F**kface - Double Early with a Hard Out // New Prototypes [77]
Episode Date: November 17, 2021Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin's rules for being on time or early plus the subcategories, Applecentric vacations & events, pastrami guys, prototypes that will shock & amaze you, and more 10...0% dark chocolate. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to ffacebits@gmail.com Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), Quip (http://getquip.com/face), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Oh, there's Gavin.
Two minutes early.
That's weird.
Wow.
Look, it's an early day.
Oh, OK.
Why didn't. Hmm. So we Look, it's an early day. Oh wait, okay. Why didn't-
Hmm. So we're starting this ten minutes early because you have a hard out at four. Yeah.
Why didn't you just show up early? Because we're all here around that time anyway.
You're now two minutes early to being on time, which is ten minutes early. What's your problem with that, by the way?
You're double- you'll double- you're a dude who refuses to show up early or late and you're double
early today. You're double early today.
With a hard out, I feel
like it's responsible to be double early
so that we're not rushed. There are so
many goddamn rules to you showing up to
things. It's so complicated. Just show up,
just show up when you want to. Five minute
window before or ten minute
after. That's exactly what I did.
What are you talking about me that's a rule you
just gave him another rule no it's just like that's a general thing gavin's got subcategories
he's got if i'm if there's a hard out then you gotta be early you just said what's this bullshit
you're showing up whenever you want you should just show up whenever you want you idiot there's
a range is what i'm saying i think we all kind of live in a social range. You said five minutes. I was two minutes.
That was within the range.
What do you want from me, Andrew?
Yeah, but you go against the range, is my point.
You are not a range guy.
You are an on-time guy.
You've been very vocal about this.
We've argued about this.
So I'm just saying it's kind of wild that you're here early.
I already pre-warned about the earliness today.
I said it about noon.
Yeah, but you're earlier than your pre-warning of early. You're before
the early. He is bringing
up a point that everybody
acquiesced to your tyrannical
demands to move the podcast up
10 minutes. We all relented
because it's like, it's Gavin.
What are you going to do? We're used
to it. It's who he is. So we all
say yes and move it up
as we do because we're team players and
then on top of that you then showed up earlier it's just very out of character for you i don't
care personally by 10 minutes to be earlier and i look at discord and every single person is in
there already except me why would i wait when i've already got the that's what i've been saying
forever what do you mean we're talking in general things you will wait i've already got the that's what i've been saying forever what do you
mean we're talking in general things you will wait you've said in the past you will wait outside of
a thing before entering there's no there's no hard outs hard outs mean we gotta we we might
have to cut it short so being earlier than than expected like surprise, is okay in your eyes, but
only if there's a hard out in play.
If you said
come over at 7
and we have to stop hanging out
at 8, and then you were like
so feel free to come over whenever, I'd probably
come over earlier than if you just said
come over at 7 and we'll hang out
indefinitely. Holy shit. there's like a whole strategy to get Gavin to show up at a certain time without saying
a time you just need to like display it in a certain way but here's the issue and here's why
you can't be mad I'm never late no you haven't you haven't that's also not true it's rare it's
rare it's very rare but you haven't I just just I also think it's Eric says that you do have subcategories and he thinks he agrees with Andrew.
I agree as well, but I just think it's weird that Andrew, who I feel like and I'm not trying to poke a bear here, start a fight.
But I feel like Andrew is the king of subcategories.
I just I just think it's an interesting kind of hypocrisy for Andrew to call somebody else out on subcategories, even though I agree with him.
All subcategories and regulations.
Totally agree with him.
I feel like I have been very vocal and consistent, and my any additional amount of thought or effort is too much.
And I feel like that's on par with my complaint of Gavin.
He has rules.
My when I show up to a thing does not matter if there's a
hard out or not i feel like it would have been easier for me at this point to be less considerate
and just not mention the hard out i just pissed off exactly at four i'd be like i gotta go bye
like surely that would have been less blowback and potentially made a crappier product especially
if andrew was futzing around with technical issues like sometimes he does. The last time
that happened was like seven months ago.
And if we're doing measurements,
Jeff, I still feel is in the lead.
And a lot of the time I was delayed
with my futzing
around. It's because Nick would tell me to
futz. Nick would futz me
before the recording and I'd
be futzing around because of Nick.
You're the only one who's been futzed by Nick, I think.
I have been.
Wonder why? Because I'm the only one here
early. I'm first one here.
Hey, hey, hey.
You can say you're the first one
here all day long. I will argue with that.
You're not the only one here early.
That's true. That's actually completely
right. I misspoke. What I
was going to say is that I don't think you even needed to alert the 10-minute early thing Gavin
We all would have been here. You could have just shown up. He's right about that
We were all already guaranteed to be here also recording already. Yes
There's literally zero times where you have joined the show and we've had like prep ahead of time
There's that doesn't exist. Look, I apologize.
I should have... I'm not going to tell you guys anything.
Son of a...
You know what's weird?
I don't know what I want from you.
Because I don't want you to apologize.
I don't want the apology.
I don't feel you need to apologize.
But I don't understand how you came here two minutes early.
It's insane to me that you did that.
Eric and Nick accept your apology, Gavin.
And just like that, we're already five minutes into episode 77.
We blew all of the early time arguing about how early it was, and now we're starting at
the normal time.
The F*** Face Podcast.
Can you believe it's been 77 weeks already my name is jeff ramsay with
me as always gavin free and andrew pantin they don't like each other it's okay i like them both
where were we i like i like having quite a bit has it been 77 weeks are we counting that week
where we didn't do one well i guess like what 70 how many weeks are we at? 75, right? Because we're too ahead.
78 weeks then, says Eric.
So 76.
Like how many weeks from the point in which we first recorded to now has it been?
More or less. Well, because we recorded the first one two and a half weeks early, right?
Sorry, I said anything.
No, we got to figure this out.
That's a great point.
You just really get to the bottom.
God, you know, I was thinking in the car on the way over here about everything. Everything we have to figure this out. That's a great point you just made, Jeff. We're trying to get to the bottom of it. God, you know, I was thinking
in the car on the way over here about everything
we have to talk about today.
I forgot that I didn't
tell a series of bicycle issues
I had last time, although we had so much else
to discuss. Obviously,
everybody went out and got some 100%
dark chocolate, so we're going to do the
chocolate thing. What
else was there oh oh oh
i just realized uh i'm about to embark on a whole apple weekend and i didn't even tell you guys
about it what uh oh yeah yeah exactly and this is my third apple weekend that i've had and i
realized that it's not something that's ever come up or that we've discussed but i have apple centric
vacations and uh and it's never crossed
my mind to talk about it on this podcast are you doing like scrumpvember or something what's going
on i'm sort of but one thing i wanted i was thinking on the drive over here i had to uh i
was at over at the day job we had a lunch with some guests in from out of town and we were you
know doing the wine and dine just everybody having a lunch getting to know each other the talent and it was a lot of fun and i was kind of sad i had to
leave early and then in the car i was driving over here i was like oh i'm not sad because i get to
record this episode and i realized how excited i was to record this episode and then i got to
thinking do you ever i mean i know we know i know intellectually we know what we've done what we've
accomplished here but do you ever take a step
back and think how many obstacles to success we put in front of ourselves with this podcast
and still managed to survive and dare I say thrive? I'm pretty proud of all of us. Like we
named a podcast face. You can't sell it.
