F**kface - Did we get The Tuxedo from the Tuxedo? // The first freeze frame moment of my life [111]
Episode Date: July 13, 2022Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about an emergency F**kface meeting, the Tuxedo tuxedo, Jetski hi-fiving, Laptop urine, Geoff’s Gavin doorbell dream, and a cpap predicament. Want to contribute to bits...? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face), Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face), and Dad Grass (http://dadgrass.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast.
My name is Jeff Ramsey.
With me, as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free, neither neither of whom are american just thought i'd throw that out there uh this is episode 100 it's what episode
111 of season four year three volume one i have a question uh yeah um well i i sort of opened
discord maybe 10 minutes ago and there was no one
in here so i'm wondering did we have some extremely short pleasantries again dude let me tell you
about the pleasantries go ahead i logged in i logged in i saw andrew and nick were already in
so i hopped in at 257 to have pleasantries and iped in, and the first thing I heard Andrew say is, and that's the end of that conversation.
We'll pick this up at a later date.
Oh.
This is a weird one.
This is not on our normal day.
This is almost an emergency
f*** face meeting.
Dude.
Not only is it,
yeah,
and I was telling Andrew before,
I have so f***ing much to talk about.
Gavin, you know about a lot of it.
There's one thing that happened to me this morning that you don't know about, though.
I have so much to
fucking talk about, but all I care about
is a tuxedo, so I'm just going to list my notes
and then if we get to them, we get to them, but at least
they're on the recording
and so I'll remember to get back to them someday.
So I'm going to say, here's my notes real fast.
Bootstamp, fart movie,
new laptop.
Hi, Disney by Disney high seas high five Gavin doorbell dream.
Oh, that's another one.
You don't know about Gavin wrecked car gets wrecked and prepare to yell at Andrew about
tuxedo.
So Andrew, let's get into the tuxedo.
Go right to the well before we get the tuxedo.
I just want Gavin to know it was a shorter
pleasantry period.
And I was very stressed about that.
I was getting ready, hop in for some quality, quality pleasantries at like 1247 my time.
And I was like, you know what?
Got to use the bathroom.
So I went to use the bathroom.
It was a larger bathroom trip than I anticipated.
Thought it was fast.
You shat away your pleasantries.
It was a real problem.
I was sitting on the toilet
looking at the clock like,
I'm running out of pleasantry time.
I want to talk to Nick
about some things
before Jeff gets here.
And he typically gets here
five minutes before.
And were you opposed
to joining the Discord
from the toilet
just to have pleasantries
with Nick through your phone?
Not opposed to it,
but it didn't occur to me.
I was thinking about
all the things
that I need to discuss
because a lot has happened
since we...
First of all, the tuxedo.
Why did we bleep that in the most recent episode?
That was the thing that was bleeped a million times.
I don't understand why we did that.
Why did we do that?
You're an idiot.
You're such a stupid bastard.
What do you mean?
I don't understand how this is my fault.
Because that came out before the freaking auction.
And that's the exact conversation I was
trying to have with you, where you were like,
oh, we don't have clearance to land. I was
like, that episode hasn't come out yet.
We still have time to bleep it. What's
amazing to me is that when I proofed
it, there weren't any bleeps. So I don't know
when it got bleeped, there was a missing
bleep, and a
tuxedo came out. Yeah,
but it didn't come out hard. it only came out to the people who
were paying extra attention it was like an extra well i mean it so the tuxedo itself ended up being
the one of the last items in that block of auction period so it was on thursday the auction started
on tuesday the tuxedo aspect of it happened on a thursday but it takes like several days to make
your account for it so that's why I didn't get
why it was bleeped. Because even if it was before,
unless somebody already had
an account, it just felt like a niche thing.
So I didn't know why that happened.
But I guess... So you were saying it shouldn't
have been bleeped because it takes so long
to get an account. Yeah, like even though
possibly the auction could have
happened if our lot was on Tuesday. I didn't realize
how it worked at the time. But also it takes several days to like get approved. You have to get... You have to if our lot was on Tuesday. I didn't realize how it worked at the time.
But also it takes several days to get approved.
You have to send in a lot of stuff.
It's a whole process.
It takes you several days.
Who knows if it takes an average person several days.
No, it takes everybody.
Nick has supplied some more info.
He said, only on first for a few hours, unfortunately.
Eric made the call on the day we turned in the final version.
So it was a mad
dash to edit so eric said day of it needs to be bleeped is that what you're saying i guess so
based on what nick said well i will say people seemed to really like the bleeps day before
they liked the bleeps yeah they thought it was they thought it was they thought it was like so
so bleepy it was comical because we were talking it. The reason it was bleeped the week before
was because we didn't know whether we were going to talk about it.
What we discussed in that one
is that it is now fine to talk about.
And then after that, we realized
Andrew's done the maths wrong.
No, my maths was correct. That's what I'm arguing.
I don't know why we did that.
You yelled at me. It's very possible I did.
But I don't think we needed the bleeps. I think doesn't matter get away from the bleeps i just don't they weren't by the way
by the way just just for the audience that is desperately trying to understand what the fuck
is going on uh this is the jackie chan tuxedo from the movie tuxedo that we were gonna buy
at auction we got rooster tooth to agree to let us spend up to three thousand dollars to buy the
tuxedo which they expected to go for $2,000.
And then we put it in Andrew's incredibly capable hands.
And I knew in the moment we agreed to do that,
it was a mistake.
So when I was,
I feel like I was the one that was pushing
for this idea the hardest.
And I thought it would be so funny
for us all to watch the auction together
and we could bid on it
and go through the highs
and the lows of trying to secure it. That was my vision for it. Literally every other person
involved with the show was out. They were away. So it was just me by myself. And that was terrifying
because I got given the Eric card, which by myself is a lot of responsibility. It was very terrifying
to add that to my account. I had an alltime dumb moment where eric sent me the card as two images like the front of the card
of the back of the card and he sent me the photo of the front and i was putting that in and i
instinctually grabbed my phone and looked at the back of it to put in the bottom the back of the
card like i didn't swap photos i'm so used like, looking at a card and then just twisting it over for the verification number.
I physically looked at the back of my phone.
So that's a great start.
Then I went into the auction,
because this is Tuesday,
and our lot is until Thursday.
And I thought, oh, I've never, like, experienced this before.
It could be fun to just kind of get a feel for it
and see what, like, maybe I can learn a strategy from this.
And so I'm not really paying attention. And item up is like some outfit from star trek like
one of the star trek shows and it's expected to go between like six hundred dollars to like a
thousand or something like that and i looked and it was currently at twenty thousand dollars was
the the bid active and i wasn't really paying attention. Then I
thought I bumped my keyboard, and I was
convinced that I placed a $25,000
bid on a piece of Star Trek
memorabilia. So that was terrifying.
I thought I died. I had to quadruple
check, make sure I was all good. That was fine.
Avoid that. So then I was
scared to even open the auction.
Until tuxedo time. Go ahead.
