F**kface - Double Anus//Hate Nap [6]

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the first time they met, having trouble focusing, lyrics,hate naps, and Andrew’s PUBG challenge. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dragon's Dogma 2, the highly anticipated successor to the cult classic Dragon's Dogma, is out now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series S and X, and Steam. Dragon's Dogma 2 is a third-person action RPG boasting a richly detailed and deeply explorable fantasy world created using Capcom's RE Engine's immersive physics, groundbreaking character AI systems, and cutting-edge graphics. Dive into the vast and dynamic world where The Arisen is called upon to fulfill a forgotten destiny across the nations of Vermont, the Kingdom of Humanity, and Batal, the nation of Beastrin.

Dragon's Dogma 2 revolves entirely around choice. Your choice, that is. From the sword and shield-wielding fighter to fighter to the illusion conjuring trickster, there are over 10 unique vocations to choose from that all require experience to unlock new skills. And character customization is out of this world, literally. Oh, and did I mention the combat is really in-depth? It isn't just hacking at a giant's ankle for half an hour while your dodge roll attacks. You can engage enemies from a distance, climb up large foes, stab them in their weak points, use the terrain and trick, trip, or throw foes off high cliffs or raging waters.

Visit dragonsdogma.com to buy the game and start your epic quest today. That's D-R-A-G-O-N-S-D-O-G-M-A.com to learn more. Let's start the podcast. Okay. Okay, you can start. Are we starting? Yeah, you can start.

Oh, okay, let's do it. Okay, well, last week you blew in before we were all sat down. This time you said, let's start the podcast and then said nothing for 15 seconds. I was so anxious to step in and say something, but go ahead, you can start now. And that's the intro to episode, what is this, seven, five, six? What episode is this? No, it's five. It's not six. No, it's six.

It's episode six. Is it six? I think it's six. Episode six of F*** Face, a podcast about feelings. My name is Jeff, and I have it's six. Episode six of F*** Face, a podcast about feelings. My name is Jeff, and I have lots of feelings. With me are two emotionally dead individuals, Gavin Free and Andrew Penton. You guys

are English and Canadian, respectively. That's how I know that. Only Americans really feel. You ever think about how crazy it is that our friendship, like, this is the only time where we could be friends in human history like just with the distance well like how else would jeff's in fucking texas you're from england i'm on an island in canada when else could we have been friends well to be fair gavin lives about four miles maybe three miles from yeah but that would have never

happened without internet it's true gavin just doesn't suddenly move to austin if this is fucking 1820 that doesn't happen we would have been born lived our entire lives and died without knowing that we even existed together that's sad gavin here's a question i would like to here's something i would like to know because i don't know the answer to this uh because i'm very old and i've met very many people in my life uh do you remember the first time we met in person, Gavin? Was it in New York? Yeah. I stood up.

What was it? It was an event for our company. At the Kennedy Center or the Lincoln Center in... What is that place called in New York? It was a screening of season three. Of Red vs. Blue, which was a cartoon we made. Which I think you cut down slightly because it's quite long you did like a little cut down and then uh someone in the

community made me stand up in front of everyone because i'd come all the way from england and he gave me a little bowling trophy that said how uh how old were you 16 or 17 and you came with your dad yeah my dad didn't come to the event because he wanted to walk around new york and that but uh i got a bowling trophy i'm not gonna let you say what the sorry go ahead guy in the community gave me a bowling trophy uh that he stuck like a doll dress on and he had it engraved with uh furthest distance traveled so i stood up and some people in the crowd clapped and he gave it to me and you on the mic said uh gavin your fly is down i kind of remember that but i to be fair i think your fly was down it was down but everyone you know everyone looked at me and laughed which is you know nightmare territory for me especially when you're 16 yeah i sat back down in my seat uh sort of slunk down so no one could even see the back of my head and uh just

waited for the world to move on to be fair there were only maybe 400 people in that room at the time it's true i've actually got that on video i got the whole thing really yeah oh my god you should put that up for the face archives someday so uh and was at that moment were you thinking this guy's gonna be my best friend someday yeah i thought here's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna i'm gonna like befriend this guy i treat it like a video game you know like you gotta get the bar up and then uh he'll invite he'll ask me to move in and then he'll hire me andrew do you remember the first time we met oh god i do i do unfortunately i definitely don't.

Was it in Seattle? It was in Seattle. And I was so nervous that I didn't introduce myself until day two. I was at the booth all day, day one, and I didn't say hi to anybody. It was a grip ball booth. And I just played grip ball all day. And I kept thinking, like, I shouldn't introduce myself. I don't know.

It's just a good time. There are a lot of people. I don't want to just be in line and be like, hey, and not buy something. It was very I had a lot of anxiety about it. And then like halfway through the first day, you were doing like the thing at the booth was a griffball tournament. You had this huge whiteboard and I backed up and I knocked the whiteboard over and it made the loudest clack. And everybody working the booth just looked at me as I put the whiteboard back and I was like, I'm taking an L on day one.

We're going to have to come back to this day two is when I definitively decided that there was just no. I couldn't at that point. I think Caleb introduced me. I don't think I even ever actually did. I was nervous. It's scary, man.