It's unsearchable.
We shot ourselves in the foot from day one.
Everything we did for this podcast was to the detriment of the success of this podcast. Yet somehow, 77 or 75 or 78, nobody seems to know the math, weeks later, here we are.
I'm still driving across town
like giddy that I get to come
and sit in front of a microphone and record
with you guys. Because it's the
highlight of my week, maybe even right now the highlight
of my life. And
it's stupid that we're
even in the place that we are.
I mean, thank God for the comment leavers, right?
For supporting us. Oh, absolutely.
Well, Nick raises a good point too.
If you hashtag f*** face,
the hashtag ends at the asterisk.
So it's just,
everything we do is hashtag F.
So we can't even tag our own stuff either.
Like not even the fact
that it's unsearchable,
it's un-hashtagable as well.
We had to convince Rooster Teeth,
hey, we want to make this show.
We want to call it something offensive.
Maybe the
second most offensive word on Earth, probably.
And then we want you to
go to advertisers
and tell them to give us money.
And then we want to name it something that's impossible
to search for. It's impossible
to find. You've got to be a goddamn scientist
to connect the dots to
find our podcast on anything and it's like here we are so i just want to say congratulations to
everybody involved in in face that's i'm super happy and proud about that that's very cool
that we're still i'm not sure how much we deserve it but it's definitely still the highlight of my
week too it's like strangely therapeutic and how much i miss it
like when it we're in a routine of it it's just like oh yeah this is the highlight of my week
when we take an off week it is like a noticeable gap in my week that week it sucks it's like i
have to put my life on hold and i can't talk about stuff for that i fucking hate it i fucking hate it
and then you got to queue up your life so that you can remember to like it sucks it really does it's also
Nick brings up a good point it's also
stupid we bleep the fucking name
unnecessarily every time we say it
to make it even harder
so now people don't do they do we search for
F star star do we search for fuck
do we search for F bleep I don't know
I don't even know I feel like we
we're always talking about the comment leavers but what do we start for f bleep i don't know i don't even know i feel like we we're always talking about
the comment levers but what do we refer to the people who don't leave comments but still listen
because surely it's just as important i think it's all just comment levers i think oh eric said
what what have we ever said listeners i think i think it's either i i'm okay with andrew uh saying comment
levers like that kind of encompasses everybody i know that we talked about uh calling them the
ians or the fuckers uh but i think comment levers or if you wanna because i know we like to
subcategorize here because we like everything to be regulation we could call them zimzoners i've
heard a lot of zimmers a lot of zim stuff. What if we call them comment unleavers?
What does that mean? We got comment leavers
and then comment unleavers. People who leave
comments and people who don't.
Yeah, it sounds like they're
removing comments. No, they're just
unleaving comments. They're just not leaving comments.
We can call them the comment no-leavers.
Do you want to call them that?
No comment unleavers.
No comment unleavers. Comment. No levers. Comment on levers. No comment.
I don't care.
Eric's Eric seems bad.
Eric, why don't you chime in?
I don't.
Why?
Comment lever seems fine as an encompassing thing.
And I understand that everything for some reason in the show is subcategories for whatever
reason that is just why would you not just call them listeners why does it have to be
why did it have to be another thing because now we have comment on the big idea is comment
on leavers yeah they don't leave comments they're like they're like the un leaver one who doesn't
leave although i do like the idea of everyone being called comment leavers
whether they've left a comment or not.
I like that too.
Long time comment leaver, first time comment.
I just went in to the very first invite I got for recording this podcast.
76 weeks is where we're at.
Okay.
Figured it out.
76 weeks. Clear answer're at okay okay figure it out 76 weeks clear answer
but this is 78 uh yeah well because we recorded a few ahead right like we're two weeks ahead 77
or wait when is this when does this episode air what day the 17th this is november 17th so a
couple things we we're recording this We have already recorded at this point.
We haven't in real life yet,
but in podcast life we have.
We're doing a special thing next week
where we're all going to eat apples together.
I'm very excited about that.
We have the Cosmic Crisp launch coming up.
I meant to ask about that.
I know that was put on the schedule.
I wasn't listening when that conversation happened.
What is that?
What are we doing? I like like your favorite part of the week you can't bring yourself to listen the entire time
no no no it was the po it was after it was after the episode it was after i ate the chocolate
and i was just i was like completely zoned out and i thought we were yeah i thought we were
talking about when we'd record the next episode i I did not realize that this is an Apple event of some kind.
We're eating.
Yeah, we're all going to get the Apple, the Cosmic Crisps, and we're going to eat Cosmic Crisps together and then review them.
It's an Apple event.
Okay.
Okay.
It's an Apple event, and it's on.
Okay.
I'll look at the calendar.
It's on the calendar.
I don't know.
Yeah.
We all agree.
And it's not an episode.
It's specifically we're going to eat apples to talk about it.
Like, what is this?
We're going to review the Cosmic Crisp we've been talking about for months.
I'm just.
Now that it's finally out.
I'm just asking.
Just asking.
Okay.
I'm ready for the Apple event.
So can you do it on that day or not?
What day was it?
Oh, my God. It was it? Oh my god.
It was the day you agreed
to. What do you care
what you're doing on that day?
You agreed to the time. What does it matter what we
filled that time with? Yeah, I'll be
there. I don't know when, but I'll be there.
What the fuck does that mean? I don't
know when it is, but I'll be there. Andrew has strict
requirements about what he'll show up for.
No, I want to show up for it.
I just didn't know it was its own thing.
I thought we were scheduling the next episode.
November 9th from 1 to 2 p.m. Central Time.
Cosmic Crisp Apple Event.
Now, how many weeks will that be?
That's 11 a.m.
That's 11 a.m. your time next Tuesday.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, I remember that now.
I remember that part.
11 a.m.
Yeah.
Got it.
I'm excited to eat an apple.
I'm excited to eat a Cosmic Crisp
and see if it's any good.
I am concerned about your apple thing
because I feel as though
I am strongly the apple guy
of this podcast,
but if you're taking vacations
based around scrumping,
it sounds like,
I don't know if I can hold that title.
I didn't say it had anything to do
with scrumping,
but I'm glad that you mentioned it's apple-centric, but scrumping implies stealing apples. I'm hold that title. I didn't say it had anything to do with scrumping, but I'm glad that you mentioned
it's Apple-centric,
but scrumping implies
stealing apples.
I'm not stealing anything.
I will say, though,
this brings up
another excellent point.
I'm pretty sure,
last episode,
we were talking about
all the fucking merchandise
that we may or may not be making
that nobody can remember
when it's coming out.
