F**kface - Andrew the Bogeyman//Is It Evil If It's Funny? [10]

Episode Date: August 5, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the making of a horror movie villain, a F**kface hat, James Bond, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. Hello and welcome to another episode. Was that too, was that an appropriate level of excitement? I just realized I didn't check with you. Yeah, it was, it was a good, you know, I wasn't going to interrupt you this time because you were so aggressive about it last time. Yeah. So you interrupted yourself for some reason. But yeah, I'd say that was pretty good. You know, I wasn't going to interrupt you this time because you were so aggressive about it last time. Yeah, so you interrupted yourself for some reason.

But yeah, I'd say that was pretty good. I'll be honest, you guys have me second-guessing myself a lot these days. Okay. That's for the best, though. Episode of F*** Face. My name is Jeff Ramsey, and as with me as always, the other two. I'm one of the other two. I'm the other one. Gavin and Andrew. How's it going, boys? I'm other two. I'm one of the other two. I'm the other one.

Gavin and Andrew. How's it going, boys? I'm pretty good. How are you? I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good. I'm excited because we just recorded what I think was one of the episodes of the show. Yeah.

The previous episode. Yeah, that's a factually correct statement. I can confirm that. So, Jeff, you mentioned last episode that you had listened to previous episodes of F*** Face. Yeah. Is it good? Is it any good? I quite, I'll be total, I'll break character here.

I'll be totally honest with you. I quite enjoy the interplay between you guys. And I don't know if it's my inability to recognize myself in a positive way ever for anything, but I find myself to be grating and obnoxious and overbearing. And I find that I laugh too much. And when I do, it sounds disingenuous,

even though it's not. But I find you guys to be really funny. And I quite enjoyed listening to you two talk. Because when you're doing a podcast like this, or like, let's say a let's play at Rooster Teeth or one of those things where you're performing, you're hyper aware of everything that's happening and you're in the conversation, but you're, it's different to perform in it than it is to listen to it and enjoy it, if that makes sense. And so being able to go

back and listen to you guys, just, just listen to you guys talk and be able to take it for what it is without having to be thinking about pacing and like where to take the story or when to interject you know what i mean it's it's it's a much more fun passive experience for me uh going back and listening to you guys talk wow that that took me by surprise i was ready for an insult i didn't get one you jeff i can't even hate you i was so prepared to face you cens's censor it I was the only time in my life I've been ready and you decide to be nice the only time I mentioned Jeff spewing all that wonderfulness and Andrew yeah I was I had my finger on the trigger I was ready to go Jeff decided to be a nice guy god damn it thank you but god damn it gotta keep you guys on your toes

there you go damn it uh speaking of you andrew yeah i want to talk about an idea i mentioned earlier i have an idea for a product and it centers around you oh this is horrifying considering the last thing you thought i would qualify for i'm a little nervous i'm excited about it uh and when i say product i feel like that's a little disingenuous. I was just trying to be obtuse so that you couldn't follow the thread. I think that you have the makings of, I think that maybe, maybe we've all been looking at you the wrong way. And we've been like Gavin and I, we've been taking you the wrong way. I've always taken you as this happy-go-lucky, really talented, good-natured, good-hearted,

too funny for his own good, too mischievous for his own good kid who kind of practices a chaotic good malevolence upon his own life, but also the people around him, but in an endearing way. I'm waiting for the turn. However, I think you have the makings of,

like, let's say, like, a Krampus, or... What? What's another evil entity? I did not expect Krampus. Boogie man type creature, like a candy man think of like a horror movie villain like uh yeah like maybe well i think i really should have blocked that one that's a regrettable miss i know i wasn't going that way but yeah i think more like

like the thing that people are scared of in the night. And here's why. Here's why. Okay. I'm gonna take a couple of examples. Okay. You told a story about how awkward you are and how socially inept you are. And so you found a guy to cut your hair

and so when he retired and moved to the old folks home, you just dotingly and awkwardly followed along with him. That's not exactly how it went, but OK. It's pretty close. Not really. And you talk about how you pretend to be interested in football while he pretends to be interested in hockey or golf or whatever it was. Tennis, maybe.