It's very, man. It's very scary. Yeah. How long had we known each other online at that point? Ooh, that's a great question. Maybe eight months, nine months. It wasn't that long. Not long enough.

We were friendly at that point. Yeah, I guess. I mean, that's a fair point. Okay, next question. Do you guys remember meeting each other? I have absolutely no memory of that. No, because it was on probably a griffball game, I'd assume. Like, it wasn't... In person.

In real life, though. Oh, in real life. Yeah, I do. I do remember the first time I met Gavin, actually. When was that? It wasn't that... It was really uneventful, and it was pretty... We'd known each other a long time.

I flew to Austin in, like, 2016. What year did Ray leave Achievement Hunter? Was it that year? 2015, I think. 2015. February of 2015. The only reason I remember that is because I booked like a last minute trip, not knowing anything.

And then like a week later, Ray announced he was leaving. And it was the week I was there. And I didn't have like, was between jobs with like no budget so I just followed Caleb everywhere he went so I just happened to be there that entire week. That must have been a fun time for you to experience Rooster Teeth. A lot.

With our first high profile quitting. I do remember meeting you now actually. I remember having known you for I don't know what almost a decade online and I remember seeing known you for, I don't know what, almost a decade online. And I remember seeing you in the post-production room, I think talking to Caleb. But I didn't know what you looked like. I realized that after eight or so years of knowing you online, I had no idea what you

looked like. And I just, I looked in the room. I was like, I don't know who that is. And then I just continued my day, probably went home. And I don't think I found out it was you until the next day. I was like, shit, Andrew Patton's here? Damn. And then I got excited.

But the first day I was, I just had no idea who you were. Yeah. I think our official meeting was you were in the side office that you had. And Caleb and I walked in and was like, hey, I'm Andrew Patton. And we shook hands. And that was it. Not much of a story. Pretty underwhelming.

Yeah. I think that was the yeah not much of a story pretty yeah i think that was the second day that's awesome hey happy uh happy fourth of july if you're listening to this it's definitely not the fourth of july unless you're listening to it one year into the future as a very very old and perfectly timed replay uh happy fourth guys i know it's a big deal to canada and to england americans america's independence it's england's favorite day we love it fuck i bet you guys do right now i bet there's fucking i bet there's not a single person in england who's not fucking clicking their heels and and fucking chuckling under their breath right now have you noticed that eric has taken to tweeting shit about us

while we're recording? Have you seen his newest tweet? No, I haven't. What did he say? He's bitching about us like right this second on Twitter. Eric, you want to hop on and sort of say that to our face or what? I guess that's a no. Yeah, yeah.

No, I was saying that somehow this show has devolved in six episodes from just not knowing how to... So you agree it's episode six? Yes, it is episode six. It's not just down to us, though, because usually, like for the other podcasts, the real podcasts that we make, you sort of say. Real ones? Yeah, you sort of say, you know, go. Or you give us like an action or you give us a countdown.

No, I tried to do that last week. And what happened? What happened last time? Failure. Failure in leadership is what happened and there's an intro thing. No, I tried to do that last week. And what happened? What happened last time? Failure in leadership is what happened. That's what I'm... Sorry, boss. Did I fell apart on this one or what? You're the producer.

I tried to tell you to go last week and that turned into a whole fucking mess. Somehow in six episodes, this show has devolved into not knowing how to end and not knowing how to start now. Like i we've written stuff out to be like hey just say this and and i've written things out for the end to just be like yeah say this and then you're like yeah great and then it turns into whatever this is to where this time i was afraid to say okay go because you said let's start the podcast and then didn't say anything.

You should never be afraid to do your job. But let me ask you a question, Eric. Since you brought it up, you said that this podcast has, and we have difficulty starting and stopping it. It's descended into a mess. Do you have that problem with any of the other podcasts you produce? Face Jam doesn't know how to end, but it knows how to start. So what do you think you're doing wrong here? You get it right everywhere else, but you can't get it together

here. Where do you think is your personal failing? You know what I think maybe is happening? I think maybe five minutes before we're supposed to record, one person messages me on Slack and goes, hey, funny story. And it's not a funny story.

It's just a lot of technical problems. And so I had to scramble, get out of a meeting and scramble to look at the rest of my week, the day that we're supposed to have off tomorrow. I'm like, all right, maybe we can record two episodes tomorrow to make up for the one that we're going to miss today.

So that way we don't have to do it next week. Because if Jeff's gone and you're like, I'll just bring, I can bring my tech on the road, which is fucking insane because it doesn't even work at your fucking house. I agree. I totally agree. Insane, nuts.

So I would think that the common thread here isn't the me of what the problem is. That's how I feel. Shit, shit rolls uphill, but only uphill to producer, never up to executive producer. FYI. Yep.

You know, it's funny you mentioned that, Eric, that I texted you with, hey, funny story, I'm having tech problems, because Rooster Teeth, our company, faced me in the process of recording this episode, and it was quite frustrating and sort of hilarious, but we got it all worked out.

