Fitzdog Radio - Tommy Tiernan - Episode 1064
Episode Date: August 15, 2024Ireland has a rich comedy history and Tommy keeps it alive with his poetic and insightful voice. His 1st time in studio following a great chat from Ireland last year. You know him from Derry Girls and... Father Ted as well as his many memorable specials.Follow Tommy Tiernan on Instagram @OfficialTommedian
Transcript
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Hi, welcome to my podcast.
It's Fitts Dog Radio coming to you every Wednesday.
It used to be Tuesday and that wasn't working.
I needed a little more time after the weekend to process and now we're coming out on Wednesdays.
I don't know if anybody even noticed.
Does anybody notice it just go into your queue
and you just listen to it after you finished listening
to Tiger Belly and NPR?
I don't know what you guys listen to, but I got you now.
Thank you for joining me.
Always appreciative of your listenership
and your support means a lot to me.
I talked on Sunday papers this week about a dead squirrel
in my backyard that got covered in maggots.
I'm not gonna go through that again.
I think people were a little squeamish.
I think maybe they preferred I not talk about a squirrel
with maggots on a show where they're maybe eating brunch.
I walked down Venice Beach this week and saw a number of topless women.
That seems to be a new thing on Venice Beach is it used to just be you'd get a rando European coming out, popping the top off, getting no tan line.
And now you're getting California girls.
You know, it used to be, you heard them talking
in the way, now they're talking, you know,
Valley girl speak.
And I like it.
I like it a lot.
It's actually distracting
because now I'm kind of looking for it.
I didn't use to scan the beach like a perv. That way I'm a a lot. It's actually distracting because now I'm kind of looking for it. I didn't use to scan the beach like a perv.
That way I'm a little bit,
I go to the beach almost every day.
You can see from my tan.
What the fuck am I doing on the beach?
Jesus.
Swimming in the water,
trying not to step on a stingray.
But you know, look, I'm married.
Why would I need to look at any of that?
Kind of the paradox of being married
is that you're still a sexual being.
But I think it all feeds.
It's like, I would hope to God my wife is looking
at good-looking guys and bringing that energy into the bedroom
and sharing it with me, using me, that's fine.
Long as it's getting done and it stays the marriage,
then use it.
I took her out, she broke her foot.
I think I talked about that last week.
She broke her foot because she's a klutz.
She fell off a bike.
We were at Venice Beach and She fell off a bike.
We were at Venice beach and she fell off a bike.
And now I am in full care mode.
I am doing all the laundry and the cooking
and the cleaning and the shopping.
And, you know, a lot of like,
can you get me a glass of water?
Can you bring me my computer?
Hey, someone's at the door.
It's very hard to get anything else done.
But it's also a labor of love.
I kind of am enjoying that I have her.
I have her captive.
Like, she can't do shit without me.
I like the power.
It's almost like a Edgar Allan Poe short story
about a man whose wife has no arms and legs.
Wasn't there a movie about that? a short story about a man whose wife has no arms and legs.
Wasn't there a movie about that?
There was, there was a movie about a woman who had no arms and legs.
And then the guy had like a, he was a controlling personality.
It's not that bad, but she has a broken foot.
So I have a little bit of an edge around that.
I took her out Saturday night.
Saturday night is our date night.
I never do shows.
We always go out.
And so I took her to this restaurant that we like
on Abbot Kinney called Piccolo.
And got her drunk on April spritzes.
She got really buzzy.
And then she wanted to drive down the beach.
So we drove along the beach and then we came home
and she almost fell.
She's got a little cart.
She puts her leg up on it.
She almost fell off and broke the other fucking foot.
Got angry.
I was like, don't be a klutz.
I can't take it.
Anyway, all right.
Big announcement.
Where are they?
Here's my keys. What do we got here, ladies and gentlemen?
Just bought it.
I finally did it.
After 40 years of wanting a Ford Mustang,
I went out and I bought one on Sunday.
I got a charcoal gray.
It's beautiful.
I found it.
I found the one I wanted
and it's made me so happy.
When I was a child, my favorite matchbox car
was the Corvette, the 66 pony car.
And I played with it and I dreamt about it.
And I got a little older
and I watched that Steve McQueen movie, Bullet,
where it's in San Francisco
and there's an insane chase scene.
I rewatched it recently.
There weren't a lot of chase scenes,
but there was one that was just historic.
He had a 68, fastback,
his GT, and there was a guy,
he was chasing a guy who was in a,
I don't know if it was a Charger or a Challenger,
and they're racing through the streets of San Francisco
and it was so bad ass.
And then when I got older, I was in high school
and the janitor of the school, do you say custodian?
I'm sorry.
It was 1983, it was 1983.
I came back then you said janitor.
Anyway, this guy, nice, nice guy,
Puerto Rican dude named Edgar.
And he had a, he had a 68 Mustang and he was selling it.
It was kind of an ugly yellow.
And he said, I said, yeah, I think I want to buy it.
And he said, all right, I'll take you for a test drive.
So we went out to the back parking lot during school.
This is crazy.
This wouldn't happen today.
And the guy starts it and it has no key
and he shows me, you just turn it.
So I drive it around the neighborhood.
I drive it like an asshole.
I think I scared him.
And then I ended up not getting it
because my father said,
unless I was a mechanic,
I would be fucked if I got a Mustang.
So I didn't buy it, but we got high at class one day.
And then at the end of lunch,
I went with my friend and we took it for a joy ride.
And he saw us pulling into the parking lot
and he almost punched me in the face.
He fucking grabbed me.
And he didn't turn me in or anything,
but you know, it's what you did.
And then when I was in parking attended
at the country club in White Plains
and Mrs. Boyle had like a 72 Mustang
and she drove it, she babied it.
It was a V8 and she babied it.
She used to come in and she was very sweet
and then she'd leave and I would take that motherfucker out
driving it through Elmsford like a mad man.
And I fell in love with that.
So many layers of love about the Mustang.
My buddy Frank had one in high school.
His was like, I didn't like the early 80s Mustangs at all.
I mean, they were pretty fast, but they were ugly.
I didn't like the way they handled.
But we used to drive into the city
and I just remember driving down the East side highway,
the FDR and we got the drinking and driving just remember driving down the East Side Highway, the FDR, and we got the drinking
and driving that we did back then,
and we weaving in and out of trail.
We were the two, we were the assholes that you see today
and we go, are those guys, do they have a death wish?
What the, like that's how we drove through the city.
I don't know why we never got a DUI,
we never got a ticket.
And our prom night, I remember that we ordered a limo
and the limo didn't show up.
So we took the Mustang.
Anyway, so I got it on Sunday.
I surprised my wife.
I said, you gotta see what's going on out front.
And she came out and she's the second she saw it.
She knew, she knew I'd done it.
She didn't know I was gonna buy a car.
And I, you know what?
I am somebody that I, I'm not extravagant.
I'm very frugal.
I'm a generous friend.
And I spend money in smart ways.
Like we've traveled around the world every year,
my entire kid's lives.
We've traveled somewhere around the world.
That's where I choose to spend my money.
And not on stuff.
And so I always felt guilty
and I always felt almost afraid to buy a car.
Like I just felt like I'd buy it
and then I'd have a bad year and I'd have to sell it.
I don't know, which is never gonna happen.
I don't have those kinds of bad years. And, you know, and even if I did, so what? You only live once. So I, I always hesitated
and I've been debating whether to get a Tesla. And then I was like, fuck this. Elon Musk
is such a douchebag. So I did it. And, uh, I drove home, I put on Led Zeppelin 2,
listening to fucking ramble on, on the way home,
whole pull up to the house, whole lot of love.
