F**kface - Early for Being Late // We're Gurpin' [21]
Episode Date: October 21, 2020Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about doing intros again, what our friend Jack thinks about the show, concentrate tubes, and more. Buy the red F**k hat shirt: http://bit.ly/RedFshirt Sponsored by Mansca...ped (http://manscaped.com/face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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I have... Oh, God, it's close.
It's 2.59.
This is Jeff,
and I have decided
as an experiment to be late
to today's podcast i'm never late it was a whole thing we talked about how i like to be 15 minutes
early but i decided to see how the other half lives and so i'm gonna see if i can be if i can
stomach being one minute late it's driving me nuts. All I have to do is just click one button,
just one button to come in. But I need, oh, it's hard to do. It's hard to do. They're getting mad.
I can see they're talking. They're upset. I, uh, oh, they're all in the, oh, why is one minute so
long? I wish I had a timer. It's really, it's quite hard to allow yourself to be
late when you could walk through the door. I don't, if I join right now, I'm still technically
on time. I don't know how you people do this. I don't know how you perennially late people,
God, I used to manage a call center before this career. And you know, it was a blessing when an employee would show up on time early was
unheard of uh 99.9 percent of the time everybody was 10 minutes late they seem so comfortable with
it i am uh i'm nervously rubbing my leg because i just want to join the stupid room. Oh, 301. I'm joining. I'm trying to like.
So, uh, hey, what's up?
I, uh, I'm late.
Ask me why.
Okay.
Why are you late?
I wanted to see how the other half lived.
Yeah.
I logged into 259.
I hit record and I just talked.
I talked through it, uh, while I tried desperately not to, not to join.
Uh, I don't know how people can do it.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
So you're saying that you're late to this recording yes however jeff in your way of describing being late
to this recording you have just explained that in fact you logged on early and started recording
early and started recording by yourself early but then showed up late you son of a bitch i was i was early to my
being late prank god damn it even to being late you were early you're right you're fucking right
i just wanted to talk through the psychosis of it because i was sitting here and i was driving
me nuts and i was just begging it to be 301 so i could just fucking join because i hate it i hate
it at my core being late. Then I was early!
Ah, you're right, you're right, you're right.
Fuck. Wait, am I late now?
Are we doing the episode now?
Am I late because you started? How much of
yours are you using? Are you not
recording? I'm recording now, but I
didn't record when you joined. I didn't expect you to yell
about being late early. I was recording
already. I'm a good boy. I don't
even know. Fuck. I don't even know.
Fuck.
I don't know what to do with that.
Did you do the intro?
Yeah, did you do the intro in it?
No, I don't do intros anymore.
Andrew turned me off to him.
I will say I've been thinking about the intro and I think it probably does make sense.
God damn it, Andrew.
I've reconsidered the intro
because we never really say each other's names on the show.
So I don't know how else.
So I don't understand.
So when I say all this stuff and it's weeks ago,
you disagree, but then it just takes you like
a month and a half to come around or what is it?
Yeah, I think about it.
I process it.
For a month and a half?
Well, I don't know.
There's a lot going on.
I was thinking about it and you're right.
We don't really say our names.
I think the intro sucks in terms of a flow of a show.
I don't think we need it in terms of...
I don't know.
It just feels weird to me.
What feels weird?
You just described all the reasons for needing it,
and I don't understand because it's not for the flow of the show.
It's strictly for business.
It's a...
I don't understand.
No, I get what you're saying.
Okay, so from my point of view
it's more naturalistic to just talk and doing an intro feels more performative or like it has to
go a certain way and that feels weird to me i'm not as comfortable with that as just talking so
that's where my issue with the intro was yeah but i always do it uh well now i'm now i'm disagreeing
with you after agreeing with you.
That is not true.
I'm happy to do it, and you always decry it and say like, stop doing it, it doesn't need to be done.
Nah, I disagree. I feel like I've done a few intros early on.
Well, I tried to throw them to you to throw you a bone.
Maybe two or three? Well, very kind of you. I definitely did an outro.
But we didn't do intros because you kept talking about how the intro was dumb.
That's fair. Is that why we
stopped? I just thought we all agreed. No!
Nobody agreed! To my frustration,
everyone just stopped doing the intro.
Well, maybe we should do the intro.
Oh my god. This is, uh, this is,
how far, Jeff, how long have you been recording
for? Uh, seven
minutes. Oh, that's not bad. I got in here like
20 minutes and was talking to myself non-stop.
So we're both doing our own solo
thing. Welcome to
A F*** Face, episode
21? 16.
16. What a fool
I am, of course. 16. I
am not your host. I'm not
the one who does intros. Andrew.
Joined by... My name is Jeff
Ramsey and... And I'm Gavin.
And I'm Gavin.
That actually fits really well with what we did a good job.
Oh, man, the audience will not know it because Nick is so clever with the blade, as it were.
But there's some fuckery going about with the editing in this episode, I imagine.
I mean, technically, between you and I, Jeff, we would have like 30 minutes
based on how early we were
if we just went with our audio.
We both were solo doing things.
Were you just talking about you being late earlier
or were you doing other things?
I was talking about me being late.
I was just talking about like what it feels like,
how it was like eating at the pit of my stomach.
I was rubbing my leg.
I actually realized I ripped some fucking leg hair off.
I was rubbing my leg so hard. So you were like sat ready to go at your
station being late. Yeah. I just, I thought I wanted to see how the other half lives. I wanted
to just, I wanted, I've been early for 20 something years. What was it like? Uh, I hated it.
I felt gross. I felt bad. I saw them all in the voice chat and I saw the little blinkers
going, you know, and I was like, oh, they're talking and they're wondering where we are.
Eric is slacking us. Andrew's getting mad. And I'm like, oh, man. And it just sucked. And I was
like, I was every time I was watching, I was like, it's still three o'clock. It's still three o'clock.
I could just log in right now. It was the hardest, physically difficult not to join. And then I
joined one minute late. And Eric immediately, when I explained it,
Eric immediately went,
you're the dumbest person on earth.
You were early.
I don't think I've ever been mad at either.
I'm trying to think.
What is the angriest I've ever been?
I've taken note, Andrew, of my favorite part
about making face,
and it's when I interrupt you
while you're giving me the answer
to the question that I'm asking.
