F**kface - A Mid-Episode Retraction // Retrain an Anus [70]
Episode Date: September 29, 2021Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the world embracing Scrumping, how to respond to a letter in the letter time, bat knobs on sale October 1st, Geoff throwing a baseball and his newest embarrassment.... Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face), Trade Coffee (http://drinktrade.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Goddamn, dude.
Henry just farted so bad.
I thought he shit in his sleep or something.
I don't think he did.
Oh, my God.
Is there ever a good Henryry fart it no but this
this smells like baby diarrhea oh he had one the other night i've been meaning to talk about it for
a couple weeks he uh i don't i don't know if we've started yet but he farted so bad uh it was a silent
fart too make you know he kind of lays between em and I. He farted so bad, it woke her up.
And she was like half asleep.
And he just, I was like on my phone reading on Reddit.
And he farted.
And I was like, oh, Christ, that was rough.
You know, and I just barreled through.
But she actually turned over and she was like,
ugh, ugh, it's bad.
And I went, what?
And she just goes, eggs.
And then just went back to sleep.
I don't even think she knows she did it.
Yeah, she farted.
Or he farted.
She woke up, rolled over, just in her sleep said, it's so bad.
And I said, what?
And she goes, eggs.
And then just went back to snoring.
Was that the fart story that was postponed from last week?
Yeah.
I was going to tell it in a bigger way it's it's essentially that's all that happened we could redo that if you want we go no no no no i just
i want to barrel through it because i feel like we have so much other stuff to talk about and a
lingering fart story it's you know well i'm just i need to know is there any way that you can is
henry like the perfect equalizer and hiding farts like can you get farts under the radar
oh my god dude
are you kidding I
you know we have the whole
thing about how my girlfriend has
never shit right and
how I'm pretty sure she throws it in the yard and I clean
it up thinking it's the dogs
I'm reasonably sure
that at least
60% of the time it's her, not the dog farting.
What if Henry has never farted?
What if Henry has never farted?
She woke herself up with her ex.
Well, he definitely farted in this room a few seconds ago.
But yeah, it's entirely possible.
And I'm super amenable to the idea that she's been hiding her f She's been hiding her farts as his.
Have you ever attempted to cover
one of yours as his?
No, because I don't hide farts, dude.
I don't see the point.
I mean, you recorded them.
You wanted to do a whole service around.
I made it with my body.
I don't want the world to know about my farts.
Anyway, this is F*** Face.
Would you?
Welcome.
Is this 70, right?
Last one was 69?
Is this 70?
I think it's 70.
I believe so.
That's quite a lot.
Where does the time go?
Do you get the feeling that 7 looks like a way bigger number than 6?
What do you mean?
Like 8 isn't tons more than 7, but 7 seems loads more than 6.
No.
Just the look of a seven yeah
yeah no i'm more intimidated by an eight than a six you think you think everything's pretty low
and then eight happens it's like whoa yeah because the six is like a smaller version of an eight
if like you that if that six got jacked up fully grown like a fully developed like i feel like a
six evolves into an eight yeah i guess just 70 feels
like you don't you don't you don't feel like a six like for me a six is balls drop and it spins
and it becomes a nine that's how i see that well then where where does the eight come in is so is
an eight completely unrelated to the six in the in the genealogy tree of these numbers oh you're
trying to like figure out which numbers had sex to make yeah so because like jeff is bringing up a great point listen a
seven is the is is a two and a five fooling around two and a five like if a two and a five had a baby
it probably would be a seven you get a little bit of the five or maybe a one and a two maybe that's
what it is a one and a two had sex adding two and five no i'm just thinking of the five, or maybe a one and a two. Maybe that's what it is. A one and a two. Had sex. I thought he was adding two and five.
No, I'm just thinking of the look of those numbers.
Yeah.
I think a seven looks harsh.
I feel like a seven's like, it like cuts through you.
Yeah.
Do you think David Fincher has any responsibility for your views of seven?
Do you think that has influenced you in any way?
I've actually never seen it.
Really?
Okay.
No.
No, I don't think so.
That's a no.
Good movie, though.
It is a good movie.
Does that hold up, though, as a movie?
Probably not.
I haven't seen it in a very long time.
What movies do you think have a funny perspective?
There's some epic movies out there,
but if you were just stood in one place for the entire movie,
some of them are pretty interesting.
Like in Interstellar.
I haven't seen it. The main guy takes off in a rocket docks it to a space station drives the whole thing for about
two years to saturn goes through a black hole and then like 80 years later comes out without
any of that shit just floating it'd be weird if you were just waiting there for it. You would miss
out on obviously all of the movie, but
from that perspective, you'd be
very confused. Do you think like
the perspective of what's
happening in the world of Lord of the Rings from just
a hobbit we don't know?
Well, you have to be involved somewhat. You can't just
be like in another town. He lives in the Shire. He's
neighbors with the guy.
Like over here he sings occasionally. Do you think they have like local news? Are there any like updates of like, ahire he's neighbors with the guy like over here sinks occasionally
do you think they have like local news they're getting like updates of like ah they're working
with the trees now this is like like what is that perspective i've also been trying to figure out
the uh the ratio between the movie that is the shortest compared with how long it feels and i
think i've got the ultimate film for a movie that feels like it's four hours long,
but is in fact quite a neat 90 minutes.
Yeah, I think I have one too.
I need to look up how long it is.
What is yours?
Mine is a razorhead.
Are you going to fucking stand here or sit?
What are you standing right now or sitting?
Sat.
Are you going to sat here and tell me,
you and I sat there and watched Eraserhead together
and you didn't like it?
No, I thought it was very interesting, very weird.
It's fun to watch something that is just bizarre
and to the point where you're just looking at it
almost just like, what is happening?
But God damn, does that feel like a four hour movie?
And it's exactly 90 minutes.
It is exceptionally dense, that movie.
There's a lot in there.
And I think black and white adds at least 45 minutes to it.
You should see the documentary about the filming of that movie.
It's really interesting.
You know, he shot one scene a day for five years that's how he made that thing
yeah why sounds like a nightmare or maybe 18 months or something but it was i think it was
like ridiculous like five years uh they were well he got a grant from the from like the
los angeles film commission or one or like one of those people or the american film society one of
those it might have been an american film society anyway he won or got a grant uh and then they let him shoot like
on a location a property that they owned but he could only shoot at night because it was okay day
or something so they shot one scene a night for like five years weird yeah what a fascinating way
to shoot a movie yeah uh mine and i just i looked it, it is long, but it feels longer. It feels like a five hour movie, The Tree of Life.
It's a two hour, 18 minute movie.
It feels like it's six hours long.
It's very weird.
I feel like it's incoherent.
It's okay.
Like, I don't think many people listening would probably have seen it.
It's a Terrence Malik movie.
It's fine.
Yeah, I don't think a lot of people have seen A Razorhead.
That's fair too.
Have you guys, have you, have you guys ever watched The Crown on Netflix?
No.
That's an hour long TV show.
I challenge you to watch one hour of that show
and come back and tell me it felt like one hour.
Every time Emily's got that show on,
it's like time stops.
It's seven hours.