And Andrew, you don't know this. I called Gavin to yell at him about it while I was fixing my computer. I would like to point out that I was in no way involved in any of this. I just received a phone call. No, I just had to vent to you. I said, can I call? And you go, yeah. And I go, okay, good.

And then I just say, here's what's happening. Well, it's because I know you're a very busy person, Gavin. And Andrew, you're, you know, not. And so. What did I do? Nothing. Most days, nothing. That's why I wasn't worried about your time.

I was more concerned about Gavin's time. But here's what happened. I was recording audio for Kevin's time. But here's what happened. I was recording audio for this other show we do that's like a mini golf challenge. And we have to do VO for it. And it's particularly difficult because it's two people doing VO while syncing up watching a video and they're short clips, maybe 20, 30, 40 seconds. And I've been having to do that twice a week for the last six weeks or something. And it's a different kind of annoying nightmare every time.

And it's usually my fault. I will fully admit that like 95% of the tech problems I encounter, and according to Eric, I encounter 95% more tech problems than the rest of the company combined, are my fault. It's always my fault.

I have bad luck and I make poor decisions in the moment. You have that moment where you're like, all right, something's going wrong. How do I eject from this problem? Or how do I right the ship? I always go left when I'm supposed to go right. I don't know what it is. And even sometimes I have the prescience to think like, something's probably going to break and I'm going to have the instinct to go left. Don't follow my instincts. Go right. And that's the time that I was supposed to go left.

Actually, it's 100 percent. I fuck it up. But so before I went to record the audio for this for the mini golf thing this week, you guys sent me a new microphone because the mic I'm recording on right now is a doo doo mic. And so and we've been having problems with it. So I switched to the new microphone, which requires like a little, like the Scarlett amp.

And it's a whole new thing. And I get it all set up. It takes me like an hour to get it all set before the recording session, get it all set up perfectly. It's awesome. I finally can control my gain and do, I'm a very happy, successfully set up technologically, uh, little boy.

And, uh, and the first thing they do is they go, hey, your mic sounds different. And I go, oh yeah, I switched to the new mic you guys sent me. And they go, oh yeah, don't do that. You shouldn't switch mics halfway through, uh, recording a show because the audio won't match, which I understand. However, maybe don't send me the mic and tell me to set it up. Regardless, I have to tear the new mic out and put the old mic back in,

which takes forever and cuts into the recording time. I go, are we good to go? Does it sound good? They go, yeah, sounds great. Record the whole fucking thing. And then I found out 10 minutes before today's podcast, two days later, they come to me and they go, hey, by the way, all of that audio was bad.

The mic was fucked up the whole time. The hour and a half you spent on Monday evening or whenever it was recording all that audio. It's all just dog shit. And I was like, but I'm supposed to record two podcasts because we're going to go back to back here in 10 minutes. And they go, yeah, you're going to need to fix that. Hop on a call with with me i go to load up my computer and it's acting slow and i go to reboot it rebooting it forces a fucking 30 minute update i have to go through the update then i finally get in fix the mic and here we are i i'll be honest your technical problems are an absolute joy to be around like you get frustrated in a way that is always so funny to me i actually have a video that i took of you on a plane once where where you were trying to untangle your headphones and the video is like

eight minutes long and if you scrub through like you can scrub from the first frame to the last frame it's way more tangled at the end of the video. Did I know you were recording, or was it like a secret recording? No, you knew I was recording. Oh, man. I'm scared because you lived with me for a long time. I'm scared about how many recordings you have I don't know about. I think you know about all of them, I think. I mean, you might not remember them because you were drunk

for some of them, but I'm always, you know, in your face filming it. Yeah. Can I ask a production question? Yeah new mic in theory would sound better than the old mic right oh 100 big time better way better why wouldn't you want better audio the rest of the way than maintained with worse audio uh i don't know i mean we were it was within the same episode. So we had recorded half of episode six. Okay. And then we needed to record the back half of episode six.

And also, generally, it's not a good idea. I get that. I understand the logic behind it. But I was literally in the recording session going, we're running out of time. Please don't make me do this. I think it's going to be a bad idea. I don't have good luck with this stuff.

And they're like, it'll be fine. It'll be fine. It wasn't fine. And now, next Monday, I get to re-record all of that audio again i just can't see anyone leaving a comment saying like this is bullshit he sounded great halfway through why does jeff sound better at the second why how dare they make him sound better halfway through this episode i listened to episode five and episode six and six was way better than five and i don't like it.

Can you let us know secretly which like when you're rerecording it, can you like slip in a word so that we know that it's from that recording that you're annoyed about and have to do again? Yeah. Well, like slip in a buttholes in the middle of a sentence or something that you wouldn't normally say. Well, I spent a lot. It was an episode that was heavy. Well, I don't want to give any spoilers. Shit, I can't. I can't give any spoilers.