It happens so much just by accident,
and you
you always just snap in the most hilarious way that's so out of character for you i love it
every time it happens it doesn't make sense like i'm it's not even like i'm being vague i'm trying
to do a metaphor i'll be directly explaining the information you're looking for and you'll just
yell like faster give it now what i'm hearing is gavin is mike pence and andrew is obviously kamala harris and
you're the fly on my head and i'm the fly yeah because usually it's like hey andrew why don't
you do it like this and you and andrew will be like no don't do it like this and i'll be like
how do you want it done and you'll be like well stop interrupting me it's like it to me it's like
a perfect flow of conversation but for you i'm like stepping all over you and that's what i like about it it's that canadian speech pattern you never know when you can jump in is that a thing
it is now okay sure i feel like you andrew is like ready to jump out after every single word
and he's not fully committed to each sentence he's just like he'll finish saying one sentence
then leave too big of a pause for me to then hop in. Like that? Was that like the pause you were looking
for? That one was massive. That was a big
pause? Yeah. Well, I didn't know. I didn't know
what you meant by long pause. Could have driven
a Buick through that pause. Yeah, but I'm
talking about pauses after you speak, not after
I speak. Oh, okay. Well,
I'll speak with less
pause? Would that be...
I'm trying to be Canadian nice to you right now,
Gavin. How would you like me to speak?
What adjustments could I make?
I mean, this is outrageous. That was a clear
pause, and you both
just nothing. Just leaving me out to die.
Listen, don't let me into this
nonsense. You were talking to Gavin. I'm listening.
Yeah, and I didn't want to step all over you.
That was not stepping.
That was stepping in a different way.
You just threw shit at me.
That was terrible.
You left me out to die there.
This podcast in only, what is this, episode 16?
In only 16 episodes, it has descended to the point where now we can't hold a conversation.
Like the mechanics of a conversation are outside of our grasp currently.
Yeah, it's all broken down.
It's all become so meta in and of itself that we barely know how to function. We probably couldn't function outside of our grasp currently. Yeah, it's all broken down. It's all become so meta in and of itself
that we barely know how to function.
We probably couldn't function
outside of this podcast as it was.
Oh, absolutely.
When I think of us now getting ready for F*** Face,
I think we're about seven episodes away
from being, I don't know if you remember
2001 A Space Odyssey,
but when the monolith appears
and the apes go and start beating it with sticks, I feel like
we're, by another
six or seven episodes, we're going to be apes just beating the
microphones with sticks. We're regressing.
We're dehumanizing. And then suddenly
we'll be in space doing it. Yeah. We got
an intro now. We're back to the intros.
Can you believe, Gavin, that I said
I was pro-intro and got yelled at about it?
How crazy that is? Today you did?
Today, yeah. I said we should have intros.
I think the intro is important.
I expect everyone to say, oh, that's great.
You finally are reasonable.
And they yelled at me.
Well, it's because you've broken our spirit on the subject.
How did I break the spirit?
I think it's a valid point.
I've seen the other side.
I've evaluated.
I was reasonable.
I thought Eric had a pretty good point when he explained how you'd broken our spirit.
And I don't know
if we need to rehash it,
but listen to the first two minutes
of the podcast, Gavin.
You'll hear it.
Very eloquent in the way
that he explained the fuckery
that is Andrew Panton in the intro.
I came around.
He beat it out of me.
He comes in hot
and he goes like,
oh, we're going to do an intro.
And I was like,
we don't do an intro anymore.
You convinced me otherwise.
And he's like,
well, now I think we should.
I think it makes sense.
I think it makes sense, too.
I just, we don't say our names on the show ever really
I mean I refer to you by your name multiple times every episode
Do you?
I guess you do maybe should I reverse my position in my back that we don't need intros?
No, we're doing intros
I'm gonna start writing down how often we say each other's names just so I can get a better grasp of this
I need the data. You want stats after every recording?
Well, yeah, I'll do my own stats.
I don't expect that of anyone else.
But yeah, stats are going to be done now.
Okay.
Do you remember last episode?
We're talking about colors, new colors.
Can I say something?
Yeah, go ahead.
Before we go too further in last episode.
Sure.
I wasn't happy with my performance in last episode.
I left feeling kind of bummed.
I thought you guys were great. But I just want to apologize if I didn't happy with my performance in last episode. I left feeling kind of bummed. I thought you guys were great,
but I just want to apologize if I didn't bring it 100.
If I brought it like 88 or if I brought it like 92,
I apologize.
I try to bring it 100 every time,
and I don't feel like I did.
I even immediately messaged Nick,
and I just said, cut out everything I said.
Was it your least favorite episode 16 that we've done?
It was my least favorite performance
in an episode 16 that we've done? It was my least favorite performance in an episode 16 that we've done.
Despite how you feel about that, I feel like you said maybe the funniest thing that was
said on this podcast within that episode.
What was that?
When we're talking about cool stuff and it was, I don't remember the exact line, but
you made a reference to like building a company like an Animal Crossing.
Like it just suddenly happened.
I thought that was very funny so to give you credit up until that point gavin's line of that you were a man of beverage
when talking about orangutans was i think the most singularly funny thing said and that passed
for me thank you so much i i feel a little redeemed honestly i appreciate that i i feel it's
i i have to mention then i had lunch with jack
today who uh if you're not super familiar with our company it's a guy we work with dude he listens to
this did you know that he listens to the podcast which a makes me uncomfortable and is a little
weird um but b uh he likes to talk to me about it he told me that this last episode so maybe it
wasn't fuck i don know, the episode that just
came out this week, not that we're talking about the one before, that Gavin said the
funniest thing he's ever said in his life, and you and I completely and totally missed
it, Andrew, and glossed over it and didn't give it the reverential respect it deserves.
Apparently, we were talking about judge stuff.
Gavin said he would be Judge Gavel, which is a very funny thing to say.
And I don't remember it at all.
And I guess we blew through it.
And even on my listen through,
I didn't hear it.
So Gavin, congratulations.
Jack thought that was
a very funny moment.
And I'm sorry
I didn't give you the space.
He texts me that.
And I didn't even remember
saying it because
no one reacted to it.
I went back to find it
and no one says anything.
And to me, I assume I just throw it out as a throwaway comment.
Like, it's better than silence.
But I wasn't super proud of it.
It tickled Jack to the point where he had to...
Oh, I love that.
He had to bring it up today.
I thought that was interesting.
Were you just looking at him like, huh?
I was kind of like, oh, yeah, funny.
He's like, you didn't react then.
You don't know what I'm talking about. I'm like, yeah, he's like you didn't react then you don't know
what i'm talking about like yeah okay you're right judge gavel good on you gavin hey thanks
see because your name is gavin and we call you silly names like gaver gavel whatever yeah and
then a judge bangs a gavel so it's funny on multiple layers oh is that what that thing's
called it's uh it's a gavel it's called a gavel yeah. It's what I was going for. It was a twofer, but Andrew and I, we considered it an ofer, apparently, because we didn't even notice.
I think you did notice, it just wasn't worth it.
I remember it.
Yeah, that's my point, right?
You heard me say it, and you thought, huh.
