F**kface - Dick Got Shot By a Laser // Will Andrew Betray Gavin? [113]

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about trying to get Eric again, Geoff's vasectomy, someone wrecked Gavin's jetski, stolen tennis balls from a wrecked car, CPAP fart update, insult grid socks, Survive Bl...ock Island paranoia, the screen matched baseball, and crisps gauntlet. Download the full audio at: https://bit.ly/3ataI0e  Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com  Sponsored by Better Help (http://betterhelp.com/face) and Fum (http://breathefum.com/face + code Face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey and with me as always, Andrew Payton and Gavin Free.
Starting point is 00:01:53 This is episode 113, 4 year 3 chapter 1 and who else is here who did I say what you said you said Andrew Gavin I'm gonna be honest I was this was this fell in the 30% I wasn't listening oh I guess Nick and Eric are here thanks for showing up Dickhead Gavin this is arguably worse than your first one. I was trying to get someone to serve it up, and I was trying to serve it up myself, and I spiked it into the ground. Alright. Hold on, let's try again. With me as always, Gavin
Starting point is 00:02:15 Free, Andrew Panton, of course Nick is always here. Oh, look who showed up today, Eric. Good to see you, buddy. Oh, you kind of set it in the... Yeah, you didn't set him up. You just followed through. Who do we have with us? Let's see. We got Gavin and Andrew, as always.
Starting point is 00:02:29 And then, of course, Nick and... Oh, Eric. No, that's still... I don't think you understand. Yeah, I think it's still... I think you're still too much in one direction. You're still missing. Okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:02:36 We're moving on. My name is Jeff Ramsey. And with me, as always, Gavin Free, Andrew Panton, Nick and Eric. Look who decided to show up! Thanks, Andrew. You're welcome.
Starting point is 00:02:54 I got you. That was like pulling teeth. That was worse than the first one. I don't know how that happened. I was rather so... I thought, we didn't mention it between episodes, but I was so excited, and no one gave it to me.
Starting point is 00:03:11 Oh, God. Episode 113, I believe. Right? Yeah. Yeah, he did that already. Anyway, so Dick got shot by a laser or something? I don't know how any of this works. What happened? Oh, you're talking about my, I got a vasectomy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:27 What's today? Thursday, I got it on Tuesday morning. And let me tell you, it's no big deal. They said it was nothing to be worried about. I will tell you, I made one mistake. So if I can provide a little bit of knowledge for any prospective vasectomies, the way it went down is, by the way, I was in and out in 45 minutes. knowledge for any perspective vasectomies.
Starting point is 00:03:46 The way it went down is, by the way, I was in and out in 45 minutes. It is such a non-event. They gave me a Valium to take. I took a Valium, and then they were like, you should be good to go now. Just lay on this table.
Starting point is 00:04:00 And I was like, oh, there's nothing else? And they're like, well, you can have laughing gas. And I was like, that sounds great. I'll do that. And they go, well, it's $95. And I was like, well, you can have laughing gas. And I was like, that sounds great. I'll do that. And they go, well, it's $95. And I was like, cool. I'll take three. I was like, give me an order of seven laughing gas then. So anyway, I stick a little laughing gas to my mouth.
Starting point is 00:04:17 And then I was just having a good time. Here's what I will say. Everything went fine. The doctor was really cool. The urologist, he talked a lot about jet skiing actually on lake austin so we had jet skiing to talk about uh but then at one point he goes man you did a really shitty job shaving your balls and he didn't say it in a like a funny way he was like really agitated and so i guess and it hurt i was like oh man was that a fucking terrible uh, we were supposed to shave the area.
Starting point is 00:04:45 And I thought I did. But not to his specifications. So here's what I say. If you're going to get a vasectomy, shave your balls really well because they don't like it. They get annoyed. So what was the issue? You just missed big clumps or it was like the stubble was too long? I guess stubble.
Starting point is 00:05:00 I don't know. I didn't get into it. I mean, I was on a Valium and having gas. And he was like, he had like, you know, he'd cut my dick open and had tubes in it and stuff so um yeah so that that's me the the hardest part of the hardest part about getting a vasectomy is the opprobrium uh that you feed you hear from the urologist if you don't shave shave your balls well so shave it's so hard to shave the balls. I don't know how to do it right.
Starting point is 00:05:27 Apparently I don't either. So I can provide you with no guidance. Did you go wet shave or just a little buzz? I shaved in the shower with a straight razor. I don't like to use the buzzers
Starting point is 00:05:37 because they always like strip and hurt. Or it's like a face razor. Yeah. Okay. That's different. Not like a cutthroat barber one. Not like you're not sweetie-totting your balls. Yeah, I'm not going to face razor, yeah. Okay, that's different. Not like a cutthroat barber one.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Not like you're not Sweeney Todd-ing your balls. Yeah, I'm not trying to... Yeah, exactly. This isn't Gangs of New York. I always think of that scene in the Peter Pan Disney thing where Smee is shaving the seagull
Starting point is 00:05:57 by accident with that cutthroat razor. You know what I'm talking about? No. Like the old animated one? Yeah, it's like sat on Captain Hook's towel and he thinks it's his head and then the seagull flies off and he thinks his head went...
Starting point is 00:06:10 Oh, that's so familiar. Yeah, it's great. I loved it as a child. I haven't watched that. I'm just imagining Jeff like toweling up his balls with a warm towel in the game. Cracking them with a cutthroat. I'll tell you what is a little weird
Starting point is 00:06:22 is I can feel the stitches in my balls, depending on how I sit. And they're not painful, but it's just a weird feeling. Try to avoid feeling your stitches. There it is. I don't think I've seen that in like 20 years. It kind of, there's a little bit of balls imagery yeah that as well the way it looks like balls clearly doing a better job than i did what a weird thing for your brain to remember to just have that ready to go i don't know where i plucked that from so is there was
Starting point is 00:07:00 i'm gonna be honest there's somebody i wasn't listening. Part of that is a laser involved. You get zapped. I don't think so. No laser. I feel like I've heard the laser option before. I'll be honest. It was explained to me a bunch, but I don't I don't. A lot of information.
Starting point is 00:07:16 That's fair. I was probably like, here's what happened. They explained the process to me at the time. And I thought that makes sense. That seems safe. That's acceptable. I no longer need to remember this process and so i know that i have an incision on my unlike my shaft about the
Starting point is 00:07:30 just for my shaft of my balls touch that's got like five stitches in it and uh i know that they went in there and they did something to my vast deference i think they like cut it in half and cauterize it or put like some titanium caps on it like like the little ringlets that are on your shoelaces or whatever uh yeah and uh something along those lines and now i don't make babies anymore but i gotta jizz 60 times first so and i can't i can't residue yeah you gotta jizz like 30 times and then give them a sample and then jizz another 20 to 30 times and then give them a second sample. And I'm not supposed to get an erection for another like six days. So, Oh,
Starting point is 00:08:12 cause it's bad for the skin. Well, I think you just don't, I mean, I think you might pull or tug or do something. I don't think you're supposed to be using those parts while they heal up on the inside too. So,
Starting point is 00:08:23 um, but I also haven't felt like, uh, in a few moments but yeah but for the most part it's yeah you don't want to rip a stitch for the nick says for the most part you're just like honestly sitting on the couch with with uh like frozen peas on my nuts wait so you have to wait a week before you have to start taking the shots? Yeah. They want you to wait about eight to 14 days before you start popping off. And you got to be real gentle. That's why you also, it's also like no jet skiing for at least a month. No bike riding for at least a month.