I would love to tell you because I made a bunch of really mean specific jokes because I was angry, but I can't talk about them. Because even saying who the jokes are about, which would never get used, by the way, but even saying who the jokes are about would provide unintentional spoilers for the mini golf tournament. Are about which would never get used by the way, but even saying who the jokes are about Would provide unintentional spoilers for them the mini golf tournament, and I don't want to do that Yeah, that's fair, but yeah, I'll figure out something. I'll slip in something weird

Yes, look like a double anus or something that would is definitely from this podcast and not from any of Double anus a lot like I feel like that's something he said. Maybe you should say, like, good job, Gavin. Or, Andrew, I appreciate you doing this with us. Or, you're great. That'd be weird if he said, Andrew, I appreciate you doing this with us in a series that you're not in. You know, I'm just like, that'd be clearly like a nod. There's no double anus Jeff says all the time. I think it's a terrible example.

It's like, and I'm just going to use a name. I'm not saying that he's still in the tournament, but like, and Trevor steps up to the third hole. And as he lines up the putt, Andrew Panton has been a tremendous help on the podcast. We record every Wednesday and it's a, oh, and he misses. He's got it in two. Oh, that shot was a double anus. Double anus.

I have, uh, speaking of double anus, I have found out recently from my girlfriend who now makes fun of me mercilessly for it, when I get really mad at her and I get annoyed with her, which is fucking often, because she has found, she has an ability to push my buttons in a way that nobody in my entire life has been able to do. Like, in its instant. She can, like, she can annoy me so much I shut down. I just, like, I just, like much i shut down i just like i just like hug myself and i'm like just stop i just can't please stop i can't i i'm i'm glad that someone not that you finally found someone i'm glad that someone has finally found you oh yeah do that to you because you deserve that more than anyone oh jesus i've met my match far superior at annoying

me than i am at her but apparently when I get really mad at her, she says, I, uh, I say under my breath in a very, and I guess it sounds like Napoleon dynamite, which is weird. Cause I don't like that movie or that character at all. But apparently when I get really pissed at her under my breath,

I go anus. I guess that's why, like, I'm just really, I don't know. I'm saying it, but every time, uh,

I'll just be, I'll just be like mumbling to myself and she'll go anus. And I'm like really I don't know I'm saying it but every time I'll just be I'll just be like mumbling to myself and she'll go anus and I'm like so that's uh oh I love it yeah it's good to know I guess that's how you know you've gotten under my skin if I say anus to myself that's me being really really annoyed do you have an awareness that you're saying it no I don't realize it until after I've said it. That's weird. I have a, I'm a little worried about my brain lately.

I don't remember who I was telling this to the other day, but I've been practicing this thing where I'm just having trouble focusing. And so I go for bike rides a lot. You know, I go like, I try to ride about 30 miles a day on my bicycle because it's like the only exercise that I can stomach because it's like the only exercise uh that i can stomach uh because it feels like i'm playing not exercising uh and so i listen to music while i ride my bike and i will all the time because my mind just wanders and it gets annoying sometimes i've been practicing starting a song on my playlist and then think all right i'm gonna listen to this song and pay attention to this song from start to finish all the way through. That's all I'm going to do. I'm just

going to listen to this Lana Del Rey song or Nina Simone or whatever the fuck I'm or like, I don't know, T Grizzly, whatever I'm listening to. And I'm just going to focus on the song and sing it in my head or just listen along and enjoy it and pay attention to the lyrics. And if I think about anything, I'll think about what the lyrics maybe they mean to the artist or whatever. And I'll go, okay, and I'll get and then I'll look up and they'll be it'll be four songs later. And I'll be thinking about building a house in Montana. And I'll go like, what the fuck? And I can't ever get through one three or four minute song and maintain my focus the entire time, which is really frustrating and confusing. And I can't

pinpoint when I lose focus because I lose it. And then I'll go like two or three songs later before I realize, oh, right, you were doing that fucking damn it again. Anybody else have that problem? Yeah. I mean, music definitely makes me just zone out and think about other things. I was trying to think while you were saying that, I was trying to think of a song that would be a complete waste of time with like some songs have lyrics that they're absolutely pointless like i was listening to the lyrics of tom sawyer what the hell is that song about i would say anything by the band 311 which is eric's favorite band by the way is pretty uh just nonsense. One Night in Bangkok.

I'm pretty sure that entire song is about chess. Is it? I was listening to the words. There's some absolutely insane sentences in that song. Such as? Tea girls, warm and sweet. Some are set up in the Somerset morm suite. Do you know what a T-girl is?

Uh, the girl that gives you tea? I'm pretty sure that song is about having sex with trans sex workers called, I think it's a derogatory term now, but they were called ladyboys in Bangkok. I'm pretty sure it's

a song about prostitution. Okay, so they're warm and sweet. Which is kind of like a chess game Maybe you know, yeah, okay, so maybe he's talking about sort of some sexual Activities and chess because I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of Care to weigh in on One night in Bangkok. I I'm the orangutan guy. I don't know if you want me trying to decipher

the hidden meanings of anything, really. I'm bad with music. I don't listen to music. This is a whole thing. You don't listen to any music? No, not really. Just never did. Really?

Have you? All right, how about this? What was the first album you ever owned? Oh, I couldn't tell you that. I have no idea. No memory. I bought a lot of soundtracks. I bought the soundtrack for The Transporter.