My headphones went off for about
two straight minutes there what i miss uh andrew may or may not have accidentally bid twenty two
thousand dollars on a star trek outfit okay and so we're not at the tuxedo yet no no okay sorry
all right before we get to the tuxedo i just want how would you guys feel i'm just hypothetically
throwing this out there how would you feel instead of if we got the tuxedo,
we had like a variety of maybe smaller items
that were kind of show related.
I wanted to read on that because I was told
I could spend to the cap.
So if we had extra money after the tuxedo
or if we just missed entirely,
I could still try to acquire things.
Well, no.
I wouldn't say there was any hint of approval for that.
No, I asked for it, and I got approval.
I didn't, I asked, I talked to Eric about that.
I would say it's not worth spending the money
on smaller things that we're not as passionate about,
unless it's something that really fits.
Like, the only thing I was interested in was the tuxedo.
So I guess it would,
yeah,
it would depend on what the other stuff is.
So there's a variety.
I put some of them in the chat.
They made a,
for the fast and furious movie,
a Dom Toretto license of Shrek on it.
For some reason,
I thought that was great.
They were actually auctioned off the bowling hat pins and balls from the
bowling scene and the Flintstones movie.
It's like that show specific.
The thing I was most excited about
is right after the tuxedo
was the baseball outfit from the Twilight movie
and the baseball scene,
which is one of the greatest scenes in that whole series.
We're kind of a baseball show,
so I thought we had room.
We're not really a Twilight show.
No, but I mean, we're kind of a baseball show.
And it's an iconic baseball podcast.
Yeah.
And that's the baseball equipment.
I just say uniform and all that.
So it got to auction day.
I made I made a strategic decision on this.
What are you laughing at, Jeff?
I fucking hate you.
Why do you hate me?
I'm just telling you what happened
If this doesn't end and that's getting that fucking tuxedo and we spend goddamn Twilight merchandise thousands of dollars on something else
Haven't you that's what you've done. No, I'm not saying any I'm just trying to get to where we're at
So I I made a realization
I did my research because I was the only one that showed up, and it was my responsibility.
I was told strictly cannot go over 3K.
That's the max, not a penny over.
Doesn't mean go to 3K.
No, it's not what I did.
You're just making assumptions of what happened.
So I made the choice.
Before you tell us,
do you predict we're going to be pleased with what you've done or not?
No spoilers for that. Let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. Go ahead. we gonna do you predict we're gonna be pleased with what you've done or not i i no no spoilers
for that yeah but let me ask you let me ask you a question let me ask you a question go ahead
am i gonna have to am i gonna have to use my founder card to smooth stuff over after this
i don't think so uh for a split second i thought that was a special credit card that you have
well i do have i am a member of the founders club which does give you a card which gives you
discounts on hotels but this is more like uh founded the company and i can get us out of a
jam if i need to right i really hate doing that though no no i would if i would have spent 30,000
on star trek merchandise though i would expect you to use the founder card to literally murder me
that would be fine i'd approve that that that decision but so what i learned in the
auction is that there's a minimum bid and then there's their projected windows for bids and i
think gavin you've said that you've used this site before so maybe you know about this i don't know
but essentially the minimum bid is below what their lowest expected amount is but unless the
bid hits the lowest expected amount they will not sell you the item
they will just not offer it to you so i think the lowest exactly so i think the lowest bid you could
place on the tuxedo was one thousand dollars but their lowest entry point to buy it was two thousand
now there's also fees there's's like 30% in additional charges
based on how much your bid is.
And then there's taxes and there's shipping.
So I did the math and I
determined that essentially the most we could
spend is $2,000.
Which is the floor for getting
the tuxedo. I would have paid the
extra if you would have texted me.
I was told specifically. I also talked about this
last time. I warned you that we would need more than that.
Yeah, and that we all agreed.
Gavin and I both agreed.
We said we'd put money in.
Well, you weren't there, first of all.
And second of all...
I'm always a text away.
I'm always a text away.
I was told specifically not to cross 3,000.
Your issue's with Eric.
It is not with me.
I was told to not cross 3,000.
So I put 2,000 in.
And then I asked Nick if he wanted to do the auction with me. And to not cross 3000. So I put 2000 in and then I asked Nick if he wanted to do
the auction with me. And even he was busy. It's something going on at that exact time.
So I recorded and Nick captured the video of it. We have the 17 minutes going into the tuxedo
and the tuxedo itself. And we had the minimal bid that we could possibly have to get it. If anyone,
if a single person would bid a cent over us,
I could not counter that based on what my instructions were.
And we got to the tuxedo.
Dude, you've done some interpolation with those instructions.
Nobody said anything about shipping costs and taxes and stuff.
We just told you to spend $3,000 on the damn tuxedo.
You are not part of...
We would have worked the rest out.
Jeff, dictionary kid, shut up for a minute
i'm talking about conversations i had with somebody else that wasn't you these are instructions i was
getting very responsible here i have been so responsible you're just yelling at me for no
reason so i put the bid in and i watched in fear by myself because nobody else was around
and terror and I'm delighted to
say that we own the fucking tuxedo
not a single bit on it
Oh my god!
We have it!
That is the best news ever!
Dude!
Congratulations!
Andrew you've taken something you took it on your own and you nailed
it that never happens andrew i gotta say i believed in you from the start i knew you were
gonna pull this off i was just telling eric the other day we were in california together i was
like trust in andrew you always gotta trust andrew he'll never steer you wrong 100 of the time oh my
god that's amazing so it was terrifying and as I said I don't know if we're
going to release it or what it will look like but there's 17 minutes of me reacting to items in the
auction and then watching it happen live and he wanted the auctioneer wanted so badly for any
other action from anyone he was desperate he was like this is I would just wear this out this is a
great tuxedo this is fantastic going once this is a great tuxedo this is
fantastic going once this is a great tux everyone look at how great this jackie chan wore this going
to a fair warning than a lot of tuxedos i looked at it it's cheaper well it's not cheaper it's like
700 more than buying an armani tux from from like new correct yeah it's not that much of a difference we got a
savings and we got the full outfit we got a shirt that has harness holes in the back of it we're
missing a few buttons but we can make it work can you imagine buying that tuxedo just in a store
and then they offer you a 700 upgrade to jackie chan's one you would do it right it's not that
much more that's great i love the idea of them offering that as an option
of like okay so you could get this one or jackie chan has worn this seven hundred dollars more what
do you think jackie chan's jackie chan did kung fu in that tuxedo and we're gonna we own it now
yeah and we own the one from it's not even a situation where it sounds like
there were multiples like this was the one this is what they used this was the fucking thing
so that was exciting and terrifying i was just sweating yelling like fucking hit the hit the
gavel hit it because like still one was stole why are you stalling why like he kept stretching it
out dude yeah it was terrible uh it was very exciting i uh he kept stretching it out. Yeah, we had to.
It was very exciting.
I had had it in my head that we were going to end up with like a catcher's mitt from Twilight and Dominic Toretto's Shrek driver's license.