In all of that conversation,
I think we forgot
the fucking scrumping sign
is coming out
or is already out
at this point
when this airs
I think it comes out
it comes out tomorrow
I think to buy
so
this will be old
what is
like November 3rd
or something
4th
today is November
7th
November 5th
what is going on
today is the 4th
it comes out on the 5th
where did the 7th
come from
why does it fucking matter to the people listening?
I don't know, but you're talking about it.
I'm constantly confused when people sat in front of a computer,
don't know the date or time,
when it's right in front of them,
no matter what the operating system,
it's just right there.
Anyway, I hope you bought a scrumping sign
and they're not already sold out. If they are, we'll order more. And if they're not, buy bought a scrumping sign and they're not already sold out.
If they are, we'll order more.
And if they're not, buy a fucking scrumping sign
so they sell out and we have to buy more.
Did we ever get more hats?
Like, I feel like the hats...
People like the hats.
The Russian fuck hats?
I don't know.
Yeah.
I feel like they just went away.
Like, we never got more.
It's a great question.
They're probably hanging out with all the jet ski gear in the,
uh,
I like to imagine it was just in a shipping container that fell off a
boat.
It's just like in some beach somewhere.
Fucking floats to some Island.
Somebody opens it up.
He's like,
why do I have 2000 orange ping pong balls that say 19 on them?
In like four years.
We're going to learn about the jet ski army, like the Tupac army, where they just stole
all the Tupac shirts.
And it's going to be a bunch of people in jet ski and fucked up hat merch.
It's going to be a great army.
The Russian fuckhead army.
Yes.
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all right uh apple event so well first off what's going on with y'all
how oh my god can we talk about something before we get into apple event
this is scab rained as hell this week.
I don't know what's going on.
I fucking,
I sat down to eat my,
today is,
we're recording a podcast today,
so obviously I eat my pre-podcast pastrami.
Went to a restaurant,
ordered a pastrami sandwich.
And by the way,
guys,
there's such thing as a bad pastrami sandwich.
And I am sad to say I had it today.
I don't want to call the restaurant out,
but it was a local Austrian restaurant
and their pastrami sandwich was dog shit.
Was it the quality of the pastrami?
Or was it what they added to the sandwich?
I was the flavor of the pastrami.
The bread wasn't great.
The whole thing just, it just didn't,
it wasn't like all the pastrami that I've had thus far has been thin sliced.
And so it just like layered on top of each other.
This was like thick,
almost like brisket.
It was just like,
it was wrong in a lot of ways.
And it really,
a,
it really bummed me out because I,
I didn't know that you could have bad pastrami,
but also I got me thinking like,
if this was my first pastrami experience,
it'd probably be my last.
So I'm really glad that I got a good pastrami sandwich when i did uh but i was sharing this
over text and gavin you mentioned that you also had a pastrami sandwich today and then you've
been perfecting pastrami sandwiches at your home and i am blown away by this i want to hear
everything there is to know about it you said you became a pastrami guy so i was like let me get
involved i'll order some on my next uh grocery. And I've been trying to sculpt the ultimate pastrami sandwich
just by adding different stuff every day,
maybe removing stuff, you know, trying it with mayo,
trying it with pepper,
just sort of changing one variable at a time
before I finally...
I've been doing it for about two weeks,
and I think I'm close to the ultimate sandwich.
Do you want to hold off on what the ultimate sandwich is
till you get it?
Yeah.
I'm going to try red onion tomorrow.
I'm going to see what that does to it.
I'll tell you what I think
the current perfect pastrami sandwich is after that.
See if they're similar in any way.
Andrew, are you interested at all in pastrami,
and would you be interested in also joining the quest
for the ultimate pastrami sandwich?
I'm very interested in joining it.
I don't think I've ever tried pastrami. That's i was yeah i don't think i've had it is it like a readily
available can i get pastrami anywhere i would think so okay i think it is very similar to brisket
it is it's just prepared differently it's also very similar to corned beef like corned beef is
the same thing but it's boiled whereas uh pastrami is cooked more like a brisket is.
I don't think I could even recognize pastrami in a lineup.
Look at pastrami.
I was just like you until very recently.
And I think a lot of people are, Andrew,
and that's part of why I want to bring pastrami to the masses.
I want to raise the global consciousness about pastrami
because I feel like a lot of people
are missing it, are missing out on it.
Myself, you, a lot of
people. Is pastrami,
is this a deli meat? Would this be
considered like a general deli meat?
I mean, it's like with the cold cuts and
stuff in it sometimes. Definitely a Jewish
deli meat. I'm not,
I mean, I would say it's a pretty,
I'd say pretty prevalent
yeah okay i was just like trying to put in my head of like if there was like you know like the police
lineup and they had all the deli meats walk out i definitely couldn't have identified pastrami
by sight by sight yeah i'd have no way of telling what the pastrami was i wonder if you could do it
by smell oh i don't know if i've smelled a pastrami. I guess we'll find out.
That brings up a question I actually came up with the other day.
Well, actually today when I was buying all the chocolates.
Do you think if we did a blind taste test
and I put a bar of like a little nugget of 70, 75, 80, 85, 90, and 100,
you could get close to correctly identifying them
and putting them in the right order?
You're not talking about pastrami anymore?
I'm talking about chocolate.
Okay.
What percent pastrami is this?
Did you say chocolate, or did I just miss... No, he said chocolate.
He definitely did.
I must have missed the word chocolate.
And it all fell into place when I heard the percentages, but I was like, slightly confused
for a few seconds.
I'm pretty sure I said chocolate.
Yeah, it'd be interesting to have bites of each and try and rank them.
Yeah.
Like, could you tell the difference between 90 and 100 with your eyes closed?
I wonder.
I mean, not yet.
There's a 99%.
I'd love to know if you could tell 99 to 100.
Right.
I mean, right now I could probably rank them
by how much I hate them,
and that would probably get them
into pretty much the correct order.
I haven't actually had anything between 70 and 100.
I'm excited for this chocolate thing.
I would advise if you...
Gavin, are you going to try any or are you done?
Are you out? Because it sounds like everybody else.
I already opted out.
Okay, so you're just going to listen?
You're going to be the person giving commentary while we're all suffering?
What I wanted to do, what I said last week,
is that I wanted to actually develop my palate first
and slowly work my way up
and then potentially do it when I'm at 100.
I would recommend you start breaking up the pieces, Jeff jeff okay i'll open it up and start breaking up
the pieces are we doing this now no no no no i'm just saying like when we get there you're going
to want to be prepared because i we're having a chocolate off right isn't that what we agreed to
yeah well i think that you've set you've set a world record at nine minutes and 30 seconds exactly
and i think we're going to see if you or I or Nick or anybody else can beat that time.
I think I can definitely beat it a second time.
This time I broke it up.
I put some thought into it.
I have a strategy.
I think I can get it.
It looks like so much.
Jeff, you could do yours on camera.
I don't really like chocolate that much.
Like, I don't like dark chocolate at all.
I'm ambivalent towards milk chocolate.
Why would I do it on camera?
Bit official.
I could.
You did the soda chug on camera.
Did I?
I don't remember that.
Yeah.
Do you want me to do this on camera?
