F**kface - Discount Pranking // Farts In Written Word [199]

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Nick wearing the mask, dark humor and therapy, jacking Geoff’s house up, cracking house foundations, Andrew’s discount shopping and pranking, scariest texts to receive from Andrew, the Slop O’clocks, Geoff’s fridge is broken, a book full of F**kface photography, converting fart recordings to written word, time travel, what’s going on with Kate Middleton, smoke alarms going off in the middle of the night, 9 volt batteries, bad ad reads and make goods, podcast training camp, Andrew’s habit of rule following, NYT Connections, the familiar house in Michigan, Gavin doesn’t answer texts, Andrew said trash, a room made from clocks, MVP Nick, and more. Sponsored by BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face , Cosmic Crisp http://cosmiccrisp.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me as always, Andrew Panton, Gavin Free. This is episode 199. Canonically, we are now on our third episode after the greatest episode of all time, so that's pretty cool. Nick's not in the mask. Okay.

Wow. Dude, that was awesome. That was great. Thank you, Gavin. That rocked. Hell yeah. I just caught the dregs of pleasantries, and I can sit back this episode now.

So your guess is gone. All right, well, Gavin's work is done. He's taking Andrew what's what you got well it's I was I saw subreddit thread recently that made me really laugh about how it would have been the funniest thing if Nick would have wore the mask on the first episode post closure that would have been incredible everyone's guard would have been down that would have been the move I feel guard would have been down. That would have been the move. I feel like Nick has really missed some banger opportunities. It's got me pretty impressed as to what he's actually going to pick. Do we know that he hasn't worn the mask already and we just didn't catch it, though?

On the rules that he has to announce it at the end of the episode? That is correct. Oh, let me ask you real quick. Did Nick remember those rules? I i do now but it's okay had a feeling had a feeling about that one but i followed them if that makes you feel better but it's it's honestly the amount of support that we've seen from the community in this last week has been unreal i can't i really just can't believe it it's been very real it's 100 real that support yeah this is take that g Gavin, this is... Take that, Gavin. This is our time to tell you that it is all fake.

We have staged every aspect of it. This has all been a giant prank against you. God, if this was like when Sal Governale came into work late and Howard told everybody, he got everybody to agree to pretend that he had retired on air while he was at Subway. And he was just crying on the couch. If that's all this is. Bernie's

going to pop out of a closet and be like, surprise, I never quit. We're better than ever. Oh, man. If only. Except that we don't have to work with Bernie again, so maybe it's better this way. A little RT humor for you. Sorry.

Sorry, Facebook. I try not to cross the streams too much. Oh, man. Man, I've been... I don't know about y'all, but I've been getting real dark in my head lately. Yeah? Yeah. Not dark like...

Not like dark... Dark like... I want to... Like if people talked about me on TikTok, they couldn't say stuff. Just dark like... Dark humor. I've just been making a lot of mean jokes

about me and my life lately. I don't know how you guys... Oh, yeah? You thinking about maybe restarting some of that therapy? I already did, dude. Yeah, you did? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, hell yeah. First call to my therapist. I was like, I need to un-retire. That's good. I approve of that decision. Yeah, dude. I'm hitting it hard. Oh, my God. Not approve of that decision. Yeah, dude, I'm hitting it hard. Oh, my God.

Not the least of which... What's the one thing that could make... Well, there's probably a couple of things that could make this month better for me. What's the house-related thing that could make this month better for me? Daily handjob? No, I was going the other direction. I got a cracked foundation. I gotta get my foundation fixed.

Oh, no. Yeah, they gotta jack my house direction. I got a cracked foundation. I gotta get my foundation fixed. Oh, no. Yeah, they gotta jack my house up. It's gonna be real. It's gonna be a whole lot of work. It's gonna be real expensive. Which side fell down? The bedroom side?

Yeah, left side. And the right side a little bit. So we're gonna jack the left and the right up. Just a tad. Do you think it fell under your weight of sleeping? It was from all that hard boning I do. Gross. No.

You just pile-drived your house further into the ground. No, I just, I'd like to do, I like to do jumping jacks in my bedroom in the same spot every day. Maybe that's what you said. Maybe I just pushed it down.

So, when they repair a foundation, I have no idea how any of this works. In my head, if I was assigned for the job, I'd have to cut open your entire floor and then we'd pour cement in and then we'd put over the floor.

What is the actual process? Are you imagining into the floor of the bedroom? This is what I'm imagining. Jeff's foundation is made entirely out of cement and it is cracked like the table and narnia did with aslan on it and we need to restore the crack and so we need to fill that hole with more cement so i i don't know how there'd be some type of tech that we could ping to determine where the hole is in the foundation. Oh, like the resonator from Gears of War? Yeah, exactly.

Eric just posted a photo of the prop of it. That is Jeff's house. One, we're done. That is what the repair looks like. We gotta just pour some cement in there, get that all fixed up. Yeah, it's basically, they find the spot in your floor where it's cracked,

and they get a circular saw, and they just do a big circle and just cut the floor out. Then they get a jackhammer. Then they just jackhammer around the concrete. No, they go in from the outside. They tunnel under your house and then they stick iron beams or steel beams in

and then they fucking jack your house up like it's a car. How do they know that it's cracked? How do they make that determination? Well, it's not cracked. It's just shifted. It's moved. I don't know that it's physically cracked. it's just nomenclature i'm using but it's it's it's it's

the house has shifted and moved and where it shifted is on an addition so i think the whole addition has kind of just like on the piss a little bit do you think maybe the bean hole has caused some uh subsidence oh yeah maybe, maybe I dug too close. Nick said his house got jacked 14 inches. Jesus Christ, Nick! Dude, it was bad. Was all your shit rolling into the corner? Yeah, we found out

because the guy who came to check the house was like, hey, why don't you just put down a battery and see what happens? And it rolled from the front of the house to the back of the house. Oh my god, it's hot, damn. It's like wheelie chairs. He's constantly fighting. I remember after Nick got that done, I asked him how it was going,

and he said he had to, like, learn how to walk different in his house. You're walking at an angle. You don't account for it, and then you walk up the stairs, and you slam into a wall because you're not prepared. He had to smooth criminal while he was just stood in the middle of the house. Navigating through his house like a Sherpa. It felt like it.

God damn. That's fucking awesome. Just imagine he puts down a glass of wine and it's just like 12 degrees in the glass all the time. I need to see a photo of what a house looks like when it's lifted because what i'm imagining can't be man it's pretty common in texas we got shitty dirt here a lot of houses a lot of houses foundations have problems i lived in the the first house i lived in was on a street. I was the third house in a long row, right? And there were 12 houses on the street.

Houses 12 through 4 cracked in a row. When it got to my house, I sold it and moved. Just outrunning this crack. I outran the crack, yeah. That's crazy. Look at these pictures of how they do it. I can't believe it doesn't just

cut the house in half. How does it not crack somewhere else in the wall? You think that the way that they should do it is to cut the house in half? No, he's saying he's surprised it doesn't. Yeah, how does it not crack the walls when you lift up one side of the house? It does. I mean, it does. The problem is it does.