Starting point is 00:08:59 Holy shit. I forgot. I got a fucking jet skiing story to tell you, dude. Oh, shit. So Sunday, I went jet skiing, impromptu jet skiing story to tell you dude oh so so Sunday I went jet skiing impromptu jet skiing when it was 113 degrees outside because Emily and I were bored to death and we realized we were like she was like you're not gonna be able to jet ski again for like another five or six weeks and I was like hey that's a really good point uh because I won't be able to
Starting point is 00:09:19 you know slam on my nuts and she was like let's do you want to just like get one last jet ski in before you can't go anymore and i was like let's fucking go so we raced down there uh we knew it was going to be hot it was brutal uh it was actually the least fun i've ever had jet skiing uh i still had fun but it was just like so many people out there and it was so choppy and hot and it was just like couldn't get going couldn't go faster than like 30 the whole time gav because it was so it was so choppy like i've never usually like the cool thing about jet skis is if it's like really choppy at like 20 30 miles an hour you get up to 50 and it just kind of goes over all that smooth yeah it was not like that it was it was not doable
Starting point is 00:09:54 um so it's actually a little stressful but here's a fucking crazy jet ski story dude when we pull up and we and you know the the dude shows up uh with four four or six jet skis on a trailer and then you like have the conversations and you sign the paperwork and then he like puts you on jet skis and throws you in the water well the jet ski that you used the last time gavin in the high five video that jet ski yeah was fucked up it was on the it was on the uh it was on the trailer and the handlebars were like hanging off to the side and the front was all dented in and it just looked like part of the engine was like hanging off and it looked someone wrecked my jet ski and emily goes oh my god what happened what happened to that jet ski and he goes oh yesterday we had a whole fucking thing. Apparently, some people rented the jet skis and they were trying.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Listen, this is insane. First off, they got into a midair collision going 40 miles an hour. Oh, no. And they said, yeah, we don't understand it. This is what the jet ski guy told us. He was like, yeah, they said like, yeah, we were only going about 40 when we hit. So we didn't think it'd be that bad. I don't know if you've ever been in a jet ski.
Starting point is 00:11:09 40 miles an hour in a jet ski is very fucking fast. And the way they did this was apparently they were jumping on the same wake, like on the same wave. And at 40 miles an hour. So they were that close to each other. So they were on the same wave. And so the wave hour. So they were that close to each other. So they were on the same wave. And so the, the wave pushed them together in the air and they collided. And one of them broke their fucking arm and they had to be like pulled out of
Starting point is 00:11:32 the water and like medevaced out. Oh Jesus. That could have been us. No, because we're not idiots. I mean, we're close. We go,
Starting point is 00:11:39 when we do high fives, we do it at a high five miles an hour. We do it. a high five miles an hour. We do it at a speed where the only other person who might be excited that we high fived on jet skis goes, Oh, pretty underwhelming. Yeah. I don't want to make light of this because it sounds like somebody was seriously hurt. But the entire time I was just waiting for a swan attack to be responsible for what happened. I looked all over for the swan.
Starting point is 00:12:03 It wasn't around. I think it was probably too hot for the swan. But yeah, there is proof right there. Hitting each other at 40 miles an hour, not a good idea. What about 35? We'll have to find out.
Starting point is 00:12:17 35 seems much safer to me. That is crazy. 40? I can't believe they're alive. Collided in the air at 40 miles an hour and just destroyed that fucking jet ski, dude. I wonder what the ankle was. I don't know. The other one seemed fine.
Starting point is 00:12:33 I mean, I rode the other one and it was totally fine. So, yeah. That's what happened to Hulk Hogan in Baywatch. Macho Man almost killed him. They were riding off the same wave and they went up above and Macho Man landed on Hulk Hogan.
Starting point is 00:12:49 He got knocked unconscious. Pamela Anderson saved Hulk Hogan I think it was probably similar to that yeah yeah I guess if we need a visual recreation of probably what happened Baywatch is our source we got this the wrestler you go to the you go to the experts yes I was speaking of vehicles I meant to ask this in the last one we recorded do you have a car now jeff yeah i got my car okay your car's good it didn't get crashed again on the way no the one the one crash was was the only crash although i will say those motherfuckers uh it's like it couldn't be any further away from me in austin like the absolute ass into town and uh so i i uh i made them bring it to me because i was like you guys fucking wrecked my car you can bring it to me and they're like okay so they bring it to me they were actually nice about it i appreciate it
Starting point is 00:13:35 and then i got a call like or i got a text like two days later and they go hey we just realized uh we have all your tennis balls we're really sorry about that we took them out of the trunk i guess and we forgot to put them back in so i ran and checked and sure have all your tennis balls. We're really sorry about that. We took them out of the trunk, I guess, and we forgot to put them back in. So I ran and checked, and sure enough, all my tennis balls are gone. I have like 60 tennis balls in my trunk because, you know, I play tennis. And my rackets are still there, thank God.
Starting point is 00:13:56 And he goes, do you want us to bring them by? And I go, well, yeah, obviously. I want my fucking tennis balls. And he's like, okay. And then I didn't hear anything for like five days. And then I get another text and the guy goes, hey, we're real busy. I'm real sorry.
Starting point is 00:14:09 I don't know when we're going to be able to get those tennis balls to you. If you want to come get them. And I was like, just bring them when you can. I'm not driving down there. It's your fuck up. And they're like, oh, well, we'll see when we can. We'll try to figure something out.
Starting point is 00:14:23 And I'm like, see that you do. Thank you. Being firm, putting your foot down. Wreck can. We'll try to figure something out. And I'm like, see that you do. Thank you. Being firm, putting your foot down, wreck my car and steal my tennis balls. No, no, sir. That's a lot of tennis balls. It is. It seems like I've played tennis. I feel like I'd never have more than six.
Starting point is 00:14:38 Well, what you can do is when you start tennis, you can go to a place like Play It Again Sports in Austin and buy a whole bunch of used tennis balls. Got it. OK, that's what i did i greatly misunderstood tennis when i first started playing i started playing when i was like i don't know six or something like that and i thought power it was all about power not it's the opposite of what you want i was playing it like it was baseball and so i just hit it as hard as i could every time it came to me i was like you with the baseballs jeff i was hitting them at the court i was just hitting them as fast and as hard as I could every time it came to me. I was like you with the baseballs, Jeff. I was hitting them at the court. I was just hitting them as fast and as hard as I could.
Starting point is 00:15:08 Fly out. They hated me. I didn't play properly at all. I would hit them out of the court and be like, yeah, I did it. Great job. I got so proud of myself. Do you still play? I haven't played in a long time, no. I don't actively play. Does that answer your question? Probably wouldn't
Starting point is 00:15:24 do you any favors for the marathon. No, would not be helpful. Yeah, you got to work on those ankles. You got to protect those ankles, man. You got to protect those ankles. Yeah, you got to put the bubble wrap. You got to bubble wrap everything. Bubble wrap the court.