Slipped those as well, but that's fine. Continue. And then you talked about another story. I'm just pulling these from the ether. Yeah. And then you talked about another story. I'm just pulling these from the ether. Another story is there was the time when you found all the hamster traps in your yard and you thought that somebody was performing some sort, but you sent it to an old address. So instead of just going up and knocking on the door, you developed an elaborate plan, which required you putting Chinese food flyers

all over a neighborhood. And then there was a recent one that you just brought up where you were alerted to looking out the window by an ambulance and flashing sirens, and then you unintentionally, following a mystery, ended up watching a homeless lady go to the bathroom.

Yeah? Those all sound perfectly rational when told through that lens. But here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking, what if we've been looking at you the wrong way? What if you have been unintentionally terrorizing your poor town and island, and you've become like a mythical boogeyman type creature? For instance, you're the kid that the barber was so scared of because he's so

intimidated by you and your forceful sports talk. He tried to go the one place a 20-year-old man would not follow him, an old folks home. It's anathema to youth to go to an old folks home. It was the only place he could think of to stay in business and hide, and you still found him. Or maybe the person who lived in that house before you or lived next door was a little boy who had a pet hamster that his dad gave him. And then his dad died in a plane crash. And all he has to remember his dad by is this hamster. And the hamster got out one night, and he's been going

and setting traps trying to find his poor hamster that reminds him of his dead dad. And every time you find it, you throw it on the pile or you smash it or you in some way stop this poor kid from reconnecting with his dead father. Or what if this poor Chinese food restaurant is getting, uh,

fined by the local authorities because they keep flyering neighborhoods and they don't. And they, and they keep saying, no, it's this Andrew. It's Andrew. It's the name that people whisper in the dark. It's Andrew. And they're like, Andrew doesn't exist. He's not real. What if there's a poor homeless woman who's like, every time I go to the bathroom, there's this pair of eyes staring at me through a window. It's Andrew. What if you are Andrew the Boogeyman? Andrew, I prefer Andrew from The Block. I think that was a better, I'd rather have that title. I don't necessarily agree with a lot of what you're saying. That was torrent it was a lot but to give a little bit of evidence to part of your theory the guy that cuts my hair very shaky hands i don't know if

he's like that with everybody because he's terrifying it's pot i'm that's what i'm saying i'm adding a little bit of weight to your theory so wait you exclusively see a hairdresser who is incredibly difficult to get to and his hands shake while he's cutting your hair? Yeah, because he knows how to cut my hair. It's convenient. He knows how to cut your hair out of fear because he's scared you're going to kill him. I don't think that's true. But the handshaking is a little weird.

Coronavirus might have been the best thing to ever happen to that poor man. That's one way to look at it. I mean, that's a take, I guess. I don't really know what to say. I didn't expect it to be called Krampus. Yeah,ampus was was a that took a turn into krampus yeah not expecting that no just something to think about you might be and so anyway i my idea for a product is we should franchise you as the new uh like evil scary thing in the night the thing that scary thing in the night, the thing that goes bump in the night.

How do I advertise that? Do I just, is that on my, I'm the thing in the night on my Twitter bio? Hire me? Yeah, maybe, I don't know. Maybe we could write a book about it or we make a movie and you could be like, like maybe it's a movie franchise,

like Friday the 13th or Nightmaremare on Elm Street it's very Nightmare on Elm Street very cerebral you're a smart guy maybe you're like the new Freddy Krueger I wonder what the day rate should be on the thing in the night that's a great question too and also I like you say these like I'm purposefully causing them these are just things that have happened I don't feel I'm at fault for most of these things what do you you mean you're not at fault? I don't think I'm at fault in any way. I don't think I caused any of these to happen. Well, okay, but like for the stuff where you smacked every button

in the lift so Steven Spielberg had to go to every floor of that building. Can we tell that fucking story after this bit? If we must. That is the best story. Also also lends a lot of credence to where i'm going with this for all i know steven spielberg whispers your name to his kids at night to scare them

i don't think that's true i feel like here's why this analogy doesn't work the krampus is scary in appearance i've met andrew you know not know, not a scary person to look at. Yeah, but Robert Englund isn't scary. Freddy Krueger is. Yeah, but he's, like, missing. He's not playing himself. He doesn't just show up, and he's Freddy Krueger. They put, like, paint on his face and stuff.

Half his face is missing. He's got burns everywhere. We'll burn your face or whatever. That's fine. That'll be a part of it. What if I become Two-Face? Consider that. What if we go too far? You could be like No-Face.

