F**kface - Divided Comment Leavers // All Time Loser [51]

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a fire extinguisher filled with blood, Gavin and Andrew's Halo Times bet, real phone numbers in content, and a lot of cheese sandwich talk. Sponsored by: Hello Tush...y (http://hellotushy.com/face), Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face + code 12face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.
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Starting point is 00:01:37 meals, including free shipping. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Are you guys talking about regional drinks or regional things? Because I got one. Well, the problem is I'm trying all this bullshit that Gavin is sending that's atrocious. I'm eating the Branston pickle. I'm eating the salad cream and I need to find something Canadian that I can make him eat. The problem is everything's just good or like at, at least like average,
Starting point is 00:02:15 like it's just all snack foods. Yeah. It's like, get a load of this poutine. Yeah. Canada, dry ginger ale, like the best ginger ale.
Starting point is 00:02:27 How, what a, what a terrible thing for him to experience and also just isn't different enough than like north america the snacks are just i'm searching craziest canadian snack and the first thing that comes up is all dressed chips wow all right that's not that's like the the lameness of canada the lack of first it's like we got all dressed look at us being zane dill chips, taffy on the snow. That doesn't sound. I don't know what taffy on the snow is. I know what a snowflake bar is. I don't know what taffy on the snow is.
Starting point is 00:02:55 Butter tarts, Montreal bagels. Do you remember York bars? I haven't had a York bar in a long time. It's a York bar. They used to brand themselves as like a man's chocolate bar and then oh that was that was a mistake and that's a british thing we didn't have that here but i learned about it a while ago okay where it's like this is a chocolate bar for guys no women allowed yeah that's a yorkie bar not a york bar is not a york bar yorkie york let
Starting point is 00:03:23 me look up york bar i feel like it's just york on the package also hi gavin how are you hi it's like yorkie no goes york bar uh york but if you google yeah i get barbells yeah i feel like i'm made of a stick yeah i was thinking i search york bar and it's just a lot of bars that are like arcade bars or a place called New York bar. Oh, Yorkie. I'm looking at a bar
Starting point is 00:03:52 that says Yorkie on it. So I think... They have like a no women in the O and it's like it's not for women. What happens if a woman eats it? They're not allowed to, Jeff. Not allowed, Jeff. What if they break the rules?
Starting point is 00:04:04 Nah. They would never. That's fair. Oh, Jeff. Not allowed, Jeff. What if they break the rules? Nah. They would never. That's fair. Oh, God. There it is. Is it good? Does it taste like men's stuff? I don't know. You'll never know. It's a masculine bar. It's fine. You have one upstairs? Yeah, I imported a bunch of Yorkie
Starting point is 00:04:18 about a year ago. What did Meg think of them? Oh, shit. She doesn't even... I wouldn't even tempt her with them. egg think of them shit i wouldn't even tempt her with it boy you just passed that test yeah good job all right are we rolling all around we all good to go yeah i think we started a while ago didn't uh no i don't think so but uh we can start now cats why would ape shit because they want to start did you hear! Did you hear that? No. No. Oh. What were they doing?
Starting point is 00:04:48 Oh, Smee and Q were just rolling around, like, tackling each other's heads and stuff. Do you think... Yeah. Are you okay? Is that all you got, Jeff? Are you still there, Jeff? Yeah, I'm still here. What?
Starting point is 00:04:59 He's still thinking about it. What happened? What happened? I realized I said, do you think, and then I didn't know what was behind it, and then I thought, why don't I just let you guys fill in, and then I don't want to do all the heavy lifting. So I just figured you guys would pick it up at some point.
Starting point is 00:05:13 You just thought we'd take the silence and be like, that wasn't weird, and we would just continue talking. I was hoping so, yeah. Now, to be fair, I just assumed you had tech issues because it's you. Yeah, that's possible's possible no it checks out do you do that do you ever like start a sentence to like lean into something without knowing what the thing is and then you never find the thing we should start the podcast before we start the
Starting point is 00:05:35 sentence though most of my like we started the podcast way like 255 we were talking about yorkies what that wasn't the podcast surely i'm pretty pretty sure it was. I don't know when we started, but we definitely started. Okay. What episode is this? 51, I believe, right? That means next week, the fire extinguisher... I need to... Maybe. Possibly.
Starting point is 00:05:57 You've had so many weeks to be like, I've got to work stuff out. Yeah, I do. I've got to buy things, Gav. It's not easy. Why don't you fucking launch a fire extinguis gav it's not easy why don't you fucking launch a fire extinguisher if it's so easy you deal with it you own the place you live in it would make more sense for you to do it than me what do you mean well i'm aggressive no i said well i'm getting fucking harassed about fire extinguishers we're however many minutes into
Starting point is 00:06:20 this podcast i'm just worried about next week coming around and suddenly you're like oh something didn't arrive because I waited until yesterday to order a fire extinguisher catcher bag. I know. I need a lot of things. You don't understand the level of elaborate it would take for me to set this up. I need ladders. Wood or will? Wood or will? Will is the word you want to use.
Starting point is 00:06:38 I guess we'll find out next week. I guess we'll find out next week. Do you need some chow mein? Do I need chow mein? I could always use some chow mein. There's no scenario that becomes worse with the need some chow mein do i need chow mein i could always use some chow mein there's no scenario that becomes worse with the addition of chow mein i want to see a fire extinguisher that shoots chow mein oh like pressurized chow mein that's one step up from the from the keurig with the noodles yeah if you could put anything in a fire extinguisher that wasn't for extinguishing fires what would you put in it what would be your go-to item whipped cream whipped cream whipped cream
Starting point is 00:07:10 whipped cream already comes out of a pressurized can i know it's fucking awesome and i eat it straight straight out of the can three or four times a day so imagine if i don't have to if like if i have a mega size i'm not looking for a fire extinguisher that shoots anything. I'm looking for a whipped cream can the size of a fire extinguisher that I can put in my fridge. It has a nozzle that I can... Because it's heavy, right? You don't want to lift it up. So you get it wedged in there. And then you have the little nozzle you can fucking snake it out of the fridge.
Starting point is 00:07:40 That's the answer of an eight-year-old child. That's big. That's like the kid becomes Tom Hanks. He gets a vending machine and a trampoline and a giant can of whipped cream. Yeah. How about you guys? Come up with something better than that. I don't.
Starting point is 00:07:52 Well, what do you typically put whipped cream on? I put it on my mouth, man. I just like try to fill a hot chocolate, like just top it off and all the liquid shoots out because you're just blasting it at full speed. Like it wouldn't. It's not practical in any way i love it you just have a cup that used to have hot chocolate and a bunch of brown shit everywhere i'd probably do something really disturbing like blood or something like my my that's horrifying who's blood needs well because i was thinking of something that would be weird but also useful in an emergency so
Starting point is 00:08:25 if my blood was in it what and i needed a transfusion i can be like get that fire extinguisher fill some cups but the splash would be it'd be traumatic to look at afterwards i don't think that's how blood transfusion works. I don't think that'd be at all helpful. I need a lot of blood, and I need it in me all at once. Yeah, don't worry. We don't need to transfuse anything.
Starting point is 00:08:58 I have this fire extinguisher of my own blood. It's just Vinny. Feel free. Just use it. It's so powerful. It just shoots blood into your skin. That's horrifying. I like GIFs way better.