Yeah. This is how you know that you need to get your foundation repaired. What they're trying to do is save you from having to find out that you need to get your foundation repaired. Yeah, you fix it now before you have that. Can I just keep it in the elevated state? What if I like having my house be a little bit taller, like the platform shoes of houses? I mean, they're not jacking it higher than it needs to go they're gonna jack it right up to where it's level and then yeah

they're not walk then fill the dirt i see they're not like stilting it permanently but can't i just stilt it permanently can't we just maintain the level and go higher if i wanted to you could also just buy a house on stilts true and not many of them live by the ocean there's tons of them dude andrew there's so many stilted houses there's so many stilted houses entire gulf coast is stilted houses there's millions gracie just said move to galveston yeah galveston texas has stilted houses i don't like stilted houses that much i don't like galveston texas i'm with you man 100 i hear you the only problem with the stilted house is where where it is you got to live in the fucking gulf coast dog shit yeah but you can do stilted houses here right sure i think it would be really funny to be the only stilted house on a

block just a suburban neighborhood and one house is stilted just being superior enjoying that height advantage over all the other homes looking down on them that would be my dream then you could piss out of that window oh man the ring yeah gracie just posted a stilted house that looks oh see that's that's nice i would live there yeah that's really pretty where is that gracie Gracie? Google. I have no idea. Oh, we'll just say Galveston. Yeah, sure. That's Deputy Indiana. I didn't know people were living like that.

Yeah, right. That house is worth more than Deputy Indiana. Yeah. I bet you could buy all of whatever unincorporated Indiana that is, Deputy, for half of that house. You know, us talking about your house problems reminds me of a thing I did recently I should talk about. Did you fly down to Texas and secretly crack my foundation? Because if so, I'm going to be annoyed.

No, no, I didn't. Oh, you know what this you already know. This isn't news to you. This news to other people. I I don't know if you've heard, but the company is closing. I don't know if you've heard, but the company is closing. And as a part of that, there's a big sale happening at the Rooster Teeth store. Selling a lot of merch.

Got all sorts of stuff you can buy. A lot of it going on heavy discount at points. I was at the store. I was looking at the store. I've been doing a thing. Um, I was at the store, I was looking at the store. I've been doing a thing. I've kept a personal list of our merch and how much inventory we have of all the items. So I have an idea roughly of what we have the most of and what we don't.

And I was looking at our store and I noticed that the clock, our slop o'clock, which is our least, the most bought item for selling and the least sold item I think we've ever made was on sale for $1. It's a dollar. It's a great, that's a great deal. Then on top of that, I have a staff discount, which is 75% off any item or any,

or yeah, great discount. So I, you know, Jeff talked about in a recent episode him wanting to prank me which puts me on guard which makes me want to strike first so i texted jeff hey i'm i want to make an order from somewhere u.s shipping prices are high can i send something to you and then whenever i'm around next could, I'll just pick it up from you.

Do you mind if I do that? And Jeff said, yeah, that's fine. And then, uh, I took that information and proceeded by ordering 1,001 slop of clocks and sending them to Jeff's address. I also bought 75 waffle makers and sent those to Jeff's house.

Uh, my two orders. I then proceeded to tell Jeff, that's kind of big, but good news is I got free shipping. So thanks. He's Jeff was like, awesome. It's great.

And then I thought about what I had done and I was trying to imagine because I got free shipping on those thousand one clocks and I was like how like just I'm trying to imagine this because it's hard to imagine a number of that scale for clocks and I did a rough calculation of if you were to lay the clocks down and by and not even including the packaging just the clock itself it would have went on for 330 yards because like almost three and a half football fields um then i felt guilt i felt genuine guilt it was at that point you felt guilt huh you didn't feel good at any point before okay no it was at that point i felt man you know jeff jeff i don't know i don't know

where he's at mentally for this joke i think it's really funny i think there's a point in which jeff would think this is funny that's gonna tip his house completely it may correct it honestly it may fix it we don't know could it use the clocks to prop the house up, maybe. Yeah, you definitely could do that. So then I broke and I texted Jeff and I said, Jeff, I need to be honest with you. This is how you doing emotionally because it is a really big order that I sent you. And as like a bit. So if you're not, I can, I'll figure something out

if you're not in a place to deal with this. And Jeff replied by saying, well, how big are we talking? Are we saying like the size of a shoe box or the size of a couch? There's nothing worse than a text from Andrew that starts with, I need to be honest with you. Yeah, I know.

And by the way, I was hanging out with Burndog and Vanessa. So as soon as he said that, everybody was texting you. We were all crowded around my phone. See, I don't know if I agree. Gavin, I don't know if I agree because I think the scariest text that you can get from Aaron is where he says, Can I trust you to keep it a secret? That was in my panic phase.

That's a bad one. That was in my panic phase. And a bad one i was that was in my panic phase and i was like i need to talk to someone to like validate that this is funny and jeff isn't gonna just murder me and be angry about this so i reached out to eric and eric more i'd say push me over the edge of i should be concerned and i said he's gonna kill you yeah so the problem is because as i said the company is dying uh in the event someone missed it um there's a big banner there's a big banner on the site that says in all caps all sales final with three exclamation so i can't i couldn't cancel the order so after jeff explained that he was not in a position to handle a thousand one clocks uh and that i had to to relocate it it turned into i had this missile of a thousand one slop

of clocks that i couldn't shoot down and it's gonna crash somewhere and I had to deliver it so I gave Jeff the opportunity I said just either give me an address of anyone you know that you want to send this to and I will swap it to that or I have an alternative I think all I said was

I don't care just undo it from my house I phrased this to Andrew saying please don't care just undo it from my house I died how did you phrase this to Andrew saying please I said undo it now I think is what I said Jeff was I was surprised that Jeff didn't like just send this to Jack's house or something it seemed like Jeff did not want to crash this missile into anyone that he knows well first off I didn't think that they were going to ship it. The shipping cost on that alone I think is like...

I think it's free shipping within reason. I can't imagine they would have actually shipped the clocks out. I mean, that's pallets of clocks. That's going to have to be like freight delivery. Yeah. I had a slop o'clock here, so me and Burned Dog and Vanessa, we measured it. It gets real big real fast when you put a thousand on there.

I'm just imagining Jeff having to deal with it. It's like that scene in Hook with all the clocks. Oh, it'd be like the fucking porta potty all over again, times five. You could wallpaper. You could just tile a house. It was like he was gonna drop six porta potties in my front yard, essentially. So then this went to the next phase where i had to figure out okay well who i didn't want to lose the free shipping so i had to think of who else do i know in austin uh because i can't cancel and the the guy the an immediate friend of mine came to mind

who i thought oh he wouldn't he won't kill me if I do this to him was the guy I used to do applesauce races with. So I messaged him. I said, hey, can you give me your address? And he sent it immediately and then said, I feel like I probably shouldn't have done that. That seems like a mistake that I just gave you my address. I take it back. Hey, can I have your address? Yeah.

So then he replied, I was like, no, do you want some free merch? And he said, yeah, that'd be awesome. Thank you. And I was like, cool, you got it coming your way. And then he's also the person I sent a battle bus to in the past. Oh, yeah. And I said, oh, the inflatable one. Yeah.