Is this an episode where we're going to analyze what Jack thinks is really funny?
Like, we're just going to talk about the jokes that land for him and how good they are this is now turning into an indictment
on jack's taste no it's not at all an indictment on jack's taste it's just it's funny we're really
we're going into the weeds on jack's opinions i'm gonna be texting him every week i'll be like
what do you hey what do you think about that one wasn A new segment. Jack's favorite line of the week.
We should have Jack on one time and he'll just be like,
here's the funny thing that was said.
A recap episode?
What if we turn it on him?
What if we have him on for 30 seconds
and he has to say something funnier than we've ever seen?
All I can think of is Jay and Inbetweeners going...
Yeah.
Doing a bit of a crazy frog.
Oh, man.
Shout out to Buckley there.
You know, that's something that we haven't really broached.
I know I said that I wanted Bill Ripken to come on the show someday because he was the inspiration for the name of the show for me.
And Andrew was like, well, hold your horses.
Let's find out if he's funny first, which I agree.
But we've never really talked about having guests on the show.
Is that something we're ever going to do someday?
Maybe by the time we get to episode 16, we could be doing that.
Yeah, well, let's see if we can get through episode 16 first, right?
I'm on the fence about it.
I really, I think maybe someday, but I think right now we're building,
we need to build the foundation and maybe a floor of this
house before we start opening up
the spare bedrooms to other people. The problem
is we keep destroying the houses
we're making it and changing what it looks
like as it goes. Part of the problem.
Trying to like jump in. Imagine
going into a show and
the first six minutes are yelling about
does the intro matter and reversing
opinion. every week.
Yeah.
And just not knowing how to close it.
It's a it would be a weird thing to walk into.
I think it would be a challenge.
Hey, this is Andrew from the podcast you're listening to.
I'm interrupting you for a minute because typically this is where the ad would start.
But this isn't an ad.
The ad is about to happen. I just I really had to take a minute because typically this is where the ad would start, but this isn't an ad. The ad is about to happen.
I just, I really had to take a minute.
Jeff typically does these things.
And, uh, I mean, he's known for his legendary tales, these legendary ad reads, but I'm going
to have to take it over this week because Jeff, unfortunately, uh, blew his asshole
out in a fart related accident.
He's been trying really hard to find new sounds, hit new tones,
and in the process of doing so, it just went bad, and he just...
I don't want to be vulgar, but everything that should be on the inside is now on the out.
We think he's going to be okay.
It's sort of like when an athlete tears his ACL.
We think his asshole will return to normal, But he's out this week because of it.
So I know I think would be really nice if you could reach out to Jeff on Twitter or Instagram, really, however you want to.
And just check in and make sure his assholes.
OK, thank you.
Enjoy the ad.
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What are you waiting for?
So we were talking about colors.
We were talking about colors.
We're talking about Gerpl.
Wait.
Okay.
Speaking of lines you didn't get, did you guys not hear Gerpl last? No, you did because we talked.
Oh, yeah.
We talked about making a Gerpl shirt.
Yeah. I feel like I didn't hear it in recording But we talked about it in slack afterwards no it was in the record
I think it was you two were talking and closing the show and I just kept making up color names
I kept saying gerbil, but yeah, so we're talking about gerbil Jeff had a whole bit where he wanted to read our text line
Which was just forgotten about completely oh shit
which was just forgotten about completely oh shit um god damn it was you're really enthused about it too you're like excited and i didn't know where it began and where it ended and i
felt bad because gavin only had one line of dialogue if we did that i had this whole thing
worked out where i was gonna try and get you two to flip roles without knowing and so i could have
the gavin spot so i do the least amount of talking that would have been great wait do i do the least
amount of talking no in the text in the text, do I do the least amount of talking? No, in the text.
In the text chain. If we were doing
the script, you had one thing that
said like, cool, and that was it.
Man, I thought that that
was, let me, alright, you can be honest with me.
Was it a good idea? I think it's interesting.
I thought it was an interesting idea too.
And now I feel like
the audience must be really confused
if there is still an audience at this point
what it boiled down to is
and this is the problem with us recording
so far in advance sometimes
is after we did the episode
a conversation started about
fuck I don't even remember why I wanted to do it
do you remember why I wanted
I'm looking at I'm trying to find the text right now
it was a funny conversation
but yeah so gerbil
I don't know if you want to
still do your GURPL bit, Jeff,
if you're still that committed.
Oh, no, I have it.
I have it.
I have it.
Okay.
Here's the way it would have worked.
The audience tunes in
and maybe, maybe,
do you guys have it?
Or do you guys have it
in front of you?
I can pull it up.
All right.
Andrew, start it off.
We should sell a GURPL color shirt.
Love it.
Interesting fact about
Dumb and Dumber.
The original screenplay was actually written by Chicago filmmaker John Hughes,
The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Vacation.
But due to the deal he made with the directors,
his name was to be stripped from the project, including the script.
Damn.
Would you intentionally write a shitty script if you knew you would not be credited?
What color blank should we print Gurple on?
Uh, yes.
And black?
White?
Surely some sort
of greenish purple.
I wonder if hypercolors
is still a thing.
The uglier the better.
I don't think it even
needs a design.
An ugly-ass
greenish purple blank.
Does it say
Gurpal on it anywhere?
I think it exudes
Gurpal.
Doesn't need to be stated.
Maybe on the
inside tag.
If you could find out
how many times
you've been bitten by a bug in your life, would you
want to know?
I don't think I would.
I think the answer would be too gross.
Only if I could then bet on the bug bites.
Well, yeah.
I mean, if we could make it a gambling thing, sure.
I bet it's thousands.
I would take the under on Gavin.
Gavin strikes me as someone who doesn't get bitten frequently.
He is so hairy.
I bet it's harder for bugs to get in.
Four.
Can we release an episode as a text log?
I think we can do anything.
Do you think if we performed a text conversation,
the audience would be able to tell?
Absolutely.
Maybe.
Let's perform a test.
Let's read our lines next week,
starting from we should sell a Gerpel shirt
up to and including this part of the conversation.
Well, I can see this idea went over
as well as the baseball bat.
I think it's great. I feel bad adding to the script. Gavin only has one line of dialogue of the conversation. Well, I can see this idea went over as well as the baseball bat.
I think it's great.
I feel bad adding to the script.
Gavin only has one line of dialogue at the moment.
Bam.
We already had that conversation.
Did you know that brown isn't a color?
It's just dark orange.
Picture of brown.
Aren't all colors technically just a shade of another color?
No.
Primary colors are just those colors.
Did you know that some colors are impossible?
There's no such thing as yellowish blue to humans.
I don't know about that, Gavin.
I want us to do something like... Oh, I don't want to read that part.
That's a bit for the future.