Starting point is 00:09:09 But useful? No, it's not useful. There's no way in which, there's no scenario that's useful. How long does blood keep a depression? Okay, it is useful, and here's why. When I was in the army, which I realized was a long, long time ago, and technology's probably changed, but when I was in the army and we went through basic training, we had to get a battery of vaccines and shots, right?
Starting point is 00:09:30 Like, this is before the world was scared of vaccines again for a while, and it was like I had to get measles, mumps, rubella, yellow fever, typhoid, tetanus, all this stuff, right? And every time I had to go anywhere, I'd have to get 37 more shots, too. They'd be they'd be like you need a malaria 7 shot and i'm like but i got one through six last week and they're like well you're going to a malaria 7 uh region right it was just constant shots in the military but in basic training they used this thing that was instead of having to deal with needles and stuff they just had this gun that shot pressurized medicine into you shit like a pressure hose like it's really powerful
Starting point is 00:10:05 yeah it was like a pressure needle and they would tell you like if you move you will slice your arm open because it'll just cut through you but if you hold perfectly still it'll just it's just like a needle just like hurts the same feels the same but uh it's just like it's just like fucking pressurized so you could do something like that where you shot a bunch of pressurized blood into you all at once. There you go. I'll just put an adapter on the end of the fire extinguisher
Starting point is 00:10:31 and make it sort of needle width. Straight in. Don't even have to wash it. It can give everyone my blood back to back. That sounds perfect. That is... You've got to take it down to the fire department and get it recharged every six months.
Starting point is 00:10:43 Just go and sit and drip into it for about eight hours eric says fire i mean that's good i mean yeah it's a good one i think i'd want like peanut butter maybe jam peanut butter yeah like a thing i don't know it feels like i don't see how that would come out well it's so thick like it would be i hate using a knife just to spread peanut butter it feels like a waste for cleaning it you know that scene in in jurassic park where um newman from seinfeld gets like yeah gacked on by the the dinosaur he like hits him in the chest i assume the peanut butter would come out like that in just like thick balls i i have a lot of... I interact with peanut butter pretty significantly in my life
Starting point is 00:11:26 on a day-to-day basis. In that I have to give dogs medicine with peanut butter every day, and then I make a smoothie for my daughter, typically with peanut butter in it, and then I eat... I have my own jar of peanut... Well, it's for me and the dogs,
Starting point is 00:11:40 but I eat just peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon, because that's gross. That's why it's just for me and the dogs, so I eat just peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon because that's gross. That's why it's just for me and the dogs. So I don't taint any other humans with it. But I got to say, man, because of how much peanut butter I eat, I clean up a lot of peanut butter and peanut butter is a fucking mess. And I can't I don't think you would want it pressurized and sprayed anywhere. It's a nightmare to clean up.
Starting point is 00:12:02 I also worry how it would separate in the canister because sometimes the oil gets its own layer and you might just throw oil at someone first. It's like when Bernie would always buy that fancy peanut butter that's supposed to be better but it really just makes you work. Oh, the stuff that's like real. It's made from just smashed peanuts.
Starting point is 00:12:19 He's like, hold up a second. You guys want some healthy peanut butter? Give me 30 minutes to fucking sit here and what do you call it? Stir it. forgot the word stir i had a i had a butter churn stuck in my head and i was trying to think of the word churn and then stir was out the window man speaking of a gross food we get a lot of grief from people about the whole cheese sandwich thing. A lot of grief. Really? Basically, it's just
Starting point is 00:12:49 divided the comment levers because obviously all the English people are like, yeah, cheese sandwich is a classic basic sandwich. And everyone else is like, who would eat that cold? I have a question for you, Andrew. Do you have the Branston still? I mean, not near me, but yeah, I still have it. That's a no. He threw it away. No, I have it. It still i mean not not near me but yeah i still have it that's a
Starting point is 00:13:05 no he threw it away no i have it it's just it's not in my little fridge oh so you can't just grab it no i can't just grab it okay let me do a picture for you okay i uh i still don't i would never eat that sandwich i don't think you'd even put it in where would you rank that it's not a top 10 sandwich do you see what it says in green i yeah i do see it i just i don't know if that proves that i feel like i'm not i'm not off base it says it on the jar no what does it say oh it says perfect in a cheese sandwich there you go does it say hot melted cheese no it just says a cheese sandwich i gotta i gotta say gav you said you've been getting a lot of hate from the comment levers about it i feel like andrew and i've been getting a lot of hate from the comment levers too it's a pretty divisive issue yeah i felt like most people are like a cheese sandwich is completely reasonable how do they not understand yeah it is or would want it's mixed but there are a lot of people saying like who would
Starting point is 00:14:08 eat that but you know it's uh it's a classic i think it's a it's an established thing but like once again it's a shit sandwich it's not a great sandwich in any way you wouldn't take it in your time firstly it's weird that an opinion could be wrong but we've just had evidence of it right there and secondly i do feel like my picture my picture of the cheese sandwich didn't do it justice because i'm using just the best cheddar i could find and it came in slices like you don't usually have cheddar pre-sliced like that you usually want to just hack it off a big old block but uh yeah and i and i did put a lot of branson on i should own up to that as well slightly too much what is that pink pringles can back there with asian oh it's
Starting point is 00:14:46 meg actually just bought like 10 different flavors of japanese pringles and they're apparently all flavors that don't exist elsewhere so we're gonna we're gonna do a test a taste test ah i see whatever it is i bet it's gross yeah i bet it is hey but before we get too far in here uh so i was looking at my notes and i don't really have a lot but the biggest thing i have is i want to know what happened in the bet take it away andrew we have okay so we last episode we initiated the bet gavin gavin said that he had beaten a time i don't remember what you said exactly so it feels weird try to repeat what you said the point is the bet started and We had a miscommunication about the bet, but I have just sort of owned up to the fact that I think I'm wrong I'm most likely wrong just historically. I probably just don't remember it correctly Gavin said he beat a time
Starting point is 00:15:43 Or that time was on the board He did not tell me which one it correctly. Gavin said he beat a time or that time was on the board. He did not tell me which one it was. And I thought he was being sneaky because he had a few different times that were better than mine. And I thought it was like, oh, you got to try to figure it out yourself. Turns out he just in his memory, all the times he had were on the board. And to me, he had to pick a specific one before initiate. That's kind of where we left off with that.