And I just wanted, in my head, I'd already worked through it.
We were just going to put it on display just like we were going to do with the tuxedo.
But it was just going to be like in a glass case all bundled together that just said not the tuxedo
I genuinely was excited about the twilight
baseball thing after it but it went
for $4,000 so it went
way over it was huge like people
that's an iconic scene from that movie
yeah I also had the thought of like okay now I have
it I'm the only one here that that
knows that how much do i want to fuck with you two about the fact we missed it or not a tremendous
amount i would imagine what could i do a little bit but i didn't want it to be like so exhausting
that you weren't even excited that we got it like i felt like there's a fine line of like
reverse salad creaming of where i did the right thing but i still still fucked it up. I didn't think you had it at all.
Because Jeff and I had to trick the universe yesterday
into hanging out at the last second,
and we were both pretty convinced that we didn't have it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.
Oh, man, but we did knock off a bucket list thing yesterday,
and we filmed it.
Oh, yeah.
Shall I post it in the Discord?
Uh, yeah, yeah, might as well.
But let me just say...
Oh, you make a pizza?
All kidding aside, Andrew,
I know a second ago I did the funny thing
where I was like,
I talked about how I always believed in you
and I never doubted you for a second.
All kidding aside,
I didn't for one second think you would pull this off.
I was convinced you would screw it up,
and you didn't.
And I want you to know
you have got the biggest
get out of salad creaming free card from me uh do you can cash in whenever you want the uh final
you've got it you've got to like get out of greg free card where like next time whatever it is i
don't care i'll just why i will turn the other cheek between the fees and the shipping and everything.
It costs like two thousand seven hundred dollars for the tuxedo.
That is so we went under the cap.
So we're great.
That is a bargain.
But I'd love to see what bucket list.
I'm assuming it's the pizza would be my guess.
No, no.
OK, well, first off, let me just say this.
I mentioned kind of hilariously that Gavin and and i tried to go to vegas together
for a vacation and i was going to go to the nba finals and uh emily got covid and so the like two
days before the trip we had to cancel right well in the back of our heads it was okay because two
weeks later i had this trip to vidcon in anaheim that I had to go do a panel at,
which if you don't know what VidCon is, you're lucky.
Don't look it up.
You don't need to know.
It's not a fun time.
Although I did get to experience Eric Bedore experience VidCon for the first time.
I wish he was here to talk about it.
It was really funny watching his unfiltered opinions of everything that was going on.
Anyway, so because of that, I said, hey, Emily, let's go back.
Before the pandemic started,
we went to Disneyland with Vanessa,
who's one of the early bats.
She's one of the people that got the bat,
the original bats.
Emily's best friend and her husband.
And so we planned to use my work trip
to go to Disneyland.
And so I went down there.
They were going to meet me the next
day. Emily got in, flew down. I did my panel for VidCon, got out of my panel, met Eric. We did a
podcast, a different podcast, just the two of us for an on-face podcast. We did the animal one.
Got out of that podcast. Emily called me and was like, Henry collapsed. He had a heart problem.
We have to go back home.
And we immediately got on a plane and went back to Austin.
Henry's fine, by the way.
He's okay.
But so we had to leave in the middle of the trip
and I'd never stepped foot in Disneyland
and we had to come home,
but we made lemonade.
Co-Gavin and I went jet skiing on Sunday.
I see you've posted a video.
Oh yeah, yeah.
I meant to say, Gavin, I went jet skiing.
And then at that point in my head, the video would play for everybody. Okay. But you probably have to hit play video. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I meant to say damn it I went jet skiing and then at that point in my head the video would play for everybody
Oh, you probably have to hit play. Oh, yeah, play on this. Okay. I'm anticipating this being a certain thing
I'm gonna watch this. It's eight seconds
I feel like that was the least thrilling version of what just happened, but that is definitely a bucket list item.
That is a high C's high five, buddy.
Gavin and I did a high five on jet skis.
And that cheer, that shout from me after it happens,
that isn't me cheering.
That's me screaming in agony because it hurts so much.
Even at like 5,000 hours,
which I think is the slowest I can go on that thing. It hurts so much. Even at like 5 miles an hour, which I think is the slowest I can go on that thing.
It hurt so much.
My hand hurt for like 4 hours after we went.
I kept looking over and he was like,
he shook it for the rest of the day.
So, we're working our way up though.
That's a 5 mile an hour high five on jet skis.
Yes, that's the final attempt. We did it three times.
The first time we did definitely hit each other.
The one before that, we high fived
and I immediately crashed into Jeff's
jet ski, which caused Emily to
rock back and accidentally stop recording.
Oh no!
So next time, we don't have a video of that?
We do, but this one...
Oh, I feel like that's the better video,
honestly.
But this was the much better high five.
The one that Gavin should.
Yeah.
But I feel like the footage is better for the other one.
This is just like a,
it's good,
but it's not,
I don't know.
So the next,
next step is we got to hit ramps.
We're going to do it in the air.
That's a huge step.
That's what do you mean?
That's the next step.
I feel like there's so many steps between those two things.
What about aiming for like seven miles per hour instead of adding air?
Is this another one?
Is this the crash one?
This is where I yell at him.
So you're riding up.
Well, that's the good one again.
There's a little bit of...
No, that was the...
That was the bump and then Emily
almost fell off and stopped recording back there.
And what you can't see really in that one is
that I'm like stuck sideways at the beginning
because for some reason the jet ski turned off.
So for the run up of that I'm trying to figure out
how to turn on my jet ski again.
That was fun! Yeah! I mean it looks great. So for the run up of that, I'm trying to figure out how to turn on my jet ski again.
That was fun.
Yeah.
I mean, it looks great.
I think it's a great starting point.
We definitely now know that this is possible.
Oh, super possible.
Super possible.
Working out the specific proof of concept.
Fantastic.
Yeah, it's a great way to put it. The most badass bike stunt starts with the smallest of bunny hops.
It takes a little bit of time.
Yeah, work your way up.
We're going to get there.. We're gonna get there.
We're gonna get there.
I can't wait. And Gavin and I made a lot of lemonade
out of the fact that I have had two vacations
in a row cancelled. And this one
literally, Emily
flew to LA.
Emily flew to LA, had lunch,
and then got back on a plane and went home.
She slept in the same bed the whole time.
Oh,
it's terrible.
Oh my God.
Speaking of another
adorable thing Henry did,
let me show you a photo.
I'll,
oh man.
Is it the least favorite
thing for you guys
when I have to
try to do this stuff?
really,
well,
it depends.
Sometimes it can be so bad
it's great.
If it's just in the middle, it not as fun this is on the day before we left for for los angeles i was working on my
laptop and i set it down on this little bench little leather bench by my bed and when i came
back five minutes later see henry uh henry is uh he's he's an elder gentleman now so uh we dress him at
all times in a bow tie and a diaper because he's uh he has accidents i forgot to put the diaper on
him and he uh he peed 37 gallons directly onto my laptop so when I came back to pick up my laptop,
it just fell out of all the ports.