Oh. That's not... I can live with that. I agree with you, Gavin, in that it works better as a psychological horror when you only hear of Andrew whispered in the dark. When you see him, itrew whispered in the dark when you see him

it takes a bit of the fear away i emerged from the darkness yeah it should be it should be someone that you never see but only hear about yeah the other thing i feel bad about this with is i get mistaken for a different andrew pantin a decent two Andrew Pantons? There's way more. I'm in a group chat of just Andrew Pantons. Which is great. It's me and five other Andrew Pantons. It's a very supportive group. Do you all look the same? How did you meet each other?

You would think, this sounds like an idea I would come up with, but I just got invited in a messenger group to a chat called Andrew Panton, and it was me and five other Andrew Pantons, and that's the only similarity. We we all have the same name but what do you have in common though aside from having the same name it's just like hey this is kind of funny and it's like yeah this is funny and then it's not an active chat but there's some communication I check it's like it's like you have access to a parallel universe where you can see other versions of you and how

they turned out like they're all you but they've all gone on different paths. Like, who's the most successful Andrew Patton, judging by the chat? That's the thing. I feel really bad about whenever I pop up in any way on the internet because there is another Andrew Patton who is way more accomplished than I am. What has he done? This is what he's done. This has caused some problems in my life.

He was Susan Boyle's original vocal coach. He taught her how to sing. That's what the actual, that's what the top Andrew Panton has done, as far as what I'm aware of. That's the greatest accomplishment of any Andrew Panton. And it has caused problems. That, to be fair, is way cooler than anything you've done yeah a hundred percent cooler he does like musical stuff he teaches like a program in england like he's very accomplished taught susan boyle how to sing i don't have any of that so

whenever if i ever pop up ahead of him in any way i always feel embarrassed have you ever thought about taking out all of the other andrew patterns so you gain all of their power no like jetty star no that's never crossed my mind yeah or like there was a comic called rising stars that was like that which is interesting you say that gav because i was going to bring up what if andrew is the least evil of the andrews and his like their worst versions of him like some sort of a multiverse type thing. And we all now realize how evil the Andrew that goes bump in the night is.

What if you're the best version? That's an alarming thing to consider. I hope that's not the case. I will say, just to continue the Susan Boyle talk for a minute, I got an angry mob of susan boyle fans mad at me at one point and that is not a community community you want to have any issue with i've been blocked by several susan boyle fans they're aggressive they're old but they're aggressive how did you anger them well i because i have my twitter name is at andrew pantin i have

the twitter handle so sometimes i'll get tweets from people asking about Susan Boyle. And I always respond to them. I always think it's if I get if someone mistakes me for someone else, I always think it's funnier just to pretend to be that person and to give it a terrible opinion because they think I'm the person and it doesn't reflect on me. It reflects on them. It's like house money.

Pretty evil thing to do. I mean, I confess at a certain point but the susan boyle thing was a thing where uh someone asked me what her set list was for a show she did it was like oh i was gonna perform and i or i was gonna go and i missed it what was the set list i'd love to know and i sent this like 15 song list that included free bird baby got back uh i included like ridiculous song, Barbie Girl, whatever I could think of, like there's no way she'd perform this.

I didn't, what I didn't anticipate, here's the problem, I don't fully think a lot of these plans through. Her response was, oh, that sounds wonderful. Thank you so much for replying. Unsarcastically, I never considered she would think the song list was real. Then it spiraled into like some other Susan Boyle fan saw it and was like, this guy is not who you think he

is. This is all a ruse. He's trolling you. This is a troll. He's nasty. And then it just turned into a whole thing. I got blocked by a bunch of Susan Boyle fans. They weren't happy with me. Man. Yeah. It's a weird group. I never thought I'd have a battle with Susan Boyle fans, They weren't happy with me. Man. Yeah. It's a weird group. I never thought I'd have a battle with Susan Boyle fans, but it's happening. What was Boyle up to these days? What's she playing at? I have no idea. I haven't heard in a while. Nobody's tweeted

about it. How do you not keep up with Susan Boyle? It used to be easy, Jeff. The news would come to me. I don't think she's up to much based on what I've heard. I don't have any update on Susan Boyle. I hope she's doing well. She's okay, right? Susan Boyle,

voice like an angel, vocal coach like a demon. Vocal coach like Krampus. People say one thing about Susan Boyle. That vocal coach sure is Krampus-like. It's such a weird poll. The success she's been able to have despite having Krampus-like. Krampus. It's such a weird poll. Why did he go Krampus?