Starting point is 00:16:10 My memory of the bet was that you were just going to have all better times than me so i thought well i'll try and beat one and maybe i'll just do a couple so that i knock him off a couple and then you're having to clamber back up to the point where every single time you have is better than every single time i have yeah i remember it is you picking a specific one but that's probably wrong see i always thought i wasn't even going to tell you which one. I was just going to announce like, by the way, I've got a better time. Bye! I don't remember it coming up one way or the other, but I do
Starting point is 00:16:34 remember there being some mystery involved where Gavin is like, time has been beaten, figure it out, and then you have to go and go through all the different levels to try to figure out which time or times he's beaten. But I can't i do that feels really true to me but i cannot remember if we specified uh one or more b i don't think it came that's that's what i think yeah i think that i just never considered the possibility of doing multiples in my memory i think like
Starting point is 00:17:00 technically in my head it was always just one-on-one but i could be totally wrong gavin's gonna play a clip next week and be saying i'll beat all your times but in my head it was always a rally of one time back and forth until we couldn't we couldn't beat it so he immediately beat one of the times and then i was like oh i think my best time was actually out skirts in halo 2 so andrew's like well so we had that whole thing we put we put the the clock on pause for like a day we needed judges ruling we sort of argued about it right in the middle of our uh break shit stream that was like in the middle of it and then was it later that night you continued the clock started there needs to be some additional context so we finished the podcast and i think i just have one time to beat but i don't know which one
Starting point is 00:17:45 it is as i'm downloading the game again and so as i was having a bath playing property brothers as one does right i was like i need to i need to figure out what time this is so i just lied to gavin i said hey i beat your time on this one level because i knew he had a faster time than me on this one but i couldn't remember what it was called I was like I beat it you do this he was like oh I was thinking of the betrayal or some is that what the level's called I'm so bad with the regret thank you I I was thinking of regret so I was like oh shit now he revealed to me what the time was that he had I then spent the next three and a half hours just playing the level over and over again until I beat him by like four
Starting point is 00:18:25 minutes and then I sent him a message like balls in your court because I thought that was the only time I had to defend and then the next day Gavra replied and I will say it was a very suspicious Gavid thing of first it was a message of I don't know how you got this time this is impossible let's now talk about the rules again and what the the specifics of the bed actually were which then led into our discussion of well i thought that you only had like 10 hours left and gavin's like well i think you only have three hours we went back and forth and i just can't i just accepted the fact that i'm either a probably wrong because there's a history just me not remembering the specifics of these things or b tech like i i remember it correctly but i just never covered the concept of doing multiple
Starting point is 00:19:11 runs at once and this is not a thing i considered so although it's within the rules it's just not what i thought that that was but i didn't there's no rule against it i feel like you shot yourself in the foot by lying about beating me in the other one because that was the one that i had a better time than you in well well that's why i didn't think it mattered because i was waiting for you to declare a level so once you said the other level honestly if you had said damn i guess i'm gonna have to beat it in my head i was like you faced yourself because i couldn't beat that level at that time i thought it was impossible um and so when you said oh i was thinking of this other level i was like fuck yeah it's not that
Starting point is 00:19:45 level that you have a great time in we can just do this one instead I will say that while Andrew was then working after we resumed the clock we Andrew streamed to me on his private stream account him trying to be outskirts and it was the most I wish I wish it was public but we obviously couldn't do it that way because we hadn't the episode where we discussed it hadn't come out yet it'd be just a bit weird but it was phenomenally tense he was getting really good at all the early on tricks and he would be the basically the last part is you just drive for like 30 seconds to the end in a warthog and you can kind of see by that moment, you're kind of like trying to guess whether you're going to cross the finish line in the,
Starting point is 00:20:29 in the right amount of time. And he'd be like 30 seconds from the end. And you would just, all you would see is just time slowly ticking away. And he had to beat like four minutes, 22. And it was like edging up to, it was like four 15.
Starting point is 00:20:39 He was getting close. And I think you got four minutes, 24. I did before the time you got several times you ended on 424 and the timer eventually ran out but i was honestly rooting for you so bad and you were getting really frustrated because actually i wanted to i wanted it to be a back and forth it was incredibly entertaining it was like the best thing i've ever watched on twitch it it was infuriating because there's so many random variables to that level like you can just
Starting point is 00:21:04 get sniped and there's nothing you can do about it. There's sequences and there's no room for error. I have no idea how Gavin did the first part. I just couldn't figure out where to gain two seconds in the beginning. But yeah, I streamed. New techniques. Okay. I feel like you cheated in some way.
Starting point is 00:21:20 I really feel like the game glitched and didn't track the clock stop. I don't know what you did, but you have an amazing time on that and I realize it's split time at each checkpoint So you're like running across the rooftops after 30 seconds and mine is like 10 yeah I don't understand what you did Yeah, there's something in that initial thing because I definitely have the back half faster than you do. It's just like the opening run. You breezed through the hardest part, but I did say that you were in a warthog for that bit and I was in a ghost, so it took me more.
Starting point is 00:21:57 So just so I understand, the bet is now over and Andrew lost by two seconds? I lost by two seconds. I think if he even had 20 more minutes he would have eventually beat me it i i ran until the clock ended and i also like i feel like i get some credit for streaming because in theory if i beat your time you could just copy literally the exact path i took i try to tried to be a little bit more efficient at it. I couldn't shave the two seconds. I submitted maybe five or six runs. I couldn't do it. It also turned out that when you were giving it all mouth
Starting point is 00:22:31 back in the day about how you had all these trap times, I guess... Oh, yeah. A load of shit. A load of shit. Yeah. Yeah, it was the load time. Yeah, the load times were so bad
Starting point is 00:22:41 before the next-gen consoles came out. And I thought you had to revert to close the game fully every time you do a run. So it would take me like four minutes every run. And I was so sick. Now it's like five seconds. Yeah, now it's so fast. But yeah, I was so sick. And I didn't want Gavin to do that level.
Starting point is 00:22:58 I just lied about having a time ready to go for it. Because I just didn't want him to initiate it. You're very good at the mind games. Because they do work. For some reason, I do believe you a lot yeah and i should just never take anything you say is true almost what i say is true i kind of realized that uh gavin gavin i recently watched and i know everybody in and associated with our company has been on a binge of it lately but i recently watched season 20 of Survivor at the recommendation of Andrew.
Starting point is 00:23:27 And I finished it last night and it was like a heroes and villains with like a bunch of winners and some of the best heroes and some of the shittiest people. And there's this dude named Russell who I realized is Andrew. No.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Don't put that on me. He lies and manipulates constantly, and he's charismatic about it, and you can never tell if anything coming out of his mouth is real. But I think that's not Andrew, because Andrew, I think the reason we believe Andrew is because he is mostly telling the truth. It's just the things that count,
Starting point is 00:24:01 that would be beneficial to him as a lie, is when he pulls out lies, and that's why we don't know when he's lying. I don't know, man. I think Russell used the truth as a weapon too sometimes. I'm not. I think Andrew uses the truth. He wields it like a cudgel, and he's really smart with it.
Starting point is 00:24:17 Calling me Russell Hance is maybe the most insulting thing anyone's ever said to me. No, it's not like they're different. If we are in a competition then i feel like mind games are totally on the table and that's valid outside of that i'm not you know it's a game gotta play mind games in a game russell sucks why did what up harsh he was my favorite person what are you talking about really that's interesting i thought he was fascinating you should watch season 19 then.
Starting point is 00:24:46 Okay. Yeah, okay. You only told me to watch season 20, so I watched season 20. I knew it was on Netflix. Well, it's just you were talking about when to get into Survivor, and I feel like modern Survivor
Starting point is 00:24:55 really starts season 19, season 20. Everything before that doesn't really matter for the next 20 seasons. So now that you've lost the uh the halo times bet again what what is that was that a double or nothing on the pencil i don't we don't even know what the terms were uh eric what are the chances you remember there's no way i think it was double or nothing but i don't remember definitely it was a double or nothing bet we should find out how much financially i owe you at this point as well like it might be
Starting point is 00:25:25 another it's either another 500 on top of the one that you were gonna put in a safe or it's two pencils i can't remember it was two pencils so this actually brings up something i kind of wanted to talk about today uh which uh is a good segue for this uh there was a lot of like on the fly like otf judging going on during this uh this 24-hour period it sounds like and you guys were kind of scrambling and then also on top of that andrew and i were talking about some ideas for new face ancillary content auxiliary content yesterday and we came up with an idea together for a show that would be a pre-recorded show probably wouldn't work for the break shit stuff uh but it would require judging and in my head i thought oh we'll just have gavin do the judge but then that takes you out of the competition
Starting point is 00:26:13 even though it's a two-person competition i don't want you to never be able to compete and so it got me thinking what if we uh vote and nominate an official face judge much like you nominate a judge to the Supreme Court, except it's not a lifetime appointment. It's for a period of time, like a year. And we'll say, like, what if we like I would nominate Eric and then we make Eric the official face judge. And then that's Eric's job is to is to monitor and moderate and keep up with all these bets and all things that need a judging. And then he's the arbiter of all of that information. So anytime we need something, he's got it.
