, as my husband calls it. So he has to take the kids out of the kitchen and watch them in another room. Thank you, Fitz Dog.

That's number one. Number two is Peter White. Greg, I listen to the podcast while on the shitter at work. Your melodic voice works better than Metamucil. And finally, Joseph Salem. I listen to Fitz Dog Radio while working in a laboratory trying to find a cure for cancer. Sometimes it's difficult to focus on my work because I'm laughing and enjoying the podcast so much. Every second I mess up or lose focus is a second loss in the fight against cancer.

Oh well. Did you send a tape of that? Because I don't believe that either. I don't believe that people can hear you without talking to a microphone. That's a PhD. That's a what? He signed a PhD. Oh, well, then I take it back.

So we can look him up. No, his email is from... His email says, PhD, fucky. You're so jaded and cynical when it comes to non-dogs. It's true. All right, who's your picks? Let's get it. I got my pick.

Well, this is not a real contest. It's a contest. The winner is going to get a free Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons audio book. I'm saying there certainly is a fabulous prize, but it's not a competitive. Who's the winner? Number one. Number one is the woman who cooks and listens to fuck radio. Mike Gibbons?

Send the quadriplegic a second book, I think. All right, I'm going to pick Joseph Salem, the last guy who cures cancer. Mr. PhD? Yeah. I'm going to let you be the tiebreaker since you didn't really guess. Huh. Well, if there were a way to make up websites that weren't accurate by putting PhD, that would really... You know what? I'm going to research

Joseph Salem. You look it up, because you've got to be able to. How about this? Let's have him prove it. Let's have him prove it. Alright, Joseph Salem, you will win, but only, only if you can send me a scanned diploma. He's accusing you of slowing down a cure for cancer.

I think what he's saying is... I hope he's working on feminine cancer, like breast cancer. Right? You know men get breast cancer. Well, not often. I'll take my chances. Not often enough. Is that your line? I'll take my chances. That was my line. I did a Rogaine ad

and that was the tagline. I'll take my chances. Speaking of advertising, let's talk a little bit about Audible.com, which I couldn't be more excited about because a lot of reasons. Number one, they're a big sponsor of this show. It's the number one provider of audiobooks on the Internet, over 75,000 downloadable titles, and they've been a sponsor for a long time they are uh something that i use constantly i just use them i just use audible because we had a barbecue for a

couple of the neighbors last night and i said to my wife i'll do everything so i clean the fuck out of the house the grill i cleaned up and i the entire time i'm listening to Van Morrison, Astral Weeks, and then I said, you know what? This music isn't doing it. Let me put an audio book on. So you know what I listen to? I'm with the band Confessions of a Groupie by Pamela DeBaris and Dave Navarro. She's the groupie.

Like, she fucked, I mean, just in the book. I didn't even finish listening to the whole thing. She was Michael Richards' girlfriend. She's already gotten through Mick Jagger, Jimmy Page, Keith Moon, just in the book, I didn't even finish listening to the whole thing. She was Michael Richard's girlfriend. She's already gotten through Mick Jagger, Jimmy Page, Keith Moon, Noel Redding, Jim Morrison, and pretty much everybody in Led Zeppelin. I mean, she, this is insane.

You gotta hear this book told by her. But she's not a great narrator, but it makes it more authentic. Anyway, the point is Audible is a convenient way to get the books you would never read otherwise. It's easy to figure out. You go download a free audiobook of your choice at audiblepodcast.com slash Greg. I know you'll love it.

I know you'll get hooked on it the way I have. And also, it's going to be a great way to get my audiobook, which will be coming out in November. You get it right through here. Who's going to read it? Get a free one, audiblepodcast.com slash Greg. Pamela DeVarnes. She owes me one. I got to get all the other podcasters to list me.

I'm on audible.com. Isn't it great? Yes. What do you listen to? What kind? You like nonfiction, I bet, like historical. That's what I do. I like nonfiction books.

Yeah. Did you read the one about Johnson, Master of the Senate? Well, that book, I think, won the Pulitzer or something. Did it really? It's a celebrated book i mean to see what that guy did when johnson got that bill through for civil rights he went against everything his constituents and his relationships in the senate had been because we used to have leaders and instead of people that lower themselves to the point of saying they don't believe in evolution

and the stuff that you hear now, it is disgraceful. That Republican debate made me... But also, if I may on Johnson, also he felt a little guilty for colluding with Texans to kill Kennedy. I think that was part of it. This is a record scratch of the American broadcasting system. I believe that we did kill the president.