Starting point is 00:15:36 I wonder how long you run in a game like tennis. Like if you track that, what the average distance is. Yeah, total distance. like if you track that what the average distance is yeah total distance i imagine soccer would be the largest total distant moves per game yeah it's gonna be several miles you'd think yeah i'd love to know how much like a star soccer player runs in distance in a season how many marathons they do seems like google could probably answer that yeah probably i just never considered it what do you think the the opposite of that is in the sports world dot the least amount of movement darts is pretty good curling there's a person that doesn't they slide uh bowling um golf is
Starting point is 00:16:16 probably the the most distance with least effort going from place to place. Yeah, and you're just walking down the course. Eric wrote, tennis match four to five miles. Wow. Volleyball? Not volleyball. There's a lot of movement in that. No, no, tetherball. I meant tetherball. I said volleyball.
Starting point is 00:16:32 I meant tetherball. Oh, yeah, there's not a whole hell of a lot of movement in tetherball. What, that's just the ball and the string? Yeah, where it has to go around. You're trying to get it to loop. Hey, Gavin, I just remembered. I was supposed to ask this last episode. I wrote it down.
Starting point is 00:16:46 How are your CPAP farts going and have you recorded any no well I didn't take it to England so I immediately voided all of my insurance oh no because it took me over the not that I finished any full nights anyway but I just thought because I
Starting point is 00:17:02 because I am now paying for it I haven't bothered to use it again yet I'm gonna try a full a full face mask instead of the uh just under the nose one that was the suggestion from a lot of the sea pappas out there the sea papas uh please keep us updated i had a situation the other day where i was trying to crawl out of bed i had to use the bathroom so it's trying to like crawl out of bed and not make too much noise. So I'm crawling out of bed and every literal crawl down, I'm like, you know what?
Starting point is 00:17:31 I'm going to be quiet. I'm going to be very selective. Every time I move backwards, I farted and it sounded like a duck call. It was so loud, but also like short and it happened four times in a row. It was disastrous. Why did you keep doing it?
Starting point is 00:17:45 Well, no, because I was trying to move out of bed i wasn't on purpose just every time i moved a duck call came out it was like it was blowing a duck whistle with my ass as i was trying to get out of bed it was very loud it was not sneaky at all but it made me think you know loud farts so wait you're you're four backwards crawls away from getting out of bed uh yeah i guess i was yeah i was to get from the top to the bottom yeah oh because you're you're you're starting up pillow mountain yeah because i'm on top of the mountain i need to descend i need to acclimate so there's a little pause two down three fives to get down the mountain and one to get out of bed yeah exactly yeah it was four i just remember four duck calls. Did you wake anyone up?
Starting point is 00:18:25 Probably. Almost certainly I did. But yeah, there is no. The biggest problems in your life are just navigating your room. In the dark at night. Quietly. I'm disappointed. I wish there were more farts in your life.
Starting point is 00:18:41 I was enjoying this. Made me happy. There are certain things. That's great. I hope it things that's great i hope it i mean i hope it works for you as your friend uh but there's also 20 of me that hopes it's somehow worse just 20 yeah just 20 yeah man there's something wrong with me okay there well there are certain things certain failings that exist in the world that make me happy to know that they're there because i can just assume that they've happened like you i'm assuming you still haven't fixed
Starting point is 00:19:09 if your doorbell rings while you're sitting on your toilet that it can't flush like that's yeah that's just a thing that exists in the world that keeps me happy i might be having like a tough moment and then i'll think about the fact you might be sitting on a toilet right now that is unflushable i love that as well that wasn't what jeff's dream was about no no not at all my dream was just about this like you being mad at me because i i inconvenienced you by knocking on the door at the wrong time of the day i saw an interesting comment what would your reaction be if jeff actually did that gavin if he was there way too early for no reason and woke you up?
Starting point is 00:19:47 In real life? Yeah, real life. What would your reaction be? Uh, I'd just be concerned, I think. You think you'd be annoyed? No, I wouldn't be annoyed. I'd be like, oh, shit. Never going to happen. Never. Never. Not a concern. Yeah, I'd probably be
Starting point is 00:20:04 like, oh, someone's's died that would be your assumption if jeff showed up to your house early that somebody's dead hey man i'm here at your house to let you know somebody died i could have called or texted but this seems more intimate i don't know i thought i feel like if my phone rings, I want to see, I want to break your heart face to face. Yeah, that's a weird, that's a weird move to say somebody's dead. Well, I mean,
Starting point is 00:20:33 who just shows up unannounced? Anyway, have a good day. I'll see you later. Yeah. I got you. Also, here's this cucumber somebody left. Is this here? Oh, I don't left. What? I don't... Is this here? Oh.
Starting point is 00:20:47 I don't want to... I don't... Hmm. That sounds terrible. I hate this thing that you've created. I don't think I would go to... I fortunately have not had to tell anybody that anyone has died. That's not true.
Starting point is 00:20:58 That actually isn't true. I have had to do... But I didn't have to knock on a door. You'd still don't... I don't want to travel to do that. No, you didn't. Nobody's making you. I think it's to knock on a door. I don't want to travel to do that. No, nobody's making you. I think it's a phone call. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:09 I think it's a definite phone call. But do you leave a message? If it goes to voicemail, is that messageable? Or do you have to be talking to the person? I think it's like, Hey, Gab, it's Jeff. I know you're probably busy right now,
Starting point is 00:21:24 but I really need to talk to you uh so if you could call me back when you get a chance okay so you're not saying the person is dead in the voicemail bad message to get to talk yeah hey gab it's jeff uh i got some weird news about andrew call me back is it weird news that's that's by far the worst it's like what is that gonna be it's definitely bad but it's weird i like the delivery of like what was was it lame beer the guy in office space that's like yeah you're gonna have to come in on the weekend like the way you deliver that it's the same yeah somebody uh died that you know so anyway uh if you're free to jet ski on tuesday or thursday anyway it's been forever since we had
Starting point is 00:22:06 dinner together if you want to go to the that place we love did you see that document that um i think it ended up in the red in the subreddit for face but it was like a reddit combined list of like set up words and i'll just post the thing on the slack i don't know what you're talking about i have no idea what you're talking about. It's basically like on one column you've got words like dumb and like shit and dick and on the top you've got like ass and bag and basically like
Starting point is 00:22:33 face is like a very popular combination on that grid. But I just looked at that grid and I thought this is a great opportunity to create some new insults based on the least combined. Like you could like out of this grid create some new insults based on the least combined. Like out of this grid, you can pull insults like scumwit and dirt hat and wank clown or dip goblin. I think they're all massively underused insults now.