Felt like a teenager, felt good.
And I just found excuses to go to the store.
I just wanted to drive it.
So anyway, that's the big news this weekend.
And I've also, the other big news is in a week,
I'm gonna make a very big announcement.
It might in fact have to do with a special
that's coming out very soon.
I can't even say the title yet.
I was told by my publicist not to say
any of this information, but there's going to be an announcement in a week.
And I can tell you all about it, but I need you guys.
I'm assuming if you're listening to this podcast,
that you are somebody who is a fan.
I hate to say that word, but you're a listener
and you're a supporter and you're somebody that I have,
I have,
I have somehow tricked into listening to me
and I am going to implore you.
I'm gonna ask you for the most support you've ever given me.
I want you to watch this thing the day it comes out,
spread the word on social media, tell your friends,
comments, blow it up because the truth is it's filthy.
It has words in it that shouldn't be said,
even at a cocktail party.
These kinds of words are inappropriate.
And so it's gonna get flagged by YouTube.
And the way YouTube works is,
they have a couple of like woke,
transitioning people listen to the specials,
and then if they flag it and say,
it's got something that's inappropriate,
it just doesn't get spread to anybody.
And so the only counts you get,
the only viewers are the people
that you send specifically to.
So I'm counting on you guys.
I need you more than ever.
So this is a special that I've been hammering out
this material since the pandemic.
This isn't like somebody that got a deal,
they've been doing it for five years
and they have a hook or an angle.
This is a comic that's been doing it for 35 years.
And this material has worked.
I have found a set through pounding out shows
at Late Show Friday and fucking Cincinnati,
great shows at the store in LA.
And honing down this hour, I'm very proud of it.
I feel really good about it.
It was really hard to edit it, but it's coming out.
So I'm gonna be promoting it.
Look out for these appearances starting in a week.
I'm gonna go on a press tour.
I'm gonna be on Joe Rogan Experience
at the end of the month, Your Mom's House,
Kill Tony, Matt and Shane, Shane Gillis' show,
Marin, Neil Brennan, Harlan Williams, Adam Carolla,
Doug Benson, Bert Kreischer, Ryan Sickler,
Tom Papa, Andrew Santino, Pete Holmes, Ari Shaffir,
Legion of Skanks, Bonfire, Jim Norton, We Might Be Drunk,
David Cross's podcast, Howie Mandel.
I mean, it's crazy.
I'm hitting it all.
I'm flying to Austin, I'm flying to New York.
I'm already pre-taping some of them in LA
and we're gonna try to get the numbers up,
try to make this mean something.
It's so hard these days breaking through.
There's so much comedy out there
and I'm really hoping that this,
that this is something people talk about.
And while I'm doing all that, I'll be on tour.
On the weekends, I'll be in Louisville,
August 23rd and 24th, Denver, August 29th through 31st,
Austin at the mothership,
September 6th through the 8th, Temecula,
Alaska in Fairbanks in September,
Tulsa in October, Tacoma and San Francisco this fall.
So go to fitsdog.com, get some details.
Stuff about the special is gonna be on the website.
You can check it out.
And that's it.
All right, let's get to the podcast.
This guy's been on before.
He was, he zoomed in about a year ago from Ireland.
He's literally the biggest comic
to come out of Ireland in 30 years.
He's one of my faves.
I've watched all his specials a number of times.
And I know you're gonna love him.
You probably loved him when he was on last year.
In person, just had him on.
You know him from Dairy Girls.
He's the father in Dairy Girls.
And he was on that show.
What was the thing about the priest father something?
Father Ted, he was on the last episode of that.
Anyway, he is touring the North America.
He's in town to promote it.
And I know you're gonna love them.
Please welcome my, please welcome to the show,
Tommy Ternet.
["The New York Times"]
All good.
In person.
You guys listened to, I looked it up, I think it was September of 2023 you were on and we
were over Zoom.
Yeah.
You were in Galway, Ireland.
Can I say that that's the area you live in?
Totally.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know if you got stalkers.
No, no.
You sound let down.
Yeah, I've got stalkers. No, no.
You sound let down.
Yeah, got my stalkers.
That's A-list. Yeah, yeah.
I'm, yeah, no, I don't have stalkers now.
I'm trying to figure out why.
Why, I guess because everybody kind of knows everybody.
That there's no need to be stalking somebody because he's your third cousin.
Yeah. And he's going to sit at the pub next to you that night.
Totally. Yeah.
Who's the biggest star in Ireland right now?
Well, there are different types of stars.
So there are people who are well known around the world, Irish, and there are
people who are just well known in Ireland.
Yeah, just in Ireland, who's the biggest?
I don't know, really.
I'd be fairly up there.
You would. Yeah, totally.
But it's not really it's see,
the stardom thing is different there. It's more about approachability.
Yes.
It's more like, to be the most well-known person
is literally that you are well-known.
It's not that you're famous.
It's not that you're a star.
There's not a lot of red carpet events and things like that.
No, you're just, everybody knows you.
Yeah. So there'll be a lot of red carpet events. No, things like that. Everybody knows you. Yeah.
So there'll be a lot of us in that position.
Right.
But we don't really do stars.
So a star would be someone like Bono or Colin Farrell or.
Liam Neeson.
Yeah, they're, you know, they're people who have.
They have purchase around the world,
whereas if you're well known, you don't.
Which do you prefer?
Oh, well known is fantastic.
It's friendly.
People come up to you all the time, say hello,
and they're kind, and they know you then when they're drunk.
But it's lovely.
It's organic.
Yeah, right.
I think sometimes in the States, people,
they really want it and then they get it and they go,
what was I thinking?
This is, there's no privacy.
Like I look at people, you know, like Jerry Seifel,
you can't just go to a restaurant.
Sure.
People are gonna come up and ask for selfies.
I don't get selfies.
Here's what I get about every other day,
somebody will walk past me on the street
and they'll look at me and they'll squint
and then they'll just kind of shake their head like,
nah.
No.
We'll see.
And I'm like, perfect.
Yeah.
That's exactly what I want.
I think that the, to be well known locally is a lovely thing for a positive thing.
Yeah.
You know, you think about people who become well known for a scandal and you think the
awful pressure that must be on them when they're in public is kind of intolerable.
But I love it.
Basically, I love it.
How, how does, you have your key of six kids?
Six children. How do they deal with it?
Is it cumbersome for them at all?
It's pain in the ass.
It is.
So they don't tell people their real names.
No, really?
Some of them don't.
Some of them it's kind of like,
oh, I'll have this conversation.
Yeah.
But it's, they didn't ask to have a dad who was well known.
And it's important to remember, like well known is not the same level as famous.
Right.
So if you're I don't do Prince of Kids, I don't know.
Does Prince have kids?
I don't know.
I think he does.
But, you know, if you're, you know, or.
Who's
Stephen Colbert, I don't know who it was, Leonardo DiCaprio, I don't know.
Yeah.
And to be a child of one of those is to be almost approaching cultural royalty.
Yeah.
In lifestyle, in stuff that's done for you and, you know, how people react to you, it's all, it is a kind of an unofficial royal family.
But in Ireland,
it's, it's familiarity.
People presume a familiarity.
Yeah.
And your kids didn't ask for that.
Right. Right.
And also, also when you work in standup
and you say things on stage, you know, eat my shit.
Say you said that.