The success she's been able to have despite having you in her corner. That's the real inspiration of the story. Not her own accomplishments. It's what she's overcome within her own team to get to where she is. Why were you in a lift with Stevie Spiels? It was just a coincidence. I was just in the same elevator with him. I was there for a different, I was in Vancouver for something.

Yeah, do you want to give us the whole spiel? I'll give it abbreviated. I'll give like the highlights. I was in an elevator with him and there was an issue and I felt like he was being a jerk. And so when I got to my floor, I hit all of the buttons because he had to go to a higher floor and I ran out that was about it I will say a second thing that made me very proud is like four years later that exact scenario played out on Curb Your Enthusiasm Larry does that to somebody yeah the exact same thing happened I was like holy shit I did that I lived that ridiculous moment what did Steven Spielberg yell at you as you ran out the door at the elevator i don't did he yell something yeah i don't remember that you you told me he

yelled hey you come here oh i don't remember that i guess he did because you got off on the third floor and he was going to like the third yeah i was yeah i was on a much lower floor than the button he hit did he have like an entourage or was it just him? It was just him. Oh, surprising. Yeah. I mean, you're in a hotel. I didn't do people have entourages.

An elevator is kind of a tough place to have an entourage. You kind of own the elevator at that point. You're not just going into elevators. He probably ended up being late for some meeting that lost him a gig. And as he was going to bed, that's like the last thing I thought of was Andrew. That is what I'd love to know, like you talking about. And I think you took it to maybe ridiculous level, but I'm sure there is a world impact and I'm not aware of of some of these stories that have happened to me.

And I'd love to know what the ripple effect of those button presses was. Here's what I'm trying to do for you, Andrew. I'm trying to make you more than a man. I'm trying to make you like mythical. I want the name Andrew Panton or whatever we end up calling you, like Andrew the Piss Perf or whatever it is. I want it to live beyond your lifespan.

The Piss Perf. perv or whatever it is. I want it to live beyond your lifespan. The piss perv. I feel like myths and legends are never man-made. They always come after. You can't try and become a myth. You are just mythical. I think if I put my foreskin in my ass, I would become, that would be

a man-made. I think I'd get credit for that. That's never happening. Interesting that you brought that up. Yeah, I don't know where I got that from. Yeah, randomly pulled that one. Can we cut that entire conversation from the last episode just so that it was more insane?

No, fuck you. No. Andrew, where would you get that from? That's so weird. Why is he always talking about his fortune? You can't. Jeff talked about that for like 20 minutes. You're just cutting, like, that's the whole episode. I don't remember Andrew, where would you get that from? That's so weird. Why is he always talking about his foreskin? Jeff talked about that for like 20 minutes. You're just cut it like that's the whole episode. I don't remember any of that.

We're not having a 20 minute episode. You're being a real face here, Andrew. If one episode is suddenly 20 minutes long, you don't think people are going to think that's suspicious? That's called facing ourselves. we deliberately sabotage all the good from our last episode just to make you look weird in this one is is there a small joke what's the most effort you're willing to put into a small joke uh i put a lot of effort into a small joke the smaller the more effort honestly i one time i was playing a game with someone and i said i'll be right back and i like grabbed a drink and then something happened and ended up taking like 10 minutes and I like this person a lot

a part of me thought and I really consider this for a few minutes what if I just never talked to them again like what if I just completely vanished that'd be really funny and then like maybe 40 years later be like what's up I'm back and you're just there like slurping sounds like you've got your drink yeah exactly i'm back finally let's play let's do this god that would cause potentially psychological damage to the other person oh yeah so you'd have to hope that you could still contact them in 40 years that's a risk because that that's a joke where obviously well worth the joke because of the psychological damage. But would you throw away the entire relationship and risk the fact that you wouldn't be able to talk to them again just from drifting apart?

Technology changes. You don't know how to get to them. That's a really well thought out point. I didn't get. Honestly, I thought about it. I was like, that'd be really funny. But I need co-op achievements in this game. oh, but I need co-op achievements in this game.

I'll tell you what's funny is how many people may or may not be listening to this episode right now who know you personally, Andrew, and haven't spoken to you in more than two weeks who are like, am I the guy? Is he doing it to me right now? It's funny you mentioned that, and this would have been a good housekeeping note, something I left out of the Garfield story. When the Garfield thing came out it was on the subreddit for where I live and one of the comments was I was this guy's childhood best friend I know that guy he definitely is from where the article was published and I thought I don't know who this person is so I messaged them we had a conversation they were genuinely my childhood

best friend who I hadn't spoken to in like 11 years and that was a really like i didn't expect garfield to take me there that's a very weird conversation to know someone for so long but also like not know who they are anymore like i knew all the information of the person but had no concept of who they were it was a very how did you in what way had you forgotten about them? Like you forgot their name or you were like, oh, it's that person's name. No, no, no.