And scene.
That was a good scene.
That was a good scene.
I'll be honest.
I hadn't actually read 80% of that.
I just came back to my phone one day and saw like 27 on the text
icon. I was like, what the hell? And then
I just scrolled all the way to the bottom of it and wrote, bam.
So, the
genesis of that is we were having the Gerbil conversation
and it was funny. And then I was trying to
have a conversation about Dumb and Dumber
because I was really embarrassed in the podcast
because I was telling a story about how there
was a scene in Dumb and Dumber that was in the
trailer that's not in the movie. And I thought it was the scene where he falls off the jetway,
the jet bridge, and it's not. But I think the thing is there's something different. Like it
was a different shot or something. I remember it very clearly in my mind. And then I was saying
that that's probably what most Mandela effects are. People just misremembering or content being
cut for television or whatever um or sometimes scenes
show up in trailers that are not in the movies and uh gavin very adeptly pointed out that that
scene is in the movie and i'm a fucking dumbass and that made me feel really stupid so i went on
a whole mission reading all over imdb and everywhere to try to find that difference and i was never
able to but i did read the interesting thing about uh the fact that john hughes wrote dumb and dumber
which is crazy to me and then i I was thinking, what a funny conversation.
It would be funny if we tried to read
one of our text convos naturally,
but sticking to the lines
and seeing how long it would take the audience
to figure out we were doing that,
doing something off.
And it turns out just listening to us go through it now
would have been almost instantly.
It would have been immediately.
It would have been in one second.
We had Eric and Nick wondering what the hell was going on during that little read that we just did.
Hey, do you want to do a bit with me right now?
I'm going to be Eric Bedour today at 3.23 p.m.
You play the part of Nick Schwartz and let's do another interpretation, okay?
Andrew, you just hang tight.
What the fuck
is happening what is going on am i having a stroke is this what the show is now and scene that was
good thank you it's so obvious that you guys are reading something i mean gavin is just uh
robotically reading something yeah but jeff puts so much enthusiasm when he reads.
Like the way that he never ever sounds when you're just speaking with him.
Acting!
That's not acting.
The dialogue doesn't match your emotion at all.
You're just really enthused and yelling about every line.
You would never speak that way.
See, I'm reading with the same tone that i had at the time
while i was typing it but circle back i'm not done with gerpel we were just getting started on this
gerpel talk i'm really glad you remembered that whole thing andrew because i it was i i flushed
it down the fucking brain toilet i mean we should have started with it we kind of announced that we
were gonna do it well you weren't even fucking here, so. Alright.
So I sent a message to all of you in our Slack earlier
this week saying, I've been working
on something behind the scenes. That was
terrifying. I said, don't be scared.
I said, don't be alarmed, but I'm
doing some work behind the scenes here,
which is funny to say in a behind the scenes. It was a behind
the scenes of the behind the scenes here, which is funny to say in a behind the scenes. It was a behind the scenes of the behind the scenes chat.
And I talked to Tony, this shirt stuff, clothes stuff, design stuff, and I put Gerpl in the
motion.
We're figuring out Gerpl.
You guys are Gerpin?
We're Gerpin.
I have some options.
We could evaluate the different Gerpl takes I have.
Don't need to go with the design pattern necessarily.
Just some color. Just some color just some color
Possibilities of what a gerbil might look like how do you feel about that as a gerbil?
Oh my god, it kind of looks like those cups
You know those paper cups you get like a fast food place to those who can't see it
It's like a tie-dyed cyan and purple it is with a stack of money on it for some reason some might say gurp
So might call that a girl. I was just curious how you felt on the girl scale one out of ten
How girl is that I'm gonna give that like a nine?
I don't know that there is a perfect, but I don't know how you could top it
It's a lot of white on it. It is a lot of white. I would agree with that
I think maybe the white ratio is a little too much
I'd like a little bit more blend of the purple and and and the green but uh so then we have another this is
ignore everything about this but the concept of what about gerbil crayon shirt how do we feel
about that what if we make a gerbil crayon have that as the design that could be the shirt we go
for how do we feel about a gerbil crown i can't imagine getting up in the morning looking through all of my shirts
and thinking that's the one for today what okay well what is there an evaluation on your shirt
choice every day do you how much thought do you put into it well i i think about if i'm going to
be on camera that day i'll probably slop on some new merch that is currently being sold instead of
some old shitty merch that looks a bit ragged that's fair that's about it i just it it totally the the swim trunks go on first
first thing i do wake up roll out of bed put on the swim trunks and then depending on the color
of the swim trunks i have i pick the appropriate shirt color and that is it shirt color just can't
clash with the swim trunks swim Swim trunks are so uncomfortable.
Oh, they're so comfortable.
They're so comfortable.
You're sat on like rustly material and your bollocks are in a net.
It's because you're buying dog shit.
Swim trunks, man.
I'm telling you, I found this pair of swim trunks.
I don't work for these people.
I'm not shilling for them.
This isn't Spawn.
None of that.
But this company called Bather.
I bought them in Austin. Sounds like you're looking down at them right now. I did. Spawn. None of that. But this company called Bather. I bought them in Austin at
Sounds like you're looking down at them right now.
I did. I did. I just looked down.
Well, I'm wearing them right now. You know who I am.
I looked down
I looked down to see the label.
So I bought this one pair of
swim trunks. It was ridiculously comfortable.
I like the height. I I noticed most shorts are too long
but I'm not I am a little demure
I don't want to show too much leg
but I don't want to hide myself either
you know and so they're like the perfect length
and they're so they're fucking expensive
they're like 80 bucks for one pair
but you know I'm worth it
so I bought like seven pair of bathers
and that's just all I wear
you find the one thing that's cozy and comfy
and then you just buy a hundred of that.
The same thing with that pair of jeans I own
that are a pair of pants.
I own nine colors of one pair of pants
and that's my entire wardrobe.
Yeah, I got a lot of red and gray shorts.
Yeah, you do have a lot of fucking
like salmon colored shorts.
It's like a fucking truck drove by your house
when you were a teenager
and a box fell out full of shorts, salmon colored shorts that fit you and you it's like it's like a fucking truck drove by your house when you were a teenager and a box fell out full of shorts.
Salmon colored shorts that you fit you and you were just like, well, I guess I'm set for life.
Yeah. I mean, isn't it great to have multiples of stuff?
Oh, it's the best.
So it's just like, oh, I could just take these off and put these.
It's like with socks and stuff.