I mean, what do you think, Eric?
Yeah, I think you should do it on camera if we have that option.
Why not, you know?
All right, be right back.
Then at least we can see his dog.
Wait, why did he have to go?
That was the point, is that he didn't have to.
The point was that this didn't interrupt any of the show.
What the fuck is going on today?
What is happening?
This is a weird one.
I didn't realize how much i messed up the podcast
by moving it a mere 10 minutes to the point where we wasted all of the new time complaining about
what time it started we still have we still have a hard out that hasn't changed now so now we're
just up against the clock but jeff had to go for a minute? Like, what's happening?
No, I'm back.
Are we doing our prototypes before
the show? Yes, we have to. We have to
do the prototypes. Oh, I forgot about the prototypes.
Yeah, let's do that. We should do prototypes.
Because we were hanging off the last episode
on postponing prototypes.
Dude, thanks for mentioning that. I completely forgot that they existed.
Really? You're the...
Why? How?
We're doing this because of you.
What do you mean?
Well, I appreciate it. It's very sweet of you to say.
I moved on.
I moved on to other stuff, I guess.
I just forgot about it.
What do you...
I was thinking about chocolate and apples.
The uniform, Jeff.
You can't forget the uniform.
Well, don't say...
You can't say it like that.
It's uniform. Uniform. Combining the fabric of the farm with the can't say it like that. It's uniform.
Uniform.
Combining the fabric of the farm with the power of one.
Uniform.
Yeah.
I feel like that changes every week.
Yeah, I think it goes backwards around.
I can't get this straight.
So how do we want to do these prototypes?
Who wants to go first?
Do we want to talk about the process that we went into making them?
I'd like to see where you guys went, because I think we all had different things.
I wore my prototype during the entirety of last show, and we never mentioned it.
Why didn't you stop?
I lost my sunglasses and my keys in my prototype.
Who wants to go first?
I can go first. i will go first so i have put i'm gonna be honest jeff when you first
originally pitched it i wasn't so sure and it sounds like you're not either because you forgot
that this was a thing you've already moved on from the idea with so many brilliant ideas
so i've been thinking i thought a lot about it and i was like so what what is jeff wanting
he wants the pockets to be gone. You're really big on wrist
technology. It needs to be a wrist thing. And I was trying to think of different ways I could do
it. I had a few things planned. I think, Jeff, I discovered a thing about you that you may not
even know about yourself. I feel like I went so deep into your psyche that I'm going to drop
something on you and you're going to be like, holy shit, you're right. I don't think you're an anti-pocket guy, Jeff,
as much as you are a Velcro guy.
I think what you're looking for is provided entirely via Velcro.
And it's a really, it's like a basic, we can just innovate.
We can, I don't know what the Velcro market is like.
I went, I used a basic product with a lot of flaws
and I think Uniform could really advance this idea.
This is sort of like the base idea.
The base concept was you just, you get some Velcro as the thing, and then you can expand
to it.
You have the ability to really add whatever you want to.
So like you're saying pockets are important, like you need to be on the go.
What you need to do, like sometimes you need a snack so you got your
snack when you need it you got your wallet on your side you don't need to worry about being
pickpocketed because it's inside at all time you got a coke you ever need to do the soda chug
you're ready like you are just prepared for your fucking day it doesn't even stop there you got
fucking chocolate on the bottom half like you're just ready you want a nice little snack you want
to pick me up you're good to go so what a nice little snack. You want to pick me up. You're good to go.
So what I think, really,
the uniform...
We need to look into Velcro technology
in advance on this
because this is easy to do.
It looks great.
What else can you do with your hand
while all that shit is taped to it?
Oh, literally anything.
It's hands-free.
It's all on the wrist.
This is so good.
It's all on the wrist.
This is so good.
This is Velcro on the go, man.
It is Velcro on the go. On the go. This is so good this is velcro on the go man you can on the go this is so good it's velgo yeah
it's go crow
my favorite part is just that top picture without anything on it it looks like your hand is choking
yeah it was like too tight oh it. Oh, it was very tight.
It was not because I was nervous
because I put that on like, I don't know,
90 minutes before we recorded to like get things prepped.
It was a whole process.
I never wanted to give a hand to Heimichael and River before.
And then I got everything on.
It was terrifying.
It's a terrifying process.
How'd it feel?
How'd it feel?
Did it feel good?
Did you feel...
You know what?
Jeff, to be completely honest with you,
it felt very insecure,
which is why I think there's room for Uniform
to greatly improve on this thing.
Look, these are jumping off points.
These are meant to create inspiration,
to strike inspiration so that we can then go out and explore.
And I've seen a lot of, I don't know if you guys have been on the subreddit
and the socials, but the audience has come up with some amazing stuff.
Like the rocket with the W.
That's really cool.
Andrew, I think this is fucking amazing.
And this is exactly what I was talking about.
I didn't even consider velcro
brilliant idea it looks like you'd go to check the time and an apple would hit you in the face
no you're just gonna sling stuff no you don't no you okay well first of all i can't wait to
fucking see your prototype second of all you're not checking the time on that hand that is clearly
a coke apple chocolate wallet hand that's not a time man you can't even have a watch anymore
no then you don't put your watch on that hand you put your watch on the other hand
you've reduced the main functionality of the wrist is what do you mean how many fucking
watches do you wear do you need a watch on both hands?
What are you talking about? I'm right-handed.
My watch goes on my left.
Well, then put it on your fucking right
and put this on your left.
Flip it.
It's Velcro, man.
It doesn't care where it goes.
You can put it on your goddamn leg
for all I care.
You got choices.
You got multiple limbs, Gavin.
It's a Coke can on your...
You're going to walk by a radiator and ding it,
and it's going to spray all over the room.
You don't have to put a Coke can on it!
You put whatever you want.
It's 2021.
What radiator are you walking by?
Where do you live?
Radiator?
What is this, New York City in the 1940s?
Are you drying your socks?
What the fuck?
People still use radiators in new builds.
That's not an old thing.
Not in Texas!
Well, not here, no, but...
If you used this product, you would have had your fucking Sonic drink, Gavin!
It wouldn't have been in your yard!
It would have been secure!
Maybe if you'd have used this product, you'd have hit yourself in the head with the apple
and it'd knock some fucking sense into you.
I don't mean to be down on this product.
I think it's a really good product.
I was going to go somewhere else with that.
I'm just going to stop right there.
I don't want to cause more arguments.
Andrew, I think it's great. I love it. it i love everything about it it's a fantastic starting
point and i'm open to criticism just not any that gavin is saying is ridiculous right terrible
complaints okay so between which subjects do you allow criticism well i think any valid criticism
is fair you're coming over here you're like what if a fucking giant magnet comes by your house?
Like, what are you talking about?
I'd like to see somebody try to scrump that fucking apple is all I'm saying.
Good luck.
Security.
Excellent point.
It's not an excellent point.
It's so much more secure in your pocket.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
It's going to bruise. Fuck you.
Nobody puts apples in their pockets.
I want to see you walk around Austin with an apple in your front pocket.