Well, there's new chatter about Johnson. Something came up. I know it's all, there's unprovable. I'm not denying that. I believe Lady Bird did it. Oh, interesting. Well, I'm quite the Kennedy assassination buff. Really? Does that mean you

talk about it in the nude? No, Groucho. It means that I am fascinated with this. I've read so many books about it. I have been to the Texas Book Depository. Why don't you say some facts instead of talking around it? I've been in the backyard where Oswald's at.

Lee Harvey Oswald shot President John F. Kennedy. I can't believe that. Alone. Alone. How do you explain? It's all bullshit. Okay, fair enough. 9-11, which was yesterday. How do you explain? It's all bullshit. Okay, fair enough.

9-11, which was yesterday. That is disgraceful that people think that that could have been set up. Who said anything about that? I was just going to ask you how you commemorated it. By reading beautiful tweets and watching delays of football games. 9-11 is very sad. I called three people that lost people on 9-11 and I spoke to each of them and it was a very moving thing because

they all were not, I expected they'd be in a fetal position crying and they all were, it just, they didn't want to talk about it, you know, they appreciated it, but they, you know, we're talking about how their lives are now. You know? But, no, it was a heavy day, man.

It fucking crept. It crept slow. It felt like a two-day period. And I wasn't thinking about it all day. It just was like, God damn, this is a shit day that just keeps going on. Well, the sad thing to me about 9-11 is, of course, it's those poor families and all their loved ones. And the dogs. It's extremely sad.

families and all their loved ones and the dogs extremely sad and as you know the sam simon foundation paid for all the shoes for all the dogs that uh were searching the rubble i bought every pair well i guess they come in force in the united states and ship them to uh to new york but that's besides the point but i also feel bad for the families of the hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians that have been killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. And I also feel that ultimately 9-11 is the day that killed America because it's led us to bankruptcy. It's led us to two wars that we will never win. When you look at the tipping point of the United States, when everything collapsed, it will be that day. And giving back our rights. I would say take 9-11 and add however many months it was until we went in and attacked Afghanistan.

That will be the point at which America tipped. It wasn't 9-11. It was how the aftermath of 9-11 was handled. Absolutely, that's what I mean. You said the day that America turned was 9-11. It didn't have to be. It was an opportunity for us to actually become

a stronger nation. He's right, though. I'm saying it's like, as history went down, 9-11 is the day it turned. Because that's the course we set. We didn't set that. Well, we. I don't know who we is. You're really being argumentative. You're agreeing with me and you're making some distinction.

No, I'm not agreeing with you. No, because. Let's say a person died. Yeah. Say they died of a stroke. Sure. Okay. They have the stroke on a certain day and and then they go into the hospital, and all this

kind of thing, and then they die. You know, it's like, that's what I think 9-11 was. No, because the metaphor really would be that you gave the guy a cheeseburger, right? Yeah. And then that guy did not exercise afterwards, and he continued eating cheeseburgers, and then he died of a stroke. Okay, I don't want to argue with you. That's not it.

He understands what I meant, but let me put it a different way. I don't blame the terrorists for... You think it was Johnson. No. I'm just saying the way we handled it was so terrible that something that was a tragedy and something that, you know, I don't know whether it could have ended up being constructive or anything. It's just we fell right into the trap. Of course. And it was shameful.

And Bush was shameful in the days following it and in the marketing of 9-11. And it was the new flag to cloak yourself in. And it was bullshit. And it was an excuse to get rid of the Constitution. Hundreds of thousands of people have been killed. Yeah, that's what I mean by America. Mothers are left fucking sunless in so many countries because of the way Bush fucking handled

the aftermath of 9-11. Absolutely. It's one of the most disgraceful chapters of our history. Except for the collateral damage. In Afghanistan, 28 to 1. If you get one person you want, you can kill 28 other people. And also, and in the zero-sum game, in post-Cold War talk, the favorability of America through the Middle East was so high before 9-11.

And now, you know, there was a piece in the New York Times by this guy who's from Pakistan just talking about how much we've done to make the world hate us since then of course so about how much we protect Saudi Arabia through the whole ordeal protecting that Americans don't even think they were on the plane they think it was Iraqis shipping them out all the deals with the Saudi royal family yeah it's disgraceful well anyway I don't want to go down this road I did I did want to. I did want to mention September 11th. We'd be remiss not to talk about it briefly, but I think we'd also be remiss if we did not talk about... Sam Simon's Twitter.

Sam Simon's Twitter. Yes, Simon Sam. Simon Sam. We should also talk about, and I know it's heavy also, Eddie Murphy hosting the 84th annual Oscars. Yeah, right? What do you think about that? Eddie Murphy, who really has been in, I would say, trading places and 48 hours.