Yes. It's the best part about being a guy, I think, too, is like you just find what works and then you just beat
that into the ground i started doing a thing with uh it was like an old sponsor of one of our
podcasts that i assume i won't say the name of about underwear and i just subscribed and once
a week or once a month i get some boxes and then i just pilfer around in my drawer for the shoddiest
probably like 14 to 15 year old pair of boxer shorts with a hole in
and i pick them out and i throw them away and they slowly over time over the months
will become fully replaced with a brand new set of boxes yeah that's smart i do something similar
yeah i was thrown off by your use of i assume i won't say like that you didn't have a choice in
the matter like there was some other force that could somehow make you That was completely your decision.
I don't know why you had to articulate that you were
unsure of whether to proceed.
Yeah, that was a really weird way of phrasing it.
This is very strange.
Is that what was in the script? Is that what we typed out?
Yeah, it must have been an autocorrect or something.
Oh god. Okay, so we got those out of the way.
What about this for a
Gerpel Venn diagram shirt?
Little bit of green a little bit
of purple gerbil in the middle how do we feel about this as a possibility that's the one you
think that's why i still got ones to pick here's here's what you got to do too if it had the g
in the green and then urp in the gray and then le P-L-E in the purple. So the word goes across all three.
I think that'd be phenomenal.
Oh God.
So we're, that's like a solid 9.9
is the Venn diagram gerbil.
Is that a true blend of those two colors, by the way?
If you actually, you know,
50% opacity over each other.
You think I know how colors work?
I just got sent.
I got no clue.
I can't answer that.
I feel very good about that one.
Where are you getting these from? Is this from, is this from this Tony? Yeah, these are all from Tony. I got no clue. I can't answer that. I feel very good about that one. Where are you getting these from?
Is this from Tony?
Yeah, these are all from Tony.
I was talking back and forth.
I was trying to explain the concept of GURPL.
And I was very, I appreciate Tony's clearly.
I can trust him.
I said, don't tell anybody nothing about this.
It has to be a secret.
You're able to just deploy employees of this company.
You barely even work here.
And we've got people.
I'm technically, I don't work there.
Like I'm under contract.
I'm a contract.
I'm not an employee.
Hey, head of the multi-million dollar merch department.
It's contract employee Andrew Panton.
Drop what you're doing.
Drop what you're doing.
I have some work for you.
I need you to invent a color.
I kind of said that.
It never occurred to me that that was absurd, but yeah.
This is coming in hot.
I'm going to need you to drop everything.
Should we explain that last one to those who can't see it?
The Venn diagram?
It's basically a Venn diagram of green and purple together,
and in the middle, they're gray.
Yeah.
I'm assuming Nick will put all these up in the...
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it'll be on the
instagram too i have an issue with that instagram but gerpal four i think this is the ugliest gerpal
by far uh just i i feel like it makes me think gerpal but it just doesn't look pleasant i don't
think i'd want to buy that shirt have they like deliberately warped the look of the blank to be all like floofy and blumpy in the wrong areas?
Like, who wants to look like that?
It's all lumpy and weird.
It's pretty odd, yeah.
Maybe we'll do the lumpy variant of Gerple, a very limited run.
So that's Gerple 4.
Gerple 5 is gonna come across as very self-congratulatory.
This was not my idea, This was purely Tony's idea.
I guess there are Pantone swatches.
And so he wanted to do like a Pantone,
Pantone,
Gerple,
Pantone swatch.
I'm butchering explaining this.
This is a train wreck.
It's a shirt that has a swatch on it that says Gerple.
How do we feel about this?
I fucking love that shirt.
If I'm being honest with you.
That one should come out either way.
Okay.
But I don't think it's main Gerple. Okay. You know where that shirt belongs, Gavin? I'm being honest with you. That one should come out either way. Okay. But I don't think it's main gupple.
Okay.
You know where that shirt belongs, Gavin?
I'm going to tell you right now, and you're going to instantly know.
Many, many years ago, we went to the Netherlands together.
We went to, for a work thing.
And we were in Breda.
It was a college town.
We gave a talk on like machinima and online stuff.
I don't remember.
Yeah.
It was bullshit.
Some bullshit.
Some excuse to go to the netherlands and in that little cute college town of bretta which was phenomenal
uh by the way and uh just a gorgeous place um there was the museum of graphic design i believe
and we went and spent the day there and that shirt it looks like it would be a poster on the front of
the on the front door when you walk in yeah it looks like it would be a poster on the front door when you walk in.
That would be like hanging above the door.
Like April 17th to May 26th, Pantan Gurpal exhibit.
That place wasn't far from the best smelling alley in the world.
Dude, dude.
What did it smell like?
It smelled really good.
What does that mean?
Are we talking like a bakery, or what is the smell?
It was food. It was food.
It was food.
It was waffles and all kinds of...
It wasn't just waffles, though.
I think that there was some McDonald's in that smell, too, if I'm being honest with you.
Is there any smell that a slight waft of McDonald's doesn't improve?
No.
Slight is the key, though.
You don't want too much.
Just a little bit. It was like a cornucopia of pleasant smells
that combined together to make the ultimate Voltron
of delicious smell.
And I can't pick out what each piece was,
but I know waffle was a big part of it.
It was like if my nose had a G spot,
it had its fingers all over it.
All that smell was stimulating every single piece
of the inside of my nose.
It was amazing.
I wish you hadn't said that. No. Did I ruin that creeped me out it was a nice image oh so what
what is the gerbil i think we should pick the go-to i feel like i know based on the reactions
but what is the definitive gerbil it's got to be the venn diagram i think it's the venn diagram
and then we should make the panton color too okay So you think we go Venn diagram with the G-U-R and the green and the L-E-N.
I mean, we can play around with where the text goes if we even need it.
But yeah.
I feel like we should lock into one of these shirts and then whatever we lock in with,
the audience won't know for two weeks.
And what if we pick the shirt that the audience doesn't want?
That feels like a good face to me.
We're committing to something immediately without any reaction to our possibilities.
Let's pick the shirt that looks like it was stitched and made to fit, I don't know, Jabba the Hutt's body?
No, I'm not saying the shirt needs to be.
I just think we should go with something.
And it would be funny if what we thought was the best didn't align at all with the audience.
It's just an easy. Well, that's usually how but yeah i'm with you i'm with you yeah the the
audience wasn't very aligned with you last week andrew uh with the whole bag being a container
i yeah let me restate that was my fault i'll own up to it i i should have explained my point better
that's on me i i accept that a bag can be a container it contains things my issue is
socially if i said hey gavin get me a container and you come back with a bag i'm gonna think
you're a psychopath nobody does that nobody gets a bag if you were holding like a handful of grapes
or something i probably would get a bag or like some sort of small thing that fits in a bag like
fruit well the fruit comes bagged and also fruit comes in containers like blueberries come in I probably would get a bag or like some sort of small thing that fits in a bag like fruit
Well the fruit comes bagged and also fruit comes in containers like blueberries come in containers berries come in containers not bags
That's true. Oh frozen ones are bags. Oh
Frozen ones come. I didn't you know what I'm not a frozen fruit guy, so you're right. That's a good point
You're not a smoothie guy. No not really you big frozen food guy
Gov no I bought a blender and some frozen fruit once
and I made a smoothie and I thought,
it's not for me.