Starting point is 00:22:59 Piss sucker from Eric. It's always weird what people latch onto and how some words are just meant for other words And that's it I really like scumwit Scumwit Maybe we're Like an insult invention podcast now Maybe we just invent new insults It's difficult I'm worried with this idea existing with the sock idea
Starting point is 00:23:19 I don't need socks that say that We don't want to popularize Oh should this be the word grid? Oh there you go Two to a time from smee yeah honey where's my piss fuck socks i'm never wearing i've got that important dinner tonight they're cursed every time i wear my piss fuck socks somebody knocks on my door and says someone's tied first time i thought it was unfortunate but twice i've much better luck with my trump nozzle socks what a weird i really i really think that there's something to these socks this whole yeah i know you do there's zero doubt that you do that was never in question you're all about the socks this is an interesting episode to record because this will
Starting point is 00:24:20 this will come out two weeks from now i believe. I think the last one's next week, right? And this upcoming week, Gavin and I are in Survive Block Island. And we won't be able to talk about it for quite a while. But there are things that could happen in that show that could impact how we interact with each other going forward for some amount of time. You mean it may affect our friendship going forward forever? Temporarily.
Starting point is 00:24:46 Well, I don't know about forever. I do. You think so? I'm counting on it. This is, I think this is sort of an interesting point to like... Well, let me ask you honestly right now before it all starts. Are you going to stab me in the back? No.
Starting point is 00:24:59 This is my belief and we'll see what happens. I have no intention on stabbing you in the back. I don't think we'll be on the same teams, would be my guess. So we'd have to make merch, in my assumption, for us to play together. But I have no intention on stabbing you in the back, but feel like you will probably stab me in the back out of the assumption that I plan on stabbing you in the back. That is my prediction.
Starting point is 00:25:25 I feel like I'm quite trustworthy as a friend. Yeah, I gotta step in and say that in the grand scheme of things, I think Andrew is gonna stab Gavin in the back 11 times before Gavin considers doing it once. No! I think I'll have a knife
Starting point is 00:25:42 in my back before I know what the teams are. That's absolutely not true I just want to like this is going to be clipped out later when Andrew inevitably stabs Gavin in the back and I just want everyone to listen to the way Andrew set up everything that he did
Starting point is 00:25:58 this is his belief he has no intention he thinks Gavin might betray him because Gavin thinks that Andrew's going to be the one who betrays. It is all set up for Andrew to have these outs. It is all predicated on, well, I didn't think that I wouldn't maybe think about trying to even do it once maybe. Incredible. maybe think about trying to even do it once. Maybe incredible. Also something to consider, uh,
Starting point is 00:26:27 is this is you guys are filming this next week. And if you're uninformed in the audience of what we're talking about, uh, rooster teeth makes a show in Minecraft. That's essentially survivor, the TV show survivor, but, uh,
Starting point is 00:26:41 performed in the video game Minecraft and shot like, uh, like a reality TV show, exactly like Survivor is, and it's brilliant. But we're going to shoot it next week. It's not coming out until September or October or sometime.
Starting point is 00:26:55 The hardest thing on Earth is going to be you two are not going to be able to talk about what happens at all in any capacity. So if you have beefs, you're going to have to talk around them because you can not spoil the integrity of that show two or three months before it comes out. No.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Seems like a problem for whoever edits this podcast. Yes, it does. Nick said, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Well, I mean, no spoilers. We're just talking about things. And I want to clarify, I genuinely, I mean, no spoilers. We're just talking about things. And I want to clarify.
Starting point is 00:27:27 Genuinely, I'm going into this not expecting to even consider betraying you, Gavin. But who knows what'll happen. I understand if it goes the other way for you, too. It's a game where you have to kind of adjust. There's a lot of other people who would be much better to betray. Yeah, for sure. Like, that's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:27:42 I want to work with you. In my ideal world world we're working together until a point in which one of us probably will end up betraying the other but I would I wouldn't be opposed to working with you the entire way that's nice to hear yeah and I don't your tone
Starting point is 00:27:58 I don't feel like you believe me well I've got to be wary of it Gavin you are so fucked no no no the opposite of that well I've got to be wary of it Gavin you are so fucked he is gunning for you no no no the opposite of that there are other people I won't say
Starting point is 00:28:12 there are other people I'm much more worried about than Gavin I don't mean that disrespectfully but you know let's take a let's take a poll of people who are not going to be in survive block island but that are present here on this podcast that'll be Jeff, Nick, and Eric. Eric, is Andrew going to fuck Gavin over?
Starting point is 00:28:30 Yes, I think, again, the way he just gave himself a million outs when he was saying he wouldn't do it is so just exactly on the nose for what you know is going to happen. So yes. Yeah, Nick says you're already doomed 100% he will fuck Gavin
Starting point is 00:28:48 over. That's my problem. I feel like Nick said it better than I could. But that's why I think Gavin's going to betray me. Because I don't feel that way. Which is why you're going to betray him first. That's typically not how this goes. Your doubt is going to drive the knife
Starting point is 00:29:04 straight into my spine. No. And your paranoia. You get pretty paranoid. Who does? You do. I do? You think I get paranoid? Definitely. Every time you see him having a conversation with someone else. You were going to fucking light every bat on fire in your house when there was a shipping error.
Starting point is 00:29:20 It's not an either or. We can both be very paranoid. I'm 100% paranoid. i understand paranoia that's how i know you're paranoid that's fair and based off of my assessment of your paranoia i will take your your your grade you seem like a specialist i will accept your diagnosis of paranoia it's a very paranoid game but i trust i don't and i don't mean this rudely gavin i don't think you're gonna play a sneaky game because i just don't think that that's really who you are as a person.
Starting point is 00:29:47 That's why I want to work with you. But that is a response that's very keep your cards to your chest response. I don't know how to read that. I'm glad you feel that way. Now that, can we get some discussion about that phrasing? That phrasing. The hairs on the back of Gavin's neck
Starting point is 00:30:04 are standing straight up right now. I think he's already in self-defense mode. I don't think... That's going's Gavin's. The hairs on the back of Gavin's neck are standing straight up right now. I think he's already in self-defense mode. I don't think it's going to be fun. I'm excited for that to happen. And it will be weird to not be able to talk about it for like two months. I feel bad because I keep texting Jeff about it. I keep I have all these questions. I feel like I'm annoying.
Starting point is 00:30:25 It's not annoying me at all. I love it. But Andrew does put me to work. He'll be like, hey, what if this impossible set of sequence of events happened? Would I get in trouble? And I have to go like, well, I have to go research that now. I have to go fucking look it up. Is anybody sticking outside the game?
Starting point is 00:30:43 Oh, yeah. Come on. every question is like yeah for sure it was like i'm not trying to break the rules but i would like to twist them into a pretzel well the the very first text i sent i was like i said to jeff who i have questions about certain things who would i ask uh if i have a rules question jeff was kind enough to be like ah you know i i was involved feel free to ask me and i can answer you answered in a way that was very clearly like you expecting to be able to answer something kind of basic and i asked you an extremely specific situation thing and your response is just fuck i'll get back to you like
Starting point is 00:31:20 you then had to ask somebody yeah well then i had to go i had to go have a meeting about that question with two other people so we could determine the answer now a word from our sponsor better help being able to take care of your mental health is so important there's all sorts of things you can do. It really is dependent on you. I personally love to listen to music when I'm sorting through things. It kind of gives me a little bit of a disconnect from what I'm going through while also making me very present. It's just a fantastic tool. Therapy is something that has been very helpful for me. There's all sorts of things you can do. It's just really coming up with those systems that work for what you're going through and what's best for you. Therapy is something that I've talked so
Starting point is 00:32:08 much about as having a tremendous impact on my life, talking to someone and sorting through things. It has illuminated issues I had and helped inform why I was struggling in certain ways that I didn't realize. If you're somebody who is maybe going through something, I would always recommend at least trying therapy. And BetterHelp is an online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat only therapy sessions. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash face. That's betterhelp.com slash face. Whether you're a past smoker who knows
Starting point is 00:32:55 what sucked about the process of quitting or a current smoker who's currently struggling through that process, I have a thing you have to check out. It's called Fume. Fume is the natural inhaler designed for a better, safer, and natural way to quit cigarettes. It's a no-smoke, no-vape, and no-nicotine replacement for the hand-to-mouth habit of smoking. Fume handcrafts wooden inhalers and uses cores infused with plant oils studied to curb cravings. They have flavors like Peppermint and Conquer with minty notes to simulate menthol cigarettes, and other flavors like Cozy Chai and Lemonberry Bliss for a sweeter experience. And all of their flavors are 100% natural.