If I was going to make an apple unstealable, I'd probably put it in my pocket.
I wouldn't hang it off my wrist.
If I'm in a park and I see a guy
pull an apple from his pocket,
I'm leaving.
I'm terrified.
It's a psychotic move.
Just pull an apple from your pocket.
I swear to God,
if you are ever anywhere in a public setting
and you see an adult human being
pull an entire intact apple out of
their pocket and start to eat it, turn
around and go the other way quickly.
That's not a good, healthy person.
Ugh.
Alright, Gab, I guess it's your turn.
It's the go-kro.
The go-kro. I love it.
Okay, should I do mine?
Oh, I can't.
I cannot wait for this. are you gonna oh i'm
excited remember to keep uh all criticism regulation yeah regulation criticism yeah i
will regulation criticism yeah okay so i've i've based... Personally, I feel like the pocket is absolutely fine.
If anything, I want more pockets.
So I really just summed it down to what Jeff wants.
And what Jeff wants typically is the following.
It's a three-step process is what I've nailed it down to.
Number one, find a problem that doesn't exist.
Number two, solve it in an inconvenient way.
And number three, give it a name that's a real stretch.
All right.
Those are the three requirements that I've identified.
So let me introduce to you the nice to treat you in a in a covid world.
You don't always want to go for the handshake.
Sometimes you may want a fist bump or a high five.
The high five talk from the previous week really got me intrigued about this idea.
The high five talk from the previous week really got me intrigued about this idea.
So the nice to three to you
gives you an option of three greetings
that you can come for
using the power of the wrist.
I feel like I'm watching a hand give birth to a fist.
And I should point out that
Meg Turney helped me make this
because there was some sewing
required.
It looks like an alien facehugger
shadow theater.
It's like next he's gonna make
a Toberman picture and then he's gonna make a butterfly.
A biblically
accurate angel!
If you want to store an apple,
put it in your pocket.
Gavin.
In many ways, this was
not the assignment, but also
in many, many ways, this is
one of the greatest inventions I've
ever seen. I think this
is exactly what we're looking for
at Uniform Uniform.
Combining the fabric of the farm with the power of one.
Uniform, sometimes also referred to as uniform.
Combining the power of one with the fabric of the farm.
Uniform. I think that what you've done here is brilliant,
and it's exactly the kind of visionary thinking we need here
at F*** Face Industries,
a subsidiary of F*** Face Industries,
which is an arm of, as we all know,
uniform.
Uniform, combining the power of one with the fabric of the farm.
Uniform.
So I'm really proud of you and I have no criticism.
I appreciate that, Jeff. Andrew, any criticisms
from you? What does it feel like
to hit that for a high
five? Is it floppy? Does it
just flop? Is there
any feedback?
You get a light slap sound, but it's
a little bit springy.
What is
this called again?
Nice to threet you?
Yeah, nice to threet you.
Let me write it down.
Nice to threet you.
How do you do a trademark?
How do you do a TM?
I'm going to go the other way.
That is the funniest fucking picture
I've ever seen in my life.
I'm going to compliment Gavin's invention.
You know, if you are ever attacked by a flock of birds,
the additional hands would be great.
Like, this is a great product.
I've got nothing but compliments for this.
It's phenomenal in every way.
Oh my god, dude.
So what about you, Jeff? Yeah yeah what do you got jeff oh well i i i for i really like making commercials right you guys know i really like to do the graphics uh i like to go
above and beyond i don't have time to do a graphic treatment this time i took some photos i didn't
think they were great so i just made a little video. It's about a minute long. I'll go ahead and drop it in here.
What are the odds it's too big?
Too big for Discord. Oh, is it
going to be too big for Discord? We do this every
time. It's always too big for Discord that he puts into
Slack. This is just part of it. I'm opening
Slack right now. Let's see.
It's too big for Discord.
So, let me put it on Slack.
This has happened like four times.
Well, dude, I can't even remember that we were doing this this week,
so why should I remember the files then?
Okay, so for those listening, Jeff has a bag on his hat.
What Jeff did is he made a shittier...
It's not a bag, it's a pocket.
He made a shittier fanny pack, and he attached it to his wrist.
What I did is I took an actual pocket from an actual
pair of pants and I cut it out
so I have a pair of pants with no rear pocket now.
I have to remember not to put stuff in that pocket
which shouldn't be an issue because I don't use rear pockets
anyway, but it is a pair of pants. It's
like still in. It's still in rotation.
It's the only pocket I can find.
Why?
You're going to put your
passport in those one day.
I just have to remember never to use that pocket.
And then what I did was I sharpied wrist pockets rock on the side of it,
and then I duct taped it to my hand.
And then I put all my stuff in it, and it worked.
The glasses got a little stuck.
What should you have to contort your entire body
to try and get this done?
Well, that's because I'm trying to show off the glamour shots.
You know, I want everybody to see it for the best.
Yeah.
And then your glasses fell,
and you didn't have a free hand to pick them up.
Oh.
I think we have two very viable products.
I'm feeling really good about this.
Really, really good. Jeff's looks so annoying.
I can't remember how annoying it must be to do anything
other than make that video.
Did you try to do anything else with that
on your wrist? Uh, like what?
Like laundry.
No, no, no, no, no.
Nothing like that. I love the
idea of making a commercial for a product
that one of the steps is duct tape
it to yourself with ease.
Well, it's just temporary.
It's temporary.
It's not heavy duty tape like I was anticipating.
Do you know what I like about doing laundry?
That I don't have to take all my pockets off.
Yeah, but you have to empty them out.
That's true.
You know what's faster than emptying them out?
Just take the pocket off.
Just de-velcro it off your wrist.
This doesn't replace your pockets, though. You still have pockets. You've just got empty pockets. I guess they're pre-empty. Just take the pocket off. Just de-velcro it off your wrist. This doesn't replace your pockets, though.
You still have pockets.
You just got empty pockets.
I guess they're pre-empty.
That's a good point.
Yeah.
I'm working on cutting all my pockets
out of my pants right now.
I may not have a choice soon.
It just hangs all over your fingers.
It's so annoying.
It's the fucking worst. It the worst what would you feel confident in putting in jeff's wrist pocket gavin like if let's say
you're going out with gavin or jeff you're with you know what i'm immediately thinking
like snacks i bet you know i don't trail mix in there or something i don't trust it i do not trust the
no i don't trust the security of it gum yeah i think i trust gum if i'm it's like what are you
okay losing is sort of the question i'm asking you're not gonna the only way you're gonna lose
it's because you can't get it out of the pocket because it's too deep well the bad thing with gum
is that if you forget it's in your pocket and you wash it you wreck all your clothes with this
it's never gonna go in the lawn that's great actually that's the ultimate gum storage
that's brilliant gavin you know like movies where they're transporting something really valuable
and they have like it handcuffed to their wrists like the metal briefcase imagine seeing somebody
walk out with one of those like this is that we're transporting this thing? It's like a gold bar sticking out of it.
Yeah, I feel like it'd be good for loose stuff.