They had a username. So I didn't know who their name was. I completely was aware of everything. And how did you drift apart? Did you piss on his leg or something? Yeah, it was a really unfortunate accident. He called me Krampus. I got a little aggressive.

I think you're being a little serious. Obviously, Andrew's not going to pee on somebody's's leg what I assume is that you got caught watching his mom pee and then you didn't warn him that he was gonna walk through it I when I told the pee story I really didn't it's it's not worth the juice was not worth the the impact of this this is a thing that is stuck around the story... Jeff, I don't call you the fucking grill master. You told an average barbecue story, and we let it go. We let it pass.

Oh, uh, speaking of the grill, can I give you guys an update? Yeah, go ahead. It's working fine. Yeah, things are good. You got the thing? Yeah, no issues. Yeah, everything's good. Good to know. You're not pissed off that it's a floor model No, it's fine. It still cooks the same

Great, I'm happy for you. We should you gonna introduce the next faces p-boy and grill master We should get Robert Rodriguez to make a kids movie about us god damn i had no idea when you divulged your piss obsession that it was going to turn into such material see what you've done here andrew you've given him you've given him a nibble and he's taken it and he's reeled you in. Well, I guess you gave him a nibble. So what you got to do around Jeff is never let on. Like the fact that you, that he knows that it's affecting you. Yeah. That will last.

It won't last forever because his memory shit and he'll just drift away and forget it eventually. But that will last at least six episodes. I assume. It's a good point. You bring that up, Gavin. And I feel like it's a perfect time in the episode to remind everyone that Trevor Collins comes in his own face. God damn.

That doesn't bode well for me. You know, Fiona thought that was real. Really? Yeah. Did she really? Yeah. She's gone this whole time thinking her boss does that, and that's what he's into. And continued just working for him as usual. She's gone this whole time thinking her boss does that And that's what he's into And continued just working for him as usual

She's very accepting She's the best Fiona's really the best God damn that's great What other perversions are you into right now Andrew? Well I have You said you had a product And I said that I had a product

I wanted to share as well Mine is actually a product. I don't think we could really sell the thing that you're... We could sell the franchise rights to make movies and books and like dinnerware and other T-shirts. I'm not talking about Piss Boy and Grill Master. That's obviously a multi-film franchise.

I wouldn't discredit that. Your whole Krampus angle, I don't think is... It's hard to sell. We can't travel right now. All I'm saying is I think people in Vancouver Island are terrified of you. I don't know about that. I think you're a supervillain and you don't know it. I don't know about that.

But I can tell you what I do know. Okay. Is that we have a shirt. We have a shirt that came out a few weeks ago at this point. We have a shirt with our show name on it. And when we were introduced the shirt, I suggested that we have a shirt yeah their show name on it and when we were introduced the shirt i suggested that we make a fuck hat we have a hat that just says fuck on i think this is a great idea i was shot down for reasons i don't understand i think it's a hit in the making

if it would only if only maybe see the light of day if only it could be seen maybe opinions could be swayed eric was having none of it not a fan so was it just gonna be with the asterisks no i was just gonna say fuck you wouldn't have to put the asterisks because it's not the name you can say there's no face yeah you can say fuck part is fine it's when you combine them that's why the shirt is censored i thought we could sell a hat that said fuck and then a shirt that said face and then you have the uncensored really i just i mean the face shirt whatever i'm really i'm in it for the fuck hat uh i thought it was a great idea i think that is a great idea because and and people are going to be buying two items i think that's amazing that's great marketing on the surface i agree i think it's a great idea and i think if

you want a fuck hat uh and you're an audience member, please tweet Rooster Teeth Store or Eric. I think Eric personally would really like to go to bat for this. Tweet Rooster Teeth. Tweet everybody associated with Rooster Teeth, whatever you want to do. That's fine. Although I will say, Andrew, I would like to caution you. Okay. Because here's what I see unfolding.

Although I will say, Andrew, I would like to caution you. Okay. Because here's what I see unfolding. I see you in your daily routine getting your fuck hat in the mail. Which, by the way, have you guys received your fuck face shirts? Because I have not. I have not. No, I haven't got mine. Neither have you.