That was pretty good. It's probably the earliest soundtrack I remember buying. Jason Statham beats people up while covered in oil with bike pedals on his feet. Fantastic. Good movie. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know a lot about music. It's a definite hole for me.

Just never grabbed you? Never, yeah. yeah just never uh yeah never listened to it i watched a lot of movies and games it's quite a wide range of life to never have got involved with yeah but i'm pretty deep in games movies and sports so i feel like i can make up for it in other ways it's just yeah i never invested if you if like life was a skill tree i completely skipped music didn't put any points yeah i guess i kind of skipped sports like i used to watch tottenham when i lived in england but i haven't i haven't done that for a while though his mind is not for rent don't put him down as arrogant right okay reserve a quiet defense riding out the day's events. The river.

So though his mind is not for rent, I interpret as... The other things might be for rent. Uh-huh. Yeah, like apartments. Catch the witness, catch the wit, catch the spirit, catch the spit. What's he talking about? Catch the spit? Who's gauzing all over the place? Would you rather have a bottle of piss thrown at you or a bottle of spit probably probably because of the consistency i'd say piss

oh yeah piss because it would it wouldn't slime well it also peak p comes out sterile a mouth i don't think that's a dirty place no it's ster in your body, and it's sterile the second it comes out. I mean, if it touches, whatever it touches outside, it gets contaminated by. But your mouth is fucking gross. And think about it. I could piss a gal in 18 seconds. You know how long it would take to spit enough to throw on somebody? That almost makes me respect it more, though.

Like, that person was really committed to their plan. I agree, though. For me, it's simply the mouth travels. The dick doesn't really. No, doesn't really no there's not a scouter now doesn't scare me as much the dick doesn't travel well it trapped like i kind of know where the dick is gonna go it's not like going like i don't know where the mouth the mouth can go to a lot of places the dick can't it's a much scarier place i would like you to expound upon that because I am intrigued where do you think that the mouth where do you think that the penis doesn't go that the mouth does

I mean I didn't think of it that I mean I don't know you can do food you're not putting your dick in lasagna most likely I mean someone probably has I bet somebody does I bet a lot of people you're not gonna find food in urine I would be willing to say Probably has. I bet somebody does. I bet a lot of people. You're not going to find food in urine.

I would be willing to say that there is nowhere a mouth has been that a dick hasn't. I feel like, whoa. Yeah, I'm with Gavin. I think that since the dawn of time, men have searched out interesting and new and weird things to put their penis in or on. Watermelon. Wonder what that's like. Lasagna. Hmm. Mound of dirt at a concert.

I saw a video of a dude who started fucking a mound of dirt at a concert the other day. I would be willing to guess that the penis has done more than the mouth. Like, for example, Jeff, you once slammed your penis in a toilet seat. I don't think you ever slammed your mouth in one. No, that would hurt not once that yeah i uh i that's a weird i don't know what was going on there i was like nine or eight and i was taking a piss one day and i was looking at the toilet seat you know how like in the old days now we have toilet seats that that they catch themselves as they go down and they lower slowly. But a toilet seat used to, if you just let it drop, it would drop with the weight of seven bricks and it would go slam. And you'd hear your mom go like, stop slamming the toilet seat.

And I remember I was just looking at the toilet seat one day after I peed when I was like eight. And I thought, I wonder what it would be like if I stuck my dick on the edge of the toilet and the toilet seat. And I just let it slam down and hit me in the dick. And I did it. So did you have to like get down on your knees? Yeah, I think I crouched a little bit. I don't think I was that tall. And I just kind of laid my dick on it.

And then I went, all right, let's see what happens. And then I fucking just dropped it. I didn't slam it. I just dropped it and let dick on it. And then I went, all right, let's see what happens. And then I fucking just dropped it. I didn't slam it. I just dropped it and let gravity do it. And I think it was the first time in my life I ever saw stars like in a cartoon. Like in Bugs Bunny. And it wasn't from banging your head. It was from slamming your penis.

It was a pain so intense and specific and unique that I had not felt yet. I remember everything got swimmy and there were like little starbursts. And I thought, this is what Wile E. Coyote feels. The worst part is when I was like nine or ten, I was taking a piss one day in the bathroom. And I thought, why did I do that? And then I thought, that was dumb. What did it feel like again? I thought, well, it mustn't have been that bad then i thought that was dumb what did it feel like again i thought well it mustn't have been that bad let me see and i did it again and it was just as bad the second time it's sadistic i don't know what you were expecting you must have been expecting

exactly that pain because you know you can like flick a penis or just like like bash it on the corner of something and it kills and that's no no nowhere near as hard as slamming a toilet seat on top of it yeah i maybe i wanted a preview of what divorce felt was gonna feel like when i was an adult or something i don't know but it was i i i i i chalk it up the first time to like weird childhood curiosity i cannot defend the second time i have no idea why i did it again but you haven't done it since. No. What, like three decades ago now? Yeah, yeah.