I was like, hey, do you still have the battle bus? And he past oh yeah and i said oh the inflatable one yeah i was like hey do you still have the battle bus and he said i do and i said you you're gonna want to get rid of that because you're gonna need some room for this merch and then he replied okay i'll do that tomorrow i have a garage don't worry about it i'm all good and i replied i'm glad you're all good i was worried it would be too much i'm glad you've got this covered. And then I woke up the next morning and I felt guilt about that as well. And I had to once again have this conversation of, hey, it's a thousand one clocks that are coming your way. Are you OK with this? And they're like, I don't I don't have room for a thousand one clocks which then led me back to the original problem of this missile is flying and i feel like i need to get it locked

in before it initiates being shipped and so then i just tweet who wants a thousand one clocks and uh i realized a lot of people think they can handle a thousand one clocks without really understanding the logistics of it there were a lot of people that were like, yes, but I just don't think that those majority of them really appreciated both the weight and scale of a thousand one clocks. But eventually somebody, Colin Parker, agreed to take it. He's an awesome guy. And I felt relieved. I was like, OK, let's let's we don't need to worry about stress.

The person knows what's coming. That's going to get it. This is all handled. But then I was curious. So I messaged Tony and I said, just out of curiosity, do you know how much a thousand one clocks weighs for what it is? And Tony said, give me a minute. And he got back to me and revealed that it would have weighs on nine hundred pounds.

A thousand one clocks yeah weighs 900 pounds and then half a ton of clocks i uh reached out was like yeah i need to i emailed about it already but i really need to change the address of where that order is going um could uh could we change it and he said let me reach out to someone and then uh there's a long break and then uh i got another slack from a different person on the merch team saying hey can we cancel your thousand one clock order because uh people are stressing out about it the amount it would lose in ship like the cost of shipping would cause us to lose so much money that we can't do you cancel it and i felt a tremendous amount of relief to

learn that the missile could be shot down you might be the worst person in the world to have around during the final month or so of a company's existence. All these people trying to get all their ducks in a row and then you fire a bowling ball into the middle of the ducks. Any other time in my life, other than the disillusion of my company, I would have rolled with it. Had you done this and pulled it off, it would have fundamentally changed the relationship

you and I share. We would still do a podcast together. I would still consider you my friend, but it would take things to a level, Andrew, that there would be no coming back from. Oh my god. I had my plan laid out of my

first line of defense, if it would have went through, was that I did technically ask permission before I did it. My second line of defense would be arguing that I'm buying merch to sell from a store later, that I could then resell this at an almost definite profit, considering what I bought it for. Eric said, why do I need a line of defense?

Because it's 1,001 clocks, Eric. You need the plan. There's going to be waves. Do you know why we had a thousand and one clocks laying around for you to buy? Because nobody fucking wanted them. Hey, it doesn't matter how cheap we buy them. Nobody wanted those fucking clocks. I don't even remember the decision to

sell a clock. I remember the original number being wrong on it. I thought it was funny. But, you know, I guess they can't all be fridge magnets, you know? I stand by it. I think it was a great product that made sense with the thing that we were doing and it's a great design. I don't know

why people didn't want it. I agree. I agree on all those points. I took down a clock I've had for 10 years and replaced it with a great design. I don't know why people didn't want it. I agree. I agree on all those points. I took down a clock I've had for 10 years and replaced it with a slopper clock clock. And I love it. It's in my living room. Mine's hanging right behind me in my office. Yeah, it's the only piece of face gear I have displayed in my house.

That was a blizzard. I think it's really funny that Gavin, the guy who has never attended a merch meeting ever, says, I don't remember that conversation. Well, because you silly bastard, a lot of the merch that we sell comes from discussions in the episode. Speaking of merch that are discussions in the episode,

our very last face drop, our very last face drop ever is March 29th, Friday at 10 a.m. We'll have the sloppy Joe's Jersey and foam hands and the cookbook. We're going out on top. That's our very last merch drop. I'm letting you know right now in the middle of this episode,

March 29th, 10 a.m. Last face drop ever. It's going to be so bittersweet to end on the cookbook because I think it's the merch I'm the most proud of that we've made. I just think it's tremendous. And Tony did.

And that whole team did such a good job on it. I'm glad we're going out on a high note. But man, it sucks that there won't be another cookbook right behind it, you know? And is it true that we've sold over a thousand Raty Boy shirts? Yeah, it's almost our number one shirt all time. I think it's going to dethrone Anal Passage. Yeah, it's pretty close.

It's very close. It's unbelievable. We need... We need Ratty Boy. We need Eric Unito. Don't talk to me about Ratty Boy. I don't want him. We need Ratty Boy.

Listen. I don't want him. Ratty. Listen, I don't want anything to do with him. The fucking Bart Simpson looking ass. I don't want Eric. They're about to put a thousand one clocks back in the store and I'll get another missile ready. I'll figure out where you live. We can, we can keep those clocks in my studio.

If you want, there might just be a thousand clocks behind me in the next slow-mo. I need to talk to Merch to figure out what is the maximum amount I can buy within one order to get free shipping. Yeah, here's the issue with the free shipping. Is that he was trying to ship 900 pounds of clocks on free shipping the loss they would have eaten on that would have negated anything we've ever done that would have been astronomical yeah that would be the worst we might go out of business if we did something like that the other side part of this uh that that made me really laugh is i had learned independently

that my friend path had bought like 700 million dollar butt card games and uh when i i when when i got reached out to about canceling my order i'm like oh i'm so sorry i didn't mean to cause stress i didn't realize that there was a scenario in which this would be bad on that side. I didn't think it mattered at this stage. But he said, no, it's fine. It's just your order and some other person's order who ordered like a thousand pounds of cards.

And it was so funny to be able to go, I know that guy. That's not related to me. I had nothing to do with that, but I know that guy. That's fine. They're going to cancel that to do with that, but I know that guy. That's fine. They're going to cancel that, no problem. Don't worry about it.

I almost left my 70 or 75 waffle makers being sent to Jeff. I thought about pretending that I forgot that I had also made that order. Yeah, you never mentioned the waffle makers. I'm learning about them right now in real time. Yeah, Jeff would get hit by those. But then I reached out to Jeff and and i said how's it going and jeff you said my fridge is broken the fridge that you've waited over a year for it's not there surely it's surely not broken i don't know so here's what happened i woke up the other morning and my fridge was beeping at me and I opened it up and on

the digital display, there was a little wrench icon. And so Emily, Emily actually is the one that found it. So she, there's a card in my, in my fridge that has like, you pull out like a plastic card that says like what to do in case of shit, you know? And it says like for the wrench, it means you, you need to clean the coils. So it shows you need to clean the coils. So it shows you how to do that. You turn the fridge off, you clean the coils and then turn it back on.

It should be good as new. So I did that, turned it back on and it just kept beeping. And so I did it again and it just kept beeping. And so I called the fridge support line because because I have a full warranty on it. And she was like, oh, yeah, this happens from time to time. What you need to do is just flip your circuit breaker for a minute, turn it off, and then turn it back on.

It should be good. And so I did that, and it went away. The beeping went away for one hour. And then it started again. And then I just flipped the breaker breaker again and it went away again for about one hour and uh then i flipped the breaker again and it went away again for a couple of hours and then it came back so i flipped the breaker again and then it went away and it just hasn't come back but if it does I'll just flip the fucking breaker again.

I don't care. That's all I can do. That's all I got. It was it was that was the tone I got from Jeff when I asked how things are going. And he told me about the fridge and then said, I'm on the support line. I have to go, which I don't think Jeff has ever texted me. I have to go for any reason. So as soon as that conversation ended, I immediately went back to the store and said, can we please?