That's so much piss.
That's a colossal amount of piss.
Can we just talk about how unironically
the picture's the wrong way as well?
Yeah, well, it's me.
I was thinking about the classic Jeff photo.
So I had to buy a new laptop that day.
No! Just dead. Oh, no! straight up dead uh he didn't mean it no i can't that's so much it looks like a rorschach of piss like the way that
it bends and out of all the places from the p i'm glad it's not on my laptop
piss boiled i got a brand new MacBook Air.
So, I mean, it's the M1 chipset.
Hey, congratulations.
A brand new old MacBook Air.
It's obsolete as of July.
I needed a laptop for work.
So what am I going to do?
Could you just wait a month for, you know, to not have a laptop?
No.
Another funny thing,
while we're talking about shit that's costing me money,
did I tell you guys
that I wrecked my car recently?
You wrecked my car?
I wrecked your car.
Not bad.
Not bad.
So I have two cars
and a one-car garage,
or one-car driveway.
And so when I had my yard work done,
I had them eke out as much of a second area as possible.
So now I have a one and three-quarter driveway.
So to get my car in the driveway requires some Austin Powers-ing around shit.
But I'm used to it.
I'm good at it.
I enjoy the challenge.
But the other day, I was in a hurry.
About a month ago, I was in a hurry.
And I was just taking Millie somewhere. And I was stressed out. And I wasn't at it. I enjoy the challenge. But the other day I was in a hurry. About a month ago, I was in a hurry. And I was just like taking Millie somewhere.
And I was stressed out.
And I wasn't paying attention.
And I clipped this pole pulling out of my driveway.
And so I just scraped a bunch of paint off the driver's side of my passenger or my rear door.
And so I took it to a collision place.
Or I took it to BMW.
And then they told me the place to get it repaired.
And so I took it to a collision place or I took it to BMW and then they told me the place to get it repaired. And so I took it to these guys.
I had to get on a waiting list for three weeks because they're so busy.
Finally, last Wednesday, I dropped it off because I was going out of town.
I was going to be at VidCon and Disneyland and whatnot.
I drop it off and then I start immediately getting like really verbose texts from them like,
Hey, I just want to let you know
we removed the quarter panel
and we started spraying the quarter panel
and when that's done,
then we're going to do this and that
and just like a ton of information.
It's like really cool.
Then at Friday,
while Emily and I were running around
trying to get back to Austin,
I missed a couple of phone calls
and I thought that's weird
and I was ignoring it
because I was trying to drive
from Anaheim back to LAX
and book a flight and stuff. And I got a text because I was trying to drive from Anaheim back to LAX and book a flight and stuff. And
I got
a text after that that was like, hey, it's
so-and-so from the collision place.
Hey, give me a call on Monday about
your car when you get a chance.
And I looked at Emily and I thought, that's bad.
And she's like, what do you mean? He just wants you to talk
on Monday. And I'm like, yeah, but every other
text I've gotten from these guys has been really
informed. Like, overly so. And this'm like, yeah, but every other text I've gotten from these guys has been really informed, like overly so, you know? And, uh, and this is just sort of a, sort of a, Hey,
just give me a call when you get a chance, uh, very vague. And I thought like, that's not,
they've, they've done something to my car. And she's like, you're being paranoid.
So this morning when I woke up, the first thing I did was call them. And, uh, he was like, yeah,
gee, uh, really sorry about this.
We had your car all ready.
It was all painted and we got it all set up.
And then we were going to drive it over to BMW for a certification.
We got to certify these cameras or whatever and get them calibrated there.
And we were pulling out and, well, we got into a car accident with your car.
No.
No.
They wrecked my car.
After they fixed it, they wrecked it.
So they're like, you know, obviously we're going to repair it and we'll get it certified
by BMW and it won't cost you a dime and we're really sorry, but we're going to need it another
week because we wrecked your car.
What did they do?
Did they hit another car?
Or they just...
They got something...
Somebody in a...
Somebody in a truck ran into it.
Oh, my God.
While they...
So, when do you...
You get your car back next week?
At this point?
I was supposed to get it today.
Now, I think hopefully I get it Friday.
Emily was like, man, you were way cooler about that than I would have been.
And I was just like, what are you going to do?
I mean, as long as it's there, sure, it's right.
It's just time.
They're fixing it.
But it's like, at this point, like, sure, why not?
Throw it on the pile.
Fucking.
Who fucking cares?
on the pile fucking cares i already we already ate two entire vacations to vegas and disneyland in the last two weeks why not i just bought a new laptop for no reason like i'm trying to look at
the raw shack of piss to see if there's a car crash and then i can spot oh my god
so when did the laptop happen in relation to the car was this after yeah i the laptop i dropped
the car off wednesday morning henry peed on the laptop wednesday afternoon okay so you didn't
know that your car was gonna get destroyed i didn't find out my car was destroyed until
until well today but i had an i had an inkling on Friday evening that something was wrong.
Or maybe Tuesday I dropped my car.
Anyway, yeah, it had been there for a couple days.
That's incredible.
So par for the course,
things are going about like pretty normal in Jeff's world.
Just wanted to give you guys an update.
I almost said it in bed this morning.
I told Emily, I said,
on the bright side,
at least nothing's happened to the...
And she goes, shut up!
So I didn't actually say it out loud.
It's an annoying step to verify the cameras.
Is it like if they swap parts,
they don't work until BMW sign off on it?
I don't know.
I think because it's like...
Because it's a...
BMW like certifies their cars and the repairs and stuff.
So they only work with certain body shops.
And then there's a yeah, I guess they have to like do it on it.
I don't know.
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So I might be able
to turn your day around a little bit, Jeff,
with telling you about some victories you've had against me
without even knowing it.
I'm also, I'm losing money too.
Try to fight you in ways you don't even know.
I'm down $80 at this point.
I don't want to fight you.
Why are we fighting?
So this goes all the way back to when you mailed me the giant thing,
a bubble wrap.
That was part one of this.
You were so kind, being thoughtful, taking care of me. Why make sure I'm okay? You sent me a giant
thing, a bubble wrap from Amazon. So I decided that I need to return the favor because no,
I love giving gifts to people. It's such a great feeling, you know, show somebody that you care
about. You love them, get them something nice.
So you got me the bubble wrap, and I was laying in bed, I couldn't sleep, and I thought, what would be a great gift for Jeff?
And then I just thought, what is the most amount of bananas I could send Jeff at one time?
Because you're a big banana guy.
You love bananas.
So I hopped on.
I would say I like bananas about as much as emily likes
like an average amount i'm a b minus banana you're a b minus banana fan so i i went on and i made an
account i used the free trial for amazon prime on amazon.com and they have a fresh section where
it's like a grocery delivery service they have yes i'm familiar and i it was it was like 1 a.m and i was like you know what these are pretty cheap
they're two pounds a bag i'm gonna send jeff a thousand pounds of bananas tomorrow i'm just
gonna do this so i did it i had sent and then i went to go back to sleep again. And I did this from my tablet. 1,000 pounds? I sent Jeff 1,000 pounds of bananas.