It's like a ken burns documentary every episode
like a full ken ken burns 10 part it's like yeah it's like ken burns baseball
every it's crammed into 62 minutes or whatever of a fucking netflix show
i have a pitch for for one of the like kind of an idea you're describing gavin this is a terrible
idea in my head but i i would just i'd like to see this show, you know, talking about, like, a show or, like, a perspective where nothing happens.
I want a show in the Game of Thrones universe, but it's current day, and it just follows, like, a classroom of kids, and that's their history.
Like, that's just the world they live in.
Like, it's completely normal.
It's, like, our world now, but their history is the fucking Daenerys and all that shit.
But they've got, like, iPhones and stuff?
Yeah, they have iPhones that are just, it's like,
because I think about when I was a kid in school,
I didn't give a fuck about history.
Like, I couldn't care less.
And now as an adult,
I have an appreciation for how interesting it is.
I just love the idea of, like,
what we perceive as a great drama show being the
history for this world.
And so like,
I don't give a fuck about any,
you think,
you think it'll be like,
like how every 10th grader rolls their eyes when it's like,
here we go with Nazis again.
It's like,
Oh my God,
these fucking,
these fucking white walkers.
Yeah.
I'm sick of it.
You better pay attention kid.
You'd be speaking Valerian if it wasn't for these people
that's what it is the show i want i just think it's interesting the concept of like
that being your history and how it would impact the culture going forward
also just i like the idea of kids not appreciating,
because I certainly didn't.
I didn't either.
I didn't give a rat's about history.
Now it's probably one of my largest interests.
Oh, I love it.
Yeah.
I feel like I did school at completely the wrong time.
Yeah, like I would love if I was going into,
I don't know, 12th grade right now,
I'd be pretty pumped about it.
Pretty excited.
Oh, yeah.
I'd love to be just rolling into my GCSEs right now.
A bit of year 10.
I know exactly what I wanted to do.
Oh, it'd be brilliant.
I would love for there to be a real Billy Madison-like program.
I just want to realist.
I want to do it all over.
I feel like I've got more perspective on life.
I'm more enthusiastic about learning.
There's things I've clearly missed a lot with the shift key.
I could use this.
If there's anyone who deserves a second go through.
Shit.
We just had a merch meeting, and we were talking about ideas from new merch.
We should come up with a shift.
Oh, we should sell shift keys.
With just the up arrow on it?
No, I like the idea of just selling a shift key.
Just a singular key.
Oh, like you could do this shirt as well.
Could it just be like a giant, like the button we made, like a huge shift key?
We could push it.
We could push it.
And when you push it, it's just Gavin going, bullshit.
Bullshit.
Or Jack, who doesn't.
Yeah, Jack. Yeah. who doesn't. Yeah.
Jack doesn't believe you.
Liar.
Liar.
Liar.
That's fucking great.
To be fair, there are a lot of keys on the keyboard that I have no idea what they do.
And I've used the keyboard almost every day for two decades.
I had another realization that i'm scared to talk about
after the shift key thing but it is something i i made recently like i'd say within the past
four months or so it's not it's not new but i just didn't know this and i don't think it's a
big deal i i think this might actually be a thing that some other people don't know but uh rock band
rock band was a game. Everyone remember Rock Band?
How much fun that was?
Yeah.
I had Rock Band,
and I thought the coolest part of Rock Band
was the fact it had drums,
because the guitar here already had the guitars.
I'm not going to sing.
This is not something that interests me,
but the drums are fucking cool.
You can just smash these things.
It's great.
I did not realize that you could just hold the pedal down and continue to play i
thought that you couldn't i thought you could only use the pedal when that note would appear
in the game track to hit it i had no clue uh yeah the pet the pedal for like what was it was it for
like holding down the the cymbal part was like no it was like the kick drum it was like it was like
to kick the drum you you'd have to i think
when you properly play i think as eric is saying i think that's how you properly play the drums
is you just hold the pedal down and then you release and kick when you need to so whenever
that would scroll through i would click it the problem is my foot would cramp up because you're
not supposed to keep your foot at that angle so i could play like two or three songs that i'd be
pain i'd be in pain.
I'd be like, this sucks.
I wish this was fun.
I went through my whole life of rock band thinking I couldn't do that.
I thought if I held it down,
it would fuck up the other notes I hit.
And it caused so much discomfort.
And I realized like four months ago,
you could just hold it down.
I think that's okay.
Also, are you still playing rock band?
No, but I talked to somebody about Rock Band the other day.
It blew my mind at the time.
You don't have room for Rock Band in your room.
No, you do not.
No, I don't.
I really don't.
It's a problem.
Eric says people are pissed about the shift key.
Are they?
I feel like we went over that.
I don't know if they're pissed about the shift key or not,
but I do think the idea of shift keys as a merch is funny. Or maybe people should mail you their shift that. I don't know. I don't know if they're pissed about the shift key or not, but I do think it's, I do think the idea of shift keys as a merch is funny,
or maybe people should mail you their shift keys.
I don't know.
Uh,
there's definitely something there.
Why did they mail me my,
what,
why?
So you can use them now,
because now you know how shift works.
Yeah,
but they do.
That's a great point.
That's where I was going with this.
That is what's going with this is,
uh,
is,
uh,
scrump has become a global phenomenon already.
The world has embraced scrumping in a big way
we're very excited about scrumping i saw a lot of stuff on the instagram stories of people
picking apples today is uh just to put this in context today is thursday september 16th when
we're recording this i believe that this coming up Tuesday, we will be picking up our metallic scrump yard
signs so that we can sell them.
Wow.
We are going to sell notice no scrumping metal signs.
Eric's typing, and he's either about to say, yes, that's correct, or Jeff, you weren't
supposed to talk about that.
Yeah, number four on the image.
Oh, yeah.
So it's like it's a black white and red sign
that says notice no scrumping and it'll be in the
store I guess next week
I'd love to have that on my lawn I just feel
like it would make my neighbors talk to me though which
is not something I want right
do you think
that old lady who threw the cucumbers would come to
the door and she saw the sign she needs a
clarification I don't
know what scrumping is but i hope it's not
throwing cucumbers at your house maybe she scrumped those cucumbers that's why she was
trying to shift them do you think andrew i was thinking about another thing that is
is uh very frequently used but i think some people don't know it when you reply to an email
what does it put in the subject line i don't even know how to answer that question.
What do you mean?
When I answer an email, what does it put in the subject line?
I mean, this isn't the question.
I just want you to understand what I'm talking about.
Like, it has the subject of an email.
When you hit reply, it changes the subject.
It adds two letters.
Yeah.
It does?
Yeah.
Do you really not know what two letters it adds?
No.
Okay. I wrote an email.
I replied to an email a minute ago.
It sort of defeats the misconception
that some people have about the two letters
when you don't know what the two letters are.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Yeah, what does that mean?
Well, fuck.
Now I need to think about it.
Let's think about this for a minute.
Okay.
So my initial gut read on this
would be responding to email.
RE.
Response, maybe?
Could be that.
Could be some of those are tricky
where you'd think it'd be RES if it was response,
but it might just be RE.
It's not Resident Evil.
That's also something that comes to mind.
I can narrow that out.
Gavin, I didn't
think this was something people didn't know until
this moment. Andrew definitely
doesn't know.