We have to. Jeff is not ready for these waffle makers. We need to cancel it. At what point since the news has he seemed ready for any of this at any point? That's actually an interesting question how many times have we spoken since the news that i haven't burst into tears at least once well it's largely today's gonna be the first day i think it's been over text a lot of the time so i'm crying the whole time that yeah that's fair but i got it we've thankfully got that order taken down so you're there's no

it's all gone if you you are looking in the store for waffle maker or a clock there will be one available if not already then soon the reason in that moment I said I had to go is because I had to focus on what the lady was about to tell me because if what the lady was about to tell me was in any way bad, I was probably going to snap and lose my mind. And then I was just going to start.

I don't know what would have happened. But I needed to focus on that. So I had to be like, I had to sever personal relationships for what was about to happen. And then it just didn't happen. So that was cool. That was cool. Either way.

I made the right read of, I need to kill these waffle makers as soon as possible. Something was gonna get killed and I'm glad it was the waffle makers. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You have a lot of relationships in your life and friendships and work relationships and things like that. And I think they're all, you know, difficult, but there's a lot to be proud of when you have friendships that last. You know, I have friends that I've had for 20 plus years that I'm really proud of and everything. And it always takes work, right?

It's always difficult no matter what kind of relationship it is. And a common misconception about relationships is they have to be easy to be right. But sometimes the best ones happen when both people put in the work to make them great. Therapy can be a place to work through the challenges you face in all your relationships, whether with friends, work, your significant other, or anyone. BetterHelp is here for you guys. You've heard us talk about BetterHelp for a long time. I know a lot of people who are in therapy, a lot of people who have gotten the help that they need through being matched not just with a therapist, but with the right therapist. And I think that's fantastic. You know, it's helpful for learning how to cope, not just with yourself, but again, in your relationships and everything like that.

I think it's great. I think no matter the trauma that you're going through, big or small, I think everyone experiences something. And I think it's great for anyone to try therapy. And what better way to get it than BetterHelp? If you're thinking about giving therapy a try, why not give BetterHelp a try? It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist

or switch therapist at any time with no additional charge. I think that's really important is it's not just about finding someone who will listen. It's someone that'll help you with the skills that you need and help you grow the relationships that you have. Become your own soulmate, whether you're looking for one or not. You can go to BetterHelp.com slash face, F-A-C-E, today to get 10% off your first month.

That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash face. This episode is also brought to you by Cosmic Crisp. Really? It's also brought to you by Cosmic Crisp. Really? It's really brought to you by Cosmic Crisp. I mean, that's fantastic. It's the number one apple in the world, according to us. So I think it's very important for you to get to know your favorite regulation, Apple, the Cosmic Crisp.

If you know, you know, if you're listening to this, you definitely know. It's a classically bred cross of Honeycrisp and Enterprise varieties, and it's non-GMO. Cosmic Crisp apples pack a flavor that's a perfect balance of sweet and tart, making them versatile for all the ways that you want to enjoy apples. We baked with these apples. That'll be coming out later. Don't worry about that right now. We've eaten these apples straight. We love Cosmic Crisp, and hey, they love us enough to sponsor this. So definitely give them a shot. We love Cosmic Crisp. And hey, they love us enough to sponsor this. So definitely give them a shot.

Try a Cosmic Crisp on your own and let us know what you think. Born and bred in Washington State after 20 years of research and development at Washington State University, the Cosmic Crisp is the official apple partner and sponsorship of the F*** Face podcast. You can learn more and get get recipes. Right now. At Cosmic Crisp. Dot. Com.

You can also follow. Cosmic Crisp Apple. On all social media channels. They want to hear from. F*** Face fans. They have a lot of interaction. With them. I love the Cosmic Crisp.

I love what they've done for us. I love that we have an official. Apple sponsor. Thank you Cosmic Crisp. For coming through. And helping out F*** Face when we need you the most. We appreciate you. I was going to say

the other thing. My last point on this, which adds to the chaos, I forgot to mention previous, and not to alarm people, but the company, in fact, is closing. The day that the news came out,

I was set up on my new phone. So we talked about my history of my Umi Digi, my alarm going off. I had to get a new Umi Digi and I got the Umi Digi Bison. So I got a powerful new phone that I was very excited about. How much was this phone?

A hundred dollars on sale. Is this the phone that wouldn't let you respond in the group text well that's that's what i'm gonna get to you i just set this phone up and then the news comes out that the company's closing and immediately i want to go to the group text just to be like i i love you guys and none of my texts will go through um and i think it's because i recently got a text saying that if your phone is iphone 6 generation or older and i wasn't sure when the umidigi bison came out uh we will no longer support group text that individual texts will work but group text will not so i can look in the group group text chat and see what you all are saying and i think i can like put an emote on messages but i couldn't write anything and it was just a disastrous time to learn that your phone

does not work in a group text setting it was awful andrew made me his stenographer so he would text me what he wanted to say to the group and then i would text it from andrew and then i thought this is a long-term problem. But thankfully, you know, the Umidigi brand, one of my many favorite things about it is you have to manually set up your mobile network, which I'd never had to do before by like adjusting APN settings. And I guess I had done it correctly

to enable the ability to use mobile data without a Wi-Fi connection, but I didn't set up the texting aspect of it correctly. So I went back in and I was able to fix it. I'm now back in the group text, but it was just the worst timing to not have access to a group chat, especially one that you could see. I kind of felt like Matthew McConaughey behind the library in Interstellar at the end. He's like yelling at the wall like I could see what was happening but I couldn't

interact with anybody it was a theory on your screen and all our watch hands and wobbly I'm just thumping on the bison and it's yeah wouldn't work but I'm I'm excited my cameras worse than before it's Is it lower than 50 megapixels? Yes, it is. It's a lower camera. Does it say Umi Digi on it? It does not, sadly. That was the first thing I tested. I really wanted it to say Umi Digi Bison in the bottom left. It doesn't. There's no watermark.

You know, if we ever get to a point where, or I shouldn't say if, when we get to the point where we're making merch again, we should do a coffee table book of Andrew's Umidigi photos that we collect throughout the history of space. Like lovely, high-quality cod gloss. Like, yeah, huge gloss.

I think like the nicest coffee table book you have that somebody, it's like 125 bucks, and you feel stupid that you own it, but you wanted to put something on your, you know? And it's like art you don't even really understand you just want to look important but inside it's just fucking pictures of ping pong balls blown up with the umidigi logo on the bottom left i feel like we could do the entire photography of face like jeff's yeah like sideways blurry pictures are there too that'd be that'd be. Let me get a preview for you. I just took a photo right now. My screen.

What our book would look like. This fucking phone sucks. Speak one piece of shit phone this is. What the fuck? I'm going to send him a new one. While he's doing that, please don't.

Please don't send him a new one. This is perfect. He needs to be able to talk to us though. While he's doing that, please don't send him a new one. This is perfect. He needs to be able to talk to us. He figured it out. He set up his mobile APN network, and now he can talk to us. He put an eagle emoji in there. He hacked UbiDigi so he can talk to us. It's fine. While he's trying to figure out how to send that,

I had an idea for a book I wanted to talk to you guys about. Not the idea I just had right now, but a previous idea that I had. I don't know if you guys have been paying attention and by you guys I mean face crew, but I'm back on that fart game. I've been recording a lot of farts lately. Been sending you guys a lot of farts.