A ton of bananas?
I sent 500 two-pound bags,
and I hit clear.
And then,
because I'm unfortunately not a bad enough person,
I thought about it,
and I was like,
you know what?
I don't know what,
maybe something's happening to Jeff's life.
I don't know his schedule.
I didn't want it to be like Todd Margaret where all the food and all the
animals take over the house.
Like they like a bunch of animals and eat a thousand pounds and scattered
everywhere.
And there's moving to your home.
I felt really bad about it.
So I canceled the order five minutes later and I went back to bed and I just
went about my day.
And that evening happened to be a very
important family dinner that i was paying for that i was i was going to cover it was like this built
up dinner it was very exciting i was so happy about it and i get to the place and i give them
my card and they say uh it doesn't it's not going through and i thought oh that's weird so then i
gave them my other card and they told me yeah
This one isn't going through either and that's that's all the money I have so I'm like what is I?
Don't give me a minute. I'm gonna try to I got to figure this out
So I left and I had to search thankfully I had cash. I never have cash. I just happen to have cash
I was able to pay for it
but I couldn't figure out what was wrong and so i was looking at my phone and they they deactivated my account because i bought so many bananas they thought it
was a fraudulent charge i got a text at like 2 a.m that i just hadn't i didn't notice and my
account had been locked the entire time so then i was on hold for like two hours that evening
trying to get them to unlock my account didn't work so i've lost i've lost time at this point for jeff and this this issue and that fell apart it was a disaster
so i was able to get the dinner everything was okay but i almost couldn't buy this really
important built-up dinner because i bought 500 bags of bananas to be sent to jeff's house
so that was having to explain to people like there was a moment where i thought i might not
be able to get this and having to explain why it was ridiculous.
So then that happened.
Some time passes.
We're nearing episode 100.
And I thought, you know what?
This could be a great time.
The way that we had to record that episode, we'd have a two hour window.
I am going to send Jeff like 600.
I was reduced.
I realized. So how Amazon Fresh works is let's say you want to send Jeff like 600. I was reduced. I realized.
So how Amazon Fresh works is let's say you want to buy a thousand bananas.
You put in a thousand and they'll say, I can't do it, but we do have 700.
So I just always put in a high number and see whatever the max is.
So for episode 100, I thought I'm going to do this again.
So I signed up for Amazon Prime again and I was getting ready to do it.
But then I had a thought of like, well, I don't know.
You know what's going on with jeff and then jeff you had uh you almost quit this podcast because
of the dinger video of you missing like it was you're not happy so then i was like i cannot send
this man 800 pounds of bananas this is not a good time i'm gonna just hold off on this so i held off
and i hadn't thought about it until last week. I'm
looking at my credit card statement and I notice a twenty dollar charge from Amazon and I don't
know what it is. And I look at all my accounts. I can't figure out. I didn't order anything.
I realized I forgot to cancel the trial from episode one hundred. So I've been being billed
twenty dollars a month for the past three months because I just forgot to turn it off so that's I'm now down
$80 in like three hours of time and I've almost ruined a family dinner then last week I don't
want to get into like the specific I had one of the worst weeks I've had in a long time oh no just
terrible so sorry buddy and I missed I missed a break shit because of it that I was going to be on. I was excited about it.
And so I watched it.
I watched it on like Saturday night.
And I'm having the worst week.
I'm just a miserable, not good.
And you took a shot at me.
And it hurt my feelings because of the week as a whole.
I was angry.
Well, that's how I felt with the Dinger video.
I was at a weak point. and you took a shot at me
when I wasn't prepared. What shot did I take?
I'm very sorry. Eric played
the soundboard and then you said that's
as much as Andrew contributes normally.
And I was like, I fucking hate you.
Because it's tough and I try
really hard on that show and that's like one of
my anxiety points.
I know that it's something you are frequently
nervous about just because it's live and it's hard to get words in and all that.
So I was mad at you and I thought, this motherfucker.
And I've just had a bad week.
So I thought, oh, you know what this guy loves?
He fucking loves swimming pools.
He loves swimming.
What can I do?
What can I do to the kindness of my heart?
I noticed last time I was on there, they sold gallons of water for 89 cents each.
And I was like, oh, you know what? I want to be really nice to Jeff. I'll buy him some water for
his pool. So when his pool gets there, he'll have the water to put it in. Let's buy some water for
Jeff. And so I went to load up as much as they could. And since 100 in that time, they have
changed their system. I could only send you a max. Everything had order amounts to it. I couldn't go for the max.
I can only send you three gallons at a time and I couldn't regularly schedule it.
So I wanted to send you 10 gallons of water every day for the month of July, but they
would only let me send three per week.
So that was ruined.
And I was like, well, that was pointless.
I can't even do anything with this.
I'm down another 20 for another month of Amazon.
I'm down $80 in three hours.
And you keep beating me and you have no idea that this is even happening.
It has been an infuriating one-sided losing war.
Oh, man.
Well, for the record, congratulations.
I think that you single-handedly are changing the way
Google Amazon,
or Google Amazon.
You single-handedly
are changing the way
Amazon Fresh works.
It sounds like they're having
to put protections in place
in the app because of you.
And then I have no memory
of saying that joke,
but it's very funny
and it sounds like something
I would say,
so I'll take your word for it.
Yeah, I was not happy about it.
Are you over it now? Are you over it now now are you still mad no I mean I still don't love it but it's I'm not
upset with you about it I mean I didn't mean it it was just a joke do you do you think any of your
bad week originated in in your sock choice for the week oh maybe I need to get into socks because i i don't i'm not a socks guy so maybe
have you had what are the updated results of your your sock work um pretty okay just been still
avoiding those red new ones yeah you still haven't tried them still not still not going to use them
i will say andrew you sent me a lovely uh birthday. It was a get well soon card,
but it was re-skinned as a, as a birthday card.
It's a banana on roller skates with a cup of coffee and a boom box.
And he says,
he says,
just wanted to say yellow.
Hope you're peeling well.
And I am peeling well.
And I thank you for the happy birthday card.
And it meant a lot to me.
Andrew also sent me a link to a YouTube video in he just wrote out the link to the YouTube video in the
card and Emily and I both spent about 45 minutes trying to different permutations to figure out
how to get it to work we eventually gave up decided that it's just miss it he just wrote it
down wrong and uh mentioned it to him and he says i don't remember
what it was how unsatisfying yeah well okay so the thought process with that was i just thought
it was absurd to write a link in physical form and so much work for the person who's getting it
yeah it was and so i pulled up a youtube video of a happy birthday song and then i just changed
one of the numbers and made sure it went, and then I just changed one of the numbers
and made sure it went nowhere, and then I just wrote that.
So everything is right but one number,
and I was hoping that you would try multiple times
and that it would be in a night.
I didn't.
We tried.
I gave up, and Emily's like, I'll try.