Beverly Hills Cop written by Sam Klein. Beverly Hills Cop. Did you write Beverly Hills Cop? Shut the fuck up. Yeah. That's not true. It is true. You wrote the first draft or you rewrote it?

We wrote the shooting script. Were you talking to the guy? We wrote the shooting script. I'm sorry. Wow. That's amazing. For Beverly Hills Cop. That's amazing. That is amazing.

How do we not know that? I didn't get credit on it. Fucking Writers Guild. Maybe they couldn't fit the money into your bank account with all the Simpsons money that was coming in. That was a long time. All right, so let's talk about...

But Eddie Murphy, we used to go to dailies. He was ad-libbing a lot of funny stuff. Is that right? Oh, my God. Which you're never supposed to do in a movie, but he could do it. Well, that's what a comedy star is supposed to do. Of course. But I mean, according to the writers.

The writers don't like the star ad-libbing. Actually, Ken Esten, who was my... We were never really writing partners, but we did that together. And we wrote episodes of TV together. But it made him mad. And I was watching it, and I was going like, Ken, come on, this guy's hilarious. He's making us look good.

Yeah. And was Eddie doing it because he got... Here's the problem. Sometimes an actor will go in and not get the big picture. And they want to chew up a scene to get the laugh there, but they don't get that this is a piece of a puzzle. Did he get it? Did he get the whole? He's the greatest film comedy star probably of all time.

Wow. It's a big statement. And. White or black? I don't. No, I mean, which a big statement. White or black? I don't... No, I mean, which do you prefer? Is he black? I don't think I look at people the way you do. Well, of course

not. You should see how Greg looks at black people. I mean, it's crazy. I mean, I'm not aware of the color of a person's skin. He's black. He's black. Okay. Well, whatever. But he's very funny. It's not... You can't say I'm not aware of the color of somebody's skin because if you look at their hair, it's all curly. So tell me this. When you worked with him, and you really just said that. You said he is the greatest comedy film star of all time.

Look at his career. Look at these movies. I mean, who do you want to like? Jim Carrey? Well, I mean, are you thinking charlie sellers well like bill murray really he'll take his top 10 movies he's the greatest voice well if you want to take top 10 tim allen would have the big box office i mean fuck box office, no. Like, you don't think trading places is one of the fun... I just said it. That's what started the conversation. Yeah, so, okay. Beverly Hills Cop, would you give that a nod?

He's got three home runs and a lot of duds. Really? Beverly Hills Cop, trading places, 48 hours. Giant. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He hasn't done anything in 40 years. If we're looking at money, though, is that what we're looking at? No, we're not. Sandler crushes him. No, we're not looking at money, though, is that what we're looking at?

No, we're not. Sandler crushes him. No, we're not looking at him. No, I don't think that's true. Oh, no, you're wrong. Sandler? Sandler's a fucking, he's a factory. Howard once said he thinks he's the biggest Hollywood star because he can get everyone to see a bad movie

that everyone knows is bad, and that's a real star. And he's already got two movies coming up ahead. Nick Swartzen goes to his movies, is in the movie, and is writing the next one with him as they're doing the one that they're doing. But I think he'd be – But let's get back to the greatest. I recognize Adam Sandler, and I love Adam Sandler. I think he's really funny, and I think a lot

of those movies are good. And I've seen some that weren't so good, but he is a big star. But I'm saying, really, if you are talking box office... No, we're not! Jesus Christ! Listen to me! What? You said Eddie Murphy

is the greatest comedy film star of all time, and I think that's interesting because I respect your opinion on that. I'm trying to think. But I wonder if you say that because... Well, who else? Bill Murray. I said Bill Murray. I think he's got to be up there.

Bill Murray is a great actor. I mean, Ghostbusters was great. Caddyshack. Okay, Caddyshack. And Stripes. Stripes. Stripes. He kind of had a Bill Murray career.

Groundhog Day. Eddie Murphy career. Groundhog Day is a great movie. Groundhog Day is a great movie. Oh, Rushmore was fucking brilliant. Yeah, but that's not what we're talking about. That's fair. I'll give you that.

I love Bill Murray. All right, let's go back to... Here's what I'm curious about. Here's what I'm curious about. When you were on the set with Eddie Murphy, and this is, you know, I think Beverly Hills Cop was his... We were on the set twice. So what was your sense of him back then?

Was he a guy who wanted to be famous or he wanted to make a brilliant movie? Because I always think there's two types of comedians. He was doing that Jewish voice when we were talking to him. Oh, so here are the writers. Okay, guys. And I was like, hey, that wasn't great. I didn't appreciate that.