Can I play the one I got last night? Yeah, sure. Not my best work. That's pretty good. yeah sure not my best work the other one I had the other day was a lot wetter I played it in bed and Meg was next to me and she was just like and then she was like that wasn't his best I gotta work on it I didn't have any farts in me this morning I tried but anyway

I was I've been sending you guys farts, and I've been kind of just really enjoying the whole recording fart process again and the whole thing. And I got to thinking, wouldn't it be cool to release an audio book called A Thousand and One Farts? And it's just a thousand and one of my farts?

It's going to be people listening to the first 45 seconds going, okay, and then turning it off. No one's going to listen to a thousand farts. Sure they will. Who's going to leave that on? I will. It won't be a thing. It'll be like, it's like maybe,

how long does it take you to do a thousand? It's a short book and it's just a fart a page. And it would be funny if I also sold an Amazon Unlimited version that's not audio. And then I just write out what a fart a page. And it would be funny if I also sold an Amazon Unlimited version that's not audio. And then I just write out what each fart sounds like. Do you think you can take your written farts and get Stephen Fry to narrate it? Yes. Yes.

Yes. So we'll have it. So what we would have to have is the we'd have to have the written book adaptation of the audio book then translated into audio. I really like the idea of it being a physical book where you read it and it's just the text of the noises. We've got Andrew's picture. Might want to clean the lens.

No, it's clean. That's a clean lens. You sure you didn't drop milk all over it? No, I'm positive. Did you maybe rub Vaseline on the front of it? Oh, no, the bison is clean. Don't you worry about that. That looks like it's from so many years ago.

I also heard Eric and Nick's time travel bit, but it was at the beginning of the episode. Where did it need to be? It needs to be right in the middle, like you're interrupting the episode for the future. You just came in at the start. Why was it from the future if it was at the beginning? That's as close as we could get with time travel.

We could only get, we just, we could get near the the episode and so that's as close as we could get i fucking loved that you guys did that because i had completely forgotten about that and when i heard it i went what the fuck are they oh good for them and then i thought exactly what gavin thought why are they from the future right now? Why would they put them? Again, I want to reiterate that it's an inexact science, as Nick says. When you're time traveling, you can get close. It's the thing where in Time Cop, you can't touch yourself or you become a monster or whatever. It's just sort of like that.

Why don't next time you try and get on the other side of the intro music? We can try, but again, no pinpoint. You know what? We'll try before our next merch drop comes out, and we'll see where we can land. Gavin, I'll be honest with you. It might be at the beginning again. It's not up to us.

It's not up to us. It's just the way this happens. I feel like Nick was really working hard to keep the time portal open. Yeah. Yeah, he was. The best part of it was just every like 10 seconds, Nick would just be like, ah!

That's so good. You guys were wonderful. That was awesome. Yeah. Two out of 10 for placement, but 10 out of 10 for placement. That's a 12. That was awesome. Yeah. Two out of ten for placement, but ten out of ten for bad luck. It's not on us. That's just where it landed, man.

Hey, that's a 12 out of 20. That's not bad. That's not bad. Yeah, and it's not very good either. Hey, can I... All kidding aside, and by the way, I'm serious about the 1001 Farts book, so please don't let me forget. I do need to record 1001 Farts. You got a lot of work today. the way, I'm serious about the 100,000 and 1,000 farts book.

So please don't let me forget. I do need to record 1,000 and 1,000 farts. You got a lot of work today. That's like, that could take you longer than Andrew's 20,000 things. It might because they're not all, you know, I would say one out of every four farts is ebook worthy, you know? So I'm going to have to fart out. I'm going to have to record 4,000 farts to get 1,000 and 1,000 good farts. And think of the amount of piss

that you're gonna have to sift through. Yeah, that's a lot of piss, too. Maybe I should just start recording my shits and then try to connect all the farts. No. They won't know. Please know. You'd probably be pretty splattery.

Anyway, speaking of something serious for a second, though, I know, as Andrew mentioned, Rooster Teeth's closing down uh that's not the only serious thing that's going on right now there's uh gavin i i'm i uh as a as a as a friend i'm pleading to you let me know because i know you know you're british where the fuck is kate middleton what's going on i'm, I just can't divulge that. You just don't have the right passport. Nobody's seen her since December 25th, Gavin. What did they decide? The picture of her was a load of bollocks or? The picture of her with the kids was a load of bollocks.

It's heavily photoshopped in a lot of weird ways. There have been, dude, I have fallen down the, it's actually helped keep me sane. I have ignored my rooster teeth pain by watching one million TikToks about Kate Middleton. It's all I do now is I just, I've, and then when Emily gets home, I give her reports. It's, it's, it's, I think that the, the one of her and the three kids from Mother's Day is heavily photoshopped. People are pretty sure that the face is from a 2016 vogue cover uh the

outfits that all the kids and her are wearing are identical outfits to when they were uh at a like doing like a food kitchen like three weeks earlier and they just looks like they photoshopped the color of her sweater to be black but they don't even make that sweater in black they only sell it in uh bone and camel. Do you think it's a little bit creepy, the amount of time people have spent on this, though? Yeah, but what else are people going to do? The world's on fire, man.

You gotta get into something. And if these people don't do it, then the royal family gets away with it. Here's the facts, dude. She hasn't been seen since December 25th. December 28th, an ambulance is seen leaving the residence and they've never divulged who was in it or what was happening.

Then she and William, right before December 25th, announced that they're going to go on a spring trip to Italy and then in January they go, oh, by the way, she's going in for a routine stomach surgery. Why would she schedule a trip to Italy if she was going for a routine stomach surgery? And then their nanny quit in the middle of it and she's going in for a routine stomach surgery. Why would she schedule a trip to Italy if she was going for a routine stomach surgery?

And then their nanny quit in the middle of it and she's Spanish. And then the Spanish journalist came out and said that she had an inside source from the house who said that Kate Middleton is in a coma. And then Kensington came out and said, that's not true. And then the journalist doubled down on it.

What about that? What about this whole thing about whether Prince William has been, or I'm sorry. Yeah. William has been having an affair with their next door neighbor who apparently likes to peg him. What about that? What about their friend Kincaid who just committed suicide by shooting himself in the head when nobody in England even has a gun? What about that? And then Camilla didn't go to the funeral.

Only William did. And then when it was announced that Charles had cancer, even Harry came back to spend 45 minutes with him. But William hasn't even issued a public statement. And fucking Kate Middleton was in the hospital for 14 days. And William only visited her once on day three. And then Prince King Charles visited her once on like day eight and her kids and other family didn't visit her at all. What the fuck?

And there's more. I'm stopping here because I could go forever. Previewing here first, Jeff's. What about that new podcast on the Midlife Crisis Network coming to you soon. I want to show Jeff of you just yelling, what about that? I'm telling you, this Kate Middleton

shit is sinister. Sinister. I don't give a fuck about the royal family. I've often wondered if there's a scenario. I don't give a fuck about the royal family. I care about Kate Middleton. I don't want to see her go the way, I care about Kate Middleton. I don't wanna see her go the way of Princess Diana. You just want it to be alright? Yeah, I just want her to be

safe. I want her to know she's fine. I don't want her to get fucking knocked off in a car somewhere. I hope she just pops up in six months and it was all for nothing. Me too. My point is that I will never care, is what I've learned from this conversation. There is no amount of intrigue or mystery

around the royal family can make me care about anything to do with the royal family. I am just immediately checked out. Well, it's good that you have a friend like me, Andrew, because I care enough for both of us. You can carry that care for us. I'm on it. I fucking

wear it. It's a badge of honor. I care. How is Jeff the most invested in this when Gavin, this is your royalty and Andrew, this is also sort of your royalty. Isn't Canada still connected? Sort of. Come on, man. It's the story of this podcast, dude. I always care a little more. They're on

the money. Is that right? Oh, yeah. Big time. I don't know. I just feel like her privacy is all gone and it's weird. It is a strange line. I agree, but people just want to know she's okay. They could issue some sort of a response.