I feel like you have to do it again. Like, just for scientific purposes, just to see. I mean, the technology's changed, as you said. Toilet seats don't fall like they used to. That's true. Imagine going into a random conversation, just be like, man, toilet seats don't fall like they used to. Am I right, guys? Like, that's such an unrelatable experience hey andrew i don't mean to change the subject but you've been slacking

me about hockey and i've been ignoring it because our friendship now is relegated to this podcast because i don't want any anything to be spoiled for me so uh what have you been slacking me about for the last week can you is it? Is it worth talking about here? It's not that. It's just the NHL fucking sucks. And I hate that I'm a fan of a team that never wins. And it's nothing but bad. That's all it is. They had their draft lottery and they structured their draft lottery in a way that teams playing in the playoffs could win the pick. And they're like, here are the teams that aren't going to play. We're going to have a lottery. None of them won first overall.

The best they did was second. The team with the worst record in the league is picking third and fifth, the two worst picks they had. So one of the playoff teams is going to win first overall. It's stupid. Like all the teams in the playoffs have no reason to win. It's better if they lose. It's infuriating.

It's dumb. That sounds very frustrating. I hate hockey. I don't know why. Do you ever regret putting so many points in that skill tree? It's the worst decision I've ever made. It's one of the only times I've ever had a hate nap. It was...

When the Canucks had the second I think they had the second or third worst record in the league and they lost to two teams that barely missed the playoffs and they picked fifth. I was so mad. I just had to sleep. I had a nap. I didn't know how to handle it.

The angriest maybe I've been in the last five years. Devastating. How did you feel when you woke up? Oh, I was totally fine. Hate naps. I highly recommend a good hate nap. Does that happen a lot for you? No.

Hate naps? No, maybe twice. Maybe twice. Like that was the first hate nap I've ever had and that was just i'm so mad i don't know what i just need to literally turn off um but yeah i'd recommend it it's good i don't know how you would get off though like if i'm if i was just livid i wouldn't feel very sleepy no well you know i guess yeah i don't know it's a good point it's just i was so angry i i needed to turn off so i forced it i forced a good hour-long nap, and it was great.

Felt way better afterward. So I'd recommend. Fair play. I might deal with a hate map. Hate map. My hate map would be large. A hate nap after my mic troubles today, actually. Based on how often you have tech problems, you'll be napping daily.

It may just be a healthy thing. I don't know why. I don't know what it today, actually. Based on how often you have tech problems, you'll be napping daily. It may just be a healthy thing. I don't know why. I don't know what it is, dude. I used to work at a call center, an internet tech support call center. It's where I met Bernie and Gus and we started Rooster Teeth. And I was the fastest person promoted through the tech center in the history of the company. And then I became a manager in like less than a year. And I managed like 200 people who were providing tech support, internet tech support for five and

a half years. And now I can't, I can't do anything. I can't do the most basic of things. I got so fucking stupid. I used to understand all kinds of stuff and now I I'm tech dumb what's the dumbest solution you've had to a tech problem well I haven't used a fire extinguisher yet it's still going, it still works great

looking at it right now I'm still in a pillow fort too you're still in a pillow fort? are you ever going to live in a normal room? no that's a great question, I've been using shower curtains as like a blanket for like how long when did like three weeks two weeks two and a half weeks i need to figure out the echo thing in a more productive way it is weird how you can lose tech savvy like jeff i was a witness to you doing stuff like complex stuff at work you used to i watched you edit the podcast

once i can't imagine you even opening the program now no no no no never yeah when i like editing is an interesting one because i completely self-taught you know as most of us in on the internet are yeah i got pretty i became a pretty adept editor you know because i edited roosterteeth content for probably 13 years. And then one day we got to a point where it just didn't make sense for us to edit. Like we could record and create more content than we could edit. And there were people, you know, Rooster Teeth grew to the point where we could hire editors that were specialized and much better at editing than us, which freed us up to be more creative and to create more projects.

And the second I turned over my editing, i forgot everything i ever taught myself or knew like if i flushed it down the brain toilet in one second and never looked back i wonder if there are other technical skills that you'll never forget for example uh you are like a god of head bobbing for machinima like bobbing the heads up and down to audio i bet you still have that if you if i do i do 100 yeah i i i will go to my grave saying uh certain of a few things uh one that i was the greatest peggle player of all time well i i may not be in peggle fighting shape right now but i could get back to it. And I would do that yin yang level. Did you get some help? Listen,

you, we were a team. First of all, we, what Gavin's referring to is there's this video game called Peggle. That's a, it's a, it's like a video game for,

for board housewives and dudes like, and dudes who just like need something to do when they're on conference calls, but we became obsessed with it. And there were all these Xbox achievements tied to doing stuff and different ways you play it and stuff. And one of the hardest achievement, I remember it like it was yesterday, it's called Doctor of the Peggle Arts.

And that achievement is to clear every peg from every board on every map of Peggle, of which there are, I don't know, maybe a hundred? And typically to beat a level in Peggle, you just have to get rid of the red pegs. The blue ones are just fodder. They're just points.

It's very difficult to clear every single peg. Damn difficult. With the bonus difficulty of if you clear all the red pegs before the blue ones, the level ends. Yeah. Yeah. So, and it's quite hard sometimes to not hit the red ones when you're trying not to.