Well, you should have gone, yo, yo, yo, what's up, motherfucker? What's up, bro? Hey, who? Turkey? That's what you said back then. Yeah. But I thought he was great. He was doing a lot of his own stunts.

He was 23 years old. Yeah, that's crazy. And this was his first starring role. Yeah. Because in 48 Hours and Trading Places, he was a co-star. Yeah. And there was a little bit of the entourage starting and all that stuff. But really, I just was watching, you know, when you watch dailies, you're watching the same scene 15 times.

And Marty Brest is rolling the thing. And he's just, you know, and you're going like, for God's sakes, you know, like in a movie, you're seeing the same speech 15 different times and he's thinking up something different every time and it's all hilarious. I was just really impressed by him. Well, here's what I'm impressed by. So wait, Greg, is it beneath him or what is your take on Eddie Murphy doing the Oscars? No, I think it's a great career choice for him because he's a guy who was beneath him before. But then I think you get stately. He's stately now.

He's so respected. Don't forget when Bob Pope did it. Now's the time. When you're on your way up, I think it's a really risky move because it can end your career. But now he's got all these older movies that were great. And then he continues to be in movies that are i think he takes risks i think he does things that he wants to do i think a lot of them have bad judgment but i think it's his judgment but i think for him to come in now and do something as mainstream as the oscars

could give him that that second half that you see a lot of great uh actors get that deserve it you know it puts it puts them back out in another way as like, all right, now I'm this generation, and I'm still Eddie Murphy. So you think he'll be funnier than James Franco? No, I didn't say that. By the way, the Oscars that I wrote on, Ellen DeGeneres hosted, he was nominated.

He was sitting in either the first or second row for Dreamgirls, and that was very high up in the program. It was early and he lost and he left. No shit. That's classy. By the way, I'm sorry, just speaking of Portia de Rossi has a new sitcom and

Ellen DeGeneres is producing it. She's the executive producer. I can't imagine what the auditions were like. That won't be dysfunctional. He lost because his marriage broke up and there was a bunch of shit about him in the tabloid. He won the Golden Globe, I think. So, Sandra Bullock fucking showed up.

She stayed to the end. What? Sandra Bullock. Her husband had just fucked a porn star. She came to the Oscars and she acted like a gentleman. No, I'm saying he lost the... Look. No, he's saying he lost out on votes.

That's what you're saying. Yes. Yeah, I don't... I gotta listen to you. Hey, how don't... I got to listen to you. Hey, how did your Norm experience go? Norm was awesome. You guys want to get into this? I mean, do you guys really want to get into this?

We could. Fine. You want to talk us out of it? Go ahead. What? We're not getting... Go ahead. There's nothing to get into, though.

I'm going to just... I just wish the show was coming back But Comedy Central Sam is an old friend of Norm MacDonald And Mike Gibbons is a new friend of Norm MacDonald Well the last time I was here He was going Oh you know I had this show with Norm That kind of

You had a sitcom development deal with Norm MacDonald Yeah and look Whatever but then I come in And I find out he's doing the show with this guy. Exactly. And so I was just curious how it turned out. So, Mike, how did it turn out? How did your experience with Norm MacDonald differ from Sam Simon's?

Well, what I say about it is, I mean, I love Norm, is I, from everything I gather from everyone, is I inherited a really well-behaved Norm. Like, you know great like no no addictions not you know not you know no no there was no gambling there was no he was just really hard working quite honestly and there every day like a lot every single day the whole day and sam does that sound like your experience with norm i'd love norm i I know you love Norm. But like I'm going like, there's some, his, this affect is kind of strange. It is. It is, isn't it? It's very strange.

What? I don't know. No, if anything is on my mind. It seems like you're not saying something. No, I'm just not. Here's what I'm doing. The show wasn't picked up. I'm making good podcast. Why wasn't the show picked up? Because of you. That's what'm just trying. Here's what I'm doing. The show wasn't picked up. I'm making good podcasts.

Why wasn't the show picked up? Because of you. That's what we're trying to do. It was holding its own in the ratings. It wasn't doing great. We were following Tosh, which is, you know, Daniel and I created Tosh. I love that show. Tosh.0.

Tosh is a monster. Really? Yeah, yeah. And it's hard to follow that. Daniel, they're still putting on great shows. It's hard to follow that energy in such a big number. We definitely didn't keep most of the viewers, but we were still doing okay. And if you compare it to like Swartzen's show, which is coming back and other shows that are doing around what Norm was doing, they had a very successful pilot season.