Okay. So you open the mail one day and you got your fuck hat. And you're so excited and you put it on. And you look yourself in the mirror and you're like, oh, it looks good. I have an issue where not a lot of hats look good on me. So it's always exciting when I find one that does look good. Maybe you have a similar situation. You're like, oh, this hat makes me look taller.

I'm like, whatever. It elongates me or, you know, it makes me look striking. And it really should, you know, shows off my chin. I don't know. And then you forget that you're wearing it because you're very comfortable in it. And then you go about your business. You do your chores. You torture Jake online for a little bit. You maybe run some errands for your mom. And then at some point in the day, when you're looking out the window for homeless ladies to piss and you make eye contact with those poor homeless

women, they're now looking at a pair of evil eyes with a giant fuck hat it's gotten darker quickly i'm gonna poke a hole in your theory right off the bat and some people might say i'm not gonna stare at homeless women pissing i'm not gonna counter that what i'm gonna counter is my head is too big to wear hats no hat fits this head i can't wear the hat it's not gonna happen it's not gonna fit i feel like everything about your head is such an issue for you. Like this one old shaky guy is the only man who can tackle that mane and no hat fits on it. What's wrong with your head? It's I have a big head. I don't know what you want.

Look, people have bigger heads than you who wear hats. That's a guess. That's not accurate. You ever been in the same room as Bernie Burns? Come on. His head is huge. But once again, you're kind of you're missing the point. I do the haircut thing for convenience.

You think I'm going to get a custom hat made for my head? That seems like a lot of work. That's not convenient at all. If it's not convenient, I'm not probably going to do it. All right. We'll make and we'll we'll please tweet or send a snail mail letter to Rooster Teeth asking for a fuck hat and an extra large size so that even Andrew can wear it.

Are you saying that even if we made you a custom-sized large hat, would you not wear it or would you wear it? I'm not opposed to wearing it. I just, it's gonna, that's a tough hat to find. You must be able to fit a beanie. Uh, you know what? I don't, uh, I don't fuck with beanies. What about a fuck fedora

oh that sounds horrible no thank you what about a hat but instead of um face or whatever on it it just is a picture of your forehead oh on top so people can like see through the hat what so wait it's a photo it's not like a panel it's not like a window no it's a photo of your specific forehead on the hat but i would wear that hat i would if i could wear andrew's forehead on a flat peak hat so it looked like you were looking through it i think that'd be a great hat i don't think i got a great forehead i don't think anyone needs that i think i've got a very average forehead very middle of the road should we all post pictures of our foreheads and and

Without telling who is who and have the audience guess like whose forehead or feel like it would be easy to tell I Think that wouldn't be hard. I think it's pretty obvious. I'm 45 Mine's the one that looks like the topographical aerial photo of the Grand Canyon Jeff says like an ordnance survey map i think it's a i think it's a good idea though i'm still it's a great hat idea i haven't um there's more to this story it's a great hat idea i appreciate people should absolutely reach out demand a fuck hat i thought I appreciate it. People should absolutely reach out. Demand a fuck hat. I thought I could maybe turn opinions here. I didn't realize that

the support would be so large within this group for the fuck hat. Kind of was a dead on arrival when I initially pitched it. But I know a guy and I had a prototype made. I have a prototype fuck hat was made. However, in perfect face fashion,

I'm going to post the current result of the prototype. Yeah. There are some issues. There are some issues with the fuckhat. What is it? It looks like it's in Russian. What happens? Yeah, I describe it.

What the fuck is that? It looks like it was burnt. It looks like the text melted. It looks like it says fucks. It looks like it was burnt it looks like the text melted it looks like it says fucks it looks like they sewed they embroidered the front and then at some point the hat got flipped over and started coming in from the back i don't even know how that's been done yeah so i know a guy who said he could get a prototype made and i was like great I could try to convince people that this is a great idea So he went he that's the first prototype he made we tried to Yeah, we have to sell that