So it took us about four years, me, you, and my ex-wife of intense Pego playing, and we finally beat it. And you definitely beat the level that is my kryptonite, Yin Yang, and I have never beaten that level. I tried again a couple years later,

and I've still never beaten it. But I beat so many levels that you and my ex-wife could not beat. So you're saying Gavin is the Pippin to your Jordan, is what you're saying? Yes, 100%, 100%, 100%. You needed him to get over the mountain, but it's not number one. And then Peggle 2 came out, and I did all that shit by myself. And Peggle 2 was a lot harder than Peggle 1. And I have no idea about your prowess in Peggle 2, because I didn't see it. But I'm very confident in my abilities. Yeah, so it drifted off. Was it really harder than Peggle 1, and I have no idea about your prowess in Peggle 2, because I

didn't see it, but I'm very confident in my abilities. Yeah, I saw it drifted off. Was it really harder than Peggle 1? I think so. The achievements, I mean, I don't think that there was a Doctor of the Peggle Arts style clear every peg achievement, but some of the stuff you had to do was quite difficult. Yeah, they had some really unique and frustrating and difficult achievements in it. But anyway, there's that. go to go to my grave knowing that i'm the best peggle player in the world and i will go to my grave knowing i'm the best head bobber of all time i'm the michael jordan and uh and uh like meets uh miradonna of head bobbing and we we've got Andrew Panton who's clearly the best Garfield cut. Yeah. Undeniably.

Best in the universe. Has anybody beaten your times yet? I don't know. There are two times that have been... I had this fucking guy DM me. I don't think he knows anything about the podcast or anything. I think he just found that I had Garfield... I think I had world's best Garfield cart player in my

Twitter bio. And he messaged me like, hey, I think I had world's best Garfield cart player in my Twitter bio, and he messaged me like, hey, I read your bio, you know, and you may be, you need to change it, because what you're playing is Garfield cart two, and I have all the records in Garfield cart one, and my times are faster than yours, and I'm sure, you know, maybe you do still have the times, I don't know what you're doing in Garfield cart two, but, you know, you'd probably be trash if you played Garfield Kart 1. Fucking psycho. It's a psycho.

Did it make you want to play Garfield Kart 1? No, fuck him. I looked at his times. He's skipping. He's jumping through walls. He's cheating. It's ridiculous. Fuck that guy.

I'm sure he's a great guy, but fuck that guy. Garfield 1 is a bullshit game. Itfield 1. It's a fucking, it's a bullshit game. It barely works. He's jumping through walls. Could you imagine if one guy's like, I got the home run record, and also I did all the steroids. Here's a video of it. Like, what do you mean you're bragging about your record? You're cheating.

Yeah, it's Barry Bonds, dude. Yeah, I know, but Barry Bonds wasn't like, hey, look at all this video of me injecting steroids. He just did the thing. This guy's video is him cheating. 15 tracks. He's like, the only track I all this video of me injecting steroids. He just did the thing. This guy's video is him cheating. 15 tracks. He's like, the only track I don't have I gave to my brother. Like, fucking, you're jumping through walls. What are you talking about? You're sounding slightly defensive.

He sounds a little defensive. I'm not defensive. I'm just, I'm angry that the guy would reach out. So I doubled down and I said I'm the best Garfield cart player in the fucking galaxy. I didn't respond. I just changed my bio to be wider for how great I am. Look Look if you need to take a little hate nap right now We can we can wait. I'd love to. Can we do this in like an hour? Yeah, can we come back in an hour? That'd be great. Just let me take down my fucking pillow fort so I can have a nice nap

I'm reading your bio now Undisputed best Garfield cart player in the galaxy. Yeah, I changed it because it's like, fuck that guy. I didn't want to respond to him. Oh, you've got a f***ing face in your bio. I do. Well, why wouldn't I? That's a good point. Yeah, that's a good point. I guess I should probably do that. I wouldn't think to put, like,

a specific Rooster Teeth production in my bio, but yeah, maybe I'll put a f***ing face. Well, not everybody gets to be in every production like you, Gavin. That's true. I'm not even in half of them these days yeah i used to be my twitch channel i don't really like i did that once that was like a thing i did so there's no real point so i was like i should put something more relevant was that back when you were doing the uh you were earning chicken dinners yeah to eat in real life thing that's a fantastic story. Can you tell that story? I played PUBG for a month, and I decided that I could only eat chicken dinners, and I can only eat dinners I earned in the game.

So if I got a win, when you win in PUBG, PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds, you get a message at the end that says, winner, winner, chicken dinner, which is a phrase I fucking hate. I hate it. Can't stand it. Never liked it. Had a resurgence in like the mid-2000s with that poker movie i don't know if you remember 21 but that was the tagline in that movie and it became popular jesse eisenberg right or one of the don't think he was in it you

want to take another shot not in the movie you want to go again so this is bad there's a problematic actor in that movie i'll give you a clue problematic spacey yeah there you go yeah yeah it was spacey that's right there you go and Yeah, yeah, it was Spacey. That's alright. And the guy that was in the fake Beatles movie. He's also in it. Okay. Anyway, tagline was Winter Winter Chick. I hate the phrase. It made it popular. Came back for PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds.