Starting point is 00:33:33 No harmful chemicals, no artificial flavors, and absolutely no nicotine. Quitting is tough, but Fume really can help. They've got thousands of five-star reviews from smokers who have tried everything else and this worked. Also, if you're somebody who flies all the time, being able to use Fume in the airport and in the air makes a huge difference. Whether you're a smoker or an ex-smoker who still struggles with cravings, Fume is the perfect tool for you. So head to breathefume.com slash face and use promo code face to save 10% off your entire order. That's 10% off your entire order
Starting point is 00:34:10 when you head to breathefume.com slash face and use code face. Oh, did you guys see, I'll put this in the slide, the screen matched baseball? I did. That's so cool. How cool is that?
Starting point is 00:34:28 Wild. That's incredible. Someone has taken from the big baseball video, the one that I was intending to post on the YouTube channel before the other two got posted. But someone found, I think, the very first ball that Jeff signed, and they have it. And they've held their ball up to the screen and it's the exact same mark. Giant monster hands. Yeah, we sold that one to a giant, apparently.
Starting point is 00:34:52 But, yeah, that is the ball. Yeah, that's pretty wild. The baseball looks like a small plum. It does. It looks very tidy. Do we have any other videos that were meant to come out? I guess the auction video
Starting point is 00:35:07 comes out tomorrow. Yeah, I think so. It'll be out by the time people hear this, but tomorrow for us when we're currently recording. And then, of course, MVP 2 at some point.
Starting point is 00:35:15 And then MVP 2 at some point. I don't know. You want to spend the next half hour trying to schedule it? I got time now. Now it's not the last four minutes of a fucking podcast. Yeah, we got nothing but time.
Starting point is 00:35:24 I would, Eric, but I wanted to give you guys an update on my corn dogs. Okay. Update? I still haven't had a corn dog. What? That's it. Yeah, remember I swore off corn dogs forever? No.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Every once in a while I give you guys an update, and they're still sworn off. Yeah, I still haven't had one. Wait. So you swore off? Yeah, I've said this this multiple we had this conversation multiple times i said i would never eat a corn dog again as long as i live thank you gavin and you still haven't had one that's you haven't had one just the up just giving you the update okay was there a moment in which you almost did no no not really but i just realized i hadn't checked in with you guys in a while and i just didn't want to leave you hanging. Emily did buy some frozen corn dogs the other day, but I was
Starting point is 00:36:06 not in any way tempted by them. Did she have some? Yeah, she had some. I think. No, they just threw them away. If they're in the freezer, it doesn't mean they've had them yet. That's true. But like, are you really buying corn dogs for a later day? Do you eat stuff
Starting point is 00:36:21 like that you freeze the same week? I feel like the freezer is like a long-term meal. No, if I'm buying something from the freezer section, that doesn't mean I'm going to wait for it. It's just how it's delivered. I got a Red Baron in mind that's probably been in there six weeks. That's crazy. I bought two frozen pizzas.
Starting point is 00:36:38 They will be done. I will eat them within the week easily. That's sort of like wasting the freezer, though. I got to go with Gavin on this one. The whole point of the freezer is to... It's to preserve. But I'm buying food that is frozen to reheat to eat now. I'm not...
Starting point is 00:36:55 I don't go into the... I mean, if you're gonna eat it now, why buy it frozen? No, because that's how it's delivered. It's always now when you eat it. That's always the case. You always eat in the present. No, no, no, no, no. No, listen, stupid. Let me rephrase this, because I said it frozen. No, because that's how it's delivered. It's always now when you eat it. No. That's always the case. You always eat it in the present. No, no, no, no, no. No, listen, stupid.
Starting point is 00:37:07 Let me rephrase this, because I said it horribly. I said it in a dumb way. If I'm in the freezer section in a grocery store, I'm not looking in the pizza aisle going, I'm going to fucking enjoy this in June or December. Like, I'm not going to. What do you mean? I buy it because I plan on eating it because I feel like a pizza, and'll have it within the week typically why would you buy me now why would you buy a frozen one you could go buy like a like a fresh one you could just because it's the fresh one
Starting point is 00:37:34 it's like a grocery store pizza and like they're cheaper so like i i i use the flyer to buy my groceries typically they were on sale two dollars a pizza i bought two of them so i'll have the two frozen pizzas for meals this week maybe it's just different how we buy groceries i typically will look at the flyer what a fucking fascinating podcast topic i look at the flyer once a week and i buy off the flyer typically for how i get groceries and plan out that flyer from the grocery store i'll go on their website and be like oh what's the weekly flyer then i will buy off of the flyer to get discounted do they have a flyer that just tells you what's on the end caps? They don't, tragically.
Starting point is 00:38:08 I'd love that. It'd be a great savings. Maybe you should start an independent newsletter that you can distribute around your town that just explains what the deals on end caps are week to week. Like a scouting report? Yeah, kind of. I mean, as the guy who invented thank me later i'm surprised that
Starting point is 00:38:26 that's how you use your freezer like the freezer is the ultimate thank me later for food no there are there are things for sure that you know are just there and they exist for a very long time and that's fine so what's long term in your freezer oh what's long term i don't uh probably like frozen fruit so how did it end up there did you intend to eat it within a few days and then you just forgot or did you buy it for later consumption it's always like I either forgot or I
Starting point is 00:38:54 just haven't gotten around to it so like something that would last a long time or like if I buy a box of Eggo waffles or something like that that will last a while I'm not gonna go through that whole box in a week but things that are like singular meal items like a pizza i'm not gonna go through that whole box in a week but things that are like singular meal items like a pizza those aren't those aren't lasting long yeah i guess we just shop differently i buy frozen food and i like like i i'm probably in like a week or two weeks or
Starting point is 00:39:16 three weeks i'm gonna be fucking exhausted and not feel like cooking or ordering or yeah i'll just pop this in mine's for when like in the future on an unknown date, I'm either going to get back pretty late, not have enough time to make anything or order something, and it's just like an emergency meal for me. That makes sense. That's a valid way to have it. And ice cream. You had any ice cream in your freezer right now? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:38 Got some dark... What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Why was the ice cream part? Gavin, that broke you on this. Well, I was just fascinated with how you use your freezer, but now we're just talking about what's in our freezers. I'm curious what ice cream you had.