Gavin we Is it possible to get each hat with the large stain on the on the bill there I didn't uh ask about that I didn't pay extra for that it was just there that's what the prototype looked like it was yeah maybe the collateral damage I was really excited that was the first prototype so that didn't go too well so then the person went to people that worked at the place and said hey I'm trying to make a fuck hat this is very important could you try and the second hat came out the same way nobody knew what was going on so then they tried a third time and they got a third hat that was identical their machine broke while trying to make the fuck hat and the guy

that owns the place got so mad, he threw a chair. He threw a chair across the room and said, this is, we're done. We're done. So the fuck hat took out a hat store in Kansas. It's a dangerous item. No, the fuck hat didn't. Once again, super villain Krampus-esque Andrew Panton. The evil that men whisper in the night

strikes again. This was in a different state. This was far away. I can't be blamed for this. Your reach is far. Yeah, legend travels across borders. Oh, God, I don't think I've ever laughed so much at a hat. That's the funniest hat I've ever seen in my life. I mean, it doesn't really deliver the message,

but I agree. It's a pretty good hat. I think we should make that hat. We should make that. I don't know how we would make that because it's clearly You'd have to like break the machine to do that. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's expensive We should buy that machine so we can replicate it every time it's clearly it's clearly working every single time you try and print it Yeah, that's true. I'd put in a bulk order I didn't get any other photos of the other prototypes from my understanding. They all look identical

to that masterpiece. It looks like a Russian MAGA hat. Maybe we should change the color scheme. Yeah. I would gather on that one. Interesting color choice

you chose. I didn't pick the color. Want that also on the record. I just signed off on the prototype. Keep the white text. Keep the weird yellow thread that's going through it for some reason. Yeah, definitely. And put it on a black hat and I would buy it.

I definitely feel like that's more on brand for us. I agree. I'd agree with that statement. I didn't pick the hat color. I just had the prototype made. Rook. I don't know what it says. Rook, yeah.

I'm trying to see what's gone on, and I feel bad about talking about, like, a visual that people clearly can't see. I assume it's on our Twitter somewhere. But it looks like the top, the bottom of the U was printed on the top of the U, and maybe the bottom of the C is on the top, but the entire K came out.

Yeah, the K's perfect. I don't understand why the K looks so good and everything else is Russian, but the machine broke. Took out a machine. The C looks kind of like a fat Twitter bird. I see that. Yeah, yeah. Facing left. Yeah, that's the fuck hat.

All right, so let us know if you would also buy that hat so we've got three hats that we've talked about we've got just the hat with the F word on it we've got the hat with Andrew's forehead on it and we've got whatever this is I think whatever this is is the clear winner it's pretty good

I definitely message Eric about it because he's not here anymore so we can say whatever we want and he doesn't yeah who is Eric to shoot down your idea anyway though Andrew to be fair he didn't necessarily say no he just reiterated what I said

maybe in shock and then I said yeah and then that was our conversation I think it's a great idea I think you've got a clear winner and i don't think you should sleep on the idea that you may be the next uh scary monster that parents use to terrify their kids and to keep them in bed at night not to look under uh or in the closet and to brush their teeth no i feel pretty good about sleeping in that one i think he's more like he's more like banksy where he's just kind of like a banksy elusive idea but he touches various things and you should be honored

if he touches anywhere near you but you never truly know what he is i don't know if that's an insult or a compliment i would take that as a huge compliment yeah that's a compliment okay well thank you gavin it's like for example okay the reason I compare it is this. If I owned a shop and Banksy just graffitied all over the side of it, I'd be like, well, that's awesome. It's like it sucks, but it's great. And also, I feel like the same way. Like if I was randomly messed with by Andrew Patton and it caused me emotional peril, I'd be like, oh, my God.

But at least it was Andrew Patton. That's crazy. Of all people. I don't think I've caused much emotional peril. I think everything's been in good fun. I think everyone's okay. I've messed with. That goes to the question,

I always wonder about this, do villains know they're villains? If you're the bad guy, do you know you're the bad guy, or are you always the protagonist always the good guy always the hero in your own story i feel like that's sort of the cliche of modern movies at least right like it's like the villain in his own mind thinks he's right yeah they kind of present that a lot they always try and put more of a personal angle on the villain you always kind

of learn a little bit more about them than you used to like Thanos wasn't really into just snapping for fun yeah like yeah exactly like like he he had his reasons I mean you look back on old shit like Blofeld I mean he liked his cat but what was the reason he was killing all those people I I never really figured it out. No. I think it was just a mental. Those movies, the early Bond movies, are very confusing in that way,

where it's like they kind of had an idea of what to do, but no idea at the same time. Like the idea of a league of villains. Are you still trying to watch them all? Yeah, I need to get back through it. Yeah, I'm like nine in. It's a lot of movies. Do you think you're like a Bond villain? Is that how you would describe yourself?