See you had a whole routine about eating your own shit.
And then it works at night and hey, he's got he's mad.
He's brilliant. He's mad. Yeah.
And then a week later, like, well, it comes in.
Eat my shit. Eat my shit.
And you're trying to tell him how to behave.
I'm just trying to tell him context.
It's all about context. Right.
You know, then you're walking down the street and someone says,
Oh, you're my shit.
And then your father phones to say,
I'm glad your mother gets into life to hear that.
So I think when you work as a comic, it's different.
Yeah.
Than if you're a newsreader.
Right, right. So I think it's different than if you're a newsreader. Right, right.
So I think it's a it's a it is a weird one.
Yeah, I think comedians have a very special relationship with their kids,
because I think that, you know, you are, I'm sure, funny around the house.
But then there's also like, you're trying to be a disciplinarian when you've had a life where like you told
me you were unemployed till you were 26 years old.
And you know, you try to, you can't lead by example because you certainly don't want them
doing what you do.
That's the last thing I would want is for one of my kids to do what I do.
They have, you know, here's my dad and here's my responsible adult.
That's what point to their mother.
So, yeah, right.
I guess it's.
There must be some benefit.
To having a father or a parent who earns money in an unorthodox way.
Yes. So Aisling B. I don't know if you know her, she's a great
actress, comic actress and stand-up. Her mother was raised in a single parent home. Her mother
was a professional jockey. Wow. So I don't know if, so I'm not sure if her wages were kind of dependent on wins.
You get a certain amount guaranteed for riding,
but then maybe more if you won.
Sure.
So that must, I think, you know, that kind of stuff is,
I don't know if it sets them up
for a slightly unorthodox way of life,
but it kind of just shows, well, you know,
if your mom is a dentist and your dad is a dentist and of just shows, well, you know, if your mom is a dentist
and your dad is a dentist and your uncle is a dentist, you know, maybe there's a bit of
a straight path for you. But if your dad stands up and says, eat my shit, you know, in front
of 300 drunk people.
While they cheer. Yeah.
Eat my shit. I mean, plenty of dads say eat my shit, but then they're thrown out of the bar for the
theater.
You're getting paid for it.
Yeah.
And then when you've been buried, the priest can say, well, we can't let the funeral pass
without remembering one of his greatest bits.
Everybody.
Eat my shit. Flowers spelling it out in the funeral home.
When the hearse goes past instead of dad.
That's great.
Well, congratulations, by the way, your show I saw just got picked up for another season.
Oh, this chat show.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
That's, thank you. That's, uh, I think we might've been talking about this the last time,
but how, how it's a lot like this. It's conversation. It's just talking. And wherever it goes is wherever it goes.
But there's something about the way we do it that has made a real connection with an Irish audience.
So, uh, it's difficult show to do, stressful,
but it's worthwhile, I think it's worthwhile.
So we're delighted to be here.
How do you prepare for a show?
I don't, that's the worst thing about it.
You can't, you can't prepare.
You wait, you just wait, sit in a room with no windows.
So you don't see any of the guests arriving.
You just wait and you know, yeah, you can't prepare.
That's what makes it stressful.
Do you have anything that, like when I get nervous,
I get a little anxious about having you in
because you're somebody that I admire a lot.
And I really, and I think there's an intimidation
when I talk to the Irish,
because your breadth of knowledge,
your vocabulary is so much richer. I talked to the Irish because your breadth of knowledge,
your vocabulary is so much richer.
I don't think it is.
I think it's just, we have a varied intonation.
That's all.
Okay.
You just make it sound like a different word?
Yeah, I think we're fooling you.
You think we have more words,
but we don't just bury the pitch.
Yeah, brilliant, brilliant.
I've never heard half those words.
And well, you know, I just read a book by a guy named,
have you heard of Rob Doyle?
Great young Irish writer.
Jesus, like, first of all, this book is,
if you hear it's called Threshold,
it's called Threshold, and it's,
but the language in it, his vocabulary,
it was great because it reminded me,
I was an English major in college.
And it reminded me when I would read books,
I had a dictionary next to me and I would look them up.
And that's how I increased my, and with him,
I mean, the dictionary was like,
we're not sure about this one, crazy language.
And talking about traveling around the world,
taking psychedelics, all different psychedelics
in different areas.
He goes to India, Sicily, East Germany, and in each place.
It's very much like On the Road, the Kerouac novel
where he's kind of traveling and discovering himself,
but this guy's doing it through drugs and relationships.
And it's a very confessional kind of a,
but yeah, I think I've always been intimidated.
So when you were coming in, I was a little bit like,
all right, I gotta be sharp.
I gotta use all the big words.
Yeah, I gotta use the big words.
I browsed through my English papers from college.
What's interesting about just the word thing to me
is that I would be a big fan of the idea of James Joyce.
Yeah.
So they say that Ulysses is the great book of the day
and Finnegans Wake is the great book of the night.
So in that way that Ulysses describes a day
in the life of these two,
these Dublin people in 1906. I think it is. That when Joyce had done that, it was called
the greatest novel ever written and still is by a lot of people. So he kind of got,
he did that bit of work and then he said, well, what, what, where is the adventure now?
So the adventure then was doing a book of the night.
What does that even mean?
Is it a book about dreams?
Is it a book about what type of language happens at night?
And so the book is full of nonsense words like the quiet.
Oh, right.
It's kind of, and people get a page into it and go,
and you know, people on the spectrum read it
from start to finish and go, oh my God, it's amazing.
It's speaking to me.
I've often wondered about that on stage.
Is it possible to do a Finnegan's Wake type,
in terms of like surreal stand ups?
And I don't really know very many American surreal.
There were a few English ones in the 80s and 90s that I kind of came across,
kind of daft, exotic clown creatures.
But I've often thought, would it be possible to do,
for people to know, because we're all tied into narrative so much.
Yeah.
So Stand Up comes up on stage and he goes, what the fuck?
I was walking down the road and I hit a dog.
And so people are tied into that.
But if you get up on stage and start going, like, what would their reaction be?
That'd be so just in terms of word power.
Yeah, well, I think I mean, in my first thought is Andy Kaufman, who did very
absurdist stuff that was fantastical and voices.
And he used to do entire sets in a gibberish language.
That's it.
Yeah, yeah.
So it's been done.
Well, yeah, but it hasn't been done enough.
It is extremely linear.
When you think about the parameters of standup comedy,
here's the rules.
There's a microphone, a stage and a crowd.
You need to do X number of minutes.
That's it. That's it.
You can bring a guitar,
you were talking about your friend
who plays with a guitar.
You could come out with a puppet.
You could come out with a team.
Nobody does a team.
I haven't seen a comedy team in a decade.
When you say team, what do you mean?
Like a duo, two people going up together.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know? Yeah, yeah.
And you come up, you take the mic out of the mic stand,
you push it to the side.
If you're a fat guy, you go,
let me get this out of the way so you can see me.
And then you start to complain and get irate about things
that people go, I never would have thought
to get angry at that.
That's interesting.
What?
What?
Yeah.
So yeah, I think the Kaufman thing is lovely.
Yeah.
I remember watching that and loving it.
So yeah, no, great.
Just watch him again now.
He'd slit my mind.
I did an interview with somebody somewhere
where I had just bought, was it Man on the Moon?
Was the movie, was there a book by the same name or something?
There's a book- Man on the Moon with some, about Andy Kauf there a book by the same name or something? There was a book.
Man on the Moon was about Andy Kaufman.
Yeah. Yeah.