Returning? Return?
Return email? Could that be it?
Because you're responding. It's like
if you... I imagine email is a physical
good. You've not really got...
I feel like most people think
It's for reply
Oh okay
Well respond kind of in the same
It's like second plate and
Reply would be first like it's in the same
Thing but it's regarding
And then the subject
Oh so that's
The misc so not only did you not understand
What I was saying at the beginning,
your misconception was completely different.
Anyway, I don't know why I asked.
Eric says he still thinks it's Resident Evil.
I feel like all of mine outside of Resident Evil joke answer better than regarding.
I don't say regarding is just fine.
Yeah.
How often do you say regarding your day to day life?
I don't say regard. I say in regards to fairly often, I think. is just fine. How often do you say regarding? Your day-to-day life? I don't say regard.
I say in regards to fairly often, I think.
Sure.
Okay.
That's acceptable.
I just don't like regarding.
I don't...
It's not a rotational word for me.
Well, hey, you know what?
If you don't like it, we won't say it.
How about that?
We will ban that word from this show.
I don't think we need to ban it.
I'm just saying if I'm writing an email,
I feel like there are a lot better options.
Who decided it means regarding? Who made that choice? It's not from email, I don't think we need to ban it. I'm just saying if I'm writing an email, I feel like there are a lot better options. Who decided it means regarding?
Who made that choice?
It's not from email, I don't think.
I assume it's from old writing.
I learned it in a letter writing class
in fifth grade or something.
What do you mean?
When you learn how to write letters,
professional letters and shit in school,
like when I was a kid,
I learned RE meant regards or regarding.
Huh.
Okay. See, my confusion was I was thinking about did I learned RE meant regards or regarding. Huh. Okay.
See, my confusion was I was thinking about, did people send letters back and forth?
Like the same letter?
Like a reply email, but physical?
Because in my head, that makes no sense.
But to do regarding...
So they write you a letter, and then you just write regarding the letter you sent?
And then how would you use that?
Or like RE that question you asked or whatever, you know? Yeah, because back then, would you well yeah because you say like or like re that question you
asked or whatever you know yeah because back then when you responded to a letter if you're using new
paper you wouldn't quote the entire letter under your response so you actually have to say this is
what i'm replying to yeah yeah i don't i don't think i'd ever write a letter with the intent
of having it be a continued conversation that seems like like a lot of work. Oh, you're one and done? Don't talk to me again?
No, okay.
It's like, imagine a volley in a tennis game,
but every game is a different match.
I don't expect a continuation of the conversation.
What if you were writing to someone,
and you asked a bunch of stuff,
and then you only needed a response for one thing?
They would probably write what they were responding to.
Yeah, well, I feel like I don't need them to say regarding this i feel like i could just get the answer i wrote to them i know what
i wrote so if someone replied to something you wrote and they just wrote four yeah wouldn't you
be like what are they talking about well nobody would do that though they would provide they
wouldn't say regarding they would just they'd be like ah i want uh i don't know what are we
talking about how many apples have you scrumped recently? If I asked that, and if they
replied four, I'd understand what that meant. Yeah, I
would. I would. I wouldn't need them to say
in regards to the scrumping.
I wonder
what your
quality of life would have been like
in a world before the internet, like 30
years ago. I think Andrew was born at the correct
time. I think so too. I really do.
I wonder how he would navigate the convenience of modern internet world.
No, I would adapt.
If I grew up in a different time, I'd be a different me.
I don't think you can measure current Andrew as opposed to a different time period Andrew.
So what caused you?
I don't know.
What do you mean?
How is it conceived?
You wouldn't be like the way you are if you were knocking about with the Tudors and stuff.
I don't understand.
What caused me?
Yeah, like, you're you, but why?
Like, who sculpted you?
My environment, I guess?
I don't know.
That's such a weird...
What do you mean?
What's had the biggest impact?
Is it, like, your school friends?
Is it your parents?
I think all of it impacts you to an extent.
I think, yeah, kind of the era you live in, the people around you, your parents i think all of it impacts you to an extent i think yeah kind of
the era you live in the people around you your parents your background i think all that kind of
shapes you into the person you are and then you kind of acquire your own experiences as you get
older oh man don't let me forget i don't want to change the subject from this but i expect i had a
new experience in vegas uh that i have got to share with you guys later?
I lost my train of thought. I just think, you know, I bet
you I'd be fucking great at writing letters
if I was in a letter time. I'd have a quill,
I'd get it all fancy, I'd have a nice ink.
That's what we did. That's what we did before the internet.
We used quills.
But you wouldn't ever type
R-E colon. No.
No, I wouldn't.
I think it'd be outrageous.
In my head, a letter is you kind of put all your thoughts out there,
and then they acknowledge some of it and put all their thoughts.
It's not really an ongoing conversation.
You don't volley.
It's a different thing.
You definitely volley.
We definitely used the whole point in letters.
Nah.
I'm not sure.
That's how you would have conversations with people far away, man,
if you didn't want to pay a $1,000 phone bill.
Yeah.
I'm just saying now i'm saying my perception of what letters are in the environment i grew up in if i grew up in a different if i was in the letter time if i said
the letter days the olden times the letter era i will say regardless of of when I was born, I'd never understand how faxing works.
No clue.
That's just a thing that would never work in my head.
Couldn't process that.
I'd never fax.
You've never understood fax?
I'd never be a faxer.
You got to put a phone number in or something.
It seems very unnecessarily complicated.
You think that's less convenient than writing and then mailing a letter?
Yeah, because as I think I've talked about on this show before, mail terrifies me.
I don't understand how any of it works.
It's just magic.
It's the equivalent of magic to me.
I feel like mail is the easiest thing to understand.
You physically write mail and then someone takes it to where you write.
It doesn't involve a modem.
It doesn't involve bits.
It doesn't involve silicon in any way. It's the process
that blows my mind that I could write a letter
to France and they would be able to deliver it
accurately and I could depend on that. And all I have to do
is write an address on it and put some stamps
and I'm good. But sending a text
wirelessly to someone in France,
that's easy. That's not
magic. Well, no, that is magic.
It's all
magic, but there's a physical component to it the fact that somebody's
having to hold my letter and and move it like it's touching several people's hands there's like
a level of personal touch to mail that i think is wild or just sending a text is fucking crazy
it's ridiculous it's amazing that that's a thing that can happen,
but it's just not...
There's so many... I don't know.
There's so many ways a letter can go wrong,
and I don't feel the same way about
a text.
I guess, to a point, there's no
way your text will fall down
the back of a trolley and get stuck behind
a wall for ten years. Exactly.
I had... Listen, I ordered popcorn from Toronto once. the back of a trolley and get stuck behind a wall for 10 years exactly i had listen i ordered
popcorn from toronto once i got it from across fucking canada and they shipped it and just got
lost my text if it gets lost i get a little symbol on it and i can resend it a minute later
my popcorn was lost for weeks weeks it was lost and weird if you had the same speed of feedback to lost mail.
Like, you ordered the popcorn, and ten seconds later, it's like, we lost it.
I found it.
I got the popcorn.
It was just in a warehouse.