No, I'm not. James Bond has caused me a lot of problems in my life, but I would not consider. Okay. Well, when I was a kid, you kind of have that assumption that like adults know everything and you don't and how they do it is better. And I played Goldeneye a lot on the n64 and uh i used to play soccer and i thought huh i don't run like james bond runs in the game james bond is a secret agent super spy knows a lot i bet you his way of running is more effective than how i'm currently

running and uh if you remember Goldeneye in 64 how the characters would run in the game is they'd ball up both fists and then slowly move their arms forward and backwards as they ran so there's a period of my life where I was running like all the characters from the Goldeneye video game because I thought

that that was a more effective way to gain speed oh it's so stupid yeah i thought that was true i also thought i could ski because i saw james bond do it in a movie and i thought that looked really easy and i couldn't he skis backwards sometimes and sometimes on just one ski you know there was a there was a bond where he gets one of his skis blown off so he just uses the remaining ski he like picks up some some like plain shrapnel and stands on it with both feet and he's like snowboarding down the mountain apparently that that's what popularized snowboarding really yeah and everyone was like watching him like use two feet on one you know air quotes

ski and everyone's like that looks so cool and the same thing happened with the with the jet ski he popularized jet skiing and yeah he like q made him this like special i think they called it the wet bike and and it popularized the whole vehicle which two movies were those or was it the same movie uh i want to say spy who loved me was one of them i don't remember that it was one of the old i think roger moore era gotcha so andrew it sounds like james bond has caused a lot of problems for you he has yeah would would you say you feel uh like maybe getting revenge on james bond would you want to i don't know saw him in half with a laser that seems like once again where

am i ordering the laser from that seems like a lot of work i gotta get a table that is like at a human height longer than human that seems like a lot of work it also seems expensive i don't i don't have the budget for that gotcha so so you do want to harm james bond but you don't have the ambition or budget of the of your predecessors let's say i don't want i think you're a super villain in the making is what i'm getting at here i don't want to but i yeah it just seems like a lot of work do you ever wonder jeff that like pushing this on andrew is what is turning him into a super villain oh it's sort of like uh yeah sort of like mr glass type situation and uh yeah yeah that's interesting yeah i feel like you could be causing this entire thing

maybe that's my role i don't know i don't think i feel like what really jeff had no involvement in the first thing i i would say i did of this nature like a prank or messing with someone i don't think he gets credit for that thank you i agree yeah i don't think so i think this is all me i'll own this one yeah no i think i think your your special brand of evil was was born from you is it evil if it's funny if everyone thinks it's funny is it evil i don't think so is it evil if it's funny i don't think as long as nobody's hurt i think so it's all a good fun. Jeff doesn't get the credit. You became P-Boy entirely on your own.

Yeah, I guess that is what I'm saying. Andrew Patton became a bond villain kids nightmare-esque piss fetish aficionado all on his own. He needed no help.

Thanks for listening to F*** Face. Wait, no. You survived another episode, as did we. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me as always, Gavin Free and Andrew Patton. I hope you liked the episode. If you did, tell a friend about it. Go ahead and like Patton. I hope you liked the episode. If you did, tell a friend about it. Go ahead and like and subscribe.

And give us a review on Apple Podcasts if you would intend to. And hey. No. Thanks a lot. And as we always say, you keep peeing and Andrew will keep making face.

Oh, my barbecue is broken. I had to get a floor model. Woe is me. It's a pandemic and I don't have a barbecue. Oh, boy. is broken. I had to get a floor model. Woe is me. It's a pandemic and I don't have a barbecue. Oh, boy. Things are rough. Let me tell you about my toenail, but then not talk about it. Too much of a coward.

Look at my own goddamn toenail. Oh, that was excellent, Andrew. Thank you very much. And I hope the rivers of your future success run as yellow as your fetish. The episode ended. What are you talking? Why are you still? I thought, you know, I don't think the episode ended because you believe the outro.

You bleeped all the way through the instruction part. Well, he was slandering me. He was slandering me. It's not my fault Now the audience is gonna turn this off and not know what to do to support subscribe Give us a five-star review because Andrew will catch you peeing if you don't

Look behind you it's Andrew You smell that in the distance Jeff is nearby there's a fucking grill going it's the grill you smell that charcoal ah shit it's the it's the smell you smell is the stale urine caked on Andrew's shoes

stalks you in the night Bye. Bye.