They picked up four shows, which was unprecedented. And that was the writing on the wall for us. That's kind of the explanation. It was a great show. I understand. I thought the jokes were great. The writers were great. I thought Norm was great.

I thought that thing deserved another season. If I have any affectations, I'm really bummed. I mean, I went away. I went back east for four weeks this summer. No, my affectations. Thinking it was coming back. No, mine. What's his affectations?

I was just saying. It seemed like I knew I had something on my mind. It wasn't an unqualified. It was great. Got it. Oh, I see. Because you're defending Norm. You're defending Norm.

Yeah. Oh, God. No, no, no. Ask him. Norm snuck in here last week. Norm came in last week. No, I love Norm. Yeah.

Okay, good. No, believe me. You don't have to stand up for... He loves you guys. He called me that day, and then he called my home, talked to my wife to find out this exact address, and knocked on the door mid-podcast. Who took him here? Laurie Jo.

Laurie Jo. And we're going to play golf, me and Norm. No, no, all good. He wants to play golf. You know who's good? Laurie Jo. Is she good? I'll go out with both of them.

I don't care. My son wants to play with them. And they both came to your house. Or was it just Laurie Jo that made it? They came to your house warming or something. I didn't see them there. During our taping. I was there for the house warming.

Laurie Jo was going up. No, they canceled it at the last minute. That was one of the worst parties I've ever been to. They planned on going. They planned on going. That party was horrible. Sorry. Do it again.

It wasn't your fault. Let's play something called Overheard. Overheard. Did you hear that? Did you hear that? This, Sam, if you're not familiar with the segment, is things that you've overheard. My listeners, they listen. And then they write it down

and they send it to Ileana. They send it in. And then we talk about them on the show. I go through maybe a couple hundred a week and we pick out the best three or four, and we read them. Best hundred to do on the show? No, we just do three. Oh, okay. Four. We got four. But we also have a sponsor.

What I also do is once a week I allow the fans to sponsor Overheard, and I read a plug for them, and they go on eBay, and they have an auction, and the winner of the auction, the highest bidder, gets their plug on. And this is Mike Gibbons' idea about the trophies. But we do it for actual real estate on this show. It's a lot of fun. You go to the website, and you click on sponsor.

What is it called, Ileana? Raffle. Not an auction. Raffle. It's a big mistake. Overheard sponsorship. Overheard sponsorship. Raffle, not an auction.

Raffle. It's a big mistake. Overheard sponsorship. Overheard sponsorship. This week's winner, and the sponsor of Overheard, Scott King, is a writer and a comedian who has interviewed such comics as Bill Burr, Dave Attell, Jim Norton, Louis C.K., Colin Quinn, and more. Jesus Christ. I should get him to book this fucking show.

I'm sitting here with San Simon. Oh, fuck you. That was such a great noise. That was such a great noise. That was such a dog noise. Aww. Because I didn't expect it. You know I love you and you're my most frequent guest. You're one of my most frequent guests.

This is my third time. Nobody comes back usually. You can check out his interviews and others at chicagonow.com forward slash class act comedy. i'm i'm actually familiar with scott king so i have to reveal that uh great stuff uh check it out i know you'll love it and these sponsored these overheards are sponsored by him uh this is michael in a

dallas airport passing a young albino man i'm already you already got it right you're already in on this one man in front of me talking to his friend. Man says, it must be hard for albino dudes to get laid. Friend says, maybe when they're like 65 they start to. Because then it's not weird anymore that they have white hair and pale skin so they fit right in with old chicks.

I just like that guys ruminate on things like that. Yeah, it sounds like making up stuff for a buddy no i don't think so because it's a strong premise i mean i think if you want no no i think maybe they said it maybe they said it but it sounds like that yeah yeah yeah like guy talk yeah that's how guys talk there was one last week that was funny it was like uh two guys see this beautiful girl walk by him and the first guy goes uh uh dude that uh that girl's uh you think that

girl has a boyfriend and the second guy goes no he goes i bet you she doesn't have a boyfriend and second goes dude she's she's had a boyfriend since she was in third grade or something and i said that's the difference between one of those guys is getting laid the other one isn't one guy's full of hope and possibility and the other guy's just, meh, she's always had a boyfriend. That's how guys talk. Paul, a mom surrounded by, I assume, three daughters in the electronics section of Target. Quote, I know, but I'm used to using my fingers all the time.

Which to me is a classic overheard. It's just straight up, give me double entendre. You know? It's a shit joke. Finger in yourself, finger blasting. I like to pet a pussy. I don't care.

Send those in. They'll get read every time. I'm like a 70s sitcom. Scott in an elevator. Two women are talking quote. I'm thinking of moving to Alaska. It's winter there all year round. And there's a perfect ratio of men to women.