What if she's not okay? Then what are they supposed to say? But people want to know. Why are they covering it up? Why are they hiding it? What if she's dead? Well, I'm sorry. It's TikTok. What if she's unalive? Jesus.

If you haven't heard, please calm yourself. The company is unalive. I don't want to alarm anyone. I gotta focus on something other than the dumpster fire of my life. So the Kate Middleton thing, it's just hitting that spot for me. I think my house was waiting to hear the news that I was no longer employed

and it's just decided to shit itself. Well, you say that. You've had a fungus. You've had a fungus growing on the side of your home. Well, I've always had my fungus and my slime. But now my disposal in the sink is packed up. Doesn't go. And about once a week at exactly 3 a.m.

And I don't know why this is. A different smoke detector starts beeping. It's like all the batteries were put in at the same time. And now they're all running out one by one. But they only run out at 3 a.m. If someone understands how the frickin' hell that is possible, please let me know. It's always three.

Like, exactly three? It'll take 10 minutes. But it's always just like, here we go again, and now I'm up a ladder at 3.15 in the morning, trying to not fall off mainly, and then also try and change a battery. Why don't you... This is a life pro tip I read on Reddit that I don't follow myself, but I feel like is a good one. Why don't you just change every battery at the same time when one

chirps, and then you'll know they're all fresh? Because it's 3am, and I just want to go back to sleep, and then the next morning, I think, oh, it's going to be a while. Waste of batteries? How's it a waste of batteries? I don't think it's a waste of batteries at all, because I do the same thing. Well, Gracie says... Well, because what if some of them are good? And then you're just wasting the rest of the good battery.

Dude. Well, I think because it's been so many years, they're all not good, I think, is what's happening. Hypothetically, but they could be prematurely replaced. Gavin, do you love getting all this advice from people who do not follow any of this advice themselves? Or you just... Every time I have to change a battery,

for me, it's the smoke alarms, but also it's my home alarm system, you know, like the glass break sensors and stuff. You have to change the batteries on those. And there's like, I don't know two like a billion of those in my house and i'm constantly hearing something chirp and having to go be like oh glass break sensor in the bedroom fix that and then think i should just change them all right now and then i go nah fuck it i don't need to do that and then i'm you and four days later i'm doing it again constant i also i didn't have a

nine volt i just never have those so i'm rummaging around trying to pull them out of other shit pulled one out of the uh the keypad of my safe that's why you get the battery caddy like i've been saying i have one it's just empty on the nine volts oh wait mine too the alarm and nick's voice oh no i found that on my uh disposal as well i could there's like a like a bolt underneath so i can put a wrench on and like manually turn it to try and grind up all the the stuff and i turned it and it went because there's clearly something stuck in it and then that got stuck and then the wrench got stuck on the bolt so at the moment it's uh at the moment i just have to make sure i leave it unpowered in case i forget and turn it on and it wings a wrench I uh I had a I have a new badge of honor

Jeff I don't know if you've ever accomplished this Gavin doesn't do ads I had an ad scrapped It's the first time Nick shut down one of my ads He said it was not it was not clear Oh he made me He made me redo an ad have you ever had to redo an ad,

Jeff? I've had to not redo an ad before it came out, but the company has had to apologize and do make for ads that I've done that were released. I was, it's over now, so I don't care. I did an ad. We did a video for Fortnite when it came out

that they were not happy with. And we had to do another video for Fortnite and I was not allowed by Epic to be in the video. And was that before Fortnite was Fortnite? It wasn't Battle Royale yet. It was just like some... Yeah. It was the zombie thing. It was like a horde mode. Yeah. Remember this

one? Yes. Fucker. Devil May Cry 5. I got in trouble for that one too. yeah it was the uh the zombie thing it was like a horde mode yeah remember this one yes fucker devil may cry 5 i got in trouble for that one too what happened with that one it's the best ad read of all time and it was dragging and so fucked and they're like you have to do it again we have to do a make good for this it was it is the ad that everyone points to like man ad should be like this you know who doesn't feel that way companies yeah that was why we just get them approved before they go was that was it live yeah it was at the sunshine room uh downtown uh it was like i mean jeremy got super drunk. Yes, everyone got fucking hammered and then it was just that thing

and then me. Somebody filming me falling apart because I was producing that show at that time. Maybe some companies need to do some research over the idiots that they're hiring though. A hundred percent agree with you Gavin. A thousand percent and that's why we have

a lot to figure out in the coming months. Well, anyway, welcome to the club, Andrew. Thank you. What did you do wrong? Well, yeah, I think in my defense, I think I'm in the right on this scenario. I think this is a mistake anyone would make.

You think Nick's in the wrong? What? No, I don't think Nick was in the wrong to make the decision he made, but I think that anyone in the wrong uh no i don't think nick was in the wrong to make the decision he made but i think that anyone in my position would have also probably made the same mistake assuming you didn't fully read the copy ahead of time um you get the copy and what i typically do it was for a company that uh we've never had an ad from before and so i was scanning it mainly to find

the sections where they're like improvised in this section or like what the demands are for reading this thing but I didn't read like every single line how far drilled into the safety deposit boxes of payday were you when you were scanning through this this was can't blame payday on this one but uh essentially it was for a deodorant company and there's some line about do you want to smell like a zero and i went on this monologue about how you don't want to be there's no scenario in which a zero is good outside of maybe golf but even golf is like you want to be minus so that's not great or maybe like debt owing is a scenario in which you'd want to see

zero but outside of that nobody wants to be a zero and then i continue to read through the copy and at about the middle point of it there's a section about how people that use this deodorant then scored a a smell like a a smell level of zero compared to other people who after using this deodorant for X amount of time smelled like a six on the smell scale and that you want to smell like a zero, not a six. So I realized that the thing I was shitting on at the beginning of like, you don't want that.

Nobody wants to be a zero. And then the copy said, so don't you want to be a zero? And I had to I had to pivot and say disregard everything I said previous to that ignore that you want us you don't want to smell like a six be a zero why did you just go again why do you just edit what why do you do everything is a wanna because I don't know how to I don't know that we're allowed to edit i keep forgetting that that's the thing that we could do so i what are you talking about what the fuck does that mean and i feel like it's helpful to nick if i do one or so i tried to do every single ad read i do

what about what you did is helpful to nick? Well, I thought it was funny. I thought it played well. And I thought maybe I recovered in the back half. So I let Nick know that that's what happened. And then I didn't hear anything for a day. And I thought, I guess that's fine. I'm excited for that ad to come out. And then he said, I just listened to it.