They forgot it existed, I think, because I complained, and then it showed up the next
day.
But then I was like, is this fresh popcorn?
Like, I can't.
How do I judge the quality of this thing?
It was very good.
I'd recommend the honey mustard popcorn.
Very good.
I didn't even say the company.
Yeah, it's good.
Buttered.
Also good.
Are you the kind of person who falls asleep already thinking about the next morning's
coffee?
Well, I am.
Yes to that question.
Would you consider yourself a certified coffee nerd or a professed coffee newbie? I would say I'm somewhere in the I'm certainly not a newbie.
I don't know that I'm a I don't I don't take my coffee as seriously as the people of Australia
or anything, but I'm into it. I dig my coffee. Either way, you need to hear about trade. OK,
Jeff, tell me about trade. OK, Jeff, I will. Does your at home coffee just not live up to
your expectations? Oh, hitting you right at home where it hurts. They know. Sure, in public,
you'll be like, no, my at-home coffee is just fine. Why would you ask? But they know what's
going on behind closed doors. Interesting. Seems like trade can change that. Trade's goal is to
make every cup of coffee your best ever. Why, that sounds like a really worthwhile goal.
I could get into that.
The journey to your perfect cup
starts with taking their coffee quiz.
Oh, I like taking quizzes.
Those are always fun.
You find out like, you know,
which member of Seinfeld are you?
Or what's the perfect cup of coffee?
Use a French press?
Automatic drip?
I have both.
Are you a cold brew person?
You know I am.
Not a problem.
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Hey, I got a question now that we're 25 minutes in.
Jesus Christ.
What do you guys want to talk about this episode?
I would like to briefly talk about the fact that
I thought Andrew was doing a bit over text.
And this just makes it even better.
Imagine this being written and delivered
and the carbon footprint involved
if this was done over post.
Andrew wrote...
Wait a second.
Before you say that,
let me just ask Jeff.
Jeff, who performed the Kenan and Kel rap?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
See?
I'm way too old for that shit.
I know who those actors are, obviously.
Jeff doesn't even remember we talked about this.
Oh my god. Did we talk about
the Kenan and Kel rap?
Did that last episode
just not
happen? It was so much worse than me.
What's going on?
Are you
both doing a bit? Now I'm going nuts.
Now I'm going crazy.
Did we talk about Kenan and kell last week
oh my god why would we talk about that i don't pay attention
i rode i rode a roller coaster with keenan was that what we were talking about
oh my god i thought andrew was doing a bit because
i thought it would be insane that he didn't oh andrew out of nowhere a day after we recorded
last week said you didn't mention coolio does the keenan and kel rap that's wild i just wrote
considering we just talked about it the day before is this a bit he said did you
mention that yesterday and I just said this is a bit and then you were I'm very confused back and
forth blah blah blah I checked the freaking episode I mentioned coolio by name three times
while I was telling the story about how I was stuck in a simulation no one heard it did anyone
hear that oh you were stuck in a simulation. No one heard it. Did anyone hear that story? No, you were stuck in a simulation
because shit kept conveniently popping up
after you talked about it.
I remember that.
I think it was the other way,
but yeah, I at least remember
that we discussed the Keenan and Kel rap.
I just somehow missed the fact
that it was Coolio.
Three times by name.
I feel like I remember Coolio
more than Keenan and Kel.
You didn't remember any of it.
We just went through this.
What do you mean?
Well, no, he said Coolio.
Coolio's jogging my memory a little bit.
Or maybe it's just that we've talked about Coolio on Instagram in the past.
Maybe that's what I'm remembering.
Have we overtaken his account yet?
Isn't that the plan?
Can I ask a question?
Was I in this episode?
Yeah.
Yeah, you were there.
Yeah, you've been in every one.
That I know about.
That's true.
I guess, well, wait.
Was there one that we did?
Oh, no, you weren't there for part of one.
I forgot about that.
Remember that?
You weren't there.
We did the thing where Jeff left,
and then for some reason we all came back,
and it was Eric, Gavin, and I, I think,
and we threw the beginning,
the intro. We threw the ball to each other.
We talked about Coolio there, though.
No, we didn't. It was just the point Jeff said,
was I there for it? And I said, you've been in every episode.
How's Coolio doing these days?
That's a great question.
We still haven't overtaken his Instagram,
according to Eric. We gotta catch up on that.
Damn. I just, I love,
I love that you didn't even fucking remember it.
Gavin was gonna make fun of me for not hearing the Coolio thing.
You had no idea what we're talking about.
No.
I just don't understand.
Is this the best gaslighting in all the world?
No.
Is this the best performance of all time?
I need to say that I'm wrong.
I need to apologize right now.
What Jeff just did made me realize that regarding is essential. Regarding is an essential part of the letter. You need to apologize right now what Jeff just did made me realize that regarding is essential
Regarding is an essential part of the letter you need to include it and the context
Right right now holy shit because there'd be six letters
Apologize I'm wrong about that
I apologize.
I'm wrong about that.
Wow.
That was a perfect full circle.
That was a mid-episode retraction.
That's awesome.
That was... Yeah.
Very mature of you, Andrew.
Well, I didn't...
Very self-aware.
I've never encountered what you just did.
I thought you'd know.
I was kind of honestly trying to tee myself up to look more foolish, and then you were
like, I don't even know.
And then I was like, hold my root beer.
God damn. Oh. this shit and then you were like i don't even know and then i was like hold my root beer god damn oh oh shit it's a dumb show it is a dumb show is that your point was that you said
it a bunch gavin i didn't hear it was that what you were going is that what you want to talk about
well my point was gonna be can you believe andrew didn't hear and jeff was gonna be like yeah he mentioned it three times and uh suddenly my point was going to be, can you believe Andrew didn't hear Corleone? And Jeff was going to be like, yeah, he mentioned it three times.
And suddenly, my point out the window.
This is in regarding to last week's episode, right?
My point was down the back of a trolley by the wall.
So what happened in Vegas, Jeff?
Oh, okay.
Okay, so here's what we need to discuss.
A couple things.
We're running out of time.
First off, let me just get this out of the way.
There's not going to be any arguments.
There's not going to be any disruption about it.
We're just going to barrel through this, Andrew,
and you're not going to fuck this up for me.
Gavin, you don't even have to say anything.
October 1st, the bat knobs go on sale on the Rooster Teeth store. That's all I'm going to say anything uh october 1st the bat knobs go on sale on the rooster that's all i'm
gonna say october 1st the bat knobs go for sale maybe you get an extra item maybe you don't you
got like a 1 in 10 chance uh maybe we'll throw in something extra but if you buy a bat knob on
october 1st you'll get a bat knob and maybe something else that's all okay uh are you gonna
call these bat handles bat knobs
on the store?
Yes, yes.
We're going to call them bat knobs.
I went to Vegas for Andrew.
Need to talk about that.
Something happened to me in Vegas
that's very embarrassing.
I need to talk about that.
I discovered a new thing
that I like to do way too much.