There was a book about Kaufman that I had.
Oh, right, right.
I can't remember what it was called.
Yeah.
I had bought it and I was on my way
to be interviewed somewhere.
And as I was coming into the radio studio,
a guy was walking out and he saw the book
and he said, I'm Andy's dad.
And, okay.
And he said, yeah, I can't remember his name.
And he said, do you want me to sign the book for you?
So I have this biography of Kaufman written by somebody,
I don't know why his pal Lenny, something or other.
And it's signed Andy Kaufman's dad.
Wow.
Which by the way, anybody who's a fan of Andy Kaufman,
that would be a very Andy Kaufman thing to do,
is pretend he was his dad.
I had Bob Zamuda on the podcast once,
he was his sidekick.
That was the guy who wrote the book, I think, Zamuda.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's the book, yeah.
So Zamuda comes on on and you know,
for people that don't know Andy Kaufman,
Zemuda was like his, he'd pretend to be his manager,
he'd pretend to be his alter ego,
he would go out as Andy Kaufman,
even though it wasn't Andy Kaufman,
he would, Andy would book a date at a nightclub
and then send Bob Zemuda to do the entire show.
People would boo him off the stage
and he would yell back at them.
And so Zamuda comes on my podcast
and I used to do it out of the garage of my house.
And so he shows up and he's a lovely guy.
He's, you know, he's fun.
He's very like forthright with telling stories.
I'm sure he's told a million times.
He's great about it.
And then we planned this, but I said something about how his family,
because his family wasn't happy about the book.
So I doubt it was the father
because the family was upset
that Zamuda had told some of these stories.
Can't believe I was had like that.
And you were.
I hate to bring it to you.
Maybe it was another book.
Maybe it was another book. I hate to bring it to you. Maybe it was another book. Maybe it was another book.
I hate to break it to you.
Maybe it was Finnegan's Wake.
So I start in on him and I go,
so I don't think this book is cool.
Well, you know, his family's pissed and I get it.
And then he starts yelling at me and we kept,
and this is just an audio podcast.
And we're screaming for like three minutes.
And then he threw a bunch of furniture
and then he stormed out. and then I just sat there going,
I'm sorry, I don't know what just happened.
And I just kind of like said goodbye.
And it was one of my biggest podcasts
and everybody thought it was real.
I see you planned it with him beforehand as well.
Yeah.
Ah, very good.
And I think this is the first time I've admitted
that that was a fake episode
because it was probably 10 years ago.
Wow.
You'd wonder if those stories about the crowd booing when he sends Bob's mood out and said
it from himself are better as anecdotes than they are as lived experiences.
Well I think that's like having a baby. It's like a lot of things in life. It's a better story.
And here's some pictures when he was calm. Here's some pictures when he wasn't making us want to
jump off the building. But no, he said that was such fluency and conviction. Like, oh, wow,
that's a lived experience. Yes. Yes. Well, you've lived it six times, I can't imagine.
But I think a lot of the things that Kaufman did was,
it was performance art, which he would get on stage,
he'd catch a rising star in New York to do,
you know, a 10 minute set.
He'd walk on stage, he had a sleeping bag under his arm
and an alarm clock and he put the alarm clock on the stool
and he'd set it for 10 minutes, unroll the sleeping bag.
He'd get inside, he'd close his eyes
and he would lay there for 10 minutes.
And the crowd was, they'd titter with laughter.
Laughter would come and go.
Somebody would say something.
And then at the end of it, he'd leave it.
You know, it's a great story. But you just paid 25 bucks and a two drink minimum.
It's an unforgettable act still.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but a great story.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I think that if you did something
really absurdist
in comedy today, you would have a hard time,
but there are theaters where they embrace it more.
You know, like I think we talked about Largo
as a place in LA that you get more of like,
you know, David Cross will do something
really weird there sometimes.
He's become more of a monologist,
but when I started with him in Boston,
he used to go on stage and really do silence and act outs,
and then he'd scream,
I'm a chicken donut, I remember,
was like the payoff for one of his bits.
Yeah.
I manage a chipmunk band.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All your best jokes come true.
Right, right.
Yeah.
It's, I mean, I suppose, you know, in actuality, like you said, you have the freedom to do
whatever you want.
So you really are limited by your imagination.
Yes.
And what you have the courage to do.
Right.
So it's all there.
So and there'll be there'll be a wave.
And in that wave, there'll be a surrealist
comic or two. Right. I mean, Maria Bamford
is I wouldn't say she's surreal.
I guess my knowledge of American
stand-up isn't great. So I'm kind of
choosing people that I see at festivals and stuff like
that. Right. But Maria's stuff is quite
there's a
there's a nonlinear kind of
flow to that,
which is gorgeous.
Yes, yes.
You know, it's very liberating when you see
that kind of stuff as well, you know, very,
it just breaks up the straight jacket
that the rest of us can find ourselves in sometimes.
Lovely.
Yeah, and it's really, I think you said it is courage,
because I mean, what is courage in standup?
It's literally, it's hard to describe to people
what it's like to bomb on stage,
whether it's your first time or whether it's last week,
the pain that you feel and it's different for every comedian.
And I think some have a thicker skin,
like Bill Hicks famously would go up
and he would do his shit.
And if they didn't like it,
it did not matter to him at all.
Which some people would say, well, that's not good.
You know, you are ultimately an entertainer,
but you're only going to get to that really interesting stuff
if you've got pretty thick skin,
because if it hurts you too much, you're not going to take those chances.
Yeah, I'm not sure if ultimately you are an entertainer.
I don't know what you are.
I think there are other possibilities. But you remind me of a comic
in Ireland who is fantastic. I can't say his name now in case I say the wrong thing, but
I'm going to say it's generally true. He's tall, dark and handsome. He's a wild intelligence.
Really? You're comparing me to him?
He's a wild, no, he's a wild intelligence.
And he also has a kind of a self-destructive impulse.
And one of his things is if he's on a on a bill and if he has no respect for the act
that has gone on before him, but the audience like him.
So the audience like the previous act.
Yeah.
He.
What?
I find it very hard to, sorry.
Stop it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I get awful distracted. Sorry. Excuse me. I'll start the story again. Stop it. Yeah. Yeah.
So I get awful distracted.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
I'll start the story again.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
So my friend, this Irish comedian, he's very respected.
He's also very feared.
One of his impulses, one of his kind of self-destructive impulses is that if he doesn't like the act that has been on before him, but the audience do like the act, he will abuse the audience.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I can relate to take it out on them and break the atmosphere and destroy it until everything is in crumbles.
And then he'll build it up again.
Right.
So there's that kind of oddness as well.
He has the respect of every comic in the country.
Yeah.
But audiences are a bit...
Do the comedians who went ahead of him know that he's doing that?
Yeah, yeah.
Because it's a wave he doesn't want to ride.
Totally. But also it's kind of...
It's a...
I think it's brave, although if you can do something, I'm not sure you think it's brave.
Yeah.
People talk about stand-up being brave, but if you can do it, it's not brave at all.
Right.
So this is what my friend does, his impulse is to do that.
For those of us who can't do that,
we'd be kind of going, oh my God, that's so courageous.
But for him, it's second nature really.
Well, that's interesting then about standup
because we all have our tools and I know I get anxious.
I still get very anxious before.
I've been doing a 15 minute set at the comedy store
where I've been a million times.
I can still get really freaked out
who's going on ahead of me
and where I'm coming from emotionally
before I got to the show.
And so, no, I think it's interesting.