Starting point is 00:26:48 Seems like it'd also be a good job for a superfan. I agree. Do we have any? No, not currently. To my knowledge, we are currently superfans. We have a lot of fans. There's a lot of comment leavers. We're looking for a new superfan.
Starting point is 00:27:03 There's a hole there that needs to be filled currently uh not sure what to do about that but uh you know just something to think about no i like the idea i feel like uh we could have a variety of judges i know it doesn't really solve your your issue or your point of like having somebody know everything just to source back to you but depending on uh what they're they're picking we could have a different judge based on what the theme of that episode is what like a food-based judge and like a video game yeah like if if the subject happens to be something that applies to somebody we know or we feel that they are an expert in that specific subject it would maybe make sense to switch the judges out just as an idea i like the idea of a
Starting point is 00:27:42 judge though that's a great idea as well yeah i just like i don't want to have to keep going outside and paying for it like we did and that was a whole kerfuffle you know uh with the pencil bet and it just seems like like if we could find somebody who we can just identify to be impartial and then they're always and if it's somebody who's required to come to every recording as well then they're you know uh know. But I also, I'm not opposed to the idea of different judges for different tasks. I just think that there should be some sort of, like, supreme fuck force, fuck force.
Starting point is 00:28:17 Fuck force! I don't know if that gets bleeped. Does a flub of the second one get bleeped? No, I don't think so. I think a fuck force stays in. Fuck force is its own word some sort of supreme fuck force court that you know is like
Starting point is 00:28:32 the official ruling body of all things fuck face or fluke face industries as our subsidiary company yes I want to talk about the so part of the break stuff ended with maybe the best ending to any stream i've seen jeff your child kicker psa demanding that people
Starting point is 00:28:53 relay any information i've had with the real phone number yeah with the real the i bought a number for that shirt and it's just it's tied to my skype and uh initially i saw a lot of people saying like when it was live they couldn't get through like the line was busy because everybody was trying to call at the same time i've had so much fun the last few days just having skype open and answering that that number very seriously how often does it ring uh it kind of rotates maybe like once every 20 minutes or so i'd say i get a call yeah it's great i'll just be doing a random thing and i'll have to throw my headphones off grab my computer headphones very seriously have you gotten any any hot tips any good solid intel a little bit it's
Starting point is 00:29:38 mainly people being terrified which is the best thing it makes me laugh it's so hard not to break uh when people get panicky uh because i'll answer the line like hello you've reached child kicker information line how may i help you i'll be very serious about it and then the very first call i got pretending to be a police department or you're specifically specifically yeah that child kicker yeah yeah as as we said it's i mean it's what we advertised that so like the call the very first guy i got sounded like he was high and so he calls and i'm like vancouver child kicker support line how may i help you and uh there was a pause in silence and he went holy shit it's real and then he hung up he got freaked out
Starting point is 00:30:25 it was fantastic i had another person apologize to me for not having information that was great i was like child kicker support line uh what what how can i help you what information do you have they're like oh i didn't expect this to work. I didn't. I was just watching a live stream and I'm sorry. Well, do you have any information about the location of the child kicker at this time? No, I don't know anything. I was just. I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Like, it was great. People get so nervous. It's fantastic. And I'm also terrified, which makes it even funnier. In my head, I'm like, I have no idea what to say. I don't know how to reply to whatever they will say. But people just panic and hang up, typically. So do you answer every time? What if it rings while you're in the bath playing Property Brothers?
Starting point is 00:31:12 Well, it's clearly unavailable at that time. You can leave a voicemail. Should I open it right now and just see? I don't think the audio would come through. I just clicked it. Maybe I can ask them if they want to be a judge. Next person who calls. Man, that could not have worked out better.
Starting point is 00:31:30 That's really fucking funny. I'm really excited for when the number theoretically gets into the wild. I know we're releasing stickers as well as the shirt. And the concept of people not understanding the origin of it calling in is you know what i don't like about phone like real phone numbers in content is that if you're watching it like 15 years from now it's clearly going to be something else or a disconnected line i think you should try and keep this number from now until the end of your life you want to pay for that gavin if you pay for it i'll gladly do that how much is the number i it's i want to say it's like 60 for like i have to pay for a subscription 60 a year uh
Starting point is 00:32:14 i don't know i'll look into it but yeah it's not and how many like how many more do you plan on living oh i don't you know hopefully quite a few yeah at least a minimum. Let's say 55. 55. Yeah, that'd be good. It's like, it's like three, three grand, 300 bucks.
Starting point is 00:32:29 Here's, here's what I'm thinking, guys. This seems like the perfect thing to, to, to, to wager. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:32:38 I mean, like, this is a double or nothing right here. If you guys, the next bet you guys come up with, if Andrew wins, Gavin has to pay his fake phone bill for the rest of his life.
Starting point is 00:32:50 If not, then Andrew continues not to do whatever it is he's required to do. I've never lost more than things related to this show. I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm an all-time loser here. I feel like you're losing your confidence. You started this podcast as the most confident man, and look what's happened. idea i'm i'm an all-time loser here i feel like you're losing your confidence you were the you started this podcast as the most confident man and look what's happened well it's just i've had
Starting point is 00:33:09 a bit of a run uh it hasn't been and by run i mean fall and hitting every possible branch on the way down like it has not been a smooth smooth path for me as far as the competitions go I can't do I literally cannot do another burger bet I don't have it in me it's just I'm burgered out the gaming bets pretty haloed out as well oh you know I'm back into halo now but it's just the time thing
Starting point is 00:33:38 I really hope that this is the one bet that I didn't remember correctly and and I fuck myself by just agreeing to terms do Do you want a double or nothing the double or nothing? On what? What are we double or nothing? I don't know. You're usually the one with suggestions. Oh, we'll have to think.
Starting point is 00:33:53 You know what I found? I was going through my old DVDs. I still have all my DVDs packed away. I found my old Red vs. Blue box set that I won. Completely forgot about that. I won a competition on the site to get that and jeff mailed it to me uh but jeff forgot jeff forgot to send me the prize and i was too nervous to it took him like took me nine months to email jeff about it be like hey i don't i don't
Starting point is 00:34:17 think i got it and then showed up like a week later so i sent it you did send it yeah it just it took it took nine months but But the point is mainly I used to win things. That was the thing I won as a penny arcade game race to get all the achievements in the penny arcade game. Yeah. The on the rain slick precipice of darkness.
Starting point is 00:34:38 Here's an idea. Okay. If you guys are looking for something to bet over, you want to go in? I have a lifetime supply of Captain Crunch. I don't know if you can tell. I'm eating it right now. I have a lifetime supply of Captain Crunch in my pantry right now.
Starting point is 00:34:53 You guys are welcome to. If I eat it every... If I eat it constantly, like while I'm recording the podcast, if I just never stop, I figure I can get through about half of it this time in, I don't know, 2024. So you faced the podcast, Andrew, by sending that.