Like loose little tiny things.
Oh, it's going to be loose.
I like that you went for a pocket that was so much wider than your wrist too.
Not one of those small pockets.
That's the size of the pocket in my pants, man.
I don't know what to say.
I'm glad I dug deep and went with Velcro
because that was my first idea, Jeff.
I was going to do the same thing, but I was going to use shorts
and not in rotation. I would
never use an in rotation pair.
Yeah.
It's going to be a fun little game
of pocket roulette I'm going to play with myself going
forward. After all my criticisms
of Andrew, I didn't expect
for that one to be the most convenient.
I love it because we got
three unique and distinctive takes,
three new products.
Well, two are very similar, but at
least two new products that could go to market here
very soon with the appropriate testing.
And who knows which one's going to be a
huge, if not both, huge hit.
If you're listening
to this on the podcast app,
what's the easiest place to see these? Instagram?
Instagram, yeah.
Or find the YouTube version.
Yeah, there's a YouTube version.
Yeah, it's on there too.
I'd say Instagram.
These are some great creations.
I am impressed by all of them.
I'm proud of everybody.
I like these.
I think we should maybe have a quarterly Uniform brainstorm.
Well, you know, it's funny because we hinted at it briefly.
We haven't talked about it too much,
but we actually have a show going in pre-production
that's kind of adjacent to F*** Face,
but it's sort of a uniform
uniform, combining the
power of one with the fabric of the farm uniform.
It's kind of a uniform-esque.
It's kind of in this
world, and so
comment leavers, I guess, should keep their eyes
peeled, because hopefully that'll be out at some point in the next couple
months.
That was a great segment. That was a really
good segment. Thoroughly enjoyed um yeah it's my favorite thing
a moment just enjoy i'm so i have had i it has been so professionally and personally rewarding
creating products to make the world a better place uh through through face like the beef
bracelet and the too spicy i see obviously now wrist pockets uh and just like just just knowing that
that you're helping humanity in some small way uh and now that you guys are on board and doing
it with me it's like it's like the dream come true for me i'm excited do you know what was
admitted to me recently what minor league fan jack has access to this discord and obviously he's
big fan so sometimes he just scrolls through the chat and tries to guess what the
episode is about.
I watched him do it today.
Did you really?
Yeah.
I saw him doing it today.
Yeah.
I think it'd be quite confused with this one.
I like the ones that have no context to the actual show.
I cannot wait for him to speculate on a Danny Trejo
conversation that never happens.
That's gonna be great.
Now you gotta mention it. Oh, I saw those
pictures of, was that Danny Trejo from Far Cry?
Yeah, I didn't know Danny Trejo was in Far
Cry 6, and then I assumed he wouldn't
be killable. Yeah, he makes tacos.
Yeah, he's making tacos. It's just like a giant ad read
for his taco business, or
promotion, whatever. And I didn't think you'd be able to kill him, and you can absolutely kill making tacos it's just like a giant ad read for his taco business or promotion whatever and i
didn't think you'd be able to kill him and you can absolutely kill danny trejo and i felt tremendous
guilt about this so i just kept him on my shoulder for like the next 40 minutes of playing that game
i was just everywhere i went i just had danny trejo with i really love the idea of playing
that game where 50 of your screen is danny trejo back. Just taking up the entire left side.
I saw the images and I assumed it was something like
this and it got me thinking you should
if you can carry him with you like that, you should
just see how many scenic places
you can like share with Danny Trejo.
Like just set him down
leaning against a wall at the beach
then take him to the top of a building
and then off to a mountain, you know, next to
a fountain. I agree.
It feels like a things to do almost.
It does. It feels like very Travelling with Trejo.
Travelling with Trejo.
Well, now you've got to make that video.
I guarantee you he would retweet that
too. That's fucking funny
how early in the game can you get to Trejo
I didn't find him until
after the game
can you just go straight to him if you know
I think you might be able to
it was a weird thing where I was literally in the
final act of the final mission like
three minutes before finishing and the
character was like yeah you want to go hang out with Danny Trejo
and I was like fuck this mission yeah I do what do you mean danny trejo's in this fucking
game let me just stop like the final arc of this thing let's go do that but i couldn't i was locked
in so i don't know for me it wasn't until after it was over i found him about 10 hours in and i
think you could have gotten there way earlier i think he's in the like when you leave the opening
island and you pick your first like story i think he's available the, like, when you leave the opening island and you pick your first, like, storyline,
I think he's available from then.
That's weird.
I don't know.
Take him through the whole game.
If only it,
like,
reflected in cut scenes.
What a great story that would be.
Dude,
that'd be phenomenal.
So should we do chocolate?
Like,
we're coming up on,
oh yeah.
So real quick,
before we do chocolate,
I was gonna say,
so I'm going on an Apple trip this weekend
and I'll be fucking with y'all. You're say, so I'm going on an Apple trip this weekend, and I'll be fucking with y'all.
You're doing what?
I'm going on an Apple trip this weekend.
What does that mean?
I feel like we still don't know.
Every November, this will be the third November in a row, we go up to Detroit to visit Emily's
sister and their family.
And by the way, big Slow Mo Guys fans.
Their kids are big slow-mo guys fans
gavin so uh congratulations i'll give them something uh yeah sure absolutely and you
and you know you know their you know kent right yeah he's uh he's uh emily's sister's husband
uh anyway so uh so like a small world right anyway so we go visit them uh every november
for a weekend and every time we go, they take us to a, like an
apple mill, where they
make fresh, hot
apple cider, and they make fresh
hot apple cinnamon donuts,
and they have all these apple-related
foods, and it's all very
apple-y, and it's like the highlight of my
year, and we're going this weekend
just so that I can go back to the apple mill, and then
it just struck me, oh yeah
I guess we do this apple
shit and f*** face. I never made the connection
but I just booked my tickets like two
days ago to go up and have my apple weekend
and maybe I'll get lucky and there'll
be Cosmic Crisps there but I doubt it because I'm sure
it'll only be apples grown locally to
Detroit. That's exciting.
But I'll take tons of pictures.
I feel like that puts you in Apple guy territory
of the podcast. Are you worried, Andrew?
It's less about the Apple and more about
the donuts for me. But yeah, and the Apple.
Yeah, I was going to say, like, I think I
believe, Jeff, you once said that an Apple
is never above a six or seven
for you. So yeah, I would say seven.
Even though you're traveling for them, I think
I'm above as there's
some nine or ten apples out there.
I'm more about going for the apple experience.
Like it's fall and it's beautiful and the leaves are, you know, and it's this like,
it's invariably it'll be because I've been to a few different ones.
It's by like a little stream and there's like a big wheel spinning in the stream and there's
like families having picnics and it's just very quintessential like fall America. i'm more for that experience and it's less about the apples and more what they
do with them apple cider hot apple cider that shit's good i would rather like i'm way more
excited about that than just than eating a bog standard raw ass apple you know that's fair i
want to eat some chocolate is what i want i want to eat some chocolate let's do it did you ever
eat the banana by the way andrew after's do it. Did you ever eat the banana, by the way, Andrew, after your chocolate?