Like what is brave then?
Like I think for some comedians,
it's so intense they throw up before the show. And, you know, I mean for some comedians, it's so intense. They throw up before the show.
And, you know, I mean, is that brave?
Or are you just in the wrong line of work at that point?
Is brave putting in some work before you go on stage
to write jokes?
That's true.
That's true.
Nothing calms me down more when I'm actually prepared.
That's a really good point.
If I walk on and I don't have any new material
and Louis CK is sitting in the back
and Mark Maron sitting in the back
and I know they've seen everything I've done.
And if I do the same thing over there,
then you see them leave the room and you go like,
oh, come on.
So I think that's when I feel the most anxiety
when there's other comics in the room.
Sure, we're all trying to impress one another.
Yeah.
I'm not able to write though.
I've realized over the years that
the writing makes no difference.
It's putting yourself, getting yourself into a playful state
so that when you go up on stage, you can create.
But I've notebooks.
I have 30 or 40 notebooks. I have.
30 or 40 notebooks full of ideas that just aren't stand up because they they're
you can't recreate it.
Yeah, I might have been saying this to you before, but I saw an interview with Louis C.K.
where he he he just says I go up with ideas
and I flesh them out on stage and I think that's there a lot of comics who are like that. Yeah, you know, I just go up with ideas and I flesh them out on stage. And I think that's there are a lot of comics who are like that.
Yeah. You know, you just go up with an idea.
And the thing is to be constantly gigging.
That's why I found for me constantly.
Seven days a week, if possible, just keep give me.
I don't know. The stuff doesn't come to me as quick as it did when I was in my 20s.
It comes a bit weirder now and it's a bit.
It's stranger.
Sometimes I think is the strangeness, a mask for inability.
It might be, but it's where I'm at.
Inability to think quickly,
inability to come up with stuff that was as good as the stuff I came up with when I started.
Right. Maybe.
But I know that I'm getting stranger.
Mm-hmm.
And I know that it's getting...
This show is much more...
It's a much moodier show than I used to do.
Like, when I started off, I was so full of the joie de vie.
I was happy for everybody.
Yeah.
I wanted everybody to be happy.
And now I'm... Fuck you.
I'm a bit more, there's a bit more of kind of
a bit more angular darkness in me or something.
Yeah, that's just that is just what's coming out at the moment.
And I know that it takes me a lot longer to come up with the show.
I used to take me.
I could I could do have a new show in six weeks when I started. A new one hour show. I used to take me, I could do it to have a new show in six weeks when I started.
A new one hour show.
Well 40 minutes anyway, six weeks. Now it takes, now I could be doing a tour where I'm
doing an hour and a half of material, constantly working it, constantly, you know, adding new stuff.
And at the end of the tour, I go to go, ah,
that, no.
And then you're. No to all of it?
Yeah, kind of, kind of or something.
I'm not expressing this right.
It's more that.
Because it's a, that's it.
It's more that it's a constant work in progress.
Uh huh. Right. Right.
You're constantly fiddling with it, constantly bringing in new stories
that this thing of having a finished bit of work.
Just doesn't hold.
I was on tour recently in the UK.
And.
I didn't I didn't like the show at all when the tour started.
Two weeks into the tour, it was as good as anything that I've ever done.
Okay.
Five weeks into the tour, it was shit.
So it's really hard to know why that's happening.
Do you think that's a product of getting older
and like when you're young, there's, I don't know,
you're more absolute.
You know, your opinions are, and you get older and you go like, no, there's
like three other sides to this issue that I need to look at as well.
I just think the thoughts are just slower and farmer.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I just think there's a backlog, it's traffic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just a slower process, but it can't be helped.
You know, I saw Bob Dylan being interviewed on telly
and he was, he said, um, the guy was asking me about the sixties, you know, and he's Dylan
was there saying, well, you know, I don't know, but, uh, that said to break a noon shadows,
even the silver spoon, hand me blade and the child's balloon. He says, can you, can you
imagine sitting down and trying to
write that? He said, I don't know where that stuff came from. I can't write that now.
And then he said this very interesting thing. He says, I can't write that stuff now, but
I can do other things. Sorry, he's starting to sound like Martin Luther King now. I have a dream. And that spoon has a dream.
Martin Luther Dillon.
Yeah, so now now he's now Bob Dillon works as a Martin Luther King in prison.
So but Dillon was saying I can do different stuff now.
Yeah. You know, I was talking to a comic earlier on today and they were saying,
you know, sometimes people say, oh, you're not as funny as you were 10 years ago.
And he was saying, but the stuff is different now.
Yeah, right.
It's different.
The sport is different.
I mean, what people want to see,
and I'm not overly concerned with what people want to see.
That's never been my agenda with standup,
but I do know that my style has,
it's definitely changed over the years,
but it hasn't tried to meet up
with what they're looking for.
But at the same time, if I do some old stuff that just,
you know, once in a while you pull out a bit
when you're on stage, you're doing some crowd work
and someone's from Michigan
and you got a bit about Michigan that's 20 years old
and you bust it out and you go, oh yeah, that used to be funny.
Especially when you're talking about race.
Oh yeah, yeah.
You know, I mean, I had a lot of jokes about race,
starting out in the clubs in New York City
where half the audience is black, white, Latino,
gay, German, you know,
and it allowed you to go anywhere
because there was context, there
was irony. You could actually, they would actually give you credit for your, in a voice
of some sort. And now it's so literal. Oh yeah. Everything you say is taken as if it's
being written on the page. It's a bit more, I remember once, I can't remember if I said
this last time we were talking, going into driving into town and go with my more. I remember once, I can't remember if I said this last time we were
talking, uh, going into driving into town and go with my kids. And, uh, we passed by,
um, there's a lot of kind of Muslim guys, uh, queuing up outside this, uh, this gym.
Yeah. You know, and, um, I said, Oh, I said, what's going on there? I said, and
they went, what, what, what? I says, I wonder, have they set up a mosque there for the guys
to go and pray? And the kids had a conniption that I would even, you can't say that. You
can't say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep going! Say what? What did you just say? You can't say it!
Can't say what?
Look at that hand!
Can't say that!
Yeah, right.
I like to tell my daughter
like old racist
jokes that my father used to tell me
just because they're so inappropriate
and I know that it will never leave the house
but... Yeah, it's a great name for a show.
What's that?
Oh, and racist jokes my dad used to joke me.
It's a great name for a podcast.
Yeah, and you have to pay a big subscriber fee to get in.
You only want the right people listening.
Oh my God, that would be such a hit.
Oh my God, the jokes he would tell me,
because you know, he hung out with guys from the Bronx
and they just told these jokes and I don't think there was anything mean-spirited about
them, but they do not hold up.
Yeah, it's all context and they don't travel.
No, no. I remember seeing so Bernard Manning was an English comic who
but did a lot of like racist stuff, you know, it was racial or racist.
I don't know. It's kind of it's so I haven't seen a fierce amount of what he did,
but some of the stuff he does that's a bit mean.
Yeah. You know, or it's a bit.
He was kind of.
Yeah, there's an.
I'm saying ugliness, but there was kind of.
You'd be uncomfortable looking at it, you know.
So I don't know how somebody who is black would have felt back then or would feel now
looking at it, but this one phenomenal joke.
He was talking about this, he's got Manchester actions, he says, oh, welcome to the club,
welcome to the club, welcome to the club, it's a working man's club.
Lots of beer, cigarettes, smoke, low roofing.
He's there in a tuxedo and he's fat and
he's sweaty.