And then she tried for a while, and then eventually I was like,
I bet.
The whole time I'm like,
I don't know that this was ever supposed to work to begin with this might
have been a whole point of the card uh i just wanted i had a card and i thought i'll send this
to jeff i don't know maybe i'll get into maybe letter writing become a thing i get into jeff
had a little birthday party it was it was quality oh yeah happy birthday. Happy birthday to Jeff. Thanks, man. I did. I forgot.
That was two weekends ago.
We went swimming.
We had a little...
I rented a swim...
Or Emily rented a swimming pool for us,
and we went swimming for the day.
Did you post any videos of that?
I don't think so, no.
Did you?
I don't know.
Should we show Andrew the one of you on the diving board?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I heard there was diving.
If you have it.
Oh, there's lots of diving. It was a big- the diving board? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard there was diving. If you have it. Oh, there's lots of diving.
It was a big-ass diving board.
Are you still feeling
the effects of being bitten by a swan?
Do you still feel like
20% more graceful than you did before?
No, I feel...
No, I'm back to normal.
Also, I tried desperately
to show Gavin and Meg the swan,
but he was not there yesterday.
It's true.
He did not make an appearance.
Are you...
Are we waiting until
he's looking for his phone i did get this i'm very excited oh hey congratulations thank you
oh it's it's a it's gonna be in the slack oh okay yeah file size too big it's just too powerful
i'm excited so is this you,
because you dove through a ring last
time, right? It was the last diving video
we got of you. What type of dive are we looking
at here? I don't even know. There was that
much diving that you don't even, you can't recall?
We just dove. I dove for like four hours straight.
At one point, I dove all my limbs
through individual little hoops.
Gavin had the dive of the day.
The absolute dive of the day.
We had this...
Well, watch this and then...
Okay, I'm going to watch this.
Oh, it's a slow motion Jeff dive.
Doing a little wave,
little Queen's wave transition.
Amazing form.
Looks like you missed the pool entirely.
Oh, there we go go there's the water
it's like an infinity pool
with a diving pool on the other side
I see it just looks like it fell
off the world it does it looks like
you just vanished that should be a seven second
clip I'm not sure why it's a minute long but that's
that's pretty much it just like
untrimmed it
ah it was fun That's pretty much it. Just like untrimmed it.
It was fun.
I've never experienced a cheer so big in my life.
We were just trying to do funny dives after a while,
like diving through the rubber ring.
And then there were these little like,
tossed like, what was it?
Ring toss hoops.
Yeah, it was like blow up ring toss for like a floating flamingo.
Yeah, and then suddenly there
was just like four of them flowing in the diving area so i just i did a little springy dive jump
straight up the air then tried to thread both legs and both arms through the hoops and i just
came crashing down on them and i couldn't really tell what happened and then i realized as i was
slowly floating to the surface being pulled up by the hoops and i arose from the water with
one on each limb and everyone was just like ah yeah it was a really big accomplishment
he he's currently the he currently is the world champion at uh at uh limb spear uh
i did i did it i was like i we'd been trying it for a while my best was two I got both legs in
Emily got three two arms and a leg and then Gavin showed up and just nailed it and then he floated
to the top like in slow motion it was it was really cool I wish we'd have been filming that
moment because it was definitely the dive of the year Gavin has dive of the year hands down
in 80s and 90s movies where the movie ends on a freeze frame
with the main guy smiling and everyone around him celebrating,
it felt like that moment.
It felt like the first freeze frame moment of my life.
I would actually love to see a strictly looked at,
viewed dive of the year competition.
I want there to be a dive of the year.
I want to be able to see there's a leaderboard of what dive of the year competition. I want there to be a dive of the year.
Like I want to be able to see there's a leaderboard of what dive of the year is.
A dive of the year every year would be fantastic.
Maybe that's something we should get into.
Declaring the official dive of the year.
Are you a dive guy, Andrew?
No, I wouldn't say I'm a dive. I enjoy falling.
The falling part is fun, but not a dive.
It's the coordination. The lack of coordination is really is fun, but not a dive.
It's the coordination.
The lack of coordination is really the issue with me with the dive.
But the jumping off of a thing, always good.
Yeah, that was my first experience with a bouncy diving board.
It was very fun. Really?
Yeah.
As opposed to what?
What do you mean?
A rigid one.
If you're at a high dive pool or something, it's just like a big solid one instead of a springy one.
Yeah.
And this is like, this is, so I consider myself pretty familiar with diving boards.
I realize.
This is like the diving board you would find at a public pool in the 80s.
That's like extra springy, like extra, extra springy.
It's got like,
it's like twice the size of,
like you think of a diving board
in a backyard pool
and you go like boing, boing
and you go in, right?
This thing's got handrails.
It's like three times as long
as a regular diving board.
Like this is a diving board
we've been, I think,
probably illegal
in the city of Austin,
but this is out
in the fucking boonies,
which is why we rent it.
Uh,
and we go out there and dive a lot.
You can get,
I don't know.
You can get a good 15 feet in the air off this diving board.
If you jump in hard enough,
like it is fucking serious.
Yeah.
I rewatched the video.
The spring is insane.
I don't think I've ever seen a board with that much spring to it.
And then the pool that it dives into is like 12 feet deep.
So you can get really nice and fucking into it. It's good. I like that. I have no concept of the pool that it dives into is like 12 feet deep. So you can get really nice and fucking into it.
It's good.
I like that.
I have no concept of the pool that you actually dive into.
I haven't seen a single actual dive from the angle that you have.
We, uh, we, it was funny because I was just diving pretty much throughout the day, but
like everybody else had to work their way up to diving off that diving board.
Trevor, all those guys were like, oh, I'll give it a shot eventually.
And then once everybody did and they realized how much fun it was, you couldn't keep them
off.
It's great.
Hey, I had a dream about you last night, Gavin.
Yeah, it's not good.
So yeah, go ahead.
It was weird.
And I don't know what to think about it.
But the dream started with me on your front porch pushing your doorbell.
Okay, I'm pushing the doorbell.
And then I push the doorbell.
And as soon as I push it, I think, why did I do that?
And then I look down and I'm like, why am I on Gavin and Meg's front porch?
Am I bringing something to them?
And I look around like I must be delivering something to them.
And I look around and I got nothing.
And I'm like, did I forget it?
What did I forget?
What was I bringing?
Am I even bringing something?
Was I supposed to tell him something?
What am I supposed to tell him?
And then I thought, oh no, what time of day is it?
Is it even like an appropriate time to ring their doorbell?
And I look at my watch and it's 9 a.m.
And I think, is 9 a.m. appropriate?
Is it too early?
It's a little early.
And then I'm like, how did I get here?
And right then I hear Gavin and Meg,
like, because it's a dream, right?
So I hear them in their bedroom, in bed,
clearly as if it's filtering through the house.
And I hear Gavin go, what?
Oh, wow, rings a doorbell.
And Meg's like, it's too early in the morning.
And he's like, we're still in bed.
And they're just narrating all of my fears.