It's funny you mention that, Gavin.
I was going to bring it up after the fact.
Guess who bought some fucking bananas yesterday?
Nice.
I bought a whole set because when... Set.
I bought...
Listen, I had banana anxiety.
I realized I've never bought a banana before.
I didn't know what to do.
I was very...
I was like, well, what is the protocol here?
There are bags. Do I put the bananas in the bags? Do I need to know a code? didn't know what to do i was very i was like well what is the protocol here there are bags do i put the bananas in the bags do i need to know a code what do i
need to do i don't want to be embarrassed i don't want to look like a banana rookie when i get to
the counter i go to check you don't know banana code i don't know banana code jeff i was very
insecure about it until i saw another guy scroll stroll by with his cart and he had bananas in it
and i was like okay i'm good
i don't need to overthink this nick has a good point what um what color status have you got
i went with yellow because uh i figured that's them in their peak right ready to eat
ready to eat yeah they're still pretty good into brown as well but i think the greens are the worst
gotta wait when they get brown that's when you make banana bread out of them.
So what happened after I ate the chocolate yesterday,
I needed just something that wasn't dead in my mouth.
So I started eating an apple.
One of the best apples I've ever had.
I can't tell if it was just a great apple
or if the chocolate made everything taste like shit
to the point where anything other than that was amazing.
Like it was
a return to flavor yes so if i still think the banana is dog shit after eating this bar bananas
stink they just suck there's like this is the best way if i'm not gonna like a banana in this
environment i will never like a banana what kind of apple was it uh i don't want to i can't say
i'm once again i'm keeping my cards to my chest. I'm not going to let you shit all over my favorite
apples. Okay.
I don't want to shit on your apples,
but okay.
I promise you I don't want to shit on your apples.
The stuff we're private about
on this podcast.
You've said other ones. Jeff admitted
that was a smart move.
I gave you that a Granny Smith
is in the top seven. That's all I'm going to give you. I'm not telling you what
Apple that was. Is it two
or is it six? Could
be seven.
Alright, so we're running out of time
because Gavin has his heart out.
I'm ready to go.
Is everyone else prepared for their chocolate?
The time is nine and a half
minutes. Yeah, I'll stop my stopwatch
again. So who's doing? Jeff's doing this. I'm doing this again. chocolate the time is nine and a half minutes yeah i'll start my stopwatch again does ever so
who's doing jeff's doing this and there's no i'm gonna do it nick is doing it i believe are you
doing uh you doing on camera jeff oh shit i gotta do it on camera okay uh how do i do after all that
so wait why did you get up earlier and say i'll be right back uh i was just getting a drink.
Why?
I just thought it was like to sort out the camera or something.
It was like after the camera discussion.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
I was just like, oh, I should get a drink.
Okay.
New movie recording, right?
Yeah. Okay.
All right.
I'm recording.
Oh, you're just not lying.
I have 21 little squares of chocolate to eat.
Right, I'm with you, Gavin.
I assume everybody else is as well.
Let's not even worry about it at this point.
Okay.
Hello?
I'm ready.
On go.
Hi, Jeff.
Gavin, do you have a timer out?
Hello?
You're the timekeeper.
Okay, you got to do this countdown.
You want me to give you a countdown?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Is everyone else ready?
Anyone? Jeff, are you still there jeff jeff je oh you've got to be testing testing
check one two yeah we hear you what happened are you recording jeff hello Jeff? Hello? This is hell.
I'm in hell.
I can just imagine Andrew with chocolate in his hands and his mouth open.
I'm holding it!
I'm holding it!
We got a goddamn heart out, Jeff!
What are you doing?
Jeff, what are you doing?
This is why I gave the extra ten minutes! Jeff, are you doing Jeff what are you doing this is why I gave the
extra 10 minutes Jeffrey yeah but you also caused this by bringing up him
filming it you gave the 10 minutes to take it away hey can you hear me now
yeah yeah we yeah can you hear us yeah hold on night gotta make sure I don't lose my audio real fast
uh holy shit
are you still recording
no no my recording stopped
I gotta restart my recording hold on
save save the other one first
I am I am that's what I'm doing
oh boy oh
I was all worried cause I kind of
dropped my chocolate that I wouldn't get it in my hands
in time that was 8 minutes ago I know I know it's chocolate that I wouldn't get it in my hands in time.
That was eight minutes ago.
I know, I know.
It's fucking sucked.
I don't know what happened.
Just like, as soon as I hit record,
I stopped being able to hear you guys.
So, testing.
What?
Uh-oh.
Remember all the shit you gave me about my futzing, Gavin?
Remember the futzing conversation?
Getting in this episode?
Testing, testing. Check one, two.
Alright, I'm ready to eat chocolate if you guys are.
I am so ready to eat this.
I'm not recording this video, by the way.
That's fine. That's fine.
That's fine.
Gavin, countdown.
Are we ready? Yes.
Okay.
Three, two, one.
Chomp. Now, Gavin, two, one, chomp.
Now, Gavin, what we didn't anticipate is that this is just going to be people with their mouths full of chocolate and somebody has to talk.
Yeah, I've got no one to talk to.
Yeah, no, it's just going to have to be me and you because I didn't, I was thinking, well, it's not just going to be Gavin.
And Nick is eating the chocolate also, but he's not on microphone.
I'm here.
All right, so how many squares in do you think we are?
Andrew, do you think you're faster than last time?
I like this.
My favorite thing about this podcast. I can't drink anything during this, right?
No, no, no, you can't drink during, no.
My favorite thing about this podcast is how we'll do something and then just keep doing
it every week until we're bored of it.
We've already done this.
Oh, man.
We just keep doing everything twice.
It's really fucking sucks.
This is so gross.
Yeah.
Jeff, how would you describe the taste?
Is there anything like chocolate?
No.
It's just bitter.
How many squares? Three. I'm on my third No. It's just bitter. How many squares? I have back consistency.
Three.
I'm on my third square.
You better work faster, bud.
I have 18 to go.
Oh my god.
Andrew, how many squares?
We're all in.
They're all in?
All in?
Mm-hmm.
Oh my god.
I think Andrew pre-broke them and just shoved it.
Nick, what about you?
Nick, how many, what about you?
How many squares in are you?
I've got seven left in my mouth right now.
And how would you describe the taste, Nick?
Awful.
I would describe it as like chocolate
but with no ability to get sugar
or anything tasty.
Just goo.
I don't know how those wallow.
Sugarless goo.
Oh fuck, this is...
I would be surprised if Andrew wins with everything in his mouth.
Like it's hard to swallow stuff when your mouth is completely full of other shit.
Especially this, because it turns, it feels like it turns into a paste.
I just finished it, I'm done.
What? That was it?
You swallowed it like pills?
I mean, it was goo, but yeah, it was, yeah, kind of like that. Wait, how many squares was yours?
It was like 20 squares, something like that?
Yeah, like 20 squares.
It was like two minutes.
Yeah.
This took Andrew 10?
He doesn't like dark chocolate.