Oh, welcome to my club, you're all welcome to my club.
Big round of applause please for the two soldiers in the front row.
It's right, and they're kind of, you know, pride in the army.
Two soldiers in the front row, give them a big round of applause.
And he goes, hi.
He says, two soldiers in the front row, they're just back from the Falklands,
just back from the Falklands.
Of course, fucking blister.
Then he goes, they're Argentinian.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
That was a, that was fantastic,
because that totally pulled the rug.
That's the only time I've seen him do that.
Yeah, right.
Well, that's the thing about a racist comic
is sometimes it's perfect.
They didn't mean it to be.
They didn't know there was a subtlety to it,
but sometimes it's great.
God, I'm trying to think.
I wish I'd thought about this
because I would have, starting out,
I started in Boston before I came to New York
and that was racist.
Boston is a very racist town and I love it
and I love the people, but it's sectioned off.
You've got black people here, Irish people here,
Italian people there, and they really doesn't spill over.
And it's fostered this paranoia by the white sections
that the black sections are moving in.
And that was where des are moving in. And, you know, and that, and there was,
that was where desegregation in the North happened in Boston.
That's where they did busing.
And there was a lot of fighting back about it.
But what would be the area in Ireland
that you would find that mentality the most?
I'm not sure really, kind of.
In the Republic of course.
I'm not sure.
The key to the whole thing is kids.
You can say you can have say a whole black part of town and an Irish part of town and a Jewish part of town and a Mexican
part of town, Eastern European part of town. And if everybody's living in their own area,
then you're going to have, you're going to have tribal interactions. And sometimes those
tribal interactions will be racist. Yes.
OK. And that's, you know, and whoever has the most power.
You know.
I won't say they're the most racist because, but anyway, if they stay in those different
communities, so just in terms of Boston, you were talking about there, they stay in those
communities, that's not going to change.
But if the city says everybody's kids have to go to school together,
then in a generation, two generations, that is a change.
Right.
And that's the key to it in Ireland, is that we've got to send our kids to school
together. That's the key. Yeah.
But some schools don't want to do that.
Three of my older kids went to a really, really mixed school,
people from all different communities.
And it's fantastic for them.
Yeah.
But that's the key to it.
And the same would be true of Boston.
Yeah.
Well, I think that's why they tried to desegregate the schools.
And it did not work.
You can't, it's like, you can't force it.
You have to make it attractive to the parents to say,
like our kids went to a Spanish immersion school.
So 50% of the kids in the school had to be
from Spanish speaking homes.
So, and that was just something we just felt like
was organic.
We wanted our kids to learn another language.
We both grew up in New York and very diverse areas.
And so we sought that out.
But if people aren't seeking it out,
it's hard to force it on them.
They'll fight it and it almost makes it worse.
That's how it was in Boston anyway.
I was telling somebody earlier on that
I was walking down the road in Galway last week
and I met the nicest, most easygoing, friendliest, racist I've ever met in my life.
Don't you hate when they're nice?
I was just, I couldn't get, I just was going, oh fuck off, really? Like this guy is lovely,
he's a lovely, gentle, sloppy kind of walk as well. Just, his head to his toes, he exudes gentility and approachability. How
are you Tom? How are you? Well I haven't seen you. He's just oozing friendliness. How are
you? Tell me this now. Would you like it if Galway was half black? Would you? Would you
like that now? You're fucked off. You're easier to deal with when you're dressed in combats.
But when you're not...
And then all of a sudden you're rethinking all your racist views.
You're like, I don't know, he's a good guy, maybe he's on to something.
I'll see you later anyway Tom, but don't...
Would you? Would you like that now?
If the old Tom was...
Think about it Tom.
And you could talk to him about other stuff and he'd be lovely about, you know, football
or politics or whatever.
Cheers to Tom now.
Just the racism.
One recessive gene.
Or it's a beautiful woman.
And you're a single guy and you're talking to her and you really come up to a quotient
of how hot does she have to be for me to look past racism for one night?
I don't know. Do you remember there was a Raiders of the Lost Ark where there was a very,
very attractive blonde fascist Nazi. So I think. Yeah. Yeah. Alison Doody was her name.
I swear to God, Alison Doody, Google Alison Doody, the one of the Indiana Jones movies.
Yeah. And she was gorgeous.
Oh, my God. She was so beautiful.
And I I would I never met her.
I would have loved to have met her just for one reason, one reason only.
So I could say, how do you do?
But I mean, but that's
I said that's our name, Alison Doody.
She's beautiful.
But in this thing, she plays this Harrison Ford was back in Nazi Germany or something.
She's got this blonde bob, beautiful and the cap.
So I don't...
You think you could see past the Nazism on that.
I think it might even turn me on.
Yeah, right.
I fucked a racist. I fucked a racist.
I fucked a racist.
And then what you do is, right when she's about to come,
you just stop.
Oh, I wouldn't even give her the pleasure of orgasm.
Yeah, no.
Cheater of the orgasm.
She wouldn't deserve that.
Ha ha ha.
My greatest gift?
You're not getting my greatest gift.
I do anything for love, but I won't do that.
I always wonder what that was in this song.
I think we've all had a fair idea.
I mean, it is, right?
Is there any argument that that's what it is?
I think it has to be.
Yes.
Anything but that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just had my 25th anniversary
and I really did think that on that night,
we went out to dinner.
Oh.
We went home.
We were intimate.
No.
And I really did think.
No.
What about tonight?
What about I waited 20?
No, no, don't go there.
Don't go there.
How old is your wife?
58. What the fu? No, don't go there. Don't go there. How old is your wife? 58
Medical professional with ball pass
Yeah, that door is closed and it should be locked your own as well
You're old as well. Specifically, so are hers.
Yeah, let's keep it simple.
Yeah, I think so.
We made it this far with simple.
So, all right, here's some other things.
Sometimes, you know, I've always been tempted to like,
I write down some notes before my interview.
I'm not like you, I actually do some work.
Let's see how it bears out.
And I always think that I want to show this to my guests
and let them, you know, interview themselves.
But I did want to ask you about this big event back in June.
This is fascinating to me.
You were invited with a hundred other
international comedians, the biggest of the big,
literally like the top 100 comedians in the world
were invited by Pope Francis.
Was it at the Vatican?
Yeah, yeah.
To go to the Vatican and-
He's a big eat my shit fan.
Did he have on the hat?
He took off the triangular one.
Eat my shit.
Hey, you have to eat my shit, the guy.
He's nudging all the carabiners, it's him.
It's the guy.
Yeah, they all sit around the laptop at night
watching Tommy Tiernan videos.
Oh my God.
Your people, like people would think that's actually a bit,
no, why would they be going?
Can't find it.
Now you've got to write it.
So first of all, how did you feel? Because you are, we talked about this before, your
feelings on the church are not, you're not practicing.
No, I wouldn't have any, I love the stories. I'm very, very drawn to Catholic stories,
stories of saints and stories of characters from the Bible. I love them stories. I'm very, very drawn to Catholic stories, stories of saints and stories
of characters from the Bible. I love them. They feel very familiar to me and I love thinking
about them. But I'm not a practicing Catholic in any stretch of the imagination. Meeting
the Pope was like meeting the CEO of an organization. It was very much just here's the bloke that's
in charge. I think other people had different reactions. I think Stephen Colbert was very moved. I
think Stephen Colbert did his audio book, the Pope. I think he played the Pope.
No.
I think so. I think he said that to the Pope.
Wow.