He's like, we're still in bed. And they're just narrating all of my fears. He's like, it better be important.
And Meg's like, it's not going to be important.
It's not going to be worth it.
Don't go.
And he's like, I've got to.
They rang the bell.
They wouldn't if they didn't need me.
And I'm like, oh, fuck.
And Gavin's like, I've got to put shoes on.
And I can hear him putting shoes on in the bedroom.
And I'm like, oh, fuck.
I'm screwed
what do I do he's gonna be so mad at me Meg's gonna hate me and I'm like looking where to hide
and I'm like trying to hide behind a plant that's on your thing I'm like that's not gonna work and
I run into your garage and I can't get your garage open and then I'm like oh I'm tampering with their
house and then I run around the other side and there's like a fence and I'm like just trying to
figure out where to hide so that you don't get mad at yelling me. And then I realize, oh my God, he's got cameras.
He'll just see me running around his house.
I better just face the music.
And I'm like, oh, so I just like, fuck it.
And I walk up to the front door
and I like have my head down
and I just stand in front of your front door
and I can just hear you coming through the house going,
I just can't fucking believe it.
It's a Saturday.
And Meg's like, tell him to go away.
And I can just hear you stomping.
And they're like, oh, the cat's in the way.
And then right as you get to the door,
and I can hear you opening the front door.
And I'm like, this is going to end our friendship.
And then I woke up.
Oh.
The saddest part about that dream
is there's an alternate version
where it's just the entire time
Gavin's struggling with an unflushable toilet
that's the real loss
yeah I'm surprised you didn't hear me
check in the breaker
none of that made it into the dream
it wasn't even you trying to turn off my
morning shit
no I didn't know why I was there
and then I was so scared that I had inconvenienced
you and Meg and that it was going to end our friendship
and I was just like terrified hearing you stomp down a hallway, uh, to get
to the front door.
And then right when you were about to let me have it, I woke up.
I mean, that could all be real except I, you would never be terrified.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was going to ask, have you ever been intimidated by Gavin?
No.
I don't think anyone ever has.
I hit him too hard once and I felt really bad about it, but I wasn't intimidated.
I just felt guilty.
Oh, what was that one?
It was when we were at MCM in London.
Me, you, and Dan, and I think Ben King were selling like griff balls out of a booth. And I smacked you in the side of the head but I I hit you like on the ear
really hard and it was solid and
you looked at me like like what
the fuck is wrong with you and I remember thinking like
I shouldn't have done that I feel bad and then you
shook it off but you were
mad at me
shake it up
did I get you back do you think no I don't
think so oh I think you were too mad
to get me back or maybe you think? No, I don't think so. Oh, interesting. I think you were too mad to get me back.
Or maybe you did and I never knew about it.
That was the year we watched Dan pee in that vodka bottle
and overfill it.
Yeah, Dan, at those conventions,
there wasn't that we knew about
any sort of like vendor exclusive toilets,
so you just kind of had to get in the big line
and Dan was really busting.
And he'd also just been slowly working his way through this bottle of vodka.
I think all of us had at the booth.
And then he decided he would just piss in that.
And it was like a pretty sizable bottle.
But he underestimated the size of his bladder.
And he completely brimmed this bottle.
And he didn't know what to do.
So he was just like, what do I do, B?
He was like, oh, no. Oh, no. And he just ended up with like the bottle cap in one hand the bottle in the other both of his hands went up and he just had to like ride it out he was just pissing on the carpet
no three feet from people in the fucking line to buy T-shirts. Yeah, it was like around the back of the stop.
It was behind a wall of boxes and a curtain.
What an animal.
Oh, man.
Have you guys seen Jurassic Park, the new one?
No.
No.
Emily and I saw it with our newfound time in Austin.
And it's not good, first off.
And it's 100 hours long.
It's very long. It's got some funny moments. Jeff's 100 it's 100 hours long it's very long it's
got some funny moments Jeff Goldblum's funny there's a few it's got some terrible characters
uh I can't I'd say it's about as bad as the previous one um but you know it's cool to see
dinosaurs and stuff but anyway we were we were seeing that out on the draft house and uh it was
a fucking loud movie right and then I uh I had been like slipping farts out all night long,
you know, because I was real gassy.
And I think we'd eaten like Mexican food or something earlier.
So I was just like ripping farts.
But it's so fucking loud.
Like dinosaurs are screaming and I'm just like, whatever.
And I like, what are those,
what are the dinosaurs that kill Newman in the first one?
They spit shit at you?
I don't know what they're called,
but they terrified me.
Campies or something like that.
I think those are the little ones,
the campies.
Oh, okay.
Whatever they are, those things.
I think campies got Peter Stormare.
Yeah.
Oh, right, right, right.
So there's a scene
where that dinosaur
is about to spray on,
I think Laura Dern, maybe.
I don't remember.
One of the characters.
And it just gets, like,
insanely quiet. And I just, I wasn't anticipating that One of the characters. And it just gets insanely quiet.
And I wasn't anticipating that part of it
because it's been such a loud movie.
So I like, right,
because it's still pretty loud,
I try to slip out a real quiet fart.
But as Emily said,
it sounded like ripping leather.
It just was like...
And it was right when that tense moment
where the dinosaur and her face each other
and the movie just goes
completely silent so all you
could hear in the entire movie theater was
my fart and Emily goes
oh my god and then
started laughing
and she didn't stop laughing
she was vibrating
the entire rest of the movie for the next
22 minutes laughing and I'm
just going shut up shut up, shut up, shut up.
And everybody in the theater heard and hated me.
Did anyone laugh?
Nobody laughed but Emily.
But you heard, you could hear Emily laughing for a long time.
And I was like, I was just trying to hold it in
because if I started laughing, it would have been over.
And so I just like sat there and ate my laughs for like 20
minutes and just while she just like like fucking shook in her chair was this early enough in the
movie that people were still eating uh it was probably 30 minutes to go okay so everyone's
probably done with their food probably done with their food at that point yeah dude speaking of
farts i've uh i've started using a c-pap because i did a sleep study and they were like yeah you
know got a little bit of apnea are you can you do a surgery or something to eliminate it or are you
just gonna do c-papping uh i think i'm gonna try c-pap see what goes on just obviously just wear a
hose on the front of my face going up my nose and and it's i'm annoyed to be honest that i've got
sort of shrunken nostrils considering the size of my nose it's like uh i imagine it like you know
when you find old aperture science in portal 2 and there's that giant vault door and then and
then you move that out the way it's just a regular like eight foot human door that's my nostrils with
the nose around it so i've got this thing going over my head and uh it like sits under my nose
and then and it ramps up the pressure so it detects
when you fall asleep giving you like small pressure and then when you fall asleep it starts
like really blasting air in and uh i think it's like two hours after i fall asleep i keep waking
up completely full of air it's not working right at some point i guess my throat is just going the
wrong way and it is just filling my stomach with air and i'm waking up like completely full like a
balloon i keep waking up at like three in the morning just like oh god and i'm there just like
i wake up and i pull the thing off my face i'm like and i do like a massive burp and i'm like oh god
and then i'm like googling like my sleep perhaps filling me with air and there's like oh yeah it's
a pretty common thing that could happen and i was reading like how to get rid of it it's just like
well you know sit on a toilet and just file out so i got up it's like three in the morning
and i'm not a big fart guy i've got the wimpiest farts. Jeff can attest to this. I sat down at three in the morning on the bowl and it'm just like shrinking down as I'm farting
and a lot of it is
it's quite satisfying to get
all the air out but I just don't
know how to use the CPAP I don't know why it's going
down my esophagus
I can't keep it in my lungs as soon as
that thing kicks up to full pressure
it's just filling up my gut
so if there's any
pappas out there who have any tips
I think
Gus and Jack both use it if I'm not
wrong
Jack had the surgery didn't he
maybe he doesn't use it anymore because he had the surgery
but I know he used to use the seatbelt
I hate it and it's so uncomfortable
and I've
become a fart guy.