You have to do it again. I think there will be a request for a do-over if you don't. Well, first off, for the record, Jason Tatum is jersey number zero. to it you have to do it again i think there will be a request for a do-over if you don't well first off uh for the record jason tatum is jersey number zero and i'd be proud to be a number zero because he's a top 10 nba player yeah i didn't know that and uh second that's you just do multiple takes and then however bad of a job you did is how hard you have to apologize to nick or whoever's editing it at the end of the video that's how i do it I just go geez I'm really sorry about this one good luck and I just it was especially bad when I first started doing ads it would take me like 45 minutes to do an ad it's because I just delete them yeah

and then I'd start over especially if you get in if you I don't know if you do this thing but if I do it like mostly right the first time I'm okay but if i stumble over something and then i stumble over that same thing again i'll fuck it up 86 times before i can get it right but andrew say you nail the first half and you flub it you just flub lord the second half why wouldn't you just go to where up until where you were nailing it make a cut there and just go from there because then nick would have to make a cut and correct why don't you make the cut i don't know how we just stop recording go back find out where you where you nailed out wait so you're saying instead of scrolling all the way to the beginning and deleting it just scroll to where the flub was and then delete that part oh i never right that's what you just

described as editing yeah it's harder when you do the ad, because I do ads on my channels, and I do them on camera most of the time, so I often do have to go on a nice run. You know what? Unless I'm hiding with B-roll, but yours is audio. These are the kind of efficiencies we're going to need to be working on

in the coming months as we transition to the new thing. Yeah, we need like a training camp and a combine to really get this. We need one of training camp and a combine to like really get this. We need one of those RNC. We need to go to West Virginia for the weekend like the RNC and have a fucking powwow or whatever. You want to be like the RNC? Well, that's what they always do.

They always have those like. No, I don't want to. I was making a joke. I'm just saying you're the one that said it. I just read it in the news right now. They're having trouble because dickhead Mike Johnson can't get anybody to go with him to fucking West Virginia. Because A, all the dumbass Republican senators in Congress people hate each other because they all suck. And then B, nobody wants to go on vacation together to West Virginia.

I just was using it as an example. I'm excited to be hands on with you guys going forward and learning all the things that I'm doing wrong in my day-to-day. Advancing my process. Because it is... Me too, actually. I don't think that's something to be learned. No, I just learned it, so I disagree. I don't know how else to describe what I...

You just told me something I never thought of. I've learned a new thing I can do. I've never done that. It would have never occurred to me. I don't know. I really need to just spend the day with you and watch your life. I wonder how many inefficiencies there are between you just going to the grocery store.

Do you know about bags? Yeah, bags are great. I love bags. That's how they get their milk. It's not a thing that happens where I live. I had an unbelievably dumb moment one of the more embarrassing ones i've had in recent in a recent time where for some reason my brain is trained that if if somebody has to do a thing then i have to follow the same rules that they

are currently following so my partner has had a really sore throat for the past few days and can't talk and we like to play connections at the end of the day. It's like a group game that we do. I don't know. Are you familiar with connections? How's it one? Yeah, I play. It's a it's a New York Times game where you get sent a list

of like it's for four rows and there's four words per row and four of those words are connected in some way and you need to try to figure out what the common thread is between each section of four so you're trying to group them essentially you should by the way be transferring all four words every day onto your list of things that would be yeah once again you are changing my life today gavin that's a great idea 16 16 examples a day so we're playing and my my partner can't talk and i'm looking at it which is you know typically we're like i think this

might be this this might be that and it was i want to say the four words were frisbee bone tennis ball uh like kong toy and i went oh those are all shit yeah i was like oh that's all dog stuff but i my brain decided that because they can't speak i'm also not allowed to speak so i i highlighted i clicked all four and i showed them the screen and i i i swear to god i bent both my hands so it looked like paws and i went they lost it and they said what are you doing you can just say dog you can speak you can talk i was so locked in my head that handicaps yeah i was like they can't talk i can't talk how am i gonna convey this i'll bark like a dog they get they got the point across though i did it i conveyed it very

well but i set them back probably because of the laughing of how dumb i was in that moment and uh i think that they mainly just said i wish people could see this and that it's not just on the show. This is just you. You truly are living with so many skulls on. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't know why it keeps happening. I just live.

So yeah, it's just Andrew or skulls on his why. I don't know why it keeps happening. Andrews lives so. Yeah, it's just Andrew Oskar's on his ass-o. I am ass-o. An absolute ass-o, for sure. I had an interesting brain thing the other day. It's funny you mentioned that. I don't think this is an embarrassing or stupid thing like you, but I wanted to bring it up because I wanted to see if you guys

have ever experienced anything like this. I've been, you know, it's no secret I've been looking at houses in Michigan forever. Not making any concrete plans right now or anything,

but I'm always just like looking. It's become like, kind of like my Kate Middleton obsession. It's, I've just, you know, I just like,

it's a good way to pass time, idle time, looking at whatever houses are for sale. And I was just trying to think about like a house that i like a kind of house that i would like and i was uh i was trying to explain it or i was trying to i was trying to search it and i was trying to think of uh like key keywords for the this kind of house that i wanted and it had this like wraparound porch and i was trying to remember i was like oh there's this house i remember seeing once and it had this yeah it had this porch I really remember liking it and it was in the yard and I could remember like I remember where the car was in the yard but I was having trouble seeing part

of the house I don't remember what it was like the upstairs or something in my head and then I was thinking about it and I was like where the fuck was that house how long ago was it that I saw it and I realized it was a house i read about in a book and i've never seen the house but i guess i am i liked it so much when i read the book it left such a distinct impression that my brain remembers it as a house i've seen and a real house and i can remember the yard and the outside of the house and like like about three quarters of it i just can't remember certain parts of it because i guess nothing happened in that part of the house and like, like about three quarters of it. I just can't remember certain parts of it because I guess nothing happened in that part of the book.

But I've been thinking about this house from time to time. I realized for a couple of years in the back of my head, like it's a thing I've actually seen. And I remember it as a place I've seen or been to, but I never have. I just invented it out of reading it in a book. Have you ever done that where you remember something and then realize that the thing you're remembering

isn't something that you, isn't something real. It's something that you envisioned yourself. I've had it in dreams, but not books. Yeah. It was such a weird feeling

because I could almost remember being there. And I just have never thought about that before. Or it's never come up before where I remembered something from a book as if it was something

that I had actually seen. Were you disappointed when you realized? Yeah, a little bit. I was confused. It took me a while to figure it out. I was like, how can I remember this so well? And then I was like, oh, I remember the book really well too. And then I went back and I was like, oh yeah, it was the fucking I read the passage. It's a fucking book.

It's a fucking book. It's just a fucking book where a private detective helped a lady get off drugs and hit her from somebody somebody who's trying to kill her oh yeah k middleton maybe i guess that depends on how honest gavin wants to be with us i can't tell you anything uh my canceled ad in our slack so that i don't know if we want to throw that into the post credit i don't know can we want to throw that into the post credit. I don't know. Can we also put in Jeff's devil may cry ad? I guess so.

It's around here somewhere. At least we can link to it in the description. Also, we were making fun of you, Gavin, earlier for not responding to any of this via text and I sent you one of the better photos. That's not how I remember that conversation at all.

When was this? We were doing our Let's Play earlier today. We were playing wrestling. Oh, I wasn't there. Yeah, you weren't there. And we were all talking about how you don't respond to us in text anymore. And we decided,

are you busy or you just don't like us? I sent you one of the better photos I've ever sent you in my life. And nothing. Just crickets. Did you? Yeah, dude. I sent you a picture and I just said self ever sent you in my life and nothing. Just crickets. Did you? Yeah, dude. I sent you a picture and I just said self-care.