The other woman says, good idea. That's great. She wants her out. She's done with these elevator chats. She's 0 for 2 on her facts, and her friend just goes, good idea. Yeah, go.

Let me help you pack, fuckhead. And that was overheard. That's a fun game. There's a lot more men, right? Isn't that? Yeah, it's crazy. Well, so they're saying like, we'll... Oh yeah, you'll get, you know, you'll get plenty of sex. I would imagine it's cold and people

have sex a lot. But she's saying it'll be easier for her to compete with men because there's way more men. You mean a better ratio for dating? Yeah. Naturally. I just think it's a desperate, desperate population. It's desperate.

Yeah. Yeah, big time. Also, I remember that guys going to college going like, I'm going to George Washington University. Ratio's like six to five, guys to girls. I'm like, how bad is your fucking dating is like six to five. Guys to girls. I'm like, how bad is your fucking dating skills? You got to play the numbers on this one?

Our buddy lives in Wyoming. He's like, in the summer, it's like you got to pick a girl quick because winter comes, they're all gone. Yeah. They all like shack up. We got to go there, man. When we go to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We got to.

Seriously, this winter. Oh, that's fast. Let me check my schedule. That's fast. It's September. Gee, it's kind of... Wow. I guess Mike doesn't want to go to... Greg, you know what we used to say at Stanford?

We used to say nine out of ten women in California are beautiful, and the tenth goes to Stanford. They used to say that. And then they used to say... As what, a joke? Yeah. And then this is the other one. They go, by and large the women at stanford are by and large that one's pretty good that's not bad that is good all right

let's play another game this one puts you on the spot sam simon or simon sam at twitter i don't want to be it's called talk your way out of it talk your way out of it. Just try to talk your way out of it. It's the Crazy Fitz Dog Game. Yeah. Here's how we play. I give you a situation. Impossibly awkward and difficult. Think like the Larry Sanders show.

Right. Or the Larry David show. What's it called? Curb Your Enthusiasm. Curb Your Enthusiasm. I'm going to put you in a situation like that. I think I just heard somebody do this. I play it every week. Thinking by your quick

wits and by the seat of your pants. Who thinks with the seat of their pants, by the way? What does that even mean? I don't think people think by the seat of their pants. What do you do with the seat of your pants? What do you do by the seat of your pants? You cling to something by the seat. You get away by the seat of their pants what do you do with your seat of your pants what do you do by the seat of your pants you like get away with something to something by the seat you get away by the seat of your yeah you get away by the seat of your oh like the dog is biting you gets the seat of your pants okay okay well that could be on your anachronisms

yeah dogs don't bite you in the ass who wears pants It's fly by the seat of your pants Fly by the seat of your pants How does that make sense Fly by the seat of your pants Fly by the seat of your pants Because my fly is in the front of my pants I'm flying by the seat of my No it means like in an airplane

No I think it's a zipper I think some guys are gay And they have a fly by the seat of their pants. Did someone kick their ass? Does that mean exciting? Why would it be exciting to have a fly on the seat of your pants? All right. In the meantime, don't think.

See, you're afraid to play and talk your way out of it. I'm not afraid of nothing. There we go. Think of the hardest situation you could possibly talk your way out of. Then here you go. Okay. No, no, no. The other one.

The harder one. This one's harder. Sam? Yes. You are engaged to be married, so you are going to... Talk your way out of it. You're going to talk your way out of it. When I give you the situation, just start talking to the person you have to talk your way out of with.

Don't talk to me. Don't talk around it. You just fucking talk. You're engaged. We know this. And I imagine at some point you're making invitations for the wedding. You want Howard Stern to go, obviously. I'm sure that would be a big thank for you.

And don't pretend it wouldn't. I would never invite Howard to my wedding. All right, well, don't fuck up to talk your way out of it. Pretend. Pretend you really want Howard to go. All right, name a celebrity that you'd like to go to your wedding. What, that would come?

Just name one that would come. One that's coming. Drew Carey. Oh, so they've gone out. The invites have gone out. No, but I'm saying it's like I'm not going to... All right, so Drew Carey.

Okay. You want Drew to go. Sure. Fine. Now, your next-door neighbor, who you know, you walk your dog, you see each other,

you guys have a very good relationship, but now you're fucking it up again. No, she's not a bitch. She's somebody you like, okay? Pick another neighbor in your mind. I don't have a neighbor. Drew Carey. Let's pretend that you're familiar with the concept of making things up. Okay.