It's nice, it's delicious, just a lot of faff
and it's not like great for you.
It's just like a ton of sugar and shit, isn't it?
Let me ask you guys the question.
When was the last time you bought at a grocery store
from the frozen food section,
like one of those tubes, you know,
it looks like about the size of a Coke can.
And it's just like orange juice concentrate or limeade concentrate or grapefruit juice concentrate.
And then went home and squeezed it out into a pitcher and then mixed it up with water and turned it into juice.
Well, I think neither of us are from the 60s, so we don't know about that.
I know what you're talking about.
I just, it would never, I would never buy that product. I just feel like, yeah, well, that's what I'm getting at is I was thinking about that. I know what you're talking about. I would never buy that product.
I just feel like, yeah, well, that's what I'm getting at.
I was thinking about that the other day in the frozen
food section. I saw that, and I was like, oh, I should
pick that up because I like Limeade.
And then I thought, when was the last time you
saw anybody? Probably 25
years. I was probably 16 at
my grandma's house the last time I saw that
technology in use.
But it's still in the grocery store.
So somebody's doing it. And I agree with you guys. I think it's from a time long past.
So does the concentrate tube just exist for people older than me? And as they slowly die out,
like the baby boomers slowly die out, so does the frozen juice concentrate?
Yeah, there'll be an inventory in the supermarket one day and there'll be like every single one that
they put on the shelf will still be there.
And they'll be like, right, the boomers are dead.
Is it just a space saver?
Like surely concentrate orange juice in like a tub or like a carton is that but with the water already added.
I guess it must be.
Yeah, and it keeps longer, right?
Like you can have like 10 cartons of orange juice in your freezer whenever you need it.
That's a good point.
Are you a pulp or no pulp?
I prefer pulp, but I have no qualms with not having pulp.
It's not a turn off.
Yeah, I mean, as we would call it in England, I like bits in my orange juice.
That's what they call it?
Bits?
Yeah, with bits.
Orange juice with bits.
Pulp is such a better word.
Or, check this out, orange juice with no bits.
It's not just orange juice? Well, there's no, there's no normal orange juice, is there? It's like peanut butter.
What do you mean?
They're smooth and crunchy, but there's no like regular.
I feel like regular is smooth.
You feel like regular is smooth? I feel like regular is crunchy.
Really? That's interesting.
Yeah, I feel like regular orange juice is with bits.
I think, well, we can probably figure this out. We could probably, there has to be sales data. I think Gavin's right, and here's
why. If it doesn't have pulp, it specifies orange juice pulp-free. That's a great point. They feel
the need to mention it because they don't want to disappoint you when you find out there's no
pulp in it, because I think pulp is the expectation. Some pulp. Eric had a great question.
What if you want a bit of orange juice? How is that a great question?
What do you mean?
A bit of orange juice?
You just compared to having it in a bottle?
I assume it's because Gavin calls pulp bits.
I don't know.
Yeah, it was one of those comments that should have been audible and in the moment,
not read over a minute after the conversation.
Probably not.
No, I didn't see it until then.
And the context really didn't line up it
was very confusing eric says he nailed it me and jeff nailed it i agree eric that is a clear example
of why pulp is a better word there would have been no confusion if he wrote pulp you know also
why pulp is a better word than bit go ahead why because i think that save for that one word like
if you flipped it i don't think quentin tarantino has a career. Bit fiction. I don't think anybody goes to see bit fiction.
It does feel like a very different movie.
Yeah.
That'd be like a computer hacking movie or something.
It would.
Real quick, not to keep sidetracking away
from wherever you were headed with the grubble stuff, Andrew.
No, we're done.
Oh, are we done?
We're grubbed out?
Yeah, we're grubbed out.
Put the lid on the grub for a minute.
Okay.
I was watching the latest season
of the Great British Baking Show
or whatever the fuck it's called now, British Baking Show.
I feel like it's been through so many iterations.
Bake Off?
Bake Off, yeah.
The new one that has Noel in it and the little bald man who's very funny.
And in it, I think a Scottish dude, he used the word donkey as a unit of time.
Donkeys, yes.
Yeah, he said that.
He was talking about how he hadn't made a macaron.
He hadn't made a macaron in a donkey. and I was like I assume that means a long time
But he was like yeah It's been a it's been a donkey since I've made a macaron and I was like what there's a lot of good words for the
Pasture time like I haven't done that you know donkeys years or I haven't done that in yonks. It's all good
It's all good stuff. Yonks is a good one who uses yonks? Would someone who uses donkeys also use yonks?
I'd say the donkey stuff is probably more,
it's more close to Cockney than,
I'd say yonks is what my grandparents would say.
I like donkey.
I want to start using it in my day-to-day lingo,
but I want to look up the etymology of it.
Maybe next episode, I'll probably forget.
But if I don't, I'll come back and I'll tell you the history of donkey and why.
Because it's like, are donkeys slow?
Do they take a long time to get from point A to point B?
I don't think there's probably that much consideration into it.
Well, it's got to come from somewhere.
You can't just point at something and be like,
I've decided that the word pillow means six years.
There's a long history of animals being used to refer to things
that aren't animals in England, like a monkey.
Well, here we go.
According to Eric,
punning allusion to the length of a donkey's
ears and to the vulgar
pronunciation of ears
as years. Oh, because it's like
cockney. I get it. Donkey's ears
implies a long time because donkey's ears are long
while donkey's years is supported
by the belief that donkeys live a long time.
Oh, that's interesting.
And for currency,
like 500 quid is a monkey.
Why?
I think there's a pony as well.
There's just, I don't know.
It's just like, it's London slang, isn't it?
We have that in America.
Like, I'd love to hear what you have in Canada because like in America, a $10 bill is called a sawbuck.
I don't feel like we have a loonie and a toonie
for the $1 coin and the $2 coin. I don't feel like we have a loonie and a toonie for the one dollar coin and the two
dollar coin i don't feel like we have but that's the name right it's not it's not slang yeah that's
not even like the nickname it's just like i can't think any good canadian currency nicknames you
don't have like like the canadian version of like stacks or anything like that no not that i'm aware
of dude speaking of loonie toonie i didn't realize until three decades alive on this planet that Looney Tunes are Looney Tunes.
Like, Looney Tunes.
Oh, the spelling?
Yeah, I thought it was T-O-O-N, like a cartoon.