Starting point is 00:35:09 Well, okay. So that was intended to be a nice thing originally. I sent you, what, 12 boxes, 10 boxes of Captain Crunch? And like all of the soda ever. Yeah, four cases of Coke Zero. It's been awesome. I'm still, I'm not kidding, dude. I carry a box of Captain Crunch around with me 24 hours a day.
Starting point is 00:35:31 Oh yeah, you were talking about... It's Captain Crunch box and his giant whipped cream. He's regressing. Yeah. Well, you sent me those McDonald's muffins months ago. I thought that was really nice. And I just randomly was thinking one day like, man, I should just, I have Jeff's address because of the port-a-potty thing. I should just send him something nice on Amazon.
Starting point is 00:35:52 It's a way to pay you back. And when I sent you the port-a-potty toy, they sent me a photo confirming it arrived. And I saw your Amazon order and Coke Zero was in in the grander pile of Amazon stuff so that was I I went off the assumption that you're a big Coke guy or that the people like Coke in your house I have been told that you're a Pepsi household I apologize for sending four cases of Coke Zero maybe the one time you ordered it it based my knowledge of like you love coke zero are you a pepsi house i've i i am in a i'm in a pepsi phase right now where i prefer pepsi over other sodas but i still like coke zero i'm drinking diet dr pepper right now that's neither of those things well i just i felt
Starting point is 00:36:38 bad learning you pepsi preference that i send you 48 cans of coke zero and then i was just like i'm gonna send you as many captain crunch boxes as i then I was just like, I'm going to send you as many Captain Crunch boxes as I could. Ten was the max they would let me send. It was a good max. And it has maxed out my enjoyment of Captain Crunch. And I think that in another
Starting point is 00:36:58 week or so, we might be in a situation where I never eat it again as long as I live. We could be entering into corndog territory here pretty soon. Oh, fuck, I got a corn dog update. You guys want to hear it? Yeah. I'd love to hear your corn dog.
Starting point is 00:37:11 Yeah, okay. So the other day I was riding my bike, maybe two days ago, and it was like a hot, sunny day, and I rode by Sandy's, which is where I used to always go and get two corn dogs on a Monday. It was like a little corn dog ritual.
Starting point is 00:37:24 Oh, it was the whole thing. It was back in the 90s, early 2000s. They only took cash. And I would go through on my motorcycles back when I had a motorcycle and I would leave work
Starting point is 00:37:36 and I'd drive over and I'd get two corn dogs and a soda. And then I would pay with a $20 bill and the lady would say, do you have anything smaller? And I would go, nope,
Starting point is 00:37:43 even if I did because it would piss her off and then she would get mad and then this lady and i kind of hated each other but i really like those corn dogs and i would always pay with the 20 and then make her break change and then she hated that because it was like three dollars worth of food and anyway it was a whole game we played uh and uh i rode by that place and i thought oh shit am i having a craving for a corn dog and so i stopped my bike and I sat with that feeling for a moment and I realized no I wasn't I still don't want to eat corn dogs anymore and then I rode my bike away and that's the latest news on corn that's the that's the latest news
Starting point is 00:38:16 on corn dogs I had a thought and then I squashed it interesting I'm still corn dogless I am I'm no alcohol no corn dogs. Maybe very soon, very soon. Maybe no more Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries. We'll have to see. How many boxes have you gone through at this point? Well, I was still on my box, my giant box of Texas sized Crunch Berries. It was a Texas sized box to hold all those Texas sized Crunch Berries.
Starting point is 00:38:45 So I was still on that for up until yesterday. I am on... Okay. I'm about halfway through with my first box of your cereal. I see. Okay. You got nine and, like, essentially a full box left. Yeah. Nine and a half.
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Starting point is 00:41:08 slash F-A-C-E. That's joinhoney.com slash face. If you're one of the billions of people across the planet Earth who has a butthole, listen up. It's time to treat it right. You've heard me talk about it over and over again, and I do it because I treat my butthole right, and it treats me right in return. I am talking, of course, about introducing yourself to the Hello Tushy's brand new 3.0 modern bidet attachment. It is here to get your ass ready. It's stylish, it's eco-friendly, it's easy to install, and it saves your cheap ass some money. The Hello Tushy 3.0 bidet doesn't just clean your butt with a precise stream of fresh water, it cleans itself, too, with the Smart Spray Automatic Nozzle.
Starting point is 00:41:49 It attaches to your existing toilet, it requires no electricity or extra plumbing, you don't have to be some sort of a rocket scientist to install it, it's super simple, and it cuts your toilet paper use by 80%, and I gotta be honest with you, you know how when you brush your teeth and you have that minty fresh feeling and you're like, ah, you don't know what it's like
Starting point is 00:42:10 to have a minty fresh butthole, but you should. It'll change your life. So go to hellotushy.com slash face to get 10% off plus free shipping. This is a special offer for face listeners. Go to hellotushy.com slash face for 10% off. That's hello to she.com slash F A C E. Your butthole deserves to feel fresh. So we were, we were going to hang out, Jeff.
Starting point is 00:42:37 Yeah. Um, obviously then the weather turned, it became seven days of storms. So we canceled plans the day we were gonna hang out completely sunny day no clouds about 31 degrees celsius it was one of the nicest days of the year so far so 31 so now it's like reverse screwing with us i don't know what's happening now yeah i don't know what to do because even that morning, the weather reports, I didn't
Starting point is 00:43:06 go on a bike ride that morning because the weather report said it's going to be raining for the next four hours. And then 10 minutes later, and then I made plans. I assume you made plans that were related to being outside because we weren't going to hang out. And then the sun comes out and it is the nicest day in the history of the city of Austin. And I was already locked into my other plans. Oh.
Starting point is 00:43:31 31 isn't a perfect day. 31 is too hot. I know you're in Texas temperature, different scale. I don't want to, what am I doing on a 31? I'm not bike riding. I love the heat. I love the heat. What is 31 normal?
Starting point is 00:43:42 Oh, I'm not a fan. 31 to Fahrenheit. 31 Celsius to Fahrenheit is 87 degrees. Yeah, it was about right. Yeah, I don't like that. I'm a cold. I much prefer cold. You're a cold guy?
Starting point is 00:43:55 I am a cold guy, yeah. I definitely prefer it. It's a lot easier to deal with when a thing is too cold. I don't think I own a jacket. I dress like I'm in a warm temperature, but I'm not a cold guy. Are you the only Canadian without a jacket? I don't know. It gets weird.
Starting point is 00:44:11 In the summertime, my wardrobe makes perfect sense. I'm always wearing a short-sleeved shirt and shorts. In the winter, it becomes odd. So you're wearing shorts in the Canadian winter? Yeah, I mean, West Coast winter isn't the same as the Eastern Canadian winter. It's not that bad. That's true. I mean, it snows a little bit, but it's like maybe a week of the year.
Starting point is 00:44:33 It's not much. It gets cold, but yeah. Just wading through snow in shorts. How often would you say you're out and about, like roaming around the town? Like Andrew Panton, man about town. Not much in covid times like let's say pre-covid pre-covid pre-co well it's like that's a different thing of like i didn't like i i where i live now i understand yeah yeah it did change yeah it was it didn't
Starting point is 00:44:58 really make sense to you what what's the latest on watching women piss like is that something you can do from your oh i know Well, no, it did. I was going to say that never happened. The way it was described never happened. I was horrified. I didn't, it was not a pursuit. I haven't seen it since. No.