All right. You've got a neighbor you like, and now you feel weird because this neighbor and Drew Carey have bad blood. Maybe this guy's a producer. He did a film with Drew. They blow up at each other. Oh, yeah. Now, you want Drew coming to your wedding. Of course.

But you also, this guy. I want him to come too? Well, you want him to, except that you know there's bad blood, and you know if Drew knows this guy's coming, Drew's not going to come. Or if he sees him there, he's going to be uncomfortable. So now you're in a situation where, so you tell him, hey, you know, it's an out-of-town wedding. It's going to be real small. It's going to be just family. Not, barely anyone's coming.

So this way, you're off the hook inviting this guy to the wedding. The next day, the postman accidentally delivers 19 boxes of invitations to your wedding to his house. He goes to return them to you, knocks on your door. He's got all the boxes. Talk your way out of it. Call him Bill. Bill. How's it going? What are all these?

Did you open them by any chance, Bill? You did. You beat Bill. Yeah, I opened them, Sam. Oh, yeah. So I guess you saw all the invitations that are going out for the wedding. Well, listen, Bill, you're invited to the...

Did you get yours? I mean, I wouldn't expect you to go through... I thought you said I wasn't invited. Because it was out of town, of course. But this invitation says your house. Oh, my God, it does? Oh, no, this is horrible. I have to get them redone.

You're right. It says they're taking place at my house. Why would I? I mean, look, Bill, let's be serious here. Why would I tell you the wedding is, why would I tell you a lie that it was taking place out of town when it was going to be right next door to you anyway? You know this is a horrible mistake. But why so many invitations?

He said it was family. What? I got a big family family what i got a big family she's got a big family that's it anyway all right listen the new dog is very aggressive you've got to get off the property okay because i don't want you know i love you and you you know you'd be going to the wedding yes but uh this dog might bite so listen i appreciate it i'll see you at the wedding yes okay that's right great okay thanks is uh drew carrie coming drew carrie yeah because we jim carrie no drew we don't get along i'd rather if he didn't come well this is a day of love. Yeah, okay. Well, listen, if it's a problem, then... No, I'm going to the wedding. I've already RSVP'd.

I grabbed one, and I filled it out and mailed it to you. Well, it's the wrong address, as I said. Okay, fair enough. Thank you. All right. Sam Simon, the great Sam Simon, playing Talk Your Way Out of It. Was that okay? You did a very nice job.

Really? I think that you stutter-stepped, and I thought that you'd lost your path, and then, bam, you fucking nailed it. Real good. I like the way you used me. Nobody's ever done that before. Okay. We've done a lot of these. No one's ever used me.

Mike Gibbons, now it's time for you to talk your way out of it. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I liked how enthusiastic you got with your explanation I'm not good at these Alright, then I'll do one more quick one with Sam Simon I love that Sam? Yeah?

Yes Bill? You're having sex with your fiance TV's on in the background A Meg Tilly movie comes on and you come instantly Talk your way out of it Well, people should know that you used to be. A Meg Tilly movie comes on and you come instantly. Talk your way out of it. Well, people should know that you used to be married to Meg Tilly. That's a good point. Jennifer Tilly.

Jennifer Tilly movie comes on. It might be more interesting with Meg. And you come immediately. Talk your way out of it. Well, is Jen upset? You be Jen. Your fiance. Yeah.

So you married a woman named Jennifer, and now you're marrying another woman named Jennifer. And I went out with three others in between, all named Jen. So you collect them like Emmys. Like... Is she upset? We don't know yet. You just came inside of your fiance.

Oh, my God. That was great. Sorry, honey. I'll get you next time. I'll get you next time? I'll let you let her come next time? Is he out of it? I'll get you next time. That sounds like a confession.

I think if he then springs up and goes jogging. Well, I thought you're thinking like she thinks I came because Jennifer Tilly was on TV. Yeah. I don't know. Who knows what she thinks? All I know is you came right after Jennifer Tilly came up. Okay. And you said, I'll get you next time.

And then he went and watched the rest of the movie. Hey, look. of Rite is on What's the one where she did the lesbo scene Oh wow it's Bound honey Let's watch that again I'll tell you what back in the day when I only had porn on VHS I had porn and I had Bound And Bound was my go to

Wank take I just got a picture taken with Gina and Jennifer. And I lost my iPhone and I don't have it anymore. Mike, have you seen that scene? Yeah. In the bathroom? The bed. The bathroom. Intense.

Intense. Sam Simon. That was a great first movie by those guys that turned into... Then they made Speed Racer. I think even Hal the Quadriplegic jerked off to that movie. With his eraser. With his eraser. He jammed it into his...