Yeah, that would make more sense. I don't think of singing when I think Looney Tunes. There's not a lot of tunes. I guess an American saying the word spelled T-U-N-E-S
is an American
says that like T-O-O-N-S.
Whereas I would say
them differently. Yeah, I think Eric just
wrote, technically it's Looney Tunes
and Merry Melodies, which is correct.
I had no freaking idea that it was
tunes. It's one of those things that
maybe the definition of the word can evolve
over time. When you watch a show, now I haven't seen the Great British Bake Off. From my understanding,
it's a very wholesome show. It's the best. Is it just the wholesomeness you're going for? Because
it's technically isn't it a competition show as well? It's a competition show where everybody
supports each other and it feels it just feels like a breath of fresh air in a world where
everything is stressful and
agitated and people like even the people that are losing they genuinely want the i mean like they
just support each other in the most wholesome way and it's hard to frame it other than to say it
just makes you feel good and it makes you feel good about people that's good and and sometimes
you really fucking need that right now you know sure also sometimes the cakes are so hilariously bad that that makes it worth it.
There was a fucking Freddie Mercury cake.
You know how Terrence and Phillip are in South Park, where they're just like a circle with
the fucking cut down the middle?
Somebody made a Freddie Mercury cake, and that's essentially what it was.
And it was the funniest guy.
It was like Freddie Mercury from the nose up.
I know the guy had an overbite, but they just took the lower part of his chin off.
And then they made a David Bowie
whose neck was wider than his head.
And then somebody, for some reason,
it was supposed to make a bust of a cake
of someone that you admire most, like a hero.
And somebody did Mark Hoppus from Blink-182.
Yeah, there he is! He put it up already tom delong i'm sorry it's not mark hoppus it's tom delong they're different yeah sure uh
yeah tom delong is the one that believes in aliens and mark hoppus is the one that
is trying to keep the band alive dave's three different flavors of tom delong
looks nothing like tom DeLonge,
no offense to Dave.
I know they were under the gun there.
But it's,
so it's also funny because you get to see stuff like that.
I gotta stop watching it.
Yeah, that sounds good.
I don't like,
like American cooking competition shows.
It seems really pointless to me.
Nothing like that.
Like it's,
it's a weird thing because,
so like let's say,
like American Idol, right?
You're watching and as a viewer,
or the voice is probably a more current example.
You're hearing these people sing
and you can kind of form an opinion yourself
on the performance and then get attached that way.
Cooking competition shows you can't taste the food.
So you have no evaluation as a viewer
of what the product actually is in any meaningful way.
That's why a lot of the times on those shows,
the judges are so good because they can so well describe what a taste is. way. That's why a lot of the times on those shows, the judges are so good
because they can so well describe what a taste is.
Like I used to watch a lot of like Australian MasterChef
and stuff like that
because they're really good at like just saying stuff
with their mouth and it going into my mouth.
That's one way to say that.
I was with you 90% of the way
and then you lost me there in the end i think part of
uh well presentation's a big deal of bake-off uh andrew because they're trying to make it look like
these perfect uh british pastries and and bake things but i think the thing that makes that's
really nice and probably is why the show is is partially as as sweet as it is is all they're
winning at the end is like a ribbon.
Like there's no money prize.
They're not competing for a chance to open a bakery in their small town or to like,
to get to like, I don't know,
apprentice under Christina Tassi or something.
They just get like a first place ribbon and a bow.
And then at the end of the season,
I think they get like a little serving platter or something.
That's nice.
It's like, you're just doing it to do it and to, at the end of the season, I think they get like a little serving platter or something. That's nice. It's like you're just doing it to do it
and for the spirit of competition and yeah.
I really should watch that.
I had a pretty breakthrough moment in my dreams last night,
which I was pretty proud of.
I'd like to hear it.
So I've had, I guess since COVID,
I've had just tremendously boring dreams.
And this was a little bit before as well,
where I just don't dream about anything i dream through my own eyelids so i end up dreaming about like my nightstand and what's on
it from the angle that my head is actually at while i'm asleep and it's become a real problem
because it's just i'm dream i can't not look at my my table next to my bed but last night uh there
was some weird shit showing up in my in my dream version
of my nightstand like there was like a cat and like some sort of demon thing and i can't close
my eyes because my eyes are closed i'm asleep so i had to dream a second set of eyelids that would
close over my uh real dream eyelids so i couldn't see the demons and i have eventually figured out
how to close my eyes in my dream where my eyes are stuck open I'm pretty proud
of it can I do you have any idea what I just said that I do that's a lot to
unpack I'm just I'm fascinated by this did you try to wake up first or did you
immediately go I need to create a second set of eyelids then make them
operational that was honestly the first thought because it's hard to wake up from a dream.
Especially when your dream feels like you're awake
looking at what's next to
your real head. Let me ask you a question.
Are you at all worried
and I'm being serious here.
Are you at all worried that
one of two things could be happening? One, maybe
the tensile strength
and
thickness of your eyelids is deteriorating to a point where they're almost see-through.
And you are actually seeing those things because your eyelids are just disintegrating.
And maybe you're losing them.
Or maybe you're getting...
Have you been bitten by any weird bugs lately?
We had a conversation about you and bugs earlier.
Maybe you're getting some sort of super eyesight powers that allows you to see through things and
you're going to need to learn how to how to control that and turn it off kind of like professor x has
to learn how to shut out all the uh all the thoughts of everybody in the world i think there's
nothing wrong with my physical eyelids and and it's definitely not me with my eyes open because
sometimes i'll move my hand in
front of my eyes and i can't see it but in the dream i assume i'm not moving my real hand there
because i'd be like knocking shit over just to be safe i would go to like texas eye specialists
and have them measure the the the the thickness of your eyelids and make sure it's appropriate
maybe see if i can pull a truck like six feet with my eyelids or something i think you're asking for
trouble there i just think you should make sure that they're you know you might what if you have your what if you have
like some sort of a keratitis or something to your eyes which is the thing that gus had a long time
ago uh that's like it makes like sandpaper on on your eye and your eyes every time you blink are
like slowly sandpapering away the inside of your eyelids you're just eroding your eyes i made that
up but it could be true you need to find out yeah well anyway in the comments let me know if if anyone has problems just dreaming
through their eyes uh and how to stop it because my only way of stopping it was to close my dream
eyes which then meant i was just dreaming about black nothing do you do you think uh do you think
it maybe this is a side effect of your brain bulging out of your forehead?
Maybe.
The old frontal eminence.
Yeah.
Yeah, maybe.
I had a sleep breakthrough myself recently.
This has been a real game changer for me.
You know when you wake up in the morning and you don't have to be quite up yet, but you
have to use the bathroom or something, and you could sleep for longer, but you have to
get up to use the bathroom, and it sucks.