And then Gavin and I came up with
a modified stunt we want to do and
we've got some homework for you Andrew
I think we need to cover all that shit
I'm very excited about the homework can I
just I don't know if we should talk about
it in an extensive
way I will say that so we had the
merch meeting today and we laid out
everything and I believe Jeff you're like
okay we all agree but just as a heads up
we're going to explain this to Gavin he's going gonna immediately challenge what is being said what we all agreed
upon i wasn't vocal in the meeting some of it still doesn't make sense to me oh i know i i i
a little bird told me later that you were having post-meeting issues that's why i said you're not
gonna we're just gonna barrel through it okay i just want to say order order a knob i don't
understand a knob maybe maybe
it comes with a logo device i don't know but you get there you buy a knob you get in a knob
and it'll be numbered i don't need i don't know what to say like i don't i think they should all
come in the same box regardless of if the logo device whatever you say buddy what are you talking
oh can i can I talk about something unrelated
that was sort of brought up at the merch meeting?
Yeah.
I don't know if we should talk about this.
We could edit this out, I guess, if we want to.
How many baseballs do you think Jeff could consecutively swing at Gavin
before he just broke?
If he's in a batting cage.
And he's trying to, he's like going for a home run every time.
Yeah, if he's swinging, he's trying to make good contact on each ball.
How many times do you think he could swing before his arms give out?
50?
Jeff thinks he can swing at 1,000 balls.
Okay.
We weren't going to talk about that because that's a whole other lane we want to go into.
I do think I can swing.
There's no way.
There's no way. What, are are you gonna be that for two days and eric's over here going there's even more baseball stuff listen we're
gonna get derailed on the baseball yes yes there's more baseball stuff yes i think i we were discussing
what to sell next and i andrew had mentioned that it seems weird that we don't have
we have all this other baseball shit we don't have a baseball and then eric brought up uh we're not a
baseball podcast and which is a fair point and then and then it would have to make sense and i
said i i had the idea a couple weeks ago that like what if if we sold baseballs what if i hit each
baseball with a bat first like so each bat came, each ball came pre-hit,
pre-tested,
like pre-dinged, right?
And then they were asking me
how many I thought I could hit,
and I was like,
I could hit a thousand baseballs, sure.
I didn't say I could do it all at once,
but I can, and I would.
No, the scenario you proposed
was like one time in a dugout
Just swinging away what I loved about it is to have said it so confidently
And then somebody quietly the meeting was like you know maybe we could just like 200
That's also a good point That's a good point
That Nick brings up
Or Eric brings up
I only have to try to hit him
If I strike out
That still counts
We just won't sell that one
For as much
So you can own
A baseball
That went past Jeff
We'll separate
The hit balls
Versus the strikeout balls
And the home run balls
You can pick one or the other
Oh my god You would hit like 70
balls and then you would just be ripping the boxes
open just thumping like 10 at once.
I don't know.
I don't know. And this all
goes back to this other... I'm gonna do this.
My girlfriend and I got into an argument about
something and she's
very fucking motivated
to make it happen. Let me ask you...
I didn't think we were gonna talk about this, but happen. Let me ask you.
I didn't think we were going to talk about this,
but Gavin, let me ask you a question.
How hard, how fast do you think you can throw a baseball?
Oh, probably not very.
And I'll say this.
A major league baseball,
like a major league baseball player throws a fastball anywhere from 92
to 100 miles an hour typically.
I bet I could do 60.
Okay. So Gavin I could do 60. Okay.
So Gavin's a reasonable person.
I think you could do 60 as well.
I don't think that's a lot at all. I'm not throwing a thousand balls.
No, you just got to throw one.
How fast could you throw it though?
You think you could throw it 60 miles an hour?
I thought this was me serving you up for hitting a wall.
No, no, no, no. Just how fast could you throw a baseball? It's
madness in a different way, Gavin. It's unrelated, no, no. Just how fast could you throw a baseball? It's madness in a different way, Gavin.
It's unrelated, but equally insane.
Yeah, I'm going to say 60.
Okay.
I don't know if that's good or not.
I mean, if they're doing 90,
then that's barely anything in comparison.
What about you?
Well, I'm reasonably certain
that I could throw a baseball with training.
I got to take an incineration.
You know, I fell on the shoulder last year with the bike rack.
And I had that MRI and I have a troubling amount of arthritis, right?
So I'm going to have to put myself on a regimen of stretching and probably,
put myself on a regimen of stretching and uh and probably uh yes definitely like at least a month of stretching and maybe some yeah some range of me sending a bit of posts saying how fast can you
throw the ball and i got that in response yeah all right regarding regarding the baseball speed
on the back side of the letter you had to flip it over and he's still yeah the other side still
qualifying regarding i'm just regarding that i think i can throw a baseball 80 miles an hour of the letter, you had to flip it over and he still did it. Regarding that,
I think I can throw a baseball
80 miles an hour. Oh my god,
really? I think so.
There's no way. There's a 0% chance.
You can train all you want.
There's no way. My girlfriend bought
a baseball that records the speed you throw it at.
So I can, at some point...
What's your fastest
so far? I haven't done it at
all yet wait you own a baseball that measures its own speed and you've never threw it yet
that's correct huh i don't know why why would you not throw it immediately yeah go and do it now
uh i don't know where emily put it and no, because then I'll know. No, I know.
I want to say you'll see 52 and then you'll be like, oh, first off, if we do that, I got
a fucking it's got to be filmed.
This is going to be content.
If we're going to do this, that's fair.
It won't register when it goes 49.
No, I'm going to.
And besides, we'll have Gavin.
Gavin can film it with the Phantom,
and then he can just speed it up
to whatever looks like 80 miles an hour.
You want me to time lapse you with the Phantom?
I feel like the ball will be going slow enough.
Anyway, if this is something we're into,
I've already got this going on with my girlfriend.
We can always turn it into a bit for for the
Eric's into it so I was going to offer
it to you guys if you guys want it to be a thing
we can make that happen I'd love for it to be a thing
I appreciate that it would be like
if you watched Usain Bolt run and
was like I could be three seconds slower
like it's ridiculous like what do you mean
I think we should all
put in what number we think you're going to throw
at and I don't think the phantom should film the ball.
The phantom should film your face when you look at the speed.
Whoever gets the closest to my actual number
wins a thousand swings at baseball bat.
It'd be awesome.
I would say, I don't think throwing is a strength of yours, Jeff,
but flicking, you're very good at
you're one of the hardest flickers
that I've met if that makes you feel good
I'm a pretty good thrower
I wouldn't have
I wouldn't have said I could do it if I didn't think
I could do it
80 though
if I can't throw 80 I get god damn close
that means that if a car
drove by you at 70 miles an hour,
you could throw a ball and hit it while it was driving away from you.
I would assume so, yes.
I love this.
I think an important question, Jeff, how far are you willing to train?
To what extent are you willing to attempt to go for this?
Well, I'll tell you.
That's a great question, Andrew Well, I'll tell you. That's a great question, Andrew.
And I'll tell you, it's all going to come down to how much it hurts to throw the baseball
the first time once, because it is going to hurt a lot.
Like, I can't.
I can't.
Like, listen, I got issues with the shoulder.
So I know it's going to be painful, first of all.
So if I throw it and it doesn't hurt so much
and my first throw is like 62 miles an hour or something,
then I'll be like, oh, I'll train for a couple weeks.