Well, he's a devout Catholic.
Yeah. So it was a big event for him. But it was very moving to see the Pope initially because he's so old. He's like 83 and he came
in on two crutches. It was like he was kind of walking up Calvary with the cross on his
back. It was, that was, it was moving. No, really it was. It was like, but you probably
get that in any residential place for old people. But I found myself being moved at that.
You made, you got a great sense of responsibility off him
and what's the responsibility he has towards,
however, two billion Catholics in the world
and how much he cares.
But it wasn't like meeting a holy man.
Yeah.
There just wasn't that vibe about it. It was amazing after we went into the Vatican and
St. Peter's, the Basilica. That was astounding. That was mind blowing. I would recommend any
white person to go there.
There's not a lot of depictions of black people there.
It is the suffering of the whites.
Yeah, that's hilarious.
It's 800 years of Caucasian pain.
That's all it is.
If I was black, I would get one picture of a slave
and just thumb tack it up in the middle of the Sistine Chapel.
That was very moving.
Yeah. Did you have a moment with the pope? Did you shake hands? I shook hands with him, all right, yeah. Thumb tack it up in the middle of the Sistine Chapel. That was very moving.
Yeah.
Did you have a moment with the Pope?
Did you shake hands?
I shook hands with him all right, yeah.
But it was, again, it was like...
Did anyone actually try to strike a conversation with him?
Not really, because I think,
I don't think English is his first language.
Okay.
So, you know, but he looked at me and he smiled,
and I got a pair of rosary beads off him.
So it was like Mardi Gras.
Is that what happens in Mardi Gras?
Yeah, you throw beads to women and they show their tits.
What?
That's the deal.
Is that what he wanted me to do?
He doesn't like little boys.
He likes old guys.
I'm always misreading the room.
He doesn't like long boys, he likes old guys.
I was misreading the room.
So I'd recommend it in terms of that. Yeah.
So the church was an empire, a very rich empire,
so they could commission phenomenal works of art they could afford to.
Sure.
So they got the best European artists to do their best work.
So it's like it's a cross between an art
gallery and a spiritual encounter with something that you can't quite name,
but it's very real. Right.
And then so it's like it's the size of Madison Square Garden and it's all
statues and paintings and caravaggio
and it's dark.
Like it's not this kind of Joel Osteen kind of bright shiny happy Jesus.
This is a dark brooding caravaggio Christ of shadow and dagger and pain And it's just it's very moving.
Yeah.
And yeah, that's what it was.
So there were three Irish comedians invited.
Who were the other two?
The other two were a guy called Patrick Keelty, who's from the north and a guy
called Ardell O'Hanlon, who's from the south as well.
So what about British comics?
Not very, not very many.
No, I don't think the Pope is mad for the English.
Really, I don't think he likes them.
Wow.
So there weren't many.
Yeah.
I think the reason the Americans were, I think Stephen Colbert was asked.
By the Vatican, who bring 10 or 20 comedians.
OK, so he went through his, I don't know.
So Chris Rock, I don't know if Chris Rock
a Catholic or just a pal of Colbert's, Conan O'Brien, Jim Gaffigan, who I've seen
on stage before, so a few guys like that.
Yeah.
Mike Birbiglia, Hucky Goldberg Tignotario, you know, and it was
very interesting. Yeah. But was there was there like a reception where you guys all hung
out with each other? A little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Great place to be gay. The Vatican. Openly,
outrageously gay. Really? Oh my God. Just that there is no stopping those guys.
No kidding.
The priests in the Vatican, I'm telling you.
Really?
Oh my god, it's like that little village, what's that little village up on Cape Cod?
Oh, Provincetown.
It's like Provincetown, in Italy?
It's like Catholic Provincetown.
They're just, everyone is gorgeous and flirty.
Well, look at you, funny boy.
Really?
They're playing YMCA on the organ.
I was, I went to my wife and I said,
that guy just flirty, the baby, the breathe.
It's all very confident.
Wow.
Confident.
Yeah, yeah.
Just all, you know, and the Pope had gotten to trouble
a couple of weeks before for using the word faggot.
Don't even remember this, it was a big news story.
No kidding.
Yeah.
So he was giving this kind of talk on something and he just went, yeah, well, there's too
many faggots in this place for a start.
Get out of here.
I swear to God.
You can Google it.
He said, he said whatever the Italian equivalent is of faggots and there was, you know, big.
And he was talking about the Cardinals?
No, no, he was talking, all he said was,
he was talking about something.
Yeah.
And he just said, he says, there's too many faggots in this place.
And then they were, they tried to qualify it afterwards by saying,
look, what he means by that isn't, it doesn't have the temperature
that the word has now.
He's from an older, you know, something.
Yeah.
But I was just, you know, these guys were openly flirting with me.
Yeah.
And they were, I mean, they were good looking as well, you know, like Italian underpants models.
And Jesus, who was flirting with who?
Really?
Well, it sounds, it was like they got your attention.
I just, I remember very little of it.
You had a little sacrificial wine and then all of a sudden. mention. I just I remember very little of the Hubbard.
You had a little sacrificial wine and then all of a sudden.
Yeah, they were over serving everybody that day.
I think it's I think the iconography of Christianity.
I wouldn't say it's homoerotic, but if you were gay, you'd have plenty to look at.
Oh, yeah. You know, if you were gay, you'd have plenty to look at. Oh, yeah.
Do you know if you were a BBC,
you know, because it's all in the.
The statues that are in pain, obviously,
they're hard to be roused by, but all a lot of the other stuff is of beautifully chiseled men.
You know, it's very.
Is it Michelangelo that did David?
Yeah, you know, it's all that kind of stuff.
It's all very handsome and proportioned.
Whoever did it loved the human form.
Yes, it's well, yeah, Da Vinci was attacked.
He was a recall when you take bodies apart, you know, he would do, he would do,
what do you call it, when you cut up a dead body?
It was an autopsy?
The body's called a cadaver, isn't it?
Yeah, they would-
Dismember.
They would dismember a cadaver,
and they would look at the way the ligaments
and the muscles worked,
because that's how he wanted to paint it exactly, right?
The abdomen and the thigh and, you know, the muscles, it's incredible.
There are no bare-breasted women.
So all these statues in this particular part of the Vatican, now in the Basilica,
it is a lot of mothers in agony, you know, because the female form is well represented there.
But in the other parts of the Vatican,
where it's just this saint or that saint or whatever.
No nips.
No, there's nipples. Yeah, it's all men.
It's all men.
There's no, I mean, there's no female nipples.
No, none at all. No, no, no hips.
Funny that you said none. None.
Anyway. But I-
It's worth a visit.
But I, oh yeah, we were there,
we went about five years ago and it was,
it was incredible because I went in the summer.
So they really moved you along.
You didn't, you couldn't loiter for too long.
There was a general like, you know, current moving through.
But we, in Italy, you'd go to the piazzas in each town
and you'd have these statues that were, you know,
800 years old, and the women were sexy as shit,
like beautiful, and not like, you know,
you look like Egyptian nudes and it's like,
they're like triangle tits.
These are like real, you ever saw the Egyptian tits?
Yeah, they're not a lot of fun, no hang.
Okay, wow.
The Italians had like a little hang tool.
Okay.
They look like they'd worked for a living.
Okay, wow.
Yeah.
The penises are-
Efficient.
They're efficient.
That's why they keep knocking them off.
Everyone knows how he's knocking them off.
So, let's go back to the script.
Okay.
And then I'm gonna let you go because you're very generous.