It ruins you.
You're just up at that point.
I have started and let me be very clear.
I do not recommend this to anybody.
This has been a game changer for me.
I have started going through that process, but I never open my eyes.
I just keep my eyes closed.
It's like I'm still sleeping.
It's fantastic.
I have a space that I can navigate without walking into things.
I've been walking with my eyes closed a lot recently.
It's a real game changer.
If you've got a setup in which it will not hurt you in any way, be very cautious.
As I said, don't recommend this for everybody, but it's valuable.
I feel like I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I'm stealing sleep time.
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot to the sort of the wavelength of light you get in your eyes
that can cause your brain to wake up more.
Like blue light in the morning, that will get your brain cooking if you keep your eyes closed i see you don't get that
no you don't it's fantastic oh so i would definitely not recommend doing it but it's
great are you an eye mask at night kind of guy no okay just regular eyelids just regular eyelids
what if you put on an eye do you use an eye mask? Yeah, yeah, I could dream right through that thing too. Oh, wow, okay, I was gonna say.
What- have you tried two?
Like, eventually,
eventually the physical
things that are on my head will break through
into the dream and I just won't be able to see through them.
You should really just try sleeping with
a VR helmet on and just see what happens.
See what your visibility is.
It doesn't matter what I put on my head, it does matter where I am.
Like, if I'm on a plane, I'll dream about the seat in front of me really yeah that's so
strange it's tragic it's so boring i had a spider-man dream when i was a kid and that was
like the greatest dream i ever had i immediately took my mask off i was flying around the city
everybody knew i was spider-man it was great you did a face reveal of spider-man like the moment
you were literally the first thing I did.
I'm like, I'm fucking Spider-Man, everybody.
This is...
Want to see me climb this wall?
I'll climb this wall right now.
This is amazing.
And it was the greatest dream.
And I told my cousin about it.
I was like, I had this Spider-Man dream.
You got to get yourself a Spider-Man dream.
I don't know what you got to do to make that happen,
but work on it.
It's fantastic.
And the whole summer,
he would try to have the Spider-Man dream.
And it finally happened like at the end of August.
And he said, hey, I had my I had the Spider-Man dream.
And I was so excited for him.
I said, oh, what happened?
You climb buildings.
What do you get?
What did you do?
What was going on?
And he said, nah, I was Spider-Man,
but I was stuck in a swimming pool the entire time.
And I had no I had no ability to use any of the powers. I could not leave this swimming pool as spider-man. It was like in the water
He was in the water and he could not get out his webs did not work
He could not climb all of the things that make you he's essentially just a guy in a spider-man suit who didn't know how to swim
stuck in a pool
It's like being the invisible man in a room with all the lights off. Yes, exactly
It's like being the invisible man in a room with all the lights off.
Yes, exactly.
It was pointless.
Fuck.
I didn't even think of this as content until the timing of you saying that walking to your bathroom with your eyes closed is fucking crazy, Andrew.
And by the way, I think that's a brilliant idea.
And earlier today, I almost died on my bicycle.
Oh, I should say this.
My girlfriend listens to this podcast and she's always worried about me getting, being
safe.
Because I was riding in a bike lane and I was just thinking
about how long and straight these bike lanes are in Austin
and I thought
how long can I ride
my bike with my eyes closed straight
like if my eyes are my eyes what
keep me straight because my hands are what move
and change the direction so if I just
like hold my hands frozen in place and close my eyes,
how long can I ride straight?
And you can ride
straight with your eyes closed
until the car in
the oncoming traffic lane
honks its horn at you because
you're driving
right at it. Why would you test
this by a route? Why would
you do it there?
Because that's where I had the thought. I had the thought you're driving right at it. Why would you test this by a road? Why would you do it there? Uh,
cause that's where I had the thought.
I had the thought and then I tried it and,
I woke up,
I didn't wake up.
I opened my eyes cause I heard a,
cause a horn car honked at me and I was barreling down.
Uh,
I was very far away from the bike lane and,
uh,
I was definitely in traffic.
So,
but the problem is Jeff with your experiment is you prove nothing.
Cause you have no idea how
like you were there cars the entire time like you just learned when a car was there i picked a quiet
road it wasn't you could have been off course the minute you closed your eyes i probably was
could have been instantly you proved nothing yeah no i i mean i agree and i thought to myself uh
experiment failed won't try that again.
I like that you even tried it, though.
There's no process of thinking that,
like, what if I immediately veer off?
How would I know?
Yeah, I like that the alternative is,
like, a man dies in Austin hit by car riding bike,
but you never would have heard why.
And that's what's brilliant about the fact
that you lived through this.
The Citizen app update would not have mentioned,
like,
while driving with eyes closed to prove dumb point.
Eric said, Eric wanted to let us know we're at 55 minutes,
so we should wrap up.
But also he said, he pointed out that I started
and ended the podcast today by proving nothing.
Oh, I think that's good work all around then.
Yeah, I appreciate that.
And by proving nothing twice, maybe that means I proved everything.
I don't think it does.
Something to think about. No, I don't think I have to. I don't think it does. Something to think about.
No, I don't think I have to.
Well, sit with it for a while and think about it.
I can let you know right now
I will not be thinking about that.
Yeah, I think I'm good.
I think I processed it.
Well, Andrew, do you want to do the outro
since you love intros so much?
I feel like I've already carried the show with my intro.
I think someone else should do it.
That's fair, Gavin.
It's all you.
Thank you for watching episode 16
of F*** Face. Make sure to rate
five stars if
you listen to this in a place with stars.
That and subscribe.
There's no bell to ring. Don't do that.
See you next week for our
16th installment of F*** Face.
That was really good. I wanted to wait
until you finished. When we started
the show and I was here 20 minutes early just talking to myself,
I was thinking about why is there never a decimal system with five?
Like if you're doing one to ten, there's always a decimal, but five is always stars.
You never see a decimal in the five, one to five scale.
Well, because des is ten, D-E-C.
But it's just if you're going to do a system, okay.
What you're after is pentimals
Is the pentimals the exact same as a decimal?
What it doesn't that doesn't make you sing stuff but deck deck is ten deck is ten
I know what I'm saying just if I'm a critic of fucking I don't know pizza
I don't give a shit about that if I'm going one through five
Why can't I have a four point six is what I'm saying Nick
Can you make sure there's a pentimals somewhere in the title of this week's can't I have a 4.6 is what I'm saying. Nick, can you make sure
there's a pentamal somewhere
in the title of this week's episode?
I don't know what one is.
I'd just like to point out
I was trying to prove one more thing.
I closed my eyes
through half of that conversation
and then opened it
through the last half
and you guys didn't get any funnier
or less funny.
Okay, write that down.
Stop.