Starting point is 00:39:59 I like the ones. Yeah, cookie dough is pretty good with chocolate chips. Cookie dough is good. It's all about texture for me. Do you have a brand choice? Probably Ben. Ben and Jerry's. Ben and Jerry's.
Starting point is 00:40:09 Okay. How about you? I like Ben and Jerry's. Ben and Jerry's is good. I don't really have a brand preference as far as ice cream goes. I will devour ice cream in a fucking day. Ice cream is not lasting long. Ice cream is not a long-term item in my freezer.
Starting point is 00:40:22 Really? I cannot eat a lot at once. I eat like an inch of ice cream at a time. Cookie two-step. Jeff just posted. That's the shit right there. That's your favorite ice cream? Bluebell cookie two-step. Yeah, when it's not full of listeria.
Starting point is 00:40:35 They survive. I think the cookie two-step was a thing I learned at the same place I learned the sewing machine. I think we would do that after we'd start with the sewing machine. The icky cookie two-step. And then we would do the icky cookie two-step. Still a half gallon, it says on the front. I like that a lot. The implication of, did you hear? I hear they may have gone below the half gallon like they used
Starting point is 00:40:58 to, but no. Let us clear the air. Still a half gallon. Or like all the other brands did and they just refused. of the air still a half gallon or like all the other brands did and they just refused i was like because you see that with fast food ads all the time like wendy's whole thing is never frozen beef right like what are other companies doing that how many other companies like it feels like a weird just declaring you're doing doing a thing that doesn't necessarily i guess the assumption is all the other companies do? I know that Monster Munch have,
Starting point is 00:41:28 I think on their packets have like old, new old size, what is it? New old size? Oh, I remember this. Because they made them smaller, right? They made them smaller, they made them big again. Can't remember how they phrased it. For what, what was the product? Monster Munch, the then made them big again. Can't remember how they phrased it. For what?
Starting point is 00:41:45 What was the product? Monster Munch. The crisps. Okay. I didn't know what they were, though. Like, I knew the name of... I've never heard of a Monster Munch. I'm gonna do some Googling.
Starting point is 00:41:54 There you go. Oh, I have seen those. Pickled onion flavor. Yeah, there's pickled onion, there's roast beef, and then there's Flamin' Hot. There should be a company that does what DVD companies do
Starting point is 00:42:04 with things on the bag i will only eat chips that are entertaining and fun it's my only it's my guideline for any snack interactive menus didn't we talk about monster munch recently on this podcast no i i think so yeah we talked about monster Munch at large recently, and I think it was maybe when we were hanging out outside of work. Yeah. So it says new crossed out old and then it says bigger like they used to be. What?
Starting point is 00:42:35 On the top corner of that picture. Top corner. New. Oh, slash old. New. So they made them smaller and then everyone was like, we hate it. So they made them bigger again oh so that was their, I get what you're saying
Starting point is 00:42:48 the campaign was we did it, we got rid of the new that's the multi-bag yeah we were gonna do a gauntlet of crisps I think weren't we yeah we were gonna do some sort of a taste test or something does that not ring a bell Andrew not at all to me I think we were talking about that with Emily
Starting point is 00:43:03 with our significant others maybe. Maybe this was at, I don't know. Oh, maybe it was when we were having lunch after jet skiing. That would make sense. Maybe you're having some chips, doing a ranking of them. It might have been. Yeah, and then I was going to send you both, you and Andrew, all of the crisps and you were going to do the crisp
Starting point is 00:43:19 gauntlet. Oh, I'd love to do that. Yeah. And then we were going to determine once and for all what the best flavors were. Roast beef, Flamin' Hot. I feel like roast beef probably the best one of those ones. I think pickled onion's the best. I gotta say, man, I think
Starting point is 00:43:35 the munch sounds disgusting. Like every flavor sounds like a flavor I wouldn't want. But the packaging is adorable. You like the little monsters? I love the monsters. I love the purple color and the green monster. I like the font.
Starting point is 00:43:51 It all looks great. It loses me at roast beef and pickled onion. Why aren't onions called pickles? Huh? They're pickled. Yeah, but... So, pickles are cucumbers. Yeah, well... They're pickled cucumbers Yeah, but... So, pickles are cucumbers. Yeah, well...
Starting point is 00:44:07 They're pickled cucumbers. In America, they are. Okay. They're called other stuff other places. That would make sense. You call them gherkins, right, Gavin? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:16 But in America, so a pickled... So, you have a cucumber and you pickle it, and now it's just a pickle. But you can pickle all sorts of things. You can pickle onions. It's true. Yeah, yeah i mean branston pickle is a bunch of pickle stuff what would you choose out of these three flavors of knickknacks andrew what the fuck you got nice and spicy you got scampi and lemon or rib and saucy oh i like my knickknack scampi you what are these are these chips they're knickknacks
Starting point is 00:44:47 they're knickknacks okay we gotta this is a thing we need to pursue we haven't done a food thing in a while on this show I'd love to do a deep dive on chips US has the worst they stink your flavors are terrible US no variety what the fuck are you talking about it's the worst you have
Starting point is 00:45:03 such bland limited flavors in America. I'm sorry we don't have shrimp scampi potato chips, but it's because we have some kind of fucking standards. Jesus fucking Christ. We don't have roast beef flavored potato chips because we make roast beef here. I mean... Like, we don't need to make pickle.
Starting point is 00:45:22 Like, we got real flavors for real people that eat real food. Yeah, but you have salt and vinegar. I don't need to make pickle. Like, we got real flavors for real people that eat real food. Yeah, but you have salt and vinegar. So what does that mean? I don't eat that shit. Okay, fair enough. I just... Whenever I'm in the U.S.
Starting point is 00:45:34 and I look at the chip pile, it's always disappointing. Typically... Yeah, I agree. The U.S. has, like, more of everything. But the chip... You guys are really lacking in the chip department. What about Twiglets?
Starting point is 00:45:44 That's a great name. That is a great name. I've never heard of a Twiglet. Dude, you gotta love Twiglets. What else does Jacob make other than Twiglets? Crackers? I don't know what a cracker is in your country. Is that like a pair of boots?
Starting point is 00:46:01 I don't know. This is fucking stupid. It is a dumb conversation, but I'm genuinely... We need to do the chip thing. I'm going to get you both packages. How many bags of different flavors do you think we should do? All of them. I should just try all the flavors, right?
Starting point is 00:46:17 All of them. I don't know how to answer that question. I feel like we should throw American chips in the way, too. Oh, what? Fucking plain? I think we're good. We're good. You've obviously, sir, have never had pizza-flavored Pringles. Wow, spicy.
Starting point is 00:46:34 Exotic. I don't think it's spicy. It just tastes like pizza. Let's prepare ten flavors from our land. I don't know if my lid has ten flavors. Barbecue flavors, because that's all we have. Eric and Nick, do you want to try the...