I don't know.
And he's done in two?
Andrew, how you doing? Five paws in the time it took
Patrick to do one.
I'm throwing up.
Nick is super
human.
Why weren't we filming Nick?
That's incredible. Sorry.
He's done.
He ate it all. And Jeff and Andrew are just struggling.
What's the time?
The time is almost it's like 2.50.
Nick's already like hands behind his head, like legs up on the desk.
He's done.
He's sorted.
I'm so thirsty though.
I mean, if you're done eating the chocolate, if you ate your whole chocolate bar, you can drink.
I'll be back.
Why wasn't he getting a drink?
He was just enjoying his victory.
I just violently vomited.
What?
I didn't even hear it.
It looks like I diarrhea'd all over my toilet.
It's just chocolate. Oh, you're
serious. Yeah,
no, I just like, I was
trying to swallow it
down and then it just like got me wrong and then
I threw up in my mouth a little bit and I ran to
the bathroom
and it just went everywhere.
I'm gonna...
I took a picture.
I took a picture but it's too gross to show you.
It just looks like
a splatter shit.
Is it...
Is it too gross for us?
Yeah, I mean, too gross for the audience.
But yeah, I'll send it to you.
I'm working on it but this isn't helping.
This conversation is not making
this easier.
Andrew, I hate to inform you that we're coming up on your original
Five minute. Well, give me updates. How much time period you're at 420 almost
Well, I have the worst heartburn in the world right now. Oh, no
It is so bad. Oh
My god You got on the seat so bad. Oh my
God. Oh, gross.
You got on the seat.
Why did you lift the seat up?
I didn't get a chance. It was
shooting out of me. You better
tell, you better let Emily know that
it's chocolate. I gotta clean it up,
dude. I'm gonna go clean it up. You're gonna try
to and you're gonna leave behind splatters and she's
gonna go, what the fuck?
Let's leave that picture of the discord for Jack to see.
I'll be honest.
I might throw up again.
That was...
Andrew, are you okay?
Oh, no.
It may have come up for Andrew.
Oh, Andrew.
I don't feel good.
Oh, Andrew. I don't feel good. It tastes so bad.
It's like that.
It's not food.
Andrew, you still there, buddy?
Uh-oh.
I don't hear him anymore.
Oh, he might be.
He might have to go and throw up could you hear him
no i think i see his name flashing i see it flash every so often but i don't think it's
i think it's like him from like another room going but you can't hear him do you think do
you think maybe he he passed out i think maybe he went to go throw up like you. Maybe it's only picking up the convulsions.
Never again.
Never again.
Oh, see, he's back.
There we go.
He's alive.
Andrew, are you okay?
I'm not going to try this fucking dog shit banana.
Wait, hang on.
What happened with the chocolate?
I'm done.
I finished the chocolate.
You got it all down?
You didn't throw up?
Yeah, I just, no, I didn't throw up.
I went to a different place mentally. I was the chocolate. You got it all down. You didn't throw up. Yeah, I just no I didn't throw up I like what you got was close. I went to a different place mentally. I was physically here
mentally and emotionally
Well, there's no point in continuing after Nick finished. Yeah, you did it in six minutes
I think I could get the five Jesus Christ the banana
Oh, I also you didn't tell me when you were done anyway, so I was was around the time I came back, so like probably five seconds when you hit pause.
I can't believe how sick that made me.
Oh.
Trying the banana.
Everyone seems really down.
This still fucking sucks.
All right.
All right.
You're a fucking, you're a lying asshole.
That's a good banana and you know it. No, bananas. You eat that You're a lying asshole. That's a good banana, and you know it no
We tap it in and you like it. That's a good banana
fucking banana out
You do know to you do know to peel a banana. Oh that's fucking yeah
I know how to feel a banana. You know how to feel a banana
You fucking pervert.
It's fucking gross.
I'm so surprised.
This is a trash fruit.
No.
That's insulting.
The taste, like, in other things I'm okay with.
Just by itself, this is a garbage fruit.
Terrible.
There's no such thing as a garbage fruit.
All fruit is good.
That's banana.
Bananas are the worst fruit.
I can't even speak.
So, Andrew, was the chocolate better the second time or worse?
I just want to watch Nick eat chocolate,
is what I've learned from this second experience.
I don't understand what he did.
I don't know the approach.
I followed your method.
I broke up all the pieces and wolfed them.
It's the exact same brand, the Lindt 100% chocolate thing?
Yeah, Lindt 100% excellence.
Unsweetened chocolate.
Damn it.
How?
Like, your mouth starts to reject it the second you put it in there.
I may have an advantage because my wife and I tried to give up a lot of processed foods years ago
and to sell,
or anytime we would actually
have something sweet,
this is as close as we could get.
It was no sugar,
so this was the only we'd have.
Oh, so this is a clear,
like we're adopting the darkness
and Nick was born in it.
He's living it.
This is just part of his.
We were on a different level going in.
The darkness of chocolate.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Ugh.
I was impressed, though.
That was a hell of a performance by Nick.
I did not see...
Nick, you're super human.
Thank you.
That was really impressive.
I don't know what it says about me as a person,
but, you know, here we are.
There was... When you finished at two and a half minutes,
I was beginning to entertain the idea of throwing up,
and I was only six, seven bars in, maybe eight.
I don't know how you did it.
I will say it was harder listening to you
describe you vomiting in a toilet
and then hearing everybody gag.
That was the toughest part of the two runs.
I found the vomiting to be the toughest part,
but yeah.
I'm saying for me.
The actual vomiting.
Yeah.
Oh.
I don't even think a nine and a half
would have been doable for me.
It was just so bad.
That was fun.
I feel good.
I feel way better than I did the first time I did this.
This is a good experience overall.
I'm never going to do it again.
Yeah, that's another closed chapter i
was miserable jeff the first time how many did you end up eating three six i think i had a little
bit less than half of it okay it's kind of hard to tell because i started to break them up into
tiny little pieces but yeah i'd say i had less than half it's not a taste thing as much as it
is you just need to start being able to break it down
is the issue.
Yeah, well,
and your body
doesn't want to swallow,
like your mouth
doesn't want to swallow it
because it doesn't
recognize it as food.
Yeah, like I said,
it was sort of like
swallowing pills
was how I was able
to consume it
the first time
is what I learned
I had to do.
Yeah.
Well, that was the show.
All right.
I think we should wrap up.
Another weird one.
I thought it was a fun episode. Yeah, I liked it. I had a great time. I enjoyed it too. I was the show. All right. We should wrap up. Another weird one. I thought it was a fun episode.
Yeah, I liked it.
I had a great time.
I enjoyed it too.
I always enjoy it.
It's always fun.
Okay, well, there you go.
You've listened to the Fruit and Chocolate Podcast
yet again.
77 episodes,
77 different hot takes on apples.
Thanks for sticking with us.
And unless you didn't,
in which case,
you don't hear this anyway,
so it doesn't matter.
Go fuck yourself.
See you next week.
Or I won't,
because you won't be here
because you fucked yourself.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.