If I throw it, my arm almost falls off
and I throw it 48 miles an hour,
then it's going to be months.
Eric just said, we play baseball on Saturdays.
You're welcome to join us to see
that you absolutely can't throw 80.
I'm now rooting for a world where Jeff can throw 80
and he's like the pinch hitter of this baseball team. He comes
into the last innings, closes it out.
I want to see baseball Jeff.
If you could throw 80 Jeff,
Eric has to let you throw it at
his bruise. No way dude.
I wouldn't hurt him like that. Eric, how fast
does that ball travel do you think that hit you in the
in the lap? Oh man.
It was going. I mean Jory, it was a
line drive. I was probably 40 feet from the plate and it hit me in the lap. Oh, man. It was going, I mean, it was a line drive. I was probably 40 feet
from the plate, and it hit me in the
thigh. So, oh,
God. I mean,
fast, fast? I also don't
think, I don't think Jeff could,
I don't think you could throw 80
accurately, either. I didn't say
I could throw it accurately at all. I just don't think you
can throw 80, period. Hold on, I'll be right back.
I gotta let my dog out.
It's crying.
What is like our dream, Gavin?
Because we want, I want it to be close enough that Jeff believes he can do it.
So he does the training.
I think if he goes, if he throws below 40, he's not going to bother.
Oh, there's no way he's going to bother if it's below 40.
I wonder what that number is though.
Maybe if he throws like 60, 65, it's achievable. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Like when we go to mega 64, we would go
to fairs and we go to baseball games and Sean, who's the most athletic of all those guys,
big baseball fan, he would throw and the hardest he would throw is 69 and his record ever is 72.
So when Jeff is telling me that he's going to throw 80,
I'll put $100 on it that you won't break 75.
There's no way.
We'll see.
I want to see his pitching form too.
Like, is he going to sprint full speed
and then throw the ball?
Like, what is his move?
What is he?
He's going to happy Gilmore it?
Yeah.
No, I'm going to pitch like a major league baseball player. like what is his move what is he he's gonna happy gilmore it yeah no i'm gonna yeah no i'm gonna
i'm gonna pitch like a like a major league baseball player i'll pitch okay so you're
gonna stand you're gonna be on the mound yeah i'm gonna okay yeah so what number jeff does it
have to be for you to decide that you think you can do it and train on that first throw oh i think
i can do it regardless it's just about how much training and what the time frame.
Oh, so it's how long of prep you require.
Yeah, I'll get to 80 regardless.
It's just, is it going to take me a month
or is it going to take me six months?
I don't know.
Okay.
I think we should give him three months
and if he's not at 80 by three months,
then he can't do it.
Yeah, but that three months starts
after I throw the first pitch.
Yeah.
Of course.
The first test
the first i was gonna say i feel like we need to make some rules on steroid usage and then i've
come to the conclusion i don't think it matters so you do whatever you want it doesn't i don't
think we'll impact god if i could if i could get some steroids for my shoulder i would do it in a
second not like not like jose can say go tiny nuts juicing in a fucking in a stall steroids but if i
could get some like you know from a doctor that'd be fucking great I need not could say that was a great
nickname oh man is that a known fact is that on the right steroids making nuts
small yeah where does that where does all the nut flesh go I decided that
sucks up in you I guess it. Wait, is that a negative?
I guess less testosterone, right?
Tiny nuts?
The consequence of it?
Yeah, I feel like...
Ask Jose Catego's wife.
I don't know.
I feel like...
More skin, less...
Cosmetically, less nut doesn't seem like a bad idea.
It's not something I'm necessarily opposed to.
Andrew, are your nuts too big? I don't know like a bad idea. It's not something. I'm necessarily opposed to Andrew your nuts too big
I don't know what the scale is
You're worried about your nut size. Are you no no I'm not I'm very listen
I'm not self-conscious about my nut size at all
I'm just saying I don't think that if they were smaller it would be a bad thing
Have you guys ever measured you know those little like?
Like precise measuring yeah, like he's ever measured you know those little like those are like precise measuring yeah like if you guys
ever measured your nuts what are you gonna just go around the dot like the circumference yeah yeah
yeah not a tape measure but like one of those little like you know what i'm talking about those
little like shiny metal tools that they use to to precisely measure like car parts and shit right
yeah you know what i'm talking about i know what you mean but in my head it's way funnier if it's
like one of those things
you measure your foot size in.
Like a thing like that.
That's fine too.
Yeah, as long as you don't smash yourself.
Seems dangerous.
All right, so we're 45 minutes in now.
We still have...
Oh, God.
What was Vegas like?
It was awesome, dude.
I went...
So I went to Vegas for Andrew
to buy him some video games.
And I was hoping that it would turn into a whole funny adventure
that would be great content for this podcast.
What actually happened is I took an Uber to a used video game store
that was lovely.
And the people that worked there were very nice.
So it wasn't in a rough area?
They were familiar with Rooster Teeth and stuff.
It was in a lovely area, nice strip mall,
really nice store, huge, tons of stuff.
And I bought him a copy of Fallout New Vegas
and a copy of Saints Row 2 factory sealed
and got a decent price on them.
And then so they're in my closet.
I'll have to figure out how to get them to you.
I guess I'll mail them to you at some point um good luck on that and uh but you andrew
you technically own them they're just in my house in texas uh yeah it was it was super easy i was
it was happy i was looking so we were gonna go emily and i were looking for a weekend away we
were thinking chicago to see a white sox game or la to see a dodgers game but we decided to hold
off and wait till the playoffs and then just go to Vegas.
And it was it was an excuse to go to Vegas and bet on sports.
But also it was fun and it was happy to do it.
And I got to explore Vegas a little bit.
And I did something in Vegas that I have yet to do.
I've embarrassed myself in a way that I have yet to embarrass myself.
I'm so excited.
What did you do?
Well, let me preface this by saying, uh, if you're training, it would be completely different.
No, just to get it out there because it, because it, you know, my life is, is, is, is just imbued
with feces, right?
Oh no.
So, uh, I will say, yeah, just to get out of the way yesterday, I, I barefoot stepped
on dog shit again squeeze between
my big toe and my other toe i got to look down and see poop squeezing between my toes and on
on monday morning i woke up and uh arrowhead shit the crate so i got to do that again too
uh first time she's done it in a while why don't you look down dude yeah great question right in
an fps game what can't see his feet. Yeah, I'm just like golden eye.
What I did in Vegas that was a new embarrassment
is staying at this nice hotel we always stay at,
a big bathroom.
I turned the shower on, took off my clothes,
and I was going to jump into the shower.
And I thought, oh, I got to pee.
And I froze.
And I thought, oh, I should run to the bathroom
to pee.
And then I thought, I'll just pee in the shower.
That's fine, whatever.
It's not my shower. And so I jumped
into the shower
to pee and you know how like when you start
peeing it makes you sometimes fart
or poop and you can't stop it? Oh no,
Jeff, no! I had to
fart and so I was peeing
and I thought, oh, I just gotta
fart and then I went, oh God!
That's not a fart! And I turned and I ran I just got up and I just farted. And then I went, oh, God, that's not a fart.
And I turned and I ran from the shower to the toilet and I shit all the way to the toilet.