Starting point is 00:46:48 Wait, what's... Are you talking about eating 30 chips? Is that what you just proposed? 10 flavors each? Yeah. How many chips are in a bag? Well, I'm just saying
Starting point is 00:47:01 that doesn't seem like a lot. Like, you're all going to have to eat 30 different kinds. Like, you're not going to have to eat 30 different kinds of, like, you're not going to get, like, run out of steam by, like, 12 and you have 18 more. What if you're having one chip? I understand. I understand that. But one chip 30 times. It's like a bag.
Starting point is 00:47:20 Especially with the different flavors where you're trying to like drill down on them is like a lot. That's like a considerable, Jeff, am I wrong? Is 30 not a lot? I understand what he's saying, but here's, I think it's necessary. And I think that the way we need a palate cleanser,
Starting point is 00:47:40 we need to drink some Sprite or water or something in between. Yeah, because sometimes you'll just swallow the Quaver and uh you'll think i really need something to wash that stop man you gotta stop sending these fake you just made that it looks like old people toenails. These names are so fucking funny. Twiglets. Imagine having an argument as a kid going, I like Twiglets.
Starting point is 00:48:11 And another kid goes, I like Quavers. Yeah, or he's like, I like Cheesy Watsits. What? You have to stop. These are all, you're going to eat all of these. Nick and Eric, are you getting involved in the chip game, in the crisps? yeah sure, yeah we're in if it means I can have what sits
Starting point is 00:48:30 and flavors, I can't wait here's what we gotta do this needs to be supplemental, this needs to be like the apple taste, yes it's too much for an episode of f*** I need to know, are what sits always baked, or is there a non-baked version of a what sit? the important thing is they're really cheesy sort of it is i need to know are what's it's always baked or is there a non-baked version
Starting point is 00:48:45 of a what's it but the important thing is they're really cheesy they're really cheesy but no andrew is right though america has like doritos it has plain lays and it has sun chips and that's what you get everywhere in every store and there's no variation it's pretty bland it's pretty bland you never get the crazy like right now our ladies is doing a uh cheese and ketchup mashup is one of the top flavors that they're rotating in they always do weird things i appreciate an odd chip i also love this idea because i really need things for my 20 000 item list and this sounds like I got 30 right here. Look, we got, we got, I'm looking at Doritos flavors right now. Oh! We got we got spicy nacho,
Starting point is 00:49:31 we got flaming hot nacho. Those are two different flavors. We got spicy sweet chili. There you go, three flavors right there. They're all essentially the same thing. Backyard barbecue. Did you ever have the crisps that you would make into a car and then eat? What?
Starting point is 00:49:47 They're like little transformers. What? This is it. Transformer snack? Transformer snack. You get the middle piece and then you get little rings and you build it into a small car and then you eat the whole lot.
Starting point is 00:50:02 I take back everything I said defending our chips. We're outclassed. They have chips that are toys. This is unfair. Wow. Wow. This would be a great supplemental.
Starting point is 00:50:18 I think you've won all of us over with one fucking image, dude. Yeah, I don't want to eat Doritos. I want to eat a car. Yeah. I feel like the way to do this is we have to secretly create our collections and then maybe like we open the box and reveal what everybody put in it at the i don't know how to logistically do this but i feel like that's the funniest you've had several spoilers for what's going to be in my package oh man transform i would do that with bits and bites Myself, but I never had a brain like I would get the pretzel stick and I put all the little cheerios
Starting point is 00:50:50 To fill the stick with it and then I'd eat it once it was like a cheer cheerio pretzel stick thing But I've never seen so transform a snack. Why don't we do this in person? Why don't we make this the first in person thing? I mean, that's so so fucking far from now But I Andrew when does the ankle bracelet come off? I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. You want me to travel to a different country to eat a Transformers snack?
Starting point is 00:51:16 Yeah. We did an Apple review, not in person. A thing I was much more excited about where I couldn't eat them. And you want to do Transformers. Why? This sounds really fun. It does sound fun.
Starting point is 00:51:31 I can't argue that. That's a great point. I have a question for you, Andrew. Okay. So given that Canada is kind of a country that's situated in, it kind of equally siphons off culture from the uk and america do you have 10 canadian potato chips yeah for sure well not necessarily are can
Starting point is 00:51:52 we include like cheesies and that type of thing as well what's cheesies what's it like hawkins like a hawkins cheesy i don't know what that is oh yeah i think that's one right there so that's that's not so you just gotta come up with nine more is that like me saying can I use frazzles no wait crispy bacon why are they all named like Nick's right it's like dog treats why are they all named like nick's right it's like dog treats why are they all named like this
Starting point is 00:52:26 this is the craziest fucking is there a way i can take a wazit into frazzle and put wheels on the transform a snack on it oh my god oh my god we can make the the ultimate crisp wait it's like is chester cheetah not a representative of Cheezies? What's Cheezies? Has nobody here heard Cheezies before? No, dude. Chester Cheetah is fucking Cheetos. No! No!
Starting point is 00:52:53 You're kidding. No. I think I tombsed myself. Did you mess up? I think I've tombsed myself my entire life. Are you deep in the cove? When I said, I said cheesies.
Starting point is 00:53:07 I was referencing a Chester cheetah product that you certainly have the puffs and then the hard ones. We have cheese puffs and those are Cheetos. I know they're Cheetos. I thought the big ones are cheese puffs. Are Hawkins cheesies? Is that where I'm? Did I? I didn't invent cheesies. Hawkins Cheezies.
Starting point is 00:53:27 Gavin's over here like... Okay. What the fuck is that? Hawkins Cheezies exists. Okay, so I got... That's the mix-up. I'm gonna be like, what? The Cheezies are Hawkins. Oh, you guys haven't tried
Starting point is 00:53:39 schnozzages in a plate? Yeah, they're totally... It's totally human food. You're gonna love them. Yeah. Oh, what are you trying?. You're going to love them. Yeah. Oh, what are you trying? My favorite flavor of crisps. Beer.
Starting point is 00:53:51 I can't have that one. Oh, that's fucking funny. Guinness Bert's chips. This is great. I'm excited for this. So wait, you said Hawkins Cheezies, but then you said Chester Cheetah, and he's not on this thing.
Starting point is 00:54:01 These look like they're packaged in the 1930s. What is this? It's like the top cheesy. What the fuck are you saying? How else would I describe those? Like what type of snack is that? Is that a corn based? This looks like a snack you would get at the zoo in 1912.
Starting point is 00:54:20 No, they're delicious. They're incredible. It looks like something you'd get in a Little League game in the 1980s, but only in a Little League. Yeah. Like, you don't eat this under a big top. You're completely right, but they are incredible. I just don't know what to call the snack.