I was thinking one day, like, what if you actually got a chicken dinner? So then I kind of pitched it to you, Jeff, and I told a few friends that I was gonna do it. And I didn't really think I was going to do it. And then like two days before, I picked February to be the month to see if I could go a month because it was the shortest month. And like two days before February, I had a friend say like, so you're going to do that,

right? I kind of hoped everybody would forget about it. And then I did it. I streamed every day. I never streamed before, but then I would stream every day me playing PUBG at night trying to get chicken dinner wins. And so the way it works is in PUBG, it's called PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds, and it's a battle royale video game, which basically, it's like that movie, that Japanese movie.

There's an island in the video game, and everybody comes in and paratroops down onto the island with just your fists. And then you rummage around and you find guns and and and armor and shit and then you all kill each other until it goes from 100 people down to one and that's how you win you'd be the last of 100 people left alive so the way you had it set up was you could only eat real food if you won in pub g and you'd have to play over and over and over again until you got a win and then you could only eat an actual chicken dinner for how many days? 28 days.

28 days. The month of February. And that's not super easy. Like to win in PUBG, I feel like if I was doing that, I would have starved to death. Pretty cool. I wouldn't have made it. I have, I'm gifted in the sense that I am delusional with a lot of that type of stuff. And I thought, no problem.

As soon, I figured like, okay, first few days gonna be rough. I get to that weekend, get five or six wins and I can just roll from there. I don't think I ever won more than twice on any day. So it was terrible. It was... You were at least net positive on, like, meals per day, though. Yeah, it was never

a problem of, like, not having food, but a constant concern of, what if I ran out? Like, I just can't have a losing streak. Did you... Because you never built problem of like not having food but a constant concern of what if i ran out like i just can't have a losing streak did you because you never built enough of a cushion to feel safe but did you get did you ever go without a meal in any one of the 28 days no i was never there's never a point where i wanted food and i couldn't get to it but it uh it was bad were you worried though like were you close were you constantly i've been playing seven hours and I still haven't won yet. And I'm so hungry. No, it wasn't like that.

No, it was. I always had a reserve going, but it was a constant fear of like, fuck, I need to keep winning. I'm not great at this. Like, I maybe get one win a night. I need to keep winning. Yeah, I guess you just didn't want to bitch out like you did with the McDonald's. We'll get to that. Should we talk about that next time? We'll get to get to that. Should we talk about that next time?

We'll get to that another time. Let's talk about that next episode. Because I want to hear about that too. Yeah, it sucked. You'd think like, I went in thinking like, okay, pooping is going to be a problem. Just being bored of food is going to be a problem. But it was like just the mental aspect of it was way worse. It was so draining.

It sucked. Would not recommend. But you did it, and you had the reward of uh, I don't know, knowing you did it, I guess? Yeah. I did it. It's a dumb thing. Congratulations. It's a story that I get to talk about

on F*** Face. That was the ultimate reward. As mentioned in your Twitter bio. As mentioned in my Twitter bio. I saw you put your Sea of Thieves footage up on Twitter. I watched it. Oh, yeah? What do you think? Pretty good moves, right?

Pretty good moves. Pretty funny. You should start a thread on your Twitter so that every time someone listens to a f***face, we can just go to your Twitter and sort of see the long list of clips that go with your stories. Because you do document your stuff pretty well. Yeah, I was thinking about doing that, of like doing a companion type tweet to like if I have stuff that applies to the episode. Or we could just make a make a face Twitter account and put them there.

Andrew, have you ever talked about that that bet you did recently to see who could step the least in 24 hours? No. Have we talked about that on face? No, we haven't. Okay, here's what we should do. Let's stop this pod... Let's quit this fucking podcast

because I'm sick of it so that we can immediately start the next podcast and talk about your McDonald's thing and the stepping thing. And I still didn't get to the thing I wanted to show you guys because I got off on a whole tangent about my dick or whatever.

Are we in the second one now? No, we haven't started the second one yet we have to end the first one okay how would we how would we know though that'd be a good way to end it uh we just like uh let me do it check it out uh oh wow thanks for listening to face it's a podcast about uh friendship and uh and how magic uh that's a Care Bears thing. Doing like a Krusty the Clan thing? There you go. And wow! I learned a little bit. I hope you did too. If you didn't, that's okay.

Not every day needs to be a school day as long as you were slightly entertained and man, gee, I really appreciate it. And if you did enjoy it, even if you just got like a smirk, maybe not a full-on laugh but just like a little like hmm maybe tell somebody tell somebody hey uh that show is medium entertaining or uh if you have low standards that's just funny as fuck uh yeah so and also

give a like and a review of that like say like i like and here's the review of my like on the podcast store uh spot Spotify or the iTunes. That's it. Thank you for listening. Goodbye. I think that was pretty good. We didn't even have Eric come in. Was that good, Eric?

That's the best one we've had in six episodes. Did we wake you up from your hate nap? I woke up just for that. I'm out.