Starting point is 00:45:13 Okay. That does not happen. But not for lack of trying, right? Well, no, I mean, I look out my window sometimes. I don't know. Is that a crime? I'm just trying to see what's happening out there. Whoa, whoa, buddy.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Nobody's trying to say it's a crime. I feel like I'm peeing. No, I don't know. Is that a crime? I'm just trying to see what's happening out there. Whoa, whoa, buddy. Nobody's trying to say it's a crime. I feel like I'm peeing. No, I don't know. I want to move on from this, too, because Piss Boy was a name that died and vanished. Well, I deliberately didn't say anything about Piss Boy. You just said Piss Boy again. That's the first utterance of Piss Boy in about 40 episodes. It is.
Starting point is 00:45:42 Remember Cran Piss, too? We had so much that was a great one injury content back in the day the piss really fell off evaporated it did it did yeah the grill master all that's left is a faint odor yeah um no i have not witnessed any women peeing recently i did uh what oh go ahead i was say, what's the most interesting thing you've seen outside of your window recently? The most... Fucking the old man podcast.
Starting point is 00:46:12 What's the most thrilling... I mean, when was the last time you looked out your window? Let me tell you, some birds went by. Man, what a great Tuesday that was. It's like a conversation people in prison would have. Not the weather over there in Canada.
Starting point is 00:46:29 What's the most interesting thing you've seen? Your window is so worse. It's so dumb. Not when the previous most interesting thing you'd seen is a homeless woman peeing on a McDonald's. Okay, well, the problem is the place where I lived is very soundproofed and I keep missing all the cool shit. So, like, there was a propane explosion
Starting point is 00:46:49 in an alleyway right across from where I live and I didn't hear any of it. I wasn't aware it happened. Like, there's a huge fire and all these propane tanks exploded. I missed it. There's... They destroyed a building recently. I missed i missed all of it i i i looked out my window and
Starting point is 00:47:10 i was like oh i think that building's gonna get destroyed soon that'll be interesting and i checked at noon and it was gone and i was like how did i miss this i was here all day um yeah so all the cool shit i miss i just see women pissing so I stand by my question because everything you just mentioned is ludicrous to see out of a window yeah you know what I've seen outside of my window I've seen the same old lady walking her dog 18 times a day and she waves at me every time that's the most interesting thing that I've seen out of my window huh she got a little hat on looks like Gilligan like a Gilligan hat. And she's always smiling. Just happily.
Starting point is 00:47:46 Gav, how about you? Any pissing? Any propane explosions? It sounds like a scene from Left 4 Dead. No, I mean, there's a time of year where I think it's something to do with the height of the sun where birds just keep killing themselves on my window. It's like a two-week period every spring. You'll just hear like, and they're just hammering themselves on my window it's like a it's like a two-week period every spring you'll just hear like and they're just hammering themselves in the window and there's just like dead birds piling up on the roof it's like the first four minutes of an M. Night Shyamalan movie
Starting point is 00:48:15 it's just waiting for you to acknowledge it and kick it off and I think so I tried putting stickers on the window on from the inside but I don't think they can see it i think it's just all reflection of the sky from the outside and it's not a window i can get to from the outside like i don't know i don't know how i would even get up to it so what's stick r.i.p birds what type of sticker you put on it's one of those reflective like anti-bird stickers it's a picture of a bird with a circle and a line if you put a child kicker sticker on that window, I guarantee you,
Starting point is 00:48:47 no more burgers. It's just a sticker that says perfected a cheese sandwich. I hate the cheese sandwich only because it should be a grilled cheese. That's really the basis of my hatred.
Starting point is 00:48:58 A grilled cheese is a better sandwich. Melt the cheese is superior. It's just delicious. Grilled cheese is such a great sandwich. That's my main issue. It's a delicious grilled cheese is such a great sandwich that's my main issue it's a fantastic sandwich it's a different sandwich
Starting point is 00:49:09 yeah but like what when do I want when I'm miserable and I just don't like I don't know when it's like a tuna sandwich fine tuna melt different also fine I don't like tuna sandwiches you're not a fish guy You're not a fish guy?
Starting point is 00:49:25 You're not a fish sandwich guy? No. I don't like tuna. I'm okay with some. Yeah, I'm not a big tuna fan. What's your favorite fish? Oh, man. It's going to sound so fucking pompous.
Starting point is 00:49:37 I like halibut. That's great. I like a halibut. I'm a halibut fan. So what do you have when you get sushi? I don't know i'm pretty boring like a california roll i guess it's crab like imitation crab generally i'd assume what about you well i mean i'm fine with fish it's not an interesting answer for me i just i
Starting point is 00:49:55 just know you're slipping on sushi no but at the point we're asking what's the most interesting thing you've seen out your window lately i feel like it's fair i feel like it's on the same level of question i yeah i was gonna let it go but er, but Eric asked it, so let's dive in. Why is halibut pompous? Because it's the more expensive fish. When you get fish and chips, you can either get cod or halibut. Halibut's always way more. I feel like it's an elitist fish because of this.
Starting point is 00:50:19 I feel like I'm never given the choice when I get fish and chips. It's just whatever they're doing. I don't think there can be an elitist fish in a fish and chips scenario. I can't, I don't know. Is the halibut the one-sided fish? Is the halibut an elitist? I don't know what the halibut looks like
Starting point is 00:50:37 outside of when it's cooked. I know there's a fish that's like only on one side. What do you mean only on one side? Like all of its shit is on one side. What do you mean only on one side? Like all of its shit is on one side. Oh. Like it's got both of its eyes on like the same side of its body. Yeah, it's like in Animal Crossing.
Starting point is 00:50:52 Yeah. It's a... Here, I'll show you a picture. Oh, are you thinking like a sunfish? I don't know. No, it's... You catch them in... Here.
Starting point is 00:51:01 You catch all sorts of fucking fish. Jeff, that's just... What did you just paste? What the fuck was that? What are you doing? What are you doing Jeff? Can't say it's the worst picture ever well. What is it called? That's a halibut. That's a halibut That's what a halibut looks like oh shit here, but you can see yeah look at his eyes look at his eyes Pompous isn't the word I think of when I look at that fish in those eyes. I think you're doing that fish a favor by eating it.
Starting point is 00:51:30 What's on the other side of a halibut? And does it taste different? I don't know how to answer that. Yeah, you only see it from the right. It's like the moon. The dark side of the halibut. Does a halibut have 80 eyes? How do they have eyes?
Starting point is 00:51:52 I don't think... It's a weird angle, right? The head is placed awkwardly on the rest of the body? I don't know, dude. How does a fish turn its head? Look at that one. That's what I'm fish turn its head? Well? No look at look at that one That's what I'm saying. I think it only has two eyes, but it's like it's eyes are placed weirdly like it's an unfortunate So what's on the other side?
Starting point is 00:52:13 Just nothing that sits on the floor. It just like yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay? I see so what's a halibut halibut halibut what a fucking mistake that is halibut back Can we see the back of a halibut. Halibut back. What a fucking mistake that is. Halibut back. Can we see the back of a halibut? Oh. Yeah. It's just a fish with nothing on it. Yeah. It's just gonna be plain.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Here we go. The dark side of the halibut. Uh. Here. Yeah. It just looks like a fish with a face. Yeah. It's all fish belly white.