I'm really sort of firing them out now.
That's incredible.
Can you, like, it sounds like you can replicate this,
so you could set it up to record when you go to the bathroom,
and you could see how long of a fart you could do.
Oh, definitely.
Definitely.
Record your next bloated fart.
It reminds me, there is this
old Kenny versus Spenny episode
where it's like these two guys that do competitions
and one was like, who could have the biggest fart?
And one of them shoved
a hose up his ass and would blow air
into it and then walk up and have
these massive farts in front of the other
guy just to intimidate him.
You're just living that life. You're just naturally doing
that. Try to correct your sleep. i'm getting filled up in my sleep isn't it fucking bullshit
that you try to do anything to make your life better and it just makes it worse like here you
are you're just trying to sleep better so you get a c-pap machine and then it tries to kill you
yeah i'm just trying to sleep better so Because if we haven't explained sleep apnea,
it's kind of where you just stop breathing in the night.
You, like, snore and then you stop.
And the CPAP just keeps a constant pressure of air down your throat, down your lungs,
just to stop you from stopping breathing.
Because it can lead to, like, strokes and all this bad crap.
So I'm just trying to get ahead of that.
But the way that the insurance works,
it's, like, linked to their servers or whatever so i need to use it for a minimum of four hours every night
for like 21 out of 30 nights and i've had it for a week and i've not completed four hours just
because i keep getting filled with it which means that if i don't be the requirement insurance doesn't pay for anymore and
i get billed i get billed for like twenty five hundred dollars for this stupid what's basically
an air pump for my gut twenty five hundred dollars yeah to be filled with air for nightly
fart inflations yeah it's bullshit so So, yeah. Money tips, welcome.
So you went from not having any air
to way too much air.
There's no middle.
And I was hoping that it would make me feel
more rested. I'm having the most
miserable nights of sleep.
It's all disjointed.
I'm up for two hours and I'm farting for one hour
and I'm back to sleep.
Maybe you should try the flow the other way and for two hours and I'm farting for one hour and I'm back to sleep.
Maybe you should try the flow
the other way and stick
the CPAP up your butt and try to blow
the farts out the other side.
Wow, this was quite
an episode. We covered a lot of ground.
I guess we should probably
stop because Nick asked us to, and
I respect Nick in a way that I can't, Eric.
So
let me just say, Gavin,
for your
CPAP
revelations, thank you.
That has benefited
the deep lore of
face immensely, and Andrew,
I cannot overstate
how important
it was that you secured the tuxedo.
This is for
Ripken's Believe It Cause Why Not.
New lines of business. There's no telling.
Maybe we'll recreate
the tuxedo shot for shot
with Gavin in the tuxedo.
Who knows? The possibilities
are limitless. I just did a panel about like podcasting as a business
and video podcasting and stuff.
And I use the Porta Potty as an example of like
how to thread merch and content together.
And it's just going through like all the stuff
that we've done with the Porta Potty.
And then like all the things that we still can
and potentially will do with the porta potty from
like the,
the,
like the phone box stuffing to the,
the record,
the vinyl,
all that stuff.
The museum,
the,
the tuxedo is like that times 10.
I cannot imagine the content we'll have thanks to this tuxedo.
Uh,
yeah.
What a great thing for the redemption.
Yeah.
What a great thing.
And I'm telling you,
you gotta,
you gotta get out of Greg free card with me, buddy. Anytime want i'm i'm excited to have that i'm gonna i'm gonna
remember that i'm gonna keep that in my pocket it's gonna be a clear thing you could have you
could shut me you could have shut me down like that could have ended the tater tot thing right
there you could have just been like boom I'm excited to use that one day
because I absolutely am going to need it.
Undeniably, there will be more Greggy in the future by me.
I like that we ended up with potentially
two items for our museum.
I don't know what's going to happen with Gavin's CPAP machine.
If he needs to get a new machine,
I think that's a fantastic museum piece.
Well, also, we'll have the waveform of him farting, and we'll
be able to display that in some other...
My CPAP cuss mold in the
freaking tuxedo.
It looks like a heart getting
adrenaline shoved into it, the waveform
of it. It's just massive spikes.
Do you think that in the
universe of the show,
the tuxedo had a CPAP
in it?
That he could have deployed whenever he needededo had a CPAP in it.
He could have deployed whenever he needed.
I think he slept in it.
It did everything.
He just had to turn the dial to CPAP.
I still want to know what mashed potatoes mode is.
I'm still thinking about it.
They never explain.
Was that the mashed potatoes? I thought that was just dance. I'm still thinking about it they never explain well yeah
was that the mashed potatoes I thought that was
just dance no there was like a variety of
options that they never use in the movie
mashed potatoes is one of them a mashed potato
is a dance but it could just be a fun wait it
is it is but it doesn't
it doesn't mean it had to be that dance it could have been anything
if you hadn't blown it with the
director we could have asked him on this podcast
well you know maybe
this tuxedo is another
bridge another I could extend
another olive branch yeah just be like
hey just want you to know we now own
the tuxedo from the tuxedo also one quick
question what was mashed potato mode
I think that was
one of my last email I sent him
had a variety of questions that was one of them
I believe.
Was what is it and how were they decided?
All right.
Well, I guess we should probably wrap up.
That's a tater dance.
Thank you for listening to another episode of the F*** Face podcast.
I hope you've enjoyed it.
This has been a lively one. If you did enjoy it, or maybe you just, I don't know,
accepted that it
happened. Maybe you are totally ambivalent
towards it. Maybe you didn't even think it was a particularly
good episode. Either way,
lie about it and tell somebody it was great.
And then give us
a bunch of stars.
Bye. This dance
sucks. Hey guys, Major League
Fan Jack with a prediction of what is happening on next week's episode of F*** Face.
Once again, the boys are behind, so here's a few guesses.
Gavin lost his passport.
Pantin still won't go to Vegas.
How do we clean the tuxedo?
Let's promote Jack.
It's time for a new challenge.
And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil.
All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.