Eureka. All right. Before we go, we have a new segment called Guest Picks a Topic. And then we go out talking about that topic sam simon this is your opportunity if there's something on your mind something in the news something in your psyche something you've wondered about the past now is the time to bring it up and we'll discuss it well wait i'm having so much fun did we talk about the Champion app yet on the podcast?

Greg, talk your way out of it. All right, let's talk about the Champion app. It's like a comic convention in a tablet. It's great. It's an iPad app. So it's an app that you... Everybody loves it. It's one of the most highest reviewed things on the marketplace. If you like comic books, if you like horror...

So what is it? I press on it, it opens up. I can't believe you. Turn off your computer. No, don't show it. It's a radio show. What do you mean? Everybody, it's got pictures and you.

You're not even excited about this. I love it. You do? Yeah. Okay. I mean, I don't, I can't honestly say I've read it, but I've looked at it. When they do a new issue, I look at the cover. Like the cover, if you like comic books, and look, if you don't like comic books, maybe it's not for you.

But if you're prime, we're saying. It takes like a piece of art, like a cover, and it has like, like you look at it, right? Yeah. And the artist will take his rough pencil sketch, and then it dissolves into this next thing. And you see it all. Oh, that's cool. It's really cool.

That's really cool. So it's an app for you, or you would want it on a tablet, not really a phone. Yeah, it's for the iPad. Okay. Okay, but let's pick another topic. It's a free app? Yeah, it's free.

It's a free app. FitzDog app is free. How do free apps make money? I spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars building this app, I swear to God. And I got a great deal from the great people at Mediafly. They gave me a nice deal on it. And I'll tell you what. Talk about good reviews.

This thing, everybody that downloads it is like like this is like the fucking easiest most streamlined fitz dog and you can get 200 of the old uh podcasts on it videos uh you can you know email back and forth with iliana and you could get my tour dates it's great by the way i'll be at the pittsburgh improv uh coming up god i didn't do any of my dates all night. September 16th to the 18th, I'll be at the Improv in Chicago. An hour into the podcast, I hit my fourth joke. September 23rd and 24th at the Improv in Pittsburgh, PA. October 6th through the 8th, Cap City in Austin, Texas. October 27th to 29th, Hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio.

For all tickets and details, go to FitzDawg.com. Sam, I want to once again plug the SamSimonFoundation.com. Go there and find out how to get involved with dogs that Sam trains at his farm to help people that are blind walk around. Don't put my Twitter, not my stupid foundation. At Sam and Sam is the stupid foundation. Why did you call it a champion exclamation point? Not my stupid foundation. At Simon Sam is the stupid foundation. Oh. Why did you call it a... Champion exclamation point.

No, Kevin Crabb said that. Is Sam's iPad app. And Mike Gibbons, what can we plug for you? The Emmys. I'll be working on the Emmys with Jane Lynch. They're on Sunday night. That's right. Mike Gibbons writing on that.

And then writing for Jeffrey Ross on his new pilot. We wish you luck on on Sunday night. That's right. Mike Gibbons writing on that and then writing for Jeffrey Ross on his new pilot. We wish you luck on that. Thanks. It's going to go great. And then many other things to come from Mike Gibbons. Kevin Kraft,

we thank you for talking about your eyebrows earlier. You didn't talk about it on the podcast, but we'll get to that next week. What's your podcast called? Mad Scientist Party Hour and it's at gloryholeradio.com. Okay, great. And Eliana, what's your podcast called? Mad Scientist Party Hour, and it's at gloryholeradio.com.

Okay, great. And Ileana, what's your podcast? Mega Boom Radio. Mega Boom Radio. Catchy. Mega Boom. It is. That's a good one.

Fitzdog Radio. People hate it. They hate the name. Sam Simon, I want to thank you for being on Fitzdog Radio. As always, a... I love it here. I wish I could come every week. Well, anytime you want to come.

Even if I have a guest, you can come hang. Just knock on the door. Norm did it. Why don't you invite me and Norm together? That would be fun. Let's do that soon. Mike Gibbons, thank you for being here. Of course.

We play poker. You want to play poker here? Yeah, I wouldn't play poker with you. You'd fucking take all the money. We won't play for a lot of money. Doesn't matter. You take the little money. You saw us talk out of it.

His voice goes up. That's true. What did you say? He stammered? I'll get my dogs to attack him When you were lying to your neighbor It could have been more convincing maybe Alright that's it

We're going to go next week On the show I believe Tom Arnold is coming on next week I'm not positive But if not him somebody exciting And full of energy Not like him, somebody exciting and full of energy. Not like him, but somebody like that.

Thanks for listening. God bless America.