Starting point is 00:52:42 That's really big. It's a big guy. Oh, dude. You wanna see something crazy? Do you think 3D works for a halibut. It's a big guy. Oh, dude. You want to see something crazy? Do you think 3D works for a halibut? Here's a picture of a halibut. What do you mean? This guy likes halibut so much,
Starting point is 00:52:52 he's got a full body tattoo of it. Wow. Oh, my God. Yes, I think 3D works just fine on halibut. What weird evolutionary thing that's happened to that fish? Is halibut... It's just like, man, I'm wasting my eye.
Starting point is 00:53:09 It's just looking at sand all the time. Oh, halibut's expensive. It says, why does halibut cost so much? It is! It's an expensive fish. It's a snobby fish, I feel like. Well, that must be why... That makes sense, because it looks...
Starting point is 00:53:25 You've never had halibut and chips? It's probably royal. I think I've just had cotton chips. It's every... I've never been to a fish and chip place that doesn't give you the option to upgrade to halibut. Really?
Starting point is 00:53:36 Maybe I've been missing out. You've never upgraded. What a shame. What would be the most expensive fish to have, like, battered with chips? I have no idea. Like sushi-grade albacore or something? Yeah, probably albacore.
Starting point is 00:53:50 What is the most expensive fish? Oops. What was that? What do you mean, oops? Oh, I don't know what I was typing. Did you just order the most expensive fish? Yeah. A fish.
Starting point is 00:54:06 You know that you can order singular items off of Amazon, Gavin? What do you mean? Like a screw? No, like grocery items. I could just send Jeff a potato if I wanted. It's like 50 cents. I feel like people would get mad at me, but I really kind of wanted to send
Starting point is 00:54:22 Jeff a potato every day. I love potatoes, man no i potatoes are great i think great to subscribe to potatoes on jeff i feel like the real prank would be when it ended like if i gave you i have a 30 day free trial for amazon fresh when the potato ended you'd be so used to just getting a free potato every day. Yeah, he's just counting on his spuds. And then they stop coming. He's like, what the hell? Every day by about 2 o'clock, it's tater time. Ready to go. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:53 The most expensive fish in the world, and I don't think you're supposed to eat it. I think you're supposed to put it in an aquarium and look at it. Would you like to guess how much an exquisite platinum arowana costs to own? I would guess $25,000. $50,000.
Starting point is 00:55:11 That fish costs $400,000. Frickin' hell. Oh, wait. Yeah. So that's a nice looking fish. That better be some good ass meat. Is it like a 1 of 75? What's the rarity of the fish?
Starting point is 00:55:24 It's a parallel.'s first it's a first off the line so yeah uh i don't understand it's japanese tuna bluefin tuna is the most expensive fish to eat they say okay and that's that one is just to preserve to own if you want to just look at it i mean if you ate it that'd be that'd be a hell of a meal. Is it facing extinction? Like, what makes it so rare? Is it just the fact that there's so few? I closed that link already. I'm not doing the work to get back there.
Starting point is 00:55:54 I know it doesn't make any sense, but it feels weird to me that that fish would not make any of the profit on that sale. It makes me sort of uncomfortable in a weird way. He's not getting expensive fish food to go along with it? Yeah, there should be something. There should be a fish contract that he gets compensated for the sale. It's like a fish bank account.
Starting point is 00:56:11 Yeah. I don't know what that is. I don't know if it's a larger tank, if it's a guaranteed level. What percentage would you give the fish? 40% easily. Without a doubt, the fish. Yeah, well, I mean, it's the fish. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:56:25 No fish. There's nothing. You're selling nothing. The a doubt, the fish. Yeah, well, I mean, it's the fish. What do you mean? No fish, there's nothing. You're selling nothing. The purse is not selling themselves. I mean, they caught the fish, I guess. I mean, that's something worth mentioning. I mean, hey, I'm giving them 60 for the catch, but 40% should go to that fish. All right, I agree with that.
Starting point is 00:56:41 What is the fish going to do with the money? I don't know. That's for the fish to decide, Jeff. I don't think we get to make those decisions. It's just weird. I agree with that. What is the fish gonna do with the money? I don't know that's for the fish to decide Jeff I don't think we get to make those decisions. It's just weird I don't know the concept of selling a living thing to somebody like I don't know. It's just odd. Okay, you never did Yeah, no, I understand that but when it's like life-changing money it becomes weird to me Especially for something you just look at like I don't i don't know you'd take care of i feel like it's it's really bad in a fire to have an expensive fish because what you're
Starting point is 00:57:11 gonna do grab the fish and hold it i would argue the fish is the most prepared uh i would argue it's gonna come back to a boiled fish yeah i would argue that fish is gonna boil very very just thinking that because it's wet, it's cold? No, it's fine. It's going to cook alive. You just pour ice cubes into the tank, and then you... Yeah. I'm all under the door, then you jump out the window and wish it luck. Just pour a bunch of ice cubes in the tank.
Starting point is 00:57:39 It'll be all good. It'll freeze to death. No, the heat will warm it up. It'll balance the temperatures equally. It'll freeze to death. No, the heat will warm it up. It'll balance the temperatures equally. It'll be fine. The fish is the animal I'd be least scared of having in a fire scenario. An arowana, that's a fussy fish, I bet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:56 That fish is worth a significant amount of money. It can spend that 40% of money to fuck you over at some point, too. I just want to know why it's so expensive i mean it's a very pretty fish i wonder if they're like is it that specific version of it i'll google it why is it's gonna be rare it has to be rare but like i wonder if there's a shitty version like i'm applying trading card value to this or like that's a gem mint that's right it's a logo. It's a logo, man. Let's see. The main reason why the arowana is so expensive is because the fish is on the endangered species
Starting point is 00:58:31 list and in high demand. Why are people selling them a tool then? The arowana is believed to bring good luck and prosperity. Arowana is also difficult to breed in captivity. Do not keep near fire. Yeah, I would take that fish out as a fish tank.
Starting point is 00:58:48 Bathe in ice, yeah. I would not do that with that fish. Do you ever have pet fish? Yeah, in high school I did. What type of fish did you have? I had a Jack Dempsey, is what it was called. What is a Jack Dempsey? Yeah, Jack Dempsey.
Starting point is 00:59:00 And it was like an aggressive fighting fish. So my dad had them when he was a kid, and so I had one. And it was cool. It would out of my hand it would like i would feed it i could feed it fish food out of my out of my like fish pellets out of my hand and it wouldn't do that for anybody else just for me and uh i never set it on fire or anything it uh nice it lived until it died that's great i had a family member who owned two rather large angel fish like make a circle with your you know finger and thumb or whatever it's pretty big big enough to be like oh i gotta look after this as an individual not just a bunch of fish and uh they were cleaning the tank once and
Starting point is 00:59:37 pulled out like the plastic castle and stuff clean it all off put it back in and then like a day later was like where's the other fish? There's only one. And he realized that he'd put the castle down on top of it, and it was just flat. It was flat against the bottom. He's like, oh my god, he pulled it up. The fish just got up and started swimming again.
Starting point is 00:59:58 But it spent a day just on its side under a castle, and I can't believe it lived. It lived for years. Fuck Aaron Ralston. That's the true trap story. Who needs 127 hours? A castle in a tank. The inspiring movie.
Starting point is 01:00:14 That fish must have had some severe psychological damage. I don't know. I don't know what a fish can experience, but I could not believe it lived for so long after that. It was unbelievable. Yeah, but what kind of life was it? i just was really scared of the castle i bet after that oh my god that that that fish must have had a complete and total breakdown every time you guys started to clean the tank that poor fish oh i can't do you know how you kill a fish? I mean, there are several ways.