You doing a lot of interviews in town?
And not many, no, not many.
Well, then I'll keep you as long as I want.
Oh yeah, so you were talking about being,
loving the American sense of humor,
that it's biting and it's,
I think you like the sarcasm of it.
So when you go in front of an American crowd,
do you feel like,
like do you have locals opening for you, bring somebody over
with you?
I do, I do all myself.
Oh, you do it all yourself.
I was gonna say how it affected you to have a, an American comic go up and sort of be
in a totally different vein from what you're doing.
What you're always hoping for is that I would get this touring England as well, is that
you're hoping you're giving them something that they
are slightly intrigued by.
Yes.
And so I don't know if, say, if you were playing in Ireland or England,
they'd be going, oh, great, this is kind of New York, Boston comic.
It's got that edge.
Yeah, we like that.
So when I'm performing in front of American people, it's that you are hoping
that there's something about the way you use language or the kind of stories you're
telling or the theatricality of your act and maybe that slightly unhinged element to it.
Right.
That they're kind of going, oh, this is now it's I don't know enough about
kind of going, oh, this is, now it's, I don't know enough about American standup comedy
to be confident that I'm doing anything different.
I really don't know.
But you are, you definitely are.
It is more performative, it is more thematic.
I think at the end of it,
you take something away from one of your sets,
whereas sometimes an American headliner goes up
and it's like a boxing match where it's like,
it's a series of jabs and hooks and at the end of it,
it's just a guy who got through a fight.
Yeah.
You know, as opposed to really putting your feet down
on the stage and delivering something that's intentional.
But that feeling of just being a guy
who got through the fight,
that's what I feel at the end of doing the show.
So it's not that what I'm doing is contrived or noble or effortful.
But it is you're kind of you're leaning
in to your weirdness and that's the wrong word, your oddity.
Yeah.
So that's what I enjoy about performing.
And sometimes I have done sets in comedy clubs in New York and people are like,
what is this?
You know, yeah, I'd be up and going, hey, so yeah.
And they're going, no, fucking jokes.
It's a different rhythm. Yeah.
So I know sometimes it doesn't, in the theater it's different
because they're just there to see you
and they might have some knowledge of you.
But it really is.
That's a fraction.
If French is the language of love,
I think Irish is a pretty good version
of the language of comedy.
I think there's really an amazing rhythm and cadence
to deliver jokes on.
I think Derry Girls is huge in this country.
Do you have any idea how big it is in this country?
I mean, my kids and all their friends have seen
every episode multiple times.
And it's fun.
It's just, well, it's well-written,
the acting is amazing,
but there is also that added layer of this, this brogue
that is, I don't know, what it is that appeals to Americans
about it so much is that it's just so fuck off.
Yeah.
But I think any, I don't think that's,
that's only true of people with Irish accents.
So I remember Dom Herrera had this great piece about black comics.
And apologies to Dom if I'm doing this wrong.
It was a great piece about how something along the lines of black comics actually don't have
to be that funny.
They just have to tell you what they did that day.
And it's the cadence.
Yeah.
I was waiting for bus.
Motherfucking bus.
I was waiting for bus.
Bus, motherfucker.
We had a bus.
We had a motherfucking bus.
I was waiting for bus.
So you know, there's nothing has happened. It's funny. We're the motherfucking Burs. I'm way more Burs. So yeah, kind of.
You know, there's nothing that's happened.
It's funny.
So there's that.
And then you get comics like, say, Jackie Mason.
And it was a, what are you?
Well, Yiddish is also the language of comedy, for sure.
That had it.
And I think every...
They're the two off the top of my head now
that would say that it's not particularly owned every, they're the two off the top of my head now
that would say that it's not particularly owned
by Irish people in any way, you know.
No, I think he had issues, that Jewish New York accent,
he had Jackie Mason and Milton Berle and Alan King
and all those guys, they really, and they honed it
because their comedy came up
at a time when, and I think like black comedians, it's a lot of like a stoop comedy,
guys on the stoop making each other laugh
and topping each other.
And I think with the Jewish comics,
it was, they would go off to the Catskills.
You know about the Catskill mountains?
Yeah.
So they'd go up there and they wouldn't even,
they would do standup,
but they would spend also three hours a day.
There's a word for it,
but it means you just go in the crowd.
You mix with people at the bar and at the pool
and you just make people laugh.
You do a little insult comedy, you tell jokes.
And so they just got to know their voice
against the challenge of just going into nothing.
And I think that the Jewish experience
also lent itself to comedy as well
because it comes from suffering.
I think that it makes you drive harder at the jokes.
I think it puts a bit of a fire in your belly.
You're a bit more of an extremist maybe.
Yeah.
I just watched another,
me and the kids watched a lot of Mark's Brothers.
And these kinds of Jewish guys,
they were coming up in the 1920s.
Can you imagine what that experience was like?
And they would go on the road.
I mean, they toured for years before they made a movie
and just banging out these routines.
Like the first couple of movies,
I think Duck Suit might've been the first movie
and they had done that show thousand times
and their rhythm and you look at these movies,
they're shot in one take, one camera,
and it's physical, they're falling down,
the rhythm that they're playing off each other,
and it's all, and then if you see a cut, it's so obvious.
There was no editing, but there'd be maybe one cut
in an entire three minute scene.
And it just, you know, there's a book by Cliff Nesterov
about the history of combi and how Jewish,
yeah, Jewish people basically, you know,
came up because there was no other jobs.
They weren't being hired.
And so they started going on the road doing comedy.
Yeah.
So, all right, listen,
I'm so honored that you came in to do the show.
Thanks for having me, man.
We'll do it every year,
whether you're here or we're on Zoom or whatever.
I'll be back.
And then we want to promote your tour dates.
You got a tour coming up.
What do you call the tour?
To Median.
There you go.
There you go.
Thursday, October 24th.
In Toronto?
T-O-M-M-E-D-I-A-N, like, you know.
Oh, like a-
Like Tommy the comedian.
Oh, got it.
To Median.
Yeah.
Now, do you have a staff that comes up with that stuff?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
A lot of guys in a room with cigars,
drink a lot of coffee.
What about this one, Tommy?
Tomahawk. Tomahawk.
Like Tomahawk?
Tomode like a toilet.
Tom's away.
Have a Tom's away.
Tom's a wastin'.
I'm not gonna give the dates.
How about Tom McPowell?
The dates are between October 24th and November 15th.
In this order, Toronto at the CAA Theater,
Philly at the Perlman Theater, Boston at the Wilbur, great theater,
New York at town hall, that's amazing, New York, and then the next three nights later at town hall,
Chicago at the Vic, Minneapolis at the Pantages, Calgary at the McEwen, Victoria at the Royal
Theater, Vancouver at the Vogue Theater, Portland at the Aladdin Theater, Seattle at the Net, damn you're doing all the best theaters.
The Neptune Theater, LA at the Montalban,
San Francisco Palace of Fine Arts.
I mean, what a way to round it out.
What a tour.
That sounds amazing.
It's great, Strayk Sources.
Tickets at tomedian.com.
I don't know where the tickets are.
I'll give you my number.
That's a good promotion.
I look, I don't know where the tickets are. I'll give you my number. That's a good promotion.
I look, I don't know where the tickets are.
You just, just show up.
There'll be some tickets left.
Tickets on the door.
Tickets are somewhere.
Tickets, look for the tickets.
All right, well, thank you so much for being on.
Greg, thank you so much for listening to me.
All right, God bless.