A trail of little bloopy turds from the shower all the way to the toilet.
Like a snail trail of diarrhea duty.
Because also, I don't know what happened to me in Vegas,
but the second I got to Vegas,
the diarrhea turned on,
and it did not turn off until I got back to Texas.
It was like a British guy visiting America after a while.
I just went straight to the toilet.
And you couldn't stop it?
No, dude. You couldn't just hold most of it until two until no and i'll be honest with you i didn't know like i felt it and i went like oh that was
that felt bad so i turned around to run and then i ran to the toilet and i sat down on the toilet
and then i looked up and i saw like what is that on the floor and i went oh no and then I looked around the door and I saw that I had left the trail yeah
yeah
so
did you tell Emily?
oh yeah immediately I was like oh my god you're not gonna
believe it I do shit everywhere
yeah she was
horrified I like the
not gonna believe it that's the most
believable thing I've ever heard I absolutely
believe it this isn't at all surprising that's fair yeah and so i don't even know what
to think about that one man because like now i gotta worry about shitting in the shower well i
mean if it's diarrhea it's i don't i yeah yeah yeah yeah no it was diarrhea it was it was it
wasn't it wasn't normal it was diarrhea i don't understand why you're applying locations to this.
It's farting is the issue.
Wherever you fart will be a problem.
It's not suddenly a shower issue.
A piss fart is different.
Yeah, piss fart's different.
I don't think piss, I don't think I've experienced this.
And honestly, and honestly,
if I had just taken a right instead of a left
and gone to the toilet like a civilized human,
I would have fart-dutied into the toilet and it wouldn't have been a problem.
Wait, so you ran like an out route?
What do you mean?
You didn't run the best path to the toilet?
Or do you mean before you...
No, he went to the shower instead of the toilet.
Like when I realized I had to pee and I had just gotten naked,
I thought left into the shower or right to the toilet.
I went right to the shower.
It's a good thing you sit down and pee.
It is a good thing I sit down and pee.
And here's why, right?
As if I needed more encouragement to sit and pee.
Oh, maybe that's why, in a way.
Because you've, like, Pavlov'd yourself loved my body thinking it's yeah it's safe to
fart and shit while peeing i'm in the shower i've trained my anus god damn it you're right
how do you untrain an anus or how do you retrain an anus
how fast of a ball do you think Jeff's anus could throw?
Oh, man.
Andrew, your homework.
So I'm pretty sure I have Gavin convinced on this.
So we were talking about like Eric said no,
under no circumstances are we allowed to jet ski joust.
And then he seemed like he was down on the idea of us high-fiving in jet skis right so i had another idea that'll make it maybe a little less dangerous
i also had another idea about this but you continue so what if we get we still get the
sprunk ramp right and we put it in the water but we put it in the water kind of near the edge we
get another ramp on the edge then one of us is on like, like Gavin or I, let's say Gavin's on the
jet ski. I'm on a bicycle, right? And then, so Gavin's going, like, Gavin's following the coast
and I'm coming at him at a 90 degree angle, right? And then, so I hit, we both hit ramps at the same
time. And then I pass in front of him on the jet ski and on my bicycle, we high five in the air,
then I just fall in the water with the bicycle,
we pull it out, and then he sails off on the jet ski.
I feel like this is way more dangerous.
What do you mean?
That's what Gavin said.
However, as I pointed out to Gavin,
as I pointed out to Gavin, who said,
this seems like a lot, it seems dangerous,
Gavin was scared to death when he got on the jet ski.
The Gavin that got off the jet ski was a totally different man i'm scared i'm scared to do this too but once we break the
trick down into segments and we practice those segments and we get comfortable with those
segments and we realize they're not as scary and it was taken individually then we put the whole
thing together boom we're set up for success i just don't think that's how it works like the
man that got on the jet ski was obviously i i got off way more confident than i got on but i also got off
in way more danger because with confidence comes stupidity and danger oh absolutely i i told you i
felt the gravitational i felt the gravitational pull towards an accident i still do that's gonna
happen is it gonna happen here? I don't think so.
I think it'll come in an unexpected way.
I think when we do the dumb shit,
it gracefully typically goes without a hitch.
But we're gonna take it in parts.
It's not like,
it's like I'm not gonna throw
an 80 mile an hour ball tomorrow.
I'm gonna throw it in like a month or two.
You don't know that.
Yeah.
It takes time.
Maybe I will.
Maybe I will.
November will be the 80 mile an hour ball.
Maybe I will.
But, you know, if I can throw an 80 mile an hour ball in a month, I can probably throw
a 90 mile an hour ball in six months.
Who knows?
Okay, so I'm going along the coast.
You're coming in from the coast, 90 degrees.
Yeah, I'm just like, I'm coming at you, right?
And am I just holding up my arm?
So you're just going to hit the ramp, going like, I don't know, not too fast.
Oh, God, I forgot that.
Or whatever.
Or so in the air.
Yeah, so you hit the ramp, you go up.
And as I see you're coming, I hit my ramp ahead of you so that I pass in front of you.
And then I kind of reach my right arm back as I go.
And then as you're coming in, you reach your arm out.
And then we just like, we just tap each other's hands.
And then I fall into the water and I have to drag a bike out.
I have the hard job.
You just sail off.
But what happens when you're midair, you're reaching back,
and suddenly your front tire is heading for my forehead?
Like, why do we do that?
So you move.
Oh, you move. Move your forehead. Oh, that's a great point. That's a great that? So you move. Oh, you move.
Move your forehead.
Oh, that's a great point.
That's a great point.
You just move, Gavin.
Also, we'll practice so that
we'll practice so that
that part doesn't happen.
Well, I'm on the jet ski
There's no practicing this.
You do this once.
There's no practicing this.
We're gonna...
Listen, we'll practice.
It's gonna be fun.
I did the stupid bike trick
a thousand times for Gavin.
That's very good.
We're going to have to do this a few times before we get the right shot.
Those are comparable.
Those are very different levels.
Stunts are stunts.
I don't think we can even do what you're describing in GTA.
I think we can.
And maybe that's some supplementary content for the site.
We'll put that on YouTube.
We'll plan it out in GTA, and if we can do it in GTA, then we'll try it in the real world.
Yeah, let's do a GTA video.
If we can't do it within an hour, we don't bother in real life.
I think we can work up to this and more.
So what's my homework?
Oh, great.
That's a great point.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right. Gavin and I were talking about how to better incorporate you into's a great point yeah you're right you're right gavin and i
were talking about how to how to better incorporate you into the jet ski stuff since you're in canada
and how do we really leverage andrew's greatest strengths right and i think you're you're like
ultimate of like superpower you're you're like you're like x-ray superman x-ray vision right
or heat ray vision is uh is getting free shit from corporations.
So all we need you to do is reach out to Seadoo
or Yamaha
or any other,
but ideally Seadoo
via social media
and get them to donate
or give us
or sponsor
F*** Face
with an official
F*** Face jet ski
that they can provide for us.
It'd be great if it had
the logo on it,
but it doesn't have to. Supreme sold a jet ski. We can. can provide for us it'd be great if it had the logo on it but it doesn't have to supreme sold a jet ski we can i'm gonna transcribe how you describe the stunt you want to
do word for word just email that to every cdu company i could find maybe see if we have any
takers listen we need that's not gonna get us anywhere we need we need you to do your your
andrew best can i can i propose my my kind of cross idea I had about this?