Starting point is 01:00:48 Do you know how you're supposed to euthanize a pet fish? No. Apparently you get clove oil and you just put some clove oil in the water that it's in and then it dies. It's tragic. Peacefully. I don't know why it kills them, but it's like apparently a really nice way to kill a fish. You said that like you're Agent 47. There's a calmness in your voice of like the efficiency of you know how to take kill a fish you said that like you're agent 47 there's a calmness in your voice of like the efficiency of you know how to take out a fish without anybody suspecting anything oh yeah i just ended up in a weird side of youtube once and just watched someone clove
Starting point is 01:01:16 oil their fish because it had a tumor and it was really sad it was that is super sad yeah that's that's a that's a youtube hole you do not want to go deeper into. It is nothing but sadness. You live in a dark, sad YouTube world, Gavin. Why is that? I don't know. I don't know how I got that. I think in my head, I'd love to own fish.
Starting point is 01:01:35 I'd love to have a nice aquarium. But back before the pandemic, I feel like I just traveled too much to properly look after a pet that doesn't feed itself. It's a lot of effort to take care of an aquarium. I had when I was in high school, I had three and it was like it was like a full time job. I also looked into getting jellyfish because apparently you can get like nice circular tanks and they just swim endlessly. And they don't because it's circular that it gets that gets stuck in the corners and die. But then I read that you have to like squirt food up them like manually individually like like pipette food up the middle of a jellyfish and if you got like
Starting point is 01:02:10 15 jellyfish it's like a that's like an ordeal every day so i just didn't do it that's a lot of work what about you andrew you had aquariums i had to yeah i had i clearly wanted like a dog as a kid and i got goldfish. I named it Fluffy and Snowflake, which are great names for fish. Yeah. Yeah. Fluffy ate Snowflake or. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:35 It was not a great. It was not a great relationship. Then I hated Fluffy. I had a funeral for Snowflake. I was so sad. Like we glued popsicle sticks together and family came over we had like a whole funeral to bury my fish it was like the first pet i lost devastating do you want to know the grossest fucking thing that i just remembered about my fish it was so fucking good
Starting point is 01:02:56 please okay so this jack dempsey this incredibly aggressive uh this was that other fish everybody always had uh clownfish no uh oscar right the oscar it's it's like the natural enemy to the oscar anyway okay so uh i would as a treat i would buy him because he's a big ass fish right like he was like you know seven eight inches long maybe uh he was in like a 55 gallon aquarium and uh i would feed him other fish i'd get him like goldfish or tetras or something get like a 55 gallon aquarium and uh i would feed him other fish i'd get him like goldfish or tetras or something get like 30 for a dollar and just throw them in the tank and uh what he would do is i would go to bed i would just throw them in there and they'd be fine and i remember thinking sometimes i'm thinking like oh maybe maybe i can actually have some
Starting point is 01:03:39 other fish and he won't kill them because he just kills them all and uh and then i would get up in the morning and i'd go check on them and there would be 30 or 40 goldfish swimming around without eyeballs oh jesus he would eat their eyeballs out and they would swim around blind until he decided to use them as oh my god it was one of the most disturbing and i stopped doing it because i was just like i can't it's like carnage in my i can't take it i can't watch a bunch of because there's like eye guts coming out of them and they're just like and i just like oh so i stopped this podcast took such a turn towards the end about your whipped cream fire extinguisher that was fun that was a good time the blood fire extinguisher was better than this. Nah, it was. You have never...
Starting point is 01:04:28 You don't know what it's like to see 40 fucking... No, I don't want to be here, Jeff. ...swimming around with empty eye sockets with just shit. Come on. Strings of whatever coming out. They're just swimming around like zombies in a daze.
Starting point is 01:04:42 I found my old Xbox games when I was looking through my media. none of the discs are in the box i hated young me if you have physical media please like put them in put them in the case you will regret it later i now have a box of games i used to own essentially it's just like proof that i bought them but i cannot play them it's very upsetting what game were you looking for I was really hoping I'd find 50 cent blood on the sand but I was mainly just like going through all of my since we moved I still have a lot of my dvds and stuff in boxes that I just haven't sorted uh so I was going through everything and I had a big box of xbox games and none of them have discs in
Starting point is 01:05:19 them I did find my original left for dead if you want to get that achievement Jeff remember that achievement we tried to get that was horrible? You want to try it again? I'm ready. What achievement was it? Are you missing an achievement? I'm missing one achievement in the original Left 4 Dead, and it was what Jeff and I played the day before we started 50 Cent Blood on the Sand,
Starting point is 01:05:37 and it was terrible. We both sucked. We agreed never to talk about this. I just did a Left 4 Dead Let's Play with Achievement Hunter last week, and that game is still awesome. I would love to play Left 4 Dead with you guys. They're making that Back 4 Blood game. I think that comes out in October now.
Starting point is 01:05:54 It's the same people that made Left 4 Dead. I'm really hoping that it comes back. I'm missing so many Left 4 Dead achievements. What happened? They're tough ones. I got 46 of 65. For the original game or Left 4 Dead achievements. What happened? There are tough ones. I got 46 of 65. Oh, that's embarrassing. For the original game or Left 4 Dead 2? Original.
Starting point is 01:06:10 It's probably DLC. We gotta go back and do it. I'd love to. It sounds like a Left 4 Dead crew. Let's do a Left 4 Dead thing. Eric, do you want Left 4 Dead? We need a fourth. No, but I can get it. Alright, there we go. Eric's in. Sure. Perfect. We should stream it. Yeah. No, for sure. I think we should. I think it's a great idea. no but I can get it alright there we go Eric's in sure perfect
Starting point is 01:06:25 we should stream it yeah no for sure I think we should I think it's a great idea okay great well there you go tune in to our new show F*** Faced Plays Left for Dead and streams it are we doing a bet Gavin are we doing
Starting point is 01:06:41 what are we betting on F*** Faced I don't know Are we doing a bet, Gavin? What are we betting on? Fuck for a face. I don't know, Andrew. Do you want more time to think about it? Yeah, we can think about it. It's a good idea. Kick around.
Starting point is 01:06:56 While you guys are thinking about that, kick around the idea of nominating an official judge or finding maybe even a quorum of judges. I have Skype open. Nobody's called. No, I like the idea a lot. Just nobody's called. Can't nominate anybody. It's unfortunate.
Starting point is 01:07:09 All right. Well, I seem to be done talking to you guys. Yeah, are you good? You don't have anything else on your list to emotionally scar us? Or you want to save some for next week? Yeah, how do I erase that from my head? I mean, if you figure it out out let me know because i've been
Starting point is 01:07:25 living with it for about 30 years and i'm not fucking into it uh uh i also somebody asked me a comment lever i saw a few of them asked me for a sock update and since i gave a corndog update i'll give a sock update too uh the update is i don't give a shit about my socks anymore i'm wearing the wrong socks right now i don't care i. I got it right once, and that's that fixed everything, and now I am able to ignore it. That's not an update. That's the same as the last update. That's my update. Somebody asked for an update. That's what it is. The update
Starting point is 01:07:53 is it continues to be the same. The update is there are no updates. Yeah. Okay. The update is there are no updates. That's a redundant update. Alright. It's not new. Next week, it's a fire extinguisher. Very excited. One year.

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