It was me doing a face mask. Oh. Oh. So I've been ain't sleeping good. And I see a lot of these at like the middle of the night. And then when the notification's gone the next day, I don't ever think to go back in. And it was phenomenal. That's fair.

That's fair. I figured you're also busy with South by probably. No, not at all. Not a single thing for it. I mean, that seemed like an easy out where you could have gone. Yeah, man. Why would I lie? Why would I lie? I don't know. It just seemed like a great way

to put a button on the conversation where he wouldn't keep bothering you. What about this for a button? I've got a clip. We have, but we're so over... Oh, my God. Fine. Are we over time?

You never told us to stop. All right, hold on. I've written the time down. We should start wrapping up. 3.59pm. Here we go. I'm curious if anyone else does this. I was cleaning my bathroom recently

and I have this little wooden trash type thing. Andrew said trash. Oh no. Oh no. Andrew said trash oh oh no oh no it's weird he doesn't seem so upset about that

I don't remember what happened if I did that you're not allowed to ever say trash again you have to say rubbish or I think you eat a pencil or something oh yeah okay sure throw another one on we need to face the story Do you eat a pencil or something? Oh, yeah, okay. Sure. Throw another one on. What was it?

Why not? We need the face historian. Yeah, you're only allowed to say rubbish, buddy. I'm aware of that. If we ever office together, post whatever happens, we need a whiteboard full of current rules. We do. Yes.

That's good. Can we make sure Jeff writes them out and he starts really, really, really big at the top and they get so fucking small and illegible at the bottom? We need like flowcharts. Like, did Andrew say trash or rubbish? Yes, no. And then lines. And then we need to see what's in the new bubbles. You know what I will say?

Speaking about a new office, if we were to get one, I bet we could build a whole room out of those clocks. Yeah, send me the clocks. I'll make a room for them. Give me a thousand clocks. A second home. We could easily make a little cubicle like the clock room.

Yeah. We could just make a podcast set. That's perfect. In my studio, we'll make a podcast set entirely of clocks. It'll look just like

the break shit or the break show set but made of clocks. The second little pig built their home entirely out of clocks it'll look just like the brake shit or the brake show set but made of clocks the second little pig built their home entirely out of clocks as the wolf huffed and puffed although if i have to change all those freaking batteries at 3am i'm gonna be really that was actually the funniest part to me about the thousand one clocks is batteries not included you're gonna have to pay like $700 worth of batteries. Just powering that joke is going to be a nightmare. How loud is a thousand and one clocks ticking at once?

I bet it's going to sound... Yeah. Are we going to want to record an audio podcast with three walls of ticking aimed directly at us? I really want to make this happen now. We should bring, you know what we could do? We could create this room and then we could,

we could set up a deal with police departments for bomb squads where they bring in, they bring in their bomb technicians and they have them practice like diffusing bombs in high pressure situations because the ticking will never stop and it'll get them used to it they can hear it and then they'll be able to tune it out better when they're on the scene when they're at a

bank and they really got to do it for real every every podcast will sound like the interstellar soundtrack yeah send me all this shit Andrew I maybe is it local? Where's it stored? I just looked at the store.

We don't have any. There are no more clocks available. We have three items. I mean, they're all still sat somewhere. We can get them. Let's get them. Let's get them. Right, but we might have a bunch of sloppy Joe's jerseys

and hats and foam fingers and cookbooks if you guys don't buy them on the 29th at 10am. Okay. I'm just saying. Didn't need the time machine for that one. No, no.

I'm in current time so I could just kind of drop in wherever I needed to on that one, yeah. Okay. Cool. I have a clip of Eric. Oh, shit. No, we have to go. Yeah, let's go.

We gotta see the clip. This has to wrap up. Yeah, we gotta get the clip. We'll get the clip in the middle of it. Nick has the clip. It was, uh, it was back when, remember we recorded an episode and Eric and Nick had to be in the same space in the office together to do it? Oh, yeah.

And it was, it was just Eric and I at the very end, and Nick immediately left, and I guess Nick is the one who set up the thing, and Eric was like, it was Eric and I talking, and then Eric said, I don't, Nick left, I don't know how to set

up this thing, or end this thing. I don't, hmm. I'll talk to you later, man. Bye. And I said bye, and then I immediately pulled Craig in, and i don't i'll talk to you later man bye i said bye and then i immediately pulled craig in and you don't you don't get all of it but like there's silence for a minute and then i could just hear in the distance eric go what the fuck where the fuck where the fuck is this the fuck nick just how do i stop this and left like so what i my brain immediately went i bet you he does something funny in the background like it's just gonna be him annoyed and then you instantly did it and i got craig and so i missed maybe part of it but there's definitely

some audio of you just going the fuck where where's discord where is this? Just you being confused and annoyed in a room by yourself because Nick has abandoned you. We keep Nick as the most valuable member of this team because all the rest of us just refuse to learn a couple of simple things about the process. Yep. Absolutely. Phew!

Alright, so are we putting that clip at the end of this? I don't know. We got a lot of clips already at the end of it. I don't know. We got a lot of clips already at the end of it. I don't know if we have room. Do we have room for that clip? No, I don't think we have any room. And that's the end of 199 of F*** Face. We're going to have to time machine it in then.

Yeah. We'll see you next time. What happens on 200? Nothing special because we already talked about that. So we'll see you next time. Bye. We're not stopping. No, why? We have to stop. No, the podcast.'ll see you next time. Bye! We're not stopping. No, why? We have

to stop. No, the podcast is stopping today. No, we have to stop today. I don't want to stop the whole thing. Yeah, but we're not stopping ever. We're going forever. We're gonna go until somebody dies in podcast on camera. What?

In all seriousness, the company is ending. It is coming to a close. Okay, bye. Bye. I don't even give a shit if you rate and review us anymore. Just, you know, thanks.

Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Wouldn't you know it, the gang hasn't recorded yet, so here's some more predictions. It's time to record episode 16. Albert pooped on something he shouldn't have. Gavin has a new kitten. Andrew has six dogs that we never knew about. Nick already wore the mask. Whoops, they forgot to record. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil.

All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. ideal things it's not a hobby of mine to smell bad and this isn't a rare case in which being a zero is a positive thing like maybe if you're a golfer as it will actually I think you want to be minus in golf I think zero is not the best I think you actually want to be reversed this isn't even a good example maybe debt owing is a positive zero but but the point is zero is a bad thing 99.9% of the time and thankfully you don't have to worry about smelling like a zero because mando is here to keep you covered keep you safe in a clinical study men who showered with soap and use mando whole body deodorant in their pits had an odor score of zero out of 10 after 12 hours. No odor.

Men who showered with soap alone had an armpit odor score of 8 of 10 after 12 hours. Big odor. You don't want that. Big odor's bad. No odor is good. Introducing Mando from the Makers of Lumi deodorant. Mando has clinically proven to control odor for 72 hours wherever you stink pits package

feet and beyond it's got you covered make the switch to mando whole body deodorant and smell like a zero every day so now this is a positive thing is zero i actually should have read the copy of this ad. I thought they meant zero as in the sense of you stink. You're a loser. But we disregard everything I said in the beginning about the zero and not wanting that. This is I had this all backwards. This is a good scenario in which you will smell like a zero.