I was thinking about this stunt too.
It doesn't involve the ramp.
I forgot about the whole ramp thing.
I'm already, I like this better.
But this is so combining of ideas,
because I talked about doing the jet ski jousting,
which I think still would be...
Did you see the image somebody made?
Yeah, and by the way, I still think it's a good idea.
Did you see it, Gavin?
Yeah, you guys could do it.
No, I didn't see it.
Here, I'll post it right now.
It was made by, I believe, someone named Moo York
on the subreddit.
Look at it.
You can't tell me this doesn't look fucking cool.
You wouldn't watch that.
It looks great, but the frame after that
is both of us with a pole through our hearts.
What are you talking about?
We'll put a tennis ball on the end of the pole or something.
So this is my idea.
Kind of a cross between the two.
We get the jousting sticks, right?
You guys both just ease.
People are going to die.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, trust me.
Mine is so much safer.
We get giant foam hands,
and we duct tape them to the ends of the jousting sticks you guys high five
with the foam hands going past each other why do you it doesn't matter i love that idea stick the
stick is going through someone no no no you're not aiming at each other you're aiming at a middle
point between the two and they're gonna cross and hit each other so they're slapping in the middle
it's like a distance high five yeah it is a distance high five combining the jousting idea.
I think this is the safest thing approach.
I think this is viable.
I think that's great.
I think that's great.
What we're going to need, though, is the Sea-Doos.
So we need you to work on that.
And here's the thing.
We're going to do, once we have the jet skis,
yeah, but we need our own jet skis.
I can't keep renting them.
Once you've secured jet skis, yeah, but we need our own jet skis. I can't keep renting them. Once you've secured jet skis for us, Andrew,
via your Andrew Patton powers,
then we can escalate.
We can do all manner of tricks.
We're going to be...
I would like F*** Face
to be synonymous with the word
or the hyphenate jet ski.
The two go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Like when you hear Jet Ski,
immediately you think, oh, obviously,
f*** face, they're the Jet Ski guys.
So we'll do, there'll be a million different
cool tricks and stunts and stuff we can work on.
Okay.
So we'd say we're definitely not a baseball podcast,
but 100% a Jet Ski podcast.
We're just, that's what we are.
We're a Jet Ski podcast. That's Eric saying we're not a baseball podcast. I 100% a jet ski podcast. That's what we are. That's Eric saying we're not a baseball podcast.
I'm just repeating what he said.
How fast can you throw a jet ski?
I know how fast
I can drive one.
I'm just excited. I'm excited for these emails.
Andrew, when do you think you could get
going on this? Do you think you'd have news for us
by next week? Oh, without a
doubt, could I send them by next week?
Will I get a response? Who knows? We'll see.
We just need, ideally... Regarding free
jet ski? Ideally, two jet skis,
but if we could get one, we'll make it work.
Wait, what do you mean? If we only
get one, you mean you'll rent the other?
Yeah, we'll make it work. Maybe Rooster
Heath will pitch it. Yeah, we'll figure it out. I see.
I got it. Okay, I just wanted to make sure you
weren't going to try to reduce the stunt into both being on the same jet ski somehow and doing this in some
way a complicated version of something that would result in your death i think also in in in uh since
we're going all in on jet skis and jet ski related content here at the face which by the way if you
haven't seen gavin's slow-mo jet ski uh video it is up on uh youtube and i think on the instagram that's not the stunt though
that's that's not the stunt that's just that's the same level as the bike stud just so you get
your hopes no i just i just i just wanted to catch the joy of gavin's first jet ski
well my girlfriend did i didn't but yeah Is there an award show for like stunts?
Can we somehow like,
can we submit a stunt as stunt of the year?
Is there like an Oscars
for stunts?
There should be.
Some sort of stunt festival
we could take.
Yeah, I feel like
that should be a thing
we pursue.
I don't know if that exists.
So since we're going
all in on jet skis,
I think we're going to have
some jet ski related
merchandise too.
Like floaty key rings
and those like things
to hold your glasses your
oakley's on so you don't lose them when you fly off the jet ski you know like like legit jet ski
related uh helpful merch can we do a thing jeff where we sell toy jet skis and one person just
gets a real jet ski yeah why not as long as they fit in the same container you know how you had
that laminated card in your wallet
with all the Roman numerals on?
What if we just had little laminated instructions
to flip a jet ski back over?
It's very easy to do.
You got 60 seconds to do it.
It takes you about 30 seconds to flip it over.
Gravity's going to do all the work for you.
Taurus World Stunt Awards.
So this is the thing. Oh, they got a
cool trophy. Oh, we
got to look into what is the requirements
to qualify for
submission slash voting. This is
exciting. Hey, Gavin
Free, before we end this podcast,
I am riding my bicycle to your house
in a little bit, right? Is that happening? Do you have a bicycle
and you're going to be riding as well?
I'm going to attempt to scramble together enough air to get in this tire.
I'll let you know if it works.
Okay.
Because I think Trevor and I will be on our way here in a little bit.
Yeah.
I'll get pumping.
We should alert the KXAN and the other KITV and all the other news channels that they'll
be running tonight.
What?
Well, Gavin and I are about to hang out.
Oh, I see.
The rain joke. Okay. Use the Gavin and I are about to hang out. Oh, I see. The rain joke.
Okay, use the local weather. I got it.
Understood.
Local weather's always funny.
Yeah, it plays well.
Good episode, I thought.
Yeah, that was fun. It was a nice one.
Time does just fly by.
I feel like we didn't really talk about any
of the things you need to talk about, but I'm happy with it.
I think we got through it.
October 1st, knobs.
I shit the floor in Vegas.
Bought your games.
Yeah, no, I think we're good.
The scariest part of that is just not realizing you shat everywhere.
That's the most worrying part to me.
I didn't know until I saw it.
Yeah, I didn't know the poop hit the floor.
I thought I, like, clinched, you know? But I didn't. until I saw it. Yeah, I didn't know the poop hit the floor. I thought I like clinched, you know,
but I didn't.
That's unfortunate.
But it was like, it was also,
it was like pudding.
It wasn't.
I don't need more details.
That wasn't anything I could hold in.
You know, it was soupy.
It wasn't.
No, it's good.
Yeah.
Yeah, we should wrap up.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, I agree.
All right. Well, uh hey thanks for listening to another episode of the face podcast this is the 70th iteration of this show uh you have been listening
to pretty pretty far into year pretty far into season two year two farther into season two that
we are in a year two uh hopefully you like it and if you do you'll uh you'll make some stars and oh oh oh if you have any extra shift keys andrew yeah stars
and likes is what we want here uh at face on the on all the the spotify's and the itunes
and uh sound clouds and just stars and likes and tell a tell a friend and then and then stand over
and make sure that friend listens to the podcast and if they don't slap him in the back of the head and say,
pay attention, asshole. You're listening to this podcast
and you're going to laugh. And yeah, I guess
that's it. We'll see you next week.
Bye.
That was good. Bye.