Starting point is 00:54:38 What is a Cheeto? Like, what is the general term for it? Yeah, a cheese puff. A cheese puff cheese puff a cheese puff so cheese but they have puffs they have a puff variety you're getting too granular it's just cheese puff is the way to describe it you're getting too granular you're let's stop you before you go further what's the best doritos flavor i'm not a doritos guy what i'm not a Doritos guy what's regular the the regular like nacho like default nacho nacho cheese yeah yeah I think I I really do think that's the best Dorito flavor I think everything else is fine you don't like cool original well in America we call that cool
Starting point is 00:55:19 ranch but I guess ranch I guess ranch isn't a flavor in England, so they just call it original. Cool original. That's me. I'm a cool original. I wonder if cool original Doritos taste exactly like Cool Ranch Doritos, or if there is some sort of difference. I bet they are the exact same, but that's worth testing. Yeah, it is worth testing. Why don't I bring that from my land and you bring Cool Ranch from your land okay i'll bring it from my land which you also live in
Starting point is 00:55:49 i'll grab it from the grocery store that we both go to no i'm happy to do the work i just thought it was interesting the way you phrased it as if we don't live three miles away from each other that's true nick posted his apps earlier that is a respectable us chip the voodoo flavor not As if we don't live three miles away from each other. That's true. Nick posted a Zaps earlier. That is a respectable US chip. The voodoo flavor is not bad. Zaps are fucking great. Zaps are pretty good.
Starting point is 00:56:11 I'll give Zaps some credit. But we need to do this. You don't have Miss Vicky's? No, we do. But it's just they're fine. They're bland. The same type of chip. Miss Vicky's fucking jalapeno chips are amazing.
Starting point is 00:56:22 Yeah, they're pretty good. Very residue-y though. Really gotta wash your hands after them. Yeah, that're pretty good. Very residue-y, though. Really gotta wash your hands after them. Yeah, that's true. That's fair. We should wrap up. Ooh. LeBron James, Flamin' Hot Cheddar and Sour Cream.
Starting point is 00:56:33 I'm not ever gonna eat those. We have a whole subdivision of snacks here that are like sports people snacks. Ooh, but that's aliens. That's a pretty good one, Gavin. Yeah, that's a pickled onion again. What the fuck? That's a go-to flavor.
Starting point is 00:56:46 Notice it says Flamin' Hot Cheddar and Sour Cream by LeBron James. What creative input do you think he had in this? Well, according to the commercial, because I've seen it a thousand times in the playoffs, he ate a Flamin' Hot Ruffle and he went, this is delicious. And then he ate a Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffle and he thought, this is also delicious. And then he had like a light cream uh ruffle and he thought this is also delicious and then he had like a light bulb over his head and he put them both in his mouth at the same time and ate it and then he said i'm a genius and then i think he became the creative director i regret asking i'm pretty sure that's how that works this is a weird episode but i enjoyed it
Starting point is 00:57:19 i had a good time that was strange this is strange one. I'm just looking at crisps. I'm just so excited to make this package. Stop spoiling stuff. The second episode is always weird, man. It depends. That's true. It's always something. Sometimes it's amazing.
Starting point is 00:57:38 Sometimes it's a home run, but it's never a home run in the way you think it'll be. Oh, man. I... Did you... So, Gavin, because we need to wrap up. in the way you think it'll be. Oh, man. I, did you, so Gavin, because we need to wrap up. Did you get to like the eight things that you wanted to talk about? We got through a few of them.
Starting point is 00:57:55 What are you talking about? We got through a few of them. What? We spent 25 minutes on chips and you have notes to use? Jeff, did you go through all your notes? No, not at all. I was looking through here. This is insane!
Starting point is 00:58:11 I've got, look, my notes! Guy found his baseball. I've got Smeagol in my socks. I've got tea towel. We don't need to recap all the things we've talked about in the last two things. This is curious. Why are you asking? Well, because I was out of notes and I assume we went
Starting point is 00:58:25 20 minutes on chips because we were noteless at this point. No, I think we were just really into chips. I got really into chips halfway there. I got some I didn't get to mainly because I don't understand them. Tuna fish can spill in the sea? What does that mean? Tuna fish can spit in the sea?
Starting point is 00:58:42 Spill. Spill in the sea. Tuna fish can spill in the sea. Yeah, I don tuna fish that's a spill in the sea yeah i don't know what that is but that that was you should here when you write down a note you should write the date next to it so you can at least narrow it down to like what you're doing in the world i had uh uh this is a good one after our after the the pool party for my birthday we had and we had so much fun with the rings and stuff and we'll cover this later but i i was thinking i think the time is right for us to invent the new that like the new hot pool game like marco polo's old it's tired i think i think that but and i was thinking we could combine it with swans i don't know what this is but i wrote down swan king of the hill
Starting point is 00:59:22 so like maybe there's something there or we could investigate something else so that's something we can talk about later and we talked about the tuxedo dvd cover or something like that oh uh i have a new business idea that we can talk about later where you uh then i think you'll really like andrew i think it's aligned with some of your stuff and uh there's two different angles of that i don't go too far okay yeah this is a nice teaser for for an upcoming episode. But definitely have two products we can sell that I think will do really well. Talked about the corndog update.
Starting point is 00:59:50 Beanhole days. Checked on Gavin's CPAP farts. Oh, death diving. I want to talk to you guys about death diving. Have you seen it? No. Are you guys familiar? We'll save it for a future episode. I think I see a sport that is perfect for us to compete in. Oh, I'm excited. Should I research this between episodes? I would appreciate it for a future episode. I think I see a sport that is perfect for us to compete in. Oh, I'm excited.
Starting point is 01:00:05 Should I research this between episodes? I would appreciate it if you didn't. Okay. Then you can see. That's a long way to say no. You could have just said no. Well, you know, I'm a little more florid with my speak. I, yeah, I actually found it through the community.
Starting point is 01:00:20 It was on the subreddit. Somebody posted a link to it. And then I spent all night watching death diving videos. I think it's right up our alley. Awesome. And I think that we will probably find ourselves in Norway next year at the death diving competition. As long as it doesn't overlap with Bean Fest. No, Bean
Starting point is 01:00:36 Day is the priority. Bean Hole Day is priority. Yeah, for sure. Dude, I want to get Gavin crowned the Bean King. I would love that. King Bean Free! Yeah, we the bean king. I would love that. Although I don't think I deserve it at this point. Yeah, we'll have to make better beans for that. I guess we probably stop though, huh?
Starting point is 01:00:52 Yep. Yeah. All right. Well, I always hate to stop. Bye. Skip's Prawn Cocktail. What does that say? Light and malty?
Starting point is 01:01:03 Malty? That's disgusting. No, light and melty. Light and melty? Yeah. Dude, I'm getting fucking, my eyes are getting old. That light and, so the chips melt? They melt on your tongue. With a prawn flavor.
Starting point is 01:01:20 Fucking disgusting. I think we lost Andrew at some point. Okay. Thanks for listening to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. If you enjoyed it, please tell a friend or an acquaintance or an enemy. If you've ever met somebody else on the planet Earth,
Starting point is 01:01:35 let them know about our podcast. There's seven and a half billion people who are currently alive. Most of them have ears. Most of them aren't using them for this, and we really would appreciate it if they did. And I guess Gavin and Andrew, I won't see you guys for a while, so it was nice hanging out
Starting point is 01:01:47 for a little bit. Gavin, if I see you in public somewhere, I'd appreciate at least a nod. I'll definitely give you a nod. And a bye. Thanks. Bye! Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. What a shocker, the guys haven't recorded yet again, so here are
Starting point is 01:02:03 a few predictions for you. The tuxedo isn't in great condition. Eric gets frustrated by Panton. Jeff doesn't want to hit any more balls. Jack gets promoted again. Does anyone remember when Andrew was going to become a basket weaver? Gavin forgot to hit record. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.